The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #91 Coming Out As Psychic with Madalyn Geraldine

Episode Date: July 5, 2022

After Gianmarco makes clear that he doesn’t believe in ghosts, Madalyn Geraldine shares the downsides of being a psychic, why we aren’t visited by pre-homo sapiens spirits all the time, signs that your house is haunted, the reason there aren’t a lot of psychic accountants, and then Gianmarco and Russell get full readings (which Russell has not stop talking about it since). You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Follow Madalyn Geraldine on Instagram Visit Madalyn's website for more information on her readings and art: https://www.madalyngeraldine.com/ Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's monthly show in NYC (first Sunday of every month) Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Spencer Sileo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, I think that's a slur. Welcome to The Downside. My name is Chiamarco Cerezi. I'm here with my co-host, Russell Daniels. Hi. How are you doing? I'm good. How are you?

It's a chaotic start. It was. But we're here. There's so many things I'm trying to figure out in the beginning. Some podcast people, they talk about what shows are coming up in the beginning. No, let's not do that. That's so boring. We have a live podcast coming up in the beginning. No, let's not do that. That's so boring. We have a live podcast coming up.

This episode, by the way, is coming out July 5th. So happy July 4th. Get back to work. Cool. We have a live podcast recording on August 14th. We're doing it. It's our second live recording ever at Sesh Comedy Club. Tickets are $5.

Link in show notes. 6 to 7.30. Me, Russell, and a guest. And then if you want to stick around, we will have my monthly, the Silver Lining, the sister show to this show. See me do stand-up. Come for a whole day. Make it a Joe Marco. Wow.

Russell Day. Maybe I can get Russell to do five minutes of stand-up. No. Otherwise, some big upcoming dates. I'll be in Denver, Colorado, July 14th through 16th. Toronto, end of July. And then check out my Instagram for all the other shows. All right.

I hated it. I hated talking about the show at the beginning. I really did not like doing it at the beginning. Because it didn't feel like you earned it. I didn't earn. There was no entertainment enough to be like, you want to see more of nothing you've lost people yes people that were turning in were like oh like you know i don't i don't know this you know any of her her fans come on they're like they're not gonna you know they don't like that yeah yeah they don't know you yet you know um well welcome to our guests yes uh uh uh we we

normally i would have said how's the exact intro but uh uh artist uh a psychic is that the word we're using here we can use that word psychic right uh and then if i pronounce this right madeline geraldine yes Hello. And our first the spouse of a former guest. You're our first. Yes. Ted Alexandro who we interviewed over Zoom way back in the day. Way back. We only had five listeners

back then. But for those listening, we talked about him performing at the Apollo in his rap group. Oh, you did? Brotherly Love. Oh, yeah. That's hysterical. So we'll get to you in a second we have a lot of things i just got back from a two-week trip i'm a big mess i don't know if you noticed i got so my merch i have moisture crunchy hand towels it's connected to a very sophisticated bit yeah and i ordered a thousand ordered a thousand and Because I can turn it into 20,000.

That's what's in my head. Half of them are defective. Half of them, the letters are missing. They say oist or runchy. They say mist or clunky. Do you have insurance on it? Like, do you, you can return it? Do I have insurance on the cum towels I got in bulk?

No, I did not take out an insurance policy. How have you spent $1,000? There's no... I'm writing them, but it's one of these things where you're going to have to ship them back. I'm like, this is... You come here, you pick up, you give me new ones. You definitely don't ship them back.

Okay. Towels.com. I think it's what it's called. Towels Outlet. They're based in Florida. All you have to it's what it's called. Towels Outlet. Towels Outlet. Yeah. They're based in Florida. All you have to do is send them a picture. They're not going to be able to use those anyway.

They just want to put you through. Yeah, they wanted me to be fine with it. I can't change the bit on stage. Change the bit on stage. Like, I have two options. Oist or Runchie. Have you thought about taking a Sharpie to everything? You know, and like very do-it-yourself. You know, you can make it into a thing.

I think there's enough do it yourself going on in my entire career right now. I had a big massive trip. I was in Arkansas. I was in Seattle. All these places. I'm tired. Yeah. I'm tired of traveling.

Russell, you had a big trip. Yes. I went to a bachelor party. And how'd it go? It was it was good it was really fun i will say that bachelor parties are weird because you're anytime you're putting a bunch of different friend groups together it's a very specific like it takes you to a very specific place it feels like time traveling back to like high school this was a high school friend yes this was a high school friend so already like it's you to a very specific place. It feels like time traveling back to like high school. This was a high school friend. Yes.

This was a high school friend. And so already like, it's like a friend I don't see every day in my life, who I feel so very close to. But, you know, you're like putting different groups together. And I like,

just felt like it's like 15 guys too, which is very, also very specific energy. I don't find myself in a lot of, you know, I mean, well, uncle function is all guys,

but it's very, it's different than when you're like, it's different than when you're like, it's different when you're, I don't know. It just felt like I was like the first couple hours is adjusting to like, Oh, okay.

Okay. Okay. Remember what it's like to be a guy's guy you know like you sent us one picture you had a church van yes taking us to different like bars and breweries it just it was like two dudes in cargo shorts and i was like this is not this is like a different group russell's normally you're with artsy folk yeah yeah yeah we were literally this one guy was like the dd and he would like drive us in this church van to like different breweries and things. The fact that you said DD so casually, I put it together, designated driver.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the fact that you said so casually, that's a different world. Yeah, I mean, you're upstate, you know, there's like, so that was a big thing when I was younger too. You always had to like have the DD, you know. that was a big thing when I was younger too. You always had to like have the DD, you know? Um, so it just was like,

it, I felt like it took a few hours of justing to be like, like get used to like, I really felt like I was in high school, like a loser. Like you're just like trying to like, you know, people.

And also like a lot of people have kids now and you're talking about kids and I don't get, you know, they think your life was cool though. Were they like, no, we like bragging about, absolutely not. You're like, you know,

Marvelous Miss Maisel? I did a short film with one of the guys from it. There was a comedian on the trip who, Oh, Casey James Salango. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so like,

he was the comedian. Do you know what I mean? Like, so like, You couldn't even give me the funny one. God damn. He's the funny, like he was the one that he fits right into that kind of thing.

And so I had a lot of fun with him and we i ended up driving him back to the city and we know each other but he was like the funny one so it just was like i just felt like the shy one for a while until like a little later on a couple drinks in real russell came out we gotta do our drunk episode we're planning it we're planning it oh god um well anyways sorry wow i love that story though yeah it it is a thing in life where you feel like you are in your little bubbles of like the people as you get older you're like who you're like comfortable with and surrounding yourself and then sometimes you're like it's not that it's bad it's just that thing where you're like oh like i'm really out of my

comfort zone and it brings you back to like being younger and feeling like out of place in in school it's a very specific feeling i have a weird where i see my old middle school friends and i think like the stand-up comedy life is cool to them yeah so it's like they they strike me as like if i say oh tell me about your work they're like they get really shy they're like almost as if they're like oh you don't want to hear yeah about any of it and i'm like thank you you're right yeah all right so oh the sketch comedy thing is not that like there's no way of like talking about like you know you're still doing your shows sure are they called shows are they called sketch comedy stand it's kind of a tough yeah that's like saying you do like beatnik poetry. The one thing I want to say, I was in Seattle. There was a co-ed bathroom, like, which threw me off.

I couldn't tell immediately. Someone was in the bathroom before the show, came for the show, knew me from social media. I was like, oh, my God, running into each other in the bathroom. And I'm immediately very uncomfortable. She's like, we got to get a picture while we're here. And I'm like, oh, God, is, I don't like any bathroom things. Yeah. And so she took a picture with me in the bathroom.

Yeah. And I did not like that interaction at all. If she listens, you frame that picture because it's never happened to me again. Well, thank you for being here thank you so much for having me were you able to predict that you'd be 15 minutes late that's hilarious yes and no so yeah so you know i want to dive into that stuff let's go but now i have to be up front i'm very i'm i'm i would say beyond skeptical i think

i'm a pretty and i didn't come here uh i didn't just i wasn't born a skeptic i went through all the phases of wanting wanting things wanting wanting something and then being uh burned and and finding the scams uh yeah i was very much into uh like like psychic or like uh people who are trying to do science experiments to prove that a random number generator would be affected by thoughts so you're really into this, actually. I was. I was. When was this? Look, I have Flim Flam right by, what's his name? Flim Flam, up there by James Randi. He's the, like, skeptic magician guy. When was this in your life?

And I love him. You love him? I mean, I think, yeah. Of course I do, because it's like, it's two sides of one coin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, people end up on you know you have your perspective but you're both very attracted to the same questions right so of course i love i love them anybody who's questioning you know trying to get to the core of something

it's really sure so but it's the kind he's the kind of people that made me so i was very i was i was going through an existential crisis. Okay. Yeah. I still am but like I was going through a very acute one in college very kind of classic and it really overtook me so I was looking for something to give me some kind of hope. Right. Of some kind

of godlike thing and I tried investigating these either scientists who are investigating paranormal phenomena uh some of it some of it quite intense some of it like can a random number generator which is you know just produces random numbers like can you affect it can you affect the outcome of dice being rolled or like out-of-body experiences people would say they left their body when they were on their deathbed.

So the scientific version was they would put like a fucking, some kind of code on top of the lamp that you could only see from above. So it's like, well, if you actually did leave your body, you could see up here what was up there. I mean, that's a very literal thing. That's a physical eye thing. But that's what they're saying. They're saying I was outside of my body

and I looked down and I saw it. I saw it. And it's like, well, if you did see it, the physical, then you would see this number. And ultimately, I found many things debunkable. And then there were like grand things, like people who brought people back from the dead. And then there were like grand things like people who brought people back from the dead. There was the woman who came. She's a German psychologist who came up with the seven stages of grieving.

Is that what it is? I don't know. You know the stages, bargaining, anger, whatever. She was famous for that. Later in her life, she found a psychic community with this guy who was bringing dead husbands back from the dead now any psychics would be like they say oh what they do is they hide cheesecloth which is you can mash down hide it in their mouth hide it in their anus and then lights go out they put it on suddenly they're glowing and they say that they're the husband come back from life now the reason this man was busted

is because when he came back as the husbands, he would sleep with all the widows. And there was an STD that started spreading throughout the entire camp. What are we even talking about? I'm saying there's so many scams in the world. I feel like you, but like, did you seek out these people? I feel like you had one thing and then you were like, oh, so person then you sought out the scam like you sought out the like thing yeah there's so many scammers so of course yeah yeah so that one's that one's far out that one's like stream and she believed him to the end this old german woman that's awful i agree i agree so so that's

where that's just my base as we go into it. Right. Right. Russell. I'm at the other end. I'll believe. I talk to his grandma. No,

I don't. I don't. I'm hilarious because you guys share everything before, like usually in a reading, like if I were to give a reading, I'm like, I don't want to know your name. I don't want to know any,

I don't even want to look at you. Really? That's Russell's approach to guests on the podcast um no it works better that way no yeah you need to go in like clean slate because if you're dealing with anyone like you'd be like well you could have seen that here you would have looked you know but we'll talk about that part later. I'm at the other end of like, I... That's the full other end. No, but like at some level of like, it makes me nervous in the way that like, I'm like, who could come in?

You know, like I can kind of get on board with a lot of things. And then the last one, and then I promise I'll shut the fuck up. No, say it. It's here in all of them. There's a deeper, like, if we were to look

at all the philosophical problems of of god i know we're not specifically talking about god but i think the one that like most sure the one that's most resonant for me is the problem of evil uh which which uh i think bertrand russell always said like uh sit next to a child with cancer's bed and try not to laugh. No, what he said is, he said, and tell me there's a God. And it was basically like, there is suffering intensely. And we also live in America where like, sometimes it's like, oh, well,

if we can see the future, if we can see anything, maybe we should have told Ukraine, hey, heads up. Heads up. Some shit's about to happen. Right. So that's where I'm coming from. Yeah.

I'm not here to, but I'm here. But you're here, but you invited me on. So there's this opening in you. Yeah. Yes. And so you're a really curious person anyway. So you're going to hear the other. to you're a really curious person anyway so you're gonna hear the other you don't you don't mind to hear you know the perspective that's at like on the other end of where you are sure so that's great you know that's just being cute that's being a real human uh-huh you know not cutting

you're not really cut off to what i would say you're gonna listen to me right at least yeah yeah why sound cues here right i am uh uh you know you're a very curious person i think that that's very curious but i i do there is certain ways where i'm like anything uh anything tangible i feel very close like listen i my girlfriend wants me to do shrooms i my my plan is as i get closer to death get really into psychedelics and then just believe through there oh my god and all the things and let that comfort me uh when i die that's that's really my like well my existential life plan that's a great plan because you're you're just you're just at like the beginning of that college phase. I'm sorry to tell you, you just, you went deep and you found a lot of information and now you're going to experience things that you won't be able to, to negate, you know, because you're going to have that firsthand experience.

And I'm telling you something that I have to just say it and I don't really, you know, it just doesn't matter is that mushrooms came up on the trip. And I was like, you're someone who's going to have these experiences through substance, through earthly pleasures that will help you find, okay, like help you find some kind of wonderment. Where's that hope thing that you were talking about? Like, I want to believe in something. At some point, that desire can turn into a belief in nothing, and it's still a belief system. So that's where you're going. You want to experience something. You have to have it firsthand and this is really important and it's happening in culture in general like you don't need a guru you don't need a medium you don't need a priest to tell you that this is your connection your holy connection

so you you're going to find it within and And I think that when we're younger, and especially like in college or when you're going through a crisis, we do kind of have to look outside. It's really important that we read the books and we find these stories and we make up our own conclusions. They tell me, like that magician guy tells me his story and I'm like along for the ride the whole way.

I totally believe in him. I know what he's saying is true which is there's a ton of scam artists and yet I I'm watching that whole thing I'm listening to his story but eventually I have to have my own experience for me to really come to a conclusion or or even another plateau because because you're going to keep growing and you're always going to have another experience that's going to expand. That's the real hope is that you're going to expand into a bigger version of yourself.

So tell me how this started. Where are you from? I'm from New Jersey. You're from new jersey yeah uh isn't there a famous what's the what's the famous new jersey psychic no you're thinking of long island medium long island medium okay teresa caputo friend a good friend in in seoul i think spirit some comedy clubs have psychics and it's very funny because I go like, we're doing the same thing,

uh, me and the comedian. But, but like, especially when I see the psychic work, like what I consider like a C room and I'm like, what's like a C level psychic. Like she can like talk to your dead mom's neighbor,

like just something like, Oh, that doesn't really help much. But cold, cold reading help much but cold cold reading you know cold reading uh where we're like uh one of the psychics things the way they predict things they're able to just quickly like do guesses like oh you responded to this i'll lead here and it's very similar to crowd work and it's just like the techniques feel similar yeah okay so jersey yeah and when tell me did you grow up religious um yes and no like we were catholic technically i never went to a catholic church i ended up going to like a protestant

church on the corner just because my friends went and it was fun so we didn't go a fun church it was fun yes they did like they they did arts and crafts so that was sure yeah yeah yeah like i don't remember the actual church church i just remember making things in the back with my friends so and it was like i could walk there and it's funny now like that we're even talking about it because I'm just kind of drawn to some kind of connection or some kind of talk about things that you can't see, things that you feel, and that kind of stuff. Yeah. So I liked that church. It had nothing to do with the pastors or anything. It was really like my friends and her mom.

Oh, yeah. But it was down the street. It was just somewhere I could go. And from there, when did you feel things? Wow. So, of course, I started, you know, one of my earliest memories would be kind of perceiving things that I knew were not physical things. I might look very physical. So I would have been around the age of four of like my first memories with spirity kind of interactions.

And I just had no language around it at all. No one talked about it or anything. And so what did you what did you see or feel like one of them one of the first ones ever was a woman just standing at my doorway you know so it's just as real as day you know and i knew she wasn't there though so it was that that thing of like you you're kind of in a dream but you know you're you're not it's just regular consciousness you're for so um and that honestly it was much it was a kind of um it probably molded the rest of my life because i knew that it wasn't i knew things were not surf i knew that everything that looked the way that it was wasn't necessarily the only way and and it kind of blew my mind and all she was doing

was standing there it wasn't necessarily like uh like a deep feeling of love and joy or anything like that it was just like a hello and if she's standing there was the feeling like that she is she can see you too or she's oh yeah okay yeah and are you immediately communicating this to parents or not at all is there like a long time where you're like this is happening but i'm not gonna i can't talk about it or don't know or i'm so young i maybe don't have the words to talk about it yet right you know i don't know right yeah i think that you know no no that wasn't something that i was communicating like i didn't have any kind of language around it and as far as like religion and stuff like we weren't my mom although she

was religious or something she wasn't talking about stuff like that very much and so it wasn't like it's almost if i could try to just describe it as another an analogy it's almost like you see like you look out your window and you see all different types of cars go by and then suddenly you see like one that kind of hovers or over the street or something but you're four yeah so then you're like well that's different that's that's something and then you know you see another one here and there but there is a knowing that comes along like you already know that it's not kosher it's not like it's not what people talk about yeah um if if if you know anything about it and that starts later on like six seven eight years old

where you see movies or shows or are you afraid of the dark or something are you afraid of the dark yes right fucks me up that was a scary show so scary there was there was one uh it was uh it was like someone got he played a pinball machine that the guy was like don't play that pinball machine and he played it and then he was in the game he was like in a video game he completed it he like won and then he finished and then he was at right back at the beginning oh god and the concept it was basically which i find the scariest of all the concepts is the concept of infinity yeah and he was trapped there for infinity yeah and it's hell essentially and like something about that shook shook me to my core

that was my are you afraid of the dark scariest episode yeah that's horrifying would it scare did it scare you it did but if i think back in my childhood what was scary but i always watched would be like the reruns of unsolved mysteries that was very scary i've never seen that that's the one where he's like that's the guy who talks with the beard robert sack robert yeah um and i was drawn to the the more the paranormal ones and uh but like it was one of those things where i felt like people would always say this i don't know if this is true he would be like if you're open to it blah blah and i'd always think i'm not open to it but i also thought maybe i am so that's my whole life has been my whole life

has been i'm not open to i don't want to see anything but i'm also like but i maybe i'm open to it like so i feel like feel like that feeling as a kid, I was so sure that I was going to see something at some point. Well, I'm very curious. I want to go around. What did your parents say happened when you died? Like, did they tell you? Did they ever talk about it?

Did you have a dog die? My parents still have not told me. They still have not told you? No. We should call them. My mom, she told me, I said, is there something when we should call yeah my mom she told me i said is there something we die and she said there's got to be something better than this shit oh and that was her reasoning okay my father would always say like son there's something in me that i know

survives this world and now that he's closer to the other end of this world i think he's uh less confident in that okay now i'm the one who has to be like i know dad we're just switching roles yeah switching roles and then my stepdad grew up catholic i have a feeling i have a feeling there's there's no belief in there oh he believes in the he believes in the importance of the order that you should believe yeah but that's it okay right that's what i think get along and treat each other nicely that that kind of thing. So you're seeing this woman. Is she like of like recently dead? Is she?

No, no. And I have to say that, you know, now that I'm a woman myself, a grown woman, I recognize her now as a great grandmother. So it's it's someone who who is actually in the family so that's the first one and so it wasn't necessary so it wasn't like i was scared so there's some kind of knowing yeah that it's it's familiar but of course i didn't know either so it's it's the two things at once you know there's a different part of you who knows who that is. Yeah. And then your brain is like, well, I know that I'm not scared of this person who's not really a person. You know what I mean? So anyway, so she, she will be forever in my first, you know memory yeah really of all this stuff um but yeah so so like that that happened

and i wouldn't say that someone showing up so physically was the frequent after that because i think that um there is a degree of communication from your human side, if that's something that might scare you, you know, to see someone who's showing up physically when you know they're not physical, they're not going to keep doing that because the point really is not to scare the crap out of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So... And why was she visiting you? Well, that's the question of my whole life like that's kind of like you know it's like well i think that with psychic ability with mediumship it's just like any other skill or life purpose or whatever career choice i don't i don't feel like this is really a choice for me though, necessarily, but you're built with some kind of natural ability. You know, you have some kind of natural faculty, you have to work at it just like everything else, but like something you're just drawn to from the beginning. And then you, and then you look back when you're in your thirties

and you go, Oh, I've been doing this thing the whole time. This is hilarious. I never called it that. Whatever. But it's, you know, you're drawn to the arts or you're drawn to something. It's just because you have a natural skill set already that's like going to break out of you, you know. So why would she, you know, that's a question i probably would never be able to answer which yeah it's just my it's my she came back right now that'd be a great clip for the episode

okay so you're you're feeling these things you have that you have moments throughout your life was there is there like a next phase of of like you're exploring it more or researching or? That doesn't start for like way later, you know? So it's just happening throughout your life. Yeah. And another thing, I'm imagining that it comes through in different ways. Like sometimes it's seeing something, sometimes it's hearing something. Like is it either like sometimes it's feeling something.

Is that correct? Like so it's not always like this. You're not always just seeing a person there right actually that's going to be like the most rare like occurrence of any of it yeah because really if you think about it like what you know that's not um the most efficient way for spirit or for you to communicate yeah you know because it's not like they're just walk in the room and sit down and talk plain english like that it's not like that really so yeah it's way more efficient to communicate through other faculties and so i just like lived my life i

did not think anything was particularly nothing i i didn't think anything of it. What did you tell? Was there the first person you confided in and said, hey, you know, sometimes I see things. I see dead people. I mean, essentially, right? The Bruce Willis moment. Yeah, I know. No, no, I did not.

No, no, no. There is so, so few people I think to really talk to. Yeah. And when I was growing up, like really talk to or that I could confide in. No offense to my lovely mom. And, you know, I'm what I'm the youngest of five, but no, it would never have. it would never have come up no i mean i feel like on some level you must know like if a young kid starts talking about that sort of thing i imagine a lot of people are like they could be concerned and be like like do we need to get doctors involved like do you know what i mean like so on some level you're like that it's better you know i can't i can't so okay about it if you're i'm your kid uh-huh and you're a parent yeah and and this is real life just yeah whoa okay

a dad yeah i i saw uh an old lady at my door uh-huh but she wasn't alive yeah right i 100 believe you and i and i maybe want to move it would freak me out yeah but i i just think you move joe marco listen i like i i have real people in my life friends that have had experiences and i'm just like i don't i don't it doesn't benefit me to be like no you didn't have that experience do you know what i mean no no i get voted to a kid i'm saying like four-year-old kid i feel like you're gonna say to your kids i 100 believe in you and we're moving right now pack your bags johnny like kids say things sometimes where i'm like they can see more as we get older we're like narrowing our things down it feels like and sometimes i'm like kids they they see things that i'm not seeing oh yeah do you know what i mean so they do of course okay

what would you i'm just wondering if you would actually say it to your kid i would not i would not like hit them but i think i'd be like well all right i want you know first thing i do your first thing i do would be install a camera to see if there is a real neighbor coming by. Oh, okay. You're worried it's a real person. Oh, yeah. You're worried it's a real person. I'm comforted if it's an old lady,

but if you said there's an old man and he told me he's not there, so nothing he does really counts. Can I tell you a quick story? This is someone that we know and I'll tell you after who it is um but uh they uh they had this wild experience where uh they're they lived in this home for their entire life and uh you know basically the parents she had still long since not lived in the house but the parents were like, we're selling your childhood home if you want to come, blah, blah, blah.

They sold it. And then afterwards, she saw her parents. After they had sold it, they moved out. And her and her mom started talking. And the mom was like, yeah, it's really good that we sold it. It was time. And then the person that we know was like, yeah, something about that house. And it kind of got really emotional, but in a relieved way that the know was like, kind of like, was like, yeah, something about that house. And it's kind of started,

got really emotional, but in a relieved way that the house was gone. And, uh, comes to find out the mother and the daughter, no one else in the family, but the mother and the daughter had had experiences there that they had never talked about to anyone else.

Um, and it was a similar experience and it was not a pleasant, it was not like a pleasant one it was like yikes get out of that house kind of thing and it wasn't always it was like every once in a while but it was like this very kind of wild thing that both of them had never talked to anyone else about it and then had this like both kind of broke down and and like very emotional experience in terms of of both having done it and no one else knew what they were talking about anyways wow so wow okay so you so so

what's the next what's the next level in your journey you're just you're just feeling these things you're not really talking them and then no no Because like, you have to really think about it like, like, you don't know really any a kid who's really into art and like playing with my friends so like you know what i mean like i and when you're younger like if you think it might be a little different then you know it's best kind of kept to yourself really sure so because then like what do i have to gain from really sharing like it's and and i think that it's personality too like i just don't feel a need to share you know deep or unless i'm like really really close with someone takes a long time for me to feel like oh yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna tell you everything you know yeah that kind of thing

so it might have been like yeah maybe it did take me like 25 years really 20 you know or 21 years since the first interaction that i remember to to be like well can i talk to you about something yeah so when was that when was that like a coming out almost? Yes, absolutely. You're going to have to tell everyone in your life this, and that feels like people are going to have strong opinions. I wish you were gay, dear God. Yes.

You're coming out as a psychic. Exactly. Well, a lot less people do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. It's a lot like that, I feel like. Not to take away how intense that really is but it is and and you know and my mom was gay also so that was a funny thing about coming out because like for reasons of why might i not share things okay she was in

and out of the closet my lifetime in and out in and out yeah like when you move towns you could go back into the closet did you wait okay wait so your parents were they were married married divorced and my mom came out and then moved and then we moved and then she was like not really out and uh i think it was just the culture of when we lived where we first lived like my best friends were her friends too and it was another lesbian couple and it was like awesome uh-huh and it was like right down the road and there was plenty of people like i wasn't allowed to play with and all this stuff because of that this is like 1994 so like it was it was not typical to have five kids and be a lesbian couple you know what i mean sure so so with the coming out stuff like yeah i think that

had a lot to do with it too because in some ways i was just like you know what happens in my room or you know with the with the spirit like i don't need like more stuff you know yeah so yeah so i do like that like she has two moms we cannot let her kid go over there she has two moms yeah she sees that yeah it's too much it was just one thing it was just one thing yeah i'm open-minded yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. So do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, and like, really, this is funny now, like, to be an adult woman and be my, you know, who I am and meeting you as the psychic medium. Uh-huh.

Because it's just like, it's like another funny, like, role that, you know, because I've always been very sensitive, you know, obviously. So I'm sensitive to like, well, why, you know, why would always been very sensitive you know obviously so i'm sensitive to like well why you know why would i want to lead with anything else other than myself yeah do you know what i mean like why would i want to be like you know hey like uh i can you know it would be weird to be a second all these it would be weird to be weird to be, I still can't even come up with the word. If I went on a date with someone and that first date was, Oh yeah.

Hi, I see things. I'd be, I'd be weird if she was a psychic accountant. Like, do you know what I mean? Like it would be crazy if you were like, could do things.

And then we're like, no, I'm not going to do that though. Like it would be more, it would be way more weird. Do you know what I mean? Like if you're like, I just have a regular job.

I'm like a psychic accountant. So your taxes are done, but your conversations with your father are not. That's great. That's great. Thank God I didn't have to go into accounting. Yeah. So you're an artist. I mean, you're in the arts world.

Right. Yeah. And then you went to college? Went to college, went for fashion. So like, yeah, I've had a lot of different, you know, I don't know what interests. And from the get go, because I had like a very kind of unstable upbringing I knew like I needed to make money so immediately I was like all right I'll do fashion then uh-huh you know I like compromised from the get-go yeah because I really just wanted to make art and just like just be in touch with whatever like create whatever I felt like whenever I wanted.

And, you know, I didn't really, but I, I, I did have like a good enough like business side to me that I was like, all right, I have to like survive,

you know? So I went into fashion and, you know, at any point in this, are you looking up any like other psychics or, or other worlds or other religions or are you yes yeah after it really i started getting really intensely interested in all things spiritual any kind of religion that had always been drawn you know that had always been interesting to me and even

just like religious art i was just like not you know not because it's religion that i'm interested in i'm interested in the thing that they're pretending to talk about most of the time yeah that thing so a lot of kind of religious like i've seen so many paintings of jesus that i'm gonna i cannot stand i've seen every i can... I cannot believe an artist ever sat down after the millionth picture and said, you know what, I'm going to do one more picture of Jesus on the cross. Yeah.

Yeah. Truly. That's such a violent image, you know? Yeah. It's so intense. That never leaves me. Like, I don't really love... I don't enjoy seeing that picture.

You know what I mean? Yeah. But I like religious arts. I never tire of seeing renditions of Mary. That's interesting to me. And there's love and it's like this really, really light thing. Yeah. I just, I don't particularly like the crucifix for that. You know, I think it's hard.

Somebody put on their doors too. Sure. And I remember knocking on someone's door once and it had the crucifix and it didn't just have him on the crucifix it was like bloody like it was like yeah like they it was so graphic that i was like i can't imagine every time you come home you're like gotta see that like gotta remind like it's it what is going on there where you're like, I need that image every day in my life to like, yeah, I see that on my door and everyone else has to see it to visitors. You know, anyone. I don't know the whole the whole premise of like Jesus went through this immense suffering.

Obviously, I wouldn't want to be crucified. No, but there's a part of me where I'm like, yeah, there's suffering all over the world. Sometimes it's held up as like the the worst suffering a human being has ever encountered ever. And I'm like, yeah, there's people out there right now probably suffering just as bad. But we don't have them on the fucking wall as well. There's just a whole – because I didn't grow up religious, I don't have any emotional connection to Jesus. So I just see all these paintings. I find it more amusing when he's like when it's like a little bit

too sexy I know when Jesus has that six pack I'm like when did Jesus get this six pack I know when did Jesus get played by Jason Momoa this is a strange it's like if you have like a Buddha statue with like a big like bulge and you'd be like why does Buddha have a big cock

maybe that's why it's so content it's not the meditating no it's just every culture does it you know it just shows what the culture thinks is the highest and the greatest you know um that's really all it is i had another question do you like you can you don't have to it's very funny you you preface each question in the interview with you you have another question well i just um okay so you had that moment when you were four are there other touchstone moments that led you to like coming out oh yeah like is there a specific one that you can think of where you're like i need to like this like yeah yeah and what was that yeah and that was that was the beginning of the end of the rest the life that i thought i was gonna live yeah um it was it was after i was married so so here we go we get married

and i'm going to open in your marriage about the this in your life or you're i'm very vocal and open about all things spiritual okay you know yeah i mean it's not even the right word for it honestly it's like philosophizing constantly thinking about things from all of the different angles and i was really into quantum mechanics and like you know i just so so this was not a big leap honestly for my husband to like you know know that i was like we're talking about ted yes yes yeah this my only husband yes ted's a comedian yeah and and uh uh i'm sure optimistic in certain ways but as a can have cynical thoughts oh yeah can he can stand up has a cynical edge to it. I've, I've, how did he, did he ever go? Did he ever roll his eyes?

Did he ever go? Okay. Okay. Any of that? John Margo, you've obviously never been a husband yet. You don't just, you don't just roll your eyes.

Oh brother, here goes the lady again. Here goes the lady again. Also rolling your eyes. Like, like you meet people all the time that are psychics do you know what i mean like oh brother here we go there she goes i sure you're correct i have not been a husband i i did date someone who like whenever astrology came up

i had a lot of i had a lot of really pushes a lot of thoughts and uh and it was tough it was tough because i listen i'm i bet there was a much younger i'm i've different i have more accepting now in certain ways or more whatever sure whatever gets you through the day i'm more that right but at the time i remember i i was very much like dependent on this, this, this girlfriend to be like my spiritual side in a way, like to, to, to, to comfort and assure me.

I went through this phase where I would want her to get quotes of like scientists who believed in stuff to like reassure me. Yeah. And you went through a lot of spiritual phases, but like, you're like, it's interesting the way you. You went through a lot of spiritual phases, but like you're like, it's interesting the way you talk about it is because then that is like,

the assumption is you're in a phase now that you'll then be in a different phase later. Yes. Do you know what I mean? Dead. Yes. This is it for you. I'm in my final form.

You went through 17 phases in the last 10 years and now you're done. You're fully realized, John Marco. I did, this is how, I did something, do you know what remote viewing is? Yes, of course. No, I don't, actually, I don't know why I agreed. So remote viewing,

and they made a movie called this Men Who Stare at Goats, which was the government trying to utilize these things, where some people say that they can you know sit and they can like visualize or or like somehow see something somewhere else you know and and so for example the government was like trying to use remote viewers to like see if russia was building some weapon okay and you know the remote viewer would sit and the government would pay them six hundred thousand dollars and they would draw like a circle. And the government would be like, maybe it's a bomb. Maybe it's a military

base. Maybe it's a pizza. And so I did, like I contacted a remote viewer and I put something on top of a microwave. That was the thing. We put something on top of the microwave. Send us drawings. I'm sure I could even find

the email. And the remote viewer sent us a thing like we put something on top of the microwave send us drawings i'm sure i could even find the email and you know the remote viewer sent us a drawing of like uh like an oval and then a square and then a smaller oval and i was like oh my god it was a flute i put a recorder on okay on top of the microphone i was like oh one of those shapes kind of was like this but it can be so much more specific. Like you could literally, they could literally have drawn the flute for you. Well, I would have loved that. I know. We'd be having a different conversation

if they drew the flute. And they didn't draw the flute. And why might that not work for John Marco? I wanted precisely. Yeah. Okay. So I didn't know, when did you marry Ted? 2017. Yeah. Okay. So I didn't know, when did you marry Ted?

2017. 2017? Yeah. So when you have this partner, is he totally open? Does he ever ask you if he loses a loved one? Does he ever say, hey, I'd love to talk to George Carlin. Could you talk to George? That's so funny that you mentioned George Carlin.

Because he is someone that actually we've connected with. Oh, yes? Yeah. What did he say? Was he a fan of the documentary? Oh, that I don't know. We were fans. But here's the thing.

we were fans but here's the thing like i i don't i don't he first of all he's come like in and to ted directly like through dream uh-huh so um you know nothing's really stronger than the direct stuff but anyway when when there's been like a pinnacle moment of like ted's career and i'd be like would would it make sense to you that the George Carlin is coming through right now saying xyz or whatever and he's like yeah you know and and so it so he's very open to it but I don't really offer the career you mean when he did this podcast yes but the podcast had changed it all for us and the family oh my god yeah so so yeah like that kind of stuff honestly is not okay it doesn't okay this is my style of life basically is like it doesn't really serve us that much to to go there that often and so he hardly ever like asks for any information for me and i hardly hardly ever offer it because really i don't i don't i don't solicit readings like i don't do that i would never like walk up

to someone on the street and be like yeah your mother wants to you know yeah because it's not it's it's waking someone out of a dream like with a bomb you know like you throw something at the door to wake them up or something like and scare them like what's the point of it like it's just your ego to be like i can see your mother you know yeah really yeah does that person really ego to be like, I can see your mother, you know, really? Does that person really need to talk? Like, if the person needs to talk to their mother, they're going to find me. You know, that's how I believe it really works. Honestly, we find each other, but I'm not going to.

And until I feel like I've been told, like, OK, reach out to this person. I'm not going to do it. Sure. So in our marriage like it just doesn't come up that much but i will say so the the moment that like happens is like right at right during the wedding and right after the wedding so right away it was almost like spiritually speaking i finally felt like all right i, I'm secure here. Like, I'm really happy. I found someone who I really love, who like totally supports me in everything I do.

I'm just like an artist and I don't even know what I'm doing with it. Like I left fashion and he's like, cheers that on. And like, I don't have a direction with my art. And then he was like a great cheerleader for me and then what happened was in our apartment there were a few physical instances again where i would like physically see someone and i didn't like it at all uh-huh and uh the energy in the apartment was not really good just generally speaking and um like here's how you know like energy's not really good in a place like the the fruit that you leave out rots immediately all the time all the plants die all the time

quickly even though there's sunlight it was just like and and we had like a yeah we had an issue with the neighbor and stuff so it was like the energy was just like oh like we knew we had to leave but like not without this like jolt wake up thing because you think like because i'm a sensitive person who's perceived things that I know are not something you could necessarily even articulate, really. Yeah. That I would that I'd pick up on everything. No, like literally something would have to like seriously like step right in front of my face and be like, wake up now. Or I would put it off just like I had my whole life.

Because why would I go down that route? This is not something like you kind of go on your own and just have to accept that um it it's going to be kind of an eyebrow razor and a lot of people are attracted to that too but it's always going to be something in their head it's not going to be madeline anymore you know yeah and so um like it wasn't that like i wasn't that attractive to me to, like, dive in and be like, this is who I am now. Because also, like, there's nothing more stinky than somebody who's, like, holier than thou. Like, I have no interest in any of that sure so like uh yeah so i saw a man who i believe to be the the last man who lived there before ted and i had lived there and um really if i if i was being completely honest it's really a

psychic uh interaction much more than a mediumship interaction whereas i would say his spirit is completely in another dimension and it's not he and his core spirit who is communicating with me for any reason but i psychically now that's my faculties my my knowing my seeing i psychically saw an imprint of who he was and how he was like, and it wasn't great. Like, and, and as far as Ted knew, he lived alone, all of this stuff and couldn't affirm stuff, but I was sure that he had killed himself. So, yeah. So it was, it had to be something. Yeah. And and it was like it had to be something because i was almost like almost in your camp really i mean i you know i wasn't i was not closed off to psychic but i had run into scams everyone that i had ever been in touch with that

said they were psychic was full of crap yeah like to the extreme and so i wasn't drawn to it anymore like i was i was just like well why would you you know whatever like people do that i guess that's weird um so i was you know i was pretty much kind of turned off i would say and just really felt like a connection through spiritual like philosophizing like ram dass or Alan Watts or you know that kind of like eastern philosophy just felt like a little bit removed from the Catholicism like Protestant you know Christianity that it could be like a discovery period and so at that time my mom was put on hospice. This is like exactly the same time. So I go, all right, God, you know, I need to know that this is not the end of her life. Should she go? I need to know how I feel about this whole thing, because like I have this guy here in my apartment you know um I had written

down all of these experiences I had I said like for no reason at all I felt an immense connection with bereaved mothers I didn't know any except for one that I could think of who was not a close friend or family member. And so a lot of things were just kind of like happening to me. And I knew that I had to be like, OK, I need some kind of clarity because I actually felt like I lost any kind of faith or assuredness at that time because I was just like. How could there be so much suffering my mom has been chronically ill for a really long time and i was like what's the point of it like why and then it just doesn't you know yeah so this is this is like the most universal i think human experience where you finally go like, well, well, what is this really all about? And you only can really do that when you face this suffering or you're facing death or catastrophe in like a really big way.

And I don't know if I really described that this was like kind of a, you know, kind of a moment because my mom had been like slowly dying for a long time it felt like yeah and then she was finally on hospice and i was like yeah i don't even know what i think about this like what i feel and i felt so sad and then um that's when everything switched on 100 on and so it had to be for me that I was physically seeing orbs of light. And except now, instead of being like with that guy in the apartment and the heavy psychic energy where he was like a little bit scary, honestly. And I hate to always like share that as like, that was my, you know, opening because you

don't want to scare other people, but it is the reality, you know, it was scary actually, because I didn't like his energy. Like I don't like that vibe at all. Um, but it was the one that woke me up. And so it's like just everything else, whatever's painful in your life. It's not like you'd like it, you know, but it does kind of make you grow and ask the right questions and then get some answers. Yeah. But it was very much a singular, you know, experience. I didn't know anyone in this field. I didn't know anyone who like even liked this stuff, honestly.

And then I saw the orbs and it was like all right let me try to communicate with you like i knew i had to get some kind of connection right and my dreams started becoming like literal messages so this all happened at once in a very short amount of time. And so it was like absolutely impossible to ignore. I mean, I couldn't have ignored it at all. And yeah, and I had like the best partner, you know, in Ted. Because I wouldn't say he's cynical. I mean, he's skeptical, you know, and I'm like that, too.

I'm skeptical, too. He's got like he questions the power systems for sure. Oh, yeah. The people in charge. Yeah. It's a very George Carlin esque point of view. Thank you. But OK, so all right.

Let me just just to to. So I have two questions. There's a, there's a lot of, I have three. There's, so whenever I hear about dead people. Yes. And spirits and whatnot, I think just specifically America. I think about all the Native Americans who probably lived on this land that we are currently at that suffered immensely

as their land was taken. And I go, shouldn't all the spirits be them? There's so many people who have died. More people have died than are currently alive. So wouldn't it be just flooded with lots of

miserable people just walking around like, fuck, they're doing a podcast on where I raised my home? And like, there's so many, why the recent, why recent people? Why is it recent people in the last 100 years?

Shouldn't it be people 2,000 years ago? Shouldn't it be animals? Shouldn't it be people even like not fully genetically, like way back before homo sapiens that suffered immensely whose spirits are around? It's always kind of like people, homo sapiens, number one, but like it's within the last couple, whatever. Is there an expiration date to their visiting, being around here?

Like, wouldn't it be just flooded with dead people? Well, here's the thing. That's hilarious. Huge question. It's a great question. It's a great question because if you zoom out, you have to say, really, who's it for? Do you really feel like the reading is for that spirit person that person who's already passed on to another realm or is it for you to help you here

in this matrix that's so hard to live in and so much suffering and confusion so who's gonna come to you if they're from 5 000 years ago you to be like, you're talking like a bunch of crap to me. Like, I don't. Do you know what I mean? Sure. Sure. So it has to be your grandfather. Like, he has to come to you for you, for your heart, your what you're dealing with, because he's moved on.

Really? Yeah. I mean, I hate to put it that way for people here, but your people have moved on. Immediately, they go. And leaving the body is like the... And not while you're alive. Like, when you really leave the body,

when you really pass on, it's like the biggest celebration. It's the biggest freedom for that person, no matter how much they love people on earth, because this is a really, really challenging place to live for spirit. So like there would be really not, it really wouldn't be that helpful for like the regular person to hear from

someone who was like a caveman you know what i mean it has to be like who comes through is like the greatest helper for you at that time yeah so there are people of course who who feel that they communicate with animals who've passed and all this you know people from from all different planets and things like that but really like i don't know how helpful it is to the average group of people so i don't will i go there one day maybe i don't know sure but like it really doesn't it has to work for earth it has to work for down to earth it has to work for that person who's coming yeah so another thing about spirit seems to be is that eventually you kind of really merge into the oneness eventually if you want yeah you don't have to uh but eventually you do so it's

i i don't know how many souls there are it's not like really a numbers thing but the idea is that you release all the personalities that you had eventually all the ego and you really become whole again that'll be good for you yeah that'd be good for you now you you're you you don't want to die famously famously famously russell has said and and fortunately it's my burden to bear if he should die before me is i have to go up there and say russell would want you all to know he wanted to be here longer i did not want to die that is my job at the funeral to let everyone know like he really this is the last thing he would have wanted that is so um wait i have a question i have two questions two quick questions um uh one do you ever do you have people in your life that you're like they they they they want to like kind

of use your ability too much like do you have like people that i imagine maybe not close people because i'm you know but i imagine like it's like some people that you meet want to treat it like a party trick like where if they know it's like okay you know what i mean like does that happen to you and then the other one uh unrelated do you ever walk into someone's house and you're like this is a haunted house like this energy like but you can't tell them because that'd be like scary and rude but um but do you ever walk into someone's house and you're like whoa whoa whoa the energy here is chaotic um and just have that experience well let me go to that question first yes

but that you post two questions they're wildly different not related sorry i didn't want to forget them i feel like i could talk about this for hours sorry me too are you confident i i i am and i'm not in the way of like, I don't know. I feel like I'm always, I'm not ever sure of anything. So I'm like, I am comforted on some level. On other levels, I'm scared to see ghosts and to die. Like, so I, you know. Stephen King famously said something about that anything with a ghost in it,

like even if it's like a scary movie or whatever, that it's comforting because it implies that there's something after death and i relate i understood what he meant by that yeah even though i think you could you could also say there's plenty of horrors one could imagine it's hell yeah and things like that like it's not it's not it's comforting i always said like uh you know the the belief like i think there's something and it's like well something can be quite bad yeah there's something under the bed right there's something on my dick there's like there's like bad something yeah they're not all great somethings yeah okay okay so friends exploiting you for lottery numbers yeah don't worry we'll remember it i will remember the second question this is hilarious but like can i also just interject and say i've never like read after having a long conversation

which people share so much of their themselves first and it's just like this so this is like a really cool experience because i'm like i feel like like that you both would really enjoy the readings, you know, that you would really enjoy connecting on that level because this it's not you saying it, you know, it's me saying it, but I wouldn't I wouldn't have any. Basically, I just mirror a lot of the things that you feel and think but then there's a deeper intelligence and wisdom inside of you that comes through that also so it kind of does it could and it's not it could comfort some of yeah part of you you know what i mean and so that's what's really cool about it that's what i like but anyway like people exploiting there might have been like a one or two

here and there um but i keep it such a very very close small circle um, and I've lost a few people, you know, sure, sure. Of course, you know, and I like love them regardless, but it's like, not everybody's going to go with you everywhere you go, especially if it's going to be something like this, you know? Um, but yeah, I don't, I don't think anybody who knows me would think that I would you know perform for them do you know what I mean like so I was lucky enough that I was and I think this is why it had to happen at that time in my life it's like I already like kind of established confidence in myself in my life and you know um so if I was 18 and doing it, yeah, it would have been a different story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

That's true. Yeah, yeah. Like I had good people around me already. So that was nice. Red One. We're coming at you. Is the movie event of the holiday season. Santa Claus has been kidnapped.

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online broker by money sense get started today at questrade.com wait are are we doing a reading now do you want one i i yeah do you have time we do yeah how long is a reading well we can do any amount of time really sure i think i think a little reading a little reading do you is it both of us at the same time is it one at a time one at a time okay you go first okay so you go first why you go first okay okay okay so so this is how a reading normally goes okay you wouldn't have said all the stuff about right right yeah but actually it's very funny if you just quoted back things that wouldn't it be great oh my god i see you just came back from a bachelor party oh my you felt like a loser

that is such a great scene for a movie though um that's hilarious so so basically what happens is i just kind of take a moment and i connect right i get in touch with this other right we're talking about like this inside of you you have it inside this wisdom so i have to be in touch with mine to to help get in touch with yours so I just like take a moment and then I just ask everyone to just like take a deep breath and so that I can just build up that power too with my own self and I just kind of dial back my own personality my own ego whatever and then you know that kind of just steps aside for a second and then i know i'm gonna connect with you russell so first i connect with you so if i need to i'll move to spirit side you know if something comes through You know, if something comes through.

So I just ask you to, you know, be at a regular conversational kind of level. Right. So the first when I connect with you, Russell, we're starting off with psychic soul to soul. And the first thing I get here right now that is the most important thing is this depth in my heart where there's a deep sadness that comes up in my heart space that just needs to be acknowledged right now. And why I'm saying that is because it does feel like I, I'm missing. I feel like I've been through a very, how do I put this? I do feel like I'm missing a close connection and I do feel like I'm missing a close connection.

And I do feel like I have a sad longing. And I know we talked about this, but I do have a spiritual thirst and a spiritual hunger for this connection. And I want to say, would you understand that? Let me just hear your your voice do you understand what i'm saying at all i think so okay that's fine and so when i when i reach out i feel like i i feel like i would reach towards the woman in my life, like mother and grandmother, to tell me that it's going to be all right, to tell me how the world works, to tell me also that I'm good and special. And I need that affirmation from them.

And I feel like something there where I'm missing that now, where I would have had that then when I was younger, and now I'm missing that now. And I still look outside for it and I look around for it. You know, I need that. And I do think that I feel that connection because I believe that, you know, a woman would have it better. A woman has intuition or wisdom or something. And she has to be like mother to me. Do you understand why this is coming up? Yeah, I do.

I don't know how much to say or but I do. You get it. It makes a lot of sense. It makes sense. OK, so that's good. So now I know that I'm connected with you, right? Because we have something here and it's the essential thing that I need to

recognize. Right. So, and I do feel that just understand mom's mom's passed on to spirit side of, of life. Mom's mom, mom's mom. Yeah.

Yeah. So she comes in here close you know and she comes right up to your cheek here the the connection here with her is very like what i have to say it's like um you understand like she she wants to go, like, rub your cheek like that. It's very affectionate. Like, she did this to you. Because it's like you have to see yourself through her eyes. She absolutely had the faith in you that you're looking for in yourself. She knew that you were her, essentially.

Like, you were the gift that uh she prayed for really um i just feel like that kind of security and love that's what i miss because it's like i need someone to believe in me this way. And I feel that I've lost that. But she's coming to you and saying, you are stepping. You believe in you like this. You have to see through her eyes. She has these eyes like you. And so she also makes me mirror your eyes because you would see a similarity of these blue eyes. And she's so really so in touch with how you see yourself. Do you understand why she's saying all that? Yeah.

Okay. So I know that there's a mirror between us. I suffered with my own confidence, but I was able to project it onto the kids and the family and to the kids and the family and to the to the family like she herself. Didn't didn't really like she wouldn't even think of herself, really, like she didn't. I didn't really think of myself. I only thought of other people.

You understand. You have that gift of only thinking of other people really and and at the same time i know that i'm walking back into the wisdom of your soul and your psychic connection to that strength of only thinking of other people is also the thing that is the most painful part of my journey here. So I do feel that there is this tug of war of how to care for myself. But do I really believe in my good nature? Do you understand why? Okay.

So do you have a question now that i feel connected here and i know grandmother in spirit is here um but she's just supporting you know yeah the energy of the room the vibes yeah i i don't know if i have a question i i'll be honest when we heard you were coming that was in my mind i had someone in mind that like i still feel the most connected to and it's her um so it's not surprising to me it was like a deep like i remember being a little kid and feeling like an adult when i talked to her like i felt like she saw me more than others did for large periods of my life. So I'm not surprised that it's her coming through.

I don't have specific questions for her, but I'm, you know, obviously forever grateful and still connected to her, I feel. Yeah. Yeah. But if she has anything to offer yeah no if you have a question about like anything like it could be

anything about your life and it's not even her you just support the energy here yeah you know but if you did but you don't have to have one that's okay because it's like really personal to do on a pod.

Yeah. Pod. Wow. This episode is brought to you by Manscaped. Is your bush down there a little bit too large right now? Manscaped. That helps you out. All right.

Well, now I feel like I got to go my go round. I'm trying to be this. Are you doing okay? You good? Yeah. No, i uh is it yeah yeah yeah but you have to and she's it's a very deep love connection it's a love soul to soul love it's you know so yeah nothing to fear about it. No. Right? No. We should have her on the pod. We did. We did. You're right. We'll get a picture after.

Can you imagine if we took our picture for the cover and there was like a spirit. Okay. Alright. I'm going to try to put down my cynicism. I was an actor and there was a lot of this. It wasn't spiritual per se, but there was a lot of like, very, very antithetical to my whole brand for the podcast. But here we go.

Oh, sorry. Is it really? That's funny. One more thing just connected in my head. I literally this week was just talking about feeling like a failure in terms of maintaining certain relationships and feeling like I'm not doing a very good job of it right now. And I feel like for a long time,

I did prioritize that sort of thing. And so I am in this weird thing where I'm like, anyways, that rang true for me in terms of, I was just talking about this, this week to my wife about like the thing of like feeling like I'm not doing a good job of being a friend to a lot of friends right now and um and feeling like I don't know how that changed or what

happened and and but I feel like I used to prioritize it so much more and I don't I I so anyways that resonated right right and, right. And the confidence. Talking about the struggle of like, you know, taking care of others and yeah. Right, right. And your confidence tied to that, you know, your confidence, you find your confidence tied to not through those relationship anymore. So you are kind of having to find it, you know, affirmation from within yeah yeah sorry yeah i just yeah no i'd like to talk more about your failures as a friend uh no you've been very sweet you've been very sweet especially especially the last couple days i i feel like i i now that i heard

that i'm like oh that's you you've been a very kind of generous. I've been trying. I've been. Yeah. I've been feeling. I've noticed. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So, John Marco, I'll just talk through and just kind of take a second to recalibrate. You know, I want to now focus on you. And I'm just going to reposition here. And I'll just ask you to just breathe and be at normal.

And, you know, I just feel like I have to, like, talk us through this a little bit. And I'll just ask you to just breathe and be at normal. And, you know, I just feel like I have to like talk us through this a little bit. Like there's nothing to, you know, that I can prove to you. Right. There's nothing that I'm going to say that's going to, you know, prove anything or justify any suffering or anything big. Right. or justify any suffering or anything big, right? It's going to be like, this is all going to happen through your own experiences in life, right?

And this is just like another pebble in the creek that you're kind of like watching, you know? And so when I connect with you, let me just take a second here. I have to talk about your own light and how, you know, you don't see uh, a paradoxical kind of a, uh, situation where you're really beaming with, um, positivity and light and beauty. And so, you know, people are very going to be attracted to that. You don't necessarily recognize. And I want to say I haven't really harnessed all of that light power from my inner self yet, actually. But you don't really recognize it. um when you do say things like i'm cynical um it's it is funny it's funny because

it's not really how you come across and you're very welcoming you're're very open. Okay. So this is like the true you. It's the true you versus some of these identities that I career is really taking on the most essential role in my life right now. I know you said you're a one-man show, and I do feel like it's all completely on my shoulders, I feel like. It's all completely on my shoulders, I feel like. And then it seems to me like when I'm working, okay, this is what we're really trying to get to, is there's some constriction some constrictions around my my work still in the sense of um i'm holding back some of my thoughts and some of my um abilities which is funny to say, because it does seem like you don't hold hold back some things, but I feel like there's something else I want to try. But I'm I'm afraid and I just feel like.

I need so much evidence and reassurance before I go there that I'm not going to get, you know what I mean? And I do think it is, I'm talking about my comedy and I'm talking about like what I can do with this because it's not just stand up, understand? And why I'm not going to get that because it's like, it has, cause you know, Well, I'm not going to get that because it's like it has because, you know, it actually has to just come from you taking a step towards. But I want but the the whole game has changed so much that it's hard to really see if I could do something like.

A movie, do you want? Sure. Right. a movie do you want sure right so what what i'm really battling with not the movie i'm battling with my belief that i'm going to be in one and i can use my gifts this way um Um, so then I just, I feel like, um, because of that, uh, I have to like keep fill up my schedule, you know, that's like my number one thing I have to like fill up my schedule. But I think there's a part of you that knows like i i really there's something else that i really want a little bit even more than touring comedy stand-up do you understand that yeah okay and i know that i I'm more than capable of doing it, but it's just,

I can't see how that would work. Um, and I'm a little bit jaded about the industry in itself, which is normal. Sure. Yeah. Um, let me just see here.

What else I'm doing here? And I have to go back, you know, I have to go back to why is this dynamic happening? And I know that in childhood, there's this, I have to make everything right. And I have to, the family has, is moved apart. Right. And I, in my head, I feel like I want to make everything clean with clear edges and I need to have a structure that I don't have. And so I, I kind of make it my life's work to find the patterns and clean things up. I want, and I know that we talked about this, but I want some really clear cut answers for how life should be, how it's supposed to go like. Okay. And, um, so as I grow, I don't really realize that that's what I'm doing, but I'm trying to make situations

feel like that they, how they should be um and i'm i'm really i'm really having to advocate for myself like how you're supposed to be treating me do you understand that to everyone basically yeah um so so a lot of it was like a fight i had to like really fight for people to like get it right. And there's a perfectionism that comes out of the family dynamics where I've kind of stepped into a perfectionist mindset. Because it's a way that I can kind of control the environment and really feel like good and like there's something to be sure of. Do you understand so as you get into your like later years um as you're going down through your life you know and i'm walking through your life um there there what there is a moment, and I know you mentioned college, but I don't know, it feels like it happened even sooner than that, where

there's a dark period of time where I'm kind of really fumbling where I've completely like no all the things that I was trying to be and do okay in order to make a perfect world really for myself I lost it all and now I can't see anything not myself or anyone else okay that's the feeling that i have around that age of my early 20s do you understand that so when i go into that space um you you feel very much alone there and and from spirit's side, from the wisdom that I'm seeing in you, you're communicating with the true you. There's a dialogue that really starts to happen at that time. It's not that your brain was turned off because it was constantly going. And this was a time where the person who you think you're talking to in your own head is actually your soul's wisdom starts coming through in between some of these thoughts of deep, deep confusion. You understand?

So I want to say that this is a very important suffering that I go through. And it was destructive, too, in a way. You feel like I wasn't able to, really, I wasn't able to function. Do you understand it being that strong? And it was really all in my head area. You understand that? Um, and when I, why I have to bring that up now, right? Um, it's a really, if, if I can get through a message to you of why these things are so important because there's a message through that of this accepting suffering and pain in your life and realizing how it evolved you realizing how how it's there. It has to be there. An acceptance of the suffering and the darkness

so that I don't look at everything as being so wrong. Because I do feel like I struggle with that. Like things are very right and wrong. And this is coming from my earliest. And it's an important time to accept the things that have been wrong so that you can be free to like really believe that the things that are coming for you like that, that's possible. You know, I do feel that I have to spirit also step in for you because it's also a familial connection. This is something that I feel there's a man in spirit who comes through, but there's also, there's also, you've lost a younger man in spirit also. So I feel that there's like a young man coming with an older man um first i'm

going with this older man who just feels like he kind of takes a little bit of responsibility for uh the lineage of um Um, gosh, I, for, it, it feels like the, um, what I want to call like anger and, um, um, he was not someone who, who, who really spoke about his feelings and it's it feels like dad's dad and he's coming through to kind of take a little responsibility for um the way he treated your dad and therefore the way life has continued throughout the family and ends in ends up on you and how you you don't look like you don't act like them and he's very proud of you for not acting like him because he's not someone who could go there and not someone who asked the questions and he's not someone who tried to heal in any way but i know that you do that you do actually try to heal and it does have a ripple effect around the people around you but also backwards into his world like he's not almost he's coming close with a like thank you because you're not going to carry on this pattern um throughout your life

and it's almost like he comes in and says like in his life um that he would have been just really aggressive and also like lost in um at times um in substance and just taking it all out on his partner and his family. Do you understand that? Okay. So he knows that that affected the worldview of the family. Okay. okay uh he really wants to come in and say like the scar on your heart that really kind of goes back generations you know um he wants to like help heal it too because now that he's he's not that personality anymore and now that he's not in a body, he's able to, to bring some light

to these things that he was once kind of a part of. And, um, he is really proud of you, you know, and it's not for the career stuff, you know, and I think that that's really important to, to see your life from the way that you are acting in the world, uh, through your heart, through your light. Um, and let me just see how we can and i feel like um yeah if there's one single message in the whole thing is that i you know and i do feel like it's it's for for everyone kind of is like to see the true you that there's like no judgment on myself based on career and those things that's true judgment of your life. Well, thank you.

You're welcome. Yeah. It's intense. Yeah, it is. Very intense. Well, we were close to the end. We better pitch those shows now. No.

Yeah, pitch those shows. If you had said, and your dad's dad said see him in Toronto July 23rd and 24th at the National Comedy Theater it's hard to come out of it it's like you're in a

I appreciate the readings it's a lot of energy you must be exhausted after doing full two hour things I sometimes am in conversations with people requests, but I feel like I'm in like conversations with people sometimes. And you're like,

it's crying with a lot of energy. So I can't imagine what that encompasses. Really? Right. Right. I mean, it's so draining. Yeah.

Well, we, we, unfortunately we do have a bit of a time to, is there anything you want to say as, as, as a plug Or anything you know your art

Your readings You can follow me on Instagram Madeline Geraldine And yeah I give readings Very few like openings right now But yeah if there's anybody who wants a reading Reach out and eventually we'll do one One time

Yeah Yeah Russ anything you want to plug out and eventually we'll do one one time. Yeah. Yeah. Russ, anything you want to plug? Uncle Function in LA September 21st. And our live show, The Downside, August 14th. For me,

I already said at the beginning, thank you for, thank you. Thank you. And I think as we sign out, it's important to remember that the apartment that we're recording this in right now there was a guy who lived here before and he died and that's how I got this

apartment and the only evidence I have of his existence is all the bills I'm still receiving and that's the real afterlife this is the downside 1, 2, 3 Downside am still receiving and that's the real afterlife this is the downside can you talk hello oh it sounds weird to me what it sounds weird oh i guess i just don't hear it that's fine is it fine yeah all right i'm paranoid now uh hello hello i see you're gonna die today oh my god

I was watching Jurassic Park and you really do Jeff Goldblum younger Jeff Goldblum really it does remind me of you which Jurassic Park the original? actually I watched

all three of the originals and then I watched Jurassic World this week. The new one? No, I've been making my... Are you a big Jurassic Park fan? I'm a fan of... You know, that's a lot.

But don't you get in moods where you're like, I just want to go through this journey of this whole series. So you're going to see the movie in theaters? I don't know. I've heard it's bad. But I think. You watched all of it?

Did not see the new one? I mean, I'll see it when it comes out. But I think. I don't know. I just was like. First of all, the original is great. It's a great movie. And then they really drop off.

But I don't know. I just wanted to do it. I just wanted to like you know and you know sometimes you're like oh let's just let's go on let's watch you know let's watch all the lethal weapons you know uh-huh i haven't done that in a long time but you know um don't you do that don't you ever like i'm gonna just and you're it's like you're not it's not prime you're not sitting it's not prime. You're not sitting there not doing anything else. Like I've seen all the Jurassic parks.

So I think I'm doing other things. I'm working on other things, but you're like, oh, I'm going to like put that on tonight. Well, you know, if your job knew how much you're consuming media while you're doing work for them, I just, my job, I'm just like, I like it is. I mean, yes, I do have to have content on at all times. I'm a podcast boy, so I know what you mean. But you're a movies in the background. Movie TV show kind of guy. Has something.

It's got to be on TV while I'm working. But like Jurassic Park, you're supposed to admire the dinosaurs. By the way, no. It would be insane for me to watch Jurassic Park during the daytime while I'm working. I'm saying Jurassic Park, that's a nighttime you're done with work, but you're still kind of like, maybe I'm doing an Uncle Function thing, kind of. You're still putzing around, but it's a nighttime movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, this episode is brought to you by the new jurassic park

their ad budget was low and we charged them one dollar caleb here on has a part in the new jurassic park uh oh oh my god is our guest here oh we might have to start over again yeah i don't know if we need the jurassic park part in the beginning of this no we're gonna release this the patreon exclusive the jurassic park patreon exclusive all right our guest is here i believe uh uh madeline madeline sometimes they sometimes they're it's upsetting when people get eaten in jurassic park in the way that like they're the vibe is from the movie is like watch this person get eaten they're a real asshole right and then you're like it's more violent than they were an asshole like it doesn't warrant how violent their

death is yes i i agree is the person here you just you just um shut yeah i'm texting i'm just casually texting today is saturday oh my god do you want me to talk uh yeah talk just go okay um wait no but are we using this or no okay um okay i'll tell everyone about um i'll tease a little story. I was in an incident on the subway this week where I'm okay and everyone else on the subway was okay. But this woman tried to hit me and other people on the subway with her shoe. And she said she was going to kill everyone on the subway car. And it was one of those things where I was doing an uncle function show, went out afterwards, had a little bit of a buzz, put your headphones on. You're not really like in that mode, not listening. And you start seeing everyone around you kind of move or, you know, and then

I realized this woman was yelling at the whole car and she was saying, I'm going to kill every one of you. I'm going to kill everyone. So you're just staring at the floor. Cause you're like, Oh, don't bring attention. You know, don't. And she walks past me and I was like, okay. and she's yelling at a bunch of kids at the other end of the subway car not kids but you know like 20 year olds and then um she comes back and she starts hitting people with her shoe and it's like at the point where the subway is pulling into the station but we are still trapped on that car she's hitting people with her shoe. She comes to me. She swings. I duck.

Misses me. Hits the man next to me, this older man next to me. And that's where I will leave it. Anyways, we all ran away. But our guest is here. Hi! And I will stop vamping. Oh my god. Oh, okay. Okay. So anyways, so she hits this older man next to me with her shoe. And I then right when she hits him, the subway doors are about to open.

And you can see him be like frazzled because he just got hit in the head with a shoe and he doesn't know what to do and then he turns around and slaps her across the face then at that moment all of us in the subway car run off to the next car and um so we're in the next car and we're just kind of monitoring you know you're looking through the window making sure everything's okay and um that was what i was gonna say my blessing is today so i'm gonna jump ahead to my blessing already um well let me just give it now and then then i'll already have done it is is in new york sometimes when something happens you can develop a real sense of of community quickly um uh because everyone there was in that subway car taking care of each other

and being like monitoring the situation someone had one door another person another door if she tries to come on we're not gonna let her on and it was a real sense of like let's we'll take care of this together it was very very lovely hi hi we're gonna do a big big old restart yeah we'll probably put put this after the credits or we'll just delete it all together delete it all together