The Dr. John Delony Show - My Son Is Ready for Church Camp (but I’m Not)

Episode Date: July 14, 2025

On today’s episode, we hear about: A mom struggling with the fear of sending her son to a weeklong camp A woman wondering how to tell her sons to stop giving her gift cards A man trying to overcome the fear of being fired Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test  📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future [JR1]  ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards  💭 John's Free Guided Meditation  🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: Need to talk to someone? BetterHelp is virtual therapy when it’s convenient for you. Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. These are BEST sheets and towels in the world. Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth.   Getting lots of spam calls? DeleteMe can clean up your online presence for you. Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe.  Find peace every day. Hallow is the simplest way to slow down and get your head right for the day. Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial.  I have Helix Midnight mattresses in EVERY bedroom in my house. Get 20% off when you visit Helix Sleep and take the sleep quiz to see what you need!  Get the exact same green and red powder that I take every day. Get 20% off with code DELONY at Organifi.   I took Thorne supplements way before I worked at Ramsey. Stoked that we can work together now! Get 25% off for LIFE at Thorne. Need a training plan? Accountability? Coaching? Trainwell has you covered. Go to Trainwell to get started! Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My husband and I loved summer camp, live for summer camp, but in recent years we've heard of cases of abuse happening while at camp. So I want to protect my kids' innocence and not make them fearful, but it's also a real concern. Man, I'm going to be mean here. Is that okay? We're friends, right? We're best friends.

Go for it. Man, I'm going to be mean here. Is that okay? We're friends, right? We're best friends. What up? What up? What up? This is John with the Dr. John Delaney show, taking your calls from all over the planet, from real people going through really tough stuff, mental and emotional health, your kids, your summer plans, your fall plans, your marriages, whatever you got going on, my promise is I'll sit with you and we'll figure out what's the next right move. I've been sitting with hurting people for more than two decades now. And it's a high honor to sit down and say,

all right, what's going on? And let's figure out what's the next thing you can do to shed some light on a new path. If you wanna be on this show, go to johndelaney.com slash ask. Let's roll out to Memphis, Tennessee and talk to Rachel. What's up, Rachel? Hi, I'm so excited to talk to you. I'm excited to talk to you. What's up? Okay, so my question is I fully agree. We know your stance on sleepovers for kids and my husband and I are totally on board with that. We fully agree, we know your stance on sleepovers for kids, and my husband and I are totally on board with that, we fully agree.

But we also like listening to Cissy Goff and David Thomas, who are big proponents for summer camp. My husband and I- Cissy is my go-to person. I love, I've read all their books. She's awesome. Listen to their podcasts, so yes. Both of my kids will go to summer camp this summer.

They will. Okay. Yes. Okay. So we, my husband and I loved summer camp, live for summer camp, but in recent years we've heard of cases of abuse happening while at camp.

So how would you approach that? I want to, you know, protect my kids' innocence and not make them fearful. But it's also a real concern. So I would dig in. I guess, man, I'm going to be mean here. Is that okay? We're friends, right? We're best friends. There's cases of abuse at every possible situation ever. Cases of abuse of kids in grocery stores, at church, at ball field, I mean everywhere. And in the media ecosystem with which we live, those sensational reports are the way that they get clicks from terrified parents who love their kids.

And so it's overrepresented. Okay. Let me say it this way. The vast majority of kids who go to summer camp do not get abused. The vast, vast, vast majority. They may get diarrhea because they eat nothing but mountain doing skittles for seven days. And they may get poison ivy and they may break a finger. All those things I think are actually good. Yes, agree. We totally agree. we love that they're unplugged and in nature and I think you've said it before I'd rather him break an arm then be

stuck inside on a computer all day every day so so here's here's a couple things I would do and by the way just to make you feel better, my 15 year old's taking a, like flying somewhere by himself. Like, it comes quick and I don't have any reservations. When he was six, sending him to the first camp, I did. Right, my daughter's- Yeah, my son will be eight. Yeah, my daughter's nine. She's going to her first camp, like being away for a week.

I don't think it's a good idea. I think she has to go. For various reasons. This is an important thing. And I have to recognize I'm the one with the challenges and I'm also the one tasked with ultimately keeping her safe as long as I can. So two things. I tell my kids since the day they were born, my number one job is to keep you safe.

And no matter how many times I say that, they're going to get hurt. Yes. Right. And so I have to make peace with both sides of that. And so I'm going to do my due diligence. Do I know and trust the camp director? Right. Do I go through the safety protocols?

Like are these kids who are the camp counselors are they trained do they have Supervision like how does that work? Is there another adult staying in the room that kind of stuff? Okay, and do I trust that person? the the next one is The thing that you can do literally do the most about Which is teaching your kids about? inappropriate touch and good touch and who has permission to See you without your bathing suit on and those kinds of things. Yes, we have all those conversations and I guess my hang up is you don't ever want to

know if your kid will do the right thing in the moment or seek help or you don't want to test that out. So how can you be confident that- You can't. Okay. You can't. I knew you were gonna say that. I mean, you can't be confident of that.

You can do the best you can and let your kid feel known and loved and that there's no such thing as a conversation we don't have and also know that there's the occasional scary person in the world. Right. Okay. But it sounds like, if I'm being honest, it sounds like you need your kid to go to camp as much as your kid needs to go to camp. I would agree with that. Okay. So I want you to get some strategies for you to exhale through

your anxiousness while they're gone. Okay. So what would those be? Everybody's different. You might have a friend that, you know, that your buddies with, it's going to be at this camp all week and might say, hey, just for my own sanity, will you shoot me a text every morning? And that might be, your kid never has to know that that's happening, but it might just be a way for you to slowly get off the sauce too. Okay.

Or drive up and spend Wednesday night at run campfire and then come back, depending on where the camp is. That kind of stuff, that won't be, that's not a violation or anything like that. Right, okay. But having some sort of check-in and having your kid write you, like send them with postcards.

Okay. With three stamps on them and say, write these and then give them, like write me a letter send them with postcards. Okay. With three stamps on them and say, write these and then give them, like write me a letter. I'll miss you. Okay. And what you're doing is always remembering like, you can talk to me, you can talk to me, you can talk to me.

I see, okay. And prepare for him to come home. I'm so excited for him. I know. And prepare for him to come home. If you think back to your camp experience You probably did stupid stuff too, right? Oh Absolutely. Okay, some of that is part of who you've become

And so I want my kids to do stupid stuff not all the stupid things right Mm-hmm, but I want them to go have some I Don't know I want them to just get off the rails a little bit right exactly exactly So for whatever it's worth whatever it's worth I my kids are going Okay, great. That's that gives me the Anthony the confidence and gets me excited to send him off to, you know, gain some confidence of his own. Here's what I always want parents to hold in

the back of their mind. Do I feel like if and when something happens, okay, somebody breaks their heart, they get somebody pregnant, they drink too much the first time and they're underage, they fall and break their arm or like, will I be able to exhale as I'm helping solve this problem knowing I had the conversations that needed to be had? Right, okay.

Training is dramatic, but I originally gave a path forward. What I've sat with parents over and over is they were too scared to have conversation X, Y, and Z, and now they're going to have a new grandbaby. Or they didn't know how to talk about pornography and now their kids got a real problem. We just thought if we put the alcohol up and never mentioned it, it would be okay and other kids in rehab. And so I always want to know their kid may still go to rehab, but I want parents to know I sat down and had every conversation. Okay.

Yeah. None of these conversations were ever had growing up. No, and all of us, like honestly, it's mostly the Wild West for parents right now. That's why, I mean, that's one of the reasons I do the show. Because I think most people want to be married, right? They want to be married well, they want to be good parents, and they don't have a picture of what that looks like because they didn't get that growing up. Right, right.

And your parents, by the way, might have, do you have a relationship with your mom and dad? That's another. Okay, that's another. Okay, that's another phone call. Yes, half and half. One I do, one I don't. They might have, or at least one of them, might have been super nervous when you went to camp also.

You just didn't know. Okay. And back then they weren't allowed to say it out loud. Right, right. They didn't even know they to say it out loud. Right, right. They didn't even know they could say it out loud. They didn't even know what they were feeling inside was fear over their, right, whatever. So yeah, go to summer camp, have a good time and don't be flipping about it and check in with the leadership.

And if you don't feel good about it, doesn't feel safe, if they're like, I don't know, we just like some church just drops off a bunch of teenagers and we just let them, like, I wouldn't do that. And I'd have some different conversations about training and safety and yada, yada, yada, but I would do that anywhere. So good call, Rachel, you're a good mom and your little one's lucky to have you. And it sounds like it's adventure time.

All right, when we come back, a woman wonders how to ask her sons for something other than yet another gift card. We'll be right back. It's time for a word about the greatest mattresses in the world, Helix. Summer is here, the sun's up earlier, school's out, so the kids are bouncing off the walls, and if you're like me, your daily routine has exploded.

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Let's talk to Bonnie. What's up, Bonnie? Hi, Dr. John. What do you say, lady? How are we doing? We are doing great. It's a gorgeous day. Fantastic.

What's up? How can I help you? You sound delightful. What do you say lady? How we doing? We are doing great. It's a gorgeous day Fantastic. What's up? How can I help you? You sound delightful So I wrote in when I received an email from a local spa indicating that I had been gifted a massage Problem is I don't enjoy massages yet. this has kind of become the go-to gift that I receive from my adult son. So my question is, can I say I'd like something else enough with the massages or do I just need to accept it graciously and stop being a jerk?

Oh, Miss Bonnie, there is levels underneath all of this. What is it? What's the real question you're asking? So the bigger question is, do I accept the time and attention that I'm given by my adult children or is it okay to ask for more because my my philosophy so far is just to take what they give and and build my life and be okay with it but it makes me sad sometimes yeah but the only reason you would land there is that at some point you did not have their attention or care.

Well, I mean, I think consistently, I'll send a group text, Easter lunch is at one o'clock at your Aunt Marie's. Uh, Easter lunch is at one o'clock at your aunt Marie. Nothing. I get literally like, and I don't expect them to immediately respond or, but you can't give me a thumbs up within a 24 hour period. Do they show up to lunch? Um, less than half. We had a few, let fewer than half of than half of mine came to the lunch.

But it's even bigger things. I had one of my sons is in the military and he was seeing a young lady on the base. They decided to get married. You know, it was just gonna be a courthouse wedding. Um, but he brought her home and I, you know, we did a nice lunch and, um, about six weeks before the wedding, I called him and just made sure that that was the right date because I was about to book my room and he said, Oh, Oh mom, we broke up last month.

I mean, it's like, you can't call me and tell me. It just feels like I'm so far removed from their lives. There it is. That's the question. That's the question. I just, I don't know. I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to push. Bonnie, you are their mom. Why do you feel like a burden? Well, if it's a burden to have to respond to texts

and if it's a, I mean, with going back to the massage, I've said in multiple conversations, you know, that's not, just not really my thing. I find them awkward. And yet I still continue to get them, which makes me think, okay, they just don't really care if I like what they, they're just checking off a box. And, so I don't...

Don't blow by that. Let's sit in that for a second. Are you married? So I am married. Their father died in 2017. So I am married, but not to their father. Has things changed since you got married? Yes.

Okay. Have y'all ever had that next conversation? So I have asked each if they liked my husband and consistently the answer is, oh yeah, he's fine. We just don't know him. Yeah, that's not the question. That's an easy question. That's an over there question.

Okay. What are they going to tell their mom? No, we hate him? And what are they going to say to you? You raised Alabama boys. They're going to say, yes ma'am, he's kind. We just don't know him. We just don't know him is Southern for,

I don't want that dude around me. I don't like that guy. I don't know. You know what I mean? I mean, there's a lot in those little Southern. I just don't know him. Yeah. The bigger question here is,

I miss my boys. Yes. And I wanna know what's going on in your lives. Is there something I've done that's made it hard for all to be around? Cause it would really would be, it would honor me if you told me, what are you talking about?

Mom, we don't, we think you're a great, okay, but it would mean the world to me if you would just respond to my text with a thumbs up. Okay. Which by the way, I have, I could not even guess how many unread messages I have. And I leave them unread for one reason. So they don't forget them. Because I get so many text messages in a day.

Right. And it may be they don't want to clutter up a group text or they got it and they forget or they weren't going to go anyway, but the group text isn't the, who knows? But there's that next step that says, all right, we're in a different tier. I recognized I brought a new man into this relationship, our relationship, it's not that, I get all that. I miss my boys.

Yeah. And I guess what I would ask you to do is for the last, what is it? 2017, so that's eight years, right? Nine years. There's been a increasingly faster tornado inside your chest. It's spinning faster and faster and faster.

And because you keep putting things out there that you think are real clear signals, hoping they get them and they run right over them, or they blow by them, the story that you've told yourself is, somehow they don't like your new husband, somehow there's something wrong with you. And when you put something out without being super clear,

it just confirms what you already believe about yourself, that I'm a burden to these boys. Yeah. And I would not continue to live like that for your sake and for their sake. I would choose to enter into some sort of, Hey, I want to just talk with each one of you. Okay. Do they live in your same community or town? They live all scattered across the country. So they live an hour and a half away. Okay that's close enough to go have breakfast with mom.

I'm gonna drive up on a Saturday or Sunday and just I miss my boys. Yeah. And to sit down with them and say hey like and how old are you? I'm 57. Okay. Even if you said this, even if you said I'm, I'm in the back half of the third quarter, I'm staring at the fourth quarter of my life, I would love to know how I can love you guys best. Cause I miss my boys. Even if you just, as the parent took all of it, how can I can love you guys best because I miss my boys. Even if you just, as the parent, took all of it,

how can I best love you guys? Okay. And eventually it will come up, hey, here's some ways you can love me. No more stupid massages. I don't want some creepy person's hands all over my body. Ew, right? There's a way that, listen, so in therapy,

we call it the one up and the one down position, okay? The one up position is typically, not always, but it's typically male, and it's very much, my house, I get what I want, right? Very much that, just loud and aggressive, I'm gonna get my way. There's also the one down position, very much that just loud and aggressive. I'm gonna get my way. Okay. There's also the one down position,

which is typically, not always, but typically has a very feminine energy to it, which is, oh, okay, well, you guys just go, y'all go to dinner and I'll just, y'all know I don't like that place, but that's okay. I'll just eat the Dairy Queen napkins in the glove box. I'll be fine, right? And that's how you're entering into this.

If you say, like, just don't get under the boat, don't try to get on top, just get, sit in the seat on the boat and be like, hey, I'm your mom, I don't want some other creeper's hands all over me, ew, they will get that image in their mind and they'll laugh. And then also say, I realize that y'all have so much going on and thinking about old mom's present. It's just like, but

it really makes a difference to me. Right. And then when you do that, you're being what they call vulnerable because they might say, you got it mom. And they might forget next year. Yeah. They might forget. And that's scary to think. And as a son, I forget. I don't want to, but I do. Yeah. I do. And I love my mom to death.

I love my sister to death. I love my brother to death, and I forget. Does it make it right? Does it make it good? It kind of bums me out that I'm that way. But also I would love it if she doesn't listen to the show, but if my mom was to say, hey, this is what I want and it matters to me that you,

most moms go, it's fine, it's okay, even when it's not. Yeah. Yeah, and I think that's kind of the, I think that's the position I have taken. Yeah, let's be right in the middle of it. These are your boys. Okay. And whether they want to believe it or not,

they need their mom. I hope, I think you're right. I hope you're right. Listen to me. I know I'm right. I know I'm right. They may not. They may tell you, all right, mom, then then here's the deal.

Also, we don't want your vote when it comes to us ordering a margarita at dinner or on our pants being too, who knows? And only you will know if that's how you are, but you're a good Alabama mom. You're supposed to comment on everything. That's just part of the deal. I don't think I do. I know. I'm just messing with you. I'm messing with you But but I do think that I might have a bit of a martyr Mentality. Oh my gosh, you just said it. I wasn't gonna go there, but you said it. I'm hey listen if you lead with that

Oh my gosh, I'd be amazing Boys, I'm such a drama queen and I'm sorry, but I miss my boys and I wanna know, I'm getting on the back half. Yeah. And I realized I brought some other guy into the picture and made it weird, but it is what it is. I love him, he's my husband, but how can I love you guys in this back half?

Okay. I wanna be around my grandkids, I wanna know your lies. And you can point at one of your sons and say, you dummy, you broke up right before you're married. Call your mom. Right. You're allowed to say that. Okay.

And he needs to be a grownup and say, mom, it's not good for me to do that because you go scorched earth or you ask a thousand questions or like, let's have that honest conversation. Yeah. Yeah. Because, man, you gosh, if I could, if I could snap my fingers and wish anything for anybody, it's that parents and kids, especially adult kids could just reimagine their relationships

right now. I think people, I personally think people are drowning because they're cut off from their family's origin for a thousand different reasons. Yeah. And sometimes rightfully so, but sometimes it's just like this. It's just this weird distance that happens

and nobody knows how to get back. And so they send a massage because they think that would be nice for them. And you're like, I hate this and nobody knows how to say it. And then just takes one person to get in the car and say, uh-uh, we're going to breakfast. You and nobody knows how to say it. And then just takes one person to get in the car and say, uh-uh, we're going to breakfast. You're my boys and I love you.

We got half, I got half a life to go still. And I do it individually. I would. Not as a group. I would. Okay. Or you, I mean, you could do it as a group. It depends on how homogenous they are.

Me and my brother and my sister are so different that that would be awkward. Right. And one of us would just dominate the whole thing. But you know your boy, they may all be just awesome together, right or dies, and that you could do it all at one time. Okay. And that might keep you, if you did it all at once, that might keep you from from them, from their text thread about you, off to the side, right?

Which, by the way, every sibling group has that. So just it is what it is. Yeah. But just letting them know I love you boys so much and I miss you. Okay. And then just hold a tiny little space in the Southeast corner of your heart

for them to say, mom, we're just too busy. Yeah. I don't think they will, but I would rather you know that and grieve that than every day keep ginning up that story that there's something wrong with you and you're unlovable. And what if I tried this? What if I tried this? I'd rather you just head right into the scariest

conversation and have it. Okay. And God Almighty, if you can cure yourself of martyr syndrome, please write that book. It'll sell a billion copies. Billions copies. We'll have it in 57 years, so it's not looking good. Wait, just day one, day one.

Hey, you've made my whole day, Bonnie. Thank you so much for calling me. I'm really, really grateful for you. And by the way, if moms and dads across the country will reach out, and by the way, about And by the way, if moms and dads across the country will reach out, and by the way, about the by the way, if moms and dads will across the country will reach out to their aging or adult kids and have this conversation and be willing to hear feedback without snapping or trying to cover it up or and just saying words, I'm sorry, or you're right. Or I did, there was more context to that, but here's the deal. You're right

If we could just say I'm sorry and I forgive you and we forgive me and how can I love you? My goodness, we're talking about a culture that has absolutely been revolutionized We come back we talked to a man who wonders how to move on after getting fired from his job Hey, it's Deloney for organify I talk to people every day who are stressed out they're anxious from his job. that stuff is probably working. That's where Organifi comes in. Organifi's superfood products are made to help you feel better with more energy, less stress, and helps you get better sleep by giving your body what it needs without all the artificial nonsense. Here's a good example. I love Organifi's

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Hey, how are you doing? What's up, man? I'm doing great. How about you? I'm hanging in there. What's up? Well, one thing I caught in is about a year ago, I got let go for my job and I still have a lot of anxiety and fear after losing that. Never had that happen before.

I feel like I was performing well and everybody was surprised that I was getting let go where I was at. It was a total shock to me too. So I still don't know how to move on from that and I tried to work through it but it still hits me every other day. Did you ever get a reason why? They said it was a restructure reorg but it felt pretty personal. A lot of other people in my position or level got let go as well.

So it wasn't personal? It wasn't personal? It was a whole band of... It felt like it was for me specifically, but I don't have proof on that. And that's kind of something I'm trying to get over because I did not have a good relationship with that boss at the time. He was fairly new. Okay.

Okay. Okay. What have you done in the last year? So I relocated to a different area, trying to start, well, we paid off all of our debt, relocated to a new area and trying to get money saved to buy a house and start our family. That's a good part. But it's just in my current job where I got a new job, I'm trying to work through that still because I see every little thing. Like if I do something wrong, we're going to get fired. Here's the deal, I think you're right to feel that you're not crazy

You're not crazy Yeah It's one of the reasons why i'm so adamant about people doing whatever they can even drive crump drive crummy cars even Live in smaller houses rent if you got i'm so adamant about people not owing other people money Yeah, because getting fired has two things one Yeah. Because getting fired has two things. One, the research says losing your job can, is as psychologically devastating, can be as psychologically devastating as losing a loved one. And so hear me say, you're not crazy, man.

You're supposed to be anxious about that. If you lost a good friend in a car wreck and you were in that car, you'd be nervous to get in cars and drive for a while. It's just part of it. And so you're right to have your antenna up at your new job. You don't know anybody there, you're in a new area. You've just been, I mean, you're a year out from just getting the rug pulled out from under you, you're right to be nervous.

Okay, you're not crazy. I wanna solve, I wanna go at this or solve this, if you will, in a couple of ways. The first way is, as y'all are working on it, I want to build in margins. So if and or when this happens again, it's annoying. It's not devastating. Yeah. And so having six months of your expenses in a checking account somewhere or a high

yield savings account, it just lets you walk a little bit more firm. This boss doesn't get to dictate your life because you can just say like, bye dude. And then you only have to deal with the emotional part. Now that's going to be a big stress relief. I think by September I'm working with my wife, August, September we'll have the six months. Oh, dude I'm telling you right now. That's a major most people don't understand what a game changer that is

Yeah, an absolute stone game changer. That's number one number two Is there an old employee there or somebody that could fill you in on some stories or etc? Because I do think there's something important about being reflective. Yeah. I talked to the old employees though, the guy who actually let me go and a lot of other people who've been there for a long time, he got walked out of the building about three months after I got walked out. That's usually how that goes. Have you, have you ever,

I guess you don't have any interest in going back. No, I re relocated and I'm actually, I, there was a couple, I call them Godwinks that I got from that. I probably wasn't, I don't know if it's supposed to be there. I'm in a job that's actually a lot better now. Oh, fantastic. Fantastic. And so I'm just still trying to fit in there, but, um, just relocated to I I think, a better area

too. And so it's a God wink, but it's just still an uneasy feeling because I'm not used to, I see that as a failure and I'm not used to feeling like that. Yeah. So if you had tried to run a big project and you were an architect and you built a building and it fell over and the engineers, everybody did exactly what they were supposed to do, but your design collapsed under its own weight. I would call that a failure. If you were a closer in game seven of the World Series and you, some guy hit a home run off of you, then you failed in that mission here.

It sounds like you were a part of a situation where somebody hired a bad leader, and that leader just started mowing people down, and so quickly thereafter that leader got walked out of the building and so I think the fear is less that I'm a failure and more oh this what the world is this shaky and most of us walk around thinking the world is way more certain than actually is. And so it's reorienting to, oh man, like, you can be working really good and producing for your company and you get the wrong leader and they'll just cut you. Even if that leader gets fired a few months later because of companies like, whoa, what are you doing? You're getting rid of all of our good people. And so there's something about distancing yourself from the character

part of it. And I always want to be reflective. Is there something I can do differently next time? One of the most important conversations I ever had was I really wanted a job at the place that I was working. And it was an executive role. And at the time, the president was a friend of mine and he said, you're too volatile, Colony.

Like, you are a quick mind and you're too volatile, Deloney. You are a quick mind and you're a great leader over here and you take care of all these emergencies across campus. Like you're amazing at your job, but to come up to this next level, you're too volatile. And I really had to do some soul searching there. I was mad, my feelings hurt, and he was right. So I worked really hard to be more still, less anxious all the time.

So ask and see if there's anything to be reflective on. And then I guess the last thing I would tell you is start keeping track of every time you get nervous, okay? Okay, yeah. And I want you to write it down. Okay. Okay, and here want you to write it down. Okay. Okay. And here's why I'm doing this. You might feel nervous two or three times in a day,

but at the end of the day, when you reflect on your day, it might feel like I was nervous all day. Yeah. And actually it was just a few times when somebody said, hey, I need to talk to you real quick. And your heart was like, oh, this is it. I'm out, I'm out, I'm getting fired. I want you to write that down.

Yeah, okay. 906, and can I just be honest, honest, honest with you? I've never been fired from a job. I've seen the writing on the wall at one or two places, but I've never been fired, okay? Yeah. To this day, when I get an email that says, hey, let's come meet, I need to see you at 430,

dude, my heart is off to the races. I got an emergency fund, like I got a house that I don't have a mortgage on. Like I've taken care of my long tails. And I still am like, oh no, here it is, here it is, here it is. Right? And I go have the meeting, it's always something funny or silly or even if it's serious. And then I go to the car and I exhale and say, thank you for trying to take care of me body, I'm okay.

That's a good point. Cause here's what I don't want you to do. When I, after a year of being anxious, over time you start going to war with your body. I don't want to do that. Don't do that. Just exhale and say, dude, thank you for trying to take care of me. I'm good. I got six months of cash in the bank.

We're in a new town. This is a good company. They're good people. And if you get nervous, go ask your boss. Tell your boss, hey, I got canned and that guy got fired. I might just check in with you. Is that cool? I can do that.

Do you have that kind of relationship with your supervisor? Yeah, I got canned and that guy got fired. I might just check in with you, is that cool? I can do that. Do you have that kind of relationship with your supervisor? Yeah, I do. He's a lot better. Dude, if you could do that and just be like, hey, I'm gonna check in every once in a while. This is my drama queen real quick. I bet your boss would be like, that's fantastic.

I love that kind of relationship with one of my leaders. That make sense? That make total sense, yeah. And if you want to be a super gangster, write your boss, your ex-boss, the one that fired you, write him a letter. Don't mail it. But write him a letter and tell him how mad you are and tell him how you altered his life, how he altered your life I mean. And then tell him, and by the way, it has all worked out better than any of us could have imagined. End the letter with, you no longer get to live rent free in my chest. Bye. I wish you well.

And there's something about that exercise of letting that anger and rage onto that paper followed by, I'm moving on and things are better than I could have imagined and ending it with what am I going to do now? You no longer get a vote in my life. You had your vote. Good. Yeah. Does that sound cool? That sounds good. I tried to do that, have a funeral for my job and everything and then I just, I couldn't let it go still.

There you go. And I think it's just, I don want to have that quarters all pumping all the time. That's right I'm gonna get I'll try I'll work on this. Yeah And in there can be silly things like making sure you sleep making sure you eat Making sure you're out moving around and going for walks and things like that. I mean all that stuff's important And sometimes that when you get anxious you might find yourself scrolling a lot more, stand up later, watching a movie, and then another movie or playing video games, whatever your drug of choice is,

having a drink and then another drink. And so it's always good, brother, always good to step all the way back and look at your life. Hang on the line, I'm gonna send you a copy of Building a Non-Anxious Life. It's my number one bestselling book. I'm gonna send it to you for free. And I want you to just use it as a roadmap.

Having a funeral is awesome, but you also have to deal with the executioner and writing that ex boss a letter and just saying, you're out. Like you did your worst. You messed up the year of my life. We moved and whatever. And it has worked out incredibly well.

And today is the last day you get to be in my life. And then just start writing down when you have those attacks. Ah, feeling like it's all coming to, it's not. And then, hey boss, my last job was real janky, the leadership. And so I'm going to come in and just touch base with you every once in a while because I'm a little bit paranoid. And hopefully your boss is a great person of integrity and he'll smile or she'll smile

and say, of course, anytime you check in, I want you to feel safe here because we're glad you're here. Thanks for the call, brother. Be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Therapy is not just for people dealing with major traumas. It can be for major traumas, but it's also a valuable tool for anyone looking to just improve their mental and emotional well-being or their relationships.

I see a therapist for both the big challenges from my past as well as for helping me navigate the day-to-day challenges that just pop up. Many of you should consider seeing a therapist too, and if you're thinking about trying therapy, contact my friends at BetterHelp. BetterHelp is a hundred percent online so it's affordable and convenient for your schedule. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. They also have over 10 years of experience matching people with just the right therapist for them. To get started, you just fill out a short online survey to get matched with the licensed

therapist and if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time easily and for no extra cost. Talk it out with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash deloney. All right, Kelly 2.0, something cool happened. What is it? Adrienne from Tampa, Florida. She wrote in and said, my husband and I are big fans of your show and had the pleasure of meeting you

last year when we visited Ramsey headquarters. Listening to your advice has truly helped us improve our communication. After 21 years of marriage, we're learning to be more open and honest about our needs and have started asking each other, how can I love you today? My husband recently mentioned wanting the questions for humans, cards for couples, and it was a fun surprise to tell him that I had already bought them. Your show has been such a blessing to us,

so thank you to you and the team. That's awesome. I love hearing that when people listen to the show and they slowly implement some things into their life. It's fantastic. And good work to you, all on our gang on the team. Not you long hair country boy. I'll even let you have a king you're into.

Thanks you guys, man. Cause y'all don't get to go on the road. I was on the road for the last like three or four weeks, just hammering it. Man, I'll tell you what, getting to see people in airports and gas stations. I mean, 1 a.m. walking off, off, off, off Times Square in New York and a couple stops me at 1 a.m. I mean, what y'all's work y'all are doing is making a huge difference

out there. It's awesome. Pretty cool, man. And for everybody listening, thank y'all so, so much. Don't forget to share and like and subscribe and thumbs up and I don't know, just tell the AI overlords, I like this show. I don't know how tell the AI overlords I like this show I don't know how to work that tell your car I'll probably sign up for you too but hit those buttons man makes a huge difference love y'all bye