The Dr. John Delony Show - Is My Boyfriend a Bad Parent?

Episode Date: September 19, 2025

On today’s episode, we hear about: A woman wondering if she should end her relationship A young man trying to care for his frat brothers A dad deciding if he should move his family in with his in-laws Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test  📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future  ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards  💭 John's Free Guided Meditation  🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch   Connect With Our Sponsors: Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth.  Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. Visit Hallow for a 90-day free trial. Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! Explore Poncho Outdoors! Get 25% off your order at Thorne.   Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So I have been dating a man who is divorced, and he has three kids. I'm realizing that we have very different parenting styles, and I am trying to figure out if this can work long term. Okay, so can I play the devil's advocate challenge game with you? Is that cool? Of course. I like that game. What up? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney's show. Coming to you from Nashville, Tennessee, taking your calls on your relationships, your life, your marriage, whatever you got going on in your life. I'm here. I'll sit with you and we'll figure out the next right move. Thank you so much for being with us. Let's go out to Austin, Texas, and talk to Jay. What's up, Jay? How are we doing, man?

I'm doing all right. How are you? I'm doing great. What's up? So I will first thank you for your show because I think you're awesome And thank you so much that's that's literally I've been talking to Kelly for the last 30 minutes That's the nicest thing somebody has told me in a while so thank you So I have been dating a man who is divorced for about 10 months now and he has three kids And I met the kids about six months ago or so and as I'm spending more time

with the kids than him and his parents I'm realizing that we have very different parenting styles and I am trying to figure out the longevity of things and if this can work long-term and how to move forward with that. Oh, good one. Do you have kids too?

I do not. So I was married for seven years. it was a traumatic marriage and I because he turned up to be an addict and I was determined that I wasn't going to have kids with them until he got clean and he never did so I do not have children but I always wanted to be a mom okay so um A I'm glad that you're safe and B I'm glad that you made the choices that you made that's very wise so good on you that's awesome um okay so can i play the devil's advocate challenge game with you is that cool meaning of course i like that game can i poke at you a bit and then you you challenge me back is that cool yeah all right so

i'm always fascinated by people who disagree with somebody doing a thing when they have never done that thing that's fair let me ask you in that same vein, you have a guy who's got three kids, he's parenting them, and you say, I've got different parenting styles when you've never parented. Tell me about that. So I'm a few classes away from a bachelor's degree in child development with a minor in psychology. Oh no! Y'all are the worst! Y'all are the worst! And I was in child care for about 10 years. So I know I'm I have never birthed a child, and no, I've never been able to claim a child as mine,

but I have been around children a lot, and I have disciplined and parented and all of the things. I'm very close to my nieces and nephews. I, you know, have babysat a lot with them and was a nanny for several years. So I completely understand. I have a lot of, a lot more lived experience than I would say the quote-unquote average experience. quote-unquote stepmom, which I am not as of yet, comes in and says, oh, well, you're doing it all wrong. And I don't think he's doing it all wrong. I just think there are a few things that I disagree with, like, thinking.

Okay. So I just don't feel like I can discipline in the same way as him. Like, I want to come in and support what he's doing, but I don't feel like I can do that. So give me a couple. So, A, great answer. Great answer. If you had just stopped with I'm getting a bachelor's degree in childhood development, I would have passed out. I just would have banged my head on the counter and honestly. You know this. I'm saying this to everybody out there. There's a huge difference between knowing about a thing and experiencing a thing. Huge difference. Absolutely. And so, good on you. And you've got a ton of experience. And here's why I love your experience. You have a ton of experience with a ton of different kids. Meaning, you know, there's different ways that different

kids need to be parented, need to be disciplined, need to be coach, need to be loved. And you begin to see some commonalities across that begin to say like, hey, there's some universal truths here. So give me some, give me three things that you just are like, ugh, I couldn't support this guy that I'm falling in love with. I couldn't support him in how he handles his kids. The spanking as discipline. So he, both him and his parents.

He's living with his parents right now as he's building a home. And between, like, academic studies and lived experience and my own personal experience, my parents, as thanked us when we were little, I, that's just not something that I can do to a child, and that's not something that it's hard for me to be around. Yes. especially and it's not that it is always but especially when if it's done in anger and frustration there's a difference between oh i hate that i'm doing this or oh i'm snacking your hand to get away from the hot stove or something versus you are ticking me off and i've told you five times and now i'm frustrated and now i'm going to thank you to get you out of this situation i just feel Like there's a difference in that.

Yes. I think you're one million percent accurate. And I would frame spanking somebody's hand away versus I'm hitting you. Yes. Yes. Okay. Yeah, that's fair. And so, and that's even different than the discussion of there's a consequent,

yeah, yeah. We can have that conversation. I don't want to get into. Of course. Yeah, I'm not talking about like spoiling and having no discipline. No, no, no, I totally hear that. I totally hear that. Here's what I want.

Yeah. Okay. So that's one. Let's just pause there. And for everybody listening who wants to get my take on it, I'm not going to give that because that's not the point of this. I have some very strong opinions on it, but not the point. It doesn't matter. I want you to begin to say, hey, I'm falling for this guy, but here are some things that violate my values.

Okay? So, like, spanking, hitting. Like, what's the next one? Um, I don't know. think he's bargaining with his kids to try to get good behavior um so when kids don't get what they want which every kid throws a fit when they don't get what they want of course that's what they're supposed to do their kids they're trying to learn how to regulate their nervous systems yes absolutely absolutely um he goes kind of into bargaining mode and so and it's like asking the

kids questions that isn't a question. Like, do you want to take a shower right now? Well, you have to take a shower right now. Well, don't frame it as a question then. Right. It's like, we're going to take a shower in five minutes. Do you want to turn the shower on or do you want me to turn the shower on? There you go. Yes. And what you just said was world-class parenting. Like, this thing is happening and I'm going to let you practice choosing between this reality. Yeah, it's like you come up with what you think are great alternatives, you're okay with this or this, and then you present those things. You don't ask them if this is okay because the power should not be in an eight-year-old's hands. Amen. And so when you've sat down and talked to him about this, what has his response been?

So, I brought it up a few months ago saying, hey, I'm, you know, I'm not here to come in and be the parent and all the things. It's like, I'm here to support whatever rules you and your parents want to have for the kids when I'm around. I was like, but that kind of discipline I won't do. And she was totally understanding about that, no issues. And then when I brought it up just in the last week or two of, hey, this really bothers me. And I'm, it makes me question the longevity of this. Of your relationship? Yes.

Good for you. And he said, so what is it? So he didn't get upset. He just asked, he's like, so tell me more. Tell me, like, um, and so I was like, look, I, I came from a home where I equated a man that was bigger than me, say he loves me one minute and hit me the next. Correct. And I grew up equate is thinking as a woman that a man can hurt me, whether physically or

emotionally or psychologically, and love me at the same time. Correct. And that led me to some horrible things. And the reverse, the reverse for men is, I love you, and I'm hitting you out of anger. It equates to inner rage and shame, in adult men. That's what the research says. And so I just said, you know, so that is my fear. I'm afraid that you are teaching your girls that someone bigger than them can love them and can cause them pain.

And I just, I was like, I may be, I don't want bad things for them, but I also want to caution you about this. And what did he say? And he had tears in his eyes and he said, you're right. He's like, I, he's like, I have to do better and I want to do better. He's like, but there are times I don't know what to do. And I, he's like, you're right. Sometimes I act without thinking, and we have to find a better way.

And so we have talked about having like a family meeting and all having the same rules and all kinds of things. And there's a really good co-parenting relationship between everybody. and um so here's what I would tell you here's I would tell you that type of response

I'll take all day seven days a week yeah and I don't think his my personal belief is I don't think his behavior change will come from

a parenting book his behavior change is learning to regulate his adult emotions that there is no way a child can get me so out of control that i have to hit them out of anger to get them to do what i want now the next truth is what is action going to look like right what is behavior is the language what is he going to go do next and so co-parenting great y'all talking about things great if i'm you i would say hey i'm going to go see somebody and you probably are continuing to see somebody i want you to go see somebody because i want that nuclear reactor in

your chest to dissipate your kids aren't going to have access to that and if it does happen by the way i'm not a robot i do get set off i do get angry um i've got a set of i'm gonna go for a walk i'm gonna go i'm gonna start singing real loud i'm gonna tell my kids i need five minutes and i'll be back and that's them witnessing their dad emotionally regulating himself in real time that's a gift to my kids and same here but you got to learn how to do that and that's just hard you have to just it's an ego free process you have to commit to saying there's a set of skills that i don't have I don't want to learn to control this. And my goodness, he's got somebody like you in his corner, which is just amazing. So we covered a lot here.

All I have to say is you putting, you continuing to speak your values and say, I can't be a part of this and I won't be a part of this is such a powerful thing. And him saying, I want to get better at this. I want to be a part of this with you. And will you walk alongside me? That's what really, that's the stuff good relationships are made of. It's amazing. and now the proof is going to be in the work that happens next so high five to you jay all across the board get that degree and keep going man the world needs people like you out in the world

um affecting positive change and um man it sounds like this guy won the lottery with you and if he continues to be a guy that wants to get better and by the way there's going to be things you need to get better right he's going to help you but if he continues to say you're right I want to get better. And I'm going to go put my words into action. Man, that's the good, good stuff. Thank you so much for the call. Man, is a great one.

We come back. A man wonders how to do a hard thing. Talk to his male buddies about their health. We'll be right back. This weekend, I got up really early with my son, and we headed out to a local creek to try and catch some fish. And I brought my fishing gear. And of course, I was wearing poncho.

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Hey, Dr. John. I'm a huge fan. I've been listening to every show since my sophomore year of high school. I listened to it in the morning when I drove myself to school. Well, dang, dude. You probably shouldn't have been listening to that. You should have been listening to the radio. But good for you, man.

I appreciate you listening. That's awesome. What's up? Yeah, so my question is, I'm on the executive board of my fraternity going into next year. I'm looking for some help on how I can address a huge mental health gap that I think we have right now. Wow. Man, kudos to your brothers for voting you in in this role, man.

That's awesome. Tell me about what you're seeing and experiencing. Yeah, so we have a mental health chair who basically does nothing. It's kind of just a position that we have to say we have it. Can I stop here? Can I stop you right there? Yeah. And I'll interrupt you along the way here.

That right there is problem number one because it sends a message that this doesn't matter. Okay. And so as the executive chair, if you're able to remove this person or dissolve that chair and create something new that actually does a thing, that would be a huge, like, billboard to your. to your fraternity to your brothers that this thing it now matters okay but when there's when there's an official position that does nothing think think of our government stuff right like that person does nothing in this like it communicates oh there's no value here from the top down so that's numro uno but good call okay keep going yeah so my official position is social chair So I'm the one who plans all the parties, puts most things together.

And what I see happen a lot of times is rather than dealing with certain, whether it's school-related issues or relational issues, people will turn into this crazy party lifestyle that we've created for ourselves first, rather than ever addressing a lot of the problems. And I'm looking for a way to at least encourage, people or provide a sense of

okayness I don't know if that's the right word to use around fixing yourself first rather than using all the vices we have available to us sure man this is a great question dude I'm glad you're asking this question and you're going up

against a tradition that has hundreds of years of history right yeah of guys getting together and I'm just speaking specifically to men. I know women have their issues, but guys getting together and just go on bananas. Some as guys just go bananas, right? And also some of it is we have to let off,

or this idea we got to let off steam. We have to burn a hole in the ground or we have to just drink ourselves into oblivion because we can't live in our own skin, right? And, man, good for you for seeing that. So here's what I've seen effective in workplaces. and to some degree with college students it's just tough, okay?

It's just tough. And I'll tell you this from lived experience. When you wade into college and fraternity changes, you're going to get beat up, psychologically, emotionally, maybe even literate. Like, they're going to come after you. The old guard will come after you. The current guard will come after you.

and possibly even people from other chapters will come after you like you will become a target just know that okay okay and um it will come at you from the craziest angles 60 year old 42 year olds oh my gosh you're getting soft you're getting woke you're getting like they'll come up with all kind of stuff and you'll be thinking i just want these my brothers to stop wanting to kill themselves i just want my people these guys that i'm committed to and that i care about i just want them to be healthy and like oh my gosh you see what i'm saying so that's what you're coming up against i just want to put that out there okay all right um i would say the first thing is to as leaders you'll have to commit to going first

meaning um i you'll if you listen you've listened to this show a lot i talk often about how i go see somebody see a therapist and the reason i do that is is I want to communicate. I'm a guy with two PhDs, two doctorate degrees in two different disciplines. I have a top 10 mental health and relationship show in the United States, and I still go see a counselor.

And so if I still need to go see somebody to process stuff, I want to make it okay for everybody else to go to. You get what I'm saying? Yeah. So you and the chapter executives have to come to some sort of, agreement to say hey we're going to go to the counseling center here at the university we're going to go use our resources and we're going to communicate that to our brothers even though they're

going to make fun of us okay and so i tell executives i tell CEOs this if you want your staff to be well and utilize resources you have to tell them hey i'm not available wednesdays at 4 p.m because i leave and me and my wife go to marriage counseling and what that does is it doesn't communicate weakness it communicates an immense amount of strength and it communicates to your entire team okay it's okay if we go to right so you have to go first and you have to demonstrate it has to be more than more than just talking okay that's number one number two it's working with your chapter and you're probably your national

fraternity house and the university where you're housed with and remember these words reducing friction. Okay. Is there some sort of an agreement that you could work out with a counseling center that if one of the folks from our chapter calls you, you'll get them in quick because you know it's a big deal. So for instance, when I was a dean of students at the law school, I had an agreement with the counseling center.

I had a special therapist that knew specifically about law school student issues. And so when I came back to the law students, I said, hey, there is a person over here. here that is specifically for y'all there's other people you can see anybody but if you all think nobody's going to know about what y'all are going through we got somebody um and and if you have a counselor with the counseling department that would come and talk to you guys come to your chapter meeting one night that would come and so what you're trying to do is you're trying to create um relationship there and reduce friction reduce the challenge it is to go seek help I don't know what that looks like

if y'all want to have workout time if y'all want to have like mandatory like I know a lot of fraternities have mandatory study halls if you want to have mandatory exercise time or you get points or something if you all have this minute if you all submit your your garment info

or your whoop strap info or whatever like you can begin to incentivize healthy habits and you as a leadership team get to decide what that looks like with your own fraternity but I want this, if you're listening, you're not a fraternity, whether it's your church group, whether it's your guy, friend group,

put $1,000 on the table and say the guy who loses the most weight or who works out most continuously or whatever you want to do has the best sleep score, wins that $1,000. Or if you're a CEO and you want your company to be healthier. And by the way, this same behavior that you're seeing at the fraternity when people are just drinking themselves to death or whatever, it just when you get to be a CEO, your people just work themselves to death, right? They just move addiction.

or they also drink themselves too, but they just move addictions, right? Yeah. So I'm throwing a lot at you. What are you thinking? Yeah, so I have like a counter question almost. Okay. The university's mental health resources

are not great at all. Awesome. There's been stories I heard last year of people trying to get in and get a meeting and having to be on a two-month wait list. yeah is there anything internally that I could build to kind of circumnavigate well I think it'd be awesome if you all use some of your membership dues or you went to your national group and you asked for some support and said hey we're going to pay for half or we'll pay for the first three sessions here with a local community group and you go you go knock on doors and say hey if we come see you can y'all cut us a deal on a sliding scale okay I'd almost be will depending on the size of a town your university is in i'd almost be willing to bet

that there's many people that would help with that okay but you guys using your dues hey we're going to throw two less keg parties and i know you can't call them keg parties you have to call them gatherings or dance parties and whatever i know that um but we're going to throw two less parties and we're going to take that five thousand bucks and we're going to put it towards if you all need to go see a counselor we're going to cover the first three sessions for free or we're going to pay half the price wherever it is okay and that way they can go and they can talk to somebody to a licensed professional we're going to help out there that would be amazing and it would probably if you if you initiated that with your if you asked for some seed money from your national

chapter um that would probably get you um national recognition because that'd be a new way to handle this problem um but that's and i'd go knock on doors with the local therapists and see if they would show up and and then you all need to have hard, hard conversations internally about we're just not going to accept this kind of behavior at our events and our parties. And if you want to be a part of this group, then great. And otherwise, you can leave. And I know that's a financial commitment to you guys because people will leave and you don't want to lose a lot of chapter members. But it also is just about saying, hey, we're going to just take a stand on this thing because we're tired of

19-year-olds going bananas. And it will also challenge you guys to come up with cool, fun stuff to do it's outside the box it's just a blast that people may not have thought of before but is there ways to have fun without just being super unhealthy all the time so man I love love love that you're asking

this question what I want you to do is think in terms of action steps instead of ceremonial steps we have the mental health chair what is that so stupid that's just somebody's going to put that on their resume dumb. I'm not doing that. That's gone. We dissolved that. We've actually created a fund. If you want to go see a counselor, we will ask no questions. We will send a check over to that person to the counselor for you. On your behalf, we'll write the check, send it over. I'm not going to give you cash. I'm going to send it directly to them. Or we've given them $5,000 on retainer. Any of you all can go use that. You can go see this counseling group. And by the way, if your therapists aren't good, I want you guys to work with the Interfraternity Council that all of Creek Life is going to petition the university. to hire more therapists because we need some more help around here. So there's activist things you can do.

There is practical things you can do. And you can also say, hey, we're just going to go dry. And I know we're going to get beat up and everyone's going to make fun of us. And the old guard's going to be like, I can't believe. I know. But we're just going to stop the madness because we're watching our brothers just fall apart in front of us. And we want to be about building each other up. So great, great question, Chris.

Thanks for caring about people. And if you're listening to this thinking, oh, God, fraternities. think about the groups that you inhabit and where can you reduce friction where can you actually implement real things in real life and where can you just say hey as for us in this group

we're not going to be a part of us anymore thanks for the call Chris I'm really really grateful for you we come back talk to a dad who is wrestling with how moving is going to impact his family this show is sponsored by BetterHelp everyone is talking about therapy therapy therapy

these days, and I often hear folks say, I don't think I've had any major traumas in my life. I don't know if I can use therapy. Listen, this is really important. Therapy isn't just for people dealing with major traumas. It can be for that, but it's also a valuable tool for anyone looking to improve their mental and emotional well-being. I see a therapist for both the big challenges from my past, as well as helping me navigate the day-to-day challenges that pop up. Many of you should consider therapy, too. And if you're thinking about trying therapy, contact my friends at BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online so it's affordable and convenient for your schedule.

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you can switch therapists at any time easily and for no extra cost. it out with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Deloni. All right, let's go out to Los Angeles, California, and talk to Andy. What up, Andy? Hey, how's it going? I'm doing great, brother. How are you, man? I'm doing pretty good. Excellent. What's up, man? Yeah, I'm calling today, well, I'm talking, my biggest concern is

I'm raising four boys, all under the age of eight. Whoa! Are they all your bio kids? Yes, yes, sir. Can I just, hold on, can I pause for a second and just say, God bless you, man. That's a lot, it's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot. Dude, your food bill has to be amazing.

Yeah, you know, my seems like their favorite meal is steak and pretty much heavy meat eater. I was going to say, yeah, their favorite meal is everything. Yeah, by a long shot. Yeah, that's a good size bill for sure. You may want to become a farmer just to grow your, okay. Go ahead. All right, so what's your question? Yeah, so the last several years, my wife's family, she's stay-at-home mom,

has been persuading us to come live with them on their family property. There's a dual benefit there. There's a benefit of, you know, older folks living on this property that can get some help with, you know, the younger generation helping them with their living situation and help keep an eye and keep the house going. My biggest thing was, you know, I'm raising four boys. One of them, and my oldest really doesn't like change all that much. And he struggled a little bit. We were homeschooling for a while. And we went into public school and struggled for several months, you know, emotionally.

He's a really athletic, smart, kind kid, but just had a hard time with it. But then ended up, did, you know, towards the end of the year, turn it around. I have one other kid who had some developmental challenges. and we went through a lot of a lot of hard years but he's on the other end of that and he's striving and thriving and thriving and doing a great job and my biggest concern is just it looks like it's going to happen I'm just I have a lot of concerns and you know I'm learning on the fly a lot and this is a lot of people look and think that, you know, I have it all figured out, but I'm constantly assessing the situation

and making sure that I am not doing something that's going to affect them long term, because I've had a lot of issues with, you know, my home life and my past, my upbringing. So I'm, my big concern is just to give these, these boys who are going to be men one day, the best possible outcome I can, And it's really the only thing I think about every single day. It's awesome. Dude, let me tell you this right now. Your boys are going to be great because they have you for their dad. A father that is even asking the questions you are asking means they're going to raise good boys.

Good on you. Okay. And let me tell you, I don't know any parent myself included that thinks they're doing a good job. That doesn't immediately look at the things they wish they could do better. yeah and so let me just hear hear me say directly my brother well done well freaking done okay Kelly's clapping for you too she's clapped for me no times in my life and she's clapping for you okay well done brother so thank you let me back out all the way and I'm not going to ask a bunch of questions about why like is this a financial move is this is this is this good

I'm assuming that you and your wife are in lockstep with this is going to be good for us to move into this family. We're going to help out your in-laws. You're going to help out grandparents. You're going to also, it's going to be a win-win-win-win. I'm just going to assume that out the gate. Is that cool? Yeah, you're correct. Okay.

So let me back all the way out here. You've got a pretty cool situation ahead of you. Yeah. You have two kids, two of your oldest, your oldest and your second oldest, who have face change before, and it was very uncomfortable, and then they ended up being successful. So they have a lived experience with that discomfort and the joy and strength on the other side of going through something hard. And they have a lived experience of mom and dad walking alongside us, whether it was trying to find the resources for special needs, whether it was being comforting and support of it. at athletic events or whatever they got to see them they got to experience going through hard stuff mom and dad never bailed on us and at the end it worked out and so with those two that's where i'm

going to lean on we've been here before i know it's painful i've seen you experience this discomfort and walk through it and we're going to be right by your side like we were last time and i know it's can be hard and you're allowed to be upset you're allowed to be sad you're allowed to be heartbroken you're allowed to be frustrated all those things are right and good eight year old son good on you and so i want you to know those lived experiences are going to be your roadmap for what comes next all right now here's the bigger thing and you said it better than i could have said it you are raising four future young men right yeah what more amazing opportunity could you give them than to demonstrate through word and action we're going to take care of our elders we're going to take care of their property

we're going to walk alongside them and everybody's going to have jobs and responsibilities and you talk to each one of them about what that might look like and even if there's money involved even if it's a little bit of money that you begin using hey you're let's say there's horses like your horses are going to x y or z your mowing is going to your cleaning the like your kitchen you're area is going to be spotlight like you begin to give them purpose and autonomy in service of older folks i think that's amazing so when i i mean i i just i think i've talked about on the show i don't i'll put it out there in fifth grade when my son was in fifth grade we moved out into the country and there's some awesome folks that live across from us that have a 30 acre horse ranch

it's beautiful it's an amazing place but i wanted my son to a experience work working with other people. B, I wanted him to get outside when it was hot and learn how to do stuff and C, these people are about 10 or 15 years older than us. And so I want him to help people that aren't us, right? And now my son is 15. He's going to be a sophomore.

And now he works for them full time. It's amazing what he's learned. And they've been so great with teaching and coaching and supporting. So all I like to say is those lessons your kids will learn. in service to their grandparents to family to older folks to learning new skills that they're not going to learn in a suburban home all of that is going to make them into amazing young men and so i'm all in on that dude it's the important thing here is going to be highly intentional and highly purpose driven yeah i'm um i've read through the book the intentional father

yeah it's an amazing book by john tyson yeah excellent excellent and um since going through that book several times I realized I've kind of applied without really knowing a lot of that because it feels like a lot of things that I've had to learn

I had to be intentional from the from the get-go I didn't you know I had a very turbulent childhood I moved maybe 30 times by the time I was 16 and

the father passed away very young when I was very young so I obviously really didn't have a male role model for a long time and so I guess even instinctually I realized that things that were doing were already with intention because I needed to to figure it out and my my job that I do is very high high stress very it's a it's a very good job it's the career I wanted. It's a dream job, but I deal with a lot of, you know, it's a very men-heavy profession. And so in my pursuit, I guess, you know, a lot of the things I've learned were just from, you know, older generations and people teaching us, teaching. It's a very cultural, you know, traditional

environment that I work in. So it really picked up a lot. And that's the final, that's the icing on the cake here, is your kids are going to get to learn and pick up things from their grandparents. Yeah. They're going to get wisdom that they wouldn't normally otherwise get from anybody else. And I think that's amazing. I think that's perfect, man.

And so if you and your wife are aligned on this is going to be best for our family, we're going to get to take care of our aging parents we're going to this is a good move for us financially this is this is good for us then i'll tell you on on its face your kids don't get a vote if a kid if an eight-year-old knows we're not moving or taking a new job or helping out grandma and grandpa because i'm going to be uncomfortable for six months that the weight of that decision will crush a child they can't handle it and so saying hey this move is happening and you're going to play a huge role in serving and loving grandma and grandpa and I know this is going to blow your life up and I hate it for you and you get to be sad and angry and frustrated and I'll be right here with you sturdy as an oak tree and I'll be here with you I'm going to take you out to breakfast every week we're going to I'm going to go to a concert if I can get away and take you I'm going to model this for you But I know it's going to, if you have to change schools again, I know, man, I get it.

It's the worst. Making new friends again, it's the worst. And I've seen you do it before. And you saw me and your mom walking right by you and I'm going to walk with you again. And so we're going to paint this as the awesome opportunity it is. And we're going to also honor that eight-year-old's feelings. And then we're going to model for them going to do the next right thing. And I got to say it again, my brother.

This, you are embodying changing your family tree. that's what this is you are changing your family tree and moving three times is different than moving 30 but i know for you moving at all just harkens back to when you're a kid and you find out we're moving again we're moving again we're moving again your kids discomfort man that's part of it my daughter changed schools last year i'm still hearing about it and i'm watching my child blossom in front of me it was the best thing ever she's she's nine she's supposed to be upset about stuff right that's fine it's knowing with your wife we are doing the next right thing for our family and we're not going to blow off our kids feelings we're going to sit in it with them and then we're going to model for them what's the next right move thank you my brother andy it was an honor to get to talk to you my brother i'm proud of you we'll be right back if you're looking around at the culture and you're having a hard time knowing who to look up to i get it there's so much noise coming from so many different directions and it can be hard to know who to

trust. But there are examples of people who can teach us and who have been inspiring us with their wisdom and their faith for centuries. That's why I'm excited to tell you about one of Hallow's biggest prayer challenges ever, and it's back this month. Saints in seven days. The saints we honor aren't just stained glass paintings on church windows. They were real living people devoted to God no matter what the cost. And during this challenge, you're going to learn how we can apply their faithfulness to our lives today. Saints in Seven Days also features Gwen Stefani teaching about Queen Esther, Michael Iskander from Amazon's hit series House of David, talking about King David, and many more. And the saints aren't just stories from the past, the real life

examples for living with purpose, humility, and genuine faith in a world that feels like it's falling apart. Join the Saints in Seven Days Prayer Challenge on Hallow today, and you're going to get three months of Hallow for free. Go to hallow.com slash Deloni. That's H-A-L-L-O-W.com slash Deloni. All right, we're back. Kelly, am I the problem? All right, so this is from Jessica in Ohio, and she writes, my boyfriend of almost five years broke up with me. We are middle-aged, each with teenage children from previous marriages. We are both Christians, but his faith is very deep, and he desires a traditional, godly wife that would submit to all of his principles and decisions. At my age and having to develop resourcefulness

to establish a career and raise five children, I am working hard in my own walk with God, but I do not feel that it's right for me to agree with some of his decisions, such as not letting my teenage boys go to a haunted cornfield, or for me to take my daughters to a Taylor Swift concert. To him, these are relationship deal breakers. He is usually very calm, but last night he left saying, that I needed to, quote, find someone else to deal with my emotions, your S word, he said he never cusses, but he did last night, and your family, end quote. He is a policeman of high integrity, but I was feeling like he is becoming more unrealistic and more controlling. Am I the problem?

run run as fast as you can't as fast as you can i'm sure taylor swift has like 30 songs about this exact situation just run run run a quote unquote traditional godly wife whatever that means does not mean you are somebody's servant does not mean you are somebody's servant does not mean you is somebody's dishwasher and sandwich maker and does not mean that you don't get thoughts and autonomy and independence and your own emotions and feelings at all period run run run i'm so sick of this cancer i'm so sick of it run and i know it's heartbreaking and i know you love this guy and i know this guy's got a ton of qualities that make him a good upstanding citizen and man but you are right to not

to not collapse God-fearing wife and mother with servitude you're right run run run no you're not the problem as the great Taylor Swift once asked did she ask or she said it

no she said it I'm the problem it's me oh Kelly don't you Kelly's Taylor Swift tattoo is legit actually I do know that song hi i'm the problem it's me i do know that song i'm not well versed on my taylor swift music but i do know that one well that's the 42 second time kelly's lied to you america so she's very well versed in it there's pictures of you on the internet at like three different taylor swift shows on the front row you can look it up it's on the internet i'll put it at johndelini dot com slash

kelly is a taylor swifty is that you say that i would happily admit if i was i don't think there's any shame in that. It's just not my thing. What is your thing, Kelly, besides 50-ish-year-old men and leather pants at Whole Foods? Okay, first of all, you would be, if we're talking about some of our aging rock stars, you would be more of a fan girl than I would be. You're correct. If we happen to run into, I don't know, Mark Slaughter. Correct. You know. I may have a little bit of a stalky line with Mark Slaughter. He lives here and I know he hangs out at the Home Depot and I'm stalking the Home Depot

but it hasn't worked yet. I don't think he hangs out at the Home Depot as much as he shops there for plumbing fittings. A guy that works here has run into him multiple times at Home Depot. Me, none. Well, I haven't either. Everyone lives in Nashville. But I have seen Kelly with

like catching her breath with both hands like on the Pop-Tart aisle. By the way that's where she lives. Like breathing like heavily and I was like Kelly what's wrong and she's like somebody from some 80s metal bin just walked by and I have to catch my breath that happened multiple times pot kettle you and I've met fair fair fair fair I didn't catch my breath I just broke down weeping it overwhelmed me it was quite embarrassing though it was but I wept but I love all those bands bye love y'all stay in school don't do drugs

Thank you.