The Dr. John Delony Show - How Do We Teach Our Kids About Appropriate PDA?
Episode Date: November 23, 2022Today, we hear from: - A parent wanting to teach his young kids why certain displays of affection are appropriate for some people and not for others - A woman with an intense fear of staying overnight... in new places after a traumatic break-in - John’s thoughts on gratitude plus listeners sharing who they’re most thankful for Lyrics of the Day: "She's Got a Way" - Billy Joel Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show.  Support Our Sponsors: BetterHelp DreamCloud Churchill Mortgage Thorne Add products to your cart create an account at checkout Receive 25% off ALL orders Resources: Own Your Past, Change Your Future Questions for Humans Conversation Cards Redefining Anxiety Quick Read John’s Free Guided Meditation Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts anytime, anywhere in our app. Download at: https://apple.co/3eN8jNq These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately. Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy
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Coming up on the Dr. John Deloney Show.
I'm afraid to be in an unfamiliar space after dark by myself.
This is your body telling you you're not safe.
Where does that come from?
Several years ago, like 15, 16 years ago,
I had a break-in in my house and was attacked by a convicted rapist.
Elizabeth, lead with that.
What up, what up?
This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show.
I'm so glad that you joined us.
Man, it's good to see you.
Good to hear from you.
Pull up a seat at the bar and we're going to hang out.
We're going to figure out what's going on with your mental health,
with your relationships, with your marriage, with your kids. This is the greatest mental health,
marriage and pairing podcast that's ever existed. We talk about everything from education to policies to what's going on in your world, man. And so however I can help, give me a buzz at
1-844-693-3291. That's 1-844-693-3291.
Or go to johndeloney.com slash ask, A-S-K.
And you can fill out the little internet form and hit send. And it goes to Jenna and she will give you a buzz and get you on the show.
Today is a special Thanksgiving gratitude episode.
So hang in for the entire show.
We got something really cool for you at the back end. But until we get there, let's go straight to the phones. Let's go to
Mankato, Minnesota and talk to Edward. What's up, Edward?
Just rocking on to the break of dawn, John. How are you?
That's me too. Me too. Except it's like the middle of the morning, but the party never stops.
Snoop Dogg. What's up, man? I'm actually actually kidding I've got two kids so when they're sleeping
I'm sleeping right and even when they're awake I'm sleeping uh good for you man um so the question
comes up from uh some lightning round questions you did about marriage and the question was how
do you maintain intimacy with small kids at home and And you know, you said we don't,
and you got two kids, five and under, it's a sex-free zone for a long time.
And I've got two kids under five. So one's five and the other one's two.
Yes. Um, you know, I was, you know, I was kidding, right? I was kidding. Yes. Okay. Good. All right.
Yep. And then you went on to explain, you know, how you plan it and schedule it. Okay, cool. And so, um, you know, my wife and I, we have certain forms of intimacy that we, you know, holding hands and hugging and kissing and we do that all in front of the kids, um, to show what a husband and a wife looks like, you know, a healthy relationship. So the question becomes, you know, how do we help our kids understand that those boundaries are for,
for married couples and adult, um, you know,
hugging your mom and your dad and your grandparents is okay.
But say like your friends and your teacher,
you don't just go up and give them a hug and a kiss. It's not,
it's that type of affection is for,
um,
certain people.
Is,
is that happening or are y'all worried about that happening?
Um,
so at daycare one time,
our oldest had hugged and gave a kiss to another kid.
So that happened once.
Okay.
Um,
and I,
I,
it hasn't happened otherwise, but it's a concern.
Okay.
I would not lose a single ounce of sleep over that.
Not for one second.
There tends to be a socialization that limits that.
Occasionally, there are kids that are over-affectionate and it's as simple as
hugs and kisses are for family members. Hugs and kisses are for very, very close friends
and we ask permission. So something like low level is not always, but occasionally my wife will say, can I have a morning hug?
I always ask my daughter for permission to give her a hug.
And I'm trying to teach her that she's in control of her body.
If my wife and I do hug in the morning in front of the kid, it's like a big demonstrative thing.
But I also want to caution you against this. Don't use each other as a chalkboard, meaning hug your wife because
you love your wife. Ask your wife, can I have a hug? Can I give you a big kiss? Do that because
you want to kiss your wife, not because you want to kiss your wife,
not because you want to demonstrate
what a healthy marriage is.
If you truly and deeply engage in acts of intimacy,
both behind closed doors and in front of closed doors
with your spouse, the lesson comes through.
But when you make each other an object lesson,
it really can get wonky quick because you start wondering why someone's doing something or are
they doing it on purpose? You see what I'm saying? It starts getting messy. And so I would lean
directly into that. I wouldn't worry about that one second. I'm making the data up here, but I
would say 95% of kids are going to hug each other.
They're going to hold hands.
They're going to be close with one another.
They're going to bang and bonk into each other because they're trying to establish space and relational space.
And that is why I like school.
There's some socialization there.
This is appropriate here, not appropriate here. But on the whole, most kids understand they have an innate sense of safety with their home crew that makes hugs and other things more okay than in other places.
And then occasionally, I've had to have conversations with my kids. I worked with one family and their son was big for his age and he
was like always ending up playing with younger kids. And then they had built a huge like fort,
like a fort on one of the kids' beds at a neighbor's house. And the neighbor had like
three young girls. And so they didn't know how to have the conversation
with this younger boy.
I think he was nine or 10.
Hey, it's inappropriate for you to be under the covers
with three little girls.
And he simply couldn't understand it.
And it wasn't even in his head.
And so we had to talk about appropriate, right?
It's not appropriate with other people's kids.
So that was just a simple,
they called me
and i walked them through how to have that conversation ended up being hard harder than
they thought but but overall simple just address the behavior as it happens okay sure um are you
you're you're not this is all you're just worried about this happening down the road
kind of yeah and i guess one instance was we were
out front in our yard you know watering flowers or something and a nice little old lady walked by
and and as she was passing the boys are just like i want to go give her a hug so they ran up to her
and gave her a hug and stuff and i was like okay that was it was really sweet but also it's like
okay well who who are they always going to want to give hugs to and certain things like that?
So that's a, if you find your kids at a Walmart giving hugs to tons of strangers, that's when you have a quiet conversation.
This isn't an appropriate place.
And you can point back to you.
Mommy and daddy give each other hugs. Daddy hugs his friends
at work, or daddy hugs his friends when they come over. My son sees me hug other men regularly.
My son sees me hug my friend's wives and women that I'm close to and that I'm friends with.
They don't see me kiss them, right? And so I can point back to me as a model for, I hug Mr. Todd and I hug Mr. John and I hug Mr.
Nathan. I don't hug strange men at Walmart because I don't know them and I don't have that sort of,
so these are gentle teaching moments. Also, if they say, I want to go give that old woman a hug,
all you have to say is make sure you ask her
for her permission that's it and let them go run and they can run on the street and she can say
no thank you or she can have her entire world made because two little boys came and gave her a hug
right um right and so that's what my wife had said is you don't know what kind of day she was
having that could have just made her whole day i i would be willing to bet it did, but I do like the practice of whenever I'm at book signings,
or I was just in Dallas for a huge event, thousands of people, people came up and they
really quickly, like I'm signing their book and they really quickly will say something heavy.
Like I was thinking about suicide and I got your book and it helped, or I was in a really abusive relationship and you gave me the courage to step out.
I'll often look at them and I'll say, can I give you a hug?
I never hug somebody without, especially a stranger without asking your permission.
Can I give you a hug?
Male, female, I don't care who.
Police officer to an elderly grandma, right?
I asked for permission and I think that's a great thing
to model for your sons.
What we don't want to do
is I don't want to take away
that inclination for
hugging,
for human connection,
human touch.
I don't want that to be
registered in their little minds
as bad
or as something to avoid.
I think that that's one of the things
in our culture
that's killing us.
I may have talked about this on the show.
One of the places I worked years ago
during the HR onboarding process,
they recommended the Air High Five.
And I was like, what?
And there was like 50 of us in this onboarding meeting.
And they said, yeah, if one of your colleagues
does something great, gets a huge grant or gets a publication, we recommend the Air High Five to avoid confusion.
And I was like, what kind of confusion?
And they said, just we want to avoid unwanted touch.
And I was like, man, there are some creepers who have just blown it for everybody.
And what we've created is a completely touch-free society.
And I don't think that's ever existed before.
And there are people who abuse touch, right?
That's, look, go back and read the Me Too transcripts, man, of bosses who slap people
on the butt or who hug too much or grope a little.
So it's disgusting.
So we got to strike a balance.
We got to teach our kids.
A, modeling is the best,
but B, I don't want them to learn that touch is bad.
I want them to learn there's an appropriate touch
and there's a welcome touch
and there's an unwelcome touch, right?
I don't think you're anywhere near that right now.
I think with just one or two sentences,
one or two, make sure you ask,
is it okay to give you a hug?
Man, what a great gift you're
teaching your sons, which is they know that their touch to that old woman is therapeutic and healing
and life-giving. And they asked for consent, which I think is important.
Sure. And we haven't been doing, I guess, yeah. And we haven't been doing the ask for consent,
but usually like when we say goodbye to, let's say a grandparent or something, we say,
do you want to go give so-and-so and then they yes and go run up and give a
hug so yeah hey i will make sure let me tell you this let me tell you that's huge um i really am
grossed out when a grandpa's like come give me a kiss and the the granddaughter says, no, thank you. You're not going to kiss your granddad?
Nope.
Like, and good for you.
Do you, asking your children, do you want to go give granddad a hug?
Do you want to give grandma a hug before she goes?
I'm going to give grandma a hug.
Do you want to come with me?
I think that's phenomenal because you're letting the kid have body autonomy and you're letting
them have it and letting them take ownership of their body and they're watching you do it. Good for you, man. You're right on
track, brother. All right. Yeah. Way to go, man. Parents, hug your sons, hug your daughters,
and invite them into that. And a little vocalization doesn't hurt. It's welcoming. Hey, hon, can I give you a big hug this morning?
I think that's a gift to your kids and teaching them about consent is awesome. Good for you.
Good for you. Hey, we'll be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
October is the season for wearing costumes. And if you haven't started planning your costume,
seriously, get on it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go as Brad Pitt because we have the same upper
body, but whatever. Look, it's costume season. And if we're being honest, a lot of us hide our
true selves behind masks and costumes more often than we want to. We do this at work. We do this
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If you feel like you're stuck hiding your true self behind costumes and masks, I want you to
consider talking with a therapist. Therapy is a place where you can learn to accept all the parts
of yourself, where you can be honest with yourself and where you can take off the mask and the costumes and learn to live an honest, authentic life. Costumes and masks should be
for Halloween parties, not for our emotions and our true selves. If you're considering therapy,
I want you to call my friends at BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy. You can talk
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schedule. You just get online and you fill out a short survey and you'll be matched with a licensed
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All right, we are back. Let's go to Elizabeth in Dallas, Texas. What's up, Elizabeth?
Hey, Dr. Deloney. Thanks for taking my call.
You got it. You doing well?
I'm well. How about you?
Very, very good. Very, very good. What's up?
So I have sort of an embarrassing silly problem
but hey hold on hold on hold on hold on have you met me that's true whatever you're about to say
you're good you are good okay there's just a few million people listening you are you are just
between us let's just put us don't worry about it go. All right. So what's up? Um,
I basically like,
I'm afraid to be in an unfamiliar space,
um,
after dark by myself,
essentially like,
so hotels,
Airbnb,
like it can even be a friend's house.
Like,
um,
so like spending the night somewhere,
like I can do it like in a hotel.
I don't love it but i can
like force myself um but like an actual house or something with more entry points no forget it okay
so number one this isn't silly or weird it's not common but it's not weird okay um if you've if
you've listened to the show for any length of time you'll know i'll ask
like pulling the thread on this this is your body telling you you're not safe where does that where
does that come from well so i kind of feel like like like a little kid in this sphere because i
feel like i've always had it like you do when you're a kid you're afraid of the dark you're
afraid to be alone and i never outgrew it but then um I'm sure
obviously you saw the notes but several years ago like 15 16 years ago um I had a break-in in my
house and was attacked by um a convicted rapist essentially which I'm fine lead with that
well but like I feel like I've worked through that. Like, I feel like I went to counseling,
like, like the issue was already there and I guess that just compounded it. But I feel like
it doesn't bother me. Like, I don't think about it. Like I could go take a jog outside at night,
but if you put me inside of a house, that's when the fears come. And that's where like
the irrational, like, you know, did I check all the doors or you know
can you get in that window you know whatever sure um did your folks do that no not at all okay
like we grew up in the country I doubt the door was even locked half the time and that's
also the ironic thing like I could forget to lock my own door. And in a way, that kind of makes me feel better because I know it's not so ingrained, I guess.
My own door would be, I mean, I might in the morning be like, whoops, forgot that.
And I shouldn't have done that.
But it's not so much in my own space.
But if you were to go out of town and you would say, hey you watch my dogs or whatever i would gladly do so but then like if it involved going to your house at
night forget it like even if it's just go in your house for 10 minutes like i would have a panic
attack and forget it no i'd be out so is this something that you want to be different or is
this something that you're willing to just make peace with? And there's not a right or wrong answer to this.
I would like for it to be different because I would like to be able to,
I won't say, I don't dread trips or things like that,
but like I'm potentially taking a job that's going to require travel,
which is fine.
That's great.
But I would like to not feel like I'm sleeping with one eye
open or... You got it. You got it. So I... I'm writing a note here. So for some reason, and I
don't even think it matters why, this is just, I don't think it matters. Your body has identified unfamiliar places at night as a no-go. Not safe.
Okay. It's put a GPS pin in that. And every time you find yourself in that situation or leaning
towards that situation, it sounds your alarms, right? And because we're people and we have
giant frontal lobes, we can spin our bodies up even thinking about going to a house at night.
Right. And I bet you could tell me a story in about three minutes and your heart would start
racing really fast. Just thinking about it. Oh yeah. That's, that's what a great gift we have,
right? We don't even have to have to do the scary thing. We can just think about it and make
ourselves nuts. So here's the, the good news is you can go through your life and just kind of make your way around it.
And that's fine.
Right.
And that's essentially what I've done.
I just avoid those situations.
Or you can heal from this.
And I've got good news and bad news.
Good news is you can totally heal from this.
Bad news is there's one way to heal and it is directly through the middle of this.
I knew you were going to say that.
That's the only way.
And so your brain, your thinking brain has made peace.
This happened.
I went to counseling from the break-in, from the near traumatic rape.
I made peace with all that.
I don't even – when I think about it, my heart rate doesn't even get up.
Yeah.
But as Bessel van der Kolk says, your body's keeping the score.
It does.
Okay.
So making peace with your past, healing from your past has a thought component to it.
I can think about this.
I can think about the loss.
I can think about the near break-in and I'm fine.
And then there's another healing part that
is much, much, much deeper, which is my body doesn't take off on me. My body's at peace too.
And that's the level of healing we're looking for here. So there's one way through it and that's to
practice. And what that might look like is getting a couple of friends that you trust and saying,
I need to go into your house and walk around for
15 minutes after dark with you not there. And I know that sounds crazy. And what you're going to
do is you're going to walk in the front door and you are going to begin to feel your body.
And here's what we're looking to do. Create a space, a gap, they call it. You're going to
create a gap between, I think I'm going to die.
Like my body is starting to react.
Like there's somebody upstairs and this is all coming down on me.
Yeah.
And your consciousness like, no, I'm not.
I'm okay.
This is Dan's house.
This is Tim's house.
This is Sue's house.
This is, you know, Laura's apartment.
And we're going to practice it.
And you are literally going to walk in there and begin to feel it.
And it may be that you're planning on doing this for 15 minutes and you can last three
minutes the first time.
Cool.
Keep a little log and write it down.
And then you're going to go to a hotel and you are going to walk into the hotel and you're
just going to stop for a second and feel what your body's doing.
And all we're doing is connecting our thinking and
our responding brains. We want our responding brain to know there's danger. Oh, she's still
driving. Cool. We can turn the alarms off, guys. She knows what's up. That's it. Okay. And it's
just going to take some time. And by the way, I travel for a living. I still don't sleep super great in hotels.
I track my sleep with this whoop strap.
It lets me know you didn't get a good night's sleep.
I just don't sleep well and I'm not at home.
And I've made peace with that.
That means if I'm going to function,
if I'm going to get on stage
in front of 5,000 people the next day,
I have to have overly eaten right.
Every time I go to a hotel,
the first thing I do,
I don't even unpack.
No, I unpack. I go straight to the gym and I get my head screwed on straight. I get my body
screwed on straight before I do anything else. Before I go to soundcheck, before I go to,
I even fly into towns early for that reason, because I know the third component of my wellness,
one is nutrition, one is movement and the other sleep. I know I'm not going to get the sleep part. I just know it. And I've made peace with it. I don't fight it. I
don't get frustrated anymore. I don't go to war with it. But that's just the way that's going to
be. So you may never totally pass out in a hotel, but you can prop your feet up and watch TV,
watch The Office, and enjoy life without your body rattling on you. Does that make sense?
No, it does, but like the thought of that
gives me anxiety
just thinking about it.
It absolutely does.
And again, that's your body just trying to take care of you.
Because
while you've gone off and done your cute little
counseling, Elizabeth, to forget all this stuff,
the body knows we could get murdered at any second, right?
And here's the sucky part.
You might.
You might.
But probably not.
Right.
And maybe but probably not is the sentence that gets me through everything.
It could, but probably not.
Maybe, but probably not.
There could be,
I, all right,
I'll just be honest with you.
When I walk into my friend's house
to feed their dogs at night,
my heart starts racing
about 200 beats a minute.
Like I literally think I'm going to die.
And I have to say, no, I'm not.
Like I'm smiling
because you and I have a very similar phobia.
Congratulations.
We win.
And it just is.
It just is.
And I've made peace with it.
And now I can go get my job done.
I'm never going to enjoy it.
I'm never going to love it.
But I can go get it, get done what I need to get done.
Okay.
Okay.
So what are you going to do next?
What's your first, first, first thing you're going to do?
I don't know.
Cause I don't really want to.
I mean, yeah, I guess I'll probably call a friend and maybe spend some time in her house.
I want you to call three friends.
I want you to get weird about this.
Okay.
Call three friends, and I want you to see if you can rotate for every night
for 30 days. Just for a few minutes at a time, right? Just start with five minutes. Start with
three minutes. Hey, Laura, I'm going to have the weirdest thing. I have this super phobia. I've
never told you about it. It freaks me out. I'm about to take this new job. I talked to this knucklehead on a podcast and this guy that used to have a real job,
but now he's a YouTuber and he suggests I do this. Can I borrow your house for five minutes?
I just need you to walk around the yard while I stand in your house.
I saw him on TikTok. It's fine.
There you go. I talked to this TikTok sensation and I need to make a lap upstairs and downstairs in your home with the lights off for five minutes.
And I do want you to do that.
I want you to get a flashlight and I want you to walk into somebody's house and go up their stairs and go to the end of the hallway and then come down the stairs and then walk out.
And by the way, if my friend did that, I would scare
the bejesus out of them. I would hide and expect your friends. If there are any friend caliber at
all, they'll do this. But we're just going to teach our bodies. We're all right. We can do hard stuff.
I'm glad we're not friends, John.
You know how often I hear that? But hey,, uh It's practice practice practice practice. The only true healing from anxiety is directly through the middle of it
Gotta get connected. You gotta show your body. You're not I mean that you're not in danger that you're safe
You have to show your body that hey i'm driving
And you gotta have other people you can talk to about this take the stigma away it. Take the shame away from it. Take the secrecy away from it.
Hey, I've got this crazy phobia, this wackadoo phobia. I don't like spiders. I have a phobia
that every time I see a snake, my body literally wants to vomit and diarrhea at the same time.
It's like, everybody out. Everything wants to leave my body at once. And I got to heal from
that. So for 15 minutes, can I come over? And if you've got a boa constrictor, can I just look at it through a glass and then
I'm going to get closer and make it closer. It's just called exposure therapy is what it is.
And if you can do it safely, go for it. But I think you go spend five minutes in your friend's
house. Then we turn all the lights on, you breathe and you go, I made it. I made it.
And then when you go out to the car, sit in your car for a second and just feel it. I made it. I made it. And then when you go out to the car, sit in your car for a second and just
feel it. I made it. I did it. I can do hard stuff. And then tomorrow we're gonna do this again.
And then hopefully after 30 days, there is a significant reduction. And you know, I won't
go down the parasympathetic and sympathetic, but your body will stop taking off on you and you can
take this new job and go make some money
and enjoy your life.
We'll be right back.
It seems like everybody's talking about
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slash D'Loni and get the home buyer edge today. All right, we are back and it's the Thanksgiving
episode, the gratitude where we stop for a second and just say,
I'm so grateful.
Even if I'm grateful for just little bitty things
because everything has been a dumpster fire this past year
or I'm really struggling because I had a picture
of what Thanksgiving was going to look like.
Thanksgiving's in a day, right, Kelly?
Yes, Thanksgiving's tomorrow.
Yeah, we're recording this episode early,
but Thanksgiving's tomorrow.
I sure thought I wasn't going to be at my in-laws yet again,
or I sure thought that my whole family is going to be here,
or I sure thought that my son was coming home from college
or that my daughter was going to be out from deployment.
Whatever it is, it's a season when we stop
and we just say, despite what's happening
or in addition to what's happening, I'm grateful.
I'm going to own it for a second.
You've heard me talk about this, especially in the past.
I haven't talked about as much recently and I need to be more vocal about it.
Gratitude, a practice of gratitude.
Minute by minute, hour by hour, a daily gratitude practice, an orientation towards life,
towards saying, okay, I didn't want this to happen. I didn't expect this to happen.
I'm going to, whether right now or in two years, I'm going to find
gratitude. I'm going to say thank you. Whether it's to the firefighters who showed up when my
house burned to the ground, whether it was the people who stood by me when my loved one passed away, whether it was my wife isn't doing so well, but I'm so grateful that your wife's cancer is healed.
I'm going to have an orientation towards finding beauty, finding gratitude.
Gratitude is one of the most important psychological tenants for a well life.
What does that mean? That's gobbledygook for if you are not grateful, if you don't have a regular
gratitude practice where you stop and feel grateful, you are choosing to die early.
You're choosing a miserable existence. And I would suggest why?
Why waste your life?
Why?
So I wrote down four ways.
I've heard it in the scientific literature and in kind of the popular Instagrammy literature, which is not really literature.
I take that back.
In the popular Instagrammy influencery nonsense. Um, here's four ways you can,
um, express gratitude, have a gratitude practice. One is just, you hear this all the time,
write three to five things every day that you're grateful for. Keep a journal, right? Just have a
journal that you write them in things that you're grateful for. I am grateful for, I'm grateful for,
I'm grateful for just do that every day
You can do it in the morning. You can do it before you go to bed
um
You can also watch somebody do great things for somebody else
so you can
um
Watch a video of somebody doing something kind for somebody else you can
Listen to a story where somebody explains,
and then this guy came and helped me out. She showed up. This person pulled over on the side
of the road and helped me out when I had a flat tire. You can be in that story.
A third way is you can write a letter to somebody. I think this is...
I forgot. I need to find it. I'll put it in the show notes. He's a psychologist at Harvard, a psychology professor who recommends to his students, one of the only ways you can achieve happiness instantaneously, you can turn the dial, is to write a letter of gratitude to somebody and then visit with them either by phone or in person and, um,
right. And, and read it to them, let them know, Hey, I wrote you this letter. Um, in all honesty,
I've only been able to do that once. And that was to my son. Um, it's very hard to do to write a
letter of gratitude to your mom or to your dad. Um, I was with some guys this weekend on a, on a
hunting trip. And one of the guys is going to
do this for his father. His father is working through some significant medical issues. And so
they all wrote letters that they're going to read. And he had to stop the conversation because it got
choked up just thinking about what he's going to do. So it's very hard to do that.
But there's some significant psychological healing that happens with that.
And then there's another one that I got from Andrew Huberman, which I think is phenomenal.
And I've had some great success with it. And it's almost a meditative gratitude where I'll turn the lights off in my basement and I'll sit down in my normal gratitude position, if you will, sitting down with
my legs out or legs folded and my back up and I close my eyes. And I remember a moment that I am
truly grateful for. When my dad hugged me after a thing, when my mom put her hands on my face and
said she was proud of me, when my wife fill in the blank, when my son, daughter filled in the blank,
when I got a job and I didn't think I was going to get it. I put myself back in that moment. And it can take 60 seconds,
it can take three or four minutes, but I'm going to, the best I can, re-experience that moment of
gratitude. That moment when I'm so grateful. Thank you for showing up in my life. Thank you for being
there when I needed you. Thank you for sitting with me when I was grieving. Thank you for holding
my hand through this ugly mess. Thank you for saying yes when I asked you to marry me. All
these moments of gratitude. Whatever it looks like for you, I challenge you from this day forward.
Let's do this from this day until the new year. Every day, have a gratitude practice,
whatever it looks like. Put something on your phone, set an alarm,
and just say, gratitude practice, and remind yourself, I got to take three minutes and write
this thing down because Delaney said to remember to be grateful. Just do it. And my promise is,
you will begin to shift how you see the world. It changes the glasses by which you filter and
see the world, and it's extraordinary. So very cool thing.
We reached out on social media, on the internets, and I asked the people who follow my Instagram
account, what are some things you're grateful for? Would you be willing to share? And we got
a bajillion responses. I was hoping for seven. We got a million. We got a bunch of people saying, I'm grateful for this.
My dad showed up.
My husband's awesome.
My wife is amazing.
My kids or whatever.
Okay, so Kelly, how many people wrote in and told us who or what they're grateful for?
We had 100 million trillion responses.
Yes, I love John numbers.
Actually, we had six.
We had six responders.
And four of them were pets.
They were the children of you dog parents out there. It's not a thing. Actually, we had six. We had six responders. And four of them were pets.
They were the children of you dog parents out there.
It's not a thing.
But hey, so we split these up.
So y'all pick some of your favorite ones.
And so let's go through the B-O-O-T-H and start over there with you, Jenna.
Yes.
So I've got three.
I'm going to read here.
Okay.
So first one comes from Traveling Cows with a K. They said,
Our IVF clinic, they helped us
make our beautiful twin girls.
That's the first one. The second one
is that Adam Toy said,
My wife for dealing with all my anxiety
and health issues recently.
Then the third one is from
Ape Baldwin. I am thankful for my
two brothers who have walked through the darkest nights
with me.
How cool is that? Who was in the middle?
The Adam toy.
The Adam toy. My wife exacerbates my anxiety and pours gasoline on it, and his helps. That's so nice. That's so great. Okay, who's next? Ben? Yeah, so I've got one here from, I got a few here.
First one from Red C. Ardenals, not Cardinal, C. Ardenals,
says, my friend Jason, he helps me combat suicidal thoughts
just by talking to me.
Dang.
Way to go, Jason.
Jenny, Jen 03, says, my fifth grade students this year,
they're pushing me to apply so many different approaches
to my teaching.
Is that because they're so ridiculous and out of control
that she's having to come up with new things?
I love it.
Good job, fifth grade students.
Way to go.
And then last one I've got is really, really Riley says,
couple that set aside comfort slash privacy
and let me stay with them for six months in college for free.
Wow.
So that's pretty baller.
That's huge. Yes. Kelly?'s pretty baller. That's huge.
Yes.
Kelly?
All right.
So Miss Sarah Bell 2020.
I didn't know you could feel thankful.
Oh, this isn't yours.
This is somebody else's.
Okay, read theirs.
Read theirs.
Go ahead.
I just hope that people know what I deal with.
This is my job.
Well, they know what I deal with.
So go ahead.
Miss Sarah Bell 2020 said,
My mother-in-law, she's a prayer warrior
and I can talk to her about things
I'm not comfortable talking to my mom about.
She has always treated me like her own daughter.
How many did we get people
who are grateful for their in-laws?
Is that the one?
The one.
The one.
The one.
Way to go, America.
Yeah.
At Anton.fam said,
my father and husband,
who have nada to do with social media, are both incredibly supportive, loving men.
And then at Classical Voice Coaching said, my high school choir director, his belief in me taught me how to believe in myself through my opera career.
You don't hear the words opera and career together very often.
That's fantastic, man.
Nade Dog, what do you think?
Stoozy Reezy says, I'm thankful for my sister.
She just got sober and we are spending more time together.
Very cool.
Of a working mom says, my mom takes the kids overnight every Friday night so my husband and I can have a date night.
Whoa.
That sounds incredible, actually.
Yeah. Yeah. Uh,
Laura Beth says my neurologist, he saved my life and gave me an internship as a jumpstart into my
career. Oh, that's awesome. Uh, the ones I've got are from Corey coaster music said my college
junior varsity soccer coach set me on the right path and has
checked in with me for the last 10 years you know what i love that when a teacher or coach just
reaches out i i've got students that i used to coach and teach and i try to reach out every once
in a while i just love it man i love seeing how people are successful they got families and they
got careers and jobs just like my it's my favorite thing in the world. I love it. Skelly 9181 writes,
my childhood best friend,
no matter how far apart we've lived,
she's always been a huge support system.
And Mason.Algier says,
my dad,
he's always lends an ear to hear,
wise counsel,
and is a rock to help keep me grounded.
So rad.
Hey, thanks to everybody for
writing in um we did we have we had an overwhelming response it was awesome this is important just take
a minute uh jenna let's go through the booth real fast um curveball what's somebody somebody or
something you're grateful for and besides me we all know that that's going to be everybody's number
one so besides the opportunity to work with this stable, stable guy. Keep going. Yep. Um, so I would say I'm very thankful for my mom,
um, for, and I know she's listening cause she listens to the show now, um, for never giving
up on me through the hardest seasons of my life and seeing the potential in myself that I could
never see for myself at that time. That's awesome. Benjamin?
I'm going to say, as cliche as it is,
I'm very thankful for my wife.
I just had a lot of ups and downs this year.
We bought a house.
Then we had an injury and a layoff,
and I just got hit by a car last week. You didn't get hit by a car.
You got hit by a semi-truck, but it's cool.
True, true.
I was trying to downplay it,
but she's always
been there for me and super supportive and couldn't have gotten through everything without
her that's awesome um mine would be my sister my mom is in the last days of her life due to
alzheimer's and it's in texas so i'm not there and my sister's having to deal with all that and
she's been going to the nursing home daily making sure hospice is doing what they need to do and just really caring for her and taking the
brunt of that. And I know how hard that is. And I very much appreciate that she's able to do that
and that she does it with love. And then for me, I would say I'm thankful for my daughter.
Two years ago, she was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and was told that she would have a 75% chance of it coming back.
And so far, she has beaten the odds.
That's amazing.
Good deal, man.
And I would say, hmm, I just get kind of overwhelmed with gratitude because my life is just sitting on the gifts and talents and love and care and forgiveness
of so many people. I would probably say I'm deeply grateful for Trevor and Craig for, um, JP, Nate, Justin, these men in my life who
aren't afraid. They're some of the few who aren't afraid to say, Hey, that's, that's not cool.
That's not how you are. They're not afraid to say, Hey, um, that joke's not funny. They're
not afraid to say, I know you love your wife, but you need to treat
her better. They're men that hold me accountable. They also remind me to laugh deeply. They think
I vote terribly. They think that some of my politics are stupid and my mental health advice
is dumb and they don't hesitate to let me know. They also will call and say, hey,
I don't listen to your show,
but I heard one call. That's what they always say. They don't listen, but then they do. And
that call was really, you did a good job. You really helped that person. And so they're not
afraid to say great job too. And so, um, I'm not who I am without my friends, Pots and Caleb and
Ryan and Buddy and Tucker, the whole gang, man.
I'm just so grateful for my friends.
And then I guess at the end of the day,
my best friend on planet, my wife, Sheila,
just people I can laugh with and be with and hang out with.
And I can only kiss one of those.
That's not true.
I kiss all my friends, it's cool.
All right, so don't forget, don't forget.
Be grateful.
Make it a part of your life. Make it a practice.
Make it a regular thing you do. Think for things, think of moments, experience, friendships,
remember back to those times. If we all turn the dial to being more grateful, the whole world changes. And it starts with each one of us. We'll be right back. Hey, what's up? Deloney here.
Listen, you and me and everybody else on the planet has felt anxious or burned out or chronically
stressed at some point. In my new book, Building a Non-Anxious Life, you'll learn the six daily
choices that you can make to get rid of your anxious feelings and be able to better respond to
whatever life throws at you so you can build a more peaceful, non-anxious life. Get your copy
today at johndeloney.com. That's what gratitude sounds like. That's what gratitude looks like. Choose gratitude. Choose to be grateful. Choose to find the moments
amidst the fire and the smoke and the ugliness and the grittiness and the scraping and the raw,
the hard parts of life. Choose to look for things you're grateful for. Choose to be grateful.
And if you're really a gangster, choose to let people know you're grateful for them. As we wrap up today's show, Thanksgiving episode, be kind to each other tomorrow at
Thanksgiving. Be kind. Don't talk about politics. Don't talk about COVID. Don't lecture your kids
on how they can be raising your grandkids better. Just be cool. Just be kind. Enjoy each other's fellowship. Smile the most,
as much as you can. Turn the screens off as much as you can. Just go play catch the tennis ball.
Do whatever you got to do. Be kind. Be connected to one another. Choose joy. Choose gratitude.
The song of the day, I think it's the single most romantic song ever written. And this is me being honest, 100%. It's just such a beautiful song.
And the songwriter is talking about how grateful he is for his wife.
The song's by Billy Joel, and it's called She's Got a Way.
And it goes like this.
She's got a way about her, and I don't know what it is,
but I know that I can't live without her.
And she's got a way of pleasing, and I don't know what it is, but I know that I can't live without her. And she's got a way of pleasing and I don't know what it is,
but there doesn't have to be a reason anyway.
She's got a smile that heals me and I don't know why it is,
but I have to laugh when she reveals me.
And she's got a way of talking and I don't know why it is,
but it lifts me up when we're walking anywhere.
And she comes to me when I'm feeling down,
inspires me without a sound.
She touches me and I get turned around.
She's got a smile that heals me,
and I don't know why it is,
but I have to laugh when she reveals me.
Thank y'all for being with us.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Stay in school, don't do drugs.
We'll see you soon.