The Dumb Zone FREE - DZ 8-21-24: Projected playoff run for the Dallas Cowboys, Theo Von talks cocaine with Trump, Lil Jon at the DNC

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

Hear the full episode of The Dumb Zone by subscribing to our Patreon - Patreon.com/TheDumbZoneWelcome to another exciting episode of The Dumb Zone! Today, Dan, Jake, and Blake are broadcasting live to tape from The Welman Project in Fort Worth. They dive into the hilarious mishaps and unique experiences of their recent RV trip with Matt Dallas to share his perspective and receive a well-deserved MVP award. Don’t miss out as the gang also discusses the latest in Cowboys training camp, Theo Von, cocaine, and Trump, Lil Jon at the DNC, and maybe some porn birthdays with Heart Attack Man. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Hey now, what you're about to hear is a free preview of one of this week's episodes of The Dumb Zone. If you would like to hear this episode in full, along with the archive of all of our past episodes, please go to patreon.com slash the dumb zone. It's only a hilariously priced $6.90 per month to subscribe. Here's Jay with the Dumb Zone News. I hope you're ready for this. Here's Jay with the Panthers. Okay. Take your word. So the fire chief was arrested for drunk driving. The interesting note about the story, though, is that he was driving a fire department vehicle. Now. The big truck?

That's the first thing you think of when you see the headline, which seems awesome and very twisted metal. Thank you, Blake. But no, it was an SUV. How often do you think sex has been had on the big truck? You know how they talk about the radio van or something? Like, just, you know, it's a work truck. It's certainly taboo. Yeah, but the radio van, though, like, you're usually just one guy driving it.

And you take it to a place with the fire truck i've heard it's pretty rare for there to be one guy in a fire truck like so there's always somebody else there that would know yeah maybe at the fire station yeah that's risky you bring her in yeah overnight shift or something because the radio station like in college there was absolutely sex there. I guarantee it. You can guarantee it? Yeah.

That was very, you know, the overnight shift. Have the girlfriend come by. This story is really, I never did that. I can be totally honest with you about that. Really? Yeah, I knew people who did, but no, that was not for me. I also knew guys who would just go to the roof and just smoke weed. I remember the first time I saw somebody doing that and be like, this seems really, really dicey.

Yeah, I would never do that when having to work. I was very scared. I would come in for an overnight or something, and he would just be rolling the blunts in the control room. Yeah, no. That was wild. Back to the story, though. This does have an interesting element to it.

So the guy is in uniform. He's driving the fire department SUV. He offered a ride to a stranded driver who needed to pick up her child. Right off the bat, I don't know. Feels a little dicey. He's not offering a ride to a stranded dude.

I would think not, right. But while she's riding with him, she realizes he's drunk and is like, you know, I no longer want this ride. And she called 911 on him. Oh, wow. So he's trying to be kind, I guess, but he smells of booze and he's erratic. Yeah, that's too bad. For who?

Poor guy. Yeah, well, he was double the legal limit. He was just trying to do a solid. Oh, really? And I guess because he was in the city vehicle, he was considered on duty. Yeah. He was the chief in Lancaster for 20 years. Now, tell me how much you love this sentence from this story now franklin has chosen to retire after being placed chosen to retire yeah he's like you

know i just don't know if i have it in me anymore this whole firefighting thing have you guys seen the videos? Fox 4 has one. Dallas News has one of these copper thefts in Garland. No. Dude. Like the wire or like the corner? This guy is literally

on top of a power line trying to strip it from copper. How much can you really get? I was quite interested in that and I believe one of the stories said that whenever they popped the guys, they had $10,000 worth in the back of a work truck. And how...

How much copper do you need to get to get that much? I don't think you need much. Really? Yeah. Is that expensive? So these dudes just pulled like... Do you guys remember in Ghostbusters 2? When they needed to get down into the sewer and they just put on like fake work uniforms? I don't know if I saw two. Oh, man.

But it's a tale as old as time. Yeah. Hollywood tale. Yeah. You put on a fake uniform. These guys, their fake uniforms are spare, but they do at least have the vest. They just parked a truck on the road and

blocked the freeway. They're like, oh, yes. I'll be a worker. The only time I was ever put in a cop car was we were stealing the slow children at play sign from a school. A classic. They took us in because they thought we were trying to break into the school to steal copper like from the insulation or the

uh 17 i mean i was scared out i was scared out of my mind i mean i appreciate them protecting and serving but in what world did they think that a 17-year-old kid at some small Christian school has the ability to fence stolen copper for profit? Yeah, they gave us a lot of credit. Like, what's he going to do with it? Yeah, this guy. Really, probably just about anybody at that age. Let me call my connections in the criminal underworld. Were you crying?

I was real close. I was real scared. Then he was like, he called my dad. I was like, okay, I was real close. I was real scared. Then he was like, he called my dad. I was like, okay, I'm good now. Oh, he said I'm good? Yeah, my dad came to get me. He was like, what were y'all doing? I was like, I was stealing a sign.

Okay, cool. That's it. Yeah. I cried when I got caught stealing the one time I ever stole. What was that? Condoms. They call your mom? I don't think that they did.

Now that I think about it. She knows the story. How old were you? And why did you cry? Because I had never done any. Yes, that's exactly what it was. I was 16, probably. Whoa.

Way to go, bro. High five. Thanks, bro. High five. Thanks, bro. Congrats on the sex. Look at my elbow. And I had stolen them, and then the cop outside knew that we had stolen something because we had nothing in our hands, which is an absolute foul number one, right? You got to at least buy a drink. And I think my buddy might have had some dip that he spit out he clearly was not

old enough to be dipping so that drawed even some more attention over and uh the guy i tried to throw him on the ground and i swear in my mind it was like a really windy day all of which just died the second i threw them on the ground because Because I had taken them out of the box, you know? So I didn't have like a big bulky box. Yeah. And he's just like, all right, dude, what's the deal here? And I'm like, yeah. Just start crying.

Yeah, because the guy made me go back inside and pay for them. That's a pretty good deal. It was a very good deal. That was up to the discretion of the manager who was about a 75-year-old man. Sweet and gentle as can be. And he was basically like, do you want to press charges?

And the guy's like, no, it's fine. Just pay for them and don't do it again. Then I had to go wait in line at the cash register to pay for them. And I was like four deep. And now you're wiping tears away. And I'm holding this box of condoms. And there's like a, I don't know.

Just put them back and leave. There was like a 30-year-old female cashier. She knew exactly what was happening. The box had been ripped open. It was so bad, dude. And I bawled pretty hard at that. But you balled hard that night, bro.

Not in the mood? No, I don't think I was. Although I was 16, so... You're always in the mood. That's true. Did you guys know... You remember when Clay Jenkins was in the news like every day? Was it because of the Pandy?

It was Pandy and race-related protests and stuff. Oh, yeah, BLM, yeah. He, I saw this article about him in the morning news today. He has... He was on with us. Yeah, he was on with us. He has two, like, infant children. He's a 60-year-old dad.

I was going to say, 60. His wife is 35. Wow. Whoa. And they have an article about how they just... What's up, Clay? They were born premature. They're apparently okay now.

I also think it's weird that AP Style and journalism still think that the word preemie is not offensive because to me it just sounds... Is that preemie? Yeah. Not premature baby? No, it uses the term preemie. Oh, okay. An old dad at 60, Clay Jenkins juggles preemie twins politics in Dallas County. What if that's second wife?

It's gotta be, right? I did not see that note in the story. They wouldn't put that in that puff piece. No, but they may have said if he had previous children, and I don't believe that was in here. Yeah. 60 years old. Dude, can you imagine?

Um... Oh, my God. No, I think I'd be pretty beaten by it. Although, as I've told you many times, I mean, having a kid from 2 to 12, great. Best decade of my life. Zero to 2 is pretty tough, though, man. It wasn't that bad for me. My wife didn't work, and I slept until, like, noon or 1, so it didn't really matter.

I guess that is a different experience than the one I had. one, so it didn't really matter. I guess that is a different experience than the one I had. That was fine, but I'm just saying that once they start doing stuff with you and everything, it's so fun. Yeah, but what I'm saying is doing it now. Like how beaten you feel every day. Right.

No, I think I might be beaten, but I don't know. I guess it could re-energize you, all that BS that they say. I don't feel... Because I'm just beaten by this old bag that I come home to every day. It's just you. This is a wild story. My last one here. You run in. You go home. It's probably

a joy. Your kid's so happy to see you. You try to lay down for five seconds and they're diving on you. It's actually great though. Seeing the kid when I got back after two weeks away was, that was awesome. Made me feel good. Now that lasts about a night. Yeah, it might not last. It lasted until bath time. And then, yeah, you're right back to it. Yeah. Uh, my final one, this comes to us from Mansfield. The only reason I clicked on this

story is because I was very worried that it was in Grapevine. The splash pad is closed indefinitely after a large colony of bees has taken off residence as a creek near the park dried up. So they need a water source. And they're just. Oh, wow. I didn't even know they could do that. But if they close the splash pad, then where are the bees going to go? I don't know.

Because apparently bees are important, according to Black Mirror. You ever see that episode? No. Oh, that's right. You won't watch Black Mirror. I watched a couple seasons. You? I've seen a few episodes. Such a good show.

But it's too much. Just too much to think about for you? For me, yeah, such a good show. But it's too much. Just too much to think about for you? For me, yeah. You need a morning show? Yeah, I need some Reese Witherspoon. A lot of Emmy noms. Oh, we're not, no. Do you guys see that? No. I think they just wrapped up

filming season four. Really? Yeah. Who's the guest star? Is there like a big name in for this year? Like Jon Hamm was last season? We'll find out. I think it's Kevin James. So in. So this is how they're going to –

This is kind of an ingenious solution here because one of the things you run into at the splash pad – He's the goofy new sports guy. Always stepping on us. Doing pranks. One of the things you run into at the splash pad is snow cones. And there are bees everywhere. Oh, yeah, for sure. So one way that they're trying to lure them out is by putting a bucket of watermelon snow cone syrup

away from where they are in the splash pad, like to lure them out of the... That seems like a good idea. Dude, you know where the worst is? Our little corner store. Yates. Yates. Dove and... Dude, I'm so glad...

Dove and Kimball, we go there all the time, and yes, there's just bee heaven. There's a snow cone stand next to this tiny little gas station grocer, and apparently nobody throws away their snow cones. Or if they do, they all end up in two of those fuel drum looking trash cans. And there are just hundreds of bees everywhere. Yeah. And I've been very worried a couple times that you were going to drive by and see me running.

Running from a bee. I've seen it enough. So you know the Qualis roofing guys? Yeah. One of our very first remotes. Your mushroom sandwich. It was the mushroom sandwich remote. Anyway, remember the hailstorms. So Qualis has been great.

We've dealt with Qualis and we are getting a new roof next week. The two days that there's going to be no broadcasting at the Den. They're going to... But they've been awesome. They handle the insurance company

and all that. They've just dealt with... Anyway, it's been a great, great experience. We're getting a brand new roof and Qualis is going to set it up. They sent out an advance crew today. They're ripping down the gutters.

Okay. And I believe these gutters were put on when we bought the house, so about 10 or 12 years ago. And these gutter guys came up to me today. They're like, oh, I'm sorry. I had to go grab your pool, big, long pole that you put on the net. I don't know what you call it. Big, long pole?

Pool? Yep. Turn on Matt. He might have a – he's a man. He knows better. Okay. Anyway, he's... He's a man. He knows better. Okay. Anyway, he's like, look at this. So every gutter, they kind of...

It's full of not the mud daubers, the real wasps. Like, apparently, they just can develop these nests in the bottom of the gutters somehow. And I don't know if they're going to be able to get them off. I called Qualis and just said, hey, it looks like they're having some trouble. He's like, ah, they deal with it all the time. Like, I think it's a different group of guys. No, they can take care of it, I'm sure. But I was like, you need me?

I'm like an idiot. So I go, you want me to, like, you want me to grab a can of Raid? I don't think that's going to get it done. Like a can. You know how that will get you one little spot? Yeah, I don't think that'll happen. And you've got to get real close. Yeah, so anyway, that kind of relates to the bee story.

Actually, I bought a couple bee traps on Amazon. I think I told you guys about it. A bee trap? Yeah, I had two wasps that I could not shake. Oh. And I could not find the nest this is at the rent house and they sell these little traps and i think it says to either put um you know sugar and water or beer or something in there that and they just fly in and then they they drown themselves and they worked i don't think it's going to work for the

colony of... Yeah, we'd have to do that in the whole pool. Yeah, alright, there's your news. Got it. You got me because I thought you have one more piece of news. What do I have? Can I do post-news? Uh, sure.

Okay, then I'll close your news. The Dumb Zone News. Like and subscribe. I guess this is kind of today in Twitter, but I thought, oh, Jake will have this. But I saw it on Twitter and went and found the longer version. Okay, I think I probably know what this was. Because I don't know how this stuff works. I'm not politics guy.

Oh, that's not what I thought. I don't have a poli-sci major. I'm not politics guy. Oh, that's not what I thought. I don't have a poli-sci major. But, so the Democratic National Convention is going on, as you know. And apparently, even though everybody knows it's Kamala, they still go through some kind of a performative thing of they go ask the different states,

well, who do you want? Yeah. Here you go. South Carolina says we want Kamala. And then they all do some clapping and stuff. And they're like, okay, cool. Well, I didn't know they tricked this thing up. Oh, yeah.

So Georgia. They're going to throw it to Georgia. Georgia, how do you cast your vote? Yeah! And out of the tunnel walks Lil Jon. We are here tonight to officially nominate Kevin Harris for president. He didn't say it right. And out of the tunnel walks Lil Jon. He didn't say it right. Such idiocracy. And now you got like Chuck Schumer, like hands in the air, dancing, and Hillary, and just whatever.

These stuffed suits are all like. Nancy Pelosi's hitting the Dougie. Hey, everybody get your hands up. Hey, everybody get your hands up. God, it's all such a stupid pony show circus. We're not going back. So I was watching the Republicans with Hulk Hogan thinking, Oh, these guys are crazy. Yeah.

Or Kid Rock. Yeah. How long does it go? Long time? Yeah, it's not official yet. It'll be official in a moment. Oh, my gosh. Was he there?

Yeah, he's going now. He was doing breakdancing like that lady in the Olympics. Ha, ha, ha. Y'all. I don't think I'm going to vote anymore. I'd like to move. I don't think I'm going to vote anymore. I'd like to move. Georgia has 123 votes for the next president of the United States.

Still there? Like, you could have just read it. Yeah. But, yeah, like, I saw Hulk Hogan. I'm like, these people are weird. And then I was like, oh, they're all weird. They're all the politicians. So when, like, Ike was campaigning for president,

was, like, Sinatra playing him in, or is this a new thing? Elvis. No, I don was campaigning for president, was Sinatra playing him in, or is this a new thing? Elvis. No, I don't think so. I wonder. I mean, they've always had kind of a weird trick-up thing to it. They got funny hats. That sort of stuff.