The Dr. Hyman Show - How To Address The Lies We All Tell Ourselves

Episode Date: January 10, 2020

Nourishing our spirit through addressing the inner challenges we all face—whether it’s discontent in a marriage or job or self-sabotaging beliefs about not being good enough—has a major impact on our overall well-being. When we address the lies we tell ourselves and others, connect with our personal integrity, and embrace the spirit we’re often keeping locked away, some truly amazing things can happen.  In this mini-episode, Dr. Hyman sits down with his personal coach and best friend, Lauren Zander to discuss the transformative steps that helped him reach his goals and Lauren shares a wealth of knowledge, and humor, on how to address the lies we all tell ourselves and instead pursue our dreams. Lauren Zander is an executive life coach, author, and creator of The Handel Method® and Inner.U. She is the coach to coaches, gurus, CEOs, and stars. She has 40+ coaches trained in her proven method, developed and taught at MIT, Stanford, and NYU, as well as at Fortune 500 companies and to people wanting to human better worldwide. Learn to human better in love and life with Lauren's online coaching course, Inner.U LOVE. Pre-order now through Jan. 15, 2020 and also get Inner.U LIFE, Lauren's life coaching course in a special bundle price of just $650. Or, pre-order Inner.U LOVE individually for just $325. Your lifetime subscription includes: 12 audio coaching sessions from Lauren Zander, 1 free private coaching session with an HG coach, and 1 six-week coaching bootcamp with an HG Coach. Get Started at handelgroup.com/markhyman

Coming up on this mini episode of The Doctor's Pharmacy. I have never met a person who couldn't face what they weren't facing right now, and that the life on the other side is a hundred times better. Nourishing our spirit through addressing the inner challenges we all face can have a major impact on our overall well-being. In this mini episode, Dr. Hyman sits down with his personal coach, Lauren Zander, to talk about how to address the lies we all tell ourselves and instead pursue our dreams. You know, we talk about health. I talk about health.

This is called the doctor's pharmacy. You know, the pharmacy in your body and the pharmacy between your ears is the most powerful pharmacy. I mean, voodoo medicine, you can kill people just with a belief, right? And we do that to ourselves. And then we literally poison ourselves. We're not even aware of it. And there's a way out of that. And you talk about personal pollution as a concept. And we are subject to that. And I don't think most people

are even aware of it. I don't know how to deal with it. And by actually cleaning that up, you literally liberate a whole set of healing mechanisms in your body that are physical, but they're connected to the spiritual doorway. So I go through food and lifestyle. You go through sort of the spiritual, emotional, psychological doorway. But they're part of the same package. Oh, it's so true. And it's not something that we really take on as humans we sort of go

through our lives in a way that's pretty unconscious most of us or we pack things away in little boxes or corners and rooms we never go in and it eats at us and it doesn't allow us to have vibrant healthy alive connected lives that lead us towards things that are important to us whether it's the work we want to do whether it's love we want to have whether it's the work we want to do, whether it's the love we want to have, whether it's the money we want to get. And it's pretty special stuff. It's not easy, but it's sort of the missing piece for a lot of people.

People don't dream. People don't dare to have visions. And I want you to have a vision and a dream. So I start with dreaming, and I get you to really understand why we don't dream. Guess why we don't dream? Why? Because if we said we wanted something, we'd have to do something about it. Right. Right. If you never say. If you want to be healthy or if you want a better sex life or a great relationship. Right. If you tell people you want to really run that marathon, guess who's on your diet and getting out of the bed early. So there's a part where we stop ourselves from having happiness in our lives. And happiness really lives on the other side of where we stay stuck.

A dream in every area of your life will get you unstuck. And until you write one and actually be with that, you have no idea how it changes your chemistry and your little cells will actually start to yearn for the change. People feel stuck. They don't know, how can I get that? I've got a job, I've got kids, I've got this, I've got that. It's how do you get through that with people?

So next fabulous part of this method is I make people make promises. I make a joke. It's the promise land, right? Where you actually keep promises to yourself, right? Oh, that's the promise land, right? Because if you kept those promises, you'd change, which is really going to make you happy and get you what you want in your life. And I put in this kicker because I've always needed one. You could tell. I put in consequences. So I put in a promise and a consequence. And then obviously the tracker, someone else is holding it. So that's part of the program in the interview is you actually have a mechanism where people can

have an accountability buddy, essentially. And someone's sharing their dreams and promises with you and you with them and they're holding you accountable. You're holding them accountable. Is that how it works? It's completely how it works. So the first part of this is really coming clean about where you're really at with each of these areas.

Yes. And the second part is? Really figuring out what you're willing to change and what you're never willing to change. I even help you understand that you're never changing that. So stop having the shame around it, right? Like, welcome to your true self. Okay, let's just fly that freak flag once and for all, not half mass, but actually fly it. And I have never met a person who couldn't face what they weren't facing right now, and that the life on the other side is a hundred times better, and you're worth it.

All right, so listening to all this, I imagine thinking, well, you know, that could be hard. You know, how do I actually be honest, number one? And number two, how do I actually dream the dream of how to get to a nine or a 10 in each of these areas? And is it possible? And people think it's hard, but you don't think it's hard. That change isn't hard.

Tell us why. First of all, I don't make you do all areas at once. Let's be clear. I am much slower for the individual, and I don't think you actually need to fix all areas of your life to change all areas of your life, because you're the common denominator.

And so if you just fix the one that causes you the most pain, you'd be amazed at how much better everything else gets. Right? So don't you remember? I do. I mean, I remember one time I sat down with you and you're like, I said, I've got so much going on. It's all great. I don't know what to do. I have too much to do. And you're like, okay, write down what you love, write down what you like and write down what you don't like. Right. And I said, I did the whole exercise. I said to him, okay, now cross out what you like

and cross out what you don't like and just do what you love. And I actually worked on that and it was amazing. I began to actually change. Yes, that's how we changed your- My work life. Because you felt obligated. And ultimately it was B,

so I told you to make the list of a's b's and c's and y and why you felt obligated to do b's and c's and a's and then i got you to get that the b's and the c's were lies yeah and that you really could come clean and then really rock your a's and that was like wow because when you're in your mind, your inner dialogue defends everything. So that's why a big part of the coaching method is how to break into your own inner dialogue. Most of us don't know we're lying everywhere, actually. And it's not like lies like, you know, you tell somebody, well, I went to the grocery store when you actually went to get on the horses.

It's not that kind of lie. No. They're different kind of lies. Can you talk about what kind of lies you're talking about? So the majority of the ways people lie is they have secrets they think are theirs to keep. Like I'm taking this to the grave. Like this is mine. This is my secret life. These are my secret thoughts. This is me hidden to myself. I don't want to burden anybody. I don't think it's anybody's business. Of course, there's what my mind is saying that no one should know. I'll carry the weight.

So people defend secrets and people defend not hurting people's feelings. So I don't want to tell you I'm mad at you for this. I don't want to ask my boss this. So withholding information and pretending you have to be a particular way to keep everybody happy, your mommy, your children, your husband, your coworkers, even the taxi driver gets a liar out of you, like a fake you. Right? So people are running around pretending. I have language for all of this. like your agent is out in the world

So, you know not the one you really are but the one you represent being yeah Well, one of the beautiful things is you've really emphasized for me Which is it if you are clear about what you want if you set your intention If you sort of align Everything inside of you toward that goal or purpose or dream and you're and you're doing it for the right reasons that stuff happens it shows up magic occurs and you know what do you call it mcgill a magic it's all the time where you have serendipity and the things that actually start to flow and you're in the state of flow in your life which is way more fun

and allows so much more possibility. I mean, I, you know, there's some people just have like a physical issue and they need to, they don't know what's going on. They need to fix it, but sometimes they're not. And I, I send those people to you and it's, it's, uh, it's great for me to have that place to send them and send them to interview, send them to you, you, the actual you, it's really satisfying for me because as a doctor, I see where people get stuck and I know where I can't push that.

You know, and I sometimes channel you a little bit when I'm with patients, but it's not the same. I really flip the dark side into a very different state of using it to make good happen, right? So it's a fun rewiring of dark and light in your life and being true to yourself and not lying anymore about anything.

And could you imagine the human race if we flipped it? It'd be huge. What? Yeah. Right? And it's a piece that often gets neglected in the wellness world, right? We sort of, we jump over. It's like premature transcendence of the stuff we really have to do to be healthy.

It's not just doing, you know, 30 days of yoga in a row. Yes. Because you can still be a screwed up doing that. Yeah. If you want to actually be true to yourself, you're going to have to break into your main frame, which is your inner dialogue, because it's all right there. Inner you.

It's true. And, you know, how to human better is a great tagline because I think most of us aren't connected to how to be fully expressed and fully human. And that is really the magic of your work. You always have the option to dig deeper and work through the darker parts of life. Working with a coach or counselor

can help provide you with the tools to pursue your dreams and reach your personal goals. To learn more about Lauren Zander's online coaching program, Inner You, visit handelgroup.com slash markhyman. In facing the lies we tell ourselves and others, and by connecting with our personal integrity, we address essential pieces of our overall health and happiness.

I hope you enjoyed this mini episode of The Doctor's Pharmacy. Thanks for tuning in. Hi, everyone. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode. Just a reminder that this podcast is for educational purposes only. This podcast is not a substitute for professional care by a doctor or other qualified medical professional. This podcast is provided on the understanding that it does not constitute medical or other

professional advice or services. If you're looking for help in your journey, seek out a qualified medical practitioner. If you're looking for a functional medicine practitioner, you can visit ifm.org and search their find a practitioner database. It's important that you have someone in your corner who's trained, who's a licensed healthcare practitioner, and can help you make changes, especially when it comes to your health.