The Dr. John Delony Show - Ask Me Anything #3: John Answers Your Questions About Himself

Episode Date: December 10, 2021

The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show.   John Answers Your Questions: Raising kids – time in or time out? Cry it out – yes or no? Has your morning routine changed at all? Favorite distressing junk food? Have you recovered from the Astros losing the World Series? What are some new books you have read? What has Wilco ever done to you? Johnny Cash, Elvis, or Jim Morrison? Sammy Hagar or David Lee Roth? How is Rush not your favorite band? What made you realize that you wanted to go in to psychology? What was Jocko really like? Favorite part of your job? Who is your dream show guest? What are some things that you tell others to do but you're personally not good at? Best 80s hair metal hair? What was it like growing up with a dad as a homicide detective?   Lyrics of the Day: "Ask" - The Smiths   Support Our Sponsors: BetterHelp DreamCloud Churchill Mortgage   Resources: Questions for Humans Conversation Cards Redefining Anxiety Quick Read John’s Free Guided Meditation   Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts anytime, anywhere in our app. Download at: https://apple.co/3eN8jNq   These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.

On today's show, we talk about tigers and parenting and crying it out and cancer, morning routines, why Wilco is not that great, Johnny Cash, Jocko, and more. It's AMA number three on our 200th episode. Stay tuned. What is up? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. Glad you're here. So, hey, we got an AMA.

We put a call out on the Internet to send in some questions, and y'all sent in a bajillion of them. And so we'll go through them. But first, can we celebrate 200 shows? What do we celebrate? I was waiting for confetti to fall down from the sky, but I know that would have been a lot of extra work, James. And so we don't have that. We did get you a cake for

the year anniversary. So for the 200th, we'll just do like a pretend cheers through the glass. Wow. I expected gifts, to be honest. Yeah, I did too. It's cool, though. James isn't that kind of producer. The one that quote-un unquote loves his talent. She made gifts from you to us.

Yeah, I made from you. Oh, it would have been cool for a heads up just that this was the 200th show just before three and a half seconds ago before we go live. Kelly's like, you suck. I hate you. It's the 200th show. Make sure everybody knows. And we're live.

You didn't say that. You didn't tell me about the 200th show. You said the other things, but not that. Right. James said the thing about the 200th show. I said the other things, but not that. Right. James said a thing about the 200th show. I told you to get it together and let's get going. Oh, man. This is going to be great.

People have already just rolled off of this thing. It's cool. Well, here we are. AMA. Should we get right into this? Do we have to do these in order, James? Yeah, let's do them in order. And for the unaccustomed, explain what AMA stands for.

The unaccustomed. That's a very big word. I like that you've been on this show a lot. That's cool. AMA, ask me anything. People want to know. I talk a lot about the advice. And here's my recommendations.

And here's how we're walking alongside people who are struggling with various challenges. And then people dig in and want to know what's going on in my life. Like, how do I actually live this stuff out? And what do I eat? What do I kind of workout program? All that kind of stuff. So what do I actually do?

So I know some of these questions are coming and I know y'all have some off the grid questions you'll put in here. So here, let's just get into it. So some people wrote questions that were for me and I guess silly. And then other people wrote questions like were for me, and I guess silly. And then other people wrote questions like broader, just question questions.

So first question, as far as raising kids, time in or time out? What do y'all think? This is your show, brother. I know, but I like to set y'all up because if you'll answer it right, that's great. And if you answer it wrong, I can mock you because I don't know who wrote this. I think it's different per kid, per child, and per situation. Very good, Switzerland. Yeah.

How is it different? Well, like for instance, when we adopted our kids, we would not have done timeout because they needed to learn to be with us. But there was times when, yes, you have to be in the room. You have to stay here. You know, you're going to do this thing. But it also depends on the situation sometimes they need to be removed from a situation especially toddlers and stuff

they need to be chilled out for a minute so I don't think it's a black and white issue so here's my take on it so and we'll just let James stay silent where he spends most of his time in his heart and mind

so I I'm not a fan of time in or time out, but I believe in time in or time out. Here's what I mean by that. Time in, time out, I think weaponizes relationships. Meaning if I, if my kid does something, so let's just say my son, Hank, he, I don't know, swears at me at the kitchen table. And I say, get away from me. He's done a thing. And then I punished him by removing him from my presence.

I have made the relationship, our interaction, the punishment for his action. So in a weird way, it holds my love. It holds my connection hostage that he is always working for connection with me. Now, if you weaponize relationship, it doesn't make any sense to a child's brain because it's going to make it, they're going to up the ante. They're going to go back over the top. So my child, though, can opt out. And that's where I think time in and time out is effective. Not by me saying, you get out of here, or you can't be in this room right now. But when you do the work, and we've talked about this a million times on the show, when you do the work up front and say, here's who we are.

We treat each other with respect. We treat each other with dignity. We fill in the blank. We do these things as a family. This is who we are. And then he swears at me at dinner. Then he has opted out of our relationships. So he is the one who by his actions have taken himself out. And I want him to own that. So I'm not going to weaponize my relationship. I'm going to put it as, I'm going to put it on him as a choice. If you choose to be with us, this is how we all are. We all agreed on this. Or I'm the parent. I said, this is how we're going to be. If you choose to swear at the table, you are choosing to leave. And I also make it really clear. The house doesn't function well without you. We want you here. And so I choose to be sad when you opt out because it breaks my heart. I want you here. I

want you around. You're a full member of this family. But when you do things that opt you out, you do things that opt you out, right? So kids are so wired for connection. This helps their behaviors in a direct way because it's the exact opposite of what they want. He may cuss at me at the table because he's trying to connect with me. He's trying to get a rise on me. He's trying to get attention from me. He's trying to get me to see him. And he may do great things to get my attention. He may do loud things. He may do things that are going to cause trouble. He's trying to get my attention. He's trying to connect. And if he understands that his actions disconnect him from us,

then man, he's coming back. He's going to begin to lean into, I want to be in community here, not out of community. And this is almost every single kid. If you remember that your kids are wired for connection, man, they're always going to lean into that. So I don't know.

Does that sound like mumbo jumbo? James is already asleep over there. No, I think it's great. I am not. Whatever. All right, number two. Cry it out, yes or no. Cry it out, yes or no.

All right, here's what I think about that. I think there's, let's break this up. One is newborn. So, read Piaget, by the way. Let's, like, the, I think it's the pre-operational. Let's go back and review all that read Piaget, by the way. I think it's the pre-operational studies. I'll go back and review all that. Piaget. So there's, let's say, zero to one, zero to five months old, six months old, nine months old, and then one and a half to two years old. So backing all the way out of here, think how babies' brains are wired. They're running on ancient tech and they just got dropped into the 21st century.

Okay? So the brain that a baby has, let's say a newborn, one week old, one month old, is not wired for a 3,500 square foot home or a 2,500 square foot home with its own bedroom and its own bathroom and a door that locks. And it's not born in a

culture that says too much touch harmed a baby, which was a prevailing wisdom for about 150 years, 100 years, that they were dropped into a world where there's no adults around at all. And there's no extended relatives around at all. That's not the brain that they have in their heads. The brain they have in their heads is one where there's always adults around. There's always some sort of extended cousins and aunts and uncles. There's a tribe. There's a community.

And so this idea that you could even take a child and put them far enough away where you could shut a door and they just cry until it doesn't bother you anymore. And I could turn the volume up on my TV. That's not their, their brain isn't wired for that. When a infant, when a newborn is crying, they are just screaming for, like we were just talking about connection. So the idea that a baby could ever even be far enough away to just quote unquote, cry it out as preposterous. It's not, it's not evolutionarily correct, right? And so now we drop ourselves in the 21st century, and I'll just speak for myself, exhausted. I got shows I got to watch.

I got to get to bed. I got a, I'm working a full-time job. Let's say my wife's not, but let's say she's working a full-time job. We got this and this. We got sports, athletics. So now we have a lifestyle that's not attuned to a child's brain. And we're so obsessed with independence,

with quote-unquote you being the master of your world, which is true. You've got to take ownership of your decisions. That's all true. But we pass that along to little babies. And so this is where I hear this, that we're going to teach them to self-soothe. We're going to teach them how to learn that they're crying. They need to be their own. They need to get stronger, right? They need to learn how to flex.

And that's where we've gotten sideways. And so babies learn from watching and absorbing the adults in their lives, not, quote, unquote, just figuring it out. They're a tangled mass of just responsive brain cells. Touch, responsiveness, lacking these basic things cause trauma in the young baby's brain. So when they feel that a caregiver is gone, the trauma that registers there is the single most devastating trauma a infant can absorb. Other than like, you know, being physically assaulted, right? Little babies quit crying not because they get better or because they are self-soothing, but because their bodies just quit. They just give up. And so what I always want to point people when they ask that question, like raising babies is about creating an anchor point, not teaching them to quit. They just give up. And so what I always want to point people when they ask that question,

like raising babies is about creating an anchor point, not teaching them to quit. And once you have a one and a half year old, you know what I mean? I think it's about 14 months. Let's go back and look at the research on it. But one and a half, two years, a child begins to understand that they aren't the world, that they are a participant in the world. And that's when they start learning about object permanence. When that door shuts, my mom doesn't disappear. She's just in that next room. An infant thinks when mom leaves her site, that's why peekaboo is so fun. When a mom leaves her site, mom has disappeared. Mom is gone. And then mom pops back up and it's like, oh, look at that. She's back.

That's why a two-year-old doesn't think that game is as fun because they know mom is just right there. Then that's when you can slowly start to see, you know, you get a one-year-old, one-and-a-half-year-old, two-year-old, a kid who slowly starts to weaponize that relationship. And I say weaponize. They're still young. They're still wanting connection for everything. But that's where a kid can say, okay, you need to go to bed. And they're crying for connection. That terror scream turns into whining. That terror turns into manipulation.

That terror turns into, and I say manipulation, not like a grownup does, but like a two-year-old just wants more mom or wants more dad or whatever. So I've got less of a problem when they're one and a half, two, crying it out two hours. That's insane. But crying it out, the kid is crying. They're going to, they're going to cry until they settle themselves out and go to sleep. But it is age dependent. I think, so to answer your question, I think it's insane. I think it's, I think it's devastating to do that with a newborn. I just do. And again, this isn't about shame. This is about trying new things. I'll leave it at that. Maternal stress is powerful. So I think sometimes we have to look at an entire remodeling of our ecosystem, of our homes, of how we're going to raise people, all that stuff. And a one and a half year old has to know they cannot control our home,

that they don't have the power to cry and everyone jumps, that they do have to go to bed bed and that there's going to be some discomfort as they're learning to go to bed by themselves. And so it is a balance there. I tend to fall on follow your gut. You know when your kid is crossed over and it's that uncomfortable feeling. There's something not right here versus that kid's just whining. Like my kids have seven different cries and you just get to know them all. That's the prevailing wisdom. Follow your gut on that one. And if you've got a child who can't stop crying or won't stop crying or has some physical ailments, then obviously check with your

doctor every time. But I think it's different for newborns than it is for toddlers and I think the whole idea of crying it out toughens your kid up is nuts because it doesn't it traumatizes them it makes them weaker that's a better way to say it

it does make them realize hey there's nothing I can do to reconnect with my mom or my dad they've left me I'm gone now and so my body's just going to shut down. It's going to go to neutral because that's its only option, right? I'm sure that will cause some drama on the internets, but that's my thought on the cryouts. What do you think?

Y'all are all parents. I have some thoughts that I'll keep to myself, except that one funny joke that I heard. It wasn't actually a joke. It was for real. My buddy, Kyle, who you know, we were talking about it and I was like, have you tried crying it out? Because his kids were having trouble sleeping. And he said,

dude, I cry it out every night. So what are your thoughts? You think I'm crazy? No, I don't think you're crazy. I didn't know the science. I don't remember when we did do cry it out with our kids.

I don't remember what age they were or what kind of limits we set on how long we went or whatever. But it worked well for all our kids. I don't remember what age they were or what kind of limits we set on how long we went or whatever, but it worked well for all our kids. And they- As like one month olds?

I don't remember the age. I actually texted my wife just to see, cause I was curious as you were talking about it. But- Y'all both blocked it out. Yeah. But I mean, we had, you know, we had limits and everything,

but it worked and they loved, you know, they learned to sleep and they love sleeping now. And it, to me, like to me, having good sleep habits really sets up the whole family for success in a lot of ways. But there's a lot of nuance to it. Well, I think it's – James, you and I were talking about this earlier. I think if a kid goes to bed and mom and dad are saying sleep is very important and we got to go to bed and we got to get a full night's sleep, et cetera. And then the kid can hear the TV on until midnight.

The kid is getting a disconnect between mom and dad are doing and what they are professing. And of course we're adults. We're not supposed to live like kids do, et cetera. But there is a, a cognitive dissonance with the young child. They feel that what's being said, what I'm being made to do is different than what's actually happening. And that's, again, that's an older child. That's not a one month old. That's maybe a two year old or a three year old.

Why do y'all get to stay up, et cetera? Because we're grownups, that's what happens. I think for me, it came down to when I was letting my kids just cry, cry, cry, it was getting in the way of my perceived lifestyle, which I think that's what adults nowadays need to reexamine. Is my lifestyle conducive to, am I trying to do everything? I'm trying to still go out and hang out with my bros

and do my thing and watch my shows and have a child. That's where you're going to get crossways. And there's also the flip side of like co-sleeping and just parents letting their kids keep them up all night and just it ruins the whole family dynamic. Everything, yes. There's two sides to that. You steal sleep from your kids.

All right. And that's the thing. Yeah. And some people have to work three jobs. I don't have that luxury. I got to go to bed, right? And that's the modern world that we're in right now. So again, this isn't about shame, but especially with infants and newborns, I'm not a fan of cried out. There's some great research on that, that it's just devastating

to read. It's hard. Um, and like James says, man, you have to set good, strong sleep boundaries and limits. And so I'm sure we'll get a million more questions about that, but that's good. All right, let's do another one. New routine. Is that probably morning routine, you guess? Yeah, has your morning routine changed at all? That's kind of the thought. Yeah, so like this is my usher moment.

It's my confession. Dude, my routine like collapsed. It didn't collapse. I allowed it to. I checked out of it. In the last like several months, I've been on the road all over the country. I got a great routine when I'm on the road, but not so much when I'm at home. Then writing the book, I've been working 20 hour days for maybe a month or two. It's been a, it's been a track. And so I guess confession one is I didn't

stick to the routine. And then when I don't stick to the routine, I get unwieldy. And then when I, meaning my diet goes to crap, I don't exercise as regularly and then my writing isn't as good and that gets me frustrated and then my work isn't as good and that gets me frustrated. And then, and then, and then it just has a cascade. So about two weeks ago, man, I locked it back in, had to really dial back up the routine and then slowly work to where I am back now. So I got it in my pocket. Do I have it here? I think I do. Maybe I put it on my desk.

I still have my little card, my note card that I write down. I do it the night before now. Here's tomorrow's workout, what that's going to be. And then here's tomorrow. I look at my calendar and see what I've got going on tomorrow. And I can just make a quick checklist. And that gets all my thoughts out of my head. And then at night, I try to make sure that I've got my plan for the next day before I start my going to bed routine. And then I get up, man, I get up pretty early.

Still get up about 5, 5.15 and do my coffee or my tea and then exercise. And then I got my, I brought my, this is my gratitude journal that I do almost every day. And then this one's new this year, James, Kelly. This is my, I have something about y'all in here. It's my stories journal. I just have these looping thoughts that just stay in there and stay in there

and stay in there and stay in there. And they're- It's called rumination, John. I was about to say, it's just ruminating over and over. All my imaginary conversations, when I see Kelly next, I'm going to just tell her, you better just wait until I, and I never say it. It's just a waste of my time. But I start ruminating and ruminating.

So this, or the, yeah, you're the worst dad ever or whatever. So I wake up in the morning or as I'm going through my morning and I have this out and I'll just write down, you're the worst dad ever. That's like a thought in my head. Or you really screwed it up last night when you should have gone to bed earlier. I write these stories down and that way I can get arm's length and I can look at them and just say, is this true or not? And if it's not true, then I can just draw a line through it. And if it is true, then I can solve it

and then move on. Jaco calls it detachment. Michael Singer calls it mindfulness. It's just looking at my thoughts and not letting them take over my body and saying, is this thought true? And then I can just move on from it.

So I had this with me, still meditate several times a week. Not as much as I should. I got to get back into doing that. Still, I haven't, still exercising regularly. And then man, I had to get the cold tub back out. It's so great. It's so great. Good people. 99 bucks at Tractor Supply. It's just like a bucket filled with water and just set it outside. It's not a bucket, actually. It's like a trough

filled with water and just let the cold air do its thing this winter. And then just go sit in it three to five minutes in the morning. It is incredible. Have y'all ever done that? Y'all won't do that, will you? I've done cold showers. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of times I'll take a warm shower and then I'll turn it to cold right before I get out. Just to make you angry? Just to start it off with a really pissy day. That's awesome. I also did this. So I got with Dr. Gus Vickery.

I'm going to have him on the show, and he's going to go through my blood work and my genetic stuff. He, I finally just bit the bullet and did a full panel. This guy was asking me questions. I have a genetic trait they call the cookie jar gene that says you have a very difficult time. It's wired in you that when the

package is open, you're going to eat it all. And so you can white knuckle it. You can willpower your way through it in seasons. That is not a strategy. And so he's like, just look at your genetics. The strategy for you, and let's say gummy candy is never prevention. Don't have them in your home. Don't have them in your bag. That's why my serial killer wife can buy a bag of gummy candy and just have one, one, like every few days, like a murderer. She's in one of your podcasts, I bet. I don't know how you can do that. I can do that, but she does. I can't, like he said, that's in your genes. And they have like a name for it. Anyway, it was fascinating,

but got a bunch of new supplements and stuff, but it really got back, got me back to, man, I got to take care of my diet. I got to really be intentional about exercising every single day. And I am doing more strength training. I want to see how strong I can get now that I'm old. And man, the temperatures, the saunas and the cold tubs, man. doing more strength training. I want to see how strong I can get now that I'm old. And,

man, the, the temperatures, the saunas and the cold tubs, man. I need this show to be better so we can buy one of those fancy cold tubs.

Things are amazing. And, like, those saunas would be great too. I guess the cold tub would just be for when it's not wintertime and you want to do the same thing,

right? Yeah, or you can put it inside. I mean, I got in this morning. It was a little bit sketchy. It was some, I mean, I don't know, like coyotes drinking from it or something.

I don't know. It probably wasn't the most hygienic thing in the world, but it's cool. It's cool. I don't know. So that's the new routine. What I'm focusing more on when it comes to routine is my evening routine.

And my wife and I actually had a long discussion about this this weekend talking about I found myself sitting in the driveway for 10 or 15 minutes when I get home. I just sit there. And I may scroll social media. I may just listen to a song on the radio. But it's almost a gearing up for round two. Like I've gone to work and – or I mean I did my morning routine.

That's round one. Round two is going to work. And then now round three, like, okay, that's back into day. And I don't want that. She doesn't want, like, I want that to be the place where I can't wait to get to because I can just go. And so we've done several things we've set up. One of which will just be a routine, a tradition that when I get home, we're all there. When she gets home,

that we're just going to all pause for a minute. Me and the little ones, even if they're in the middle of a thing where everyone's going to stop for a few minutes and just acknowledge each other as humans. And it may be that I need to go exercise 15 minutes and just kind of get the shake-offs. It may be that we're going to have a dance party for a few minutes, but it's just something about to mark we're all here and something I can lean into and look forward to. Maybe having tea. We all have tea together, whatever that looks here. And something I can lean into and look forward to. Maybe having tea. We all have tea together, whatever that looks like. But there's something about an evening routine

that is going to make coming home not another assignment, but a place of rest and a place of rejuvenation, not a place of more shame and not doing great. So, yeah. So, yeah, that's it on the routine. Kind of being lame. I will say this. Get a routine.

Mine has gotten streamlined. This time last year was really complicated. It's gotten more streamlined. Wake up early. Do my journaling. Exercise. Do the cold variations and make sure I'm spending quality time with the humans in my life. And that's about it.

Get one and stick with it. And if your life begins to make your morning routine impractical, usually it's your life that's the challenge, not your routine. All right, we'll be right back on the Dr. John DeLoon Show. It seems like everybody's talking about how crazy the housing market is right now and how powerless homebuyers feel. Mix that with the stress of moving and life change and job change, and you've got a tornado of anxiety fueling one of the biggest purchases you'll ever make. This is not a good idea. So if you're a new homebuyer right now, my advice to you is to focus on what you can control, like the people

you choose to help you in the home buying process. You need folks like my friends at Churchill Mortgage. Churchill is a Ramsey trusted provider that's been helping people with their home mortgages for decades. And their home buyer edge program will help you skip a bunch of the stress. Here's how it works. Apply to become a Churchill certified home buyer and cap your interest rate for 90 days. Then you'll get a $5,000 seller guarantee to help your offer stand out. So go ahead, take a deep breath because Churchill has your back. Check them out at churchillemortgage.com slash D'Loni and get the home buyer edge today. All right, so we're doing the AMA.

Ask me anything. This is episode 200. We made it, kids. 11 more years, we'll have 1,000. Is that right? It's about 100 a year. Oh, we're still doing this in 11 years. We've done something tragically wrong with our careers, right?

Especially you two. I could see if they won't even have podcasts in 11 years. They're going to, I don't know, just teleportation devices. This show will be a hologram that you can watch. In the metaverse or whatever that thing is. Yeah, that gives me hemorrhoids. All right. So number four, favorite distressing junk food. Just same old burgers and fries and gummies and marshmallows, caramel. What else? Ice cream. Cheap Chinese food. I can. Okay. Can I tell you an awesome story though? I don't call this junk food, but it's not good for you. Is there a difference there? Unhealthy food and junk food. Yesterday, I left work early. I was just having a rough day, and I just called my wife. I said,

I'm going to go pick up Hank from school, and I met him in the line. I picked him up, and he's like, hey, Dad, it's great to see you, and I said, how about me and you go eat some trash, and he just smiled and goes, oh, yeah, and we went to like a local restaurant just to eat garbage, just to get like a burger and just nonsense. And it was closed. We ended up going to the gas station and just getting candy. It was just, it was awful. It was absurd. But so there's trash food. So this happened guys. This is incredible. I was in San Antonio a few days ago and did an event there. I just drove downtown until I found the most authentic looking Mexican food place. I've been missing Texas Mexican food so bad.

And I just saw a place and I thought, this is 50-50, this goes really bad for me. Or 50-50, it's incredible. So I went in, they sat me in the back because I guess I looked a little bit creepy. I sat in the back of the restaurant all by myself and I was trying to finish these chapter edits. So I'm writing back there with my computer.

Dude, the food they brought. If Jesus was a burrito, man, it was unbelievable how good it was. Queso, everything, all of it, man. And then I'm just eating, and I'm being over the top. I couldn't believe how delicious this food was. Like my soul was coming back together. Like it's been in pieces since I lived in Nashville. It was slowly coming back together.

I felt it reforming like a transformer, a Voltron. Remember how they made, anyway. And then this man comes over. His name is Armando. And he had like a U.S. Marine Corps shirt on. He's an older gentleman. And he said, excuse me, are you Dr. John Deloney?

And I was like, say what? Yes. He said, hey, that's my family over there. You looked familiar, and so we just spent the last 30 minutes looking you up on the internet to see who you were, and I couldn't believe it. Like, I'm a huge fan of yours and Dave's,

and it's like, you changed my life. I was like, I didn't do anything, dude. I'm a huge fan of yours and Dave's, and it's like, you changed my life. I was like, I didn't do anything, dude. I'm just like, have a podcast. I'm just sitting here in the back eating queso. And he, dude, and then he took my receipt off my table and was like, because of you all, I'm able to bless other people, and so this will be my, like, it was a whole thing, man.

And then went over and sat with her family. But two important things from that. Number one, we took pictures. And I'll never see them again. I don't have any contact info. It was amazing. It was incredible. So number one, like, man, the reach of this thing is bonkers to me.

And the people who were just in random San Antonio, Texas or wherever. The second thing that's really important is I can never do drugs anywhere. Because, man, if I had been in the back just snorting coke off the table or doing something crazy, and they would have been like, oh, we know that guy. There's nowhere to hide. There's nowhere to hide. I like that that's the reason you can't do drugs. Otherwise, you'd be totally cool to just...

I mean, listen. I wasn't gonna, but man! Just a hole-in-the-wall Mexican food restaurant in the middle of nowhere, Texas. The eyes of Texas are upon us, man. So anyway, Armando, that was like one of the coolest... Can I tell you something else that happened? At that same event,

I walk on the stage in this hotel, just doing a talk for a group. Dude, they start, the walk-up music was old Metallica blaring. I could feel it in my chest. And I looked at the sound guy and I was like, yes. I felt like I was an MMA fighter. Like, this is awesome. Then I got done with the talk and he started blaring Master of Puppets. And then their little, like their gift bag they gave me, two rad Metallica shirts in them. What a gift.

And you two suckers were just here turning knobs on the radio. It was awesome. That wasn't very cool of me. That I just did just now. But dude, there's some great people out in the universe. I love how this question about junk food got real sentimental and serious. Well, I couldn't wait to get to... I actually moved to flight so I could go get some Mexican food

because I was going to get there after dinner. And I'm glad I didn't, man. It was amazing. Oh, man. So next question Have you recovered from the Astros Losing the World Series? I don't appreciate that question

The answer is yes, I've recovered I'm fine You know what I love, James Kelly You ever notice other grown-ups? When you go to a ballgame and there's a grown man wearing a shirt with another grown man's name on the back of it, that always strikes me as the heebie-jeebies. We talked about this on the show because we were talking about signature guitars.

Have we talked about that? Yeah. That always just makes me a little bit, yeah. So I say all that to say I I'm a huge Astros fan. My buddy Mike, who I love, sent me, it's like me and Hank, he went to the games. Mike and Tom, they went to the games. They sent me some World Series shirts.

They're great. Here's what I think happened. I think the Astros looked at the Braves and they said, look, we can destroy these poor kids. Let's give Atlanta something to talk about. Let's give them something. And so I think they tanked the series on behalf of Atlanta because that's the kind of people Houstonians

are. They're giving and they're kind. So yes, I have recovered from losing the World Series because I think the loss was an altruistic one. I think it was a gift. And it is harder to win when you don't cheat. So that's fair. That is the second World Series they've lost after they aren't allowed to cheat.

I'm just saying, guys. I'm just saying. Kelly, you don't look convinced. No. You live in a fantasy world. Agreed. And not mutually exclusive. So, yes.

What are some new books I've read? Oh, man. I've read a bunch of new books. Okay. Okay. Here's some of my favorite books. All right. I've read a bunch of new books. Okay. Okay. Here's some of my favorite books. All right. I wrote them down. This book was by John Valiant and the book is called The Tiger, True Story of Vengeance and Survival. It may be in the top 10 books of all time. it was extraordinary it's a book about the tiger and it's a geopolitical book about russia where russia connects with china and life there and it also is the story of a particular tiger that

seeks vengeance on somebody it is a tightly woven masterpiece. I listened to this book. I discovered audiobooks this year. Man, I thought I read a lot before. Now, it's awesome. I'm mowing through books this year. I love it. This story, I would knock off work a little bit earlier so I get in the truck and go listen.

Or I would just mow a little bit longer so I could keep listening. This book was incredible. Another great book I read that wasn't quite that good, The Tiger, A True Story of Vengeance and Survival. I recommend everybody read it. It's a masterpiece. Another great book was called Ravenous by Otto Warburg.

Oh, Ravenous, Otto Warburg, and the Cancer Diet. It's written by Sam Apple, A-P-P-L-E. The book's called Ravenous. It's a phenomenal book about the Nazi Germany obsession with curing cancer. As Germany became more affluent and as they started having more of the quote-unquote good life, cancer came with them. This disease of excess. And Warburg is a famous scientist. It's on with cell respiration and cancer

and it's a whole thing. You can read about him. He was kind of the hero of the world, the greatest scientist in the world, but also was then fell out of favor now. In many ways, he's back. But he was a gay Jew protected by the Nazis because he was the most

he was the person most likely to solve this cancer problem and so it's this weird moment in history where Nazi Germany is protecting like they have this whole world where Jewish people are inferior

yet they protected this whole world where Jewish people are inferior, yet they protected this guy. Where members of the gay community were inferior, but they protected this guy and his partner. And then you've got Warburg who is taking money from these groups, from these folks, working in the middle of Germany when everything around, all the Jewish people are being slaughtered. And it is the most, it's like, reads like a, I don't know, like one of your podcasts. Like, you don't know what's going to happen.

I found myself, I read it when I was camping. I found myself, I wasn't able to stop reading. I had to go outside and read it in the dark. It was so good. And it has a lot of cool science stuff. It is a science nerdy book, but man, it's pretty rad. And then for, I brought this dude. This guy, if you've got young people in your life,

or if you're a grownup like me who loves reading these books, his name is S.J. Dahlstrom. Have I talked about this? Did I talk about him last time? He's written several books. The book Wild or Good is the character here, and it's multiple series. What book is this? This is book

number seven, so he's up to seven now. This one's called Cowboy Hood. The one before Black Rock Brothers. These are extraordinary, and there's a series of them. So you've got a young kid, buy all seven of them. Incredible.

If you're an adult and you want to read fiction that's good, but it's also at nighttime and you don't want to read like science at night, because I think that's ridiculous, get your head all, or you don't read the news at nighttime because your brain's going to be like, oh, we're all going to die.

If you want some great fiction about getting outside, I know S.J. Dahlstrom. Man, he's a great human being. We've had some fun adventures together. But he writes books to inspire kids to get back outside, to put the screens down and live a more screen-free life than they otherwise would. And these books are just masterpieces.

My two favorites thus far are Black Rock Brothers and Cowboy Hood. Wow, they're so good. My kids love them, but I love them. And there's a great range. And he also, man, he's got some good stuff

in there for the parents too. Just they're fabulous books, man. And then my wife's book came out this year, Lord. She wrote a prayer book for teachers. If you're a teacher, you can get on Instagram and follow her.

And it's a pretty rad book, too. Those are the books I've read. Any books you all have read that are great? I know, James, you're not a big reader. You're more of just a... I was going to say that's not true, but none come to mind right now. Well played. Kelly?

I read, at your insistence, a lot of fiction now. Yes. Because I quit having to read things that were so dark. Yes. But one that I had picked up early on that's not fiction, nonfiction as some call it, that I picked up. For all the listeners out there, Kelly was in honors classes. Actually, I was. Thank you very much.

Of course. But Grit by Tammy Duckworth. Yeah. And I, for some reason or another, had stepped away from it. I think so. I don't think it's Tammy. Is it Tammy?

I don't know. I'm pretty sure. Okay, go ahead, though. But it's a great book, yeah. It's a fantastic book. Just talking about how it's not always, I mean, talent and smarts are one thing, but how it's that whole idea of just grit,

sticking with something, and how that really changes, you know, how you learn things, how you stick with, how you change your life, how people that are the best at what they do, how many hours they have to put in. You know, they may not be the one with the most natural talent or the most natural ability, but the hours you put in changes everything.

And how they deal with failure. Yes. And get back up and get back up. And use it as a learning process and the zone that they get in. And she talks about everything from athletes to musicians to business leaders. It's not just, you know, artsy people.

It's for anyone. And it's really, really good. It's also for, I got a lot of that book for dads and moms and brothers like how to just do better at life and you got to keep showing up and keep showing up i don't know it's a fabulous book it's angela angela duckworth that's what it was yeah i didn't yeah there you go tammy angela i hope she has a friend named tammy she can't stand when they were kids just hated her mean to her on the bus. And Angela's like, ugh, you would.

Good job. And so, yeah, in case you're wondering, that's the story of the show. I read a lot. Kelly reads a lot. James just makes music or I don't know what you do. Listen to. I got four kids, bro. I know.

Kind of busy. That's cool. Yeah. Me and Kelly have four between us, but Maybe you should have thought that before Maybe You shaming me? They can just cry it out James While you're reading Just let them cry

Well played Read your books Jeez Louise Alright what's next? Let's see What has Wilco ever done to you? Not put out a good record? That's what they've done

They've not put out a good record Listen The War on Drugs, incredible band. Old REM, incredible. Wilco is like if REM and Pearl Jam had a weird, sad child that just sat in the room and made noise. Like, I feel like Wilco gets in a room and they go, meh. And then they go, ooh, let's make that an analog, and everyone goes, ooh, and then they all get their Roland Jazzmasters, the Fender Jazzmasters and their Rolands all jangled up,

and they're like, let's jangle together, everybody, and then Wilco's like, and the colors bloom in our hearts, and everyone's like, ooh, I don't even know what that means. It must be, I don't know. I'm not in it. War on Drugs, amazing. R.E.M., incredible. Pearl Jam's obviously Pearl Jam.

They're the best. Old Soundgarden, yeah. I don't know, man. I just, there was that one, that one, even like the Decembrists. I mean, there's so many incredible bands like that. And then Wilco is just like A mush of bleh

I've heard them compared to the White Stripes No, Jack Black is extraordinary I don't get it James, I can see like your heart is In tatters right now Help me with this I'm actually enjoying hearing your opinion of them I mean to each his own, I like them

What about them do you like? Let's go through the list. Their inability to write songs. Do you like that? I'm not going to be able to argue with you if you're this adamant about it. Sorry. No, I like the songwriting.

I think he is like not a singer, a crazy good singer, but I think the songwriting is good. I like the production. You talk about the analog thing. They do have good sound.

There's a lot of cool production. Sonically, it's great. It's cool I would like kind of lump them in with War on Drugs even though Wilco was around way earlier

yeah but I don't know I feel like the War on Drugs listened to a bunch of Wilco and they're like we could do this and write a song

with a hook to it and have a melody that would be cool and we could all play somewhat the same key at the same time I'm curious how many Wilco records

you've actually listen to. Almost none. That's what makes this so fun. There you go. Okay, so found out. I don't know any Wilco music. I'm just seriously ranting about a band I literally know nothing about. I watched a documentary on them once. I wasn't that impressed. Wilco, they may

be great. That's the plot twist. I don't know any Wilco songs. I don't listen to them. I've been ranting about something I know nothing about. This is the terror of the internet, good people. Yes. I don't know. I literally don't. Before this, I googled, like, Wilco, and it was, like, kind of like

R.E.M. and kind of like whatever, and so all that I just made up. I was kind of impressed by your rant until... Would I like them? Yeah. Would you like them? I think so. Give them a chance. Alright, number eight. Johnny Cash,

Elvis, or Jim Morrison? Elvis is a thief. Jim Morrison? It's just Jim Morrison. You gotta go with Johnny Cash on this. What do you guys think? Johnny Cash. Yeah.

He's the only one I really know his music well enough to... Comment on? Yeah. Oh, man. You should have heard me talk about Wilco a second ago. Oh, man. All right. Number nine.

Sammy Hagar or David Lee Roth. I've seen them both. It comes to, like, again, man. All right, number nine. Sammy Hagar or David Lee Roth. I've seen them both. It comes to, like, again, melodies, songs. Sammy Hagar, like, actually being able to sing. When it comes to a show, there is no— I mean, David Lee Roth, dude, he's, like, 60. He's five, and he's still rocking spandex. Like, white spandex with, with like American stars on the side.

I mean, he gives zero craps. And he's flying around in a trapeze and stuff. I mean, that dude could put on a show. Not the greatest singer in the world. It's okay. That's all right. As James said, not crazy good at singing, which is Latin for not a good singer. But that's what I think about them.

All right. 10, how is Rush not my favorite? Man, there are some Rush fans out there who are all into the RUSH. So let's be very clear. Neil Peart, incredible. Giddy Lee, incredible. Alex, incredible. They're good. They're good They're good

But They His singing wasn't great And they sing about like Dragons and clouds and whatnot Like I didn't They're always singing about Flying and rainbows and

On the fountain stay Like I don't know They weren't my jam I do love them My sister saw them in concerts They were incredible I never got to see them live I should have They're an extraordinary band They got some great songs Like, I don't know. They weren't my jam. I do love them. My sister saw them at concerts. They were incredible. I never got to see them live.

I should have. They are an extraordinary band. They got some great songs. They are not my favorite. And when you're a kid, again, which most of my memories are formed, like they're singing about clouds and dragons and rainbows. And then I got Pantera that's like, respect. And then I got Metallica that's like, master.

As for a 16-year-old with no self-esteem, I needed that. I needed some guys yelling and saying, like, let's take on the world. Not, we're all flying through the crowded skies on a red caterpillar. Does that make sense? I don't know. Do y'all like Rush? I like, I mean, I'm not all down on them. I think they're technically amazing. No, not a fan?

I appreciate the music, the talent, but I would rather dig my eardrums out with a spoon. That's what you said. That's the exact thing you said when we had to listen back to a couple of our podcasts. You said, I appreciate that they're... No, you didn't even say that, actually. James, are you a Rush fan?

I cannot stand Rush. I like some prog rock. I like Yes, the band Yes. Dream Theater, dude, is the best. But Rush, I can't handle. Dream Theater, best, best, best, best. All right, number 11. What made you realize you wanted to go into psychology?

Okay, a couple of thoughts here. The first one is, I think I've talked about this on the show. My dad was homicide detective and a SWAT hostage negotiator in the city of Houston. So he was always dealing in the lives of other people. And so I just had a ringside seat and he's also worked with local church, worked with local youth organizations. So he was always dealing with people's challenges. And so at a young age, I was fascinated by what would drive somebody to kill somebody or what would drive somebody to be an addict or why did that person choose to get in a fight? I wanted to know how people worked. I liked learning how people worked. And more importantly, like that's a research psychologist. I wanted to be able to help. And so I wanted to be an FBI when I was a little kid, and that didn't work out.

And so I went to college. Ultimately, I wanted to help people, but I didn't want to go to school for 100 years. Ultimately, what switched was I was a sophomore, junior in college, maybe junior. And I, I mean, I wish it was more, I wish it wasn't so, it's almost embarrassing. I went and saw the movie Good Will Hunting and I remember watching the interaction, Robin Williams' character, Sean, I think is his name, and Matt Damon's character. And I mean, Matt Damon's cool. He's a genius. But I remember watching Robin Williams. And I remember leaving that theater saying, that's what I want to do.

And I went and changed my major on Monday. And it was the close. I had to take X number of psychology courses over the next year and a half, maybe two years. And I had to hustle. And so I ended up with a humanities undergrad degree because that was the best way they could cobble together me like dude you're already halfway through your program and so I ended up with enough psychology courses so I could go to graduate school I think you had to have 21 hours or 18 hours something like that to go to

grad school but when I look at the arc of my career I liked the idea of what my whole goal in life was before I took this crazy job was to be the guy behind closed doors. So when somebody was working through hard things in their life, they would call somebody and that person would say, I know a guy and I wanted to be that guy. No billboards, no advertisements. I wanted to be the person behind the person. And I wanted to not exist in the phone book and not exist on the internet. I wanted to be able to see people and help. And then I got a fancy job at a college. And so I took the quickest route I could go, and that was to get a PhD in education so I could be a college administrator.

I wanted to be a college president for a season. The further I got down that rabbit hole, the more my job was taken up, whether it was personnel issues or whether it was student issues or whether it was student family issues, was psychology, psychology, psychology. I'm going to hurt myself. Your child just tried to kill themselves. We just got a divorce. I need you to tell my child. I have to tell you that your job performance isn't enough. And oh my gosh, now you're curled up on the floor

and you're weeping. Or I've got to let you go. And how do I do that with dignity? I've got to fire you. How do I do that with dignity and let you retain your respectability and we honor you in this process? So it was all about psychology.

And it wasn't until I had my own run in where I was just crippled by anxiety. I just, my body said enough that I became obsessed from a, from a research angle. Like what is happening? I want to know why this is happening and where is this heading? And so I started nickel and diamond my way. I started taking class after class, reading book after book. I just got obsessed with it. I think it was in 2010, 2008 when I really went off the deep end.

Like I want to learn everything I can about how the brain works and the body works and the interaction between nutrition and psychology and family of origin and family systems and mental health issues. I want to know all of it, how all that works together. And in many ways, it's gotten muddier, muddier.

And in many ways, it's gotten so much clearer. But all along, it traced all the way back to me being a child. And the two big neon signs, one is when there's a, people are hurting, you go in. You go in. I got that from my dad. You head in. And then the, I think I've talked about on the show too. The second one is my mom had some restraints on her just because of our,

just her upbringing that women didn't need to go to college. And so watching my mom at age 40, go back to go to college the first time, and in a way have her entire world shift and change. And to see how does that happen and what's the impact on family systems and what's that impact on her and on people like her and then on marginalized community I just got obsessed with psychology so I had a ringside seat to it and then I had family experiences and personal experiences that led me to it and then man I wish I wish I could give you some great epiphany answer other than I went and saw Good Will Hunting and I remember leaving saying, I want to do that.

And that's my journey with psychology. And now I have a radio show. So great. Just like I drew it up. Who knows? It does say, it does, man, follow what you love. Follow what you love. Work takes care you love. Follow what you love. Work takes care of itself.

Follow what you love. All right, we'll be right back on the Dr. John Delaney Show. All right, we're back with our 200th episode, AMA number three. Here we go. All right, number 12. What was Jocko really like? That's a good question. So Jocko was a part of an event I was a part of also.

We both were speaking on the same bill, and then I ended up interviewing him for an hour or so as a part of on stage. Here's a couple things about Jocko jaco number one he's an incredible human being he is exactly as you would imagine what i mean by that is he was early he was incredibly professional he was super respectful and kind he wanted wanted minimal details. Sometimes you work with, you show up on these events and you've got somebody ranting about like, I wanted this kind of salmon and you got me this kind of salmon. And it was very much, any special meals? No, thank you. I'm good. And it's this idea that if I get somewhere and the food is something that y'all have provided, which is a gift, isn't going to be something I can eat or I'm interested in eating or I choose to eat, then I'll choose to fast and everything's going to be great.

And so it was very much, what's the time I need to be where? How much, how long do I need to go? What's the setup? And then I will do an excellent job. And man, behind closed doors, you couldn't ask for a kinder human. He was nice. He was kind. Nothing like you get some guys like that who are flexing backstage.

None of that at all. And then on stage, man, just world-class, just professional as could be. I'll tell you this, though. This is the one big epiphany I had. So I just worked with high profile, high performing people behind closed doors for years and years and years. And so one of my goals is to always get to the humanity. I don't care what your job is. I don't care what you do. I don't care whatever, how much money you have, blah, blah, blah. At the end of

the day, you're a dad. At the end of the day, you're a husband. At the end of the day, you're a woman with a small child. Like you're a person. And I always want to peel that back and get there. And it was about halfway through my interview with Jocko on stage in front of hundreds, if not thousands of people. And I remember thinking to myself, oh, you're not like us. You operate in a different way. And not that it's unattainable, but you have worked really, really hard to automate some things in your mind that I take for granted, that I argue with myself about. You do not have that argument anymore. I tend to over-dramatize things and over-sens over sensationalize you don't have that

And so that's the first time in my career That i've sat next to somebody and said, oh you've leveled You're you've leveled yourself into a different type of person than the rest of us and a couple of things number one Um, I left that and have not gone more than one day skipping a workout, except when I got sick. I don't miss. And it's that, it's a choice. It's a decision. Even if it's just one, I can get one set in. I'm not going to miss. And those aren't like,

because I got to keep going. It's because I'm just choosing to. My diet has gotten much more intentional. I've just gotten healthier. It was a good primer. It was a good reminder seeing him in the flesh, like this is what just a daily decision to just be different looks like. And the second thing I walked away with is, thank God there are people like him. As Americans, we kind of just walk around in hope.

We think like yeah yeah yeah those guys are impressive I'm glad, I'm glad they exist and I'm glad they're out there taking care of us in the middle of the night and we have no idea, I'm glad for that so yeah, Jocko's super he's different, he's an incredible guy

and they just told me I'm going to be on an event with him this upcoming year again, and I look forward to meeting him again. He's a great human being. What's a favorite part of my job? Public speaking is my favorite. I think that's the best thing I'm at.

I don't know. I think I'm better at that than other things. Maybe I'm not. And then I like the radio show. I think this is fun. I still can't believe we get paid for this, but this is fun. Writing, I like it, but it kills me. It takes my soul from me.

And again, I just hit send on the big draft of the book. It'll be out here in the spring, but that kills me. That's not the funnest part. It's the most necessary part. I have to do it, but I don't love it. I don't know. I just it. I don't know. I just like, I don't know. I like talking with people for a living.

That's what I do. I don't know. What's your favorite part of this job? When it's over? I think, yeah, seeing something from like the rough version or even talking about it beforehand and then seeing in the comments or feedback or emails we get

from people after it's been published because sometimes the span of time that happens between those things is you kind of forgot that you did something

and then seeing what it means to someone out there even if it's just one person that's really cool we got an email today I won't read it out loud I did an event I've done one event

this fall that I thought didn't go well I just it was a strange event I was talking about trauma and relationships and it was I was booked. I just, it was a strange event. I was talking about trauma and relationships and I was booked at an event and it was over lunch.

And so here I am like on stage, like the lunch speaker and it's all like, it just was a strange vibe. And I'm there like talking about relationships and trauma and then I can just see someone in the audience like, oh, hey, pass the broccoli, please. Or like, hey, can I have some iced tea? It was just a strange setup. Normally, it's like in a theater or something like that. And then today, somebody wrote an amazing email back to say, I happen to be in that audience and here's what my life looks like now. And so, yeah,

those things are just incredible. That is the favorite part, like out of the side of the mechanics, just that somehow somebody feels really alone and they take one of these little nuggets or they listen to somebody be brave on the air when they call in and they go do something brave. I think that's great. Let's see. Who's my dream show guest?

All right, let's see. I wrote a couple down here. Jock, I think I'm going to have him on the show when we meet together. I'm going to see if I can take a mobile unit and we can meet up there. I'd going to have him on the show when we meet together. I'm going to see if I can take a mobile unit and we can meet up there. I'd love to have him on the show. That'd be fun. I want to get an Astros player. I want to talk to an Astros player. That'd be

cool. They're not doing that. Here's a segment that me and Blake have talked about, which would be rad, is so many old rockers moved to Nashville to retire. My dream is hashtag hashtag producer James, make this happen, or Kelly, associate producer, we can just edge old man out and get this done.

I want to have a segment where like once every few weeks, we have an old 80s metal rocker. We interview them, and then we get the acoustics out, and we play the song of the day, which is an old 80s metal tune. And I think that would be incredible. And James, you can play too. But no Telecasters. Wouldn't that be incredible? Oh, you know I'm here for that. Totally. Yeah, dude. I'm

pulling out my acid-washed mini skirt and my Aquanet. I will go buy some leather pants. It'll be amazing. So that would be dream. I mean, just the guys here in town, Nelson and Slaughter and Poison. There's all these guys who live here in town. Old Warrant, old Skid Roga.

I mean, it's incredible who lives here. Old Crew. I mean, man, it's awesome. And they would just show up wearing makeup already. Because that's how they live, yes, in their long hair

and their leather pants, which is every day. They take the trash out in leather pants. It'd be incredible incredible have you talked about how you have to wear makeup you should talk about that I have to wear makeup

on this show that's not my favorite part that's my least favorite part of the show not a huge fan but if the 80s metal guys were here we'd do it together

I would put eyeliner on with them that'd be incredible so good we'd have like a makeup tutorial and a hair tease tutorial Christy, Rachel, and you

all do a combo show oh man it'd be so great yes we'd probably have to have lots of edits and a hair tease tutorial. Christy, Rachel, and you all do a combo show. Oh, man. It'd be so great. Yes. We'd probably have to have lots of edits. It'd be great. I'd love it. I'd love to have somebody from the band Poison

be on the show. That'd just be pretty rad. Peter Attia, he's just a guy that I have a high respect for. He's great. Mo Gadot, Esther Perel. Octavia Butler, she's my favorite

sci-fi writer she's just she's incredible, I'd love to have her on here and then my favorite poet in the world, Stephen Connell I'd love to have him on here too, just to chit chat he's pretty amazing, but I love spending time with poets, they're great I'd say that my favorite guest though, and this is going to sound so cheesy

and lame, I love talking to regular people. There's a million podcasts where they just interview other famous people and then they have famous people that they interview and it's just like this big incestuous circle. It's just a loop-de-loop. Like, hey, you be on my podcast, I'll be on yours. I like just talking to

regular people who are just trying to figure out life because I'm just a regular guy trying to figure out life too. And I like just walking along. I leave this show feeling a little less alone. And so, I don't know. There's not a lot of podcasts with people just talking to figure out life too and I like just walking along I leave this show feeling a little less alone and so I don't know I don't there's not a lot of podcasts with people just talking to

I don't know just folks like you and me and so I love that like y'all end up being my favorite guests by far I just love it so if we can get the 80s metal thing that would be dope

but that's it so that's the questions y'all got that's it this time this is a short one so we have we each have one more that we're going to throw at you. So mine is, what is one thing that you always talk about that you're not good at yourself? Like one thing that you preach to people to do

that you're not the best at? The way you're asking that is you have an idea. What do you think the idea is? No, I genuinely don't. I just am curious. Because somebody, like whether it's you or Dave or somebody here, you're always telling people like ideal, like the stuff that they should be doing. But everybody has, you know, a weak area of what even the stuff that they tell people to do,

they have a hard time with. So can you talk about some of that? The weakest areas I have right now are I have a really heavy anxiety trigger when it comes to money, when it comes to making enough money, to saving enough money, and how retirement systems work. And I think it's because I don't understand how they work. I get how a mutual fund works in theory. I feel beholden to a machine that is so big and so unwieldy

and so off the tracks that it holds my grandkids' ability to eat or my children's ability. So I struggle with that. And so here working with Dave Ramsey, you'd think, man, we all just got our money stuffed out. I struggle with that. Second one is I tell everybody not to take things personal from their kids. And I struggle with that. My kids say things and I take it personal. And I've got to constantly remind myself to separate myself out from that. And I don't want to ever become a robot either.

So I always want to be a little bit thin-skinned. I want things to penetrate and get in my heart a little bit. And then I've got to go act. And then the third thing is I'm trying, man. But when you stop making a decision, I just got to be better about being late. Just being on time.

I just got to be better about it. You've gotten a lot better on the show. I'm trying. Yeah, you really have. You can tell. I'm trying. And it makes for a better show. It makes for a better everything. And so it's really living a different life. And I don't know why that's so hard for me. It makes for a better everything. And so it's really living a different life. And that's, I don't know why that's so hard for me. It's that imaginary time and times.

I saw a meme the other day that said, it was like a picture of, I don't know, some cartoon character sprinting. And it just said, me leaving my house at 8.15, hoping to get to work at 8. And that was me. That is me every single day. So time limits. Those are the three things I struggle with the most. And then, man, I just love eating garbage sometimes. That's it. Good question. What about you? Okay, so I struggle with the time management thing too,

so you're not alone in that. Okay, I actually have two. One's really simple. Best hair from our metal days. Who had it? Oh, man. I mean, I don't know that you could compete with Nelson.

Those two blonde haired guys. I know. No, see, that's your opinion. And then Nikki Sixx's hair was pretty great. Okay. Who's your thing?

Who do you think it was? I would have probably gone with Tom Kiefer from Cinderella. Cause it was just big. Yeah. And spectacular. He lives here in Franklin. I know. I would love to have him on his show.

I know he does. And sing Heartbreak Station together. Oh, my gosh. My window tears. Oh, my gosh. What a great song. All right, second question. So, you know, I love my murder podcasts and all that.

And, of course, I think growing up as the child of a homicide detective would be like, oh, my God, amazing. But I have a feeling that it's not as amazing as I think growing up as the child of a homicide detective would be like, oh my God, amazing. But I have a feeling that it's not as amazing as I think it would be. So what are some things as growing up as the son of a homicide detective, how did that impact your life, your teen years? My teen years? Teen years weren't great. But I listened to a lot of Pantera and Slayer, so I'm sure that didn't help either.

I, let me see how that, so, I think the big one is the default setting. And I may have talked about that on the show, but when you're a homicide detective, you deal with 100% of your workday is dealing with things that never happen.

Like none of us will ever know anybody that's murdered with an ax or that they were just getting out of their car at a gas station and somebody came by and shot them 42 times. We don't know anybody. We hear about that story that happens in North Carolina or whatever. When you're a homicide detective, all day, every day, that's all you deal with is that. And so it skews your sense of reality.

And every dark alley becomes a place where not you could, you will get murdered. Or every interaction, he could have a gun. Like, probably not going to have a gun. But it could because that's what you deal with all day. And so I have a bent towards this strange, I've got a strange psychology in, I just think everything's going to work out fine. Because if it doesn't, I'll be dead. Like, it's a weird, like, meh, I'll be dead.

And so I have this strange optimism about, it'll be fine. We'll figure it out, and it's all coming down, and I think that as a young kid, thinking through 18 steps ahead all the time was exhausting, and a teenager's brain can't do that, but I was always trying to compute that, and it made me nuts ultimately.

It made me just angry all the time, and when you're 17, you know everything. When you're 15, you know everything. And you have a homicide detective who actually does know a lot. And he's a hostage negotiator. So his job is talking people out of killing themselves for a living. And so you can't win an argument.

So that was hard. That was hard, hard, hard. The benefit though is, like, man, I learned a lot about how the world worked at a young age. And I wouldn't trade that for anything. And my dad, he was pretty open with me about how the world works. And that was a blessing.

It was cool. That was pretty cool. But yeah, man, things got, it took me a while. My wife still to this day, she's like, we're good right now. We're good. We got enough. And she'll say that just gently. And I'll say, okay, cool. Because that guy's still in there like, she's like, we're good right now. We're good. We got enough. And she'll say that just gently. And I'll say, okay, cool.

Because that guy's still in there like, it's all going to cut. You know what I mean? Who knows? I do think that that used to be captive to a small group of people who dealt in that for a living. And I do think with like Law & Order SVU and all the shows and all the podcasts, I think that sentiment has spread to everybody. That we're all running around going, it's all coming down! And that used to not be the case.

Oh, I totally agree. Because I mean, you know, I watch all that stuff and I listen to it and I read it and I see it everywhere to me is you know, where somebody's going to get murdered or accosted or taken or whatever. But it's different than that. It is where somebody's going to get murdered, but it also, I think it shifts the default setting to they just did that because they're lazy.

They just did that because they're this. It's a bent on human nature that I think is a little bit off. We used to just think, I like I did that. They must be, it has just skewed our, it has just bent our default setting, I think, a little bit. It has for me, but not for you. You may think the best of everyone still. I didn't think so.

Yeah, no. Yeah, no. But to me, it's the difference between James, hit that button, oh, that's the wrong button, man. Like, oh man,

James got a lot going on. Or, James is incompetent. Or, James is always just trying to screw the show up because it's not as important as it is. It's probably somewhere in the middle. And that's you. You're just jangling away at your fender.

Like, hey guys, let's just stay in the middle. We'll listen to Wilco. Unbelievable. We're on drugs. Check them out. You know they're coming to the Ryman. Are you going? I'm not. I saw them a couple years

back and i like them but there's only so much i can take of 15 minute guitar solos of every song i can see that yeah but they're great are they good live i'm not going i texted blake the other night and i was like dude you gonna go and he's like um number one we bought tickets to that show like nine months ago cool and there's a whole group of us going, we'll get you next time. And it's sold out for like six months. So thanks, John. Anyway, it's cool.

All right, that's it, man. That's it. Episode 200. No confetti or anything, but it's cool. We'll put it in post. Me and my... Me and my members only jacket

feel like I'm gonna be in West Side Story after this is over anyway alright so song of the day this is from James

okay so you love the Smiths what's your relationship with them you don't like Morrissey but you like the Smiths oh man it's a recent I didn't get into them

until recently and I just like made a playlist of my favorite songs because there's not any certain album that I like love that album and I think,

I think Morrissey's just really funny and whiny. Sometimes he's, I just have a love-hate relationship with him, but. I think he's a clever writer,

isn't he? Yeah, he's very clever and just the tongue-in-cheek is really, really funny. I love Johnny Marr, guitar player.

Talk about jangle. He's the jangle. He jangles all the way, yeah. Butek is really, really funny. I love Johnny Marr, guitar player. Talk about jangle. He's the jangle king. He jangles all the way, yeah. But I thought the song fit well. I love it. Thanks, man. From the Smiths, from the Louder Than Bombs album.

I see what you did there, James. The song is called Ask. Just like the AMA. I see what you did there. That's cute, man. The Smiths, Ask ask The song goes like this Shyness is nice And shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to

Shyness is nice And shyness Can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to Yes they repeat that twice So if there's something you'd like to try If there's something you'd like to try Ask me I won't say no How could I? Sounds like to. Yes, they repeat that twice. So if there's something you'd like to try, if there's something you'd like to try, ask me.

I won't say no. How could I? Sounds like Dr. Seuss. Coinus is nice. Coinus can stop you from saying all the things in life you'd like to. So if there's something

you'd like to try, if there's something you'd like to try, ask me. I won't say no. How could I? James? What's so funny?

It really does sound like Dr. Seuss. It does. Maybe more as he is Dr. Seuss and more plot twists right here on the Dr. John Deloney Show.