The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #98 Straight to DVD with Josh Flitter

Episode Date: August 23, 2022

Josh Flitter (Ace Ventura Jr.) shares the downsides of starring in Ace Ventura Jr. when he was 13, being told it was going to be a major movie release only to have it go straight to DVD, the most horrifying animatronic panda of all time, what Jim Carrey told him when he found out about the film, and getting dragged online for ruining the Ace Ventura legacy. Gianmarco also reads out his girlfriend's astoundingly good surprise birthday present comedy set.  You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Josh Flitter on Instagram and Twitter Catch Josh at The FRIDAY NIGHT ELECTRIC Improv Jam at The PIT in NYC. Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's monthly show in NYC (first Sunday of every month) Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Spencer Sileo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to The Downside. I'm in a very good mood, which is not fitting for this show, but I'm here with my co-host, Russell Daniels. How are you doing? Hi, John Marco. I'm good. We had a great night. We saw each other less than 12 hours ago. Yes, yeah. Well, not less than, but yeah. You're right. If you had been on time, it would have been less than 12 hours. on time. It would have been less than 12 hours. Yesterday we had our second ever live podcast recording.

It was packed compared to our first one. People were there for the YouTube shorts, which I thought was amazing because they were like, we saw 30 seconds of you. It's crazy that their response to 30 seconds wasn't like, let me just check out the audio in my own home of a full episode.

They were like, I'm going to go see it live. Yeah. Like, they're not one or two people. Like, 10, 15, like, you know. If you don't mind me asking, I'm just going to chime in, because how many people showed up to this live? We had, like, I would say 60 people there. Wow.

60 in a small space. Yeah. And, yeah, we didn't know how, you know, it's new for you, talking, not wearing clown we didn't know how to be, you know, it's, it's, it's new for you talking, not wearing clown makeup in a sketch. Uh, but you, you were fantastic. We had Lucas Connelly, who's a comic and we talked about his path to going to rehab and it was, it was so crazy.

We have to have him for a second part just to hear about rehab. And hopefully the audio comes out. We're praying the audio. Did you not record it? We recorded it. I did a backup on my phone which definitely does not sound good no no no no uh i can't wait to listen to an hour and a half of phone well the other thing too is that there was a lot of kind of back and forth with some audience

members who did not have microphones so fantastic moment with it with we've never had to deal with hecklers in a podcast yes lucas was saying that he had been sober since like he was 18 he's 36 now and and an audience member shouted cap which i don't know if you know cap yeah it means you do that not true not true i had always heard no cap except it's gonna sound like cap yeah yes yeah and i tried to repeat it on stage to a certain degree i tried to be like what you said you said he's lying sir you said the guy who just said he's sober is lying. Great. Yeah, that guy also, when I came out from outside, that guy was there. It was a kind of a group of people. And if you're listening, keep listening.

But they were. Keep listening, but don't come to the live show. They were like intimidating kind of folks. They were like, bro, marijuana is your limit, dude. You got to hang out with us. And I was like, I was like transported back to another time of peer pressure. I was like, what are you guys doing? Isn't that a weird thing that people do,

just like drugs, that they'll heckle? Isn't that a weird thing that people do is go to a new show and be like, I'm gonna be a part of this. Initially, we were calling out, we were asking for feedback on a couple things, so it kind of opened the floodgates to them.

It's always the danger, you know, but I think the weird part, there's people out there who think that's what comedy is. And I, based on media, like if you look at movies, yeah,

it's understandable that people think half of live shows are heckling. Yeah. Right. But what's weird is the people who heckle the worst are always after the show is like such a good show, dude. So good. And you want to be like, dude,

I hated. Yeah yeah they weren't that bad they were fine they were fine they were great but the one thing i want to kind of read on the podcast because i know people will be excited so my girlfriend a very good uh a manager uh comedy manager and uh she started in stand-up like briefly and then produced quickly was a touring agent than a manager she surprised me for my birthday as her birthday gift. She did five minutes of stand-up. Oh, that's sweet. And it was wild the way it happened because I threw on one of her clients,

and Caleb Huron, who's done the podcast before. You probably know Caleb from Twitter. Oh, what's his last name? Huron. So funny. So funny. Yes, yes. So funny.

So he needed to do a little bit of time. I threw him on the show and I had made a joke at his expense. He saw me at Stand Up New York and he asked me and this is like an LA comedian

versus New York thing. He said, where's the green room here? And it was the first time an LA comedian has ever made me laugh because it was, it was just such a,

because I'd just been to LA and every place there does have a green room, compared to New York, where there is no green room. Oh, there's a hole back there that you can stand in, that just fits you. Speaking of the pit, they once gave me a gift card, because the chair that I sat on there had a nail that poked through it and scratched my leg.

Oh, they gave you a gift card? They gave me a gift card, and then they immediately switched to a different system, so it didn't work, and it was very fitting. But my girlfriend she so basically he went on and at the end of his he started going all right uh that's my set next up i'm so excited to bring to the stage and i was like first thought i had was what the fuck is he doing he's bringing me back i opened the show so it's weird for him to reintroduce me and then i

thought oh he's about to make a joke because i made a joke at his expense sure and then he said uh i love her so much tova silverman and and my girlfriend came up and i was dying from the side and then like it would have been enough if she had done like a minute or like two minutes but it was like it was a full set full set and we were going through because i'm so interested in the process of it we went through like the emails she sent to you and other people and how she built this so everyone knew well yeah so she sent like probably like a month and a half two the emails she sent to you and other people and how she built this set. So everyone knew. Well, yeah. So she sent probably like a month and a half, two months ago, she sent a text saying she was going to do this. But very like, you know, she's freaked out by it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Going to be a full crowd of people, blah, blah, blah. But then, yeah, probably like a week and a half before she sent what it was, the material for any feedback, like notes, that kind of thing. We all knew, all your friends knew that was going to happen. But I was very excited for it. She killed it. I mean, she really killed it.

It was just so, it was so over him. I mean, she did, it was just fun to like, because also, you had talked a lot of shit. Well, that's what she said. She was so thankful that you had talked a lot of shit well that's what she said she was so thankful you had talked a lot of shit i first of all she hit it for me so well the only thing that the only hint that i had my mic was one of my mics was like on the nightstand and tova's been tova's moving in and uh uh she i was like what's this mic doing here and like that's looking back i'm like oh

she was running it with like a friend over Zoom, like holding a mic. Oh, that's funny. Yeah. But I would have never suspected this in a million years. Yeah. So I just, I'll read it. It's not that long without all the laughs, but I just wanted to, if you don't mind. Oh, no.

It would be crazy if you did. I came out here and I'm like, you know what? I don't want. I don't. Yeah. So, so, so yes. Luckily in my opening, I did talk about her, which set her up as like a character. And I said some shitty things.

No, and it was good. It was actually perfect because I didn't know you were going to talk that much about her. And I was like, because her whole thing is about you. So I was like, this is perfect. So I'll probably post some clips from it. I got to get Tova's approval. Yeah. But so she came up.

Again, I'm shocked. Now, just to clarify, I'm Joe Marco's girlfriend and not an actual comedian, unless you count writing half of Joe Marco's punchlines, so please bear with me. It's his birthday this week, and if you listen to his podcast, you know Joe Marco has been begging me to write five minutes of stand-up so I can open for him on the road. So I thought tonight, as a birthday present, I'd prove why that's a terrible idea. And Joe Marco, I hope you can spare five minutes of stage time.

You can figure out your new pedophile joke a different night all right she's helped me she helped me with a pedophile joke too scared to post online it's that it's so my boyfriend is a comedian and he tells me i'm his muse as though that's supposed to make me feel special let me tell you being a stand-up comedian's muse is not sexy leonardo da vinci was inspired to paint the mona lisa shakespeare wrote romeo and juliet my boyfriend is inspired to do a Mona Lisa. Shakespeare wrote Romeo and Juliet. My boyfriend is inspired to do a three minute act out about coming on my back, which is just wrong. It takes him 30 seconds.

Max. Basically I am to my boyfriend. What hot pockets are to Jim Gaffigan, except hot pockets get eaten on a regular basis and told their midsection is super hot. Oh, that was my favorite. That was my favorite. And I told her, I said, like, I was like, my favorite. Brutal. That was my favorite one. Brutal.

And I told her, I said like, I was like, It made me laugh so hard when I read that first time. I told her, I was just like, you know, the regular set, a good set could have ended with Hot Pockets are to Jim Gaffigan.

And then she added a double just tag that was brilliant. Yeah. I try to be respectful of our relationship even though he spends every night telling you guys what's wrong with me. only complain to one person my best friend taylor nothing that bad she just knows every flaw of his every time we fought and every time he's fucked up does taylor immediately tell her other best friend jenny absolutely but that's it and he

still gets upset it says him complaining to an audience about my cilantro allergy is different from telling taylor that he's never made me cum and that he accidentally called me his sister's name in bed once. Oh no! And Tova knows, I love incest jokes. I love fucked up family jokes. So it's just like Taylor,

it's just amazing. Feels unfair if you ask me. The only good thing about dating someone who talks about me publicly is if that pisses me off, I can sue him for defamation uh i come from a litigious people i'm jewish my boyfriend is actually only half jewish on his mom's side but in the words of both my mom and hitler still counts we got him i think my boyfriend is super hot but i have super jewy taste so i'm not actually sure like my celebrity crushes are s Barrett Cohen, Jesse Eisenberg, and Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson,

which is an amazing line. And that's, yeah, that's like the head of the Chabad. It's a real thing. I have been raised and conditioned to be attracted to the genetic and physical representation of thousands of years

of generational trauma, survival, and heroic Jewish resilience that culminates in men who look like my dad. My type is my dad, and Jamarco's type is any woman not hot enough for his dad. Brutal. What I'm saying is we're perfect for each other.

My boyfriend doesn't like to talk about it, but he's a comedian with divorced parents, which, if you know me, is... That was Chris. Chris threw that one in. So like his mom i also never get to see him on the weekends and then russell she didn't see your email in time but you added a tag which is so good like his mom i also never get to see him on the weekends and like his dad i pay for everything which is a brilliant line uh dating someone with divorced

parents sucks because they don't believe in love or romance or a shared bank account. And I get it. Why would you believe in happily ever after if your dad found it four times after cheating on your mom? When I was growing up, I wanted to find my Prince Charming. And I'm starting to understand why fairy tale characters always had dead parents. Their parent died and now they'll do anything to hold on to love. But life's not a fairy tale. Otherwise, my hair would be shinier. And tragically, both my boyfriend's parents are alive.

but life's not a fairy tale. Otherwise, my hair would be shinier, and tragically, both my boyfriend's parents are alive. The only thing my boyfriend has in common with Prince Charming is an evil stepmom who came home early, and my dad's on a business trip, and she's stuck in the washing machine, at least according to this one movie I found on his computer. I've been talking a lot of shit,

but one of the things I love about my boyfriend is that he's not into sports. He's a soft, artsy boy. A lot of people actually think he's gay because he's effeminate into musical theater and not attracted to me the trade-off the trade-off is that he's also not that handy around the house he can't hang up art or fix my sink if he wants to hit me he has to hire a task rabbit task rabbit is what i call my vibrator by the way and while he can't put up shelves he does put up with me happy birthday jim arco i love you and please don't make me do stand-up again she killed it really funny just a killer killer killer set so i mean it didn't run it you know like that she just went on stage she ran it by

people but just went on stage and it was boom boom boom really funny and i i did ask if i could uh have the task rabbit joke to see if I can make it work on stage. Hiring a TaskRabbit to hit her is very funny. That was my favorite. That popped the shit out of me over here. That was like my favorite joke. So good. That's so good.

If she wants to hit me, it's to hire a TaskRabbit. Yeah. I mean, you had a great lineup of comics, and I felt like she just killed it. Apparently, someone went up to her at the show and was like, you should really think about going back to this. I mean, really. I would interfere with her work. Yeah, we had – I don't think I'm speaking on tour here, but we were talking to one of her clients, and I was like, I want to do a stand-up. And he said, you know, personally, would love that for you.

As a client, that would make me pretty uncomfortable to have her calling her clients like, hey, can I run this joke by you real quick? Does this work as an opener? So thank you everyone who came. It was incredible. The next stand-up live show is going to be September 4th. Tickets are available now. They're going to be $10 now.

It's okay. But please come. I think we're going to be $10 now. It's okay. But please come. We're going to be doing, I think we're going to be adding even more shows. We'll have six or seven more for the rest of the year. And I'm going to talk to Russell about doing one or two more live ones for this year because Russell, you're so good.

We'll do it in the fall. So I apologize. That was a lot, but it was such an exciting day. It was great. It was hilarious. It was your birthday? Well, it's this Saturday.

Oh, happy almost birthday. Thank you. I'm going to be in Chicago alone. Just me and whatever sex worker I can find. So I love you, girlfriend. So I wanted to talk to you. Yes. I mean, I knew you from Twitter.

Sure. Very, very funny. Thank you. Very good Pete Davidson impression. Yeah. That our friend Chris, I think it would make him mad. Because he has a Pete Davidson impression. Yeah, well, it's probably not as good as this one.

It's tough for me to do it like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, he pretty much sort of talks like this all the time. Yeah. You'd be fun if I build that we had Pete Davidson on the podcast and I fucked up the video.

Oh, and what if you did a deep fake? Sure. His face on top of mine, I no, you did a deep fake. Sure. His face on top of mine. I get to talk about the whole Kim Kardashian thing. Do you have the impression that I have money for deep fake from these cameras

that we have set up here? I don't know. Apparently you're doing live shows for $10 a ticket. So, Jesus, that's some cheddar right there. But you've talked about it

on Twitter and I was so excited because you were in Russell's favorite movie, Ace Ventura Jr. You've always talked about the ending. What did you love about the ending of the movie? Shut the fuck up. Listen, so this is what's so funny is that usually

I don't do any sort of homework before, but this time we watched Ace Ventura Jr. yesterday. We did not finish it. I heard you got most of the way through it. We were on a time crunch. We did run out of time, but we haven most of the way through it. We were on a time crunch. We did run out of time.

But we haven't done the music yet. So you are Josh Flitter. Oh, sorry. Josh Flitter. You are a former child actor and still actor. Still actor. And can you just say something negative maybe about that so I can play this music, something sad? I feel so pressured and because of that I always trying to impress everybody and I'm cripplingly depressed because of it. This is the downside.

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Sure. But do we, what do we want to start with? Do you want to like get into the house? I mean, what I'm so interested is I was saying to Russell and not, I am of the mindset where I'm like, I wish I had been a child actor. Sure. Like a trillion percent. I don like, I wish I had been a child actor. Sure. Like a trillion percent. I don't know if I would have been good.

The one character I thought, I was like, that's who I would have played, was the nerdy scientist in the locker. That's one of my best friends in the world, Austin. Really? Oh, you're still close. He's one of my best friends. I just was with him in Las Vegas last week.

Oh my God. Is he still acting? Yeah. He lives in LA. He's still an actor. He's a fantastic musician too. One of the most talented people that I know. Just like one of those people that doesn't

give a shit. I can swear, right? Oh yeah. I'm just making sure. I already did before and you were talking about cumming. He said cum a few times. Cum is fine. Shit, we don't do shit. We do cum. Shit, we don't do shit. We do come. He doesn't give a shit about what anybody thinks about him.

He's just like, I'm doing this because I love to do it, and I have a passion for it, and I'm like, love me, love me, love me, give me attention, give me attention. So he's in it for the right reasons. I'm not. Do you think, were you always like that, or is it because you had this kind kind of crazy like child experience i think i always wanted everybody to love me like i so i started when i was to give like the tlg thing

i started when i was like four and a half four four and a half years old your parents are in the business my my mom was uh a singer and did a lot of off-broadway plays cool and and musicals uh she never like made it made it as a broadway actress but um any any recording she's on like no no just did like independent stuff around uh but she did uh her the thing she loves to say is that at at the very beginning of idina menzel's career my mom and her both sang on the spirit of new york which is like a ferry that goes around uh so my so because idina menzel is probably 10 or so years younger than my mom so uh yeah my mom was like in her mid or late 20s and idina menzel was like 19 or 20 and they were both singing on on this spirit

of new york does your mom say like she was amazingly talented or yeah yeah no no she's a little pitchy no my mom's great about it yeah she's uh uh i i don't know if they ever like at the same time but it was like one would than the other but she just always says it's like oh yeah we both sang at the same time in the spirit of new york so i don't know i mean she could be talking about adele dazeem and not adina menzel sure yeah that's totally true but But anyway, so I started when I was like four and a half years old and my, Tamara Markowitz is her name. She's a manager, still a child talent manager in New Jersey.

I grew up in Marlborough, New Jersey. And she had called my mom because her daughter wanted to have a play date with my brother. They were like seven years old and her caller ID said, TM Talent Agency. and my mom was like what is this uh and she was like oh i'm also a children's talent manager and my mom was like

well i have this four-year-old uh and you know what your older brother just no good yeah he's terrible no my mom like tried with him and he didn't want to do it. And my parents were never forcing us. She was like, let's try this. He hated it, and as soon as he started, he was done. Sure. So I was just always trying to make everybody laugh, and I would do this bit when I was five years old to try to make my grandparents laugh.

I would pretend I was the old person on the Titanic. In the movie Titanic, they show this old person when the ship is sinking and the old person's like trying to make it. And they have like a walker. And I would do this impression of this person to crack my grandparents up. I'd be like, oh no, I'm gonna die.

I was like five years old. That's a really dark bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For a five-year-old. So I always wanted to be silly and make people laugh did your grandparents like it

did they go what the fuck no oh they loved it they were all Jewish grandparents they were like this is great this is amazing

everything I did to them was great and amazing sure but that was also objectively amazing I think you could do the character now

I could do it I'm gonna fucking die and it's killing it's shows oh my god do that so my mom brought me over and Tamara I'm going to fucking die. And it's killing its shows. Oh, my God, do that. So my mom brought me over, and Tamara was like, he's hilarious and adorable, and I'm a very short person.

And at the time, I was really tiny for a five-year-old or four-year-old, whatever. And she was like, he could easily book, like, two-year-old roles where they need, like, so funny four-year-olds. Two-year-old roles with book two-year-old roles where they need four-year-olds. That's so funny. Two-year-old roles with a four-year-old brain. Yeah, because you can talk to a four-year-old. Yeah, that's so funny. That's so funny. Now I'm like 25 sometimes if I shave, 25. But to be like four, you could play two.

Four, you could play two. Cut it in half. And the two-year-old's like, you know, he's fucking ancient. I was there with a cigarette like, I've been around this bitch for so long so I started working immediately I was booking commercials left and right just because

I loved doing it and I was a ham in the room did your parents have like good money or did this change the game like were you the breadwinner in the family? No, they did. My mom was – she wasn't my manager or anything.

She just traveled with me and my dad had a good job that he could just – it was a nine-to-five and we lived in like suburban New Jersey. So we were – What did they do? Like I just can't imagine like having a kid and all of a sudden, you know, my kid brings in 50 grand. And it's like, well, do we get to put this into? They put everything immediately into, like, savings for me.

They're amazing. Wow. Yeah. They're amazing. That's a great child actor story. Yeah. Yeah. It's usually not associated.

That's not what I'd be doing. I mean, I'd put it into things for us. A couch that we're all going to sit on. We want a new pool in the backyard, Josh. We'll put it in the backyard. You want a pool or not, Josh? Well, it's weird because now I'm realizing it like, now I'm realizing growing up, like, all of a sudden,

we did have a pool. We had a pool table in the basement. We got the kitchen redone. Maybe they did dip into some of my earnings. I'm kidding. I would give my kid the money in cash and then we go out to dinner and i would just every time be like oh shit i left my wallet josh you have the josh you got the check and i'd be there still hanging out of my mouth five years

old like yeah i got you guys um so you're doing commercials what was the first big like boom so i did a commercial that at the time so this was i'm 20 i'm gonna be 28 next week um so i would this was 24 years ago um i did a commercial that like pre-internet boom uh it was for office depot and the whole bit was that it was adults or it was kids pretending they were adults working uh and and they were in like an office building and they were saying all adult shit and uh the last bit is i'm by a water cooler it's like the the the button at the end of the commercial is this kid's like hey you want to golf this weekend and i'm like can't it's my weekend with the kids

and it's this bit where I'm like a divorced dad. Yeah. It's also implying that four-year-olds having sex. No, it's not doing that, John Marko. It was a cute commercial. Come on. But as cute as it was, they got a lot of people mad. Okay.

Not because of that. Why? What was the thing? Because it was like, oh, we're making a joke about like divorced parents and they're dreading spending time with their kids and we're having kids do this. Oh, God. Imagine getting mad about that in 1990, whatever. This was like 1999 or 2000. Oh, the things we get mad about.

That's why when people get mad at things, I don't know how they don't look at history and go like, oh, I'm going to look like an idiot in 20 years. Yeah. I'm going to look like such a fucking loser. Yeah. Well, no one knew about it until right. No one's going to get mad about Aunt Jemima syrup. You know what I mean?

Like, it's so stupid the things we get mad about. And no one's gonna know about it until I just brought it up now. So now those people, if they are watching this, are gonna be like, oh, fuck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought everyone forgot about that I got mad at them. We have a lot of 60-year-old listeners. Yeah. Yeah. But the first movie role that I did,

if that's what you were asking, unless you had a question about it. I mean, that's a big, you know, but yeah, first, like, whoa, whoa, whoa, we're up the game. I did a small part in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Oh. Well, I can't say that's what, I looked at your filmography, and I feel like maybe this is like a child actor thing. It's just like wild, the different levels of movies that you do. Yeah, dude.

Like Eternal Sunshine. Yeah. Arguably the best movie of all time. Two, like, big, you do. Yeah, dude. Like Eternal Sunshine. Yeah. Arguably the best movie of all time. Two like big, amazing movies. Yeah. And then all these,

it's just like a wide gamut of things. No, I was in arguably the greatest movie of all time with Eternal Sunshine and The Spotless Mind. It's always put in the list

of like top ten. And then I was in the greatest movie of all time, which is Ace Ventura Jr. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did Charlie Kaufman direct Eternal Sunshine? He did.

Yeah. Or no. Oh, shit. Or is it Michael Gondry? Gondry. It was Gondry. Okay. Yeah.

Charlie Kaufman just wrote it. Yes. And how old were you for that? Seven, six. Okay, so that was still pretty early. Yeah. The first big movie role I haven't gotten to, but that was the first movie that I did that was like, oh, this is a big deal. It was it was one scene seven that's crazy yeah it was it was super fun

and i do remember your question or your question about like wanting to be a child actor because we're gonna get to that yeah because i really listen and i've seen uh we've talked about for the hollywood complex maybe it's called it's a a documentary on Amazon. It's about like the, there's some hotel or condo that all these kids with their parents go for like pilot season. Oh, was it the Oakwoods? Maybe. It was the Oakwood Apartments. It was famous.

I stayed there for a little while. Yeah, it's just brutal. It's just, you know, they're all getting scammed by all these organizations. There's some stuff that we were good enough to, lucky enough and smart enough to stay out of, but I went to the Young Artist Awards once, which is just, you literally pay to go.

Sure. And then they just tell you that your kids are great. Yeah. That's, again. It's literally just a scam. Now, are you, you're making good money. Yeah. I mean, at this point, I don't know, I mean, whether child actors have a really good rate or whether you're all just working scale.

Well, it used to be. So in the early 2000s, it wasn't like it is now. Now they're like, oh, we can just hire some kid off TikTok and pay him $500 and buy him out for a commercial. Back then, you were making money. Your agents would be like, hey, you want my client for a commercial back then you were like making money like it was you were your agents would be like hey you want my client for this commercial he's like the most sought after client uh for like commercials right now you're gonna pay him and you're gonna pay him good yeah and they were like yeah absolutely like it'd be like oh we're geico we have that money

you know yeah i had a friend who did a commercial i don't want to uh i never did a geico commercial and they probably are good people i don't wanna I never did a Geico commercial and they probably are good people I don't wanna fucking bad mouth anybody they're definitely not good people I mean the casting

the casting people I'm sure are wonderful yeah but I had a friend do a commercial for a huge huge company last year

and he got paid like a scale rate and then was bought out. And that commercial would have, in residuals, paid 20 years ago. He would have made like 50, 60 grand off of that commercial. Yeah, yeah. And he made like 1,200 bucks. That's crazy. Because they bought him out for the year.

We're like, we're buying out your contract. And there's nothing any actors can do about it. They just have to be like, okay. And I think the one thing for people listening and being like, shut the fuck up, $1,200 for a day's work. It's more just like acting sucks and commercials were the one way that you could like make enough money to get through all the other try periods. I'm good for a year or two. Exactly.

And it's not an easy thing to do. It's not like, you know, it's not going to the office once a day. Like, you know, it's not going to the office once a day, you know. And when I booked, I did a campaign a couple years ago for General Electric. And luckily, it paid very well. But they incorporated live appearances. And that's where the money was, like, absurd. Like, flying me to Vegas so I could go on stage and be like, hi, I'm the guy.

Yeah. Why don't I remember this? I don't remember you doing it. How many people do you think you killed because of your role in GE? That I killed? People who were fired? No, by way of you making them money and then them being responsible for the deaths. GE's an ethical company, I'm sure. I don't know.

Just like Geico. The funniest thought, I was at a live gig in Boca Raton and I heard- Certainly there were deaths there. Yes. Yeah. There's some dead sex workers in the water now. I heard some of the employees, like high up employees, complaining that I got more face time with the CEO than they did.

They were like, the fucking hammer guy got more time with Jeffrey. The hammer guy? Well, you were the face of the company, so- I know. What are you going to do? Yeah. So, okay. So then what was, you're doing Eternal Sunshine. Yes.

You're seven. What's the school system? You're homeschooled? I, no, I stayed in public school the entire time. How? You must be missing days. Did you? I would miss.

So my school system was fucking awesome. They were super supportive. I came from a town that was, like, weirdly had multiple people became, like, successful in different ways from a town that was like weirdly had multiple people became like successful in different ways from that town uh cal penn is from my town in new jersey uh jim nance the sportscaster yeah okay is uh joe klecko who was on the jets so like there was a lot of people who were like made it into any kind of because. Because you're near New York, I imagine. I have a question. Were kids in school weird or cool?

Or were you like the guy in school? It was a mix. All of my friends were just, it was like, oh, cool, Josh is an actor and that's what he does. All these six shows being like, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is the greatest romantic. With cigarettes in their mouth. Romance so well. You know, when you get into middle school time and you're doing Ace Ventura. Oh, we'll get there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like people could be like, sure, you know. There were a lot of dead sex workers once we got to middle school. So the first big movie role that I did was The Greatest Game Ever Played, which was a golf movie with Shia LaBeouf

where he played. It was based off of the 1913 U.S. Open, like true story, where this kid who's 18 years old wins the U.S. Open over all these successful British golfers. And he gets this caddy who's just this 9-year-old kid off the street because he can't afford a caddy. And the kid that he was going to hire gets caught by a truant officer because he's skipping school so his little brother who I end up playing

just shows up and then the kid wins the US Open. It's just an unbelievable story but it's a really fun sweet movie. Are you still friends with Shia? I'm not friends with him but I've seen him like twice in the last like five years and it's nice every time that we get to see each other.

Yeah. He seems a little wacky he's he's going through some shit for a while yeah it's his friend man i'm not gonna i it's tough it's tough to like we all know uh yeah it's very public and yeah but what i will say about him that's like I'm not making excuses by any means because some of the shit that's alleged is not good. But the guy's a troubled guy. Like he's just had like a really troubled childhood. I mean, did you guys see Honey Boy? I didn't see it.

I heard about it. Was that about him? He wrote about it, isn't it? He wrote it and it's like based on his own life, I think. Oh, I see. Yeah, he was – Again, though I'd kill for his own life. I think. Oh, I see. Yeah. He was, he had. Again, though I'd kill for his life.

Essentially raised himself. To be even Stevens. To be even Stevens. To be even Stevens. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. Wow. But he was a sweetheart filming and really took me on as like a little brother.

Like when we were making the movie, he was 18 and I was like 10 and he would he would call my mom mom like he just became like a part of our family for those couple of months and it was just really sweet let me tell you something if i called a 10 year old's mom mom and i was 18 that's a little weird i don't know it just like i saw your mom wanted to bang my mom yeah we were we don't know. We weren't there. We don't know what the bond was. Who are we to judge? Okay. If your mom, if I met your mom and I said, mom. Were we filming for two months with her?

Like, was she around? We've known each other very well. But she's not around every day. She's not around every day. You know what I mean? Like, she's not here sitting in the other room while we're doing this podcast every day. And then, like, getting us things. His mom was probably doing nice things for Shia LaBeouf. She day and then like you're saying then his mom was probably

doing nice things for Shia LaBeouf she probably was like she was wonderful she was probably like bringing him water once in a while like you know

she would give him advice because he would be stupid shit he clearly needed like parental things and he has good parents so I don't think it's the craziest thing

in the world I'm a big Shia LaBeouf listen great actor great actor listen so okay so you did that big break yes and are you are you cool as a cucumber do you feel anxiety do you feel like

are you like fuck i gotta get to the next level i've literally thought i was the greatest person in the world like were you were you nice or were you a little bit i was super nice but i uh i was super nice i totally was aware of all that was happening and how insane it was and how lucky I was. But I certainly was like, diva's the wrong word. It was more of just like, that was what I started to learn was normal. Sure.

So I was like expecting it. I wasn't expecting to like be, I wasn't like, give me a grilled cheese and if you don't get it to me, I'm gonna fire you. It was more like. Where the fuck is my grilled cheese? Where it's like, when I wasn't working, me a grilled cheese and if you don't get it to me i'm gonna fire you it was more like where the fuck is my grilled cheese it was like when i wasn't when i wasn't working it was like why am i not working yeah that's weird yeah now we're getting to like the sad yeah which is what we'll talk about yeah because that's that's what it ended up becoming

uh because i so so as the story goes i i did greatest game ever played i i got my new manager because of that movie and manager because of that movie. And then because of that movie, I got Nancy Drew and then License to Wed, which filmed back to back. Wow. So that was me

at like the height of, it was like bang bang. License to Wed with Robin Williams, John Krasinski, if I remember correctly. Yes. Wow, that's incredible. I have a good movie trivia mind.

I was just really sad. I mean, once we hit the Charlie Buff movie, I'm like, all right, that's more credits than I have now. That was definitely, and was just really sad. Once we hit the Shia LaBeouf movie, I'm like, that's more credits than I have now. And that was like seven. You'll surpass me because I have a curse. I have a curse. Everyone who knows me

becomes very successful. Except for me. Yes, we should have had you on earlier. So you're doing two movies back to back. Now I'm 12 at this point. Who is it? Is the new manager at like a big company?

Yeah. It was. He passed away. And I'm no longer with that management company. But I was with them from like. I was like 11 to like 15. I forget the name of it. But his name was Larry Bresner.

And his partner at the company managed Billy Crystal and Robin Williams and a bunch of these big time shows. And so I did Nancy Drew. The funny thing about Nancy Drew is that Jerry Weintraub, who has since passed away, also this is another curse, is everyone who,

all my connections die. Oh shit. You're going to become really successful and then die at the end of your career. And you're going to die. I'm not taking his phone number. It's going to be one of you. I called him earlier.

He's fucked. But so I was on. Jay Leno wanted me on after watching Greatest Game Ever Played. He was like, I love this kid. I want to have mine. So I did the Tonight Show. You did the Tonight Show? Twice.

Wow. How old is this? I was 11 when I did it the first time and then 13 who were the other guests when you were there both don rickles he called me a hockey puck backstage because i was like i didn't know i was like that it wasn't for anyone no i was with my parents and my dad was like, can you call my son a hockey puck? And he was like, give me a hockey puck, whatever.

And then he was like making Jewish jokes about me. He's also Jewish. And he was like, are you Bar Mitzvahed? And I was like, not yet.

I don't remember. It was something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that was the first time. The second time was The Rock. God damn, it's so cool. The Rock was promoting Doom. So second time was The Rock. God damn, it's so cool.

The Rock was promoting Doom. So you both know The Rock. Yes, I do. You met The Rock? He saw me in a production of Hello Dolly off, off, off Broadway at the University of Miami where I went to college. Why was he there? He went to college there.

So he just happened to be there. I auditioned for Young Rock and I didn't get it. And I knew that because he went to University of Miami, which is in the script. Yeah, and then we got into a bit of a twitter beef did you he he said something about showering three times a day oh yeah like quote tweeted not him just like the article being like this is kind of weird uh something about he was crazy he said like i wake up every morning i take a cold shower at five regular shower at 6 30 i remember that was to you that was your response to you?

I remember when he tweeted that. He tweeted that and then I quote tweeted the article or something and then all of a sudden I noticed a tweet got all these likes and retweets

like what's going on and then I saw that he had replied to it. I said, shut up, bitch. It was actually the kind of getting dragged that I didn't mind because people were writing me

like, hey, stinky. When you take a shower, stinky. Hey, filthy. Stinky neck. Remember when someone said you had a stinky neck or something? I was just like, okay, I'll just shower. I think the rock stands are probably some of the most fun stands. Yeah, but a lot of stinky.

You must smell like ass. And then I immediately backpedaled. And I think some people were like, look at this guy backpedaling. But people also were like, people understood I had to. That's my only move. If I'm fighting The Rock, I'm getting on my knees. And then I wrote back like, hey, Mr. Rock, you saw me in Miami. And then he wrote back.

It was like, oh, you know, my Juana, some term that means brother. And like, I love you. I love that show. You were so good. And we moved on. Thank God. Amazing. So they're still cool.

But I have met Jay Leno too. Oh, yeah. I did not do his show, but I met him at the Green Room in Flappers, a much less glamorous The Food Cost Money. And were you good at that too? Oh, yeah. You had stories? I did impressions because I was always doing impressions.

Did you do him to his face? I did. He was like, look, you're doing an impression of me. And I wasn't very good at it. I did that. I was a little kid. I was like, what? Good show.

And I did like, because I was watching Family Guy a lot at the time. There was a Family Guy bit that they made fun of Jay Leno where Seth MacFarlane just did him going like. So I just did that. And he was like, Oh, it's really funny. Uh, I can't do a good impression of Jay Leno. Uh, but it was cute when I was a kid and I did. The bar is lower for, for childhood. Yeah, of course.

Yeah. Uh, and, and I did a Cartman impression cause of course I was watching South Park when I was like 12. Um, so yeah, he, and then I forget, I have to unearth it and watch it cause I don't remember. Then we talked about the movie and I'm sure I was just being a cute kid. And what two movies you're promoting the, the greatest game ever played. And then I think the other one, the other appearance was to promote both Nancy Drew and License to Wed. Uh huh.

Got it. Because they came out, we filmed them back to back. That was back when movies would be filmed and then like, like come out exactly a year later later uh-huh like they would film it in the summer and be like next summer it's coming out sure so uh because you couldn't just like edit it as you were shooting it and release it like two weeks later yeah yeah not that you can do that but like you can uh so i he saw uh jerry weintraub who was huge like huge, big-time, big-time producer. If you looked him up, you'd be like, oh, that guy. He did all the Oceans movies, all the Karate Kid movies.

There's others. The list goes on and on and on. But he saw me on The Tonight Show, and he was the executive producer of Nancy Drew, which was supposed to be this big. It ended up, we just made the one movie, but it which was supposed to be this big... We just made the one movie, but it was supposed to maybe be this big trilogy thing. And he saw me and was like, yeah, I want that kid in this movie.

We got to rewrite whatever that role is for this kid because he's so funny. So there was a role in the movie that I ended up playing that was written for a 15- year old like skinny awkward kid that he was like just rewriting for this kid and he called me i got on the phone with him and he's like this legendary producer and i'm like what's up and he's like i want you in this movie you want to do this movie and i was like yeah he's like all right we're rewriting the role for you i was like okay so i went i did the movie and then i did uh while i was doing that i auditioned for license to wed and booked that as i was filming nancy drew and i went home for like two weeks to new jersey came

right back and filmed license to wed so it's all looking good yeah it's all looking i'm waiting for the fall okay and then is Ace Ventura right after that? Ace Ventura, I auditioned for. Well, okay, so the interesting thing about Ace Ventura is that I didn't audition for it. They came to me with this premise. They were like, we have this idea. While I was filming License to Wed,

they were like, we have this idea for this Ace Ventura reboot kind of franchise new thing. And you must have loved Ace Ventura reboot kind of franchise new thing. And you must have loved Ace Ventura. Oh, my God. We were of the age. Well, I was saying to Russell, because there's a great documentary on Netflix. What is it called?

Oh, the one about trans. It was basically about the history of trans performers throughout movie history. Sure. And kind of the rich history, the fact that it's been there forever and the ways it was used, you know,

portrayed in this horrible way. Uh, and then, and then just the ways that there's always been like an interest in, in trans people. And they've always been a part of the entertainment, but there was this very intense moment where they, uh,

talk about Ace Ventura. Is it two? No, it's the first one. It's the first one. When he's first one, when he like there's something

where he kisses a woman and then they find that it's a trans woman essentially and he's like I kissed a man and he like

vomits and brushes his teeth and puts like a plunger and people are throwing up and like and I remember

seeing it as a kid and you know just laughing along and they portray it as this moment of especially some of these trans actors like seeing it as children or in their teens. Yeah. Just like it's so absurd.

It's just wild how intense it feels. It's just so cruel. Yeah. But enough time had passed because I feel like it was Ace Ventura, Ace Ventura 2 kind of like a few years apart. And then it's like so this is kind of like being branded as a reboot. When did Ace Ventura 2 come out? It was like 97 or 98? It would be funny, though, if Ace Ventura Jr. was like an incredibly transphobic movie.

I didn't notice any of that when we watched it yesterday. No, we really strayed away from that. There was a meeting where they were like, hey, should we be? And I was like, I don't think so. And they were like, all right. Yeah, you stood up for it. You said, we're going to fix this part. But enough time had passed, like over 10 years or 10 years.

Yeah, so we shot it in 2006 or 2007. It came out in 2000. We either shot it in 06 or 07, came out in 08 or 09. I'm just kidding. And is it the same? I just want, I wish I could hear the phone call of them calling Jim Carrey and saying, could you just pop in for one scene? Because what's so funny about this movie is it's implied we assume he's alive at the end.

That he's your dad. He's my dad, but that he's missing. Missing. And the funniest is your grandfather basically tells you you're a father. You're a Ventura. And opens a box where there's a picture of him holding you. And it's on the back of his head. That was the hair and makeup guy.

The picture. But it's so clear that they did not have permission to show his face. Not even his face. And I wonder if he got any money. I'm sure he got no money. But I just wonder if they said to him like if you just let us use your face in this picture. In your head though as a kid huge

fan of Ace Ventura this must have been like finding out you're going to they're going to reboot Ace Ventura with you. It was the coolest thing in the world. I mean I knew immediately I mean now remember I was 12 or 13 when we started filming. So I was not like a baby.

Like, I was a young, I was an adolescent kid that, like, had real thoughts. And I was like, I could see where people won't like this. Like, I could see where it would go down wrong. Yeah, sure. But I was like, but they'll understand that it's a kid's movie and it's not for them yeah like if i can understand that they can understand that yeah and you didn't think two men in their 30s would be watching it in 2022 well it's honestly it's had this unbelievable resurgence in my life like yeah in this this really positive way. Because it was such a

negative experience afterwards. Filming it was the best experience of my entire life. I mean, you were the lead. I was the lead. I met some of my best friends. Yeah, and they had you do, I mean, they exploited every talent you had. Like, it was like gag after gag after gag. I wrote like half

the lines in that movie. David Mickey Evansans who was the writer and director wrote and directed the sandlot he it was fantastic yeah and he is so good with kids and he would come to me and be like this line's stupid what do you think's funny you're a kid you should be this movie's for your friends what do you think's funny to say here and i'd be like well i think if we say it like this, and he'd be like, all right, let's do a take with that. That's amazing.

I would write so many lines in that movie just because I was having fun. Now, can I ask, because we noted it yesterday, that there's a lot of jokes about you being a chubby kid in that movie. When you were at that age, was there any like, do I have to get stuck in the locker too? Or were you like, yeah, lean in. I thought it was funny, but I definitely had the deep-rooted sadness of like, I don't want to be the fat kid. I want to be... Because I would do that movie and then I would

watch whatever that... What was that Jonas Brothers show that they had on tv was it just called the jonas brothers or or sweet life of zach and cody or whatever and i'd watch these kids who were my peers and see how the girls would just like fawn over them yeah like oh these are the heartthrobs and i was like the funny fat kid yeah but. But I was like, but I'm funny. So it doesn't matter. Yeah. Sure. There just is a difference.

Like having been that age and chubby, there's a difference of like doing it like, like it just feels different when a little kid's doing it than when like an adult is doing. Do you know what I mean? Like there's just like this thing where you can't separate fully. Like, like the kid, like as a kid, you're like, because I remember wanting to make those kind of jokes and stuff, and you do, but then also you're like, like, there is something that I don't feel as insecure about now. It's fun.

It's fun. I remember very vividly, like, the feeling of, which I think Bo Burnham perfectly had in eighth eighth grade i don't know if you've seen that movie yeah uh that feeling of like making a joke having everybody laugh like you're at a party like a pool party or something and then as soon as you think like everyone's got you then they like all turn towards this other person who's like the attractive one that they all really want and then you're left sitting there being like i just embarrassed myself yeah for this joke in hopes that this would then get like lead to something you know like some substance yeah

but it was like oh no they just want me to just a quick distraction be funny yeah and like i'll keep doing it so long as they keep looking at me yeah and then when you get older then you know if you're the the chubby actor they're like well he's rich so we will get with him yeah but when you're a kid you don't have that so i was neither for a while and it was just like brutal out there okay so you're you're in this you're filming it you're having a great time yeah you're this star um and you said there's some time it like between you've finished filming and there's some time before it comes out yeah uh what's that time like and then what like what was the response like because you've implied that then it came out and there was negativity negativity um so making it yeah was amazing but i will say during the course of making

it there was never anything that was like worth like it was a good it was a great experience but there were things that we would my mom and i would kind of like peg along the way that was like that's weird where i was led to believe at first when i was doing it that it was this big budget thing that it was potentially okay you were like oh movie yeah theater deal yeah like i was at that point like though it was i was a child actor whatever like i was starring in movies like movies that were coming out in theaters yeah and i was seeing this as oh this is going to be a theatrical release yeah movie yeah going back if i knew what i knew what they were going to do a theatrical release movie. Going back, if I knew what I knew what they were going to do with it,

would I have done it? I don't know. It's such a big decision to make at 12. What was your first tip off the panda? Well, I got... I was going to say, was it the T-Rex made of plastic bones? No, I felt like the T-Rex was still like,

okay, well, it's a thing. The panda is the greatest offender. There's a very scary panda. I was like the T-Rex was still like, okay, well, it's a thing. The panda is abhorrent. The panda is the greatest offender. There's a very scary panda. I was like, just pick a different animal. It looks like it was rejected from Chuck E. Cheese. Yeah. And they obscure it with plants to kind of hide how bad it is. It's very funny.

But that is a funny thing where you're like, yeah, I could totally see how you going into that thought. This is getting released in theaters. It was a big family decision. Why wouldn't it? The first two Ace Venturas went to theaters. Why would they? And they also told us that that's what it was going to be. Yeah.

Yeah. And there's no reason to like bring up old whatever. Like I have a good relationship with everybody that we did the movie with and stuff. You can do it on here. I know. But yeah, like it was this big family decision i remember sitting around the kitchen table now why was it a big decision just because of the shoot commitment no we were reading like the contract sure and there was like this two three four picture deal of like if in the theaters it makes x amount of money i'll get x amount in the back end and then

i will be able to like have x amount to in like producing points for the next movie and whatever so it was just like making these decisions at 12 well it wasn't it was my parents my lawyer my agents and me but it all came down to like you want to do this right and i was like yeah absolutely but i was also very much led to believe that it was going to be bigger than it was yes yeah and when we showed up and all of a sudden it was this kind of rinky dink operation like it seemed you felt it right away oh yeah we showed up we were like you're like this isn't like the license to wed set. Yeah. You know, you're like. This wasn't what we were told it was going to be. But it was still an amazing experience.

And I was like, I'm going to do this movie. I'm going to be happy doing this movie. And when it gets released in theaters, it's going to be huge. And then all of a sudden, it wasn't getting a theatrical release. And then all of a sudden, we were behind on schedule. And we were having to try to cut costs and this that and i was like this is weird but still loved doing it and the experience was super fun and it was great um months later i'm like when is this coming out in the movies and

all of a sudden it's not and that it's going to get this direct-to-dvd release and i was like it's not and that it's going to get this direct-to-DVD release. And I was like, I don't want to do a direct-to-DVD movie. I'm a movie star. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. But I... Was your manager pissed where they were like, listen, man,

they're fucking us. I'll be honest, I don't remember. And I haven't spoken to them. I still have the same agents and my manager, that manager has passed away and I'm with a new managerial company. So I don't, I don't know. Is this the movie that did it?

That killed him? No. But I'm still with the same agents. I guess I could sit down with them one day. I've been with the same agents since I was four. So I could sit down with them one day and get some of the details, but I've never really thought about asking just because I don't remember. And it's this thing in the past.

And, but yeah, then all of a sudden we found out that it was going to be released on Cartoon Network as this like big movie premiere like they were marketing it

and I was like oh that's cool I love Cartoon Network I love Ed, Edd, and Ed, Edd, and Eddie I love all these I'm trying to remember

what else was on then Courage the Cowardly Dog Courage yes Power to Puff Girls yeah it was a cool time yeah so I was like

hell yeah it's going to be released in 2008 or 2009 on on uh cartoon network and i made a twitter i made a twitter account in 2009 or nine and i posted this video that i made uh on my macbook like in photo booth and i was like hey guys it's josh flitter star of ace ventura j's going to be, want to let you know it's premiering on whatever. And then all of a sudden, it was like, what is this? What is this movie?

You're a piece of shit. Why would you make this movie? Like, you're ruining the franchise. And I was like, oh, what the fuck? You know, I was a 13-year-old, 14-year-old kid. I was like, this is weird. Oh, my God. The movie comes out.

What was the worst thing someone said? Is it still online are if they're still there you think no i've also deleted everything that i've tweeted pre-2018 because i was a 13 year old kid sure sure and don't need i don't need any of that smoke because i'm sure i tweeted jokes that aren't funny yeah as a 13 year old kid yeah so uh I don't know. You're like, my favorite scene in Ace Ventura is the scene where he kisses this. The transphobic scene. So, I don't remember. But you were hurt.

You were like, what's going on? It was more of like confused. Can you imagine putting out as a child, I'm just so excited, Ace Ventura, and then adults, grown adults, because it's probably ace ventura fans who when it came out in the early 90s now these weren't kids are like 25 30 years old and they're like fuck you 13 year old kid living his dream you're ruining the legacy of ace ventura so let me i'll bring up something i'll expose this guy because uh he exists there's a guy who i i still am not totally totally sure if this person is who i think it is but at the time there was a twitter account that popped up that when i made

my twitter it was josh underscore flitter because someone had already taken josh flitter and i was like that's weird um let me see. Yep, it still exists. And, uh, I was, here, here's some of the tweets. Uh,

the first tweet was August 26th, and we're coming up on the anniversary. August 26th, 2010. Just shot an ad for Krispy Kremes,

got a free box too, hashtag birthday girl. Then they tweeted, another day, another fat joke. Hurry hurry i need some friends quick my imaginary friends are turning on me attention all i'm the real josh flitter josh underscore flitter is an imposter and a poser shrek 4 was a career highlight i got to meet all the stars like um oh dear what uh what do you do what do you mean justin bieber is hot i'm the

child sex bomb uh just all this like i was a 13 year old kid and this person was made this account i had reason to believe that it was a host of a podcast uh radio show in new zealand because i saw they were doing episodes where they were making fun of the movie and one of them was like talking about it and this was all the time I was doing like my own investigative research you were a an investigator a detective a detective that's a deep

cut for anyone who saw the movie that's a brilliant that's a brilliant callback that scene Ace Ventura Jr. a huge plot point of the movie plot point is that the word detective doesn't get revealed. I forgot about that until you just said that. Ace Ventura, pet investigator?

Investigator? Pet searcher for lost animals? The grandpa says it, right? The grandpa's like, detective. He's like, you're a detective. And I'm like, oh! So this adult male Creates this twitter Just thing

Making fun of me Making fun of you So then I started being like Hey guys Hey guys This is not me This is an imposter So then this guy

Starts tweeting Just saw Cars 2 Fuck What did I ever do wrong Hashtag space buddies Hashtag Shrek 4. It's for kids. Wait, what's the joke about Shrek 4 that you...

I don't know. I don't fucking know. I have no idea. They might have been doing this on the podcast. Sure. I didn't know there were podcasts in 2009. Remember when Apple had like podcasts and it was just like an app on your phone and no one ever listened to them?

I think it was pretty serious. It was there. But could you imagine 2011? So this is, I would have been, I was born in, you guys want to help me with the math here? I was born in 94. 94.

To 2011. Wait. 15. 15. Yeah. Yeah. I was 15. And this guy's tweeting,

masturbating, oh baby. Pretending he's a 15 year old kid. Oh my God. That's some shit you would do oh my god it's just it was weird it was objectively weird and is it getting a big response or like uh they no no one's really following it uh i don't know it's a weird thing for you to be like who why is this person doing this to me? Yeah. And that's where I started being like, that's weird. I thought people liked me.

Yeah. And then I would go on IMDB message boards. Oh, no. Oh, boy. No, don't do that. Josh. I think they've since gotten rid of them because they were too toxic. Were they really going after you?

Oh, yeah. Were they really going after you? Oh, yeah. It was like this fat fucking cunt doing this movie. This piece of shit little fuck face ruined the franchise. And I'm like a 14-year-old in my room reading this like, oh, they're talking about me. Oh, I'm ruining their favorite movie.

Oh, my God. Yeah. I cannot connect to people who are like you've ruined this thing with a tv movie just go watch the movie you like it's weird i don't understand what what happens to guys but my favorite guys my favorite thing is that i have taken the power back now i have it it's my movie now like now and I make fun of it so much. And I'm so proud of the silliness of it. And I've gotten this success on Twitter. There's a little bit of success.

But through first doing impressions and stuff. And then these people followed me. And were like, oh my god, you're the kid from Nancy Drew and License to Wed and Ace Ventura. And now I post all the shit making fun of the movie. And I get all the praise. Yeah. Uh-huh. And all these people. Now you call yourself a people yourself a fat fucking and i call myself i was a fat fucking cunt how about that huh um so but so that comes out and then is there a period where you're like where you had this like thing all of a sudden we were doing licensed by nancy drew ace maturaura, but then you kind of alluded to

there was a time period where you're like, oh, then these things aren't regularly happening. It stopped. Yeah. Because of Ace Ventura? Because of Ace Ventura? No, no, no, no, no. Just the timing of it.

You're older? Yes. There is a thing with, I feel like for kids, where it's like, when they get to a certain age, where people are, well, they're not adults yet, but we don't know what to do with them. Like, you're like, if you're not going to be a Jonas brother.

Right. You know? Yep. Like, in a high school kind of thing. There's one thing to do, and I may have totally. And Jonah Hill was doing it at the time, or he's a little older than you. Yeah, older. No, there's one thing to do, and I may have totally jeopardized my career by not doing it.

and I may have totally jeopardized my career by not doing it. I told my agency managers I will not audition for or act in a Disney or Nickelodeon TV show. Oh. And what was your thinking at the time? I said I am an actor who does movies. I will not do some bullshit garbage on Disney Channel.

I was like I won't do the sweet life of zach and cody where i play the fat funny friend i won't do uh any of these shows like i won't there was a time period where i pitched a show i said if i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do it on my terms and me and another person another child actor who i will not name, pitched a TV show to Nickelodeon and we almost got it on the air and it would have been life changing because it would have been, it was right after Drake and Josh

and right before iCarly and it was this period of time where they didn't have like a buddy-buddy comedy. And we had pitched this idea for the show and due to insane circumstances about this person, their family, and a big fight that happened,

we never got the show on the air. And we were very close. Talk about two child stars, Drake and Josh, that went different routes. You know about that, right? One of them, something bad. Something with a 15-year-old. Yeah.

And, like, the video of him confessing in the courtroom. The other one got fit and is, like, a movie star. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was, like, the chubby, jokey one. Yeah. And now he's, like, fit. Oh, the handsome one is the bad one. Yeah.

Now the other one's the handsome one. Yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, okay, so around this time is it is it related i mean you said the nickelodeon thing is it also related to like did you start looking like super different like i mean this is around puberty yeah but i didn't i just got like like fatter and like you're worse looking uh uh for like as a child like i i did not grow into myself as an adult now until i was like 22 so i did anyone say to you like here's here's host's cupcake but just

so you know don't eat you're making a decision i had a problem with with food and with eating but i was so i mean of course you could have been a chubby. I'm just saying like, how do you talk to, I think it's the same problem with like anyone in any part of the business where if someone's like changing in a way where you're like, how do you talk to someone? It's just a toxic business. It's really toxic. It's impossible to talk to someone whether they need to gain weight or lose weight or

fix their nose or do anything. If you know the truth that, oh, like I remember my grandfather was a true story. Some agent approached him and said, I want to sign you, but you have to get a nose job. And it's like, that's a terrible thing to say. But the agent might have also been correct at that time in the industry. And so like to say it to 60, it's just like, well, you might as well not say anything to a kid. My agents, to their credit, no one ever told me you need to do this. Like, you need to lose the weight.

We need to gain more. Right, right, right. Well, no, there was, I had that thought where I was like, I guess I have to be, like, the really fat kid. That's just, like, there for specifically to, like, eat a cake and fall over and remember hook the movie hook the roly-poly kid i mean dude to think about it the fucking what's the kid uh the truffle shuffle oh chunk uh he's literally there to be fat yeah and like that's the joke and like you know that at the time because it was like the 80, the director was probably like, that's funny, but be fatter. Be fatter.

Do something. Jiggle more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the kid's like, okay. So as things start drying up, how's your mental state? Bad. Yeah? Yeah.

It's bad. It's, I just became, it wasn't bad. I didn't know it was becoming bad. I was in denial. I was like, oh, I'll just start working. I'm just in this awkward phase. I'm in an awkward phase. I'm not an adult yet.

I'm not a kid anymore. The only people that work through this are the Jonas Brothers. I know I'm not a kid anymore everyone you know the only people that work through this are like the jonas brothers and i know i'm not that so i'll start working again when i'm like 17 18 i'll get all like the like the super bad movies because at that time that was like my favorite movie in the world yeah and i was like yeah i'll just be the like the jonah hill or the michael serra or whatever in those movies when I get to that age. And so I went all through high school being a former child actor that really wasn't working anymore. And I did a movie when I was 14 called Snowmen that was like this really indie, low-budget movie.

And it was really sweet, but it didn't really go anywhere. And then I was 15, 16, 17, 18, and I just didn't work. And I auditioned a ton, but didn't book anything. There was one point where I auditioned for, where I thought it was all going to change. I auditioned for J.J. Abrams for Super 8. Uh-huh. Oh.

And they ended up casting whoever else to play that role. And I really thought I was like, I'm going to get this. This is going to be my career's back i was like 16 and are you feeling anxiety like how you describe like this the feeling of not booking or like it's terrible being so big being on the tonight show yeah yeah i had my room in new jersey my door in my this town in new jersey had like this welcome j Josh Flitter to the Tonight Show. Like I took it off the door there and I put it on my door in New Jersey. And now I'm coming home from school, doing math homework and walking in my room and it says the Tonight

Show featuring Josh Flitter and I'm going in my room and I'm like every audition became the biggest thing in the world. Yeah. I was like, I need to book this. And then I wasn't. And it would just kind of make it worse and worse and worse. That bizarre thing too from going from I'm on a movie set they're like we're gonna offer you Ace Ventura you don't have to audition you know we'll be writing this part for you kid like it

that's such a mind like thing of like then being like I have to work so hard at this audition and put all your eggs in that basket it's just like a crazy turnaround for a kid especially oh yeah it's hard enough as an adult when those kinds of things happened, but like as a kid. And I had it easy. I had it easy compared to so many kids that I know that are not in a good, I mean, Shia LaBeouf.

He is the way he is because he's a product of the system of child actors, like in a negative way. And how so? Cause he's had so much success. Like which way is it negative? He had, uh, uh,

you can't give a kid that much power i mean you look at uh justin bieber who now has seemingly come out on the other side and seems like a pretty good kid but i mean remember when he was like pissing in buckets and like whipping his uh ferrari around at like two in the morning and everyone's like fuck this kid dude he's 17 years old and you're giving him all the fame and money in the world. Yeah. You would do the same fucking thing. You would, John.

You're whipping a car around. No one's watching you. You're getting in an accident. I wouldn't do the pissing in buckets. I could see a video of me at 15 if I had been that successful being really rude to a waiter. Yeah. Without hindsight. Without learning. But you don't know until you're there. Sure. Yeah. Sure. successful like being really rude to a waiter yeah without hindsight without learning but you

don't know until you're there sure yeah sure and and i i gained uh just recently just kind of a new respect for like i i feel for these kids that are on stranger things i really hope that they're all gonna be okay but statistically one of them won't be like like it's just like to be given that much because one of the things that i never had that these kids now have is social media i know oh my god when i was that age and i did all these movies instagram was just starting twitter was just starting now you're on a tv show you get a million followers in a week yeah and all of a sudden you have you could say anything or post anything and once you post it it's there yeah yeah yeah you know it's there and people see it and whether that means you're a kid and you think

oh i can slide into this person's dms sure And then someone else sees it and posts it on Twitter. Uh-huh. You know, it happened recently. I don't know if you saw the whole, like, Doja Cat. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Noah Schnapp thing. Doja Cat asked someone, can you introduce me to him? One of the kids on the show,

if he could introduce her to another, one of the other actors in the show. They're all adults. But then he thought it was funny and, like, posted about it. And then she was like what the fuck are you doing i asked you to do that like privately yeah but this is just normal to them yeah sure sure like that's a normal like i would do that to a friend be like yo look at this my friend said this but like i know not to post that on twitter yeah but i didn't grow up with twitter

from the age of like 11 years old but just when the kids there was a kid from stranger things the curly haired kid, they announced like a Netflix show where he was going to like punk prank show on blue collar workers or something. It was something where people were like, what the fuck? I'm like, his involvement in that idea was minimal.

He's being dragged. And even if it was maximum, even if he was like, I have this idea. He's a kid. He's like 17 or 18. He's like, what if we give homeless people money if he was like, I have this idea. He's a kid. He's a fucking, he's like 17 or 18. He's like, what if we give homeless people money, but it like, it disintegrates. And they're like, oh, we have, Netflix is like, we have billions of dollars and we're not going to tell this kid no, because he has billions of followers.

So it's like, yeah, Gaten, do whatever the fuck you want. That's funny. Let's prank a homeless guy. Do you think like you could talk to parents of child star i mean it seems like you have a good relationship with your parents i do i had a manager my first manager uh they represent a lot of kid actors including one of the kids from stranger things now that you make me remember it and then like they all got older and so they became an adult management company yeah but i

heard a couple stories from them and it just sounded like it was so much about the parents yeah it was like were the parents cool yeah and they're really they're so much a part of the conversation i think a big part of why i worked a lot when i did as a kid was because of my mom and both my parents but my mom traveled with me and like we would she and i would see other moms and kids and like make fun of them like to ourselves yeah like we would bond over like how fucking weird is this kid's mom yeah like these stage moms i bet yeah yeah and then was there a period like because you you work now and you do voiceover and you act. Like, was there? I'm still not.

I mean, I wish I was like working, working. Well, that's where I think, that's what seems like the scariest to me is like, you know what that level of success is. Unless you know when you're not in the conversation at all. when you're not in the conversation at all. I always made this joke as a kid or as a young adult where I would say to other kids, it'd be like, is fame everything it's made out to be? Is it amazing? I'm like, yeah, it is.

It's like when you're a kid and you're like, what's in the teacher's lounge? And you're like, I want to go in there. I went in there. It was fucking awesome. And then they kicked me out. And now I want to go back in and it's that kind of thing that's like the fame and success is it amazing yeah like anyone who says it's not either they're not cut out for it or they're lying to sound humble yeah like it's objectively awesome i went to uh the horton here's a who

premiere because i was in horton here's a who uh and and oakley made me a pair of sunglasses because i told them that i liked them i was like i like oakley sunglasses they made me a pair of sunglasses with whatever colors that i wanted and whatever and it was the coolest fucking thing in the world like i went on jimmy kimmel and he gave me an ipod because he was like i think you'll like this it is it is so obscene it's so obscene especially the free shit is so insane it's idiotic it's so stupid shia labeouf gave me an xbox because he was like i know you wanted one so here it is like yeah Yeah. It's just, when you get to that level, it's just a love fest of all these rich people. And you think you're still chasing that?

Oh, yeah. 100 million percent. Yeah. Not because I don't love doing it. I'm doing it because I love to do it, and I want to do it, and I want to make people laugh, and I want to. It's like, I feel like I'm coming across like such a jackass. No. No, it's like, I feel like I'm coming across like such a jackass. No, no, it makes sense.

I think like I was really stoned in LA and I was texting Tove about where like, you know, I had a burst of like just a little bit of new success with standup. Right. And meetings. And I know well enough meetings don't blah, blah, blah. But it was just a moment of just being like, it's a surreal life. Like it's surreal to have, you know know even just a couple fans it's like weird the relationship is weird and you're like if you had a lot of these or if you get recognized

on the street it's uncomfortable or it's like you gotta be normal yeah it's the only way and so there's a degree of look i'm obviously pursuing fully trying to be very successful yeah but there's also a degree where i'm like oh i bet it does suck to be beyonce i agree and i wouldn't want to be i don't want to be that famous i think when i was a kid i had a warped idea of it and that's why i look back now at the all this time that i haven't worked as this weird kind of like okay there's it's a blessing like there's silver linings to it yeah i think i really could have been a shithead um would you have been a justin bieber type shit like what would have been no see i feel like though i'm just gonna i would say

a beyonce is better than probably another one down because she's so famous that she doesn't have to do interviews sure i mean like there is something about interviews because she was so sick of yeah but i mean like there's like's a level of almost like when you become that famous, you can exclude yourself from society. Yeah, but especially as a stand-up comedian, I'm like, that level of fame, there's no way you're still going to be good because your life is now so insane.

Well, what do you think about someone like John Mulaney, who, I mean, I don't know if you know him or whatever, but he finds a way to still make things. Yeah, he still makes things, but there's some degree of separation. I mean, I don't know if you remember. Larry David finds a way to still make things. Yeah, he still makes things, but there's some degree of separation. I mean, who knows? John Mulaney is still an incredible comedian. Right.

And I think he's found a solution to it, but I'm sure there's other parts of his life that... Just don't hit the same. Yeah, or he's just like, he's difficult to be with. If you're, I think all the time, especially in this business, people, different levels of money extreme levels of money comedians i know who like i love who might never have money and it's like

you know it changes p and sometimes people with money pretend like it doesn't change like who they are they're like at dinner and they're like why i could buy this restaurant but that doesn't change i think the perfect thing it does it does i think the perfect career to model after at least for me what i want is someone like ben schwartz i think ben schwartz i obviously don't know if you ever have worked with him or no more anything but having just viewed him as someone that i look up to i think he is like does celebrity right he's just famous enough that people know him and love him and want to be around him and from every experience i've ever seen or known about him he's a genuine sweetheart to the fans and to the people that he works with that's all that i've heard and that's something that i

would like to model myself in that way like i. What level of fame would you want to be in? Who's someone you're like, that's it? That's a good question. For me, it would be no more than Brad Pitt. I think that's... One of the most famous actors of all time. I feel like right now, Sam Richardson's a good... Sam Richardson is in

everything, but not like... If you say the name, people aren't like, who? You know what I mean? Sure. But people would still, you know what I mean? Like, he works consistently. He's so funny. And it's not, though, like, a level of, like, whoa.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I feel like where John Mulaney was, like, before was perfect. Now it seems, like, insane. Well, you get to a point where you're so famous that people hate you because you're that famous sure yeah like i just want to be able to do shows that are sold out become like a caricature there's a little bit of a thing of like you know like your brand you know doesn't that make sense like you're like you're just disappointing people every everything you that's where with with someone like ben schwartz or like h john benjamin or something like that

oh yeah these are guys that like when people recognize them, it's because they really appreciate their work. Yeah. When you see Jim Carrey walking down the street, you're like the average person is like, I need to get a picture with Jim Carrey because he's Jim Carrey. Yeah. I understand what you're saying.

I was going to say Lisa Derris is a good example too. Sure. Like someone where you're like you have like this cult kind of iconic thing and you're working you can just go and she can live her life yes sitting and not get yes now you're in an elevator with jim carrey somehow yeah and you're going up real high there's a lot of time yeah are you gonna you gonna mention it i'm mentioning it has i've done three things with him well three three projects two that he's been in and one that he's associated with. He wasn't in Ace Ventura, but I was in Eternal Sunshine and I worked with him. And I was in Horton Hears a Who and he was Horton and I was the baby kangaroo.

Oh, so you have met him? Yeah. And you talked about Ace Ventura. Have you seen him since Ace Ventura? No. Eternal Sunshine was before Ace Ventura. Right, right, right. And then Horton Hears a Who, we met at the premiere, and I had just told him that I was doing it,

and he was like, hey, that's really great. Like, it was just that kind of thing. Yeah. He didn't go, la-who? Yeah, and za-her. No. He was very kind about it, and it was just a very quick interaction.

We were both in the movie, and as, I mean, you guys know like with movies like that you don't meet when you're you're just recording it separately in booths all over the country wherever you are and then you meet at the premiere. I'd love you if you had like met with Jim Carrey to like ask him about like what's Ace?

Listen Jim I gotta know Jim you gotta tell me. Cause I remember he said for Ace Ventura he was imitating a cockatoo and he like brought this energy on set. I mean such a bold move. Yeah. It would be funny if you gotta tell me because I remember he said for Ace Ventura he was imitating a cockatoo oh and he like brought this energy on set I mean such a bold move yeah

yeah it would be funny if they had made you had done like the junior version of like all of his like Mask Junior Mask Junior

well they made Son of the Mask and then they made Dumb and Dumberer so there was this thing about like he did Dumb and Dumber that's when he needed

to do it he was in oh sorry no they did Dumb and Dumber 2 yeah they did they did Dumb and Dumber when That's when he needed to do it. He was in. I'm sorry. No, they did Dumb and Dumber 2. Yeah, they did. They did Dumb and Dumber when Harry met Lloyd or whatever. Later on. Yes, which was Shia LaBeouf was in that.

He wasn't one of the leads, but the two leads were, I forget who, and Eric Christian Olsen, I think, was one of them, and he was in License to Wed. It's so funny how the connections are like. That's so wild. Everywhere. And the mask are like everywhere. The mask one was with Jamie Kennedy.

We should have Jamie Kennedy. We should have everyone who's in the sequel of Jim Carrey movies. Where are they now? Let's go to our next episode. Let's make this quick. This has got to stop. Do you have a thing? It can be related to child acting. It can be related to thing? It can be related to child acting.

It can be related to acting. It can be related to nothing at all. It's related to nothing at all because I thought about it before I came. Then tell me. I'm really, it's got to stop. People that say that their cats are like dogs. They're like, my cat's really cool because it's like a dog. Just get a fucking dog.

Or just be proud of the fact that your cat's a cat. I don't want your, because I'll go to people's places. I don't like cats. I'm not a big cat guy. I'm allergic. Allergic, sure. I don't dislike cats. I'm like they're fine. I dislike cats with the claws.

I was scratched when I was a little kid by my stepfather's cat. God, you're such a – Shut the fuck up. But I was with a cat recently that didn't scratch and I did like it. Yeah, they're fine. They're fine. They're fine animals. I don't wish death upon them. Like they're fine. and all my friends who have cats i'm like that's cute

but when they're like i'm like i don't really like cats no no my cat's different it's like a dog now okay as someone with a cat and a dog what's your take on this i think they're very different and i think uh i think that there's an insecurity people who have cats have uh because of society and i think that what i think it's an oppressed group listen i'm just saying we've talked about this before i think the hatred of cats is linked to misogyny we've talked about no i'm saying like people are allergic and i'm'm not saying – I agree with you on your thing. I think people feel insecure about being a cat owner. So to make them feel better, they say it's like a dog.

I don't think we need to do that. I'd say like cats are great. Dogs are great. They're very different things. They're not the same. Correct. They can be equally great though. Why not?

They can be great in different ways. They're not the same thing. They're very different. I'm an evil vet, and I'm going to put down one of your animals. No. Why would you do that? Which one? The dog or the cat?

Why would you do that? Which one? The dog or the cat? I'll kill the vet with my bear hands. I was going to say, I'll kill you. Listen, no. I just think that they're very different things. They do different things.

They check off different boxes for people. Your cat isn't something that like one will love you will show you affection will care about you and the other one's a cat yeah but i think i think um i i like them for different reasons and i think it's just an insecurity people who have cats have and i don't think they need to do it like just own that you just say it's a cat. Yeah, just say it's a cat, and I love my cat. It's one of those things you never hear the other... You know the saying, it was like an old hack bit, where they'd be like,

Tofurky, it tastes like turkey. No one ever is like, give me turkey that tastes like tofu. Like, it was basically saying that no one really likes this thing. It feels like that, because no one's like, no, my dog's just like a cat. Yeah. No one ever...

People, I know plenty of people who have cats that would never have a dog. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But do they ever say that my cat's like a dog? Cats are way easier to take care of. That's why. That's the thing. That is my point.

Yeah. Is that people, like, I understand all the reasons to have a cat. I get it. If I wasn't allergic, I might get a fucking cat. Yeah. But it's when people are like, no, you would like my cat. He's just like a dog. And I'm like, don't do that. Yeah. Don't do that. Yeah. Yeah. But it's when people are like, no, you would like my cat. He's just like a dog. And I'm like,

don't do that. Yeah. Don't do that. Yeah. This has got to stop. That's a good one. Let's go to our final segment. You better count your blessing.

You better count your blessing. Russell, you got a blessing for us. Yes. It's a little premature, but our friend, Chris Caffaro, Uncle Function member, he is moving to LA, and he's leaving New York. And I am very sad about it, but I'm excited for him.

And I just feel like we don't know what that means for Uncle Function and his role in the future. But I'm just thankful for our friend Chris, and I'm excited for him and his new move. So your blessing is that he's leaving. No! That's why I started laughing, because I thought at the beginning of it, I was like, are you going to do this whole bit about him? No, the blessing is him. I've been lucky to have him for all these years in New York and Uncle Function and I'm going to miss him terribly. But, you know. of it was very cool to see this live podcast with fans

because I think it kind of is a sign that we're growing and hopefully we can go to LA and maybe even pay for flights and do stuff out there and become a little Bicostal

boys. Well, yeah. Everybody wants that. The goal is to be Bicostal. That's the goal. That's the goal is to be bi-coastal. That's how you know you're successful. You know we were talking about success before? I want to be successful enough to be bi-coastal. That's it. I feel like I've known so many people

now who are like, I'm bi-coastal now and then after like four flights are like, I'm I go to New York twice a year. My home base is LA, but I go to New York twice a year. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, but it would be fun. My home base is LA, but I go to New York twice a year. Yes, but it would be fun. My blessing is, again,

it's that show, and I'm about to be late to dinner with my step, my former stepfather, technically speaking. Technically speaking, but we had a very contentious growing up. I consider him the antagonist of my childhood.

So you're going to this dinner for community value? No, he's just here briefly. To fight you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just here to buy you dinner. Just to buy me dinner. Though let me tell you, I was in LA. This is my blessing, my sisters if they were on this.

I feel like I've reached a point with my younger sisters where if we go out I'm not paying for the meal mmm it's just $10 tickets yeah yeah but they're

they're taking advantage oh yeah yeah yeah yeah I went to the smoothie place and they have the marketing works so well on suckers like me it's called like

the millionaire smoothie and it's like a $20 smoothie with 20 different things and I'm like and there's something called the billionaire smoothie that's $40 and I will get it someday. You're not there yet. I got it.

The fact that my sister was like, she got it too. She got the same smoothie. I was like, sweetheart. Your sister's blessing is that you have the money to pay for dinner too. Where's the George Washington smoothie? Just milk and a coffee. One strawberry.

Do you have a blessing? I thought these were supposed to be silly. That's fine. We're in a sincere mood. Well, mine were single person bathrooms in restaurants. Because I have irritable bowel syndrome

and it's bad. I got bad IBS. I got it like where it's not. Can syndrome and it's bad i got bad ibs i got it like where it's not when you say it's bad like aziz because you it's bad um i have bad do you mean it just happens a lot or it's loud i gotta poop like eight times a day you want me to do the rest of it as aziz um so i gotta poop all the time and is it is it loud per russell's question i don't know why but well he said it was bad. I was like, I don't know if that means it just happens a lot. It's not loud. It's quiet.

No, I have to use the restroom a lot. It runs in my family. We have stomach problems. It literally runs. We have stomach problems in my family. And I think it is such a small effort that restaurants and bars can make to just have a nice bathroom. Because it's so frequent that you walk into a place and you're like you're at a bar everyone's drinking everyone's eating terrible

food people got a fucking shit so they go into the bathroom and you have these like terrible like one piece of plywood that's just like the the space between it and the thing is like this big people can like fit their whole fist in there It's so easy to just like build a couple single person bathrooms that have a lock on the door. And every time I go into a bar and I'm on a date and I'm like nervous and my stomach's bothering me, I'm like, I got to go pee. And I really have to go just fucking shit.

I go into the bathroom and there's a one person bathroom and I lock that door and it's just me and I feel so at ease. I'll never forget. And I'm really thankful for this. I had a friend set me up with one of their friends and it was at like a bar and everyone's there and I just had to poop so bad. One bathroom like that's

open for everyone. Two like toilets right next to each other. And there's a giant line for this in this nightmare pack pack bar nightmare wait and i'm like i'm sweating you know when you're like i had i just and then i had to like step away i'm like i'm so sorry i really have to go to the bathroom i'm waiting this line and then the whole time i'm thinking i'm about to blow this shit up yeah the bathroom is open like it's like open open you're gonna be people are waiting so you

just they just know you're pooping like you just have to accept that this whole line of people are gonna hear me poop know that I'm pooping so I get in there and there's no lock and again huge holes in the thing I had to poop like oh the worst putting my

foot on the door to make sure no one comes in because everyone's really drunk and like you know they're not gonna be respectful or you know it was just as in because everyone's really drunk and like, you know, they're not going to be respectful or, you know. It just was awful because then you go back and you're like,

hopefully she wasn't in line too because it was just like there's no every, at least five, six people behind me, they all knew what was happening there. Yeah. Pooping.

And I've talked about in the story the date I went on where I had to poop and we had left the restaurant. Yeah. So we just went door to door begging people if I could use their boxers.

Did you tell your date? There was no choice but to tell. I have a story for you that is way too long that I'm not going to tell you here, but I could tell you at some point or after that's disgusting

that's to do with the date. We went into a bar and she bought a shot so I could use poop. And the men's was like, it was one of those, you went in and it was like a mountain

of wet toilet paper so I then had to go in the women's restroom men's was like it was one of those you went in and it was like a mountain of wet toilet paper so I then had to go in the women's restroom yep and it was just she knew how long yeah it was brutal

listen we need to destigmatize the embarrassment of shit like everyone's gotta do it and some people have to do it very badly I don't mind talking about it

it's like the thing of like I do still have a stigma of like people hearing it I will turn on the shower it. It's like the thing of like I do still have a stigma of like people hearing it. I will turn on the shower. Yep. I will turn on the shower. I'll do everything I can to make it worse. I was at a friend's house in second grade, and I would always want to hang out with this guy.

His name was William Worthy. William Worthy. I suddenly had to go to the bathroom, and like I went in the toilet, and I'm young, and I was constipated, I guess. I felt like I had to go. Yeah, sure. Like if I had the feeling now, if I recall correctly, I would just go about my day young and I was constipated, I guess. I felt like I had to go. Yeah, sure. Like if I had the feeling now, if I recall correctly, I would just go about my day and I'd be like, oh, something. But I just I just sat on the toilet. Yeah.

For until the end of the play date. Yeah. And like it was just like gradually like 30 minutes in. It's like, OK, well, we're not going to play the board game. And then he's just like waiting out there. And I'm like, I'm sorry. And I must have just stayed in the bathroom the whole play date and finally

they called my parents like, maybe you should pick him up. And I never shit the whole time. And I can't even, I never hung out with him again. And I can't imagine. I should finally tell you in college, I one time went away with people I didn't know on like some conference thing and the bathroom was super echoey in the

hotel. Like, you know, like, you know, when you get in there, you're like, it's like, it's so echoey. This is, I can't know on like some conference thing. And the bathroom was super echoey in the hotel. Oh no. Like, you know, like, you know, when you get in there, you're like, it's like,

like it's so echoey. This is, I can't believe. So I was like, I have to poop and like ever. And I was like, well, those things were like, come on,

maybe you guys ever would like, but there was like two other people in the room. And also they weren't watching TV. So I was like, I was like, one, put the TV on. I'm like,

no, we're going to read. And I was like, dude, we're going to read. So I was like, come on. We're going to read. So I was like, I'm going to meditate. Do you know what I did? I was so nervous about the bull farts because I was like, it's so echoey in here.

I took towels and tried to like wrap them to like cover up any sort of noise from escaping. Like, no, no, just like on the sides to try to muffle. Like if there was a sound studio muffle like if there was a sound studio just like if there was a bull fart the towels would maybe absorb some of it so it wouldn't be quite as loud and i turned the sink on and but there was no what was so great about it is i did it and i was like okay they may have heard something blah blah and and i was like but you know what no maybe they didn't I'm sure they didn't care. An hour later, another person

went in and did it. Bull farts. It was like so loud. I was like, oh, there's no way they didn't hear that from me. Do you know what I mean? I was like, it was like it was the loudest, most echoey bathroom. Did you know you had like one big bull fart that was coming? I knew. You know when you can tell, like, you can tell

it was not going to be a quiet one. It was going to be like yeah, because I've been holding it in so long. But it was one that you knew was coming. I knew. You know when you can tell like, you can tell it was not going to be a quiet one. It was going to be like yeah, because I've been holding it in so long. But it was one that you knew was coming. At least one. Okay. Pro tip. Small thing. It's such a simple thing. Just time that, just flush. Oh. Right as you release that person. Listen, my man, I've learned since those

days. I do that a lot now. That's what, I dated someone who was bulimic and that's how they hit their throwing up. Oh, God. Pro tip. I do that a lot now. I dated someone who was bulimic, and that's how they hit their throwing up. Oh. Pro tip. Pro tip. Okay. All right.

Plugs. This is coming out next Tuesday, so this is going to be August 23rd. Anything you want to plug? Okay. So two things. Uncle Function in New York City, Tuesday, September 13th at Asylum NYC. And then Uncle Function in LA, Dynasty Typewriter, September 20th,

Tuesday, September 20th with special guest Caleb Huron. It's going to be a fun show. Very exciting. For me, this is the day that something premieres that involves this podcast that I still can't talk about, but it's cool.

You've seen it on my Instagram at this point. I think I can say it at this point because it's going to be on today. Yeah. Don't fucking tell a soul. Don't tell anyone, Josh. I'm on the fucking podcast. Down. All right.

This will be where we cut if I have to cut it out. The downside is now doing a weekly live show with Amazon's new app. It's called amp. You can download it on your phone. It's going to be from four to five P four to five EST Easter standard time, four to five every Tuesday live with guests. And then if you missed it or you want to hear it again, we are going to be uploading those episodes onto the Patreon.

We're reactivating the Patreon. And you can get access to all the old episodes ad-free, all the bonus episodes Russell and I did where we said stuff that will get us in trouble someday. Listen, clip it. Put it out online. Get us fired because we don't need the industry anymore. We're on amp. Hot damn. I'm coming on this show at the right time you guys

are just about to blow up huh and if you want to see me i'll be headlining uh side splitters comedy club this weekend august 25th through 27th doing a three show day on the 27th three show day tampa florida are you just doing the same set three times in a row no i'm fucking i'm fucking around i'm stealing your poop stories i'm telling them on stage no No! Just poop stories. I can't do stand-up yet. Don't take my stories. That's all I have. I would be like, I was an Ace Ventura Jr. No! And I went online and they called me a fat fucking cunt.

Anything you want to plug? If any listeners are in New York and are interested in improv and doing comedy, I host the Late Night Improv Jam every Friday at 9 o'clock at the Pit Loft. interested in improv and doing comedy i host the uh pit uh late night improv jam uh every friday at nine o'clock uh at the pit loft and it's super fun and um i don't know we can have some fun do some improv and other than that my twitter at flitter um and i just post some sketches and

stuff there and just look out for me i'm still acting and hopefully might be some things in the works roles movies hopefully yeah that's fantastic thank you for sharing all that with us yeah and might be some things in the works, roles, movies, hopefully. Yeah. That was fantastic. Thank you for sharing all that with us. Yeah. And just remember out there, no matter how well or successful your life is going, someday you may also be hosting an improv jam at the pit loft. This is The Downside.

One, two, three. Downside. Downside. Downside. Downside.