The Dr. John Delony Show - I’m Sexting With a Stranger

Episode Date: July 10, 2026

On today’s episode, we hear about: A wife sexting a man who’s not her husband A son concerned for his dad after his mom relapsed A woman whose sister crossed a boundary   Next Steps: ❤️ Get away with your spouse today! 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch   Connect With Our Sponsors: Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. Go to Capstone Wellness to learn more. Get up to 20% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth.   Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe.  Visit Hallow for a 90-day free trial. Visit Helix Sleep for special offers!  Go to Joi + Blokes and get 50% off labs and 20% off products. Working knives for working people—Go to Montana Knife Company to see what’s available now! Explore Poncho Outdoors! Get 25% off your order at Thorne.   Visit Zander Insurance or call 1-800-356-4282 for your free instant quote today.   Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💰 George Kamel 📈 EntreLeadership   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I was in a minor, bumper-a-bumpur accident, change information with a stranger, which then turned into a friendly conversation, then it turned into a texting conversation, and I think that the only thing that's holding us back is that we're like an hour apart, and that's why I haven't physically done anything to destroy my marriage.

What's up? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney's show. So glad you're with us. Talking about your marriage, your kids, your mental and emotional health, whatever you got going on in your life. Pull up a seat. And we're going to figure out

what's the next right move in your life. If this show means something to you, please share it with a friend. If an episode or a call, it makes a difference in your life, send it to somebody. If there's somebody you don't like, and you're like, ooh,

this call's going to make them feel terrible. Send it to them. That'll be good. That's what Kelly likes. And like and subscribe all that stuff. And if you want to be on the show, click the link in the show notes. Let's go out to Richmond,

Virginia and talk to Carla. What's up, Carla? Hi, how are you? I'm doing okay. How are you? Good. What's up? So I was in a minor car, bump for the bumper accident,

change information with a stranger, which then turned into a friendly conversation, then it turned into a sexting conversation, and I don't know what to do at the end because I'm happily married, and I never would think I would do something like this. And I think that the only thing that's holding us back is that we're like an hour apart.

And that's why I haven't physically done anything to destroy my marriage. But the conversation still keeps going on through the phone. This is like a movie you would find under like your neighbor's bed when you were a kid. I know. So tell me how I can help. I don't know what the question is.

Like, are you, are you, I mean, you've already ended your marriage as you knew it. And like, do you want to rebuild a new one with your spouse? Do you want to be with this guy? Like, how can I help? How can I walk with you? I want to be with my spouse, but I can't. But you don't. Do you want both?

I kind of do, but I kind of, I want more my spouse because I love him. and I just can't find, I don't know how to end something that I never thought I would too, if that makes. You hit delete and you block him and you never ever contact him again and receive any contact. And then you sit down with your spouse and you let them like be honest about here's what's happened. That's the thing. I don't know if I could be honest with my spouse. I feel like it would open up a jealousy issue or, you know. Of course, it should.

I mean, how should your spouse respond? Very jealous and very upset with you. Yeah. Yeah. And so if you don't want to tell your spouse the truth and you don't want to be honest about who you really truly have been over this last, however many months, I mean, the whole thing is not real, right? The whole thing is a fantasy from an emotionally charged moment that led to,

hey this person was extra kind what were the pleasantries exchanged I gotta know I mean it started off you know just like an innocent text like good morning you know how are you doing but kind of like when you're

you're you know I guess when you're dating and you're trying to figure out who the person is and everything but you hit him on the highway no he hit me on the highway we had exchange information because I you know I did have some minor damage to my car right and then

why in the world with that person who hit you on the highway text you the next day and say, how are you? I don't know. I guess. And what about that didn't freak you out? I guess because it was nice.

It sounded nice. I guess I felt desired that I haven't felt in a while. He hit you with his car. You know what I mean? Like, I would immediately have gone to this person's trying to CYA because they think I'm going to sue him. That's where I would have gone. Not like, ooh.

So let me back at us. How long have you been married? like two years and a half okay how long did you date before that four years okay so y'all been together for a minute what is it about your current relationship you know what even bigger than that what is it about the life over the last six years that you have created for yourself that is so lifeless that a wreck on the highway led to a text led to you sending naked pictures of yourself to him back and forth.

To where that off-ramp of aliveness became a place where a fire could even grow. You get what I'm saying? What is it about your life that you've created and with your husband co-created? You all built this thing together where it's so lifeless

that this was the injection of life that you feel like you need. I guess just going through everyday life with him or, you know, there's like, I guess, just life. I know, but that, but you get to choose what quote unquote this life feels like and looks like and what you'll do.

You get to choose that. So at some level, life happens. Life gets boring for all of us, of course. Life is not like one big fireworks show, of course. but along the way we make choices to not have aliveness in our house, not have spark, not have fun, not have the erotic,

not have spontaneity. And it's hard when you've got young kids. It's hard with life just when bills keep coming. Like, I get all that, but we get to choose that life. Okay. And by the way,

wrap your head around this for a second. Just play this out. You sit down with your husband. A, you're going to have a hard conversation with him one way or the other. You're going to tell him, I'm in love with somebody else or the idea of somebody else

this marriage is over or you're going to sit down with him and say I've been unfaithful a hard conversation is common so you just get to pick which one you want to have but how in God's name could you think you could find stability

and connection with a guy who hit you on his car and a few weeks later is sending you picks like how can you think like oh that's going to be my guy because he's just one fender bender away from hitting somebody else. I mean, from this whole thing, you get what I'm saying? Yeah.

He knows you're married. He does. Yeah, of course he does. He knew it when he saw your insurance. And so I guess I'm more concerned with not who you're going to, but I'm more concerned with the world y'all have co-created that you're trying to escape from. Gotcha. So talk back to me.

I mean, I guess just, you know, first year of marriage. it's good, but, you know, we never lived together before. So living together was a difficult thing to get used to. Tell me about it. What's difficult? He leaves hair, his little hairs in the sink, he didn't flush, he doesn't, leaves it, like, he's a jerk, he won't chair the remote. Like, what's difficult about it? He's, he's a little messy.

So it's, you know, I kind of feel like a mom kind of picking up after, you know, I have to do, I guess I have to do laundry all the time. I have to clean. I mean, he helps out outside. If I ask him, you know, like, oh, can you help me with this or help me with that? But, like, inside, I guess the house is all me. And I guess that's just a lot. Did you all talk? It is a lot.

It's a ton. Did you all talk about this? Or is it just kind of shifted and happened this way? In the beginning, I mean, I would tell him, you know, can you help me with this? Can you, you know, can you like pick up after yourself or, you know, when you're you finish, like, you know, like, you know, do the laundry when I'm not home. If I'm working in your home, do it, you know, or, you know, or help clean and everything, find stuff to do that we need to be done. But then it just kind of slowly, like, I guess I just kind of gave up and I just

now come home and I'll just do it. Or if it's my day off, I'll do everything on one, you know, on my day off. And so what I would love to express to you is that's a really normal transition to sharing a house with somebody. And the harder conversations that y'all haven't had yet are not about playing whack-a-mole with different chores. Because in defense of your husband,

my guess is he'd probably just put on the same pair of dirty shorts again. And then the day after that, and then the day after that. And so in his defense, he doesn't see this as a problem. Or if he's like me when I first got married,

I did the dishes when I found myself eating cereal out of a salad bowl, I was like, oh, man, I should probably wash these. It never even entered my mind that I needed to have every dish put away, either in the dishwasher or back in the cabinet or in the drying rack before I went to sleep every night. That wasn't even in my worldview. And so the deeper conversation is,

hey, when I get home and I've been working hard all day and you've had a day off, the story I'm telling myself, the story I'm making up is you don't care about how I feel when I walk in the door. And he would go, oh gosh, because now it's not about dishes, it's about loving my wife well.

And that's an awkward conversation. That's a, hey, we're building something together. How can I love you? This is how you could love me. This is what I want. I want to not be your mom. I want you to like keep your eyes open. And by the way, when my wife and I had this conversation,

our marriage was on thin, thin ice. And it changed everything. Now I walk in the door with the intention of, is there a pile I can help pick up? Is there a way I could make this place a little bit nicer for my wife? It's not for me, because I'm fine. And, but those conversations have to happen. The challenge is avoiding those small, those small tense conversations, it leads to now you're going to have to have a really hard one. Because you sought aliveness, you sought excitement,

you sought joy, you sought being seen secretly like that when your heart rate, that first time you hit send on that picture, your heart was beating a thousand miles an hour, wasn't it? Yeah, a lot. You can choose to co-create that

in your own home. Or you can seek it elsewhere. But I think you have to wrap your head around the marriage you had, your two-year-old marriage is over. It does not exist anymore. you nuked it and so do you want to sit down with him and build a new one based on trust and aliveness and honesty or do you want to walk out the door i want to build it okay you there is no

rebuilding without complete and total honesty and trust and that means you're going to have to sit in front of the man whose heart you've broken and whose trust you've broken and say i'm sorry okay and if you're serious about rebuilding this this guy who hit you from behind and wrecked your car and then turned it into a romantic thing, um, like he doesn't even deserve a, hey, we're not talking anymore. Like we block everything.

I'm getting rid of social media. I'm just ending this because my marriage is that important to me. Otherwise, your marriage isn't that important to you and call it what it is. And deal with the grief that you've become somebody that you never thought you'd become. You know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. The solutions here are really hard, but they're relatively simple.

You seem unwilling to do the simple, hard thing. Tell me about it. I guess I just don't know. I know it's simple. I could just easily block him, but I don't. I don't know why. I guess because I was, I don't want to, I don't know why. I feel like I don't want to disappoint him.

You know what I mean? but it's like I definitely don't want to hurt my husband. You already have. I know. Now you're just deciding how deep that cut's going to go. Yeah. And I think you need to do some soul searching on why you're so intent on not disappointing a stranger. A guy who you don't know at all.

But is the kind of guy that will prey on an awkward situation with a married woman and have no remorse about it? Gotcha. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, this has transcended like, if you were working with this person, you've been working together for a few years, and y'all develop,

you're all working on projects together and whatever, and you find yourself really attracted to this person, and then you throw on the breaks and what, that's one thing. This is a stranger, man. And y'all shared a moment. It's the thing about Hollywood, man. These things don't work out.

And it looks like this is how romance starts. It's just, it's, it does, it felt like a movie. Yeah, like, you know. But movies, I mean, Hollywood's not real. Yeah. Because here's my 100% promise. Fast forward.

End your marriage with this guy, with your husband. End it. Move an hour away. Quit your job, move an hour away, and have this romantic torrid affair. Be with him. You all have, like, the tension, the sexual tension you all have built

by exchanging photos back and forth. Release it. Go for it. and I promise you within two months you're picking up underwear again. I promise there's oatmeal left in the bottom of a pant. There's going to be things, or maybe he does all the inside work

and won't touch a mower. Like there's gonna be life that happens in relationships. You get what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. I have a, I have like a strong feeling you're not gonna do any of this. You're gonna try to write this out. No, I don't want to because that's another thing I feel like that holds me back is like I couldn't quit my job.

I couldn't. I mean, I have a family business. It's not like I can easily just quit and move away, you know, and I'm attached to my husband's family. We're close, you know, everyone gets along. I get along with them and, you know, I feel like I couldn't. That's what holds me back so much that I, that I, I couldn't just pick up and leave. Yeah, dude.

I mean, the more you talk, the more heartbroken am for your husband. Because it sounds like you don't want to stay with him because you love him and you want to rebuild the marriage. It sounds like it's going to be too inconvenient for you to leave. And on his behalf, he's not on the phone. He deserves more than that. He deserves a wife that will leave a family business

that will quit everything, will sell the house because she's right or tie with that guy. Not, well, I'm kind of stuck with him because it's where I work. also and his aunt is nice to me and she makes good meals like your husband deserves more than that he deserves all of you and if you're not willing to give all of you be honest with him about that and let him know where he stands because right now here's the deal he knows something's up and he's probably doing one of two things he's walking around completely withdrawing because he thinks

he's failing you. He doesn't know what's happening, but he knows something's not right. He knows you flip the phone over every time. He knows your face is flushed when he walks in the room and you thought he wasn't home. Like, he knows. Or he's walking around thinking that he's failing you and he's trying to figure out how to better love you and he can't because you're not being honest with him. He deserves better than that. And you do too, quite frankly. You can't have your cake and eat it too on this one. Like the world around you's on fire. You lit it on fire. and now you get to decide how long it burns. I just ask that you be a person of integrity in the process.

Thanks for the call, and thanks for letting me tell you at least my version of the truth. We come back. A man asks how to support his dad during his mom's relapse without getting back into all the family chaos. I've seen the data. So many people, including you, avoid talking about life insurance because it forces you to imagine things that you don't want to think about. It's hard and it's scary, but you've got to remember this. Life insurance is not really for you. It's for the people you love and you will leave behind if the worst thing happens. I recommend term life insurance from Zander Insurance. When a family

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They wanted fingerprints from me and my kid, and they wanted our Social Security numbers. They didn't really want all that. But listen, I just wanted some food and some gum, and they wanted my soul. Every time you give out your cell number, your email address, or buy something online, data brokers are grabbing your information and selling it to the highest bidder, leaving you vulnerable to spam and scams. And even if you go to a store that's recognizable, they're also selling your data.

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behind your back without your permission. Go to join deleteme.com slash deloney and get 20% off an annual plan. That's join deleteme.com slash deloney. All right, let's go to Baltimore, Maryland, and talk to Charles. What's up, Charles? How's it going, Dr. John? Dude, I'm doing well, brother.

How are you? I'm doing all right. I'm happy to talk to you. You've helped me through a lot, so it's an honor. Well, I'm grateful, man. I appreciate you calling. What's going on, dude? So I'm 22 years old, and throughout my whole childhood and my life so far.

My mom has, she's been in and out of rehab and prison, all alcohol-related. Hey, can I hold on stop real quick. Dude, I'm sorry, man. Yeah. Not like for real. I'm sorry. Thank you. Boys and teenagers and young men need their moms.

I'm sorry. Yep. Thanks. I appreciate that. That's no good. Luckily, I have a, luckily my dad has been my best friend my whole life. We do everything together pretty much. much. We've always held each other's heads up through it. If she would, you know, come home

drunk or something, we'd just, him and I would go outside and have a fire, play with the dog, or we'd go kayaking or something like that. So he's always helped me up through it. But what I'm struggling with now is I've recently moved out. I moved in with my fiancee. And my mom is coming off of two and a half years sober, and she's recently relapsed again, and I'm just really struggling with some guilt of not being there for my dad to help them through it like before. Man, you're a good man, dude. Thank you.

And I've got your word that this generational curse stops with you, huh? Yeah, I think so. I think you're going to be a different kind of parent than your mom, and even your dad to an extent was. Yeah, I hope so. No, I don't hope so. Like, be that change, okay, brother? I believe in. Yep. Thank you. Um, I'm going to give you some hard truth. Is that cool? That's cool. Um, I think your dad is an incredibly noble man. Mm-hmm. It is. And to have stuck it out, like, this is a true picture of till death to his part, right? Sickness and in hell. Absolutely. Um,

And I'm going to put an and here, okay? All dads, all moms too, but I'll just speak to dads. All dads, when faced with challenges, relational challenges, marriage challenge, parenting challenges, we open up our toolkit and we use the tools that we got. Yeah. And for our dads, that toolbox, that toolkit was limited on the number of tools. The reason I'm telling you that is your dad should not have been your best. friend your whole life. You get what I'm saying? He should have been your dad.

And what that means is, like, him getting you out of the house, taking you out, like, that is amazing and wonderful and powerful. And my fear for you is somewhere along the way, you picked up the idea that it's also your fault, I mean, also your job to help carry the household. And that was never your job. Yeah, I definitely feel that way. I know. I know. And it's because you're a good man, and I think your dad tried to love you well, and he was probably a guy.

He loved you well enough that I bet he wore his heartache pretty openly, too, right? Actually, not so much. My dad's very, very quiet and reserved. But you can see it on him. Oh, absolutely. I can see it on his face. Every day I can sit on his face, and I just, I don't know what to do. Because I still see him a good bit, but I mean, I don't sit with them like I have. Yeah. So how far away do you all live?

10 minutes. Okay, perfect, dude. All right, so here's a couple of things. Number one, I want you to reconcile. This may be going to see a counselor. This may be starting a journaling practice or something. All these things are going to feel hippie-dippy to you. But I want you to recognize that these things are implanted in your body.

Okay. And that is a five-year-old, a nine-year-old, a 13-year-old little boy who thinks it's his job to make sure mom is okay. That was never your job. Yeah. Okay. And when you grow up trying to hug and love a ghost, which is what it feels like to a young kid whose parents struggling with addiction, they're right there. You see them on the couch, you see them on the chair, but they're not there, right? Yeah.

And every kid has an internal system that says this is my fault and I need to fix this. I need to bridge this. And you got to know that was never your job as a kid. Yeah. Okay. The other side of this equation is your relationship with your dad. Did you say you're 22 now, 24? 22.

Okay, 22. Awesome. You're in a season where your relationship is transitioning. Okay. and what that like there's just this weird thing that happens when you i i it's usually about 25 and depending on what house you grew in sometimes it's 35 and sometimes it's 16 right but your relationship with him will begin to shift and change where you become peer-esque not i'm going to tell you what to do and how to do it you get what i'm saying yeah i do and so a really cool thing for

you as a young man would be to call your dad and say, hey, I miss our time together. Would you be willing to meet me for breakfast once a week? Okay. Y'all, 10 minutes apart is perfect. Go to a crummy, cool diner, go to a chain. I don't go to McDonald's. I don't care. But you reaching out to him, because he's going to enter a phase now where he's going to start thinking, I don't want to bother him. Okay. My son's been through enough, and I want him to have fun with his fiancee. I want him to build his own life away from this crazy. Yeah. And now is a great moment for you to extend the hand back and say, no, no, no, like, you're important to me.

I've seen what a good man you've been over the years, but how hard you've tried. I want to spend time with you. I still value time with you. Yeah. You will light him up like a Christmas tree if you do that. And then when you're at breakfast with him, you ask him, how can I love you, man? Not what do you need? because most men, especially older men,

they don't answer that. I don't need nothing. But looking at your dad and saying something very similar, I want you to start asking your fiancee this, hey, how can I love you? I know it's hard right now. And he's going to say, oh, nothing, whatever. And you can tell him, I'm going to do something.

I'm going to show up and start mowing the yard unless you give me some specific things to do. Yeah. Right? But let him know I'm going to start proactively. Not trying to take care of you. I don't know that he needs you to take care of him, but I'm going to start proactively, like, pouring gas on our relationship.

I love you, man. Okay. And if the time is right, I will tell you this, you look at your dad and you can get them to make eye contact with you, which is hard for aging fathers and aging sons, if you tell your dad, hey, you did a good job. You did a good job. You loved me well in a pretty messy situation.

I want you to know as I'm entering into marriage, I see it. Mm-hmm. You did a good job. You'll set his soul free, brother. Okay. But I think what your dead needs more than anything is, A, to be released of the burden, right? Because there may have been some seasons when he probably should have got you out of that house. And there may have been some seasons where he knew you were shouldering a lot of that relationship because he had to work or whatever.

And he has a lot of guilt and shame over that, I promise you. Yeah. And so you telling him, hey, I want to continue our relationship as co-adults now, right? we're both adults. I'm going to need some marriage wisdom. I'm going to need you in my corner in my life. And you extending that back to him will be like water for somebody in the desert, man. Yeah, I see what you mean.

Is that cool? Yeah, that's cool. And then whatever work you got to do, brother, to free yourself from those things. If you become a people, please are over time. A lot of young adults whose parents were struggling with addiction find themselves pretty reactive with some deep rage and anger that comes out in weird places. Like whatever is going on in your life, I want you to commit to doing the work. And that means going to talk to somebody. It's it in a bad mouth your mom, isn't a bad mouth dad? This is to set yourself free. So you can

become the husband, the parent that you didn't have in some cases. In some areas you did, you got a pretty amazing example from your dad. But you and your fiance, as y'all get married, can chart your own course for what kind of marriage we want to be. build. And man, set some pretty cool family values together for who y'all are going to be together. Yeah, man, you're on the right track, brother. There's an honor to talk to you. And, um, yeah, set your dad free. Set your free, ma'am. We come back. A woman asks how to address her sister about how she confronted her daughter. Ah, I love family drama. All right, this morning, before I came into the studio, I was doing a consult with a physician on some blood work I just had done.

We talked about some places where I can optimize and get better, and she recommended some supplements that I need to add into my stack. And what company did she name? The one company I trust, Thorne supplements. I was first introduced to Thorne by professional athletes over a decade ago, and they continue to be the main supplements I trust for me and my family. Supplements continue to be an unregulated industry. What does that mean? It means there's no accountability. It's flooded with garbage and nonsense. And most companies are out for a cash grab. They cut corners, they lie on their labels, but not Thorne. Thorne makes every one of their products at their world-class facility in South Carolina. 35% of Thorne's employees working quality control. And Thorne rejects 15% of

their raw materials because good enough is not good enough for Thorne. Thorne only deals. in excellence. It's why pro athletes, Olympic teams, and more than 60,000 doctors, including mine, trust Thorn, and that's why I trust Thorne, too. Stop guessing what's going into your body. Go to thorn.com slash the letter U slash Deloney to get 25% off your order when you create an account. That's t-h-o-n-e.com slash the letter you slash Deloni. All right, let's go out and hang out with Pearl Jam in Seattle, Washington, and Tar. to Angela. What's up, Angela? Hello. So I like your advice on how to address my sister, my older sister, in a situation that she confronted my 17-year-old daughter a few weeks ago. Oh, awesome. What

happened? So I'm a single mom to a wonderful 17-year-old girl. She's a light of my life, that kid. We had some family over visiting for the holiday, and kids will be kids. Should her cousins outside, they were all playing, and she's the eldest of her cousin. And they kind of started, you know, snapping back one another. You should have did it. Not talking obviously very nicely, but kids do that. And my sister was outside with them. And she got what I thought was reasonably un-upset about it.

And she told my daughter to go upstairs. And this was in front of my whole family. And she's like, go upstairs. I want to talk to you. And I didn't know until later after I talked my daughter about it. But she had a pretty angry confrontation with my daughter and was berating her and saying really not nice things to her and even swore at her at one point. and um nothing helps a a child especially a teenager who you're mad at for yelling and for for

calling people names to yell and scream at them and they call them names yeah no exactly what a great example yeah i don't handle i i don't handle situations like that with my daughter i i very whenever she no because you're a mature adult that's why yeah okay let i i i This situation is electric. I can feel how you're describing this story. I feel it. And by the way, I would feel the same. Okay.

Now, let's back all the way out. Where else have you and your sister? Where else do you sit in the seat of judgment underneath your older sister? Well, everyone likes to joke and say that I'm the older sister because I'm the more mature, responsible one that makes good decision. She does not have any children of her own. Oh, nice. Even better.

Yeah, yeah. Is her name Karen? I'm just kidding. Sometimes she can really be a Karen. But I know she loved my daughter, like her own, and she's helped me through some really challenging times. And she really has taken on a little of, like, a second parent. But I just felt like this really overstepped. And I want to be a good example for my daughter.

Yeah. Everything I do. Yeah. Well, let me assure you you are. Because you've had a hard row, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Like your daughter's got to see in real life what a strong, powerful, loving single mom looks like. What a great example on how to be a good woman. And the fact that you're calling and you know, I want to do this right, but nobody's going to talk to my daughter that way. Right.

is awesome and your daughter needs to see this okay yeah if you're if your relationship is strong enough is bonded enough

is the nerd word then you can sit down with your sister and say hey I need to hear what happened the other day because I talked to my daughter and she told me that you said some pretty wild things

and I want to honor you enough by getting your side of the story first Right. And if you come at her that calm and not accusing but inviting, I want to hear your side. I know my daughter told me her side, but I want to honor you enough to hear your side. And to be able to say, if she has the courage to be honest and say, yeah, I use profanity, I swear it your kid, I did this. I couldn't believe she was saying these things or whatever. Then in as calm a way as possible, if you're able to say, don't ever swear at my.

daughter again. Yeah. And don't embarrass my daughter in front of our family again. Or here's a better way to handle this. Or when that happens, here's how I do this. But give her a path. But the calmer you remain, the more powerful and settled this conversation is. Yeah. Right? And that's hard. My sister can be very overpowering with everyone in the family. Yeah. And so it's very hard. to comfort her sometimes. That's where getting away and saying, I need to hear your start of the story.

And if she storms out, then, and she throws a fit and she's embarrassed about what she did or she's indignant. She thinks she's right. Yeah. You're still able to, A,

know whether I need to draw a boundary. You're not going to, I'm just going to ask you to not communicate with my daughter because you can't control yourself. Right. Right. I have an older sister.

I know how hard this conversation. would go, right? And I also know, like, the thought of telling my older sister, you can't be around my kids would devastate me, it would hurt them. But, I mean, they're my kids. Right. Right. And then your 17-year-old's going to feel guilt.

I shouldn't have told mom, I should have just dealt with it, because now they're in a whole thing. And she needs to be affirmed that you did the right thing. Yeah. I just don't, I want to teach her that she doesn't have to walk on eggshells around my sister. That's for the longest time. It's sort of how I felt. Here's the hard thing.

Here's the hard thing. She might have to walk on eggshells around your sister. Yeah. And so the harder lesson will be we as strong, relational, like, women, we don't walk on eggshells. And so that means we have to draw some pretty hard boundaries even when it's hard. But I don't want to have to walk. You're not going to walk on eggshells in your own home. You're going to be able to be silly and goofy and talk trash with your cousins.

cousins because that's what cousins do. What else? Why else do you have cousins except for that, right? Exactly. And that's why we, other adults, my brother and sister-in-law were there. We were like, what happened? Like, they're just being kids. I don't understand why you needed to have a blow up like that.

Did anybody confront her? My daughter. Did anybody confront her? No. She ended up actually leaving the house. She left my house and went back home. And it was actually her birthday weekend. We were supposed to be there.

celebrating her and spending time with her and she got so upset and I guess was looking for validation from the rest of us and we all kind of looked at her like what are you doing yeah how old is she she's 40 oh my gosh 49 she just turned 49 can I flip this whole thing around and you know her better than me by a million miles right I don't know her from the man of the moon but could it be that she's knocking on the door of 50 and she's seeing her brothers and her sisters and their families. And this birthday got real heavy, real fast. It's very impossible.

We've had a lot of, like, big life events and not great life events recently, so we're all under a great deal of pressure, and it's been very stressful. And so maybe sitting down with her and saying, hey, I talked to my daughter, and it sounds like you took her upstairs and you had a big blow up,

this isn't you, what happened? What's going on? Yeah. And maybe you're like, no, no, no, this is her. This has been her forever. Yeah, I mean, yeah. But I think, I think Jesus wanted to touch too far. Yeah.

It's time. And when somebody's out of control, the greatest gift you can give them is to say that you don't go this far. Yeah. And whether she pushes back, she gets indignant, she yells, she fights, whatever, it may be the greatest gift she could ever receive right now is a really firm boundary. You will not curse it my child. Because I put myself in that situation. If I needed to reprimand my nephew, I would never have gone that far with that.

No, no, no, no. But that's where, like, to get to the root of this thing, letting your sister know at the beginning of the conversation, this doesn't sound like you. It sounds like you got other things going on. I'm your sister. What's going on? And that conversation will, like,

I'm going through this. I don't have any kids. I was dating somebody and we just broke up. Mom and dad are sick, whatever. That will lead you all to a path where y'all are getting closer and closer connected where you will have all. I mean, you have all the room in the world anyway, but it will allow you to have the hard conversation,

which is, hey, you really embarrassed my daughter. Yeah. And nobody's allowed to swear at my daughter. I don't care how mad you are. Yeah, I don't do that. It took a lot. My daughter went through a troubling time, and we worked through a lot of stuff. And my sister did see all of that happen, but my daughter and I have only grown much closer over the last four years.

Sure. And I don't know if maybe some of that is how my sister feels as well. Maybe she's a little envious of our relationship because we're really close. Possibly, but here's the thing. I wouldn't spend one ounce of energy trying to get in your sister's head and figure it. out why she did what she did. Yeah. I would give her an invitation to explain it.

Right. And you as a more regulated adult saying, this isn't you, what's going on? Or I've never seen, like, I've never seen you blow up on my daughter like that. And that doesn't sound like you. What's going on? I mean, that's the most compassionate path back. And if she's like, I don't know what you're talking about. She was doing this and this.

And then that's when you can know, all right, I'm going to stop this conversation. You cannot talk to my daughter that way. And you will never swear at her again or you're choosing to not be in communication with her. Yeah. Right. And like you'll know, I'm ending this back and forth. Here's the bottom line. And you know she's, if she's emotionally unregulated, she's going to be all over the place.

And you can't control her response to your adult. boundaries and it's not i i think people all over the country are weaponizing boundaries these days like oh you raise your eyebrow when i walked in or one time when you were seven you i think it's kind of gotten madness but nobody's going to curse at my kid nobody's going to embarrass my child especially when they're just being goofy kids and if you are an adult and you need to correct my kids and you are in my circle and you're i've given you permission to do that do it respectfully Do it privately. Do it directly. Do it in a way that's going to help not make you feel powerful, but a way that's going to correct the behavior and empower the kid to go do better next time.

And so you're not only well within your rights, you're on top of it and you're showing your daughter. I'm with you, right or die. But we're not going to walk on eggshells in the house. And that may mean that certain people aren't allowed in the house. But we're all going to be connected together because we're in our family. We're in relationship. Well done, sister. There's hard conversation. ahead, but I would start with an invitation. And remember, facts are your friends. Tell the truth and as regulated as you could be. The calmest person is the most rooted person here.

Thanks for the call, sister. We'll be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Summer is a time when people escape. They escape work, they escape school, they escape the rigors of quote unquote, their regular life, whether it's relaxing or going on vacation, we've been sold a lie that if we could just get away from it all, everything in our lives will magically work themselves out. But here's

a thing, a vacation won't fix what you won't face. If you're anxious, burned out, or struggling, those problems will be waiting for you when you get home. And this is why I recommend BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online therapy that fits into your life wherever you happen to find yourself. You can talk with a licensed therapist by phone, video, or messaging from anywhere. No commuting, no sitting in a waiting room, just a safe place to process what's actually going on in your life. And you want to build a life that you don't have to escape from. All of Better Helps therapists follow a strict code of conduct. You can message your therapist and schedule sessions right in the app.

And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapist anytime for no extra cost. This summer, don't ignore what's coming up to the service. surface. Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is stop running from it and start turning and facing it. Go to betterhelp.com slash deloney to get 10% off. That's BetterHelp, help.com slash deloni. All right, we're back. Kelly and the hot pink. Burning off my rods and cones a little bit. Looks good. Some days, I just want to know what's going on at your house in the morning. It's just come to work and you're just like feeling it. It's awesome. It's just a shirt. that I put on this morning.

Yeah, right. All right, so I have a cool crap that happened from a listener that asked me not to use her name, so we won't. So let's call her Kelly. I'm good with that because this is a great email. All right, never mind. Let's call her Janet. All right, Janet.

Janet writes, important to note that we have a three-year-old and a three-month-old at home. Oh, geez. Our intimate time has been hard to come by recently. I was listening to... Hey, can we pause real quick? My favorite thing is the word intimate is like a word that is like all-encompassing, right? But it's also used, and not to throw shade, but particularly people in faith-based communities as a substitute for the word sex. And it's like we had a three-year-old and a three-month-old.

We know you've done it at least twice, right? Like we know, you can just say it. But anyway, but like the... Fair point, though, probably any intimate. time has been hard to come by. Yes, yes. We're not talking, we're not making eye contact. I don't know what day it is. Yeah, I haven't showered. Nothing's good right now. So shout out, Janet. Yes. The intimate time. So she said, I was listening to an episode recently, and John was talking about how sometimes you just have to make the intimacy happen. When I heard that, I sent my husband a flirty text. It was the day before we were leaving for vacation and we were still up at midnight trying to pack when he made a joke about having some us time.

And I just said, let's go. After, he said it was. surprised that I said yes because it was so late and we still had so much to do. So I told him about the Deloni episode I had listened to and he responded with, thank you, John. You're welcome. Just a funny moment I wanted to share. Thank you for everything you've given us to improve our marriage. Yes.

Dude, I love this. Sometimes you've got to make it happen and sometimes call the bluff. Man, I'm sure it would be cool if we were making out right now. I'm in right now. You ready? And almost every time guys like, no, I have my fantasy football draft or whatever, dude. but good if you're in a good marriage

if you're in a safe marriage no abuse all that yada yada almost never do you regret and let's be honest what the six minutes like you almost never regret those all right

you know what I mean and on the other side of that it's always like I'm glad we did that or that was funny or that was connecting or that was like dang I didn't see that coming it's so good sometimes just to be like you know what yep awesome

and good for her Good for her for going first and being weird and sending the flirty text. Shout out, Janet. Awesome. Awesome. And I bet that vacation was a rockin. Probably not. Not with a three months old.

No. Not at all. It was just like a paid nap. But I guarantee you it was a better vacation. Oh, for sure. For sure. They were more connected.