The Dr. John Delony Show - Shawn Ryan Answers “Is There Still Hope for America?”

Episode Date: May 27, 2024

On this episode, John talks with former Navy SEAL and CIA contractor Shawn Ryan about his career, transitioning from military to civilian life, and what it means to be well.    Offers From Today's Sponsors 10% off your first month of therapy at BetterHelp!   3 free months of Hallow  25% off Thorne orders  20% off Organifi with code DELONY 25% off Helix Next Steps 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844.693.3291 or click here. 📚 Get Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Take the Anxiety Test  📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future  ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards  💭 John's Free Guided Meditation  Listen to More From Ramsey Network 🎙️ The Ramsey Show   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy

Coming up on the Dr. John Deloney Show. Look at the confidence that young males have today. They have no confidence. You know why they don't have any confidence? Because it's, I don't want to listen to you cry. I don't want to listen to you moan. Here's a phone. Look at that.

When you give your kid a phone, you're not giving them access to the world. You're giving the world access to your kid a phone, you're not giving them access to the world. You're giving the world access to your kid. Yo, yo, yo, what's up? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney show, a show about your mental and emotional health, your relationships, your marriage, the good stuff, the scary stuff, the bads to all of it. How do we make sense of a world that has gone sideways? And more importantly, how do two people sit down and have a conversation with each other who both love each other,

who want the best for each other, and who may disagree on things? That leads me to one of my favorite guests of all time, ever, ever, and a good buddy here. He's one of my neighbors here in Nashville. And I'm excited today for you to listen to a conversation between me and my good friend. He was a former Navy SEAL, CIA operator, a Blackwater employee. And now he has got his own famous fancy pants YouTube and podcast show.

His name is Sean Ryan. And if you haven't heard of him, man, he is all over the place. One of the largest shows on the planet. Talking about everything from military stuff and secrets and secret energy and UFOs and psychedelics. The whole, all the stuff

that they just don't want you to know about. And if you ever listen to this show for a second, I'm always talking about like, all right, that's why I love this guy. Um, we have lunch together here in town. We always have interesting discussions and he is a, as real as they come on the show. We talk about how's a civilian supposed to treat a veteran. Like I'm just, I'm kind of over just saying like, thank you for your service. And then going on, you know, buying my stuff at Walmart. What am I supposed to do?

We talk about his mental health journey that does include psychedelics. And we also get into some hard, deep water talking about what is he optimistic about moving forward into the future? And what terrifies him? What keeps a former Navy SEAL CIA operator up at night? Somebody who has seen the worst of the worst of the worst.

Now, I want to make this super clear going into this. You will disagree with some part of this show, period. This show is not for kids. You will have disagreements with things that I say or don't say. You'll have disagreements with things that Sean says or doesn't say. You will have your feathers ruffled. And I love that because I'm on your team. And hopefully you're listening to the show, you're on our team. And I would be there for Sean in a heartbeat. I know he'd be there for me in a heartbeat. And when we go to lunch, we're like, I'm like, I don't know about that, dude. He's like, no, for real. And then he'll say, I think you're wrong on that. And that's how we get to the truth. Iron sharpens iron.

And so on this special Memorial Day release, I'm excited for you to hear my conversation with my good friend and just a guy who's committed his whole life to service, Sean Ryan. Check it out. Some of the things I wanna talk to you about today are just personal questions I've had.

And you can shed some light on, you're gonna speak on behalf of the things I want to talk to you about today are just personal questions I've had. And you can shed some light on. You're going to speak on behalf of the entire community for some of these groups, which people love to do, right? Oh, boy. And then the second thing is you and I are in kind of similar stages. And so I'm going to ask just your wisdom on some things because you have some experiences that I don't have. And you've got some. I've made some mistakes along the way. And I'm looking back going, oh, dude, what do I do now?

And then that's where you are because your kids are younger than mine. So broad picture, OG Navy SEAL teams, CIA operator stuff. Like you've been all over the world. For our listeners, real quick, how would you parse off the difference between like Navy SEALs versus then we went and did CIA operation stuff, then I worked for some private. Like what's a quick way to just say here's the difference between like Navy SEALs versus then we went and did CIA operation stuff. Then I worked for some private, like what's a quick way to just say, here's the difference between those things? Well, here's the difference between the SEALs and the agency. Right.

And then private stuff. Well, so kind of like my evolution into the agency was I was a SEAL for six years. That's basically kicking doors and sniper stuff uh direct action you know kind of the the just first guys in special operations stuff and then and then from there I went to I got into the private stuff but the private stuff was still the agency stuff so you got to think of it like this like there was all companies, Blackwater, SOC, Triple Canopy, MVM, DynCorp, right? And so that would be, we're called contractors, government contractors. So it's really not any different than like if you have a contractor to build a house. I was going to say, when I think of contractor, I think of a sheetrock guy.

You go to a general contractor, and then he gets the guy that's going to do the bathroom, and he gets the plumber and the electrician and the roof and the windows and all these different people, right? And so when the government needs things done, they go to a contractor like Blackwater, under the umbrella at Blackwater or DynCorp or MVM or any of these places, it's, well, what do you need done? What kind of guys are you looking for? Do you want law enforcement type guys? Do you want regular infantry type guys? Do you want DEA guys? Do you want FBI guys? Do you want special operations guys?

What do you want? What's the job? What kind of clearance do they need to have you know and so the agency needs special ops guys with a high clearance level you know and so that's kind of how i got my foot in the door and so uh it started at blackwater and then moved over to some other companies and then i left did some anti-piracy stuff off the coast of Yemen and Somalia. Did that for not very much time at all, two pumps. As a civilian, why would the entity I pay my taxes to need to go outsource what I would consider one of their chief jobs,

which is to keep us safe. Why would they need to outsource that? Is it a manpower thing? Is it a, we can't do it because of our laws and we need somebody else to just take care of it? Why would they outsource that? I mean, it's a little bit of everything. One, I mean, your tax dollars, it's actually cheaper to get government contractors in because then they're not paying for benefits, retirements, any of that stuff. Oh, so it's cheaper for me. It's cheaper. If I go hire my own drywall guy, my own roofer guy versus just hiring a GC and saying, I'll give you 10%.

Just take care of all of it. Yeah, because we're not an employee. Okay. So I know that's really boring, right? That's probably not the answer you're looking for. I was hoping you'd be like – yeah. But no, I always just wondered why do we have all these contracts and why do we pay all these things? Well, it's just – it's very similar.

I like that. I like that analogy. It's like buying a house or building a house. There's a lot of reasons. That is probably the number one reason, you know, like from a broad spectrum, you know, of all government contracting. But then, you know, there's also plausible deniability with things like CIA. There is a lot of red tape that the government can't get around, but a contract, a civilian contracting company can get around that.

And so, you know, there are, look, the U.S. military can't do certain things. Central Intelligence Agency doesn't want to pay credit for certain things. And so government contractors is kind of, you know, how that kind of stuff can be done. My career was in colleges, universities, and there was a trickle of students coming in that were veterans. And then over the last 20 years, obviously more and more combat veterans have come in who are rolling off more and more, you know, National Guard folks are rolling in. And then it became in mass, right? As people started coming in. I noticed two things happen. One is it boggles my mind again, as a taxpayer, when I think of the taxes I write every year. I just paid my taxes recently, right?

Just follow the paperwork. These men and women who go and put the two most important things in their world on the line for me, which is their time, right? Like they take four years out of their life, their earning potential, all this stuff, and they put it over here for service. And then the potential that you can get killed doing that. Then to come back and we've seen like an influx of like special ops guys who like starting businesses and trying to do this and do this with that training they got.

As a taxpayer, my first thought is why in the world are those guys having to go make money? They've done their thing. Like if I, as a taxpayer, have one thing I would like to put on the table, it would be you get a house at least for God's sake, right? Or you get insurance for crying out loud. You get a salary. You've done the thing, right? You've done six years, a decade, or whatever it is. And so am I wrong that you get off and you get a high five and like go get them and then it's – I mean it's out in the wild.

Yeah. I mean I don't think you're – I mean look, there's two sides to this. If you just hand them everything too, then you are victimizing an entire demographic of people. Okay. So not saying – okay, now you have to continue to go earn. Yeah. Okay. I mean that's kind of my thought.

Okay. I mean, I think they're – with the same caveat to that is that the assistance that you do get is complete garbage. Yeah, it's silly. I mean, you can't – you got guys – I've had guys that I know that are missing limbs, missing their leg, missing their arm, maybe both. And they don't even have full medical benefits, you know. And then you get a guy who sat behind a desk for four years and maybe went to Afghanistan and maybe heard a rocket explode five miles away, you know, and they're getting full benefits.

So it's kind of just a mismatch. Yeah. I mean, it kind of comes down. A lot of the times, the way it works out, unfortunately, is the guys that sit behind the desk or the guys that are not in a combat MOS are really good at working the system. Just like when you go – I mean, everybody complains about government employees, the post office, the DMV, law enforcement. I mean, it's really hard to fire a government employee, and they learn how to work the system. Guys that are actually out there fighting, they don't have time to work the system, to learn the system. They don't want to be in the system.

They're not the turds that are going to medical, building a medical record so that they can get a retirement. And so what happens is you'll get these guys that, like I said, modest jockeys, and they'll build these. And not all of them. I'm not saying that about all of them. Of modest jockeys, and they'll build these, and not all of them. I'm not saying that about all of them. Of course, of course. But they'll build a file. They'll build a case. They'll spend four years, you know, oh, man, I fell down the stairs.

Oh, I bumped my head on a filing cabinet. I mean, they'll do like this. And then guys like myself who are in special ops, we don't want to go to medical. We don't even want to report any injuries because that might get you pulled off of an op, which the whole reason you joined is to go on ops. And that costs you down the road, right? Oh, yeah. Whenever you're circling back, well, you should have filed that then. Yep, exactly.

Wow. So one thing that has begun to frustrate me over the years is a, it's kind of like the high five is the phrase, thank you for your service. And so it's becomes like a, like, here you go. And that way I can, it's like a nod, right? You nod to somebody. As a civilian, do you have a couple of ideas of ways I can love and be a good community member to folks coming back? And it can be as simple as the guy still wearing the Vietnam vet hat, the real tall one like at the Walmart, right? Yeah. I can acknowledge that guy all the way to one of my coworkers just gets hired, and I find out we're having lunch that they were deployed a couple times. What are ways I can, as a civilian, not just say thank you for your service and then go about my day? Yeah.

I mean, just find different words to say. You know what I mean? Like the Vietnam generation. Am I wrong on that? No, you're not. But, you know, speaking for the veteran community too, though, I mean, you're only going to get so much. It was a voluntary program. Nobody twisted your arm, you know, to go in there unless maybe you're in the Vietnam generation.

But, you know, the big saying with the Vietnam generation, what was it? It was welcome home, right? So when you see that guy, you know, instead of saying thank you for your service, which isn't bad, nobody says it, you know. Barely anybody actually just says it. I don't know why. Wow, okay, okay. But, you know, just go up to him like, hey, you know, welcome home, man. Appreciate what you did.

Or, you know, the newer generation coming back from the GWAT, you know, just, hey, I just want you to know I really appreciate what you did. Or, you know, the newer generation coming back from the GWAT, you know, just, hey, I just want you to know, I really appreciate what you did over there, you know? So, acknowledgement still- Acknowledgement is great. That's all you can ask, you know, and as a veteran, you know, for all veterans, like, that's all you can ask. Is it embarrassing or annoying if somebody picks up somebody's tab? No, I think it's great. Okay. All right.

You know, it just shows appreciation. And I think that's, you know, other than all the psychological problems and stuff like traumatic brain injury and the stuff that you see, I think a lot of vets, that's what they feel. They carry a lot of resentment because they don't feel appreciated, you know. And I think a lot of them don't feel appreciated. I mean, you see the news cycle. You see the social programs that are benefiting people that aren't even citizens of the country. And it's like, well, what, like, what, can I just, I don't know. Maybe I could get a new prosthetic leg. Maybe.

No. Okay. I'll go find a nonprofit to do it. But I don't have a prosthetic leg. No, I know. But, yeah, you know, and that – it'll carry a lot of – you know, it causes a lot of resentment. But for any vets that are listening, I mean, it's not getting any better. So there's lots of other avenues.

Well, and for me, that becomes an important thing to communicate to our neighbors, right, or to the civilian neighbors, of which there's way more civilian neighbors than there are not, right, which is, you know, take the time. Like if you walk into a restaurant and see somebody with a hat on, pick up their meal. Like do that, right? That's not a lot. And if you have a neighbor, make sure you reach out and say, hey, just have your kids say thank you, right? Like little things like that. Man, even if it's just on the right days. Exactly. You know, Memorial Day.

That's a big one. For anybody who fought and lost buddies, you know, or families who have lost loved ones. You know, that's a big one. Just, hey, I just want to let you know I'm thinking about you today. Veterans Day. I mean, Veterans Day will come and I'll probably get like a text, you know. I don't know what it is. I don't know why people don't just say it.

But that's the kind of thing that makes you feel unappreciated. Well, you deal with the – you have to file this much paperwork just so, hey, I'm starting to have headaches again. Right. And it feels like you're just pushing upstream to live. And then your wife gets pregnant and your body starts to – has an anxiety response. Like, well, I i'm gonna have a kid man can i go talk to somebody no you didn't file that like so it feels like it feels like every day is against you just say thank you on like right we've all had that birthday that like nobody

texted or like one old friend did yeah and it just feels like can you say happy birthday for god's sake it just it you know what i mean and that feels like not very much, but I appreciate you sharing that. And nobody wants to walk around their neighborhood and be like, will you just say thank you? Nobody wants to say that guy either, right? Yeah. And so I know that puts you in an awkward situation, but I appreciate that. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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I can't wrap my head around training, going overseas, not even going overseas, being a part of a gang in the way that military folks are. And then you get out. And then you just like move to a neighborhood. And then your neighbor is like, well, you move your garbage kit, right? Or that becomes your buddy. Maybe their neighbor is really nice to you. But you know, like in your nervous system,

what it's like to have a group of men and women who will die for you. And then to try to recreate friends, recreate community in the civilian world, feels like that would make somebody crazy because you know what it could be and it's not, and you never get that sense of, how much is the return, the rise of PTSD,

just the frustration, how much of that is finding yourself in a neighborhood with a family and still feeling I'm totally alone? I mean, I'm kind of over that now. Okay. But, I mean, I still have my quirks. For those of you who don't know, Sean, that may be the understatement of the century. I got a cord. I go from zero to 100 in about 0.2 seconds.

But people aren't going to change. You know what I mean? They're not going to quit bitching about your trash being out earlier or whatever we're talking about. People are people, dude. And so if you want anything to change, you got to start looking internally because people are just going to let you down every single day. If you're expecting them to fix you, right? Yeah. They're not going to.

And they're just not. And so it takes – unfortunately, it just takes a lot of work. You have to – it's kind of like addiction, right? You're not just going to get better you have to you have to want to get better nobody else is going to make you better you can bitch moan cry you know isolate do all that stuff but in the end you're just prolonging it all and so just not choosing reality i'm gonna head right into it yeah you know i don't have any friends i'm gonna go find some friends. Exactly. It feels like another – and this is life, right? This is life.

It feels like yet another job I have to go do. When you make that decision, things will start to get better. Right. They will. But a lot of people don't want to make that decision. They get comfortable with where they're at. They want to hate everybody. They want to – I think I'm tough, you know, they want to, I think,

I'm tough on the veteran community now, you know, especially now. Like, you know, not to be old back when I got out, but back when I got out, there wasn't any of this stuff. There wasn't any of this stuff. You know, now just for- Nonprofit support, church groups, whatever. Yeah, none of it.

You know, nobody knew what PTSD was. Nobody knew what traumatic brain injury was. Nobody knew any of that stuff. It was just send them out. You want out? Okay, get out. And now that one doesn't work, then try this one and try this one. And there's funding. And, you know, so, you know, we're back to talking about, oh, I don't feel appreciated. And, and, and, you know, I need a pat on the back every time I walk out my front door, cause I went to war, man, the pat on the backs are all over the place. You just got to find, You just got to find them. And it takes work.

You got to do research. So that brings me to you. So I've never told you this. So if you want me to edit this out, I will when it's over. Oh, boy. You and I met up in one of the green rooms upstairs the very first time, several years ago. And my publicist at the time arranged for us a meeting. And we met and had lunch together. And then I had to go run do something.

And most of my career has been spent walking into a room and you get 10 seconds, five seconds to feel that room real fast. And no, not as, are we safe? But no, like, here's the avenue forward. And when I went into that room, you had a energy that was truly, it was a, I'm calling it dark energy, but it was a, and I remember telling the person who's my PR person at the time like it is not all right like there's something not okay between us like and i didn't know what it was whatever the next time we met maybe a year later everything about you is different

like your whole essence was different and you've talked length, and we won't go into detail here, but you've talked at length on your show in pretty, I would say, brave and vulnerable ways about your journey with psychedelics, your journey with counseling. You're doing all this stuff, your faith journey, all that, which has been amazing. But it's a palpable transformation, right? Like walking into a room and like, that's a different human. The question I have for you is upstream at some point you had to say, I need this to be different. What was that? What was that push? Look, I didn't think I had a problem with alcoholism. I mean, I, you know, I did, you know, I've done a bunch of steps, John. You know, I did therapy for, I think, three, two and a half or three and a half years, twice a week. You know, phenomenal.

You know, got me off drinking. Look, when I got out of the agency, if you jumped in my car, I would open the glove box and about 50 mini bottles of vodka would fall out. And I'd offer you one and then I'd take a couple and I would drink many bottles all day. And then I'd go home, pull a bottle, a fifth of vodka out of the freezer and polish that off and maybe get, maybe get hour and a half of sleep, get up, do it all over again. And, um, it ruined all my family relationships. Anyways, I quit drinking vodka after a suicide attempt, right? Oh, I see. I didn't even know about that. Yeah.

I quit drinking vodka after a suicide attempt. I started drinking wine, which I didn't really feel like I had a problem once I did that. And then let's fast forward. What you're talking about is psychedelics. When are you back in – like, so you quit drinking when? About two years ago, a little over. So that's when we met. Quit drinking altogether.

When you start processing it. Yeah. I quit drinking wine and not strong alcohol about two years ago. Okay. A little over. But before that, you quit drinking vodka how long ago before that? Maybe five years. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. drinking vodka how long ago before that maybe five years okay yeah yeah the transformation that you're talking about or or what you saw was psychedelics and what got me there was you know it it it was a lot of things man it was a lot you know i'm sure i have some traumatic brain injuries from being blown up and but what really got me was i was not ever in the moment with my family you know ever i couldn't you know i had a six-month-old son and i would just look at him and all these other thoughts are going on in my head and i would have discussions with my wife and my brain is in a completely different world you know i wouldn't get a No, just, I mean, it could be anything. But a lot of it was business stress, to be honest with you.

Yeah. Which I'm sure you can relate to that, right? Yeah. And then as businesses grow and your name grows, then people start coming out of the woodworks and they want all this from you for free. And hey, da-da-da-da-da. They think that it just showed up.

And it got really hard for me to say no to people, you know. And it's – I mean for the first over five years of my business, I was giving everything away, all of it, advertising, everything. And I would see everybody just passing me up you know and uh but it was so it was it was combat stress it was tbi was business stress it was anxiety it was not being in the moment and new kid that new kid and uh that's what really sparked it though was i was like man i'm i And I feel enraged all the time. And I'm never in the moment. And I just knew I needed something. And I had been researching psychedelic therapy.

And so I went down and did it. I didn't even go down to quit drinking. That was not even on the radar. Because you knew you weren't doing that drinking anymore right yeah i was coming home and having a half bottle to a bottle of wine a night which you know isn't good but it's different than drinking a fifth right it wasn't me and my wife weren't arguing you know i think alcohol you know plays a big part a lot of divorces and arguments and stuff, but it wasn't anything like that. It was a decompression ritual maybe, you know, and that I fell into a cycle that

I just couldn't break, but I didn't want to break it. That's not, like I said, that's not why I went down. So I came out of that one week and everything changed. I was in the moment. I was, for some reason, it got real easy for me to say no and put my family first instead of people that I don't even know. Like I probably sound like an ass. No, no, no. I remember asking you, I think I invited your family over for something and you just went back like, and there was not even an excuse. And you wrote, not going to be able to make this things for the invite. i remember going like this like i was like yes like he's there you know what i'm saying like it was a dude you don't owe me anything you know i mean like they're the most important and i trust that if you can make it y'all want to come cool if you don't cool but it

was this sense of i i remember going like yeah there you know what i'm saying like it is now it's here yeah like i don't owe you anything, man. Yeah. And that allows me to love you when I can. Yeah. All in, right? Yeah. It's, yeah, I try to, when I say no, I don't, I really try not to offer any excuses.

Because you don't owe them. Yeah. Right. You could try it by going to the i mean you just don't owe anybody excuses if you go return something that you watch the return aisle when's the last time you went i gotta return this coffee mug because this and this like why are you just volunteering in from like you don't like it return it get just practice that yeah you know and and uh and then yeah just say no like you don't have to.

Dude, I was the worst. You know, I blamed my wife back in the day. And I remember feeling like it was a singer-songwriter in East Nashville called me out on it. Because I was like, you know, I got to go return this, you know, because my wife. And he's like, really? You're going to blame her? Yeah. And I was like, oh, my gosh, I am such a coward.

Yeah. What a clown, right? What a coward. Yeah. What a clown, right? What a clown. And by the way, even if she had said, I don't really like X, Y, or Z, which she didn't, will you take this back? They don't need to know that. Yeah.

I'm the grown man walking this thing back in. They don't need to know anything about her, right? And yeah, just this sense of freedom. But your whole essence is different, man. It's time to talk about Organifi. All right, here's one of my main life goals. I want to be as healthy as possible for as long as possible. I want to be that old semi-balding guy in the back of the mosh pit, and I also want to be that old guy dancing with his beautiful wife into my 80s. And I want to be able to roll around with my grandkids in some WWE-style wrestling match into my 90s. And that's why right now I exercise, I work on my friendships,

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right now to save 20% off at checkout with code Deloney. That's Organifi, O-R-G-A-N-I-F-I.com slash Deloney and code Deloney for 20% off. What is being well now with a couple of kids? I mean, you've won the top shows on planet Earth and a pretty amazing wife. What's being well look like now? Man, being well looks like putting family first, you know, and figuring out the balance between business and family, which is still extremely hard to do. But I mean, it's kind of with everything in life, nothing changes unless you start to make the change. Nothing's going to happen.

Quit putting it off. Oh, I got to get this and that. Or I'll do it next month. It doesn't change unless you start to take the steps to make a change. And so, you know, with business, I mean, I see my son, you know, he's two and a half now. He's getting older, you know, but I see his development, you know, and he's starting to want to get out of the woods, and he needs dad around more. And so I had to take the steps to push things aside. Deals, big deals are going to come all the time. They're never going to stop.

And so it's it's it's being able to just push this aside and say hey cool yeah you want to do a big deal with me okay cool let's talk about that in six months because i don't have time right now you know and and and and you help me you know the like for me like a big step was a relinquishing control as well to an assistant that can help me manage my schedule and help me manage people. And that's hard to give up, but I was, you know, I just got desperate again, even after the psychedelic treatment. And that has been like a tremendous life-changing move that I made, you know, and my team. You know, my team, like I've really let my team start to run things and they'll still come to me even this weekend, you know. It's, hey, we got three versions of this six-hour that were released on monday and i think the words are a

little not you know maybe the timing's a little off on some of these scenes and i'm like look you're the production manager that's why i made you the production manager you make the decision that's why we're paying you you know and and three months ago i'd have been like i would have watched all six hours yeah six hours of three i would have i would have found the parts and what and dove in and put my family aside and that would have been my saturday and this you know it's just that's what you do now you're you know and if you can't do it then i'll'll have to find somebody that can, but that's not for you. Yeah.

I mean, it takes a while to get there. Oh, it's hard. But like I said, it's not going to happen overnight. That's trust, though. Yeah. It's just not going to happen overnight. You have to start with baby steps and build it up and be willing to relinquish some control. Well, you're building a business, building a family, trying to make changes in your personal

life, trying to become a better dad, better husband, better wife, whatever, that may be it. Because the challenges I've had with exercise programs or nutrition, I heard this. I heard a guy once say the worst part, I think it's Rich Mullins, the worst part of being a Christian is that it's every single day and you can never memorize all the books on a Monday

and you're good for the rest of the month. You still have to treat the waitress right and you still have to honor your wife and you still have to be a good neighbor and let the guy, like you still have to do this stuff every day. Same with a workout program. You can't lift so great on a monday that you're done for the rest of the month you gotta go in the next day right and that that makes it awful right and

um i think i'm such a quick fix guy that i don't want it to take i don't want my friend to have to go, yeah, you just started a journey. It's going to take you about seven years to get baseline. And that's just so you can make hard decisions like firing employees and hiring people. I don't want anyone to have to do that. Yet, almost the theme of this conversation has been

you got to choose reality. It's not going to change. It's just going to be what it's going to be until you start taking stuff you can't look externally you can look around and say everybody's screwed up man i'm doing great with the language by the way oh you're really trying her but uh but uh but uh you can look around and look externally and know if this wouldn't happen if that person person would change, and he did this to me. And I fall into that still too. But really, you have to look internally.

It is. You have to look internally because you're the only thing that you can change. You can't change any of this other. What does being well look like to you? I used to think it was how do I stay on the horse? And I don't think that's it anymore. Like how do I become such a good rider of this horse that I never fall off? And I think what that made me was neurotic and anxious and hard to be around because I became a control freak.

I think now being well looks like just continuing to get back up. My wife called me this morning. I stepped out of my first meeting of the day, and I said something to my daughter this morning that no dad should say. It was wrong, right? I told my daughter laughingly, hey, let your mom know I resigned. I'm clearly not doing a good job as your dad, and we've had a hard couple of days, my daughter and I.

She's eight. And I said, I want you to know I resigned, and mom's going to find you a good dad. And we're laughing, carrying on. No dad should say that to his daughter. I was scummy. Like, dude, that violates every principle I have. I was trying to laugh. I was trying to be fun.

And I was trying to lift the mood up because last night was a really tough night. The day before was really tough. And my wife called me, and she appropriately said, you can't do that. And she was right. You can't do that, right? And so being well isn't being perfect anymore. Being well is I'm going to knock off today early,

and I'm going to pick my daughter up, and we're going to go spend some time together, right? That's what being well looks like is being like, God almighty, dude, I fell off the horse again. I got to get back up. I had to make different choices this together, right? That's what being well looks like is being like, God almighty, dude, I fell off the horse again. I got to get back up. I had to make different choices this morning, right? Which means I'm going to be in a grumpy, headachy mood for the rest of the day

because of what I did yesterday. But it's just about getting back up and getting back up and getting back up, right? And when I demand perfection for myself, that's when I'm going to wreck something. But it's when I choose, it's almost,

it's a form of not being a coward. It's easy just to sit in the dirt and be like, well, if she would do this and because of this, I'm dad, dude. It's my job to get back up. So that's what wellness looks like for me. Good. What are a couple of things that as a dad keep you up at night? And what are a couple of things that you're still pretty optimistic about? Cause you've got a two and a half year old and ayear-old and a, what, two- or three-month-old, right? I mean, little bitty. What are some things you're pretty optimistic about?

Oh, man. Optimistic about, like, in the country? Is that where we're going? I'm just saying the future. Even if it's pitch black, we have to have the night scope to be able to see some look i'll tell you what i'm optimistic about because i don't like the way this place is going right and uh i think anybody who's paying attention has a lot of fear including myself what what is what is the world gonna look like that your children are gonna grow up in it's not looking good like it's just it's not I don't see a lot of hope but you know

I think you know this I recently came to faith about a year ago right had a had a the incredible I had an incredible experience where I believed that God was speaking to me. And it happened three times, bam, bam, bam, like within 15 minutes. It triggered me to start looking into the Bible and what people call the truth and Jesus and everything that's happening now. And now I look at a lot of it that's happening is symbolism. And in a weird way, we were told this was all going to happen. Or it's been happening for centuries, right? Yeah. Not in my lifetime. Not like this.

I guess that's – yeah, I'm thinking of a more historical context. It makes my faith stronger because it's been told. These are the things that are going to start happening. Gotcha. And so that may not be what you want to hear. No, you say this is your. That's the positivity that I see, man, is things are coming to light. Ah, okay.

And evil is being exposed. Corruption is being, whatever you want to call it, man, it's being exposed. You know, there is a light on it and and you know now what we do with that i don't know but this story's already been written so that we all know how it ends there you go yeah you know and so that's that's that's the positivity i can give you for today for putting me on this spot I love the sense of the story's been written

yeah and yeah I like you well maybe different than you I've always been this cosmic optimist like unhealthy like it'll be'll be all right

we'll figure it out and this has been the first season where i'm starting to wonder like i don't like it yeah like something doesn't feel right um and my experience has always been when you shine the light on stuff um things get hard before they get better right and when you get the when you get the cancer diagnosis that's day one of a long awful journey right of chemo and jobs and i mean it becomes a mess right um or the day you say i'm like i need to quit drinking that's not the hard day the hard day is right it's coming right so shine the light on that um it's tough and at the same time that's where healing is right yeah yeah and i love the uh you see like the end uh the end of the story's written i heard a guy one time like uh there's a preacher got up and said hey for everybody out in the audience that was just fretting about everything he said

your little uh groups may be threatened your plans may be threatened your home values blah blah blah he went on he had a whole list he said the kingdom of god's never in trouble he's like so if you if you can't sleep maybe you've, maybe you've built your house on a different foundation. But he goes, this kingdom's not in trouble. It may look terrifying, but it's not. And there was some peace there. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, and then the other positivity is I'm not the only one that's thinking this. I mean, there is a wave. Yeah. Because everything you're looking at now is a lie. Now it's to the point where, is it AI? Right. It's not even a joke. I'm being serious.

No, it's out. You know what I mean? Yeah. You don't know what's real anymore. The only thing that's real is what's right in front of you. And I think we've lost concept of that through the years of the progression of social media and I think that the baby boomer generation

is having a really hard time understanding that the media is a full-blown propaganda machine now. I had a conversation with my parents about that. My dad, like Walter Cronkite told the truth. Even Dan Rather, like the perception was Dan Rather told the truth. Maybe. Maybe, right? But the perception was what I see at 6 o'clock is what's going on.

Yeah. And they can't – it's a challenge to make the turn to that's – those guys, that sense doesn't exist. Yeah. This isn't to tell you the truth. That's not the goal. The goal is to get you riled up. Yep. And so, but anyways, there's a wave of people looking for the truth.

I mean, you see all these celebrities coming out of nowhere, getting baptized, talking about it. You see, I mean, because there is only one truth right and so that i think there's positivity in that because there's strength in numbers and you're seeing this wave and it's it's happening because people don't know where to turn anymore where are they where are you going to turn yeah you know i remember i think it was i think it was Neil deGrasse Tyson of all people said he smiled about AI and one of the interviews and he's like I'm not worried about him it's gonna it'll end the internet we mean said once code can start writing code it will spin itself up so fast that you'll have one place to

turn your neighbor yeah and it was what you just said like the only thing I know is true is I can call Sean and he'll come over and help. Sean knows he can call me and I'll come over and help. Or we can go have breakfast and just say being a dad's exhausting, right? And you can go, yep, I'm going to give you a high five and go on. Which

I don't think is a bad thing. I think that's a gift. Hey, what's up? Deloney here. I am just super excited to announce I'm hitting the road with my buddy Dave Ramsey this spring on a brand new tour. Just us two. And we're putting a new twist on this thing. We're going to talk about money.

We're going to talk about relationships. And we're going to tell stories y'all have never heard before. It's going to be an incredible, fun night. But every night is going to be totally different because you, the audience, are going to help choose what we talk about. You heard that right. It's going to be like no event you've ever been to. We're kicking it off in Louisville on April 21st, 2025, and then we're going to Durham, Atlanta, Phoenix, Fort Worth, and then Kansas City. You're going to laugh, You're going to learn. And if we do our jobs right, you're going to change your life.

Get your tickets for the Money in Relationships Tour today at ramseysolutions.com slash tour. You talk to a lot of folks all over, of all different backgrounds. My favorite part about your show, man, is I never know who we're gonna get and it's so rad um and who uh what are a couple things that make you nervous one thing that really worries me and i know you know people it's people i don't think they get the full grasp but you know you saw the thing that just happened in r, right? Yeah. Those ISIS guys. Yeah. We don't even have a border right now. And I'm having a CIA targeter come on beginning April. And what she's saying is that all of these terrorist organizations who were against each other right are now forming an alliance

with one common goal and that is us yeah you know and yeah these people might come from caves they're not stupid yeah you know we were over there for 20 years and lost yeah and um and now we're here i think the thing that scares scares me more than anything is the suppression of facts. You know, that if you can control how people speak, then you can control how they think. And that's happening right now. So what's the antidote? This? I think the, you know, I think, yeah, I think it's getting to a point where it can't just be about business anymore.

You got to be a good example. You have to, I mean, the youth don't even know where to turn. You know, and they're so confused. But, yeah, I think it's powerful voices, you know, being a good example to the youth. And you see them, man. I mean, I think there is a lot. I think young men are looking for masculinity. What does it mean to be a man? I mean, everywhere you go, we've lost it, man.

That was one of my questions for you. What's a good dad? What's a good dad? Yeah, what's a good dad? I think a good dad is a lot of things, but I think it's being a good example, not a friend. A good example, you know? And I literally walked across.

I was with a group of parents picking up our kids, and my son's in eighth grade, and they were doing a little get-together. And I heard one dad look at his daughter and say, no, I am not your best friend. I am your dad. And I literally stopped the conversation I was in and walked across the room and high-fived him. And he's like, what are you? And I said, that's the best parenting I've heard today. Like, well, well done, man. His daughter's amazing. He's amazing. But it was that, no, I'm not, I'm not your best friend. Look at the confidence that young males have today. Go to any department store, go to Home Depot, ask somebody where a section is, or ask them a question about a power tool.

They can't even look you in the eye probably, I don't know, 75% of the time. They have no confidence. You know why they don't have any confidence? Because it's, I don't want to listen to you cry. I don't want to listen to you moan. Here's a phone. Look at that you know

hit the play button I heard one guy nobody's present with their kids anymore I heard recently stop blaming the kids yeah kids are the same

as they've always been it's the parents that have changed it is man and we've just outsourced it to these little boxes yep if I get grief

for one thing I get grief for a lot but if I get grief for one thing it's my stance on no phones for kids. And you posted something recently, or you said recently, hey, dude, you're not giving the world to your kids. You're giving your kids to the world. Yeah. When you give your kid a phone, you're not giving them access to the world.

You're giving the world access to your kid. Right. And there is, I mean, just look around, man. Yeah. The world is not a good place. And that means we have to turn the phones off, which means, I told a parent recently, for every punishment, their kid got in trouble. And they're like, I'm going to take away this. I'm going to take away this.

Okay. But you have to backfill that. Mm-hmm. present then like you can't if you if you cut your kid off from everything then you've got to be show up you got to take them out to breakfast you gotta take them to lunch you gotta go be a part of their life you can't just sit in front of tv doing this hollered at them right you got to go be present. And that's hard and exhausting. And that's what we signed up for, right? You are your kid's biggest role model. Yeah. You know, you just are.

And so spend time with them and discipline them and, you know, all just think about what values, you know, are most important to you and pass that along. You know, standing up for what's right, standing up for yourself. And that means being able to do the things that you need to do to be able to stand up for yourself, right? Maybe supporting the underdog. Right. That's a big one. That's one of my like top core values is always go for the underdog.

Always. Yeah. You know? And, uh, yeah, man, but I think, I think that's, that's what being a good parent is to me. What about being a good husband? What's that mean? Being a good husband is, I mean, it's a lot of the same. It's being present.

It's appreciating your wife, and, you know, it's easy to fall in to. We struggle with it right now. You know, a two and a half year old and a four month old and so you don't even know it's hard it's hard to spice it up a little bit it's hard to it's hard not to get home from work you know have dinner give the kids a bath and then we're both exhausted you know it's it's it's carving out the time to worship your wife, man. Treat her like the woman that she was when you first got married, because she's still that woman, you know, and let her know how much you love her, how much you appreciate her.

Especially during this season when it's just chaos. Yeah. Yeah, it's chaos, man. It's awesome's awesome yeah well um i'll end with this and i kept this it was a private exchange between us but i think it's fair to say out loud um i haven't had many moments of like dude i screwed that up like i did when you i was so convicted when you spoke publicly about like, hey, I've been sitting on this for a while, but I have, I found faith and I'm going all in on this. I'm going to learn about it.

And you've pushed back on people when you, because when you sign up for that, you get everybody's opinion from all over the planet about how you're doing it wrong and all that. But, and as I listened to you talk about it, it was this parade of men in your life who had shown up and just kind of this progression. And as you laid that out, I was like, I was in the middle of that and I said nothing.

I kept my mouth shut. And as your friend, and I told you this privately, but I think it's fair to say, I remember an atheist talking about it. And he said, I'll never get upset with somebody talking about their faith with me. Because if a truck was coming down the road

and they ran and pushed me out of the way of that truck to save my life, I'd be grateful. And if you think a truck is barreling down the road, whether I think there's one coming or not, please push me out of the way. Right. And in that same sense, and not like a push out of the way, but an invitation, I owe you, like, I'm sorry for keeping my mouth shut. I, I, I, I have been inspired from that moment to start keeping my mouth shut. When I see somebody hurting, I see somebody reaching, somebody like, hey, what do you think about something?

Not be like, ah, you know. Now, if the time presents itself, we're going to have a conversation. You don't have to go with me on it. That's all good. But I let you down on that, man, and I'm sorry about that. But know this. From that moment forward, it's been a cool shift. And like you said, my kids will get to see a different dad, and my wife gets to see a different husband, and hopefully my friends will experience a different guy.

So I appreciate that. I appreciate your willingness to stand up like, I've learned something new, and I'm going to be pretty vocal about it. It's awesome. Thank you. Here we are. It's all good. Here we are. It's all good.

I'm grateful for you. You too. Good luck raising the two little ones. Hey. I'm grateful for you. You too. Good luck raising the two little ones. Hey, I'm going to need it. You need a lot more than that. Thanks for having me on, Sean. Appreciate you, brother. Appreciate it.

All right, man. All right. That was my conversation with my friend Sean Ryan. We're going to link to his show in the show notes. He's been at this for a while, and he's got a lot of incredible episodes. If you want to go check him out. They tend to be long, like two hours, three hours, six hours. He goes deep with his guest.

Also, I want to throw this out there. I get a lot of questions about psychedelics. I've never used them. I have read a lot of the MAPS research, and I've talked to a number of people who have experienced that. Do not run out and do psychedelics. That's not the point of anybody's conversation, anybody's journey. Sean in particular, but everybody who does it the right way is under the care of a number of trained practitioners and medical professionals. So if you have more questions about that, he talks at length on his show about his adventures using this stuff and finding healing

in some pretty remarkable ways. I'm not at a place where I can advocate for it, A, because I haven't gone down the rabbit hole myself. I also have not gone all the way to the end of the research there. This jury's still out for me, but I do know this. I've got close friends who tell me that their whole lives and their marriages and their families and their ability to be a mom or a dad has been transformed.

And I'm always going to stand by those people who find peace. So thank you so much for being with us. We look forward to seeing you next time right here on the Dr. John Deloney Show.