The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #99 Nobody Likes You with Konnie Metaxa

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

NOTE: We did a little bit *too* much complaining in the original version of this episode so this is a slightly edited rerelease of last Tuesday’s interview. If you heard the original NO YOU DIDN’T. Konnie Metaxa (star of the short lived Greek version of Modern Family) joins the podcast to tell Gianmarco that nobody liked him in college and the downsides of your doctors giving you more boob than requested, drinking so much espresso that the barista alerts your friends, getting your stomach pumped, and whether going to school for acting is worth it. Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Konnie Metaxa on Instagram Check out Konnie's music video Follow Douglas Goodhart on Instagram & check out his website Get tickets to see Uncle Function in LA on September 20 Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's monthly show in NYC (first Sunday of every month) Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Spencer Sileo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, Debbie Downsiders. This is Gianmarco Cerezi. Some of you may have heard this episode, but this is a different version. It's shorter, you might notice. As you know, on The Downside, we love to complain, and every once in a while, or just once so far, but this will definitely not be the first time uh we complain we complain and having a good time and then uh we put it out there and uh a lawyer calls and says a little bit too much complaining on on today's uh episode um so this is a slightly modified version if you heard the original don't tell anybody what you heard. But otherwise, enjoy this.

If you didn't hear it, it is a great episode. I'm glad we were able to get it out there. And Douglas, I hope you win that case. Also, this Tuesday, we'll be dropping our 100th episode of The Downside. It's from our live show with Lucas Connelly. It's very good. I'm so happy that this podcast has actually grown. And if you want to keep supporting us, remember that you can

get these episodes ad-free and all our bonus live Amazon episodes if you join the Patreon. It's patreon.com slash downside. For $5 a month, You get ad-free episodes, all our old bonus episodes of Just Me and Russell, and our new episodes with Amazon's new amp app that none of you are listening to. So join the Patreon. Thanks. Is that recording? Oh, there's a red dot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just making sure. Welcome to the downside. My name is Joe Marco Cerezi. Hey. What an exciting day. We have guest co-host. Wow.

You've heard his voice before. Not because you subscribe to the Patreon. Nope. Only 10 of you maybe. But this is the singer, the creator of the Downside theme song. I did the song. I know the song. I sing along to it.

Wait, wait. Sing it from memory. Downside. song i know the song i sing i did the wrong yeah before you sing it from memory yeah that's it's not a long song no no no it's not i'm glad you knew the words so uh uh welcome co-host douglas goodhart thank you i'm so happy applause is there like an applause button no no no no i'm so happy to be here I'm kind of trying to figure out who I want to be while I'm on this pod in terms of like, you know, I'm usually kind of sunny. I'm like a sunny person. Sunny, but with a dark underbelly. Sure, sure.

I think I'm going to try to tap into that. I'm not happy right now. Really? Yeah. Well, my knee hurts. What happened to your knee? I have fucking arthritis in my knee hurts what happened to your knee i have fucking arthritis arthritis in my knee i'm 38 years old and i have arthritis in my knee i'm my mother i am my mother officially

you are the oldest member of uncle function i am with a bullet by a couple of years so like when i'm holding props on the subway, it's worse coming from me. Sure, sure. What is that old man doing? Younger sketch people are helping you out. Because you're on the subway with props and, you know. Props? Yeah, for our sketch show.

And we're here. Like clown, you know, you look like a clown and you're 38. Well, our guest went to college for musical theater, so she knows something about being a clown. We all did. We all did. You did too? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to the best

musical theater school. Which one's the best one? Better than yours, I mean. The Boston Conservatory. Boston Conservatory is a little bit better. Yeah, slightly better. No, no, no.

They're all fun. The University of Miami? Well, yeah. Well, let's be honest. Our guest, I'm so excited to have her. I mean, I haven't seen you since college, right?

Did we see each other in between those two things? Yeah, we did. Where did we see each other? New York. I came to your apartment. What? Oh, shit. Yeah.

Well, not alone. Which one was this? Was this when I was in Soho? I don't remember. What did we do? Did we just hang? Yeah, we just hung. Oh, that's nice.

Yeah, yeah. We were friends. Yeah. He has no memory. He has no memory of it. Not a single moment. This has to have been 2011 or 2012. So I don't remember anything from that time.

2014 probably. Okay, I was close. Is there something that happened to you that makes you block out everything? Everything from my college I did block out. Really? Tremendously. But, Connie. Hello.

Metaxa? How do you say it? Metaxa. Metaxa. But what's the real name? Because I saw it online Costadina Pagozidi Great

Wow That was your full name? That was your first and last that you just said? Yes Costadina Cool Thank God That was amazing

Tell us a downside about Greece To kick off Douglas' beautiful voice About Greece? Like a downside about Greece Can I just say a downside about L.A.? Sure. Because I was just there. L.A., please.

Please do it. L.A. sucks. Super overrated. Super overrated. This is the downside. One, two, three. I really agree. Could you turn on the AC?

Yeah. You're listening to The Downside. No, I turned it off. Yeah, it was my mistake. With Gianmarco Cerezi. Douglas has gone to turn on the AC. It was my fault. We're so excited to have you.

Thank you. That's great. We'll talk about you in a second. But I did want to bring up a story that happened to me. I started taking kind of a CrossFit class again. Wow. Light. Because you stopped because of your hernia.

I got a hernia. I did a single rep deadlift. Suddenly my abs seized up. And there was like a little bobble, like a little something in my belly button. And the person said, oh, that's probably like, I got an ultrasound for a baby. And they said, oh, no, that's just like a fatty tissue or just like a weird bump. That doesn't make it better. Okay.

And then one night I was fidgeting with it, and it popped back into my stomach. And I said, that's a hernia. And basically for a while, I could feel it go in and out, in and out. So the thing that caused that to happen, I'm doing again. Why? It's close. It's convenient. I'm not doing single but i just it's close it's convenient i'm not doing like single rep i'm just but it's barbells it feels good you feel strong you like he likes to curse too when he works out one time i was privy to like one of his private workout workouts

and it was like oh fuck it was very it was lots of cursing we did like when covid was ravaging the country we took a vacation no we quarantined we quarantined we did like four months and we did like a quarantine pod and they saw me work out i was doing zoom workouts and douglas was here no we went to vermont we went to okay yeah vermont no no it's new hampshire. New Hampshire. And we were in like a closed older community. And he's screaming obscenities. Like with. Just like fuck. Yeah, with like sexual. Sexual? Very.

That sounded sexual. Absolutely. Just like, oh, fuck. I'm going to cum. One more burpee, I'm going to cum. One more burpee. So I'm doing this. So you do a name game in the beginning,

I think to make sure no one has like CTE or anything. And they had everyone go around and they had people say their name, what they did for work, and their favorite kind of cake. And so, you know. Their favorite kind of cake? Yeah, it was just like the game.

You just do a thing. And I got to this woman and she was like, my name's Lacey or whatever, I'm an accountant. And my favorite cake is tequila. And the class went fucking wild. Oh, yeah. It really killed. She was getting an applause break in the middle of CrossFit.

And I started having this panic attack because I was like, I can't think of a funnier answer. I don't know what to say. Well, what's your favorite cake? It's red velvet, but that's not funny. That's normal. And I was like thinking, I was like, pancake, beefcake. I felt like fruitcake.

And I said, that's homophobic. I had no idea what to do. And I just said red velvet like a schmuck. And everyone probably was like, you're the comedian. The accountant was funnier than you. And it's just one of those moments

where you go like, maybe, maybe this isn't for me. Have you ever lied about what you do so that you don't have to talk about it? Or so that there's no pressure? Like I should have said, my name's Tremarco.

I was a first responder on 9-11. Red Velvet. Yeah. And then I got a big applause break. Any cake as long as it's shaped like an American flag. Uh-huh, uh-huh. I'm sorry that they put you through that.

Yeah. That's just being a comedian you're humbled constantly because you're not always the funniest in the room sometimes it's an accountant yeah so that was my

that was my downside but but let's talk about you Connie yeah let's let's shift the focus but I gotta say

like I gotta I gotta preface this with a couple things about like how I knew Connie Connie is two grades below me two yeah or three But I got to say, I got to preface this with a couple things about how I knew Connie. Connie is two grades below me? Two, yeah. Or three.

No, two. Two. Don't age me. We went to college, and Connie was just like a musical theater student. A little bit of a party gal. A little bit. Party gal. Okay.

My whole class was like a party gal. Your class was wild. Your class and they were close. My class, we don't speak to each other anymore none of us are friends i'm actually here for baldwin's wedding do you remember him that's insane that's insane i can think of two people from our class who would invite me to their wedding and the rest would would have guards making sure i don't get into the free food i'm so sorry what was? Not a lot of people like you. No. Not at all. Not at all. But you do. And that's what matters.

But you were, you were so, you, you did, I said before, you said I could talk about anything. There was a, there was a,

a stomach pump incident. First year. Yeah. First year. Yeah. Oh wow. So you went hard. I can't believe you remember that.

Okay. No. Oh, we all remember it it's probably the biggest story at that school i remember being in the lunchroom someone being like connie got her stomach pumped last night oh my god well i don't remember it oh well sure sure yeah because i blacked out so what happened was that the hangover had just come out great and great my class say no more we understand my class was very tight. Say no more. We understand. My class was very tight.

And it was weird for me because I had just come from Greece. This was my first year. I had never been to the United States before. Okay. And in Greece, I mean, people go out with their children and drink. Yeah. How do they get, they have a drink, but do they get drunk with their children? No, but like it's normal if you go out for dinner to have a glass of wine.

Is there a legal age, though, in Greece? Yeah, but nobody cares's normal if you go out for dinner to have a glass of wine. Is there is there a Legal age though in Greece, but nobody cares nobody cares. What is the age though 18? All right, really? Yeah So if you're at a restaurant you could order it for your 14 year old and they wouldn't bat an eye Well, yeah, if you get a wine for the table, you know Yeah, they just pour a glass of wine and you have some and my dad would be like try this one This is very good, you know Yeah, and some people say that wine and you have some. And my dad would be like, try this one. This is very good. You know? Yeah.

And some people say that that actually prevents people from binge drinking later in life. That's what I was going to say. Exactly. Yeah, but let's hear this story. Well, this is what happened. I was used to just having a glass of wine. Sure. So it was really weird and frustrating for me that I had to like, you know, get carded

or, you know, people were like, let's pregame. I didn't understand the concept of pre-gaming because i would just be drinking when i was out but then people said let's pre-game because we can't drink when we go out i was like wait that's weird so we have to drink everything we're going to be drinking tonight within this hour before we go out that's wild that is wild because i had never like you get lightheaded and drunk if you're drinking Throughout the night But if you're gonna Drink everything Within one hour

You're gonna get fucked Yeah you weren't ready For like American college Like alcoholism Culture Save money And like I mean that's part of

The pre-gaming Right So you don't have To spend so much money Yeah yeah yeah And also because We were young So we were gonna go out

But we wouldn't be able To get drinks out there Right Sure yeah yeah yeah I remember there was a rumor When we were in college That like you had a fake ID, you'd go to jail for two years. That's what they were really pushing. I remember that. And looking back, part of it's like, no.

No. No fucking chance. No chance. But maybe. Did you have a fake ID? No, but I was in a party. I had a fake ID when I was in New York. I went to a camp when I was 14 years old.

I got a fake ID from Hawaii. Like classic, like McLovin. Oh, wow. It was before Superbad, but that's fake ID from Hawaii, like classic, like McLovin. Like, like it was before super bad, but that's what it looked like. And I remember I memorized it all. I was ready to go. I went to a liquor store,

14, bought a jug of the cheapest vodka I could gallon of vodka. And they didn't ask for anything. They just paid right up front. They didn't give a shit. And I was like, wow, New York is just different.

Cause where I grew up in Maryland, cops were busting parties. They would, they, I did, I had one party., New York is just different. Because where I grew up in Maryland, cops were busting parties. Really? I had one party. I had a beer. All of a sudden, they said, the cops are coming. It was like a cul-de-sac. They blocked off the cul-de-sac.

Oh, my God. So kids were running into the bushes, running. The cop gave me a breathalyzer. He said this. He said, did you have anything to drink? I said, no. He gave me a breathalyzer. He said, what did you have to drink?

I said, nothing. And he said, you're free to go. And I was like, breath of life he said what did you have to drink i said nothing and he said you're free to go and i was like he tried to really get you always lie to the cops wow always lie to the cops that's the slogan for the downside that's that's a thing about like you know small town cops that have nothing else to do but bust bust uh young people i grew up in new york and so no one cared no one cared about anything um the first id uh fake ID I got was, I was 16. I got a fake ID that said I was 18 so I could get into one of those clubs

where they played music and you could be 18. Wholesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But we'd smoke pot in the basement. Actually, around here. It was around here. People ask me all the time for shows,

for comedy shows, they say, do you know if the club car is because I'm 19? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I never, I always feel like legally, I never say like, you could probably sneak in. They probably won't check.

I always, I'm always like, sorry, two years from now, I hope you're still a fan. And they're like, probably not. Well, you should, you should find clubs that do that thing where they mark an X on your hand. And you know, that's, I feel like that's doable. I don't really have a lot of control with the clubs. I just, they come in and I say, thank you so much. Someday.

Wait, so where, when, and did you get your stomach pumped? Okay. So we watched The Hangover. Okay. And then we said, let's do Blackeration Op Out, which is Operation Blackout. Oh my God. It's all the proof you need that brains don't fully form until a certain age. Yeah.

And so we went into a room, one of our rooms. I don't remember whose it was. And we decided to film the whole thing and write down how many shots we were taking. So we weren't even doing this with drinks. Like, our goal was to black out and to film it. So all of the friends went into this tiny room. Like, the room was probably this big right and hecht yeah oh yeah did you live in hecht yeah yeah a little bit bigger than this but pretty

fucking small yeah and we were like 10 people in there filmed the whole thing but of course i wasn't used to drinking like that so i remember like this one point where i baldwin actually i remember remember straddling him and trying to be him and then just throwing up. Wait, do you throw up onto him? I don't even remember. I just remember trying to be sexy and then nothing ever happened.

But I don't even know why I wanted to do that with Baldwin and then I just threw up and I don't know where. And then I have no memory. I woke up. I had never gotten a hangover before because I wasn't drinking like that. So I remember waking up in a dark room trying to eat pretzels. And my mouth was so dry because obviously when you're too hungover, you can't eat anything. And I was like, what is this feeling?

I don't want to have this ever again. I'm never drinking again and obviously i had never said that before yeah but yeah that's i got my stomach pumped i don't remember it woke up with an iv in my hand oh you woke up at the hospital no in this room the hospital came to the room oh wow jeez they're like we can't move she's not gonna make it she's not gonna make it to the hospital i gotta be honest sounds like you won operation blackout blackeration operation op out she totally won yeah i don't have that video anymore because my laptop died but oh my god now it was disgusting did the school did the teachers like sit you down and say like we need to talk about like

was there any kind of repercussions with miami or the musical theater yeah i got like written up do you remember that no i don't remember so if if something like that happened like if they found cigarettes or like if you did something if you had a hot plate in your room like you get written up and then or if like they find you drunk or find something in your room and then if you get written up three times something happened but it's gonna be tough to be just work at a college and be like, oh, they're going to drink. Yeah. Just to have 18-year-olds at a college be like, oh, they're going to drink. Totally.

So I knew you in college, and there was always like, oh, you know, Connie's dad is famous. Really? And it was like, yeah, people knew that something was going on or that, or that you had money. I, I'm just saying like from the outside, like it was like, what, what is this something there? But then there was like, well, how famous could she be? Could he be if she's at the university of Miami with us? And that's a question I've never gotten to the bottom of, but I always knew this. And then like, you know, uh, once we graduated, I saw from afar, I was like, a lot of Instagram followers.

And then photo shoots every day. And then the weddings and the papers. The weddings and the papers? The weddings and the papers. And then, well, Hannah Burner, who we had on. I remember, I didn't know. I remember finding out about- She was Greek, too. What?

She's Greek, too. Hannah Burner? No, I'm sorry. I thought you were talking about the- Oh, about Gus. Yeah. But Hannah Burner, she's a reality star. And it was just like, I found out about her marriage from page six.

And I'm like, wow. And then I had Gus Constantelos. He was a guest a couple of weeks ago. He's Greek, born in America though. And when I said your last name, he said, oh my God. He started singing your dad's songs. I listened to the podcast he didn't sing any songs I lied you're right but but he's I said I said how famous is he and he

said sting that was the is that a fair comparison or is there someone more accurate I mean not really because it's like Greek not traditional music but it's Greek music which isn't really pop or rock it's just like Greekreek music so he's just like one of the the biggest star for greek music yeah he's been singing since the 80s so totally i went through i went through a lot of a lot of his stuff you did absolutely hilarious well so so um i love brazilian music and in brazil there's like a national songbook of songs that everyone knows. Is Greece the same way? Where like,

there's like songs that everybody knows. Like if he were to play a song, they'd be like, oh, and they'd be singing it in the bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why it's Greek music because you know,

all Greek people will hear it eventually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. But I didn't know that people were like talking about that. That seems so weird.

You just said he's the biggest. Nobody knows that in America. I know, but that's, I think it was just like, I don't know. I think we were all like curious about like how famous, how famous is this guy? Or just why are you, why are you taking voice and speech 301, tremoring on the floor? Why don't you have your dad fucking put you as his opening act? I did that after.

I know, I know. And I think that's good. There was an article recently, Idris Elba, I guess, Idris Elba, he did a movie with a daughter and his daughter auditioned to play it. And he said the chemistry wasn't right and she didn't get cast.

And then he told people about it that his daughter didn't speak to him for three weeks. I can't. Part of me was like, I understand you're not casting your daughter in the high budget movie. I don't understand you telling the papers about her auditioning for it. Yeah, he wants like a badge of honor for having not let his daughter have a head start. Which she can get a head start. It's okay. Yeah.

I don't understand that. I understand not putting it in your movie because maybe she sucks yeah oh yeah i understand making the introduction but being like you know sweetheart but he said the chemistry wasn't right he didn't say she's bad you're right he did like use the word chemistry that's yeah did he actually that's kind of cool i think he said chemistry yeah that's that might be code though he wasn't he wasn't like i would have cast her, but she's like a little too much. So, okay, so you're a teenager. Were you like a party teenager? I mean, were you a mess?

Were you a child star mess famous person? Listen, I had to raise myself, basically. So my mom was a child. So I had to raise my mom as well because she's afraid of everything. And she wasn't a very good mom when I was growing up either. But my dad was not there. My mom was a child. So I had to make sure that everything that was around me, I was aware of. So I had to know what time I should get home.

I had to make sure that I wouldn't like get abducted or kidnapped. Sorry. And or raped. Sure. You know, just like things of life. I had to learn them myself. So I think I wasn't, I was a party girl, but I wasn't really like, I never crossed the line. Yeah.

Because I was always taking care of myself. Are you an only child? I'm sorry, this is really depressing. This is the downside. This is the downside. Come on. Are you an only child? Yes sorry this is really depressing this is the downside this is the downside come on are you an only child yes

oh you are yeah so at least there was the foresight of like okay we're only having one you know because some some famous people

they set up like franchises they set up families all over the place you know he could have a lot of other kids you don't have half siblings he might I don't know

you don't have any half siblings no no no so your dad after you he's like condoms well I was a mistake. He's like, hey, Trojans, that's our thing. We better invest.

So when did you think, oh, I want to be a performer too? Oh, very early. And did you ask your dad, hey, you owe me, set this up? Because if I had a shitty dad, I mean mean this is what i did essentially with you know finances to a degree there's a degree of like hey you suck give me some money yeah yeah but if my dad was in the business i mean of course i'd be like can you help me at all i have a friend who's whose father is like a famous screenwriter and like playwright and i always was surprised by how little he helped and it's it's it's tough because part of me is like this industry is so insidious and and nepotism and

how could you not and but sometimes it's that person's pride you know like they don't want help from that but it's like no it's so hard to do this. Just take any advantages that you can in life. You have to. Right? Yeah. What did your dad? Well, I hated my dad. So I was like, I'm not taking any help from him.

Sure. And that was my big thing. And it's still, I'm working through it right now. Not through therapy. Oh. Just by myself. Just by yourself. Good.

Just by myself. Good, good. On a podcast. On a podcast on a podcast help me no um so it was very hard for me to say that i'm getting help from anyone not just my dad so i was always like oh he's doing that i should do something completely different he lives in greece i should go to the other side of the world to study. He's doing Greek music. I'm going to do good music. Good. No, that was good.

That was good. That was good. Listen, it's very interesting. Great. Here's my one question about Greek music. I never got help. I still, it's very hard for me to get help from him or anyone. It's always my- But it must have helped that you're the person, right?

That you're his daughter. No. No. That was something that they frowned upon in Greece. If they were like, that's why I changed my name. Because when people were like, oh, you're his daughter. What, you want to get this job because you know him? And I was like, no, I hate him.

And then they wouldn't give me the job. Interesting. Okay, so then leading up to going to college in America, were you doing any professional things? Were you doing theater? What were you doing? I was doing theater in high school. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then I just decided that, yeah, go ahead. No, no, no, please, you decided that. Oh, no, I decided that I'm going to go to school for acting, not musical theater. Yeah, because I was going to ask, what's the musical theater thing in Greece? Is there a musical is there a musical theater like did you do that's a big conversation it's terrible every time i go to a musical in greece i sit in the front row because they invite me and i always cry because it's so bad oh i can't control my emotions yeah yeah yeah yeah but i it's

so bad because every time i'm like this is the best that they can do yeah yeah yeah what's this it's very frustrating i mean when did it start there i think with stand-up comedy all the time what i've seen from like different countries and i watch the specials with subtitles is that like i saw the first special first netflix special in south korea and you're like these jokes feel very hacky and it's long setups, few punchlines, but you're like, oh,

it'll be where America is with stand-up in 100 years maybe or 50 years because it'll be sped up by media intake. But it's like, if musical theater's new,

it's just like, it's a baby. It's gonna suck if you know what a matured version of the art form is. I think the people just suck i'm not like i don't respect anyone really other than my dad and one more chick

fureta everyone else i think is not talented wow i'm sorry but is that because is that because it's a newer art form you think just greek greek people are nothing for acting yeah she's talking about music she's talking about the whole thing you guys invented art greeks that's their whole thing i don't think anyone is talented wow wow sorry no i mean i sound you're the only greek person i know i don't give a shit my husband hates when i say this he calls me a snob but i think everybody's terrible do you think there's do you think there's something in the culture that's stopping them from greatness? Is it that it's too beautiful there? Why should anybody strive to do anything?

Nobody wants to work ever, so they don't work hard for anything. The two people that I do respect are people who literally work 24-7 for their art form. So everybody else is just either overacting or terribly singing. Or spending time with their daughter fuck those guys uh so what made you want to go to a america and be the university of miami well i didn't have that many options basically when you i went to an english school english speaking my whole life. And everybody who graduates from there goes to London for school.

Oh. Or somewhere in England. And nobody went to the States because it was too far. We got like, we had, we did the IB, which takes you immediately to an English British university. But my acting teacher is from the States. Was it like my acting teacher from high school is from the state she's from ohio and she went to university of miami and she said do you want to try and audition for the united states and i was like yeah so i did otterbein

and university of miami because otterbein is where she's from and she went to university of miami wow she's still friends with Bruce Leckier. Oh my God, Bruce Leckier? Yeah. So Bruce Leckier. That's who I auditioned for, actually, because of her. Tell me about this guy.

Tell me about Bruce. Tell me about old Brucey boy. I was about to say, this is probably rude to say, well then, no wonder you got in right away. I'm sure Bruce Leckier... Bruce Leckier, I I mean do I have to add a big like allegedly

parentheses around all this yes so he was a he was a tenured teacher allegedly and there was just like there was just like like a little

little too little too but also like not a good teacher more I cared more not a good teacher like so like just like movement and like had all these big more, not a good teacher. Like, so like, just like movement

and like how all these big movement things. There's one day where we were doing like arm circles to like figure out our shoulder joint. And he had us do arm, shoulder, this for the whole class. I mean the whole, I mean the whole hour, 10 minute class. And there was one, there was one, we had to just move in slow motion. Again, for the whole hour as he went to his office. Slow motion. And me and my friend Rob Nannis, we had to just move in slow motion. Again, for the whole hour, as he went to his office, slow motion.

And me and my friend Rob Nannis, we went to the cafeteria. Like we slow motioned and then we just went to the cafeteria, came back and then slow motioned back. And I remember all our peers, all our classmates were like, you really missed something. We really like learned something from this today. And Rob and I were like, shut the fuck up. Stop it. And then this was the greatest. We had an exercise.

No way. They got rid of it. Did you ever do it? The gun exercise? Of course. So the gun exercise was like a legendary exercise freshman year. You could hear about it. Freshman year.

Oh, like, yeah. Like from the older classmen. Like, oh, you haven't done the gun exercise yet. It was a big thing. Gun day. Gun day. So you're all and this is after columbine to be clear yeah yeah and we were some kind of character from some exercise

in that character and then like two seniors or bruce if he was doing it would come in with like a fake gun to be like get on the fucking ground and would do like a hostage situation improvised and gradually he'd shoot people throughout the thing and you'd have to die and I died really early and you had to, again, stay dead for the whole class. And if you fell in an uncomfortable position you couldn't move or you'd get a death.

You were graded for this. You had to stay alive, basically. It's how you deal with a hostage situation is how basically he was trying to test if you were good in character. Like it was fun. I loved it. He hates it.

I loved Bruce Lank's class. I liked the gun exercise. It was like a crazy improv thing. It just learning how to be like just commit. Yeah. And but definitely not allowed anymore. And the funniest thing was Leah. She was doing a sign language character with with a

classmate named heath was like her son and she got shot in the head and as she's falling shot in the head she signs like i love you and then died she would i can just imagine the kids in your your grade that were like like a little too into it and so afterwards they were like you know I really I really felt something oh that was me or like I was really traumatic

that was really traumatic like I was really crying like I really felt like I was there like just kill me kill me literally and let me get out of this thing were you this cynical

at that age yes especially about acting class especially like where like the teacher would be like we're gonna work on the Pledge of Allegiance

I remember doing this in acting class where we all had to be like close your eyes you're on a boat on your way to america and you see the statue of liberty now say the pledge of allegiance and like we're you just want us to cry like stop it it's like just like i pledge of vengeance you know everyone's sitting like like, just like, I pledge allegiance. You know, everyone's sitting like, like, like little, you know, I pledge allegiance to the flag. It's just killing. That would have meant a lot to her coming from Greece. But I wouldn't be able to do it. I don't know this.

Sure, sure. You don't know it? You don't know it? I could. Don't learn it. Yeah. So Bruce, yeah, Bruce just like, listen, you're, you're a fantastic performer, but Bruce,

there were just a couple of people Bruce would let in that like their biggest talent. Stop, stop, stop, stop. So he was fired,

right? I mean, these are fake, so they weren't the reason. Oh, okay. All right, good.

And he asked that in the interview. But you got, so you got them back man so you got in and then i mean your english is was always great you never like had like i had an accent you had an accent uh did you were you glad that you went i mean 100 see that's strange 100 i use all the stuff that I learned still in like my life. That's great. But in your mind, were you like, I'm going to go back to Greece and use the fact that I'm kind of a celebrity to catapult my career? I didn't want to go back to Greece.

I tried to stay here, but I couldn't get a visa. And then basically what happened was then I had no money. I was working at a motel that people go to have sex. Yeah. A motel. Yeah. Oh, it's not like a... But like one where there's a motel.

All motels are... Well, I think there's some where there's like, there's, I mean, at least... You pay by the hour. You pay by the hour. You pay by the hour, yeah. And maybe there's a quarter thing that makes the bed vibrate a little bit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was one of those. So my friend owned one of those hotels. So I went and worked there for the summer to make some money. Wow. Baldwin actually helped me. He got a ticket for me back i did the whole thing i got a new passport went back with nothing basically all my friends like put it you got a new passport i got a new passport it was very hard i went back all my friends put some money in account so i can

like spend during the day and like pay for rent and stuff i got a roommate in a one bedroom and i i made it back and then yeah wow yeah it was it's a real triumph of your friends too of like you the relationships i mean i don't i don't have siblings but my friends are very important to me that's why if let me tell you if my class if i had gone stuck in greece i'd be living in greece. She said no one liked you. She said nobody liked you. No, it's just like their grade had like a really special, it's what you want from like a conservatory.

And some grades, they gel like that. And some grades don't. And it's, was there a lot of relationships in your grade? Oh yeah. And do they like survive the breakups? Because that's what fucks it up i mean we were all friends so we would just like date each other for a little bit and then we were friends again it was weird in the beginning but when then we were just friends wow that's tough um so you got back

well you have to think like we were the party class so we were fucked up when we were hooking up true totally you didn't remember half the relationship i still tell people all the time how many espressos did you have in this i heard about this you would have six espresso shots in a in a coffee or something well somebody told me that john split off do you remember him music school john split off no i saw him in la and he said you know actually the starbucks ladies would come and talk to us and say you should watch out for your friend because she's having too much espresso and i was like whoa when was this a thing i didn't even know this is a thing people are like worried about how much coffee i drank and he feels like she had her stomach last night he talked about it on the

podcast yeah because i because i stuck with me forever because whenever i thought i had a problem it was one of those whenever i thought i had a caffeine problem, I was like, well. Well, that's normal. It's a fucking mess. Yeah. In Greece, you have like five espressos during the day. Yeah. Yeah, but not in one big cup.

No, big espressos. Really? Not like little espressos. Like five coffees. Like a cappuccino. And yet you don't get any shit done. It's really incredible. I know.

I know. And, you know, I just went to Italy. And the coffee is like. It's a big done. It's really incredible. I know. I know. You know, I just went to Italy. And coffee is like... It's a big thing. It's a big thing, but it's also very quick. It's also very... You know, like, to me, I like to have a coffee. I just sit down, drink a coffee.

It takes a long time. Let a little poop marinate. Yeah, yeah. And then... But they're like, and go. That's in Italy, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In Greece, you sit with your coffee all day.

Oh, you do. So you have coffees throughout the day that you're with all day. Yeah. Oh, all right. This episode is brought to you by Dyson OnTrack. Dyson OnTrack headphones offer best-in-class noise cancellation and an enhanced sound range, making them perfect for enjoying music and podcasts. Get up to 55 hours of listening with active noise cancelling enabled,

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number one rated online broker by MoneySense. Get started today at Questrade.com. So you go back to school. This is your last year that this all happens? I go back to school. Now, I couldn't pay for school because he wasn't paying for it. We weren't speaking. But all of my teachers said, you're very good.

We'll let you take the classes. Wow. So I was there illegally, basically. That's a big deal. They did not let that happen at my school. Like if you were even a little bit late. What they were offering was worthless. It wasn't worthless for me.

She had a great time. I had a great time. I learned a lot. I was very invested. Senior year was the year where I'm like, okay, can we agree that we've run out of things? Listen, I don't think that the things they were teaching us were good for what we were going to go do. Okay, I would define that as the purpose of going to college.

You still use it, though. I still use everything I learned in college. Yeah, that's important. I know that you hate that, but it's the truth. No, listen. The first two years, sure. I even taught Connie some acting classes. When I got back from the acting conservatory,

I did three classes for you, Elizabeth Nessel Road, and I pretended I was an acting teacher for four sessions for free. Do you warm up now before a show? Now I do a rap. It's called Al insanity no every show i go i adamantly attack the alphabet with an antidote algorithm made of adam and eum like an adderall that did anaconda or an alcohol so the whole rap you do it yeah because how long is it it goes through the whole alphabet it's like two minutes long that was just a though that was just a yeah

that was half of a that's great well because what i was going to say is if you don't warm up, then you're not using your college, like what you learned in college. Because to me, in musical theater school, we just learned how to warm up. That's it? Yes. Well, think about it. It's all, it's all like, you know, in speech class, you're like bending over and stretching and stuff like that.

And so I try to do that stuff because we paid a lot of money for our school. Is that what you mean? Like you learn the things? Well, I was an acting major. I wasn't a musical theater major. But even that, we didn't do a lot of that. We did some of that.

Bruce Miller was a great teacher. I'll go on the record. There was some good acting training. I just mean overall in terms of like, I think my bitterness, there were useful things. My bitterness is just that

this did not close the gap at all between training and actually being in the workforce in any capacity. And they had the tools and the time and the resources to do it. Well, what were they supposed to teach? They could have,

A, could have connected you to like, do extra work on a Miami production of Dexter. Be on a film set. Meet casting directors that are local. Fly in casting directors with the $50,000 that everyone has spent to have this tuition. Go to New York. Spend more time there. The showcases that we did, no casting directors came.

No agents came. No one came. I got Warner Brothers. Sure. Good for you. No one came for ours. But I was saying like, like there were showcases I heard,

you know, like if you, if you go to North Carolina school of the arts, Juilliard, Carnegie mountain, a lot of people do come to those showcases and people walk out of it, but maybe you don't, you know,

that is, that is a crap shoot. Maybe because you were older. Our, I mean, our grade had a lot of people there. Okay. Who's,

how many people in the grade are still in the business? This is always a fun game. In the business? Yeah, in the business. Working at a professional level, making a living, doing the art that they studied at their college.

Out of the 13 people? Uh-huh. Five? Okay. That's pretty good. That's half. That's pretty good. With me, six.

We didn't cover math in the curriculum. It's not half, but it's close. That's pretty good. With me, six. We didn't cover math in the curriculum. It's not half, but it's close. It's close to half. It's close. It's a lot of people. That's pretty good for musical theater. It's a lot of people. Yes.

Yes. I would say mine is not. We had a world-class music studio with a recording studio. How could we not all walk out with voiceover reels? How could we not? How could we not use walk out with voiceover reels how can we not how can we not use the resources instead i come here and i gotta pay 1200 you could have done that by yourself sure i could look back and know all these things how would i know yeah yeah there's a lot of teachers who it's just like they're teaching you by 80s like what the system

was in the 80s and speaking of bruce secure i wanted to he was directing our showcase they threw it to him for god knows why you know he said to me i wanted to do it a monologue from the office and he said comedy's not really your thing and you don't want to go out there and show them the thing that's not like your specialty yet and well were you a little dramatic little bitch in college okay that's what i want to hear about so when when he announced that he's going to start doing comedy, I was like, that's not Joe Marco. That's a different person. He was like so obsessed.

He was crying when he didn't get Hedda Cobb. What are you talking? I wasn't crying. You were crying and you had to do it with me. You're in town. You had to be in your town. Right. We did your town together. And you were so upset.

Were you? I was lock stock. She was a little Sally. Oh, wow. That's why. And he ripped my little doll. Do you remember you took her arm? What did I do?

On the last night because you wanted to keep something from the show. Oh, yeah. Did I? Yeah. No, we had so much. That's I remember that. First, that was a blast. Yeah.

That was an awesome role to do. That's a great show. And I remember like I was my note was always like I was being too mean like in character to her I remember I wanted to like push your face back at one point they're like stop that the director that worked did not like the comedic stuff like or like the real like didn't wanted it very set and I was in phase oh yeah we did but like I always wanted to fuck around more so when she went out of town I remember she had to go to town because a family member was sick and I was like,

now I'm going to do it all. Great show. He did. He did it all. You've worked with those composers? Yeah, I've worked with them a bunch of times. They're very, those two,

Mark Holleran and Greg Kodas. I forgot we did that together. That was so much fun. But he was like the dramatic actor. I approached that role like from a sincere... And he loves drama. He still loves so much drama. He did this Italian character and he was like,

I'm gonna learn how to use my hands like the Italians do. And he was like, everybody was like, oh, John Markle, the very serious actor. And then suddenly he's like, I'm doing comedy now. Yeah. This is great. This is the best thing ever. So don't forget!

He's such a little drama queen you and leo were like oh we're so serious about this wasn't there a story about wasn't there a story about you being in a wheelchair for a long time like you yeah which we talked about we had a friend i wanted to be like daniel day lewis daniel lewis where i pretended i was uh christy brown famous author with cerebral palsy nice i was i was into i into like this college like many colleges like it was very much like fuck method and emotions we're going to talk about text analysis which is useful but it's also more easy to teach so i think a lot of people like never you have to figure out the other part too at some point you got to figure out how to connect you got to figure out how to be

emotional yeah yeah this is that's the questions that i would have but let's talk about you let's out how to connect. You got to figure out how to be emotional. Yeah. That's the questions that I would have, but let's talk about you. No, no. Ask me more about Joe Marco. I have a lot of stories. What did you think of me in college, though? Oh, I loved you. I mean, I was, I thought you were one of the best actors I knew. Oh, that's nice. You and

After she talked about every Greek actor being the worst actor in the world, I was the best of that. No, I'm serious. I actually did. This is really that. No, I'm serious. I actually did. This is really. I was like, I'm so obsessed with you. No, but I do. I thought he was great. I thought, you know, he was one of the people I looked up to, him and Leah.

And I thought you guys were incredible. And Baldwin, too. I mean, I don't know if you remember him acting. I remember he was good. He was very good. So you guys were like, and I always liked you. People didn't like you.

I always did. Wait, did people really not like me? This is my favorite. She keeps saying it. Who didn't like me? Such earnestness. Nobody likes you. Nobody I know. It just keeps-

In your grade? And grades above and grades below. Who are you talking about? I need more specifics. I need more specifics. I mean, when I say Kayla likes you, she listens to your podcast. No, I don't care about

who likes me. I care about who doesn't like me. Well, everyone I mention, I'm like, do you guys listen to Joe Marco's podcast? Well, that's not necessarily a reflection on me.

because we don't like Joe Marco. That's what they say? Well, I know they don't like you because we would talk about it because in college, I was always like talking about you being a good actor and how I thought you were funny

well not funny but like a funny guy you weren't funny not purposely funny just like amusing and everybody was like so lucky that I get to be here and people would say

you and Jamarco just have that connection I don't see it I definitely wasn't like I'm not I wasn't like friendly to the grades I wasn't like

let's go hang out I was just bored but I feel like I was more of a, I wasn't like friendly to the grades. I wasn't like, let's go hang out. I was just bored. But I feel like I was more of a recluse than like outwardly anything. I just like wasn't talkative. I want to have every single member from that class. You were just weird. I was weird. I'll take that.

Yeah. I was weird. Yeah. You're a little bit hard to get to know. But I think that once you do, you just realize realize how much what a lovely person you are and i think i've become more human i i mean you've seen the trajectory i think so yeah yes yeah yeah uh i want to know i want a list of everyone who doesn't like me well here's the thing it was my freshman year when we did you're in town sure so the first no sophomore year sophomore year yeah but we worked together

on a show before that you were in a show and i was working on it i don't remember what it was oh my god here comes the story of me yelling at a rent were you in rent i wasn't right unfortunately okay so he was working rent he was in rent and i was working because the first year you couldn't be in a show you had to run the tech so i i guess we got to know each other and then my sophomore year we did that together which we spent a lot of time together because we were both like obsessed with acting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, we did the work.

So we spent a lot of time together. I think that's why I liked you. Otherwise, I don't know if I would like you. Sure. Yeah. Wait, I want to ask because you must be very good. I mean, to have English as a second language and to book Little Sally, I think, is a serious thing.

Everybody hated me for that. Molly, do you remember Molly Evans? Sounds like there were a lot of haters in this fucking school. Sounds not very specific to me. Do you remember Molly Evans? I remember Molly Evans. So she was waiting for Year in Town to get Little Sally, and then when I got it as a sophomore and she was a junior,

all of her grade was so mad at me. Oh, wow. They were like, this Greek girl comes and takes the thing out of our hands sophomore and she was a junior, she was, all of her grade was so mad at me. Oh, wow. They were like, this Greek girl comes and takes the thing out of our hands. Even she has a Greek accent. Let me tell you, like, this is another problem, I think, with, like, the college program where, like, I also understand, like, it's great that you got it. I also understand if you pay $50,000 a year

and they come with a part of Little Sally and you're 4'10 ten or however tall she is and you're like well you guys have been you guys have been training me if if I'm not good enough

for the part you were the ones who promised me training in exchange for money and now I'm doing the ensemble at the college I'm paying $50,000

a year for it just is not yes the whole casting system does not fall in line with the scholastic pay an insane amount of money system and you're stuck at the campus for four years yes i i mean she was also

a musical theater major and i was an acting major wow even rougher that's a musical yeah yeah yeah obviously wait so you went on i got it you went on to do a show in greece right that like the modern family you did modern family in Greece. I did. That was the only audition that actually happened in Greece. Audition, people don't audition in Greece. They just get the part. Oh, that sounds great. I went back to Greece depressed and I heard about this audition and I went and did it and I got it.

But there weren't auditions, like there are no more auditions. Oh. I just want to ask a question about acting in Greek. And I got it. Now. But there weren't auditions. Like, there are no more auditions. Do you? Oh. Do you? I just want to ask a question about acting in Greek. Like, in Greece. Like, do you feel like it's the same? Do you feel like in general?

Well, it's not the same because you're acting with bad actors. Okay. Sure. Are you talking about your whole cast? Yeah. You're throwing your whole cast under the bus. No, there was one good guy. No, but like, what I mean is like, do you feel.

Well, you know how jokes are different in different languages, because of course the way things are placed well this is why it didn't go well because they just google translated it so the jokes never landed so it literally was modern family oh yeah we got the rights and oh my god but they didn't like have like a great director being like oh this plot point won't make sense in greece so let's alter it a little like it was just like copy and paste yeah we couldn't really make a lot of changes because we got the rights to it yeah yeah yeah i mean honestly it makes me wonder why they don't do it for like every show because you have the template right there yeah you know well the problem was that they didn't the people who actually translated didn't know good enough english to get the joke. So they just translated it

and thought it was going to be funny. Wow. So, okay, so when you graduated, you went back to Greece right away? No, I came here illegally to New York and tried to figure out a way to stay. And I had a boyfriend back then and I was like, do you maybe want to get married?

Yeah. He was like, no. And I was like, okay, this is fucked. I'm not doing this. I don't have a passport because I lost it again. I lost my passport again. Jeez. So yeah, I just went.

You're like, dad. He's like, I'm in Greece. This one's not on me. Yeah. But yeah, I had to go back to Greece. And then as soon as I got there, I was super depressed. Didn't have my friends. Didn't have anything.

Did you have any money? Did your dad get back in touch? Were you got there, I was super depressed. Didn't have my friends, didn't have anything. Did you have any money? Did your dad get back in touch? Were you? No, I didn't. I had to work. I don't remember where I was working when I got back, but it was hard. And then I was like, okay, well, I guess I'm going to try

and do what I did there or what I wanted to do there. And then I auditioned for that and I got it, so I immediately had work. Wow. Now, to get that audition, though, that seems like, to audition for a series regular It was an open audition.

You got an open call. You booked a major television show in Greece from an open call. I'm going to Greece tomorrow. I'm going to Greece tomorrow. No, but you have to understand, everybody was really bad. That's why I got it. Yeah, I'm going to Greece tomorrow. I'm going to Greece tomorrow. Wait, but you have to understand, everybody was really bad. That's why I got it.

Yeah, I'm going to Greece tomorrow. I'm going to Greece tomorrow. Wait, okay. So if you're good in Greece, you're going to be like, you're going to make it. Does it pay a lot? No. 500 euro for the whole month. Oh my God.

What? That's like theater. That's way worse. 500 euro. Yeah, that's like, how how how long are the shoot days that's insane whole days so do people get famous off these shows or like does anybody care i mean that's what the pay is for actors that's why i don't do that into a movie career in greece or like movies most people don't get paid for doing movies they They do it for free. Just to be in a movie.

Yeah. Oh my God. Or they get like a thousand euro. How many seasons did you do Modern Family for? Two. And then it stopped. It stopped. Well, it didn't go well.

Oh my God. Are there any shows that are long running Greek shows? Yes. And like, do those people eventually make some money? Like, does the pay go money? So I actually I asked about this because my friend is working production for like the most watched show in Greece

the most like the main character makes is 8,000 a month which is a living wage right? But this is like the top show in Greece If you do a TV episode, if I did a TV episode and I don't have a rate,

I could get, if I was a series writer, it'd be 25,000 an episode. Yeah, yeah. It's starting lowest. It's like 8,000 a month. I know, that's why it's crazy. But that's American television.

I mean, you know, it's different. It's a different market. But this is just one. This is like Friends is a million an episode and this is 8,000 a month. That's wild.

And this is like season three. Wow. They got 1,000 the first year. Wow. So then you left. You were done with acting then? Well, it was annoying. I was working so much, and I was getting so little,

and I couldn't have a second job because I didn't have time. I would go home, had to read the scripts, do the blah, blah, blah. So then I tried. I did. Oh, had to read the scripts, do the blah, blah, blah. So then I tried, I did, oh, this was great. I did a new musical where I would get 50 euro. For how long? 50 euro every week. Wow.

That's not a lot. Not a lot at all. How much is that? Nobody can do math in here. Well, I mean, the euro is very close to the dollar right now. Now it's the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the time, it would have been like $75. Well, good for you.

Do you think that's a lot? No, no, no. No, no, no. But is there an actor's union? No, you do your question. Is there an actor's union? Oh, yeah, but it's a joke. I don't know.

Frankly, I don't know how Greece functions. Like everything I'm seeing, I'm like, do the buildings stand? But, okay, so then how did you become because you're you're you're famous well this is what I did I had to find a way to make money and also do what I like uh-huh so that wasn't acting because basically I mean the old John Markco will understand this acting with bad actors makes you feel like a bad actor yes yeah i mean we still do sketch together yeah i don't know you that's why i'm no that's okay that's okay no no i'm with you i'm with you um but that's the most frustrating thing right i mean to be acting with bad actors so that just made me feel like a shitty actor every day so then i stopped wanting it because i was like

what am i gonna do i can't like i'm not connecting with this person this is not real i don't even believe this yeah nobody like it just frustrated me because it's a big passion of mine i love it a lot and i got very invested in it so if i'm gonna do it i want to do it well and i want the product and this is the bad thing about greece people would say why do you care you were good in it and that's just not my mentality sure i want the show to be good i don't want to stand out in the show because that means that the show wasn't good and if i'm standing out something's wrong with it uh-huh so i didn't want to do that. I did, um, boing boing like two years later. Yeah. In Greece. Yeah.

Great. Um, that paid, I think a hundred euro a week or maybe no, it was like, it was like a thousand euro a month, but still very bad. Very, very bad.

So then I decided I have to find another way to do it. So then Instagram had just started and, um, I started, I don't know, taking nice pictures and then instagram had just started and um i started i don't know taking nice pictures and then nobody had nobody was an influencer in greece really and i started doing that and that took off and do you think it helped that they did did people know that you are the daughter of the thing okay you're yeah but that's not what helped. I got a boob job. Okay, sure.

And you feel like that helped? Well... It doesn't hurt. No, that's not why I got a boob job. No, okay. Hey, did your boobs get bigger? What the fuck? I had just gotten... Actually, I reduced them since then.

But I just got a boob job and the doctor made a mistake and put bigger ones in so i had really big that seems like a fishy kind of mistake doctor what i feel like they're like halfway through and he's like you know what i made a mistake they're a little bit bigger and the other person's on the table yeah should we try with it just sew her up how much bigger like much i wanted like the smallest size and yeah i i got like a like bigger than this like a pretty big fucking size so basically what happened with did you wake up and like you couldn't

see doctor i woke up and i said i look fat these are way too big did they reduce them immediately or no i kept them for five years because it was so painful. I didn't want to do it again. Oh, God. So why I mentioned the boobs was because I was I thought I was taking like really cool artsy pictures that were like influencer material. And people were just like taking them and putting them on websites saying she is so hot. Look at her boobs. So that's how I got followers. OK, sure.

That really sucks. But but then I started like changing my content. I wouldn't do do bikini content. I would do more artsy things. And then that took off. And that's how I make my money, basically. And then was the music coming in here at all when you made these songs? So basically, Panic Entertainment is a manager they're managers yeah it's what it's

my record label but they also do other things so they do they put you in shows they do acting they do tv they do music videos they do everything so they found me i don't remember how and they said do you want to do a show at this nightclub as a singer? And I recorded a playlist and I did like a show. Did you sound like a Urinetown track? No, it was more like. You'll catch Urinetown. They're like, oh no, this is the wrong.

No, it was like a jazzy musical theater-y things, like cabaret style. Yeah, like a cabaret. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I did a good show and then they were like, oh, you're good at that. Let's make you some music. Sorry.

And did you, at any point, did you start talking to your dad again? I'm just curious about your dad, like, for him, he must go,

wow, my daughter's now a professional singer too? Oh, no, much earlier. When I came back from the States after that year when we weren't talking, he had a stroke and we weren't talking he had a stroke

And we weren't talking and I said my uncle called me and said your dad had a stroke He might died. Are you coming home? And we weren't talking about that And I was like no fuck him because that was Doing Bernardo Alba at the Arsht Center and that was a big thing for me and I was like, I'm not leaving for this asshole Yeah, I understand Wow. So then when I went and i was like i'm not leaving for this asshole yeah i understand wow so then when i went back it was like let's we were kind of talking again and then we were on regular terms so we never actually talked about it we just like left it behind yeah yeah but then did you ever perform with him yeah so years later like after that i went to went to London and tried to make it there, but I hated

London. So I went back to Greece again. Then I came back here and tried to stay. Couldn't do it. Went back to Greece. Was panic like helping you here or were you like trying to find a new representation here? Yeah. New representation.

Panic is a Greek like representation company. Yes. Correct. So then I end after trying London and trying here again. And then I figured out how to do the green card because I had done some things in Greece. But then I was like, I don't want I don't know if I want to stay here after I got it. Yeah. So then I went back to Greece and just, you know, did everything.

And you're happy there? No. So what what's your first of all all Can I just ask Because I just The idea of performing With your father Like just imagine Douglas We don't have to go into Your father dynamics

But we both have Complicated relationships With our fathers We sure do Can you imagine Just like jamming With your dad on stage No

And like Like you play his guitar I don't know if you guys Do that ever on stage No Is your dad a musician No my dad's a pilot A pilot

A pilot But the point is like the the thought of like sharing our artistic world in any way shape or form with our father wild well i didn't actually share the stage with him you opened i opened for him okay so it was different did he come on and when he came on you go i'm so proud of my... No. Really? Of course not. That's so weird because... That's not the relationship we have. I know, but from everything you've told me about him, you'd think he'd want to be the Tom Hanks-y,

like, I'm so proud of my daughter, kind of nice guy image. No, because he's like, I have my daughter here. He doesn't have to say anything about it because he actually has me on his show. So that for him is enough. Oh, okay. All right. So, okay, so you're not happy in Greece.

Where do you want to go? That's a tough question. I don't know. I guess I am happy in Greece. I am married to a Greek man. Oh, you are? And what does he do? He's a water polo player.

Oh, wow. He's an Olympian. He got a silver medal in the Olympics last year. Oh, my God. Last year? So he's still, like, will he be in the next Olympics? No, he quit the national team so he could travel. Okay.

So is he still- I ruined his career. Was it a tough decision for him, or was he just like- Very tough, very tough. How did you convince him? I didn't. I pretended it wasn't my idea i see so you're extremely manipulative those acting skills did come in handy after all told you

wow uh does he just is he just stay in shape now or is he like i'm he's still working at the clubs the greek club uh-huh for the greek teams but not the national team oh okay i see i see wow so greece okay i make money there not as much as i would like to be making but i work like an american that means regular people to you not people in la sure people here that actually majority from money coming from photo shoots fashion brand deal stuff correct instagram collaborations yeah and music and tv because now i i'm a tv host as well great what kind of show uh i did a music show uh-huh i don't know what i'm doing this year but uh it depends i did the music awards oh like you were the host yeah oh wow yeah that's my that's like what i do now because i want to get

away from music because i don't really like it i just did it because it was giving me money because when you work at a nightclub as a musician in greece you get like 500 a night wow so that's why everybody wants to be a singer yeah so do you i mean do you like the hosting or i do do you ever miss acting? It seemed like you loved acting. Well, I use it in my hosting. Of course. That's where I use it all.

You have to act like you're happy all the time. No, just like acting exercise. You know, listening and reacting. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it sharpens your tools, doing this, having done this podcast. Totally. I totally think. But I just like,

I just know at a certain point, do you think you'll get bored of it and you'll want to go back to the... Well, it sounds like you move around. It sounds like when you get bored of things, you just move. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

I can do everything because I work. And listen, you go to a country where nobody works, if you work, you can get shit done. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So I'm hustling you work, you can get shit done. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So I'm hustling all day, every day. I know, I mean, I hate that word,

but it's the truth. Like I'm out of my home all day doing things. Yeah. I wake up in the morning, I go to the radio show because I was a radio host as well this year. And then I go to the TV show and then I go and do a photo shoot for instagram so i'm literally

working all day every day wow so i get you done yeah i make money so that's the good thing about greece have there been any greek stars at your level that figured out a way to transition it into american success no yeah i imagine it's tough but i feel like they don't speak english sure or if they do they have a very thick accent. I wonder if Panic, your management company, gets the actor auditions for when they need a Greek role or they need someone in a TV show here that speaks both. I don't think they look for people in Greece.

Yeah. Yeah, well, that's the problem. Yeah. I just learned that Anna de Armas, they taught her English for that, like her first television role in whatever war. What did she speak originally? Spanish,

I think. And like, she learned phonetically the lines. And then when they, when they asked her to do a different line, she booked a job and they asked her to do a different line. She didn't know how to do it. And somebody pulled her aside and they were like,

Oh shit. And they had to teach her. I learned this on Tik TOK. I don't know if this is real. I learned this on fucking TikTok, disclaimer. But like they had to teach her how to speak English because they were like, you're going to be a star. You're about to be a star.

So you better speak English. So how will she do it from now on? They taught her how to speak English. Like for real? Like hardcore, they taught her for real. She must have a good brain. I couldn't, I mean, I couldn't. You could not put me in a movie.

If I went, I'm going to Greece tomorrow. If I went to Greece and they were like, you could be a star, you really just got to buckle down and learn how to speak Greek, then you wouldn't do it.

You wouldn't be able to learn. You don't think so? No, Greek is a very hard language. Greek is wild. I'm a fool, she knows. And you guys talk fast.

Am I wrong? I was watching the trailer for Modern Family today. It feels like you guys are talking fast. I can't believe you mentioned Modern Family. That was like 10 years ago. It feels like a different lifetime. If I was on Modern Family and I had a line on Modern Family, I'd be talking about

it every episode of the podcast. You think? I mean, it was huge. It failed, so that's maybe why I don't. Sure. I didn't think it was good. This is my problem. If I thought it was good, I would why I don't. Sure. I didn't think it was good. This is my problem. If I thought it was good, I would be talking about it. Sure.

You wouldn't be able to learn Greek. Okay, good. For sure. And I think Americans talk faster than Greeks. Your name alone. Say your original name, your real name. Costadina Pagosidi. That's crazy.

That's 12 syllables. It's not crazy. It's her name, John Margo.osidi that's crazy well that's that's 12 syllables it's not crazy it's her name john no it's weird jump and it's crazy her name is crazy compared to john marco soresi yeah your name is fucking weird i'm the only one with a normal name john marco soresi six what's yours do it slow costa dina pagosidi it's just a little bit longer it's really not i've never heard of the name Gianmarco until I met you. It's not as common. More Giancarlo, Gianfranco, Gianluca. But it's there.

Oh, it's there. Oh, it's there. So you got married. You happy with this marriage? Yeah. Oh, sorry. You weren't talking to me. Are you married?

No, no. But I was just being affirmative. You're engaged? Oh, I am engaged. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good for you. I'm engaged. Thanks. Are you married? No, no, but I was just being affirmative. You're engaged? Oh, I am engaged. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good for you. I'm engaged. Thanks.

Are you excited? God, I'm really excited. Yeah. Actually, we just had like our first like little tension about the wedding. Like she was doing the dishes and we were talking about like what's happening when we're getting married. And she was like, you know, I just wish you were more excited about it. And I was like, oh, wait wish you were more excited about it and i was like oh wait but i am excited about it like it was the first time you know everyone says like you get engaged and planning the wedding is like your first big test uh-huh

you know that's when the first i don't know how it was for you terrible yeah yeah so there's like things there are things that come up new things um and And I was like, Joanne and I will be fine. Are you helping? Yeah, I think I am. I think I am. Douglas, at least from the outside, you can never tell on the inside, but Douglas is like, he's engaged. He's smart.

He cares. He's aesthetically intelligent. Like you, for a wedding partner, like I would think you'd be the dream, the closest thing to a gay man any woman's going to get. I have a point of view. I have a point of view. It's not like I'm like, yeah, babe. Yeah.

Yeah, whatever you want. Whatever you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I'll make the food. No, but it was like the first moment of us having to talk about, okay, well then we need to communicate more about this, about getting married, because obviously you feel like you're doing everything and i feel like i don't know what to do because you you've taken the reins so you know we've gotta it's hard because if if

somebody decides oh i'm gonna take care of this but then halfway through when you realize what a bitch it is you want the other person to oh do, do you need any help? Should I do anything? But it sounds like you're excited about it. I am excited. Oh my God, yeah. Yeah, totally. You should do more. Yeah, okay, I will.

Just little things. But make sure to not overstep because if she's planning it. You see the problem right here? You just showed the problem right here and there. You just exposed it. There were three seconds between help, but don't do too much

that's not what i said what did you say so if she started doing it already and you say can i do something to help yeah don't try and change what she's already planned no no no that's what i mean don't overstep like make sure to be helpful without changing if somebody's been doing so working on something for six months and then you go and you're like no let's do this yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we so our the episodes airing after this is with lucas connelly and we did a live episode where he went to oh yeah rehab he goes to alcohols alcoholics anonymous he just got married and he told me this story he was like in anonymous i don't think i'm sharing how to turn he said uh he was sharing that you know the wedding he was there's a lot of stress and all these things.

And like a guy came up to him, an old guy said, don't ever complain about the wedding. They'll never forget it. And walked away. And he was like, I will never ever complain about any of this stuff again. Like an old guy just was like, this is the thing. If you complain about it, she'll never forget it. Like she brings it up after the wedding?

Yeah, just like that. Like it's a special day. It's an important thing. I hear, again, I come from a divorced household. It wasn't the same, but I do hear some women talk about marriage and it's just like it's deep culture, heritage, everything. This is a big thing. And if you're like not as engaged in it,

you gotta find it within yourself. You gotta find some kind of love of it. But it was just like when he heard it from this guy, the way he said it, it led to a divorce. And he doesn't speak to his daughter anymore. And he's like, I will never ever complain about it again.

Just because he complained about the wedding once. Did you have a big wedding? Pretty big. But it wasn't like that. Only a couple publications covered it. Yeah, actually, I picture that you're like a big, like they're writing about your wedding in like the Greek tabloids. Is that a fair thing?

Yes. They are. They are. What's that feel like? Like did you ever in a million years feel like you'd be there where like oh shit there i am in my wedding dress yeah because i mean i grew up being photographed outside my house yeah so it wasn't weird for me i don't necessarily like it do you not like it though like if there was no coverage you'd be like what the fuck it depends it really depends on what they write. I'm the kind of person that reads every comment on YouTube.

Oh, really? Good, good, good. Oh, man. Are they nice or what do people say about you? Oh, no, they're not nice. What do they say about you? I mean, I have a lot of people. Her boobs got smaller.

What the fuck? I have a lot of people that like me a lot. So people are either obsessed with me or they hate me. I have no middle ground. Yeah, well, because middle ground doesn't comment. You know, middle ground isn't like, I feel neutral about it. This is okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What do people say about you? I'm going to have to pee. Is that okay? Yeah, you can pee. Yeah, yeah. I would actually grab my water. I just want to... What, are you taking a full intermission? No, it's not two people. Wait, before you pee. Yeah. I would actually grab my water. I just want to... What, are you taking a full intermission?

No, it's not two people. No intermission. Wait, before you pee. Okay. What do your haters, what do they say about you? Oh, look at her. If she didn't have her dad, she wouldn't be doing this job. Hits me right here, man.

Fucking, that sucks. That sucks. It sucks because I know it's not true because when I went to America where nobody knew him, I was still successful. Fucking little Sally over here. Little Sally. Fucking booked it.

Successful, you know what I mean. Like, people still thought I was good. Yeah. And they didn't know who he was. That was a big thing for me. That's why I love America so much. You can go pee. Take a pee break.

You're in town. Speaking of you're in town. Yeah. Go pee and we'll talk. This is, I don't have other floors in this apartment, Connie. The bathroom is the only direction this way. You thought it could be right here?

Right next to the podcast? Can you imagine? If you had a bathroom right there. If you had to go to the bathroom right next to the... That's like in kindergarten. Remember in kindergarten, I don't know how your school was, but our bathrooms were in the classroom? Like there wasn't a bathroom.

Really? It was like a separate... Maybe, maybe. I mean, I'm thinking... I feel like in elementary school, the bathrooms were like a separate. Yeah. Maybe, maybe. I mean, I'm thinking. I feel like at elementary school, the bathrooms were in the room, at least in my school, which to me is so embarrassing. You know, peeing. It's just too loud to be separated by a door.

I can't imagine being a poor teacher and having to deal with like bodily stuff with other people's children. Brutal. It just, no. Brutal. So we can riff for a little. This camera, your camera stopped I don't know if the

beginning of this file is fucked oh okay I hate these cameras I hate all this because I don't know

what happened I don't know what happened it said card was corrupt and I'm like well why it wasn't corrupt last time

yeah yeah yeah I'm not downloading anything with this card so I'm filled with rage right now and i just want to go i just i think there's times i'm like oh i'm gonna build a move this pocket studio tova's moved in i'm gonna go to like her place build it there but then i'm like i don't want to run this shit anymore i don't want to run cameras anymore i don't know how it works oh boy welcome hello hi welcome back well let's go on to uh our our segment this has got to stop this

has got to stop that was me that was you i did that in like three seconds guys you have to understand i'm like a real fan of this podcast it's very cool it got me through really bad shit in grace oh yeah yeah like i when i was going to a job that i hated that was like an hour and a half away and i couldn't listen to any more music. I was like, this fucker did a podcast. Let's listen to it. And then I got obsessed with it because I think I like tied it with, I don't know. I don't know.

I just, I love it. I think it's very good. I heard you were slightly upset that Russell isn't here. And I get that. I mean, I don't know you. I know. I know. I get that.

I mean, Russell, if you are on this podcast and you're expecting Russell, I'm a pretty big disappointment. That's not true at all. You're so... I was just waiting to hear his laugh in person. He has the best laugh. It's like that squeaky, high, like, wheezy laugh. He has a wheezy laugh, for sure.

He has a wheezy laugh. Can you do a terrible laugh? It's like really high. It's awesome. It's awesome. Nobody can do it. Yeah it no one can do it have you actually had anyone on the podcast that listens to it um no just just my friends uh i do i listen to it yeah you listen to it i mean no i don't think i was surprised a comedian

recently like kind of sheepishly was like i, I listened to your podcast. And I was like, oh, cool. Yeah. I think it's like it's always weird because it's like you know more about my life than I know about your life. And that's what's just weird about. Like I listen to, you know, Mark Norman's podcast sometimes, Tuesday with Stories. I listen to Anthony Jeselnik's podcast. If I ever met Anthony Jeselnik, who I'm a big fan of, he's a comedian. It would be so weird because I feel like I know so much about him.

Sure. I know so much about him. And I'm a fanboy, so it'd just be like, I'd be horrible. I'd just be quiet. I'd be too scared. To be like, how's, could I say, how's Rami, his dog? How's Rami? Or would that be like, ew. I think, well, I keep on wanting to ask

about Tova. I know so much about her. Let me tell you, we've had to, I have to figure this out because I was doing a show in Chicago and I go, you depends. Well, I keep on wanting to ask about Tova. I know so much about her. let me tell you, we've, we've had to, I have to figure this out because I was doing a show in Chicago and I go, you know, I'm going into some bit, you know,

my girlfriend's a bitch and I say, my girlfriend, it was a joke by the way, that look. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What the fuck? She's not a bitch. I know her. But I say, you know, so, my girlfriend and someone in the audience goes,

Tova! Really? And I'm goes, Tova. Really? And I'm like, oh, boy. And then for the rest of the act, I'm referring to her as Tova. Because I'm like, well, I'm not going to go back to saying my girlfriend. So now I'm just talking about Tova on stage. Has that changed? And also some of the jokes I do are absurdist, mean one-liners.

And so the more personal you make it, sometimes it's like, Jesus Christ. How could you say that? Like that joke, it's where I say, you know, I don't know a lot about Jewish traditions. She's been teaching me about Jewish traditions. Like a couple weeks ago, she was giving me a blowjob. I heard her go, and that's Hebrew for wrap it up. When you know the person's face as I say it, it gets less funny. I had a girl once go, you're killing me.

I'm dying down here. She once said, I'm dying down here. She felt like it was taking too long. And I was like, well, what do you think? You're not doing a great job. She said, is this thing on? She said, I'm dying down here, Doug. And I was like, first of all, I prefer Douglas. I'm dying down here?

That's crazy. I'm like, I had just done my thing. If I were to say, when I went down to Women, I said every time I feel like I was dying down there, it would have happened every time. I'm dying down here. It's annoying. I mean, look at it from, I mean, you can't,

but try and realize what is going on down there if you're dying down there and nothing's happening. It wasn't that long, and I had just spent a good amount of time on her side of things, and you didn't hear a peep out of me. What the fuck? I'm sure that's harder than actually going down on a man.

No, but I think giving a blowjob, it's more like... There is more head. It gets in the way of your airways. Sure. It's annoying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of nauseating, I feel like. There must be a lot of this.

100%. I almost vomit all the time. Really? Yeah. Oh, boy. I'm sorry. No, no, no, no. Wait, we were doing a This Has Gotta Stop though.

This Has Gotta Stop. Just Sally Ann Hall, great comedian, had a bit about like there are a spectrum of women. There are women who hate giving blowjobs and women who will do it. And it feels like, oh yeah, that's probably true. It's true, yeah. It's not a fun thing to do.

I think that that is one way where like porn really has warped our brains. Because in porn, it's like, they're so excited. They cannot wait. It's exciting for like three seconds. When the person gets excited, like, oh, you're doing this now. And then it's like, okay, this was a bad decision. I shouldn't have started this ever.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also feel like for men, I don't know. I feel like women are more they're probably this is probably porn's effect too more like vocal about like oh you're getting close you're doing stuff

I feel like there's a lot of blowjobs with men where they just they're silent until they're like what do you girls are more talkative during it? not talkative

just like in noises just like oh I think oh we're making progress here you get to know what's going on I just feel like a like a blowjob where someone's not coming

it's just like just silence in the room. Just silence. That's why you got to have the music. Yeah. Well, what's the music going to help? How are you going to know you're doing this? You just don't have to hear silence. You don't have to hear.

If it's sounding like that, it's probably wrong. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. I'm dying down here. I'm dying down here? Was it with your dick in her mouth? She was like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She took it out and she was like, Oh, she took it out. I'm dying down here. I'm going all hair. Brutal. This has got to stop. Do you have a,

this has got to stop for us? I do. Other than Doug is not coming fast enough. Okay. This has to do with, so I got back from LA today. coming fast enough. Okay, this has to do with, so I got back from LA today. Okay. I decided New York was going to be,

this is my honeymoon. So my husband had never been to the US. Let me tell you something, if I went on a honeymoon with Tova and I did a podcast during that honeymoon. You'd be dead. You'd be a dead person. The wedding with the marriage would be off. Well, this is why I married him.

He lets me do whatever I want. i took him to a fucking comedy show that was terrible in la he just well that was your first mistake he doesn't speak english and he just sat through it and he's like i know this is making you happy do you miss do you do you wish he spoke english yes he does he can can get along. He just doesn't speak well. He doesn't understand when people speak very fast. Sure, sure. But he talks to all my friends. That's nice.

Yeah, he can communicate. Could we have him on the podcast or would it be a bad episode? It would be a slow episode. But he's very funny even with his little English. He's very funny. Yeah. I said, do you want to come? He's very funny. Yeah. Yeah. And I said, do you want to come?

Because he knows I listen to the podcast. He's like, oh, you're doing good for you, your friend, podcast. And I was like. Your impressions are my favorite thing. I was like, yeah, I'm so excited. Do you want to come? And he said, I would get bored. Oh, my God.

I will say, I'm noticing, I notice a different energy from your impression of your parents to him. Different energy. He seems like a lot cooler. He's so cool. A lot smoother and seems like you love him very much. Yeah, yeah. It seems like he doesn't open his eyes past this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's really cool. He's really cool. He's always like, what are you doing? He'll say something very funny in that tone, which makes it even more funny. It feels Russian-y. It feels like the same kind of like wry, dry, dry humor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why did I mention him?

You said New York. Oh, yeah, this has got to stop. Oh, because, yeah. So he's never been to the U.S. So he's a water polo player. Has been all over the world, never in the U.S. And he hasn't really traveled more than four days because he didn't get any time off with the national team so i manipulated him into giving up the national team so we can go on a very long honeymoon let's go to america let's go everywhere so we started with miami i took him to campus it

was everything and then he was obsessed with going to la uhA. And I said, okay, let's do L.A. second stop. So we went to L.A. And it was terrible, especially after Miami. And my this has got to stop is, I'm going to make it general first, and then I'm going to make it more specific. L.A. has to stop. People have to stop moving there.

I agree with that. What the fuck is that about? We have a dear friend who's moving there soon. I'm so fucking pissed. What is that about? First of all, there's nothing to do in LA.

Nothing. You have to drive everywhere. You can't walk anywhere. Even if you drive to a place, you still can't walk around. It's like, oh, let's go to Venice. Walk for a block

and then it's done so you're just driving to a place yeah that's it and i'm not gonna hang out at all these people houses because they're just like oh i appreciate you which is my real this has got to stop i appreciate you what the fuck is that all about okay do you guys say that in new york or is it just an la thing i can't i can't remember the last time i said i appreciate you because i don't appreciate you i'm always i think i think christian finnegan had the same complaint old old episode because he hated the idea like you can appreciate an act but appreciating me feels so weird it all feels belittling to your existence that it could be summed up so easily as that like oh you appreciate

what that i exist yeah it's not even that this the problem is much bigger the problem is that people okay this is the real thing that i want to talk about why is everybody feeling like they have to tell people the nice things about them all the time yeah because people are getting very uh what do you call it uh offended by everything so now we have to voice how happy excited good we feel about being with the other person or around the other person in la it's 10 times worse because everybody is pretending they're like a hippie that they just have a lot of money and they don't want to work all day so what they do is hang out and like go to the burn and like what am i gonna do well i'm going to the burn you're gonna burn i walked into a fucking store the other day in la. And it had like weird feathery shit.

And she said, are you going to the burn? No, I'm not going to the fucking burn. What's the burn? What's the burn? Burning man. Oh, burning man. Burning man. And I said, no.

Connie, to be fair, you look like you're about to go to the burn. I do not look like I'm about to go to the burn. Why? Because I'm wearing tie-dye? I think that's part of the equation. I got this from a fucking tourist shop in Miami because I wanted shorts. I'm not a tie-dye person. I just understand if I saw you, I'd say, oh, yeah, she's going to the burn.

I'm wearing a fucking Balenciaga bag. I'm not going to the burn. Balenciaga. Do you know who that is? Balenciaga? Yeah, yeah not going to the burn. Balenciaga. Do you know who that is? Balenciaga. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, definitely. So it feels like LA's a lot like Greece.

It feels like it's the way you describe Greece. No, no, no, no. No, Greece you can walk. It's a real city. But it's like in terms of people like being lazy and just like wanting to be like. Why are people pretending to be so nice? This is my problem.

I appreciate you. So I just met someone someone i was hanging out with megan kinney uh-huh do you understand yeah bruce leckier got her into school too she's very hot girl okay one of my best friends she's like a yogi like well no i thought she went by cartwheel around what's the name that she goes by kinny no doesn't she go by penny magnolia rising that was a long time ago what is her name i'm sorry well one day i said oh what's what's she up to and and her instagram i guess her name changed to penny magnolia rising that makes sense i appreciate that name please don't say that around me. It really bothers me. So basically, she's an actual like hippie person.

Yeah. And she, obviously, she's not poor. That's why she can be a hippie, I feel like. But because being a hippie by choice, you have to have a lot of money to do that. Uh-huh. Yeah. You know what I mean? Sure.

Totally. Like choosing to walk around, like eat leaves. It's a privilege for sure. Like for the lifestyle. Fuck that. Nobody wants to be walking around like a hippie smelling because they refuse to wear deodorant because they think it's like. But is this her?

Is this her that you're talking about? No, this is her friends. So what I'm trying to say is that. Everyone's friends. Not her. No. Everyone she associates No, this is her friends. So what I'm trying to say is that I want- Everyone are friends. Not her. No, because- Everyone she associates with- She is actually like that.

People in LA want to be like that. I see. Oh, I see. I see. She's the real- You know Megan is actually like that. She's actually going to help the person on the street. She's actually-

Sure. She actually doesn't give a shit about expensive things. It is for context. She's like- She is an astounding dancer. Her and her sister were both on So You Think You Can Dance. Oh, wow. Astounding dancer.

Very good. And she's like a little fairy walking around, but all her friends are like these, oh, man, you know. We went to this place called Space Barn.

I thought it was a bar. The first night we were there and it was just like this big space. Probably, you probably, well, they did warn you up top top i thought it was a fucking bar let's go to space barn tonight and i was like yeah okay yeah okay we'll go to space barn mario

first night in la let's go to space barn sounds good sounds like a good time so then we drive up to the street and it's just this huge house with a little huge barn in the back probably costs ten thousand dollars to rent a month but these people inside are like i don't care about money you're paying for the space barn right yeah this is what bothers me so we go inside and everybody's like you know has dreadlocks and like isn't wearing shoes and like armpits smell smell and ripped clothes and all this shit that I fucking hate. Buy a new shirt. Why do you have to wear that shirt? You know what I mean?

It's just for the lifestyle. So we go into the space barn and this guy, Mario doesn't speak a lot of English, this guy, as we're trying to leave, goes, you know, Venice, man. Venice has a big history. And starts telling him about the surfers that when you surf you're closest to the ground because when the wave turns around and the sun hits through it it's like

surf culture the whole surf culture and Venice culture and how it's so important because people brought the weed and the weed brings people together and blah blah blah we leave he talks to us for 40 minutes mario just goes yes very nice experience that's all he's saying we leave megan goes he's not from venice he's from dc oh boy talking to us about and then he goes you know i really appreciate you you just met me motherfucker what do you appreciate me about you don't know me i hate you i hate you i met you just now and i hate you yeah why do you appreciate me i don't appreciate you being a fucking fake hippie what is this shit about it's gotta stop it's it's gotta stop no you don't understand hold on give me one second. So then I'm talking about I appreciate you.

Yeah. I'm telling my new friends from Megan's friends. And this fucking waiter comes over. And he goes, here's the check. I appreciate you. Oh, boy. That was like the line of the vacation. I appreciate you.

Why did he say that? Why did he say that? I said, can we hurry with the check? Because we have a plane to catch? And then when he brought the check, so I said something mean to him, and then he brings the check and says, I appreciate you. I'll tell you why he said it. To be snide.

That's like a snide little thing. He caught your impatience about bringing the check, and so he was like, I'm going to kill this bitch with kindness. And he was like, I appreciate you. It's a bless your heart. Yeah. It's a bless your heart. Yeah, it's a bless your heart. It was, he was trying to be condescending.

Do you think? He gave a shot. Oh, okay. I don't think he was trying to be condescending. I think he was just, I appreciate it. I feel like you would have appreciated it if it was condescending,

but you didn't like that he was being genuine. Exactly. You didn't like the genuineness of it. If it was, oh, I appreciate you. I would have loved that loved that yeah yeah i i understand i i think saying nice i understand how i appreciate you it feels like i think what's what's so uh smelly about it is that it's like trying to get closer undeservedly to be like i appreciate you it's like well we're not close enough for you to say that. That doesn't mean anything.

And if I was really close with someone, I'd say, I love you. I don't think, I appreciate you would be like, so it's a weird like foreign, not quite human term, asking for more than you're deserving. It's the kind of thing that you say to somebody that you had a nice conversation with, but you never plan on seeing again. Yeah, it's like you're letting them down.

Like, all right, this was a nice moment between the two of us. with but you never plan on seeing again yeah it's like you're letting them down like like like all right this was a nice moment there's a but i appreciate you but this was enough if it's a right moment between you guys you're gonna see them that person again you're gonna want to have a conversation it's better to say i really like this having this conversation with you let's hang out tomorrow not oh, oh wow, I appreciate you. Megan has a studio in her house. This guy with long hair down his fucking butthole comes in. That's right where he cuts it, right there to the butthole.

Producer. I guess he probably is a producer. I don't know why I did that. Because I hate everyone in LA. Everyone but your best friend. And I have friends in LA who are not like that, but I hung out with her a lot

and her weird ass hippie friends. I told her I was going to talk about this so I don't feel bad about it. So we're in the studio and he's like, wait, did Megan hate me too from Miami days? She said,

I have a very special relationship with you. Oh, that you do. I thought you said that she did. I was like, I never knew very special relationship with you. Oh, that you do? Yeah. I thought you said that she did. I was like, I never knew. That was her answer. No one liked you in college, Jim Marko. I'm sorry.

I never said an ill word about Megan. There's definitely one of those things I'm going to be like, ha ha ha. And then you're going to think about it tonight. Go on everyone's Instagram and try to message message them about it hey i meant to tell you you're so good sophomore year in the lip sync exercise for blue bruce lacure's class sorry i never told you you're really talented in your class no i know i'm just saying like i should have showered more compliments one of the people in your grade liked me he was my he wore a shirt with all these pictures of my face on it once as like a thank you for this junior advisor,

senior advisor thing. Who? Baldwin? I don't remember his name. Baldwin likes me. What did Baldwin say about me? Nothing. What did he say about me?

Nothing. He didn't say anything about you. Well, you're not going to the wedding. Isn't he getting married? He's getting married on Saturday. To be honest, I would not go to that wedding. I think people appreciate you, Jim Marko.

You bitch. All right, let's go to our final segment. You better count your blessings. Nailed it. Nailed it. My blessing is

all the friends I made in college. Just in case they're listening. Do you have a blessing for us, Douglas? Yes, Novocaine. I recently sliced my thumb. What is Novocaine? Novocaine is an anesthetic that they stick, and when you go to the dentist to numb you,

to numb your thing. So I sliced open my thumb, and I had to go to the emergency room and get stitches, I sliced open my thumb and I had to go to the emergency room and get stitches. And it was it turned something that's so painful into something that I was like watching. You know, he's he he he shot me with Novocaine and that was terrible and painful. But then like all of a sudden your thumb goes numb and I'm watching him sew up my thumb. And you're thinking about first of all novocaine um was discovered from uh snake poison somebody got bit by a snake and was like oh interesting before it kills you it numbs that

area how did he have time to actually write this down exactly like who exactly who figured that out and now this guy can literally put a needle through my thumb and sew me up and I can watch and be like, wow, that's really great and not feel a thing. That's pretty amazing. Did you Google that? I sure did. I Googled a bunch of things before I came here, you know. You sliced it cooking? No, cleaning my knife, a very sharp knife.

You know, you clean it with a sponge. And I went. I don't know how you did that. I don't know how you did that and i've never done that i i you're like it just happens oh my god conversation of i don't think you're excited no no no no no no no but it was it was brutal it was like it was like you immediately know like okay it's 11 30 at night grab a book grab some water we're gonna be in the emergency room till three in the morning. And sure enough,

that's exactly what happened. Was that bad? Yeah, it was pretty bad. What day was this? This was like two or three weeks ago. It had to be three weeks ago because I got the stitches out after two weeks.

But like... You text these things to me. It was brutal. This is the stuff you text? Just like... I knew immediately like... I don't need some weird TikTok that you found.

I want to know about you slicing your thumb open. I love sending you weird TikToks. I always them um well I'm glad your thumbs can I see the scars are there yeah oh my god well it's it's healing it's not that bad he really gasped Russell would throw up if he saw that um my blessing I just saw my sister who I don't see a lot, uh, who went to university of Miami. Oh, she did. She did. Dancer.

No, no, no. Uh, Ari, Ariana. Oh, the different. Yeah. My dad, my dad's side. Oh, okay. Yeah. Dancers in LA.

Um, so, so yeah, she went to university of Miami and like lived like, she's like, here's a video of Snoop Dogg passing me a joint. And I'm like, oh, okay. We live different. I went to the beach three times, a football game once, and I was in practice studios. But I told her about a bit. It's like my dad had heart surgery last year, and she's part of this chunk that I've been working on. And I've never run it by her.

Like, hey, is this cool? And she was like, totally fine. And overall, my whole family and thank god because this is just how i write no one in my whole family has really ever given me shit oh or ever had a problem the only my mom had one problem i used her i used her um maiden name in a handjob joke and she thought i was calling her like a slut in high school which that's her own thing because i wasn't like i was like giving a handjob in high school to me is not like slutty behavior but other than that my family has never i think for some of them it's because they don't care and that's not good but then others like they're just

cool with it and i hear people especially siblings maria bamford talked about she doesn't talk about her sister marcus just like please stop talking about me. Wow. And my siblings have never, have never said, you're going to share that I was mad that our dad had his new girlfriend in the will? And that gives me room to really create for my life and I'm very thankful for that. I'm very surprised by that.

I'm surprised that they're not mad. Yeah, because I mean, he talks shit about them all the time. And the jokes are really good. They're really good shows. They're so well crafted. You know, if Shakespeare made, if his sister's name was Gertrude,

are you going to get mad that you're in one of the greatest works of theater of all time? No. Do you have a blessing? I guess my friends from college. Because I can do this tour of America because I'm staying at their houses and hanging out with them. And they're showing me around. I haven't been here in four years, so I don't remember places doing this podcast.

That was cool. I don't know if this is going to be a good episode. We were talking about this is a great episode. Fantastic. Really? Yeah. I just said that

to freak you out. No, this was a this was listen, we have had worse episodes. Which one? I don't know what I'm going to say.

No, there's been one or two times where I like talked a little too much shit about like a previous episode and we cut it. Oh, really? Yeah.

Russell and my wonderful producer, Paige Asachika, are both the people who go like, hey. Maybe we shouldn't say this. Yeah. As we know, I'm not always nice or likable. We found out today. I mean, you did. I knew. Yeah.

Is there anything you want to plug? You want plug your instagram get famous in america so you can come here plug your things fuck yeah follow me on instagram k metoxa very nice very nice uh douglas anything you want to plug this episode is coming out august 30th great yeah yeah well we have, we, because John Marco is in Uncle Function. I don't know if viewers and listeners know this. I say it every episode. No, no, no. He does. Okay, okay. John Marco and I will be at the Asylum Theater September 13th, Tuesday, 7.30.

And also then- As a matter of fact, I just turned down a gig on September 13th, and I said no. And it was an exciting gig. Wow. So, yeah. Really? Yeah.

Oh, okay. Well, good for you. That's amazing. And then we'll be, because you guys have been saying the wrong date. It's September 20th. You guys have been, Russell's been saying the wrong date. Russell's been saying the wrong date. It's September 20th in LA at Dynasty Typewriter.

LA. We are doing a big show. Come on out. John Mark will be there. He'll probably be almost naked for one of the sketches. So come on out and see us. Do you think it's funnier if I let the pubes grow and it's really like billowing out of that thong? Yes, I do.

I do. Okay, good. Because that's why I haven't shaved in 10 years. For me, oh my God. I was so invested in that. This is coming out the 30th. So I'm in New York for two weekends in a row, which stresses me out. But I will be at Richmond, Virginia

at Sandman Comedy Club, September 15th through 17th. Then after Uncle Function, I will be headlining the hollywood improv september 21st and i'm going to be on the i don't know if i can announce that then i'll be at vermont comedy club september 29th for a one-nighter and then tova and i are judging a comedy competition the next day wow that's what it took to get a headlining gig at vermont comedy club was my girlfriend there was someone there was a booker who said, will you do this gig? Tova can host it

and I will pay her feature pay. Wow. I knew better than to ask Tova. Yeah. But that's how good she did for that. She did really good. She did really good. And thank you for being here.

I want to, Tova really wants to go to Greece. And, you know, I don't know if we're close enough for me to say, I think it would be close enough to go to Greece. And, you know, I don't know if we're close enough for me to say, I think we'd be close enough to have a meal. But I want to be like. You can stay at my house.

Great. We got it on the record. That's what I was going for. You don't think we're close? I'm your only friend from college. Press the button. That's the end. This is the downside.

Downside. Downside.