The Dr. John Delony Show - 13 Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress

Episode Date: December 24, 2021

In this Christmas Eve episode, John discusses 13 ways to reduce holiday stress. Read more on his blog here: https://www.ramseysolutions.com/personal-growth/holiday-stress Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show.  Support Our Sponsors: BetterHelp DreamCloud Churchill Mortgage Resources: Questions for Humans Conversation Cards Redefining Anxiety Quick Read John’s Free Guided Meditation Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts anytime, anywhere in our app. Download at: https://apple.co/3eN8jNq These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.

On today's show, we have a special Christmas Eve show. We talk about the holiday stresses, what you can do right now to survive the holidays. And also, I read the lyrics to my favorite Metallica Christmas song. Say what? Stay tuned. Up on the housetop, reindeer. Is it pause? Pause. Dude, this is the John Deloney Show, the Dr. John Deloney Show, and it is Christmas Eve. What are you doing listening to this podcast? Here's my guess. It's all falling apart. You are taking a walk around your neighborhood. You got tears streaming down your face because all your family wants to talk about is COVID

or Omicrons or whatever. The food that you got was terrible. Whatever. You didn't get the gift. You're trying to put together a trampoline and you and your husband hate each other now. Whatever's going on. It's Christmas Eve. Never fear. You didn't get the gift. You're trying to put together a trampoline and you and your husband hate each other now. Whatever's going on, it's Christmas Eve. Never fear, Kelly, James, Connor, and me.

We're here to help. We're gonna help you out. We got the tactics for how to get through tonight and the rest of this Christmas holiday. We're gonna support you. This is a shorter, special Christmas Eve podcast just for you. And by the way, if you wanna go over to the tubes and check out the blooper reel we put up to the Christmas blooper reel, it's pretty funny. I got to see it today. I'm not very good at this job. Not very

good. But we're going to talk about a couple of ways you can reduce holiday stress, what you can do right this second. Anything you want to add, James? No, let's do it. It's weird being here on Christmas Eve. My kids are pretty bummed, but if it's for the greater good, then I'm good with it. Let's go. Kelly's kids are like, yeah, go to work, Mom. That'd be great. I have teenagers. They don't care. Figures. Robert, your husband's sad to see you go, huh?

Yeah, because he has to be there with them. All right. 13 ways to survive the holidays. Are you ready? Let's do this. It seems like everybody's talking about how crazy the housing market is right now and how powerless homebuyers feel. Mix that with the stress of moving and life change and job change, and you've got a tornado of anxiety fueling one of the biggest purchases you'll ever make.

This is not a good idea. So if you're a new homebuyer right now, my advice to you is to focus on what you can control, like the people you choose to help you in the home buying process. You need folks like my friends at Churchill Mortgage. Churchill is a Ramsey trusted provider that's been helping people with their home mortgages for decades. And their home buyer edge program will help you skip a bunch of the stress. Here's how it works. Apply to become a Churchill certified home buyer and cap your interest rate for 90 days. Then you'll get a $5,000 seller guarantee to help your offer stand out. So go ahead, take a deep breath because Churchill has your back.

Check them out at churchillemortgage.com slash D'Loni and get the home buyer edge today. All right, here we go. So it's Christmas Eve and whatever Christmas is happening is already happening. So here's your goal. Number one, picture what happens next and make that happen. What does that mean? That sounds stupid and cheesy, D'Loni. Listen,

you can choose an environment where nobody's fighting. And that might mean that you got to take yourself out of it. That might mean that you have to tell your teenagers, if you speak again, I'm going to set your hair on fire, right? Don't, don't set your kids on fire, but you have to create a picture of what we want this to look like. It may be that the last couple of days, you had the in-laws show up, you had some weird cousin show up. Was it cousin Eddie showed up? And he's sitting outside, they're sitting outside, everyone's complaining. You get up tomorrow morning and you say on Christmas, we are having breakfast at 8.30. We're going to open presents at 10. We are all going to

go for a walk at three I'm leaving at five Be very clear Print off schedules tonight Hand them to everybody This isn't for discussion If you don't like this You can go to another house for Christmas This is what Christmas is doing tomorrow

But create a picture and go do it All right The second one Set boundaries Tell people We are not talking about that Say those words Dad

We're done talking about COVID. Mom, yep, that's our president. Conversation's over. We're going to talk about something else. Dad, I like Mark Wahlberg. You can stop being so mean about him. His muscles are real and they're huge. Get over it, right?

Whatever the thing is. Mom, I don't like smashing pumpkins. They're not good. Stop talking about that. Whatever the thing is, okay? Set boundaries. I'm going to shower. Nobody can come in here. Nobody can talk to me. Nobody can, whatever. Set the boundaries. And by the way, if you're in a closet right now and you're like, whatever, what do you have to lose? Your Christmas Eve already is terrible. Or if it's going great, it's probably because you have boundaries. You have a picture of Christmas. Number three, do your best to avoid conflict.

If your father-in-law says something and it's like, I think he's wrong. Just sit on it. Just swallow it. Don't say anything. Say nothing. Or if your mom's like, well, I wouldn't have done that with the stuffing. Why do you? Just take it. Just say nothing. Or if your mom's like, well, I wouldn't have done that with the stuffing. Why do you just take it? Just say nothing. Just say nothing. Why? Why have to comment back? Why start a fight?

Just stop. Avoid family conflict. If your cousin's going around asking everybody for a thing like, hey man, can I have it? Avoid the conflict. it. All right number four focus on what you can control You cannot make that cousin who chews loud chew less loud You can't you can sit next to him and stew and be crazy and be angry and be frustrated or you can move Or you can choose just to fast through that part of the meal Or you can put headphones whatever the thing is focus on what you can control and not what you can't control. If you have a house full of people that you invited because you didn't have boundaries three weeks ago or four weeks ago,

they're there. Don't resent them. Start having fun. Go buy bags of jumbo marshmallows and just start pegging people with them. Pass out the beers and let's get this thing going. Get the Deloney cards and just get off the rails with stuff. You want to get weird? Let's get weird, family.

But we're here, right? Focus on what you can control and let the rest of the stuff go, okay? Know your role in the situation. If you are at your in-law's house, shut your mouth. Nobody cares what you think. If you are a husband at your wife's parents' house, stop talking. Don't say anything. Say no words.

Say no words. Just watch some football game or a hunting show or stare off into space. Go for a walk. Rake the yard. Say nothing. And vice versa. Just know your role in the situation. If you're like the kid, oh my gosh, for sure say nothing. Just go around and hug people if that's what your family does. I don't know. Know your role. Number six, say no. Everybody say it. If you're putting together like a stroller or some weird foosball table or something right now, and it's Christmas Eve and you're just angry, I want you just to practice.

No. Just say it. Say it. Say it. Just no. So tomorrow, I'll be like, oh, let's go drive around the neighborhood. I thought we were going to. You can be like, no. Oh, I drive around the neighborhood. I thought we were going to. You can be like, no.

Oh, I drove all this way. I thought you loved me. No. That'd be awesome if you said that. Don't say that. I think you probably still love him. But just say no. If you don't want to go, say no. I don't want to go tonight.

Maybe in the morning. Let's go out and have a big breakfast. I want a big breakfast. No, thank you. Y'all are welcome to go, but I'm going to stay here. Just say no. I can't say no. You can. You choose not to say no. Say no. No. Oh my gosh, that was incredible. Way to go, James. That's James's middle name, by the way. He has the word no tattooed on his chest. All right, number, and yes, he did show us, all of us, a lot. Number seven,

limit your time on social media. Don't all sit on a couch staring at your phones. There's nothing worse than being in a miserable Christmas situation and everyone is just looking at everyone else's Christmas fantasies or just sitting at home alone. And Christmas is hard for a lot of people. You have no families to go to. You're just working and you get home and it's just a regular old night like every other night and you're throwing something in the microwave because you're tired and you're exhausted.

Don't run to social media. Don't run to social media. It's going to make every feeling you have amplified. It's going to make it bigger. It's going to make it harder. It's going to hurt. Don't do it. Take a day off. Take a couple of days off social media, okay? Number nine, don't overdo it on the sugar. You'll collapse everything in your body. Do have that one night of pie and whatever. Get it. Get it.

Workout beforehand beforehand Fast beforehand Have a plan for afterwards Peter Tia talks about Man, he makes sure everybody's taking leftovers with them I have to do that too Because I have no self-control I've got no self-control After we have our one big feast

That sweet's gotta go Because I'll graze on them Like cattle Like an old cow I'll just sit there all day grazing. Don't overdo it on the sugar. Don't overdo it on the sugar. Ten, get plenty of sleep. The temptation is to stay up, get up super early, to not go to bed. We haven't talked all year, so we need to talk till 4 a.m., and then the rest of the week is going to be a disaster. Go to bed.

Go to bed and get some sleep. Stay healthy. If you exercise regularly, keep exercising. If normally you go for runs, take your family on walks, whatever it looks like, but keep moving your body. Take 30 minutes or an hour to work out so that you can show up for the rest of the time with your family. If this is just another day in your life, you keep hitting the gym too. Number 11, protect your downtime. Take breaks from other people. Naps are okay. I'm going to read my new book alone. Everybody leave me alone. I'm going for a walk by myself. I'm going to go run and go fishing for the afternoon alone. Whatever that looks like for you, protect your downtime. That may be stuff you can double dip on when it comes to sleep or working out, whatever.

Number 12, instead of being advice guy or advice gal all the time, ask good questions. Ask questions. Instead of when your granddad says, I think COVID's a bunch of whatever. Say, granddad, what was the time when you were younger and things were just scary? Ask that question. Or, I think these kids these days aren't wearing enough clothes. I don't, they need to put some clothes on. All their body parts are poking out everywhere.

Hey, granddad, what was like when you first saw grandmother? Dude, she was smoking. She was beautiful. Like, tell me about that. Right? Ask good questions. Don't get into debates and discussions and fights back to the top about avoid family conflict. You can often avoid family conflict by asking really good questions. Last one, make connection your number one priority. Now, that may mean that you've got to go spend some time with people who aren't your family. That may mean you're one of the millions of millions upon millions of people who are stuck at home by themselves. They don't have any family. They're not opening any presents tomorrow.

They had to get themselves a present. Christmas is heartbreaking, reminds you of a loss. Somebody has passed away recently that you missed. Somebody's broke up with you that you miss. Reach out to other people, not through social media, but through human connection.

What does that mean? It's Christmas Eve. Tomorrow, get on the phone and get four or five people over to your house. Have an impromptu gift exchange. Do something fun. Write each other poems. Sing songs. Whatever the thing is. Watch an old movie.

Die Hard's a great Christmas movie. Whatever. Watch a show. Do something. Die Hard's a great Christmas movie. Whatever. Watch the show. Do something. Connect with people. Connect with people. Find a way that you can peel your grandmother off the rest of the group, and you can just go for a walk.

Say, how's the last year been? Been hard, huh? What's it like? Get on FaceTime and talk to your cousins that you haven't seen in a while. Connect. Connect. Connect. Cool. That's the way to do it. you haven't seen in a while. Connect, connect, connect.

Cool. That's the way to, and don't drink too much. Drinking and family events usually end up in domestic disputes. Don't do it. Don't do it. And don't drink with Kelly. That always ends so not good. All right, so I hope that helps.

I hope that helps. We'll be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, October is the season for wearing costumes and masks. And if you haven't started planning your costume yet, get on it. I'm pretty sure I'm going as Brad Pitt in Fight Club era because,

I mean, we pretty much have the same upper body, but whatever. All right, look, it's costume season. And let's be honest, a lot of us hide our true selves behind costumes and masks more often than we want to. We do this at work. We do this in social setting. We do this around our families. We even do this with ourselves. I have been there multiple times in my life and it's the worst. If you feel like you're stuck hiding your true self, I want you to consider talking with a therapist. Therapy is a

place where you can learn to accept all the parts of yourself, where you can learn to be honest with yourself, and you can take off the mask and the costumes and learn to live an honest, authentic, direct life. Costumes and masks should be for Halloween parties, not for our emotions and our true selves. If you're considering therapy, I want you to call my friends at BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy, and you can talk with your therapist anywhere so it's convenient for your schedule. You just fill out a short online survey, and you get matched with a licensed therapist. Plus, you can switch therapist at any time for no additional cost. Take off the costumes and take off the masks with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month.

That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash deloney. All right, we're back. So Merry Christmas. We love you. So, so grateful for you that you spend time with us. You give us the most precious resource on planet Earth, your time. As we wrap up today's show, I'm going to give you the most precious resource on planet Earth, your time. As we wrap up today's show, I'm gonna give you the lyrics

to my favorite Christmas song of all time. It's a song about our families, about the holidays, just about life. It's off the Black Album by Metallica and the song is Sad But True. And it goes like this. Hey, I'm your life. I'm the one who Sad But True. And it goes like this. Hey, I'm your life.

I'm the one who takes you there. Hey, I'm your life. I'm the one who cares. They betray. I'm your only true friend now. They'll betray. I'm forever there. This song's about drugs.

I'm your dream. Make you real. I'm your eyes and you must steal. I'm your pain when you can't feel. Sad but true. I'm your dream, make you real. I'm your eyes and you must steal. I'm your pain when you can't feel. Sad, but true. I'm your dream, mind astray. I'm your eyes while you're away. I'm your pain while you repay.

You know, it's sad, but true. You know, it's sad, but true. Like my career and my body composition. Merry Christmas. We'll see you soon on the Dr. John Delaney Show