The Dr. John Delony Show - Comedian John Crist Talks Addiction and Redemption

Episode Date: January 1, 2024

On today’s show, comedian John Crist joins John to talk about hitting rock bottom, the importance of comedy, and self-acceptance. Lyrics of the Day: "Photograph" - Nickelback  Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show.  Support Our Sponsors: BetterHelp Hallow Thorne Add products to your cart create an account at checkout Receive 25% off ALL orders Resources: Building a Non-Anxious Life Anxiety Test Own Your Past, Change Your Future Questions for Humans Conversation Cards John’s Free Guided Meditation Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts anytime, anywhere in our app. Download at: https://apple.co/3eN8jNq These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately. Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

Coming up on the Dr. John Deloney Show. I remember throwing up in the green room before the show was the Laughing Skull Lounge in Atlanta, Georgia. And the guy, older, more seasoned veteran came in and he goes, first time? I go, yeah. And he goes, they can't kill you and they can't put you in jail. And that was oddly, I got hung. Happy New Year. Happy New Year.

What's going on, everybody? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. Happy New Year. My favorite day of the year. I hope you guys had a safe Christmas break. I hope you guys had a great New Year's Eve. Hope you all made great choices, good

choices that your grandparents would be proud of. Some of you are like, I partied with my grandma, dude. But whatever it is, I'm glad that you're with us. We have an incredible show today. I'm just going to kind of be honest. Today's show is a special. We're not taking calls.

We have a special guest, and it's one that you have probably heard of, and I've heard parts of the story, some behind-the-scenes stuff, or you think you know the story, and I promise you don't. As I say, I promise you probably don't. Today's guest is an extraordinary comedian, the great John Crist. He's a neighbor here in Nashville and he joined me in the studio to talk about really no holds barred, about getting canceled, about about recovery about what redemption looks like About for asking for forgiveness all of it it's one of my favorite conversations i've ever had and i'm glad that we were able to capture it and um

Invite you all to listen into it um He's selling out shows all over the country as comedy's going great. But behind the guy on stage is a guy that's really had a hard road. Hard road. And he's walking it back. So as we start this new year and you have questions about how are you going to change? What are you going to do differently? If you're dealing with addiction, you're dealing with struggles, you got some hard

conversations with people that are going to come with some significant consequences if and when they find out. If you start asking questions about what does redemption look like? What does my path back look like? Please stay tuned for my conversation with my friend john christ in my nerd world addiction was first forever was a considered moral failure it's just because you're weak yeah and then i got my own opinions why they shifted it to it's a disease yeah and now there's a growing conversation like a consensus behind closed doors if you will there's a few people saying out loud that addiction is actually probably your body working pretty good it is doing what works to get through either some trauma or some chaos or a pretty messy situation where have you heard that

that's i heard that in I heard that in the closed... Behind closed doors? Yeah, yeah. Rehab circle, like at rehab. That's nerds talking to nerds. I didn't know that was out. It's nerds talking to nerds. Maybe it's a little...

I remember there was a girl in rehab that was, I'm going to say in high school, just molested by somebody that lived with her. Yeah. And she discovered alcohol and alcohol saved her life that's right to hear that

is anyone listening to this that is you never even heard a thought like that that's why I go where did you hear that because I've heard that in the very closed doors of like treatment centers I didn't know that was it's oh I stopped old college parents for like yeah like what my kids

doing drugs like because it works okay now it's it's they'll kill you yes but it works it is the only so if you go if you go and I've been here before you go I cannot I thought not true but I cannot, after the glory or height of this comedy show, everybody signing autographs, everything, this is unbelievable. I cannot survive the night in this hotel room. I felt like closing that hotel door was like a prison cell. Yes. Without my cell phone or some kind of relationship flirty situation, or alcohol, I will not survive. Correct.

Now, that's not true. Right. But your chest tightens up. I thought. It closes in. I thought. And so these mechanisms were preventing me from jumping out the window. That's right.

And now the demons were just screaming so loudly. That's right. That those, now a therapist would obviously say long-term, this is obviously going to have a lot of, but it's not, it is, you go, you see somebody out on Broadway drinking, drunk or whatever that you want to judge them or you want to go, whatever his present situation is, everybody has a set of tools to cope with them. And this is the one, this is the card he knows how to play. That's right.

Getting drunk. And long term, it's going to be, has consequences. But this is the only one that might be keeping him on the planet. Now, you got to give him another card. I'm going to be, by the time this comes out, I'll be sober four years. Dude, congrats. give them another card. I'm going to be, by the time this comes out, I'll be sober four years. Dude, congrats. Thank you, man.

There's another, there's another, I found another card that kind of trumps that card. You can't just take that card away. This is a great thing. You don't take away somebody who just had surgery. You don't take away their crutches without giving them something else to walk with. Or their pain medication. That's right. Or, yeah, at the beginning.

Now, yeah, you go, now we get it. Now somebody goes, hey, I've been sober for three weeks. Then I went back. And then I've been sober for a month. And I relapsed. Or I was like, yeah, that's how. That's somebody learning. Getting off crutches is.

That's somebody learning. That's right. Yeah, yeah. Why are we crushing the guy? Yeah. For, oh, yeah. That was a big shift. It was about a decade ago when I used to ask college students, like, why are you doing

this? Yeah. In the question switch to, what happened yeah in your world that this is the best way your body's figured out how to get through a day yeah that changes the question because that's one's super compassionate empathetic let's figure this out and one is when you get your crap together then you can come back in the house and that's yeah was that of like uh it was over it was over everything yeah but then you were raised the same as I was. They meant well. Your parents meant well.

Of course they did. And so did mine. And I don't like a lot of the deconstruction. I like to stop it. They had only their tools. Yeah. They had their tools. And if you go back to them, like, I'll go, who are you mad at?

Because you go back to your youth pastor, he would be embarrassed too. Of course. He would be like, yeah, sorry. Yeah, yeah. I did the best I could with what I had. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you go, I don't know.

Like, yeah, do actions have consequences? Sure. Of course. Nobody's saying that it doesn't. When I was in rehab and – that there was no – you couldn't do nothing out there. Obviously, everything was taken away. And then I remember – and I didn't even have any knowledge of this prior to going in. But I was like, you know, alcohol and I was – and then everything was taken away. And then I remember, and I didn't even have any knowledge of this prior to going in, but I was like, you know, alcohol.

And then everything was taken away. And I go, I don't know. I don't think I have any addictions. I'm fine with, I'm not, you know, itching. I go, I don't know. I'm pretty good. And then I remember it was family week. And everybody's kind of family, people's wives would come to visit them.

And this other guy in treatment center, his wife came. And then we were in the cafeteria. I don't know where. Somebody, she walked by and goes, I just want to let you know, like, I'm a big fan. And it like. Oh, dude. Yeah, it was.

I was like, oh, this is my addiction. She goes, I just want to let you know, like, your stuff is so hilarious. And I go, oh, I'm back. Or whatever. It was like, oh, that's. And that's what I, if I ever talk about it, know, like, your stuff is so hilarious. And I go, oh, I'm back. Yeah. Or whatever the, you know, and it was like, oh, that's, and that's what I, if I ever talk about it, it's like I'm fighting that. Gotcha.

Once you get some privileges, you can go out, and like you can go to dinner with amongst supervision, or you can go in rehab, and you can get your phone back, and you can get your car, and then it loosens up as you prove yourself to be trustworthy. And I remember one time the guys go, we're just going to order in food tonight. your car and then it loosens up as you prove yourself to be trustworthy and uh i remember one time the guys go we're just gonna order in food tonight we're not and i was so bummed this is the beginning of my recovery he's like oh because when i went out people said hey john

and i was like yeah and that's what i fight then and currently okay so, so that's similar to like if you have a cocaine addiction. Yeah. You can construct a life where you're just not there. You're not around it. Yeah. It's possible.

Yeah, yeah. If you struggle with disordered eating, you have a different level of work because you have to make peace because you can't do life without food. Sex too. Sex too. That's right.

Intimacy, connection, all that. You have to make peace with it. Yeah. You have to do it, like are you drinking or not drinking? It drinking it doesn't matter yes there's the firm yes and like or workaholism or narcissism that's right you have to work yeah and there's a lot of these quote addictions or struggles that by the way everybody's listening it's probably like okay if you if you work in construction and you have a lunch break and you go buy three double cheeseburgers, crush them with a Coke and go back to landscaping, nobody's going to call you on that.

But if you're sad and maybe you got dumped and you go, I'm feeling bummed out and you go down with you three cheeseburgers and crush them. Right. We may be having a different conversation. Right. So what is the, so your workaholism, sex, eating, all these things that you have to do. What is your body trying to, but when it becomes the way you pacify yourself from dealing with life. I could go on a stand-up. There's a whole range of people email me all the time. It would be like, I struggle with depression. Your comedy has lifted my spirits.

I'm going through a medical. Somebody said I'm in the operating room. When I get out of my chemo, I watch your videos. It's like, oh, my gosh. And then there's this monster over here that wants attention and wants accolades and affirmation for my insecurities. And I could be all on this range. Of course. And you're like, do I love stand-up and do I love helping people?

Yes. Yes. Does the same activity, can it be expressed as very negative or like acting out of my insecurities or pain? Yes. The only way I've seen it work though is I think a lot for years we spent time trying to solve that continuum. Yeah, yeah. Instead of healing from the bottom up. Yeah. Being, if my body's not trying to hide from my own life from me yeah then

I can have I can have a couple pieces of candy and I don't have to mainline the bag I told my girlfriend I go hey I need to go to the

NASCAR awards just to make sure like just to you know to introduce myself she goes BS it's actually more beneficial

as a comedian to be amongst the people I need to be in the grandstands, not in the suite. And so she goes, if you want to go and get your ego stroked, I'll go with you. And then we went. We both agreed on that. We had a great time. Yes.

Just say. That's fine. You're human. Human, me too. Yeah. She goes, and I'd like to go rent a dress and get all my makeup done. I'd like to go. But don't say we're not doing what we're doing here.

So where does that shame come from? That secret, like I got to hold that. I got to create a narrative around this. And most of us do it, I think, without even thinking about it. I got to stay a little bit later. I got to stay a little bit later at work, a little bit later at work. Actually, you are uncomfortable being in the presence of your wife and your kids because you don't know what you're doing.

And so you feel, your body feels safer at work and you're and you're you're you're pretty good at work a king here you're pretty good at work king you're pretty good here that's right so why would why would anyone be verbalizing that and then it comes down to that shame your buddy sat down with you and told you exactly this yes you go yeah dude i go to the thing and have the time of your life i get it or he's like, I'm struggling to be present at home because at work, everybody needs me. Whenever I'm there, I am a king. And when I'm home, my wife's like, you need to take out the trash.

Exactly. And you go, if you sat there and told me that, I would go, yeah, I get it. How would you respond with anything else but that? Or they tell you when you have kids, everything's wonderful. And they don't tell you it's real boring. Or it's just you're sitting in the track meet for six hours and they haven't even run. And it's hot.

And you watch some kid do high jump and everyone's clapping. And it's, yeah, it's not that. It comes down to that. What do I think is going to actually happen if I say this out loud? Am I going to lose everything? Am I going to lose my wife? Am I going to this out loud? Am I going to lose everything? I'm going to lose my wife. I'm going to lose my family. I'm going to lose my identity. And then you talk to people who are like,

I lost it. The only way forward is to give up, is to make peace that it all is gone. I remember we would go to this we would do equine therapy every Thursday. You would go off campus, you'd get in this van and go off.

And we, I do, I'm not lying. And the food, the funny thing about rehab, if anybody that's going to like Malibu and has massages and that's not rehab. That's not rehab. This place, there's no women there. There's no drugs, alcohol, no cell phones, no screens, no movies, no caffeine, no sugar, no fiction books.

Even if you like to get a runner's high for exercising, you could just walk. So anything that would allow you to escape, gone. Anything, gone. And it does reset your baseline. I was like, man, if I could go swing a golf club. Be euphoric, right? Oh, my goodness. If I could go see my nephew, which as an addict or alcoholic,

you don't want to have anything to do with. If I could go sit and watch a baseball game, a high school baseball game. You'd be like, this is incredible. And we would drive past this McDonald's, and I would go, I would give anything to be in there. Yeah. To go sink my teeth into a double cheeseburger. We talked about double cheeseburgers twice already. And the definition of addiction, by the way, is as simple as you can possibly put it, repeated attempts to quit despite mounting consequences.

So if you have a drink and you're providing for your family, you're still present, that's not an addiction. If you're getting a double cheeseburger, like we went up to Kentucky, to Keeneland the other day, and we gambled on the horse racing. I don't want to go back. I don't want to secretly. Sure. I don't want to go back. I don't want to secretly... Sure.

I don't know. You're not downloading whatever... Yeah, and I lost 100 bucks. Does that... I'm not saying I'm crushing it, but that doesn't... Right. They go,

any therapist or anybody would go, okay. And if you go, no more gambling, I'd go, okay. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't grip me. Right.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. October is the season for wearing costumes. And if you haven't started planning your costume, seriously, get on it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go as Brad Pitt because we have the same upper body, but whatever. Look, it's costume season. And if we're being honest, a lot of us hide our true selves behind masks and costumes more often than we want to. We do this at work.

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There you go. And I used to have a spiral notebook and i would write down what joke was funny and why and really oh dude i was like trying to pull them apart oh yeah because i just want to know why because i was so mesmerized by someone who could make somebody laugh but it seemed like everybody was um kind of okay with getting poked and it like that was kind of the thing right like they were the prophets of your time they can say what they want yeah and now it seems to have shifted where you can't you can't except i was talking to somebody the other day and tell me if i'm crazy i think in a hundred years the story that will be written on this weird little snapshot of history will include rogan and chapelle as the

guys that broke it that made i'm gonna keep saying this and maybe that's crazy but i feel like the the last great voice is a comedian that's it i feel like this a lot you don't want to look back on your your instagram or your whatever you're posting from like a year ago or two years ago and cringe at it and you go oh i can't believe i posted that right right with whatever the whatever it is whatever the social issue was you know how it's embarrassing everybody's like oh it must be tough being a comedian when it's you can be canceled up for everything i'm like no i feel like it's actually very it's easier because in carlin and eddie murphy the line to like be inappropriate was so right yeah you had to say something so outlandish that people are like, and now all you have to be is like, and the line is right here.

And it moves. Yeah. So you can just like, and it's like, ah. And it makes it because what comedy is is saying the quiet part out loud. That's it. The thing that most people are thinking. And now you're supposed to be quiet about everything. Right.

And I'd say to my live shows, like my live show is just a group text with your buddies out loud. I would say if Joe Rogan and Dave Chappelle maybe saved it, it is as- And I used to use them as examples of- Is it bold in other people that now there's a lot, there's a, yeah. People start, went to look and say, is somebody that big gonna get taken down?

Yeah. And they didn't. Yeah. And suddenly- Well, it's unique in a way where, Joe Rogan, if Spotify said, we're out, he'd be like, all right, well, I'll go to Apple. Exactly.

Yeah, then you have more, they're above the, I don't need to get paid. I'm above that. Yeah. It makes you more honest. It makes you, at minimum, more honest. Right. So you go, I need to sell tickets. They go, I don't need to sell tickets.

I can never, I don't never have to work again. Exactly. I'm just interested in the truth. There you go. That's it. That's what Joe, I think, is great at. And as an audience member, I go, I may not go with you, but I know that's what your

intent is. It's not to satisfy this. And you could disagree or disagree. But if Joe Rogan says, the homelessness in LA is out of hand. Right. And when the governor says, we're really making a lot of improvements, you're like, I'm driving around. It's not, no.

It's not. It's not. And now we have, and my brother lives out there and he has kids. It's unsafe and it's unsafe for every, like, that's not true. Because the governor's office could call the local affiliates and say, we need this story. We're going to run this story. We have a new initiative.

And that's when you look around and go, no. Yeah. The last time I saw you play, it was you were saying things about parenting. You were saying things about going to a Sunday school that everyone thinks. And everyone knows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's that same. It's not Los Angeles, but it's that same. Everyone's like, yeah, that's.

I started in comedy. I was. My dad's a pastor. Okay. And like in church and you would see maybe like as a pastor's kid behind the curtain a little bit. My dad was too. Yeah. So you go.

Sheila's sausage is made. A little bit. And then you see the Sunday morning product. And from a young age, I go. Exactly. And not in an anti-Christian way, but I just go. You see the gap. Yeah.

My bedroom backed up to my dad's closet. Yeah. And he would pull that corded phone in there. Oh, yeah. When there was, like, stuff was going down. Oh, yeah. And it backed up against where I slept. And so I could just listen quietly, and then I would show up on Sundays.

Oh, yeah. And I'd see the guy in the suit. Oh, yeah. Or the woman in the nice dress and I'd say, there's something else going on here. And I just remember that. That messed me up for a long time. Or the guy that used to be in a suit and now he doesn't

work there anymore. And God called him to a new church. He's there. He's pursuing other opportunities. And he was called away and by called away we told him you gotta leave right now. And as a guy

that was performing in churches a bunch and it's not necessarily the behavior is people go I'm a human but you said

subconsciously or not that you were this guy. If Dave Ramsey was like a billion dollars in debt he'd be like

he had a bunch of credit cards. Do we care about credit card debt? No. But you said. You said not to. And that's what everybody has a hard time stomaching. Fair. Very fair. So I think there's just something about telling the truth. But that's where I think comedy is so great.

Is it you guys just walk out into the middle of that gap and you're like here we are are we really doing this? and what's beautiful about the art form that I'm more passionate about now than I ever have

is like some people would say how come that comedian gets to I remember making jokes like in the Christian subculture and like some of the more you know Christian celebrities

if that's even a word. We were like, how come he gets to say all that? And it's – how come he gets to go up there and just – Let it rip, yeah. And I've always said it's actually the opposite. We can only say what you already think. And if I said like – I was like, what's the deal with all the German population in Franklin? You'd be like, what are we talking about?

It's not a truth. So it doesn't go or spread or it actually falls dormant. If you make a joke and everybody goes, oh my goodness, that's the truest thing I've ever seen. That's what

you make it go. Not the comedian. So the comedian has no power. You're just, comedian just shines lights on things that already exist. Yeah. And sometimes we shine lights and people go, no, it's not in there. Oh, okay. And like, and then you go, oh. Yeah. Good to know. I remember the first open mic I did, somebody in college said, you should try standup comedy. it's the first time ever

the idea ever I mean I loved comedy loved watching it obviously I was more like Cat Williams Bruce Bruce one kind of generation behind that but I wasn't mesmerized by it same thing and the guy goes you should try stand up comedy

and that day I started a word document on my computer about funny things. Stories. Kind of similar to you. Why interacting with this idea? Mm-hmm. And then it took me about four and a half years to build up the courage. And I went into the open mic, and I said, I went to the guy guy after and i go i want to i want to do it i

want to do it and he goes all right and he goes he looked at his book and he goes uh june 23rd is 2009 june 23rd and that was like a month from and i i mean didn't sleep oh yeah didn't eat just walking around the neighborhood like in to wrap up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just trying to... I mean, there was 30 people in there. 40, maybe. And I remember throwing up in the green room before the show. It was the Laughing Skull Lounge in Atlanta, Georgia.

And the guy, older, more seasoned veteran, came in and he goes, listen, man. He goes, your first time? I go, yeah. And he goes, well, they can't kill you and they can't put you in jail.

And that was oddly, I go, huh. What am I? That means the only barrier is you. And what were you scared of? Right. It seems not sleeping, not eating, sweating for a month. They're going to put you to death. And I wanted to do it four years prior to that and couldn't get up the courage to go

sign up. So what was the fear? The worst case scenario is you got to move back home. Yeah. And your parents will love you and you'll get back on your feet. And you go, oh, it becomes a more risk to stay at your job than it is to leave. So the fear, that fear overcame this fear. The fear of staying in my job and then all of a sudden I'm too late

and I can't go pursue it. And knowing that one time you did it, how alive you felt. Yeah, but dude, you remember asking girls to prom? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's terrifying. And then what's the worst? But what is the worst? Yeah, what is the worst? I remember, but, yeah. It's terrifying. Yeah. But, but. And then what's the worst? But what is the worst? Yeah, what is the worst?

I remember, but it happened. It happened. Dude, I'll look whoever in the camera in the eye and say, the worst possible things that you could possibly imagine happening to you has happened to me. And we're laughing about it. Right, right, right. The worst possible thing that I could ever imagine happening outside of death. Yeah, right. Happened to me.

Yes. And now you go, well, I'm playing with house money now. That's it. Or like. That's it. That's it. Or what? It's always someone on the other side of it that's like, oh, I'm playing with house money. You're playing with house money.

Yeah. I mean, I was in rehab in 2019 and I go, we were putting our lives back together. Everybody was in there. And I go, we're about to get out of there. And I go, guys, more bad stuff is going to happen to us. Right? Death, parents, disease, losses

of jobs. Like, look at the country. More bad stuff is coming. So to rectify this current situation, okay, but position yourself to whatever horrible things. You'll be like, okay, but position yourself to whatever horrible things. You'll be like, alright.

Cool. Because I've been there. Sometimes you look at grandparents, they don't care. They've been there. Yeah, dude. They go, I don't know. My granddad would be like, hey, granddad, this thing's happened. He fought Nazis. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not that your situation isn't important. It is. But you're good. Well, yeah, yeah. He's like, we're probably all right. Not that your situation isn't important. It is. But you're good. But he goes, well. You're good. And it's very slow. Right. And you're like, how can you have this perspective?

Because they've been through it. Yeah, that's right. And you look at a kid that we all were at one time and you go, hey, my bike has a flat tire. This is the worst. It's the end of time. It's the end of time. When I asked that girl to prom, she said no. I online too you did yeah dude are you looking at the camera listen i was kind of a cool kid yeah dude why don't i don't know i went to your house i took my shirt

in dude i went to her house i didn't went to her house front door front door knocked on the door she told me no in person so did mine so did mine i had a couple i walked out and i didn't i couldn't believe it you didn't know I couldn't believe it. You didn't even know how to turn on the ignition on in your car. It never occurred to me that that could happen. It's not funny. It is. It's not funny. Oh, it's super funny.

But at the time. Well, I was, it was listless. I just. You were like, I'm going to have to transfer schools. That's what I thought. I'm just going to go out in the parking lot and set myself on fire. You know what I mean? I have to make another Rage Against the Machine cover. I didn't know what to do. Like, what I thought. I'm just going to go out in the parking lot and set myself on fire. You know what I mean? I have to make another Rage Against the Machine cover.

I didn't know what to do. And then I asked somebody else and we had a great time. There's a whole gang of us that went and it was a blast. It was a better experience than had I just taken one person by our side. It ended up being a big free-for-all. It was a blast. Hey, good folks.

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slash Deloney. It's amazing. Three free months of the app when you go to hallow.com slash Deloney. Go right now and change your life. What does redemption look like anymore? Because I feel like we're wired for small communities where you get out of step and everybody calls everybody back. Or there used to be some kind of guiding narrative. We all kind of step and everybody calls everybody back. Or there used to be some kind of guiding narrative. We all kind of believe the same-ish things regionally. And that's all gone.

It's gone. Oh, yeah, gone. So the only thing you can do culturally is we just burn everybody to the ground. You have to. And you have a pile of ashes everywhere. For everybody. For everybody. Yeah. I think for me is that I

when I was at my unhealthiest mortgaged all of my worth into the hands of these people outsourced it yeah

I go y'all tell me what my value is that I'm good or by the ticket sales or my social media numbers or my videos or y'all y'all tell me

they burn you to the ground I go my I love to tell jokes. I love to do stand-up. But I cannot put it back into your hands. I can't. It's got to be me. Behavior aside, my word of redemption would be, hey,

would redemption for Michael Jordan be winning another championship or it would be I don't – I would like to still play basketball, but if I win or lose, I'm still worth of infinite value. I want to be the best parent. I want to be the best businessman. I want to be the best chef. Everybody goes somewhere to get their worth. Everybody does.

Everybody's on this continuum somewhere. I know somebody that likes to cook. Wherever they show up, they bring... That's just their flex. Bacon. And everybody goes, we love you. You're like, all right. Again, in rehab, there was a guy Friday nights,

we could do whatever we wanted. But you would have to give on the weekend before we left a calendar of everything we're going to be doing okay right this guy loved to cook and he would we would all week be talking about dude we're going over to jim's jim we all live in these apartments jim's apartment he had these spreads that were oh dude what's jim doing friday i can't but i can't wait and then they said hey j hey, Jim. That was his heroin. Yes. And he would come over and everybody goes, oh, Jim, this is incredible. And we'd all be talking about it before, anticipating it, and after.

That was unbelievable. And they go, hey, Jim, no more cooking. And so you have to look yourself in the mirror now and go, oh, was I the cooking guy? Yeah. And that, all the way back to the beginning, the addiction, he lived by that his whole life. Because he felt some way about himself that if I don't show up with the steaks and stuff, do the thing. But do you go, man, and he would, if it's done correctly,

the rehabilitation process, he'd be like, dude. And it would make me cry. I'd be like, hey, Jim, do you want to come? Yeah. Do you want to hang with us? Come hang with us. Yeah. And we got food.

Or we, you don't have to cook for us. We just want you here just because you're freaking Jim. And that would be the first time in a lot of people's lives they've ever heard that. That's right.

They go, wait. You're like, yeah, dude, I don't have anything. You're good. You're cool with us. We like hanging with you. We like you just for you're cool with us we like hanging we like you like

just for you and some people go that's like a that that's where the it took me 40 years to get that took me yeah I'm 39 same dude it took me the first when I was there you go oh you're so y'all know everything about me yeah you're still here and y'all still want to hang to me that's the most haunting question human can ask is if you you knew everything, would you still love me? Yeah. And it was when my wife was like, I'm not going anywhere, and I just want you here. I was one of eight kids,

and that kind of like maybe didn't get the attention or love that, and I love my parents, and I didn't get maybe what I needed. And I would go to church. That was the only place we would see if we were all homeschooled. We'd go to church. There was these girls that loved me and they thought I was so funny. And I couldn't wait to like, stuff I learned during the week is to get there and tell them and they would be like, we can't wait till John's here.

Like we love John. And I went down that path until I was 35. That's here. Like we love John. And I went down that path until I was 35. That's right. I don't know if there's any other more, wherever the love is, you go to it. Right. And that, whether it's like,

I mean, you've seen people in this town that have, are like influential that I, that I, that you start, you've seen them verbalize something maybe a little bit conservative or Republican, and then they got a lot of love there, and they've just been...

It just goes... Yeah. I don't know. Who are you? They've just been going down the road where the affirmation comes from. That's it. Yeah.

Why would you doubt? Why would you... We're all doing that. That's right. You do it in a different way than I do it. Or you go, you're a basketball coach. All you've ever known is basketball that's in there you're like i'm taking the gig at the rec league because in there i'm a god that's right in my house it was like we didn't have any money growing up and so there was this and i remember my dad was a policeman and then he quit

and became a minister and i remember at a young age like oh if that's what the public thinks of public servants, I'm going to go make money. And then I just kind of chased it and chased it. And I remember it was last year. Like this is still pretty fresh. Then my wife was like, hey, like the amount of how much I love you because of how much money you make is full.

Anything else is for your ego, brother. And she goes, you can do what you want. But just so we both know. What I want is you. And I didn't have a psychology. I didn't know what to do. She said these words and it froze me. She said, John, we have enough.

And she turned and walked away. And I did not know what that meant. And that was a year with a tough therapist downtown. Yeah. And it seemed like, hey, help me unpack this. And you go. It goes all the way back to Johnson. Hey, I don't need.

As long as you've been singing and dancing. I don't need to. You don't need a tour in 2024. You know, I'd like to. Yeah, yeah. And if it wasn't coming into, like, but you don't, you don't have to.

I have to. You don't. Yeah. Or I. I got to have this car. No, you don't. I got to live in, I just got to go to that school. I don't. I don't have to. I have to. You don't. Yeah. Or I – I got to have this car. No, you don't. I got to live in – I just got to go to that school.

They don't. They don't. It was Jim Carrey, I think. He said, I wish everybody could have everything for like a day to realize that it's not. Because outside of being a believer and a Christian, everybody out here is hope is in a better tomorrow right

whether that's a a raise or a new politician bigger car a relationship your hope you're hoping in

a better tomorrow right and whatever that and he was saying in material I wish everybody could get it so they could realize oh

don't spend your whole life trying to get it because that's not it. There's nothing up here. In counseling, they call it the tyranny of accomplishing all your dreams because you go with you, right? Yeah. Or imagine being like a comedian and all you want to ever do is be on the tiny show. You're 20. You're working at the clubs. You're trying to get – you send in the tape,

they say no, you move to LA, you go to all the meet and greets, you meet the guy, you become friends with the guy, you send him a tape, he says no, you keep going, keep working, and then you're, I mean, it's a hypothetical story, but you're 60, and they go, you got it. And you go to Burbank in an Uber at at 3 30 in the afternoon in front of a

crowd that is and you do your four and a half minutes smaller than you think you do your four and a half minutes you walk off stage and you walk back out of that uber and you go oh yeah oh shoot yeah the first time i was ever on tv early on in my comedy career, I was on Comedy Central or something. I forget the name of the show. Live at Gotham in New York City. They called me. Yeah, they called me. They go, dude, you got it.

You got it. And I go, oh, awesome. And I remember calling my parents. I wrote this about the story in my book. But I called my parents and I go, hey, I'm on TV, right? Which is the biggest. And you, what did I think? Okay, I thought they were going to get a, I thought really they'd get an inflatable projector in the backyard, invite all the neighbors.

And I never forget this. And I've since discussed this with my parents a bunch my mom called me and said oh we don't have that channel yeah and that was that and dude you're like oh i thought i thought this is or we're gonna fly there or we're gonna we're gonna charter a plane to whatever. Or like, oh, because it was about when they didn't pick you up for your tennis match when you were 10. I tell businesses all the time, if he hadn't told you he's proud of you by now, I was like, the call's not coming.

It's not coming. It's not coming. And he probably is. I know he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually know he is. He didn't have to say that. I know he is.

And that's fine. He didn't have to say that. I know he is. And that's fine. He didn't have to say that. And that's fine. So the win is not the redemption or whatever. It's not you finally getting him to whoever he is or finally getting them to apologize or finally getting the... The revenge money or whatever the thing is. Or the car or the house or the... The last word.

Maybe the revenge is not that. Or the redemption, sorry, not revenge, is not that. It is, oh, if I don't get that, I'll be all right. I would like to. And I'd like to. You still should get up with a purpose in life to go do something or to help people. But if I don't.

But it's almost what you just said earlier. Maybe the call in life is to be the caliber person who shows up so that regardless of whether you can cook, whether you're the funny guy, whether you're the smart guy with all the answers, people think, I'm going to call that guy. Come on over. Just come hang.

You come to hang with us. Just because you're you. I will say, I have come to all these realizations or I don't even know what you call it, whatever, wherever I'm at now. My hand was forced. So I don't want to sit here and be dishonest with everybody. You should. Oh, yeah. Because I didn't.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should be honest with – I didn't. Now I had a chance to respond afterwards. Right. Honest with, I didn't. Now I had a chance to respond afterwards. Right, right, right. But I, oh, it's so much better to live this life of honesty or, I didn't. So I can't sit here like, well, here's what, like. But I think you can look and say, and this is my hope for everybody who talks about like, you know, America's on decline and this and that. Is my wife and I sat at a table and looked at each other like this as adults instead of going to keep doing this. Because if we are, everything has to be different from this minute forward.

And we didn't have to go to Ash first. And that's my dream for folks is if you can at least think, I'm going to get on the path to redemption before it goes to ash. I think that's possible. Definitely possible. Definitely possible. It's hard. When everything happened to me, I go, oh, this is rock bottom. This is rock bottom.

And I never forget this. The therapist goes, no, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. You decided this was enough. Like he's like, I still have a house, a career, a family that loves me, money, my health. This is not rock bottom. Trust me. There are so deeper.

There's so many more bottoms below this, including death, that you decided, hey, this is the bottom. You decide the bottom. And then you go, I got to get some help. We're done. Yeah, the bottom is – I'm done. Until you're not on this planet anymore, you have not reached the bottom. I won't believe this because you've talked about this

in other interviews, but, and I'll just leave with this. The growing, like just running crisis stuff for years, sitting with police department stuff, the only way through that is. Running what? Running crisis,

like helping with death notifications. Oh, yeah. The only path through is a midnight black sense of humor. Yeah. And I can just imagine a couple of guys standing around their buddy

and being like, looking over their casket and being like, that's rock bottom. Oh, yeah. I mean, but that sense of humor is there.

If there's a thing in your family, we can all joke about everything, but the one thing you can't joke about, that's the thing that needs to be healed. When I was in treatment, I've been there for like a month or so, and you come in depressed at the bottom. Nobody wants to eat. Nobody just wants to sleep all day. And then you start to kind of make some progress, and your family's like, we love you.

And you're like, if I can complete this, I can – The horse likes you finally. Yeah, the horse likes you. Yeah. And then you're like, well, maybe – I don't know. I probably can't ever do comedy again. But I could at least go to the golf course and go to Chick-fil-A. And you start to be like, oh, maybe – and then your agent calls.

And you're like, well, once you're – you go, oh, you kind of see the path forward. And I was starting to like feel a little bit better, start to kind of make joke around and start to – and my buddy put his arm around me one day. And he goes, listen, I know you're doing great and congratulations on the progress. And I really think this is amazing. I just want to let you know, just don't take suicide off the table just yet. I go, oh my God. Which is like, dude. That's a great friend. It's horrible.

It's horrific. It's a great friend. That's the hardest I've ever laughed in my whole life. If you say, what's my favorite joke of all time? I remember exactly where I was. And he put his arm around me. And it's such the misdirection of that joke. Of course.

He goes, I just want to let you know you. He goes, I just want to let you know, you're doing great. I just want to let you know, don't take suicide off the table just yet. Which is like, gosh, dude, it's so, it was so therapeutic. Yeah. And a lot of times, a lot of times who is policing the jokes is someone that was not in that conversation. Almost always. He said it to his, the guy that told it to me,

I don't want to give away his name because it was confidentiality, but that guy loved me. Of course. I knew he did. We were roommates. Yes. And we cried ourselves to sleep over our current situations nightly. Yes.

Nightly. And that's all we had. He had earned the right. Yes. And you go, well, you can't say, or like who, according to who? You get to decide that. You get to decide.

And if I'm at my live show and I'm saying these things to my crowd, they are loving it. The transaction is here. Yes. You weren't there. Right. And you don't get a 30 second clip spun out.

Yeah. Or you were like, oh, you don't understand. Or like sometimes you see a- second clip spun out. Yeah. Or you, or you could, you were like, oh, you don't understand. Or like, sometimes you see a, that's never funny. Is that for you? It wasn't for you. Right. And that's a Republican, Democrat, black, white, rich, poor. You're like, that, that you weren't the audience for this. Yes. And that's fine. Yes. You're like, oh, but, but there's a whole crowd dying laughing right so this is our moment you can be offended

like I don't I don't enjoy this comedian you can do that that's allowed because I'm allowed to do that but you can't say this guy can't tell jokes right

yeah but clear as a lot of people because we're having a family conversation yeah dude that's awesome hey thanks for coming by man dude absolutely I come by anytime

you're super busy yeah telling jokes yeah going to get my egos Matt needs Matt no Dude, that's awesome. Hey, thanks for coming by, man. Dude, absolutely. I come by anytime. You're super busy. Yeah, telling jokes. Going to get my egos met. Needs met. No, you give people like me space to breathe. And that's a gift. That's a human gift. I hope the...

This is not a comedy podcast or whatever, but I hope that if I got... I needed this message. So I was like, I'm not the other side of it. I still got a lot of work to do. But you go, man, somebody that would hear this would be like, oh, oh. Like before you even say the horrific things,

you just like, first you thank them, then you write them down. Somebody write them down and burn them. And then you got to say them to a therapist. But even saying it to a therapist is five steps before you even say it to a friend. This guy doesn't care about you. He's a therapist. He does not care.

If you said the most horrific things, he'd be like, huh. And he's heard it all, by the way. Nothing that anyone here is watching is like, dude, my situation. As what you do for a living, we've heard them all. We've heard them all. Heard them all. And you go, oh, you're still, you can come hang out with us. You didn't flinch.

That's right, yeah. Yeah, you can come hang out with us in a contextual way that, like, there's people that will welcome you. Yeah. That's true, right? You're not alone. Yeah. And that's the message that I thought I was. Dude, that's awesome.

It's beautiful. Yeah. Well, thanks for coming by, dude. Much love, brother. See you at Zany's. I'll come by. Let's that's awesome. It's beautiful. Yeah. Well, thanks for coming by, dude. Much love, brother. See you at Zany's. I'll come by. Let's go, dude. Let's do it.

See you there. Hey, what's up? Deloney here. Listen, you and me and everybody else on the planet has felt anxious or burned out or chronically stressed at some point. In my new book, Building a Non-Anxious Life, you'll learn the six daily choices that you can make to get rid of your anxious feelings and be able to better respond to whatever life throws at you so you can build a more peaceful, non-anxious life. Get your copy today at johndeloney.com. Thanks for joining us as we wrap up today's show So, uh

Chris took a video at a concert a few months ago And I just wrote back wrote him back and said no john. No And he said dude Nickelback is my favorite band forever and ever. Ah, man. I added that part But for the world's greatest Nickelback fan. Song's called Photograph, and it goes like this. Look at this photograph. Every time I do it, it makes me laugh.

How did her eyes get so red? What the hell's on Joey's head? Is this where I grew up? I think the present owner fixed it up. That's about all I can get through. I love you guys. Stay in school, don't do drugs. Every time I do it makes me laugh.