The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #95 The Hood Athlete with Jon Laster

Episode Date: August 2, 2022

Jon Laster joins to share why coders are criminals, the downsides of starting an app, getting recruited to college for basketball and then having the dude who recruited you quit, marching for Black Lives Matter but everyone else there is white (and one of them has a drum), and we discuss the ethics of an Uber driver peeing in a bottle. Download Jon's app, Blapp, to find and support Black-owned businesses near you and online. https://www.blappapp.com/ You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Follow Jon Laster on Instagram & Twitter Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's monthly show in NYC (first Sunday of every month) Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Spencer Sileo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Downside. Wow. My name is Jermarcus Oresi. I'm here with my co-host, Russell Daniels. Hello. Hey, you good? I'm good. Good.

How are you? You don't like it when I do this up top, but we do have to start doing this up top. Okay, yeah. Thank you for being, uh, uh, uh, listening. We're growing. Just so you know. Numbers are going up. No advertiser yet.

Manscaped reached out, and then we contacted them back. And then they didn't follow. And then they disappeared. What did, wait, what did, Do they ask for any specifics like numbers? I think I looped them in with my agent and I think some of them were like oh no. We were hoping to rip you off.

We were hoping to give you 10 cents. I would have done it for free Manscaped products to be clear. I would shave myself on the thing. So thank you for listening to The Downside. If you've never heard us before, this is a show

we explore negativity. We find silver linings and we debunk them. We turn over the rock that looks nice and underneath there's worms and death and the universe dying.

If you enjoy, this is coming out August 2nd. If you enjoy this, we have our second ever live podcast, August 14th at Sesh Comedy Club. Link in the bio. Usama Siddiqui is the guest, former guest.

Fantastic. He could cancel on us. He won't, though. I accidentally booked him for the wrong date. This is true. I'm going to tell him in person. I booked him for the wrong date. He texted me that day. He's like, hey, man, I'm really sorry. I got to drop out last minute. And I was like, what is he talking about? And I looked and I had misbooked him. But he was

dropping out with 30 minutes notice. So I really took him to task. I was like, Usama, you're really putting me in a tough position right now. Okay. So come to that show notes link. We are here with comedian John Laster. How are you doing? What's happening? Startup founder. John, can you tell us something negative to kick off our music here? Something negative? Something you don't like. Something that's bothering you right now.

People who code are criminals. This is the downside. One, two, three. Downside. This is The Downside. One, two, three. Downside. You're listening to The Downside.

The Downside. With John Marco Cerezi. Well, we'll get to you in a second, John. I want to get into the coding. That's going to be the whole episode, Russell. Okay, okay. Do you know how the show works? We talk about our own shit, then we get to his shit. Okay, I just want to forget.

You thought I was not going to come back to that? We were going to leave that behind? I don't know. I don't know what your little pad says. I've had a day already. Why? I have this mark on my face, and I was worried. You finally noticed.

No, I'm just kidding. My girlfriend, she says she's not a hypochondriac but like we're both hypochondriacs so i'm like i'm worried it's like something serious and she's like i think you're being over optimistic it could be cancer so she's like it's cancer i'm putting on ointments i'm going to a dermatologist it ends up wait a minute it came out of nowhere how long well i was at the beach i got pretty burnt i got pretty burnt. And, uh, uh, basically the dermatologist, ultimately, I can see you looking like you're scared.

You're, you're scared for yourself. That's what's so sad. I'm just trying to see. You don't care about me. No, no, no.

I'm listening. No, I care about you. Go ahead. Keep going. Oh, basically it was something with, she was like,

have you been in the hot sun and do you eat limes? And I was like, check on both those things. I get, I get seltzers and I take the lime and I like squeeze it and it's like lime juice mixed with the heat. It will go away on its own eventually. You know what I think?

Because I've had scratches like that. I need a second opinion for you. I've had, I know, right? I'm going to play doctor now. I bet you, yo, when you're stressing, when you sleep sometimes, could be that. Sure. Sure. Yeah.

I do stress. And it's right in the line of your face. Of a scratch. You know what I mean? If it was like this or something, then that's different, but it's right here. Sure. So I bet you it's you at night doing one of those. Does it feel like anything?

Does it itch or no? No, nothing like that. It's a scratch, bro. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Then I'm good. They didn't like anything? Does it itch or no? No, nothing like that. It's a scratch, bro. Yeah. Yeah. All right, then I'm good. They didn't say anything?

They said they gave something at CVS I can go get, and it'll speed it up a little. Speed it up. But I'm going to this appointment, and I need to get this done, because TV opportunities could come at any second. And I order an Uber or Lyft, and the Lyft is coming down Clinton Street, and it stops at the end of the block. So I thought, okay, fuck, I'll go down there. My Lyft's getting pulled over, had been pulled over by the cops. So I'm walking up to my Lyft, and the cops are talking to him. I'm like, fuck, dude, fuck.

It was tight. I didn't leave with time. Yeah, no. And I guess what happens, this guy, the cop's talking to him. Something about his seatbelt was off at the stoplight. And I say to the cop, like, oh, should I not go? And he's like, no, no, no. Well, this will only take a second.

The cop goes to his car. I get in. The guy has this big bottle next to him filled in the middle partition. And he's like, man, I was at this. I took a piss at the stoplight and I had to take off my seatbelt to take a piss and suddenly he's like as he's picking up the drink and it's like

oh fuck, that's a big bottle of piss right there. And now I'm not listen, they're working. There's not public bathrooms in New York. Whatever. But it's a big thing of piss. And it's right to the brim. So I'm like, either he perfectly timed it or there's spillage.

And so he's flipping out because he's waiting for a ticket. And he opens the door, pours the piss out to the side, puts it in his glove compartment. And I'm just sitting there like, all right, I get it. Listen, we're living in tough times. And he's pissed about this cop. And then I'm just sitting in the car, and the cop's taking a very long time. And I'm like, do I order a new Lyft? Do I leave and get a cab?

If I cancel the Lyft, will I get the $5 fee or whatever? And this is my white privilege. I go over to the cop car, and I'm like, hey, officer, are we almost done here? Like I was trying to speed the officer along. That's some white boy shit right there. Hey, man. That's some white boy shit right there. Did it speed it along?

I said like, should I? What were they doing? Were they giving a ticket? They were giving a ticket, but they took his license. They got to run his license, see if there's points on it, if there's a warrant, whatever. So the officer's like on it, if there's a warrant, whatever. So the officer's like, it's almost

done. And I go back in the car and now we're both mad at the cops for very different reasons. And I'm with this driver and he's complaining about the ticket. I'm like, these fucking pigs. Hurry the fuck up. And then finally they came over and gave him a ticket. Did he dump out the piss? He dumped it out to the side of the road.

Thank God he wasn't right in front of my apartment i would have been like dude right in front just in case he had to refill it oh man um that was some white dude shit for you not to know how long it takes cops to write a ticket sure sure my officer what is going on this shit the fact that they told you it was only gonna take a minute is some very naive white boy shit to begin with because even when they stop you for bullshit you're gonna be there for at least 10 minutes. Yeah. At least.

I guess I never thought about the Uber drivers having to pee. Yeah. And not having a guarantee. They're human beings. I don't know if you know they have families and children. It is hard in New York to find somewhere to pee a lot of times. And so I just, of course, that would be the solution, just to pee in a cup.

No, that's a lot. I mean, Jesus Christ. Where are you going to go? Where are you going to go? New York is tough sometimes. There's a million little bar restaurants you could run in and use the bathroom real quick. That's, I'm willing to bet you,

he is, he's a rare dude. You know what I'm saying'm saying like how many times have we jumped in an uber and saw a goddamn jug of wait have i told you the one time i had to carry around my piss for 24 hours um uh i was having a medical thing and they were like you need they gave me a big jar and they were like we how big it was okay well that's this is part of the part of the story is that it was a very large jar. And I thought, by the indication of how big it was, I should be filling this up, like, as much as possible. So, and I didn't want to, like, so I was drinking so much water to try and, like, do it. But, like, I had to go to work, and I had to, like, keep in my backpack, and then, like, had to, like, take around for 24 hours this huge jug of piss

and then um when i turned it in uh they were like jesus christ that's a lot of piss because i didn't know i thought like it was like a suggestion like i thought it was like you should be able to to to fill this you know and they were like usually people come in with like a quarter of that. Like, they're like, is everything okay? I was like, well, I was drinking so much water to try and do this. Like, they're like, it wasn't about the level, the amount of it. It was just a sample of like whatever came out of it. There was no indication.

There was no lines like on a laundry cup. It basically looked like water because I was drinking so much water. This is weird. Well, it just said fill here. Like, it did say there was like a a top line so i i thought that you took it as a challenge i took it as like this is the recommended like you this is how much people piss in 24 hours oh and i'll hit that line also when i did it um i didn't know where to drop it off so i came into the front desk and i like pulled it out and the receptionist was like, no, no, no, no. That's for the lab.

Like, and I was like, oh, right. But I'm just here to drop it off. Like, anyways, it was fine. But it was not ideal to carry around a jug of piss for 24. It gets you like any time I was on the subway, any time I was like at work just with my backpack of piss. You know, it was like it was like so many things could go wrong to make my day really bad well that's why i'm suspicious now how many uber drivers do do this and normally they're just not pulled over they get a chance to pour it out on the side of the

road maybe a lot of them are doing this bro i'm telling you definitely not definitely not i'm telling you i bet you if you ask that guy, he probably, one, hasn't been here that long, and two, probably lives a long way away from the city. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah. I bet you it's both of those things. Because I know a lot of people that drive an Uber, and I've never heard,

oh, yeah, my fucking tranche of piss. Yeah. And it's not going to, it was a clear Soba bottle. Yeah. It was a Soba tea bottle. Yeah. And I'm telling you, it was to the brim. It was frothing right over the brim.

That's so disgusting. Yuck. You had a thing you were. Oh, yeah. So you know how you get, you know, if I don't respond to you, you. Very upset. Are you a good texter backer? No.

No, see... Okay, good. So I relate. I'm not great about it a lot of times. I always do it, but it sometimes takes a while. And John Marko gets upset by it. Anyways, but I had this other person today who I'm not nearly as close with as I am with you. You don't have a podcast with him?

No, no. nearly as close with as i am with you you don't have a podcast with no no he um so anyways this is an acquaintance who i have known for a long time but not like we were never close we're not good friends but he was trying to organize we're friends but not like i'm i'm saying things like in case he is listening no no he's not he's not listening but the other day someone who i in my wildest imaginations would would never imagine listening, mentioned me mentioning something about them on this thing. And I was like, oh, my God, I got to be a little more careful than I think. Oh, my God.

Anyways, so anyways, he's trying to organize like a couple's dinner thing with me and an actual very good friend of mine and him. So six people. And so he's just sending it to the three of us that are kind of leading this text chain yeah and he organizes it for wednesday and then has to cancel it and and and then like like a few hours later is like hey had to cancel wednesday's dinner but if anyone wants to get drinks still wednesday like uh i'd be down for that so me and the other person neither of us this has other person neither of us this happened

yesterday neither of us responded happened yesterday afternoon he then sends this message this morning that says so excited it says um I love you guys but when you don't respond to texts it's confusing have a good summer can you send that to me so I can use that in the future But when you don't respond to texts, it's confusing. Have a good summer. Can you send that to me so I can use that in the future? That's amazing. That's amazing. Part of me is like, wow, wow, wow.

He really went there. But another part of me is like, thank you for understanding. Have a good summer, too. You just did a thumbs up to it no I I said you know I'll be more conscious about not responding but there is a thing where it's like I don't know it just

give me a minute do you know what I mean like it hadn't been 24 hours ago yes at some point I definitely was not going to go for drinks on Wednesday so my silence was I'm not going to go for drinks on Wednesday. I will say. So my silence was, I'm not going to do that. But I don't know.

I mean, I don't know. You get it because you get very angry when people don't respond. I'm more direct. I don't say I'm confused. I say I know what's happening here. You say you don't love me. And you don't say, have a good summer. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, have a shitty summer. I hope you're as lonely as I am. John Marco texted me once. You suck balls love me. And you don't say, have a good summer. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, have a shitty summer. I love you as lonely as I am. John Marco texted me once, you suck balls. Yes. Like, so angry. But you know what, though? You know what, though? So angry and hateful.

I appreciate the suck balls. Yeah. Don't hit me with that have a good summer bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? That is so like, oh, come on, bro. I mean, if he's listening, I will figure out a time for dinner sometime. But he's not wrong. But he's not wrong.

But he's not wrong. You don't love him. No, I don't love him. And that's what he learned. Yo, but that passive aggressive shit, man. Stop. Yeah. Let's stop that.

Yeah. Let's put an end to that once and for all. Stop with that path. Well, and it's also like I had agreed to the dinner and like then you canceled it. Like you canceled the dinner had agreed to the dinner and like then you canceled it like you canceled the dinner you know you canceled the dinner so i was like okay off the hook don't have to do wednesday now right and then and then you're hitting me with a drinks like it's just a lot of requests for someone i don't hang out with a lot do you know what i mean it's a lot of like and not to mention do i have to respond to every fucking thing that you shoot my way yeah because

some people when you do respond that's an invitation for them to send some more shit yeah you know what i mean yeah yeah it really is you know and some people will just keep sending shit like have you ever responded to someone in your dms who said something random like oh my god that was funny yeah right and then you've never had that happen but yeah i understand deeply yes you respond and then they'll respond. It's like, ah. Oh, yeah. It's wild, the stuff people send me. I'm like,

I'm not reading this shit. I just saw it the other day. What did they send? I hope this isn't mean. It is definitely mean because they're definitely listening to this if they're like a new fan. There was a comedian

and this is not me speaking ill of him, but it's just a young comic. Yes. Wrote me, hey, I saw you're performing at XYZ Club. I'm like, yeah,

I'm there tonight. He's like, cool, I'm going to swing by. So it happens a week ago. Show up, this guy comes up to me. I don't quite remember who he is. And he's like, thanks so much for inviting me to the show today. And I was like, I text my girlfriend. I'm like, I don't know what this is.

Am I showing this guy around now? I don't know what's going on. And I find the message. And all I told him was, I'm performing at this place. And now I have like a younger comic and I feel this like. You're a mentor. I'm like, hey, just so you know, I'm not. So sometimes a response is an invitation.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? No, it's not. I don't think we got to respond to every single one. Now, if somebody hits me and you look and there's a chain of them trying to reach out, then sometimes I feel bad. Like, God damn damn i could have responded oh i yes you know what i mean yes yeah and i oh yeah i had that happen and this guy hit me the other day he said hey man i'm having a doing a bar show and it's his birthday and some other holiday

some other special you know it's my birthday my mom's anniversary yeah yeah and he does say that i'm gonna have family there just that the other, the other. And he says, man, kind of it would be my dream if you performed on, you know, I'm a huge fan, whatever, whatever. But I looked. He's been hitting me for two years. God damn. Yes. Felt bad.

You got to respond. Sure. Then you got to respond. Did you perform at the show? I did. Wow. Good show? I canceled my gig. It was okay. And it cost me a lot of money. But two years of unresponded, I was like, dude, you got to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got to take the L. But I'm not going to respond to your every, hey, we're having dinner. You canceled. You canceled. Okay, cool. You know, let's keep it moving. But then I don't have to respond to your next. Well, why don't we, you know what?

Why don't you figure that out? And if I don't respond, that means I'm not coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's why I'm saying I love you. I mean, that's intense. No answer is an answer.

I know. Yeah, but have a nice summer. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, I will. Stop with this. I'll be with you. Yeah, but have a nice summer. Get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, I will. Stop with this. I'll be with you. So, John, so happy to have you. So happy to be here. We worked together at the Comedy Cellar. We knew each other before. We had a good train ride back from Cherry Hill. Jersey, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Years ago. And we were talking and I was still nervous. Riley put us on that show. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. Now, you grew up in Denver? Because I'm going to Denver this week.

Denver, Colorado. What's the... Now, I know Denver, people are excited about Denver. They were the first with like pot and stuff. Yeah. Legalized. What's the shitty part of living in Denver? You know what?

It's not even the same place I grew up in. Yeah. Denver's very, very gentrified. Like, it's... I honestly don't recognize it. Where I grew up, they tore it down. I grew up, yeah. Where I grew up, you know, there was a time in the country that the worst neighborhoods in every city, you know, they were like, let's, they were, you know, their solution was let's do away with it.

So Cabrini Green in Chicago, the projects that were in the wire in Baltimore, where I grew up, it was called The Ville. But even the bad neighborhoods in Denver wouldn't come to The Ville. So they were like, we're going to pretend that didn't happen. Forgive me, is it considered the projects as well? And the projects means that it's, what is this, government subsidized housing? Yes, where I grew up, yeah. projects as well and the project means that it's what is this government subsidized housing yes where i grew up yeah so they they um they were like yeah we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna act like that didn't happen and they just uh bulldozed bulldozed it down yeah they said they

they said something like oh it's public domain it's funny that they they bulldozed it they bulldozed the hospital there was a huge hospital next to it they tore the hospital down they tore the elementary school down oh across the street you never tear schools down here's the crazy part right so that they tear down the white people move in six months nine months later they build a new one yeah oh my god yes so they had like a roof this time or something exactly like we gotta make the water fountains work this time and solar panels on solar panels on top of it. No, I am, but no, so I don't. Is it weird to have like your whole home gone? It's so bizarre.

Yeah. So when people say Denver, like the Denver that I knew is literally gone. Yeah, yeah. You go around, you see that school? There used to be a school there. There used to be a horse school right there. And now it's the field.

So they built a new school in the field and tore the old one down. But when I say it's unrecognizable, so it's, I don't know, it's discombobulating a little bit. When did they do that? After you were gone? Yeah. When I was leaving, they were like, oh, it's public domain. You guys got to basically find somewhere else to live.

We're going to tear all this down. And they lied. What they said was they were building a light rail that was going to run through. The light rail is like blocks away. So they just wanted, they were like, y'all got to get the fuck out of here. God damn. You had family there that had to move? Yeah, but

you know what? I was on my way kind of to New York. My brother was going to Atlanta. Like we were kind of leaving anyway you know what i mean and my mom there was no reason for my mom to be down there once we were out of the house and i wouldn't have fucking let my mom i mean it was it's a lot of drive-bys i mean i grew i didn't grow up in the denver when people say denver there's a song called just like compton uh-huh from dj quick the last verse is Denver is just like Compton.

But people didn't know that. Yeah. And that's why Denver was like, well, let's get that. You know, let's do away with this. So I grew up in a very different place, but it's gone now. So there were drive-bys. Did you ever see a drive-by? Of course.

Oh, my God. I've been shot at a lot of times. They were aiming for you? I've been shot at a lot of times. They were aiming for you? I've been shot at a lot of times. Holy shit. I've been in a lot of cars that had bullet holes in them. Really? Oh, yeah.

Absolutely. Holy shit. What was the scariest one? Tell us about one. I've never been in a driveway. Oh, man. I was fucking, the scariest one was because I'm so dumb that I didn't know what was going on. And so I'm standing there, and I'm shooting.

I used to shoot. In a former life, I was a basketball player. But little kids knew who I was. I was a big deal back then. So they would come over to the court during the day and, hey, aren't you John Lassler? Can I play with you for a minute? So I would, you know, all right, let's play. And then I got to get back to work.

Okay, let's play to three. And I'd play with the kids, whatever. But so that I could get the shots up I needed, I would shoot right before the sun came up or at night. So I'm shooting at night. I'm getting my shots up at night. And this car pulls up to the playground, right? Yeah.

Turns the lights off. But I thought it was my boys. You know what I mean? Right. So me and my boy were out there you know he used to rebound for me my best friend uh-huh at night he would rebound for me so i'm getting the shots up and this gun goes off right but again i thought it was my boys my boys used to be out there with guns all the time right so once i swear to god it wasn't a big deal so the the second shot goes off right and a spark hits the pole oh my god yeah that's probably the fastest i've ever run in my life but that night was probably because you know like you hear a pow and then it was like yeah drop the ball and everything i think it's funny that the first shot, the first shot, you were like, oh, Daniel.

We're both shooting tonight. And then you saw Spark. You ran. Oh, and then we're gone. Now, what did they know you or they just like, whatever, we're going to just shoot him. No, but you know what? The crazy thing was there's a there's a there in every even in the midst of chaos, there's still, there's still rules. You know what I mean?

One of the rules is you do not fuck with the hood athlete. Yeah. In any hood in America. Hood athlete, out of bounds. So. I did not know that. I didn't know that either. Wow.

Oh, you, your, your neighborhood will get shot up for a long time. Should something happen to what defines the hood athlete? Like someone who has the promise of maybe going pro. Yes. Okay. Yeah. If you're that dude at your school or people think that you're going to get out and they thought I was the next guy going to the NBA. So I had all of the, the accoutrements, the, the, you know what I mean? Not a scratch on me. Like if you, you could, first of all, if you hit me, I probably fucked you up. But even all if you hit me i probably fucked you up but even if you did hit me good luck and it's it's usually not worth it because if you're gonna hit

somebody that all these motherfuckers are gonna come after you for and you're never really safe it's just not worth it sure yeah so even when my boys was out there shooting i never had to worry and when my boys went and if they killed someone or or you know what let me not say that on that this damn this is recorded but if something happened somewhere else yeah they would knock on the door hey john you need to stay off the court hey why would you need to stay off the court and then i would you know i'd find a book to read yourself you know what i mean i would find something else to do. God damn. Jesus. So I would just stay off the court.

But I didn't get a warning. So I'm just out there like a dumbass. So was someone mad at you? No. You know what? I didn't wait around to ask. Excuse me. I'm the hood athlete.

Anybody mad at me? But it feels like were you, like, missing a bunch of shots in a row and they were like, you know what? I don't think he is the hood athlete. I bet not heard me but it feels like were you like missing a bunch of shots in a row and they were like you know what i don't think he is the hood athlete that's not him no no he's fair game from the looks of this guy's uh form he's probably not the dude yeah i feel like that'd be that would really motivate someone to be good at sports just being like that's the only way to survive these streets is uh is is get is get good at hoop um but yeah man and i i remember that night was probably one of the worst there's some others you're kind of running or you know you scatter it or whatever but that night maybe the first time i got shot i was probably also pretty terrifying because i was i was younger then and i didn't even know what's going on i just thought these dudes was fighting and then the sparks start flying and were you were you just

running away were you zigzagging i don't even know what i do hide behind a tree you know what when you when when something like that happens you're moving so fast that it takes a while for you to even you know what i mean like your body takes it's that's not your body takes. That's not a planned. Yeah. Yeah. That's not a, hey, should I zig and zag or should I just make a. You're just gone. Yeah. You just get the fuck out the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Like, yo, they shooting at us. That's scary as shit, man. But, yeah, Spark hit the pole and me and Kaz took off. That's horrifying. Where did the sports go? How tall are you, first of all six four six four okay so i'm six four yeah i was not the wouldn't be hood athlete but i wasn't a potomac maryland athlete i wasn't the the small christian private school athlete uh how far did you go with

with basketball uh not far enough did you did go to, were you on a college team? Yeah, I played Minnesota, Colorado State, so I played D1, yeah. And were you good in college? I was, no, I was on the bench. I was good, but I was on the bench. I had a tragic college career, man. Head assistant is the guy who, you ever see, I explained it in a story I was telling at this storytelling show the other night. We've all seen these nature shows where a lion comes into a pride and kills all the cubs.

So it's like that in basketball. The head assistant is the one who recruits all the players. They're the one out scouting, whatever. They are the ones who have the relationships, whatever. Then the head coach comes in and closes the deal. But then the head assistant runs the show. So the head coach is coaching. The head assistant is like, hey, man, you should put so-and-so in.

He can get this done. He can get that done. So the head assistant is kind of the shot caller behind the scenes. That's why they go on to get these head coaching jobs. So the likelihood of the head assistant leaving, you want the head assistant that recruited you to stay there because he believes in you. Yeah.

And he looks good if you succeed. Yes. Yeah. But if a new head assistant comes in and you were recruited by this last head assistant, good luck. Cause then they have their new guys that they're bringing in and they want the new guys to look better than you.

They look good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The likelihood of a head assistant leaving a head coach is it's minuscule it's almost like getting hit by lightning these guys stay together for decades most of the time unless you're a head assistant at duke and then you go get a head job somewhere someplace crazy right those head assistants but most of these guys stay together

their whole career does most of the head assistant become the head coach? Is the head coach usually older? Your team would have to be unbelievably good for a long time for that head assistant to leave the head coach. And some head assistants don't ever want to be head coaches. This is their best friend. Oh, yeah. They're ride or die with this guy.

They're making great money. Do you know what I mean? Without all the pressure of, I might get fired if this doesn't go well. Yeah. So, but the likelihood of them breaking up, something close to nothing. It's almost the same as you getting hit by lightning. So, right after I get to Minnesota, new head assistant comes in. Fuck.

Never happens, but whatever. And you're a freshman. Freshman. Transferred back to Colorado State because the head assistant at Colorado State told me that'll never happen. Come back here. This way you can play. You know what I mean? You don't have to worry about that.

We know this never happens. So just as I'm about to start playing at Colorado State, the head assistant stands up, starts crying, looks right at me and said, I have to do the right thing by me and my family. My teammates start crying. Oh, my God. And I knew I was done. Because me and the head coach hated each other, which doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter. As long as the head assistant is there to buffer. You hate each other? Why do you hate you so much? I was arrogant as fuck. I was a nightmare. Is this the first practice? First practice, I take the ball behind my back, split two defenders,

and dunk the ball over my head. My teammates are going crazy, and the head coach was like, I don't give a fuck if you just came from the Lakers. Don't you ever do that again. So, of course, the next play, I come down, take the ball behind my back, split the defenders, bam, and he threw me out. Oh, my God. Threw me out.

Why didn't he? Wait, but what's wrong? Is that too showy? Like, you were doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it? Oh, yeah. And then the next.

But he was from Utah. Like, he hated that hood. He was, like, very white. Very, he was from the factory. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's strange to be like, I'm going to be a basketball coach, and I're straight to be like i'm gonna be a basketball coach and i'm gonna like be like very very conservative very white yeah yes go play

fucking baseball yes yeah and he loved the players that were from where he was you know our point guard was like from indiana like he loved that like folksy so that was his vision of hoosiers was his vision of a wonderful basketball the way you're describing it you know i think i've always thought about sports more than stand-up or art as a more of a meritocracy because i'm like well if you're good you're good and no one can deny you well you got to keep in mind that the coach that was when yannis first got to the bucks didn't like yannis he was down there at the end ofs, didn't like Giannis. He was down there at the end of the bench.

Wasn't a huge fan, you know what I mean? Yeah. So there was a guy that played for the Nuggets back in the day. His name came out. His name was Chris Jackson. He ended up changing his name to Mahmoud Raouf. He sat on the very end of the bench. Coaching change, he averaged 27 points a game. he sat on the very end of the bench coaching change he averaged 27 points a game so okay so you go back to colorado state yeah and then are you playing is that division one as well

yes but that's where the second coach stood up and was like started crying yeah and then my teammates started crying because they were like this guy is done they're crying for you yeah because they we all know how the gate the game works you. Yeah. Because we all know how the game works. You know what I mean? We all know that if, dude, you got a new, this guy promised, asked you to come back here because of something that never happens twice. And that happens here. You know what I mean? But so then, were you still on the team for a little?

Yeah. And they just never put you in the game? Yeah. You know what? At the end of my junior year, I think he played me because his job was in jeopardy. So I was like, you know what? We better put this dude in the game.

Jesus Christ. To win a couple extra games down the stretch. And you were doing well in those games? Yes. Yes. And that wasn't enough for them to go like, okay. No. And then I had the president and the athletic director

step in and say, hey, man, you know, do us a favor. If you don't make a scene with the press, you know, for the rest of your life, if you ever need anything, you know, you ever need a job, you ever need anything, we will just avoid this press disaster, which I did. And they kept their promise because at the end of my senior year. Press disaster of like you do what?

You'd say, hey, they fucked me over? I'm getting fucked. Because the press was starting to be like, you know, in the beginning of the season, it's just like any other sport. The press is sitting there. They're watching practice and they're like, this motherfucker's clearly better than everyone. Yeah. You know what I mean? Everyone else is like, even in the

press guide, everyone had like a normal name. They left, mine, everyone had like their name. Like they would say like Chris Brown brown you know what i mean or or jim jackson or whatever so in the press guide by instead of putting my name they put thunder and lightning it was like there's not much this guy cannot do but then the press is like why is this guy not playing you guys aren't good enough for somebody that can do that yeah what's going on and then you know that's when they stepped in and said

don't you know let's not do this because because then there's pressure to get rid of the codes contracts and they're like if you just you know if you'll handle this with class, we will, we'll be there for you until you die. And what did they do for you? I mean, on my way out, man, after I was done, like every other day, some Fortune 500 company called. It was like, hey, you were referred to us by da-da-da and the president and we've got a company car and we can give you 50 grand and we'll give you your own apartment. And he doesn't call us for this. So we're, we're going to push all the chips in the middle.

You can have whatever you want. You know, if you come here like every other day I was getting off, but I knew I was going to do comedy and one day be on this podcast. It was all leading to this. I'm like, God damn, you turned down a lot.

No, no, no. Call those guys back right now. Do you think I want all that bullshit when I knew I could be on this podcast one day? Are you guys out of your fucking minds? Shit. When you look back, I watch NBA, and I don't even watch the sports a lot,

but sometimes I'm like, ooh, to be a basketball player, that looks like the most fun thing in the world. Do you feel mad? Were you ever furious about the lot you were dealt? Absolutely. You know what? And I don't even know if it was mad i think that for years and years and years it was a a little rumble pity party yeah yeah yeah because it's a slow acceptance i imagine to being like oh that's not the reality in my future like that's not because to be so sure and have like a clear thing and to have the

ability yeah but then be like oh that's not what's gonna happen right be i feel like really hard to to it would be like a sinking in yes of that for years you know yeah i think it was a low rumble more pity party there was some rage in there but after a while it's like kind of like poor me that i went through for a long time how in your in your wildest fantasies how good do you think you could have been good enough to get to the nba but not much more than that yeah yeah because you know what that's not true that's not true yeah because i yo because i could have been the next lebron no definitely not no some of these guys just have unbelievable talent. But I probably could have hung around in the NBA to make some decent money.

I know guys that were definitely not as good as me that played in the NBA for some time. I know Shaq's into comedy. Have you worked with Shaq? No. He does that like comedy night or he did some comedy taping thing. Yeah, yeah. He had a tour of some sort. no he does that like comedy night or he did some comedy taping thing yeah yeah he was doing uh he had a tour of some sort it's so funny because now shaq's name keeps coming up with the app

yeah yeah somebody a buddy of mine mentioned that on the podcast and then i see shaq in my stories so i wouldn't be surprised if we're working together on another on another front here pretty soon i am so dreading groceries this week. Why? You can skip it. Oh, what? Just like that? Just like that. How about dinner with my third cousin? Skip it. Prince Fluffy's favorite treats?

Skippable. Midnight snacks? Skip. My neighbor's nightly saxophone practices? Uh, nope. You're on your own there. Could've skipped it. Should've skipped it. Skip to the good part and get groceries, meals, and more delivered right to your door on Skip. Think about something you're good at.

Now think about how you got there. Chances are you had someone to help you get started. If you're thinking about starting to invest, Questrade's award-winning support team is here to help you learn how to become a better investor from placing your first trade to setting up customized stock alerts we're always by your side just a few of the reasons why we are canada's number one rated online broker by money sense get started today at questrade.com uh uh well let's talk about the app blap blap uh uh what what's your log line for blap what's the quick it feels good because because it feels good yeah um it feels yeah people say that it feels good supporting black-owned businesses spending their money you know in a way that is that is uh um russell doesn't know what the what's like what is the app essentially i know the app is an app to find black-owned

businesses near you and then also online yes it's really not to avoid Russell when uh when did you create it um i created it during the lockdown you know you got to do something i think uh yeah sitting around unemployed. Had you had experience developing apps before? Never. Yeah. Well, you know, one thing I've been, because as I was thinking about your app, because it is to encourage, like, people who want to, you know, actively help their community. Or especially during Black Lives Matter, there was a lot of, like,'ll see in the Instagram posts, like try to go to black owned businesses. Yes.

And I was in Harlem where there was like pretty intense gentrification that I didn't know I was a part of until like later in my life. Yeah. And then I stayed. It was good rent. Yes.

But. Yes. How long did you stay after you realized you were a part of it? It made no difference in my timeline of being there. But, but, uh,

uh, I, I talk about it in the act now where I was doing one of the marches for black lives matter. And all of a sudden the chant change, I swear to God, this was true of when we were on my block, the chant changed to,

Hey, Hey, Ho, Ho. These gentrifiers have got to go. And I'm marching in it and I see my window and I'm like, God, I gentrifiers have got to go. And I'm marching in it, and I see my window, and I'm like, God damn. I never had a march turn against me while I was in it.

It was incredible. It was incredible. And I'm in the march. I have to do the chant with everyone else. You've got to rock the chant. I told you about when I was doing one of the marches. Oh, my God. It was this really funny thing where we're doing the march. It was like through time square. And, uh, we get to, it's like a long thing. And then we get to people are speaking. And so it's like this big crowd of people, people are speaking. And the first person gets up and she, this woman who I was led to believe believe is a family member or someone associated with everything going on at the time.

And she, someone starts speaking and she says, but we really should be talking about. And she's black, to be clear. She's black. What we really should be talking about is black on black crime. And then every white person in the crowd is like, uh, like, cause like, cause, and then, then there's like some, some fighting happening about who's going to speak next and what the messaging is going to be. And it was, it was just this really, this moment of every white person there being like, wait, what do we, what do we, do we stay?

And then there was like, you know, there's like, you're just like, how? There was so many learning moments. I remember we were chanting, you know, fuck these racist ass police. And we were in Harlem. And then we turned a corner and all the police officers in this corner were black. And I'm yelling at them, you racist motherfuckers. And I'm like, what's going on? Oh, no, what's the protocol here?

But was that part of the inspiration of starting this app or was it something you've just always been thinking in your head bro it was in the same time you guys it was i was out there marching yeah you know i was out there marching and uh and there's this angry white dude right and he keeps checking with me to make sure i'm rocking with him yeah quick. Quick, yeah. And then he, because there's no black people out there. Like, there's 2,000 white people. I'm the only black person there. I'm not joking. I'm the only black person in this little,

and this white guy's got a drum and everybody. So many white men with drums. Yes, the white dude's out there with the drum, like, no justice, no peace, don't attack the police. And he's got the drum and then this angry white dude, he was kind of like the rabble rouser he said, you know what we're not gonna, you know, cause

they had just arrested the three cops that helped to hold down George Floyd, so people go crazy, they just arrested the cops whatever, whatever, George Floyd everybody goes ballistic, so I was like oh my god, great. And all joking aside, I thought that was the end.

Yeah. I thought that was going to be the end of all protesting. Like, they got the guy. I thought everybody would go home. And just as they said that, you know, the guy with the drum, he says, hey, it's not over. As a matter of fact, there's another rally on 14th Street. Keep in mind, we're out on Eastern Parkway. There's another rally on 14th Street, Manhattan right now.

We're walking over the bridge. And everybody was like, yeah. And then he kind of turned and looked at me like, yeah. And I was like, get the fuck out of here. You're out of your white boy mind. Y'all are taking this dumb shit too far. First of all, it's 85 degrees out here. I'm not walking over no goddamn.

I don't even know them black people. Are you out of your mind? So I'm not joking. So I said, well, you know what? Let me think of something that I could do. You know, there's an old saying in the hood. If you knew better, you'd do better. And I knew that once the yelling and screaming stopped, we're going to be back in the same place.

Sure. There's just as many black guys getting shot as there was when you're dying, unarmed, as there were when. And I know that. I can't tell you how many times I've had guns put to me from the police in my life. Or stopped. It's incalculable yeah so i was like well what can you do and i've always believed that one of the biggest problems is financial you know you're you're not going to march your way out of you know being a 400 year financial headwind

you know you're not going to march your way out of that in the summer. So what could I do that would help fucking in terms of finances? So I hit my homegirl up and I was like, hey, I want to create an app. And she was my friend Margo. And she was like, it's going to be very difficult. So long story short, she fucking has dinner guests over. Later on that night, her husband's drunk. It was like, hey, you you're not gonna believe what my wife is working on and the guy sitting across the table said hey tell your friend i'll do it i'll do

it for free really so his wife is like you must be drunk too he's a google engineer uh-huh and he was like no it'll be my contribution his wife is black his kids are black he was like no it'll be my contribution to the movie tell him tell him i'll do it and i'll do it for free we're gonna try something different with google technology that's never been done before. So then I get to talk to him, and I was like, hey, man, the idea I had was what everyone else had done before, which was like going to the U.S. Black Chamber of Commerce and finding these businesses and then putting them on a map, which is kind of what we had seen, these lists. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was something like that. He said, nah, man, I want to do something different. I said something different i said well listen man i don't want to be gambling here how much is it going to cost me to do what i want to do and he said around 50 60 000 i said how much is your way he said i'll do it for free let's try your way yeah yeah you know what you know let's try your way yeah let's let's see how that yeah let's see how that goes. And then he sent me the prototype, man, and I sent it to some guys that I really trust, some of my business partners now, and they were like,

this is way better than anything we ever imagined. This guy figured it out. Yeah. You know, tell him fucking thank you, and, you know, then you got to make changes. You got to send it to a development company to make it look better, whatever. Were you starting in new york it was going to be like new york companies first that was i was going to start with a couple of cities but when he sent it to me

i called my um because you know you're catching up with people right so yeah oh when you're locked down you're calling people you haven't talked to in ages so my college girlfriend uh is in eugene oregon i had another friend at the time who was in cedar rapids iowa and then i called a friend of mine in houston i sent them what he sent me and all of them hit me back and said this is about 96 accurate of my neighborhood whatever this guy did it worked so if it's working in eugene cedar rapids houston denver these companies didn't opt in it's not the companies didn't reach out and say hey we're black put us in the the registry please it was the google was able to figure it out google was able to figure out based on yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah wow yeah yeah uh can companies opt in or is it well now i mean the app is so fucking sleek now we have an out of

business feature you know what i mean so now there's there's you know it's it's you can do what you need to do on there now and ultimately so the goal is just to like for people who want to support the black community yes to and then, you know, I was thinking about it where my girlfriend, Tova, used to be in an Orthodox community. She was Chabad. And her sister's still kosher. So I've been learning more about kosher.

And there's like the biblical side of kosher, like you should do this, you shouldn't do this. But it's also, like there is a symbol that's on certain candies or whatever. It's been approved by the kosher people. And at first, you know, the religious stuff, I don't buy it all.

I find it very obnoxious. community uh buying power capitalism power because the people who get this little thing and get the approval from the rabbi they're giving money to the organization the jewish it basically says look we can uh mobilize yeah this orthodox community and this is a this is a small community in the grand scheme of america but they say look we're able to we put this stamp on the fucking food those sales are going to go up so politicians this that the other you need to accommodate us a little bit more right and the sad part about it is there is no community that came to america that didn't do that yeah italians had to do that the chinese had to do that when they got here you know what i mean you had to

spend that money it had to circulate black people had to do that now they got here. You had to spend that money. It had to circulate. Black people had to do that. Now, once black people started doing it, that's when you had what's known as the Klan. People think the Ku Klux Klan was to bother black people who were struggling. No, the Klan was to burn down

uppity niggers. The black people who were doing good. Your law firm's doing good oh no you're not going to get ahead of us we'll burn it down tulsa those people who were doing great in tulsa they weren't these people were instructed that dollar was circulating too long they took it away uh gavin the the the mayor or the governor of uh californ California just gave those black people their beach back. They had bought it for $1,500. Now it's worth $20 million.

But all those years, they didn't take the beach away because it was doing bad. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. They didn't redline black people into neighborhoods all the way up until the 70s because they were doing bad. It was black people who had money to get out. Sure. They could move into the Trump building when they put c on the applications which meant colored and the justice

department kicked him kicked in the door on him and his father for not letting black people move into buildings that they could afford so the wealth over centuries and centuries that headwind you know what i mean yeah eventually leads to you know what what you hear on fox news but look at chicago well you fucking you kept these people in this fucking tiny little area some who could have afforded to get out yeah and then the kids that were living there would have been like well jim and them's family gotta have that well they bought a beach or they bought you know or they got this or they got that we weren't able to get this weren't able to get that and when we did burned it took it away yes yeah yes or came up with some legal reason why you couldn't do business so

yeah so like i said if you know better if you knew better you do better and i know but i know i was an econ major with an emphasis in poverty in college so i studied how marginalized groups become not marginalized and whether that be a little kosher sticker or the hookah places that the Chinese migrants, when they were building the railroads, would get together and smoke and spend money with each other. And that's where the Chinese restaurant and that's where Chinatown came from. And everybody had that. Our Tulsa got burned down. And there were thousands of Tulsas that got burned down.

People that got lynched, got hung, took their property, took their money. So we've been living that way here for centuries. So Blap was, I would be having these conversations with a lot of my white counterparts, and they, just like you, you're marching down the street, and they say, fucking, we got to get these judgeifiers out of here. And you're like hey man i understand that it's fucked up for you but what do you want me to do sure i'm just i was just a 19 year old college kid and my friend was like we found this three bedroom place yeah that's

affordable yes what do you want me to do about that yeah and i was so the conversation i was having with my white friends after i got the prototype they were like a lot of my friends were like oh shit dude finally here's something I can do. I don't have to sit around and feel bad. I can go on Blab and order lunch. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Next time I'm going to order some flowers or some cupcakes or some wine, you know what? I can do that. I'm going to order this book. Might as well order it on Blab. At least I can do something. We can't march every day. You're going to order lunch sometime this week. You can say, you know what?

My boy put this app together. You know what, ma'am? I'll just get the love of God. And you could have told me, hey, you need to move out. I'd be like, bro, I'm not moving out. Right. But if you said to me like, all right, here you go.

Get your lunch from here. Yes. I'd be like, oh, okay. I can do that. I can do that. Sometimes you got to give people, you know, the little thing that could help. Yes.

Yeah. Yes. Because a lot of my white friends are like, yeah, what do you want me to do about it? If I were you, I wouldn't move either. But if somebody said, hey, man, what could you, I wouldn't. Fuck, get the fuck out of here. Yeah, of course. I wouldn't even march over a bridge.

So, come on with that bullshit. I bought a drum for that, you know. Yeah. But I mean, you know what I mean? If somebody said, hey, John, man, there's this, you know, you could order, you could order lunch or you could, you know what, if you're going to order, John, man, you could order lunch. Or you could, you know what, if you're going to order a bottle of wine, look up one of these black-owned liquor stores on here.

You're going to buy wine for somebody's birthday party. Get it on black. Or flowers. You're going to order flowers for Mother's Day. We don't give a fuck where we order the flowers from. Or for somebody, okay, you know what, I could do that on black. There's something you can do, you know what I mean, without us yelling and screaming at one another um and or shrugging our shoulders like

what do you want me to do and how it the app's going well you feel good oh we crossed 40 000 downloads yesterday incredible cross 40 000 but you did open saying coders are thieves is that what you said oh yes i told you russell thank you i forgot so so first how big is the company now uh i mean there's probably six or seven of us working on it yeah yeah six or seven of us working on it i'm gonna expand here pretty soon i'm always looking for investors and i think i i found some good people to come in uh in the fall so that i'll start hiring some coders who aren't thieves so what happened oh my god yo these motherfuckers you're paying them man some exorbitant amounts of money man it it cost me a couple g's a week sure yeah for some new changes that i've made because blap 2.0 will probably be out this time, by

this time next week. So you'll be- And that just means it'll be in the app store, it'll be an upgrade or- It'll be an upgrade. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because as it stands right now, you can go on there and look for businesses. This time next week, everyone will be able to put their own profile on there.

Businesses you recommend. So instead of you randomly going on Blab. Oh, okay. Got you. You can follow. Oh, my friend as well. Yeah. Let me see what my friend likes in Harlem. Yeah. I was on my way. I did the cellar in Vegas a month ago. I'm out in Vegas. But

instead of me just going to some random place on Blab in Vegas, I would have looked up my friend who's a comedian out there. His name is Chris Clark. Nicky Carr. I would have went on their pages, saw what they recommended, and I'd have ate there. Yeah. You know what I mean? Sure, sure.

So that's what I'd have done. So that'll be on there next week. But, yeah, man, these fucking people, man. And you're so close to being finished with whatever, and then they just drag their feet. And you're paying them by the hour, like $100-something bucks an hour. And what are you going to do? You're going to fire them? It's like when you drop a car off, you're like, well, we got to fix

this. It's going to cost $500. That's going to take a couple weeks. And you're like, I don't know if you're lying to me. It's almost like fucking when we're at work and there's a goddamn unruly table that you want to throw the fuck out, but it's like there's only seven minutes left in the show.

You just got to let them sit there, and you got to take it. That's what these fucking people are like. I'm almost done with all the shit they need to do, and they're like, oh, well, I'm having a little problem. Having a little problem. Two weeks, bro.

Two weeks at fucking four grand a week. Ouch. You son of a bitch. Now, do you think, do you know the percentage of your downloadees, downloaders who are black versus not black? Like, do you think it's like white people trying to, like, do good, be allies, or do you think it's more black people, like, trying to support the black community?

I think the breakdown would probably be 60% black, 40% young white women. Yeah. Wow. There's young white women. Yeah. Wow. There's no white guys. Really? None. I'll download it eventually. I'm sorry, man. I, uh... There are... The percentage of white guys on there is almost

zero. What do you think that is psychologically? I think that white guys have had it so good that they don't get it. You know what I mean? Sure. And, you know, even like the negative comments on the App Store, it's going to be, it's some white guy.

Hey, I don't see what the point of this is. This is racist. What if there was an app that was mostly white-owned businesses? Like, you mean like Yelp? What are you talking about? You know what I mean? Like, come on, bro. So, yeah, I think that, you know you you've never seen like

that march that we all participate you've never seen white guys march for anything yeah yeah you know i mean every time there's a march we're out there marching so we can get the same thing white guys got that's what every march is hey can we have what the white guys well if it's a large majority of white guys marching it's gonna be it's gonna be an insurrection or it's gonna be something bad you know good point good point yeah they will be played they found like they're all they're just all white guys at the end of the day your march the the charlottesville march it's like oh they look the same yeah and the charlottesville march is basically you're not gonna let them get what we have are you yeah yeah yeah yeah right yeah that's what white guy marches are white guy marches you're not gonna let these motherfuckers at least they said jews

will not replace us so i was like good not my people like they made me on the outside great i also there's something about marches in new york after roe v. Wade got overturned where sometimes it's like New York especially when it comes to abortion rights I'm like everyone in New York agrees there's something about like is this a march or is this a parade like if you take this march to Long Island or Staten Island or Oklahoma then it becomes a march but right now

it's just a hang it is a good hang it is just we all agree it's a pretty good hang like everyone on the side of the street is like, yeah, we agree. We agree. I just need to cross the street though, please. Yeah. Do you think the marches were useful in certain ways?

I mean, I think that a march is good to highlight a problem, but it's not going to create lasting change. It's one of these things. I'm like sometimes i think the only time the marches matters when it like really causes a ruckus yeah like really does where buildings burn down and hopefully no one's hurt yeah but like whenever the politicians are like please keep it orderly i'm like you mean keep it in a way that it won't affect anything is what you're saying i've always thought to to the sad part about the the buildings burning is to me that also is i know this is going to sound crazy coming from

a black guy right but i think that that too is it's just not productive just like when when people were trying to convince us all cops are bad or defund the police. The black guys that I know who come in contact with the police the most thought that was the dumbest thing on earth. None of us think all cops are bad. And we are the ones who are terrorized from the time we're 14 by the cops. Sure. There's tons of good cops out there. What needs to happen, though, is in the event that you fucking shoot some unarmed guy most of these guys it's not their first rodeo including the guy who killed george floyd he killed someone else yeah yeah the

accountability is all we're asking for yeah that's all what about chicago well motherfucker if i shoot some nigga in chicago i'm going to jail that doesn't have a gun on him that's all we're asking for send the cop to jail like i would have to go to jail sure yeah That's all we're asking for. Send the cop to jail like I would have to go to jail. That's all we're asking. You don't need to defund the police and all of that insane shit. I think marches are good for highlighting problems. You don't need to send buildings up in flames. I wish while they were marching they would knock on doors and register voters.

Yeah. A lot of those doors they're walking past in these neighborhoods are people who are apathetic to voting, including young white women because they're not affected by it. Sign people up to fucking vote. You could if you there was a March. That guy really did marks the 14th Street. Yeah.

But can you imagine what they could have done while they were knocking on doors from from Eastern Parkway during those hours? Eastern Parkway during those hours. Now you get a different situation in Texas, in Georgia, where they needed to flip, which they were able to do. But in a Texas that a lot of people don't know is right there on the border, but the people down there don't vote because they see it as a red state. I guess there's probably... Then it could do some good instead of burning buildings. You know that guy with the drum does not have black on his phone right now.

You're looking for him every day. He would though. He would, he would, he would, he would definitely download black. Did you get that drum from a black owned business? Did you just go to Sam Ash?

Yeah, I guess, I guess there's just a thing of, it's just like, you don't see the accountability and it's like these police, these police unions seem to have so much power that I understand why someone goes, yeah, I'm going to burn down the fucking. I guess it makes sense. Sometimes I think the world is so stacked against any kind of change that I'm like, you're begging for people to burn down the building.

I don't know what to tell you. You're not changing at all. I'm not saying I don't understand it, but what I'm saying is that's the definition of insanity. You've done that. Yeah. We did that in the 60s. You did that after fucking, what's his name?

Can't we all just get along? The guy beat up by the cops in L.A. that caused the L.A. riots. Rodney King. The Rodney King riots. We did it when George Floyd got choked. You've burned buildings. just get along that got beat up by the cops in la that caused the la riots rodney the rodney king riots yeah we did it when george floyd got choked you've burned buildings how'd that work out for you sure we're gonna keep doing the same thing expecting different that's literally the definition of insanity yeah why don't we try something that is a little more sustainable next time

yeah you know what i mean that's all i'm saying let's give that a shot let's try let's try knocking on some doors we know everyone knows with the data where the people are that don't vote you know where those neighborhoods why don't we you know spend four hours a day for a summer knocking on those doors instead of burning down some buildings i bet you you get some sustainable results from that. Yeah. I wonder if white people just think like the, the idea of like defund the police or abolish the police, which is a big one.

Abolish the police. Which in a way it is similar to that, you know, the stereotype of like, I'm going to speak to the manager. It's like, we're getting rid of this. This is not working. We're getting rid of all of it.

And like anyone who's dealt with like real life is like, well, that's, that's not going to happen. And then when you say that. Unless you're ready for civil war. Unless you're ready for a war. That's not happening.

But I do think some people are ready for civil war. I know, it makes me nervous. Well, there's political assassinations happening across the world. All right, America collapses. Where are you going? Number one. What country? Yeah.

Probably just Canada. I feel like I'd fit in there. Sure. Too cold. Bermuda. Bermuda. Oh, like I'd fit in there. Sure. Too cold. Bermuda. Bermuda. Oh, that's better. What is Bermuda for 200, Chuck?

I'm going somewhere comedy. You know, South Korea, they seem to have a good comedy. Are you serious? I think I could become the king of the stand-up scene in South Korea. They got a good mic scene in South Korea. They do? I saw their first Netflix special. It's called Saturday Night Live South Korea. They got a good mic scene in South Korea. They do? I saw their first Netflix special

was with their, it's called Saturday Night Live South Korea. They didn't change it or anything. And I saw his stand-up special and I was like, okay, I could compete.

I love Bermuda, man. It's only two hours off the coast. I've never been. My girlfriend and I are looking for a place to go for December. You can get there faster

than you can get to Miami. Oh, shit. Yeah, it's off the coast of the Carolinas. But it's off the coast of the Carolinas. But it's in the water. It's gorgeous. The people are educated. The exchange rate's dollar for dollar.

They're all educated. No crime there. Bermuda. I'm going to tell my girlfriend that's a good vacation. Where'd you go for your honeymoon? I forgot. Bora Bora. Bora Bora.

It's all the same debate. I have no idea where any of these places are. No idea. Let's go on to our next segment. This has got to stop. This has got to stop. Other than coders stealing from you. Now let me ask you, are you using black coders?

Yeah, well, you know what? I have two black coders. One of them is Indian. One white guy, he's the guy. He's fucking, yeah, he's the thief. He's dragging the thief. Yeah, this guy at all. This guy gives zero fucks about black.

I don't even know what country he's in, to be honest with you. Really? Yeah. I don't even, you know what? What, you find him on Fiverr? No. You know what? My lead developer, she's in London, and she's the best thing since sliced bread.

Young black woman, but she is the most talented fucking coder I've ever come in contact with. She was like, I know a guy. And yeah, she brings him on. And at first he was doing good, and he was like, hey, man, how long are we going to be doing this? And when I gave him, yeah. That's how he started?

Yeah. Hey, man. Yeah, and then when I fucked up and told him told him the end date yeah he was like he was like 90 done he's like oh yeah i'll stretch it out till then you know and that's what's been going on like so this is what i needed done by but he probably would have been done a few weeks ago he would have totally been done yeah if i would have said that yeah um so other than coder anything that's gotta stop instagram man pinching these numbers how so instagram is showing our content now to like one percent of our followers fucking annoying dude um and when you first got on that you know tiktok has got still got tons of reach. Sure, sure. Instagram, man, is like sending it to somebody I could have texted to.

Like, what the fuck, yo? I could have did a group chat for this bullshit. Like, the fuck is going on, Instagram? They're just creating little group chats. I got so many of my friends who are like, dude, I haven't seen your content in years. I forgot you were alive. Like, you know what shit we put out there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. For them to squeeze it.

I think what's always tough for me is, like, I see some comedians who are like, I'm shadow banned. And some of them I'm like, no, you're, are you shadow banned on stage too? Because you're not getting laughs there. You're not getting likes on Instagram. What's going on? And it's more just the fact that the algorithm is, because some people do get shadow banned or whatever happens,

but it's all invisible. It's all behind, you know, we don't know how these things are working. They're like, we don't even know how it works. And so it's very hard to tell because I have ups and downs. You know, I was kicked off TikTok. I got back on.

All my views were less. And then it was like, well, is it because these jokes aren't as good as the original jokes i was putting out who knows none of us know none of us know none of us know and that's what's tough yeah you had such i remember i saw you at uh i think it was at gotham and you were closing at the time you were closing the show and you did a kind of speech to get the audience to follow you on instagram best speech ever man i i saw it i was like fucking i'll start doing this brilliant what did you say you said you you what you met with a streamer and they were like john you're amazing you know what it was a casting director that told me that uh-huh yeah so tell she said she said so first john like kills kills. He's killing this stuff. Yeah. And I go in.

The audition went unbelievably well. And she was like, dude. And it's a true story. I was out in L.A. And she said, I want to give you the role. But she said, I'm going to be honest with you. You don't have enough Instagram followers. The producers want someone who has more Instagram followers than you.

And she said, I know it sounds crazy. But she said, I really, you know, my hands are kind of tied. And, yeah, and I would tell the crowd that. And they would be like, oh. But that was a true story. Yeah. And then after he said that. Everyone.

Everyone would follow him. Yeah. Oh, that's good. It was one of those moments where I was like, oh, I'm going to steal that. Oh, yeah. You know what? We can't do that where we work now. I would easily have 100,000 followers if I was still out doing yeah. You know what? We can't do that where we work now.

I would easily have 100,000 followers if I was still out doing regular, you know what I mean, in regular. I wouldn't trade that to work at the Comedy Cellar, but I would easily have over 100,000 followers. I always thought because I was. My growth stopped the day I walked into the cellar. Sure. Yeah. Well, pre-COVID, LOL, where I was still doing all these spots,

would have a lot of traffic. Some of these Saturday, Friday night, a lot of hundreds of people going in and out. And there's just always a part of me where I'm like, I wish there was a way. Let's say you got the tickets on your phone. It's automatically sent to you like, hey, here's the links to their Instagrams.

Do you want to follow? It's just like making it as easy as possible. And I'm surprised sometimes people from the cellar, they find my name after they've seen me on a show and find me they really have to have gone looking for you though yeah exactly i mean i'd love if it was like i i would some people do like a piece of paper on the i'm experimenting with all these things but i wish like their email link sent it follow up email that's like here's the way to follow the comedians click this and it's done you know what's crazy is now that i'm a tech baron yeah i just declared myself a baron um it's easy to do yeah and the reason i know is because stuff that i thought you know was

that that would take forever or you know there's no way that this could be done i bring it up my lead developer a day or two later she's like okay that this could be done i bring it up my lead developer a day or two later she's like okay we get that how long is that going to take wednesday like it's this stuff man now is so simple and especially um something that is is has a location so meaning that they've checked in he's scanning their qr code every one of them that checks into the cellar yeah yeah that's how they check in with ipad meaning that when that show is over it could it would be okay to it could easily send that out yeah where they could just follow yeah we good i know but the comedy clubs i understand why they're the comedy clubs are

incentivized for people to love the club, not necessarily individual comedians. But I think that it would do them good. Yeah, sure. As our followings grew. Yeah. It would, yeah, because then maybe,

let's say that my following hadn't stopped and now I've got 100,000 followers, even working at the cellar. Yeah. 100,000, 150,000 followers. A lot of those people are going to be coming down to the cellar all the time to try to see me. So imagine if all of our followings grew. It would only benefit them.

I agree. That's a conversation to have with them. But it's very doable. I'm shocked at some of the stuff that we've been able to do. And like I said, my developer, she's like, oh, yeah. But they. That'd be nice. Yeah. They can get it popping. Well, she's like, Oh yeah, but they, that'd be nice. Yeah.

They could, they can get it popping. Um, well let's go on to our final segment. You're blessing. You got a blessing. I do, but you go first.

Cause I had one I thought of, and now I can't think of it on the spot, but go, but go first. And then I'll, I'll do do this it really throws me off i know well when you always ask me first i i yeah that's that's the tradition and i was trying to listen before and then i was all of a sudden had the moment right before you hit the button where i was like fuck i had i had a real one today and now i can't remember i have a blessing this is easy for me last night i went to uh jay jordan got married to his partner garrett and uh i they had been together for 10 years low-key wedding um zach zimmerman was the only other comic there it was it was small uh john borromeo was there and i got

so drunk and it was so beautiful and their vows were sweet and of course jay went second he told he told garrison he's like trust me you don't want to follow my vows. And Jay opened strong. He had a callback to the other vows. And it was just like, you know, it was that perfect blend of he was clearly a performer. He was clearly a comedian, and he wrote these vows with a comedian's mind. But he also, like, wrote something so sincere. And it made me

cry oh wow and uh it was a beautiful wedding so to jay two-time guest on the podcast good friend of mine congratulations you're not listening jay jordan's cool as shit yeah yeah um i didn't remember what i had and it's bummed me out because i thought of a like a very specific one on the train here and now i don't remember any other blessing but i had uh i had a real i was amazing weekend where i didn't talk to anyone nicole was gone and i didn't other than talking to her once a day to be like hi hi on the phone i didn't talk i was a, I didn't say a word. And it was really nice. I think I lived so long alone that I feel like I crave downtime. And it really rejuvenates me and gives me a lot of energy sometimes.

And I just don't always get it from stuff. And I felt really like I got a lot of energy from just not talking and not being on my phone. Hopefully your wife leaves you alone a little more often. No, no, no. And I hope she doesn't listen to this episode. No, no. And I hope she never hears this episode. I feel like nothing to do with her.

Every time Nicole's out of town, you're like, I was the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. No, no, no, no, no. the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. No. No. No, no, no. No, it doesn't have anything to do with her. It feels like this thing where it just feels rare to, you know, just not have plans, too. I had no plans. I didn't go anywhere. When you're alone, do you get naked?

Are you a naked guy? No, not fully, no. Jess underwear? There's a lot of windows in that apartment sure i used to be really nude now i i have like basketball shorts on yeah yeah yeah bro i just met you and you sounded ecstatic i mean i could feel the joy coming off of you oh it was, I think it's mainly the thing of like, you know, you just always have plans or shows or things. And to not have anything for three days and to just like be like.

Do the pets keep you from feeling too lonely? Do the pets like. No, if anything, I could even do less of them. Like they sleep a lot, you know, like so like. And I took some really nice walks in the woods with the dog, you know, just like real like solace. Dude, I am such an introvert. When we got locked down, you know, people were hitting us up to do podcast. So I would get inbox just full.

Hey, man, I'm a fan, man. I, you know, I've been following you, John, but I started a podcast because everyone started a podcast during lockdown. following you john but i started a podcast because everyone started a podcast right during lockdown so all these people are hitting you and you're a total douche if you say you can't do it because you know you're not doing anything right you can't lie and say oh man i gotta no you don't yeah no you don't but the first question people would ask is man you're one of the workingest guys in New York City. This lockdown must be killing you. And I was like, no. I am totally fine to sit silent. And I don't have any roommates. I don't have any pets.

So I know what you mean, man. It is fucking heaven. I would never say that on a podcast. I would never say that out loud if I had a girl. Never. And if I was married. Well, no, it's just like you're always, you know, it's this thing of like, I am, I am, I think I'm realizing I am much more introverted than I ever, I lived, you know, alone for

a long time and I didn't think of myself as an introvert. So I do think I am much more introverted than I ever realized until, you know. I was watching a George Carlin documentary and it said that he was an introvert. He liked to be around people but not interact with them. And I understood that. Yeah. I like if people are around but I don't need to do anything for them. Yeah.

I don't want to live in, like, Alaska. Like, I like living in New York and feeling like there's a lot of people and a lot of potential of interaction. Dude. But I, you know. I could totally live in Alaska. See, I started watching that show Alone this week. This weekend? It's called Alone.

That's how you were alone and you're watching a show called Alone? They get thrown into the woods and they, you know, they just live there. And they film it. There's no film crew. They film everything themselves. And I did not. I don't. They looked very awful.

Like it looked like once you establish that you can get food and shelter, it's just boring. I mean, it's like a really boring show. Like, you know, I mean, and they're just kind of sad all the time because they have no one to talk to or anything. But anyways, I saw I didn't want that. But do people ask me all the time. John, man, if you get all the time, John, man, if you get like really, really rich, man,

like tech rich, what are you going to do? Dude, I would buy myself a mega mansion. I'm not a jewelry guy or a jack money off guy. Huge mansion. I'd never leave. No, that does sound good.

Yes. Bowling alley, basketball court, movie theater. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm such an introvert. Yes, bowling alley, basketball court, movie theater, and scene. Yeah, I'm such an introvert. And people think because we're around,

because we perform in front of a lot of people, that we're those type of people that they see on stage. Not at all. Sure. Not at all. Yeah, I was thrilled listening to you not talk for days. Fuckin' heaven, dude. Died and gone to heaven.

And do you have a blessing to see us out? I've got 40,000 blessings, bro. I woke up to 40,000 blessings, man. I mean, you know, for a guy who people were like, dude, you're not going to be able to run a tech company. Oh, man, white people aren't going to download this. Black people aren't going to download. Yeah, 40,000. That's a hell of a blessing, man. And I mean, I do fucking stand up for it. Like, really? aren't going to download this black people are going to download yeah 40 000 that's uh yeah that's

uh that's a hell of a blessing man and i mean i do fucking stand up for it like really yeah really yeah yeah this is uh this is a pretty good life your your side hustle's uh gonna be worth maybe hundreds of millions of dollars here shortly uh yeah this isn't this isn't a bad go. For sure. Yeah. So where can people find Blap? You can go on the App Store or the Play Store and download Blap. Great, great. And anything else? This is coming out August 2nd. Anything else you want to plug?

No, man. Come check me at the Comedy Cellar. I still have a movie on Amazon Prime called One Bedroom. You guys can always check that out. That's always good. But yeah, download Bl please and your instagram my instagram my uh blap the app for um the app is blap the app and me um i am at he was funny and uh russell anything you want to plug uh instagram at russell j daniels and And when is this? August 2nd. Our show.

Our live show, August 14th at Sesh Comedy Club. It is at 6 p.m. And then Uncle Function at Dynasty Typewriter, September 20th in L.A. Great. And for me, a lot of stuff coming up. Headlining Stress Factory in New Brunswick tomorrow, August 3rd. Hartford, Connecticut, August 5th and 6th. And then Chicago, August 19th, 20th. And then Tampa, Florida, August 25th through 27th

at SideSplitters Comedy Club. And thank you for listening. Tell your friends about this podcast. We are growing. We probably have more video views than listeners, which is strange. So tell your friends. Tell your friends. But we're blowing up. We're going to get it. I'd rather them listen than listeners, which is strange. So tell your friends. Tell your friends.

But we're blowing up. We're going to get it. I'd rather them listen than watch, if I'm being honest. Because I don't always think about that camera. Yeah, we know. It's not a great angle of me sometimes. I have a terrible posture. We'll get lighting someday.

And just remember, support black-owned businesses. Get black. And listen to white-hosted podcasts. This is The Downside. One, two, three. Downside. own businesses get blap and listen to white hosted podcasts this is the downside