The Dr. John Delony Show - Manipulative Ex-Girlfriend Is Pregnant & Says I’m the Father

Episode Date: April 4, 2022

In today’s show, we’re talking with a mom at a loss what to do about her rebellious teen daughter, a young wife terrified her husband’s cancer will return, and a man who doesn’t know how to move forward after his cheating ex announce she’s pregnant and he’s the father. Teen daughter is hiding sexual photos & smoking weed. How can we trust her? I’m terrified that my husband’s cancer will return Manipulative ex-girlfriend is pregnant & says I’m the father Lyrics of the Day: "Billie Jean" - Michael Jackson Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show.  Support Our Sponsors: BetterHelp DreamCloud Churchill Mortgage Resources: Own Your Past, Change Your Future Questions for Humans Conversation Cards Redefining Anxiety Quick Read John’s Free Guided Meditation Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts anytime, anywhere in our app. Download at: https://apple.co/3eN8jNq These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.

Coming up on the Dr. John Deloney show. I went through all of her apps, everything, like three different Snapchats, TikToks, multiple apps with explicit screen names. Any other screen that she has access to at all period is a choice for an adult to ruin her life. You better believe it. It's the Dr. John Delone who's shown. I'm so glad that you're with us. Whether you're exhausted, you are cooked, you're completely burnt out,

you are laughing this morning, you're tired, you are staring at a sink full of dishes, you are staring at a lawn that needs to be mowed and it's not happening, or you're driving into work today, or you're coming home from work today and you're like, what am I doing with my life? I'm so glad that you're with us. So glad that you're with us. We talk about mental health, relationships, anything you can think of, what's going on at schools, all of it. So give me a call. If you want to be on this show, give us a shout. 1-844-693-3291. It's 1-844-693-3291. Or you can send us an email, go to johndeloney.com slash ask. I guess it's not an email. You go there and fill out the form on the interwebs and it goes to Kelly. So I'd love to talk to you. Give us a shout. Let's go to Gail in Jacksonville, Florida. Hey Gail, what's up?

Hello. How are you? I'm remarkable. How are you? I'm getting by. I feel like I checked almost all of the boxes you mentioned to begin with, except for going and coming home from work today. Well, welcome to the gang. I'm glad you're with us. So what's up? How can I help? Okay. So I need a little advice or help on how we reestablish trust, reestablish some boundaries, and rebuild some trust with our teenager. Okay.

So what happened? A lot. Um, so she got suspended from school. Uh, first time ever, this has never happened. Um, she's typically a good kid, AB on a roll, uh, you know, goes to school, does her thing, comes home, does all her chores. She's a great kid. Um, but she apparently shared, uh, texted a picture of one of her friends that I guess she was having a falling out with. Um, it was a nude picture or partially nude and she shared it with another friend. Okay. Um, and then found out that that friend was going to send it to somebody else and that the girl that was in the picture, uh, was about to go to the authorities. So she turned herself in. We didn't know all of

that to begin with, but she just said she did the right thing. She turned herself in. She didn't want it to get out of hand, but really it came down to, it was about to come out anyway. Okay. So, uh, that's what happened to begin with. She, uh, she got suspended. Luckily the parents didn't press charges. Uh, it didn't go crazy out of hand. Um, but she did get suspended for a few days. We had some major talks, um, totally took away her phone. Um, the school had went through her phone. Her dad went through her phone. Um, but then when I went through her phone, I discovered that the reason they didn't find these things is because she had deleted the app. Um, so I, we had her write down all of her passwords to everything.

I went through all of her apps, everything, um, found a lot of, uh, Snapchats, TikToks, like three different Snapchats, TikToks, uh, multiple apps with, uh, explicit screen names and some pretty trashy photos. And she had well over a thousand followers. Um, and this is a very introverted kid, very introverted. So we explained to her the dangers of all of this, thought that we do a good job talking and communicating and things. But then we discovered after that, we thought we took all the appliances, but it turns out she still had her AirPods and another iPhone, took those from her. Um, then I discovered she goes to her mom's every weekend. Um, and I found out that she had another iPhone over there and an iPad over there. Um, so I,

I set the screen time, turned all that stuff off, told her to bring the other iPhone back. She brought it back, went through everything. Um, and then, uh, found out that there was some pictures and videos in there of her smoking weed, um, with this friend that her mom felt like she was a bad influence and, and she kind of was, um, the friend was smoking weed. And we knew that her parents did, or her dad anyways. But she never goes, does these things with us. It's only when she's at her mom's, honestly. All these pictures, all these videos, all this stuff. Now, I'm sure that when she's at our house, she's on the app. I would say that you know of, right? Right, right.

Well, all the pictures. I mean, I can tell in the background and where she's at and everything. Yeah. So let's fast forward to today. But before we get to today, is her mom on board with this? No, no, not at all. She grounded her for one week after the original nude situation came out. But when mom saw, found out about all her accounts and all of the pictures she's posting of herself and all that, there was nothing?

No. It's all good? No, she kept her home for the weekend, basically to babysit her other child so she can go out and do her thing. Okay. And then told her the next week she could go hang out with her thing. Um, so, and then told her the next week she could go hang out with her friends. Now, whenever he confronted, you know, told, showed her mom the pictures of the girl that she thought was a bad influence. He's like, listen, yeah, this is why you're, you're right.

She is a bad influence. You know, we've known this for a while, but yet you still keep letting her go over there. You still keep letting her do things with this kid. And look, these are the videos to show you of what she's doing with this kid. And she got very defensive about it. She thought he was attacking her parenting and- He is. And I'm attacking everyone's parenting. All right. So here's, let me give you some context. And then I don't think the legal part of this is over. I think there was probably a lot of pressure to not make this a big deal. And if you don't say anything, this can kind of go away.

This is the kind of thing that will resurface. And while your daughter is really lucky that they didn't press charges, I kind of wish they had of. Right. Because that's the only way. This is such a big deal. It's such a big deal. For a thousand different reasons.

So imagine this. Imagine y'all had a neighborhood. And in your neighborhood, there was the occasional burglary. There was the occasional, you know, somebody got in a fight. And so let's say you had a loaded gun in your house, just in case, just in case. I have that. Okay. Just in case.

Right. And then you thought, you know, it's a good idea. Let's give it to our 15-year-old. She should carry it. We'll just tell her about it. We'll just tell her, hey, make good choices. But just in case. Would anybody do that?

No. No. And I've heard you explain this in another one of your shows, giving a kid a chainsaw. I explained that, yeah, to him as well because I've been saying for a long time, you need to monitor this. You need to look at this. This isn't about monitor. This is scorched earth. Any other screen that is given to this child, this child, any other screen that she has access to at all period is a choice for an adult to ruin her life because she's a kid. The fact that she's an introvert, I could care less. You know what she

has? A thousand people saying, we see you and we think you're beautiful. A thousand people telling her that she's got validation through their thumbs up or their heart emojis or through their private DMs or whatever. And I don't care what kind of parent, no parent can compete with that. Especially dealing with divorced home and who loves me and who's given me what I want. And I want, this parent makes me eat vegetables, but this one makes me eat pizza. So I love them more all that she's a kid. And so if I'm you, I, it's not about challenging step-mom. I mean, real mom's parenting. It's not about that. It's about saving this little girl. And I would go as far as to take those pictures to the authorities and say,

this is happening at this other person's house. Like, I mean, you hear what I'm saying? This is not about preserving, like, I don't want to get her in trouble. I don't want to embarrass her. We are so far past that. I'd call the cops. I'd call the, I would get my attorney and say, hey, we need to resurface this because mom is putting my daughter in an unsafe situation. Is that going to do anything? No, it's going to be drama and a bunch of nonsense, but that's the level I'm at because here's what we're doing now. Now I want to paint a picture that 10 years later, if my daughter's not in jail, if my daughter's not involved in stuff that she can't walk back, I want to have a trail of, honey, I fought for you. I went to court for you. I called the police for you. I did everything from you. And this little 15 year old, is that how old she is? She's 15, 16? How old is

she? 15. She'll be 16 soon. Yes. Gosh. This little 15 year old is going to feel like you are ruining everything. And this little community of hers, this thousand people who likes to look at her erotic pictures and all that, this is her lifeline right now. And so when you cut that off, it's going to feel like the end of time for her. This isn't like, oh, this whiny kids. No, this is going to be an emotional, physical thing. Her brain will scream, reconnect, reconnect, reconnect. That group of people tells you that you have value. And yes, if my ex says, I can't believe you're challenging my parenting. Yes. Yes. And so are the courts and so are the police. I'm going to call everybody. So is the school, everybody. I'm just going to, I'm not going to let you go over there because I'm not going to put my kid

in this. You hear what I'm saying? So like's this delicate dance, and we've got this history on it. This is a baby girl that is screaming for adults in her life to act like adults. Right. You hear what I'm saying? And I know that you're there trying to cheer her husband on and trying to get him to cheer on X, right? I know you're in a weird spot. I just don't hear that people are ringing the bell loud enough.

Like the Matrix, y'all dodged bullets if she doesn't go to get a criminal record out of this. Just whiffed. And if she'd done this a year and a half from now, then she's trafficking child pornography. You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah. Such a big deal. It is a very big deal. And you know, a lot more issues that like, I, I don't know, I guess the question turns to how do I get him on board? I guess, because scream say, don't let her go over there. We know this is a not good environment for her. You know, she lives with a man with a child and tells her, tells her daughter that we're not really together. We don't love each other. And now she's going to go on a vacation and wants to invite another man. And we're like, we can't send you. Like, we need to know where you're going. But he doesn't seem to think that it's his job to get involved in that.

Well, she wants to go there for the weekend. Or she wants to do this. He has no other jobs on the planet that come before protecting and saving my daughter. Right. That's it. I agree. That's it. I agree. That's it. So asking like, man,

don't give a kid a loaded gun. Don't let your kid go to a house where they give kids loaded guns. And this, I'm talking to you, but I'm also talking to the millions of people listening to this. This is the same as if you go to your in-laws or your grandparents or their grandparents or your friends. I don't care who it is.

This young woman is not going to – I still think she's a good kid. Does that sound crazy? I still think she's a good kid. Yeah. She's a 14 or 15-year-old, 16-year-old young woman who's just trying to connect with people. It's the adults in her life that are not fighting for her. I agree. So what I do with him, I would, I don't scream and I don't yell.

That's just not how I operate in the world. I would scream and yell. If somebody has to rattle the adults in this situation, and if you tell him I'm calling the police and I'm taking these photos of what's happening at that house with the marijuana and the alcohol and the sexualized pictures of our teen daughter over there, I'm taking this to the cops. So they will go over there and shut it down because you won't. The fact that your husband hasn't called that other family and said, my daughter will never come to your home. And if I see this again, I'm calling the police on you.

Like, what's he doing? You know what I mean? Like, that's the level of, like, I'm not letting my 15 year old make these hard calls because she's 15. That's the level of ringing the bells. I'm calling the school and saying, I can't get any adult in this young woman's life

with custody to protect her. Will you help me? Because I'm a stepmom and I'm watching this thing. Just get flushed down the toilet because nobody seems to care. Nobody seems to be fighting. Nobody seems to be screaming and yelling and banging on things.

I don't blame a 16-year-old for taking salacious photos. I just don't because they're 16. I blame the adults that handed them the loaded weapon. Man, I'm heartbroken for her because she's in a cycle now that she can't get out of because she's a child. Please, please, please, adults, somebody step up for her. All of you, step up for her, please. I'll be right back.

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because Churchill has your back. Check them out at churchillmortgage.com slash Diloni and get the home buyer edge today. Hey, what's up? We are back. Hey, don't forget to do a couple things for me. Please hit the subscribe button. It's somewhere here.

It's like there around. Hit the subscribe button if this is on YouTube or if you are listening to this on podcast, wherever you get podcasts. And if you have somebody in your life that you think would benefit from the show, please forward it on to them. The way this thing is continuing to grow is

just continuing to blow my mind. It's such a beautiful thing and I want to keep getting the message out. There's a lot of people just like you out there struggling, hurting, trying to get through the day and we all need each other to walk through this. So thank you so much. Let's go to Kirsten in Denver, Colorado. I almost didn't read. I'm sorry. What's up? It's okay. I get it a lot. Not much. How are you, Dr. John? Partying. Rocking on. I'm not partying. It's the morning. I'm not that cool. What's up? So my question for you is how do I stop worst case scenario thinking and be present in the moment without discounting hard things that happen? So that usually means a thing happened.

What was it? So my husband and I have been married for about two and a half years. Okay. How old are you? I'm 29. Okay. And my husband right before Christmas was diagnosed with cancer. Oh, geez.

Wow. What kind of cancer? Bladder cancer. Oh, geez. Wow. What kind of cancer? Bladder cancer. Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry. Thanks. So I'm really trying to, as we sort of like go through this weird process, to like not spiral out of control with my thoughts and worst case scenarios,

but also like, this is really hard. And, um, I, I just, I don't know how to not let my anxiety get out of control without like also acknowledging and that like, this is, this is hard and that, um, like this is happening and not just be Pollyanna about it. And, you know, like, no, everything's going to be fine. Cause it might not be right. So what's, what's the, what's the update right now? Um, so everything happened really, really fast. And so I feel like we're still really processing it. So, um, like within a couple of weeks of being diagnosed, he, um, had surgery to take the tumor out and he had a round of chemotherapy. Um, and so they, um, they got, they, they got everything out and they, they did that round of chemo. And so now every three months

he goes back in for more testing to make sure that nothing's growing back. So right now there's no proof that cancer's there? There's no proof that cancer's there. No, we're just like watching for side effects and we're watching for like, for symptoms of it. Like there's a whole bunch of things we have to watch for. And if we see them, then we have to call the urologist and all of that. Um, but every three months for the next two years, he'll go back in for, um, for, for tests to see if anything's come back. All right. So I'm going to speak super directly, probably in a way that nobody's spoken with to you.

Is that okay? Yeah. Cause I'm your friend and I love you and we're neighbors now. Cool? Mm-hmm. Okay. Yep, cool. He might die.

And then there's a period at the end. I know. Right? So there's a period at the end of that sentence. And the next sentence is, statistically speaking, he's probably not going to. Period at the end of that sentence, right? Mm-hmm. And every three months,

your body is going to gear up to protect you because you love him with everything. And that's okay. If you weren't nervous for these three-month appointments, I would tell you to go see somebody right away. That just means that you love him and that you want him to be okay. And that when he's okay, you're okay.

And if he's not okay, you're not okay. That's what that means. It's just your body trying to love you. Okay? So it's going to sound crazy. Let it. Right? So let it.

Okay. You got to peek behind the curtain that most of us don't ever get to peek behind, which is this. We have this illusion that we all get 93 years with each other. Yeah. And then somebody came into your house banging a cowbell, and you got to see behind the curtain. You're like, oh, this could go away at any second, right? Yep. So your body's just trying to take care of you because it loves you.

So here's the moving forward part, okay? Mm-hmm. Let me pause here for a second. I know that's heavy. Has anyone said out loud he might die? Not out loud, no. Okay. So let's put it out there.

One of the things that's really important for our bodies is to put this stuff out there. Otherwise, it starts solving for these problems, and it moves its own – it moves the finish line on itself over and over and over again. What I mean by that is you have this overwhelming sense of doom, this – and then you go to WebMD, and it's telling you everyone's dying, right? Oh, yes, everyone's dying. And then you had this over the shadow that's just laying over you. And so we go to the internet, we go to Facebook, go to Pinterest or whatever, trying to solve this thing. The solution comes from saying out loud, my husband's got cancer and this may end bad. It's probably not going to,

because thank goodness it's in such a sensitive place that we were able to catch it early. And so far, everybody's on the up and up and they are unable to detect anything. And we know that the absence of proof isn't the proof of absence, but right now we are celebrating like crazy because what a win. Yeah.

You see what I'm saying? Yeah. I think right now, like we have a great support system, but like everyone is trying to be super supportive and positive in the only way that they know how. And so nobody says things like that. Like nobody says like, yeah, this really sucks and he could die. Like nobody says that everyone's just like, oh, he's 29. He's healthy. He's going to be fine. Everything's going to be fine. Okay. So just listening to you in a minute and a half, just me saying that sentence out loud instantly brought tears to your eyes.

And then right now I can hear it in you. Your shoulders have dropped. And then you start to get pissed. Why are you pissed? Because your husband's freaking got cancer and he's 29. It's not supposed to happen like that. Yeah. And if you don't deal with the anger, and I don't say deal with it to get rid of it. If you don't acknowledge it, pull up a chair. You're supposed to be angry.

It's ridiculous. You look around at all your other knuckleheaded friends and their stupid husbands and they don't have cancer. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. And bladder cancer. I've got a family member right now with bladder cancer. That's a humiliating cancer.

Yeah, it is. You've got a lot of people digging around in the goods. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't want that. I don't want to go to these appointments. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Pull up a chair. Now, here's a couple of things that I've seen walking alongside folks. Number one, you suddenly found yourself, you alone, responsible for all the other people's well-being around you. Yep. Because, oh, my gosh, he's got kids. And suddenly you're trying to take care of everybody else. Not just him, but like Aunt Martha and his mom and your friends. And now it's their thing.

And now they're posting on their Instagram walls, pray for Dan because Dan's good. And you're just like, what do you, you know what I mean? Yeah. Number two, you don't have permission to laugh. You don't have permission to crack up, to be silly, to when he screws up the dishes, even though he's wheeling a bag behind him to go, well, you do the dishes right. You know what I mean? You haven't been touched other than desperation hugs, you have a right to have your

full range of hurt and your full range of joy. And every time you laugh and you start to feel guilty because, oh yeah, he had cancer, that's when you stop that thought train. Just stop it and go, nope, I get to laugh.

You know what else I get? That dude, when he gets up and takes the cold peas off of his, off the, off the unit, he's going to vacuum because he can do it. You know what I mean? Yeah. So don't fall into the guilt trap of his needs are more important than your needs. Both of your needs matter here because here's why. He needs you to be strong and you can only be strong if your needs are met too. Okay? Yeah. So decide what the next two weeks are going to, let's do this in bite-sized chunks.

Let's get to the next three months and let's get to the next three months. Let's get to the next three months. All right. And as best we can, you may have heard me say this. I don't know if I've ever said it on this show. I've said it before, but so I used to catastrophize financial stuff all the time, wildly so. And I'm just smart enough to get myself into a hole that I can't get myself out of. And I would write these things out and I'm just smart enough to get myself into a hole that I can't get myself out of. And I would write these things out, and I'd find another article, another article, another article, and there's always somebody confirming what I thought. And so I would meet with CFOs.

I would meet with all kinds of folks. I had access to some fancy-pants money people, and none of them would – if they said things are going to be okay, I would say, well, you're dumb. So I got myself into this spiral, right? The doctors probably looked at you and smiled and said, we got it. And you were like, yeah, but what if you didn't, right? This is a oncologist. This is their profession. This is who they are and what they do. And they are trained not to give false hope. But you, Kirsten, the 29-year-old wonder kid knows more than the surgeons, right? More than the doctors. You're like, yeah, but you probably, what if you missed?

So here we are. I had a buddy and he gave me this line and it changed my life. He's one of my best friends on the planet. So he's a banker. And I sat down and I was working through all the money stuff with him. I was like, what about this? What about this? What about this? What about this? And here's his line. He finally looked at me and said, John, I don't have a meteorite plan. I said, what do you mean? And he said, I got savings. I got rental homes.

I got investments. I don't owe anybody anything. I got this. I got that. But if we get hit by a meteorite, I will deal with that then. If the US dollar just evaporates and goes away and everybody's trading digital art picture NFTs for food, I will deal with that then because we'll have way other problems, right? So I tell you, you can't have a meteorite plan. I'm a planner.

I know you are. I know you are. And part of this, the spiritual exercise here is opening those tight hands. Yeah. And not show, so we're going to plan, but we're gonna plan for two weeks. What do two weeks look like? What do I need in the next two weeks? What does he need in the next two weeks? How can we meet each other's needs? And for the things that we can't, maybe he's got to go to bed at 8 o'clock because he's still wiped out. Awesome. Two nights a week after you're in bed,

I'm going to go hang out with my girlfriends and we're going to laugh like crazy. You know what I mean? Yeah. You staying up after he goes to bed at 8, staying up till midnight, researching crazy medical journals is not helping. No, it doesn't.

No, it just dumps gasoline on your face, all right? Yes, it does. Be gracious with your body when it spins up. You almost lost the wind in your lungs. You should be scared. Yeah. And you can spray them with a water bottle. You can still do something sexy. You can still laugh at him. You can still shove him unless he's going to fall over. Don't do that if he's

going to fall over. You can still make jokes, whatever. Okay. It's both and. Yeah. And there may be something healing about about if you haven't already holding his hands and looking him in the eye and saying the words I don't want you to die and him saying I don't want to die either and you saying I need you here say those words out loud

and look him in the eye and then let him know we're in this together and by the way nice place to get cancer dude loud and look him in the eye and then let him know we're in this together. And by the way, nice place to get cancer, dude. Right? I know. It's crazy. He has no family history of any, like anything like this.

It's just like out of the blue. Yeah. I know. And hey, don't spend your- We got struck by lightning. Yes, you did. You did. Yes. Don't go, don't spend your energy mining for why and where.

It is. It is. Trust your doctors. They're apparently really good. Trust your doctors. Plan for two weeks and then plan for the next two weeks and plan for the next two weeks and make sure you're a part of that planning too.

What do you need? Make sure you're eating. Make sure you're sleeping. Make sure you're turning off the sure you're sleeping, make sure you're turning off the stupid devices and not going down rabbit holes and watching YouTube clips of some knucklehead like in an abandoned warehouse, like with the expose on chemotherapy. Shut up about that. Hold that man's hand and let that man hold your hand and weep with him and laugh like crazy.

And then when the three months comes up, your heart's going to race. You're going to get sick. You're probably going to throw up. You're not going to want to eat. You're going to get diarrhea. All those things. And that's okay. And then you're going to have the next two weeks.

And the next two weeks after that. And the next two weeks after that. And you're going to plan for the next three-month meeting. You're in it now. You're in it. Let your body love you. And also know when to tell your body ah i'm not doing that we're not going on that road i'm choosing a good day today we'll be right back this show is sponsored by better help october is the season for wearing costumes and if you

haven't started planning your costume seriously get on it on it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go as Brad Pitt because we have the same upper body, but whatever. Look, it's costume season. And if we're being honest, a lot of us hide our true selves behind masks and costumes more often than we want to. We do this at work. We do this in social settings.

We do this around our own families. We even do this with ourselves. I have been there multiple times in my life and it's the worst. If you feel like you're stuck hiding your true self behind costumes and masks, I want you to consider talking with a therapist. Therapy is a place where you can learn to accept all the parts of yourself, where you can be honest with yourself and where you can take off the mask and the costumes and learn to live an honest, authentic life. Costumes and masks should be for Halloween parties, not for our emotions and our true selves. If you're considering therapy, I want you to call my friends at BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy. You can talk with your therapist anywhere so it's convenient

for just about any schedule. You just get online and you fill out a short survey and you'll be matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional cost. Take off the costumes and take off the masks with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney. And one of the things that Dave heard for years and years and years is, man, how did I just learn at the age of 40 or 60 or 70 or 50? How did I just now learn these principles about how to get out of debt? They should teach this stuff in schools. And Dave was like, well, that sounds like a great idea. So they created a middle school and high school curriculum.

I didn't know this before I started hanging out here. One out of two high schools in the country, 45% of the high schools in the country teach this thing. More than 5 million students have gone through the financial literacy course. So it's Dave and the education team here created a plug and play course to hand to schools and say, here you go. This is how to teach young people how to handle money, what taxes are, what economics is, what stuff that we didn't learn in school. And so then I think, man, what an amazing thing. And then I think about the teachers. And you all know I've got a heart for teachers. I've been a teacher. My wife's a teacher. My friends are all

teachers and professors. And they are getting crushed. James gave me this article here. A survey of US public sector workers released in October found that K-12 public school educators were most likely to report higher levels of anxiety, stress, and burnout. They're fried, cooked. And this is every teacher I'm talking to. I have not spoke to a teacher that says, yeah, dude, I'm YOLO. I'm living my best life. Four in 10 reported that work during the pandemic has made them consider changing jobs. They're absolutely fried. So this is where we intersect here.

I've got a deep heart for teachers and what they're going through. I have a deep heart for their students. And I also have work at a place that has a deep heart for students and teachers. So there's this awesome thing that we're doing here. Teachers who have taught the Foundation's personal finance curriculum changed millions and millions of kids' lives. April is Financial Literacy Month. And so we're

celebrating all the teachers in the country with a teacher appreciation giveaway sponsored by the Borrowed Future documentary that we put out. Teachers can enter today to win cash. We're not playing. We're not going to give you a hug or an apple or like special eraser set. We're going to give you cash. A couple of teachers will win $5,000 cash just to do whatever you want with. Whatever you want. And then other teachers are going to win up to $1,000 cash and more.

So teachers, don't miss out on this. And if you have teachers in your life that you love, sign them up. This is just cash. This is just us giving away cash because we love you. We love you. We love you. Go to ramseysolutions.com slash teacher for a chance to win. That's ramsaysolutions.com slash teacher for a chance to win.

All right, let's take one more call. Let's go to Aaron in San Diego, California. What's up, Aaron? How we doing? Good, Dr. John. Thank you for taking my call. You got it, brother. What's up?

So I'm just calling because I'm wondering how do I navigate interacting with my manipulative and unfaithful ex-girlfriend who just told me she's pregnant with my child? Whoa. Didn't see that one coming. So give me a second here That's a lot man Is it your kid? We're going to get a DNA

Prenatal DNA test Good Soon Good Today But Yeah It's scheduled

Okay When? It's Next Tuesday Excellent Excellent Excellent Okay Very cool Yeah Yeah, it's scheduled. Okay. When? It's next Tuesday. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Okay.

Very cool. Yeah. What do you think? You think this is you? I'm pretty sure the dates and everything line up. Okay. But there is, I'd say I'm about 85% sure it's mine. Okay.

Cool. So let's get the, if you're not out of the way. Okay. But there is, I'd say I'm about 85% sure it's mine. Okay, cool. So let's get the if you're not out of the way. If you're not, after this interaction, blocker, deleter, walk away. You know that, right? Yes, sir. Okay. If this turns out to be your child, then everything changes. First and most importantly, this does not mean you have to reengage into a romantic relationship with her, right?

You know that? Yes. Okay. But you are forever linked in a relationship with her. Mm-hmm. So when you say, so I don't want to think that we're going to move forward here without that connection, okay? You're in a relationship with her now because you all made a human together. Yeah.

When you say evil, manipulative, cheating, and all those things, like, tell me more about that. That sounds like spurned lover talk. So we were in a relationship for two years, and the first year was really good. It was, um, going exactly how, um, a good relationship should go. Um, I was a little, actually not a little, I was, um, putting way too much weight on the relationship. It was kind of, um, my whole identity was centered around the relationship. Um, started seeing that I was really relying on her. And she would ignore me. Towards the end of the relationship, she would ignore me for like three days without talking to me and then come back and act like nothing happened, like we were great. Um, and I would kind of, uh, have breakdowns about that and she would know. Um, and I think

she just assumed I would always be there for her. Um, and she could just live her own life separate from me. And, um, she had me under her thumb, so she was going to do what she wanted. But then I found out that she was unfaithful, cheated on me with a girl and a guy. And the girl was a one-time thing, but the guy, she was in a relationship with him for about three months while she was with me. So I— So I, that was. Let's back out. So you ever heard of, heard me talk about fundamental attribution error?

No. Okay. It's a nerdy psychological term and I'm oversimplifying it, but essentially it's the idea that we get in somebody else's head and decide why they're doing whatever it is they're doing. We judge their motives. We judge their thoughts.

We judge what they did and why they did it. And then we react based on our interpretation of that judgment. So you just laid out these things that your ex-girlfriend did to you and why she did them. So I'm just going to play devil's advocate and give you an alternative narrative, okay? Okay. My narrative could be way off,

but I'm trying to hit the pendulum the other way for a reason, okay? Okay. My narrative could be way off, but I'm trying to hit the pendulum the other way for a reason, okay? Okay. Could have been that you were dating this young woman. Things were great. And slowly over the course of a year, she was less and less and less able to breathe. Because this guy became a weighted blanket because this relationship, me, was everything and had to know where I was, had to know what was going on. I had to breathe. And sometimes I just have to walk out the front door and I'm just going to disappear. I'm not even

thinking about him. I'm thinking about me. I have to breathe. I still love this guy. I like him. I like being with him. But he's a lot. And then I run into somebody else who makes – I start over time not liking who I'm becoming. Forget the guy.

I don't like who I'm becoming. I'm somebody who's short-tempered. I'm somebody who's not fun anymore because I can't breathe because my whole life is trying to make sure this guy's okay. I'm becoming less of a romantic partner and more of a mother. I don't like it. It makes me feel yuck about me. And then I run into some other dude who makes me feel alive, makes me feel wild, and I screw up. And I don't know how to say it because I'm married to somebody, I mean, I'm dating somebody

who has told me, you're my oxygen, and if you take this tank off, I die. And so instead of breaking up with you, like she should have with integrity, she just slowly lets you starve. She starts disappearing, stops talking to you for days just acknowledges you she's done she just hasn't had the courage and the integrity to break it off

officially and formally and you knew something was up whether she was cheating on you or not you may have not known that it may have not been in your head but you knew something was up yeah

so here's why I told you that you're gonna have to be in relationship with her Yeah. So here's why I told you that. You're going to have to be in relationship with her and you can only deal with you. That's it. Why she did what she did, why she's doing what she's doing, all those things, you can't control any of that. And so spending energy thinking why she's doing what she's doing and how because of it. That is just a choice that you are making to be miserable. Don't do that to yourself, man. You're worth more than that.

You might be about to be a dad. Yeah. Okay? This is not how you plan. How old are you, man? I'm 20. All right. So let's put this hat on that I'm about to be a dad hat.

Okay? Yeah. So let's put this hat on that I'm about to be a dad hat, okay? Yeah. If you get the paternity test back, it will be a shock to your system. And then we are going to shift as fast as possible into joy, into I'm going to be a great father. Okay? I don't want another child being born into a couple of people who don't want them here. It's not how you drew it up.

It's not how you would have planned it if you were, but you made some choices and here we are. So I'm going to love this kid sideways and forwards and to the moon and back. And I'm going to respect his mom or her mom. I'm going to be, I'm going to knock it in her head and try to decide why she's doing what she's doing. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to show up to the appointments,

even if she brings some stupid boy with her. I'm going to show up to the appointments. I'm going to treat everyone. I'm going to bring coffee for all three of us. I'm going to be a person of integrity, even when I got to go grip my teeth and go for a walk myself.

Okay? Here's what I'm laying out. I'm laying out all the things that you can control. Yeah. Because you can't control anything else. And now if there's another kid, if there's a kid along in this, it's about them. My life is about me until I get married, and then it's about us until we have kids. Yeah. Right? So here we are. So what I have found in my life that when I get out of people's heads and I just start dealing with what the deal is,

man, my life is a lot better. I'm not angry. I'm not bitter all the time. You know what I mean? Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, for sure. And dude, brother, I don't want to make light of you. You got hurt bad, didn't you?

Yes, definitely. Okay. What did you learn about dating relationships this time? That I need to be the best version of myself before I get in another relationship. I need to be able to be stable, not relying on someone else for my happiness. That's awesome. And hey, when you get married, I'm choosing to lean up against you

and they're choosing to lean up against me. So there is some, I kind of push back a little bit. When you're married, I mean, I'm choosing to be dependent on you and you on me. Like we're making that choice. But yeah, when I'm dating, man,

I want to find out who I am, find out who you are and how we're going to work together. Does that make sense? Yeah, definitely. Do you believe me when I tell you you're worth laughing, having fun? Yes. You're worth exercising? You're worth going to have a good life?

Yeah, yeah. Okay. You for sure are. And ever since we broke up, which was about six months ago, I have been really trying to do that, trying to focus on myself and better myself. But I just don't want to go back to that. You know, I don't want to fall back into those old patterns. So stay out of her head, stay in yours. Yeah. Stay out of her head,

stay out of her boyfriend's head, stay out of whatever. And even if you do this, this is going to sound crazy. And she might, I, again, if you've ever listened to the show, you know, I'm a comic, I'm obnoxiously optimistic about stuff, okay? But what if you sat down with her and had a conversation before the paternity test came out and said, hey, listen, we dated for like two years and I was immature and I smell her, dude.

I'm so sorry. I realize now that I made it hard for you to breathe. And whether or not, if this ends up being my son, my daughter, I want you to know I'm going to love that baby. And I'm going to partner with you over the course of that

kid's life to give that kid a great, great life. Yeah. What if you did that? Yeah, I think that's a really good idea that's all you can control and then if she responds with like oh yeah that's not you can't you can't control that right yeah you could know all right i'm not gonna have these little uh a little like after school special moment anymore but you're controlling what you can control you're not excusing the fact that she cheated on you that's wrong dude she shouldn't have You're not excusing the fact that she cheated on you.

That's wrong, dude. She shouldn't have done that. Not excusing the fact she cheated on you with multiple people. Not excusing any of that kind of stuff. But you're just looking in the mirror and saying, what can I control here? I wasn't a great boyfriend, and I'm going to do better next time. I'm learning.

I'm growing. Hopefully she's learning and growing too. And she might even say, I'm sorry I cheated on you. Maybe not. Maybe not. But maybe. Maybe she'll weep and say, good. Probably not, but maybe, right? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Will you call or shoot me a note and let me know? Yes, definitely. I will. All right, brother. We'll be thinking about you guys as you move forward.

Everybody listening, get out of other people's heads. I don't know why they're doing what they're doing. They are, and I'm going to respond to what they're doing because that's all I can do. I'm going to respond to my attitude. I'm going to respond with my actions. I'm going to respond with my thoughts because that's all I can do. That's it. We'll be right back. Hey, what's up? Deloney here. Listen, you and me and everybody else on the planet has felt anxious or burned out or chronically stressed at some point. In my new book, Building a Non-Anxious Life, you'll learn the six daily choices that you can

make to get rid of your anxious feelings and be able to better respond to whatever life throws at you so you can build a more peaceful, non-anxious life. Get your copy today at johndeloney.com. All right, as we wrap up today's show, so there's kind of been a shift from the songs that I think are the greatest of all time

to James and Jenna and everybody in the booth, Kelly, Nate Dogg, everybody in there picking a song about the show that we just had. And so this is the lyrics they handed me. This is actually Nate's favorite song of all time. From the one and only, I don't know if we could talk. From MJ, can we say that? The song is Billie Jean. Just going to leave it at that.

And here's the lyrics. She was more than a beauty queen from a movie scene. I said, don't mind, but what do you mean? I'm the one who will dance on the floor in the round. She told me her name was Billie Jean and she caused a scene. Then every head turned with eyes that dreamed of being the one who will dance on the floor in the round. People always told me, be careful of what you do.

Don't go around breaking young girls' hearts. My mother always told me, be careful who you love and be careful of what you do because the lie becomes the truth. Billie Jean is not my lover. She's just a girl who claims that I am the one. But the kid is not my son. She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son. I see what y'all did here.

Well played, guys. It took me a minute, but I just got it. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'm glad you're here. We'll see you soon. Coming up on the next episode, is there a way to paint with a broad brush what people should broadly be doing when it comes to eating? I feel like it's just chaos, man. You know, anybody can be proclaim themselves an expert. So many people are confused because a lot of influencers are people trying to sell

stuff. Whenever I hear a claim, my first thought is always, hmm, I wonder if that's BS. You know, like I start there. If you're a good scientist, skepticism is something that you really embrace.