The Dr. John Delony Show - Ask Me Anything #4: John Answers Your Questions About Himself

Episode Date: August 1, 2022

In today’s episode, nothing is off-limits. Listen as John answers your questions on everything from screen time for kids, what his wife really thinks about his highs and lows, and the “greatest metal band of all time” bracket. Lyrics of the Day: "Celebration" - Kool & The Gang Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show.  Support Our Sponsors: BetterHelp DreamCloud Churchill Mortgage Resources: Own Your Past, Change Your Future Questions for Humans Conversation Cards Redefining Anxiety Quick Read John’s Free Guided Meditation Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts anytime, anywhere in our app. Download at: https://apple.co/3eN8jNq These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.

Coming up on the Dr. John Deloney Show. And we are celebrating today, episode 300. Is that right? Can you believe it, Kelly? No, I can't believe we've been allowed to stay on air this long. It's unbelievable. You haven't gotten us canceled yet. I have not gotten...

I've gotten close, per the internets. But we haven't yet. Woo! What's up? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. And we are celebrating today. I can't even believe this to be true. Episode 300. Is that right?

I hope you're putting a bunch of sparkly things And whatever Not sparkly things We need like explosions and rockets and things Because I have low self-esteem 300th episode And I get calls and letters and cards All the time from folks who

Say they've been with us for every single one, which blows my mind. I don't even feel present on all 300 of them. Some of y'all have just joined us recently and we've got thousands and thousands of new people that are joining regularly. I'm so grateful. I can't even believe it. Can you believe it, Kelly?

No, I can't believe we've been allowed to stay on air this long. I can't even believe it. Can you believe it, Kelly? No, I can't believe we've been allowed to stay on air this long. I know. It's unbelievable. You haven't gotten us canceled yet. I have not gotten... I've gotten close, per the internets. But we haven't yet.

I can't even believe it. 300. Anyway, way to go, everybody. So in honor of 300, we're going to do... What do the kids call them? The AMAs The Ask Me Anythings You guys are sitting in letters and emails

And writing stuff And so Jenna and Kelly, the whole gang Compiled these And we'll jump into the AMA Ask Me Anything By the way, we may do this a little more regularly It's sad I think that my

Advice in the calls is so great and wonderful, but people are like, hey, can we just do more AMAs? And so there we go. So let's jump into it. Do we need some, like, rock music or something? We'll manifest that. Okay. I'd like some lasers.

Some shootout. Yeah. Ben, you can make some. No smashing pumpkins, though. Question number one. Worst band ever? Smashing pumpkins. That's not even a question.

I just asked myself anything, and that was the answer I gave. All right. So, here we go. Question number one. What does your current morning routine look like? Man, people love the morning routine question over and over and over. So if you remember back to the early days, my morning routine was like this minute by minute. It was super regimented and had all these different components to it.

And I would explain it to people and they would look at me like I was insane. Yeah, I was. But it had some very specific components to it. And then you do this for five minutes and go do this for three minutes. And it was about an hour, hour and a half long. And it was just But it had some very specific components to it. And then you do this for five minutes, you go do this for three minutes. And it was about an hour, hour and a half long. And it was just a lot. And then work got busy. I started traveling all over the country and I was trying to take this extensive, elaborate morning routine with me. And then my kids are getting older and I'm married, all these things, right? And then we moved out into the woods and I got to deal with the chickens in the morning. All this stuff just happens.

So here, and this is me being honest, and hopefully this gives you some peace about your own life. In many ways, I collapsed in on it. I got so busy being on the road, writing a book, getting it out, flying back so we could record shows, and then hitting the road again, doing a lot of things all at the same time. And I folded in on myself.

I started to sleep in an extra 30 minutes or an extra 45 minutes, or I would cheat on my workout a little bit, or I would skip this or not. So anyway, man, I got real mortal this year. I told somebody about May, I found my limit. And it's always good to find your limit when you're maxing out or you're doing an all out sprint or you've done something stupid in your marriage or your partner has and you find the balance there. I did. So my current morning routine looks like this. Oh, by the way, I learned new stuff. I learned new things Um, i'm kind of annoying because i'm always trying to read and figure out new things and get new information So here's where it is

Number one, here's the things that do not under any circumstance. I don't budge on these Number one is getting sunlight in the morning and this comes from Andrew huberman's work out of Stanford. If you don't listen to his podcast, you should. It's so good. It's long and it's in depth. And he is a neuroscience professor at Stanford in the medical school. Brilliant, brilliant guy, a lot of fun. But if you're into deep dives, like how the neurological structures work and how the hormones and molecular structures and dopamine all works together. That's a great place to go. But he's put out some great work

about the importance of sunlight. Your night's sleep starts in the morning. And so I don't ever budge on that. The second one is working out, movement. I still lift a lot. I've gotten into running a little bit more. And the big shift I've made is rucking. R-U-C-K-I-N-G. Because of James, the great James, I got a Go Ruck backpack, which I love. They're not a sponsor. I don't get any money off that. It's just the best there is. There's the top of the top of the top. It's expensive and it's worth every penny. And put weights in it and then head off. And so this week, I've done an hour ruck one morning and then did a weight workout. And then this morning, I did a long ruck. So it's a great zone two workout.

The big things, I guess the big things that comes to work out is this. Number one, zone two, which is new. I've added that in the past year because of Peter Atiyah's work. Ultimately, letting my mitochondria rebuild, letting my body rest and at the same time move. So it's a workout. Basically, zone two is this. You're going, and you can at the same time move. So it's a workout. Basically zone two is this, you're going and you can still have a full conversation, but you're going, right? So you're getting after it pretty good, but you can still talk. I haven't figured out how to do that

on running, but I can do it on a bike. I can do it rucking, which is a really fast paced walk with weights on your back basically. So I have to have some movement in the morning. Sometimes I get 15 minutes and that's it. Sometimes I get 30 minutes. Usually it's 45 minutes to an hour of something. Breakfast, I don't fast anymore or I do it very, very infrequently. The data on fasting has come back and we can talk about that in another show, but I eat breakfast every day now, which has been great for my energy levels and my workout levels and all that. I do work out fasted, but not for any reason. Time with my kids and my wife, I've become much more, we may do a whole show on this one day. I've become obsessive about time because it's a finite resource. I can't get any of it back. And I

can make all the money in the world and sell all the books in the world and be a number one best-selling it but the time still keeps ticking it's just tick tick tick tick and so um I it's worth it to not go do some weird aerobic yoga exercise on top of my weight workout in the front yard I'm rolling around and singing songs and chanting I'd rather this morning I played Candyland with my daughter and by the way I destroyed her two games in a row she needs to learn not to step to this but I crushed her her in Candyland. But I spent some time together and it was fun. We laughed, talked some crap. So that was cool. I'm trying to accomplish one thing in the morning, work related. And we can talk about this later when it comes to social media, man. I'm trying to do one work thing, just get out of the way. And sometimes that's five minutes, sometimes it's 30 minutes, sometimes it's review an article,

knock out a blog, whatever it is. I'm trying to do one thing in the morning. I've not been keeping up with my cold tub. It's been about seven or eight, maybe nine months now. Most of that's just because I've gotten busy and I'm doing that time with other things. I still take cold showers every day just because I feel, I don't, they feel better, but let's talk about it. I've become a full-blown addict, a hundred percent addict. I don't say this with pride to my, my phone, an addict, addict, addict. And I've got my social media on one phone and I have my life on another phone. And so I've had to start turning my phone off and leaving it places because I simply can't control it. And I wish I could do something different. I can't, I just can't. I, over the last five or six months have started finding myself in the middle of really

remarkable events where I'm at a concert, I'm hanging out with six months, have started finding myself in the middle of really remarkable events where I'm at a concert, I'm hanging out with my wife, I'm doing something with my kids, and I think this would be a really great post for Instagram. And what that does is take me out of the moment with my kids. And it takes me out of my moment with my wife, or I've stopped focusing on the concert and having a good time. And I started thinking about how I'm going to get some sort of fake virtue signal. Look where I was, look who I was with. Look how cool I am because I am fill in the blank. Look how whatever. And I got to stop. And so it was about a week ago, I went out of town and I forgot it. I left it at home and it was incredible because I was fully present. And so I've actually invited my wife in to help me with this, but to create some really remarkable

boundaries. We're leaving town for a week, probably not going to take it with me. And I just got to create some space, full blown addict. I can't stop. I sit at home and just scroll and scroll and scroll and type and want to respond and do this. And I talk about it all the time and it got me. And so I've got to create some robust structures to back out of that. So all I'd say about my morning routine, no more phones before I get to work. And usually I'm leaving my social media phone here at work. If I was you and I don't have two phones, I would delete it. Just delete it. Get rid of it. Get rid of it. Gratitude journal is a thing I do all the time. And then I've added some reading in the morning. Sometimes if it's not, if I don't have a work assignment, I can crank out and then I'll usually do some reading.

So that's my morning. It takes about an hour and a half to get up in the morning and get going and get cranking. What are my, is that good? What's your morning routine, Kelly? Four Marlboro Reds, black coffee, I ride the horse, lay some bricks on the road I'm building, and then I come to work. Close to that. It's very close. Very close. Very close. Now, I try to get up, and I usually do some Bible reading in my prayer time in the morning. You would.

Jeez Louise. You had to go there, didn't you? Well, you asked. And then it's usually run around. You've got teenagers at home. It's summer right now. So luckily they're not even awake before I leave. But during the school year,

it's getting them up and ready and moving. And then- Remember Three Amigos? Yes. When he's like, what would you do with whatever, a million dollars? And he's like, I'd buy all the cars and whatever, and I'd buy all this. And that one guy's like, I'd build an orphanage to help underprivileged children.

And they're like, oh, yeah, we'd do that too. So way to go, Kelly. Tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen, my morning routine is going to shift to just some quiet time. Me and the Bible and my journal. No, I don't journal. Oh, you don't? No. You don't want to know what's going on in there.

No. I try really hard to shove it all down. I don't want to write about it. I see every once in a while on the show, it's starting to make its way out. You're like, nope, nope, nope. All right, there we go. Morning routine. There we go.

Question number two. What are your, I guess you kind of said what are your current uh eating and workout habits um lifting weights um zone two um check out if you want to know more about zone two google peter attia attia dr attia is one of the few medical practitioners that i i highly highly respect um and um talks a lot about zone two. And then rucking is the other big one. I also am big, you know, I hunt a lot and I fish a lot. So I'm out in the woods walking and moving all the time.

But those are the three big workout habits. I have picked up running again. I was a scholarship track athlete back in the day. And so that was a big deal to me. And I quit doing that. And I started running again and, um, uh, I started running again and I feel great. I love doing it. Um, wears me out a little bit and I love it. Um, and I'll be adding, um, some yoga in the next few weeks. I need to start slowing down and stop doing

all this forward movement and do some lateral movement too. So I will be doing some of that. Um, eating, uh, I've been working with Dr. Norton with Lane with Lane. I've really, really upped, upped, upped my protein stuff. I cannot recommend his Carbon app enough. I don't get paid for that to say that. C-A-R-B-O-N, it's an app, and it just helps you track your calories, helps you track your macros, which is your fats and your carbohydrate rates and your protein. But upping my protein a lot, I'm working on the next six to nine months, losing about 25 pounds. Maybe not 25, maybe 20. And really leaning back out.

And he's helping me with that. But it's a lot of protein and really watching my calorie count. Lower carbohydrates. But I just do better on low carbohydrates. And my wife does great with high carbohydrates. So, everybody is different. Number three, what are you reading right now? All right, so I broke this down into a couple of buckets here. So I like to read things that are going to challenge me on social issues, gender wars, race, sexuality. I like to,

those are sociological, right? I like to really say, well, I don't agree with this. How is this hitting me? I'm gonna talk to my friends about this, but I like to see what the conversation is out there. I also intentionally lag by about two to three years on that. And I do that on purpose. And in general, not always, but usually I've always done that

because there's always a fervor of a moment. And then there's a bunch of authors that put a bunch of stuff out and then everybody gets all riled up about it. And those moments are never a time to have a hard conversation and really get in and learn something deep. scholarship right now on race stuff, on the impact of how racism has impacted just the operational structure, how things work systematically, how gender is impacting the gender conversations. And so I'm really trying to get into some of that, not get into that, I've been into that for 20 years, but I'm just trying to read new authors and really a lot of stuff I like to read way on the edges. Like what is this expert saying? What is this person who calls himself an expert saying? And so they're rarely stuff that I recommend simply because I intentionally go after the fringe stuff and see where the winds are blowing culturally. The second place I spend time is in what I call the literature, if you will. And that's just nerdy science speak for what are scientists saying.

So I've been reading a lot about anxiety and grief, working on another book. And I consider myself an expert in those areas. And I say that humbly, but I know a lot about those stuff and I've studied those things and I got graduate degrees studying those things. But I'm always looking for new science

and new authors to challenge my views on things. And so I like to really go to combat with an author and I'll circle things and be like, yes, nailed it. Or I said it in my book better than you did or totally disagree or whoa, never saw that coming. That's incredible. So I do that. I have started reading more on spirituality stuff. I've kind of put that down for a long time. And I'm a person of faith for those people who listen. But it's on a trajectory. And so it's very, very different than many of my friends who say they're not a person of faith. And it moves.

And so I like to – I'm reading some new things on it. And then I really am always into fiction. There's been some great literature about the importance of reading fiction because it's processed by a different part of your brain. And so my son is all into science fiction. And so in a way to bond with him, I've started listening to more country music, which is why you've probably seen me bring my dog to work.

And I've got a cooler beer back here and an old pickup truck and two out of three things I just said are true. But I listen to country music because he's all into that and I am reading like great science fiction. And dude, you're into it, Ben? Oh yeah, oh yeah. I love it.

What are you reading right now? Sci-fi. Something of Ghosts. It's phenomenal. Okay, and there was a down? Yeah. I don't know if it's off the top of my head, but I love it. It's about how am I going to say it? Because people will be like, oh gosh, Deloney's gone off the deep end.

I have, but I'm kind of into it. It's awesome. Here's what I do love though. My gateway drug was Octavia Butler, who I think is a modern day prophet. It's awesome. Here's what I do love though. My gateway drug was Octavia Butler, who I think is a modern day prophet. And she's one of the best science fiction writers ever. But it also, science fiction tends to serve a prophetic voice in communities, right? So they tend to be thinkers who are thinking about how things could go wrong or go right or dystopia or super optimism or how things we think are going to go. And I just like reading people who push the bounds and go, oh, that could actually happen. Or what would the steps be for that to actually happen? And then I'm reading a book right now

about a guy on a horse and the ghosts are attacking him. Hopefully that doesn't come to pass, but whoever knows, right? And so yeah, the next six months, I break up my fiction into chunks. I went through a horror fiction last year, which was fun. All the Good Indians was my favorite. That book was a trip. It was awesome. That was my favorite one in my horror phase,

and now I'm in my science fiction phase. Having a good time there. Maybe I'll get to a romance. I probably won't get to a romance section. What are y'all reading right now? Kelly, you can't read. Ben, what are you reading right now? I'm reading a fantasy book called The Trouble with Peace,

Joanne McCrombie. It's very Game of Thrones-esque. Okay. Dragons and stuff? It's more grounded, but medieval sort of stuff. Swords. Jenna, what are you reading? I am reading Where the Crawdads Sing

in preparation for the movie that's coming out. I'm so excited for that. Very cool. It's very good. It's like a thriller. Yeah, yeah, that book, it's been out for a long, long time. It's been out for a long time,

but it's been one of those books that like I've been wanting to read and now that the movie's coming out, I'm like, oh, I've got to read it now before I go see that movie. Are you enjoying it? Oh, it's so good, yeah. It's so good.

Okay. I do read a lot. Picture books. Are you enjoying it? Oh, it's so good, yeah. It's so good. Okay. I do read a lot. Picture books. Thank you very much. Picture. I'm reading this book about a dragon and a pigeon. Best friends. I read, like you,

because you told me I had to start reading fiction because I never read it, and now I do. So I always have a fiction book going and then a nonfiction. I just finished The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, which is kind of a complete and total beach read. Not normally my style,

but it was actually enjoyable. I'm watching you light up as you talk about it. It's not really my thing, but I loved every second of it. It was. It was fun. I mean, it was a quick, fun read. And now I've just started a biography of George III.

Lots of beheading in that one, huh? Not really. He was the king when America became independent. Oh, okay. King George. King George, okay. Yes. I'm sure he didn't celebrate

Independence Day recently. I doubt it. It wasn't a big day for the royal family over there. It was a dark day for them. Very cool. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. October is the season for wearing costumes. And if you haven't started planning your costume, seriously, get on it.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to go as Brad Pitt because we have the same upper body, but whatever. Look, it's costume season. And if we're being honest, a lot of us hide our true selves behind masks and costumes more often than we want to. We do this at work. We do this in social settings. We do this around our own families. We even do this with ourselves. I have been there multiple times in my life and it's the worst. If you feel like you're stuck hiding your true self behind costumes and masks, I want you to consider talking with a therapist. Therapy is a place where you can learn to accept all the parts of yourself, where you can be honest with yourself, and where you can take off the mask and the costumes and learn to live an honest, authentic life. Costumes and masks should be for Halloween parties, not for our emotions and our true selves. If you're considering therapy, I want you to call my friends at BetterHelp.

BetterHelp is 100% online therapy. You can talk with your therapist anywhere so it's convenient for just about any schedule. You just get online and you fill out a short survey and you'll be matched with a licensed therapist. And you can switch therapists at any time for no additional cost. Take off the costumes and take off the masks with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Deloney. All right, next question. What's my favorite non-mental health book? I feel like I answer this every time. Maybe it changes. Number one of all time, my good friend back when I was in middle school. Changed my life,

man. I don't think he even knows it. His name's Chris Lowe. He's an awesome guy, man. Just an incredible guy. He gave me his copy of Catcher in the Rye, and that book kind of sent me on my way. And changed a lot. It's a great book. Fight Club is great, and that book kind of sent me on my way and changed a lot. It's a great book. Fight Club is great. And that's one of my favorites too. Anything by Chuck Palahniuk, that guy's, he's out there.

And Octavia Butler, The Parable of the Sower series is just such a profound work. And I'll say this, all three of those books, if you're sitting here, Catcher in the Rye is, I guess probably not. It was banned a long time. I don't recommend anybody just run, go grab those books. They're tough sledding. And if you don't like swear words or

violence or whatever, they're for sure not for you. But those are some books that have been very, very important for me that I love. I just like them. Next question. What is my dream vacation destination? What's yours? Kelly? I say Northern England, but I've already been, but I loved it so much. I would love to go back and do a three or four week tour of just strictly Northern England and Scotland. I had you pegged for Northern Arkansas.

That's incredible. You can't flip me off today because you're on camera. And that's fantastic. What about you, Ben? I think New Zealand for me. Oh, man. Fantastic. It's in the works at some point.

Oh, it is? Yeah. We need to show to take off so we can all, yes, we can all go to New Zealand. Field trip, group trip. I am for sure. Yes, Jenna, where do you want to go?

I would love to go to Italy. My ancestors are from Italy and there's a street, my maiden name, is in Rome and I'd love to go there and see it. It's probably a crappy street,

but I'd love to see it. It's so awesome. It's like all run down. I'm like, way to go, family. Crush this one. It's like all run down. Like, way to go family. Crush this one. Yeah, my New Zealand's on my list.

Sweden and Ireland, Europe, I'd love to go hang out there. I also have to say this and this is a super annoying to my poor sweet wife. Travel's not super my thing. I'm more of a creature of comfort

and so I like hunting and fishing and outdoor trips. I went to northern Arkansas last year. I had a great time. Hung out with somebody that I love and we had a great time and hung out in the woods and I won't say what I was going to say. It's going to be hilarious.

So yeah, it's kind of low key for me. I'm not very fun. And that's much to my wife's... That's my back half of my life. I want to make that different. But anyway, I don't know. Is that annoying? It's annoying.

Well, I think there's such a benefit to travel. Of course there is. You learn about other places. And not just like, I want to go to Europe. Bougie travel. We're all talking about there's benefit to go into places and to learning that we have it really good here and that we are the top 1%.

So there's benefit to travel to places that aren't maybe on your dream destination list. My mom's side of the family had a profound impact in Ghana, doing some work with those communities. I'm doing a lot of work actually. And my mom just went, she's 72, just her and her brother and sister went to Ghana to,

they dedicated a hospital to my grandmother and her grandma and my mom's mom. And listening to her, my mom had to do the talks because it's a matriarchal society. So the first daughter gets up and gives the speeches, not the other way around and not the, it's not a paternal society. And so she just walked,

walking through the poverty and the things she saw, yet the good you can do with so little. And it was an incredible, eye-opening, beautiful trip. And the people were so joyful and loved. So yes, there's a great value in going. And I just want to go to bed. I just run so hard. I just want to go to bed. I just run so hard. I just want to go to bed.

But that is, that's on my list of, I need to get out of here and start going to see some stuff. All right, next question. This is a great question. I actually called my wife and asked her if she sent this in.

She did not, but she did give me her answers. And so these answers are directly from my wife. Question is, how does your, first of all, I don't even know if this is true. Is this true? The question is, how does your wife deal

with your highs and lows and your stun gun energy? That's not true. That's super true. Do I have highs and lows? I think I do. Do you want me to be nice or do you want a real answer? No, we always said

we would tell the truth on this show. Yes, you have highs and lows. Really? Yes. I thought I was pretty like a walking Xanax. Not so much? Not in any way, shape, or form.

Do I have stun gun energy? I do have that. I do have that. I'm a lot. I'm a lot. Okay, so here we go. Walking through this. Do I have stun gun energy? I do have that. I do have that. I'm a lot. I'm a lot. Okay. So here we go. Walking through this.

There's a couple of good things to talk about here. Number one, I hear this on the road. And things like, man, I wish my husband would fill in the blank like you. Or I wish my wife would ask me questions like you told this woman to ask her husband questions. I wish you would, I wish my, I could be like, right. So I think it's important to know that like living with me is hard and being married to me is hard. And I don't do that on purpose. I just a lot, I'm a lot. And so all the things like I read a lot of books and I'm doing a lot of things and I've got an intense morning routine. That's one side of the teeter-totter. The other

side of the teeter-totter is I'm a lot. And I get pretty focused on my routine and I tend to read a book and I just zone out. I lose consciousness. I just head out. And so it's my wife that picks up a lot of that and or drives a lot of that. So the question, how does your wife deal with your highs and lows and your stun gun energy? I think this applies across the board to anybody listening to this. Number one, nobody's perfect and I'm tough. So there's some good stuff and some tough stuff, right? So here's what her answers were. Number one, therapy. That made me feel good.

And really great friends. And I will caveat, she's got some extraordinary friends, both locally and nationally. Friends she's had for a long, long time and newer friends that she meets with regularly. And I don't get my feelings hurt when she chooses to tell them things that I wish she would tell me. I don't get my feelings hurt when she chooses to tell them things that I wish she would tell me. I don't get my feelings hurt when she has to go tell them that John really

isn't picking up the weight here or struggling. She has to process things in our marriage with her friends. I don't get my feelings hurt about that. And I used to. That's an important place for her. And it's not about me. And whenever I get people or make like, I can't believe you told his friends about that. If you're talking about intimate details of your sex life or something, don't do that. That's stupid. But if you are talking about like, hey, I'm really struggling with my wife and you've got a group of guys that you trust and that's safe and aren't going to be like, yeah, bro, but is, well, tell us more about that, man. What's going on? That's really important. And it's not about her. It's about me processing how I'm relating to her. And so I don't get my feelings hurt about it. I'm glad

that she's got a place to go talk about us and talk about me and talk about herself and talk about how she's processing things. She said that she has worked very hard to disconnect her responses from my energy. And that's really important. She made a great statement. She said, your energy, your highs and your lows, and your stun gun energy, that's your issue, not hers. And initially, I was a lot. And so she would try to match my a lot. And then when I was low, she would try to match the low, even if she's having a great day. Now, over the past few years, she's learned, she's worked really hard, and it's pretty amazing, actually, because it untethers me, too, in a great way. I'll come home really kind of low.

That doesn't mean that she has to have a bad day. I can't be a jerk about it, but I can say, man, I had a rough day at work, or this happened, or I really had a hard call that I had to deal with, or somebody was struggling. She can continue doing what she's doing, Be like, I'm sorry that you experienced that. Without her taking that on. That's because that's not her job. The other side, I can come home and be like, let's go do this. And she can say, well, we still have to get this stuff done and this stuff done because she doesn't have to wear that energy either. And so disconnecting has been

really important. So I would challenge everybody listening, where are you absorbing other people's energy in your life and trying to make it yours? And disconnecting yourself from that is important. Or where is somebody trying to force their energy onto you? I'm sad. You got to be sad with me. You can't smile and still be sad. Or the other way, I'm in a great mood. Why are you so sad? Well, because I'm just happy to be sad. You can be in a great mood and I can be sad and it doesn't mean we're broken. That means we're just having different experiences. She's also very even keel and, you know, you tend to marry your opposite and she's pretty even keel and she gardens and she writes and she doesn't go on every ride with me. Meaning when I'm like, it's all coming

down, let's fill up the freezers. She'll say, oh, okay. If you want to fill the freezers up, you're welcome to do that. I'm not really going to Home Depot right now to buy another freezer. I got some stuff I'm going to do, but if you need to go do that, that's great. Or if I'm like, it's all great. Let's go buy a bunch of, she's like, let's look at the budget. Let's don't go buy a bunch of stuff. So all I have to say is she doesn't go on all the rides with me anymore. And I don't go on the rides with her. And that allows us to not use each other's energy to keep stupid cycles running. They tend to blow themselves out pretty quick. And she also said that she's not codependent. My highs and lows don't have to be her highs and lows and vice versa.

I'll also say to both of our horns, we're not abusive to one another. I don't force her into my lows or into my highs and vice versa. She also is super hardcore about routine. I run so hard. I just go and go and go and go and go last night is a perfect example i thought i had been drugged i collapsed at 7 15 p.m like out out out and we got two little kids and so what she has learned is a when john collapses which happens once every few months um it's not because he doesn't want to be plugged in. It's not because he hates me or the kids or doesn't care about my feelings. And usually we'll have talked about on Thursday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,

I'm going to need you full, full presence. And I can figure that out. But when I collapse, bedtimes are still going to happen because she's got this routine built in. Or when she collapses, I know bedtimes are going to happen. Also, when I come home and I'm like, hey, let's have a water balloon fight on the roof and then shave the dog and then spray paint each other. That'd be so fun.

She's able to go with us and the kids are like, ah, and then we're going to do bedtime and we're going to do bath and we're going to do bedtime. And the routine is going to help tether the family. And so there's some days that we kind of bend the routine one way or bend it the other, but it stays put. And so those are the ways that she tells me she deals with my highs and lows. I didn't know I had any. I didn't know I had any. I know that. How do y'all deal with my highs and lows? It's a great question. You know, that's something I'm still figuring out. I had an admin one time at one of the universities I worked at, and our desks backed up to each other.

And I didn't know this, but she said, she used to, when people would call him back, hey, I need to get a meeting, and he'd go talk to him, and he'd go see him right away. She said, I knew by the music you were listening to, because I could hear it through the wall, like, eh, today's not a good day. Let's schedule this for tomorrow.

And I didn't even know. She's like, I just knew you well enough to know this isn't going to be a good day for, the meeting will not be productive in this person's favor. Let's, we should probably go. I didn't know that was even happening, right? One thing that I've had to do is figure out is whatever your, if it's a low, is it something that I can help with or that concerns the show, you know, and if not, that I can't take that on. Gotcha. But you do, I think we have mutual trust enough where you can say, hey, you're thinking about something else.

I need you here. Right. And then I can, then that's about being professional and like being a good steward of the show, right? Then you show up and you smile and you get it going, right? You get it done. Right. I agree with that.

What about when I'm, I guess you can tamp it down pretty well. You're pretty good at that. You can bring my energy down by just looking at me with your Kelly look. Aw, thanks. Ben, like you're relatively new to the board. What does it feel like if I can be a lot? You know, I tend to be like a,

I'm sort of an empath so I kind of feel the highs of other people I kind of feel the lows of other people but I'm also like a very peacekeeping type

so I try not to like externalize that so I try to make everyone feel comfortable and stuff so I just push it down

whatever craziness you're dealing with I just push it way down shove it down just shove it down I'm craziness you're dealing with, I just push it way down. Shove it down. Just shove it down. I'm going to pretend it's not there. And Jenna, you carry a flask with you at all times. Oh, yeah, you know, that's what I'm known for around here.

Exactly. Just having a flask. Things are getting hard. Things are getting hard. There's Jenna. Yep. Drinking it away. How do you handle it when I come in hot?

I don't know. I feel like maybe I do one of two things. I can either match somebody's energy, or I can do kind of what Ben does, where I'm just like, eh, whatever, just push down. Just kind of stay level-headed neutral. Depends on my mood. I need some level head around me, yeah.

That's usually pretty good. Huh. But I'm not mean, though, right? I don't try to be mean. No, never. Okay. I would be mad at myself if I was mean. That would make me sad.

All right, good. Actually, I'm super mean. Sarah just edits it all out to make me look lovely. He abuses us constantly. Ah, I love it. It seems like everybody's talking about how crazy the housing market is right now and how powerless homebuyers feel. Mix that with the stress of moving

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Then you'll get a $5,000 seller guarantee to help your offer stand out. So go ahead, take a deep breath, because Churchill has your back. Check them out at churchillemortgage.com slash D'Loney and get the home buyer edge today. All right, let's see here. Next question. How do I handle screen time for my kids? All right, here's the way we do screen time in our house.

Everybody does this differently. This is how we do it in our house. And I will say this, this is based on walking alongside countless people. This is based on an intensive reading of the literature. It's based on conversations with people on the inside of the tech industry. This is also based on my individual children. Okay. Oh, that's the four ways we make decisions, my wife and I. So how do I handle screens for my kids? Number one, none of my kids.

I got one kid in middle school. I got one kid in elementary school. No phones, no iPads. We do have two decommissioned phones that just have the internet for library books on the digital books that we get from our public library. And if you didn't know you could do that, there's several apps. So you can just go to public library, get books on, I call them books on tape because I was born in the 14th century, but you can get audio books and they're free and you just get them from

your local library. It's incredible. It's great. And my kids are reading, if you will, listening to book after book, after book, after book. And it's phenomenal. I love it. The phones are decommissioned. The internet's been removed from them. And we are hyper about, they don't have the codes to the phones. And so to get, if they get locked out, they've got to come to us to get back in. It's annoying for us, quite frankly. I'll be out working in the yard. I'll be out working on something, and my kids are working on a project, and all of a sudden they get locked out of the phone, and the book they're listening to stops.

They've got to come get us, and I've got to punch in the code. It's worth it. It's worth it. The next thing is, let's see what I wrote here. Codes on everything. So we've got whatever apps we have to watch things. Sometimes it's Netflix, sometimes it's Hulu, whatever it happens to be. We got codes on those things.

And here's how we do screens. Maybe they'll watch an episode or two once a week during the week. During the school year, never. I mean, we're like, we're pretty pathological about that because sleep is the most important thing. It's the summertime right now, so we'll say, hey, we can go watch a couple episodes of, like, you pick one and you pick one, and they'll go watch

them together. And they're, I mean, they're, like, I don't know, Jurassic cartoon Legos. I don't know what they're doing, but they're cartoons of some sort. Friday night, we have movie and pizza night. And so it really is a family thing. Every Friday, we get together and watch a movie.

And usually it's something that, or always it's something we can all watch, except occasionally I'll watch, you know, my son gets tired of watching cartoons. And so we'll watch some movie together. And then my wife and my daughter will watch them together. But really, the big thing is our house doesn't revolve around screens. And we've like, I got my kid, my son, a bone arrow. We have colors everywhere. We've got instruments everywhere. And we've got places for them to go run and play.

We've got dogs. We've got chickens. Our kids can never say we don't have anything to do or we're bored. And we've tried to curate a world where their imagination can travel with them wherever they'd like it to go. And we're like, on a safety level, my kid, my son will take the dogs and go play in the creek. And I don't, I mean, it's a ways from our house. I prefer that on a safety measure than handing him an iPad and then leaving the house and him being able to travel down the rabbit hole of the internets with his 12-year-old brain. So that's how we do screens in our house and him being able to travel down the rabbit hole of the internets with his 12-year-old brain. So that's how we do screens in our house. Ultimately, it was less about the restriction on

screens and more about creating a world. I did, I think I've talked about here, it's cost my son some things, especially in middle school. That's how kids communicate. They text with one another. And there's a lot of isolation there. And there's been some hard conversations. And he's been some hard conversations. And he's been right on a few things. My wife and I saved up our money and bought some, like a foosball table and an air hockey table, a cheap air hockey table to give the kids something else to do. Because I had said, you can't do this, you can't do this, you can't do this.

And he's like, well, what am I supposed to do, man? And that was a great critique of me and my parenting. So we've had to shift things the other way. If I look at the cost of an Xbox, I was able to do the other things for about that price. And so it was just a matter of shifting resources one way or another. So that's how we do screens in our house. And everybody does them differently. And I'm not here to judge you. I will judge you on this way. If a screen has become a digital babysitter in your house, it's a way for you to offload parenting responsibility

for an hour or two hours to give a child unfettered access to the internet. It's incredibly unsafe in so many different ways. And I would challenge you to reimagine how your house works. I also know there's people working four jobs and they're exhausted and working four jobs and they're exhausted and they're scared and they're dealing with their own trauma. And there's a space that

I need to have right now. And I get that. And I honor that. Make that a short-term solution, not a long-term solution. Make that a, I'm going to let this ride for the next six months or nine months while I am working really hard to get me and my family from here to here so that we can create a world where we can engage one another. It's not something to carry shame about. It's something to be intentional about. So hopefully that helps. All right, next question. What is my favorite Turnstile song? Turnstile, the hardcore band That also has some Lo-fi jam They're just incredible They're one of my favorite new bands

I guess, real thing Turnstile, Love Connection What the TLC They're awesome, they're so good Holiday, Mystery, anything from Time and Space Or Glow On Records Those are two just great Glow On is probably my top 10 records

of all time and that's saying a lot it's a special special uh record i'll also say uh probably don't run out and buy it if you're not into hard rock music you're gonna get it and be like what is this noise right if you're into it if you're into hard jamming music, they're just really, really good. And they're the nicest band live. They were so kind to their audience. And they were always checking in like, y'all doing okay? Everybody doing okay? And then they'd get right back at it.

And my buddy, Blake, broke a rib. I mean, it's pretty rough. People getting after it. Broke some ribs. But everyone was like, everybody okay? Everybody cool? I don't know. They're just lovely.

They're just great. And along that that do i have any favorite new hardcore bands turnstile is one of them here's the thing a lot of hardcore bands have become either like like uh like weightlifter bands like everybody's all jacked up. Like we just stepped out of a CrossFit gym and we're like crushing. Either that or they're screaming. And it's this high-pitched like middle school kids scream. Like I don't know. And neither of those do it for me. It's just like what do we do it, man?

So I still like old hate breed. I mean they're kind of the legends. My favorite of everybody is Sick of It All. I love those guys. They kind of wink at the whole thing. But they're kind of the legends. My favorite of everybody is Sick of It All. I love those guys. They kind of wink at the whole thing, but they're also like from New York, kind of like where it's from. And I love the singer's voice.

So Sick of It All is still my favorite hardcore band. Turnstile's just kind of taken the genre and changed it in a whole new direction. But that's kind of who I like. And what's the best punk metal concert I've ever been to? A band called 30 Foot Fall was my favorite growing up. They were incredible. I'm going to have to go with Pantera and White Zombie.

What a show that was. I was 19 and I still remember it. That was a show just to kind of say. Yeah, it was in a basketball arena and the entire floor. If you think about where a basketball group would play, the entire, I mean a basketball group. What an idiot. Where a professional basketball game would take place

with professional basketball game would take place with professional basketball teams playing exercise ball against one another. Jeez Louise, what happened to me? The whole court was a mosh pit and it was something else, man. It was pretty wild, but that was back in the day, man. That was a fun show.

That was probably the best metal show I've ever been to. And then we'll follow up the last here. Music bracket. Okay. You want to play? Let's do it. All right. So these are questions that y'all sent in, which is so, not strange, incredible.

I'm glad that we're all eye to eye on this one. All right. We're going to play a bracket game on who wins. Okay. Bracket one, Megadeth versus Metallica. I mean, come on. I know. But here's the twist.

For those of you who don't know, if you actually know anything about old metal, you know this because this is part of the folklore. Dave Mustaine, who's one of our neighbors, he lives down the street over here, was the lead guitarist in Metallica, and then they infamously fired him and sent him on a bus, gave him a bus ticket and sent him home before he realized what was happening.

And they just continued on. And then Metallica blew up and became Metallica. He started another band called Megadeth. And so a lot of the early riff writing, a lot of the early playing, a lot of the early development of that metal from Slayer and Anthrax and Metallica came from that one guy. So he kind of planted the seeds of that entire genre. And so when it comes to sing-alongness, when it comes to just that incredible down-pick riffing from James Hetfield, when it comes to album solo, I gotta go with Metallica.

I've seen them both live. I think Metallica's show is great. I got to show is just like everybody just doing this, like just shaking their heads, man. There's just like this long, moppy, curly-haired, unbathed dude just like shaking their heads like. Metallica had more like fist pumping and anthemy, and I don't know. That was just my experience.

So I'm going to say they win. And so then we move to the next bracket, which is the winner, which is Metallica versus Twisted Sister. What do you think, Kelly? I mean, Twisted Sister's fun and I love Dee Snider. But when you're talking musicality, performance. It's not even close. It's not even close it's not even close

yes yeah we're not gonna take it like I've got that tattooed on my chest just kidding I don't but that would be so rad if I did

yeah I mean it's fun and it is it's nostalgia it's such a place in my history but Metallica exactly so clearly Metallica

so then Metallica versus Def Leppard I'll say this so I've seen Def Leppard live they're great. They're a great live band. Their guitar players are Vivian Campbell.

They're incredible. They have great melodies. They've sold a bajillion records, and they are no Metallica. What do you think? This one's hard for me. I still, I'm going to pick Metallica. Okay. Because I think that, again, when you're talking about the music

and the performance and the art of it, but I am a- Hysteria. What a record, dude. 90s, 80s. Animal, come on. Rocker girl with big hair

and a acid wash miniskirt. I have photos of that. Well, I'm looking at that right now. We'll leave those in a box. You also have huge hair and an acid wash skirt on right now. But, and I love Misfits of Death Lab,

but I've seen them a number of times in concert. They still put on a great show. So that, it's a little heartbreaking for me to say Metallica on that, but I'm, I'm gonna have to.

I'm so sorry, Joe and Phil and Viv. I know, I know. Yeah, I'm so sorry. And I mean, come on,

they have a drummer with one freaking arm. And he's great. And it's amazing. He did a great job. He does a great job. And when you see him in concert, they have a drummer with one freaking arm. And it's amazing. He did a great job. He does a great job. And when you see him in concert, they have a camera behind the drums, and you get to watch his feet.

His feet. It's incredible. It's incredible. It's amazing. Yeah, yeah. He's just an incredible musician. But, yeah, I got to go with the Tom on that one. And then here's the final drumroll please

winner versus so Metallica versus Guns N' Roses this is where I have to say Guns N' Roses defend the position that is so hard cause we're talking three and a half records

I know and that's it. We are. And part of it is also nostalgia for me. It's what the group meant to me at the time. What did they mean to you, Kelly? They were one of the first, you know, I'm just a few years older than you, but when they first came out- A lot, a lot, a lot older than you.

No, a few years. A lot. A few years. A lot. Just a couple. One of us has a walker. Go ahead. I hate you.

But they came out right as I started high school, and so it was, and I got to see them in 1989. I saw them at the height in 1989, right after Appetite for Destruction then I saw them again with Metallica in 92 and I just they're the end all be all for me but that is a hard choice because both of those bands

I still probably agree that there's better musicality from Metallica but if I'm talking the songs that I want to listen to still, I'm going back to the Appetite for Destruction. Okay. Because it's really one record.

It is. It's Appetite for Destruction. Versus the whole catalog. Oh, yeah. I mean, you're not talking to Use Your Illusion 1 or 2 or The Spaghetti Incident or any of that. Patience was great. Patience is a great song. Right. And so is November Rain and all that blah you know, or, but it's. Patience was great. Patience is a great song, right.

But, and so is November Rain and all that, blah, blah, blah. I used to love her, but I had to kill her. The whole time, right? I love that song. I know you do. But also Axl's range vocally allows him to do more. Back in the day, yeah, he could get there. That allows him to do more.

Headfield's got a growl that just, I just love it. But his range allows him to do more different types of songs and do a little more because Axl has such an amazing range. So I love, love, so sonically, now we're getting into the weeds, everybody. You can feel free to just hit the 15 seconds, push, like, fast forward through this.

Sonically, my favorite guitar sounds ever are off that Appetite record. There's something about that old Marshall and the old Gibsons and that knockoff Gibson that Slash has put. Like, sonically, it's a tone and a sound that I still love. I think Izzy Stratton is probably one of the best songwriters of my generation. And he opted out.

He just disappeared. He went away on purpose. And there's something, like, magical about that. Like, just to leave that band and say I'm out. So there's something, like, yes. And McKagan is just such a bass player. He was a bass player who played the bass like a lead guitar like the whole thing um i just can't even compare that and slash i mean

slash and slash and slash yeah uh i've seen put it i've seen every guitarist i saw van halen i saw diane mcdaryl i've saw steve i mean i've seen everybody Joe Cetriani The two guitarists that I've seen live Three guitarists that I've seen live My mouth fell open I put my stuff down, I just watched them John Petrucci of Dream Theater I couldn't understand what he was doing Slash

And then this is embarrassing to say It's John Mayer I went there expecting a pop goofball, and that dude, I've seen Clapton. I've seen them all, and that guy was playing, and I was like,

oh, he's special. He's really, really good. But watching Salah, he's just something else. He feels it. He sings through that box of wood and strings. Something special. No comparison to Metallica as far as I'm concerned.

In terms of longevity, in terms of their message, all of it. In terms of how they do what they do, their relationship with their fans. I just think they are, yeah, they're good. So I'm going to go with them. Who do you go with? These youngsters in here don't have a clue. It's not my era. It's not my era.

They're probably all like, who? Like Blink-182 is on your oldies station. Oh, yeah. I mean, if you talk like 2000s like Screamo, I can have a conversation. Okay, real quick. The Used, Under Oath, or have a conversation. Okay, real quick. Like under oath. The used, under oath, or Thursday? Under oath, no question. The used.

That was a terrible answer. Unbelievable. I don't even know how you got it behind that board. Really? Yeah. Over the used? To be fair, I don't really listen to the used that much. To be fair.

To be fair. All right, well, there's that. All right, so you can't get those minutes back in your life, but when we come back, we're going to talk about more counselor-y things and answer questions you guys had about your relationships and your marriages and therapy and more.

So stay with us. We'll be right back. Hey, what's up? Deloney here. Listen, you and me and everybody else on the planet has felt anxious or burned out or chronically stressed at some point. In my new book, Building a Non-Anxious Life, you'll learn the six daily choices that you can make to get rid of your anxious feelings and be able to better respond to whatever life throws at you so you can build a more peaceful, non-anxious life.

Get your copy today at johndeloney.com. All right, we are back. And all right. Hey, John. Yes, ma'am. Do you remember the question where we talked about your kind of sun gun energy and your highs and lows? Nope.

What are you talking about, Kelly? So we have been in here an hour and we have not gotten through half the questions. But we all have things that we have to go do. So we're going to put out a ask me anything that basically was what's my morning routine and we're going to talk about... Metallica. Metallica and hardcore bands.

Exactly. And reading. But it's the questions people asked okay so how about this we're going to do a follow up with all these mental health questions

so we'll follow up with these AMA because they're good they're great questions we'll do another lightning round you loved that oh I love lightning rounds

we'll do another lightning round and answer those questions alright so there you go, everybody. If you ever wanted to know my opinions on

reading and cold tubs and hardcore bands and Metallica, you just got an hour of your life's worth. If you're new to this show, go listen to another episode because they're great too. And we've got, keep sending your questions episode Because they're great too And we've got Keep sending your questions in

I love them And we've got some incredible questions Like how do you maintain intimacy When you have small kids at home How do you keep DYI home projects From taking over your marriage How do I connect with my daughter-in-law We've got some great questions

That we will catch the next time around So listen I'm so grateful that you joined us for this Just getting to know us a little bit better And here's the important takeaway I want you to take with you. Every six months or so we do an AMA and you'll notice my morning routine changes, the books I'm reading changes, why I'm reading them changes. My life is about change and how I can do things differently and how I can learn new information. So don't make your morning routine exactly like mine. Make sure you have a morning routine.

Don't make your diet and exercise program exactly like mine. Make sure you have a diet and exercise that you're intentional about movement and you're intentional about your diet. Make sure you're reading and learning new things and being willing to say, whoa, I've been doing that wrong for this long. I'm gonna do something different now.

I'm gonna change this. I'm gonna try this. Make that a part of your life so that when your politicians change, your body doesn't go, it just goes, and then you can have some hard conversations or when the weather changes

or when your plans change or when your marriage changes, when your kids change, you're practicing change, right? That's just, that's the way it's, you can fight it or you can go with it, right? In a pretty profound way. So as we wrap up today's show,

the 300th episode, way to go everybody. Cool in a pretty profound way. So, as we wrap up today's show, the 300th episode. Way to go, everybody. Cooling the gang's lyrics. The song is Celebration. It goes like this. I'm gonna read it like Johnny Cash would. Yahoo. Celebration.

Yahoo. Celebrate good times. Come on. Let's celebrate There's a party going on right here A celebration to last throughout the years I can't even do it for that long So bring your good times and your laughter too And we're going to celebrate your party with you

It's the 300th episode party Thank you for being with us And we will catch you at episode 301 Stay tuned Coming up on the next episode. I'm really looking for advice on how I can, my husband and I can best help our son recently been convicted of a federal crime. It's dealing with online child pornography. One of the things I think holds back parents

in moments like this, you really get forced into picking a side. As you move forward, I want you to work to hold all of this. And what I mean by that is this. There is no innocent player in child pornography. And the next thing we know, it was shiga toxin E. coli,

which produced into HUS, causing her kidneys to fail. The next morning, she coded for two and a half hours. No, I'm going to ask a hard question, and no, it's not a kind question, but I want to be real direct with you, okay? Did you intentionally feed your little girl

something infected with E. coli with the intention of making her sick? Absolutely not. Then this is not your fault.