The Dumb Zone FREE - DZ 7-1-25 | The Best of Closing Remarks

Episode Date: July 1, 2025

Enjoy this free week while we're on vacation. Today's episode features the best of when our sit ins got to close the show with closing remarks (00:00) - 9/16/24 CR: Hey Dill guy (18:06) - 3/3/25 CR: The guy with two wives (28:25) - 3/28/25 CR: Married at First Sight guy (41:29) - 5/8/25 CR: Vibrator Amy (01:00:12) - 5/9/25 CR: A younger brother and a piss test (01:31:06) - Every 2025 Beth drop ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Hello, I'm DFW's own Danny Bayless letting you know that you are about to hear a free podcast of the dumb zone. But if you'd like to subscribe at dumbzone.com, you will get four shows per week plus the weekend wrap up and any bonus epi's like our business Wednesday interviews. Oh, you'll also get our DZTV archives again, that's a dumbzone comm to subscribe now on to today's program One week from today, which is weird to say because some people listen to their podcasts out of order on different days But we're recording this Today's episode on Tuesday and one week from Tuesday It'll be Tuesday Tuesday July 8th and we will be doing

a remote at Whataburger in Frisco, El Dorado and the Tollway. We're starting at 1130 and we have something very special to entice you to join us. That's right to celebrate Whataburger's 75th anniversary and to celebrate the partnership between the Dumb Zone and Whataburger. You can now eat your Water Burger off of a tray attached to your steering wheel that has the Water Burger and Dumb Zone logos on it. We'll give away 75. I guess the first 75. It'd be weird if we said to everybody odd numbers to 150.

Yeah. But it would be just the first 75. Well the first 75 that order one of everything on the menu. That's right. Speaking of the menu, I have had some questions if we'll be putting together sort of a themed, like, sommelier-type menu. OK.

Clayton and I are working on it. So there'll be a few options there that day. You see this sometimes. Like, he'll go somewhere and they're like, I want the Jake burger. I want the Clayton. We have some tastings. Some pairings.

Flight, maybe. Yeah. OK, Tuesday, July 8th. Whataburger. Be there or you're not gonna have a car tray. You definitely won't. Square. Alright, I never listen, I'm gonna listen, I wanna listen to the drums on you Hey guys, it's officially See You Next Tuesday. Haha, that's a good one. We're one week out from the Whataburger remote, right? Yeah. If we're looking at a time stamp, but of course people could be listening to this on any day.

What's on today's show? Uh, our vacation. Yeah, we're on vacation and we have a special stuff planned for you. Or Blake. This is us recording something ahead of time. Blake put these things together. Are you interviewing Optic? So if you hate today's show, blame Blake.

If you love today's show, know that Dan and Jake empowered Blake to make the decision to have this great myth. Empowered, I like that one. That's really good. I had lined up my best observations from Halo tournaments for the past year, but I instead decided to go with the best of closing remarks from the year. Ah, there was that fella who ended up on a reality show. Yeah, married at first sight guy's in here, vibrator Amy's in here, the guy with two wives is in here. So really cool stories that have concluded the show along the way, as well as every drop Beth has pulled

for us in the past year. For real? We'll close out the episode. Damn. These are drops made with cancer. With, yeah. And without, I guess you could judge. Do they get better?

Yeah, the early drops all missing a little something. Cancer aided away. Yeah. Just like how we're going to check on you when we get back with your grounding. Same sort of thing. Oh, that's right. Right now, I am somewhere.

I'm in South America. Grounding. I'm at the equator. I had to go to the equator. You had to stake to it. To just walk around the equator. I had to go to the equator stake to it to just walk around the equator so I'm trying to circumnavigate the earth right now and Man, I feel better than ever

Here's some closing remarks. Here's some closing remarks Bring a note page for I did I got my notes here. How about you Carrie? Did you bring notes or no? I just brought a sticker I was hoping there would be a place to put one. Sure. Yeah. We'll throw it right up on the wall, man. Okay.

I got a sticker. The slat wall? Yeah. The slat wall. Pro slat. What's that say? It says Mug Customs. Oh, okay.

What is that? Mug Customs. It's a YouTube channel that I'm supporting. And we build custom trucks and cars. Mug customs. That's your company? Yeah. You do that yourself?

Yeah. You're kidding. Yeah. No, he's not kidding. And where is your shop? In Aurora. It's probably somewhere out by the camp, the camp pound. Custom trucks.

Aurora? Yeah, Aurora, Texas. I don't even know where that is. Does that mean you would paint a truck in custom way or you actually like build a truck? All of the above. Okay., it's full restorations that whole thing. I need to talk to you All right on like if I gave you a cyber truck and said paint it like a Brown's helmet You could do that. That would be easy. I mean we could make that happen. Okay, for sure We drive that but you're like, absolutely

No, oh, but if somebody gave me one I'd drive it. Well Elon's moving. Texas right? Yeah we need to make this happen. Yeah okay. Yeah we'll put up your sticker. Hand it over here. All right. Well I'll at least put it up here for now. Mug customs fun hot rods and customization and customizations. They totally put that boring hot rod and customizations out of business. Thank God. We've all been waiting. All right. Sorry, I didn't mean to scoreboard my brother over here. No, that's all right. He's the one that put this together. Who's married. So wait, how does this link up? What's the kind?

I married his sister and you stood by that weird just let that happen in a kilt Hmm you were wearing a kilt. I was wearing both were yeah, you know this dude does to your sister, bro I I think about this right now. I know something that's happened three times bro I think about this right now I know something that's happened three times okay any more than that I cannot vouch for okay I don't know I thought maybe y'all were tired yeah it was a long night yeah you do end up passing out some people do I heard I heard some people just pass out on top of her. Terry's my brother-in-law. We get along famously. That's cool. So much so that... You work with Terry at the shop? It's Kerry. Kerry with a K. Oh my bad. Yes, it

is Kerry. No, we just get along very well. So much so that my youngest, my daughter, thought we were actually the brothers and not my my you know, he wasn't my wife's brother. So but That will never make sense to me what you just said. Yeah, don't worry about I kind of get it I'm a day to subscriber 1251 If I ever ever call Franklin Franl, I'm using 817. Okay. Okay.

And then followed by? 333333333. Yes. I don't even have it on the screen. I hope you get an access to memory. No, we don't want that. No, I kind of do, just because Frankl is like, we get tracked on these things. Like factor meals will track us and they're like, oh, I can tell we sold this many or whatever.

And then Frankel, like they'll tell us, oh, we've gotten calls. And I just don't know, like has any of those calls turned in been because of like they were in an accident and had to go to court. Like, so we need more people to get in accidents and call Frankel for us. I'll do what I can to.

Make sure, yeah, thank you. Anything I can do to support the dumb zone call Frankl for us. I'll do make sure. Yeah, thank you. Anything I can do to support the dumb zone. Thank you, man. Including your sweet dude, monthly subscription and thank this. Yeah. Let's see. I'm a 1.3 listener also. You listen faster, huh? Listen. Yeah, it's weird being in studio and listening to it at

regular time. We're all full flow. Wow. Well I bet the silences are just... Does that really help?...scrutiating too. Just if you want to get if I gotta get it all in when I'm doing my stuff I gotta listen to it on 1.3. Okay. Would you rather we just broadcast less time? It doesn't matter. Okay. Really? So it sounds like this when, usually I sound like this. Oh, he doesn't have the headphones on, so it's not as funny to him, Rob.

Put your cans on. Now this will now be barely funny to you. It doesn't change the pitch. It doesn't make you sound like a chipmunk by listening at 1.3. You still retain the integrity of your normal timbre of your voice. Dan. Are you sure that's true, Danny? It sounds like I'm talking a lot faster.

You know, it's funny, Rob, when you put the chipmunk harmonizer on people, they always try to talk to it so they get more chipmunky. I was like, stop talking like this in real life. It's funny. It's like sucking in helium. Yeah. Start talking like that. Yeah I can hear you and you're trying to do chipmunk. Mm-hmm. So say something real low like this I don't think so. Sorry, bro.

Oh, that's all right. Sorry that I thought you were like I thought you guys were with With Brian over here, I really did No, I had no idea. We met coming up. Okay. All right We're not gonna we're not gonna ask for make good cuz Jake's not here, but I guess we can't talk about that either Personal yeah, what if I tell you off the air? You can tell me off the air. Okay, he's gonna put it on reddit He admitted to we didn't need to make good. So I think we're okay. All right, I still want to know Yeah, you know, I don't need to make good but I still want to know everyone will know soon

I'm already out of the DZ knockout league. Yeah, we him I am too. Who'd you get? Cincinnati. Yeah. Like everyone. Joe Burrows. Dude, I'm out of like two more this week.

I'm out of my kicker league. Yeah. I had Joey Sly. Yeah, the Ravens messed me up. Yeah, who did I go with? Did I go with the Ravens? I thought you went Chargers, but I don't remember. Two of them, like I went, I think I have Dallas in one.

And then yeah, the Ravens. Sorry, dude. Oh, that's... It gets us all. This is the first time I've ever participated in any knockout leagues. It seems so every year I'm like, it's so easy.

It'll be like, just a winner. Yeah. Doesn't have to be the spread. Yeah. Well, welcome. I appreciate it. I almost got Bob and Dan in trouble one day running the Stars Post Game show. Running the Stars Post Game? I was board-opping at the ticket. Oh. Former employee there. Okay. And fill in spare and running the board one night trying to hit the post at the end of the game with the, with the sounder and it was game was over several goals up. I don't, and then someone ice the puck.

And so the here's, you know know here comes up and bomb dad come up and and the game is technically still going with like five or six seconds on on the so how did that almost get us in trouble well I think you told me oh we can't be doing this while the game is still going. Oh, okay. And so I just hit the, hit the... Was I an asshole? Bob was, you weren't. Okay, yes, thank you. Bob was an incredible asshole to me.

Oh, how so? Just running different, you know, when you're running the board and trying to screen calls and I don't need this guy, him on in my ear for two minutes. It's pretty good fake Bob. He's a lovely man, but he was just not nice to me on the few occasions I worked with him. That's a tough bullets flying thing to throw somebody in because usually you're working the night shift because you just started in the game. And so you don't, like a live show is not started in the game. And so you don't like a live

show is not usually in your repertoire. And all of a sudden now you have to like it's easy just hitting spots for network right? Oh yeah I was working weekends for several years. Oh okay so even with you had a little experience under your belt. You weren't really stringing calls for the rant or anything like that. Yeah. So that there was no producing or anything like that. What's your last name? Helm.

Ah, Jason Helm, of course, I know you. Yeah. Hey, Dill. Yeah. You're Hey Dill. Yes. All right. The highest point I ever rose to You know Hey Dill?

Oh wow. at the ticket was being streamed at for Hey Dill. Yeah. That's awesome. He gave up the OU store. Hey Dill. Hey Dill. Hey.

Dill. That's great. I think I say that once a week. Hey Dill. Yeah, wrote a song about that. Appreciate that. The whole story. Have you heard it?

Sure you have. Yeah, there's t-shirts and one thing. Yeah. I saw not one nickel. Yeah that goes. Yeah you didn't say it, he did. I know. Yeah. Good point. You are the Dill. I am the Dill. Right. Yeah. Not like I got a nickel for that either, but did write a song. It's Jason Helm. What a great day. What a awesome. What a surprise, what a little Easter egg. He didn't leave with that.

Right. It's when you're Dill, I don't know that that's what you. Yeah, when you walk in, you gotta say, hey, I'm the Hey Dill guy. Embrace it. Yes. It's like Hank Hingley is the Hey Now guy, you're the Hey Dill guy.

I'll remember that. Okay. And I'm Hey Dill's brother-in-law. That's right. Is that how you're known? I guess. Yeah. It is now.

Do you get like special seats at restaurants and stuff like that? You probably know me. I'm the guy that made Corby yell hey, Dill because he gave the Oklahoma score, I believe. Kansas. Were you just trying to be mean? So Corby.

I was trying to help him. No, I was not. Oh really? No, I was being a jerk. I thought it was innocent. I was being a jerk. It was, I was not. It was innocent. I was. It was. I was being a jerk, but even better. I'm a big Husker fan.

And so we always hated Oklahoma better dead than sooner read. Sooners are playing K state. It's on the monitors in the studio there. And I just in their ear, K state scores. And that's when, you know, of course. Hey, hey, Dill. Dill.

What's up with that Huster's quarterback? He seems like he's pretty good. I think we're back. Yeah. I think we're back. That's not why Dan was asking. The Mahomes guy? Doesn't he imitate Mahomes?

He does. Yeah. Looks a lot like him. That's why I'm asking why. True freshman. What I'm saying, you weren't asking because of his play on the field. Oh, because it's all my home see any good. Yeah, my home's clone. Yeah, but yeah, but he does the home's thing

before the game and everything. Yeah, it's funny. Or annoying. It is what it is. We're happy to have him. Yeah. Yeah. Happy to have him. All right. Was that the end of the, oh no. I want to know what is the exact definition of well. Was that a Cleveland player and there was also a Ranger? Was it a Ranger that was all, does it have to be either Cleveland, Cleveland Indian player at that time or Milwaukee player? And they also played for the Rangers or was it just could be any Milwaukee player or any Cleveland player.

I'm trying to remember that was certainly a Mike Reiner creation, right? Where he would do the well, and I think it was just anybody who had played for Cleveland and maybe then it then also morphed into Milwaukee. If Bob mentioned someone from there, I don't think they had to also play Cleveland and maybe then it then also morphed into Milwaukee if Bob mentioned someone from there, but I don't think they had to also play for the Indians Although Mike Reiner and I were both fascinated by the sheer volume of players who happened to play for both franchises It's quite a few look it up

Very few that have played for all three, but a couple of them out there. Sure. So they say. So they say. That's all I got. Okay. Yes. Hey, we met the Hey Dill guy. That's awesome.

He's been sitting here for almost three hours. Brian Bowe, that's right. We didn't even need to do my thing, we could've just done the Hey Dill thing. Yeah, no, and I thought these guys were with you the whole day. Can't wait to to do my thing. We could just done the hey-dill thing. Yeah. No, and I thought I Thought these guys were with you the whole day. Can't wait to call Corby tonight Yeah, I thought you guys are doing I did get to ask Corby at the 25th anniversary. I wanted to apologize

He said no That's when he's like he knew I was being a jerk to it right right kind of rehashed the story and why and all that. So it was, uh, I love that that was on purpose because I thought he was berating an innocent man, but clearly you were the best part of it was that no one knows about, so you know, the rant ended at 10 o'clock or whatever it was or noon, I think. So gather my stuff, get on the elevator to go downstairs and Corby's getting on the elevator at the same time.

I accept your apology. So it was, it was, uh, I was being a jerk, but it was, you know, all in good fun. And, you know, who knows who's important or whatever, but yeah. Well, that's something. Travis at Community Mechanical, our HVAC company, said he got an email from Clayton in McKinney who said he reached out to us asking for a second opinion after a big AC company he was using for his PMs that's preventative maintenance, told him he needed to replace his coil for $5,000. He said it was the third straight company that had recommended some kind of repair

So he called us we went out took a look there was no leak in his coil his system was perfectly running I knew it was so happy he switched his PM contract to community mechanical and cancelled with the old company another success story with community mechanical community CommunityDFW.com, you can call or text them. Travis, 469-667-7290. Took care of the unit here in the den, took care of the unit over in the mini-den, my office. They've been out to tons of our houses. Check them out, communitydfw.com, 469-667-7290. I like the bios that you sent out. and out to tons of our houses. Check them out, communitydfw.com or 469-667-7290.

I like your, the bios that you sent us on different guys. Aaron apparently just likes to code. Can I read any of this? Yeah, absolutely. You emailed us that he doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke, he doesn't leave the house, he only lives to code and F because he has three kids so he has lots of sex and when he's not doing that he's coding you got it

nailed it and you missed you missed the part there oh you want me to now you don't want me to edit things yeah I get yelled at for reading everything I thought I did that down into the funniest part. The funniest part is you missed it. The two wives, no? You didn't notice that? Okay, explain why that's funny. I just...

I thought that just meant he had been divorced or something. No, literally lives with two wives, three kids. What does that mean? Aaron, do you wanna come on mic and explain yourself? I mean, love is love, man. Are you Mormon? No, not at all. Is it legal?

Sure. Are you legally married to one of them? You can't, yes, of course. Okay, you're not legally married. Of course. Of course. But you have another lady that lives with you that you also have sex with. Yes.

Do they have sex with each other? Yes. Fuck yeah. Do you? Did the three of you share a bed? If I was looking at it, it's really hot. So, so. Yeah, it is.

Yeah. So, so one of them has their own room. That they like to. Does I? They like to sleep. I don't even want to hear about this March Madness thing. No, I don't. I'm just kidding.

You literally live with two ladies. We do. One of them has her own. So one of them is the main wife that is in your master bedroom. We've been married for 15 years. But things were getting stale? No, not at all. Oh, no.

We didn't ask for this. It just happened. How'd you meet the? You just found a stray one day and brought her all. Oh, no. We didn't ask for this. It just happened. How'd you meet the- You just found a stray one day and brought her in. Yeah, how'd you meet her? She's one of our very best friends, part of our friend group. COVID happened and we were all isolating like pros, you know? She was the first one of the friend groups to reach back out and say,

man, I really wish hanging out. I really miss hanging out, I should say. And we said, OK, cool. You know, well, we're all vaccinated. You know, let's let's get back together and start hanging out and say, man, I really wish hanging out. I really miss hanging out, I should say. And we said, Okay, cool. You know, well, we're all vaccinated, you know, let's let's get back together and start hanging out and come get in this bubble. So when hanging out, is this when the first amorous thing would occurred? It had never occurred previous to that never occurred previously. It wasn't something we set out to do. It

just happened. And did the first point of love occur between your wife and her or just all the three of you or you and her or what? Us. The three. And it's been almost four years now. I just- Wait, you don't drink or smoke? No.

Okay, cause I would think you get a little drinking in you, a little one thing and you're just silly and you're laughing about something. No, but this is living together though. This ain't that. No, but the first time, it's the first time, you know. She moved in with us about, we were building a new house at the time.

And she moved in with us when we moved into the new house. And that was three years ago. How old are your kids? They're eight, 10 and 12, all boys. How do you explain this to them? We were very open with them from the very beginning. Dad's appeal. Yeah, they have to be like, my dad is the coolest.

Like, I always thought my kids would think I was cool, because I had like a radio. Yeah, no. They don't. It's three boys. I just kind of wanted to leave situations better than I found them. And you know, we love it.

We love our little slice of heaven. Now do you ever go sleep in the extra room? Like, okay, I wanna not sleep with someone tonight. And just let the two ladies be together. Sure, if I'm gone for business, she steals my spot on the bed. Yeah. So as far as like-

I've never been as hard. PTA and just like the normal shit you have to explain. I wish you could meet them. They're wonderful and amazing. We can. You will meet them. We will. They are invited.

I'm just saying as far as working through. Cancel everything else we have planned this week. Tomorrow we interview this guy and his ladies. Your kids go to a school Okay, well, I mean, I don't know the home school is not out of the up Room of possibilities here, but so I just what do you say to people? Like in the can the third woman or the third person like go pick the kids up sure even though they're not like a legal guardian Okay, so you have three incomes. No, I'm sole income

Okay, they don't work. Nope. So your house is spotless. Yes, it is. Awesome. Do they fight? No But they've fought Sure, we have you know disagreements and squabbles like any other couple. Yeah, do you team up ever? Like oh, that's a big thing. Oh, It's really. Oh, you're full of shit. If there's a dispute somewhere. Yeah. Say again? I said we are a team. Oh, this fucking guy.

But there's no disputes? Not about the things that you're thinking about, no. Oh, I just mean anything in the house. Yeah, just like a little, like, she's being. What to eat for dinner. Yeah, that must be a nightmare. I mean, really, we are so, I mean, we are just so very blessed. I know it sounds boring and I know Brad thinks I'm about the most boring person ever but we are I mean Brad's wrong

No, I don't think that that's the reason I wanted to hear this. I want to hear about like the division Conflict like are they ganging up on you and then you said that has to happen sometimes And you're like now Samantha is being a bitch today. You're right, sweetie. Like, gang up on her a little bit, you know? Does the newer wife get it, like, can she get onto the kids? Well, because I think I'd be like, who are you? We have to get onto the kids, Mike. They have to. Oh, because of course, they're perfect.

I mean, they're not. But I mean, sure. We knew going into this, because I'm an engineer, I'm all about researching, I knew that it was gonna be difficult for Faith coming into this, you know, giving up a lot of things that she probably thought were not going to happen the way that they're happening now, you know, so we knew that she had to be equal,

on equal footing. Obviously, you'd think that, oh, you know, my wife of 15 years, you know, she's conceding in some way or that this is some sort of consolation. It's just not that way at all. How are your parents? Very accepting. God damn. I hang out with too many dirt bags where you're genuinely nice and I don't know how to handle it.

I know. That's the thing. Because I'm like, hey grab the microphone, like hey so does she, such such, I'm like this is just a wholesome nice family. Can you go back over there for a second? Yeah. You want him to sit here? Well no, this is fine. You got more? Do they fight? No. But they've fought. Sure, we have you know disagreements and squabbles like any other couple. Yeah, do you team up ever? Like oh, that's a big thing. Oh, yeah, really? Oh, you're full if there's a dispute somewhere. Yeah We say again. I said we are a team So oh this fucking guy, but there's no disputes

Not about the things that you're thinking about no.. No, I just mean anything in the house. Yeah, just like a little, like, she's being, what to eat for dinner. Yeah, that must be a nightmare. I mean, really, we are so, I mean, we are just so very blessed. I know it sounds boring, and I know Brad thinks I'm about the most boring person ever, but we are, I mean... Brad's wrong. No, I don't think that. That's the reason I wanted him here. I want to hear about the division conflict.

Like are they ganging up on you and then you switch? That has to happen sometimes. And you're like, now Samantha is being a bitch today. You're right, sweetie. Like gang up on her a little bit. Does the newer wife get it? Can she get onto the kids? Well.

Because I think I'd be like, who are you? We have to get onto the kids much. Oh, because of course they're perfect. I mean, they're not. But I mean, sure. We knew going into this, because I'm an engineer. I'm all about researching. I knew that it was going to be difficult for Faith coming

into this, giving up a lot of things that she probably thought were not going to happen the way that they're happening now You know so we knew that she had to be equal on equal footing Mm-hmm Obviously you'd think that oh, you know my my wife of 15 years. You know Conceding in some way or that this is some sort of consolation. It's just not that way at all How are your parents?

very accepting. God damn. I don't know, like I don't, I hang out with too many dirtbags where you're genuinely nice and I don't know how to handle it. I know, that's the thing, cause I'm like, hey, grab the microphone. Like, hey, so does she, such and such.

I'm like, this is just a wholesome nice family. Yeah, that's adorable. Like I don't have anything. Yeah. I was a music minister for four or five years. I mean, that's, like I said, I like to live, leave things better than I found them. Yeah.

And that's with this relationship. Kind of an Elon type thing, right? Yeah. Like, look, hey. Not like my dumb wife. As much as me, I can get out there. I don't know, it's very interesting to me. Oh, thank you.

Well, thanks, Scenario. Absolutely. Jimmy? Oh, thank you. Well, thanks scenario. Absolutely. Jimmy? What does that mean? It's fairlease.org. I know that you can lease a vehicle. I know you can get awesome deals. Our buddy Travis at Community Mechanicals got their whole place fleeted out. They lease all their vehicles there. No one thinks you have the stuff to lease a car? What are you saying?

Well, the other places don't. And that's why they want to treat you so unfairly. And the other places also not affiliated with the credit union to Texas. So not Texas strong, not fair, not fair at all. They will deliver the car right to your doorstep well not doorstep but you get the idea they'll bring it to you that's what they're about fairness flexibility and focused on you that's what Fair Lease is Dan so

sell your car get paid fast and prove you've got the right stuff at fairlease.org So... Once Cum got on that field you couldn't get him off. What am I doing here? Go take some BP. That's pre-Cum. Alright Other Ham. I'm just waiting on it. You have a nice weekend. All right, bro. It is time for closing remarks out here at the home of Chase and Summer. I know at least one person we need on. Did Summer run away?

Cause you told her we were gonna have her on and then she left. Did Summer? We need to talk to that guy. She can't be afraid of us. Yeah. Oh we have gifts? How about that? Have we fully like explained how kick-ass this place is? So you're not coming on are you some summer? Alright well the thing is that I thought we're kind of here for summer because in that initial email that was sent to me by Chase, he said,

lastly and most importantly, you don't want to grab the mic either Chase? All right, geez. This is great. Lastly and most importantly, in lieu of waking her up in that special way as a birthday gift to my wife, I will be contacting Blake to set up a remote at our house in Aledo in Aledo in the fall that's all she asked for for her birthday wow how low maintenance is that lie oh that doesn't sound like a midsummer oh wow she didn't he didn't even buy this damn he didn't he's not the one that even got her this he's's an idea guy. Okay. Well all I care about is these presents. This place is incredible. The one that's for me. Do you guys have like is

the floor like this so you could just mop it? Yeah where's the cows? Like there's so much field. No there's nothing. You have no lives. Is this the biggest place we've ever been? Because we've been to great This is up there. Houses, estates. This is certainly a beautiful house. I was gonna ask, Cary Mounts, is he the other one? As far as land? Land, yes. He might have him beat. Yeah. That might be like a hundred acres. Blake was asking if he was gonna put a deckyard back here. You could. Oh my god. Nice little square back there. Oh my god. You little square back there. Oh my god.

You could make a nice little baseball field. Sure, if you're an old. I thought you liked baseball. I did. Your opening day was yesterday. I'm trying to get in everything. Make sure we get this guy before we get out of here. Well let's get him now.

Okay. What are we doing? Mike's right there. His name is know. Okay. What are we doing? Mike's right there. His name is Bobby. Yeah. So his friend here decided to out him. You can use that one. He said, we should talk about your bachelor party.

I was like, oh, what was it? Was it something wild? He's like, nah, it was just West Seventh, Fort Worth. Cause we were talking about the neighborhood that we used to both live in. And he's oh yeah it was on a reality show and I'm like no more. Your bachelor party? Yeah. Okay. Let's throw that mic in front of your face. So what's the show? It was Married at First Sight. Married at First Sight? Yeah. And what was the nature of this reality show? Were you divorced or something? No, no I'm still married.

Yeah, I'm still married to the girl. Okay, you're single. Still married to her, yeah. Well, start at the start. So I just got a random phone call when I was at lunch one day. How old? Oh gosh, I was probably 27. And it was like, hey, you're looking for love.

It was this guy named Hershey Petty, so I was really geeked out by his name, blocked his number, thought it was spam, and then I heard on the ticket actually that they were doing an advertisement or whatever, so I figured out it wasn't BS. Called the guy back and my family had put in an application for it, but the application was

that I was gay. So it was a prank on me, but they put it in like I was looking to marry another guy. My family did it. Yeah, my mom, dad. Yeah, it's a bit Your mom is like they were all in this will be hilarious. Yeah, let's see. It was Sarah So this day if it sticks So anyway, it went your family sounds awesome. Yeah, they're pretty great. Yeah. All right

Yeah, went through like a year process a lot of different stuff Different tests different interviews and then they just showed up at my door one day and they were like, you have 10 days. Go find 25 people that'll come to your wedding at 11 o'clock on a Friday. You're gonna meet this chick. Didn't know anything about her, didn't know how old she was,

didn't know what color her skin was, didn't know anything about her, nothing. Didn't know her name, nothing. Age, nothing. But you're like, I'll marry her. Yeah, showed up to the wedding, married her. Nothing. Didn't know her name. Nothing. Aged. Nothing. But you're like, I'll marry her. Yeah. Showed up to the wedding, married her. Wait. I don't. So wait, you got to back up more. Yeah. You're like, I got a random call from a guy and they thought I was gay. Yeah. Okay. So what did you hear on the ticket that indicates this is not a spam?

There was casting going on in the DFW area for the show. For this show. So that's when I knew it dawned on me it wasn't BS, it wasn't spam, the guy was legit. I unblocked his number, called him back to apologize. You called him back and you said, hey, but I'm not gay. Right. He was like, are you, you know, are you... He's like, oh, okay, we're doing... Are you into...

We're doing chicks too. Yeah. Basically. Okay. That was it. And you signed a contract with this reality show? Yeah. For what?

I don't even know what I signed, really, to be honest. But it was like a year. Like 100 grand? No. You get money or no? Yeah, we got paid. But it wasn't enough. It's not like, fuck you money or anything.

They paid for the event, though? Yeah, they paid for the wedding. They paid for the ring. But even just to be on the show, though, did you get, like I'm saying, just give me a ballpark. 100 grand? 20 grand? No, it was like, it was less than 10 grand.

It was per episode. So it was like, if there were however many episodes, you got paid per episode that aired. OK. And so what was the one year part? And you're like, I will get married. I think the contract was more around the title. So they basically have you as long as the show doesn't change the name of the show.

Got it. If they change the name of the show, like if you do a spinoff or something, then you can go in and renegotiate. So you married this person that 10th day. You met them that day. I met her at the wedding, and I married her legally the next day in Oklahoma.

And you are still married. Still married. So just like a somewhat like a Prince Hakim, but coming to America. Yeah, an arranged marriage. Basically, yeah. They gave me like a criteria. I had some deal breakers, like three deal breakers, absolute no-goes. Aggie.

Yeah. Mine was like cats, tats, and debt or something like that. Funny. Cats, tats, and debt? Yeah. I was It's funny. Cats, tats, and debt? Yeah. I was allergic to cats. That was kind of a no-go for me. Cats didn't love them.

Could have made it funnier if you were just like. I could care less now, but I was young and dumb. Yeah, tats now. That's going to be hard to weed that out. It would have been funnier if you just leaned into it and just went with fats. Hey, you know me, Bobby. Cats, tats, and fat.

I'll do anything but cats, tats, and fats. You did not give any racial parameters? It was, I was open to anything, so I was wide open there. How old were you? 27. I got married at 28. Did you do any body type thing? Like, I don't need tats.

Yeah, just no tats. So what would have happened if you bailed? I did bail. I bailed, I called and bailed like probably nine days before the wedding. I was like, I can't do this because I was dating somebody at the time. You were dating when they called you? Yeah. And you said, yeah, I'll get married in 10 days. But I told her up front, I was like, listen, I'm going through this thing. It's been a long time. It may or may not happen. Just letting you know if it does happen, I got to go get married. And then it's eight weeks before I can call you again. Oh, okay. So they didn't call you and say 10 days

from now, will you get married? They said for the next week. They did. They gave me 10 days notice to get married. But you had known for a while. Yeah. But they were like, Hey, look, only three guys get picked out of however many thousand or so you're like, I'm never going to get picked. There's no chance I'm ever going to get picked. So they live a normal life. I did date this chick for a while. And then I just had to break up with her and get married. And I knew.

Dude, that's not a bad, from her standpoint, she's like, oh, she'll charge you to the game. I know. Nothing I could have done. There was an element, too. She was still willing. She was like, hey, if it doesn't work out in eight weeks, call me.

And I was like, no way I can call her back. She's nuts. She's nuts. That she would say that. Yeah was like, hey, if it doesn't work out in eight weeks, call me. And I was like, no way I can call her back. She's nuts. She's nuts. That she would say that. Yeah. Yeah. So I was like, I can't call her back. But your garden weed itself there a little bit. This one cross off. So you get married. Do you have sex with her that night? No, no, it was really, there was like too many people well that what wasn't really on the table but there was camera people around and it was exhausting the whole wedding was exhausting and then it wasn't till Mexico on our honeymoon that I was able to seal the deal which was like it was

like a week later. How long did it take for you to like this person? She must look okay. Yeah, no she's hot. She's a good looking chick. And I'm still weather. Yeah, and she obviously wasn't turned off by you. No, I think I kind of grew on her, but I certainly wasn't her type. She told me that pretty much up front. Right up front? Yeah. So you do the thing for TV Saturday, but then the next day you said you go to Oklahoma for some reason? Why would you have to go to Oklahoma?

I think in the state of Texas, in order to get legally married married you have to go to the church first before you can have a ceremony So we had the wedding in Texas and then went to Oklahoma where does it seem whatever backwards? He's one of the few people on this show who's still married because I'm looking at the Wikipedia page right now How long you've been married? Just had seven years this month. God damn. It's insane. This is a full episode I feel like. It's pretty wild. What do you and you have I see here three children.

Yeah. Whoa! Yeah, but we got pregnant like we got pregnant like right away. Okay, so we're not. Okay. Let it dig in, you know. She was on board and My don't my mind is blown right now Like he's just so her family's cool your family like everybody's like yeah, whatever everyone's fine. We don't really talk

I mean her her they're in Washington Minor from Texas did she live here at the time. Yeah, she was from Austin. Okay, so what's my channel? Yeah, okay Yeah, okay This is Austin. OK, so she was mostly from Seattle. Yeah. OK. Yeah, OK. This is great. It is great. That's a really weird origin story, but I guess it's probably more common these days

to have something like this. I wouldn't let my kids do it. Yeah. No way. Not a shot. Would you send a fake gay casting call for one of your kids? That might be worth it, yeah. That might be worth it, yeah. That might be worth it.

Wow. Well, Bobby, it's nice to meet you. Yeah, man. Thanks for coming. We'll probably be contacting you. Do it. Yeah, that's great. Love hearing from you.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's gift time. I'll go first. We have a t-shirt. Oh, this is so cool This one's a little bit sad, but I like it. It's my two favorite players. Yeah, I think it's the same thing It's the LeBron LeBron LeBron Luca step brothers. I got white men can't jump. I will actually wear this I got a LeBron Luca step brothers. What do you got there? Do you have a t-shirt to show off me? No, I have something else in here, too

Do you have a t-shirt to show off me? No, I have something else in here, too Get Fort Worth oh hell yeah membership. I got the Bobcat Yeti for Little Brooks for all my seltzer purposes needs Nice and I got this is kind of awkward by the way, I feel like it kid I got Hooters to go seafood breadingers to go, seafood breading. Hooters, seafood breading. So yeah, when I make the fish this weekend. That is awesome. Get all the flavor of Hooters at home.

Which is why you go to Hooters, for the food. Thank you guys for having us. Should we have someone else on? Yeah, let's get that guy's wife. Yeah. Adios. The key to muscles and wealth, it's Game Day Men's Health. If I look at you and I see muscles and wealth.

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It's not your typical doctor's office either. It's like a, they say like a man cave, but it's got leather chairs, flat screens, sports on TV. Coke Zero? Really? Yeah, Zach, our friend Zach sent me a photo of a Coke Zero that he snuck out of there when he was getting vitamin therapy. So testosterone replacement therapy, peptides, huh?

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Dot-com what happened Amy? What do you mean? What happened 32 Amy Martin. What do you mean, what happened? 32 years. Oh. He had a difficult job and we had a daughter with multiple issues, ADHD, Tourette's Syndrome, OCD, anxiety, and needed lots of help. It happens. Yeah. Tourette's syndrome, OCD, anxiety and needed lots of help and... It happens. Yeah. So she becomes a graduate of college and all of a sudden we're like, who are you? And went to therapy for years and didn't work out.

So your whole life was revolved around that. Then all of a sudden it's like, here's a person 20 years later, they are different now. Our daughter didn't need my help anymore. So yeah, it happens. Wait, he retired, and your daughter didn't need what? My help anymore. Because she has him.

No. What are we saying here? My husband anymore. Because she has him? No. What are we saying here? My husband retired. My ex-husband retired. And I had been helping our daughter on almost a daily basis. And so she matures. Our brain turns 25. She doesn't need as much help anymore.

And so then we had time for each other. You know it happens all the time. Just not usually after so many years. And you're all horned up looking for a date. You wouldn't say no if somebody said what you'd like to date. Yeah, it's been a couple years since we started the process. So I've kind of dealt with all that. Since you started what process?

Divorce. Divorce. Oh, OK. So you're not fully divorced? No, I am. OK. It takes a while. It started in 2022.

And you've been dating, though? You've been out in the market? Well, I'm on match. How does that work? Not a fan? It's just so different. You know, looking at photos and trying to figure out, oh, you go to church all the time.

I'm not that person. Is it really going to work? And then if they say, you know, if I should find somebody who says they're a ticket listener, it's an immediate, like, you know, if I should find somebody who says they're a ticket listener, it's an immediate like, you know, what at least kind of sense of humor they'll have and that they like sports. So that is a good shorthand to have. But I've only met one guy that way and he wasn't anything like his pictures.

His pictures were from a long time. You know, he could barely move and I'm pretty active so that wouldn't work. But he was a nice guy. Do you have any age parameters? Well, at this age, unless it's a brown man or a black man, a white man's not interested in me. As you have said before, I'm too old. So now you're 64, but I think you do not expand on that.

You've experienced that. Yes. Really? Yes. Okay. So like Emily said, you, you don't want to go too high because you want to make sure the equipment works. Yeah.

Right? Because you're not looking for just companionship. You're looking for somebody to do some hammering away. Sex was not a reason why my marriage ended. Okay. Or... Had you strayed outside the marriage? No.

Oh, okay. So you haven't had... Well... Have you had sex since you've been divorced? Yes. Okay, was that weird? Yes. Was it awesome? I mean weird? It was, well okay, so I dated my ex-husband off and on for ten years before we married. So he'd been the only guy for a long time. For what? 30? 40 years?

Maybe, yeah, 38 years? Okay. You had never, okay, how many, what was your body count previously? Don't, dude. Well, I mean, back then it was way lower. It's been a long time since I've thought about it. A couple? Yeah, yeah.

A handful? Okay. Not like a dozen. Not like a dozen. Okay. Back then it was way lower. It's been a long time since I've thought about it. I don't know. A couple? Yeah, yeah. A handful? Okay.

Not like a dozen. Not like you never did any of the thing. You didn't do a TikTok challenge where a bunch of guys were. I was a nerd, so no. Okay, well, the nerds. Yeah, not back then. They're out there.

The nerd has had a nice, steady, inclined cultural relevance. OK, but you hadn't had sex with another man. Now, in the final years of your marriage, were you having sex a lot? Yes. You were, while married? Yes. OK.

That's surprising. That's not surprising at all. Really? Yeah, because like. I just thought that would wane. Well, I mean, I'm sure that it well, which is a personal experience or anything. But a lot of times if you're in a volatile relationship, that's not an uncommon thing. Remember I told you guys about there was a dude at the Hab that was like, man, when me

and my wife, my girl fight, we just like to have sex. Yeah. Because we're all passionate. I think I just became hornier as I got older. That could be a simple explanation as well. They say these creatures reach their prime a little bit later. Okay, so upon divorce you had still been real sexually active Yeah with my husband right? Yeah. Yeah with this same old guy that I've been with for 38 years. Yes, and now first time With somebody else. Yeah, what was that? It was really odd. I mean it was exciting, but it was strange. Yeah. How many dates before it or was it the first time? First date? Oh no,

it wasn't the first date. I don't know, handful. Okay. Even just kissing him the first time. Oh, yeah, really weird that yeah, that's even more intimate. Oh, yeah Okay. Yeah, so and then was there like it's a handful of dates, but there is a time after dating you and you're like I know Tonight might be it or like had you actually talked overtly like hey, I've been married for 38 years to the same guy Yeah, I just want married for 38 years to the same guy. Yeah. I just want you to know this is well, she comes from a time when consent didn't even exist. I did.

I did mention that a better how odd it was. And um, but you're like a person now. He was pretty, he was pretty set that that, you know, we wanted that to happen. And that was going to happen. And wait, what do you mean? I was, well, I don't know. that we wanted that to happen and that was gonna happen. Wait, what do you mean? I was, well, I don't know. He was very interested.

That's not to be interested in, she's a lovely lady. No, no, no, you're, I'm just saying, like you talk about the 80s, what a 64 year old, like this is a 40 year old woman in the 80s. Amy, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. This is not, this is the,

this is the way things are these days. All right, come on, say more. No, you're looking, I think you're looking great. Yeah, no, I, So yeah, so now this guy. We know she had sex outside. Tell me how, how he was overtly. Not anymore.

He was overtly telling you though that he was... Like sex is part of this deal here. It's the night. Yeah. It's the night. Like that day? Or just like kinda... No, well...

Explain this to me. What are you... When we had the conversation, we were going to have sex. Like that right then? Yes. Okay. You're like, hey, I haven't done this. This is weird for me.

I haven't done this with anybody else in a long time. And he's like, stop talking. Get the top off. Pretty much. It's not going to disappear on its own. Yeah. Yeah, that's got to be so, so, so weird. I got over it.

Do you talk to the ex at all anymore? Like is there any reason, I guess you don't have any reason to. He's really active on social media saying really horrible things about me. What? That's a bummer, man. I'm close to his family and he's not though, so. You're close to his family, yeah.

Cause he's. That's a weird bit. That's nice. He went off the deep end. First sexual relations guy though since being married, was it just that one time where you're like, huh, I'm underwhelmed? Well, I'm not seeing that. I have a different guy now. Okay.

But he doesn't have time for me. He's got two young kids and Would you get married again? No, no when you're this age if The other person's parents are still alive. You still have to meet him and stuff I have no idea it's always been interesting to me like my aunt Terry who was married uncle Gary Started dating once Gary died. She was dating some old guy who was like 70 or whatever. And yeah, he would not move in with her

because his mom would frown upon them. She was like 95. That's kind of why I'm asking. I feel like people still from that generation. Right. Most guys want a nurse or a purse that are my age or older. I hadn't heard that before. That's a great one.

That's fantastic. So you think there are dudes that are just actually out for money? Yeah. And she's obviously retired, so she's done okay for herself. I was married to a doctor. Okay. So we done okay for herself. I was married to a doctor. Okay. So we did. Okay.

Yeah. But if you give somebody your cell phone number and they, and they're your name and they have a subscription service, they can look up all that information about you it's illegal, but you can do it. And the guy that was a ticket listener did that and showed me what he could see about me. It's illegal but you can do it. And the guy that was a ticket listener did that and showed me what he could see about me. Whoa. Rental properties, where I've lived, relatives. Dang. So you are a little bit of a purse. I could be. Hypothetically, what. And hypothetically, if you, weird,

but what would be a good way to not get detected if that were your aim? Google voice. Oh, you mean if? If I want the purse. Oh, I don't know. OK. If I get a Google voice number, then they can't look me up.

So that's my next step. That's a good start. Yeah, that's probably coming straight from like India. The guy that, well the guy that was the ticket listener, he told me that's what you do. So you would be all for us setting you up, like let us... Sure. Would you be do game show or something if we had three guys that wanted to? Summer event? Okay, but you guys have to come up the questions because I would be horrible at that. Yeah, if we set you up, paid for the date, and then at the summer event, you

came and tell everybody how the date was. Oh, that'd be great. The generic summer event. We want you to be happy. You make us happy, and you deserve it. Yeah, we've seen you out at a lot of our bits. You seem like an awesome person. Always bring a smile. I was about the only one at Taco Bell that one time

when you guys were there. Off of Cent. Is this a Dan and Jake show? Yeah. On the ticket, you mean? Hang zone. Bueno. Was it Taco Bueno?

It was out in Central next to the- Jake's sitting there like, boy, if I've been to a Taco Bell, I know every time I've been to a Taco Bell. Right, Taco Bueno. Okay. Yeah, but you are. I was the only one paying attention to you guys. That's the funny thing about, I don't know, any remotes we do now, I think it's amazing

because there'll be a ton of people there and they'll be really paying attention to the show and like the, it is a smaller but more fervent you know I went to Zoli's basically yeah no that I was at the motorcycle place yeah so I would guess even if we didn't pay for a date for you you would be at the summer event yes I had it I actually had the date on my calendar okay you. You must have mentioned it previous. Now these are, we've been directing closing remarks. Did you have anything? Oh, I have gifts.

Of course you do. Okay, so, um, you talked about fairy smut. Mm-hmm. So, smut, or erotica, is much like porn. If you can think about it it exists oh yeah so there's all sorts are you familiar with the porn game oh yeah yeah that's something that you'll log on to and be like what's up well before the hub issues before the hub issues well cuz now you have to it's a lot of license

flight yeah a lot of work around I just saw just also want to note that no one, and I mean, fucking no one alive is saying logging on to some porn anymore. Just firing it up. This is log on to a little porn. I prefer my porn written. Okay. So, just what? Respect. I wonder if that's a female thing I'm not a visual

person I've asked my wife like just flat out like is this kind of doing something for you and she's like there is some it's that yeah yeah I don't know if it's to the point of like needing to get the compilation. Do you do audio porn? Uh-uh. Okay you never tried it? Would you do it if we offered you Blake reading? Yeah, I'll do it. The other thing is somebody wrote in and said, um, manual, the power ran out so they couldn't use their, I don't know, vibrator or whatever. Oh yeah, yeah.

A lot of people thought that was fake. No. What about manual? And she's like, that never cuts it. And I would have to agree, once you've gone, you know. Once you've gone to the power tools, you don't want to use the? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

So I couldn't think. You're not going to use the push mower after you've been on the riding mower? So I couldn't think of what to get you guys. I'm like, ugh. So I thought. You're so nice. You already got us some eatsies. Yeah.

Well, you have to tell me how much that is. So I got your wives something. Smart move. Don't open it yet. Mother's Day weekend. Yes. Oh my god. I can't open it.

Sorry. Yes It's they're all the same and this comes highly personally recommend Okay, she led into this by talking about a vibrator so the best am I guessing that that's what oh Honey Oh Honey So slick now we have to roll on it No, it makes a lot of noise Not the head No, I'm picturing Friday show Clayton fire up Jake's wife's video now There she is. Here's this prank. I played on my wife. I'm selling this video for

Substance Don't she is, look how into it she is. Be a sub stack. All right, now Blake's wife is pregnant, but some guys are into that. Here, grab the video, Blake. I meant audio, but OK. Oh, yeah. The rest of our wacky bit on tomorrow's Patreon. But the thing about this is many things are sold like this. And they are called massagers. Yeah, it's like a muscle massager. My wife might even have one next to the bed.

Yeah, it's funny how that. But it's for the tight muscles. Highly rated. And this just says it's called the Satisfier. Yeah, Satisfy Her. Generation two. This isn't the... Yeah, you can't rest on your laurel, you know?

What do you think you got to make? And it just says blatantly on the front because it's air pulse touch free clitoral stimulation that's important too there's no like and it's a USB oh so it's charged Even if the electricity goes out. You're set. It's got a special charger. Oh, it does? Yeah.

OK. One end is two magnets. The other end is a USB. OK. I wanted to see if I could fire it up. I don't know. Yeah, boy. I got a mark.

But you do win an award for... Most... Unique... Yeah. Gift brought to the den. No, the chat loves her. Hahaha! Not all at once, fellas. We can go. I just want to point this vibrator at you. Do you feel, uh... Bad about taking off your shoes?

You don't have socks? I actually have... Sponsor socks. Oh. Okay. I was wearing sandals, so it didn't matter. Alright, thanks for the vibrator. That's what it's called, right? Anytime. Yeah. How about a word from our friends in the personal injury attorney game? Frankel and Frankel, the

only name in that game you need to know. If you get in a car accident, I don't know when the last time you were in one Dan but it's hectic. There's a lot going on. You got to make sure you're okay first and then you got to make sure that you're not getting poached or assailed by other predatory insurance companies. The Frankles will protect you. Call them first. 214-817-333-3333. They know the dirty tricks of the insurance companies because they have people that they work with they used to work for them They'll handle this for you Dan. Yeah, they're like a Belichick is a master at offense, but he used to work on just defense Cliff Kingsbury knows Hall of Fame defensive coordinator because he knows so much. I don't know that that makes any sense right there

What you just said he's an offensive coordinator But Frank Franko yeah, they're great. They'll take care of 2 1 4 8 1 7 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 And now, we are at a portion of the program we like to call... Do you know what we call this? Closing remarks. That's right. And this is Eric, everybody. This is your bachelor party? Kind of?

Poodle bachelor party. So shout out to these two guys. My brother, my best friend here, setting this up today. OK. Redditt's brother's house. We'll see what we get into. Might go race some go-karts. Brother's house is pretty sweet.

Hell yeah. Then we go to the casino. Nice. I like the brother's house. Nice. Shale? Yeah. Honestly, I've told him for a long time I think he should be like a party sommelier Throw him a few hundred bucks cover his booze and I promise you it'll be worth your money. It's got any more to those those tokens So if you had 500 bucks, do you want to have Rowdy at your party or Mike Saroy?

I mean, I'm honestly I'm to tell you, whatever you think, if you're the type of bachelor party that wants to get a stripper, give it to him. Just give it to him. He'll come back. You'll be fine. He'll bring you back the supplies you need. Anyways, paintball.

Why not paintball? Oh, sorry. Maybe you guys get in some paintball today. I didn't think about that. Yeah. It's very popular around here, I've learned. So how do we want to proceed here? Do we want to cover the email?

I mean, do you have anything that's or do we give him that opportunity after the email? Because you have emailed us in the past. Or was it your brother that emailed us? No, that was me. That's the start of the show. I think. Start there. Okay. Hold that close to your mouth. Hold it better there. There you go. Yeah. You sell microphones. Which one is Drew? That's it. Okay, because he's emailed as well. Okay, so Eric, his email had something to do with,

well, do you want to just go ahead and summarize? I mean, we were talking about passing a drug test, I think. Yeah, Somehow it came up in conversation that I think Dan joked, like, oh, you could get just a little Carter to pass your drug test when you need him, Jake. And I was like, this happened to me. I got a write-in. So it's a long email, but long story short, I was 16, 17.

My little brother's here over there. He just turned 22. Long story short, mom's on the way home from work. I got about 15, 20 minutes. She gives me a call, and for whatever reason, it just turned into, I know you're pothead. I know you're smoking pot. And she had just all but caught me red-handed at the time.

And so we started arguing over the phone. I'm usually the guy like, okay, you caught me. But for whatever reason, that day, I'm like, bullshit. No, I'm not. Let's go, let's do this. What are you gonna do? She's like, well, I'm gonna stop at the pharmacy, get an at-home drug test.

And my 16-year-old brain didn't even know that existed at the time. Yeah, you're like, what are you going to do, call the FBI? How would you ever get a drug test? She's like, ah. So what I left out of the email, so I was trying to keep it short, is I knew I had about 15, 20 minutes before everything was over. She was not screwing around. My life is done. What I left out of the e-mail is I called my best friend,

sitting over there, because I didn't know what to do. I'm freaking out. I called him, he picked up. He's probably smoking a joint at the time. I don't know what to do. It's like, listen here, here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna go into your little brother's room, tell him to piss in this cup, don't say anything.

That's it. I'm like, I can't do that. He's seven years old or whatever. He's gonna tell mom as soon as I ask. So that's exactly what I did. Walked in, I think it was just me and him home at the time. He's like playing Madden or something. And I didn't quite take his approach.

I was like real serious about it. Kind of pat him on the back like, hey, sit down on the bed here. Let's have a conversation. Just bro to bro. But what's worth mentioning that I also didn't say in the email is like, I was his arch nemesis at the time. So getting him to do any favor for me, let alone he in a cup, there's no way. But I had no choice.

It was like I was either going to, he's going to tell mom and I failed. We've all swallowed our pride. Oh, yeah. For different things to make. In fact, in your email, you wrote that you walked in his room speaking to him in a very soft, pathetic tone of a man pleading for his life. You know, sometimes there are

things in life that brothers need to help each other out with. Things that mom and dad can never know about. Yeah, and the way you read that on the air was exactly how it was. Like, because usually you're in this different mode. But when you talk to anybody, they can tell, oh, wow, this is different. This is actually serious. Like, we're really. And dude, everybody who had a younger sibling,

when we read that email, could feel it. I was like, I've done this. Like, we do have, we are rivals. We have our problems. But we do have one common. No one else can understand what it's like to have these parents. You're the only other person that has the exact same mix of DNA. We do have this bond, even though we hate each other.

So there are certain times you can pull this card. So you make the presentation. And I'm pulling the card now. That's how important this thing is. Yeah, and I thought I had a 0% chance of him complying. And he thought it was the funniest thing ever. I'm like, all I need you to do is piss in this little cup. Dude, imagine though, you've been around Nora recently.

She's six. P is the funniest thing in the world, too. And the concept of piss, she was asking me at the park yesterday when I was using a urinal, she was like, what if I try that? I was like, well piss will be everywhere. She just thought that was the funniest thing of all time. That's who he's dealing with. Yeah, exactly. So he did the deed. It was...

He thought it was funny. The funniest thing he'd ever done. Had no idea what was going on. And then... Because you couldn't explain to him the concept of drugs. No, no, no, no, no. Clueless. Absolutely clueless. He was like, I just need this, no questions asked.

Yeah, exactly. So mom raced in and just like I put in the email, she wasn't waiting around for anything. As soon as she came in, she's like, let's go straight to the bathroom. And you have it in the bathroom hiding. I think it was under the sink, like below the sink in the cabinet. And I'm trying to sell the bit.

When the Academy Award, I do my piss in the toilet to act like I'm actually putting it in the cup. And walk out, I was just confident as ever. And I've never been more confident in my life. Because you were confident on the phone when she called you. Exactly. You were bluffing. You know, I was more guilty than OJ.

Right. Looking back. Like, this is slam dunk for her. But you were confident that your second-year-old brother did not have a coke problem. So you were good once you handed it to yourself. I understand the phone call bluff. Yeah, by time. I absolutely have not.

By time. I don't even think. You can't prove it. When I was in high school, I knew you could buy drug to a set of pharmacies. Like, I yelled at Jake when they were saying that I said Julie was press box hot. I'm like, there's no way that you could ever prove that. And he found the audio and if I did you would have been right, right?

so so gave her the cup with a smile on my face and Just kind of sat back in my room for a minute and then you know patiently waiting like see what's gonna happen for a minute and then you know patiently waiting like see what's gonna happen. And like seriously just like I wrote in the email she's like holding the test strip up to the light like she she couldn't believe what was happening. It wasn't invalid. I wasn't positive for drugs and I'm kind of peeking over into a room I can see her like

looking at it by her sink. She's going through these papers like she couldn't believe it. It just didn't. Did I do it right? Yeah. Did I do it right? And so I let her do that for a few minutes and I'm like so what happened? She said I think I fucked it up. But really like I was negative. She just, she knew I was more guilty. She did not say I'm sorry that I charged you with this? No, she was just in disbelief and she was broken. She didn't have, she couldn't punish me.

She couldn't say I'm sorry. It did nothing added up in her head because she knew I was guilty. But the test results said something else. It's just white America the day the verdict was announced. Exactly. They said not guilty. Yeah, the glove didn't fit. And so, yeah, I got off clean and here we are today.

We're, like you said, when you guys read it on air, we've become really tight. That's awesome. Since then, it's been close. You and little brother? Yeah, yeah, he's right there. Yeah, mom still doesn't know. So she knows we're doing this here today. So we'll find out.

So what these guys have set up is, have they, you've set up Blake, that we're going gonna call her. What? Live on the air. Or is she like listening now? No, no, we're sub-unly. We told her to pick up. You just said pick up the phone. Yeah, I wasn't sure if we were gonna do this,

but yeah, let's do it. Are you sure that she'll remember the time that she drug tested? Okay, there's no way she'll forget that, right? Yeah, because I mean, it was happening to my brother a little bit too, but I know my mom. What's her name? Mom.

Mom. OK. Yeah. Because he wasn't a pothead like I was. So I was, you know, middle child. Yeah. You know how it goes. Older bro.

OK, we're dialing up mom right now. This is magical. We're dialing up Eric's mom. The hard line once had me call and tell my mom I moved in with a stripper. Hello? Hi mom. It's Eric. Hey mom. You're on the dumb zone with Jake and Blake.

Hey mom, I'm Jake. These are my friends, Dan and Blake. How are you? Good. How's everybody over there? Doing great. Doing great, mom. Yeah, we're doing a little show over here.

We're here for Eric who is about to get married, right? Yeah! I know, yeah. Aren't you excited? I'm very excited. You never thought he'd you net let's be honest mom you you didn't think he had this in him did you? Well I set them up I'm responsible for the two of them getting married. Oh I knew it. You're the reason he met her huh? I knew there was something else at play here. Okay

that's great. Well they did they did do their part. Yeah, yeah, they had to take it from there, but you opened the door. Oh yeah. You know? You're exactly right, I did. Are you ready to get some grandbabies or what? Well, absolutely. We've got a grandbaby, you know, percolating at the moment. Oh, you do? Okay. I didn't realize that. What's the first set of older Jake? Huh? Yeah, older brother. He's got a kid, yeah, so. Oh, you do? OK. I didn't realize that. What's your first set of underwear, Jake? Huh? Yeah, older brother. He's got a kid. Yeah, so.

Oh, OK. Very nice. Yeah, I guess we're at his house. The pool fence. We're at his house. There's a pregnant lady running around there somewhere. You can't miss her. No, she's not here right now.

Oh, really? OK. I love how women love talking about how big pregnant women are. Unless she's running around, you can't miss her. Every woman is, oh look at him, big as a house. So you might find it odd that we are calling you On the show. Yes. But apparently, Eric and his little brother have a story that they want to tell you. I guess something happened in their childhood that they think you are tangentially aware of, but you're not fully aware of all of the details so if I can ask

you do you remember a time when Eric you had great suspicions that Eric as a teenager was smoking marijuana the The Devil's lettuce? Yes. The Devil's lettuce. Mary Jane. Indeed. The gateway drug. Yes, I did. Yes. Yes, I did. And I'm, if you're gonna tell me that that was actually, that he actually did it, I will believe you

because I never believed that he didn't do it. Okay, so what do you remember from it? You're saying- This is how Maury gets to feel. Here's what I heard from what I heard. The story was that you called him, you really knew that he was smoking pot. How did you know that? Because I found a foil pack in his bag after he returned from his trip and it smelled weird. And I, so, there's that. Are you someone who has smoked pot yourself and so that's how you actually knew?

Well, not back then. The laws have changed. You're saying that since then you have... Things have changed. You're saying that since then you have... Things have changed. You have touched base. I've been made aware. Yes, I think. Right.

Little market research. Okay, but as of then, it wasn't like you were a partier in college and then that's how I know. You were pure as the driven snow at that point. I really was. I'd never smoked pot. I hadn't even smoked a cigarette. So I was like on high alert for anything inappropriate. This is my life.

Okay, you grew up perhaps in the 80s with the Nancy Reagan and the drug. We're real anti-drug back then, right? Yeah, yeah. In my email, I describe you as the DEA in yoga pants. That's right, that was very good. Okay, so that day you were certain, but you called him and what do you remember telling him? I don't remember specifically what I said, but I made him take a drug test. Okay, so you were going to buy a drug test at the pharmacy, take it home, and make him

take that drug test immediately when he got home. Right. And then, whoa, but then you're saying, from what I know of the story, somehow that he passed the drug test, right? Yeah, he did. And you were distraught over that because you knew for sure he must have been smoking pot so you just didn't you didn't know how to handle this, right? Like you were never so certain of something in your whole life but then all of a sudden he passes passes the drug test, and you were beside yourself.

How did this occur? I even called my sister, and I'm like, well, it came back clean. I don't know what to say. So you're probably thinking, man, I must have done this wrong, pregnancy tech. I felt bad. No, I felt bad.

Yeah, you did. Oh, you felt bad that you had accused your poor little baby who you carried around for nine months who you you fed imagine how he feels now attacked yeah by his own mother we've been trying to work through it yeah I felt great it does sound like mom that we have a little more information and that is what we are going to reveal to you today what did those little bastards do well let's have I think this might be where Eric and little brother what's a little brother's name Tyler Tyler?

He didn't know what he was doing do we want to save my life do we want Dan to reveal this or is Eric going? to talk about this I Think you're doing well keep it up Dan. Okay, so from what I understand mom Eric was at home with Tyler right right, at the time you called? And I tipped him off, didn't I? Well, you tipped him off, but what I understand is that Eric had a friend... Who's also here. Who called him, and he called his friend and said, man, I'm screwed. My mom is on her way home with a drug test.

I guess I'm just going to have to accept my fate. And the friends told him, is your little brother at home? Oh my god. You are kidding me. What if you had your little brother pee in a cup and just go hide it in the bathroom? Oh, they are in so much trouble. They did not do that. So mom, you know better than anybody that the rivalry between little bro and me was

at its height. So going in there and asking him to do this for me. I thought there was a 0% chance Absolute zero, but I was done either way. I had to make something work Yeah, if you asked him and he told mom, well you're still in trouble. Exactly How much worse can it be but if you asked him and he actually did it and it worked, okay That's that's called the Hail Mary That's so why not throw one more if it gets intercepted we already and it did it did it worked and it did so I knocked on his door playing video games told him put the controller

down and over here sit on the bed buddy we got something to talk about there's just some things in life that mom and dad, they don't have to know. Just brother stuff. He's real serious. What's wrong? What's going on? But all I need you to do is go in the bathroom and pee in this cup. And he almost peed his pants doing that himself when I asked him.

He complied. I knew I had what I needed. And you wasted no time as soon as you walked through the door. It's like, come on. Now, mom, are you at least a little bit proud of them? The two of them together. I mean, this is. The ingenuity.

Yeah. They get a night for ingenuity, but I can't believe it. Did you explain, did you tell Tyler why you needed it? He didn't even know it was brother stuff. He couldn't explain to a seven-year-old the concept of drugs. I wasn't quite sure. Yeah. How long did it take until you told Tyler? Ah, I don't know. Not too long ago. He doesn't really remember. How old are you now, Eric? I'm 31. He's 22. So I think we may have talked about it before,

but you guys reading it on air and sending him the clip, that was like the real, the moment of realization for him. We're healing families. We are. We are. What you didn't know is I would have failed for PCP too. What? I think he's used to doing a little comedy there, mom.

Yeah, I think you're in trouble all over again is what that sounds like to me. Oh man. Yeah, I'm thinking- This is great over again, is what that sounds like to me. Yeah, I'm thinking next family gathering is going to be quite the. Yeah, I still have to stay at her house for the next two days. So have fun. Oh, tonight? Yeah.

You're going to see your mom tonight? Yep. Yep. Oh. Well, now you can drug test her, it sounds like. Yeah. Yeah. Are you? Oh my god. her. Mom are you happy to finally have closure on this it was a mystery as to why you felt so sure but you didn't get it right? I had closure because I knew I

was right. I knew it had to be something. I think the words... But I even made... Poor Eric. I remember marching in there with my drum kit and I let it turn around so he'd have a little bit of modesty, but I made him pee right in front of me. I stood there in the room like a narc, just you know all in he wasn't gonna fake it You at least granted me a little privacy to close the door you were right outside the restroom But I was I had the little Dixie cup under the sink ready to go You know, I just told these guys before we called you, I sold the bit and you could hear

my stream going while I was pouring his stuff into the drug test. But if I remember correctly, I handed it to you with all the confidence and let you do your thing for five or ten minutes to take the test and when I asked you what happened you told me I think I screwed it up. You didn't tell me I passed, you didn't tell me I failed, you just yeah. Well I had to mail it in. No, no you didn't. You were broken. We appreciate you. Yeah you didn't. You were broken.

We appreciate you. Yeah, you broke me. I remember you telling me, Eric, Mom, it's going to come back clean. And I was like, we'll see. This is great. I do feel like Maury. Yeah, I hope that you feel better now, Mom. Well, it doesn't sound like you ever really

lacked in confidence that he was a smoking pot, but you were not really able to punish him back then. And now you don't learn about this until you're kind of not able to punish him now. So it's, so you got- Oh, I can punish him. You got- I can punish him, don't you worry.

All right. Love you, mom. Love you, mom. All right, love you guys. All right Love you mom. Love you mom. I love you guys That's fun. Well, there's mom. Oops. I hit the wrong button It was funny though Dude that's awesome. That was great. That's how you feel good. I feel great about you Yeah Yeah, take care of the big one That was great. That time you feel good? I feel great. How about you? Cool. Yeah. Take care of the big brother.

Yeah, take care of the big brother. We won. We did win. Any other closing remarks? When are you getting married? July 12th. Preston Butte, Colorado. Nice.

That's our other bit. Is that a bit doing an out of state wedding? Now you have all the friends. The bit is that most year we live in a trailer. And travel across. So actually, speaking of that email, that's how we bumped into Matt Dallas. Yeah, yeah. Let me show you, Jake. He sent a picture along.

Are you Van Life guy? No, we own a... Did you meet him at the RV place? No, we met him at the you meet him at the RV place? No, we met him at the Billy Shring show actually. Oh boy! Oh yeah, it's all coming together. So he was behind us at the merch line and he was talking some very specific dumb zone stuff, like I knew what he was saying. I'm like, not to eavesdrop. And he was like, hey, I'm the guy that took him out in the RV, drove to California.

And so we lived that life and do a lot of drive time. So she's and gently gotten to listen to a ton of episodes. So what do you want? Hold on. Like you live on the road part of the year? Yeah. We both have lame desk jobs. And so just throw up the Starlink, work most of the day,

and travel. Is it RV or Sprinter or what's your? It's an Airstream. Yeah. OK. Nice. You literally live in it? Do you not have a house?

We shack up with the in-laws, or soon-to-be in-laws, when we're not doing that. Wow. Sounds pretty cool. It does. You know what makes it work? Twin beds, separate beds. Yeah. There we go. This guy's got it figured out. I'm learning a lot. Yeah. Just going around to all the 9-eleven memorials. A lot of banging, the twin beds. You know. There are a lot of them.

That's great. Yeah, which bed do you use? Whatever, right? Yeah. Whatever, bro. Might do it outside. I'll bang wherever. Okay.

Yeah, it's been a lot of fun. And I actually meet it this time. Well, thanks, guys. That it? Or, wait, we got a little of fun. And I actually made it this time. Well, thanks guys. That it? Or wait, we got a little something else. A couple gifts. We're pointing. Start with this one here.

This one is for Mr. Dan. Hand that over. I accept gifts. Not yet. Okay. This is a certificate of disposition and proclamation. There's a lot here dude. Your lord. I'm a lord of the moose. You own a piece of land in Scotland. You own it. You bought it. They did it. You own it. Talking about it the other day. You own it two by two. Scotland. You own it. You bought it. They did it. You own it. We were talking about it the other day.

You own a 2 by 2. 2 feet of land in Scotland. Yes. And they were having a sale so we could get a tree included in the 2 by 2. We were talking about the guy who got to 4 million miles and how they give you these fake little awards and buying stars.

And now Dan is of the noble class. Proudly displayed in our studio for sure Your landowner, how's it feel? It does say the size of the land is two square foot. You're not just a landowner You're a International landowner you got hot springs, Arkansas Scotland little seal of Scotland there. Yeah Thanks, Lord of the moose so quickly the, the other thing we got here, the little bro's business now, which is, he's been doing it for three years, two years, two and a half years.

He's 22 and he has a business. Dallas Hoops scene, check him out on Instagram. He's still in this infancy of starting this. Cool. We're just blowing it up. But they just cover like local Dallas basketball culture. Dallas high school basketball, focused nice he's got a really cool thing going right now so check him out if you're a parent you do a you or you got a high school kid

girl girl or boy playing school ball hit him up send him a DM tell him about the dumb zone he'll throw you a deal so we got some shirts for you guys for Dallas Hoops scene. But that's some really cool stuff going right now. It's just the beginning. No, I respect the heck out of that. Like people will ask us sometimes, Dan, like, how do you get into it? And this is how when you're 18, 19, you start showing up at gyms to do summer camps, exhibition games, you know, the other

example would be like if you go to a small college or even if you don't, just go to them and say like I'll do a whatever podcast for free. So if you're just showing up at camps and showing up on the circuit and making yourself know like that's how you do it. What's been cool is he's got a he's got a few kids now doing this that you know might be recruited by junior colleges or something. He puts them on the map. He'll show up there.

He sees the guys that are showing out, gives them a lot of coverage. It's cool. Nick Cody for one. He was a guy that was just not really recruited and now he's playing at UT. So he's really changed some kids' lives. And two and a half years in now, he's playing at UT. So he's really changed some kids' lives and you know two and a half years in now he's just starting. So that's really cool. Look, he had a solid business foundation from you teaching him how to

skirt regulations. I was thinking his business might be like supplying like the Wisinators. I might still be on PCP if it was yeah I mean look basketball players have to pass drug test too You could just run this but just show up with clean piss everywhere. Yeah You're like listen if you're talented enough you're gonna need this did you guys know your mom's pothead now? Carbohydrate is not ours. You how that drug test goes later. That's right. To the world! To the world! To the world! To the world! To the world!

Are you- Are you- I'm gonna be into baseball this year. No you won't. Blake deserves better. Don't like it. Horrible. Dude, let's do it.

Jimmy Nelson. The Force. The Force. From Ty. Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty Ty baby with a beard. I was gonna say, there's no way there's another inviginity. NOOOOO! Damn. You're gonna tell me it's a problem if I go to Brahms on the way home. Go to Brahms. And the thing had reset.

I'm gonna blow this entire computer up! And instead if you want a code... That is weird. Okay. A separable fastener, later known as the zipper. Hey. I was thinking we could use some training. For what? Just, your whole attitude. Who's that, Blake?

Singer? WHOA! Ah. Ah. All he ever does is buy beer and fucking vapes. Alright, Dan, you gotta go get fingered. And he's like, NO! Are we in Conniville?

Because his mom would frown upon them. If black men got their big peens because of slavery... Borders, B-A-O-A-R. Boomerang. Boomerang. I think Brady knows this guy sucks. Breaking news. I've got a little breaking pope news.

Bro, you're talking in public out loud right now. Can we end it, please? Can you go in? Can you come back? Can you slow it down a little? We can't have all the disabilities in one night. Charity is for pussies. We do nothing for anyone. That's the chicken sandwich reset. Chickens are still a problem.

Coke? I can tell you that every year when the College World Series starts, I at least put it on at night. Come on with it. Come on with it. Coming up in two minutes. Maybe a Craig Rancher I might compete. They're making crawfish. If that entices anybody.

Why am I the only one talking? Can we end it, please? Ah! Do you have any dead people on your phone? Did they violate your agency? Do the ATM thing. Real quick. Do your Jay Leno. Does quicksand exist?

Does... does the stream still work? We got dogs getting into Jake's lunch. We got an echo. I don't know where I'm going but I'm gay. I don't like to be the only voice you hear, I need music or something. You don't play my drop anymore? Don't want it. Hahaha.

Dude I love gravy. Dustin bro. Eh, what are you gonna do? Elvis was in Forrest Gump. Every midget knows. Everybody loves Raymond. Everybody's got a hobo scene. Everybody's got a hobo.

Everything that you think is great here is actually shitty and I'll tell you why. Facts? The feel of a physical book is nice. Feels like it's from the makers of bacon. That was one of my first mistakes as a producer I think. For statutory rape. Frodo? Yeah.

Fuck that dog. Fuck that guy. Fuck you bitch. I have a fucking master's degree bro. God damn it. Get away from me. Girls don't even really worry about that do they? Ever.

Go birds. Go birds. Go! Go! Go! Get the ball! Get the ball Adrian! Get the ball!

Go! God damn. I'm gonna be into baseball this year. Good friend. Got em! Those greens were lightning fast. That's gross. No don't touch it.

I'm not even into it anymore. Get away from me. Hahaha yeah! Ha! Ha! He had a big giant mustache. He has a man husband. Happy birthday from the dumb zone. Happy birthday, Joe.

Did he ask you for money? Is he blind or gay? He had a baby. He has him in his cell phone. He likes sports. He put the P in Pian. In European. He, um... He wasn't even Rookie of the Year. He's lucky I didn't kill that dog. Unless

you want to hear about Henry's weekend. High school football. Hit the damn cough button. Hitler? Honest as they come. I would hope that you would let someone hold you and make love to you. How about now? How is this on the list? How the hell is this on the list? Put it back up, I'm gonna look at it. How is your hobo? How often has your wife heard that? How the hell is this on the list?

I already did that. I bought beer for my wife the other day. I could run you over. I don't know where Utah is. You know, I have black friends. I also have these massive cans. No, no, I don't think I have any idea what a bear sounds like.

I know that it's great that you get there first. You're a much bigger man than I ever could be. And you know what? It's seared in my head. The tower's falling as well. Like, it's all... I'm saying. But can we ever say you did anything wrong? I like bowling. I neared my jump.

Last night I read all the lyrics. I think he's gay I was thinking about wordle this morning as I'm playing wordle. I will never be that gay for you guys I'd like to do a study on losing your coordinators. I'm done with bin Laden. I'm glad she exists I'm not gay. You're gay. I'm not going to training camp if it's Brian Schottenheimer I'm not getting on the DZ RV and doing all that for Brian Schottenheimer. I've heard this story I think. I don't know, man. You said there was a wreck outside, I'd have to go see that as well.

In Viggeny. In Irving? It's in the colony. It was amazing. Is he the founder of Google? Is it like quicksand? Is it wrong to say I'm an owner? Is that a drugs thing?

Is that a seagull? Is that SG? Is that supposed to be me? Isn't that weird? It is odd. It's everywhere I look. It's great! Oh, it's great!

You're great! I'm great! He's great! We're great! It's gonna be great! It's not great! It was great before, it's gonna be great, and it's great now. It's just midlothian.

Not midlothian. It's milk the clock! It's truck day. Jack in the box is for the bros. Just the clip. Just Walmart, Selma Hayek. Let's keep it under the speed limit. Kick it! Landry,

kick it! Landry, kick it! Other way! Stop the ball! Stop it! I've always wanted to know how to headbutt good. Oh, you wanted me to laugh at the Shirley Temple joke? Less of that. Hey, let's do some kind of a... We can call it mail call. Or viewer mail, right? Okay. Let's go Rangers, yeah. Let's go Rangers. I just like big putts and I cannot lie. I like two girls kissing.

I like girls kissing. It's like he's living in his cell phone. Looks like a turtle. There's a lot of lipstick in here. Dude, I love gravy. Madden cover. Maybe the guys who flew those bombs 36 hours on the B2s know what we go through out here. If you see me in a beer to fight, pour whiskey on me, so.

Mel Gibson had his face painted. I'm in the middle of a Lone Star beer commercial and it's the goddamn best beer I've ever had. You are missing the best years of your life, my friend. Ha ha ha ha. More on that Monday. Alright, Mr. Hamilton. Mer. This is my chicken update.

Yeah, nailing this chick at a party in the bathroom, bro. You know what I'm saying? Had her leg up like this. Napoleon Bonaparte. I nearly saw a death on the field. I've never heard of this guy. No, don't touch it. No, I'm not good in bed, Clayton. No. No. No, I want to take a break. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo She's not like a conventionally stunningly attractive woman. You know what we gotta make sure to do? Not test it before the show.

That's just not the uh, not the command that Dave Campo respected. Now unmute. Put it off the green, you're dead. Oh. Other buddy in the mall. Oh, Impractical Jokers? Oh my god. I think it's okay to call and leave somebody a voicemail.

Sometimes when I'm on, I have paper I can do math. Gets you out of bed and on your way to awesome. Once threw a baseball and then his whole arm fell off. Oh shit. Oscar De La Hoya? Our mentions are just blowing up. I think I'm out on ducks. That's so aggressive.

Penis. Penis? Yeah, people's been wrong on him for 25 years. Penball. Flashly got me a smart bird feeder. Here for Adam and Eve where you can get your own pocket pussy for 10% off when you use the promo code DZ 10 Breaking breaking breaking pope news now Is pot the best drug for longevity?

Stay tuned for another two minutes probably has him in his cell phone I want you to put a big black baby in me I want you to put a dog collar around my neck and choke me with while you're fucking me Will we be the best culture? I don't know, but we're gonna try. Do we change it up? Of course. Will we make mistakes along with it? Absolutely. Are they starters? No. Can I give you another random sports note that was just on my stack?

I mean, I'm pretty ready to already call it for Year of Dan. Respect my car. Let's sweat at my alley, Dan. Safety. Shoddy ball. Seen Paul skeins lately? She got new cans though. Like something that's really... you know.

Well, sorry David Hyman. Our sports souls are dead right now. Stay tuned for another two minutes. DC's super pro jet ski. Can you tell me how it is not knowing what you're doing? He was telling us about toys that get sucked up the backside. Thanks for the vibrator. That means calm.

That's gross. That's my daddy. That's what I'm saying. That's what you can control.. Thanks for the vibrator. That means calm. That's gross. That's my daddy. That's what I'm saying. That's what you can control. That's where the bitches are. The one by the... Almodome? The thing is, here's the thing. Yeah, there's a dumb zone consortium.

The science deproves it, man. They do cheating. They finished top ten last year. Think they're meeting at a Connie Rosso next month? There's things happening, there's traffic. You think he knows a lot about his wife? You think we could get Jaymore? This is a walk thing. This is how it goes So thought this was a ticket three dollars off of beer at 7-eleven today is Thursday

I want to put my tongue in your asshole and then marry you tough titties 25,000 for each cheek those twists in the Clippers Nuggets series were just riveting Unless you want to hear about Henry's Weekend. The voice-to-article thing. Voluntarily. You want a Funny Cavs t-shirt story? I wanna- I want a subscription update on all the platforms. Was this drugs?

I was trying to help the show. We could start on the couch if you want. I was thinking we could use some training. We just lost a listener. We're tired of him! Well, we've already talked about that. Week 15. Week 5. Week that. Week 15. Week 5. Week 4.

Week 14. Week 9. Week 1. Week 7. Week 17. Week 6. Week 16. Week 13.

Week 3. Week 2. Well, who knew? What? What a tool. What about sharks? What are you saying? So that's what cringe means. What does that do for us? What does that mean? What a tool. What about sharks? What are you saying?

So that's what cringe means. What does that do for us? What does that mean? What is Discord? What is that? What's it gonna take for you to have guiltless sex? What's your job? Whatever you're about to say, I wish you wouldn't.

Where are you on pizza? Where does a guy go to get some pussy around here? Where does a guy go to get some pussy around here? Where's all that poon? Where's your Xbox? Which is why I can count cards today. Why did you choose them as fans of the game? I have, I think, big family.

Why wouldn't you fix that? I will not answer your calls or texts. I'm not helping you anymore. Woo! Reek havoc? You mock it. Yeah, dude. Yeah, it was sick. Yeah, 10% off.

You can do that? You idiot. I know you miss this big juicy ass. You think this is gonna pay off? Are you watching any hockey? Dude, you're missing everything today. You're not giving anything right today. You ever consider that your book sucks? And that you suck?

That's a beautiful thing to hear. You know what the Jews was doing? Go on. Based upon my own research. If you don't believe in giants, you're wrong. Now, was Hitler perfect? No. Thanks guys. I want you to put a dog collar around my neck and choke me with it, you're wrong. Now, was Hitler perfect? No. Thanks guys.

I want you to put a dog collar around my neck and choke me with it while you're fucking me me. While you're fucking me me. The Disability Pride flag. The Disability Pride flag. Featuring the Disability Pride flag and Cardinals in Braille. I don't know what you're saying, I'm so with you. I don't speak football. Waterburger banana pudding shake.

Pudding shake, huh? Waterburger banana pudding shake. Pudding shake, huh? Waterburger banana pudding shake. I eat a lot of chicken tenders. Um... I eat a lot of chicken tenders. You know what we gotta do out of the ordinary? Don't have to try too much. Let's just finish. Eww! Oh! And then it went eww! And then it went uh...

Dang. That's why you hit. What are you saying? Ah. That's a lot of games. Okay, like does your, your... The second of the United Kingdoms. Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's about the LMO.

A lot of people are talking to this guy. No we don't. So Enron is not just a company, it's not just people. It's the look that your child gives you when they come down the stairs and see the Christmas tree. What is Enron? What did those little bastards do? Go Reyners! Go Reyners! Is this going to be on there?

Is he ever going to shut the hell up? Oh Jesus help me Lord. That means in the upper quartile of winners we're in the top quartile of that upper quartile. It was amazing. It was simply amazing. Dude, you were there. You were there. I will get my damn job done today. It was amazing.

It's a promise made one man to another. I will get my damn job done today. That's how you win championships. All they had to do was put their shit in the computer. We'll get us a snack He looks good. Hey, can I say one last thing? I just want to What a dick how you are magical? I've

Been around a lot of my life. I have massive can't she wears hockey jerseys and sings. She's from Canada What Dan and Jake good podcast you got any Asians I got this hundred-year-old in my box Dax Beyonce doesn't know a lot of car the FBI says these burglaries are connected to a transgender South American theft group how is magical how is you magical plenty of possum I'm sorry transnational South American theft group do you have any train at that moment I knew he's never winning a Super Bowl. As long as they're in the mix.

Take away the scoreboard. Gotcha. I'm trying to make my way through about a hundred media members that are friends of mine so. An unexpected gusher. We're going to be competing for a championship. He's a basketball player. I think I've done a really good job here.

It's really the way people talk about him. PJ was there and I said hey PJ You think you guys can play together? He's like, oh, yeah, we can play together. You think you guys can play together He's like, oh, yeah, we can play together. Really. We're just gonna play basketball. You'll see next year when our team comes back We're gonna be competing for a championship. What's up sluts? What? They're kind of just bros video game. They're silly pranks Insurance cars trucks people all of it If you are a rocket fan, you should be very proud of your team's effort

Are you a try on the shirt at the mall guy? Do you want to see my pussy? I feel like you guys haven't seen my cat We've got way too many clicks in the world. I wrote a story on Post Malone. I wrote about the Byron Nelson Oh, I also wrote about the country music Awards. That's kind of interesting um, I Love shooting baskets against them. The second you say taquito, yeah, okay, that is probably a little taco. That does sound like a little taco. Amigo! I just peed.

The second- I don't think anyone's ever died on a jet ski. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Fuck him. Got fucked to death. I like that muff is coming back. The Gulf of America.

I just say everybody buy in here. You know, everybody buy in here, everybody living. The Gulf of America. I just say everybody buy an end. Everybody buy an end, everybody live with Sean Hamer doing. I just say everybody buy an end. We gonna roll with it, everybody gonna take the punches and deal with it. Y'all are so childish. What do you mean? I met his daughter. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Beautiful, Clark.