The Dr. John Delony Show - My Husband’s Conspiracy Theories Are Scaring Me

Episode Date: October 22, 2025

On today’s episode, we hear about: - A woman whose marriage is suffering from her husband’s conspiracy theories - A wife struggling to desire sexual intimacy with her husband - A mom wondering how to protect her son but also support his feelings Next Steps:  📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message.  📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life  📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards  💭 John's Free Guided Meditation  🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch    Connect With Our Sponsors: Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth.   Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe.  Visit Hallow for a 90-day free trial. Visit Helix Sleep for special offers!  Explore Poncho Outdoors! Get 25% off your order at Thorne.    Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Big news. New dates for money and marriage getaway just dropped for Valentine's Day weekend 2026. Get tickets at Ramsey Solutions.com slash events to get away with your spouse in Nashville, Tennessee. How can I improve communication with my husband when we strongly disagree on important issues like the conspiracy theory sort that can greatly affect our future so that he feels heard, I feel heard, and neither one of us feels crazy. Well, one of you may be crazy. That's the problem. That's the problem. Yo, yo, yo, this is John, the Dr. John Deloney's show. Coming to you from Nashville, Tennessee, taking your calls on your life, your marriage, your emotional, mental health, whatever you got going on in your life.

crazy spouses, kids that are struggling, schools, whatever you got, I'll sit with you and we'll figure out what's the next right move. If you want to be on the show, go to john Deloney.com slash ask ASK. Let's roll out to Orlando, Florida, and talk to Alex. What up, Alex? Hi, Dr. John. How are you? Doing great. How are you? My heart is racing, but I'm hoping that my mind does not go blank.

So I'm excited to talk to you. Hey, if your mind goes blank, that'll make two of us. We'll just quote dumb and dumber lines for a while to get us back to reality. So what's up? Yeah. Okay, so I just kind of wrote down some notes and try to be sweet, concise to the point. And then I guess if you want to ask questions, then we can go from there. Perfect.

Okay. So my question is, how can I improve communication with my husband and stay connected when we strongly disagree on important issues like things of like the conspiracy theory sort that can greatly affect our future financially. So a little bit of background. First of all, I want to say that I love my husband. He's an amazing husband and he's an amazing father to our two sons. And I know that this is kind of like a controversial crazy topic.

So I want to say that first. We've been married for eight years, and he's always kind of, like, dabbled in, like, some random conspiracy theories. Like, I mean, so have I, who hasn't kind of went down rabbit holes. But essentially, just in the last, like, a couple of years, he's gotten really strong opinions about, like, how he thinks that basically the banking system is going to fail. And so recently, we've been on baby step, too. We've been really kind of pushing the Dave Ramsey baby. steps. And when we were talking about four or five and six, I brought up how we'll have to start doing, you know, like 15% into the IRA. And he was, all of a sudden was like, well, you know,

I'm not, I'm not comfortable putting any money into the banking system because when it fails, we'll lose all of that, which that kind of just broke down into a really big argument that I didn't handle very, neither one of us handled it very well. And we, it was a really bad blow up that we don't typically have. And I made the mistake and brought up the word divorce, which I told him I would never do because I guess I don't know how to set healthy boundaries in a marriage or how to communicate effectively. I don't know. And he was really, really hurt by that. He told me and he felt like I was basically just giving up on our marriage. And I definitely don't want to divorced him. So I'm just trying to figure out how can I communicate effectively to him so that he

feels heard. I feel heard and neither one of us feels crazy. One of you may be crazy. That's the problem. It sounds like he scared you. Yeah, I did. I told him that I felt financially unsafe. There you go. Yeah. And he felt he felt And he heard me, but he also kind of came back with, well, you know, that feels like you don't trust me. Like I've done all this research and, you know, I want you. YouTube? Yeah, like telegram channels, YouTube channels, things like that where he really claims that, you know, there's these things that he truly trust and feels that very strongly with. And if I, he's tried to show me them before and I sometimes will point out some inconsistencies, but then he kind of rolls his eyes.

Like math? Yeah, I just, well, and I've even pointed to, like, Dave Ramsey is even, you know, the podcast and things like, hey, you know, like, they talk about stuff like this and, you know, this isn't going to fail. And I even kind of told them, like, even if it did, money's not going to be something that we're going to be worried about. We're going to be worried about, like, food, water, shelter, like, people come into our house. Like, we're going to have bigger problems. Right, right. Go back to the very beginning. the question you read your very first question your very first sentence reread it to me how can i

improve communication with my husband and stay connected keep going when we strongly disagree on important issues that can greatly affect our future financially okay that's the crux here and you need to know you're not communicating with somebody who is dabbling in facts you're dealing with somebody who is scared to death okay right um conspiracy theories are super fun i love dabbling in them like you said they're they're a game it's kind of like gambling right when you're watching a football game with your buddies you're like i got five bucks on this game whatever that's fun right when somebody is mortgaging their future on gambling apps it's catastrophic right right and we're in a world now where um well here's the truth some

conspiracy theories are true they just they've just proven to be true and most of the time conspiracy theories especially when people say the words i've done my own research nothing few sentences just irk me more than that sentence i've done my own research which is almost always i googled a bunch of stuff i chat gpted it or i watch a lot of youtube channels secret youtube channels that nobody knows about right right rarely do people quote unquote do their own research meaning they go to a lab or they sit down with economic theorists the economics the economic professors are the problem do they sit down with monetary policy people do they understand how global trade work right all this

stuff right so basically what they've done is they have used the internet to give them things that help them make sense of feeling out of control and anxious in a very chaotic world right and I would agree with that. I mean, which, and I would also say, I mean, he's, we did have a conversation after the big blow up. Unfortunately, it seems to take big blowups for him to kind of like kind of come to see things on my side a little bit, which I'm not proud of that either, because I know that I have a hand in that too. But, you know, he was able to chat with me and he was like, listen, if it makes you feel safe, we can do that? He goes, however, can we also still, you know, stash some money to the side cash-wise,

which I'm like, okay, great, that's a compromise, but then I'm also worried what's the next thing going to be? Well, and that's where I want to get to the bottom of this, because this is not isolated to finances. Right. And I guarantee this is not isolated to the banking system imploding or whatever. and by the way it might it might probably not and if it does you said it best if you have a bunch of solar panels in a good water well a whole herd of angry people are going to come to your house and shoot you for it what was what was the thing before the money um a big thing before the money it was another financial situation where he got into a business idea with a friend from church

and that guy ended up being a scam artist and what was the thing before that? The thing before that. Here's what I'm getting at. The thing where he has the secret insider information that nobody else seems to be able to see. It could be the woman you said, hey, don't go around her.

No, it's cool, man. It could be the buddy. or the buddies that you were like hey I don't get a good feeling around them he's like no you don't understand it can be the business idea followed by another business idea it could be the essential oils

that are going to cure cancer right it's almost always a line of things and then the internet catches you and then it connects you to bigger and bigger things I mean that was starting in 2018 he was looking at stuff on the internet and kind of loosely following it.

Right. And can I tell you? He kind of came on his own, though, I think. I don't think there was anybody directly influencing him. Okay. Well, and I did the same thing. I hook, line and sinker, starting back in 2012, anything the internet said, anything a podcaster said, I was all in on.

Right. I've got drawers of gadgets. I've got years of having to undo things because I, whatever. One day I'll just do a whole show of the stupid things I've done over the last decade trying to be extra healthy or do the like get financially whatever right i i'm a poster child for it this is why i have such disdain for the ecosystem that traps minds in it especially minds that are scared especially minds that want to take care of their families and everyone around them is like better get on your board and start paddling because the water's coming right

yeah for a guy who loves his family the air we breathe is fraught with your family is going to die and it's going to be your fault because you didn't listen to my seven step plan or my whatever or my fill in the blank. Well, and then he also does talk a lot

about like the expectations of men. He's like, you know, we're just expected to sit down and shut up and nobody cares about our feelings or how we're talking. That's very true. And then men get in these chat rooms and they get in these channels

and they create these ecosystems where they just listen to other anxious, fried, unlisten to men. And here's what's really going on out there. And it creates a really dangerous situations for families right right so the truth of the matter is this he's not on the phone i want you to hear me say i love this guy and i'm heartbroken for him and i've been there and the path forward is as

you've identified coming up with weekly if not daily actually daily check-ins and they don't have to be loud they don't have to be they don't have to be um what do you call it um sensational i'm talking daily check-ins a 30-second hug when you wake up and a 30-second hug when he gets home from work that's it yeah i'm talking about a going for a walk in the evenings together and not talking about anything politics okay you giving space for hey you get five minutes on your latest conspiracy theory i want to hear it let it rip and then after five minutes it's over really yep go ah and then we're there and then a weekly check in on how are we doing with our budget are we paying off our debts because that's one of our goals well we I actually the

really cool thing is um I basically do all of that because he doesn't he doesn't really like having okay listen that's not cool that's not cool here's what's happening in your house and I know this because that happened in mine. I remember the conversation in the backyard of a house I couldn't afford under multiple six figures worth of debt. When I told my wife around a fire pit, I feel like you are creating a life for you and our child that I don't exist in. And she said, I have to. You are slowly creating a world by yourself so that you can feel safe. you're creating a bubble inside your family for you and your kids and your husband feels that disconnection and i'm not faulting you you have to because you have an unstable husband right now

but that isn't the solution the solution is to wade through both of you wade through that electricity and decide together we're going to co-create something together because we're not okay. Right. And in my house, I fully fund my retirement accounts. And I do have two, I have three deep freezers. I do. And my wife says, with your with your fund money, John, you buy whatever you want to. I'm like, okay, if it all comes. And I have a little bit of that tendency in me. But for the sake of my house and for the sake of looking at data which says it might go wrong but it probably won't i'm still putting money away for retirement and if it's gone i'll deal with that then i'll have bigger fish to fry right the challenge i think y'all going to face here is this is not about

conspiracy theories it's not it's about disconnection between you and him here's the deal you're going to have to take this risk and say i miss you and I haven't been communicating well and I love you and I think you're a good man and also here's the things I need to feel safe inside my own house I need us to not owe anybody any money

which by the way if it all comes down that's probably gonna be one of your best hedges is to not owe anybody anything the next thing is I want to put money in retirement the next thing is I miss you

how can I love you today here's how you can love me today the next thing is let's put in a budget line after we get all our debts paid off and we get some our own emergency funds we don't have to rely on the banks if you want to buy a deep freezer and some solar panels knock your lights out that can be a fun hobby if you want to put some cash in a high-yield savings account and just put on the side okay that's your that's your sleep tax that's your your sleep well at night even though it's not earning what it could be etc

But I hate what these things are doing to people. I hate the ecosystem that allows the stuff to be out there. I hate the fact that there's just unfettered. There's no accountability, all of that. In the media ecosystem we have, but it is what it is. We have to be honest with each other saying, I miss you. I'm disconnected from you. And if I know there's couples out there where one spouse is so down a rabbit hole,

they're like, I will not put any money in retirement because, fill in the blank, then you are in an economically unsafe environment and you have to deal with that truth and that reality. And you, Alex, man, the next time you feel like you're about to throw the divorce word around, the next time you're about to explode, that's when you can take the lead and say, I'm going to stop this conversation, it's getting too heated, let's exhale, let's circle back in 30 minutes. I'm taking a break. I'll be back in 30 minutes.

let's pause right now let's go to bed let's pick this back up tomorrow because both of us are getting on the edge when i say something dumb you get upset and we're just starting a world win and let's just pause you get to pick that too and i don't know another way forward other than just to get off media completely and begin doing old school stuff like asking your neighbor asking true experts but those are even tough to come by So hope that helps, Alex. I'll just say this, your marriage is more important than any of the nonsense out there. And usually where couples find themselves where y'all are,

it's two people who are feeling very unsafe in their marriage. Start there. When we come back, a woman asks how to move forward with her husband if she doesn't desire him sexually. We talk a lot on this show about boundaries, things like emotional boundaries, relational boundaries, financial boundaries, but there's one boundary that nobody talks about. And I should talk about it more, and I don't,

so I'm doing it right now. Boundaries around your digital life. Right now, your personal information, things like your phone number, your address, even where your kids go to school is sitting on countless websites that you've never heard of. You didn't give them permission to have this information. They took it, and it's out there.

And let's be honest, this is not just an annoyance. It's a violation. It creates this constant hum of anxiety in the background of our lives, knowing that every decision we make is being tracked by somebody that we don't even know about. That's why I use Delete Me. Delete Me goes after the data brokers and the people finder sites that collect and resell your information without your permission. Delete Me tracks down your information and they remove it.

And every few months, they send you a report showing you exactly what they've done. Taking control of your digital life is about boundaries. and boundaries are about peace. So go to join delete me.com slash deloney and use code Deloney to get 20% off. That's join, J-O-I-N, join deleteme.com slash deloney to save 20% off. All right, let's go to Sarah in Salt Lake City, Utah.

What's up, Sarah? Hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you? Doing well, thank you. What's up? Um, so I am just lacking the desire to be physically active with my husband, and I'm just looking for how to move forward with him. Like physically active, like going hiking and fishing or sleeping together? No, sexually.

Okay. Tell me about it. My husband is deployed right now, and he should be coming home soon, and I'm so excited that he's coming home, but I'm also dreading it because I just don't feel this sexual desire for him, and I'm, And I'm scared for when he gets home and he's going to, you know, want to be with me. And I just don't have that feeling in me. I don't know. And I'm worried about it. Is that new for you? Not necessarily.

I've had kind of feelings in the past, but it's never been like this. And I kind of mentioned it to him. I mean, our communication is limited with him not being here, obviously. So I mentioned it a little bit. and he said, well, that's kind of an issue and we need to figure something out and I don't know, that just kind of made it worse and now I just feel like terrified

for him to get home. That sounds hard. Yeah. And I love my husband. I don't want, you know, people to think that I don't love. No, no, no, no. And I don't care what people think

in this conversation is just you and I talking. Okay. I'm going to run through a series of questions that I always ask folks in this situation, okay? And feel free to answer what you want to, and you can just say pass if you don't want to answer it. Okay. Do you have a history of sexual trauma? Yeah. Okay. Does any of that involve your husband? No. Okay. Do you all have any history of infidelity, either one of you? No.

Okay. How long has he been gone? Almost a year. Okay. Do you have any sexual desire for anyone else or anyone at any time? Or is that switch just completely off? Or are you just specifically not attracted to him? It's not that he's not attractive.

He's attractive, but it's just there's no... Yeah, I'm not talking about, like, is he hot or not? But, like, is the idea of sleeping with other people, like, exciting to you? Or is the whole switch off? the whole switch is off okay i've heard you in the last couple of minutes we've only been talking for a few minutes but you've mentioned your fear of he's going to want to sleep with his wife after being gone for a year which obviously right um but i haven't i've heard you say you don't have this desire and you're worried about him getting home

Okay, so let's move that, it's hard, but let's move that over to the side for a second, okay? Okay. Let me ask you, are you interested in reigniting sensuality, sexual desire? Is that something you are interested in getting re-interested in? Yeah, I mean, I want to want that for myself and for my husband. You know. Sure. Okay.

Have you ever gone to sit with somebody and walk through your past? Mm-hmm. No. I went to, like, the police once, but it was just kind of a, like, no-proof type situation, and you didn't record it, and there's kind of no hope, and that was it. How long ago was that? Um... like 12 years ago

okay only one time when you were a child too um it was kind of during like my 18 years okay and I guess more than once

yeah well not I guess more than once yeah can I just tell you I'm sorry Thanks It sucks But you know No no no no no no no no no no no

Not with me You can do that with yourself but you can't just pass it off with me Okay I'm not scared of it and I'll sit here with you I'm sorry that happened I hate it for you Thanks Do you have any kids?

Yeah, I have two. Two kids? Mm-hmm. What was postpartum like? Um, a mess. After I had my first one, my husband had to leave for the military, and so I was just figuring that out. and I had a hard time getting pregnant, too, with both of my kids.

There's lots of issues and things that happened, you know, and so I don't know. It was all crazy. So in just our short time together, I'm going to tell you right now, I think the thing that you got to do is you got to go sit down with somebody. Okay. Somebody that is trauma-informed, and you can, ask for that specifically. Okay.

Who will walk with you. And this is not an easy path, and it's a hard path, and it's a scary path, and I'm telling you on the other side of it, it's a worthwhile. You're worth going through the healing process here. Okay. The old adage that Bessel van der Kolk, sorry, Bessel van der Kolk coined, the body keeps the score is very true it may just be that sex for your body intimacy for your body sounds every alarm it has because it's still trying to protect that teenage little girl and it's not a time

of play and reconnection and fun and excitement it's terror and it's fear. And that doesn't mean something's wrong with you in a weird way. That means your body's working pretty well. It's trying to protect you. Okay. Yeah. I guess I'm looking at finding someone.

Can I walk you through how uncomfortable. but slash direct that first meeting can go. Please. When they'll do an intake, often they'll do an intake over the phone. And when they say, well, what are you calling about?

Say, I'm struggling with libido and desire and I have a history of sexual trauma. I have two little kids and I'm in a military marriage and I'm ready to finally heal. Okay Okay Mm-hmm

Does your husband know about your past? Um He knows parts of it There's a lot In my past that happened And I don't even know If we would ever have the time To get through all of it

And sometimes I think that I just blocked stuff out And then Um Just like certain things will happen That will remind me And I'll say something to him about it or something, I don't know. Like, sometimes I feel like I just kind of forget

or different things. And again, that's your body protecting you because keeping that front of mind is exhausting and it's terrifying. Okay? Okay. And also, the secrets you're carrying around trying to protect your husband from them,

trying to protect your marriage from them, trying to protect your kids from them, are going to kill you, literally. Literally. it's so you wake up every morning and put on a backpack full of cinder blocks just to go do your day you don't even think about it anymore yeah sorry

no don't be sorry just don't apologize to me I'm just honored you're sitting here with me Can I give you some language for your husband, too? Please. When he gets home, I want you to give him a hug. If that feels safe and tell him, I'm so glad you're home, and that you've missed him and all that coming home stuff, right?

Yeah. And by the way, I know there's a whole bunch of Instagram accounts of people showing up and coming home. I know that's not how it is most of the time. you and your two kids have a rhythm and a routine that's been going on for a year and you've got an exhausted fried husband who can't wait to just reinsert himself in the whole process and that's a messy messy reengagement it always is i think it will be i'm a little nervous about it okay it's okay for it to be nervous for you to be nervous it's gonna be awkward

And the more honest you can be about the awkwardness. Here's some language for you. Asking him, what is your picture of the first week you get home? Like asking that before he gets there when he's here. Before he gets home. Okay. Because here's what's going to happen. He's going to have a picture of what that coming home is going to look like

and more importantly what it's going to feel like. and you have a picture of what that's going to be. And neither of your pictures are right, and especially your pictures don't match. He has a picture of these two kids that he doesn't know very well, these two little ones running at him. One of them may not even be able to run.

He can run now. Well, but he's got, he's going to be a strange man. Yeah. And then he's going to imagine you going home and there's going to be magical food on the table, and magical kids go to bed and you're going to magically be in a negligee

being like, I've missed you, right? All that's going to be in his head. That's going to be a picture, right? And I'm making something up, I don't know. And you're going to have a picture of a really awkward tense, don't know what to do, he's going to have all these expectations.

So your body is slowly building up this anxiousness around a story, around a picture. And so sometimes just matching the pictures. We think in pictures, but we speak in words. asking him, what's your picture of when you get home? And then you're telling him, my picture in my head is this.

And then having a couple of plans like, I'm going to make coffee the next morning. I know you've missed me and you want to jump right back into bed with me. It's been a year. I need a minute. and when you feel safe at some point say hey i started seeing a therapist there's some stories you know some of it i'm not fully ready to tell it all but i have some stuff from my past that i'm ready to start healing from do i have to tell them about a therapist he doesn't really believe in therapy well he's going to have to get over that

again i think we got to be done with the secrets inside of our own house and maybe that's it maybe telling him i didn't cheat on you i would never shoot on you but i've been keeping some secrets from you there's some awful stuff that happened to me when i was a kid and i'm working with a professional and he's probably got some things that he saw on deployment that he's not going to want to tell you about and getting to a place where he has someone he can talk to about that or ways you all can discuss it, but it's just about saying

our marriage is going to look a little bit different now or a lot different now. You're home. How can I love you today? What's your picture of today look like? And let's try to align our pictures. Day by day.

It's going to take months to reenter fully. And that's okay. It should be awkward. It should be a little bit weird. And also, you're worth the time to go do your healing. It's time to let that teenage girl exhale and finally be free. She's been protecting you and your husband and those kids for a long, long time.

Make that call today. I'm so, so grateful you called Tara. We come back. A woman asks how to protect her son, but also support his feelings. All right, I want to talk about Helix mattresses. Summer is gone. We're in the middle of the fall. We got football games going on.

We got school stuff all over the place. All of us are wanting to numb out more and more. Listen, we have to be intentional about protecting our sleep. Because here's the truth. How we sleep is an incredibly important part of how we feel. One of the most important things I do to stay mentally sharp, emotionally steady, and able to show up from my wife and my kids and my team is getting a good night's sleep. And that's why I love talking to you about Helix Match.

Helix builds mattresses for you specifically. Not the generic average sleeper, but for you, whether you're a hot sleeper, a side sleeper, a back sleeper, or somewhere in between, Helix designs mattresses around your needs. Get online and take the Helix sleep quiz. I did it. It takes like two minutes or less, and they're going to match you with exactly the right mattress for you. Right now, my audience can get an exclusive 20% off of their entire order at Helix Slip. So go check them out right now.

That's Helix, H-E-L-I-X, helix sleep.com slash Deloni, for 20% off your entire order. And tell them you heard about Helix mattresses right here on the Dr. John Deloney show. With Helix Better Sleep starts right now. Let's go to Jennifer in Atlanta, four to five hours away, depending on who's driving. What's up, Jennifer? Hi, John. How's it going? Thank you for having me.

I'm not living the dream. Oh, no, what's going on? So it's kind of a long story that keeps evolving. So back at the end of May, we went on a family vacation with our children and their ages 22 down to 16 years old. We decided to allow significant others to go along on the trip with us. And over the course of the trip, two of my older children, my adult children, and witnessed my 16-year-old's girlfriend slapping him.

And it was in anger, and she, you know, exclaimed something like angry at him before she did it. And they told me about it. The last day is when I found out what was going on. So the next day we drove home. And we sent her home immediately, and we broke the news to my son that we needed this to, we needed a separation. The original intention was for it just to be, we're breaking you up and we're done.

He has been suicidal in the past. He's been on medication and he's been healing from that, but there's concern with, you know, what that would do. Through our conversation, we decided that we'll reevaluate three months. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Why? Why, why? I'm sorry I'm interrupting here, but why? he's in a physically abusive

relationship I'm scared and the amount of devastation that was I've never seen him so racked with sobs and the idea of losing this person that he thought

he was meant to be with and I know he's 16 and I know how 16 year olds feel about their relationships I know and 16 year olds are supposed to deeply weep when they get broken up when then they break up

but it's like it's our fault it feels like it's our fault that's okay that's okay it's okay it's okay you all got in the middle of him in an abusive unsafe relationship good for you and it's supposed to feel bad when you see your son sobbing because of a parental intervention but y'all did the right thing i know that you know the three months i thought about that and why did we do that but I was just scared she would hurt himself because I knew he had been that way in the past.

And so we immediately got him into therapy. We cut off all ties and told her mother that they're not to communicate and that at least for the three months they're not to communicate and that we would be getting him help. So we went into therapy and he wanted me to go in with him.

And during the course of that, about session six, the therapist looked at me in front of him and said, I don't think he's going to change. his mind. And that was the end of that. She was like, I don't think I can help you all

because he's, he's gagging, he's not going to change his mind about this. Change his mind about what? About wanting her back. He's 16. He's 16. He's 16. Yeah, he is. Adults, whether their parents or therapists, don't give up on 16-year-olds.

Yeah. And I have it. And so, you know, he started this theme to come out of it. He was like, I don't think I have any therapy. I'm doing okay. And, you know, I was happy. I thought he was healing. And then about a couple weeks ago, he said, we have 13 days left.

And I was like, what are you talking about? And he said, until the three months is up. Like, he's expecting something to happen. and we gave him that hope and I know that was the wrong thing and then less than a week later we discovered through one of our older children helping us

check his phone that he has actually been communicating with her I don't know for how long yeah of course he has yeah Snapchat has been the way because it disappears and I'm you know I'm Generation X I don't know how all of that works

I don't know how to check a phone to see if you've been communicating. Well, most importantly, no teenager should have Snapchat, period. I think it's one of the most evil, awful apps a child can have for that very reason. Okay. So now he's re-devastated because he knows that he's violated that. And that now he's scared to death that there's no hope at all. And I haven't known what to say.

My husband has been very firm the entire time. that this is not okay and that it doesn't matter. You know, because my son keeps saying, you know, when I was suicidal, I prayed for somebody to come into my life and help me. And she did. And she helps me to not do that. And she has helped me along the way to be a better Christian and to read the Bible more and to, she's become a Christian through our relationship.

And she's all these great things. We have so much in common. I feel like God wanted us to be together. And- Jennifer, I know, Jennifer, listen. to me the sweetheart he's 16 he's 16 he is being exactly developmentally appropriate for a 16 year old you know this morning he wrote us a note um because he knew i was talking to you he's given your blessings as long as it's anonymous to him um he's given my his blessing for us to talk to

you but um hold oh whoa oh jennifer jennifer why why Why would you go to your 16-year-old for his blessing? Because he was there when I got the call from your show. I know, hon, but listen, this little, this 16-year-old boy is carrying your emotional weight. It's too heavy. I'm getting the strong sense that you need him to be okay so that you can be okay. And that's the definition of codependency and a 16-year-old can't carry that weight. That's true.

It's so heavy. I've been, I've had to take counsel. and so many people to make sure it's the right thing to keep them apart because it hurts so bad to see him so sad and he's laid in my lap and cried and I know I could take it away if I just gave him what he wants but I but hold on he's not on the phone right now I'm worried about you. It's just so hard to watch my child suffer. Very true.

No question about that. It's the worst. It's the worst part of being a parent. Watching your kids' heart get ripped out by a romantic crush. It's the worst. Of course. All 16-year-olds do. Yeah. That's the, that's the awesomeness of being 16.

I know that logically. And my husband's been speaking that into my life the whole three months. He's been, I mean, I can't tell you how many time he's had to talk me down. Let's flip this around. What is it about finding out somebody was abusing your son? letting him go through that slow drip of poison is more comfortable for you than the three months, six months,

a year of discomfort of a 16 and 17-year-old, which every, not every, but many teen parents have. That's what my husband has to. It's worth it. And here's the other thing. With a 16-year-old, it has to be way more than words. What does that mean? Your son has to feel he's got relational value through his parents.

We've really, really been working on that. I've had very many good conversations with him. Okay, that's what I'm talking about. Not conversations. When's the last time y'all went and did something together? Just y'all too. when's the last time y'all go like i don't want to i don't want to like it's going to sound accusatory and i'm not trying to accuse you of anything i'm just trying to put a different context out here's

what healing looks like here your husband taking your son to breakfast every week once a week we never miss it looks like once a week or once every two weeks he gets a date with mom and he's going to roll his eyes i don't want to go and you put on something a little little extra nice and you're like nope we're going out yes I'm comfortable not one of the issues is that as much as my husband loves my children he you know he wasn't loved well about his parents and he's he has a hard time expressing that to the kids okay he needs to get over that today no excuse he knows it sometimes us as men, we find out halfway through our kids' lives that we didn't get something when we were kids

and that moment is when the excuse ends and we have to start acting differently, even when it's uncomfortable. I don't think they know how to talk to each other, really. Okay. Then I'm going to send you every questions for humans I have. Friendship decks, the dating decks, and there's going to be some weird questions in the dating, but a lot of those questions will still work. I have taken that excuse away for people.

for just this reason. Okay? Okay. My son and I spent hours last week watching YouTube and fixing our two riding mowers together. It was awesome. Actually, my husband, it's funny, you said that. My husband fixed lawn mowers as a sad job.

Okay. And he has, during this time period, had my son down there helping him. That's amazing. And he paid him $10 an hour because he didn't want to do it. Hey, forget the pay. Forget the pay.

It's the hugs and the high fives. Right. Yesterday, my son and I took down a chandelier and put up a ceiling fan, and it was a disaster. It was so funny. I got burned real bad. It was a mess. I tried to do it without turning the power off. And it was the whole thing.

Trust me, it was not my finest moment. But I ended up having to turn the power off because I almost burned myself from the inside out. But listen. I'm glad you're okay. It was worth me getting shot. shocked, just because I was being stupid. But it was looking at him and me trying to bail him out when the screwing, like in a really tight spot trying to screw up to, and I sat there and was like, no, let him do it.

And we high fived each other. And it was like, dude, we did a thing together. And he was like, I don't think I want to be electrician when I grew up. And I was like, I wouldn't. You know what I mean? It was like, it was, but here's the most incredible investment. Not the words. It's the time.

It's letting your kid feel like you delight in their presence. You get what I'm saying? What if he doesn't want to? He's 16. He doesn't get a vote. Okay. Okay. Or if he wants to play video games, for every 30 minutes of video games, it's two hours with dad, or it's two hours of mom.

And we shouldn't talk about those because that's all he wants to do. Of course he does. He wants to My husband went on a business trip I stayed home because he was so distraught about us catching him in a life So I stayed home and I told him But the deal is we're not talking about this

My dad's gone I don't want to talk about it without dad And he engaged me and I did I talked to him about it without dad Because I want to be there For him You don't you don't I don't believe you Jennifer I think you want to not feel uncomfortable And you use him for you to not feel uncomfortable

and you use him for you to not feel uncomfortable and he can't carry that weight. That's true. I think you're right because I mean, that was always the good one growing up. I know, but always being the good one is a twisted way of saying

it was your job to make sure everybody else wasn't mad at you. It was. That's true. And your, you should never have had that put on you as a kid? and your kid cannot carry that weight. He's a 16-year-old boy who fell head over heels and he's got some psychological struggles like many 16-year-olds do.

He sounds like a good kid. You know what's easier just to go play video games? It's easier. Well, he doesn't know what to do with himself right now because he has no electronics because we've taken him away because we're afraid he'll... That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

When you take away his romantic connection, a person he feels in his soul God sent to him and you take away his numbing device which is in any sort of purpose he has which is getting high scores on video games it has to be back filled

with tethered safe adult relationships and I'm so tired I know I know but here's the thing the way through the fatigue is not giving in the way through the fatigue is not giving in, the way through the fatigue

is delight. And I know that sounds nuts. The last several times we've hung out just me and him, it's been conversations about this and there have been tears on both sides. Okay. And I think I've given him false hope because I'm like, well, what

would that look like? Would we be monitored? Like, if we I've let him think and I mean, honestly in my mind, I've been like well, maybe just talking to or some, or maybe if she could come over and I'd sit right there between them on the couch. Flip it around.

Jennifer, flip it around, Jennifer, flip it around. Do you have a daughter? Yes. Okay, what if her boyfriend started slapping her around? Would you give that one three months? No. Okay. And he thinks it's different.

Our son thinks it's different. He's like, she can't hurt me. She's a girl. Well, that's, again, he is. 16. Yeah. Here's what I want you to do. And this is going to be hard, okay?

I want you to write your 12-year-old self a letter. I want you to close your eyes when we get off this call, and you get by yourself. I want you to look at 12-year-old you as though you're looking in a mirror, see what she's wearing, see what your hair was like. And I want you to write her a letter that says, dear Jennifer, I'm so sorry. Because that 12-year-old girl is running the show in your house, and you're exhausted.

Let that girl go play for crying out loud. You just don't want that. He just wants us to help me. No, no, no. I'm not talking about him I'm not talking about him I'm talking about you Jennifer I want you to let that 12 year old you

that's inside your chest go let her go play and then I want you to call a therapist in your local area and when you they do the intake I want you to say my 16 year old is struggling and I have found myself

in a deeply co-dependent relationship with him and i'm finding myself considering sacrificing his safety both physical and emotional because i can't handle the weight of his sadness and i need some healing you jennifer need some healing you and your husband need to be in one mind that we are going to practice delighting in the presence of our 16-year-old son because we've taken away all of his crutches and then we're upset that he can't walk. Of course he ends up every conversation in tears.

And your husband might say, I don't know what to say. My parents didn't say anything. Hey, I don't care. He's got to go learn it. If he can get on YouTube and figure out how to mower works, you can get on YouTube and figure out how to talk to your son. But more importantly, I'll send you a bunch of tools

that y'all can use these questions for humans saying, and often it's simply saying dude well done son great job you did it we did it come give me a hug high five big time it's that easy it's not rocket science but the healing in your home is going to start with you, Jennifer. Today's day one. Go make that call. We'll be right back. This month,

hallow, the number one prayer app in the world is offering two powerful prayer challenges. Starting October 13th, Jonathan Rumi, who plays Jesus and the Chosen, is walking us through the story of all stories.

This isn't just a bunch of disconnected Bible verses. It's the whole arc of scripture told like one big story. It's about real people who laugh, cry, mess up, and keep going, just like we're all trying to do. And then on October 20th, Hallow is also bringing back Jim Cavizal from the Passion of the Christ for a brand new journey through one of C.S. Lewis's most famous works, the screw tape

letters. It's an honest look at how lives can end up spinning out of control through a thousand tiny distractions. It's eye-opening and it's so good. This October, join us on Hallow for the story of all stories with Jonathan Rooney starting October 13th and the screw tape letters with Jim Caviesel starting October 20th. Right now when you go to hallow.com slash deloni, you'll get three months for free. That's hallow.com slash deloni for three months for free. All right, we're back, Kelly. It was the end of an era. We have to talk about it. It was. So a little backstory for those that don't know. We do a Battle of the Bands here, and it is a...

You're getting choked up, I can tell. Yes, that was it. Sorry, I'm all forklift. We do a Battle of the Bands yearly here, and it is a huge deal. I mean, we're talking full-blown production at our... We have a rec center that... Okay, let's put it in contact. So, it's not just like a high school battle of bands.

We're in Nashville. Everyone comes to Nashville to try to make it in the industry, and then they have to get real jobs because they want to get married and get health insurance and stuff. So our company's got a thousand people here, a little over a thousand people. I can't, I mean, all of y'all were in the music industry, right? As some shape, form or fashion? You didn't play, Kelly, but.

No, but I worked in the industry. Yeah. Like, so everyone here, like, there's admin, secretaries who are, like, the best singers you ever heard in your life. And, like, the... Touring musicians all over the building. All over the place. And then they're like, okay, I guess I'll run podcasts.

And whatever. So when we say like battle the bands, we mean like last year our drummer was the American Idol touring drummer. And he also runs podcast here. His name's Eric. He's amazing. Um, Will's in our band last year. He was one of the guitarists for the American Idol tour. Like everyone is just amazing. And then there's a theater up there that seats 2,700 people. So there's a jillion people packed in there. And then this company spares no expense. And they get all this highfalutin gear and shenanigans. And for one night, it's like the purge. All you. people who thought you were good, you get 10 minutes on a stage, let it happen, and then get over yourselves and go on about your day jobs. And it is, I remember a few years ago, one of the sound guys that came in, they hired the whole sound crew from Nashville to come in. And the guy thought when they announced the winner, he's like, all these other bands can go to other record companies. And one of our guys is like, what? The guy thought that the talent was so insane of these bands he thought they were all professional bands trying to get a record deal he didn't realize they were just like no that's like that's like the the greeter right like that's like dan from

youtube channel editing like they didn't had no idea it's the the talent is insane and for the last five years ben you and i several others have been the same band with varying parts of people coming and going here and there um we're not great no but we put on awful chaotic punk mess. And it's fun. It's so fun. And this is our last year with the great and wonderful Blake Thompson, who was kind of one of the OGs in this company. He's retiring at the end of this year.

He's like a true, true punk rock pioneer. So punk rock that I don't even go into it. He's an OG. But this is last year in the band. And he's never won about all the bands. And he never will. And he never will because we got second place again. but y'all are the epitome of always a bridesmaid never the bride but it kind of turned into like fine

we're gonna give you second place material then we're unplugging stuff knocking stuff over jumping all stuff your first set was the best i've ever heard jell's best i've ever heard it was so great second set had some issues it's pure chaos that's as it was supposed to be it was rock and roll man That's exactly what it was. It was so us. It was great. It was exactly. People loved it. I think we did great.

It was so fun. Here's a great time. Here's what's super fun. I have learned that the, I would rather be the band that everybody talks about over the weekend than the one on some trophy on a shelf somewhere. Is that the story you tell yourself? That's the story I tell myself all the time. Mainly because I've never won anything ever. And so I'm like, yeah, I wouldn't ever like want to win.

Yeah, sellouts. The band that won was better than us by a thousand percent they should have. And anyway. And I don't even know if we actually got second because there's three bands and they just announced the winner. I think we all, I think everyone assumes y'all got second. That's the story I'm telling myself. But if I was at the other band, I would be saying I got second place too. And that other band was great too.

They were amazing. They were awesome. So anyway. All right. So... End of an era. Is it the end of y'all playing about all the bands? Oh.

I don't know. What do you think, John? To be continued. Yeah. Stay tuned. Stay tuned. So maybe a new era. It's an all new era.

Without very... Without practice spaces that aren't as good. Yeah, it's going to be tough to replace Blake, man. Yeah, where we're going to go. And by the way, y'all, Blake's house has a practice... Yeah, his son is like a world-class. unfathomably good drummer like better than world class drummer

so they have like a studio that's yeah it's pretty amazing we're gonna have to go back to practice it in a parking lot of a let's start practicing at a Denny's an OG Denny's That's so punk house at 3 a.m. That's how we're gonna get it done I'm super proud of y'all y'all y'all did great

and we all had a lot of fun Well it's fun seeing you down the front row your shirt was a little bit low cut in denim but whatever sometimes you got up there one of y'all's t-shirts on that I didn't have a choice but to buy. Love you guys. Stay out of school. I mean, no, don't stay out of school. Stay out of school. Stay out of school. Whatever. Make good choices. Love you. Bye.