The Dr. John Delony Show - We've Outgrown our Friendships

Episode Date: November 19, 2021

The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel frozen, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well—and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!   Show Notes for this Episode We want new friends; don't have a lot in common with our friend group Wife & I sold our business & now we don't know what our future should look like Lyrics of the Day: "I and Love and You" - The Avett Brothers   As heard on this episode:  BetterHelp dreamcloudsleep.com/delony Conversation Starters Redefining Anxiety John's Free Guided Meditation Ramsey+   tags: friendship, marriage, relationships, workplace/career, anger/resentment/bitterness   These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.

On today's show, we talk about what comes next. We talk to a woman who's trying to adjust her friend group to deal with her new world. We talk to a guy who just sold his business for seven figures and he wants to know, oh no, what do I do now? Stay tuned. What is up? One foot in and one foot back.

They don't pay to live like that. This is the Dr. John Deloney Show. Still putting on my headphones. Usually I just go right in and I had them on the wrong ears. So I thought I'd just sing us in today. I hope you're doing great and I hope you sing better than I do for God's sakes. But this show is about mental health relationships. If you're first time joining us, I'm so glad you're here. And if this is your 17th time joining us, there's a whole bunch of other

podcasts you could be listening to, but I'm glad you're back, and I'm glad you keep coming. Hey, send your favorite episode to a friend. We've crossed some major milestones that the numbers are so silly, I can't even wrap my head around them. And I officially can no longer say we only have 17 people because now we are good grief, man. But let's keep it going. This is starting to get fun for me, and starting to get fun.

We're a year plus in. It's been miserable, but now, now it's fun it going. This is starting to get fun for me and starting to get fun. We're a year plus in. It's been miserable, but now, now it's fun for me. And man, send us a favorite show to somebody that you care about or more importantly, to someone you're like, I think you should listen to this

because it's about you. If you want to be on this show, we talk about mental health, relationships, parenting, education, school. You can call about your physical health. I don't know much about it health, relationships, parenting, education, school. You can call about your physical health. I don't know much about it, but I'll give it my best shot. I don't charge anything. Call 1-844-693-3291. Leave a message. Leave a long, detailed message. Kelly likes to listen to these messages. She likes them when they're in the three to five minute range.

Long, long ones. And, or you can email, and or, see what I did there, johndelaney.com slash ask. Make sure while you're on that page, get the newsletter. Man, we send you all kind of fun stuff on the newsletter. Secrets and,

that's so awesome. We've never sent a single secret out on the newsletter, but officially I'm writing a note. We're going to start sending out secrets. I don't really know what kind of secrets we would have. And keep writing me your letters, man. That's so fun.

Send snail mail letters to our address here. You've got to know how the internets work. Or can you still call 411 and get phone numbers? We should try it. Try it. I'll try it during this and report back to you. Excellent. Don't do that.

Just Google where's the Ramsey Solutions building and you can get my mailing address there. But I love getting mail. It's making some of my colleagues jealous and it cheers me up. All right, let's go to Lydia in Seattle, Washington. What's up, Lydia? How we doing?

I'm doing good. How are you, John? Good. I'm Lydia? How we doing? I'm doing good. How are you, John? Good. I'm kind of a mess today. I'm getting there. I'm nervous. You're going to be on the show that people are like,

what is that guy doing? I'm not drinking. It's too early in the morning. But I'm a bit of a mess. But now I'm all back in. I just took my deep breath. We're re-centered and all that zen woo-woo.

What's up, Lydia? I need to do that too. I'm nervous. I'm trying to tell myself I'm just like talking to a friend. Oh, number one, we're super friends. Number two, clearly by the first five minutes of this show, I don't know what I'm doing. So you do not have anything to be nervous about at all. I'm kind of nervous to talk to you. Okay. You're from Seattle. Okay. So what's up? Let's do this. Nothing. I've just kind of been feeling, well, okay, I'm 26, married.

I have three kids. My husband's my best friend, and we have a great group of friends. I want to preface that. I love my group of friends that I have. But? friends i want to preface that i love my group of friends that i have um but i just would also like some new friends i guess like maybe people that i connect with in other ways and it's just i gave you my background because it's kind of i guess hard to make friends, I don't know where or how or, you know, with, I guess the group of friends that I have, they've just, we've been friends with them for a long time. A lot of the

girls that I am friends with are, you know, significant others of my husband's friends. And just because we've been together, you know, since we were like 18, It's just who I've been surrounded by. And I think now my kids are getting in like the toddler phase. So I can, I have more flexibility to go out and do stuff on my own or like, I don't. Hey, here's what you're allowed to say, Lydia.

Number one, what you're articulating is so hard, and I get that. I get that. And you're allowed to say, I don't like my husband's friends that much. Or you're allowed to say, they're default friends. Like, they're just my friends because they're always there, and so what's up? And then suddenly our kids are playing with their kids, and I don my friends because they're always there. And so what's up? And then suddenly our kids are playing with their kids and I don't like how they talk to their kids. Their kids are

weird or gross or they don't... And all that starts to add up, especially you've got three kids. And I imagine at 26, you're in kind of a little sliver of life where not a lot of 26-year-olds have the stress of three kids. They still have their

special doodle dog and their one kid. And they're like, oh my gosh, it's so much. And you're looking at them like, how about I burn your house down? Or people with 30, with three kids are like 40 or they're 35. And they're like, oh, you're so cute. And they pat you on the head. And you're like, listen, I got three kids too, idiot. And your husband's like, bro, let's just have Cheetos and burritos and let's go get them. And by the way, Cheetos and burritos rhymed. And I've never done that before till just now. So you find yourself Lydia on an Island all by yourself. Is that fair? Yeah. Yes. And no, I think my husband even feels it too too like these are people who've been friends with for a long time but he has different interests so we feel it on like two different levels we

are both feeling this personally and we're also feeling it as a couple okay so that's actually that's awesome because y'all are in this together now because I've had experiences where wife wants to break up with friend group and husband's like, what's wrong? They're, they're my bros. And she's like, you're an idiot. And they're okay. So let me ask you a hard question. Why don't y'all start doing other things together and inviting new different people? Well, I guess it's just kind of like who, you know, like we, I think we need to like overall meet new people yes no yeah so it's just kind of

like i guess we just need to go out and try new things and just hopefully meet people that's just intimidating and like hard yes so do either of y'all work yeah we both work do either of y'all work? Yeah, we both work. Do either of you like do things in the community, like have a softball team or a, I don't know, like a, like a, I don't know, a club of some sort or anything like that? No. And that's kind of what I've been thinking about too. I think we need to get out and, you know, start doing things in the community. And also what I was thinking too, our kids are getting older, you know, start doing things in the community. And also what I was thinking too, our kids are getting older, you know, like they're going to start playing sports and, or like music or dance

or something like that. So he actually told me that the other day, he's like, you know, you'll probably meet like other moms and, you know, people that you might have in common. So, and what I would say is yes. And, and And yes and is you'll be around them. It will still be awkward. It'll still be weird. One of you will still have to say, hey, I'd love just to get together. One of you will have to say, hey, you and your husband come over to my house, bring your kids. And he's like, well, I got a seven-year-old and a two-year-old.

And then we have this magical one-year-old now that we didn't plan. I mean, that will happen. And you'll be like, I don't care. Come over. And I'm not cleaning my house, by the way, because this is just how we roll. This is the kind of friends I want to have that I don't have to clean my house for. And you all get to decide that. So you are going to be around people, and there'll be like preschool kids or kindergarten kids that,

hey, I want to have three dads and moms over and their little kid. Yeah, all that is super true. So what I would tell you is you're at a natural transition point where this is about to start happening. And it is uncomfortable. I'll just, like, I experienced it with my closest friends. All of a sudden— And you don't think it's, like, mean to your current friends?

Like, I don't want to—it's not like I don't want to be friends with them Like I feel like guilty in a way sort of yeah, no, no, not at all I get what you're saying, but not at all people just grow and things change and they morph and What ends up happening is you end up drowning yourself in your own expectations in your own guilt Yeah, and that guilt turns to resentment. So choose guilt every time. It's okay to feel guilty, but you're not breaking up with anybody. And it's okay to grow

and to want new things, especially when you're doing it in concert with your partner, with your husband there. Yeah. Y'all are doing this together. And so there will still be the once a year

that you get together with all the old idiots. That's cool. And that once a year, or maybe twice a year, becomes once a year. And then it becomes, hey, we're going to go do this thing. I experienced this when two of my best

friends in the world, we all started having kids. And then suddenly, one of my best buddies became like, I'm all in Little League person. I think about Little League. That's all I talk about. I think about it. I'm like planning strategies for Little League. I go to the ball fields on

Saturday mornings and I go, like, I live there all day. I watch the other kids. I'm scouting the other seven-year-olds. And then I've got one buddy who became like a Cub Scout dad. And I was like, what? And you're, yeah. Like, we're just of different interest. And then I was like an idiot,

dad. I want to go play in the woods all the time. And they were like, Deloney, here's this cool thing called the 21st century. Why don't you live in that? And I'm like, I know, but what if we, right? And so I love them. Like love these guys. I love their wives. They're close. And we all just kind of naturally started doing things that were of interest to us and our particular kids and our families. And so we get together once a year. And now I live in a different state. We get together once a year. But I don't begrudge the fact that, man, he loves to go to the ball fields all day.

That's just kind of their thing. That's not me and my kids' thing. Me and my kids' thing is to go play in the mud and go in the creeks and go hunting a lot. And they're not big hunters. That's just kind of their thing. That's not me and my kids' thing. Me and my kids' thing is to go play in the mud and go in the creeks and go hunting a lot. And they're not big hunters. That's awesome. So that naturally happens. What's not okay is if I start not liking them because life is gently nudging them in other directions.

If I begrudge them that, then they're not really my friends. I'm trying to hold them into a picture of what I want our friendship to be. And the same thing applies for you, okay? You all have three kids. You all start leaning other directions. You start hanging out.

And then your friend's like, oh my gosh, you abandoned us. You never hang out. Well, then they're acting like four-year-olds. They can't trap you like that. Okay. And you have to be intentional about finding new community because you're going to get really lonely. Yeah.

And it's awesome to be married to your best friend. That's the best way to do it. And you still have to have other people that are just yours. Okay. Because y'all will pull each other underwater. I talked to too many executives across the country who use their spouses as trash cans. Here's all the crap that happened to me today because of the only other human

they interact with all day. You know what I mean? And that's it. I mean, my husband, he is my best friend and we genuinely, we love doing things together. We just,

you know, there's certain things where we want to do, you know, with me, a girlfriend and him, you know, there's certain things where we want to do, you know, with me, a girlfriend and him and, you know, another guy. Absolutely. I want to free you from any burden you feel that you are stuck in this thing forever. You are not. Okay. Yeah. I think I just needed someone to tell me it's okay, you know, to like, try to go make other friends without offending the ones that we have now.

Not only is it okay, it's the right, healthy, loving, wonderful, great thing to do. Not only is it the right, wonderful, I don't remember all those words I just used. Not only is it important, but your marriage depends on it. Your parenting depends on it. So think of it as we have to start exercising or we have to start eating right, or we have to have some sort of faith context in our life. We have to be on the same page with parenting. Think of it that, and we have to go to work and earn money so we can eat. Think of it, it's that important that we have to create new friendships. And here's the words I want you to hang on to. I want you to choose guilt over resentment. Have you ever heard me say that?

No. Okay. Choose guilt. If somebody asks you, hey, we want you to, hey, we're all getting together to do this thing. And your first thought is, I don't want to go hang out with y'all. You will feel guilty for not going those first few times. You say no. Yeah.

You will feel guilty when they call and you're like, what? We missed you. Why didn't you come? You never hang out with us anymore. And you're like, yeah, we're just spending some family time or we were hanging out with some friends from Zoe's dance class.

You'll feel guilty and that's normal. That's fine. Choose that every time over choosing resentment. And that is, you don't want to go, your husband doesn't want to go, you don't want your kids around their kids, but you go anyway. Because you feel this duty.

Yeah, that's exactly. And you hate getting ready for it, you hate driving over there, you hate being there, and then you hate the drive home. And then you and your husband are whining and complaining to each other. Choose guilt every time over resentment.

Because I feel like the guilt will go away, but the resentment won't. The resentment turns, it's like coals on a fire. It just burns everything to ash. And it's hard to come back from resentment. And that resentment breeds

dissension in your marriage. And your kids feel it. And so sometimes I'm like, if he doesn't want to go, it's like, come on, like, let's just go only be there for an hour or something like that. And you want to do that because you think you're supposed to, that you have a duty to go. No, you have a duty to take care of your family and sleep and laugh and enjoy this guy. Y'all have three kids and you're only 26.

If you've got a night that you can just hang out with your husband and y'all can look at each other like you're gross 18-year-olds again, do that. Don't go hang out with idiots. You know what I mean? You are right in the right spot, Lydia, asking the right questions, doing the right things. And get some friends that are older. Like me and my wife waited till we were later to have kids. Man, she hangs out with lots of people that are five years younger than her, 10 years younger than her. And it's awesome. It's super fun. And I think it's good for the younger folks to be around

someone who's older and wiser. Not that I'm saying my wife's old, but she's a thousand. Or it's good for my wife to realize I'm not so old. I can still hang with, I can hang with the young kids. I can hang with the kids. It's good for everybody. You get to exchange wisdom and excitement and fun, and we get to learn who Post Malone is. I didn't know who that was, whatever. Cool, great question, Lydia.

Thank you so much. Go make new friends. Make them all the time. Always be making new friends. We'll be right back on the Dr. John Deloney Show. All right, we are back. Let's go to Larry in Tallahassee. I just, you have to sing Tallahassee, Larry.

Well, no. I'm a Florida Gators fan and I can't sing, so. No, actually, I'm a grown-up and I don't have to sing Tallahassee, idiot. Thanks, Larry. Thanks. Thanks for playing

along, man. So what's up, dude? Not much. Hey, thanks for having me on. I've been wanting to say this for a while, but long-time listener, first-time caller, so super excited to jump on the phone here with you today. Dude, nobody ever says that on my show. I think you're the first person to say that. Thanks, man. Made my heart feel good. Love being the first. I'll jump right into it.

My wife and I sold our business back in April, essentially to our largest customer at that time. Did y'all make a killing? What's that? Did y'all make a killing on it? Did you crush it? Yeah. It was great. It was a seven-figure exit, and we've been Ramsey fans for a long time. Larry! Congrats, man. Yeah. It was a seven-figure exit, and we've been Ramsey fans for a long time. Larry, congrats, man.

Yeah. Yeah, it was a big, big, big deal in our world. Does millionaire air taste different than regular person air? I still drive the same truck. I still live in the same house, wear the same clothes, and we still bring our lunch to work. Dude, you are my hero, man. I'm telling you. Good for you, brother.

Good for you. All right, so you sold your business in April. I'm telling you. Good for you, brother. Good for you. All right, so you sold your business in April. You're millionaires. What's up? So we sold the business to a very large private equity-owned company. Part of the reason why we were an acquisition target was because we fit in with their larger strategy that they're executing on over the next several years. So we sold in April. We kind of hit the ground running. And now we're six months into this. And my wife and I are kind of looking up and just exhausted and really not sure what

the future is. And my entire adult life, I've been an entrepreneur. I've started other businesses. I've never had an exit like this one or an exit at all. The other ones just kind of failed. But this one worked out. And now we're kind of looking at each other. And I don't have, for the first time in 17 years of my career, I don't have a clear path forward or a clear vision for really what the future looks like. I'm just, you know,

I've got an opportunity or position that I'm in right now. Um, you know, I'm working with people that are way more educated than I am that, that they're leading, you know, other business units within this large organization. There's some big stuff that they're looking to accomplish over the next several years. And it's just, um, daunting, exhausting. And we're trying to figure out what the future is going to look like for our family as it relates to career and even just what that looks like. So we're really struggling with some of that clarity.

And, yeah, last night I kind of said, well, screw it, I'll go ahead and – or, sorry, two days ago, I said, well, screw it, I'll go ahead and write in the John Deloney ago, I said, well, screw it, I'll go ahead and write in the John Deloney show. And Kelly called me, and said, I appreciate any guidance that you can provide. Well, number one, man, congratulations on your successes. And it sounds like you got hit in the mouth a few times before that, and you got back off the canvas, created something pretty special that had a lot of value. And somebody bought it from you. Congratulations. That's resilience, and that is grinding it out,

and there's this really ugly picture of a quote-unquote millionaire that's out there, which is somebody who sits around and just drinks Mai Tais all day and inherits money, and it just grows on trees for them, and you're somebody that ground it out, and then you sold it, and you didn't change your life, man. You got back in the truck and went back to work the next day um so congratulations all around man that's integrity and that's character and that's that's i'm glad to know there's folks like you out there dude that's awesome you're inspiration to me and everybody around me um thanks so lots of of angles we could take here. Here's where I'd love to start.

Just because something's a cool opportunity and has an opportunity for growth and has an opportunity to do big things and huge things and exciting things doesn't mean that it's right for you. And doesn't mean that you have to do it. You can't, like an old dating analogy is you can be absolutely in love with somebody and think they are wonderful

and absolutely know they are not the person you're supposed to marry. Those things are not all mutually exclusive. And same thing when it comes to work. You can really be exciting about the opportunity and the potential and yada yada, but you're a guy who builds businesses from scratch you can really be exciting about the opportunity and the potential and yada yada. But you're a guy who builds businesses from scratch and grinds it out and has a vision and a mission and you see it through. And you may not be fulfilled in the private equity world where the goal is to make other people really, really, really rich and then to move on. Like an alien ship that just comes in, absorbs all the resources

from a planet and then goes to the next planet. You know what I mean? That may not be your jam and that's totally okay. But you and I were taught that the job that pays us the most, the one that has the most excitement and the most growth opportunity, that's the job we have to take. That's what's next for us. And by the way, does it suck working at your own company that you're not the boss of anymore? That can't be fun. Yeah, it's been a challenge. And, you know, I looked at it just like I try to look at everything. You know, both my wife and I are veterans. We didn't finish our college degree. We kind of jumped right into the workforce. I look at this as an educational opportunity to work for a large organization and take advantage of the opportunities to learn.

And I think we're having a hard time just even making decisions about where we're at and what the future is. I think one of the things that's kind of echoed in my mind, I've heard you say it a few times, but, you know, you go with you, right? We've had over the last 24 months, even months even just leading up to it it's been a whirlwind we've got four kids we have an 11 and a half year old a nine year old a 19 month old and a six week old so like larry lead with that god almighty dude homie you're fried fried yeah okay so hey listen so which branch of the military are you in marine corps so there's some mythology around basic training in the marine corps right it's for real right and you learn some stuff about yourself right it was a good learning

opportunity that's right, yeah. No. No, it sucks. It's not designed forever. It's not fun. So tell me if I'm accurate. How long have you been out of the military? It's been a while, man. I'd call it 15 years.

Okay, so let's backtrack your life a little bit. You're in the Marines, which is strong to quite strong on the stressometer. You were in right as we were getting into some of these conflicts. Yeah, I was in them. Okay, you're in them. And then, ta-da, we have a baby. I'm a dad. And then I roll out. I roll right into the workforce. I try to create something from nothing. There is successes. There's big failures. I'm back

in it. Let's have another kid. And then, whoopsie, we'll have another kid. And then, super whoopsie, dude, we have another, another kid. So now we have 1,000 kids. And then the stress of, oh my gosh, this business is working, which is a different kind of stress. This thing's actually running and gunning and creating value. Oh my gosh, and someone wants to buy it. How long did those conversations, were those a year of conversations and negotiations? It actually went on for a little over a year,

close to two years. We started having conversations and COVID put a stop to it. And so we pivoted real hard into other areas of the business that started to grow and take traction. And then they came back and then we had COVID outbreak. We had a team member pass away. We had a lot of stuff happen in a real short period of time. And so it's the constant highest of highs, lowest of lows, fight or flight. And now we're trying to figure out what's normal look like. And that's really where I know we're struggling. We just live in this tornado of sorts and trying to figure out what the –

that's why we've hesitated on doing anything rash because we realized that, we recognized that we're in this tornado. So leaving and going into another tornado is not necessarily going to help unless we can figure out how to live in the world that we're in right now. So there's a third option. You've given yourself two and there's a third option.

You've been in fight or flight for 20 years. Yeah. And there comes a point, are you 45? 37. 37, okay. Your body is getting, is redlining on you. And it is beeping at you because you haven't changed the oil in a long time.

And you're looking at the metrics part for kids that are probably pretty good because they got good parents. You got seven figures in a payout. You've got good jobs in a corporation now, and you don't even have college degrees. And you're like, yeah, we're kind of running a scam here and it's awesome. And so you're looking at the metrics. I bet you guys have a nice house. You've got your metrics that look good. And it's like looking at the speedometer. My car is still going 100 miles an hour, so things are going great.

But those lights on the dashboard are flashing at you, brighter and brighter and brighter. So I want to offer you a third option, which is taking a break for a minute. And that break can look like me and my wife are going to go on a three-month vacation. I mean, a three-week vacation, a two-month vacation. Hey, new company, we need a break. We're going to step out. And if they say, well, you're fired then, then pay us out. We are millionaires. Pay us out.

And my guess is they won't, but they might. Or maybe a two-week vacation. And you take, I don't know, you've got a six-week hold, so y'all are in it with that one. But you get babysitters, you get someone to support it, and y'all go breathe for the first time in 20 years. And you can't, you know, Dave Ramsey talks a lot about, you know, the gazelle intensity, the gazelle running from the lion. There's a reason why our bodies shift function away from wanting to be sexually intimate, wanting to eat well, wanting to

think rationally or being able to think rationally because the body's just saying, survive, survive, survive, survive, survive. And what I want you guys to do is to breathe new air for the first time since you were a kid who went into the Marine Corps. And then from that place where you guys have gone, then you can say, what do we want to do now? Do we want to start a new business? Do we want to invest in something? Do we want to just take regular jobs at Starbucks and just relax and find each other for a year? What do we want to do?

And Starbucks for you two will be every bit of learning opportunity as your corporate fancy pants job right now that's killing you because you're not a corporate fancy pants kind of guy and you feel stupid for walking away from it, but that's killing you. Because you're not a corporate fancy pants kind of guy. And you feel stupid for walking away from it. But that's just not you, man. Yeah. And so you can't do the hard work to think about what do I want while you're still running for your life.

Yeah. What is it, when you think of Just not working for a season Do you have the money to do that? We do Yeah We do What would that even look like for you? It's

We've thought We've talked about it I mean it's Candidly it's terrifying I don't know why Is it because Is it terrifying because of value? Is it terrifying because you're scared to look in the mirror and be peaceful?

What was it terrifying? It's probably terrifying just to stop and almost have too much quiet and be forced to look in the mirror in a sense. And there's, yeah, there's a lot that's happened over the last, you know, 20 years to your point that I've, I've just kept running and running and never really stopped. Lots of trauma, lots of, so the, the,

the, in the counseling world, we say, we call it leakage and you can deal with it on your terms or your body will deal with it. And it usually is at the most inopportune time possible, but it will get dealt with in some way. Here's my recommendation.

I would love to see you two not quit anything yet. I'd love to see y'all go get a marriage counselor, not because y'all are dysfunctional or broken, but somebody who can begin to inject ideas and recommendations for what does peace look like? What are the things we work towards? What do we want to do? And they'll just, not a counselor like,

we need to fix something, but y'all got a six week old. Y'all are so in it, man. How can we even learn how to dream again? How do we even learn what peace is? You haven't had peace in two decades. And my guess is you probably didn't have it before that either. Peace may be a whole new mission for you. And that doesn't mean you don't work your butt off. It doesn't mean you don't stress and find

a new career where you are grinding and running. That's not what it is. But peace is when you can smile. When you can have a series of practices or behaviors where somebody around you dies that you love, that you can mourn that and grieve that and then get back on the horse and grieve it as you're walking. Where you cannot work out one day and know that's gonna be all right. I'm gonna do a couple of things for you. I'm gonna send you my buddy Ken Coleman's new book, From Paycheck to Purpose. It's the seven steps on getting clear about what you wanna do next.

I'm gonna send you a free copy of that book. So stay on the line here. And I'm gonna send you two, one for you and one for your wife. Two copies of his new, it's an assessment For folks to figure out I'm at this stage of my life

What do I even want to do next? And it's a good place for you to start I'm going to send two of those to you for free also Okay? And I want you and your wife to take those And look at each other and be like What do we want to do? Oh my gosh

And here's what I want you to look at I want you to look at peace I want you to look at healing I want you to look at learning what to do. Oh my gosh. And here's what I want you to look at. I want you to look at peace. I want you to look at healing. I want you to look at learning what to do next, learning how to look at that dude in the mirror. Those are your new mission. Those aren't soft skills. Those are new tasks that you need to learn. These are hard skills that you need to learn how to do. You didn't know how to change a tire on a truck in the middle of desert. You had to learn that real fast. You had to learn how to pick up a 50 Cal and turn it. You had to learn how to do that real fast. You're going to learn how to do this one now. Okay. These are just new skills. You're going to be curious. You're going to be gentle

with yourself. You're going to fail and fall on your face, but you're gritting. You get back up. You're going to practice these things, man. And then you've heard me say this a thousand times. I'm going to say it a thousand times more. You and your wife are gonna completely excavate just like the 911 site, the downtown New York. You're gonna excavate the whole thing. We built an awesome business. We sold it for seven figures. Now what?

We're in our thirties. We can retire and just move to the mountains. We can create a coffee shop and just carry coffee around to elderly neighbors. We can create a lawn business, who knows? We can create a coffee shop and just carry coffee around to elderly neighbors. We can create a lawn business. Who knows? We can do anything. We're going to rebuild something new.

We're going to build new ways to talk to each other, to ourselves. What do we want? And I don't know if you've ever answered that question for yourself, what do I want? But now is a new season. We're going to practice asking yourself that question. Now, does that sound terrifying or exciting? Because it excites me just talking about it. No, it does sound exciting. And that's, you know, we've, we kind of had those conversations leading up to it as we started dreaming about, okay,

this is actually happening. And what's the, what's, what's the world going to look like for the, the Larry family, you know, in the future. And then we just got in it. And it's just like we've just been stuck on this train that we used to be the conductors of. And now we're just the passengers and we're rolling. So, yeah, discovering a way to get off that train and find out what the future looks like is exciting. That's awesome, man.

All right, so I'm going to send you these tools. So hang on the line here and Kelly will get them for you. And I want you guys to call a marriage counselor and you are going to be a song to a marriage counselor's ears. You're going to call and say, Hey, we're doing great. We want to learn some tools on how to dream together for the future. It looks like we've been running for 25 years, for 20 years, nonstop, 24-7, 365. We just sold a business. We pretended to be corporate people and we hate it. And we want to know what's next. We want to learn some new tools for how to dream. And then I want you all to lean into it. And by the way, you got a six-week-old, a two-year-old.

It's going to be bonkers for a few years, and that's okay. Y'all been through worse. You've been through crazier, and the world is better because Larry, y'all two are in it. Thank you so, so much for the call. We'll be right back on the Dr. John Deloney Show. Hey, what's up? Deloney here. Listen, you and me and everybody else on the planet has felt anxious or burned out or chronically stressed at some point. In my new book, Building a Non-Anxious Life, you'll learn the six daily choices that you can make to get rid of your anxious feelings and be able to better respond to whatever life throws at you. So you can build a more peaceful, non-anxious life. Get your copy today at johndeloney.com. All right, we are back.

And hey, we're going to roll out of the show today a little bit early. We're going to roll out. This one is in my top 10 of all time. And I realize that's about 100 songs in my top 10, but I don't care. It's my top 10. So I can have as many songs as I want in my top 10.

Like talking to a young person. I got seven best friends. I think that means they're not your best friend because the best means the best one. I got seven best friends. I think that means they're not your best friend because the best means the best one. I got seven best friends. Whatever, dude. I got a hundred songs in my top 10. This one's off the I Am Loving You CD.

The Avett Brothers. Actually, I think it, yeah, it's I Am Loving You off the Avett Brothers record. Man, these guys are great. The song is called I Am Loving You, and it goes like this. Load the car and write the note. Grab your bag and grab your coats. Tell the ones that need to know.

We are headed north. One foot in and one foot back, but it don't pay to live like that, so I cut the ties and I jump the tracks for never to return. Brooklyn, Brooklyn, take me in. Are you aware of the shape I'm in? My head, they shake, my hands, they shake and my head, it spins. Brooklyn, Brooklyn, take me in. We'll see you soon on the Dr. John DeLorean show.