The Dr. Hyman Show - Marie Forleo on Building a Life You Love

Episode Date: July 18, 2018

My guest in this episode of The Doctor’s Farmacy is Marie Forleo, an entrepreneur, speaker, author, and the host of MarieTV. Marie is an unshakable optimist whose mission in all things is to help people build a life they love and to use individual gifts to change the world. She is the creator and host of the award-winning show MarieTV, which has now racked up over 38 million views on YouTube and which has been watched by people in almost 200 countries. She has been called a thought leader by Oprah, and she’s landed on Inc. Magazine’s 500 fastest-growing companies list. It would so much to me if you left a review - they mean a lot to us. They also help more people find this podcast, so please consider writing one up! For more great content, find me everywhere: facebook.com/drmarkhyman youtube.com/drhyman instagram.com/markhymanmd

Welcome to the doctor's pharmacy. That's F-A-R-M-A-C-Y. And I'm Dr. Mark Hyman. This is a place for conversations that matter. And I'm here with someone who really matters in the world, Marie Forleo. She's one of my favorite humans, a great inspiration for me and literally, literally millions of others. She was named by Oprah as a thought leader for the next generation, one of Inc. Magazine's 500 fastest growing as a thought leader for the next generation, one of Inc. Magazine's 500 fastest growing companies. Her mission is to help you build a life you love and to use your gifts to change the world. That's a good thing. I think that's a great mission statement. She's the creator of the award-winning online show, MarieTV, which had

over 38 million views on YouTube with an audience in 195 countries. I didn't even think there were that many countries. She's the founder of B-School, which is an incredible online business school for modern entrepreneurs. And throughout her work, she's done something pretty extraordinary, which is not just make people who want to have businesses better, their life better, but she's really all about giving back and changing the world. So stay tuned.

That conversation is coming up next on The Doctor's Pharmacy. Welcome, Marie. Thank you. It's so fun to be here with you. It's so great. You know, I sort of have a mission statement in my life, which is have fun and change the world. But the have fun part is sort of like your thing, which is how do you get to live a life you love? Now, many of us are living lives that we don't love. And even the idea that we could be invited to think about how to live a life we love is a real eye-opener for so many people. How did you come to figure out that we all get to have a life that we love? Well, I think if we take it back, for me, I've always been fascinated with human potential. And I've always been really curious about how we get to do what we're meant to do in this life and

actually enjoy it. And that stems from seeing a lot of pain when I grew up, pain between my parents and divorce and other people and myself. And then in the early part of my career, just never feeling like I quite fit in anywhere and never knowing how to really find my path in terms of a career. And I went down so many wrong streets and found myself so frustrated and so lost and feeling like I was just going in the wrong direction that a lot of my work now stems out of me trying to find answers. And I happen to be an Italian American girl from New Jersey. So I have this desire to talk and share things. So whenever I find something, whether it's a great ice cream cone or a good slice of pizza or an idea that I think could change someone's life, I have to talk about it.

So this entire body of work has really stemmed first from me wanting to create something that felt good for myself and for people I loved, and then realizing that other people could use these ideas too. And frankly, when I started to come across concepts around personal development and health, and especially even now career and business, I was like, why are we not taught this in school? Why did it take me into 18, 20, 25, 30 to start understanding these things? So that's really where it all stemmed from. And I consider myself a lifelong student. So I'm constantly learning every day. And I find that it's really fun to be able to then take some of the things that I've learned, to synthesize them, and to share them in a way where people find they can take action, it's accessible, and it's doable.

So how did you come to get from most people's view, which is this is sort of life I have. Yes. And it's OK, but it's not like something I love, my work, my relationships, my family, my health, my body, whatever it is, to realizing that, wow, you could create something that everybody has a chance to create something that they love and a life that they love. I just love that. Well, there's two things really. For me, again, it stemmed from my own pain. And really, I remember being on Wall Street and seeing everyone around me making a bajillion dollars, which it felt like at that time.

And this is in the late 90s. And seeing that they had big bank accounts, but spiritually they felt bankrupt. Yeah. And they were living their lives for these like two weeks out of the year where they would get vacation. And frankly, you know, just to be real, we would go work every day. And then at four o'clock, everybody would hit strip clubs and like do lines of coke and get vacation. And frankly, you know, just to be real, we would go work every day. And then at four o'clock, everybody would hit strip clubs and like do lines of Coke and get drunk. And I was

like, I do not want this to be my life. Like this is not, no, it was horrible. And so out of that, realizing like, wow, I don't like this. I feel like I'm dying here. This is not who I'm meant to be, but I don't know what I'm meant to do. I went on a mission to start trying to figure out where's my place in this world. So I feel like to your question, if we find ourselves in a place, whether it's in our health, our relationships, our career, spiritually going like something's not working, I think that's a reason to celebrate because that is the first step to going, well, then I could possibly change it. And then for me, I started going on a bit of an odyssey going like, people have to love their work. And I actually talked to my dad. I remember one day I

left the floor of the New York Stock Exchange. I told my boss, I was like, I was a trading assistant. So I was a mere peon. And I told my boss I needed to go get some coffee. In those days, they didn't have a cafeteria on the floor. So you had to, you know, go out in lower Manhattan. And instead of going to get coffee, I ran to the nearest church. So I was raised Catholic and I went to a Catholic university and Trinity church was right around the corner. And I sat on the church steps and I cried and I just felt horrible. I am the first in my family to go to college. So my parents had worked really hard to put me in school and I saw the sacrifices they made. And I, you know, here I was like wanting to quit my

job, not having another job lined up, feeling like a total loser. And I called my dad because I wanted to say to him, like, I don't think I can do this anymore. I feel like I'm getting physically sick, but I don't know what else to do. And I'm not expecting you to take care of me, but I just was in this panic state. And my dad said something really fundamental and that really shifted my life. He said, you know, you are going to spend so much of your life working. It's okay that you want to quit. You need to find something you love because when you find something you love, you're never going to feel like you're going to work again. And he's like, I've watched you. You've worked

since you were nine. You started babysitting at nine years old. I'm not worried about you taking care of your bills. However long it takes, keep searching. And I like hung up that cell phone, which was a flip phone again, back in 99. A dumb phone. Exactly. Which are actually, I think way better. We talk about that. I think we should go back to that. I do too. I want to start living like it was 2007 or 2008, like pre iPhone. We'll talk about that. But I put that back in my pocket and I went in, I gave notice. And it took me years before I found something that I thought I could really do. Many other false starts, many other, I worked in publishing. I had so many side jobs.

But eventually I got there and I'm really grateful for my dad's advice. So in a way, you've learned how to create a life you love and you've sort of gone through all the hard knocks of that and are are helping people achieve that for themselves. And I still do. I mean, you know, I still run into walls. I still find myself frustrated. I still hit places where I'm like, gosh, this isn't working. And then I use the same set of tools and then I try and talk about it.

So give us an example. What was the latest thing you bumped your head against? Well, one of the things was actually for quite a long time, and I don't actually think I've shared this with anyone on a podcast or before, but for a really long time, I found myself not feeling as vibrant in my relationship with my man, Josh, who I've been with for 15 years. And I felt like as a woman, something was broken in me because I didn't feel that same level of passion. And we're in a monogamous relationship, again, together 15 years. I don't want to be with anyone else, but I had a real challenge for like over a decade trying to find that spark in me and that sense of like sex drive and libido. And it was

really, I had a lot of shame around it. And I had tried so many different things to try and fix it. And just between like the past, maybe three or four years, I really started to unlock some things, but that was like, you know, and I started to talk with more girlfriends and find out I'm not alone in that. Yeah. And how did you begin to sort of unravel that? Man, when I am determined to solve a problem, I am like a bulldog. I will go down every different route. I mean, I went to, I went to see doctors to check my hormones. I did all of the different things. And then I started to realize how much pressure I was putting on myself and how much of my life I was living in this driven, closed down, somewhat of a masculine energy as a business owner and not getting back to something that I did in my 20s slash early 30s,

which was a lot of dance and movement. I had this simul career as a Nike elite dance athlete. And I taught hip hop around the world. And I have like four fitness workout DVDs. Oh, my God. You and Jane Fonda. Yeah. If you walk into like a Walmart or a Target somewhere, you will see this face with like a cheesy smile.

Like, hey, come work out and dance off the inches. But I had lost so much touch with a part of myself just because I was so focused on building a business. So that's just a small example. So you're in your head and on your body. Yeah. And I work out a lot. So it was just, you know, it's not just like the working out and the fitness. It's like tapping into a whole other energy. Again, we could have a whole conversation on that. Thank you so much for sharing that. That was very beautiful and honest and it's vulnerable. And I think, you know, that's part of actually growing and living your life is not being afraid of bumping up against things that are hard. And we all do. I mean, relationships are not easy.

Businesses are not easy. Being a parent's not easy. And I think the more we talk about the places where we find ourselves stuck and we're able to go like, yeah, you know, this isn't working. And rather than to feel shame around it or to feel like you're not perfect or you're not okay, it's like to start asking questions and to see if anyone else has maybe figured this out. And do they have a book or can I talk to them or can I try something? It's powerful. I don't know if it's okay to talk about this, but I was reading your webpage. Yeah. And I was looking at your recent blog about your decision around children.

Yeah. Oh, of course. And I would love you to share that because I think, you know, a lot of women struggle with, you know, whether to have children or not. Couples struggle. People who want to have them can't have them. People who can't have them may not want to have them. Yes.

And it's often a tough spot for people. How do you sort of pick that up? So this is actually a great topic because for many years, especially as I was building my career, I would like, you know, go to a seminar that I was invited to speak at and I would meet all of these people. And I can't tell you, Mark, how many times people would ask me like, oh, you know, tell me about your relationship and tell me about your family. And they're like, well, when are you guys having kids? And I would say, um, I'm not. And they're like, you're going to change your mind. And for my entire career, everyone has told me, you know, personally and professionally, it's like, uh, basically you're doing the world a disservice. How are you not sharing your DNA? Um, you're so awesome. So you should spread your seat all over

the place. Exactly. And, uh, to which I roll my eyes. Um, you're definitely going to change your mind. How selfish, just like this myriad of things like, Oh, they're so cute. Wait, what's, are you okay? What's wrong? Like, I mean, all these things. And I've known since the time I was very little that frankly, marriage and kids was not something that was on my dream list. I've always loved people. I've always loved kids, but I just knew from the time I was very small that this isn't my path. And before Josh and I got together, actually every other person I dated was like convinced. They're like, we're going to get married. We're going to move to the suburbs and have kids. I'm like, are you, do you know who, like you're looking at an

idea of me, not the true person I am. And I've always been very transparent about that. So one day, not so long ago, I got this question for MarieTV for our show, a young woman asking. And while people have asked me questions before, they were always word for MarieTV for our show, a young woman asking. And while people have asked me questions before, they were always worded in such a sexist, disrespectful way that I never wanted to address them. But this young woman, the quality of her question and the tenderness with which she asked how I navigated the decision made me want to answer her because I think it's really challenging. And I have so many friends, like you mentioned, so many dear friends, couples who want to have children and are struggling for a myriad of reasons.

But not a lot of my friends who have chosen not to have kids ever feel comfortable talking about it. Yeah. And so I wanted to open up that discussion. And honestly, I was floored by- The comments. Yes. Yeah.

And how many women, first of all- There's all these taboo subjects we don't talk about, right? That's right. And so many women were like, thank you for talking about this. And then other women like, oh my goodness, when I had my first child, everyone's like, when are you going to have another? When I had three boys, when are you going to have the girl? And just these pressures that society puts on women about how we're built and, you know,

like this uterus, this is your job, this is your job in the world. And, you know, it's just not that way. And I wanted to do that show because I wanted to make sure that women and everyone knew that we have a right to make decisions about how we live and we don't need anyone else's permission to do so. And then we have to stop telling women how to live, and we don't need anyone else's permission to do so. And then we have to stop telling women how to live, what to do with their bodies, and what to do with their lives. Well, that's a perfect segue into criticism. Yes. Which is often what we struggle with when we're trying to build our lives. What do the people think? What they say about us? How they judge us? How they criticize us? And, you know, you talk a lot about how you've

dealt with it. And I certainly have dealt with it in my life. And I've often used to be devastated by it. Yeah, me too. And crushed by it and hurt by it and upset by it. And now, and I reframed it in my own life. I remember when I was, I was pretty young. I think I was, I was 18. I was, I had ODD when I was a kid, which means I was odd. And I, and I, you know, people made fun of me and I was kind of a little weird. I was really into books and reading and kind of thinking about things that most kids weren't thinking about. And then I, and I just kind of reframed it and I, and I reframed it in the, in the, in the perspective that either there's something in there that's like a nugget for me to learn from or, uh, it's their story and it has nothing to do with me.

Yes. And so how have you kind of navigated that world of criticism? Well, at first it really hurt. You know, like you, it was like it would stick with me for a really long time. And we know now from science, right, negativity bias, our brains weigh the negative way more than the positive. And I think it takes usually at least three positive interactions to counterbalance any negative interaction and criticism for most

of us can certainly fall into that negative category. For me personally, when it comes to criticism, one of the most important things I've learned is to be discerning about the source. Who is saying it and what are they saying? Not what they're saying, but who's saying it. Who's saying it? Do I respect them? Do I even know them? Do I give a crap about who this person is? Is there a body of work that I can look at that I can say, you know what? Maybe there's some valid criticism in there. Maybe there's a nugget for me to learn something and to grow. But I will tell you so far, 10 times out of 10, that answer is always no. The person is just, they have no idea who I am. They're making up a story. There's nothing

factual. It's usually just a personal attack. So I think it's really, really important to be discerning when it comes to taking in criticism and look at the source. Do you respect that person? Do you respect their body of work? How do they hold themselves in the world? Is that someone you admire, someone that you would like to become like so that's number one I think number two is to realize That the more you care about what other people think the more they own you Right right

You're living your life in response Not at the cause of your life, but at the effect of other people. Absolutely. And so, you know, even if the criticism may be coming from people you do love and respect, people that you do admire, do you want to live your life based on what other people think of you? And if you really step back and think about that, nine times out of 10, the answer is no. So for me, it's like, I got to do me. What they think of you or what they want you to do or how you'll live or behave or. Absolutely. And then, you know, to counterbalance that, I do think it is important to be able to listen to feedback. And, you know, sometimes there is a bit of useful feedback in some harsh criticism, but ideally if you've got people around you that you trust, whether it's

your team, colleagues, best friends that you can talk to about that bit of criticism again, and you can parse through to find some kind of growth nugget. I wouldn't want people to just throw out the baby with the bathwater because it's not about being immune and it's not about not being willing to find something that could help you actually grow and throw out all the vitriol on the side. And reframe it from an attack to like a gift. An opportunity to growth. Yeah, absolutely. And I don't know why I did that when I was young, but it really- Why you did what? Why I reframed it from attack- To a gift?

Personal attack to a gift and opportunity. How old were you when you did that? I was like 18. I remember the moment. I was like backpacking in British Columbia. I was on my own and I was with these English guys and this other guy in a camp and they were kind of just being jerks. And I just was like, okay, I'm either going to like be crushed by this or I'm going to be empowered by this. So all of a sudden I, and I don't even, it wasn't, I didn't read

a book. It wasn't like I was in a self-help course. I just like had this insight that like my life is going to be really screwed up if I am constantly at the effect of all these people's perceptions of me or beliefs about me. And at the same time, like I, I really had this thought that, okay, well maybe there's something there that's going to help me grow as a human being. Maybe there's some useful feedback. So, and it didn't always like, it wasn't like immediate, like, oh, all of a sudden I'm good. But I was able to actually kind of move past it. And that's sort of how I live my life.

And now I think I've deleted the gene that actually really cares that much about what people think. Like I just want to be my authentic self. Isn't that one of the gifts of getting older? Yeah. Like, we stop giving so many Fs. Like, do you know what I mean? I think that's one of the best things whenever I talk to young women or young men, but particularly with young women, I'm like, man, one of the best things about getting older is you stop giving an F about what everybody thinks of you. You just do you so much more free and it's great. And that's really what

your work is about. It's about not only living the life you love, but it's about becoming the human that you love. Yeah. And that you most want to be. And I think that that changes and that evolves for all of us over time. But it's a really exciting adventure if you're willing to embark on it. And you talk about Don Miguel Ruiz's work. Yes. Not taking anything personally. Right. That's the first one, right? What a great lesson. It's just a great lesson. I feel like that's one of those timeless bits of Toltec wisdom, right? That it's just all of us. I have to remind myself of that so many

times. If somebody doesn't call back, if somebody doesn't respond to an email, even someone near and dear, if they happen to be a little snippy or having a hard time, it's nine times out of 10, not necessarily about me. There's something happening with them and it's a signal for me to show up with some compassion. Exactly, right. So yeah, we're at the Feel Good Summit together and thank you for joining us here. We had an amazing talk by Shelly Lefkoe

who talked about our beliefs and how it's the meaning we give to events that creates our emotions, not the events themselves. Amen. So like someone doesn't call you, maybe they were in a car accident and you need to go to the hospital. It wasn't because they don't love you. Yeah. Or they just lost juice on their phone. Right. The phone died.

Totally. The phone died. Totally. And so we create all these stories about our life that end up creating really, really toxic inner experiences for us and doesn't allow us to just come from a place of love and trust. Yeah. Beautiful. Okay. Let's talk about rejection. Yes. That's a tough thing for people. And it's part of why people don't do the things that they want

because they're afraid of failing or rejection or being criticized, as we just talked about. And I'm sure you've experienced that. I certainly have. How do you navigate that? Yeah. I still do to this day. Well, one of the things that experience has taught me in terms of rejection and in terms of overall success in life, so much of it is a numbers game. Like you have to go for, let's say, you know, 50 kind of asks or putting 50 things out there before someone either says yes or says maybe or someone responds in some kind of positive way. So one of the things my life has taught me is just that volume's important. Volume is really important. Not that you want to be scattershot and just like, you know,

kind of vomit on everyone metaphorically. But I think once you kind of understand that everything in life is a little bit of a numbers game, then you start to get excited about going out there. And any no or a maybe or a non-response is just one step closer to a yes. So for me, I, again, go back to that not taking anything personally. And also experience has taught me now, on the flip side, I often become a professional disapointer. I say no. I always talk about being on the no train in my life. Like I have a first class ticket on the no train. I say no to 99% of speaking requests. I say no to a lot of things only because otherwise the priorities that I have that

are really important to me about my health and my work and my creativity and my family, there'd be no space for them. But back to rejection, my book agent- That's important, by the way, the no train. I think people should just take note of that. Yeah, we could talk about that more too. Yeah, because I was on the yes train for most of my life and I'm just beginning now to be on the no train and it's super hard. It's hard, but it's also empowering and it's respectful of other people. Because when I was

on the yes train a lot and I'm a person who's full out. Like if I'm going to say yes to anything, I'm going to do it 120%. I'm going to give it all my energy. But then at a certain point, you reach a level where you've said yes to so many things that, you know, for me, I was suffocating under the weight of a monster I created in terms of my own obligations. But back to rejection for a moment, because my book agent taught me something that sticks with me all the time.

And by the way, congratulations on your new book that's coming out. Oh, thank you. That'll be next year. Everything is figureoutable. All right. We're going to talk about that. Yes. How one simple belief can help you change your life and the world.

But here's a phrase that for some folks, and even if you're not religious, I really like this phrase. Life's rejection is God's protection. And God could be in a religious sense, or it could be good orderly direction if you are a more universal person. But it's this idea that there is an intelligence at work that even if something doesn't work out for you, or you get a no, or you get your feelings hurt, that there's a reason for it. And if you can determine that meaning for yourself and then move on to the next thing, on to the next thing, you're going to be good. Yeah. I mean, we think we're in control, but in a lot of ways-

Oh, we're not. We're not in control. And I mean, you're talking to someone who prides herself on like, I love being in control. And I've had to like curb my little control freakish tendencies over the years, but it's only a game I like to play with myself. It's true. And I think if you look back at the course of your life, there are all these different things that happened to you that seemed unrelated to the time, but they all led you to be who you are in this moment, whether it was having a crappy job or whether it was being in a bad relationship or whether it was getting sick or whatever it was, seemed like a horrible thing at the time, actually got you to where

you are in this moment. And I think that thread, if you look at your life as these unfoldings, then you can be present and open to what they are and actually dive in when it shows up. Yeah. There's two things I want to say about that too. Often in retrospect is when we can see the wisdom of how we were actually being guided and taken care of. So sometimes it's the bad things, right, that happened in the past and we look back in retrospect is when we can see the wisdom of how we were actually being guided and taken care of. So

sometimes it's the bad things, right? That happened in the past and we look back in retrospect and we can weave those threads and go, oh, that was actually a blessing. But oftentimes too, the good things, we can't see how what we engaged in, there's a convergent point that happens. That happened for me from working on Wall Street to the magazines, to being a Nike hip hop athlete, to having all this experience actually all converged into the career I have today. But I could have not have connected those dots. Never. Never. No. And I think the major things in my life that happened weren't things that I chose, but that I noticed and actually followed. Yes. You know, like I, I, for example, went to China because this colleague in Idaho

was, went to Vladivostok to do a job as a doctor. And I, um, thought, wow, and the same company went to China. So I love, I love China. I spoke Chinese and I went to China for a year. Well, it turned out I got mercury poisoning there, came back to the States. I got really sick that, and then I decided I didn't want to do regular medicine here anymore. And I got a job offer at Kenya Ranch without even applying. All the jobs that I had in my life, I never even applied for. I was sort of just picked. And through that process, I discovered functional medicine, healed myself, built the whole career I have now. It wasn't like, oh, I'm going to go be a functional medicine doctor. It just happened as a result of these various

things that I couldn't believe or couldn't connect. And recently I got asked by the CEO of Cleveland Clinic to come to Cleveland to build a whole center. I didn't choose that job. I didn't ask for it. I wasn't intending to do it, but it showed up. And I'm like, all right, this is what, it's up for me now, you know?

It's really cool. Very powerful. All right, let's talk about the job thing a little more. So, you know, we've all had jobs that we don't like. Yeah. And it may seem like they're not leading you to the things you want to do. So how can those experiences help us reframe our view around not living our passion? Yeah.

Well, I think for most of us, the vast majority of us find ourselves at some point in our life or many points in our life in a position where we don't necessarily love what we do every day. And I do want to, just before we dig deeper into that, just to kind of set some context. Even though I really do love what I do, it's not all daisies and rainbows and unicorns. There's a lot of parts of my job that are like grunt work. You're not just dancing on your MarieTV. No, I am not. And it's like, sometimes you're like, well, let's, but how do you do what you do? I'm like, honestly, I can take a picture of myself with a messy bun in sweatpants,

maybe not have showered in two days, typing away at the computer. And that's how most of the magic happens. You see the show, but you don't see all the grunt work underneath that we're doing. So just for anyone who's like, oh, I don't love what I do. Just know that even when you do love what you do, you don't always love what you do. You gotta put your ass in the chair sometimes. A lot of the times. When you'd rather go watch TV. A lot of the times. We are living in a very strange world where only what we get to see are the highlight reels and the, you know, the feeds full of filtered photos. That's not reality. Not reality at all. So we

just need to set that context. But back to- I'm so disappointed. I thought that, that was my view of you. You were- No, that's why I take a lot of Instagrams. I'm like, no makeup. I love that. You know, it's just because the rest of the stuff, that's a show. That's a show. But when you're in a job that you don't particularly love, first of all, many of us have to do what we need to do in order to someday do what we want to do. So we've got to take care of those bills.

We've got to take care of our obligations, of our responsibilities. between bartending, waiting tables, teaching fitness classes, doing all kinds of things before my business or my confidence, quite frankly, was stable enough to be able to do my thing full time. Yeah. So I think that we have to be grateful if we have work. If it's a toxic environment, we have to take responsibility that we can find another job and get out of there because, you know, spending 8 to 12 hours a day in an environment where there's a lot of negativity or there's a lot of stress or there's just people around you. I'm sure we're going to talk about the power of environment shortly. You know, just know that it is possible to extricate yourself from that and to find something better.

And I think the more responsibility we take, you know, if we're in a job that's not ideal, okay, we can face that reality. But what might we want to do instead? How can we start taking even small incremental steps? What are the things we love? What are the things we love? Are there areas that, you know, if money was no object that we would want to either study about, learn about, engage with? You know, people start either journaling about this, talk about this, find a way to volunteer, any way to get engaged in another, whether it's a career, a job opportunity, work on the weekends. And people are like,

work on the week. It's like, no, but if you want. Oh yeah. I joke. I said, if somebody want to retire and work, take off nights and weekends. Yeah, exactly. But there's a principle I live my life by. Clarity comes from engagement, not thought. So you're not going to find that dream job by thinking about it necessarily in your mind. You're going to find it by either taking a class, by going out and contributing, finding a way to do some part-time work, even if for free, interning, doesn't matter how old you are, people need skilled workers. So remember that clarity comes from engagement, not thought. Find some way to get out there and get engaged in another possibility and take those steps.

You can do it. So in order to do that, people have to step out of their comfort zone. Yes. You're used to the job. You're used to the people. You have a paycheck. It seems okay. It's not what you really love, but it's a job.

How do you get people to shift out of the fear that keeps them in their comfort zone? Yes. So I like to reframe comfort zone, you know, well, the comfort zone is like that gets smaller and smaller, I think, as we advance in age. And I like to think about helping people get into the growth zone, into this place where all the growth happens in life. And if anyone's ever worked out, then you know this to be true. You go to the gym, you start lifting those weights or doing whatever exercise. It's not comfortable. There's a little pain, right?

You get sore. I started doing pushups and my chest hurt for like two weeks. Yes. I was like, it's not that great. But you do also feel like you're growing. You feel that things are changing. And if we can think about getting out of our comfort zone and moving into the growth zone, which is where all the magic happens in life, it just takes small steps.

Some people are built, Mark, in a way where they have to kind of burn the bridges behind them. So their DNA is such that if they have a job that they don't like, they need to quit and have the pressure on to find something else. That's how they thrive. I am not built like that. I'm a much more conservative person. You keep your waitress job while you're building your business. I do. I do. I like to have that cash flow coming in because I discovered for myself that my creativity shrivels up if I am under financial duress. You're in survival mode.

If I am. But if I'm bartending, waiting tables, I can work seven days a week because I am okay with the roof over my head, paying the rent. And then I can take those couple of hours and feel great about my discovery process, the work I'm doing. And I, you know, I like to do it slow and steady. So I think it's important for people to realize what kind of person they are, look in your past, track how you actually spar explosive growth for yourself, and then whatever it is, a small step or a big step, you got to do it. And you know, it's often hard to do that alone, right? So one of the sort of secret sauces to

your success, I think is something people don't really know about, which is you've built a community of friends and support in life and in business that allow you to have a container to deal with all the challenges, to deal with the questions, to support each other, and to feel part of like a tribe, which really helps us stay grounded and connected. So can you talk more about that? And I, by the way, I know a lot of people in your tribe, so they're pretty awesome women. Yeah. So this is actually, you know, we talked about this before we started taping, but something you taught me is friend power is more important and powerful than willpower. And I think that that is not only true when it comes to our health and transforming our health, but I think it can be true to transforming any area of our life.

So once I started running my own business and really growing it, I realized quickly I didn't have a lot of peers. Most of the folks that I went to college with and my friends at that time were working for corporations, so they had a more traditional lifestyle. And I was really craving some connections with people who could understand like hiring and payroll and building a culture and all of the different challenges and struggles that come along with building a digital modern company at this time and navigating, you know, all of the personal challenges that come along with that too. So I have an incredible group of women. We stay connected on email. We stay connected on Skype because oftentimes everyone's

traveling. Don't you meet regularly to connect? Well, now it's when we first started, everyone was a little bit less busy. It was earlier in our career. You weren't so successful. Most of us, everybody else. And families hadn't quite happened for a lot of people yet. So we would meet maybe four times a year. And now it's usually once for a lot of people yet. So we would meet maybe four times a year. And now it's usually once a year that we get together in person. But we'll kind of meet off in little groups. Like for example, I was in New York for just a couple of days a few weeks ago and I got a text from one of the girls. She was like, hey, there's two of us going to dinner. Do you happen to be in town? I was like, yes, I'm in town for one night. So it's like we find ways to see each other. And then with my best friend, Chris, we have Skype dates almost

daily. Like we send each other a text and it's like, hey, you want to have coffee? Yes. And we literally get on Skype and we have our cup of tea or like a green juice or whatever it is. And we sit there with our mugs and we talk. We totally do. And we send each other Google Docs. We talk about everything. We look at fashion. We look at real estate. We talk about business. It's awesome. So that's an important piece is to cultivate those. It doesn't have to be a thousand people. It can be two or three people in your life that you have profoundly deep relations with that are there for you and connect with you. And that regardless of where you are in your life, like it's something we've sort of, we just lose. We're so tied in with our spouses, our partners, and we kind of lose all that. And it turns out that

that leads to healthier love life too. Yeah. You know, I try and pay attention and read and keep up on studies, but I think you may know actually the stat better than me, but I think loneliness in America is up, I believe it's 40%. If not, you can Google and find out. But it is dramatically increased over the past 20, 25 years. Also, a woman who has actually been through B-School and has a phenomenal book, her name is Bronnie Ware. It's the five top regrets of the dying. Oh, yeah.

That classic book. So the number four regret of the dying is I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. So when people are on their deathbed, that is the fourth most likely thing that they'll say. Number one. Not that they answered all their emails. Not that they answered all their emails. So the number one regret is that I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life that others expected of me. Two is I wish

I hadn't worked so much. Three is I wish I had the courage to express my emotions. Four is about friends. And five is I wish I would have allowed myself to be happier. And this is from a palliative nurse who had been there at the bedsides of hundreds of people as they crossed. And these were the four common themes. That's powerful. It makes you stop and think. Yeah. But the power of friendship.

And I think it's so important in this day and age, especially as we get older and as people move around and go to different places, it's like even if you can't see them in person all the time, rather than having these digital tools own us, we need to use it to deepen and strengthen our connections with real humans we love. So let's dive into something a little bit different, which is how we do what we do. You know, there are, you know, someone said to me, you know, if you want something to get done, ask a busy person to do it. And you get a lot done and you contribute a lot to the world. You are an entrepreneur, you create a business school, you run a TV show, you have philanthropy that you do, which I want to get into in a minute, which is pretty

amazing when you give back to the world. And every time I see you, you're grounded. You're present. You're connected. You're happy. You look healthy. How do you do that? Well, it is a constant game of readjusting.

I'll tell you that. I try my best to keep my top priorities, my top priorities, to really know what's most important to me right now. And that shifts over time. So for example, at this particular kind of micro moment, we're in production for our eighth season of MarieTV. So I am writing. I'm getting my interviews ready.

Simultaneously, my book is in production. My manuscript is due in the fall. So I have my director of operations over here. You guys can't see her. She's off camera. But on our team, communication is so important. And so we actually have an enormous Google doc that we call our priorities doc. So from a business perspective, the entire team is very clear on who's working on what, what our top priorities are each and every day, each and every week. And as things shift and change, we all stay in that communication. So the team knows like, hey, Marie's got the book going on in the background. Marie TV production is the number one thing right now. And then on the personal side, knowing that my health

and my relationships, those things are primary. I have to take care of my health. I need energy. I need to be present. I need to have a strong, powerful mind to enable me to be able to share my gifts and to keep everything going and to also feel good. And then my relationships, it's like love is the most important thing in the world. And to keep that centered in my life, it doesn't take a lot in terms of quality time, but it's important. It needs daily attention. Yeah. And a calendar is like my best friend.

Calendar is my best friend because I feel like life can slip away from us, but I make it a priority to build in fun times like taking people to Disneyland, going to Italy in a few weeks, like putting in these bumpers because I love what I do so much. Workaholic tendencies are just like that's in me. And I know that. And I've learned the hard way from crashing and burning earlier in my career that if I don't put bumpers in, I'm not going to take breaks. So in our company, we actually closed the entire company down for two weeks in the summer and two weeks over holiday time where everyone's off at the same time because I work with other high achievers. So we, you know, we got to take care of each other. Yeah. I actually went to consult at Google once and they were complaining about the health of their employees that when they went on vacation,

they wouldn't get off email and communication. So they literally would shut down their accounts. I love it. Well, we have a policy in our company. When anyone's on vacation, no one else emails them. So they can come home, at least from the internal perspective, and not have a gajillion emails sitting in their inbox, which almost can undo all of the mental and emotional benefits of taking some time off. And you do all these other things. You exercise, you eat great, you meditate twice a day. Yeah, I'm TM. I'm not perfect on the twice a day, but I strive for it. Yeah. And yet you're so busy doing all these things. How do you prioritize that? When people say, oh, I'm busy, I'm running a company, I'm doing this, I'm doing that. How do you kind of

respond to them when they say, I don't have the time? Okay. So time is a really, that's something I'm really passionate about. And one of the phrases I live my life by, if it's important enough to you, you'll make the time. If not, you'll make an excuse. Most of us, especially because of technology, especially because of our phones and social media. I mean, people, the, one of the latest stats I've read is that the average American is spending over five hours a day on their phone. Five hours. And about eight hours overall on screens. And as humans, we tend to grossly underestimate.

We're like, oh, that's everyone else. That's not me. But if anyone really wants to know, track your time. You know, there's a new iPhone. App. Not app. It's a new part of the operating software, which tracks what you're doing, where you are, so you actually know the time.

Yes. Spent on it. There's an app that does that too. And I remember, I think it was about a year and a half ago. What is the app? It's called Moment. Moment. Okay.

Everybody get that. Moment. I really wanted to know. And I'm writing about this in the book as well, because I was grossly underestimating. I don't spend a fraction of time on social or on things that I have colleagues that do. And I was shocked. I was like, wow, this is disturbing. It was insane. And so for me, when people say I don't have the time, I'm like, that's probably not the truth. You may not think you have the time, but if you actually slow down

enough to track your time over two weeks and half hour increments to see exactly what you do, I guarantee people can find time. The other thing is this, like this morning, Tan and I, we did a 14 minute workout. We did two seven minute workouts in a row in my house in Venice. And it was like, it doesn't have to be an hour. And we were sweating and laughing and did a total body workout. So it's like, there's tools. You have to be creative. Yes, there's tools. And even with TM, which is usually a recommended, it's like about a 22 minute session. I have another app called Insight Timer where I've set up, if I only have 15 minutes, I've set it up so I can do my, you know, about 12 minutes of a

deep meditation, then come back out for the last two or three. So there are ways to do it. But first you have to be really honest with yourself because when you know it's important, it's a lot easier to ignore what's not. And what's not is typically email, social media, news, interruptions that don't mean anything. So take care of the things that take care of you first. Absolutely. Yeah. I did that today. I, you know, I'm running this big conference in California and we have 600 people and I'm on and off stage all day. And there was a little gap of like an hour and a half between the morning session and lunch. So I organized for the hotel car to take me to the tennis court. I hooked up with a friend. Yes, I saw him. I bet you were sweaty. He was like, I just played tennis with Mark. I was like, that's awesome.

I actually had the thought. I brought all my, like, you know, daughter and everything up to the tennis thing. I changed quickly. And then I ran and got a shower in there, ran back down and went right back on stage. Now, it was a little cram, but we had the best time. I felt so much more invigorated, so much happier.

And it just takes a little bit of intention. And yeah, it could be the seven minute workout. It could be a five minute yoga routine or a 10 minute yoga routine, five minutes of meditation. And it's powerful. And the more you do that, it allows you to actually be higher functioning in your life.

So you can live the life you love. If you have what I call FLC syndrome, that's when you feel like crap. It's hard to show up for yourself. It's hard to show up for those you love. It's hard to show up for work. And you're just sort of struggling and you kind of feed yourself with caffeine and sugar to keep your energy up. And it's this vicious cycle. And I think it's important to think about the time issue because we don't value our time. They're precious moments, right? And we don't get them back. Like all the money in the world cannot get you time back. Yes. Can always find or make more money.

You cannot get more time. It is the most precious non-renewable resource that we have. And again, it's kind of like I get so angry. Part of the things I get fired up about, I'm like, why did no one teach us about personal finance? We were like kids. And like, why does no one teach us about time management? Like no one shows us this stuff. Again, that's why I do my show. It's true. I mean, the three most important things I think we never learn in school are how to have healthy relationships. Yes.

Right. How to manage our money and how to take care of our health. Yes. It's like the most important things for a healthy and happy life. So you got a job for a long time. Yes, I do. I do. I'm going to keep going. So I want to switch a little bit to

something that you're doing around giving back. And people think, oh, you're an entrepreneur, you're a businesswoman, you're making money, you're doing these things. But you really care about humans and the world and making a little bit better place. And you've spent a lot of time and thought in creating a way for you to give back. Can you share about your, your work as a philanthropist? Well, first of all, just realizing that many of us, right, have won the ovarian lottery as a phrase I picked up from Warren Buffett, who very frankly talks about the fact like, you know, people look at him as this like enormously successful, one of the most successful investors of all time. And he very frankly says, Hey,

I've won the ovarian lottery. If I had grown up in a different country without these circumstances, I don't think I would be where I am today. So he's very aware of his privilege of the circumstances. Similarly, I'm like, you know, I grew up in this country. I grew up with access to education, you know, and healthcare and all of these incredible things that I know from having just a tiny perspective on the rest of the world, that there are close to a billion people that don't, don't even have access to running water, you know, millions, hundreds of millions of kids and young girls that are denied access to education just because of their gender. So for me, as I started to just understand more

about our world, I realized that I love money because I love it as a freedom tool and I love it as a tool for what it can help me do in terms of the opportunities it can help provide for others that didn't win the O'Garian lottery. And so it was always important for me to find a way in our business to not just have the work that we do change people's lives, but to also have that energy of money go back out and to do some good. So we're just constantly looking for ways to partner with organizations that we feel are doing really great work on the ground. For example, Charity Water. I think we've built eight wells with them so far. They're very transparent about the great work that they do. And they're also transparent about when things don't go right.

And I love organizations like that. Another one that we love is called Sama Source. And it's about giving people the dignity of work. And it's really about eradicating poverty, extreme poverty in our lifetime. A woman named Leila Janna who runs that organization. She's brilliant. I love her. But it's about taking a look at, hey, extreme poverty is an issue that doesn't have to be one.

And what are some of the sustainable ways that we can solve it? And so we've worked with their organization more recently. There's things happening here in the States and not to get political at all, but I know a lot of people's hearts were breaking around recently children being separated from their parents in terms of immigration. And so another friend of mine, Glennon, who has this incredible organization called Together Rising, I think it was in nine hours collectively, not just Glennon and myself, but a whole host of people helped raise over a million dollars in nine hours to just help support these children and families and have the kind of legal representation and to get the kids back with their parents. That's beautiful. Yeah. So we're just, we're constantly looking for ways to just use our platform and our resources to take a look around the world and to see where they're suffering and to say, Hey, can we, can we help solve that? You know, it's often we, we think our happiness is created by focusing on me and often it's much more easy to create happiness by focusing on we.

Yes. And in fact, the science supports that. We know that the altruism behavior that we have is biologic, that we're social creatures. And then if you look at the biology of altruism in the brain, it actually stimulates the same pleasure centers as sugar or cocaine or heroin. Wow. So actually, if you want to get high, just love somebody up and do something for somebody else. I love it. And I have a movie recommendation for everyone listening. If you haven't seen it yet, I saw it the night before it opened, which was just last night. Won't You Be My Neighbor? It is the documentary

about Mr. Rogers. Can I tell y'all, I have cried my eyes. I couldn't, I was like so snotty. I had to like grab my gross buttered up, you know, little napkin. But it is one of the most incredible documentaries and films that I've seen in probably over a decade. And it is so helpful for us getting in touch with those values of staying connected to others and honoring other people and letting them know that we love them just as they are. And it's like with everything happening in the world, what a beautiful message and a great thing to go with your friends and family to take them to see. That's awesome, Marie. So you got a new job for a day, which is queen. And you get to reimagine the world in a way that makes it a better place. And you've seen a lot.

You've been everywhere. You've looked into the suffering of humans. And what would you do if you were queen for a day to change the world? I think you're a queen already, but you know. Thank you. Okay. So like the sassy side of me was like, okay, I'd be queen and I would want like at least a month. But I think- You can get a month.

Yeah. I would ask for a month. Let's say you had a month. A month of pure kindness, of like every action that someone would take was born from this root of kindness and respect and love for other humans. And I feel like, again, it's probably inspired a lot by Won't You Be My Neighbor, but the power of kindness and looking at another person and empathetically connecting with them from your heart and every interaction being one of respect and love.

That sounds good to me. I wanna live in that world. Yeah, me too. My grandmother, Mary, she used to ask my mom when she came home from school when she'd tell her about her new friend, she says, are they kind? You know, are they kind?

And that that's the most important value. And it was the most important value in our family, which is kindness. So that's beautiful, Marie. Thank you. Well, thank you for joining us for this amazing conversation. Oh, so fun.

Anytime. Thanks for having me on. This is Dr. Mark Hyman. You've been listening to The Doctor's Pharmacy with Marie Forleo, a conversation that really mattered. Thank you for being here. And if you love this podcast,

please leave a comment and share with your friends and family and subscribe on iTunes or anywhere else you get your podcast. And we'll see you next time on The Doctor's Pharmacy.