The Dr. John Delony Show - Father's Day Special

Episode Date: June 18, 2021

The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel frozen, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well—and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!   Show Notes for this Episode   John calls his Dad to wish him a happy Father's Day I've been married less than a year. My mom died of COVID and my wife is a trauma nurse and it’s hard for me to hear her talk about work. We haven’t grieved together. I am a young manager and recently had to talk to one of my guys about a racist comment. He works hard and I would like to coach him. How can I help him?   As heard on this episode:  BetterHelp Redefining Anxiety John's Free Guided Meditation Ramsey+   tags: grief, marriage, trauma/PTSD, workplace/career, disagreement/conflict   These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.`

On today's show, we have a special Father's Day episode where I talk about your stories about some of your dads. I even call my old man, and man, that apple hit the tree all the way down. We also take a couple of calls, talk to a young man who's learning how to grieve with his wife, and we talk to a young leader who's having to lean into some hard conversations at work. Stay tuned. What's up?

This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. When you called me up this morning, told me about the new love you found. Said I'm happy for you. Oh, I'm really happy for you. That song's been stuck in my head ever since we did it on the show. Kelly's eyebrows are really high. Either she's like, oh, I wish a guy would sing that to me. Or she's thinking, oh, I made a tragic career mistake joining this show. Go with the first option. Do what? Or go with the second option.

I know. Hey, listen, this is a special Father's Day edition show, plus a couple of calls that really don't have anything to do with Father's Day but wanted to shout out Father's Day so we did an Instagram thing, if you want to be on the show give us a shout at 1-844-693-3291 or go to askjohn at ramsaysolutions.com, johndeloney.com slash show there's a 50 ways, there's not 50 ways, there's 3 ways that you can do it 1-844-693-3291. Join us on our show.

So I did a thing on Instagram. I just asked, hey, tell me your favorite dad stories, your favorite dad advice. And here's some things that we got. We got some fantastic stuff. Dad stories included. My dad always making sure we were well taken care of. It's not a story, but it's great. Evening family meetings, quote unquote, with my brother and me. My dad told us this ongoing episodic story every night. I love that. On a DC trip, my dad took me to see 21 Jump

Street instead of any sort of monument or anything. Way to go, dad. You're the reason we're having civic implosion across the country, but I hope the movie was funny. I do like Jonah Hillman. He's good. My five-year-old son dumped a full five-gallon bucket of used motor oil on my driveway. That's all it says. I don't really know what that means I don't know if you were confused as to what a dad is

um yikes alright um my older brother once asked at bedtime if werewolves were real my dad paused and said, Yep, goodnight.

Closed the door. That dad is dad of the century. Cool thing about being a dad is when my 18-year-old comes home and tells me I'm a good dad and a good example to follow. That's outstanding. An absentee dad had flowers delivered once to my school on my sixth birthday and had the principal call me on the intercom i don't know if that's terrible for a six-year-old or incredible for me it would have been cool i imagine my wife would have just turned into would have spontaneously combusted um but those are cool so here's some. Oh, here's my favorite dad story. I actually pulled it up on the old cellular device here.

Check it out. Father's Day story. When we had our first baby, my husband was so set on being the perfect dad and following everything by the book that he created a tracking system to write down my breastfeeding. He wrote out which side, ounces, and time of day to ensure I was switching it up correctly. When the milk came in, which nobody warned anybody about, he created his own dairy farm system to ensure I was comfortable and to help ease the pain.

Everyone said he was a crazy hover dad. They were correct. Seven years later, we laugh about it and he's the most amazing dad, so proud to call him my husband and the father of my children. Listen, you're a better person than me. That sounds like a lot. How was your spreadsheet system, James? Not so effective? I think with the first kid, there was some app we used and then by the time we got to the last one, I was like, ah, we'll just wing it hey there's there's there's some diet coke and cigarettes in the fridge just figure it out that's james's kid well hey um father with the tracking system god bless you and more importantly god bless the wife that's

still married to you that's awesome all right some good dad advice here we go men are like greyhound buses another one will be along in 15 minutes. Turn off the lights when you leave a room. I'm always telling my kids to turn the lights off. Don't date a guy that can't give a good handshake. You don't want to wet noodle all your life. Yes. Yes.

Show up and be in the moment. That sounds like a hippie thing i would say good for you give warm eye contact and show emotional vulnerability where are these dads coming from things get messier before they get tidy that sounds like it's from a calendar if you start out i took this the wrong way if you start out on third base and i went what that's not a conversation i've ever had with my dad but it was not it. If you start out on third base, and I went, well, that's not a conversation I've ever had with my dad. But it was not. It says, if you start out on third base,

don't act like you hit a triple. Well played. Learn to drive everything. You never know when you'll have to steal a random vehicle and run. Way to go, dad. Never spit in a man's face unless his beard is on fire. Oogie. Buy it right the first time and you only cry once. Excellent.

Don't walk through the house in your underwear. Some things can't be unseen. That sounds like advice given to a dad. Don't date till you're married. That was cool in 1844. It's okay to litter because the birds will pick it up and use it for their nests not great

don't do anything this sounds like my dad don't do anything stupid and don't let those around you do anything stupid get a job like a real adult measure three times, cut once use the best tool, not the closest tool save 15% as soon as you start working.

You'll never miss it. Nothing good happens after midnight. These are all dad things. Don't ever use your blinker. It's no one else's business where you're going. That's funny. Terrible advice, but funny. Make friends with your pain and tell it how your day is going to go.

I think my dad... Let's call him. Hey, can we call my dad? Let's call him. He's probably not going to answer. Hello? What's up, man? That's not a 600 number. That's an 800 number.

I nearly didn't answer it. You sound as joyful as always. Good to talk to you. Well, I'm in the middle of one of my saddest things I do in a year, but most important things. I'm actually in a conference on crimes against women. It's the largest in the world. And it's a very difficult couple of weeks.

As is, I just came off a whole semester of teaching domestic violence, and we did not laugh the entire semester. Well, dang, man. good to talk to you great one of my great passions is taking care of victims yeah I'm blessed to be able to teach domestic violence intimate partner violence from in utero through geriatrics So the span of victimization is amazing. Yeah, it's pretty awful. Well, I just wanted to call and tell you happy Father's Day, and I'm glad you're my dad.

I'm glad you're still out there learning about things that most people spend their whole life not wanting to get involved with and that you're willing to wade into garbage it's been a good example for me because that's what i do for a living so well it's uh uh sneaking up on the 45 year mark of law enforcement and now in the university context it's uh one of my goals in life is to learn something every day and certainly how to encourage people on their journeys. Well, that's awesome. Well, you did a good job with me, I think. I think you got a solid B plus

on this guy. Well, parenting was where i first began to understand grace from a spiritual context because uh uh if i could put up with y'all then god could probably put up with me i think you got that the wrong way i think that's where we learned grace is watching how much you screwed up and how good we all still turned out, but whatever. Well, yeah. Yeah, of course you have to land on your feet. That's right.

You have to come out on top. That's the essence of negotiation. Well played. All right, man. Hey, get back to that hard stuff you're getting into. And I love you, and I'm glad that you're my old man. And y'all go have fun. Well, thank you.

I love you, too. And your mom probably does, too. On the weekdays, she does. Yeah. Yeah, I think you mentioned to some of your crew that we just recently stepped into the 51st year of marriage now, and it's still a delightful journey and adventure. I would use a lot of words to describe that. It would not be delightful. Well, it's a continuous look at the old Star Trek thing where that rocket just shoots into the future and you don't know what the heck's going to happen.

All right. Bye. Bye, y'all. Have fun. All right, you too. What a baller. 100% of our conversations are like that. Where he's really cool and you're really disrespectful?

Not that at all. Where it goes, hey, how's it going? I'm learning about domestic violence and how I can better help people. How are you? I totally love your dad right now. I mean, I met him, but that was just fabulous. Well, happy Father's Day, everybody. Now I kind of want to go hang out with him, man.

He's a cool guy. But anyway, so what? Tell the story about when you first became a father. Oh, yeah. So when I found out I was going to be a dad, I kind of, we went through so long of, you know, of not being able to have kids and then suddenly it's like hey this is happening and i googled how to be a good dad it was like a midnight and i was kind of i have a heart racing and i google how to be a good dad and i just clicked this is why you

never google things by the way of meaning google how to fix your car how to replace a bumper and what good chinese food is in your area do not Google how to be a good dad because here's what came up. I pull up the first article, and it went through some really extraordinary men and women in history. This person accomplished this. This person accomplished this. And I'm thinking, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it ended with all of these people I had in common,

dads that either abandoned their families or died some tragic death young. And so the best thing you can do for your kid is to die young and to abandon them. And I just remember thinking, no, there's got to be other things. And there are, like showing up and being vulnerable and getting up again and again and again. And like my dad said, still trying to learn something new every day. And especially wading into things when they're hard and messy. And messy and hard.

Oh, man. Being a dad has been the greatest, hardest adventure of my whole life. Yours too, James? Oh, I love it. Yeah? I love it. I do think based on that list of things we read earlier, that dad advice, we're going to have jobs on this show for a long time. There should be plenty of callers of trauma to unpack.

Especially, tell us a story about your dad. My son dumped a full five-gallon bucket of motor oil on the driveway. That sounds like a dad just saw it and was like, I'll tell you a story. That's the most dad thing is to be asked a question and be answered completely different. Good job, dad. Good job. The world has become more and more chaotic and uncertain and loud. And it seems that everyone has anxiety. I've been there and so have you. It's why I wrote this small, direct, and personal book called Redefining Anxiety. In this book, I discuss what anxiety is, what it's not, and how you can get back on the road of being whole and well.

Listen, you are not broken, and I'm living proof that you can get your life back. I wrote this book so everyone could read it, not just science nerds like me and my friends, and I priced it at 10 bucks so that everyone can afford it. This little book landed on the bestseller list and is now being purchased by the case and given away in counseling offices, universities, churches, and homes across the country. I don't care if you're a teenager or an executive or a 75-year-old grandmother, this book is for everyone. So go to johndeloney.com and get your copy of Redefining Anxiety today. All right, let's take a couple of calls here before we wrap up. Let's go to Matthew in Jackson, Mississippi.

What's up, Matthew? How are we doing, man? I'm doing well. How are you doing, John? I'm doing good. So what's up, brother? How can I help? All right, so me and my wife got married in the middle of 2020.

I'm 24 and she's 23. And since then, we've gone through a bunch of different trials already, but most recently, my mom passed away from COVID back in February. She was 54, had no prior health issues. She's an outlier in all statistics. Hey, man. Hey, man. I'm sorry that happened.

I hate that for you. It was set in stone before we were here. Yeah. Anyway, so my wife is a surgical trauma ICU nurse here. Oh, boy. Okay. And so she sees stuff like that every day, all day. And so my question is, how do we go about grieving this together?

You know, because my career is completely different. With her, she's almost immune, not immune to seeing things like that, but she grieves a lot differently than I do. Anyways, we're just trying to figure out how to manage that. Well, man, I love your question, and the fact that you're asking this question at 23, 24 tells me you're way,

way, way ahead of the game. You're a decade and a half ahead of where I was, man, or a decade of where I was when I figured this stuff out, man. So good for you. A couple of things. One, everybody grieves differently. And the beauty of a relationship is holding space for the person that you care about and love to grieve differently than you.

And continually leaning in, especially where it's uncomfortable. When you're saying, can we, for God's sake, just move on? This is not still a thing. Or you have to shower, right? Some of those frustrating moments with somebody else saying, how are you already over this? Like, I can't breathe. Or every time I see a picture of my mom, my heart stops again, right? And so it's just holding space, which means you have to have some really open and vulnerable conversations. And those can be tough, especially for newlyweds, because that's something that you practice along the way, right?

And suddenly you guys got thrown into the deep end of the pool. How did you grieve your mom's death man um or have lately uh yeah we've started to um i've i've got a really good group of a small group that meets once a week and um and so that's been one of our uh one of my outlets of grieving was just because i can you know it's a group of guys we meet and, uh, I can be vulnerable with and talk about, you know, how I truly am feeling. Um, and so that's been one of my biggest ways. Um, and we, we hadn't really grieved it completely yet. Yeah. It's still, still pretty raw. Yeah.

Is your dad still in the picture? He is. It's been real tough on him. And it's... Part of me feels like I've not been able to grieve because of his grieving. Yeah. So they were... Go ahead.

No, go ahead. They were married for, they've been together about 40 years or they were since they were in middle school and high school. Holy smokes. It's been, uh, it's been real hard on the whole family. Yeah. So he's losing. Yeah. He lost two thirds of himself.

Right. Yes, sir. Yeah, man. yeah he lost two-thirds of himself right yes sir yeah man like that's that's yeah that's when you learn like you lose the ability to breathe and the ability to think and the ability to make any sort of decision because you've those things have been intertwined in another person you wouldn't trade it for the world right but man that's an abrupt end and it's heartbreaking and it's hard to even wrap your head around it, man. So in the same way that your wife is going to have to create space for you that's going to look different from one another, you and your dad are going to grieve

differently too. And where that can get hard is you're going to feel like I'm not grieving like he is or I'm not grieving enough or he's overdoing it or he's underdoing it. And one of the ways we distract ourselves from our own pain is by looking out into the world and trying to make judgments on it, right? Trying to say, you're not doing enough, you're doing too much, I can't believe you said that, leave me alone. All of those are defense mechanisms for the big hole that's sitting right in the middle of our chest which is mom was taken way way way too young right she never got to hold her grandkids she never got fill in the blank man like we had all these plans and um did we all able to have a funeral we were good good. So that really put

good closure to it. Not closure. It was a way to say I love you through a ceremony. Right? Closure is going to take years. And if you leave a funeral thinking this should be done now,

then you end up attaching shame and frustration and it leaks out all over the place and being short with people and being angry and firing off emails and not sleep in all those other ways because your body's still trying to process this grief that we've got like, we've got a, hey, it should be over now. You get three days off of work and get your butt back in the office, right? So what I would challenge you with is to find the things that help you grieve and honor your mom.

Whatever that looks like. If that's writing mom a letter, if that's opening up an email account that only you and your wife have access to and you write your mom an email once a week. Just to say you miss her. Just to tell her something funny happened. I don't know what your relationship with her was like before this. But there's something about the continuity there, the continually letting some of the stuff out in a planned way. It'll find its way out. And then back to your wife, for folks who work in trauma, you have to have a separate process for professional secondary trauma and your own personal real trauma. I've seen this over and over and I've done it myself,

which is, man, if you live and work in the trauma of other people for a living, it's real easy to say, hey, that's just a body or yep people die let's go ahead and set this up i can have some really direct frank conversations with my friends about people who passed away in their world or sickness or mental health issues i've got to really hold space to own my own pain otherwise i'll blow over it and it will build up and build up and build up and it will bury me and so it may be that your wife has just rolled mom up in this season as a yet another trauma as one is what i do it's how i process it and what i tell you is man she's going to be burnt out on that job within a few years and be really struggling with purpose and value what i do next yeah and i would recognize she may not have you, how long does she know your mom?

Two years, three years, five years? About three years. Okay. So it's a big deal, not near what it is for you. And what she's got to learn to hold space for is that you're grieving hard and that the guy she loves is struggling. Right? Yeah.

And she does a really good job about making sure I'm doing okay and just asking, you know, how I was emotionally that day. So she does a great job doing that. Good. And for us, it's hard because she'll come home and, you know, she's a verbal processor where she'll start talking about her day and... Yeah. Nope.

Nope. Yeah. talking about her day and um yeah no nope yeah so listen people who work in trauma also bury their spouses with i whenever i'm training you know um medical students or counseling students or doing continuing ed for those groups i'll always say don't ever use your spouse as a garbage bin they didn't sign up for that. So if you need somebody to talk to you about what you've seen, you should have a group at work or nurses, whatever you process that kind of stuff with. I've got two or three people in my life that I could process the actual things I saw.

Right. I could talk to it with Dr. Long. I could talk to it with Sarah, with Andy. I could talk to it with a couple of my teammates, and that was about it. I remember a couple of times hanging out with my closest buddies and say, guys, guess what I saw last night? And I would tell them about some extraordinary scene,

and they look like appropriately so, right? Like I had melted them. And so I learned, hey man, they didn't ask for this. That's not a cool thing to dump that on them. And so I'm never going to do that again. So your wife has to learn that. And what I would tell her is that in a loving, kind, respectful way, at this season, I can't hear about all of the wild things you see at work. I need you to find some friends that can hear the trauma parts. I would love to hear about your day. I want to hear about how you're doing, how the office is going. I want to hear about those things, but I can't hear about people passing away. I can't hear about the failed catheters

and the failed, you know, and all the trauma that goes on inside her role, right? And I would do that in a loving, kind way so that she can wrap her head around it. And you still love her. We're still in this together, but in this season, I can't hear that. It may be that someday you love hearing about that stuff.

Probably not. Me and my dad could talk about that stuff, but me and my mom sure did not. My dad grew up seeing it. My mom didn't. I don't talk about that stuff with my brother, with my sister. So there's just very few people we could talk about that. But I'd recommend writing your mom a letter, man, to let you miss her and that you love her. Let your wife know you're doing this. And then for the next four or five or six months, once a month, when y'all do

your budget for the month, when y'all go over your calendar for the month or for the week, just check in. How are you doing with mom's passing? I'm still struggling. Or I'm getting better. Things are tough. Or I'm calling dad today just to check in on him and just so you know man if you continue to talk about this continue to be open continue to have a respectful and dignified dialogue together that inability to breathe you'll slowly find yourself taking deeper breaths you're always going to miss your mom always but it won't always hurt so bad. And at some point, you'll make meaning out of this, whether it's sitting with guys who have experienced this, you know, being a vaccine advocate, whatever. Who knows, right?

But you'll begin to make meaning of this, and then that story will be yours to tell. So thanks so much for the call, brother. So sorry to hear about your mom. So sorry to hear about that. All right, let's go to let's go to sean in north carolina sean hey what's going on man hey john i'm glad to be on the show well i'm glad that you called brother what's up

all right so i am a young manager 23 years old and i have to go and confirm the play about racist comments he made i have initially talked to him and found out he has a pretty homogenous upbringing that influences his words. He works hard, but his comments are often insensitive. I don't necessarily want to fire him immediately, but I have to counsel him and talk to him and then potentially recommend him for dismissal. How do I go about this? So what are some of the things? Man, what are you working on? What's your job?

What's your trade? I like construction. Construction, okay. So what is he talking about? What's he saying? He went up to one of his direct supervisors and said that most black people are lazy and don't work hard

why what precipitated that he oftentimes when i notice him and hear him i don't talk to him directly too much he is one of those people who always just brings up stuff he really shouldn't talk about at work he's always bringing up just politics and just says things that are always out of place. And I just don't know how he'd go about it. He works hard, but it's just his comments consistently are just not workplace appropriate, out of place. Do you have people of color on your crew? Yeah, it's about half. And it's just causing issues in the workplace.

And I don't know if I should just recommend him for dismissal immediately. The company policy is basically I have to counsel him twice. Yeah. And then I could recommend him. It's just his upbringing. Listen, listen, listen. I could care less what his upbringing is. I could care less.

Not an excuse. Don't care. It makes me compassionate or empathetic, but I don't care. Yeah, so here's the deal. I don't care how hard of a worker somebody is. If they disparage people on my team, if they disparage people on my team, if they disparage potential, and that may be a direct disparagement,

like pointing at somebody and saying something insensitive and stupid. Not insensitive, just stupid and factually wrong. It's the things that hurt people. Or they say something that could impact somebody else's dad or their mom or their brother or whatever. I don't care how good of a worker they are. They will unwind any sort of team morale, team support, and overall team unity that helps you get a job done. So you can be the best worker in the world.

You ain't going to be on my team. Go work by yourself. And so my guess is that you sanitized that for me just now this guy can get pretty raw absolutely and it's always just out he's one of those people and even a regular conversation just stuff he says is like why would you say that yeah um stupid comments all the time and i feel like some of this with me is that my fiance tells me sometimes I treat people like projects and I've been told by my subordinates that sometimes I'm a little too soft on people and that's like where this comes in my development as a young manager who's been promoted a couple

times in the last years I feel like I have a lot of responsibility I'm trying to deal with this I've dealt with a sexual harassment issue before yeah Yeah. So, three things in my experience dissolve team unity faster than anything. Theft and dishonesty. Any sort of racial or cultural disparagement. Breaking people down for the way they talk, the way they dress, the way they, just their presence, their being, right? And then any sort of sexual harassment, not being able to come to work and feel safe or knowing that, hey, this guy's holding a ladder for me and I wouldn't let him around my sister. I don't trust him like that. So I'm always going to be up that ladder

with one eye open. Does that make sense? So those three things I have no quarter for as a leader. You're done. Get out of here. And what you lose in productivity from one person, you will gain in team unity almost 100% of the time, and even then I don't care because I'm going to do the right thing even if it hurts me and my team. And so what I want to empower you to do is to find those things, those what I would call values. Man, at a construction site talk politics I have been on a number of construction sites especially when I was younger

man I talked in a way on a construction site man you language flies that's one thing that's a construction site right that is different than disparaging people because of the way they look right and so I would be really clear about who you're going to

be what kind of manager you're going to be what kind of leader you're going to be what you're going to tolerate and then man as a 23 year old you're going to get tested right out of the gate with some 48 year old tradesman who's really good at what he does who's going to lean into this 23 year old and say i dare you and everybody's going to be watching sean and you know he's going to lean into this 23-year-old and say, I dare you. And everybody's going to be watching, Sean. And you know who's going to be watching. Everyone's going to be watching, but the most important person watching is that guy you look in the mirror. Right?

You're right. And so listen, you can hold other people's pain and trauma, right? You can hold it. You cannot manage the outcome. So at some point, one of those guys is going to come in there and say, hey, my wife's really sick. And you're going to say, get out of here and go be with your wife. Go take care of her. And then somebody's going to follow up two weeks later and say, hey, I want three weeks off too because,

and you're going to tell them, shut your mouth. Your time will come, and I'll be there to support you, right? But if that guy never comes back, you still did the right thing. Okay. Right? But if I'm you, I'd be in this, I wouldn't even be in this guy's face. I'm not going to meet that kind of muscle with muscle. That's meeting fire with fire.

That's a full frontal assault. Those things never work. Everybody dies. That guy's going to come into my office and sit down at my thing, and I'm going to lean across the desk and say, if you make another racial statement on this site, you are finished at this company, period, end of conversation. Or if you have to, as the HR says, you are finished at this company. Period. End of conversation. Or if you have to,

as the HR says, you have to counsel somebody, you will say, this is your one warning. You will not divide this team up. You won't treat people that way. You're not going to make stupid, stereotypical, racial nonsense crap. You're not going to spread that poison around my job site.

Not in my site. Go work somewhere else where they'll tolerate that crap. Not here. Okay. You're going to disparage women on my site? Get out. Because I'm not going to have that. Because I got a mom, I got a sister, I got a wife.

Not going to do it. And here's what's a cool thing for a guy like you. People are your projects. Whenever somebody starts spewing poison like that on your team, I want you to think of the other 40 guys as your project, not that one. Those are the guys that you need to keep safe and well and make sure that they've got a place where they can show up and work their butt off every day,

not that they all have to put up with this one idiot, right? Now, I've been harsh. I also want to give people this one sliver of grace. I will call somebody in and say, you may not know this, so here's your benefit of the doubt. We don't say that here. We don't talk that here. This isn't funny here.

I've done that at every single job I've ever been to. Sometimes people are being jerks. Sometimes people just didn't know. And that's me using my role. And I like to think of it using my role for good. And I hope you can do that too. So wrap my head around this picture. How's that going to go? You're going to call him and then what's going to happen next? I'm going to call him. I'm going to go over the policies. Some we don't tolerate that year because it's just going to affect everyone else on the site. It's not acceptable.

It's not tolerable. And if he does it again, he's getting fired. So I want to challenge you on something. Okay. On this one, you have to follow policies, but don't hide behind them. Okay. This is a virtue and value thing. You don't have to do this, but I'd love to see you go one extra notch and say,

I'm tired of you disparaging people on this site because of their race and culture. It's wrong. It's not right. It's not how we treat people. And from this point forward, that behavior is done. It's over. If I hear about it again, you're out of here. And then you can go back to here's the policies and stuff.

But anytime somebody starts policy with me, I feel like they're hiding from a hard conversation. And this is one that I think is a big enough deal. And then I would loop everybody back into that and call everybody into a team meeting, if y'all have those, and say, I've addressed some of you. This will not happen here. Y'all can joke around, have fun. I want this to be crazy. Obviously, you're not going to bring kids to a construction site, right? But we're not doing this. Does that sound good? Yes, John. Thank you for the advice on it.

Hey, man, this is one of those defining moments when you're going to find out about yourself as a leader, as a person who takes a stand for what's right and for whatever it's worth, brother. I'm proud of you. Okay, thank you. All right, man. Take care. And hey, shoot me a note back and let me know how that conversation goes.

It may go awful. That dude may blow up and get in your face and say this and that. I've been reading about it. Stick to your guns. Do what's right. And hold the line on that virtue and value, man. That's awesome, brother.

That's awesome. All right, as we wrap up today, we're going to double back to, you know what? I was going to do Social D, but we're not. We're going to go to the best song of all time. You know how I know? Because it's called The Best

by Tina Turner off her 1989 Foreign Affair album. Do what? You're not going to do a Father's Day song? I don't have a... I could do the worst song of all time, and it could be a Creed song. That's like a dad song, isn't it? Yeah, he wrote that when he had his first kid, I think. Oh, thanks for bringing a room down james childs everybody

but do you have a dad song you want me to do i mean i have yeah there's lots of great father songs go for it if you're done making fun of scott stapp having a baby well what's the song give me one i mean you mean, you've got Everclear, Father of Mine. You've got... Not a great representation of dads, but continue. I didn't say they were good songs. I think most songs are sad songs about dads. Cats in the Cradle, huh?

Oh, here's... Okay, what's worse? Arms Wide Open or Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlyle? Butterfly Kisses is extraordinary. It's an amazing song. Kelly, will you read the lyrics to Butterfly Kisses? No, not in any way, shape, or form will I do that. That goes against not only my work values,

but my personal values. But my personal favorite dad song, Papa Was a Rolling Stone, that's another good father song. Yes, he was. So ladies and gentlemen, here's the deal. Find your favorite dad song, whether it's

talking about how awful your dad was, like Everclear. Or with Hans Van Hove. Or Cats in the Crypt. Whatever it happens to be,

find yourself a good dad song. Listen, call your dad today and tell him that you love him. Call him today and tell him that you love him. And for those of you whose dads didn't show up, I'm sorry. Make sure that you are a part of a marriage. You're a part

of a unit that's going to turn that around. So thank you so, so much for joining us on this special Father's Day episode. Be nice to each other. Stay in school. Don't do drugs. And call your dads. Take care. This has been the Dr. John Deloney Show.