The Dr. John Delony Show - Helping Friends Grieve, a Disabled Son, & Religious Persecution

Episode Date: March 24, 2021

The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel frozen, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well—and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!   Show Notes for this Episode   My friends are moving in with us while their house is being built. Their son recently committed suicide. How can I help her during this time? We have a profoundly disabled son. I am so anxious about his future.  Finding Meaning - David Kessler I am a Muslim kid going to college. I experience a lot of discrimination. How do I handle this? Lyrics of the Day: "High & Dry" - Radiohead   tags: suicide/self-harm, relationships, grief, goals/life planning, parenting, faith, anger/resentment/bitterness   These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.

Today's show is all about hard conversations. We talk to a woman whose friend's son committed suicide and she doesn't know what to say. We talk to a woman who has a disabled son who's facing an uncertain future. And we talk to a young college student who's a Muslim, who's facing ugly discrimination, and he doesn't know what to do next. Stay tuned. Hey, what's up everybody? This is John with the Dr. John Bologna Show The show I named after myself, because why not? That's how low my self-esteem is

I hope y'all are doing well, I hope your friends are doing well And families are doing well, you're staying healthy And getting ready for whatever comes next in your world. On this show, we talk about your mental health, your wellness, what's going on in your life with your kids, with the person that you love, the person you used to love who doesn't love you anymore. Anything you want to talk about, give me a call at 1-844-693-3291. That's 1-844-693-3291. Or you can go to johndeloney.com slash show,

fill out the form, and Kelly will decide your fate. So a couple of things I want to do before we get the show rolling. We got a packed house today. Number one, please, please, please, send me your success stories. Send me shout outs to the teacher who made a big deal,

made an impact on your life. Send me about that husband who has just been stepping up, that boyfriend who you didn't think you had it in him, and he does, to that mom who is cranking out on little to no sleep, who is working hard, who is loving life, to that dad who called you and said,

I'm sorry, I screwed up, and I want to make our relationship right, to that mom who's just kept chipping away and chipping, let me know. I want to read. I want to put some more positivity out into the world. We talk about a lot of hard and heavy things on this show, and I want to continue to be a voice for positivity. And also, this is what, show 88, 89, 90, something like that. I want to take a quick second to say thanks to my man, Zach B., James C., even Kelly. Thank you all for teaching me, helping me figure this out, and for dressing up so nicely back there. Man, you guys sure know how to put on the suit and tie.

Hey, I showered today. No? I got nothing, man. Listen, for those of you listening on podcast, the face as I watched the things James was going to respond to scroll through his mind, and they all went, nope, that'll get us canceled. Nope, that'll get us canceled.

That'll get me fired. I'm just going to sit here in silence. That's what wisdom looks like, good folks. And you all missed it. I got it. But man, that guy sure loves wearing t-shirts and a hat to work. So to all you guys wearing your suits and ties, my shirt at least buttons up, Kelly. All right, let's go to Christy in Jacksonville, Florida. Let's get the calls going today. Christy, what's going on? Welcome to the show. How can I help? Hello, by the way. Hello.

We start this show with greetings. Good to talk to you, Christy. What's going on? My closest girlfriend and her husband just lost her son due to mental health. Did he take his life?

And he did. Golly, I hate that. Hate that. Hate that. The nuance to it is it happened a week prior to them moving into our house. He was mid-20s. Okay. But they were in the process of moving.

They were having a house being built. So they were moving into our house and just dealing with moving and trying to feel bad, stressful enough, of course, and moving in with your friends. But that happening a week prior, it sort of changed the dynamic of what to expect. Not sort of, it changed everything. Yes, yes.

The four of us are really, really close, which is why, of course, we offered for them to come and stay with us for the next few months. And I am trying to help her navigate all of that and be her support and I'm not really I don't I've never really dealt with death besides grandparents and you know my father passed when I was really young but as an adult I don't know I don't know what to say or how to how to help gosh Christy thank you for calling um one, I absolutely hate that for your friends.

I hate that for you guys. I hate that for that young man. That's going to ripple through that family system for pain to be able to come live with two people that loved them so much that y'all opened your home to them before this even happened, right? So this happened about a week ago, a week before they moved in with you? A week before they moved in with us. It's been a few weeks now. And how long have they been with you? A couple weeks? Okay. So behind closed doors, I've dealt with this so much, and so I'll walk you through.

Here's some things to do, and we'll speak broadly to people who love others who are in pain. But how has this affected you and your husband? We're good. We've always had a really close, really strong relationship um and so have they which helps you know we we are all like-minded in that fashion good um it has helped us within moving in it has helped us communicate better you know you have to communicate well when you have other people living in your house so it has rippled to him and i which has only strengthened things. Awesome. That's so good.

It generally barbells that way. It either draws people closer together and those scales and drama just melt, right? Or people grieve so differently that it becomes a source of deep tension. And it just exposes cracks that were already there. So that's really great. What has it been like having that couple live with you? How have they been navigating the world? Pretty good.

You know, the first two weeks, there were days that, you know, the house is divided to two separate kind of master bedroom, bathroom areas. So they have their space and we have ours. And then the living room is common ground. So there are days that I don't see her because she needs to grieve in privacy. And I understand that. And there's other days that she will come out and, you know, make dinner with us or, you know, be a part of the family unit. And then the husband is supporting her and encouraging her, but also recognizing when she needs the space, he will either leave the house or come, you know,

socialize with us. Gotcha. So the couple of big overarching things is there is not a right way for them to handle this. And one of the most devastating things a couple can do to each other is to expect each other to grieve in certain ways that makes the other person feel comfortable. And another devastating thing people can do is to impose their pain, their discomfort on grieving people, right? So the way you just explained it to me is so beautiful. Sounds like she's got people in her immediate area that love her and love her enough to invite her to make dinner. You're not

making it weird and love her enough that she's not coming out. She's not coming out. And she has a husband that is gets that too. Right. And my guess is he's gone into overdrive and will slowly have to deal with his own things later. There are some folks that they just don't grieve like other people do and they don't need to fall down and cry and they grieve internally, gently. The way I like to explain it is some people have a balloon of grief and it just pops and it goes everywhere and over time they've got to slowly put those pieces back together. And some just gently let that air out of that thing over time. And it just, they grieve with it in their own way. There's not a right way to do this. What I will tell you is no matter how real they look, how much like your old friends they look,

being a couple of weeks out of losing their son in that way, they are still grieving deeply. They're still in shock. And so understand they're going to continue to come in and out in various ways over the next six months to a year. Here's a couple of big rules. Number one, talk openly, not shamefully, and directly and compassionately. Don't beat around the bush. Okay? And I'm not imposing this on you. I'm speaking this to the listening audience and also to you too.

Hiding it and talking in hushed tones or in weird words doesn't help. Right? Talking in hushed tones or in weird words doesn't help, right? So if it does come up and you are invited into a conversation, you can say the words, I'm so sorry your son took his life. I'm so sorry that your son died by suicide, right? I'm so sorry that happened. Hiding it and talking in those elevated, weird, distant, I'm sorry that there was a tragedy of such heightened purport, right? We try to not say the thing and we end up talking around it and

everybody just doesn't have their pain met, right? They don't feel connected to. So just be open about it. Number two, be invited into those conversations. Let them know that you're a safe place. Let them know they can talk to you about anything. If you're comfortable with that, you don't have to become a dumping ground. You can say, hey, I don't have any resources here to help you. I'm happy to listen. But if you're okay listening, tell them that anytime. I'm happy to be invited in that conversation, but don't force them to help you feel better, right? Let them know that you care about them, that you're willing to listen, but also be completely comfortable in silence. And this is where I failed people in my life. And I had to learn this the hard, hard way. I read all the books. I read all of the things. I always wanted to know the quote-unquote right thing to say.

And it took me sitting with person after person after person whose child had died by suicide, person after person whose child had passed away in a car wreck or whose spouse, until I realized, oh gosh, there's nothing to say. The most therapeutic healing thing in this moment is my presence that i'm just here and that's why i tell you you are such you and your husband are such a gift christy to this family because you're just there you were just there making dinner letting the routine of life go on they're anchored into that and then they can repel off and grieve as they need to. Remember this, Christy. You're not trying to fix them or solve anything.

You're just simply being with them because you can't solve or fix this. It's a permanent thing. It's a permanent wound, right? So all of your focus can be, how can I be with them, right? So when y'all are making dinner, is it like old times? Is there that tension? Tell me about how that's going for y'all. No, it's been good. And I have to remind myself that she still is in this process. She's very, very strong. They're both very, very strong. And, you know, a TV show will be on and death will be depicted or suicide will be depicted.

And I immediately look to her because I don't want to make her uncomfortable. And sometimes she says it's too much right now. And we turn it off or, you know, we, you know, whatever is appropriate at that time. So that's been good. It's just for me reminding myself that she is going through this because she is really, really strong when we see her. Did her son struggle with mental illness for a long, long time? Has this been an in-and-out kind of thing, or is it a total surprise? Yes. No, it's been an in-and-out thing.

So they may have been grieving this for years, right? And they're going to grieve this final resolution. All I have to say is it's going to look different. A great gift you can give somebody who's staying in your house is to hand them the remote and say, you control this. You turn it off whenever anything pops up that gets weird, right? Or at any moment, we're defaulting back to Leslie Knope and or the office, right? At any moment, we're going to roll back to that. But you control this remote, right? And they may roll their eyes, but I don't need to do that. They're going to need it at some point. Those can be one of

those gifts. It does feel real and it is real. Don't feel like you're living in the matrix, right? It is real. It it is connected there but it's gonna fade in and out my guess is a year from now two years from now she may not remember a lot of the details that you're gonna remember really vividly what she's gonna remember is that christy and her husband were there they showed up you didn't say anything dumb like god got another angel or why did he do this you didn't say anything. You were about focusing on them and just being with them. So anybody listening, if there's a tragedy, if there is a, someone you love has someone who dies, someone you love does something stupid, they cheat and get kicked out of med

school, they, speak less, speak less. you love does something stupid. They cheat and get kicked out of med school. They what? Speak less. Speak less. Don't try to solve it. Be invited into the solution part of it. Speak less and just seek to be with them. Just be with them. Just be with them. And you're going to say, no, dude, forget your feelings, bro. Facts are your friends. I say facts are your friends all the time. It gets misapplied sometimes. It's not about solving people. It's not about trying to fix them. They need to get up and get going. Be with them. Encourage them every day. Hey, I'm going for a walk. You want to come? I'm going for a walk. You want to come? They can say no. They can say no. Is there a time and a place for getting somebody out of bed? Yes.

That's not two weeks after their son takes their life, right? And you will get some wisdom along the way there. Christy, I am grateful for you and your family. That's awesome. Give me a call back in a couple of weeks if things start to shake a little bit. Or if you're a friend, if they want to give me a call, I'd love to talk to them too. They can be a shine of light on families who are struggling all across this country about what it's like to be on the other

side of this awful, awful situation. But I'm glad you're in the universe, Christy. You and your husband, y'all are good, good people. All right, let's go to Lisa in Atlanta, Georgia. Lisa, what's going on? Hey, Dr. John. I just want to thank you for your show. I know you help so many people. And we have a son who's profoundly disabled. Okay. And, you know, throughout his life, we've just kind of met step by step what we need to do for him. And now we're getting older. I'm in my 60s.

And so we're facing that, I kind of call it the final challenge where we have to, you know, I'm going to start crying already. That's okay. It's all right. This one's heavy. Find a place for him when we're gone. Yep. And that's my problem right now is I, you know, like we've gotten guardianship of him and we've got a special needs trust for him and we've taken care of our wills and we even took care of our funerals and all those things. And so now this is like, okay, now we need to start finding a place, first of all, that will accept him. He's profound, so there's not a lot of choices. And so I'm just trying to, and I know there's lots of other moms that are dealing with this as well.

So I just kind of don't know the steps to prepare myself for, you know, taking him there and walking away one day. And also for him, you know, how do we tell the kids, you know, we have to take you to this place one day. Yeah. Does he have the cognitive capacity to understand that conversation? I know. I'm pretty sure he doesn't.

He's profound. The best I could tell, maybe like a two- to three-year-old level. Okay. Maybe. Yeah. But he does know. He knows us. He's been loved his whole life.

Yeah. He goes with us where we go. And he just wouldn't – I can't even think if he wasn't taken care of, you know, and you just hear all those horror stories of people in nursing homes and things that happen. I just, ah. But there are also some really great ones, right? You know that. You know that. Hey, this isn't a data conversation. This is a mom and her baby boy conversation, right? Right, right. So let's clear the big piece. Let's clear the most important thing.

Nobody will ever love that little boy like you do, ever. Right, right. Right? And he won the freaking lottery when he got you as his mom. Thank you. I won too. How old is he? He's 29.

29. He won. He won. He got you, which is so cool, Lisa. Thank you. So I wish I could help here. There is no way there's no preparatory thing there's no exercise program or yoga class you can take

to make that singular drop off easy yeah it's not, it's going to be real real hard and it's going to be right you know what I mean? yeah, it going to be real, real hard. And it's going to be right. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, it has to be.

It has to be, right? And there will get to be a moment when not that someone's ever going to out love you. No chance will anyone out love you. When somebody has more skills, more technology, more mobility that can help him, serve him better than you can. And that's okay. Right with you. Right? Right, right. And you can sleep at night knowing, I outlove all those suckers. They can pick him up and move him and take care of his needs.

I always love him more, so ha ha. Right? All that's going to be true. And one of the deep, deep, deep pains, deep pains of loving somebody who's with a profound disability is, and it's the same, it's similar, as you mentioned, to navigating life with a child, right? When a child's got to go in for some sort of treatment, you can't explain what explain why this pain is this way. I remember, Lisa, I remember the first time my first little boy, I was trying to be super dad and I'm not going to be like the other dads. I'm going with all these new appointments. And I took my little, and he

may have been six months and my wife was with me. She, by the way, knew this was happening and I didn't. We took him in and this to this doctor's office we're hugging and playing and he's cooing and this angel of death came in with two two uh syringes like two giant needles in my head they're like nine inches long they probably weren't and she double blasted him in each leg, same time. And he looked at me like, dad, you like that old, like a two Brute, like you, you. And then he screamed. I still have that scream in my soul. I have not gone back. My wife said, you're not welcome back because I wanted to take that nurse and it was not going to end well. Right. Here's the thing.

You can't explain it. It's a, it's a, it's the thing that has to happen. And it's hard because love sucks sometimes. Right. Right. Right. The price of love is that pain. And what you're going to have to constantly pull yourself back to is the same thing you've

had to do your whole life. Right. Have you struggled with bouts of guilt throughout your life? No, I really haven't. Good for you, dude. You're already a gangster, Lisa. That's awesome. Man, one of the most common things when I talk to parents of special needs kids is that guilt, like somehow, you know, this is on me, right? Good for you. That's awesome. So here's what you need to do. You need to prep for this moment. How soon is it?

How soon are y'all thinking about a home? I think it was two weeks ago. We just went ahead and got our funerals all planned and paid for and taken care of. And I started thinking, you know, I really need to start getting him, you know, start thinking of that because I know there's waiting lists and especially for the good places. And so I need to start making those phone calls. And I picked up the phone to call a place his caseworker had said would be a good nursing home. And I just started crying. I said, hang up, I'll call you back.

Hey, you know what? That happens all the time. Yeah, it does. I want you and your husband to read a book together called Finding Meaning by David Kessler. We'll link to it to grieving and the book, not to spoil alert here, but he's been the guy who's called into hard situations forever. That's just been his thing. He's the guy. He studied under Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. He's the guy. And then he lost his 20-something-year-old son. And a profound moment in the book is when he talks about,

I wanted to go back and hug every parent i ever talked to about grief because i had no idea right but then he talks on the back end of finding meaning so what are some things when you can't lift your son anymore when you can't get him up the ramp anymore when you can't feed him in the way that he needs to be taken care of anymore and you've got to surrender that service part, not the love, but surrender that service part to somebody else. Where will you then find meaning? How extraordinary would it be if you opened up a free service,

because it sounds like you guys have taken care of your finances in a way that is really going to honor your son, honor your last years. What if you open up a free service to talk to new moms and dads who just found out they are giving birth to a son or a daughter with profound needs? What if you led a small group to walk moms and dads what this is going to be like? And suddenly that angst you feel that somebody else is caring for your son, doing those things that you've spent the last 30 years doing, you're able to channel that into serving new families who are going to be walking this journey that you and your husband have walked so carefully and so

well. And that's just one example that came to me off the top of my head, but it becomes about when you're 65 and 70 and 75 and 80 and 85, how are you going to make meaning of that hurt? How are you going to make meaning of that loss of connection there? And how are you going to continue to honor your son and love your son in just a new and unique way, right? But you're doing all the right things. There's not an easy way to drive away. There's not. There's not an easy way to explain to somebody with limited cognitive capacity that this is the best right thing, even though it's going to be hard. Even though you know he's going to want to be with you, even though you know he recognizes you, it's going to be hard. You and your husband are going to need each other.

And then you're going to need to go make meaning. You're going to need to let meaning come to you. And you're talking about legacy changing, family tree changing meaning when you get involved in the lives of other folks in that way. So thank you for your heart, Lisa. I wish i could just snap my fingers and make it happen but oh man all right let's go um oh that's tough all right let's take one more call here let's go to mo in charleston south carolina mo what's going on brother hey mr john and Lenny. What's up, dude? Hey, man. How can I help?

Well, I'm having a problem just with me being Muslim and being outwardly Muslim, as in just my appearance where I wear outside for lunch or something and people drive by and throw bottles at me and call me you know saying sand derogative words you know like saying this yeah I know it's I'm 21 and I've been dealing with it my whole life and it hasn't been this bad ever since I moved to South Carolina 10 months ago and I just don't know if I even want to deal with it anymore. Bro, I'm sorry, man. I don't... Man, I hate that for you. I hate that for you. You don't deserve that, man.

I'm glad you're a part of our communities. I hate that you're experiencing that. What are you doing in South Carolina? What are you there for? I'm going to school. Going to school. Is this happening on campus, or is this just a part of making your way through that community? Mostly out of campus when I go to work.

Okay. Man. Man, you broke my heart, Mo. And I'm not the one hurting here, so I'm not going to take your story from you. But, man, I hate that you're experiencing that. I hate that people are so ignorant and stupid and repulsive that they would treat another person like that. Especially someone who's simply trying to express their faith in a gentle way. I hate it.

So I wish I could tell you that I haven't worked at college campuses where I've had to have this conversation with students in your situation before but I have at the end of the day the most you can do is take care of you right and if somebody's throwing bottles at you obviously that's a crime right that's a criminal act and I hope that you're in a situation where you're safe enough to get the authorities involved in that. But I know that's easier said than done. Right. And yeah, it's like it happened when I was praying. So I didn't even get my eyes on them. I mean, yeah. So here's the deal. You got to find people you can be safe with. OK, you got if you're not safe or if your professors are out of bounds i'm gonna

tell you something crazy um you've got it you've got to be safe or you can't do the things to learn right you've got to be safe or you can't fully express your faith if you've got to be safe or you can't connect with other people where you're going to find your future spouse where you're going to find your community right and over time when those things happen in a concentrated area like that you say it has never happened like this right people have run their mouth to you my whole life i've lived in new york i mean virginia and it's i've never experienced this amount of blatant racism strictly to my face man ever so hey what do you want to be when you ever. So hey, what do you want to be when you grow up, man?

An engineer. A civil engineer. Oh, you mean you want to help bridges and roads so people can get to work and go see their kids? Yes, sir. What a jerk, dude. What a jerk, Mo. Unbelievable. Why did you say that? Why did you give me a job that

is going to be dedicated to service of others you know why because you're a good person brother god that pisses me off man golly i can go real quick from heartbroken to real pissed off fast and i don't get mad very often man but you got my heart all riled up listen um yeah i mean even my best friends who are christians even they try to help me out here and then, but it's like when I get caught off guard or by myself, it's a lot. I try my best not to fight or get angry or aggressive, but when it keeps on happening, it's like it's a test or I don't know.

I want you to protect your heart, man. I want you to protect your heart, man. I want you to protect your heart. And if that means leaving school, leaving that area and going to some place that's going to honor you in your faith, then that might be what you have to do. This is going to sound crazy. I've been in a place that was not appreciative of my faith, and I ended up taking out and going somewhere else. I also don't want to encourage people who are, I don't want to encourage that type of blatant racism,

man. And so it's easy for me as a privileged guy to sit on the outside and say, well, here's what you should be doing. You know what I mean?

Yeah. At the end of the day, you've got to be safe and you've got to find people who care and love for you and your heart and your heart of service. You know what I mean?

You deserve that. And I hate the fact that people in our community and my region of the country are treating you like that right what i don't want you to do and this is going to sound trivial and i've got no man what i'm going to tell you is going to sound so trite and so silly and so privileged. And so I'm going to apologize on the front end, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I don't want the ignorance and idiocy and stupidity of a few to sour your heart, to change your spirit, and to begin to shift your default setting to not one of love and peace and compassion and service to other people, but one of anger and hate.

Okay? And I want you to know I'm going to do what I can as a part of my community to speak loudly and boldly from the inside out on how we treat people who are different than us and look different than us and pray different than us. And also, I want you to make sure you protect and take care of your heart and soul. Yes, sir. Right? Yeah.

You deserve better than this. I need you making good roads for the my kids are going to drive on. Okay. Yes, sir. I need you dedicating your life to fixing all the buildings that are falling. I don't know whatever civil engineers do, but I just know that my kids need you, okay? I need you.

Yes, sir. Okay? Yes, sir. You got it? Yes, sir. Thank you. So whatever you got to do to make sure you got people you can be safe with, people that will rally around you,

maybe it's getting a group of, call your Christian friends on the carpet. Say, I'm going out to pray and I want y'all to pray with me. It's going to look different. Yeah. Come with me, right? Yeah. It may be,

it may be, you got to leave, man. And I hate that. I hate that for you. I hate that for your school community. And I hate that for- Yeah, me and my mom have been talking about it. She wants me to leave, but I just, I kind of want to just try to finish the semester out. I got you. I school community. Yeah, I mean, my mom has been talking about it. She wants me to leave, but I kind of want to just try to finish the semester out.

I got you. I got you. That's brave. But take care of your heart, okay? All right. Talk to the people at your school, too. Let them know what you're going through. Make sure you are meeting with people on campus and let them know what you're experiencing.

Sometimes college campuses, I've been called on the carpet on this. College folks have partnerships with local police. college campuses, I've had myself I've been called on the carpet on this. College folks have partnerships with local police. They have partnerships with local churches, local schools. And sometimes it's the school's responsibility to get involved in making sure that there's a safe educational environment

for their students. Right? Alright. I love you, man. I'm glad that you're out there going to school to serve other people. Keep yourself safe, okay? If that means you got to go, you got to go. Golly.

Stop, everybody. Quit. Ignorant, stupid morons. We're throwing bottles at people, man. Let people pray in peace for crying out loud. Let people dress how they want to dress for crying out loud. It's freaking ridiculous, man. Stop. Stop. And if you see that nonsense in your friend group, cut it out. Cut it out. If you hear somebody in your friend group talking like an idiot, cut it out. If you hear somebody in your friend group talking like an idiot, cut it out. Tell them

to stop. None of this crap stops until people in the majority say enough. We're done with it. We're going to let people be. We're not only going to let people be, we're going to love people because I need more civil engineers who know what they're doing. I need more everybody. I don't care what their outcome is. That made me sound like I just want to love people because I need more civil engineers who know what they're doing. I need more everybody. I don't care what their outcome is. That made me sound like I just want to love people because of what they're going to do for us. No. I love people because they're worth loving.

It drives me crazy. I'm going to wrap this show up before I just lose my – God, I'm honey. All right. So as we – I'm trying not to make a horse noise. Trying hard. Trying hard not to make a horse noise trying hard trying hard not to make a horse noise I just am flexing and I got a big shirt on I don't have big muscles and so when I flex it looks weird makes everybody uncomfortable the whole thing

alright so as a wrap up today's show this is a perfect song it may not be but I don't know it's from the 1995 record The Bends one of the awesomest bands of all time Radiohead from their

just a remarkable record if you got one record to go listen to today listen to The Bends by Radiohead listen to it all the way through, it's incredible song's called High and Dry and it goes like this two jumps in a week I bet you think that's pretty clever, don't you boy? flying on your motorcycle, watching all the ground beneath you drop.

You kill yourself for recognition, kill yourself to never, ever stop. You broke another mirror. You're turning into something you're not. Don't leave me high and don't leave me dry. Don't leave me high and don't leave me dry. It's the best thing you've ever had. It's the best thing that you've ever had. Don't leave me high and dry

this has been the Dr. John Deloney show take care of each other out there jeez louise