The Dr. John Delony Show - Off the Record With Dustin Nickerson

Episode Date: April 25, 2026

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It's not your job to take satisfaction in your work. You didn't make a vow to be happy in your job. You made a vow to be there for your wife. Support your family. Yeah. I am not talented enough to not work hard. I wish I was. The person that needs to sacrifice the most for this is me,

because this is my thing. Not my family, not my kids. Maybe that's why firstborns do so well in life, by the way, that they're like, I was barely raised, you know? What's going on? What's going on? This is John with a special interview with a great, like one of the funniest guys on the planet. And his name is Dustin Nickerson.

I've been a huge fan of his for a long time. He is a comedian that travels the country in comedy clubs. He opens for Nate Bargazzi in the big stadiums. He's just one of the best. He is great. And in this interview, we talk about marriage. We talk about humor. We talk about some heavy stuff.

And we also disagree because he seems to think that Starbucks is the worst coffee on the planet. He'll go into detail. But listen, I've been getting your feedback about this interview series and every single person I'm hearing from is saying more, more, more. They love these real honest, raw conversations. So, unbuckle your seatbelt, lean back, enjoy yourself. and listen to my conversation with one of the funniest guys on the planet, Dustin Nickerson.

So one of the most common pain points I get from couples is how do you balance work and how do you balance relationship, right? And one of the downstream conversations that we always end up in is husband works this job, but he really wants to be fill in the blank. Right, right.

Or wife is staying at home and wants to do this, or she's working, but also really wants to do this. Right. And I often will have to say, like, hey, that thing you're doing is taking up this much time. At this point has value because you love it, but it's a hobby. How do you find that balance between telling somebody you're about to cross from a hobby into business? Because that's a real thing. This is why, even though it is my favorite Pixar movie, hear me out, I'm going somewhere with this.

The message of the movie The Incredibles is a terrible message. which if you remember the Incredibles, he's only happy if he's doing the job he wants, which is bad fatherhood. Like, Mr. Incredible was a bad father, that he can't be engaged. Remember that scene? Bob, engage!

And you're like, so he's only a hands-on dad and involved? When he's happy? When he's happy? That's a terrible message. So I... God, I've seen that a thousand times. I never thought that. You'll never look at it the same.

The first third, because, Now that you are, like when you're a father and you're a husband, you're like, it doesn't matter. It's not your job to take satisfaction in your work. It's your job. You didn't make a vow to be happy in your job. You made a vow to be there for your wife. To support your family. Yeah.

To support your family. So I have a very unique story in comedy in that I started late. When I went to my first open mic, I'd been married for nine years and I had two kids. And shortly thereafter, my wife got pregnant with our third kid. So my career has been and will always be incredibly secondary to that in the sense that I had them before it and I want to have them after it. So I spend a ton of time at home. I mean, I work my butt off on the road too, but I do most of my work at home for three to five days a week, depending on the week. I'm like, father of the year, hands on.

I won't take a call from my management during the week. I'm like, we talk on Saturdays when I'm on the road. That's what we do. So I'm different than that. But that being said, at 27, I did show up to an open mic with a day job. And for me, it was the only one that can sacrifice, or I should say, the person that needs to sacrifice the most for this is me, because this is my thing, not my family, not my kids. Meaning the things that someone has to give up has to be me.

So it was like sleep. Sleep was the main one. Sleep was the main one. You're like, this is late at night. Enjoy. I'm gonna, yeah. I'm gonna, yeah, though mic's nuts. But like, I would get the kids down.

So I'll just give an answer. So the first club that I got passed at the, I was the comedy store in La Jolla. I live in San Diego. So, and when I got passed there, I told them, I would like, can I go on last? I want to go on last every time. That's usually at the end of like 15, 20 comics.

Because that would be like 10.30 p.m. Two reasons. The main reason is because all my kids would be down. Everyone would be asleep. I'd been home for, I got home from work, I was there for dinner, I did all the stuff. My wife was tired. She was pregnant at the time, and she would go to bed too, and I would go out and I would do the spot. And now I personally benefited from it, because if you can go get laughs at 10.30 if they've seen 15 plus comments, you've got to be real good. And the room is cleared out. Fairly anybody's there. I would follow some, who knows what. But it's stuff like that. Or like for, for, the better part of two or three years, I mean, I would be gone on the weekends, which was hard. I'm not trying to say my wife didn't sacrifice because she absolutely does. I'm in the middle of being gone for two weeks right now. But it is easier now that I come home with checks. Deposits, yeah. Yeah. So, but that being said, I always tell people like, I give it up in a heartbeat. If my wife said, hey, this is too much, we, you got to go take, you got to go manage an out back in Salem, Oregon. I'd be like, great, I can be happy there because you bring me way more

happiness than comedy. Comedy is great, but it's still a job. So we were talking back earlier before we on air and I'll get to this place. You did something that I saw as an audience member and whether it's me pretending being a poser in your comic world or like the live events that I do. You're getting on stage. You're not a poser. Well, I appreciate that. But like I'm on the road a lot too with corporate events stuff. And you followed a comic who just had a barn burner set. Yeah. Like the whole room was over.

And I was imagining, I remember in the gap, when the host comes out, I remember looking at my wife being like, I wouldn't know what to do now, right? And you came out, and it's the most impressive thing I've ever seen, but you held your own. You just were you.

And it took the audience a minute. And I don't even, yeah, we talked, like, I don't think you came out and tried to drop a huge funny joke to get, like, hey, guys, look at me. It was like, nope, this is who I am. But that takes, it takes an incredible skill. But, man, there's a rootedness to that. Yeah. That is like, if this doesn't go well, she backstage still loves me. My kids still like me. Where does that? Or if I've got to go to Outback, I'll be all right. Yeah. Where does that come from? I'll probably find some open mics. Of course. Yeah, yeah. And Salem. Yeah. Or be at the local wherever telling jokes. But where does the rootedness come from?

Yeah, well, I was not, we can just say the name of the comic, Derek Strupp. Derek Strupp is so funny. And I was annoyed that I had to follow him because I'm like, I got to go work now. He's funny and he's also a whirling dervish. Oh, yeah. He's like Sam Kinnisson up there. Yeah, he's a crusher. I was not nervous to follow him because, you know,

when you're in and around the scene for a long time, and especially in L.A., which I go up to frequently, it's, you know, I followed Bill Burr. You know, I followed Theo. I followed all these guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's like, you follow Nikki Glazer. You feel whoever, and Derek is as funny, if not funnier than all of them.

But you're like, I've done this before. It's, oh, your brain goes, oh, it's one of these. You know, you've just seen enough that. I don't get like, if I have like a bad crowd or a crowd, all the different crowds, now you just, you don't even, you've just registered them all. I think I've seen almost every type of crowd you could see at this point. I mean, I'm in the three, four thousand sets at this point. So there's only so many.

So you have a playbook. I have a playbook. If anything, I'd be excited to see a new one. Right. But that tells me it's reps. It's a thousand percent. I am not talented enough to not work hard. Gotcha.

I wish I was. I wish I was like God-given talent and I could phone it in and everything was just laid out before me. It would have been so much easier. But I didn't get that. I'm like the reps and every part of my career has just been like this for the people listening. It's just a slow incline every once in a while a little bill and then every once in a little dip, but it's just been like that. So the rudeness, I don't know where the rudeness comes from other than, you know, I've, I've, especially like this side of, you know, 35, 40, I just try and ruin myself in gratefulness

and focus not on the things that I want, but the things that I have. That's like, was a big marriage changer for me, like, that just kind of hit me a couple years ago where it's very easy to think about the things that your spouse is not doing for you and then being like, oh my God, look at this unbelievable list of things that they do that show their love for me. You know, I had one the other day where I was like, you know, there's certain things that like, I'll speak very, you know, somewhat graphically here where you're like, man, you know, I wish maybe like physically things were like this. I wish my wife would like show more physical affection because that would be like love. Yeah. And then I watched her for an hour, like sit with my child

and help her with her math homework. And you're like, that's love. Yeah. That's, that's, that's, That's fantastic. That's like, I mean, that's unbelievable. That's, that's a real value right there. And like that kind of, and I think, I think about that with, I tried to with life where, you know, it's not, man, if I had this, man, if I had this, that'd be great if I had this. But you're like, you know, I'm fairly rich in that regard. Like I have, you know, a career that I like, it pays all the bills. We're not in debt. A wife that loves you. A wife that loves me and kids that get along and what more could you want? I live in San Diego. It's pretty great.

I feel like to complain really feels like, we're like, all right, buddy. You're like, what are you? Are you complaining at the beach right now? Yeah, yeah. Every Christmas morning we open presents and then me and my wife go, I walk on the beach. Let's cool it on the complaints, Nickerson. That's my single, my dad, single dad who raised me. He's like, what in the world?

He's worked for the union for 35 years, throwing luggage into planes in Anchorage, Alaska, during negative 20. It's like, oh, you're not selling as many tickets in Nashville as you wanted. Which both the shows are sold out tonight, so there's that. So, okay, so I want to go back to take the career, it's reps. And I got the advice when I left my education world

to come do this crazy thing. that we do in podcast, right? Which was don't listen to your first six months or even your first year. Don't ever go back and listen to that because you'll have gotten so much better that it will be hard. It'll be tough watch. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, I was one of those. I was new.

Oh, not good, right? Take that back to the dad that just had a second kid. That doesn't, at home feels like a failure factory. Yeah. And it's just, you know where I am winning? and I'm winning at work, I'm just gonna go do that. I have felt a lot of parallels to going up on stage with three things you think are funny and then not.

And you find out the first two minutes, like, oh, it's gonna be a painful 10 minutes. Yeah. Because I missed it on these note cards I got. But I haven't felt that since I didn't know what I didn't know when I bought a kid home. I just knew that I was in the way. And I felt like the best thing I could do

is for my family is to, back out. Oh, interesting. Right? Yeah. And that's the wrong impetus when you look up and say, you shouldn't have done that. But if I could, if I could look at it as, you know what, I don't do this thing, a thousand reps from now, I'm going to be really good to be a dad. Yeah, yeah, 100%. Yeah. I don't know how to put that on the table where it's palatable for somebody other than to say to get good at a thing, whether it's being married or whether it's being a dad or being a comic or being a welder. You've got to go do it a thousand times. Yeah, I mean, on, Unfortunately, for your oldest kid, you know, parenting is on-the-job training.

It sucks for that oldest kid. I mean, I do a bit about it right now, but, like, the best thing I ever heard about parenting I heard like a year ago. And that sucks for my 18-year-old son. It sucks that I pick that gem up when he was a senior in high school. As you go, son. Yeah, maybe that's why firstborns do so well in life, by the way, that they're all. like, I was barely raised. You know, we tried our best.

So, you know, that's really well said. And I actually, I probably carry the most amount of guilt as a human. Like, you kind of pulled something up on me there without knowing so. Like, what, like, sadness and genuine guilt on my mistakes as a young father. Oh, I've got that. Yeah. It's a way. Yeah.

Losing my cool, you know, just like huge doing this, wishing you didn't do that. And I think about it to this day. I can pinpoint mistakes that still keep me up at night. And my wife's like, hey, you're going to talk to somebody about that? No, I'm going to bury it. No, no. My dad worked on the union. They told us to shove it down.

I know, yeah. So, yeah, there is something really to that. Now, I will say that, you know, how old are your son 16? He's 15, and my daughter's 9. And your daughter's nine. You know, my son is 18 now and went to college this year. And my daughter is a sophomore. So she's 16.

And then my youngest is 10. Nine. No, 11. Sorry. They blur together. Lots of love in that house. Yeah. They, yeah.

I know her name. I know her birthday. Sure. But the, like, if you, made for us we majored on the majors like we um we modeled a good marriage my kids almost to a fault know that our marriage comes before them and that we've missed like we missed our youngest first day of kindergarten because we're like hey it's our anniversary bye yeah um which i think is actually the greatest gift you can give your kids i think so too that's what i mean by major and our majors of like

i've shown my son i hope how to be committed to one person and to love them, you know, sacrificially and provide for a family. And we, now that my son is an adult legally, we're starting, I'm like almost, it's very beautiful. I'm like, are we starting to see, like, some of the fruits of, like, being a close family and spending a lot of time together

and going on vacations together and, like, maybe some of the lessons that you hammered over and over and over and over that you're like, are they getting any of this, you know, starting to maybe click a little more. It is very rewarding. Like, every time it comes back, I'm like, or I'll get little updates from him,

I'm like, oh, you just needed to get away from us before you're like, oh, you know what, that dad in mind, he might have had a little wisdom. My son got into the, I don't know how it had. He popped up on his, he's got podcast now. Oh, okay. He went down a rabbit hole with my show. Yeah.

And there was last year we were fishing this summer. Not talking, just two guys facing the same direction, not talking. Yeah. He said, do you know all that stuff? And I was like, yeah, I went to a lot of graduate school for all that. He's like, but you like know that? Yeah? He's like, it's pretty good, man.

It was like that little bitty. Yeah. Oh, man, huh. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, my son, I remember, he made it one year of high school football because he was 90 pounds as a freshman. and but I remember he came home and all I'd been since this kid played t-ball and soccer we'd always just said dude attitude and effort that's all it matters attitude and effort just it's just

it's how hard you try and the attitude they have this all that matters in life is attitude and effort you try and do these little things same thing is anytime I go out now or I see him I always say I'll say that and I'll say be smart and be safe just like little tidbits freshman coach she comes home and he goes dad the coach he gave his like this big speech today and at the end he was like all we care about here is is how hard you work and the attitude that you have on it and he was like and it just made so much sense i was like attitude and effort and he's like oh i guess that is kind of what you said i was like i have said this to you 500 times and 14 years just took another grown man another voice another voice yeah okay so

tell me about your picture of i don't even a picture your lived experience of marriage growing up I didn't have one. So I was raised by a single dad. My parents split when I was five, four or five. I don't really have any memories of my mom in the home. Very rare. Raised like no... Yeah, that's a rare thing.

Very rare. And the, I would, my mom was kind of in and out. And she was going through her own stuff. And I don't mean to slander in any way. But the, I would see her period. And then for a while, it was kind of like every other weekend, but my dad never remarried. So I've never, the only marriage that I've ever lived in is my own, you know. And then his, my dad's brother, also fresh off a divorce, moved in with us.

So I, my house was me, my, my sister Jessica, my older sister Jessica, and then my dad and his brother, Butch. So you're a weird uncle away from full house, dude. That's good. I mean, it didn't get... Well, to be fair, we had a rotating cast of characters who would come in. I bet, yeah. Butch's son, Tater, lived with us for a while.

There was a cousin named Bushrod who lived us with for a couple years, an aunt who came down. I have a very colorful family from rural Oregon, which is where the rednecks on the West Coast come from. There's all the small rural towns, and those are my roots. That's who I was raised by. You know, I'm one of the rare kids who grew up in South Seattle, knowing the children. two Labani brothers. Okay, so a question that's been haunting me for the last two years. Haunting.

Is basically because it's like, every time I try to grab it, I think I've got the answer to it, it's just a missed. And it started with just a, huh, why is Jeff Bezos getting remarried? Yeah. He has everything. Yeah. Literally. Everything. Yeah.

Good thing he's getting more, too. Yeah. Why would you do that? Yeah. Right. Yeah. And so, but then all the way down, when I, people, like, I just was in the looking at nerd data this morning. And marriages are actually weirdly, the divorce rates going down and marriage stability is going up.

But that's simply because more and more people just are opting out. They're just not doing it. They're just not getting married at all. So those that take that step have, for whatever reason. Yeah. But I can't blame the people who have chosen to not do this thing because they've only, It's only, like if you just grew up and every time you went to the wait room, somebody hit you in the head with a baseball bat,

I'm walking a white room. Totally. And so, I guess question one is, why in the world would you go do that? Oh, because I fell in love, you know, and I was a Christian. Okay, so you had to? Yeah, we were rule followers and we were eager, buddy. I was like, yeah, 19, that seems like a good age to get married. That's right, yeah, yeah.

I'm just like, I remember sitting at premier. All counseling, my knee shaking. I'm like, when is this going to win? Okay, so you do it because you have a faith context, and I'm the exact same as you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We had to. That was the next step.

Yeah, so you did. But that's hard. It's very hard, and so a couple of... What blueprint do you follow? Well, a couple years ago, not to self-promote here, but I did, I wrote a book called How to Be Married to Melissa. Okay. And the whole premise of this book is that I am so uncomfortable giving marriage advice

because I only know how to be married to this person. Yeah. That's it. And I, this is like, my PhD is in Melissaology. Like, this is the person that I, I'm studying and want to know and I want to empathize. And I want, and she tickles me and I love her. And she's, she's my favorite person in the world. That being said, I do, I do accredited an amount of dumb luck.

and that we have grown together because the hardest thing when you get married at 19 and when you get married young, especially in the Christian context, also in a military context of the times you get married really young, is you're not nearly developed as...

You don't get... You know this. Would your brain develop? 25? In theory. In theory, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm watching a bunch of 50-year-olds right now, be like, you aren't there yet either, right?

Yeah, I mean, and I read a thing was like, and the frontal lobe comes last, right? Which is where perspective is. Right, right. Critical thinking. Yeah, exactly. Just not responding to everything. Yeah. So there is an amount of sure, like, me and my wife are committed to one another, and I think that comes from a deep

love from one another, and a deep commitment to our faith. I think that that's true. I also think that there is good fortune and luck or blessing or whatever you want to call it, that we have remained compatible. Because that's the hardest thing, because you can get married. And I look at the 19-year-old very, of me and the 20 version of your whole,

and we are different people now. I would hope so, right? Yeah, exactly. And I'm embarrassed by that person that I used to be. Which, again, I hope so. Yeah, exactly. I hope we're all like that. Yeah, you did what?

There's a great Esther Pearl quote that is, most people have two to three to five or six great loves in your lifetime, and if you work really hard, it can move with the same person. Oh, that's really nice. Yeah, that's really nice. Yeah.

Like that idea that my wife is on John 5.0. Yeah. Thank God, right? because versions 1 through 4 were not great. Yeah, yeah, and I also got some dumb luck the fact that my wife hates change. It was easier to stay with you than... I truly think that. I think that there is an amount of, like, red tape that she doesn't want to deal with.

She's like, I'm already... I already have freaking FASFA to deal with it. We didn't qualify for that. And then we're just... Maybe on the Ramsey Network is good news. Faying for cash and send in to San Jose State. baby um and uh she did tell me once and not this is an old bit of mine where i did ask her if she was attracted any of my friends and she said uh she said no why would i why would i look at

somebody else i already have a husband and that's how she sees the world she's like i have this i don't need another one i have this one gotcha and you're like well that's very helpful for me that's exactly how my wife does it and i'm always like i know but that guy's really She's like, but you're my thing. I got you. Yeah, and then you're like, I'm, I'm not like that. I'm not good at this. I'm not good at this.

So, yeah, I mean, it has been hard, but not, honestly, not that hard. I mean, it's like, I. Okay, but that, but there is like a series of day in and day out choices. Like what you just said would, would, what marriage therapist across the country would be like, Like, if I could bottle that up and write that book, I would pay for my summer home, which is, you know, I just decided to be really interested in her. Right, right. And care about what makes her happy and what she doesn't like. Right, right.

That's a, I mean, at some level, it's a series of choices I'm going to make. Sure. Over and over and over. Yeah. Well, yeah, and now we're getting into a free will discussion here. Yeah. Yeah, let's go religious affections, Jonathan Edwards. I don't know that it is.

Okay. I mean, of course it is. You know, do I pick up the cup or do I not pick up the cup? Sure. But there is an amount of like all of that has, all of those decisions I've made and she's made have been driven by a deep affection for her. Just affection. I just love her. I just want to do it.

I just want, she makes me happy. I love being around her. This is when people are like, screw this guy. And this is where marriage, this is why I didn't, I don't give marriage advice. Gotcha. Because how does your marriage work? I'm like, I love my wife. She makes me laugh.

She's my favorite person in the world. I think the things she does are interesting and charming. I like her moves. I think that she's, I like, I like her a lot. Now, that may have come from, yeah, a series of commitments and decisions over the years of, years of like, hey, this isn't, this is what we're doing regardless. and maybe you can fall deeper and deeper in love doing that. But also, I mean, sometimes the best thing for a relationship is for it to end.

So, you know, we've all had those. You're like, hey, you've got to get out of this situation. That's right, of course. He is a monster. I wouldn't have a show if it wasn't dead, right? So, I don't know. What about? What about?

Not to get all whimsical. No, I love it. I love it. Well, and I think, again, it's one of those things is like, there's a great, I wish I knew the comic. It was one of those late nights when I was a kid. and it just stuck in my head. He said, I was driving the other day, and on the telephone pole,

there was a sign that said, call me and asked me how I lost weight. So we called it, and the guy was like, diet and exercise. And it's like, we have a world that is overcomplicated so much. And if we could reduce it to, I'm just going to choose to love that person.

And, ta-da-da. Yeah, I think they're, I'm sure, I don't know that it was ever a conscious decision of being like, It just was, and it just remains. But the one practical advice that I would give in that is what I said earlier is pay attention to all the things that that person does that shows how much they love you.

And look at what, because I find myself the most distant from Melissa and her the most distant from me when we are focusing on the wrong things, when we are focusing on, he does that, She does that. They do that. They do that. I wish I had that. I wish I had that. And then when you stop and you're like, if I made a list of everything that Melissa does in our household and my life on just day to day, you're like, that's a lot of love for me.

That's a lot of action love. Right. You know, that she doesn't owe me. She doesn't have to do for me. And then you kind of like, oh, yeah, yeah. She's pretty great. Yeah. It's pretty great.

Pretty great woman here. It reduces that. But why not? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So I guess that would be one practical, but, you know, a gratitude list isn't exactly breaking new ground here.

Well, I think it's an old Bray Brown quote, like whatever you go looking for in the world you're sure to find. And there's something about taking off the glasses of, because I can see that same pile of clothes on the bed as evidence that she doesn't love me. Or I can see it as evidence of she had 50 things to do today. I can go fold those and put them up. Yeah, because, and I'll reduce her load to 49 for God's sakes. Well, and that is a...

I get to decide how you enter into that room, man. The feeling of making someone feel loved is the best feeling in the world. And that to me, okay, so you don't know this, I'm right in the middle of writing a marriage book. Oh, great. Trying to wrap my head around it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that has become the lever, which I think everything rests on. Yeah.

Which is, if you enter into any... with what can I get from this versus what can I do for. Yeah. One of the, this can never be filled. And so if, and it was even a shift coming to Ramsey where behind closed doors, Dave is like, the only thing that matters is the person, if you're talking to them, is their life going to be better because they interacted with you? And even going to like the first few nights at a comedy club, you get your eight minutes.

Yeah. Can I get them to think I'm funny? And the shift now for me has been this room of people is living in this little scrolly doomsday ecosystem. And they just walked into a room voluntarily and had to put their phones away. Can I give them 10 minutes of an escape and give them a little bit lighter day? And I don't know what the switch is, but all of my stuff is funnier. Because it's not about, do you think I'm funny? And it is, can I contribute with this lineup of people?

to give in y'all an escape from the hellscape that we live in right now. Yeah. And if you do that with your spouse, how can I make your day better? Yeah. How can I love you today? Is this such a different shift? And that's only going to benefit you, by the way. That's the thing.

That's a thing. That's a thing. It makes your life better, right? And you don't, I hate to put it out like a like a 401K, right? If you invest in this over time. But kind of how it works. Well, Ramsey. Sure.

But that's how it works, right? That's how it works. I totally agree. I have found. especially in the last couple of years, a great joy in it of just being like, what can I take off your plate?

Because I, more so than any, my biggest desire in life is for you to feel loved by me. And she'll tell me that. She's told me my favorite thing about you is how much you love me. But now, as we get older, that changes what that looks like.

That's right. You know, as far as, you know, the day to day, the sacrifice. Frankly, in our case, ironically, it means working a little more because things get more expensive as your kids get older. But yeah, it's the best feeling in the world to make someone feel loved. It's, you know, better to give than receive. And if you get two people on the same page who are trying to out give each other, that's a pretty intractable marriage.

Yeah, it's pretty perfect. Yeah, it's also, you know, husband tip. It usually yields benefits. It worked Yeah What I read the other day That I had never heard this It was

They're talking about Initiation Yeah If we're going to head Back to the back Back to the bedroom And I had never heard The phrase chore play before

And I was like Well played That is very funny That's in the In the marriage literature Like in the nerd stuff They're like chore play No my if

Like dirty talk to my wife Is like hey I folded the laundry She's like Oh my gosh You are Bad. Let's get some new laundry dirty.

So what about take me through? So I spent my 20 years hugging, sobbing dads, dropping their kids off at universities. Oh, man. And I would roll my eyes out of the back of my head and like, get over it, man. And I remember dropping my son off at a Tuesday, Thursday school when he was like one. And I sat and my wife's rap four in the parking. I just sobbed.

How is your life shifted with this being dropping them off? And it could be amazing. I have also heard like, no, it's pretty amazing. Walk me through that because I'm two and a half years away from it. I'm already pre-greaving it. Yeah, good. Get ahead of it. You know, that's good.

I have found it initially devastating. statingly sad. My wife described it as a breakup. And the thought like the thought of walking past his room. Yeah. He's not there. I don't know that that I can hold that way. No, I mean, we cried for, I mean, leading up to it. The senior year is hard because there's so many last, last homecoming, you know, last, he's a, he's a track runner, track star. He's in, he runs in college too. Um, last race, senior race, prom, graduation. There's so many of these landmarks, milestones, Ebenezers.

Yeah. That's a deep cut. Yeah, listen, I've read the book. And that's hard. And then summer is weird because you did all the stuff and then they're there. But you know the breakup is coming.

You know the drop-off is coming. but it is a lot of freaking work to get to it. And then we've, in our case, flew up. It's very emotional and there's a final hug. And then there is a moment where you walk away. And it's, you're just like, what am I? You've never left your kid before. Not like that.

Yeah, I mean, you're, you're not going to see them for months, you know? Like, you just, and it's, um, my wife, again, she said it was like a breakup. And then she said what I think was the most beautiful, uh, sentiment on it. My wife said, you know, dropping our kid off of college, you know, ends up for their world to get bigger. Our world had to get smaller. And I was like, good Lord. I was like, hey, who's the writer here? Yeah, I don't want that, dude.

That should have been my line. What are you doing coming up with that? I'm some the words guy. And it was, and it was, and still, now I think my wife feels the sadness of him gone more than I do. I do miss him a lot. It's also the modern era. We text. Sure.

We send Instagram reels and TikToks all day long. And he is, you know, an hour flight away. So we have seen him a few times. I am getting more, two things, a sense of relief that he's doing well. And then also just a sense of pride that he's doing well, because they start to pick up these things and these life skills that you're like, you couldn't have done this here. You really did need, you know, the old healthy birds leave the nest thing.

you really did need this. You need it to, you know, just small things. You needed to how to find out how to check out a lift bike and run around and get around San Jose. You need to figure out how to get a ride to your stuff because we're not there. You need to figure out of- I get a-stuck-at-a-house you don't want to be yet.

Exactly. Yeah, you're having a hard time with chemistry. I can't help you. And I haven't been able to hold you years. But mom can't. Knowing there's, you go find your own tutor. So there's that. element and then it is

that being said we also are very fortunate because he's running and he's running at the one school he did land in a great landing pad he's got support network tons of support he's also going to only get into so much trouble he's running twice a day that's right he lifts four times he falls asleep yeah yeah yeah

but it is it's it's a it's a very tough emotional ride how did you all manage one thing I always notice in couples that like after a loss of any like loss of a parent, heaven forbid loss of a child, or what I would call it, natural grief.

Like, this is the way it's supposed to be. Yeah, yeah. But individuals grieve at different paces. How do you... We never sing to cry, not one time. Yeah. Not one time in a year where we sat at the same time. How did you establish grace for somebody who's grieving in a moment

when you want to go out? Right? That's a tough... Yeah. Or there's the, how are you already over it? Yeah. Or weren't you over it yet? You channel what you felt last time you felt it.

What's that mean? Like, she's crying. Okay, I was crying a month ago. How did I feel? God, you've got an empathy that is powerful. You're looking for that. Like, okay, I can remember what this felt like. I can't get there emotionally because I can't make myself feel differently.

But I'm going to try and give you the space, the time and the response that I needed then, you know. So that's what I tried to do. But it is. Gosh, dude. It's amazing, man. But it is, it is hard because sometimes you're like, hey, we don't have time for this. Yeah.

I'm trying to. Or this is makeout night. Why are we crying? Yeah, yeah. I'm like, I'm about to leave for two weeks. She starts crying and you're like, hey, I'm trying to watch the rest of development. Are you?

Exactly. Because this is what we do. We usually, it's Tuesdays. We usually have some wine, watch a little rest of development. Yeah. And you're ruining it. But if you've got to be sad, you got to be sad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you try. But it's, that's a very, I've thought before, you know what the I wish there was if there was like a beneficial superpower would be as uh however you felt physically and emotionally if you could touch somebody and make that person feel the same way that would be so helpful because I wish I knew I wish I knew like like do you have any physical pain right now like a back or anything like that just like any pain yeah I wish I could feel it I wish I could know be like okay this is bothering him and like same with him or in emotionally too because it just it would be it's the

old, everyone's going through their own battles thing. And I just try and think that with my wife and with my kids, especially the kids when they're like in distress, that you're like, God, I just, same with, uh, I mentioned it before, like, physical, but you ever talk to a friend who's like, just got chronic back pain? And you're like, I wish I could feel it for 30 minutes. So I could know just how much pain you're in all the time because it gives you a lot of grace. It gives you a lot of grace. And, um, I try and think that way with my wife.

With my kids, I'm no good at it. I'm just like, get over it. Uh, you know, you're 60. they'll be another boy unfortunately. But it is important to go back and I don't know for some reason it's easier for me to do with my kids than it is with my wife

and maybe I just like, hey, we're adults just grow up. Yeah. But with my kids, it's like, I'll remember being devastated when so-and-so broke up with me. Yeah, that's true. And that is, it is, I try to do with my kids too

and that is a good way to think about it and that does give you grace to your kids. There is, it's so funny you said, I've been thinking about this idea. Someone, a friend of mine who's single recently told me, she goes, you know, she was talking about marriage. And she goes, you know, I just, I want to be married so I could have someone that could take care of me.

And I laughed in their face. I laughed so loud. You know, what are you got? And I go, you could not have a worse idea of what marriage is because that is not it. That is the complete opposite. They will at times. But if you go in with that mindset, this puppy is over. It's chronic disappointed.

That's a personal assistant. What you're looking for? Yes. Which I suppose there are some marriages that are like that. But what you just said, I've been thinking about it, and what kind of want to develop it is a bit of one of the real values of marriage and a real close partnership with somebody is when, as much of that empathy piece is good, it's also somebody who's like, gosh, my knee hurts.

And for your wife to be like, okay. Yeah, you got another one. Use that one. Yeah, yeah. Are you going to make an appointment or what? You're 41. Stretch. Like, what are you going to do about this?

It's nice to have someone that you know loves you but also doesn't have time for you. Because it does put your, especially when you're on the road a lot. Like, you can get in your head so much and you can feel like a main character. You can feel, and, you know, tonight I show up, people, oh, let me set this up, people, and you can feel like that's reality. And that is not. You got to, it is good to spend time with somebody who loves you and also does not care about some of your problems. And also does not roll out the red carpet for you in any way. I think that's super important.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't even get hugged when I get home half the time. No, my first big night when it sold out, it was a big old thing. And I, it went good. I don't mind saying I need to practice saying it went really well. That's great. And I left early because my wife came.

She doesn't always come. In fact, she really does. She came. I left. You know the fun is the green room. A bunch of comics back there just talking trashed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I left early. Went home for what I didn't identify the time, but I realized, oh, I'm just going, I want my second standing ovation here. And I walked in the door, and my wife is standing there, and she goes, oh, hey. And it was just, I was literally waiting for it.

And she goes, could you pick up Hank tomorrow from? And it just went, It's great. But here's the thing. I cast her in a movie, she didn't know what she was in, and then I got mad that she didn't know the lines. And it was like, that's,

I could have said, hey, I'm coming home. Will you cheer for me? And she was like, absolutely. Yeah. Of course. Yeah.

And the greatest way she knew to love me was to go home and make sure these kids are taken care of because you've been spending all night at the stupid comedy club, right? And unfortunately, that makes you a good person. Of course.

Unfortunately. Yes. Because you can't, You just can't have everyone loving and praising you. You can't do it. It's not a life you can live. And I've seen it with comedians and famous. It crashes and burns every time.

I always tell my wife, I go, I want to have one foot on the red carpet and one foot on the school pickup line. That's where I belong in both these things. Like, sure, I'm following John Mullaney at the comedy store tonight, but also I'm just shooting the breeze with John MacArthur under the tree waiting for our kid in fourth grade,

you know, waiting for our 11-year-old. to come be ungrateful that we gave them a right home. You know? Dad! Turn the AC on. We just got in the car. My daughter's new thing she's on now is, man, I will get out of here early. I'll tell my wife, I'm going to go pick her up.

I just need to see her. Yeah. I go wait in that line, pick her up, and the very first thing is, ugh, where's mom? Where's mom? I'm like, I just gave up like. Yeah. But anyway.

We get in the car and they go, can we get boba? Yeah. Can we get Boba? Can we get Starbucks? Can we get? You can't get boba every day. Boba is not a daily thing. I've been trying to pitch my kids on slurpees.

Slurpees are 99 cents and they remain 99 cents. And when we were kids, they were kind of cool. They were the thing. They were the thing. If you could just get it. If you could get a slubes, there was no boba. There was no Starbucks. Even in Seattle as a kid, you didn't go to Starbucks.

Because Starbucks used to be for adults and now they market to 14-year-old girls. They're like, can all the dreams? drinks be pink. That's right. And then we'll put the pink things inside the pink and then the marketing will be pink. Protein in the pink for kids. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, do we have drip coffee? Yeah, we made it seven and a half hours ago. It's burnt. Why is there an adult man here? You're not our target audience anymore. We're selling these for my daughter the other day. We got her, her friend's birthday. We got like a Starbucks gift card. It was like for $10. And she's like, can it be more? Because that's like one drink. I'm like, that is like one drink. Isn't it? I hate that

company in my deepest heart. I hate that company so much. Because they made it normal. They buy, first off, the thing that I like, they sell crappy coffee. It is legitimately terrible drip coffee. It's as bad. I'll take Chick-fil-A. I'll take McDonald's. I'll take Buckies. I'll take quick trip. I'll pour rainwater through dirt before I will drink that Starbucks crap. It's so bad. I hate it so much. And then they normalized like $7. And they target it to. to teens. And you're like, this is, this is terrible. This is like an old cigarette ads. It's not bad for you. Really? Really? A milkshake with caffeine? Seems like that's probably for $14 at 7 a.m. Yeah, like, oh, we've seen an uptick in 16 year olds with type 2 diabetes.

And heart explosions. I know. I need one before volleyball. I don't think you do. Also, I hate him because Howard Shultz is the reason Seattle Sonics left Seattle. There's also that. That's probably the primary, but also the other one, your coffee stinks. Can we take a moment of silence for OG Gary Payton? Yeah. The greatest defender of all time. Bring them back, baby. Bring them back.

Save our Sonics. And now the thunder are all good. Oh, no. Bless the people Oklahoma City. They're very nice people, but. They stole your team. They didn't. I don't know.

They were given. I could do a whole podcast on this, but the original criminal was Howard Schultz. Howard Schultz. Howard Schultz owned the team. And then. sold them to an out-of-town owner. And out-of-time, Clay Bennett, who was in Oklahoma City. If you remember, Oklahoma City had hosted New Orleans that year after Katrina.

That's right. And they had an unbelievable support. And they're like, hey, we could really use a team here. What a great group. And again, the people of Oklahoma, lovely people. And then the first crime was Howard Schultz-owned. To a guy that was based in Oklahoma City. Well, I'm in Nashville, and they took my Houston Oilers that I grew up with.

Still haven't fully recovered from me. Yeah. That was my whole childhood. Yeah. And they moved him here. You had those great years with that great guy, Deshaun Watson. That redeemed it. Remember when you guys won eight games, like eight years in a row with JJ Waugh, you won nine games?

Yeah. Lost in the first round of the playoffs. Every year. Every year. Every year. Every year. We lost every year in the first round playoffs. Washington Husky.

One of the goats out of there. One of the greats of all time. Yeah. I remember. I would just turn on like every January and be like there's the 9 and 70 Houston team. Going to lose again. About to lose again in the first round.

It's brutal. It's like the Steelers now, just every year. Yeah. Well, at least your Mariners did well this year. Yeah, it doesn't feel amazing. No, it hurts.

Yeah, it hurts real bad. And I was rooting for Caldurali yesterday for MVP. I think everybody with like a heart was, you know, You know, you're like, oh, right. You know, I actually yelled about this on MLB Network a couple months ago when I was like, this is a baseball award, right? This is a baseball award? I think the guy who played more baseball should get it because Aaron Judge spent a lot of the time on the bench and then would stand in right field and average four plays a game.

Four plays a game. The average at bat is five pitches. So Cal Raleigh's doing it at bat what Aaron Judge does in a game. Yeah. What do I know? I'm just... Switch hitting catcher. What a special year that is, man.

It was a great year. It was very fun. And, you know, at the end of every sports season, I covet the simplicity of the Disney adult. You're like, gosh, Disney never hurts you, does it? It does financially, man. It's pretty tough. I mean, so do sports. That's true.

Yeah. Yeah. I got a lot of gear I don't need. Disagree, man. Nothing says we're in America, like getting a jersey with another grown man. man's name on it. I don't get jerseys. I don't get jerseys, but I have a lot of gear. Now, one of the nice things about my career is it does get sent to me periodically. There you go. Yeah, yeah, they're nice. Yeah, they're like, uh, which is, which I, I, I would

wear a jersey if I looked better in them. I just don't look good at them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so funny. Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't wear them because it's kind of lame. I look terrible. I look awful. Yeah, yeah. I'm so handsome. I mean, to be fair, everyone looks off a, like a football jersey. Right. You're like, why does it go down to my knee? Well, because the comparison are these like these sculpted, crafted human beings who are molded into this. Being around real athletes is so humbling. Yeah, that's pretty bad. That's my dream for the Olympics is I think not in the finals, but a semifinal.

They need to run one average person. Yeah. Just to show how fast those guys are. Oh, man. That's a. Like you just would, because they're all so fast. Yeah. You lose perspective.

When you hear non-athletes talk about sports, it's very funny. Like, I'm not a political person at all, and so I'm not going to go on this right now. But the very outspoken swimmer who has kind of been speaking about the trans swimmer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Does anyone remember? Riley something?

She finished, like, fifth in the NCAA finals or something like that. And I've seen, like, AOC and other people who were like, maybe if you didn't do this, you wouldn't have finished fifth? I was like, do you know how hard it is to finish fifth in the NCAA? Like, that's a lot.

That's unbelievable. You're the fifth fastest college student. That's insane. That's insane. That person is so fast. And this is a purely sports take. Yeah, yeah, of course. Do not bad mouth that. That's a crazy high achievement, you know. But to be fair, like, we all do the same thing as like armchair quarter. Do you ever do the thing where you're like judging LeBron? And you're like, she's only 17 the night. And I'm like, I'm the same age as LeBron. That's crazy. Why did he just go right there? Couldn't he see that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I can't sleep on my left side because my hip hurts. And LeBron's like, well, he didn't really, he didn't go to the lane as hard as he should have. Or was the number of people talking about what kind of shape? Luca? Yeah. Yeah, Luca was in, yeah. They do that with baseball players too.

They're like, oh, look how out of shape that guy. They go, there isn't a distance of race you could beat him in. He would beat you in a mile. He would beat you in two miles. He would you beat you in six. These are unbelievable athletes. It's very humbly being a sportsman because they'll do that thing

everyone's all too when they'll be like talking about Kyler Murray. They're like, can you believe that this guy made it to the pros at 5-9? I'm like, he's taller than me.

They're talking about like he has a disability. That tells you how great he is. Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah. 5-9. Can you believe this guy's even allowed to exist in society? That's crazy. What a freak.

It was the circus or the Cardinals for him. All right, we got to get out of here. I'm going to come see you tonight. I can't wait. Yeah, thanks, man. It's going to be a good time. Appreciate you, brother. Yeah, thanks for having me.

Thanks for coming on. And thanks for being, A, bringing joy to people in a messy world right now. Like, and I say that, not to get over dramatic, but I appreciate that. Yeah, thanks for giving me, yeah. And thanks for giving an example for guys like me on how to be married well. Yeah, thank you. How to be good dads. It's a blessing.

Thanks for the work you do. Thanks for having me, man. Thank you. Appreciate it.