The Dr. John Delony Show - Delony Rants on School "Mental Health Days"

Episode Date: March 14, 2022

Today’s episode is about handling difficult situations with kids. We talk to a recently remarried woman who’s struggling to blend her and her husband’s families and a woman who wants to become a police officer but worries about how it will affect her kids. Then Delony goes on a rant about school mental health days. We’re struggling to blend our two families after a re-marriage I want to become a cop but I’m worried how it will affect my young kids Delony Rant: Hey schools, maybe do something that will actually help kids' mental health Lyrics of the Day: "Be More Kind" - Frank Turner Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show.  Support Our Sponsors: BetterHelp DreamCloud Churchill Mortgage Greensbury Resources: Own Your Past, Change Your Future Questions for Humans Conversation Cards Redefining Anxiety Quick Read John’s Free Guided Meditation Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts anytime, anywhere in our app. Download at: https://apple.co/3eN8jNq These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.

On today's show, we talk to a woman who's struggling to unify a blended family. We also talk to a woman of three young kids who wants to be a police officer, and she wants to know how that's going to affect her family. And man, I go off on the new mental health days for kids. Stay tuned. Woo! What's up? It's John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. There's no reason

to be yelling, John. None. Hope you're doing well. Talking about mental health, relationships, all of it. I am trying to pump myself up. Man, if you're listening to this, it's going to be a few weeks out, so who knows what the world will look like by the time this actually hits the air. But the Ukraine invasion happened a day or two ago.

And it's been heavy on my heart watching those. Man, it's just been tough, man. So who knows by the time we listen to this, the world's going to look very different. So either up or down. Heart's heavy on this one. So I'm going to do my best to holler and yell. And we're going to walk alongside some folks doing hard stuff. And I'm grateful that you're with us.

If you want to be on this show, give me a buzz at 1-844-693-3291. It's 1-844-693-3291. Or go to johndeloney.com slash ask. And let's go to Sarah in the City of.com slash ask. Let's go to Sarah in the City of Angels, Los Angeles. What's up, Sarah? Not much. How's it going? We are rocking on to the break. We're not. I'm just sitting here in a

studio. It's kind of being lame. How are you? I'm good, thanks. I have a question for you surrounding our family identity, meaning what should we call ourselves? I hear you on the show a lot. Sweet, you love my nicknames.

Is that what you're calling for? I love, I do. I don't know what to call myself. So, no. Yes. Our family name. So I hear you talk on the show a lot about the family values and drawing them up.

And then you'll say things like, we're the Delonys and Delonys are people who X, Y, Z. And we don't all have the same last name. So I don't really know what to call us and how to anchor those things. And it comes up in other ways too, like what to put on Christmas cards and things like that. So why separate last names? So, sorry, I get emotional about it. No, that's cool, man. I'm glad that you called. It would have been way funner just to come up with some nicknames.

I'm so good at just ruthless nicknames. But that's not why you're calling. So, yeah, take your time. No problem at all. So, yeah, why do you have different names? So I'm married to my husband, who's wonderful, and is definitely the father of all three of our kids. But he's only the biological father of our six-month-old. Okay.

And I have a six- and eight-year-old whose father died. Oh, I'm so sorry. What was his name? Yeah. Dan. Dan? Mm-hmm. Good guy? Great guy, yeah. When did Dan pass away?

Almost seven years ago now. Seven years ago. That's still right there on top of your heart, isn't it? Yep. Yeah. How did he pass away? A heart arrhythmia. Sudden, totally unexpected.

Oh, man. I'm so sorry. So how'd you meet this new guy? At work. Oh, gross. With your girlfriend. Oh, gross. He's wonderful wonderful we're all in love it's great

that's so great I knew you were going to make fun of us I'm absolutely not at all one of my most important men in my life very similar situation he married a great woman whose husband passed away suddenly just completely unexpectedly

and they have two wonderful kids. And there's still that thing, right, that my life is because of, right? And so those are challenging, just messy things to walk through. And so you've decided your kids, your two kids that were biological children of Dan have kept his last name? Yeah. We're still really involved with his family and that's important to them. And the kids have not expressed any desire to change their last name. So at this point they're keeping their, their dad's last name, their original dad's last name.

And I just struggle a little bit, I think because I had my parents last name growing up. My husband had his parents last name growing up And there's some family pride behind it. And to say we are the, let's say, quote unquote, Smith family. And there's something behind that, you know? How honest do you want me to be with you? Brutal. Go for it.

Come on, Sarah. Not super brutal. Hey, it can't get any worse than the guy that you have kids with dropping dead on you. So go for it. Well played. I see what you did there um i've talked to you for like two minutes now okay and my impulse this is just from my guts is that you haven't let dan go and is, says, you have a picture of family that is still haunting you because your new family that you love dearly, make no mistake, that you love dearly doesn't look like that old picture. And you are still hanging on to that old picture while living in

another photo. And your body can't reconcile one foot here and one foot here. Or, more damning, half your heart here and half your heart here. Right. And because what we're talking about when it comes to names is semantics. I mean, you could put like the Dodgers or whatever other nonsense team you have there in Los Angeles. I mean, you can call it the ponies, the frogs, the hip- hop artists. I don't care what you call it. It could be anything, but this isn't about a name. This is about you not letting Dan go.

And this is about you not fully being, this is what my family looks like now. And when whatever, and two last names, seven last names, who cares about the names? It's about you leaning into, we have to come up with who we are. And you still see we as, but also him. Right. And so what I'm telling you is Dan will always have a place in your heart. You'll see his face as those kids get older and older and older.

You'll see his attitudes and the laugh that he had and the eye crinkles that he had. You'll see that stuff forever, fully there. And you got to let Dan go. Right. And you have to take ownership of your new story, your new picture, your new whatever this is. And then call it whatever crap you want to. Yeah, I agree 100%. Does that ring true?

It does. It does. And I know it seems like semantics and silly No, no, no A name is powerful Look at what's happening in Ukraine today You're Russians, no we're not A name is everything

So don't hear me be dismissive of that Yeah No, I agree, there's probably more to it I just also have this other thing going on too. What's the other thing? Meaning that my kids, when we say we are the Smith family, let's say, they feel left out when we try to use one name, I guess, you know? Okay.

Do they feel that or do you feel that on their behalf? No, definitely. My oldest is vocal about it. Okay. That he feels left out when we use the family name. That's my husband and I's name and the baby's name. But he doesn't want to change his name? He doesn't want to change his name.

And he, in fact, when he was very upset that I was changing my name when I got married and also kind of wanted my husband to change his last name to Dan's last name. How old is this kid? Eight. Yeah. So be very careful about letting an eight-year-old's feelings dictate yours. Right. Because they're eight. And you've heard me say this a thousand times. There's a reason why we don't let eight-year-olds, you know, drive cars and buy beer and vote because they're eight. And, of course, everything in his body and heart and mind wants to keep things the way they were. Don't want to forget dad. I've got that.

I'm going to hang on to that. And at the same time, anything that looks new to his little body is a threat because everything he knew is different now. Everything he knows is different now. And so, I mean, I would honor that, hug him through that and feel those, like, man, I hear that you feel left out and my heart's broken that you feel left out because you're a part of this. Just because your name is remaining Jones, you're a member of the Smith family. Or you're a member of the Smith family. Or you're a member of the Jones-Smith family, right? And I'll stick a hyphen in there for you if that's what you need, right?

But you're here. You're in this gang. And in fact, here's what's going to happen. If he tracks, he's going to pull on the rope. He's going to pull on that tether and see how tight, see if you're going to leave too. See if this new guy's going to leave too. And he's going to yank and pull and kick and bite and claw and see if his little muscles

can push away too because it's happened once before. And that's just his sweet, beautiful little body trying to protect him. Oh yeah, he definitely does that. Yeah, I mean, it's totally normal and it's heartbreaking and it's awful. And that's the trauma of losing somebody so important in your life. Right. And my guess is you probably do the same thing just

differently. Right. I don't know what that looks like, but have you ever sat down and written Dan a letter yet? Oh yeah. Plenty of times. How did that go? Tell us about it. It's, it's good. It's cathartic. I mean, I did it from the very beginning. Like I said,

it's been nearly seven years now. So have you ever told him how pissed off you are at him? Oh yeah. Good. Good. Good. So yeah, I think continue to work through it,

but I would love to see you grieve and have some sort of something where you let Dan go. And man, it's always going to be a part of you, but honor your kids and to come up with a name. And if it's the Jones-Smith name for a couple of years, okay, I'm not going to lose sleep over that. It's more important to do the unity exercise, which, man, I would love to have the Jones-Smith It would be great. Right. And just throw a hyphen up there. Is that something y'all can do?

Yeah, I think so. I think so. I think so. And here's what would be real important. Invite your two young ones, Dan's kids, invite them to participate in this.

Not only participate, but to take some major ownership in this. Who are we all going to be? Yeah, that's what I liked. That's what I liked about it when you talk about it on the show is having the kids participate, have some buy-in. I like that. Yeah. And even if they say, what are some things that, Dan, what are some things that your original, what are some things he would have wanted on this list? Because here's the thing, half of your kids are him, right?

And so, man, bring Dan to be a part of this thing. And I know that's not like I'm talking out of both sides of my mouth, let him go. But your kids can never let him go. Half of them is Dan, right? So what are some things that Dan, Dad, would want you to put in here, right? To put on this form, to put as a part of our values. What's something that values your dad? And they may not form, to put as a part of our values. What's something that values you to add? And they may not know, or they may make it up something. They don't have a lot

of memories of him because one's only eight, right? He's one years old, but you can bring some stuff. He loved laughter. He loved joy. He loved respecting other people. He loved different opinions and he loved, you know, wrestling, whatever the things are. Add those things are, let them know that the other half that rests within them is strong and good. And you let that half, let them go, let them go. And then begin to truly live into that picture that you have. I'm so, man, it makes my heart feel good that you've been writing letters for years.

That's fantastic. Maybe it's time to write the letter that says, it's time for me to let you go. I got two little boys to raise and another six month old by this other guy who's pretty awesome by the way, but I met him at work and gross. But here we are in the new story.

Thank you so much for your call. We'll be right back. It seems like everybody's talking about how crazy the housing market is right now and how powerless homebuyers feel. Mix that with the stress of moving and life change and job change, and you've got a tornado of anxiety fueling one of the biggest purchases you'll ever make. This is not a good idea. So if you're a new homebuyer right now, my advice to you is to focus on what you can control,

like the people you choose to help you in the home buying process. You need folks like my friends at Churchill Mortgage. Churchill is a Ramsey trusted provider that's been helping people with their home mortgages for decades. And their home buyer edge program will help you skip a bunch of the stress. Here's how it works. Apply to become a Churchill certified home buyer and cap your interest rate for 90 days. Then you'll get a $5,000 seller guarantee to help your offer stand out. So go ahead, take a deep breath because Churchill has your back. Check them out at churchillmortgage.com slash Deloney and get the home buyer edge today. All right, we are back. Let's go to Mecca like a high Mecca. Heidi Ho in Madison. What's up, Madison? Hi. What are you doing? I'm just hiding in my closet from my kids.

Dude, there's so many things I could say that I'm not even going to say them. How in the world are you? You doing okay? I'm doing well. How are you? I'm just getting it. So what's up? So I am calling because I want to become a police officer, but I'm also concerned because

I have three kids. Ah, okay. So talk to me about it. Tell me more. So I have a six-year-old, a two-year-old, and a nine-month-old. And I always wanted to be a police officer.

Yep. But I'm also concerned for, you know, my safety, like what's going to happen if something happens to me. And, you know, with the schedule and the demand of the job, like, will I also be able to be a good mom, I guess? And I'm afraid they're going to resent me for picking that career

that it's going to demand a lot of me. Gotcha. Man, they are so lucky to have you. You're incredible. Tell me about their dad. So he is a nurse at the Veterans Hospital. And he works

in the psychiatric unit at the Veterans Hospital. And you are two people committed to service, aren't you? Yes, I guess you can say that. He was in the military before that and now he's a nurse.

No, I'm saying both of you are committed to service. So why be a police officer? Why do you want to do that job? I don't know. And I knew you were going to ask that and I don't have an answer. You don't have to give me one.

You can just say, I'm going to go do it. That's all good. I think, you know, like I know when I talk to my dad, he always jokes with me and he goes, you know, I remember when you were little, you always said you wanted to be a police officer. And like the end goal of it is I want to be a homicide detective. Dude, that's what my dad was. Yeah, and that's why I'm like, he's like the perfect person to call, you know, both sides. So here is all of it. Okay. I'm gonna give you all of it. Um, number one, being a police officer is hard.

Like take your kids out of it. This is just me talking to my friend, Heidi, being a police officer is hard. It's hard. It's hard emotionally. It's hard psychologically. It's hard spiritually. It's hard practically, right? If you are at a place that runs 412s and then you have three days off, but those 12-hour shifts are exhausting, right? And then you get up and do it again. You get up and do it again. That's a job that nobody ever calls you because they're having a good day, right? Some people come through, if you work at Burger King, some people come through the line and they're having a great day. And some people are coming through in line and they're having a medium day. When you're a police officer,

you are always responding to people's worst parts of their day. That's just what you do. And so that just takes a toll on you. And then there's the family aspect of it. The family part's hard, right? Yeah. All that's real and we've bought into this cultural myth that our kids are our purpose they are quote-unquote everything and service opportunities

and financial everything time, time, mission, all those things have to come in service to these shiny little toys we now have called kids. And that is a relatively recent development in human history. And so what I would tell you is this, I was the son of a homicide detective. I missed the first three years when he worked in ARC and he was undercover and I missed all that. years when he worked in ARC and he was undercover.

And I missed all that. And that's just me being honest. I can imagine those days would be hard. Back then, I think you had to do three years before you could start testing to be a detective, right? So there is some part of this that you'll have to put in on the beat. And that'll just be hard. It'll be tough. Not to mention your husband's a trauma nurse, right? In a psychiatric unit, that's real hard too. And so there will be parts of this journey that a two-year-old, it won't compute. A six-year-old won't compute, right? What I will tell you on a long enough timeline, number one, if you become a detective, that's where you ultimately end up. You do have more, I don't want to say flexibility, because if there's a big case to be solved, there's a big case to be solved, and it's all hands on deck, and it's 24 hours and all that.

But you do have more what I would call professional flexibility, right? I have very vivid memories of my dad showing up, not in a cop uniform, but in a suit, right? So he was able to make my stuff, and he was at home for dinner. And so I've got some very vivid memories of that. So it would be more conducive once you get into law enforcement administration to a family life. It's gonna be different and hard, but you can do it.

What I will tell you is this, that his service, my dad's, and this again, this is N equals one. This is just me. I wouldn't trade his service for anything. The example it set for me on my responsibility, not just to my two kids, but to all of the kids in my neighborhood and in my community. And when somebody's hurting or somebody's been shot and killed, my job is to go in, not run. That when there is hard, hard things that need to be done, like someone needs to go sit with that widow, you go sit with that widow. You put the video game controllers down and you go help out in your local community, right? Those are lessons that I

learned that were meta lessons from him, watching him put on his bulletproof vest when he had to go to a hostage negotiation. Somebody was going to jump off a building and they called him in. Watching him leave the house to go do those things. And then him, he was brave and he talked to me about them, kind of what he, you know, age appropriately, what he was going through and what he experienced. Man, I wouldn't trade that for anything. Because I got to see what character looks like and what hardness looks like and what service truly looks like. So my words of wisdom to you are this, yes, it's going to be hard. And hard doesn't mean it's not worth it. What you have to decide is, do we have childcare coverage? Do we have people in our, do we have family? Do we have sitters? Do we have people who could get our kids

to and from, especially in the first 36 months while you have to go through, you know, the academy and go through all of the run on the beats and they're going to give you the worst shifts, right? You're going to have the 11 PM to 3 AM shifts. And could you have a season in your life where you've got care and coverage, where you can do that? And yeah, I think, I mean, I say go for it. And I know if that's in your heart and that's something you want to do, I say go for it. Will your children quote unquote suffer? Yeah, it will be hard on them. It really will. Actually, I take that back. Will they suffer? No.

Will it be really hard on them and they'll miss their mom? Abso-freaking-lutely. And you hope they will, right? You hope they will miss their mom. Hopefully you and your husband. Here's the thing. I'll tell you this. I'm more concerned about your marriage.

Okay. Being married to a cop's heart. It just is. My mom was. When I told my mom I wanted to be a police officer someday, when I wanted to join the FBI back when I was in college, she asked me not to, not for me, but for the sake of my wife, my future spouse that I didn't even have yet.

And she said, that's hard. So you and your husband will have to be in really intentional, constant communication, which is often not the gift of a nurse or a cop, right? So you're gonna have to work together on that. To be very intentional about staying connected, especially over the three, four years that you're running the beat and your husband's continuing to live in the lives of trauma of other people, right? But man, you handle your marriage well, your kids will stay tethered in there and they'll

get a ringside seat to what love and service actually looks like. I think that could be a beautiful story. How's that sound? Were you hoping I'd tell you no, don't do it? I was, you know, just, I knew that's what it was. I mean, I know that like I can make my decisions based on like my kids all the time, you know, but I think as a mom, that's like a hard thing, I know that, like, I can make my decisions based on, like, my kids all the time. You know, but I think as a mom, that's, like, a hard thing, you know?

Oh, it's brutal, right? And, hey, does it have to be this year when you have a nine-month-old? Can you wait 18 months? You know what I mean? Can you wait a minute and then try then? So is it something that has to happen with a newborn in the house? Or what's the impetus for the emergency right now? So we actually have the help for childcare, which it's not always available for us.

So I think like having that available will make it much easier. Like my mom will be here helping. Beautiful. To me, that's the best case scenario that grandma's there or granddad's there to help, right?

Or aunt, whoever. That to me is best case scenario because then you've got family leaning into family. I think that's fantastic. And so that's why, you know, my husband when I told him that the academy was actually recruiting for next

the upcoming year, he was like, you know, you should do it. He goes, the eight years we've been married, that's all you talk about. He's like, I'm sick of hearing it, Heidi. He goes, just do it. Cause I don't want you to like, look back and be like, I never did it. I've always talked about it, but never did it. So, and he goes, then it's the perfect time. And he goes, we have the health, which we never did before. It's like, it's all fallen into places.

And he goes, and I think you're going to regret not doing it for the sake of the kids. Yeah. And so I think that's why I'm like deciding to do it. On planet earth, you have outsourced one vote. And it feels like everybody's got... A guy gets to speak into this. What does mom think? What does dad think? I'll tell you.

I don't... It's cool. It's respectful to listen to their opinion. They don't get a vote. The one person that gets a vote besides you is your husband. Yeah. And if you've given one or two or three or four really close sister the one person that gets a vote besides you is your husband. Yes. Right? And if you've given one or two or three or four really close sister or friends votes too,

their votes matter also. But your husband's vote counts above all else. And so if you're in and he's in and y'all have family help, yeah, go for it. Go serve your community. Go be a shining star to your children for what service and love look like. And hold this loosely. If you get four months into the academy and say, this sounded great, but I want to be a mom. Then you hold your head up high and put your badge on the counter and put your gun on the counter and go be with your children. And you'll be a hero there too, right? Don't ever box yourself into an either or scenario.

But I think you can love your kids deeply. And I don't regret a day of my dad's service. I'm really grateful that I got to have that example. And that will pay dividends. His example will reverberate through his family tree, which is now my family tree, which is in my local communities wherever I happen to live. So, yeah, you can be a gift. I'm grateful for you and your husband and your service hearts, ma'am. It's really incredible. Thank you.

You just squeeze those little knucklehead of kids. Squeeze them until their guts hurt. Let them know that their mama loves, loves, loves, loves, loves them. We'll be right back. All right, we are back. Uh-oh, horse noises are back. That's how you know what's coming. I got asked recently, I was on an interview,

and I'm not talking to anybody. I'm just talking to you, the listener, talking to myself, talking to my family. I got asked on an interview recently, and there's been some media discussion about this, about this idea of mental health days in schools. Meaning kids should not only get sick days, but they should also be able to declare a mental health day or two days or three days, whatever that looks like. And we're seeing states all across the country implement mental health days. And I was asked my opinion on it.

And I had a visceral response that is usually, is unlike me. And so full disclosure, one, my heart's broken with the Russian news. It's killing me. Thinking of, I'm watching these videos of these young fathers kissing their daughter or their son goodbye. Those 13 guys that were left out, you know, hung out there in that island. I mean, I'm watching these stories and I've just been replaying in my mind over and over and over. Man, what would it be like to kiss my daughter goodbye, my son goodbye, and put them two and my wife in a car. And then put on some leather hole-ridden makeshift bulletproof vest. And then get with my neighbors and go out and stare down a ruthless, murderous enemy. I'm just thinking about what that's got to be like. And we can all talk about courage and

blah, blah, blah. I got mean social media posts, but right now as I'm recording this, it's happening in real time. It's real people saying, I'm staying. So that's weighing on me. And so some of my response to that question about mental health days, and again, this is all woven together, about mental health days was because I'm tired and I don't like what I'm watching. I don't like what I'm seeing. But also because a mental health day, if you ask me, like, what do I think about it?

It's an abdication of responsibility. So let me say out front, yeah, dude, absolutely. Should kids have mental health days? Sure. Fine. I happen to believe that as a parent of two kids in a public school, the public school has absolutely zero business asking me or having input over where I take my kids. That's my responsibility. If I come pick my kids up from school, I don't have to tell you where we're going. You're not my dad. You're not my mom.

I don't like that. I also, having worked in public schools, both public high schools, been a K through five, I was a K-5 teacher for a year. I've worked in public university. Like, I also know there are parents who just don't show up,

let their kids run the streets all day. So I get it. I get that too. Somebody's got to make some rules and I get it. So sure. Kids say, hey, I'm literally crumbling under the weight of this, of school, of home, of all this. Sure. Let them stay home. I have no problem with that. But here's what pisses me off. You want to help kids' mental health? It's not going to come to a couple of days off. Like, yeah, what a political nonsense. Like, we got a victory for kids' mental health.

Bull crap. You want to help kids' mental health? How about you stop starting school at 6.45 a.m.? Let these children sleep. How about you serve them food that's not trash? How about my son at school has silent lunches because they don't let middle schoolers talk in the lunchroom because it's too loud. How about you let kids communicate with each other?

How about you put recess back in and let their bodies move? Let them compete and have fun and be silly and fall down and scrape their knees and their elbows and break a bone and have to rally around each other and come back? How about you don't put kids in jail if they push each other?

How about you have classes in school that teach emotional and social, psycho, social, psycho, psychosocial development? Excuse me. How about you have classes in school that teach kids, hey, this is what the emotion you're feeling is. Here's how to create some space

between you and that emotion. And here's how to react. Because here's what happens on a mental health day. That kid's going to go home and sit on their phone for eight hours and scroll social media.

Or they're going to pick up video game controllers or they're going to just stay in bed. You want to help kids' mental health parents? Stop putting your job over your kid. Stop putting easy act like, hey, it's just simpler.

Let's just easier. Let's just do that. Hey, here's a digital babysitter kids. Cause I'm too caught up in my own shows. How about, Hey kids, no, you don't have social media. Cause I see the data and I'm not going to give you drugs and I'm not going to give you comparison tools at the age of seven or 12 or 14. That's going to permanently alter your brain chemistry? How about that? How about instead of, well, daddy needs some, shut up. How about you invite some friends over, take your kids fishing? How about you stop raging out and screaming and yelling at Little League

games and at dance recitals? How about you kick a soccer ball with your kids? How about you put down the news and your rage and your anger and your phones and get connected with your children? And I had to work late last night. I was up here late. My boss called a meeting talking about media. We're doing a bunch of stuff. I got a book coming out. So I'm up before God himself, and I was out late last night. And I got home, and I went down. I went over to open my kids' doors, and I say a quick prayer over them. I tell them goodnight, and I love them. I say it out loud even though I know they're asleep.

And wouldn't you know it, my stinking six-year-old daughter's light was still on. She was reading a book. My first thought was, what are you doing? But I looked at her. We made sleepy eye contact. And I said in a quiet voice, I challenge you to a game of air hockey now. And she looked at me funny and said, now? And I said, if you want to get crushed, bring it. And she grinned from ear to ear and kicked off those covers with both feet.

And we snuck down to the basement and we have this junky air hockey table. And she kicked my butt seven ways to Sunday in air hockey. You know, we played for five minutes and we laughed and we hugged and we talked daddy-daughter trash. And she told me some story about something that happened at school.

And then on the way back, I took a knee and she jumped up on my back and I carried her up the stairs and put her to bed and turned the lights off and kissed her goodnight and said, I love you, baby. Five minutes. Do you want to fix children's mental health? Plug in to your kids, not to some stupid device.

Sure, a couple days, man. Absolutely. We need to take better care of our kids. But schools, you want to be serious about it? Stop threatening first graders with their college entrance. Stop focusing on tests and start focusing on learning. Stop focusing on connections. Start focusing on body movement and psychology relationship. Set up your precious little test scores. Parents who want to help kids, mental health, fix your marriages,

connect with your kids, put down the devices, be parents and create boundaries and protection for your kids. That's all I got to say about that. We'll be right back. Hey, what's up? Deloney here. Listen, you and me and everybody else on the planet has felt anxious or burned out or chronically stressed at some point. In my new book, Building a Non-Anxious Life, you'll learn the six daily choices that you can make to get rid of your anxious feelings and be able to better respond to whatever life throws at you

so you can build a more peaceful, non-anxious life. Get your copy today at johndeloney.com. All right, hey, we're back. For those of you who are still with us, I guess there's about six of you now. I think I just cut our audience in half. Hey, we had a call a few weeks ago. Somebody called in and said they thought that their friend might be abusing children. And this kid, this friend worked at a daycare, told him

about some past stuff, some history stuff, had some photographs. And we got, as we dug into the story a little bit and pulled on the threads, you know, ended up pretty, pretty certain something was going down. So just as a reminder to everybody, as soon as that call was over, we called the authorities in that community, let them know. I'm going to report that every single time. Um, and I should have said that on that episode and I didn't, but also we got an email back. Um, and this is just part of the email, um, from the guy who called. I want to let you know, it's a brave, strong man. And I'm grateful for him. Here's what he writes.

He writes, hi, Kelly. Wanted to give you all an update on this situation on his friend. First, I'm so thankful, impressed, and glad that y'all followed up on this. Like I said, we did call the police in that local community. And by the way, we called the, anyway, let's go from there. He goes on to say he had a hard conversation, asked hard questions, and it got heated between him and a close friend. He put the health and safety of these kids ahead of a friendship. Hard and brave.

He then filed a report with the authorities and he went above and beyond and he notified the workplace. We all know that authorities sometimes, unfortunately, they can't respond and proactively have to respond in response to, right? They got to wait till somebody actually does a thing. So what did this guy do? He called the workplace, said, hey, by the way, one of your employees is taking pictures of children. He shouldn't be there. And I know his past history. He shouldn't be there. He writes, this is probably going to cost me my friendship. I'll just read exactly what he writes. Again, thank you for facilitating and producing this and to John for his guidance and empowerment to have this conversation. Was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and it might cost some friendships

and it could hurt someone I do care about, but if it protects one single child from a lifetime of trauma, it is worth it. Absolutely. What a brave man. Thank you for doing this. And let his bravery be a signpost, be a path in the wilderness for all of us

facing hard conversations, hard decisions, hard choices. It's going to cost your friends. It's going to cost your community. It's going to cost you. And it's still right. All right, as we wrap up today's show, man, let's do this whole song there, Ben. So it's one of the greatest songs ever written by one of the top songwriters in the world, I think, Frank Turner. The song's called Be More Kind. And it goes like this. History's been leaning on me lately. I can feel the future breathing down my neck

and all the things I thought were true when I was young and you were too turned out to be broken and I don't know what comes next. In a world that's decided it's going to lose its mind, be more kind, my friends. Try to be more kind. They've started raising walls around the world now like hackles raised upon a cornered cat

on the borders in our heads between things that can and can't be said. We've stopped talking to each other and there's something wrong with that. So before you go out searching, don't decide what you will find. Be more kind, my friends. Try to be more kind.

And you should know you're not alone and the trouble comes and trouble goes. How this ends, no one knows. So hold on tight when the wind blows. The wind blew us both, both of us, to sand and sea. And where the dry land stands is hard to say. And as the current drags us by the shore,

we can no longer say for sure who's drowning or if they can be saved. But when you're out there floundering like a lighthouse, I will shine. Be more kind, my friends. Try to be more kind. Like a beacon reaching out to you and yours from me and mine, be more kind, my friends. Try to be more kind. We'll see you soon.

I love you guys.