The Dr. Josh Axe Show - Why People Aren't Getting Married Anymore?

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

Did you know marriage rates have declined by 60% since the 1970s? In this eye-opening episode of The Dr. Josh Axe Show, we dive deep into the sacred covenant of marriage, exploring shocking statistics, timeless biblical principles, and practical tips for a thriving relationship. You’ll discover: The surprising link between religiosity and marital stability Why cohabitation before marriage might be setting you up for failure The #1 predictor of divorce (it's not what you think!) God's three primary purposes for marriage How to apply 8 powerful biblical principles to strengthen your union The unexpected benefits of a successful marriage on your physical health Practical strategies to keep your relationship strong Whether you're single, engaged, or celebrating decades of marriage, this episode offers invaluable insights to help you cultivate a godly, fulfilling partnership. Tune in to gain a deeper understanding of marriage as a divine institution and walk away with actionable steps to build a relationship that honors God and stands the test of time. #marriage #dating #relationships #genz #redflag #bible #christian  Want more of The Dr. Josh Axe Show? Subscribe to the YouTube channel. Follow Dr. Josh Axe Instagram Twitter Facebook Tik-Tok Follow Leaders Instagram Twitter Facebook Email Newsletter ------  Links:  https://ourworldindata.org/marriages-and-divorces https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/divorce-rates-by-country  https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/common-causes-divorce/  https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/06/28/a-record-high-share-of-40-year-olds-in-the-us-have-never-been-married/ https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-road-to-infidelity-passes-through-multiple-sexual-partners https://ifstudies.org/blog/counterintuitive-trends-in-the-link-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4_d7nENMFM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everyone, welcome to the Dr. Josh Axe show. I am your host, Dr. Axe. And each and every week on this show, I explore the science and principles behind how to grow in body, mind, spirit, and take your health and your life to the next level. Today, we're going to be diving into the sacred institution of marriage. And we'll explore shocking statistics, biblical principles, and practical tips for a thriving marriage and family life. And the reality is this, if your marriage is sick, it affects your physical. health. If your marriage is sick, it typically affects your soul and your spirit. So I'm going to get into these things. Today, share some practical things that, uh, and even some experiences that

Chelsea and I have had as well. Before I dive into the content, though, make sure to subscribe to this channel and hit the notification bell so you don't miss a single episode. So let's dive into the content. Listen to this statistic. This absolutely shocks me. In the U.S., marriage has declined by 60% since the 1970s. And while the median age for first marriages has increased for both men and women, we see that, right? I mean, how many people were getting married in their late teens and early 20s? And now, many people wait until their 30s and 40s to get married.

And as proof of this, Pew Research recently found that one in four 40-year-old American adults have never been married. Today, people often see marriage as a me marriage. It's all about me, and I need to marry someone to make me happy. In fact, I want to share you a story. I have a dear, dear friend of mine. He was dating the same girl for 12 years. And I said to him, I said, hey, why don't you get married?

And he said, well, you know what? I don't even know if we should be together. She doesn't make me, you know, she doesn't always make me happy. And I said, well, hey, I just want you to let you know that the purpose of marriage is not for her to make you happy. It's for you to make each other holy. It's for you to love her and serve her and pursue her and make her dreams come true. And he said, oh, okay, I didn't think about it. like that. Well, it's crazy. She ended up

of kind of leaving him and the next year they ended up getting married and now they've been happily married for probably about 10 years now. And all that being said, but I think this is a cultural thing. Again, people see marriage today as a me marriage. This is really connected to a modern identity. You've probably heard me

talk before about the difference between a modern identity, a traditional identity and a divine identity. The modern identity is all about me. I'm getting married so you can make my life better So you can make my life more interesting. You can help me reach my goals. That's the modern identity.

And by the way, traditional identity is a little better, but it's not that much better. Typically in the past, it was all about social and economic benefits. That was a big part of marriage. However, biblical marriage, it was really all about how do we make the world a heavenly place? How do we represent? It's the idea around marriage being a foreshadowing. It's also an imaging of God's relationship to us or Jesus' relationship to the church. And so when you look at a biblical identity, it's much deeper, much more meaningful.

And you're going to see, as I get into this, it leads to a much better marriage and life. Now, I want to talk about why marriage matters. Here's a reality from a health standpoint. Marriage people eat better and are less likely to smoke and drink excessively. Also, marriage is positively associated with a greater community involvement across a range of different activities. Married people generally are healthier and have less addictions. Here's another reality. Married adults between the ages of 25 and 49 are far more likely to attend a community meeting, do local volunteer work, and just basically be active in their community if they're married versus non-married.

Now, I do want to say that, of course, there are some people who are not married who have devoted their lives to God. They're nuns and priests and amazing spiritual leaders who have said, I'm going to devote my entire life to just serving God. And for that reason, I'm not going to get married. And so that's a bit of a different thing. Those people tend to actually really be involved in supporting the community more than anyone. But again, when you're looking at just general people who are unmarried versus married, married adults tend to be a lot more involved in building community and life. And I think this is even important for longevity. When you look at increasing your lifespan, one of the greatest factors, actually the single greatest factor according to a Harvard study is

having close, intimate, meaningful relationships and support group. And of course, who could be closer to you in supporting you than your spouse? The answer is no one. Now, I want to talk about the biblical idea of marriage because we could not talk about the Bible or Judaism or Christianity here because that's actually who invented marriage. Did you know that? I mean, there are actually some people that don't probably fully realize that. They might have thought that marriage is something just some random person came up with. No, it was actually God. This was an institution talked about as early as Genesis in the Bible. We're talking about thousands and thousands of years ago. And marriage is a covenant instituted by God. It's a union. And it's covenant, really this word,

is really tied to, it's a legal term. And so it's sort of like binding yourself together till death do you part. And the word wedding actually means the act of blending or joining together. So think about blending. When you blend something, it actually becomes one. This is why Genesis 224 says

the two will become one flesh. Imagine I made a smoothie this morning. And I put in there some blueberries and coconut milk and protein. And once I blended it, it was one. I couldn't tell any different. It was just one thing, one mixture. That happens when you become married.

You have a new identity. Your husband and wife. I remember when Chelsea and I got married and you might remember this for yourself. The first few weeks afterwards, I would say things like, this is my wife, Chelsea, and it sounded so weird and different because it was such an identity shift. For 29 years, I had been, you know, a single guy. And now I was saying, this is my wife, Chelsea. and it was such a change because, again, it was a new identity.

And you've probably heard this saying, but probably the two most important days in somebody's life is number one is when they connect with God. And the second one is when you find your spouse. Or those are the two most important decisions of your life is picking your God and picking your spouse. When I say picking your God, of course there's Big G God, but also your God might be alcohol or the or a certain part of the government or a political group. But that being said, picking who your God is that person you're going to follow and that thing you're going to worship and then picking your spouse are the most important decisions you'll ever make in your entire life. Here's the thing that I love about marriage. Marriage is created to build up character. It's created to cause you to

not focus on yourself so much. And that's one of the most important ways that we need to growing. I remember that my, here's the thing. The first thing I realized after being married for a year, my first thought was, I am selfish. That was my biggest realization after being married to Chelsea my first year is that I think about myself far too much. And my biggest shift I knew I needed to make in marriage that first year was thinking less about myself and more about her. Not thinking about what do I want to do for dinner tonight? What do I want to do for a work? workout. What do I, you know, what sort of job should I have? Where should we live? You know, what are we going to watch on TV? I mean, these are really basic things. But I needed to start

thinking about, what does Chelsea want to watch? What does Chelsea want to do? Where would she want a vacation and go on a trip at? How can I support her financially? What are her gifts and talents and skills? And how can I bless her and help her grow and develop those skills and talents she has? How can I support her and love her and give my life for her? Right? It's such a shift because most of us go from only thinking of ourselves and me, me, me, me. And we need to now start thinking about we and think about our partner. You know, today I think most people don't think about marriage as this covenantal partnership

between you, your spouse, and God. That's really what it is. It's actually between three people, you, your spouse, and God. You know, most people in today's culture see marriage as a sexual and a spouse. social contract. I'm going to marry you because it might be good for me socially and, you know, and to have a sex partner. Here's a reality, though, of biblical marriage. God designed marriage for three primary purposes. For companionship, what does God say the first thing in Genesis? One of the first things. It is not good for man to be alone. We're not created to be alone.

You know, studies show that one of the greatest factors in you dying early or being unhappy is being alone is loneliness. Today we're having a loneliness epidemic. Your spouse should be your best friend. I know when I think of Chelsea, I think about who do I want to do something with? Chelsea is the first person that comes to mind. I love her companionship. I love spending time with her. So that's the number one, one of the top reasons why God created us for marriage. The second was procreation. To have kids in a family. The third is redemption. And that is to be made holy, to become more like God, more like Jesus, to become more very, more virtuous and more loving and to be the sort of person that can love others, love God, and make

earth the heavenly place. God created marriage for companionship, procreation, and redemption to be made holy. Now, one of the most controversial but important aspects of marriage that's talked about in the Bible has to do with mutual submission. It says in the Bible, specifically in Ephesians 522, It starts saying, wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. And then it says, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Here's the reality you need to know is that there are different roles between the role of the woman and the role of a man and a marriage. Wives are called to submit and men are called to sacrifice everything, their entire lives for their wives. And here's another important thing to note.

Love and marriage is love is not a feeling. Love is measured by how much you're willing to lose for someone else. Are you willing to lose and sacrifice your emotions, your time, your money, your resources, your hobbies for the sake of the person that you love? Well, men, that's first and foremost what you're called to do even more than wives. You're called to sacrifice your life for your wife. And because men, once you sacrifice everything, because you've shown such sacrifice of giving everything for your wife, then in response, your wife should then submit in a way of saying, you know what? I see that you've sacrificed everything in your life to me. Hey, now I'm going to reciprocate this with this submission and letting you lead in certain parts of our life.

You know, I do want to get into some studies on merit. And by the way, let me just say this. This topic is so important because a healthy marriage leads to a healthy life. You've heard happy wife, happy life, happy life. Well, the reality is happy marriage, happy, happy life, better health, better everything. There are some really great studies on marriage and really its connection to religion. Listen to this. Higher levels of religiosity.

So the more religious you are correlate with lower divorce rates and more stable marriages. For instance, Christians that actually go. go to church versus Christians that don't go have a much, much lower divorce rate. For instance, it's 35% lower in Christians that are actually active in church. So there is a big difference between somebody that says, I'm a Christian, or I'm a Jew, or I'm a Muslim versus somebody who actually is a practicing Christian, Jew, or Muslim. And if you are practicing, that will actually decrease your chance of divorce and your chance of having a happy marriage dramatically. So I want to share something else that's incredibly controversial when it comes to marriage today.

And I'm even going to say a quote I saw in an old movie or TV show that I think really epitomizes what I'm going to share. In fact, one of the TV shows where they said this recently was called the Big Bang Theory. And Sheldon's mom, Sheldon Cooper, one of the stars of the show, is saying this to Penny. one of the one of the the main female lead in the show and so she says this to her she essentially says why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free okay and this has to do with abstinence until marriage and so not having sex until you're married this is something both Chelsea and I felt very strongly about both in our own parents and upbringing in our households when we came

into union together and so and I remember you know Chelsea had a purity ring that she wore until he got married as well. And so I want to mention that the studies on this, though, okay, we've heard this saying, does it prove to be true? It's actually good to wait to have sex until you're married. Well, the reality is this. Studies show the answer is yes.

Couples who abstain from premarital sex report higher marital satisfaction and a stronger commitment to one another. Also, there are lower rates of sexual sin, including infidelity later on in marriage. In fact, one study found that people who have had five or more sexual partners were twice as likely to cheat on their spouse than on somebody that had only zero to one sexual partners before getting married. It makes a big, big difference, and it says a lot about the person's character.

Again, a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that couples who abstain from sex before marriage are less likely to divorce. The odds of divorce are lowest with those with between zero and one premarital partners. The odds of divorce are the highest among women with 10 or more sexual partners. Now, we'll see these clips online if you're on Instagram or YouTube or Facebook or any social media platform where oftentimes people are interviewed to think about do men want a woman who has slept, who has a high, quote unquote, body count. And I think it shocks.

Many of the women say, well, of course, actually guys would like that because maybe they have more experience. And so maybe they're better in the bedroom is what they believe. However, the reality is when you interview most all of the men, they would say, no, I want less. I want zero or one or not. I mean, I want this number to be as low as possible for our future relationship. Of course, myself, that's what I wanted when I was marrying a woman. And so I think that, you know, part of this has an idea around, do you believe that marriage is sacred? That's how I was brought up.

I had amazing Christian parents. Chelsea had amazing Christian parents. And we were taught that marriage is special. You're saving yourself for this one other person in the world that you are going to spend the rest of your life with. And so that's the way that I think about marriage, absolutely sacred. In fact, along with our relationship with God, I think it is the single most sacred. thing in this entire world. I've always viewed both sex and marriage as sacred and meant to be done together. And so your mind frame about what sex is and what marriages is very important.

I want to tell you a really, I think, unique idea that was in Judaism. And that was, you're not married until you have sex. And that's actually what consummates the marriage itself. And so it was believed in ancient times by some Jews. No, if you had sex with that person, whether there was a contract or not, that actually is what means your marriage. I mean, that's the definitive. And so there are some people walking around. If you've had multiple sexual partners, you've maybe been married a lot. I mean, there's an interesting conversation where Jesus is having a conversation with a woman at the well. And she says to him something about her husband, and he says, no, you have six or seven husbands. And she said, how did you know that? Isn't that an interesting conversation?

I'm not saying this is exactly what he was saying, but was he saying she had seven different weddings? Or is he saying, no, you have had seven sexual partners. So you essentially are married to seven different people. It's an interesting thought there. But the point is this, is that many people believe that sex is simply a physical act. When what I believe in what the biblical belief is, is it is a spiritual, supernatural thing that happens where two souls are being woven together as one. It is deeply spiritual. It's deeply meaningful.

And when you view marriage as being that sacred and that special, you treat it differently. You're less likely to practice infidelity and not honor your marriage and your spouse. Now, one thing I've seen discussed pretty frequently recently on the internet. In fact, I saw somebody who I really admire think he does an amazing job with his show, Patrick Bet David talking about pre-ups. And I want to share with you, I don't like pre-ups and I don't believe the Bible approves of pre-ups. I think they should be generally discouraged. They assume a safety net rather than a lifelong commitment. When Chelsea and I were getting married, I mean, I just want to share this.

I had quite a bit of money of finances because I was, I'm six and a half years older than Chelsea. She was in chiropractic school. When we got married, she also had debt from student loans. And I had had a really successful thriving functional medicine clinic for five to six years. I owned a home. And I wasn't like, let's get a pre-up. I mean, to me, it was like, I want everything in Chelsea and I have to be the same, to be absolutely equal. The thought never even crossed my mind because I was 100% fully committed till death to his part, being married.

to Chelsea. And so I think that when you do a pre-up, it's like it's a way out. It's almost saying, well, I know that this couldn't work out in the future. When Chelsea and I stepped into marriage, it was there's no way this doesn't work out. I mean, we wouldn't have thought in a million years, no, we will be married till death do us part. And so when you're walking into a marriage with a mind frame of this might not work out already or I'm not fully committed, well, not having that commitment is a recipe for the marriage not working out. And here's the reality, religious couples generally have lower divorce rates, especially when you look at devout Catholics and evangelical Protestants that are churchgoers, the rates are much lower. And also other religious groups,

when you look at Mormons, when you look at people that are practicing Muslims, when you look practicing Jews. The rates of people that are religious that are following and pursuing God, Hindus, the rates of divorce are much, much lower because they view divorce as, or it's really more not different. They're viewing marriage as something sacred, and it's something they would never want to violate something that God created. You know, when Jesus is asked in the Bible, if it's lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason, here's how Jesus response. He says, haven't you read that at the beginning, the creator made them male and female and said, for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. And the two

will become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one. Therefore, what God is joined together, let no one separate. So Jesus here is very, very strongly saying, let's keep the two one. Okay. And not giving almost any way for somebody to get out of it. Right. And so they're looking for a hole here, a way to say, okay, you know, divorce is okay, and he doesn't give them an inch on this. Now, here is why divorce can be so damaging. Divorce can lead to economic hardship for families, particularly for single-parent households. It can also be a strain on the country and the community. Children of divorced parents are more likely to experience emotional, academic, and social difficulties.

they also experience a higher level of divorce rate themselves. In 63% of divorces believe a better understanding of the commitments of marriage could have helped them avoid divorce. And so the reality is, I don't think a lot of people realize, but once you get divorced how hard it is on the kids and on themselves, I think they think, well, life is just going to be better, and oftentimes it's not. I want to play this clip from Jordan Peterson, the famed psychologist,

to explain the number one indicator of a failing marriage. There's been some great work on what behavioral markers predict divorce in couples counseling. Really solid work. Okay, so here's one predictor. When the couple is talking in front of a therapist and one of them or the other or both roll their eyes, there's like a 95% chance they're going to be divorced within six months. And that's contempt.

So what Dr. Peterson just said there is just so profound. Think about that. If you are resentful, if you're rolling your eyes at your partner, a 95% divorce. rate. And so this is why respecting and honoring your spouse, I will tell you, when Chelsea and I are in any situation, we honor each other with our words. I mean, when somebody asked me about Chelsea, and by the way, I'm not doing it just to, you know, because it's appropriate or to look good, I think Chelsea is the most amazing wife and most amazing, amazing mother. I just think she's incredible. And so when somebody asked me about Chelsea, I do not talk negatively about her.

Everything is positive. Everything is with honor. And so, and with Chelsea and I are together, you're not going to see us like rolling our eyes at each other because we, one, we love each other, but also we admire each other. Like, I admire who Chelsea is as a person. I think she's such a fantastic mom and wife that I just, so the point there is this. If you have those feelings in your heart of resentment or disdained for somebody. A lot of times your issue is around, the problem is you. Here's what I want to say. I had a friend recently who was thinking about getting divorced and I shared with him and basically it came down to this thing again where he really felt like his wife's job was to make him happier. He felt like she had some character flaws.

Now these weren't gross flaws. There was no infidelity, no cheating, nothing like that. I just felt like she just had some character flaws. And I knew this man, and he probably had an equal amount of character flaws. And I said, listen, if you change yourself and you start serving her, she'll probably change herself. Okay. And so don't focus on fixing her. Fix yourself. And she will grow with you.

And sure enough, you know, he started seeing her change as he changed. And so you really should think about marriage as a, as the person is not there to serve you, you're there to serve them and serve them and love them and love them. Here's the reality. Marriage is a journey of mutual growth and sanctification. One of the things that I love about Chelsea is that she makes me grow. In fact, when I was praying for Chelsea, this was my exact prayer. I'm going to share with you word for word.

I would say, God, please give me a wife and bring me a wife that is mentally stimulating, physically breathtaking, spiritually on fire for you, and that helps me grow more like you. That was my prayer. Now, some of those things, you might be like, wow, that's asking a lot. It was. But I got it. And so, you know, I think that, but that was important. I knew from talking to pastors and spiritual leaders and the people I knew that had the best marriages, both partners were committed to growing and getting better. You know, we had a situation recently where I was trying to, you know, we have a four-year-old and figuring out the best way to discipline her. And, and, And the way that I went about it was an ideal.

And Chelsea brought it up. And I said, you know what? You're right. You know, I need to watch my tone and not get frustrated in that situation. And I said, I'll do better. You know, why? Because I want to be the best dad possible. And I want to be the best husband possible.

And then Chelsea and I kissed each other. And, you know, and it was at night. We went to bed. So, but all that being said, you know, I think that part of growth is humility, knowing that you're imperfect. You need to get better yourself. and not being prideful. So I think that being humble and committed to grow

and saying, I want to be a better dad, I want to be a better husband, I want to be better, and not being prideful will help you grow. It's critical for a marriage. The other thing is really emphasizing and focusing not on just growing yourself, but growing your spouse.

This is why it's great to pray, but it's also great to pray together. Okay? It's great to do things together as husband and wife. That way it supports you growing together. Now, I want to go through 10 principles of having a great marriage and great family life that are based on Bible verses. Number one, keep God at the center. Matthew 633 says, but seek first the kingdom of God and all his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.

So Chelsea and I, when we had this, you know, we were talking about the best way to discipline Arwin yesterday. our conversation was we were quoting Bible verses, hey, well, I know that God did this and Jesus did this and this. So what do you think about this? Okay, yeah, I can do that differently. You're right. That was the conversation. But everything in our life, our marriage, our parenting, our financial decisions, our work life, God is at the center. And so if you can do that, you're going to have an amazing marriage. If God is at the center of your marriage, remember as proverb says, three strands are not easily broken. Bring God at the center. Number two, communicate openly and honestly. Ephesians 425 says,

therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. This is most apparent in marriage. When you look at the statistics of why many marriages don't work out, there's a communication issue. And so openly communicating, not just sweeping it on the run. Chelsea and I, you know,

if we have something in parenting or a trip or schedule, or whatever it is, and we don't communicate our expectations and our wants and needs, we end up having, you know, issues in the future versus if we openly communicate honestly with one another, it works out okay. It always works out. And so that's a big thing. You may not feel like it. You may be a person that doesn't like confrontation, but you have to confront things early and communicate openly and honestly to have a great marriage. Number three, practice forgiveness. As Ephesians 432 says,

be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. So, you know, I think that, listen, we're going to mess up in marriages. Being able to forget and move on is absolutely critical, not bringing up things that have happened in the past. Now, again, this is me stereotyping a little bit.

I think when we hear about this stereotypically, this can happen with women more than men oftentimes as you did this or bringing up something from the past, not forgetting. But I think generally speaking, it can happen on both sides. So again, remember that. And probably for men, it's more of the beginning of this verse. Be kind and tenderhearted. Okay. And then women forgiving one another.

So doing those things, forgiving, forgetting, moving on. That's critical for a great marriage. Number four is showing unconditional love. as 1 peter 4-8 says above all keep loving one another earnestly since love covers a multitude of sins listen the word earnestly means go and earn it you're working diligently hard giving effort are you doing that are you working hard putting in a lot of effort pursuing and working to love your spouse unconditionally okay so even if they've messed up in the past even if they didn't do something well today and you're mad at them, you love them unconditionally and you're

earnestly working hard to love them. Number five, prioritize your spouse, as Philippians 2.3 says, do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility, count others more significant than yourself. The person that you should consider most significant above yourself and beyond is your spouse. You know, one great way to really prioritize your spouse. is to yearly ask them or weekly, hey, what are some things you want to do this year? Where do you want to vacation? Hey, are there certain things that you love to do?

You know, Chelsea, for instance, when we went to New York, I'm not a big fan of Broadway, but she loves it, right? So we make sure we do Broadway. She knows that I want to go to, you know, a certain restaurant. And then so we end up going there, right? So being aware of those things. Another great thing to do is a date night. When you prioritize your spouse where you get together one-on-one with no one else

at least once a week, That will keep the marriage sweet. So a date night a week, you know, prioritizing that time together, not being on your phones, talking about meaningful things, that's going to help. But prioritize time, which is you and your spouse. I mean, the reality is this. If you want your to have raised up great kids, you need to prioritize your spouse. If spouses do not love and prioritize each other, then kids won't do that in the future.

I mean, the biggest things kids model and the way they act is the way that parents treat each other and love each other. So it's also great parenting. number six respect each other as ephesians 533 says however let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband so again men love your wives women respect this is that tends to be what women want love men want respect now we both want both but but that's important to do for one another you know one of the things i am so honored with and that touches me so deeply because I am a man is when Chelsea says something to me like, honey, thank you so much

for all the hard work you put in for our family. Thank you so much for providing. Thank you for this amazing, you know, a house that we're living in that you've worked to provide for us. Thank you so, so much. I noticed your sacrifice. Wow. Or, hey, I watched that video you did. You did an excellent job. Great job. Wow. And I know it means a lot to Chelsea when I let her know, you know, honey, I'm willing to sacrifice for you. Hey, I'm not going to go watch that football game today. hey, let's go, let's go to the park. You know, hey, hey, baby, I want to go. I want to bring you on this trip for our anniversary, right?

Whatever it is. So it's love and respect. Number seven, be patient and kind. Love is patient and kind. It is not envy or boast. It is not arrogant or rude. You know, 1 Corinthians 13, 4 through 5. Again, so being patient and kind with one another,

the drive that he's worth humans. Sometimes we had bad days. I mean, Chelsea right now with our six-month-old, might not have slept much last night, okay? because she was up a lot. And so knowing that, okay, how can I be extra patient, extra kind to serve her today? Number eight, serve one another.

As Galatians 513 says, for you are called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love, serve one another. We're called to serve one another. One of the things Chelsea and I heard in premarital counseling, and Chelsea's really embraced this, is don't keep score, but out-serve one another.

Okay? If you're going to keep score, keep score without serving one another and really, you know, starting at zero every day. But Chelsea and I, we don't keep score, but we do aim to serve one another. Okay. So you really want to focus on how can I serve you today? How can I love you today? Number nine, stay faithful. As Hebrews 134 says, let marriage be held in honor among all and let the marriage bed be undefiled.

For God will judge the sexually immoral and the adult. adulterous. Hebrews 13, 4. So again, staying faithful. And here's what it says, let marriage be held in honor. Again, this is what I mentioned earlier. You should view marriage as the most sacred, beautiful, honoring thing ever. Not only do I not commit sexual adultery. I don't even want to look at another woman lustfully. What if Chelsea sees me looking another woman like that? How is that going to make her feel? How is that going to affect our marriage? And so I don't do that. So it's important to also realize it's it's it's not just infidelity it's also even your thoughts you know it's it's some of those actions doing your best to have a clean heart you know in jesus jesus says this you know

i command you you know don't only not commit sexual adultery you know don't look on another woman lustfully and so it's important to know why because the marriage and that relationship is that important number 10 seek godly counsel where there is no guidance a people perishes. But in abundance of counselors, there is safety. Proverbs 1114. Listen, one of the things that have blessed Chelsea so much is we have hung around with and spent time with other amazing couples that have godly marriages. You know, I'm thinking about friends of ours like, you know, whether it's John and Lisa Bevere, Jordan and Nikki Rubin, you know, Chelsea's parents, my parents. I mean, we've been blessed to be able to expose ourselves to some amazing Christian people. And because of that,

that's allowed us to have a better marriage. And so the more that you can spend time with in your peer group, your friend group, other amazing couples that love God and want to pursue him, and you have counselors in your life. Listen, if you need counseling, get counseling at church or somebody that has the right worldview, a biblical worldview. If you spend time with those people, And listen, I do this too. Like if I am having a marriage issue, I remember our three months into marriage, Chelsea and I had a disagreement about something.

And I remember calling Jordan Rubin and saying, Jordan, hey, what should I do on this? And he gave me great advice. And eventually, hey, it was fine. Worked out. It worked out great. And so all that being said, I love that I have people in my life,

friends, mentors, pastors, and others that can, I can trust. And by the way, don't go get marriage counseling from somebody who doesn't have a clue. Okay, who, if they don't have a thriving, incredible marriage themselves, or they're not, you know, you know, somebody who's part of the church who's been trained in this, then don't listen to those people, okay? Only listen to wise counsel. Listen to the top 1% of people that have grace marriages. Get your advice from those people. Here are some practical tips for a healthy marriage that I know

have really blessed Chelsea and I. Number one, pray together. I mean, if you can spend time, once a day, praying together first thing in the morning, or even at dinner at meals, praying together is so powerful praying for each other and praying for your kids. It's so powerful. Number two, grow together, attend church together, do a growth group together, serve the community together, do things together, focus on growing together. Number three, do a date night a week or a date lunch, maybe at certain points. You know, when Chelsea and I had a newborn, sometimes we won't do a date night.

We'll do a date day, okay, or date lunch. And that's great too. But one day or meal a week where you are able to sit down and really connect. Aligning your future vision, your goals and your dreams together, okay? Sharing your expectations. So for me to know that Chelsea wants to have a homestead farm, which we're talking about now, we're going to have ducks and chickens and a couple of cows and greenhouse and garden. And so Chelsea shared this with me.

I said, I love it. I'm going to make that happen for you, babe. And so knowing her vision, her goals, her dreams, and our mutual expectation, sharing that future vision is so powerful for marriage. The next is values alignment. That Chelsea and I share our Christian values, our moral values in terms of kindness and compassion, those virtues. We also share our same beliefs about things like vaccination. We are going to vote. We have the same political belief systems for the most part.

We also believe in things like family dinners where we align these values. And so that value alignment and coming closer and closer together in that alignment by reading the same books, watching the same things that are virtuous will help you become closer. And then last thing here, your social support. Hang out with other virtuous godly couples is going to help tremendously in helping you have a thriving. marriage. Well, listen, I believe that marriage is sacred. It's beautiful. And it is a covenant that's God given between a man and a woman. And it's designed for mutual growth, sanctity, becoming more like God, making earth a heavenly place and so much more. And by following these biblical principles and practical tips, I believe you can strengthen your marriage and your family life. And these things

have also been shown, as I talked about at the beginning, to be great for your health. I want to say, thanks so much for tuning in here to the Dr. Josh Jack's show. Remember each and every week I'm covering topics and diving deep and how to be healthy in body, mind, and spirit. Make sure to subscribe, like, and share this episode. By the way, I am always so grateful when you share these episodes, whether it be on Instagram or Facebook or YouTube. You can click the link and share it here.

If you know, if there was something that really struck you about this episode, please share it. I think, again, people need to know the truth about what marriage is about. It's not about me. It's about we. It's about serving and sacrificing your life for someone else because marriage is divine because God did that for us. We're called to do that for each other. Again, thanks to all of you who are sharing this on mission with me to help people heal not just physically, but spiritually as well. And also, hey, to not miss out on other episodes like this, make sure to subscribe. Thanks so much for watching.