The Dr. Hyman Show - Awakening to Our Authentic Selves and Families

Episode Date: August 30, 2019

Wellness is more than just eating right and exercising; feeling well means feeling whole, balanced, vibrant, and alive. And there are many moving pieces that we can tap into to feel empowered in our own wellness journey. In this miniepisode, Dr. Hyman sits down with his friend and life coach Lauren Zander to explore the importance of personal integrity, and how it relates to overall well-being. He also speaks with Dr. Shefali about reclaiming our connection to our innate authentic spirit, both in relationship to ourselves and our families Lauren Handel Zander is the Co-Founder and Chairwoman of Handel Group, an international corporate consulting and life coaching company. Her coaching methodology, The Handel Method, is taught in over 35 universities and institutes of learning around the world, including MIT, Stanford Graduate School of Business, NYU, and the New York City Public School System. Lauren is the creator of Inner.U: Learn to Human BetterR, the online coaching course that teaches the entirety of The Handel Method, which has been used by dozens of celebrities, CEOs, and entrepreneurs since 2004. She is also the author of, “Maybe It’s You,” a no-nonsense, practical manual that helps readers figure out not just what they want out of life, but how to actually get there.  Dr. Shefali Tsabary, is a clinical psychologist, an international speaker and wisdom teacher. She has written two bestselling books, “The Conscious Parent,” and, “The Awakened Family.” Tune into Dr. Hyman’s full length conversation with Lauren Zander: https://DrMarkHyman.lnk.to/LaurenZander Tune into Dr. Hyman’s full length conversation with Dr. Shefali: https://DrMarkHyman.lnk.to/DrShefali

So one of the things that I think you talk about is integrity. And I think that means different things to different people. But for me, it's about being aligned in every place in who you are so that you're not compartmentalized. You're not telling different stories to different people. You are in integrity, not just with other people, but with yourself in a way that allows you to feel free. Because if you're not in integrity, whether it's not actually following what you really want in

life, or whether it's lies that you're telling yourself or lies that you're telling other people, it creates a level of unwellness. It creates a level of spiritual and ultimately physical sickness. And I think they're connected. Hi, I'm Kea Perowit, one of the producers of the Doctors Pharmacy podcast. Spiritual health is an essential yet often forgotten component to our health and happiness. Dr. Hyman recently spoke with his friend and life coach, Lauren Zander, about the importance of attending to our spiritual health through a focus on personal integrity and connection to our authenticity.

Most of us aren't connected to how to be fully expressed and fully human. And that is really the magic of your work. And it's not something that we really take on as humans. We sort of go through our lives in a way that's pretty unconscious, most of us. Or we pack things away in little boxes or corners and rooms we never go in. And it eats at us. And it doesn't allow us to have vibrant, healthy, alive, connected lives that lead us towards things that are important to us, whether it's the work we want to do, whether it's the love

we want to have, whether it's the money we want to get. And it's pretty special stuff. It's not easy, but it's sort of the missing piece for a lot of people. And I encourage everybody who's listening to think about the areas of their life where they're not in integrity, where they're not telling the truth, where they're not exorbitantly happy, where they may be a three or four instead of an eight or nine or 10 on their scale of where they are in that area of their life. And how do they work through that? Because most of us don't have the tools.

So first of all, I teach personal integrity, right? And it's an ability to really have your thoughts, your actions, and your feelings aligned with your highest self, with what you really wish to be true for you about life, right? Like no one's coming to save you except you. And no one's coming to live your ideals except you. I'm not offering you my ideals. I'm offering you your ideals. What are they?

Once you get past where you've trapped yourself, life can get very fun and spiritual. And, you know, one of my lines is you know i need rainbows yeah well one of the beautiful things is that you've really emphasized for me which is that if you are clear about what you want if you set your intention if you sort of align everything inside of you toward that goal or purpose or dream and you're and you're doing it for the right reasons, that stuff happens. It shows up. Magic occurs. And what do you call it?

Magilla magic. It's all the time where you have serendipity and the things that actually start to flow and you're in the state of flow in your life, which is way more fun and allows so much more possibility. Our values and personal truths keep us grounded in integrity and able to be present and connected to our authentic selves. Dr. Hyman further explored this topic and how it extends to our family relationships in conversation with clinical psychologist and author, Dr. Shefali.

Let's talk about authentic life because you write a lot about it. You speak a lot about it. I don't know if people know what that means. How do you live an authentic life? How do you be your authentic self? What does that mean? Most of us are not on a path of spiritual awakening. Most of us have been deluded to believe that the material world of form is it. We go to work, we make money, we drive a car, we see a few friends, we eat, we sleep, rotate. Rinse and repeat. Right. And then many of us who have broken out of that paradigm and that cycle to ask deeper questions who am i why am i here what is my purpose and

those spiritual seekers begin to realize that there's this world of form yes but we don't need to be limited by this world of form and then we begin to penetrate all the things that culture has oppressed us with all the ways we think we should be and all the myths we've followed and all these institutions we've been buried under. And we begin to break free and deconstruct and let go. As we keep putting on labels and holding on to them, because we believe that's who we are, in order to be in the world, we go further and further away from spacious awareness and moving with fluidity and flow

because we're always quagmired by the role. The role of husband, the role of wife, the role of parent. That becomes its own crazy, tenacious identification. Many parents screw up not because they're really not smart or not wise. It's because they so want to be a good parent. Right? But there's a whole trap there because they want, they want, I want. So I want to be a good parent.

It's all identification with a role versus just being present for who your kid is. Yeah. That's an important statement you just said. Being present for who your kid is. Yeah, that's an important statement you just said, being present for who your kid is, because they may not be who you want them to be or who you dream for them to be. Hard to do as a parent, right? Hard to do because we're believing

we need to lead our children to success. Or that we're in control. And we're in control. The spiritual parent, conscious parent, understands there is no control. There's no one to lead. There's no future. It's all in the present. There's no one to lead. There's no future. It's all in the present.

There's no good or bad. It's all conditioned. It's only the self that needs to be raised. So how do you teach that in a family? I mean, you say in terms of family values, these are our family values. We believe we should be authentic. We should be honest.

We should be transparent. Well, you're lucky if you have a spouse who's on the same page, yeah? So that's very rare. So you just basically, that's why I say it's all about one, any one parent who wishes to awaken, that's the family. One parent, one child. Don't wait for your mother-in-law.

Don't wait for your siblings. Don't get permission from your parents or your spouse or your partner. This is about you. An awakened self or an awakened family is endeavoring to be authentic. This is not about a family that all does everything together and everyone believes the same things. It's about each one being authentic. So the parent has to be able to withstand that, right? The second thing is to let go of ideations of good and bad, right? There is no good child. There is no bad child. Every child is endeavoring to be their most

revealing self and if they can't it's because we haven't created the conditions so the parent always turns the spotlight within how is this moment showing up for me to evolve what does this say about my childhood wounds what does this say about my projection so the daring parent is always turning it around to let me me examine myself. Let me detach from my expectations. Let me release my control. Let me surrender. Let me attune to what my child is really saying. So constant practice.

Letting go of good and bad. It's a training of the mind, really. Right? Because we have these minds that are so undisciplined. Exactly. Conditioned. Conditioned. Habitually addicted based on childhood. Exactly. Conditioned. Conditioned. Habitually addicted

based on childhood. Automatic ways of being. Based on childhood patterns and cultural conditioning. And you want to deconstruct that. The breath brings you in the present moment. The breath is the intermediary

between the external and the internal. The breath is impermanent. It teaches you the law of impermanence. The breath is transient. The breath is in the now. The breath is, you know, in and out, right?

So it's constantly making you go inward and outward. The breath is accompanying you everywhere. So you have no excuse to not be on the breath. And that, in essence, is meditation. It's just about being in the present. So enter the present wherever you are. Yeah, that's powerful. By attending to our spiritual health

and letting go of toxic expectations that stand in the way of real, authentic and loving relationships with ourselves and with each other, we are doing important work to prevent, treat and heal dis-ease. Thank you for tuning into this mini episode of The Doctor's Pharmacy. Until next time, be well. Hi, everyone. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode. Just a reminder that this podcast is for educational purposes only. This podcast is not a substitute for professional care by a doctor or other qualified medical professional. This podcast is provided on the understanding that it does not constitute medical or other professional advice or services. If you're looking for help in your journey, seek out a qualified medical practitioner. If you're looking for a functional medicine Thank you.