The Dr. John Delony Show - Who Do You Want to Be in 2021?

Episode Date: January 1, 2021

The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel frozen, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well—and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU! Show Notes for this Episode Teaching Segment: Who do you want to be in 2021? new book: Redefining Anxiety Lyrics of the Day: "The New Year" - Death Cab for Cutie tags: goals/life planning These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.

Yo, yo, this is John and this is the Dr. John Deloney Show, where we talk about your mental health, your relationships, everything going on in the world, everything going on in your life. This is the special edition January 1st New Year's Day show and we're going to start things off. If you're watching this on YouTube, you can look around. We are in a new studio. It is sparkly and lit up.

So here's the truth. When we were first talking about creating the dr john deloney show and again it still feels weird to talk about yourself in the first person like that we were talking about starting this podcast i really pushed for the team here we wanted to be down in our space where we figured it out and we it was dark and it was low lit and it was like felt secretive like we were in a gang and then the show took off it's exploded underneath us and then it just started looking like we were doing a show in my mom's basement and number one she doesn't have a basement which makes it super weird and creepy and number two um she doesn't live in nashville so that would

have been just weird So we got promoted We moved up to the big fancy studio And now we are here It is lit up It is beautiful We have the same team Zach and James and Kelly We got everybody here

And we have a shelf Some shelves That's cool too We've got the same mug Everything's the same The same people Except everything's different. So we're starting the new year off.

We're going to talk about goals for a minute, and then I'm going to let you go. But as you're planning for today, as you're planning for going back to work, you may already be back at work, you may be traveling, may be coming home from traveling, whatever it may be. I want us to all remember a couple of things. Oh, by the way, I'm also celebrating this New Year's show, if you're watching this on YouTube, by cutting myself shaving. Shaving, like Lloyd Christmas.

What are you doing in there? I'm shaving. I cut myself shaving. Look at that. Look at that, dude. No makeup to cover it up. Just right there, man. With a Mach 3, the same Mach 3 I've been using since I was about 11 but alas not the same one but you get what I'm talking about the same machine that'd be awesome right so as we get ready to enter 2021 I've been hearing over and over and over and over for probably the last seven months I can't wait till this year is over I can't wait till 2020 is over right coronavirus schools opening closing job loss job loss, economy, travel restrictions,

and a partridge in a pear tree, right? Here's what I can guarantee you, that today, January 1, nothing changes. Schools are still trying to figure out what they're doing. Jobs are still in jeopardy. Some states are open. Some states are closed. Hospitals are full. Some places, hospitals are empty. It's still going on and going on and going on, right? And so if you've put all of your energy into just getting through the finish line and collapsing on the other end, now it's 2021. Now things are going to finally be safe and okay. It's just going to be a lot like 2020 because the only thing that is going to change is what you decide to change in your heart, in your mind, in your actions, right? We love stability. And over the last 150 years, we've had one goal, and that is

to create comfort, to create stability, to create certainty, right? Everything about the modern and postmodern life is built to create predictability and comfort. I know this is going to be this way tomorrow. And we've just become addicted to comfort. We've become addicted to certainty. And we found out in short order this last year that neither of those things are a guarantee. In fact, the only thing that's guaranteed is those two things aren't guaranteed, right? So now that we know certainty is an illusion, I want you to let you in on a secret, one of the rules of life, if you will, for me, and that is most of the things most of the time get better. And occasionally they get way, way worse. Rarely, but they do. And so I like to live

in this optimistic tension and this with this reality tension, things could be awesome. And we need to always be looking for joy and beauty and the way things could be. And, oh my gosh, if we think things are bad, it could get way, way, way, way worse. Right? And so as we head into 2021, today's day one, if you listened to the last podcast right before New Year's, we talked about goal setting. This year, we're going to not set up a bunch of goals. We're not going to set up a bunch of resolutions that I'm going to lose 30 pounds and I'm going to run four marathons and I'm going to get a job and make this much money. We're not going to do that this year. We're going to go deeper than that. We're going to talk about who we are going to be.

And so I'm just going to be open and be vulnerable here. I'm going to let you know, here's what mine are. And a couple of these, I'm going to explain them, how they work, right? So this year, surprisingly, not to my third grade English teacher, but to everyone else on earth, my employers too, we had a bestselling book, right? This, the anxiety, redefining anxiety hit the bestseller list. It surprised all of us. It has sold 10 times plus more copies than we were expecting, right? So my goal for 2021 is not to sell a certain number of books.

That's not the goal. My goal isn't to make another bestseller list. No. My goal of 2021 is to be somebody who is a writer. What does that mean? That means this year in 2020, I wrote speeches, a tiny little book, letters, thank you notes, comedy, poetry, just a life of a writer. In 2021, I'm going to regulate that, which means I'm going to dedicate part of my day every day to the craft of writing. I'm going to live the life of someone who writes. And underneath that is going to be all kinds of goals and ideas. But the main arc of that is going to be, I'm going to live the life of a writer. And you know what? The next book is going to take care of itself. The next speech is going to take care of itself because I'm going to get in the habit and the practice of being somebody who

writes. The next one is I had a new job this year. It's my first year to work in radio, to work in podcasting and all that shenanigans. I have a new job as a radio host, a podcast host, speaker, writer. My goal is not to have a bunch of followers, to get a bunch of talks, to get a bunch of new whatever's. My goal is to continue to become a world-class communicator. That's different, right? Because my goal is to have 30 speeches. I can get 30 speeches and not be any better at it, not listening to feedback, not growing any, just taking a job because it's a job because it's going to get me my checkoff list. No, I want to be a world-class communicator. What does that mean? I'm going to work with writers. I want to learn how to do what I do better. I'm going to work with the videographers. We're going to go back and watch videos.

You want to do something awkward? Give a speech and then get with a team of people and break it down. And they ask things like, why are you standing like that? Why'd you say that? That wasn't even funny. Look how your face looks, right? We're going to get with leadership here on the playback, right? I'm going to get into the craft of communicating. I'm going to continue to study standup comedians, musicians, people who are professional communicators across multiple different platforms. And then I'm going to continue to speak and perform and stretch where I can. But the goal is to become a world-class communicator, not just to get a bunch of metrics and a bunch of numbers.

The metrics and numbers should take care of themselves if I become a world-class communicator, if I put in the hard, hard work, the humbling, vulnerable work, right? My goal is to steward my body. So on January 7th, I'm going to start a No Sugar Challenge. I'm going to invite all you guys to do that. I'll be talking about this in a later show and we'll be talking about it on the social medias, but I got to quit eating sugar guys. I've come far enough

in my life that I can't deny the research that sugar contributes to every single decline in the human body. It's just falling apart. It's killing us from the inside out. It's killing us from the outside in. It's just bad. I got to stop. And I also have to be graceful with myself when my daughter has a birthday party, when my son has a birthday party, when I have a birthday party, I'm going to have a piece of cake because I'm also a human being too. I'm going to work out. I'm going to walk. I'm going to play. I'm going to make movement a priority I'm also as a part of being a steward of my body. I'm going to go to a dentist for the first time and oh geez I'm going to get real blood work done again and actually sit down with somebody and go through it

I've been ignoring that for the last few seasons I'm going to really redouble my focus on sleep and make that a Numero uno or dose and one or two priorities in my life. Sleep first and everything else will come from that. I'm going to have a goal of being a steward of my mind. And so instead of saying, I'm going to read 42 books, I'm going to read a book every week. No, I'm going to read and that's going to include books. That's going to include good essays. It's going to include science articles. I'm also going to

get into something I haven't done for a long time, and that is some of the advancements in science tech. I want to get and see some of these things. You can actually watch blood interactions. You can actually get on the internet and these extraordinary doctors and research scientists and medical researchers have done some really extraordinary work with animators. You can actually go down to the human body and see how some of these things work. It's a biology textbook that has come alive. And those things are fun for me. I also want to learn. I've got chickens and sheep and I want to get some bees, right? I want to learn how to do some things outside that I've been talking about for years. I've got a massive, massive garden that me and my wife and my kids are working on.

I want to learn how to do some of the home repair things that I've had to pay out over the years. I'm going to actually learn how to do it. And then I'm going to pick up the guitar. I've been playing guitar for 30 years or so. I want to pick it back up and start practicing more regularly. But all that comes back to, I want to be somebody who is a steward of their mind,

who learns new things. I want to continue meeting and learning from mental health professionals. And I have some transitional theology questions that I've been rattling around for the last year or two that are powerful and really faith shifting for me in a really extraordinary way. And so I'm going to spend some time answering those both experientially, both sitting down with people who know way more about those things than I do, and through reading and continuing to delve into spiritual and faith issues.

And so the final one is I'm going to be a steward of my relationships. I'm going to continue to invest in my wife, continue to invest in my kids, continue to invest in my friendships. I got lonely this year, like we all did, but I got lonely this year and I've got to redouble my efforts on being somebody who invests in friendships, investing in my local church. And that starts tomorrow when my wife and I go on our annual retreat.

We talk about what we liked about this year, what we didn't like about this year. We go to some coffee shops around town this year. Some of them may be closed. We may be out walking around at different parks or different hikes or whatever that may look like. But we're gonna spend some time being intentional about being reflective over last year.

What do we want this year to look like? And how loosely are we gonna hold those things? Because who knows what 2021 holds for us? So make sure you write these things down. The goal here being this, as much as it's been fun to say, God almighty, I can't wait till 2020 is over. 2021 may be worse. Probably not, but maybe. And so given those two realities, probably not, but maybe, all you can control is you, your thoughts, your actions, your heart, your relationships. That's it. So write down who you want to be. Write down the kind of person you want to become. Who are you going to be?

Write them down. Get somebody in your life that's going to hold you accountable. And then let's go get it, man. Let's have an extraordinary year. We're going to have so much fun on this podcast. We're going to get into some hard things, some deep things. We already have calls lined up for the next few shows. It's coming, man, whether we want to or not.

And I'm excited to have you along this journey with us. As we wrap it up, I had two songs that are perfect for today. And so I'm just going to do both of them. I'm going to start with one of the greatest songs ever, ever, ever written. R.E.M.'s, It's the End of the World As We Know It. And it goes like this. Michael Stipe sings. It's the end of the world as we know it. And I feel fine. And it just does that for a lot. And then the next song also Is by Death Cab for Cutie

Death Cab for Cutie In a race A neck and neck race For the worst band name ever But this is a great song It's the first track off their 2003 album Trans Atlanticism Trans Atlanticism It's called The New Year their 2003 album, Transatlanticism.

Transatlanticism. It's called The New Year. Death Cab for Cutie, The New Year. Goes like this. So this is the new year, and I don't feel any different. The clanking of crystal explosions off in the distance. In the distance. So this is the new year, and I have no resolutions or self-assigned penance for problems with easy solutions.

So everybody put your best suit or dress on. Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once, lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn. As 30 dialogues bleed into one, I wish the world was flat like the old days. Then I could travel just by folding a map. No more airplanes or speed trains or freeways. There'd be no distance that could hold us back. Not even the social distance. There'd be no distance that could hold us back. So this is the new year. So this is the new year. Thanks for being with us. Look forward to hanging out in 2021. This is the Dr. John Deloney Show.