The Dr. John Delony Show - Money Is Ruining My Friendships

Episode Date: July 8, 2026

On today’s episode, we hear about: A woman wondering if a text she sent could end her friendships A wife pondering how to get her husband to lead their family A newlywed who feels no different after marriage   Next Steps: ❤️ Get away with your spouse today! 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch   Connect With Our Sponsors: Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. Go to Capstone Wellness to learn more. Get up to 20% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth.   Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe.  Visit Hallow for a 90-day free trial. Visit Helix Sleep for special offers!  Go to Joi + Blokes and get 50% off labs and 20% off products. Working knives for working people—Go to Montana Knife Company to see what’s available now! Explore Poncho Outdoors! Get 25% off your order at Thorne.   Visit Zander Insurance or call 1-800-356-4282 for your free instant quote today.   Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💰 George Kamel 📈 EntreLeadership   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This kind of stemmed from a group chat with eight girlfriends, seeing where everyone is at financially. And everyone was very open and honest about their household incomes. Okay, hold on, hold. You had a group chat and somebody said, hey, let's just be honest. What does everybody else make? Yeah. What up? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney's show.

I'm so glad you're here talking about your mental and emotional health, your relationships, your kids, your marriages, whatever you got. going on in your life. Pull up a seat and we're going to figure out what's the next right move. Most importantly today, Kelly gave blood. And how do we know this? Because she has 14 different decals on announcing to the world that she did a good thing. Literally, I have one sticker that I wore only because of you that says, be nice to me. I gave blood today. and I actually had someone else that works at this company, and I won't say who, that said,

John can't read, can he? So, all I know is I walked into your office and you had drinks in both hands. And I was like, what are you doing? She's like, I gave blood. And so she's hammered. That's all I'm saying.

That's all I'm saying. But boy, she did a good thing and likes telling everybody about it. I'm just glad to know I have an office. I didn't want to say, your cubicle, but hashtag just saying. All right, let's go to Burlington Coat Factory, Vermont, and talk to Marie. Hey, Marie, what's up?

How are you? I'm doing good. How are you? Good. Happy to be here. I'm glad you're here. What's up? I am wondering how to navigate a lifelong friendship that's just becoming super strained

over financial differences. Tell me about it. So this kind of stemmed from a group chat earlier. last year with eight girlfriends, one of which who was looking for a new job and was really open and kind of just said if everyone's interested in putting cards on the table, seeing where everyone is at financially. And everyone was very open and honest about their household income. You had a group chat and somebody said, hey, let's just be honest.

What does everybody else make? Yes. That's nice. Did you all sit pictures of your butts too? Like, like, what was, how many people were on this group chat? It was eight girlfriends all from, you know, different points in life, college, high school. Oh, gosh. This is a terrible idea.

Yeah. It didn't go well, really. Nope. I imagine not. I think it kind of stemmed from a lot of social media and comparing people. And I think people underestimated the differences, even just within our small town group. So from that, my best friend who we grew up together, same school district, similar background, learned that my household brings in significantly more than hers. And since then, a lot of comments and remarks have been made about that.

And I just think it's straining the relationship and I'm not sure how to address it gracefully and appropriately. How old are you guys? Late 20s, early 30s. Yeah. So there's a couple things going on here. I'm going to give you the other side of this, okay? Is that cool? Yes.

There has been seasons when, not by a little, by a lot. I and my old school friend group, in my college friend group, I made significantly less than them. And I'm like not a super great person, but I was always so proud of my friends. Like, I was so happy for them. You know what I mean? And if they could, if the cool concert came to town,

they knew I couldn't afford it. And so they just got another ticket. And I guess it never occurred to me to think I was like mooching. They were just my buddies, right? They were my friends. And now that things have flipped and shifted, and now my life is silly, it's like they're so proud of me.

They're excited for me. And they'll say things like, I'm not paying for picking up, you're paying for drinks. Are you kidding me? You know what I mean? We'll make jokes like that, but I don't have a psychology, I guess,

for friends who would get upset or mad at their friend, their close right-to-dive friends for doing well. You get what I'm saying? I know what happens. So, A, hear me say, I hate this for you. B, I'm going to say something that's made me sound like I'm a thousand years old and that I walked uphill in the snow both ways to school with no clothes on.

I know what I'm about to say is going to make me sound like an old man, okay? That's my disclaimer. You're in a window of time when those great, amazing OG friendships begin to splinter and fade away. Yeah. And I hate it for you.

Because if anything other than dude, I'm so excited for y'all. And of course, the occasional jokes, you all should be able to rib each other. you all are friends. But like, you know the difference between, I'm not paying for that and like, mean-spirited, must be nice kind of things, right? Mm-hmm.

The real work is less, how do I hang on to somebody who is bitter or frustrated at my wins, or expects me to be quiet about parts of my life that I want to celebrate and be happy about just so they don't feel bad? The real work is, who's going to be my new circle in my 30s? And that's heartbreaking and sad. That's a hard one. Tell me, does that ring true with you or do I sound crazy? No, it did.

And I think there was some level of people understanding kind of where people were roughly or lesser or more than. But I think the, when the numbers came out and everyone was very honest, which, you know, terrible idea. I mean, the whole premise of what y'all did was dumb. If y'all are sitting around a table talking and you can see each other's eyes and your, your, you know, your foreheads and your faces and your arms and your hands, like, if you can see each other and feel each other, that's different. But man, just throwing cold numbers out on a group chat, jeesh, that is not a good idea. And it's also people are in very different parts of their life.

You know, my best friend has two toddlers and they're buying their first house. And my husband and I have had our house for five years, and we don't have any kids. And a mix of, I think, where people are in life as well as kind of straining that. Well, and not to mention back when I was, I had a buddy that owned his own hearing aid company. He had a buddy who worked in banking, a buddy who was an exec at a first cell phone company who moved to HVAC to a company. And dude, I worked in education. Of course I was going to make way less than all of them. You know what I mean?

And so part of it was like, I chose the life I have. and but it was me understand right so your friends with two kids and buying a house they've picked all of those avenues right and to be mad at you because y'all have y'all have chosen differently and so in this season of life you'll have you know cooler lawn chairs or whatever i don't know like i just makes me sad makes me sad because a good friend is somebody you can tell the the bad stuff too a good friend of somebody you can can tell like the dark stuff too. And a good friend is somebody who you can tell like you can call and celebrate with. You know what I mean? Yeah. How do I guess how does that trend is that just,

you know, kind of not being as involved in those friendships anymore? I've never had a non-dramatic, I guess, friendship breakup. Yeah. There's not a good like, there's not a good like let's see other people when it comes to your friends, you know? I find those things they fade away. If this is a long-term relationship that you've, I mean, you've been friends with, you know, since you were a little bitty. And this is one worth hanging on to. And it's not just a friend you met in college and all good friends. And you've known each other for six or eight years and everyone kind of goes their own ways. And they were a really important part of your life for a season and everybody moves on.

If this is a person worth investing, then they're worth sitting down and having hard conversations with. Okay. Right. Like, hey, I love you. I put my number in this thing, and I feel like our relationship's changed. What happened? Okay.

Right? And you can use the same framework I tell people who are married to use, which is the stories I'm making up in my head are that our relationship is somehow different because me and my husband are in a season of blessing right now. Am I, if that's the case that makes me sad, am I out to lunch? Mm-hmm.

Right? So you're entering in and saying, I'm making up the story. and kind of call it out. If it's a friendship worth saving, you call out that action, call out that behavior, and put it on the table.

Yeah, I think of just, I've been avoiding, confronting it because of when I feel a lot of, just in general, shame around the abundance and then not understanding

how to come from, you know, that one-up position. Tell me about, tell me about feeling shame. Where does that come from? I guess I struggle with, making as much as I do because we don't need it.

You know, I don't, I have a lot of thoughts about whether people need X amount of wealth. So we've been really trying to be intentional with making sure that we're giving and taking care of people and using it to the best of our abilities to feel fulfilled in what we have right now and what we're working hard for. But I do struggle with that amount. Okay, so here's a simple solution. You ready? I can solve it right now.

You ready? Okay. Send in your resignation when you get off this call. Quit. If you're doing a thing that violates your core values, quit. Or really challenge yourself on what you thought was a core belief that actually isn't a core value. Okay. Right.

The cool thing these days is to really bash people who have been successful. and instead of everybody opening their eyes and seeing who can I help in my local community, it's easier just to find the tallest building and try to burn it down. You know what I'm saying? Mm-mm.

Tell me if I'm wrong here, just call it out, and I'll apologize. You're sounding, like the way I hear you speaking is similar to somebody who really had really strong opinions on how weak and pathetic and lame women are, who stay with their husband after he cheats on him. And then suddenly you find out your husband of 10 years has had an affair

and your first thought is, I want to make this thing work. And then you have to deal with the judgment of, oh, you get what I'm saying? Yeah, no, that's exactly how it feels like. Like it's real easy to talk bad about people who make six figures and then you work your freaking butt off

and you provide value to a company that is helping people with whatever, helping them with toilet paper, helping them with infrastructure, helping them with whatever. And suddenly, you're one of them. And you have to look in the mirror and say, oh, maybe I was wrong in my original judgments of people. Yeah, that one's a top one. That's exactly what this is. You know, relationships are being strained over it. So it's kind of reinforcing that like, oh, this is a bad thing. Your judgment of people who have done well is I would say is the bad thing. Now can people use wealth and be miserly with it and destroy and hurt people?

100%. But I'll tell you, the people I'm around who've done really well financially are so insanely generous. And here's the magic. They're generous and private. Yeah. Nobody ever knows. And I'll tell you, I came from not very much.

My dad was a policeman and then he became a minister and then he went back to me and a place. We had nothing. It was tough. And I had. had a very tainted picture of those people who live in those houses and drive those cars, right? Mm-hmm. And one theologian once said, people are often as proud of the things they don't have as those are of those who do.

It's the same judgment just on the other end of a barbell. Instead of opening your eyes and saying, okay, I'm in a season of blessing. I planted some crops and, man, that rain came in. I'm going to open my eyes wide and me and my husband like y'all are doing who can we bless around here? There's no need for judgment

who are we're going to bless around here? But if you are struggling with your own judgment of yourself and your situation, you'll probably hear every joke your friends make as a criticism, as a critique, as the same knife you use on yourself.

Yeah, kind of jades that view. Could it be that your friends are just giving you a hard time because they're your friends? Some of them are. And it's definitely. warranted. This one relationship is not only me that's being, you know, strained by it. That's fair. That's fair. That's fair. And if your friend wants to choose to judge somebody over the amount of

compensation they receive, not based on their generosity, on who they are, who they're helping out in the world, then you have to ask yourself, is that a friend you want to continue to invest in? Because that seems like a volatile unsafe person who's going to hate. based on an arbitrary number like that? No, I think there's, I don't know if I want to, I guess is it wise to enter into a heart-to-heart with her about this until I found, you know, some peace in my own mind about it. Yeah, if she's a good friend, she'll walk with you. Okay. Tell her, I had these preconceived judgments about people.

And I was wrong. That's where we grew up in the same town with very similar. are I think ideals about it. And I carry those more internally, and I think hers are surfacing, but I do think they come from the same place of being, you know, always told those things and looking at, you know, the people across town who are, you know, othered or more or better than what we were. So let me ask you this. Is this friendship worth having a hard conversation about?

Yes. Yeah. It's worth trying and seeing what can be done and what can be done. what, where it could go. Can I ask you a super personal question? It's just you and me, Kelly, and a couple million people. How much money are we talking here? Indiscrepidstasy is about 300,000.

Say it one more time. I missed it. You pulled your head away from your phone because you're nervous to even say it out loud, period. What was the number? 300,000. Okay. That's what you and your husband make together, or that's just your salary? That's just mine.

Okay. What does he make? He makes about 85. He's a forest ranger. Oh my gosh. Well, that's like my dream job. It's fantastic. And give me a ballpark. Don't tell me specifically. But what do you do for a living? I do work in finance. Great. Cool. Sit down with yourself. Maybe I have a conversation with your husband about, man, I think I've been judging people for a long time.

I think that's how I grew up. Maybe your whole ecosystem was judging people. I think I was wrong. And I got a close friend that I need to sit down and just, be honest, just put it all on the table. And if we choose to not be friends after that, so be it. But maybe I'm coming across in a way that I don't even mean to be. Thanks for the call. It's a tough, tough, tough thing. Tough thing.

I'm really grateful that you're wrestling with it. That gives me hope. We'll be right back. The wait is finally over. Montana Knife Company has launched their first folding knife. Montana, I'm holding it right now. I did not think that this knife would be this cool. And it is this cool.

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So my question today is going to be, how do I encourage my husband to, be our spiritual leader and more like of our home leader as well. So whenever I hear that a lot, whenever somebody says, I want my husband, boyfriend, fiance, whatever, to be a spiritual leader. I honestly never know what that means because it means something different to every person. So you tell me, like, what would that mean? What would that feel like? What are you looking for for your husband to be in your home?

So a little backstory, we've been together for about 15 years, and we both grew up in Catholic families. However, his dad passed away when he was young, so I feel like he never had that father figure to show him how to, like, step up in that role. And then we recently converted into Christians, and we've been going to church, and the church that we go to, I feel, it's very traditional. You know, our pastor always talks about the man of the house, the man being the leader, you know, the spiritual leader. And I just felt like it's, for me, it would be of him taking charge of everything in the home. Oh, but what does that mean? Do you want him to make all the decisions where you eat, what cars you drive? Do you want him to?

Because here's the thing, that idea, man is the leader, has been so weaponized. to mean men get to do whatever they want and they don't have, they don't have to take their wife's feelings, their wellness, they don't have to take anything to account. They do whatever they want. Or I think a better reading of that, a better understanding is leadership is not getting to the top of an organization and telling it what to do. It's getting underneath it and carrying the whole thing on your shoulders and freeing the people under your care to go live wild and amazing lives. And so, like, what do you mean when you say you wanted to be the leader of your home? You want me to make all the decisions for you?

Like, what does that mean? So I think, for example, with our kids, we, it's something as little as little as of my oldest wants to go to the park. I want him to be able to comfortably decide, like, can he go? Is it a good decision versus having to run everything by me? Okay. Can I give you, and don't hear me challenge. you. I'm just trying to get to a good answer here, okay? Is that cool? Like, I'm on your team,

okay? In the past, has he made decisions that you criticize, poke holes in, get upset with him for making? Yes. Okay. So is there a possibility that he has learned that the best way to lead in his house, in y'all's house, is to be quiet? Maybe. And so it may be that part of him being able to, being able to make decisions without having to consult you every time, begins with you saying, hey, I've been highly critical. I've been a critical person. I'm not going to be that person anymore.

If you think it's a good idea for the kids to go play, go play with the kids, man. And if they end up staying up a little later, whatever, we'll talk about that on another time. But you get what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, it might feel not unsafe because that's dramatic. It might feel like he's trying to love you the best he can,

and he's learned through action, through being in a relationship with you for 15 years, that you're pretty critical of his decisions. Now, if he's just sitting there with a video game controller and he's like, I don't care, ask your mom. Well, then he's being a loser, right? And he needs to step up. But that's why I asked you that question.

And if you can reflect back and say, yeah, I'm pretty critical of pretty much anything he does, then you're going to have to take, go first and say, and put that on the table, right? Is that fair? Yeah, I think so. Okay, so tell me about the spirituality. Like, how do you want him to be a leader spiritually?

So, again, we're new to this. I felt like new to the Christian life. So, for example, with reading the Bible, right? It's not something that I felt like we've ever done in the past. So I feel like it's something that we're learning together, but I would like for him to take leadership and that, like, hey, like, let's do this as a family. Let's read it together.

or, you know, let's bring the kids, let's take some time for devotion, some time to learn something together because it's new to all of us to our kids, me and him. So I feel because we've never done it, we just don't know how to approach it. I feel like it's very hard for us. And then I sometimes find it discouraging to, like, why is he not interested? Why is he not wanting to pull towards more towards God, more towards, things like that. And I'm currently at a point where I have that urge.

I have that, like, want that need to, like, I want to do everything. I want to learn the Bible. I want to read through the whole Bible. And,

but sometimes it's just, it's, I feel discouraged that it's not me versus, it's just me versus both of us doing it or doing it as a family. I love that. Okay. So, hey,

I love your zeal and I love your excitement. That's really cool. It's awesome. I think this is, a really amazing opportunity for both of you. Okay. And here's what it's going to take. It's real easy to fall into what I would call mind reading expectations. You are new to this faith. And so you want to jump in and learn everything. You want to be on the front end of this thing, reading everything, like knowing everything. And maybe he's walked into this thing.

and he also is new and excited, but he wants to absorb everything. He wants to learn the rules and the customs and how he's supposed to look and what's wise to say and what's not wise to say. And it doesn't make any one of either one of those right or wrong, it just means y'all are approaching this thing differently.

And what I don't want to end up happening is you feel like since he's not loving this new thing like you're loving it, that somehow he loves it less, somehow doesn't love you, because that just breeds resentment. The path forward here is y'all get away and say, we've never been married and both been Christians before. This is all brand new to us.

I want you to teach me about what you're thinking, what you're feeling, what you're working through. What does this look like for you? And how can I best support you in this? And hopefully he'll ask you that same thing. and together y'all will co-create this thing. And it might feel like he's not being a leader because you have to tell him

what the best way you will feel loved and you will feel supported in this new journey y'all are on. It's not. It's a matter of just being super clear with your husband and vice versa, right? So in my house, my wife and I are both anchored

to the same faith tradition and many core of the same beliefs. I mean, same like, yeah, same beliefs, but we also believe very different things. And I love talking about it ad nauseum. My wife doesn't. And so she likes being really thoughtful and introspective and she writes about it and she'll garden for days. And then she'll say, hey, I'm thinking about this. And so I had to learn over the years that just because she didn't want to have these big, deep theological discussions that always turn into debates and they feel

lively and exciting for me, they felt like a beat down to her. And I had to realize, oh, that doesn't mean she doesn't care. That didn't mean she just cares differently. You know what I'm saying? And so she knows the other night there's a big theological issue I've been wrestling with. And I told her, hey, I want to talk about this. Let me know when it is a good time. And what I was doing was saying she has to gear herself up for these things. And she happened to say, now's a good time.

Let's do it. It was great. But I've learned I'm not just going to bomb her with stuff. And on the other side of it, sometimes I say, hey, I'd love to know what you're thinking about, what you're wrestling with these days. And she'll say, give me a day and then I'll be able to like kind of formulate my thoughts

so we can talk about it. And so it's just us getting to know each other and how we best like to move forward with these things. At some point, you're going to have to look your husband in the eye and say, I feel loved when, or I want you to.

And give him a roadmap for what you want to feel in the house and what you want to see in the house. Like give him a roadmap for what that, looks like. Do you get what I'm saying? Yeah, that makes sense. And we've never had that. So I think that's why I kind of maybe feel like a little awkward or it doesn't feel right. But yeah, it makes sense. And say that up front. Any feeling you're having about I'm scared, I'm nervous about this. This is a weird conversation. Neither of us have ever had this and we've never seen our parents have this. Put it up front. Like I'm nervous to talk about this or this

is going to be awkward for us. But here's the magic. We get to choose what our marriage looks like. We get to choose what our house feels like. And so what things do we need to both do for ourselves and for each other so that our house feels like this? And that's when you can, and I'm saying it not as an, don't say it as an accusation, but say it as like almost like a statement of wonder. I want our house to feel light and full of your faith and where we're anchored and we're supported. And here's what that would look like. What do you want it to feel like?

And he might say, I don't know. And that's where you might say, hey, listen, I've beaten you up for your thoughts and stuff in the past. I'm not doing that anymore, I'm sorry. I'm going to learn a new way of, like the way you do the dishes is also equally valid to the way I do the dishes.

And I've been pretty critical of you in the past, right? If that's true. You get what I'm saying? Yeah. But just because it's all, awkward doesn't mean it's not right. In fact, I often say tension is the doorway. Whatever you feel awkward about saying to this guy that you've spent a decade and a half with, that's the thing you for sure need to say. Do you all have kids? Yes, yes. How many? Four. Okay. Was he there

for the births? Yes. Okay. I'll just say this, as least, the least graphically as I can, Okay. Y'all are way past any awkward, right? Yeah. You're way past it. So, you all have made humans together. Y'all, he's been there while you gave birth to humans. Y'all have raised kids together.

And yet it feels so hard to talk about things like belief and meaning and faith and what I would love, the person I would love to see you become in this home. And what kind of person would you like to see me become in our home? right that feels so awkward and scary that means you got to go right through that thing with gentleness and compassion right okay i i i tell me what you're apprehensive about i can hear the apprehension in your voice i just feel because he's because he's i don't know of why i i think i'm feeling that like he's not going to be be capable If I'm explaining myself, I just feel like he's, because he's never seen or had, like that

has an example of leadership that I feel like he's not going to fully comprehend where I'm coming from or what I expect from him, because he's never had it. So two things there. One, a part of any new adventure, whether it's a faith adventure, whether it's an exercise adventure, you've got to get other people in your life with you. and so one of the things he's going to have to do is get other men in his life who have similar beliefs and similar ways of doing life that they can lift each other up it's a good way for him to learn by example the second thing is i would challenge you

is let him act first and begin to comprehend later you what i'm saying tell him what you want tell them what you need tell them what you'd love to see and even if he's doing it just because you said it. Over time, the hope is it becomes a part of him. It becomes who he is, how he begins to see the world. Right? Okay. And if you wait for him to quote unquote understand it, y'all may never understand it the same. Very few people in the world, my closest friends, my wife, my pastor, do I believe exactly the same thing on every topic on every issue? but I tell you what if my wife says hey here's how I feel loved man I'll do that even if I don't understand it I I can tell you right now I personally do not understand I do not understand

cognitively emotionally spiritually I don't understand why the dishes have to be done every night right I don't but I know that my wife sleeps deeper when she wake in she knows she's going to wake up to a brand new clean kitchen so shoot I'll help that all day long. That's easy. Yeah, makes sense. Right? But she had to tell me that because it would never even occur to me.

And she has no idea why it's such a big deal to me if just once in a while she shows up to one of my speaking events or one of my comedy shows or something. She doesn't understand, but she knows it. I see her and it makes me smile and it makes me feel anchored in there when I'm up there being ridiculous on stage. and she's like, I'll do that for him. And same with spiritual stuff. Just because he doesn't see it, that's okay.

That means he's just going to need some coaching. And he doesn't have to fully understand it. But my gut tells me is over time, if you're clear with him and you're compassionate with him and you're open with him, and he's able to tell you the things that he would like to see you do also, that's how you begin to understand

and metabolize it is by doing it, right? not thinking it, thinking it, thinking it, thinking it, got it, right? No other thing in the world. Work doesn't work that way. Sports don't work that way. You can't sit in a room and just think about exercise, think about exercise. I'm just going to sit in a room and think about God, think about God, think about God. Ah, now I've got it.

No, man, I've got to get out there and get my hands dirty and serve the poor and change how I interact with the world and. So in an ideal world, he'd go first. But you're the one who called me, so I'll challenge you. Set up a time, set up a half day. where y'all can get together and just say, I want to have a dreaming day with you. We've never even seen this done. We've never done this before.

I want to dream about what our marriage could look like. I want to dream about what our new Christian walk can look like. And what would we both want that to feel like in our home? What would you both want each other to be doing there? And it could be an amazing new time. And if you have things that you need to apologize for, for how you've talked to him, how you've treated him, chastise him, whatever in the past, go first.

Go first. And let him know that he's got, a place at the table now. Thank you so much for the call. I'm proud of you guys. I'm excited for this new adventure you're all there on. And remember, clarity is kindness. It's clear as you can be with him.

No mind reading. No Hogwarts. Just clarity. We come back. A man asks what changes he should expect after marrying his high school sweetheart. Oh, buckle up, buddy. Hey, it's Tiloni. Listen, I talk to people.

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Not much. Just working. Excellent. Excellent. Me too, except my job is a scam. You're probably working a real job. That's awesome. What's up, dude? Not much. me and my wife now, we've been together for about eight years and been through a lot together, you know, through eight years. And I was just wondering, you know, what differences are there going to be when we're married? How long have you been together for so long?

How long have you been married? We've been married since May 2nd, so not too long. Very recent. Congratulations, dude. Thank you. Did you all live together before you got married? Yeah, so we've been, we bought a, house in

2023, so we've been living together since then. So I don't know. You tell me what do you think's

going to be different? Yeah. I mean, I mean, I'm hoping we have kids soon. I mean, a lot to look forward

to. I think more of my question was just I was hoping it would feel different. Oh,

there you go. There you go. What did you think it was going to feel like? I thought it just feel like instantly different, you know, but kind of feels the same. Yeah. So A, your feelings are your feelings, man, and I get that.

I hear that with people who get married. I hear that with people who have kids. They thought it was going to feel different. And then a couple weeks later, they're back at their same job. And it's like, oh, it's just my regular life, except now I've got this thing. Or now you're wearing a ring every day. And instead of saying my girlfriend, now you're saying my wife. the bigger question I want you to ask is

have you and your wife been intentional about sitting down and saying, okay, we have eight years together, almost a decade. And you said you're high school sweethearts? Yeah. Yes, that means you all have been young and dumb together, right? And now you've bought a house together, you've done these things. I think something really cool right now would be,

especially if y'all are thinking about having kids and would be to have some sort of marker, not with friends and family, but with just y'all too, to say, like, there's a period at the end of old us, and now we're starting a new chapter, what do we want this to feel like?

What do we want our house to feel like? What do we want our marriage to look like? Before we bring a kid into this thing, what does love look like for us as an action, not just as a feeling? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Often guys I talk to who have that same sense that you have, it's because there's been a lack of intentionality. We're just doing, we just got up the next day and we're like, all right, we're living in the same house, paying the same bills, we have the same structure.

And now I just have a ring on and I call you wife instead of girlfriend. That tells me you all haven't sat down and dreamed together. What do we want this thing to look like? When we're both 90 sit on the front porch and our hands are all wrinkled and we're holding hands, do we want to look back in our river mirror and our life to have looked like? Because we get to decide that. You get what I'm saying? It's a new level of intentionality.

Do you all do things like, do you all share a checking account? Yeah, yeah, we just got that done. Okay, if you share one checking account and you don't have secret side accounts or you don't have his money and your money, like you have ours. Yeah, yeah, she just closed her account,

It's just ours now. Dude, that's perfect. Savings and checking. So as a part of this conversation, let's talk about, who are we going to be with our money? Okay. What are cool things we want to save up for?

What do we want our house to look like in 10 years and 15 years? Like, what do we want our, what kind of cars are we, what kind of car people are we going to be? Now that we're doing this thing together. Is her name, is both of y'all's name on the mortgage?

It was just mine at first, but she's going to be on there now too. Yeah, so let's go through and put her on everything. And you'll begin to, it should feel like a squat bar, right, where plates are getting added. You're going to start feeling the responsibility. I'm not just living my life and she's a part of it. She's not Venmoing me for the electric bill anymore and she's not buying some groceries and I buy any others. We are building a life together.

And that should have some extra burden to it, some extra weight to it. and there should be a season of frustration as you'll navigate this. And on the other side of that frustration, if y'all develop a routine for talking and communicating to connect with each other, not to try to win, but to connect, man, y'all can build something amazing. You can build whatever you want. Are you nervous that you made a mistake?

No, not at all. Okay. What did you think it was going to feel like? I'm interested. Like confetti's just going to walk out, like fall from the sky or something? Yeah, kind of. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I'm not too sure.

I just kind of thought it would just, I mean, I'm completely happy and everything, but I just kind of thought it would feel different, you know, being married. I think I held it to a higher standard than what it actually is. No, it's a big thing. I think our feelings don't always tell us the truth as to whether something's important or not. Yeah. Let me ask you this. Do you like you?

Yeah. Tell me why you're a pretty good man. I work hard and I listen to myself, I guess. I do whatever I need to do. Are you a man of integrity? Do you tell the truth? Yeah, I tried to. Yeah. You love that new wife of yours pretty recklessly?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Tell me about a time you did something that you felt amazing or wonderful or good. I think whenever I complete a job at work, I feel pretty good afterwards. Why do you feel good afterwards? Tell me about it. I guess I put my all into it and when it comes out looking good, you know, I feel proud of it. Okay. I want you to sit down by yourself. Do it this weekend, man. Don't wait too long. Do it this weekend. I want you to sit down by yourself.

And I know you all did vows, and I know you did the ceremony and all that. I want you to write your wife a letter about what kind of man you're going to be, what kind of husband you're going to be, what kind of father you're going to be. And in an act of rebellion to our current generation, I want you to sit down

and I want you to do something really brave and bold. I want you to read it to her. And make as much eye contact as possible while you're reading it. Because I think when you finish a job, you step back and you look, at it and you allow yourself to say, dude, I did good. And I want you to look at eight years of being with her from high school knuckleheads to just into the workforce or college knuckleheads to now we're young adults and we're out

making it happen. I want you to step back and say, I've done good. And now here's what I'm going to do next. And I want you to share that with her. Okay. You what I'm saying? Yeah. And for whatever it's worth, y'all did a lot of stuff.

Up front, right? So for many people, when they get married, that's when they move in together, and that's when they start sharing accounts, and that's when they buy a house together. Y'all did all that. So some of that stuff, you've already, I mean, you may have felt all that weight before.

This, y'all, you all confirmed it, right? So, I don't know. I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. Okay. But begin leaning into, what do we want this thing to look like? And then break it down and give yourself a job description and say, I'm going to go tackle this thing, and I'm going to be the best husband.

to create the greatest marriage that's ever existed. Perfect. Is that cool? I like it. I'm proud of you, dude. How old are you? I'm 25 now. 25.

Awesome. You have a really amazing life ahead of you, brother. And I'm proud of you. I've changed my tune totally. I think people should get married younger. I used to not believe that. I think they should. And figure out life together and grow together.

And you've done that, man. So I wish you guys the absolute best moving forward. Yeah, it's going to be all going to be off to the races, my brother. Congratulations. Hey, this drives me crazy. Our culture has made being exhausted, being burned out, something to be proud of. People brag about how busy they are, how little sleep they get, and how exhausted they always feel. Listen, being tired is not a flex. You know what's a flex?

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Yes. I'll produce the show. Don't worry. You better not edit that part out. Totally going to. Gosh. I'll leave it in. Yes.

It's not editing out. Everyone thinks Kelly's perfect. No, I don't think anybody thinks I'm perfect. Better than you, maybe even not perfect. Well, that bar is in hell. Yeah, it's a low bar. Gosh. All right.

So I have a cool crap that happened from Holly in San Antonio. Some of the best food in the world. On planet Earth. My goodness. Okay. So Holly says, I don't have a question just to thank you for telling the story about your daughter's explosive reaction when y'all were playing the baseball game in a recent episode. I have eight and nine-year-old daughters and that type of energy lives in our house every day.

Usually it happens in a split second and blinds me. I historically have not dealt with it well. Seeing them treat each other that way grieves my heart. And I'm trying so hard to be better and not get caught up at the tornado of emotions. Your story made me feel seen and gave me hope. I appreciate your wisdom. And that last sentence right there is not something most people say. No.

And because y'all don't know this, but she just pulled that up just now, she forgot to add. Oh, and thank you for Kelly and the team. They never had that part. Kelly always adds that in. The fact that she said, I appreciate your wisdom, you should take that and hold it in your heart. Oh, I'm going to get that tattooed on my chest when this is right when this is over. Or I'll get 14 stickers made like you had for giving blood. It'd be so awesome.

I even took the sticker off. All I cared about was you seeing the sticker. That's literally the only person that I cared about seeing it. Whoever gets your blood in a transfusion is going to feel that energy. He's going to be like, ah, I feel spiteful. Who's this John guy? I hate him. But he pays my bills.

I don't know what to do with this energy. Love you guys. Bye.