The Dr. John Delony Show - Becoming a Dad Exposed My Greatest Fear

Episode Date: October 13, 2025

On today’s episode, we hear about: A man grappling with his own mortality A woman wondering when she should start budgeting with her fiancé An expectant mother struggling with putting her baby up for adoption Next Steps:  📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message.  📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life  📝 Anxiety Test  📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future  ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards  💭 John’s Free Guided Meditation  🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch    Connect With Our Sponsors: Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth.   Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe.  Visit Hallow for a 90-day free trial. Visit Helix Sleep for special offers!  Explore Poncho Outdoors! Get 25% off your order at Thorne.    Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights  🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I obsess over my mortality a bit, especially since I've had my kids. And since I've been thinking about it, I'm sure it has something to do with having lost both my parents over the years. I cannot leave the house without giving them and my wife a kiss and a hug. So why do you think there's something wrong with you? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney show, taking your calls from all over the planet. Right here in Nashville, Tennessee is where I'm recording this show with Kelly and the gang. We're taking your calls on mental and emotional health and your relationships, whatever you got going on in your life.

John Deloney.com slash ask, ASK, reach out, and we will hollaback girl at you and see if we can get you on the show. All right, Seal Beach, California. Let's talk to Nicholas. What up, Nicholas? Hey, how's it going? and Deloney. Doing all right, brother. I can't believe this is actually happening right now. I'm like, kind of freaking out a little bit. I'm a little nervous.

For me, too, dude. I'm glad you called, man. What's up? So I'll just get right to it. When I wrote in, my question was kind of like, I obsess over my mortality a bit, especially since I've had my kids. And since I've been thinking about it,

I'm sure it has something to do with, like, grief with my having lost both my parents over the years. and yeah so that was like yeah I don't really know where to go from there I can just keep going you can I'm a rambler a little bit I don't know anything about rambling at all ever so that's good

tell me what when you say obsess over your mortality tell me what that means like paint me a real life picture of what that looks like day by day well it's just it's something that's like simple example every time I have three little kids

I have twins that are seven and almost seven, a little girl who's almost three. And I cannot leave the house without giving them and my wife a kissing a hug. Obviously, because I love them and everything, but the back thought is like, what if I get into a car accident when I'm out of the house? And the last thing they see is me leaving without a hug and a kiss. Are you in the military?

I am not in the military now. Are you responded anyway? No, I'm a personal trainer for work. I've actually had to do CPR. or like six months ago on a member in the gym that was kind of wild but no I'm out of

my wife is a nurse but no yeah so tell me about your life experiences that have brought you to this sense of panic by the way I do the exact same thing

exactly as you and I have OCD so there's that right I'm not saying it's healthy but I have the exact same thing all right okay so tell me about what's happened

in the past that brought you here? Well, so both my parents have passed. They, like, you know, kind of differently. So my mom got sick. She had breast cancer, and she got sick when I was, like, nine-ish. And then she ended up passing away when I was 19. And there was a lot of years in the middle where she was in remission. So, like, everything was okay.

And then, you know, things took a turn. And then she ended up going when I was 19. And then about five years ago, my dad, like two weeks into COVID lockdown, my dad had a random heart attack and passed. And my sister ended up, like, finding him with her boyfriend. We were all in, like, locked down, and I got the phone call. And it was just, like, out of nowhere. Like, the day he died, he had gone on, like, a 20-mile bike ride with my sister and her boyfriend,

and he laid down to take a nap, and that was it. and um and so i've kind of like seen i've kind of seen like how it goes from both directions as far as like a low like a like a slow thing like with my mom and then just all of a sudden one day with my dad and uh and yeah so it just so why why do you think there's something wrong with you i don't i you know that i've been kind of thinking about it since i got like the phone call, I don't know, I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I think the underlying issue is just, I've never, like, my grief, you know, and it's just, that's probably how it's manifesting maybe. I don't think there's anything wrong with me, really. I just, it's like

sometimes, like I can't sleep. It's like, I get anxiety from thinking about just, like, sometimes I, I'm almost sure, even though there's no way of being sure. Like, my dad, my mom died when she was 45, and my dad died when he was 55, like a week before he turned 55. So in my head, like, I'm just trying to make it to 55, you know, and it's just like, it's like kind of rough to think like that, I guess. So I guess the question I'm going to ask you is, are you, and this is going to sound like I'm kind of making fun of you, I'm not in any way. This is a serious question. This can be, okay? Are you interested in releasing that?

Or is that a frame by which you are comfortable living? And here's what I mean by that. Like, here's what I mean. Okay, yeah. I, my son slept through his alarm this morning. He's 15. He's headed out to high school. My wife was taking him.

He ran down the steps this morning while I was past me in the garage gym. I was working out. Said goodbye. I said, I love you. Have a great day. He said, love you, dad. Have a great day. But I didn't go hug him.

That will, for me, be like an unscratched itch all day. Yeah. Okay. At nighttime, I just take a couple of laps around the house and check the locks a few times. I used to try to fight that. I don't. It's just dumb.

It doesn't bother me. I don't even get annoyed by it anymore. Yeah. And so some of those things I've just made peace with, they're just my life. That's okay. Other things like rumination, I worked really hard to free myself from that. And it sucked, but I don't have that anymore. Like, I literally didn't bother me.

I don't have those looping thoughts all the time. So my question for you is, is seriously, is that something you want to be free from? Because there's some tangible things you can do, but it sucks. Well, yeah, for sure. I mean, I do like the fact that how, like, you know, I'm there with my kids as much as I can, and I like how close we are and, like, well, you know,

I don't want to stop, you know. But here's the problem with that. Here's the problem. Your kids know that you need them for oxygen, and they can't carry that weight. yeah you get what I'm saying yeah they are learning in real time we are responsible for dad's well-being and that's a really heavy burden and responsibility to put on a child yeah you get what I'm saying yeah I do um I feel like I try not to I mean I'm sure they can feel

it I'm sure I don't do you know we all screw up all the time but I I do my best I talk to my wife like My wife's awesome. You know, we're like nine years into our marriage. We just hit nine years. Awesome. Like, she's rad and I love her. And more and more, like, you know, so, like, I have people to talk to. And I can talk to, I can talk to, like, my sister who.

And I got that. Tell me this. Tell me this. What do you want to be different? What do you mean? What do you want to, like, the purpose of this call, what do you want to be different? The, I guess managing. my, like, my grief when it comes in the waves that it does.

Because sometimes I'll be fine, and then there's, like, a couple seasons a year where it kind of comes in, and it's, like, a heavy wave, and I, like, put it out of my mind for, like, the rest of the year, then it comes, and it's kind of, like, debilitating a little bit. Yeah, it'll drown you if you don't, if you don't stare it down. Yeah, and it's that season is, like, it's, like, birthday season in my house. My whole family is within a month from each other, and so it's, like, tough to be away from my parents are gone,

and then like my dad passed away on my mom's birthday and their birthdays are like four days apart and then I have another buddy who passed away and they have him and my dad have the same birthday. Okay, let's do this, let's do this. Before the week is up, I want you to go to a local stationary store or a local store where you can get some nice cardstock paper, okay?

I want you to get a nice pin I want you to actually spend the money to do this this and I want you to sit down and I want you to write your mama letter and that letter's going to have three parts to it how much you miss her how pissed off you are

that she left you at 15 or 16 years old how upset you were when you were feeling like you had to take care of your mom. And that's going to feel gross to do, but that voice is in there. In the third part of that letter, I want you to let her know what kind of incredible dad and husband you have become. Tell her about your boys and tell her who you're becoming. And tell her you can't wait to see her on the other side.

No. And I want you to write that same letter this time next week to your old man. Yeah, the old, the dad stuff's a little bit. It will be. It'll be really tough. Yeah, because it's a lot more fresh. And he knew my kids and stuff. Tell them that kid number one really misses you.

I hate explaining to the kid number two where you are. And I feel like I'm not. I'm too old to miss my dad, but I wish my dad would call. And then tell him what kind of man you're going to become. Tell him what kind of the ways you're going to take care of, what you've learned from him, the way you've taken care of. He took care and loved you, loved your sister, even welcomed some other knuckle-headed man into the family. You're going to be just like that.

Maybe he'll even raise the bar. And then also tell him you're going to go get you. your calc score. You're going to get some cardiovascular testing done and you're going to make sure that you hang on until 85. Well, I've done all that. Like I said, I'm a personal trainer, so I try to my best to stay on top of all that and my blood work and stuff. Good. But I want you to get this stuff out of your body and put on a piece of paper. That's step one is writing those two letters, okay? And if you have to write one to your buddy, write that one also. Okay. Yeah. that's a way of shaking the salt shaker of grief

and start passing it through here's the second thing I want you to close your eyes real deep and imagine yourself at 85 and I want you to write you a letter now at 30 all right

and I want you to thank yourself for all of the things you've done to become the man you became at 85 years old. And start the letter with Dear Nicholas, tomorrow I'm going to die. And at 30 or at 28, however old you are right now, you made some choices to live differently. And that's made all the difference. You chose to take care of your health.

chose to be the best husband you could ever be you started taking classes on how to be a good dad you fill in the blank did you man i take some of the stuff i listen to you i go apply it in real time and i see how much it works it's crazy how little it takes doesn't in it did the what is your vision look for the day yeah how can i love you today yeah it's wild huh is the greatest like marital advice i've ever heard and i do it all the time whether my wife realizes it or not now she will but I do it all the time. All right, one last thing for you, okay? There's some kind of alchemy

to how OCD and anxiety kind of map together and that's for a whole other nerd podcast not on this show. But you have a responsibility to yourself and to your kids and to your wife to live non-anxiously. Okay? And so I'm going to send you, I'm going to send you my book, building a non-anxious life,

but under these conditions, I want you and your wife to read it together. In fact, I'm going to send you two copies, so y'all can read it together. And I want you to use it as a roadmap to reverse engineer and build your life. Because an anxious body finds things to try to solve in order to stay present, in order to stay safe in the present. And your mind is spinning and spin and spin. Sure, it's unresolved grief, but there's also a, a reality to it is your job safe is your finances safe you say you wife you love love love her

would she say the same things about you do you have kids with health issues um are you worried of you say you think you're going to be dead at 55 right like building a non-anxious life is a is reverse engineering giving your body a chance to exhale so it can actually do with real threats in the present so hang on the line i'm going to send you that book that's your three homework assignments dude and they're not tough but they're awful writing letters to your mom and dad individually writing a letter to yourself from your 85-year-old self

the day before he passes away and then starting a hard, real, true, honest conversation with your wife about let's change their entire home so that our bodies have a chance to exhale and that'll give us permission just to be sad during birthday month.

By the way, you're going to always be sad during birthday month. Don't fight that. That's right and holy and good. You're supposed to be sad when people you love pass away all within a couple of days of each other. That's good. The question will be, what are you going to do with that sadness?

You're going to go go serve somebody or you're going to go just by away, go on a camping trip by yourself? It's when you don't, if you don't honor it and you just sit at home and you're grumpy and you're mean

and you snap at people and you buy stupid stuff or you drink too much, that's when that sadness and grief isn't healthy or good, but choosing to honor that grief and be like, all right,

I leave every year on that weekend. Or I, go serve the homeless people on that weekend or whatever. I'm going to take that time and honor it is right and good. Thanks for the call, brother. Appreciate your honesty.

And thanks for being in our gang and thanks for being a good dad. Sorry about your mom and your old man, dude. They sound amazing. They've left you a pretty remarkable legacy. Now it's time for you to grow and pass it on. All right, we talk a lot on this show about boundaries, emotional boundaries, relational, financial, but there's one boundary that almost nobody talks about, and I don't talk about

it enough, your digital life. Right now, your personal information, things like your phone number, your address, even where your kids go to school, is sitting on countless websites that you've never even heard of. You didn't give them permission to have that information, but it's out there. And let's be honest, this isn't just annoying. It's a violation. That constant exposure creates this anxiety that's always just humming in the background of your life, something always feels off when other people may know stuff about you, especially private things. And that's why I use Delete Me. Delete Me goes after the data brokers and the people finder sites that collect and resell your information. They track down your info and they remove it. And every few months, they send

you a report showing you exactly what they've done. Taking control of your digital life is about boundaries and boundaries help you have peace. So go to join delete me.com slash deloney and use code deloney to get 20% off. That's join delete me.com slash deloney to save 20%. We've got to St. Louis, Missouri and talk to Rebecca. Hey, Rebecca, what's up? Hi, Dr. John. How are you today? Great. How are you? I'm actually pretty nervous, but I'm pretty good at the same time. Very cool. I'm nervous too, so we can be nervous together. That works for me. What's up? My question is, when is a good time to start budgeting? I guess with your partner and or fiancé. I have been dating a guy for a little over a year and a half. He has asked my parents for permission for my hand in marriage. All of that, jazz. I'm expecting it any week now, I guess. And I just don't know when a good time is to start planning for like saving up for a wedding together and all of that by also being respectful of his boundaries. So I guess I don't want to over-dramatize this question.

Is this a mechanical question, or is there deeper, like, I don't really know that I fully know where this guy is, where he thinks about money, how much he actually makes, how much he owes. I don't know this guy when it comes to finances. Yeah, that's fair. I guess there's a deeper question on it because I do trust him. We've talked about finances and debt books for, but I am worried, like, when is, if there's another shoe that's going to drop. Like, he hasn't done anything that has made me scared about, like, our relationship. I think it's more of my past of just trying to over-prepare and protect myself if I can

see something coming down the line. And the budget is really the last hurdle, I guess, for us in that regard before marriage. I think I've listened to a lot of other callers where there's a lot of financial infidelity and like it's a little scary maybe to take that next step. Yeah, it's terrifying. Yeah, you're joining everything in your life.

So I, here's what a budget will do for you. It will force you and him to put your values on a shared piece of paper. And it will force you to obviously to operationalize plans to make these values come true. Right.

And that's scary. Yeah. Because I love you, you're handsome. I like make it out with you. Like, let's build a life field. All that's finding well and good. But a budget forces you, it's a mirror.

Who are you, actually? Not how do you say you are, who do you want to believe? Who are you? Yeah. What do you value? Yeah. Do you value a lot?

or do you value giving money away? Do you value safety? Like, what do you value? That's a good point. And that's scary. And so when's the right time to do it today, like right now? Okay. But hold on, hold on.

It's the right time to talk about that sort of who are we going to be? Like into our future together. Yeah, that makes a lot of fun. And who knows? Like, whatever you all put on paper, I want to have a thousand acre ranch. I want to have a house downtown. None of those things will be where y'all end up, more than likely. Right, exactly.

But here's the important thing. When those things change, do we have a roadmap for putting new things on the table? I know I've always said I wanted this. I think I'm starting to change my mind. And will you be curious about that and not judge me about it? Or I don't think people, like I kind of roll my eyes at people who buy $6 coffees. I roll my eyes at people who make their own coffee. at their house. Let's have those conversations.

Okay. And that's what this idea of a budget will help you do. Don't combine money yet, though. Okay. No, we're not combining money yet. He does live with me, but it's separate accounts right now. Keep everything separate. And because it just becomes a nightmare on tangling everything. Okay.

And I know that everyone who gets engaged is always going to work out perfectly, but I just wouldn't have a job if everybody's plans worked out perfectly. And so, like, when you all sign on the dotted line and become legally together, and here's why, this sounds crass, the government has a dissolution process when you're married. There is a, there is a, there is a series of steps that take, that it happens legally to divide up assets and to allow two people to move on their merry way. When you are just roommates and you'll buy stuff together, that whole thing gets messy, messy, messy. messy. That makes sense. You paid off my debts, but I put gas in your car.

I mean, it can be a nightmare. Whereas when you're married, we're going down the middle or here's how we're going to divide up child care, all that kind of stuff. There's a process for it. Okay. Yeah, I think that makes sense. And for me, I've worked very hard to be independent. It's probably ironic if I'm letting them in, like, live with me.

But the finances, like, what I have done, it's my, like, blast protection. barrier, I guess you could say, where I'm keeping as much of that, like, I've always had to keep that safe. So it's a very scary thing to share that with somebody and potentially legally share it with somebody. I think that's partially why I'm like, I want to see your credit score to see if you're telling the truth about how much debt you have. And is there anything in your nervous system that suggests he might not be telling you the truth? Not from him, no. Okay, so here's a beautiful moment for you. For you to practice vulnerability.

And my guess is you being somewhere along the line, you being vulnerable, got you hit or got you excluded or got you some sort of repercussion. And if you carry that, the thing that kept you safe as a kid, if you carry that into this new marriage, it will destroy this marriage. Yeah, and that's not fair to have. It's not a character flaw. it's just something to practice it's a skill and so you saying

I need to be vulnerable with you nothing I'm assuming y'all have slept together like I've shared all of me with you except for one thing and that is I'm terrified about sharing money it scares me

and I also know the data that says having two separate checking accounts is not as healthy for our marriage that's just it's data if you share marriage accounts, if you share, have a joint checking account, which, by the way,

it blows my mind. Couples don't have that, but whatever. Like you'll, I'll let you into my body, but I won't let you into my checking account is a strange algorithm for me, but whatever.

So that scares me. And so I want to talk through this because I'm scared to death about it. And I want to practice being safe with you. Yeah. And then hopefully he'll say, Well, how can I help you feel safe? And you'd be like, can we both pull our credit reports?

You don't trust me? No, no, no, no. I don't trust me yet. Okay. Right? Can we practice, make a budget? That's ridiculous. And I know it's silly, but I would just make me feel safe.

Okay. Yeah, he'd be a game for that. He already wants to do financial peace university with me. Oh, you all want to do the Dave Ramsey thing. There you go, dude. Look at you guys. Yeah. Yeah, I've been practicing that for a while.

So I have to train him. I have to train him to You're going to have to train him probably for a lot of things Like how to do everything exactly as you want to But anyway These are all great questions But at the root of it Money

And relationships And I'll tell you this makes me upset It frustrates me I went through two PhD programs And a graduate program I did not only did I not have a course On the psychology of money didn't have a single class. I never took a class. My great friend, Dr. Angie Bryant,

she just graduated. She did her dissertation on the psychological impact of student debt. It's devastating. Y'all live that. Y'all know. We all know. I've lived that. But also sharing money, putting money is just a reflection of what I value. What am I going to exchange my time for at work in exchange for money and what can I get from my time what can I get from my services and how am I going to spend that time on coffee, guitars, food, daycare, colleges, cars, bikes, like it's a value statement. And when you share deep values with somebody, man, it's revealing it's scary and it's hard. So have those conversations. And again, I'll say this until the cows come home, don't share money.

The number of people I've met with over the years, they got, they were dating a long time, they got engaged. One, they started paying off debts together. One person paid off somebody's car or one person paid off somebody's student loans and they break up. There's no recourse.

You're just out. And it's a mess. And so when you become married, you become one. One plus one equals one. And then y'all, all of your debts are y'all's debts. All of your purchases are y'all's purchases,

y'all's money. y'all's future together and that's just a new psychological way and our individualist society has just destroyed that sort of camaraderie and togetherness so um great great question rebecca i wish you guys the best hopefully he gets off his button actually asks you to marry him soon geez what's that guy waiting for just kidding take it slow it's all good we come back a woman struggling to move forward after choosing to put her baby up for adoption by better help. I have great friends, a strong faith, I've got an amazing wife and family, and I've got two PhDs worth of information about how to be well. And yet, it's been the critically

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Tampa Florida let's talk to Anna Hey Anna what's up Hi how are you doing all right how are you doing pretty good all things considered all things considered man it's great to talk to you what's up you too yeah thank you for taking my call today I guess I'm just kind of looking for some insight and advice on how to move forward in life after choosing the place to my baby for adoption.

Tell me about that. Well, my questions are kind of just surrounding the fact that I haven't had support from the birth father. I'm not super close with my own family and just kind of like picking up the pieces after this in terms of like... Is the adoption over? She is due any day at this point. So tell me about the decision to give her.

her up for adoption? Yeah, it's a decision I came to really early on in the pregnancy, just due to me wanting the best for her. I want her to have a two-parent stable, loving home, and I just was not able to provide that for her, so. Can I ask you a hard question? Yeah. I'm getting a sense that you.

you don't feel worthy to be her mom? I'm not sure. I just did not want her to grow up in an unstable, unsafe environment. Are you unstable and unsafe? Financially, for sure, definitely not stable. Yeah. I mean, for right now. Yeah, yeah.

it's just not like what I would ever want for my child, you know, to grow up in, so. Hmm. Yeah. Are you pretty fixed on the decision? Yeah. So I have a family that I've met and chose, and I absolutely love them. They've been just, like, such a huge light at the end of this tunnel for me. Okay.

Um, they've been together for years and they have two kids already and they just have like such a great, uh, family dynamic and they can provide for her everything that I would want. Um, so I'm pretty, pretty set on it. Yeah. Okay. But I want you to hear me. They can't provide you. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And I will honor your wishes and I try to talk you out of it. But you're more important than cool hip clothes and whatever else. Mm-hmm. Whatever else you think you aren't worthy of providing her, okay? Yeah. And what a nightmare trying to come up with the finances to be a single mom giving birth, raising a kid right now. Very real. Very real.

and there's some gymnastics and some hoops and some resources out there. But I want to honor your request, okay? So talk to me about your question. I guess emotionally, you know, placing her, it kind of just feels like a train approaching and I know that it's going to hit. And I just, like, I know it's going to. to be very painful, and I just want to be well prepared, because like four to six weeks after the placement, I'm going to be left to pick up all the pieces, like, financially and

everything. So returning to work, I do have two jobs lined up, but it just feels like, I think I'm putting pressure on myself to recover and kind of jump back into life, and it's just kind of like scary what that is going to feel like yeah is this an open or a closed adoption it's an open adoption okay um yeah i think you're right um i would say this two twofold one everybody handles us differently okay and so it would be wrong and not good of me to project and tell you know it's a train or no actually it's just a Prius or actually it's just going to be a warm breeze like everybody experiences this differently okay statistically speaking yes it's a devastating transition it's a very big deal and trying to pretend it's not coming or trying to pretend it's

not as bad as it actually is or trying to pretend all those because there's just hard questions right there's identity questions and my mom am i not like like answering those kind of hard guttural identity questions are tough right um yeah and if you already struggle with you do i think i'm worth x y or z and then you go through this experience and it it can compound it can be a multiplier let me say it that way okay for insecurities for anxieties it can be a multiplier but does that make sense yeah so the greatest gift you could give yourself is to be surrounded by people that care about you. Right.

Having some sort of network. And I'm getting it from, you don't have any family support or anything like that? So I have two counselors that I'm seeing, which is awesome. And then I am getting plugged in my church as well. Perfect. And kind of seeking support through them. Excellent. I think having places where you can go and be honest

and that people will invite you over for a meal and you having the courage to say, I just want to go have meals with people. Yeah. Which will be tough because you don't want to be a burden anymore than you already think you are, which, by the way, you're not. But being able to say, I'm going to need some support, and any support would be great.

And then being specific about what you need would be really, really helpful. Yeah, I think that's a big problem for me. I know. I know. I know. Yeah, and a few things break my heart anymore Like somebody when I'm talking to them

And you can probably hear my voice I get all choked up but I'm sorry But I'm not sorry When somebody thinks they're a burden at this scale Because I think you're pretty awesome Yeah, me too Good Good

so yeah i think um dealing with having a plan for grief and having a plan for um just that low season and then not only the low season psychologically but obviously there's hormones there's the whole pregnancy right there's that part of it and you're going to continue working with your therapist through this time yes awesome very good very good now tell me about um these jobs how are you supporting yourself right now um i'm super super thankful the adoptive family through the agency helps um with like my medical bills and transportation and groceries so all my basic needs have been met through that which is just been amazing um and i'm currently not working so i don't really have much of my own income or anything so i have a entry level like behavioral health

job lined up and then a job at like a store lined up as well. Very cool. Okay. Do you have a place to live? Yes. Yeah. I'm in an apartment that after the adoption, it'll be back on me to pay for. I initially had got in this apartment with the birth father, but that didn't work out. So then that financial aspect was on me. Okay. Yeah. I want to speak to you directly because I love you. but I would normally not say it this direct this soon after meeting you.

Is that okay? Yeah, go for it. Okay. After the birth of this baby, you're going to be dancing on a razor's edge. Okay. Six months to a year of absolutely hitting the gas will change the trajectory of your life. six months to a year of taking your foot off the gas could change the trajectory of your life in the other direction and the fact that we live in a society that puts brand new mothers in this situation it's i'll never

understand it as long as i live um it's a it's a it's a it's a shameful blight on our culture but here we are okay you're going to have some choices like i'm going to live really frugal i'm going to hit the grindstone i'm going to continue seeing my counselor i'm going to start going for walks i might even get a dumb little dog and i'd say that dumb just kidding my dog's dumb um i'm going to get somebody a companion of some sort i'm going to lay off of dating and I'm going to work and I'm going to work I'm going to work and I'm going to get myself this magical

elusive thing called margin a tiny little bit of margin a tiny little bit of piece what does that mean that means you're going to have a lot of meals at home on the very very very cheap and you'll buy meat and vegetables on the sale aisle

and you'll forego expensive things for a year and at the end of this year hopefully you have a car that will get you from A to B he doesn't have to be nice and you'll have been able to make your rent and you're going to have some cash in the bank for the first time in your whole whole life yeah

okay this isn't this isn't I mean it is a spiritual exercise It's a psychological exercise, but it's a math problem that is a solvable math problem. It just comes at a high cost. Okay. I definitely want to look into getting some sort of like financial accountability person or something like that. I'll hook you up with that. I'll get you.

I'm going to send you financial peace university. I'm going to send you the every dollar app, the premium version. I'll give that to you for a year, okay? Oh, my goodness. I'll hook you up with that stuff. That's the easy stuff. Those are tools. The challenge will be can I use them when I'm feeling really, really low?

Can I use these things and stay on the path when ex-boyfriend circles back in the picture and I'm very, very lonely? Will I be able to use these things when one of my family members calls and says, you owe me, fill in the blank? that's kind of where I'm at is I'm totally, like, done with repeating a lot of negative patterns in life, negative coping that end me up in the same places. It's awesome. But I want you to treat it like AA. Yeah. Which means you're not trying to crush the year. I'm trying to get through today.

And if I can get through today, making more money than I spent, if I can get to, you know, through today. I've got this goal of having $2,000 in a savings account at the end of the year or $5,000 in a savings account at the end of this year. And every day, I can look at my two jobs and say, I contributed this much more to that $5,000. And then I get up the next day and I do it again. I get up the next day and do it again. It's a very boring, boring year. Instagram doesn't tell you how boring success is, especially at the beginning. It's repetitive It's over and over

It's choosing to not eat the donut to lose the weight It's choosing to go to the gym even when you don't feel like it It's choosing to just go to that second job Even though you are so tired You can hardly open your eyelids Yeah And then you're going to wake up in 365 days And you're going to have $5,000 in a checking account

And you're going to exhale for the first time And it's going to be a choice then I'm not going to upgrade apartments. I'm not going to go buy a car that I can't afford. I'm going to keep plugging. You get what I'm saying? And this thing will breed this magic thing that's alluded to your whole life, which is confidence.

So I should accept and kind of think about that it's not going to be fun necessarily. There's nothing fun about what you're entering into. Okay. No. But you can look at that two ways. You can look at it as it's going to be miserable and awful and I hate my life. Or this morning I had a leg workout. It was nothing about it.

It was fun. And I've been having some troubles with one of my feet. Like, it hurt. It wasn't fun at all. It was painful. And yet, it was the next right thing. Right, right. So people in community, continue seeing your counselor

and make a plan for the next 12 months. yeah that's something i've i've never done in life so that this is a huge next step for sure i'm really really proud of you i'm going to send you building a non-anxious life too i want you to use that book as a roadmap okay okay i'll also send you my buddy day ramsi's book total money makeover i'm also going to send you my buddy ken coleman's book um paycheck to purpose and I want you to begin thinking about life after minimum wage. Okay? If you scratch and claw for a year and get $5,000 in,

then you can afford to drop one of those jobs and go to night school and get trained up. Or your entry-level behavioral health job will maybe pay for you to go to school. And we're going to start thinking bigger and slowly bigger and slowly bigger, okay? okay is that fair definitely okay today's day one and you've got a tough tough road ahead of you and I'm glad that you've already

made steps to get people in your life okay you call me anytime anytime along this journey and I'll answer the phone for you okay we'll have you back on and I want you to hear me say this one last time you are not a burden you're not I don't care what that old boyfriend said to you I don't care what your parents said to you I don't care what the world is said to you you are not a burden

and it was a high honor that I got to talk to you today blessings to you we'll be right back all right let's talk about my favorite mattresses on the planet Helix mattresses summer is gone the days are getting shorter, fall is here, school is back in full swing.

Football games are on, everybody's running around, crazy, and I'm finding myself, and I know you are too, wanting to numb out more and more. We have to be intentional when things get bananas about protecting our sleep, because here's the truth. Sleep is an incredibly large part of how well we feel. When we're not resting, our minds can't reset. sleep is one of the most important things we can do to stay mentally sharp, emotionally steady, and able to show up for our families, our workplaces, and our communities.

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That's helixleep.com slash Deloni. And tell them you heard about Helix mattresses right here on this show. With Helix, better sleep starts right now. All right, we are back. Kelly, my skin kind of burns right now. I know how you feel. I'm wearing the logo of a cheater right now. I am wearing a logo of...

A recent World Series winner? Yes, you are. I'm wearing a logo of just a second-rate Texas team. Texas, all of Texas is not doing great right now. No, but we don't need to be. this is a good thing we're talking about, so we don't need to get into that. Like, they're all kind of embarrassing.

They're just not doing great. And these two teams, I don't think they're doing great either. No, but they're coming together for a good purpose. They are. Tell us about this purpose, Kelly. Kelly got me this shirt with a Houston Astros logo on it and and a Texas Rangers logo on it. So as I'm sure everyone knows,

back in July, there was the horrific floods that happened in the Hill Country. in Texas, and a lot of lives were lost. And so the Houston Astros and the Texas Rangers came together, which, by the way, does not happen. Nope. Never happens. And when they played, they had jerseys that were both teams' logos on them.

And so they've also both been wearing these shirts for batting practices. And then they sold the shirts, and all money has gone to organizations that are supporting the cleanup and the families of those that were lost and those that were injured. So we thought that, I saw it. I was like, we, John and I can come together on this as well, and here we are. And Texas can't come together for about anything right now, except for this. Yeah. So good job.

We come together when it counts, when, when it's really important, may not come together for politics or. God almighty, they can't come together for politics. Oh, my gosh, what are they doing? But when it matters, it's about the best there is. There you go. So I have sworn off my Astros this year, but, and I was, I mean, just being born in Houston, we were raised to despise the Texas Rangers.

But alas, for a good cause, well done, Kelly, together for Texas. If you want to check out these shirts, we'll link them to them in the show notes. Every little bit helps those families, man. There's just been some nasty devastation. And they're still cleaning up. Long way to go. Thank you guys for loving each other and for loving your neighborhoods, man. And where you can come together, if I come on ground, do your best to find it.

Bye.