The Dr. John Delony Show - I'm a Compulsive Liar & Want to Come Clean

Episode Date: June 30, 2021

The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel frozen, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well—and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU! Let us know what you think about the show! Take the survey: https://survey.alchemer.com/s3/6398972/5d46580e08c4   Show Notes for this Episode   My nephew committed suicide and now my daughter is struggling and having horrible nightmares. How can we help her? Since my teens I have been a compulsive liar. It happens in every aspect of my life. I am so scared to come clean. Email: I hear you use the word “season” when describing a time of life that someone is in. What constitutes a season? What is the time frame? Lyrics of the Day: "Highway Patrolman" - Bruce Springsteen   As heard on this episode:  BetterHelp Redefining Anxiety John's Free Guided Meditation Ramsey+   tags: suicide/self-harm, family, trauma/PTSD, kids, counseling/therapy, parenting, marriage, disagreement/conflict, sexuality/intimacy, anxiety, goals/life planning   These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.`

On today's show, we talk about what to do when your child's having nightmares, particularly around family trauma. We talk to a young man who wants to stop lying, but he just can't quit. We also talk about Instagram's new program for kids. Stay tuned. Hey, what's up? This is Como Se Llamo One. This is the Dr. John Deloney Show. No, it's not Como Se Llamo One, it's Me Llamo One. I just said, what is

my name, John? It's Se Llamo John One. Man, crushing it. I have not lived in Texas for several years, and you can tell. I hope you're all doing awesome. This is the Dr. John Deloney Show. If you want to be a part of this show, please give me a call. 1-844-693-3291.

That's 1-844-693-3291. Go to johndeloney.com slash show and write in the forum, tell me what's going on in your life what's going on with your family, with your friends with your community, all of it and love to have you on the show couple of things

one, we have a new segment, it's going to be a one time only segment called Adventures in Autocorrect so here's a text that i sent um somebody who works with me and they you'd consider themselves my boss because they are i texted and i quote i was thinking about joining forces fill in the blank and it autoc corrected too i was thinking about honking horses are you in to which my boss said i'm not super certain what honking a horse would be you can go ahead and count me in just because i'm down but you'll have to explain what honking horses is i was thinking about joining forces so that wraps up today's segment of Adventures in AutoCorrect.

The second thing I want to talk about is this. Listen, we can't get bipartisan support for breathing. If somebody puts forth a bill that said we want to encourage humans to breathe, the other side, whatever that side would be, would put a bill saying, no, we are anti-breathing. We are anti-breath. There will be no breathing on our watch. But leave it to the interwebs to create bipartisan support for something.

So 44, according to this article by Mark Pratt and the Associated Press, 44 attorney generals, bipartisan support. Say, what? What does this mean? Is the world solving itself? It's not. But this is kind of awesome. A bipartisan group of 44 attorney generals has written to Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, urging him to drop company plans for a version of Instagram for children under the age of 13.

I don't have words for that. I do for the bipartisan thing. Hey, whatever, guys. Whatever works to get you all together. Men and women, congratulations. I want to applaud everybody for saying, I hate you, but this is ridiculous. I don't have the words for an Instagram for kids.

I don't know what about the data that we see over and over and over about kids consuming social media would suggest to a company, you know what we should do? We should make one just for them. It's like making cigarettes for children, right? Or making like, you you know we need beer for kids beer for kids that that's more focused on kids maybe it's got a little fruitier flavor or whatever holy smokes one of the attorney generals said it's shameful that facebook is ignoring the very real threat that social media poses to the safety and well-being of young children in an attempt to profit off a vulnerable segment of our population oh geez listen good folks

for what for as far as you can see please cultivate universes where your kids interact with real people, where they are bored, where they are frustrated, where they have to go play in dirt, where they have to build stuff out of scraps of wood and rocks and glue and old buttons, where they, you know

what, if it came down to playing on Instagram for kids and smoking cigarettes for kids, I would rather them go play video games together. I seriously would. And if you've been a part of the show for any more than five minutes, you know I'm not a huge fan of that. But I would. I'd rather that.

Man, let your kids exercise, go run around, play games, give them a stick and a ball and a tire and a pony. I don't care what it is. But if our government can decide, you know what, let's stop drinking the Haterade for 30 seconds and all write a letter about how stupid and ill-advised this is, for crying out loud, we can too as parents. Because at the end of the day, man, the government stepping in on our behalf, it's up to us as parents to not let kids.

My friend came and stayed with us this weekend. We had a family come stay with us. A guy I've known for 25 years. Kids came and his daughter's in second grade. And she was just talking about all the TikTok and smartphones that her friends in second grade have. And I would say that's insane. That's clinically insane. It's not.

It's heartbreaking. It's wrong that we have ever put our kids in that position to create a digital trail from the age of six, seven, eight, nine, and hand it to a company and say, use this wisely. Just as nuts. Don't let your kids on TikTok, guys. Don't let your kids on social media. Engage with them. Figure something else out.

Okay, that's my little, I can't, good job, government. You're not going to hear me say that very often, but good job, government. Way to go. Way to go. Jeez Louise. All right, let's get right to the calls today. Let's go out to tim in tucson

arizona tim what's going on this morning how are you i'm good dr john how are you outstanding brother so what's going on how can i help so in uh in march my nephew took his life how old was he man he was 21 i 21. I'm so sorry, Tim. Well, I really appreciate that. And since then, my oldest daughter has really struggled with this one. They weren't necessarily close. However, it's hit her in a way that is kind of hard to describe. She is kind of opened up about it and said, you know, I wish I could have done something. I wish I could have prevented it.

And then she then has continued to say that, you know, I'm afraid that possibly I will then take my life. And then, I don't know, probably maybe a month ago, she started having these night terrors. And it's been four or five nights a week where she just wakes up with these terrible dreams of him being hurt. And she's trying to save him and she can't. And it's just been relentless. Yikes, man. And so we've, did I think this was going to be challenging? Your good brother's hard, man.

It's hard. In my head, I played this conversation out multiple times and it was way easier in my head. Dude, so much. You should see when I try to make a jump shot. I'm always going to make it in my head until I actually let the ball go and it never goes in my head. Dude, so much. You should see when I try to make a jump shot. I'm always going to make it in my head until I actually let the ball go. And it never, it never goes in, man. So I'm with you.

Hey, there is something, and I appreciate you saying that out loud. There is something uniquely, unique about saying something out loud and it's hard. So I appreciate you doing that, man. That's brave, brother. So where does that leave you guys, you and your wife? Where does that leave your family right now?

So we have, you know, we've reached out to local counselors here. Okay. And either they don't take kids or they're booked out for months and months and or they don't accept our insurance. So it's only cash pay, which I mean, yeah, I mean, and it's not about the money. It's just about the, um, I just want to make sure she gets some quality service. So we ended up reaching out to the school and the counselor got in contact with her and it was great. And it was, it was, it was working really well.

However, with summer approaching that ends, you know, and I just, I'm, I'm at a point where I don't know how I can help my daughter because she doesn't necessarily want to go to another counselor and start over, you know, with trying to, you know, progress. But I'm trying to see if there's any practical tools that me and my wife can do to help her with these night terrors that she has. Man. Well, I love your heart, dude. Yes, there are. And there's also something you can do with the counseling. But give me one piece of information. How did she come to find out about this?

What was you and your wife's grieving process like? How did your daughter find out about it? Walk me through that really quick. So we got the phone call. It was early in the morning um i don't know it's probably 5 30 in the morning 6 in the morning our time so we were kids were up we were getting you know ready for the day and so went into the room my brother told me hey you know um he actually didn't tell me at first that he had taken his life. He just said he had passed away. Um, and so me and my wife were like, well, let's, let's see what we can do.

You know, if I could fly out there, cause he lives in Wisconsin. Okay. So that morning was, was a little hectic. I mean, but we, we didn't really, we didn't divulge that information onto them before going to school. You know, we, we needed a moment to be able to kind of try to process what happened, you know, and, and what, what our next steps were. And so we were as calm as we were. We could be with them.

I mean, the kids could tell something was off because I was in the room, you know, telling them, Hey, stay off for the time being. Um, so walk me to that afternoon or that evening how'd y'all how'd y'all tell them so i ended up flying out that afternoon um and so unfortunately my wife was kind of left with the bag of kind of explaining everything okay um and she had said you know your cousin has passed away know, dad went out there to go meet with your uncle and try to help in any way possible. And immediately my daughter went to, did he kill himself? Which right off the bat was like, Holy cow. We didn't even, you know, it was out of the blue you know like what how did your mind even come to that um you know and so we were like um well we're we're not gonna lie to you you know we're yes he he he did take his life and she wanted to know why and how how and we we were

like you know we don't we don't know how or why at this point. And does she know that stuff? Um, we, we haven't, we, we didn't know. She, he, he shot himself. And so we don't, I, it's just such a, I mean, but you haven't, you haven't communicated that to her, right? No, we, we have not. I didn't ask you, how old is she? She's 11.

11, okay, all right. And so we've explained, you know, the world is a hard place, you know, and sometimes people feel that's the only way out. And in those situations, we, we need to look to, to help other people, you know, and you never, you never know what a comment you say could either make or break someone else's day. And, and it's, it's, it's, it's super fine line of, of, I mean, she's still young, but obviously, you know, this is such a hard place to be in, you know? Yep.

All right, so let's back out of here a little bit, and here's what I'm going to need you to promise me, okay? I want you to promise me that I'm going to promise you that I'm going to be honest as I can with you, with the best of the information I got. And I want you to promise me that you will look, that you will be joyful about getting new information. And you're not going to walk back and try to recreate or redo something that you can't redo. Is that cool?

Right. Okay. Absolutely. Awesome. So anytime, I could tell you story after story, after I was well-trained to walk into these situations, I would come back and think, man, I absolutely blew that. And my partner and I would debrief when I would go into some of these situations and we would both go in together and we would talk about, hey, you shouldn't have said that or you got to ask this question differently.

And so I want you to know, trained people still debrief and still say, man, I wish I could say this again or that again, all that. So backing all the way up, I, for an 11-year old, I would err on the side of this statement. When they ask, how did it happen? Why did they do that? Saying things like, well, some people just think that's their way out. Some people just choose that that's how they're, the only thing I can do. So my standard answer for adults and for children is that they were not well. They were really struggling. They were sick. There was an illness in their heart and in their mind. And they came to a heartbreaking conclusion. They did something that they weren't in their right mind. And that tends to alleviate this idea that this is just going around. It can happen to anybody and more, oh, okay.

They were sick. They were struggling in that way. Also, when folks press me on details, I would often tell people, I want the last memory you have of that person to be the last time you saw them. Smiling, saying goodbye, saying I love you, saying I'll see you later. Not with whatever imaginary media-filled picture you're going to concoct in your mind of what that looks like. Because unless you've seen that scene actually with your own eyes, it's not what you think it is. And so I don't give details, especially like that to children.

I might tell them when you get older, we can talk more in details, but I want you to remember. I want you to remember Timmy or Billy or whatever his name is. I want you to remember them the last time we saw them and they were laughing and smiling before they got sick. Right. And so I say things like they died by suicide, not they committed suicide. I want to norm it that way in the same way that a kid will be terrified when somebody they know gets and dies by cancer or gets and dies by heart attack. That's scary because their world becomes a little bit less stable.

Right. Oh, that just happens. People can get this thing and it ends this way. Yes. And so backing out of this, another layer is this idea that, oh, so let's pause here. So the conversation from this point forward is cousin died by suicide. He was sick. He was really struggling. And this is not going to happen to you. Okay. And you can say that with a period at the end of it. Okay. And what if I get sick?

What if I get like this? We're always going to be here. So if you ever feel like you're not doing well or you're struggling, that's why we're here. And you're going to reach out, and we that's why we're here and you're going to reach out and we're going to create a space for you to reach out you're always okay to talk to us right and so what you're trying to do is you're trying to connect with your daughter i'm trying to solve her pain and hurt here so then i want to back out one one more circle if you will one more one more i don't know another 10 000 feet here and recognize that a common response to grief especially suicide or especially

what people imagine is a violent end is their picture of that person gets stuck on the violence that they are still hurting right right and so a really remarkable exercise that you as a family could do together, you and your wife and your 11-year-old, is to write a letter to him where he is now. Right? And so if y'all are people of faith that he's in heaven, or if you're not people of faith that he is resting gently and he was sick and he was really struggling. And now he's not hurting, right? We wish he was here so much. And writing him a letter and talking about where he might be puts a new picture in your daughter's head, whether that's in her imagination of what heaven's going to look like,

whether he's in a field, but it begins to shift her heart and mind away from this guy's actively in gruesome pain right now to, oh, he's not hurting anymore. We're hurting, right? And so she's not stuck on that night terror loop of there is somebody in pain and I can do nothing about it. And my body is fighting and fleeing all at the same time. And it's waking me up and waking me up and waking me up. Does that make sense? So it gives her a new picture for what that can look like. Right. And so the third thing would be being really honest with her

about mommy and daddy are sad. And I want you to norm in your house what those feelings are going to be like. Give her permission to, if you will, have a release valve. So maybe do a nightly check-in, or not nightly because not doing it around bedtime is good, but an afternoon check-in. Were you thinking about Billy today? I was. It made me sad. I miss him. How did you feel? And give her space. Give her an invitation to talk. Some 11-year-olds don't verbalize that well, and so draw on a picture, right? Giving her an opportunity. Or y'all just color together something.

But create 5 or 10 or 15 or 20 minutes a day in the afternoon or in the morning where y'all can have some space together just to process out loud. And let her see you grieving. And let her get a model of what grief looks like, that it's okay. I'm not bananas. It's okay to hurt mommy and daddy are sad too. And then recognize her entire world has shattered in that people just die. Does that make sense?

It becomes existential too. And so writing in that letter, letting her create a new picture. And by the way, in that letter, you can, she can say, I'm really mad at you that you did this. She's allowed to say that. She can be mad at him.

It can be heartbroken. It can be any number of feelings. All those feelings are okay. Getting them out on paper gets them out of your head, and you can see them. All right? And that comes back to one last important thing that i want to pass along um man you mentioned that um some people just make this decision i want you to be really cautious about giving her weight you never know if you just say the right thing or the wrong thing. For an

11-year-old, every decision just became life or death. Every conversation. And so I don't want an 11-year-old walking around bearing the weight of, if I don't say this thing right to whoever, they may die. Does that make sense?

That does. I get where your heart was awesome. Here's my other thing. I tell my son all the time, you have the opportunity to shine a light into somebody's day every time you interact with them. That is a different weight than at any moment you could say the wrong thing and they're going to die, right? They're just going to, yep. So I would shift that conversation and maybe even say, hey, I said this the wrong way. You are not going to ever be responsible for somebody taking their life, 11-year-old child.

You're not. You don't have that kind of power, right? If somebody chooses to take their life, they've got a whole bunch of other stuff going on. If somebody else dies by suicide, there's so much other things happening there. But what you can do is you can make somebody feel loved. You can shine a light in somebody's soul. And so we in our house, we're going to be about making sure that the waitress knows that we value her, that the guy at Burger King, we love them, that knucklehead who keeps driving too slow in front of us,

that we're not going to yell at him and model for our kids that we can't control our temper. That is a different way to shift that conversation than tagging your kid. Does that make sense? It does. And that's, I mean, it has definitely, that conversation has shifted in that direction. Awesome.

100%. That's good. So one last. Go ahead. Go ahead. No, no, please. I was going to say, one last thing I would shift to you is this, about your teacher. Ask your school counselor for a referral in the city.

Have you already done that? We have. Okay. And we don't live in tucson where we're like two hours south so we're in a smaller community and it's they're they're just there is not any options here it would it would have to be going up to tucson to try to find someone okay and she she did not know of anyone there so So let's do this. We can have some fun. Um, you can turn it into a fun conversation or a thing you're going to do as a

family, but I want you to go to betterhelp.com slash Ramsey. And if you can't get in person, they do have online counseling and they have a special deal that we've, they worked out for listeners of the show and, um, oh, it's, uh, it's And it's betterhelp.com slash Deloney, and D-E-L-O-N-Y. And they'll give you a discount on the first month of counseling there. But you and her, y'all could talk to a therapist. You can put it up on your TV screen at home

so she can watch it and be interacting with it. And you can get some more practical tools and tips there. But my hunch, my gut tells me that you guys sit down and have these conversations with her write him a letter have her imagine where he is now that he's not actively hurting anymore um have a nighttime routine talk about this in the daytime not right before bed so that that's the last thing she's thinking about. Begin to and then most importantly, model for her what grieving looks like, what healthy grieving looks like. And of course, if these night terrors continue, if she starts getting more anxious, you see weight gain, weight loss, you see her beginning to become a shell of herself. A hundred percent reach out, do what you got to to do you can do half day intensives

there's all kinds of different programs if you got to drive to a new city start with betterhelp.com but make sure you are reaching out and a high five to you guys for reaching out to your school counselor that's fantastic but try those things

and then give me a shout back let me know how those things go and I'm really grateful that you are trying to do right by your daughter and don't neglect your own grief here. You lost your nephew, and that's heartbreaking. All right, let's take another call. Let's go to Christopher in Butte, Montana.

Christopher, what's going on? Hi, how are you doing today? I'm all right, brother. How are you? I'm doing all right. Thanks for taking my call. You got it, man. So what's up? Okay. Well, um, just to probably make something brief,

that's a bit more than brief. Um, ever since I was a kid, I'm 23 now, but ever since I was a kid, 12, 14, um, I've always been almost too good at talking to people. And that has since probably since I was 14, 15 has almost made me a compulsive liar. And it's dug its nastiness into my marriage. And I don't really know. Well, I know how to fix it, but I'm scared to, if that makes sense. And I really just don't know what to do. Awesome. So that's why I'm scared to, if that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. And I really just don't know what to do. Awesome. So that's why I'm calling. Well, dude, this is hard. And I've been there. I had the same challenge growing up. And I watched an executive self-destruct with the same problem. And I had a

ringside seat to, oh, this is how this ends. And it was almost like a light switch in my life. And so I'm grateful that at 23, you're able to recognize this in yourself and want to do something about it. Backing up, man, why do you believe that this true story of you, Christopher, is of less value than this

concocted story that you tell? That's a deep question. I feel like I'm a fairly smart person, and in a lot of circumstances, I know what the right thing or what I should be doing is. And at the same time, for some reason, maybe laziness, maybe, um, something along those lines, I don't do what that right thing is, but I don't want to admit that if that makes sense. Um, so give me an example. Uh, let's see. Um, a really good example. This is one of the big ones that I'm trying to figure out how to deal with. Um, so my wife and I were going to school right now, um, online and I'll be honest, school has not been my forte, um, that we're college has been really rough. Um, but I haven't figured out how to tell my wife that, um. She's a big believer in making sure we have a degree, and we're doing fairly well.

I'm a store manager. But regardless, I guess I'm scared to tell her that, if that makes sense. But I'm told her that. I'm trying to get to the root here. There's a story that you've been told and that over time you've adopted and you tell yourself that the things that you want to do in your life aren't valuable or aren't worth or aren't enough and so you create personas that you are a little bit tougher a little bit faster you hooked up with a few more people you ran a little bit faster than you

actually did you scored a few more points in this, whatever the things are, and because at some deep level, the narrative that you've adopted is what Christopher wants is not good. What Christopher wants is less than. And so you spend your life creating an alt universe for everybody around you. Yeah. And then what happens when you're living an alt universe, you start living multiple alt universes. And the only thing that tamps that down is addiction.

And the only thing that tamps that down is stimulation somewhere else. Right. And so when you are, I'll just use your example, right? And you can tell me if I'm out to lunch here. You don't like being in school. You would rather not be. You know that your wife really values it. So you miss a class and you miss another class and then you don't do super great on assignment and then you don't tell her. And now you got a secret between you. You planted a seed and it's a secret. And then you've had that weird feeling when she says, how was school?

And just you blurt out, cool, man, going great. How's that test? It was good. And now that secret, you watered it, right? And now it's growing up between you. And then you feel that gap and that distance. And the only thing that makes that gap and distance go away, it doesn't make it go away. Not burn a hole in you. And then you feel that gap and that distance. And the only thing that makes that gap and distance go away, it doesn't make it go away. Not burn a hole in you is pornography, talking to somebody else at work that you can be flirty with, another drink, another drink, just watching

episodes after episodes. You start having to fill that gap with something else because you've created a gap in the relationship. Am I on to something? Am I right? Yeah. Okay. You are. Okay. Not that I've lived this, but I'm just saying, right? So here's what you've got to do. There's only one way through this and you know what it is, right? But you think you know what it is, but it's it's you think you know what it is but you actually don't it's gonna be a little bit different first and foremost you got to come clean

on all of it and the the story you just told me about school is the most sanitized one of these things am i right yeah okay what's the one giant giant thing that you're holding on to that you haven't told her? Well, there's two. Okay. And one is sort of a root of all of this. But the first big one is it's school related. Basically, I'm on the verge of getting kicked out. And the second one is pornography related.

Ding, ding, ding. Okay. Yeah. And did you cheat on her when y'all were dating? No. That is one line I've never crossed, fortunately. All right, good. All right, so here's what we're going to do.

You are going to have that conversation with her. You're going to let her know it's coming. Okay? And you're going to tell her, hey, we have to talk about some hard things, and so I want you to clear your schedule. And it's going to be a couple hours, and I've got some stuff I need to talk to you about. Number one, she's probably going to know more about this than you think she does. Occasionally, people are totally blindsided, but often not.

And then number two, before you have that conversation, you've got to get with a male friend of yours, a guy friend, and tell him everything. All of it. And you have to commit to somebody, not your wife,

that this is the last dishonest thing you ever say and or do, period. Okay. The only way forward is to keep a sentence in mind that a mentor of mine told me. His name is Randy Harris, and he said, the greatest question anybody can ever ask themselves is this. Is integrity something you can sort of have? Is integrity something you can mostly have? And I don't draw a lot of hard lines, but I do draw a hard line about that. Because dishonesty and stealing destroys people.

And if you just tell this to your wife, you are too smart and too quick, and you will wrap this up. And she wants so hard to believe in you that she will buy whatever box of crap you're trying to sell her. And you know that, and I know that. So you've got to bring somebody else into this conversation. That's going to hold you accountable. It'd be really cool if it was your dad or if it was her dad or somebody of high importance that you really want their approval. You really want them to speak in your life. But my guess is one or both of those men probably contribute to this challenge. So that might not be the best. If you've got a spiritual mentor that you trust, if you've got an older, wiser

gentleman that you trust, an old college professor, somebody that will speak into your life and will call you regularly and say, are you still telling the truth? Right. Or that when you do slip up and lie, you can let them know how you screwed up today. Almost like an AA meeting. Now, are you actually going to do that or no? No, that actually sounds like something I want to do. I don't know really how to explain it, but maybe you have heard this or can understand it. But it's a lot. Yes.

It's like I'm always worrying about it. Yes. It's weird. I've never talked about this out loud, so this is a lot. Yes. It's a ton. And you'll feel better after this call. You'll feel better after this call. You will know

because here's the thing, you're carrying around a sack full of bricks, man. All the lies, but beneath the lies is this narrative that what I want and what I value doesn't matter. And so I've got to keep everybody around me happy. And the way I keep them happy is by giving them all stories, different versions of myself. You got to stop. Today, I will never lie.

I'll never steal again. And when I slip up on one of those, I'm going to go to the ends of the earth to make it right, to call it out, to be over the top about it. Okay. I appreciate your bravery, Christopher. Today's the day. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to make that declaration today, call somebody today, talk to them about it, and then let your wife know we're going to meet this weekend. We need to have some direct conversations. And by the way, don't flunk out of school. Don't flunk out of school. There is no professor on

earth that wants to flunk you out of school. That's you deciding, I'm going to make a statement. Don't do that. At the very least, go to your professors and say, hey, I need to take an incomplete. I need to talk about this. I haven't been doing my work. But don't choose to flunk out of school, man. That's choosing to take one of those bricks out of your backpack and just hit yourself in the head with it.

That's a waste of time. All right? So you're on it now. You're on America's clock. The dishonesty stops today. Right? All right, everybody. We'll be right back.

Stay tuned on The Dr. John Deloney Show. All right, we're going to take an email here from Kevin. Kevin is the guy that we're using here, but I get this email a lot, so I want to take a moment to talk about this. Kevin writes, I hear you use the word season when describing a time of life that somebody is in. My buddy Todd hates it when I say, hey, it's just a season. He drives him crazy, and that makes me happy. Kevin asks, what constitutes a season?

What is the timeframe? Here's the timeframe. Whenever you want, whatever it's going to take for you to get to the end of whatever you're in the middle of. Right? That sounds really vague, and it kind of is. Here's the key to identifying seasons. It's this one magic word, intentionality. Here's an idea, or here's an example. I'm going to go on a new weight loss program. I want to

get my health back. I'm going to meet with a weight loss coach, a nutritionist, or with a doctor, or with a local trainer, whatever the thing is. I know for a season, my life's going to be really uncomfortable until my body adjusts, until it makes its move, right? Or I'm starting grad school. I'm going to sit down with my wife and say, this is a two-year program, or it's a doctoral, it's a four or five or six-year program. What does that mean for us? That means weekends are going to be hard to come by. We're going to have to intentionally schedule date nights. We're going to have to intentionally schedule time with the kids. We're just going to have to be intentional about this. That means on weekends, she's going to have to be intentional about spending time with

other friends because I'm not going to be there. We may have to intentionally find someone to take care of the yard, whatever that happens to be. It's just recognizing and calling out the season, right? Here's where that metaphor comes from. We don't say when summer rolls into fall and into winter, we don't say that summer's broken. It's not. It naturally moves to winter. And it's a season when things are really cold. It's annoying. It's freezing.

You got to wear coats and you can't just run outside and whatever. Same kind of thing, all right? So in a season of grad school, in a season of new job, in a season of somebody's pregnant, or we have a two-year-old and a one-year-old and now my wife's pregnant again, whatever that is, and we're in a season of chaos. That's okay. It's knowing it's not going to be this way forever, but it's just that we right now, and we're going to plan accordingly to right now. Remember when you were a little kid and the basketball coach said, we're going to run 100 laps.

You could do that because you knew the number. What you couldn't do is when the coach said, we're going to run until I get tired of watching you. I would rather run 50 laps knowing I'm going to run 50 than run 20 laps and not ever have a guess. And the coach just keeps blowing that whistle. Go again, go again, go again, right? He's making it tough, making me crazy, right?

So a season is just identifying here's the time period. Here's the stressors we're going to be under. Let's call them out. Let's put them on the table. Let's put them on the calendar. Let's put them in the budget. Let's put them in our hearts and minds and let's plan accordingly. And then we're going to plan a big celebration, right?

Disney world's at the end of this thing or the movies or ice cream or whatever the thing is, is at the end of this thing. And we're going to mark it as a season, right? That's all that means. So you decide when you're going to be intentional and how you're going to be intentional and what that's going to look like. Thank you for the question, Kevin. So grateful that you asked.

If you have more questions like that, man, askjohnatramseysolutions.com. Send them in and we'd love to hear from you. All right, as we wrap up today's show, I'm going to actually start rolling in. We're about 130, 140 shows in. I'm going to start getting into my heart a little bit. These are songs that actually are my favorites of my favorites. Throughout the last 120, 130 shows, I have sprinkled in some of my real favorites. The next couple of shows, here's some actual real favorites. This is off the 1982 Nebraska album, one of the greatest records ever made. I don't have it up sometimes. I even have it up here. Kelly's booing me. Boo.

Highway Patrolman by Bruce Springsteen. He writes, my name is Joe Roberts and I work for the state. I'm a sergeant out of Perrinville Barracks number eight. I always done an honest job, as honest as I could. I got a brother named Frankie and Frankie ain't no good. Yeah, me and Frankie laughing and drinking and nothing feels better than blood on blood. Taking turns dancing with Maria as the band played Night of the Jonestown Flood. Jonestown Flood, I catch him when he's straying like any brother would. Man turns his back on his family. He just ain't no good.

Stop what you're doing and go listen to that song. Put some headphones on and listen to the words. If you don't have a tear in your eye, you should probably go see somebody. This has been the Dr. John Deloney Show.