The Dr. John Delony Show - Is It Too Late For Me To Deal With My Past Trauma?

Episode Date: October 4, 2021

The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel frozen, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well—and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!   Show Notes for this Episode Is it too late for me to deal with my past trauma? My daughter recently opened up about past sexual abuse and I'm not sure what to do How do you actually act on your priorities? Lyrics of the Day: "Lose Yourself" - Eminiem   As heard on this episode:  BetterHelp dreamcloudsleep.com/delony Conversation Starters Redefining Anxiety John's Free Guided Meditation Ramsey+   tags: trauma/PTSD, family, parenting, kids, counseling/therapy, abuse, sexuality/intimacy, suicide/self-harm   These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.

On today's show we talk to an extraordinary mother of two who's wondering am I too old to heal for my trauma. We also talk to a mom whose daughter is getting out of a psychiatric hospital and she wants to know the steps she can take to love her daughter the best when she gets home. It's a good show. Stay tuned. What's up, everybody? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. Man, it's so good to see you, but I can't see you. And I was going to say, it's so good to talk to you. I'm talking to you, I guess. This is a one-way conversation. Feel free to talk back to me wherever you happen to be.

If you're walking through Target and you've got your this is not a Target audience, actually. This is more of a I don't know, what kind of audience is this? This is more of a gas station audience, right? Just kind of rolling out in the Buc-ee's or the flying, what is that flying Flying J. This is a Flying J.

If you are cruising the Flying J aisle right now for what flavor zinger best represents you and what slurpy combo you're going to be all over, listen. Feel free to talk back to me. Actually, if you're in Buc-ee's, everybody's talking to everybody in there, so it's cool. And now I can't even tell because I got those earpieces in. I don't know who's talking to me, who's not. It's just setting me all off.

But a couple of important things. This is a big announcement on the Dr. John Deloney show. This is huge. My little brother who rules, by the way, if you want to know, I'm the quiet one in my family. That's me being honest. Like at Thanksgiving, I'm the guy that's like, hey, can we just tone it down a bit? This is a lot. My brother's awesome.

And he sent me this hilarious meme yesterday. Here's what it says. It says, I wonder if the people paying $300 for a colon cleanse even know about Taco Bell's $4.99 cent deal. So I saw that and I laughed real hard. I didn't expect it. It made me super laugh. And then on the internets, this extraordinary woman, I don't know who it is. I was going to say slid into my DMs, but that's a bad thing, right? I can't say that. She didn't slide into my DMs.

She sent me a direct message. Is that the more polite way to say that? I think so. Oh, gosh. I was born in the wrong century. She sent me this incredible photo here, and it's of a sign of, hey, free advertisement to this company. it's a colonoscopy company called let it go and sometimes i get down on the united states and sometimes i get down on

just the state of the world if you have a colon cleanse company and it's called let it go we should all take that as a sign as things are going to be okay. I think we're going to be all right. I think we're coming out of this. The Dorito taco, first time I bit into the Dorito taco, I thought, we're all going to be okay. Like the most extraordinary engineering minds

on planet Earth came up with this. We are going to die young, but we're going to be all right. You picked a good day to share this with Kelly being out because she would have been thrown up by now with all this. Kelly's not out. would have been thrown up by now with all this.

Kelly's not out. Hey, what's up, Kelly? Hey. Your beard looks awesome. I haven't seen you wear a hat in a while. Dude, it's all... How do you say that not... This is going to be a different show because Kelly's not here.

Are you answering the phone when you call people? This is Austin, by the way. Austin's on the internets today and uh zach h and the faux hawk is still figuring out over there on on the screens he's like looks like he's launching a ship at nasa and really he's just hitting a record button but whatever we all overstate our our expertise but austin when you answer the phone are you saying like hey this is kelly no it's just welcome to the john deloney show oh it's not near as fun the next caller when you call them you have to, hey, this is Kelly? No, it's just welcome to the John Deloney Show. Oh, it's not near as fun. The next caller when you call them, you have to be like, hey, this is Kelly.

I have all, I have the first 18 COVIDs. Not 19, but I got one through 18. That'd be excellent. Don't do that. That's probably, sorry to everybody about that joke. Is that bad? It's too soon? Sorry. I never had any COVID 1 through 18.

You did, didn't you, James? For being so smart sometimes. All right. Hey, I'm going to read another poem or two. All right. A poem commemorating the upcoming one-year anniversary of the show by a grateful listener. That is over, but we're still going to read it anyway. There was once a doctor named John.

Evidently, in this poem, I'm dead. We'll continue. There was once a doctor named John. The Dave Ramsey show he was on. His credentials, he had a pot full. And his advice, it was quite thoughtful. Now his own show, John, speaks upon. This is phenomenal.

I might get this one tattooed on my arm. That's fantastic. Good work. That one had a Limerick quality about it. It circled back on the original rhyme. I don't know. It's from Rick. Rick, outstanding. You should be a hip-hop artist. And we'll just do one more.

This one's in a fancy pants envelope. Who's this one from? Steven. Here's his poem. Roses are red. Violets are blue. Dr. John Deloney's show is best. And Kelly's commentary is too.

I'll add my rhyme. Boo! Final line. Thanks for all that you do. Do. That was awesome. I added that. I did notice Kelly writing a lot of random postcards and letters and mailing them. Her desk was by yours and she just like

writing lots of letters and putting them in the mail. Her annual review is coming up everybody and she's really sweating it. Most of us work harder. What Kelly does is just write herself letters. Dude, one day I'm going to be sick, and y'all just going to do the show without me. The trash y'all going to talk about me is going to be so great. Kelly's out not feeling good. She does not have the C19, but she's not feeling good,

and we do miss her. But we're glad we got Austin with the beard in there. It's good to see you, man. I would grow a beard like that, but I am physically unable to. All right, let's take our first calls. Go to Jennifer in Birmingham. What is up, Jennifer? Hey, Dr. John. How are you? Thanks for taking my call.

I'm doing. I just want you to know, too, that your show, I'm sure lots of people tell you this, but your show does make a difference. And it's made me take a long, hard look at my life. Well, number one, nobody tells me that. So thank you. Even my wife is like, can you just, let's mow lawns. Let's have a family lawn mowing business. Um, your show is terrible. So thank you so much. Um, that really means a lot to me and the, you're the one doing the work. And so I'm proud of you for like, man, leaning in and making some hard changes in your life. Talk directly on your phone. Cause I want to make sure I don't miss this.

What's going on in your world. Okay. I'm going to make it short and sweet or cut right to the point. I grew up in an abusive household. I heard obviously by listening to you already, I've heard about your ACEs scale. So I'm a six on that. And now I'm 15 years, by listening to you already, I've heard about your ACEs scale, so I'm a six on that, and now 15 years out of that, you know, leaving that home and everything,

I'm now a single mom of two great girls, and my question to you is, is it too late for me to heal from my childhood trauma? Oh, what an awesome question, Jennifer. Did you know almost nobody asks that question? That's incredible. Good for you. I can answer that question, but for the sake of radio, can we dig into some of the past stuff? Are you okay with that? Sure. Yeah, sure. The simple answer

is yes, and I'm so glad that you asked that. Absolutely one million percent yes. So tell me about your childhood. Well, I had my biological father was absent. So basically from, you know, most of my first couple of years, it was just me and my mom. And while she was trying to get her life together, you know, I was bounced around to different family homes. And then she met a guy, married him.

He adapted me and they have a very volatile relationship. There were obviously there was physical abuse, verbal abuse. My mom didn't really stand up for herself. So as the only child for almost the first 10 years of my life, I felt the need to insert myself because, you know, that's my mom. She shouldn't take that. And then there um, there were some times where, I don't know if she meant to or not, I guess you don't know if anyone does, but she had, um, suicide attempts. And so it was just, it was a long 15 years. And then I ended up leaving, um, halfway through my senior year of high school and went to live with my grandparents

and that kind of ripped it all wide open because, you know, we don't, um, kind of like calling you today. We don't air laundry or public and most people wouldn't have known if, um, I guess if they just didn't really, really know us or anything, I guess we were good at keeping our business in the house. Wow. Wow. Wow. And so what happened in your marriage? Um, honestly, I, maybe I wasn't mentally prepared for it. Does that make sense? Um, I ended up, I don't think any of us are mentally prepared for marriage. I don't know. I think I, um, we, we got pregnant before we got married. And so I think we got married trying to do the right thing. And, um, I've listened to some of your other shows and I could kind of, I kind of, you know, in my thirties now, you know, he and I are civil.

We've done great at co-parenting. We've been divorced for, you know, seven or eight years now. It's just we did not, it's kind of like having an extra child. And I had just enough for me and my kids. And that's not really an excuse. I know I played a part in it, but I don't know. I guess my focus, too, and that sounds awful too, at the time I wasn't focused on being the best spouse ever. I was just, from my childhood on, I just, if I ever had kids,

I wanted to make sure that I was better than the hand I was dealt. And we had a rough go and I didn't want to be one of those people that stayed in a miserable marriage like my parents are 25 years later. Yeah, gotcha, gotcha. And thanks for sharing that. So give me your own down to the last six, seven years. What's that been like? Well, it was kind of, I guess, getting divorced kind of added stress, but it was also a relief at the same time. You know, I'm standing on my own two feet.

I have two great girls. They're now both at that preteen puberty age, which has been really fun. But like I said, I've worked really hard, you know, even, you know, getting pregnant in college, my kids are 11 months apart. So, you know, I did really good planning that as well, but I, I never took time off. You know, I finished college. I have a full-time job. I'm a manager. I do great. My kids see that I work hard. I am recently diagnosed with ADD, which makes sense a lot. Welcome to the gang. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And I got bored, you know, a couple of years into my divorce and decided I needed a second degree because, you know, school and work and everything wasn't enough. I needed something else to like

keep me going. So they've seen me work hard for everything I do. That's important. I try to make their world as safe and calm as possible. But I guess my grandma died a few years ago, and I guess that's kind of random, but she was my rock in the world. She knew all of the pain I was going through, and I could come to her. There was no judgment. She was my person in my life who told me she was proud of me, told me she loved me. There was no manipulation or anything else. Or I never worried about going, you know, to her house or like, you know, my house, I did everything I

could to get out of it. And so, um, but she passed away a few years ago and that was kind of a, um, I don't know, it was like something clicked and I realized I didn't have anyone to lean on anymore. And, um, my parents are still in my life, but I draw very hard boundaries. And even when I try I don't know. It was like something clicked and I realized I didn't have anyone to lean on anymore. And my parents are still in my life, but I draw very hard boundaries. And even when I try to reach out, you know, medical issues come up, things with my kids, other stuff, they just, it's just a repeated disappointment, if that makes sense. So I have this gap in my life. And growing up, I was, you know, in survival mode constantly. So it didn't really affect me now. But the further I get away from that, the more it tries to resurface. So, you know, in survival mode constantly, so it didn't really affect me now. But the further I get away from that, the more it tries to resurface. So, you know, my only tool apparently in my tool belt is this rusty old shovel because I bury everything.

Now every time it rains in my life a little, it's just coming to the surface. So I'm trying to find healthy ways without, you know, dropping a jug of milk, you know, on the floor and then just having a meltdown. That's not realistic and that's not why I'm, you then just having a meltdown because that's not realistic and that's not why I'm having a meltdown. Yes. So first and foremost, you are so brave. What, I mean, like I'd hug you if, I'd ask you, but I'd hug you if you were sitting here.

Like you've been through it and you're working so hard. It's so admirable how you are, you're standing at the helm of that ship and you are leaning on it to turn the thing around so hard and you have been for so long and it's admirable how you're using your strength. It's so good. Um, so you said you've been in flight since when you were a little kid, just constantly on the go. And what I would tell you is after talking to you for three minutes, your engine runs hot. Is that fair? It does.

And so I wrote down a few things you said. You're providing a safe, calm world for your daughters. I'm just going to make some guesses here. Does your safe and calm come through organization and cleanliness and routine? Yes. Planning, I spring clean 15 times a year where people probably think I'm compulsive, but my parents were also hoarders too. And it's just, I have to have my, I'm not like a mean controlling person. I just have to know what's going on for it to, you know, flow. Okay. So number one, you're still in fight or flight

and you have been for, how old are you, 31? 32, yeah. 32. So you have been for about 30 years. Okay. And in counseling, we say, we call it leakage, which is you can deal with this stuff or it will deal with you and it usually picks the most inopportune times like you say like it's just i'm making cereal for my daughter and i drop the milk and all of a sudden six minutes later i'm on the floor and i can't breathe am i i have an 11 yearold looking at me thinking, like asking, what happened to mommy, right?

Or you're prepping for a work presentation or you are – are you always almost late? Are you always on time? I try to be on time. See, I knew it. You are almost always late. Yes. We're pushing down the barrel, which it doesn't help that my job is a little flexible. So it's not that I have to punch the clock as long as I'm there within like a ballpark time.

So let's keep it going because now you're making me feel like I'm smarter than I am. And then when you're at work, sometimes you have entire blocks where you just stare off into space or you will YouTube down a rabbit hole. And then in a few hours after your kids go to bed, you will get more done and it will be outstanding work. And then your bosses love you. And then you get mad at yourself like, why can't I just do this during the day? It's so ridiculous. And then you loop back and then the whole thing starts over you are um my here's my guess my guess is the little girl in you stood between mom and an abusive guy and she tried to fight yeah and she learned at an early age that

her muscles were little and her voice was little and she saw what happens when her mom, who's the model for a woman in her life, stands up to a guy. It ends really badly. And you shifted from fighting to running. And when you have a traumatic childhood, when you have a traumatic adulthood, which a divorce is, I know it happens all the time

and we under appreciate how heavy it is. Even like you said, you can finally breathe for the first time. You stood up on your own two feet, but you actually anchored to somebody else and doing that, somebody else passed away. You realize, oh no, I'm totally untethered. Then we just start running and we run through achievement. We run through accomplishment. We burn through relationships and we are always exhausted, right? And then you said this. Here's the other part.

And this is a common thing with ADHD folks. This is a common thing with – I think ADHD is just a marker of childhood chaos. You still have this fantasy that you're holding out for. That one day I'm going to call mom and dad and they're going to say the right things that mom and dads are supposed to say when they have a sick grandkid or when their daughter's exhausted. Even how you said, oh, this is kind of random, but my grandma died. It's super not random.

But when you're running from everything, you have to just let it, it's like you're sprinting and your buddy gets picked off by the tiger. You're like, well, I got to keep going. Is that fair? Yes, it is. I do get burned out and there are times where it's like,

I don't know, like you're saying, I'm not tethered. I'm blowing freely in the wind. And I know people look around me and I don't really know what normal is, but they're not running on my level. And they're like, you know, why do you need this? We live in a culture that rewards that. I can outwork you. I can work longer than you. I can turn in better stuff and quicker stuff and more aggressive stuff. And I can be louder and direct and cool and great and super fun. And when I collapse, that's on my own time. And my paycheck goes up. My promotions go up.

My performance goes up. And inside my body, I haven't changed oil in 30 years. And eight years is a long time to be lonely too as a 31-year-old with two little girls. And I heard an attorney say this one. So I was working with some attorneys and one of them said this. And I had a friend and she had the same exact experience. And here's my guess on you. The attorney, we were talking about stuff, and he said, I feel like if I ever cried, if I just stopped exhaled and thought about grandma and thought about

five-year-old Jennifer standing between mom and this complete buffoon of a human and nine-year-old Jennifer wondering what was so wrong with Jennifer that mom won't talk to me. And man, I miss grandma. And again, I miss grandma. If you ever slowed down and sat in that for a minute, or just as I'm explaining that, tell me what you're feeling. I'm flashing honestly to there's times and I haven't found somebody definitive you know, definitive to talk to.

And I guess that's why I'm coming to you today because listening to your podcast gives some kind of clarity. But I've had moments in the last few months or years even that, you know, it's like I'll be scrubbing the bathroom and I start crying. And I did. I ran out. It was like the anniversary of my grandma dying. And I went and sat on the porch for an hour and a half, which thankfully my kids weren't there. So I had the freedom to do that. But there are times where if I let it flow, then it's like, I can't pull myself back out for a couple of days. And I don't, I guess I just, I need to,

but I, I, in my head, I can't afford to just sit and do that because I have kids that depend on me and don't understand, you know, all the things that I've seen in my life and the things I hope they never see. And so it's just hard, I guess, to grieve and help people. I'm going to tell you something, but you're going to have to promise me. You have to promise that you're not going to internalize it. Okay. Okay? You promise? I promise.

Say, I. Put your hand over your heart, liar. I'm just kidding, you're not a liar. Put your hand over your heart and then say, I promise. I promise. Okay. Our kids, I'm a runner too. And that's, I'm trying to sound like I'm all smart. All those things I just said is because I live that.

Okay. I'm a runner, big time. And one of the most jarring and important moments of my life was when I came to realize that I can do things for my kids and I can tell them things, but they absorb that internal tension. They absorb it as though it is the blood flowing through their veins.

And they also see me smile, concoct a smile when inside my heart's racing a thousand miles an hour because I'm anxious and I didn't sleep last night because I was thinking about this thing that happened a long time ago. And here I go. Here we go. Here we go. And they see me smile and they see me make breakfast and they feel that's not him. There's a gap. And so what I would tell you is now often when I'd say that somebody you're gonna look in the mirror and internalize it and say

I'm a bad mom. I screw I'm screwing up my daughter's the same thing. I'm Creating patterns all that stuff. Don't do that. Okay, you are working so hard All this is now is a matter of of energy transference. Okay You said you've got two daughters that you got to take care of you got to make sure they don't have x y and z the greatest gift you can give them is a vulnerable mom is a mom that shows them what grieving looks like that when you cry they get to see that and they get to see hey it's okay to cry and then we smile and then we go get ice cream or then we all go for a walk or then we go get up and do our next thing.

Because what happens is they're going to cry one day and they're going to have no model for it. Something will happen. As much as we don't want something to happen to our kids, something will happen to our kids. And if they've never seen us do it, experience it, be honest about it, bring them into that, it happens to them and they end up on an island.

And they think, man, my mom handled it like that or Or dad was able to do this and they don't know. So the greatest gift you can give your daughters is if they're young, obviously you're not going to tell them the full extent, but letting them know, man, tell them it was really hard. It was hard growing up. And I miss my daddy and I really miss grandma. And sometimes I cry because I miss grandma. It makes me so, so sad. I've had a family member pass away very, very recently. And the question I asked my wife today when I was making plane arrangements to go to the funeral was, I want to take one of my kids with me. I want them to see that. And so we're talking about how we get them out of school and all this, but that's how important it has become to me.

So the greatest gift, hear me say this, the greatest gift you can give to your kid is you, and what you're doing right now is running as hard as you can so that nobody can actually see you. You're trying to create shiny things and markers and medals and trophies so they can point to those things because somewhere along the way you got the message that jennifer has very little value and that to answer your original question that's where the healing from childhood trauma starts

that jennifer's got, warts and all. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. And I know that's heavy, right? So to answer your original, original question in some detail, dude, yes, you for sure can heal, for sure. Asking that question is step number one. Step number two is the hardest thing for somebody with a sick, let's just, so let's back up.

The ACEs score is not mine. I wish I was that smart. I am not that smart. That's Dr. Nadine Burke-Harris and a whole trauma researchers that came up with that. She's a brilliant, brilliant brain. But it's a 10, for those who are listening, it's a 10 question scale

that just rates childhood trauma. And what we know is if you have a four or higher on this scale, and it's everything from, you were in a household of divorce, did you see abuse to somebody that in your immediate household go to jail? Were you around addiction and things like that? Some things that we would think would be benign

or some things that when you add them up, it's this cumulative nature. If you have a four or higher, it's when you get into some really bizarre correlations, causative correlations, right? They're not even correlations, they're causation. You see an increase in cancers and you see an increase in strokes and increase in heart attacks, things that you would never, like this happened when I was a kid and people get cancer more. That's weird. And what they're finding is our bodies stay in these inflamed states for years and years and years and years they're fighting and running and freezing from everything and until we can who let our

bodies know that right now we're safe right now we're okay it will continue to fight for us and fight for us and fight for us and fight for us year after year after year later. And that sounds like woo-woo, it's not. In fact, the ACEs work, the trauma work has just been extraordinary. So step number one for you, and this is going to be the hardest one. When you grew up in an abusive relationship or with neglect, one of those two narratives told you something about relationships and your role in them. Does that make sense? Yeah. So if you're, if you are abused physically, sexually, if you are abused, you get a very clear message about your worth, your body's worth, your space in, in the world's worth. And you learn that people are not safe, or if you're neglected, if mom is an addict,

mom is going through her own physical or mental health challenges, you are on the back burner all the time. She's too caught up in her new marriage or she's, she's an abuser, whatever the thing is. If there's neglect, then the child gets a very clear message that I am less than, I don't have value. These other things are more important than me. And then kids will spend the rest of their life trying to solve for what was wrong with me. You had both, right? Yes. And so the really challenging part here is the only thing that helps that healing process is relationships. And for someone in your position, those were the things that hurt you. So my guess is you've tried to, have you tried a counselor and you go once or twice or you

talk to a pastor or a friend or once or twice and then you bail out? Yeah. I don't know if it's because if it's, if it's me making excuses or it just doesn't line up or there's ones where I've tried to, you know, hey, let's unpack the past. And they're like, well, let's just focus on right now or, you know, let's not worry about your mom or anything else. And then, I don't know, I had one tell me before that I was just bored and I needed to pick up an art class or something.

Oh, man. See, I was having a good time on this show and now you got me all raged out because I can't stand terrible counselors. No, I'm just kidding. It's not you. It's just the courage it takes to go see a counselor, to go see a psychologist is so, it takes so much courage to go. And if you get some nonsensical moron like that, that tells you things like that, it makes my blood boil because you, you, you can lose

somebody. And when you lose somebody with two little kids, you can lose a generation, right? That's why it's so important for counselors to know what in the world they're doing. It drives me crazy. Jennifer, I'm sorry on behalf of all therapists in the country. I'm sorry that happened to you. That should not have happened.

I would recommend looking for someone trained in childhood trauma and a trauma therapist in your local area. And it will be expensive and it will be worth every penny you pay for it. And I would let them know your past and I would probably spend some time writing this down, two or three or four or six or 10 pages, however much comes out. But telling your story so that when you get in that room, you have so many defense mechanisms and so many diversion techniques

to deal with relationships. It's how you've gotten this far. You'll be able to read it and say, here's what I'm dealing with. And here's who I need somebody to walk alongside me. And let's draw some connections to nowadays. But the answer is yes. Finding somebody to talk to,

finding someone to walk alongside. And then you're going to begin to feel these things as they happen. And what will happen over time is you'll drop the milk and you will feel it come over your body and you'll instantly be able to back out of it and say, what is this response? Why is my body responding like this?

That feels weird. It's curiosity instead of judgment, right? And slowly practicing that. Some of it will be with trauma work, whether that's EMDR, whether that is somatic positioning. There's all these different ways that you can work that trauma out of your body,

but it's held up in there. And some of it will be talking. Some of it will be doing some hard trauma work. Some of it will be doing some writing. Some of it will be doing some practicing relationships, maybe groups, maybe taking your daughters and doing X number of things. Some of it will be being really vulnerable, and it will be really scary for you

because vulnerability got you hurt a lot, right? Yeah. And some of it will be meditation, so you can learn how to control your thoughts so when they start to take over, you can walk it back. And what I'll tell you, that's probably the part that you believe the least. And I'm telling you as someone who's walked this journey, now it's just remarkable how you can just back up. I can back way up real quick.

And that's just years of just sitting and working in it. So you're 31. My guess is if you make this a priority and you say, mom's going to get well, and I'm going to raise two daughters who are not only strong and powerful and able to defend themselves, but who know how to laugh until their guts hurt. And they know how to dance like bananas. And they know how to be strong and negotiate. And they know how to weep bitterly. And they know how to grieve. I'm going to reach those kind of daughters because I'm going to learn those skills.

So instead of thinking about this as a, you're broken and you got to get fixed. Think of this as I'm 31. I'm going to spend the next two, three, four years learning a whole bunch of new skills. And in the process of learning those skills, your body will reconnect with itself. And you will be able to sleep with no medication.

You'll be able to sleep without having to scroll through Instagram or watch five Netflix shows. You'll be able to date without worrying, am I good enough for this moron, whatever goofball sitting across from you at whatever table. And you'll be able to laugh when you drop the milk instead of fall apart. Does that sound like, how does that sound? That sounds, well, everything you described is exactly me. But yeah, that would be incredible because, you know, I try, but there are times where I know I fell short and I've, I've made an effort

to, I apologize to my kids anytime, you know, if I get a short temper or, you know, my patience runs out or something, I always come back and apologize and tell them, you know, it's not you. Mommy loves you. I promise, you know, I'm, I'm working through or doing whatever. So I do try. I probably don't do it as much as I need to, but I do try even a little bit to be vulnerable with them because I want them to know that it's okay to have feelings. Only an extraordinary, brave woman with an ACE score of six would turn forgiveness into a tally mark or a performance only, only Jennifer, not only Jennifer, only a extraordinary, powerful, strong, brilliant woman who's got an ACEs growth six would say, no, I do. I tell my daughters that, um, I asked for their forgiveness and I tell them, I'm sorry,

but I could probably do it better. And I'll start working harder at making forgiveness more of a thing. I'm going to make a chart. Here's what I want Jennifer to do tonight, okay? I want you to, number one, before this week is over, I want you to have made a call and an appointment with somebody in your area who specializes in trauma. Okay? And you can Google that. You can look at Psychology Today. You can look at any number of places. You can ask somebody at work, find a trauma counselor in your area, and I want

you to go see them. You don't have to go see them this week, but I want there to be something on the books. The second thing I want you to do is I want you to write a letter to eight-year-old Jennifer or seven-year-old Jennifer and start with dear seven-year-old Jennifer. My God, you're so beautiful. And I want you to describe what she's wearing. And then I want you to let her know this isn't her fault. And it wasn't her job to defend mom. It wasn't her job to stand up to an abusive husband.

It wasn't her fault that dad left. And I want you to let that girl go play. She's still working. And I want you to let her know she can clock out and go play. Is that cool? Yeah. Are you going to be able to do that? Yes.

Do you promise? Absolutely. I promise. All right. Hand over my heart. You have to. I knew it, liar. I'm? Yes. Do you promise? Absolutely. I promise. All right. Hand over my heart. You have to... I knew it, liar. I'm just kidding. You're not a liar.

I don't know why I'm saying calling you a liar. You're not a liar at all. It just sounds like so dismissive and ridiculous. When you write yourself that letter, don't send it, but you have to. This is the rules. You got to send a note to Kelly that said, I did my homework. Okay. Cool? Cool. rules you gotta send a note to kelly that said i did my homework okay cool and after your first um after your first appointment i want you to write us back and let us know how it went and it will probably be rough especially if you write write something that you can read to the to the counselor

there it's going to get past all of your all of your weapons and all of your diversion techniques and if you are a person who's had an abusive childhood or who's got a high ACE score, you know exactly what I'm talking about. When you're walking to a credit room and just direct traffic because it keeps them from looking at you. To anybody listening, number one, recognize Jennifer for the brave soul that she is.

If anyone else is, for everyone listening, it is never too late to heal from trauma. Ever. Ever. Ever. That's why I do this show. It's never too late.

72, 52, 22, 10. It's never too late to heal from trauma. Ever. And it starts with looking

in the mirror and saying, I'm losing control of my breath and my sleep. It's probably time. I want more for myself. I want, this is the magic word. I want peace. Jennifer, you're an absolute rock star. Thanks for calling and we'll walk alongside with you. I hope that we can stay connected for the next year or two as you walk through this. And I can't wait to, man, I can't wait to meet Jennifer in person on the back end of this when she's going to bed with no medicine and getting up with only one cup of coffee. It's going to be great. Hey, we'll be right back on the Dr. John Deloney Show. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, October is the season

for wearing costumes and masks. And if you haven't started planning your costume yet, get on it. I'm pretty sure I'm going as Brad Pitt in Fight Club era because, I mean, we pretty much have the same upper body, but whatever. All right, look, it's costume season. And let's be honest,

a lot of us hide our true selves behind costumes and masks more often than we want to. We do this at work. We do this in social setting. We do this around our families. We even do this with ourselves. I have been there multiple times in my life and it's the worst.

If you feel like you're stuck hiding your true self, I want you to consider talking with a therapist. Therapy is a place where you can learn to accept all the parts of yourself, where you can learn to be honest with yourself and you can take off the mask and the costumes and learn to live an honest, authentic, direct life. Costumes and masks should be for Halloween parties,

not for our emotions and our true selves. If you're considering therapy, I want you to call my friends at BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy, and you can talk with your therapist anywhere so it's convenient for your schedule. You just fill out a short online survey and you get matched with a licensed therapist.

Plus, you can switch therapists at any time for no additional cost. Take off the costumes and take off the masks with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney. All right, we are back, Jack. Let's go to, I don't know, if there's a listener named Jack,

that'd be cool. We are back. Dennis and, I don't know. That's our two listeners, Dennis and Jack. I just made this weird for Dennis and Jack out there. Hey, Dennis and Jack, if you're listening, we're watching you. All right, let's go to Marie in Harrisburg. Hey, Marie, what's going on? Hi, Dr. John. How are you? I'm good.

How are you? I'm getting there. Getting there. What's going on? Yes. I had called in a couple weeks ago regarding my daughter

and 16-year-old daughter who was inpatient at the hospital due to a suicide attempt. And we were waiting to find a inpatient facility for her. And you had helped me kind of walk through that and what to look for and who to ask. And that helped a lot. Okay. No, no, it helped a lot. I appreciate it. I was hoping you weren't calling me to say like, and you ruined everything. All right, good. Good. No.

She is coming home from the facility tomorrow. So that's exciting. And we're looking forward to having her home. But I know there's a lot of work that we're going to be getting started on. Two days ago, I received a phone call randomly from a detective. Um, and I think the detective thought that I was expecting the phone call or I was given some kind of a warning, but I wasn't. Oh, did she disclose abuse? Yes, she did.

Oh man. Um, she told that, um, I wasn't given any details from the detective, just that there was abuse. And then my mommy brain started going, and I called a friend of hers to see if she had ever mentioned anything about it, to try to get some details. Okay. And she did tell a friend, and the friend told me that it was her cousin from the time she was about three until she was nine. Okay. Through very vivid details.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Do me a favor. Take a real deep breath and hold it. And let it out. And take one more real, real deep breath and hold it. And then let it out. Listen, I'm so sorry. Me too. I'm so sorry. That's your baby girl, and I'm so sorry. Me too.

I'm so sorry. That's your baby girl, and I'm so sorry. Mm-hmm. So, um... Before we go any further. Okay. Mm-hmm. You didn't screw anything up.

Yet. No. If you murder somebody yes don't do that okay alright so dad and you are divorced yes

okay we've co-parented for the past 10ish years no more than that probably 13 years how good or not good

mature immature years, no more than that, probably 13 years. How good or not good? Mature, immature? It could be worse, but it could be better. So it's not horrible. It's functioning. Yes, open communication, all that jazz is good.

It's like my 2006 truck. It works, it gets me to work, but man, I knew it. That was rude, but you're correct. Yeah. I may or may not have all of my headlights working. Yes. Okay. Right. Right. Um, so after I got on the phone with the detective. I immediately called her dad and just gave him the overview that I had. And then after I talked to my daughter's friend, I then called her dad back and explained what more I had been told. The cousin is on the dad's side of the family. Okay. Lived with them for a period of time.

And dad is insistent that there's no way this happened and she's lying. Okay. I don't think my daughter even knows that we know. Okay. And I'm not sure how to handle any of this with her coming home tomorrow. Before... Do I say something? I don't even know what to say to her like I don't know if I start the conversation if I wait for the conversation I don't know how to

live in the same house with her without having the conversation though um and then do I prepare her for the conversation with her dad? Yeah. I don't know how to do any of this. Oh, man. Well, number one, thank you for your trust. What a nightmare of a situation for any parent at any time, any place. Mm-hmm. Okay.

So before there is, number one, the detective called you. Mm-hmm. So let me just back out. Number one, secrets drown people. So secrets are no good. So yes, we'll have to have conversations. Yes, we'll have to get into this and ignoring it or just letting her come home and like, oh, just let her bring it up on her own time. Can't do that. Okay.

So keep that one, that one, that one, put a pin in that note. Secrets drown people. She's been keeping these secrets for a long, long, long time. Second thing is if there's, when she's discharged from the hospital, there should be some sort of parent meeting with the social worker and with the counselor or psychologist of some sort. Is that happening tomorrow? We've already had that and they said nothing. Okay. The, the only, how old is she? 16.

Okay. So sometimes in these clinical contexts, they will make agreements with the kids when they're trying to work through trauma with them. The reality is, and I don't know every state. I know the states I've been in and looked at licensure and has been a professor and things like that. When your child goes to counseling, the parent is technically the client, meaning you have access to all records, all things discussed. You have access to everything. I can't imagine a social worker not disclosing this. That's bonkers to me. I know in the state of Pennsylvania where I'm located, um, mental health records are sealed without approval at the age of 14. So I don't think unless my daughter were to give permission

that they can tell me. Ah, geez. Okay. So then here's the question. Here's the phone call you make at 8am tomorrow morning. Okay. You call the social worker and say, I have been contacted by a detective. I have talked to my daughter, tell her everything, my daughter's friends. Okay. She's coming home. I have active knowledge of a family member who's done these things. And we need to circle up and have that conversation. And really put the social worker on the defensive.

Now, probably what she will do or he will do, and this is their license. This isn't them being evil. They're doing what their job is, what their licensure requires, is I need to have a conversation with my client and let them know. And my guess is the young girl is ashamed, scared, frightened. That is not a statement on you. That's a statement of a scared child. And my guess is she was asked and said, I don't want to tell anybody anything. And because she's a minor, I think, man, not even minors anymore, these laws are changing so fast in such really remarkable, honest, awesome ways. But somebody had to report it to the detective,

and the detective has different rules than mental health providers. And so they have to contact parents with a minor. All I have to say is it's going to get messy. You're going to have to be a bear of a mom. And bear meaning you've got to go to war on behalf of your daughter. And the war here is we all have to be in a room communicating the same language. That's what the goal here is.

If the social worker says to counselors, I can't talk about it, then the conversation with your daughter when she gets home is lots of really, if she will, again, this is all pie in the sky, less conversations for the first day or so, but lots of hand-holding. Can we just watch a show? Can we watch a movie together?

Will you cuddle with me? Will she do that? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. What we're doing is we're looking to establish physical safety first. Okay. All right.

And that's going to come through high touch, high hugs, handholds, hugs. Hey, will you sit by me? Whatever her favorite food is. Let's just create a safe place here at home. Okay. And if there is a friend, if there is a, is there another adult she trusts or something, at some point very soon, you'll have to have that conversation. And it would go something like this. I got a call from a detective and I learned some really troubling, heartbreaking things about how somebody hurt you in the past.

And I'm so, so sorry. And I also want to honor the fact that you're not ready to talk to me about it. I want you to know that, and is that me? So I don't want you to put her in a position where she goes on the defensive again, because she will. But I just want you to let her know, I know, and when you're ready, I'm

ready to have this conversation. And then let her know, in the meantime, and this is the magic, in the meantime, I'm gonna go, I have to go on the offensive because there's somebody out there that hurt kids. Does that make sense? So it's letting a kid know you can, so what the sexual abuse does is it takes control away from a kid, right? And the worst thing we can do to a kid is to bring him back in a room in an attempt to help them. We take control back from them again. They feel out of control and unrooted again. And I have to make sure that

this person who did this never does this again. So when you're ready to talk to me, I am here. I love you. If you have any personal experience with this and you can connect in any way that this is the moment to be vulnerable. If you haven't, don't lie, right? Don't make something up. Here is the second cornerstone to put a pin in. Number one, secrets drown. Number two, you have to believe your daughter. Yes.

Until you have every evidence in front of you, until you're holding something that says she's not telling the truth. And I understand your husband's fear and, oh my gosh, what's this going to do to the family? And I understand that domino. You got to believe your daughter. You got to believe your daughter. And the way we show our kids that we believe them is we call the police. We don't say things like, well, let's just talk about it. And no, we're called the police and we work openly with the police. We call the

school counselor. We call somebody that we're going to work with. We let them know I'm working on your behalf. Even if their 16 year old little brain says, I want to keep this quiet. And it's so you hear the delicate balance that I'm saying here. They get to wait to tell their story, but mom's going to work on your behalf because I love you and my job is to keep you safe. I'm your parent. Yeah. And I'm not going to let that little scumbag piece of trash that hurts you. I don't know, calls me a piece of trash. That wasn't cool.

I don't, I'm not going to let that happen on my watch anymore. Right? Does that make sense? You see that balance? We're in real time with a real human and a real kid right in front of you. This whole thing is going to feel wonky and wobbly. And you may have to go back and say, I should have said it like this. And I'm sorry. And I'm just so glad you're home.

Maybe some walking it back. All that to say is physical safety, lots of touch. Mom's on your side. Hey, and mom knows. Yeah. And when you're ready, I'm here. Okay. But I'm going to work.

Yeah. And at the same time, be graceful with your husband. At the same time, say no, sir. This is our daughter. And we're going to believe her. We're going to, ex-husband. You call that out quick.

Ex, ex, ex. Good job. I get the fear. It's unacceptable. He can believe his daughter. Yeah. And if he's not, then he needs to understand that these are ramifications that go through generations. I finally told that I wasn't okay, And he believed that guy, not me.

Yeah. And that's hard and messy and gross and weird and awful, but here we go. Um, is the detective going to do like a forensic interview with her and go through that process? Yes. Um, but I have no idea when, um, when I spoke with the detective, she was just trying to get the jurisdiction of where it was reported that this happened, which was a very odd conversation. We're talking about where it happened. We're not talking. It was a hard conversation. Yes, it can be surreal. Yeah, yeah.

But she really didn't give me any information other than you'll be hearing from the police at some point. And I've been waiting for that phone call and I have no idea when that's coming. Do yourself a favor and your heart and soul a favor. Be ready for that call, but don't wait for it every second. You're going to make yourself crazy. Right. When I sit down with my daughter and have a conversation

do I then call the police if she would want to talk to them do we call them do we just continue to wait to hear from them like I don't know I don't know how to handle that every

yeah if she's ready to talk then yeah you call in everybody absolutely 100% if she's ready to talk then yeah you call in everybody absolutely 100 if she says i'm ready to talk my guess is she won't my guess is she went and had to talk about it a lot and therapy she's going to be embarrassed that she calls all this stuff she's going to want to know about the expense of it all dad's going to bring up expense this was really expensive i hope that he's going to say stuff like that because he's nervous to know what to say the main thing is reestablishing connection here if she said

and how do you balance and this is a hard balance that every parent's got to deal with how do you balance I want to teach you and honor you and your autonomy and I got to do what I got to do because I'm your parent you know so she may sit down with the detective autonomy, and I got to do what I got to do because I'm your parent.

Mm-hmm. You know? So she may sit down with the detective and say nothing. Right. I'm not going to talk to you. The story that will remain with her is mom called the police. Mom got me help. Mm-hmm. Right?

Okay. And so we want that established. And you can encourage her to talk to the police. You can. But at the end of the day, you can't make her. Or you end up forcing her in some sort of – the arc becomes really hard. And I've seen this happen over and over. You will tell them everything.

Well, now suddenly I've taken from you again. And that's the great fear when somebody's been abused, right, is that part of them was stolen. And then you go right back in the same place. Yeah, I talked with a friend the other day, and she put it that this is her story, and I need to let her tell it. Correct. And she's your daughter, and it's time for mama to get after you. Yeah. It's both and. And when either parent plays it on either side,

when a parent tries to take over their kid's life and say, you're going to do this, you're going to do this, you're going to do this, it's a re-traumatization process. Not always, but often. Or when they just take their foot off the brakes and they just say, she's just not ready. She's 16.

You know what I mean? Like there's a reason we don't let her buy beer because her brain's not fully formed yet. Right? There's a reason we don't let her. So mom her brain's not fully formed yet. Right? There's a reason we don't let her. So mom is supposed to advocate. Dad is supposed to go to war. Everybody's supposed to get involved to protect my daughter.

And these are the moments, these pivotal moments when maybe the right things aren't said, but the kid, your child will remember, mom had my back. Mom was there by me. And let's play the other side of this out. The worst case scenario is this actually happened. That's the worst case scenario. It's also really going to be a mess if she, let's say she did make all this up. We will get there if we ever get there.

But I'm going to default to believing my kid until I know otherwise. Yeah. Even if that means we get to the end and the detective says, I don't have anything that I can prosecute here. I don't have any text messages. I don't have anything, the stories, whatever. She'll know mom had my back. Yeah.

And I think it's worth telling your ex-husband, this is a pivotal moment in your daughter's life. When she came to us with something, she reached out, she cried out. There's been some very colorful conversations. There really has. I'm sure there have been. I'm sure there have. Yeah.

Just remember secrets, remember human connection, and remember, believe your daughter. Okay. And if you have another woman that you trust that your daughter trusts it may be great to bring her in so I'm gonna leave you with this one really incredible story my friend and it's something that I'll do with my kid 100% and I've encouraged people all over the country to do this two of my closest friends in the world guys named Michael and a guy named Kevin. And then we have another friend who's a doctor. They went camping and they had kids and it was one of those, you hear these now, there's no ritual for Western teens to transition from being a child to like we're going to start treating you with some responsibility as an adult, right?

But we don't have these moments, these markers anymore. So you hear about these things where you take them out and you go on a camping trip or something or a trip and you knight them, you know, like with a sword or knighting or something like that. That's all fine, whatever, if that works for you. They did something I've never heard before and it was remarkable.

They took, I think it was they took their sons out and maybe took out their daughter too. And they were at X age. So I'm making this up. Let's say they were turning 15. My friend Kevin sat down and handed Michael's son a card with his name and number on it. And he said, from this point forward, I'm not Mr. And he gave his last name.

He said, I'm Kevin. I'm going to start talking to you like this, and you're going to call me Kevin. And here's my promise. In the middle of the night, dads aren't always the right guy to call when you're too drunk to drive home. Dads aren't always respond to the best when you get that call from jail. Like, hey, will you come bail me out? So Kevin looked at his best friend's son and said, you call me and I'll be there. And he said, I will sit on your side of the table when we talk to your dad.

It's not, we have to have this conversation. You went to jail, right? Or you got arrested or whatever, whatever, but I'll sit on your side. And it was twofold. Number one, it was a demonstration to a young person. Here's what friendship looks like, even when you're old. And most importantly, some kids can't talk to their parents. This person's safe. And so if you have a woman, two women, three women who maybe have experience here, have had a history of abuse and are older now and have healed and are still healing, anybody in your

life that you trust that you bring into your daughter's life and it's almost a passing of a torch i know that i'm your mom and i know that i can be loud and bonkers and blah whatever she's safe and i want you to know if you don't feel like you can talk to me you can talk to her and have that does that make sense so there's, there's this, not almost, there is a, there is a, you're broadening your daughter's safety circle. You're, you're widening her net and man, could be a really extraordinary gift for your daughter. Thank you for that call, Marie. Thank you for calling back and updating us all on the situation. I'm heartbroken. I'm glad she's coming home and I back and updating us all on the situation. I'm heartbroken. I'm glad she's coming home, and I'm glad that she is still with us.

I'm glad she is on the road to wellness, and I'm glad that she felt safe enough to talk about this. I'm heartbroken at what she admitted, but now we know. Now we know. And now the community is going to rally around her. She's lucky, lucky, lucky to have you as her mom. We're with you. Holler back at us after a few weeks.

Let us know how things are going. And we'd love to have you back on the show, Murray. Thank you so much. We'll be right back on the Dr. John Deloney Show. Hey, what's up? Deloney here. Listen, you and me and everybody else on the planet has felt anxious or burned out or chronically stressed at some point. In my new book, Building a Non-Anxious

Life, you'll learn the six daily choices that you can make to get rid of your anxious feelings and be able to better respond to whatever life throws at you so you can build a more peaceful, non-anxious life. Get your copy today at johndeloney.com. All right, we are back. I got a quick email here from Kim. Kim writes, I recently heard you say that you try not to pay lip service to your priorities, but act on them. Do you have any quick tips to ensure that you're following through and not just

pretending? I'd love to have this conversation in person, Kim, but I'll do my best to get at what I think your question's about. Any quick tips to ensure that I'm following through and not just pretending? Number one, I write my priorities down. I write them down. I get them out of my head and swirling around and I write them down. Some of them are, I follow the data. So I track my sleep. I track my heart rate variability. I track my diet with some regularity. I track my workouts with some regularity. I've got a gratitude journal. So some of the stuff I'm writing down, I will move into, I got some new journals. I'll move into a season of journaling here, probably starting tomorrow where I will begin to process some of this stuff. I haven't done that in a while. So I'll be, I'll be doing some more writing. This is in the middle of the night

or this is at night or this is in the morning. So some of it is just writing it down. Number two, I talk about it. I have a job where if I show up somewhere and I've been telling everybody to eat healthy, I'm like, hey, I want some Twinkies and some pizza. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just dumb, right? Or if I tell everybody on the show to be respectful and treat each other with dignity and respect, and then I'm out being an idiot to the person at the drive-thru, then I put myself in a position where people are going to hold me accountable. being an idiot to the person at the drive-thru.

So I put myself in a position where people are going to hold me accountable. For most people, this is your friend. This is your spouse. This is your, like I've got with my kids. Like I told my son the other day, your room looks the way it does because I've taught you that. Like my room looks like, this is on me. So I'm going to make some changes and I'm going to want you to walk alongside me. And I've got to own that I modeled this for you.

And dude, we got to clean up around here. It's crazy. And so some of it is, even some of my kid might hold me accountable if I'm vulnerable and I put it out that way. So number one, write this stuff down, put it down. Number two, get people in your life that can hold you accountable. It could be a coach.

It could be a counselor. It could be a work colleague. It could be a friend, a spouse, whoever that happens to be. And then the third thing is, man, just do it. Just do it. We don't need another system. We don't need another 12 steps to just do it. Just get up and work out. Just put, as Jocko says, put the donut down. Don't eat the pizza, do whatever the thing is. Just don't. When you're about to swear at your wife, don't. When you're about to flip the dude off in the car because he cut you off, why would you give him that much power in your life? Just don't. Make a choice. I'm not going to be angry about this. And I wish that was more dramatic than that. It's not. Don't. Just stop. And if you get to a place where I have a priority too,

and I just don't feel like, I don't care how you feel. Do it. Do it anyway. For me, doing it anyway starts writing it down. But just do it. And what you'll find after five days, 10 days, 20 days, 35 days, 60 days, 90 days, you just do it. You just do it. And the drama and the buildup and the, I need just the right planner with 111 ribbons in it. And I need just the right app and the, just do it. Just do it. Man, I think I'm going to start a tennis shoe company and use that as the slogan. Is that a good idea? No.

100 bucks is Nike sent us a cease and desist letter. That'd be so good. Nike, congratulations. You got a great slogan. Just do it. Alright. That's it. As we wrap up today's show, hey, this song works perfect with that. James hands me these emails as we were walking in. I'm not even going to say the name of the song.

I'm not going to say the – oh, no, actually, Kelly sent me that last night. I didn't read it, though. That's just me being honest to you, and you handed it to me. There we go. I'm not going to read the author of this song or the title because we all know. Here's the mystery song. Top 10 of all time. Zach, prepare your body because it's going to start moving. I didn't mean to say prepare your body in that kind of way. I know you're already on the phone with HR. I didn't mean it like that.

I'm just saying like you're about to start moving and grooving. That's all I'm saying. Austin, it's been a pleasure. Stay in school. Don't do drugs. All right, here we go. Here's the song. Look, if you had one shot or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted in one moment, would you capture it or just let it slip? Yo.

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already. Mom's spaghetti. He's nervous, but on the surface, he looks calm and ready to drop what? Bombs. But he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down, and the whole crowd goes so loud. And he opens his mouth, but the words won't come out.

He's choking now. How? Everybody's joking now. The clock's running out. Time's up. Over. Blah! Snap back to reality. Oh, there running out. Time's up. Over. Blah! Snap back to reality.

Oh, there goes gravity. Oh, there goes rabbit. He choked. He's so mad, but he won't give up that easy. No, he won't. He knows his whole back's to these ropes. It don't matter. He's dope.

We're all dope. You better lose yourself in the music the moment you own it, and you better never let it go. right here on the dr john delaney show