The Dr. John Delony Show - My Sister-in-Law Overshares About Her Sex Life

Episode Date: April 28, 2025

On today’s episode, we hear about: ·      A woman whose in-law chronically overshares about her sex life ·      A dad struggling with being a stay-at-home parent ·      A parent concerned about her teenage daughter’s romantic relationship Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test  📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future  ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards  💭 John's Free Guided Meditation  🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🔴 Get 15% off with code DELONY at Bon Charge. 🌿 Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth.  🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 🥤 Get 20% off with code DELONY at Organifi.  💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne.  🏋️ Go to Trainwell to get started! Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My sister-in-law, she can turn any conversation into how her and my brother were intimate. And I'm so uncomfortable. How do I tell her to stop? You don't like talking about your brother's sex life? So a little part of me always just felt like maybe I'm a little jealous. What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Delaney Show, taking your calls on your marriages, your relationships, your mental and emotional health, whatever you got going on in your life. I'm here for you.

Here, not for you, I'm here with you. I'll sit here and we'll figure out what's the next right move I'd love to have you on this show if you want to be on the show Give me a buzz at 1-844-693-3291 or go to JohnDoloney.com slash ask Okay. All right. Let's go out to Twin Falls, Idaho and talk to Sarah with an H. What's up, Sarah? Hey, John. thanks for taking my call. Um, I just had a question.

My sister-in-law, she can turn any conversation into how her and my brother were intimate and I so uncomfortable. How do I tell her to stop? You don't like talking about your brother's sex life? You know what? It's so weird. It's really annoying. Have you not said, Hey, I don't want to talking about your brother's sex life You know why it's so weird. It's really annoying Have you not said hey, I don't talk about my brother's sex life

No, why so a little part of me always just felt like Maybe I'm a little jealous because I'm a single mom and that's something I've always desired So I just stuff it down deep. Not with your brother though. No, definitely not. I was like, we're gonna have to, it's gonna be one of those calls. Okay, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, cool.

So do you like hearing about, okay, this is kind of weird. She doesn't go into details. Okay, okay. I'm pretty good at changing the subject. Okay, but are you jealous like, she's your friend in every other way, and if this was just your regular, like a friend from work or the neighborhood or whatever,

you would, that'd be something you would talk about, right? How are things going in the bedroom? Like, what, just normal conversations, and it's just extra weird because it's your brother, or she just gratuitous and weird? Probably it's weird because it's your brother or she just gratuitous and weird Probably it's weird because it's my brother. Okay, because I don't have those feelings with anyone else. Okay Yeah, I also she brings it up so often. Why that's so weird You know, I don't know so like on Wednesday nights

we ride to church together. And so we went to church the other night and I brought up the time change. And then she was like, Oh, it gave me and your brother an extra little bit of time before the kids woke up. God, morning sex with your brother? That's the worst. I just stared out the window and was like, the kids are being really loud. I can't talk right now. Like that's how bad my responses are getting. I know, but okay, but here's the thing. That's super weird that she does that.

It's just not called for, okay? But I'm also way more concerned than that. I mean, that's just like an obtuse, she's getting some weird thing out of that, like whatever. But like, why won't you say, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop, stop, stop, that's just like an obtuse. I don't like she's getting some weird thing out of that thick, whatever. But like why won't you say, whoa, whoa, stop, stop, stop. That's my brother. I don't want to hear about that. Like I think I let it go on for over 10 years. Like she's they've been married for I think 13 years or something. She's always talked about just rocking it on to the break it down with your brother.

Yeah, all the time. Okay. you've got to just put a stop. Every conversation. So then I didn't think it was like I maybe I thought it was normal. No, I go hunting with my brother-in-law. We go like I consider him a close friend. I don't ever talk about his sister, my wife. Yeah. No. So then I started hanging out with her cousin and her cousin was like, oh, I hear it all the time.

Yeah, someone just needs to tell her. Okay, so that's where I just need to know, how do I, like, I feel like I've been in it for so long. How do I throw it out there? I think the next, this is one, this is a rare one. This is one that when it comes up again, I wouldn't just throw, have a big hard conversation. I would try to keep this as light as possible.

And the next time she's like, oh, me and your brother, it'd be like, whoa, whoa, I gotta stop you. I've heard so much about your sex life with my brother, I can't take it anymore. It's my brother, stop. And you laugh, and hopefully she laughs, and she's like, oh my gosh, I'm so take it anymore. It's my brother, stop. And you laugh and hopefully she laughs and she's like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. And then we all move on.

If she doesn't, if this is a thing for her, hear me say this directly. This is her problem, not yours. She's the weird one here. If she feels like it is a violation of y'all's relationship that she can't talk about her sex life with your brother. Yeah. Yeah. Is it fair for me to say something like,

it sounds like you're insinuating because it's not like she said, oh, we, you know, we got it on. It's like, oh, we have some extra time and it was so nice and then we you know and it's like okay. Is it you that's bringing drama to this or was it just talk she's talking about breakfast? No it's because then there will be times like I'll bring the kids home or drop them off in the afternoon and she'll say oh we just got out of the shower good thing you weren't any earlier. Like she always has to make the comment,

but it's like she never goes into details. That's enough detail for me. I don't need that picture in my head of, blah, right? So I think it's like, no, no, no, stop. I don't wanna hear that. I don't wanna hear that. Here's your kids.

Okay, just stop her. Yeah, but I think you stopped the first time, this is me, I would stop with a smile on my face. All right. Right? I know, cause I've avoided her and I feel stop with a smile on my face All right, right Cuz I've avoided her and I feel like she doesn't deserve that like she has a really good friend, you know, we hang out and Yeah, don't avoid her yeah, yeah, but also y'all can be great friends and she not tell you about getting out of the shower with your brother

Intimate things. Yeah, she can just say, thanks for bringing my kids by. Yeah, that'd be nice. She doesn't have to add that, right? And if y'all were, if she was just like a close, close girlfriend, like one of your college roommates, and then you dropped her kids off and she looked at you and be like, ooh, you just, like that would be, that would be fun and appropriate, I think.

Yeah, we'd laugh and go on with life. And even still, you'd probably go, ooh, gross, I don't wanna hear that. Yeah. Right? And so, because I don't want, I don't know, I just try to put myself in her position. I don't want my friends, even my closest best friends that I consider brothers, I don't want them picturing my wife getting in the shower

Yeah, you know what I mean? I don't want that in their head Yeah, I might like I can I am here's the thing. Here's here's how I know that she's in the wrong here Mm-hmm. I talk about sex too much Mm-hmm, like I've researched it as a nerd. I've had to investigate it as like a, like it's just been a part of my professional life for so long. Right?

And I know that I talk about it too much and I would never do that with my, to my brother-in-law. I would never engage in that conversation with my sister-in-law, I would never engage in that conversation with my sister-in-law, my brother's wife, who's amazing, with my, you know, my sister's husband. Like I would never do that because that's insane. Right? Yeah. I don't want to hear that. So no. Yeah. But I would, I would do this. Lay it out. Yes. I would lay it out. I would do it laughingly at first. If she can't get there, if she's like, ooh, and she ramps it up, there may come a moment

when you have to stop and say, I don't wanna talk about you and my brother having sex. Stop. I don't wanna talk about you and my brother in the shower. And hopefully she'd be like, okay, okay. And if she's just obtuse, then she's opting out of friendship with you. She's opting out of relationship with you. She's opting out of relationship with you.

And surely your brother would understand too, if we're crying out loud. Good grief. Nope, you're good, Sarah. You're good. But yes, this is your conversation to have. And for everybody out there, don't be weird with your brother and sister-in-law. Gross. Nobody wants that picture in their head.

We'll be right back. All right. Nobody wants that picture in their head. We'll be right back. Alright, it was just several weeks ago that we all moved our clocks forward one hour. Ugh, I love the extra hour of daylight, but dude, I'm still struggling with that lost hour of sleep. It was tough on me and my entire family. And when we all lose that hour, I'm reminded just how important good, deep, rich sleep is for my attitude, my cognitive function, and my overall ability to just show up. This is why I love Helix mattresses.

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So, I met my wife on a dating app in late 23 and she found out she was pregnant in early 24. Was it yours? Yes. And so August, I am a father of a beautiful baby girl. And so my life kind of changed. Basically overnight I went from being single, not really a bachelor, but definitely single to wife, kids. Oh, so you got married, you all went and got married? We got married, yeah.

Was that a good decision? I mean, I feel like it was. I feel like she was, she was pretty like definitely open. Like she definitely went like full, full feed in like I did. Like she was like, yes, I want to do this. I want to, you know, continue to build our relationship. Yes, it's going to look different because we're, we're going to be married and we're going to have a kid. But I, I, we ha I feel

like we have enough of a foundation there that we can do that. That's, that was what she said to me. Enough of a foundation. We had 60 whole days. We're in. All right. Yeah. Okay. So y'all are in it, dude. So your baby is a year old now She's 18 little six six months six months. Okay, she was born August the 24. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, sorry I'm great with math. Alright, so six months old. So your whole life is Like a human explosion, okay Yeah, literally sometimes

So I You know what? She of course she had her maternity leave. And after that, you know, of course, as we've discussed several times on the show, childcare is very expensive. So I said, okay, I'll take on the burden of, you know, being a stay at home dad. I also work full time. So I do IT work.

So it's very hit or miss, whether I'm busy or like a lot of the time, it's very slow. It's a lot. I do have a lot of downtime for my job. So I'm basically getting paid to take care of her and run the house. What does she do for a living? She is she's a she works in skilled nursing. Okay. All right. Um, so I, um, you know, I took all this on and so I'm working full time. I'm taking care of the baby full time and doing all the household chores. And I just feel like I'm kind of lost somewhere. Like I like, uh, where am I?

Um, and then kind of to add onto this, um, I'm legally blind. Um, I can see I have, um, I'm basically near sighted essentially, but I can't drive. So there's no, you know, there's no going out on the weekend. There's no me driving anywhere or doing anything like that. So I hate to use the word like prisoner, right? But some days I wake up and I do feel that way. Sure. And so before all this started, I kind of,

my social kind of outlet was, was video games because obviously I can't just get up and go to the bar or go to bowling every weekend or it was very difficult for me to do those things even with Uber and whatever, you know? So I was always, that's kind of always been my social outlet. That's in my, um, you know my mental outlet to just shut everything else off and go blow stuff up for a couple hours or whatever. And I feel like now that's just completely gone. And I feel horrible for feeling that,

I feel selfish for wanting that time. It's just, I hope I'm making sense. Yeah, totally. I guess I'm, I guess I'm trying to think of the right words. I won't try to get cute with it. Like, dude, you should be feeling overwhelmed. There's nothing wrong with you.

Okay? Like you're working a full-time job, you're a full-time caretaker, your wife goes and works a very difficult job. You've also got a considerable limitation, like a physical limitation. Yeah, you should totally be feeling overwhelmed. considerable limitation, like a physical limitation. Yeah, you should totally be feeling overwhelmed. And yes, most of the time I get this call or have this conversation, it's in reverse, right?

The guy runs off to work and wife is trying to work from home and manage everything. So that's, but that prisoner language, I hear that over and over and over and over again. So I don't say that to make you, I want you to know you're not crazy. Okay. And there's nothing for you to feel guilty about. There's nothing for you to feel wrong. Like you're not doing anything wrong. Okay. In fact, you're doing a pretty heroic thing. You're doing a whole bunch of

stuff all at the same time. And you're doing it in a, in an unclassical way. And so it can feel really isolating, because none of your other guy friends are probably doing something similar, but... No way. Yeah, but no, there's nothing wrong with you, okay? Like you're stepping up and taking care of your responsibilities, and y'all are trying to make it work.

What I wish every single parent of a new baby knew. And by the way, can we also be honest? I wish every single parent of a new baby knew. And by the way, can we also be honest? You're still trying to work out how to be married to this person. You don't know them that well. Yeah, absolutely. Like you think you know them well, you don't. And so you're figuring that out.

What marriage even looks like, what does love look like? How do we keep romance alive? How do we even, we're not even keeping it alive. How do we continue to build romance, right? All this stuff is new. How do you be married to somebody who deals with secondary traumatic stress all day long? How does she be married to somebody

who struggles with sight limitations? Y'all are figuring all this stuff out. It's a lot. So feeling overwhelmed is right, okay? What I wish every new parent would do would be to sit down with their partner and just make a plan for 90 days, three months. And then revisit that plan.

And because what most couples do is they try to create the rest of their life the day the baby's born. I'm going to stay at home forever. That's a bold proclamation when you don't know what's gonna happen financially, you don't know what's gonna happen, you may wake up and realize,

I hate being trapped in this house, or I am going back to work forever. And then you realize, I don't care about what anyone else, what this corporation wants me to do, I wanna be with my kid, right? So if you do it three months at a time, then you're always planning on coming back to the table saying, how are you?

How are you? It gives each other an opportunity to drop your shoulders and for her to say, I want to go three quarter time because I'm missing this baby. Or it allows you to say, hey, I'm getting to the end of the day and I'm completely fried and I just want an hour of unplug with my video game nerd friends Or hey, we've got to go to I've got to get out of this house when you get home I know you're tired too, but I need you to like take us all in the car And we're going to go to a local park and just be outside

And I know our baby's a lump of human, but I want to walk around with you. I just need to get out of the house a lump of human, but I want to walk around with you. I just need to get out of the house. And so you're renegotiating and not negotiating in a win. Like, oh, somebody wins and somebody loses, but maybe a better word is you're reimagining it every three months. And that way it gives you permission to say, hey, I don't like this arrangement or parts of this arrangement aren't working or I can't carry this full load like this. And she gets to come to the table and say the same thing.

Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. But dude, the greatest gift you can give that kid and your brand new wife is for you to be whole. And that means you gotta be honest about what it means to be whole. Yeah, and we've had the conversation about me, unplugging for an hour or whatever.

And her come back to that is, And we've had the conversation about me unplugging for an hour or whatever, and her comeback to that is, I work 50 hours a week, I'm away from you and her, and I don't want to take away any time from our family so that you can go be by yourself or be with your online friends or whatever it is. I get that, but also, I mean, it's a negotiation, right? It's a re-imagination. And I'll say, how cool is it that she, I mean, it's a negotiation, right? It's a reimagination. And I'll say, how cool is it that she comes home from a super stressed job and she looks at you and says, I want to be with you.

And also in reverse, how many exhausted fried moms slash professionals when dad gets home from his 60 hour work says, you're taking the kids, I need some time off. Right? Like it's just a common thing. It may be for a year, you're playing video games after the house is asleep. And that just may be when that's gotta be for you. And that's just part of being a dad and a husband

and making a sacrifice. Yeah, absolutely. And by the way, I've been married for 23 years and I still do most of my down the hatch nerd work like reading journal articles and reading like really deep. I do that at night after the house was asleep. Because that's when I have an hour of focus and that is not taking away from something else that I also deem important. Because I don't want to get into a competition between something I love, which is researching

mental health nerd stuff and my family. I love my family more than life itself. And I also have this passion about this other stuff. I love it. And so I don't want ever those things to compete. And so I'm going to do what I got to do during the day and I'm going to do what I get to do during the day and let's be with my loved ones and then I'm going to carve an hour out at night. And some nights I go to bed because I'm tired, I'm exhausted. And that's okay. Yeah, and it's just been, it's just been a lot and I try and power through, you know,

I do the normal guy thing, right? Like you've talked about dozens of times, like just power through like that's, that's our culture now is that we're that we're expected to do that with little or no, you know, thanks or little, little to no, you know, you know, thanks or little to no, you know, appreciation. And I've expressed that to her and we've gotten a lot better. I think she's gotten a lot better about expressing that as well.

It's just, yeah, it's just a lot sometimes. Yeah, it's a lot. But dude, both of you give yourself a ton, a metric dump truck ton of grace. You're trying to become a husband, continue to improve professionally, and to be a new dad, and to be a stay at home dad, and to deal with physical limitations all at the same time. You are trying to do an oil change while your car is flying down the highway at 80 miles an hour. That's hard. You're going to get some oil on you on the car and on the ground, period, right?

What I want you and your wife to do is build in natural back to the table moments. That way it doesn't have to be in a huge, like you hear me say this on the show all the time, turn the lights on and turn the music off. You don't have to do that when you build it in. When every week you'll get together and say, hey, what's our budget for the month? Hey, how are we doing financially?

How are we doing? Like, what's our sex life like? Hey, are you hanging in there? I'm wiped. Right, or she can say, Hey, I had six, I had six, like, like major traumas. I'm fried this week. This weekend, I just need to unplug. And you might be thinking, I was about to say that too. But I'm going to power through this weekend because we have a six month old and then next weekend I'm going to really unplug. There is give and take during these seasons, there just is.

Everybody's sacrificing. But she doesn't get to come home and do the classic, the more traditional male line, which is, I work so hard, I get to come home and just do what... She didn't get to do that either. Both of y'all are coming to the table. Because if it was reversed and you were calling me being like, I work so hard and she works a full-time job and stays at home with the kid and does everything and she's blind and can't drive,

but I just wanna come home and chill, I would, you know what I'd say to you, right? I'd be all over you too. So the same thing applies to her. But I would love it if you said, hey, starting this week, I wanna start planning a Sunday night, like 35 or 45 minutes, let's just exhale. And depending on what kind of nursing she does,

whether it's trauma or she's got a set patient load, and she can tell you, this week's gonna be just straightforward, or this week's gonna be a hard one, or if she works trauma, you just know it's just gonna be hard, because that's just the nature of that job. And y'all can begin to exhale and say, okay, what do we need this week? How can we love each other this week?

And on Wednesday night and Friday night after you're in bed, I'm going to go nerd out with my nerd friends on the internets. And Saturday, we're going to go as a family and go outside because we got to get some sunlight in our life and on and on and on. But begin to map that out. And then every 30 days put a star on the calendar. And this is a, like everybody okay. Is everybody okay with the arrangement that we're making? Because we made this arrangement, which means we can change it at any time.

And if she says, I hate this job. Um, cool. If you say, ah, I need some help around the house. Maybe you're not going to go full time childcare, but maybe you're gonna hire a sixth grader or somebody that will take the kid three hours, you know, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and just go play so you can exhale a little bit and get some stuff done, right?

Whatever that looks like. But we're gonna negotiate that every three months and then we're gonna go from there. But bro, give yourself some grace, man. Y'all are in it, in it, in it, and I'm proud of you for doing the next right thing, no matter how hard it is. I see that on you, man, and I'm proud of you. Keep going. We'll be right back. All right. Let's talk about delete me. Ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. We can all pretend that scrolling and emailing and buying things online and everything that we watch

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joindeleteeme.com slash deloney right now. That's join, J-O-I-N, joindeleteeme.com slash deloney. All right we are back. don't forget, I'm out on the road. Having, I'm having the time of my life. What if me and Dave did that dance? Who lives who? I think Dave has to live to you. Yeah, I could jump high. Dave, I don't know, Dave's the most athletic 64 year old

I've ever met in my life. When he gets to ski in, it's amazing. I can't decide who I want to see Well, probably neither to be honest But I don't think anybody needs to see it. Come catch me live on the road We are having an amazing time in these rad theaters all over the country. Next up I'm gonna be in Phoenix on May 5th. If you are in Phoenix Please let's let's have a let's have a wild event, a wild party dude. It's going to be a blast. Fort Worth, Texas, I expect all my Texas brothers and sisters

to show up on May 7th. And then Kansas City, we got to run this one back after what happened with Philly. We need you, man. We're going gonna make everything all okay again May 9th in Kansas City come check us out Go to Ramsey solutions.com slash tour man I cannot wait to hang out and don't forget to like or subscribe to show on the internet's Tell overlords you love this show love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. All right, let's go out to Bozeman, Montana and talk to a BBY what's up, Abby? How we doing? Hey, good morning. Good morning. What's up, Abby? How we doing? Hey, good morning. Good morning. What's up?

Long time listener. I'm a long time listener, first time caller. I'm one of the original 17 from way back in the day. Well, thanks for getting the courage to call. It only took you four years, Abby. I know. I'm just playing. No, hey, thanks for being with us for so long, man. That's awesome.

Yeah. So, I have a 17-year-old daughter. She's a senior in high school. She's bright. She's kind. She's beautiful. She's generous she's very smart and She she's romantic she has all the feels She kind of takes after her mother a little bit just like you raised her right? Uh-huh, Uh-huh. And she's got a boyfriend. Oh, gross.

I know. He's a nice kid, but is not the most motivated. And they are not going to college together. He'll be a couple hours away, so driving distance. But I'm worried that their relationship is going to interfere with her college experience and that she's going to be fixated on him and kind of avoid school or other new relationships at school that are like right in front of her face. So how

do I throw some cold water on this? I don't think that's going to happen. That's not what I want to hear. I don't think it's going to. I That's not what I want to hear. I don't think it's going to. I mean, I spent my whole career working with college kids and I used to tell them in orientation, just break up now. It will just save you some time. And A, I was always amazed at how many people went home and just broke up.

They needed an excuse to do that. And B, a few didn't and then they ended up getting married. But that was like, I mean, you're talking one out of a thousand. Maybe one out of every like every two or three years, a high school romance made it right. I just that happening is very, very rare. Okay. What I think is happening is your daughter's about to leave you this amazing, wonderful woman and young woman and that's just hard. Yeah, it is hard.

I think if you raise them right, you should get to keep them. I do. But instead they grow up and they launch and they be their own person. It's the best and the worst. My wife, when my son was born, I think I've said this on the show, she said, hey, we have one job and that is to raise, and I was like, oh, here we go, like raise a good man. And she said, raise a kid that we like being around. And it just now has occurred me, my son is 14, he's halfway through high school, I mean,

his freshman year high school. I love having him around. He's hilarious, he's funny, he can be serious, he's thoughtful about things, he makes fun of me in just the right appropriate way. Like, and the thought of him being gone in three years, like I'm gonna lose somebody that I like spending time with. You know what I mean?

And I didn't, I was so ready to go, my dad was so ready to get me out of the house, like it's just not like that. And I have to be careful not to be pretty sad. And so that way I don't miss the awesome moments I've got right now. Yeah. But she's going to love, she's going to feel like she loves this dumb boyfriend. And as much as a 17 year old can love anything, she's going to be in love and, oh gross.

Oh, they're in love. in love and, ooh gross. Oh, they're in love. Oh, I know, of course. But have you taken her out? Did you have boys in your life that you, as a romantic, that you over loved? I married the first one. Oh, gross!

I know. I don't wanna wait. I know. All right dude, yeah like. Dawson's Creek. Freshman in college. Oh so you got married as a freshman? Oh you met him as a freshman in college.

We were dating, we met, yeah. Okay. Fall of freshman year and married within a year and a half so yeah. Okay. Have you taken your daughter out for breakfast and had that conversation about it was the greatest thing ever and I kind of wish I'd waited?

Yes. Okay. You all have had that talk? Yeah. And just wanting, you know, and it's gone through her high school, you know, they started dating in the fall and we've seen some change in relationships with her at school. We've seen her disengage from some of the activities

that she once was really into. And so that's hard to hear and see. And one of her teachers said, you know, she doesn't recognize her anymore. That all of her energy has just gone into this boy. Well, it's not too late to put some boundaries on it if you want to do that. Well, we, so what we've done is we've said,

you know, we've got to take a step back. You know, you can see them one-on-one like twice a week. And if you want to see them anymore, you know, meet them at a basketball game, go out with friends, do those kinds of things. And so we've tried to do that, but she's smarter than me and she's kind of sneaky and she can kind of... I don't want to have to catch and discipline every little thing. I want to... I don't know. I got that. Is she sexually active?

No. Are you certain? No. Yeah. I'm pretty sure not. You need to have that conversation. Yeah. Have that conversation. Because it is that infatuation switch. It's not always, but it is very often. Almost what feels like a mania to see each other at 17, 18 is almost always have some sort of physical intimacy linkage to it. And it may just be holding hands. Maybe it's just, I feel so good holding hands.

I feel so good just kissing you. But that's definitely worthy of a conversation. Yeah. Have you sat down and said like, hey, the lights going on in your eyes. People are noticing. I'm noticing that people. I don't want to blame other people. I'm missing my daughter.

Yes. Okay. How'd she hear it? She said, I'm trying. I'm trying to do the things that we want her to do. Or I don't know, she just, she's come back and said that this school stuff that she's been interested in is now dumb, that she doesn't like the people, that she's been interested in is now dumb that She doesn't like the people that she's lost those relationships and there may be some truth to that

Well, I but I always I always want to look at with a high school kid. I was gonna look at trend lines Yeah, and if I watch a kid suddenly their grades fall if I watch a kid and certainly the things that they've loved their whole life They just fall off a cliff And that's different than like hey, I'm a senior I don't want to play football anymore. I don't need the things that they've loved their whole life. They just fall off a cliff. And that's different than like, hey, I'm a senior. I don't want to play football anymore. I don't play volleyball anymore. Like it becomes a job and I don't want to do that anymore.

That's different than, I just don't go outside at all. Or I just am glued to- I think there's some of that. Glued to my phone 24- That's about just pulling away. Yeah. I think she's kind of pulling back just as that senioritis and getting ready to change. Sure.

That's a big time in life is. Very much so. You know, deciding who you're going to be outside of your parents and growing up and going to college. And by the way, that fear that you have that, oh my gosh, this really wonderful, great, amazing person that we've grown to like, not only love because we're their parents, but just value them as a human. They're about to leave. She feels that too.

And sometimes having a boyfriend gives somebody a permission to have that pain put somewhere else. And my only concern with a 16 or 17 or 18 or 19 or 25 year old is that they channel that into healthy behaviors. Because a way to numb that pain can be sex and a way to numb that pain can be sneaking alcohol and a way to numb that pain can be sneaking Xanax. And I know that's not going to happen to your kid except that for 20 years I sat with teenagers and their parents because it happened to their kid.

Yeah. Right. That's scary. And it's terrifying. But that's why I'm going to be pretty clear-eyed and go straight into it. And if I feel like I'm losing my kid, not my kid is head over heels on some romance, I'm fine with that. In fact, I want them to practice some of that while they're in my house,

because she's about to be 18 and wheels off, right? And so I want them to practice some of that head over heels-ness in my house, but man, if I see the light going out in my kid's eyes, I'm gonna get involved with that. But man, if I see the light going out in my kid's eyes, I'm gonna get involved with that. And so what does that look like? Like, how do you, do you restrict time together?

Do you, I don't know. I mean, you can do whatever you want, you're the parent. And there is a balance between Sid and your kid running away and turning your kid into, like when you say like she's kind of sneaky, I don't want to have a sneaky relationship with my kid. I want them to tell the truth. Right. And also, I'm not going to shy away from, hey dude, I'm losing you.

Yeah. I only see this, I'm only hear about this when people have discovered how fun sex is and I need to know like, I need to know where you are. And you might, that might be the time for you to say like, dude, I was 18 too. I was 19 also and I fell head over heels. And I don't regret my life, but I wish I'd had some things back. Maybe not. Or maybe it's the alternative.

Maybe it's like, man, I fell head over heels and I remember how hard it was to stay plugged into my values to be safe, to be smart or whatever. Yeah, we've had that conversation. And I think that it's just distant, right? Like I fear that she's one who's going to have to learn things by going through them. Like she doesn't seem to. And I just don't want her to fall flat on her face. Have you tried making a weekly hay for the next until the day we drop you off every week

you're going to have breakfast with me. No, that's a good idea. I would say this is mandatory. You don't get to miss this or I'll take your phone away. I mean, I would do something caustic on the other end of it, right? And with a smile on my face too, but like I'm going to be, you have to do this. And here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to send you the questions for humans.

It's going to sound kind of nutty. I'm going to send you the questions for humans couples deck, one, two, and three. And I know that sounds weird because you and your daughter aren't a romantic couple, but you can get some insight into how she is metabolizing this new relationship by asking some of those questions in that deck. And I want you all to go to breakfast together and just say, we're gonna do 10 of these questions. Oh God, are you serious, mom? Yes.

And it may be that breakfast one, breakfast two, breakfast three are annoying, annoying, annoying. And then it's breakfast six out of nowhere that she's like, hey, I don't know how to get out of this thing, or he's really pressuring me to or I took yeah, I took Xanax for the first time I took three of them and it felt really good. I don't know what to do

But this is where you begin to not just talk to her or more importantly most parents talk at their teenagers It's a place for their nervous system to know. Even though their head is like, they're just old, fuddy-duddy parents and they don't understand or their head can do that all day long, but their prefrontal cortex hasn't developed yet. But their nervous system will know she's safe. Okay. She keeps showing up.

Now, is this helpful if my husband goes too? Like, is that a priority? He needs to do a different one. Do it on his own? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And maybe the rule is for every time you go be with this boy, you have to go on a date

with me. Okay. You all get to decide what these rules are. but this is going to cost you all money and more importantly, it's going to cost you all time. And what I'm telling you is that's the single greatest investment you can make in this young woman right now. Okay. And I know this is very unpopular.

I am not going to allow a 17 year old to put themselves in situations when I know they're being unsafe sexually, when they're being unsafe sexually, when they're being unsafe with substance abuse just because most of my career was dealing with the ramifications of that. I was afraid to like give boundaries because I didn't want them, I thought they were going to rebel. And then now I'm looking at an addict, a 19 year old who can't, right, who can't function. I'm talking to a 20 year old who's got a new baby.

And so I'm gonna err on the side of not being liked and keeping my kids safe. Then the, well, I don't know, right? So I'm gonna head right into that. And I know parents don't like to hear that, but I'm also gonna not be harsh without being loving too. And that's where this time like we're going to go to breakfast, we're going to breakfast,

we're going to breakfast, we're going to breakfast. And for I'll tell you this, as my son's entered into high school, now we've started doing now we might not do this forever. But now we alternate who's got a big question for the other person. So the one two weeks ago was I asked my son, hey, we're gonna talk about the death penalty. Pro and cons, when do you think it's appropriate? Is it appropriate?

Is it not? And dude, we had an amazing hour long conversation about the death penalty, what it does, what's the actual statistics on it? What's the data on it? A guy at my church is an attorney who works with death row inmates. And so he's got the actual data about how insane some of it is. And so we had a great conversation.

The next week it was his job and he said, I want to know what makes somebody a ride or die friend for you. Dude, we talked for the whole lunch on that. It was amazing conversation. But again, those are big conversations that maybe you can make a list of. I'm going to ask you like three big questions and then you're going to ask me three big questions. So you've got to come up with what you want to talk about and give her an opportunity.

Okay. I can do that. Yes. And I don't think this relationship will last for whatever it's worth. Although you were the one in a thousand. Well, no, you met as freshmen. So y'all met at college, but Technically. Yeah. We were young. Yeah, you were. Yeah. I would, I just, I want to get her to a fully mature frontal lobe without, you know, like a felony,

a pregnancy, an addiction. What are the other big ones? I don't know. Just those big things in life that follow you everywhere. Like. Did you have felonies? No. Did you or your husband struggle with addiction?

No. Does your daughter know in her nervous system that she's fully and deeply loved? She does. Okay. She's probably going to be all right. I know. I know. And when I look at just all the things that, you know, God's divine intervention and he's

got his hand on her and she's got to walk through some things I know, but I just... And I'm not going to ever get upset with a 17 year old for being in love and being curious about things that feel good. But I am going to be really direct with my wisdom there. Right? And that's that curiosity over judgment. When you talk to a 17 year old, like you should not be, that's, they're going to blow you

off. But when you're like, Oh yeah, dude, sex rules. Yeah. And man, it's not safe for a 17 year old. Your heart's not ready. Right? Right? And so have been able to have that conversation is just a different, a different tune.

And I as a parent, dude, I can't, I can't look myself in the mirror and say, I love my daughter knowing that I'm putting you in this situation. If this is what's going on, I wouldn't be who I said I am. Right. And that, I mean, the daughter you just described to me, she would understand that she wouldn't like it. She would hate it and she'd be mad at you, but she would understand it. It's the same. I think I've mentioned this on the show, the

number, the greatest compliment my son ever gave me was he was, we were having another disagreement about social media because I'm a Luddite and I won't let my son have it. And Snapchat, especially, I think Snapchat's clinically insane for kids to have that parents to give their kids snapchat, but I Told them I finally said hey tell your friends at school that your dad is a loser and he sucks and he's an old man, and he just won't let me have it and he in Frustration and exasperation said I can't say that because that's not true and when he turned it around I was I was like oh Yeah, oh yeah.

Like, right, he gets it. And dude, I get it too. Nobody wants to be the only one or frustrated or whatever. But yeah, 17 is that transition time, man. And now for you guys, y'all are on the clock. You're on the countdown to, it's almost time to go. It's almost time to go. And maybe your husband takes your daughter out and says,

or you take your daughter out and ask, all right, what are the 10 or 15 things you think a good husband has? Let's see, does dad have those? What are 10 or 15 things you wanna wrap your head around when it comes to the person you'd like to marry? And that might be a way to get her to stop thinking about this kind of dud of

a 17 or 18 year old boyfriend, begin to write some of these things down and you all can talk about them like, oh, you think this one's a big deal? It's not. Oh, you think a six pack abs is the most important thing? It's not. You think this is not a big deal? This is a huge deal, right? And you can begin to have some of those conversations and you got to be honest with you where you and your husband are falling short of some of those things. So it just becomes a very authentic vulnerable direct loving curious conversation with your kid as she's making this transition from somebody you can boss around to somebody you're gonna have to influence positively and

Let her know you're gonna make dumb decisions and I'll always be right here. Thanks for being a mom that cares. I Have a feeling she's gonna she's gonna be great. I have a feeling she's gonna be great.'ll always be right here. Thanks for being a mom that cares. I have a feeling she's going to be great. I have a feeling she's going to be great. We'll be right back. Hey good folks. Listen, there's a lot of talk these days about the ingredients in what we eat and what we drink. Everybody's talking about the food dyes and the colors and the extra nasty chemicals, the pesticides. Listen, I'm not a nutrition scientist but I know that none of this sounds good. This is one of the reasons I love Organifi.

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Go right now. Alright, we are back. And Ben, can we cue the heartbreaking music? Do we have any sad music? I'll put it in post. Alright. I don't have it ready. Good, we'll put some sad. So, we have to say goodbye to one of our greatest, best gang members.

Finally, Kelly's gotten fired. I'm just kidding, it's not Kelly. But this is the last show with a great and powerful Taylor. We'll be heading off. And so Taylor joined the team right as it was floundering. Kelly didn't know what she was doing. Taylor joins and we flew past the million mark. The show has been incredibly successful. One of the greatest professionals

I've worked with. And so we're going to miss you, Gangster, one of the OG team members, man. So thanks for being a part of the gang for so long. It's awesome. Do what? She's saying mean things about me. No, she says she hates us all because we're putting her on the spot. You don't have to say anything. We're just going to shout you out, say that we love you and party. This is when we should, uh, so we've come to the end of the road. I tried out for a voice to man. I sent my audition tape. I never heard back.

I think they're still just working through the tapes. Probably. I think you should expect that response anytime now. I've got a shot. I'm a good like mid baritone tenor. I can get it. Yeah. Any minute now.

Yeah. But Taylor, you weren't the gangsters. Thank you for being on our team and for getting us to a place where I can finally look at my family and say we're being successful. So it's kind of good. Thank you for letting me join the team. I love working with you. You're the best.

Appreciate you guys. Everybody else stay in school. Don't do drugs. Love you guys. And if you got good, awesome team members that you get to work with at your professional job, make sure you tell them that you appreciate them. Love you guys, bye.