The Dumb Zone FREE - Live from Rivian in Austin | DZ 4-3-25

Episode Date: April 3, 2025

Get every episode of The Dumb Zone by subscribing at DumbZone.com or Patreon.com/TheDumbZoneThe Dumb Zone hits the road and we broadcast live from Rivian in Austin (00:00) - Open: Live from Rivian in Austin (38:01) - Big Thursday Viewer Mail Bag (01:13:33) - Cowboys make a trade (01:23:31) - ER stories: The Buffalo Crammers (01:43:20) - News: Ask Jacoby from Papa Roach (02:02:46) - VM birthdays/Today in History ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Hello! I'm professional broadcaster Dan McDowell, letting you know that you are about to hear one of our free podcasts. But if you'd like to subscribe at DumbZone.com, you'll get four shows per week, plus the weekend wrap-up and any bonus sodes like our Business Wednesday interviews. So, if you forgot how to use the 15-second rewind, that's DumbZone.com to subscribe. That's dumbzone.com to subscribe That is where we want you to lease your next vehicle. They're fair, Blake. They are flexible. They are focused on you.

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Lease at fairlease.org. How did you hear about us on the website there? What do they say? Oh, dumb zone. Dumb zone. Yeah, I should have guessed dumb zone. Yep, fairly solid. Shit. The preceding and the following content are brought to you by No Puppet Productions and The Dumb Zone. But it's everything that we pull out of a record. That's the first thing people want to know about the ER.

Yeah, it's probably four or five times a week. Hell yeah. Whoa! Wait, so there's whoa! Where do you work in Austin then? Even, I mean, I've done my residency in Buffalo, New York. I think we even had more there because it's a subculture called Kramers. And then.

Ha ha ha ha! No, he's not joking. Now why is it called that? A what? Ha ha ha! All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. Why would you ask him?

Yeah, I'm trying to hit him a little pepper and warm up to see if he can. I know, but he's. I'll be ready. He has not been himself today, I don't think. I am Dan McDowell.'m Jake Kemp I'm Blake Jones and he who has not been a hundred percent today is Mike Sorroy. It's a rare public appearance. Force them to applaud by us applauding. We've got Clayton sweating.

No, no. Firing up the video today. We have a lot of dudes. Are you counting? A lot of Sausage Fest here. There's not one female here. I'm looking for the ladies. Lily Phillips could knock off a lot of food in here today.

If anybody wants to add to that. Bring her in, boys. She could get half a one in here today if anybody wants to air in boys Yeah, you want to do a little philips like thing for the show what does that mean in here like No, no not for me for the show just like yeah, you don't want it. No lay over the table. Yeah, I'll go first Lay over the table. Yeah, I'll go first Anyway, I'm sure some of these layer on the table Some of these people identify maybe as a female Hold on a second listen to him objecting to the layer on the table like we're supposed to treat this woman with respect

And her love may come on bro. He watched the lady. It's a lady. Yeah Layer on the table is nice She's gonna get fucked by a thousand dudes in a day. You know, I just think that she's someone's daughter. It's true. I think she deserves more respect. That's why I want to be there. Yeah. I'm like, that's my daughter.

Right. She was born a daughter too, I think. We're having fun. Yeah, so we're at the... That's all. Yeah. You did mention we're at another car dealer. I don't think Rivian calls themselves a car dealership.

Well, they shouldn't, because they're much more than that. They're a space. Number one, this is not a dealership. It is a space. It's an expanse. It's a big space. It's a company that supports women. And I know that because there's a lactation room.

Is there really? Absolutely. I tried to get one off in there But it was a little yeah, well on time Jake has yet to come in Austin On this trip. Are you sure it's gotten it? Yes, what he's gonna say mighty presumptuous of you very cranky pal me. Yes Don't hear cranky from you who just strolled up to the ice chassis goes I don't want to hear cranky from you, who just strolled up to the ice chassis and goes, I'll try it. Fuck it, I'll try this.

This is his first Lone Star of the day. Yeah. It's working well. How about he do right the ship? Maybe he's dipping a toe in with the blue one. If that goes well, then he'll go right. It is going well, right? Yeah.

Good. How about a hand for Stu from Rivian, because he set this all up. Thank you, Stu. Good dude. Because he just heard we were traveling to San Antonio. Lone Star Beer is sending us down there to cover the Final Four like they knew only the bracket Dan could. That's right. Name all four teams. Very exciting. Name one. Come on. Stalin. Come on. That's what I got to say about the Final Four. Come on. That's what I gotta say about the final four. Come on.

Anyway. How many can you do? How many can you do? I mean we all know Duke. Yeah. That's one. That was a wild step. Three to go.

I mean who doesn't really hope the Tigers of Auburn are able to. Okay. No idea. Anyway so. Yeah you wouldn't be able to double check me. No, I have no idea. Florida's in it.

I know Florida's in it. Kansas going to be. What was I saying? I don't know about San Antonio. Oh yeah, we were heading down to San Antonio and Stu just called and said, what if you stopped and did a show here? Because I think we have a lot of people in Austin who are our listeners. And I said, Stu, that's ridiculous first of all

call Blake why are you calling me? This menial bullshit. Now it turns out there are quite a few dudes who'd listen to us in Austin last night had a little meet meet up we did a little meet up a little greet up mm-. We must suck so bad at promoting, because I just assume everybody's on the internet. And four or five people are like, you guys did a meet up last night? Yeah, well, this is a much larger crowd than we had last night.

Yeah. Can I just leave night now? What was all about our entrance into the meet up yesterday? If you even remember. Go ahead. Buddy. So Cosmic. The game has changed between you and I.

What was the name of the bar? Cosmic Cafe? Cosmic East, Cosmic Saltillo. There's like two cool bars right next to each other. And we walk around this corner. And Cosmic is the second one. But at the first one, there was a line of, I don't know, 40 people, whatever.

That was a little, yeah, there was a show. Yeah. But I glance at Jake. And Jake's kind of eyes like there was a show. Yeah, but I glance at Jake and Jake's kind of eyes like lit up a little. Oh, like it was for us? Yes, yes. And then we just kind of, oh, excuse me, excuse me, pass the people to the,

Jake Kemp. Jake Kemp coming through to the bar with nobody waiting. And I'm like, did you think it for a second? And he's like, yes. And he, I thought I had that moment to myself. I was like, look. One gasp. And he looked at, yes. And I thought I had that moment to myself. I was like, look. One gasp. And he looked at me and said, did you think for one second?

Yeah, there's a few of them. I definitely, for a moment, did. And then I said, but I don't want anybody to know that. So I'm only telling you that. I forgot why I was applauding Stu. He has supplied Lone Star Beer. There's a big cooler a Lone Star beer there There's a big cooler of Lone Star beer. It looked like Mike was the first to jump in there But then everybody else started jumping after him. Yeah, you're feeling bad. Yeah

Like you actually know I had a today and brutal morning I had some food and then put that food back in the toilet. I did barf. I was telling you yeah throughout this way Yeah. Yeah, I was telling somebody last night I did barf. I was telling you. Yeah, throughout this way. Yeah. Yeah, I was telling somebody last night. So I knew what time we needed to be at the comedy club, which

was 10.30, 10.20 to 10.30. And the meetup was going to be, it's like, oh, it'll be 7 to 8. I wanted him at the bar as soon as possible. Because if I'm not going to be able to drink, he's like my son playing sports. So I was trying to get him fucked up. So I'm like, let's have a good day, son. Like, I'm going to go watch him and live vicariously through him.

And he performed. That's a great one. That's a great con. Every time I would hear him laughing, I'd be like, oh, yeah. I remember when I would do that just like a little kid. I'd be so happy for him. Sometimes I'd be like, wish I was out there. But for the most part, I was like, look at him go.

Yeah, look at him shine. Yeah, and then the next thing we knew it was 1.30. And it was 9.30, and we needed to get him up. Yeah. I made it, dude. We're here. I got to give, let me give props to that Joe Rogan comedy club that I did not go to.

Because you knew early on, and I told everybody there was no playing around. I'm not going to the Because you knew early on, and I told everybody, there was no playing around. I'm not going to the 1030 show. No, just not doing it. Done with that. Where's Jeff? I'm done with 1030 comedy shows that start at 1130, and I get home at one, on a Wednesday.

I'm just not doing it. I'm run the ball guy. I'm that. So I scheduled to go to the 7pm show to see Kyle Dunnigan with Blake. We're gonna go to that one because he's also he's run the ball guy. He's not doing a 1030 show. And then once you did schedule the meetup I was like you know what that'd be a lot better to just attend that. Wouldn't it be cool people that support us try to give something back.

Yeah. I mean, my presence is giving back. Right? I mean, what a treat I was at the bar last night, like sitting in that one spot. It is interesting to watch you at the bar for a few hours. To watch me? Yeah. Why?

I would just say, I think it probably applies to anybody. But no, just that you're slowly getting a little faded. Oh, yes. Some people just leave. Dan just kind of recedes. He's in the back corner. He's just gone. No, that was great last night.

But I was there for others to walk around me if they wanted to. It was a good time But yeah, so then I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna eat the tickets Well, we'll just have spent 90 bucks on tickets and I'll just hang out with with the peeps That's a good good thing to do. Yeah, we can handle it on the PNL, but I saw on reddit They said you know what it does say You can't refund ticket. non-refundable, is what you would say.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. But if you email them, I emailed them and they said, here's your refund. So I did that and they did. They actually do refund your ticket. Like the Joe Rogan Comedy Club, from what you were telling me is very- For the people.

Yeah. People friendly. I don't know if this is true or not, but I heard it. So it is that they don't really make any profit there. That they pay the talent a little bit more. They pay the staff, the door guys, and the bar staff a little bit more. Because he doesn't need to make money, but.

Then we're the Joe Rogan of podcasts. Wait, how can we be the Joe Rogan of podcasts? Yeah. There already is a Joe Rogan of podcasts? Yeah. There already is a Joe Rogan of podcasts. You know the funniest thing about, this happened to me four or five times yesterday. It happened to me whenever I was at Washed, doing Circling Back with those guys.

And Dave's like a Rogan cuck. And I find myself so many times having to do, you remember Rigby from Silicon Valley? Richard is great, but you know, probably a couple times a day I'm talking to somebody and I do the, I'm not a Rogan guy, but you know. Like I don't want people to think that, like I don't believe Sandy Hook happened, you know, but he's a good dude in a lot of ways. The Comedy Club is a great idea. Now the experience we can get into whenever you'd like. Let's go. You think I will?

Dare me? You want to look for a spot sponsor first? What if we talk about Community Mechanical? That is my HVAC company. And by extension, Blake's and Jake's HVAC company as well. I feel like for every spot we should just have someone come up and do an impromptu jingle. Okay, I'm ready to start that right now.

Saroy? No, no. Does anybody wanna walk up and do that? I just feel like we have a... See, the fact that you're just springing on people now, now they can think for the next spots. That's true. You know?

Matt Wissom certainly will be over here ready to sing. Cause as you said he doesn't use AI. I think community might be at my house right now. My wife like very strangely scheduled it right when I was gonna be out of town. I don't know what... Yeah, when they see Travis walk in. Yeah, it's a weird deal. So anyway Travis actually emailed me and said Clayton in McKinney reached out to him asking for a second opinion after they had a big AC company. Told him he needed to replace his coil for over $5,000. He said he actually had a couple companies tell him,

like, you know how you always work, because you don't know anything. When you go get your oil changed and they're like, look at this thing though. This looks dirty. Should I replace that too? And you just nod. Terrible.'re like look at this thing though. This looks dirty Should I replace that too and you just nod terrible? Yeah look at the filth The thing is community mechanical isn't just trying to invent problems for you

They will tell you if you do have problems, but they're not trying to upsell you so he went out to Clayton's house in McKinney They went out there was no leak in the coil. The system was perfectly running Clayton was so happy he switched his PM contract what does that mean? Not prime meridian all right? I don't have to communicate mechanical and he canceled with the old company so the point is community mechanical is a company you can trust Because we said so community DFW calm 469 667 7290 you can even text that and they'll get right back to you Because we said so community DFW calm four six nine six six seven seven two nine zero You can even text that and they'll get right back to you. So we went down there

We went down there right after the meetup me Saroy our friend Ben whose house we were staying in Has a couple Airbnb homes down here, so it was a five-man trip Clayton was with us-man trip. Clayton was with us. Matt, Dallas, our driver, bodyguard was with us. And yeah, it's like a two-room. It's the old Alamo draft house. That's the original Alamo.

Oh, really? Yeah. I'm surprised he was with you, because I was with him 10 minutes before you left. And he was devising ways to get out of going to this thing. Yeah, I know. He was hammered. I forgot completely that it was happening. He was hammered, he was sweating. I was sweating so much. It's a weird thing I mean I honestly don't feel that different than being with kids right like when we went out last night

because we walked outside we're there for two minutes I find us a prime table and I'm like where is everybody and I go inside and Everybody is huddled around him because he's next to a box fan He's like oh no, man I'll be out in a minute so high I was like dude It's like 78 degrees and their fans everywhere we walked a mile to get there my defense No, we walked point eight which I had to fucking be. He's like, 0.7 to max. It was a super huge bargain.

No, dude. It's like, show me 0.8 on my fucking 5. Call an Uber. Uh-uh, dude. So yeah, we had two separate groups there last night. So I lost track of him. And then when it's time to leave, I'm like, oh, wow. He actually remembered.

We're going. So it's a little room. I don't know what, Cat, what would you say remembered. We're going. So it's a little room. I don't know what cat. What would you say? 50? Probably a little bit more than that. 75. I want you to take the karaoke fucking cab.

What would that be? Yeah, I guess down here that's real popular. Somebody said last night, anywhere with bachelorette parties. But it's the karaoke little transport thing. And the guy's like, you want to do karaoke? And we're like, nah, man. Touching my teeth with the mic.

I don't even know what you're saying. No, I don't wanna. What's a karaoke app? It's like a golf cart with lights, and there's a karaoke screen, and you play jams, and they hand you a mic, and you. You sing while they drive you somewhere? Yeah, exactly.

And it's powered by, it's like Guitar Hero, it's powered by how much you hit the notes, like Fred Ford. Yeah, that's how fast you go. That'd be amazing. That would be amazing. That would be, no. No. So yeah, some guy, he just hands it off. We're like, nah, we're good, man.

And he's kind of like sad about it. He just assumes he's going to get action there. And then at the end of the night, we saw a group of like four or five girls get in there. And my question was, he's an older dude assumed creepy like he's definitely jerked off while he's driving that like they're all the back you're in it no but like a group of hot girls got in there and he's like hey you know and he's up front I don't know it's it feels like a honey pot a little bit

yeah but so the setup with the show I guess it's a showcase there was no headliner. Well, how about first thing, they bagged your phone. Oh, they bagged your phone. Oh yeah, let me go to my. That caught me off guard. I had heard about that, so I wasn't surprised. Well, I had hopes of who knows who,

because you don't know who's going to show up. Poundstone? Maybe Paul Poundstone. Yeah. And I just screaming and crying. We were talking about perhaps Rudner. Rushing the stage. Maybe a Rudner sighting.

Oh my god. Rudner shows. You drop everything for a Rudner. Rushing the stage. Maybe a Rudner sighting. Oh my god. Rudner shows. You drop everything for a Rudner. But that's the thing about this place, right? There are drop-ins of like Shane Gillis might drop in. So I didn't know if they bagged the phone every night. So I'm like, ooh, they're bagging our phone. Ooh, yeah.

We got a big one tonight. No, and I honestly think, much like John Gruden in the Ring of Honor, I think bagging your phone is probably gone now that Trump won. I mean, seriously, you're only worried about it if everybody's going to be like, oh, you got fired for this slur. Is that what it was about? I thought it was just they didn't mind.

They were working out stuff. But yeah, maybe that's more what it is. So yeah, we're walking in. There's a door guy. He's like a cool bro. He lifts weights, but probably didn't play sports, you know what I'm talking, UFC guy.

And he, so I'm carrying a nicotine vape, a THC vape, this charger, which Sweet D gave to me last night, because we were at the meetup and I was on 1% on my phone and the tickets were on my phone. when you go were waiting for me outside you were like come on I'm like I gotta figure something out she gave me this nice so I had this in my pocket and I had a pack of Lucy's I had like a fucking mountain man of let's catch a little something but I'm not drinking and the guy made me take everything out of my pockets

and it was two of them, two bros that were intimidating. And he had me take everything out and he just like tapped his button and he goes, Jesus! All right? Look at this bag. Look at this. Yeah.

I was like. You got a little purse. I just go, what? He's like, that's a lot of smoking stuff. Got enough? All right. Smoking stuff, like I don't know like, eh. All right. Smoking stuff? Like, I don't know, dude.

Am I cool to go in? Yeah. And he's like, yeah, you're cool, all right. I was like, all right, man. And it was weird, too, like when we were in line, a guy, like, I don't know, there's a small line outside, and a couple of bros, they were probably about our age, my age, came up, they were like fucking hammered and they're like this is mothership

The guy was like yeah It just seems like it's more of a like this is a mecca for people like they want This is a thing to go to be at this place So the wasn't it originally promoted as like uncancelled. Oh, youable comic book. Yeah, it's not the woke place. Yeah. And they lean into that pretty hard. I mean, I don't know. We've been talking about this for a few months now and I've seen some people be like, oh,

you're just being sensitive about the audiences. I'm telling you, it's different now. You know what I'm talking about now. Absolutely. Like, I'm just going to scream the F slur and expect you to laugh and if you don't huh uptight whoa every this is no joke every bundle of sticks yeah yeah I don't know every male comedian there was a good 10 total that we saw had a joke or many using the bad f-word okay the gay f-word but not really like a joke sometimes.

Was it you that was saying that this morning? Or you? OK. Yeah. Yeah, I thought you guys meant fuck. No. Really? When you're like, I never heard the F word so much,

I'm like, what are these guys? OK. Really? Yeah, no. I want to live in a world where you came to do a show to us with us today where this morning we were like, they didn't use the F word. Well, you said I've never heard it heard so much and I just thought it meant that

no no it was a the over cusser or Andrew Dice Clay or something I don't know no and again a lot of times it wasn't a joke. No one had any observational thinking humor they were all just relying on some the F word I didn't realize you meant the gay. Yeah, no, some did, but some didn't. Some would just be like, and if you don't like that, you're a. And then use the F word, and then like look around. Right. And we're right in the front.

People are like, yeah. We're from. Cheering? Yes, and we're from, we're five feet away from the comic. So he can get your reaction pretty well, or she, and if you don't laugh, you're like, ah, yeah. And you're like, woo. You guys don't get it.

You don't get it. And it's like, no, dude, dude it's just there's nothing to this set it's just screaming and he go down the line in the front row you you and F yeah you and F you look like Gary Daphne you said that Gary Daphne whatever yeah weird but it was so much that it was weird and noticeable. And people will fucking bomb. Many. People will bomb. Berline. Many.

Berline might have fit right in with that middle section of comics we got last night. There were at least three comedians there last night that I laughed harder when Mike and I went to go see Mean Joe Green and Steve Berla to stand up comedy. That's right, Thurman Thomas. Thurman Thomas was better than at least a couple. Yes.

There's some rough patches, man, for sure, but then. I thought it was bad overall, like the comedy. You know it's a. The place is cool, I enjoyed it, I had fun with you guys. And you laugh at the first comic because you're hyped and you're like, cool, you know, I want to laugh. I'm at a comedy club I want to enjoy it and then that sort of dissipates a little and there's a middle chunk of a good five six seven All right

Just was maybe a little courtesy snort like not funny. Yeah, it felt like a Open mic night for for most of it. Some of it did. Yeah, some of it did I was hoping that they would come at like our group. I knew I had him in a good spot to maybe participate. But I don't know, they didn't want the smoke. They laid off, even though we were right there. So we left. It's one little after one. The guy whose house we were staying at,

really weird situation, he opted not to stay there. Even though I told him I'd stay on the couch. He went and got a hotel. And that was funny, because he left, and he was like, I'm going to Uber back to the hotel. And a couple of these guys went in to get pizza, and we turned around.

I've never seen a guy solo in the back of one of those white horse carriages. But it's fucking hilarious. Rickshaw, right? Oh, yeah. But it looked like a romantic type. But it was a bike, not a horse, right? Oh, was it?

Yes. I thought he- I actually don't know. Buddy, he was on- How did I think of, I don't know. You thought there was an animal? Yeah, I think so. OK, that's even better.

But yeah. So these two guys are like, oh, we're going to go in here and get some pizza. There's a slice place. We go home, and Mike's like, no, I don't want any. I'm not eating this late. I don't want any. They get out the We go home, and Mike's like, no, I don't want any. I'm not eating this way. I don't want any. They get out the pizza at home, and it's

two slices on top of two slices. They got four slices. And I watched him walk around the pizza for like 10 minutes. And he was like a grandparent with a baby. He was like, oh, look at that. And he had his hands behind his back. He was like, oh, they're bigger than I thought they'd be. These are big pieces.

He was like, what is there, four of them? Meat lovers, huh? They smell pretty good. He was like, ooh, smells good from here. You guys are a couple of meat lovers, I see. What do you just fucking eat or don't? I don't know, but this is super weird. I just grumpy went up the stairs and went to bed.

I slept downstairs. Fuck it, I didn't want to. I was like, wrap this shit up. How about his sleeping deal? I did want to ask you about your sleeping situation. What about it? Because I woke up and came downstairs and there you are on the couch. Yeah, and I was just talking to the boys this morning at whatever and

We're just talking about he said There was an open bed upstairs yeah and at that time it was like you know it's 1 30 he's up there dude I don't know if he really fully like understands this but I live a significant part of my life trying to keep that guy from being pissed off at me because it's not weird because it's not good so I was like fuck do Blake's up asleep up there like he's already he wakes up like where's the guilt trip? Where can we find it? It sounds like dude if I go up there and I wake him up and tomorrow something goes wrong, then it's like

And those couches are sick too they were like they were sleeping couches those are not look-at couches those couches were not long enough for your body. It was comfy for me. And I didn't go to bed right when we got home because you couldn't have your phone. And I'm thinking the whole night, I'm like, I want to write this down. I want to remember this.

That's where you need brain notes. I know. And so I had to get home and write some shit down. Also, I had a question about your. What's going on here? The fact that you're not, you claim that you're not drinking anymore. What the, that's fucked up. And I know that you're not, but you will still at a bar you will just leave your Lucy vape and wallet laying on a bench nowhere near anyone else. Can I tell you something?

I did that to bother you. OK, because it did. Then I'm the guy who's just sitting there and as people are talking and, hey, what's this about Blake? And I'm like, yeah, I don't know. And then I'm just keep looking. I'm the dad looking at the. No.

You think you have to be. But that's why I left it there. Because someone else was going to go steal it. And I'm going to be the guy that has to swoop in there. No. No, they won't. Because there were. You believe in humanity.

No, I believe there were 12 to 15 people using two tables in a corner. And the wallet was back there. And had anybody walked up and grabbed it, someone would have been like, whoa, where'd that guy come from? And if they take it, OK, I got an Apple tag in there that at least gives me a second to try to find you.

You ditch that. Oh, you do, huh? Of course. OK. I'm a professional, like, irresponsible person. Phone loser. You keep an AirTag in the, that's a thick thing. Because Apple doesn't have like a credit card guy.

Yeah, I don't sit on my wallet, so it's out of there. But I don't know, I don't like carrying shit around in my pocket. I knew I was coming back. Okay, well yeah, then mission accomplished. I don't have any jewels. All I was thinking about all night, if you wanna look at my camera roll,

I took like four pictures of it, just like I was just very upset about it. And every time I'd come back and I saw you doing like the nervous look at it thing, I was like, I've've got to leave it there It's different ways of living it was on the ground in the bag though when he got up from the Comedy Club One day which is where I put it I'm gonna I'm gonna have to steal your credit card and use it for some purchases to teach you a lesson

I think as of right now that'll get you roughly $23 in credit on a maxed out credit card. So go to work, amigo. All right. Can I tell you, Dan, one more thing about the house that we stayed in last night and the specifically bedroom you were in? Oh. Oh, yeah.

My bedroom? Yeah. Yeah. So it's an Airbnb, right? And it's every weekend it's filled. Ben, the owner, said that last weekend the neighbors contacted him and said he thought something somewhat shady was going down in the house, specifically in the room you were in,

because the neighbor said through the window they saw the blinds were mostly closed but slightly open. Right over the bed is two ring lights and a boom microphone. Oh wow, nice. I lights and a boom microphone. Oh wow nice I Slept in a porn bed that it's like it's like his rear window cuz then you look up at that and then you look downstairs Yeah, and he said there's just a guy in a laptop with a robot Doing the fucking SEO the chefs in the kitchen. Yeah, yeah like a week ago. I'm excited. I know Yeah The chef's in the kitchen. Yeah. Wow, that's great. Yeah. Like a week ago. I'm excited. I know. How horny is that?

Yeah, no. I wish I knew that before. Did you feel it? Increased the beat? I could not. Yeah. Yeah, that's definitely, man. No road beat.

No road beat. Not anything close to a porn, although the coffee table, not coffee table, but outside table at the lake thing was somewhat like that. But the Airbnb thing is weird because. You know people are having a lot of sex and you know who rents the place so look I mean like the cast of Friends was not staying at the Granberry Lake house it was you know but it's kind of like I mean when you know if you've been married a long time like me it's just just something different. You don't have sex at home anymore at all. And then, but anytime

you're on the road, it's like, oh, okay, well, let's, let's go now. Yeah, but I think that's even worse because to me, that would apply to like anal. And now I have the home, I have the vacation home. So now I have the anal bed. Because I think that's way worse than sleeping in a bed someone had regular sex in. That doesn't bother me at all, but an anal bed is like, come on. Interesting. You're basically saying like, it's OK to have an anal bed.

It's a vacation bed. What if on the Airbnb thing, you specified bedroom three is the, uh. Yeah, or it's like on Uber. Just put the AB. It's like on Uber with the conversation. Yeah. or it's like on Uber. Just put the AB. It's like on Uber with the conversation. Yeah. Or a temperature.

Slide button. You could do middle. Yeah. It's like a little touch. We need to develop a, what is it, a vernacular or a secret code just as they do in that world. Right? A little ATM, a little whatever.

Yeah. This is OK in this room. Yeah, so it looks like there's some rooms that are pretty porny in there. Yeah. I think the pool is kind of porny. Yeah. You know what I mean, if you see it, right?

Like we all. Unrelated to porn, he also said like two weeks ago, I just found this odd and funny, that the neighbor's daughter has gotten into archery. Fuck yeah. And he said he got a call that the neighbor's daughter has gotten into archery. Fuck yeah. And he said he got a call that the neighbor's daughter shot an arrow like over the fence right into his air conditioning. How loony toons is that?

And it was like spraying shit everywhere. And then he's in Dallas like, okay, that sounds insane, but what am I going to do? I guess fix it. That's very Austin. Yeah. Sounds insane, but what am I gonna do? I guess fix it. That's very Austin. Yeah, my Austin story so far are, I got into town Tuesday night and, no lie dude, within one light of being into downtown, I saw a bum fight.

And it was like 6.30 in the, the sun was up, you know, it was evening. People were commuting, late commuters on foot. And you just put your hazards on and got real slow next to them. So I was pulling up to a light and was now like about even with the fight. And when I say fight, it was-

You think this was just a natural too? Nobody implored them, Joe Francis wasn't there? No. Like paying them to- No and- Like you saw one in the wild. Bum fights is a zillion times more innovative concept than Girls Gone Wild, by the way.

So grouping those two things together. Joe Francis didn't do bum fights? Fuck no. Oh, I'm sorry. Joe Francis is a dirt bag. Well, who did? I thought he created them both. No.

Do you know the creator of bum fights? No. Well, then get off my ass. It might be Joe Francis. Anyway. It's definitely not. It's the guy who went on Dr. Phil. Yeah, the fake Dr. Phil guy. The guy who who went on Dr. Phil. He had a fake Dr. Phil guy.

The guy who dressed up like Dr. Phil. But these two guys, it started kind of as a, it was the older guys, black guy, white guy, probably both in their 60s. And it kind of started with them kind of wrestling, grappling, like in a wrestling video game where they had their hands on each other. They locked up. And then one of them landed, the black guy kind of landed a punch to the throat. And the white guy either had it in his hand or had it on,

but he ripped out a belt and had it like doubled up. Now the light turns green, so I have to pull forward. And now, fear not. So I'm in the left hand lane there on the left hand side of the street. So I quickly throw on left hand lane there on the left hand side of the street. So I quickly throw my right hand turn signal and whip into a hotel valet spot. And it's still happening and it's now out in the street and now they're beating the shit out of each other but they're doing it at a really slow pace.

You know what I mean? Like they each come in and get a little work in and then like get off me. Just like a real boxing match. There's there's not as many punches. I would think exactly Yeah, and the the black guy was getting the the worst end of it, but he could have left anytime Like in the middle of the fight the white they disengage and kind of like no God said fuck you and then they'd get back together and like he'd hit him with a belt again now How did the date end? So once I parked, I got out of my car, and I crossed the street.

And at that point, there was a crowd, and they were both sitting down. Fatigue had become an issue, clearly, to be able to go the full 12 here or whatever. And then I heard sirens. And it was like, oh cool And that was nice Ryan McPherson The original producer of bump fights. Yeah, that name sounds sold his rights to the videos for 1.5 million

Dude, and then in the first five years they sold 300,000 copies of bump fights for $20 each That's six million dollars had at 60 or 80 of mine so that's great go buy that at the skate shop and then this morning this morning I was telling Matt it's good to go do stuff not drunk because then people will be like oh you just suck at that anyways like I packed in five minutes and I didn't bring socks. So I went to Target this morning to buy socks. First report, socks are locked up. Whoa! Why? Oh really?

I wonder if that's just Austin. Well I think it's like a- And especially where we're staying. Yeah, yeah, I think it's just like, you know, homeless people need socks. When I tweeted out where we were gonna meet- You wouldn't think about that. They said lock your doors.

So apparently, although we stayed in a really nice, I think we're gentrifying. Big time. Big time. Did the putting green out back make you think it did? Kind of tell you again. I mean, it could have gone a little faster on the stimp meter, but it's a nice four-holer.

So socks and underwear are locked up. And there's like a, I've never seen seen this before but instead of a press a button To get help it just says place your hand under it You just place your hand there make sure it's white and somebody Yeah So once they had verified that the person came over and we were now in a dynamic that I would call the pet store dynamic. Where someone had come over to help me and being the born and raised southern gentleman

I am, I'm trying to figure out what, it's not a pronoun. Am I going ma'am or sir here? We have. There should be a universal like middle pronoun. I know. Yeah. Cause here's my mind on it, like one I could be insulting you. Like captain?

Captain, like what could we use? But I could also be complimenting you. So the person I saw had small breasts, but no front bulge. And to me seemed like someone trying to be a dude. So I was like, thank you sir. But the second I said it, I was like, head whip, sock slam shut again, locked. But in the next second, because of the power of positive thinking, I was like, no, probably that was a born female who wants to be a male.

And her little fake dick just got hard to be calling that sir. I am a fucking sir. OK, so you're now. I'm basically John Wayne over here. You're changing it in your own mind to make it to where you're the hero. Yes.

Yeah. Whereas you might not be. Right. And you're not really sure. You probably just got to toss Mam and Sir down here. I don't know. You're always at the pet store down here. At all?

Just on Austin? Yeah. Yeah. I just never really know. A lot of people who look like they could be counselors. How was your visit to Washed? Awesome. Jeff was telling us the online response

has been very positive. I think he made that up. No, I think he's... He's dialed in. I think he is. He's a big circling back guy. It was fun. I am a big fan of this group.

I started listening this morning, but then I can't remember what happened That's a super good endorsement. Thanks for the Here we got business flying I know it's flying left and right I Got saroi Sitting over there wondering what's going on? Always, but you're feeling good now obviously enough to have it's working. It's working light This is working for me.

Working your way up to Lone Star regular? Yup. Slowly. No, I'm good. I asked him when we sat down, he's like, I feel like fucking shit. I was like, all right, well, so we're going to get San Antonio like eight, let's do something tonight. He's like, of course.

Can we give behind the scenes stuff? Because people remember when we first hooked up with washed media. They were like, what's this going to mean? And people on our Reddit were upset. And so is this changing the whole show and everything? I don't think anything has been different at all. Except for when we will talk about like something great, like factor meals. Like, can we can we pull back the curtain and say,

the reason that we are aware of Factor Meals and that I got my shipment in last week was because of Washed Media? Yeah, I think that's- And hooking us up with that relationship? I think that's safe, yes. Like they already knew Factor Meals, and they're like, hey.

Hey, why don't you guys- We don't mind if you cheat on us with them. Lincoln build. And if you take a look at the Factor copy, I kind of cut and pasted a picture of my, this is my order that I got in last week. Herbed, ricotta, and beef ragu. The rest of the spot will just be that.

Salmon piccata. If it has an odda in it, we are ordering it. Shredded chicken thigh cacciatore, Parmesan cream shrimp, and zucchini noodles. So there's a little, some kind of little healthy for you. Dill crusted chicken and cheddar broccoli grits And chicken Florentine that was my order last week at factor meals I think I've had pretty much the whole the whole menu which is hard to do because there's like 50 60 recipes on there

go to What's the website? go to what's the website? FactorMeals.com. I was looking for Factor Podcast. Factor Podcast. Well, that's the code. Is the code for 50% off, but I love their food. I love their food.

I'm out of town this week. Wife doesn't have to cook. She's out of town next week. I have them there. If you have kids, Factor's very, very solid. Eat healthy, eat great food. I'll tell you a little tip, plate it. Comes in a little microwave thing, put it on a plate.

You're like, where did I just go? Fine dining. Wow. Wow. So you could trick people into thinking, look, he made me a nice meal. What is this? What is this guy?

How did he know how to make herbed ricotta and beef ragout? And I'm like, why are you asking every single person who knows me knows that I'm about dill crusted chicken and cheddar broccoli grits. Yeah. Factor pod, excuse me, factor meals.com slash factor podcast. Yeah, so it was a lot of fun. I did their podcast and then I watched them work

and learned things, trained. Are you gonna take anything back and help us? Um um we're dying dude. We're barely hanging on I Don't get we need all the support Nobody will come out to see us at Rivian We don't know what's going on you this guy's the hot the hot girl He always complains about like nobody liked me. That's right. I wasn't even hot. I was like prom queen. I don't want to hear it from you. Anyway, looks like it was a good show. It was like an hour and a half long. Thanks.

Thanks for that. Oh you know what else? We want to do some viewer mail today. So why don't we do that? Let's do it. Oh we're gonna do some... I want to do a tiniest bit of sports because it just doesn't feel sporty today, does it? No. But I wanna do... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha not now. We did have Will from East Dallas say, DZ Crew, curious because of your trip to Austin, what is your best Austin memory as far as trips and all that kind of stuff? You ever been to ACL?

What do you recommend? All that kind of thing. And you're like Austin guy, right? No, I don't know about that, but I lived close for a few years and I came down here a lot as a kid, a whole lot. But no, I mean, I don't, it's- Did you get engaged here? You better say that, a whole lot. But, nah, I mean, I don't, it's. Did you get engaged here? You better say that, right?

No. Because she listens. Where did you get engaged? I don't know why, that's. I keep thinking that. And you had, like, you also had me having like a videographer and like, I was at a fairly shitty public park in Fort Worth.

You were at Fair Lease? Genius, you get. No, but you know what? If I were gonna do it, that's where I would do it. I wish my marriage reflected the core values of Fair Lease. The way you're treated. Fairly, yeah. You know what's funny is I was trying to work up some sort of Fairly Brothers thing,

like right before the show, when you said do a Fair Lease, then I just, I punted super hard, closed the tab. I was like, that was embarrassing, I even thought of that now I'm gonna tell you about it no why'd you ask me about engagement oh Austin ACL is obviously a thing but it's I don't know that it's really even feels like Austin anymore it's just you come down here it's a music festival run the ball guy hates Austin? I don't like it here. Yeah. Too gay, too weird. No, I mean you're...

Too many F's. Looking at a hot chick walking down the street, damn. Dude. I'm away from home, it's a dude. Oh. Yeah, it happened to you a lot? Kind of. It does happen a few times.

I think the last ACL trip I made is when I decided I'll never go on a festival again. No, we were talking to some people that... I'm done with it. I want to see Radiohead. Sorry, I want to see Radiohead and I was all excited like for a week. That's why I went. But they had split stages and I was far enough back at Radiohead. All I could hear was Major Lazer, Bubble Butt. That was over there. Pounding like over a real pleasant Radiohead song and just I'm like fuck it, I'll go watch Major Lazer because I'm listening to him anyway. I'm out, I'm done.

Don't know that. Yeah. But the people that live here say it's changed in the last 15, 20 years. Of course. Because I have great memories coming down for Texas football games. But it's just.

It's very different but it's still a weird place to live or whatever but no I don't know. I mean I think. I was telling Jeff that I loved it. It's a good place to spend time for your body. Like, I feel like it makes me spiritually healthy. Yeah, I kinda loved it. There's a scooter every five seconds.

There it is. And I love that. And the way the world is now, like, I was saying to Jeff, maybe we'll just move our operations down here. Why don't we live in Austin this would be great. Hell yeah. Just like Elon.

We'll move here like Elon and Joe Rogan did. Dude this is all because Blake wants to use that slur. Yeah. Finally. It is fun. Do you guys do Barton Springs like locals? Oh. Okay like I'm obsessed with it every time I, I try to go and jump in that cold,

cold-ass water. And it's heaven. Have you been to Schlitterbahn? What? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. He put two extra syllables in it. Yeah. It sounded like it.

30, 40 times, probably. Season pass? Season pass, Jake? No. The only time I would have had a season pass is when we were in college, but we did go quite a few times. I've done all, I went as a kid, that was a big time dad trip. That's an easy trip for a weekend dad, you know? Just down here, I've done that. I've done

the like go as adults and stay at the park and just get, I think a water park a million times more fun fucked up than a theme park Interesting like an amusement park water park. Just it's I loved it. It seems yard long or dangerous though That's the thing oh, yeah feels like yeah, so the bonds great the I mean obviously the river down here This is a series of rivers were a big part of my life for a long time I'm gonna come back down here for my 40th. For real? Rent a house.

Mon Lake Travis. That's what I did for my 30th. We just recently had a story about some guy in their 40th. I'm going skydiving next weekend. Oh yeah. Really? First time? Yeah.

A little hard-o. It's for some guy's 40th. First time? I've never done it. No, I mean that's exciting. That's your first time doing it. It's a week away. Are you freaking out? Are you excited? I have I guess I'm not really thinking about it. You got a tandem, right? Yeah. You have to. Yeah. I think. Yeah. If you're a puss. So, yeah. Would you accept the Lordy, Lordy, Look Who's 40 sign in your front yard? I think that would be hilarious.

You would accept it then? I would accept it. You would embrace that? Yeah. Okay. Go for it. Do your worst. Maybe we'll do that.

I think that'd be great. Is that this year? Yeah. Oh, the year of Jake. It's fucking off. We talked about it. It's off. Just what if- I mean-

Shout out to the Lucas in here today, by the way. We got some real- Lot of Lucas. Lot of Lucas at the bar last night, too. Yeah, at least two last night. Hell yeah. Yeah. It's uh, and of course the- the Nico clown shit is uh, very popular. Yeah. No, it can't be the year, Jay. At least I know we had- was it Jeff? Whose house were we at?

A-J- Jeff? J-E-F-F. I'm trying to remember the house we were at, the guy hated Luca talk. Mark. Matt. Matt. Matt Armstrong. Yeah, that's right. I'm finding he is like one out of every hundred people I meet.

Because everybody that I meet is like, dude. We got sample size right here. Luca, yeah. Pro, still sample size right here. Luca. Yeah. Pro, still talking about Luca. Raise your hand. It's like less than that. We didn't say clap. Now we don't start over.

Like, I don't know if that was. OK, anti-Luca. Well, anti-Luca talk, right? Yeah. Get the fuck out. See, there's like two people. Yeah, now they're going to be embarrassed. Like two people. Yeah, there was're gonna be embarrassed. Like two people.

Yeah, there was a little bit of a sampling error bias there, but in any case, yeah. Do you have a Luka thought or something? No, I mean, I always do. I go to bed, I think about it. I wake up, I think about it. I look at my scores on the ESPN app, I think about it. Dude, you know what sucks is now I'm sad. One of my teams now is the Lakers on there.

Cause now I identify, for some some reason Derek Lively with you. Oh because it's him and Luca. I know but you're just Derek Lively and you some I don't know watching him throw a lob to AD last night I have to tell you it was pretty pretty cool. I'm not rooting for him to win but it was cool to see Lively play basketball. I want to see Lively again. I love all the... They're going to have a game here in a couple of weeks where everybody's going to feel real weird about it. Next week?

The next Wednesday? Well, no, I mean the playoff game. They're going to have a chance to... Well, I don't care. I'm not even going to pay attention to it. Like last night, I did read that Anthony Davis had a block and a game-winning dunk or something and I Don't care Yeah, yeah, like whatever. Okay fine. Yeah, and it's funny to I do look at the Mavs tweets

From the Mavs account not just a fan account and they'll tweet, you know AD is him And there's that go everybody's no, you know, AD is him. How's that go? Everybody's, yeah, no. You know, there's, again, one out of every 100. Get annihilated. Like, they need to implore their employees to say, look, go in there and pretend, like, make us look better. Like, you did for Dirk when we had to applaud for him coming

off the plane, like, pretend that somebody cares about the Mavs here. Dude, we talked to a It looks so bad. We talked to our buddy Lamp last night, Donovan's buddy Lamp, if anybody remembers him from the ticket. And Lamp, by some,

I don't know, luck, stroke of luck, he got season tickets to the Mavs, courtside, right before they got good. So he had like a 20, 25 game a year courtside package for like Kyle Collinsworth. And the next year they got Luka and he had seen Luka play in Europe. So he has like courtside video of Luka's entire career,

of him yelling at Carlisle, of all of it. And he was just showing me video after video last night that he just like he's like tearing up he's like I sat right there 10 feet away and watch this guy grow up and watch just listen to fans talk to him and him talk to fans and I didn't have a gun on myself that's why I'm still here today. Because in that moment, the vibes were low. Crutchward. Hit me. From Justin. Smithereens.

Mm-hmm. Always attached to. Blown to? Yeah, he said it's the worst way to get blown. With Smithereens. Yeah, but you never would, yeah. Bad news from Poyito says the San Antonio

Fuddruckers is closed. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I said stop for lunch at the one in South Austin on your way to San Antonio What did he get excited for yesterday hop daddy or something? I'm dotty. Oh, yeah, they have a hop dotty I'm like the one around me had been closed and I haven't been there in a couple years Did you go I enjoy they have a good impossible burger or beyond but I don't know one of those two Yeah, one of the fake burgers Tom emails remember the other day when we were talking about getting kicked by a horse? Why were we talking about that? Because Dan saw the loose one and was like, I'll just walk behind it. Dan was out there cowboying.

No, you did? I'm terrified of getting booted by a fucking horse. You should be. It wouldn't walk anywhere near the back. And I know that I should be, but I'm not. And I think it's because I don't really know anybody it's ever happened to. It's like a lightning bolt.

You've seen it. You'll get kicked to smithereens. You saw it? You've seen it happen? I've seen videos of it happen. I don't know, not in person. Tom and Angel Flier. People die like that, right?

He says, yes. My grandfather was kicked by a horse and it killed him when I was two years old. He had been around this horse his entire life. One day he walked behind it and slapped it on the butt no it kicked him in the chest and killed him instantly Don't worry. I'm laughing. Don't worry. I didn't really know it don't worry Boy the chest shot is your kill cave in your chest God Does your cave in your chest with the horse? Done. That is scary as hell.

Dude, can you imagine the funniest thing about that would be the sound that someone next to you would make? Yeah. Like if right now I'd be like, thwop. He was like, thwop. It wouldn't immediately be like, no. It would first be like, holy shit type. Oh, man.

Yeah. So apparently it happens. You think you would? Flying, yes. Shoes come off. But both shoes just stay in the happens. You think you would? Flying, yes. Shoes come off? Put both shoes just stay in the ground? I think you will fly. Jamison says that most social media platforms have settings for a legacy user.

Explain. Well this came up after I wanted to know what happens to my social media accounts when I die. Oh, okay. Oh, don't everybody get all quiet like you're not thinking the same thing. This came up after I wanted to know what happens to my social media accounts when I die. Oh, okay. Oh, don't everybody get all quiet, like you're not thinking the same thing. You can add an email and they will get access to your account if you pass. He said he didn't have that for his dad when he passed.

Like you can give it to somebody else and if you don't have it, then they just delete it. Said he contacted some companies like LinkedIn, Apple, and Google to get his dad's stuff. And if you don't have that set up, it just goes away. I want that. Yeah, which I think is the default setting. Do you have any dead people on your phone?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, I deleted them immediately. Do you delete them immediately? No. Dore. Weird. That's funny. You're stupid.

I think I might have a couple. But I was actually going to bring this up today, because let's do it here. Maybe we can get away from talking about it in the news. There was a murder in Frisco. A kid was stabbed at a track meet, a 17 year old kid and I searched his name on Twitter and his Twitter account came up and his last tweet was a couple days ago and it was some sort of it was a religious quote like God's got me. I'll never get

murdered. Never at the hurdles. That's the safest event for me to go to. There's no chance ever. Ha! It was not that. But do you ever tweet something and think if this is my last tweet, how it'll play? I used to all the time.

Now, fuck no. Still think it sometimes. What are they going to do? To who? No, I don't know. You just consider, would that be be you know, would it be creepy if that was my last? No, no, no But here's what's creepy to me bad hypothetical. What's good? Yeah What's what's creepy is people replying to the deceased tweet like they're still alive

So if somebody were to reply to like, hey, I knew such and such or a shame I didn't get to know Austin. He was, he sounds like he was a great kid. Weird, but I get it. Super weird to reply really sad what happened to you. Praying for you, your family and loved ones. He's fucking dead. He doesn't have Twitter right now. Why do you, you- What if he can see that? If he can see that? If he can see that, then he would be clairvoyant enough to know you were thinking it. Now he's supernatural and you don't need to post it.

It's insane. It's insane to talk to a dead person on the internet. I did an insane thing in Austin today. It's similar to that and it's similar to something I've done previously. But what do they have though? What's the car called, Waymo? Yeah. Have you seen those?

Yeah, yeah. I know y'all did one. And I saw a bunch of them today. Yeah, we did it. That and the truck. They love the truck. They love the Cybertruck, folks. The Tesla.

So we did one in LA. It's basically a cab with no driver. A driverless cab. Driverless Uber. Whatever. And it's awesome. Like it's incredible. And saw one of those today pulled up because I was on a scooter with Jeff. We're going over to his condo or whatever. And it was stopped. It was a four-way stop, and it was stopped. And it must kind of read you. It's not going to go while you're kind of still right there. And so it was stopped, and it was like too long to where they're letting me go. And so I waved thank you.

No! Yeah! But realized as I'm waving, wait. Oh. You know what I meanaved thank you. No! Yeah! Oh no! But realized as I'm waving, wait, oh, you know what I mean? Thank you. Oh. Right. Which I have replied thank you to the bots

that will text whatever your info, and you're like, thanks. And you know it's a bot. Yeah, that's brutal. But I feel like the universe knows that I'm friendly to the bots. And when the bots take over, they will incorporate me into their empire happily, where they will kill you.

Yeah. No, I think that's worked out well across history pretty much every time. Yeah, just bow down to your. They work you right in. They're going to be one of them. So you guys are always getting bad beats. I don't have to read these things,

but I did have a couple guys like at the bar last night give me their bad beats personally. They wanted to tell me about their bad beats. I'm sure you love that. Yeah. So, but I got two emails with the exact same thing on this. So our listeners think alike. Logan and Shane and Colleybill.

Both basically said the same thing. Shane's, I'll read, in light of the recent sexual allegations, maybe for at least one week you will change the name of Bad Beats to Impractical Strokers. Jesus, that's good. That's strong. Wow. But thought of by two guys on the same day. That's very good.

Which just shows. You know the funniest part about that, though, is those guys, not those two guys, but Sal, they've said that to each other before. Like joking around around you know like oh we just did a whole show about beating off what do we call it practical strokers that's a very good name gift him a sub let's see you got any gummy thoughts not. Because gummy thoughts are brought to us by Early Bird CBD.

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Maybe before an evening out Early bird check it out at early bird CBD comm promo code is dumb zone. I have one for you I code is dumb zone. I have one for you. I think that parents, I guess, parents, there should be standings for kids in school that you can look at and know exactly how every kid is behaving all the time.

And you should be able to like, you should know all that information. I hate it. I hate that my kids go to school every day and I don't know what's going on. I hate that I'm finding out when I'm in trouble every day cuz I'm like, I don't know what's the baseline It's like exit velocity is every other kid getting in trouble. He got three today seems like a lot I think schools should have some sort of portal for parents where you see every kid

Maybe they block the names out but like they should have scores for like behavior alert. Like well, who's good at what? There's no how do I know how do I know what's good at what. There's no, how do I know? How do I know what's good and what's not? They should have standings. There should be a fan graphs for elementary. So you're ranking the kids? Yeah, but you, yeah, so you know, right? Like, I mean, they give you what, percentiles now?

But I wanna know. As far as like the age or growing up. Yeah, but even your grades, but I want to see all of it. I think they should have scouting reports. The truth is I know more about the current draft than I do my daughter's kindergarten class, and I don't think that makes any sense. I don't know.

So what you're talking about here is kind of a situation like, Gen V is the spinoff from the boys where that's the college for the Supes and they actually have a ranking system and the guy from White Lotus, Arnold's kid, was ranked number one of course until he actually exploded. I did this to myself. You did. What do you mean? But Dan's right. You ever see that show? Yeah, I love it. You love the boys? Let's talk, let's talk the boys.

All right, okay, let's hear it for the boys. Let's hear it for the boys. There is a girl here now, look, two of them. Girls, girls, girls, girls, girls. Yeah, great show. They don't have any great shows called The Girls, do they? There's a show called Girls. That show's pretty popular.

Oh, there is? I don't know if it was pretty popular. I haven't got me thought. And this was discussed at the meet and greet yesterday and on a ride down and a little bit with you Jake it's is there somewhere right now in the state of Texas some sort of iced tea surviving the game hunt that goes on maybe annually like is that actually a thing because we're talking about all this land he owns out east and they do these weird hunting games and tournaments and these games where they put a hundred grand each in and it's like target shooting

and they win shit loads of money. And it kind of got to the point is, is there a human hunt that happens somewhere in our state? Yeah, and so my thought was, you know, on Mr. Robot, there's a scene where Tyrell pays to beat up a homeless guy. And then so I started, you know, that's a thing. That's a real thing. Wall Street guy, whatever, they'll just put on gloves

and beat the shit out of a homeless guy. So we know that that baseline exists. But I feel like it would be really hard to cover up if it were an actual person. I think to do it it's not that bad all you need is people willing to pay whatever hundred grand or whatever the entry fee is. Oh that part's easy. Easy and then you just need to find people down on their luck or so screwed financially they're willing to say can I survive 24 hours or whatever the rules are for a million dollars or a hundred thousand dollars

and my thought was a squid games type thing both of those exist and there's all this exotic hunting and all this stuff like it seems just anywhere in the United States so he was so because he accidentally said the world and then we're like well of course yeah okay because Putin is hunting you know weekly his normal hunts. Yeah, so Texas, you get more land. You have guns. You have, I mean, you probably could throw a rock

and find a guy who's willing to pay 100 grand to shoot a homeless person, to be honest with you. So that part's taken care of. But you have to have a story afterward. You know what I mean? For the disappearance? Which might also be the same people who know how to make it to where, hey, if this guy dies,

like I have a story tomorrow for how he died. There's a fake doctor that does it or whatever. I think that probably exists. I just don't know if you can limit it to Texas. But I think it probably does exist. Although my point was last night, I don't know, if you just walk around and see the volume of homeless people, and then you read what people say online,

far right whatever, it's kind of like a real win of government that they're not just handing them $100,000 all the time with a gun in their hand and being like, run. I don't know, you need it and I need it. Let's see who gets something out of this here. Like the people don't just do that. It's too bad they don't. We'd sell it.

What do you think? You never said. I settle on thinking yes. It seems logical enough and not supply and demand, but people who would be willing on both sides. I think there's a lot of people you could say, do you want in 72 hours, have $100,000 in your bank account?

Obviously the answer is yes. What are you willing to do for it? Obviously that trims down the eligible number of people who'd be willing to do it. But the problem is if they win the game, the hunted wins the game, gets 100 Gs, they start talking. Tells everybody like, so maybe you just never.

So what you have to do is never. You never let them win. You never, you can't let them win, you have to shoot them and kill them. That's the fail safe. What's the movie with, you say it was Ice-T? Ice-T. Ice-Cube. What was it? Surviving the Game. Is that the one where they have the cabin and they bring somebody out there? Am I thinking of a different one?

I don't know. Didn't we do like a movie of the month once where the most difficult game? Man. There's another movie that's very similar, but that's the go-to surviving the game. And there is a cabin, I believe, yes. Hey lads, I seem to recall the idea

of you guys doing a Masters Sunday stream. I believe Saroy was on board. Theoretically, Ted would have time between his reports to hop on. Is this possibly in the cards? I know there's no Tiger this year, but I think it would do big numbers on YouTube. First of all, when is the Masters, Mike Saroy? Next week, Dan. Really?

Yeah. But if you're freaking- Our fifth major. If you're, no. If you are freaking out, we are heading directly south where the Valero Open is being played right now in San Antonio. It's being played there now?

God damn it. With the Final Four? Believe it, yes. Wow, you really can't have it at all. Ludwig Ober, he's there. Why would the mud can have it. Ludwig Oberg is there. Why wouldn't flood rockers close before all of that traffic? Right, the influx. Yeah, we can go down there.

You guys want to do a Sunday stream for the Masters? Sure. Let me check the Cali. I think I might be doing one. I'm going skydiving. Oh, yeah, that Sunday? Yeah. Masters Sunday, you scheduled a skydive?

You're doing something? This is like me. I think on Saturday I was thinking we might do a live watching stream type thing. Okay. To the Masters. Well if Tiger's in the mix, I'll do a Sunday stream. Well you can go watch Jake skydive then. Dude I wanted that April Fool's prank to be so real.

Did you believe it for one second or no? Yeah. Yeah. I kind of believe it now like I think him saying April Fool's was the April Fool's Oh, I think that thing is healed. Do you think Tiger will win another major? No Let me do I think no, but I didn't think he'd win that one in 19 either Yeah, friggin awesome and it was we and I would like the greatest day in history Oh, it was a greatest day in history? Oh, wow. It was a good day of watching golf, I guess.

It was great. I don't know. I wouldn't... I don't know. That kid's not old enough to... Garrett writes in, he's thinking about Jake calling Eddie Money the Mike Saroy of music. I heard that yesterday and I don't know how to feel about that at all. I don't care how you feel.

Why don't you tell me how I should feel? Is that an insult or a compliment? No, my point seriously was like, you're not going to have a bad time. I don't know if it's good or not. I just know throw it on and you'll probably be like, okay, I can do this. This is cool. It's a good time. He said he figured it out that he says if you listen to all two of Eddie money songs that means

Seven and a half minutes is not long enough to have a bad time Okay, I just know that I like it. I like my Eddie money essentials of which there are more than two of I just can't Real them off. Yeah, I'm for you right now More than one song more than one Eddie money. Oh, are you looking at an Eddie Money listing? No, he's not. No, that's my screen saver. It's just a track listing for an Eddie Money album I don't know the name of.

All right. I had a, I don't know, the bad beat thing feels weird when I'm staring right at it like a child. Okay, well then let's close out viewer mail. Let's do like our that is how most of them are made though these days at a lab. Most of them though. The children? Yeah. Hey! We got another okay let me that's an interesting one. Delivery of Lone Star and Lone Star Lite. Let's do some commerce real quick and then I'll.

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could save you money on more than just your property taxes. So don't fool around with these property taxes. Hey, guess what's the best part? The best part of OwnWell. You don't pay unless they save you money. There you go. Yeah. Pay zero until after we save you money on your property taxes. OwnWell.com slash the dumb zone. So what I was thinking was kind of like, I don't think I would

ever, I don't think I'd ever smoke weed with my dad. I Think that's a weird I would you know the old you drink beer with him. What dude we've talked about that forever for yeah, right But cuz that's like a topic. I just sex stuff with your dad to me is super weird I don't have that kind of dad like I know guys who did and it was fucking creepy wait Did what like talk about sex with their dad like that. Their dad would be talking about cheerleaders and whatever. OK, this isn't a Gary Trent, share it with your dad? No, but I mean, those are the same guys a lot of times

that may visit your dad's weekend at college and are open to that. Usually the same guy who watches porn in a group setting with a bunch of dudes. you're like, eugh. Do you have a gummy with your dad? Although I know you're back there. Didn't you? Yeah, yeah, on our golf trip.

He's had gummy with his dad. Would you do that? No. Oh yeah, we both popped a gummy, then we watched Duck Dynasty. That is. It's just very chill. But I did have buddies who knew their dad's sex stories.

Yeah. And I thought that was really weird. It is really weird. So I'm not into that, right? I don't think I would. My dad doesn't operate like that. I don't think I will. But we're on the topic of fertility.

I'm not the only one I know that saved the video that used at the clinic. So you know the exact video. Why? I was like, this is my. What are you the exact video. Why? I was like, this is my thing. What are you going to show your kid? This is all you, bud. Is there ever a thing in the future

when fertility is more normal where that's part of it? Look at this chick's ass, man. Got me going. This is the part. Yeah, the. Watch right here. Two minutes, 43 seconds. That's the part.

You're the guy on the porn comments on Pornhub that will actually say, oh, three minutes. At 1.43. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tag it. Like it's the YouTube scrub. But no, I want him to tag and be like, that's where I was made, right there.

I know the video is all I'm saying. I just wonder if anybody will ever be that open with their children about it. They shouldn't. But people also shouldn't be talking about, I mean, dude, once you had friends whose dads got divorced and started dating again, it felt like the whole world changed to me.

Does that make sense? The whole world. I don't know if anybody in here relates to that, but it was the first time I'd ever seen a dude with money who was like trying to get pussy. He was like 40 year old divorced and you're like, oh wow, you can just like still have a life. I thought you were just done once you had kids.

Usually are. You're not ladies and gentlemen. You can just avoid kids and keep going. Don't ever have kids. Did we lose our boys? Are we taking a break at all? What do you mean, yeah, you want to now? I just have kids. Did we lose our boys? Are we taking a break at all? What do you mean? Yeah, you want to now?

I just peed. Well, that's why I thought it was weird whenever we didn't break and you were like, let's do a spot. Oh. Okay, no, I thought you were gonna touch base on sports or something. I mean, the Cowboys got a quarterback.

All right. You know I'm conflicted about this. Cause you love Will Greerer because I love will greer But apparently they think the fact that will greer is like on their practice squad for two years and no other team really cared Let him let him go might it probably indicate that will greer sucks. It probably does He's like five eight Yeah, yeah, it's like a little guy. Well Greer. I don't know, look, I'm not over here gonna expend capital defending Will Greer.

Okay, fine, it's over. You're not like me still defending Josh Rosen. Yeah. That was a good one. Yeah. He might still be better than Josh Allen. We don't know yet. Yeah. Just sit tight.

I think Jake is mad, because he had his D Magazine article written out about how Will Greer was going to take control this year. He's two months away from opening Will Greer Toyota. How are we feeling about the Dolphins these days? So good. Are we so happy about Mike McDaniel? Yeah, it's still fun.

Is Cheetah leaving? Probably yes. What happened with that at the end of the season? I don't know, he was all hot and bothered and tweeted shit and said he was gonna go, but I don't know. We like Tua better than we like Dak? Jesus Christ, I don't know. Yeah, what is it?

I thought you cared. I felt like I'm on the hot seat too. Speed round. All right, I thought we cared about the Dolphins. That's just a bit, you don't really care about the Dolphins. I love the Dolphins, yes, but it's, what, April? Okay, that's... I'm not year round. I love the Dolphins, yes, but it's April. Okay. I'm not year-round.

I tend to take it when you're off sports, kind of. Except for the Valero Open. Yeah, the Valero PGA. So you have talked before about how you're going to open up and come clean about the end days of working at the Freak. Would this be that time? No, not yet. No?

Another five weeks. You're not ready? Oh, really? I don't know. Are you waiting for your... I kind of am, but... Severance to run out? Yeah, pretty much, yeah.

I don't think they're going to panic to yank the last paycheck or anything if I say something bad, but I'm waiting. So 12 months of severance pay. Do you think there's a slight chance that it just keeps going and it never stops? Dude, absolutely. Yes. Like you ever do that?

He's just fingers crossed, come on. Like one more, two. Because if you see one more go through, dude. And then it's like, all right, maybe I screwed up when they started. I don't know. And then the next one comes. Yeah?

Refresh. Oh my god, that would be the greatest thing ever. Would they be able to come after him? Yes, they would. Because some nerd would figure it out. You just couldn't kill anybody. No, dude. I don't know.

I thought I had 24 months. I don't check that account. That would make me super nervous. And that's why I kept not working. So would you? For you guys. I didn't want to ruin the non-compete. So do you think you should alert them?

Yeah, because like so they had to. Right, they're going to find out and you're going to fucking have to pay them. They're very straightforward, but good piece of listener mail on circling back yesterday was just like, you find a million dollars, do you narc or keep it? Now obviously you have to go through like how you found it, but let's just say it's a bag of cash.

OK, well. Yeah, where? is there any chance there was a camera? Well, let's say there wasn't but still It's a million dollars. It's Are the bills marked are there sensors? Are there what like I think you probably just got to play it safe If they end up paying you for a full year Like the amount that they're going to be like interest penalties this or that, it's gonna be 10 years from now and you're gonna owe them eight million dollars. Yeah. That's how I feel like that would end up going.

I think you deserve it and you should spend it. I think I need another year, I think I deserve another year. A little treat for me. What's the threshold on money you're supposed to turn in if you find it? Because you always say a million dollars, but if you find a hundred dollar bill, obviously.

Does anybody actually know? It goes straight in your pocket. What is it? Finders keepers. Full on. He said finders keepers. You're a lawyer, aren't you? Right?

Yeah, finders versus keepers. I mean, is that actually a thing like in Texas or something? In what? Certain jurisdictions. And there's no amount? So a bag with a million dollars I can legally... Abandoned property. There you go you go all right lock that in we have a apology bingo from jerks and profile fantastic fantastic oh did you

see that the great jerks and profile once the number one prospect in all of baseball brought up by the Rangers. Some might say too soon. Some might say not giving him a significant role. Dare I say, I mean, we're at the Rogan Comedy Club, right? Retarded his development. Yeah, he said it, he said it, he said it. That would actually be a really funny bit though, to go do comedy but only use the word retarded in the exact proper literal sense and be like, huh?

Just to see if anybody's okay? No, you guys just like it by sitting there like, no. Let's work that bit. We just need you to be mean. Yeah. No. But anyway, it was weird that Pro Fire wasn't anywhere near the number one player in baseball and then all of a sudden he leaves and... But he kind of like didn't have a position, remember?

Right. And it was just well There was no spot for him on that stacked Rangers roster And so they used him as a utility guy kind of but yeah again that afforded his development perhaps anyway he got suspended for PEDs if You're wondering hey, how did he make the star team last year and all of a sudden? You can't make a hundred on the test that came out of nowhere He says Braves fan he's on the Braves apparently. Yeah, you aware of that, okay Today is the most difficult day of my baseball career

I'm devastated to announce that I've been suspended for 80 games by Major League Baseball in the Commissioner's Office for testing positive for a banned substance this offseason It's especially painful for me because Anyone who knows me oh Big go and has seen me play knows I'm deeply passionate about the game There's nothing I love more than competing with my teammates and being a fan favorite Oh, I actually think an underrated one is there's nothing I love more than. He's a fan favorite?

Look, cocky there. Yeah. I mean, you've been with the Braves for a minute, like a month. I want to apologize to the entire Braves organization, my teammates, and the fans. It's because of my deep love and respect for this game that I would never knowingly do anything to cheat it

Tested my entire career including eight times last season alone have never tested positive I'd never willingly take a banned substance, but I but I take full responsibility and accept Major League Baseball's decision What's not said there is what else am I going to do but accept Major League Baseball's? Decision there's no way out of this so that's about it apology bingo hit a couple of them here but poor jerks and pro fire we wish him well all right you want to take a break sure all right it was gonna be like, uh, like, uh, Fairly Brothers films, like, get a whole pass to come on out to Fairly. Alright. La-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da Here's to Ben. Here's to Ben. Be polite! Here's to Ben. You're listening to The Dumb Zone.

Name that movie. Don't know it. I don't know it either. Anyone? Ofer, look at him. Blank stairs. Wow. Your references are out of control.

Less people than want no Luca talk. That's true. That's all I could think about last night when we went to that Airbnb because that's from Blue Velvet where Dennis Hopper is excited about his friend Ben. No puppet! So went over real well. Here's Jake to save the show. It's cool being here though. Thanks to Stu he apparently has a big budget here at Rivian, went out and got some more Lone Star Beer and Lone Star Light. Yeah!

Look at that. And like any good party, like J. Moore would have told you years ago, Chips. They got chips in the background. Oh, hell yeah. Of course they do. I love chips, man. In the back, we got a very nice crowd here and I just promised another guy we'd come down and do another Austin show Just because he asked if I would and you weren't around to save

Just gonna say yeah panic yes, how much are we charging him? We absolutely are gonna do it I don't know he said he's gonna crowd source it and get his buddies to each throw in something and I was like alright Let's let's do it Now Blake might not be here. Yeah. Doesn't look like Clayton wants to come back, but I'm totally on board. And remember when we were at the Rivian in Dallas, they have boxes of water.

Yeah. That's how you know it's good. And my challenge to Lone Star Beer for another campaign is boxes of beer. Does that exist? All right. We have boxes of wine. Does that exist? All right. We have boxes of wine. We have boxed wine.

Milk. We certainly have milk. I don't know why that was so funny. Milk is not today, please. Boxes of milk. Yeah, I don't know. I guess the carbonation, something. Are you looking up boxed beer? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know that that would work. You can pitch them though. You said you have stuff. We're doing stuff in this segment. You're going to bring a guy up. Oh, yeah. Why don't you come on up?

The doc. The doc. All right, come on up. Brought to us by One Day Doors and Closets. One Day Doors and Closets. It is a company that will come out, and they could change out all the doors in your home. You know how long it'll take them?

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Go to your door. I found this out at my house. A lot of hollow doors. Hollow doors. These things are solid. They'll keep the noise out. Yeah. Or you won't break if you punch it when you're mad.

If you have kids, it keeps the noise in. You know what I mean, bro? Hey, who fucking? Keeps the noise in. One day texas.com slash promo 30. Yep. We'll get you one door free when you buy one door. Have you ever heard of such a promotion? You buy one door, but then you get another one so you end up getting two. You know, the crazy thing about it is I only had four spots. So they ended up giving me five doors. I have a I just have a door now.

I'm using it as a kitchen table. That's awesome. I know. 940-969-4790. One day doors and closets, if you're like, I would do it if they did closets. Yeah, they will. So joining us now is some guy. If only. All right.

So joining us now is some guy. Some guy. Some guy. This is my friend, the Austin ER doc. Would you like to introduce yourself with your full title? I don't know how to introduce doctors. Ryan is fine, but Ryan McCorkle is my name. Dr. Ryan?

Yeah, that's great. Yeah. Okay. What do people call you at work? Oh, lots of four-letter words, especially if they don't get the meds they want. Do they ask you to get here stat? Nobody says that. No?

No, I love it on all the shows and stuff. Is that just a TV thing? That's just a TV thing. Oh, damn. It's code everything. Code stroke, code stork for baby delivery. Yeah, give us another one, we can try to guess one. We would have got stork. They really say code stork for baby delivery. Yeah, give us another one. We can try to guess them. We would have got stork.

They really say code stork? Yeah, that means like there's an impending delivery somewhere not in labor and delivery and the ER doctor needs to run and I've delivered in the parking lot. Is there one that's like a code flared base? Always an anchor string, always a flared base. Yes. That's all.

We can just get that message out in the community. OK. That's job security for me, though, I guess. How often does that come up, as it were, once every month? So there's a list on the wall, and almost every ER that you go into, of random objects. And people come in, they go, what is that? And it's like, if you don't know, you don't know.

But it's everything that we pull out of a rectum. Yep. That's the first thing people want to know about the ER. Yeah, it's probably four or five times a week. Hell yeah. Whoa. So there's whoa. When are you working in Austin then?

Even, I mean, I've done my residency in Buffalo, New York. I think we even had more there because it's a subculture called Kramers. And then. No, he's not joking. Now why is it called that? A what? Why is it called that?

Let me draw you a picture. Why? Give us a couple of weird ones. What are you pulling out? Give us a couple. The things you pull out. And the name of the person that you did it. Oh, absolutely.

No HIPAA problems there at all. So yeah, your regular vibrators do thoseildo, is that kind of thing. And no, I'm not going to give it back to you when they ask for it back. That's forfeited. But champagne bottles, policeman's flashlights. Yeah, policeman. The mag light.

The mag light is a big one. And I don't know what it is about humanity, but we all come to the same conclusion of how we're going to explain this. So the nurse stands behind, and I always go, so how did this happen? And everybody comes to the same conclusion. I slipped in the shower.

Amazing. No way. With the policeman's flashlight, a bottle of champagne. Right. Buzz Lightyear. This is a good example. A bottle of champagne. Why there was lubrication and how it got in there.

Yeah. I had created an elaborate obstacle course in my shower full of phallic shaped items. I kept falling on them. That's fantastic. Yeah. The one guy we have that's glass is the problem, right? If there's glass in there and it breaks,

you have a colostomy and it's a bad situation. That's got to go to the operating room. Everything else we can kind of sedate you and we use fully catheters that go past, blow up the balloon and pull back, and that's how you get it out once they're sedated but if it's glass you got to go to the operating room and there's a Yeah, we have some special folks who come in and they get dropped off at the door with a mystery object lodged and their cheeks are taped together and stuff spray painted across their their cheeks and

You have to find out what's in there with by x-ray and if it's glass then you got to call your surgeon friends in at 3 a.m. and they're not real excited about that wait someone's taping it up and writing a message on the yeah that's like the joker I mean that sounds like it said whore yeah we're down to sex crime territory yes I've seen whore written on the forehead you know or over the face Yeah, across the butt cheeks. I think we're now into sex crime territory. OK. Yes. I've seen whore written on the forehead, you know, or over the face.

Have you? This was in residency, but yeah, in New York. Is it almost, is it always, I'm not always, what number do you say, four, what do you? Four or five a week. Four or five a week. Male, usually as far as the? Yes, probably 90%.

Okay, okay. Jesus. That's ambition, that's because we have... Yeah, I could take this. Yeah. And we have more than a flashlight. We see just a little bit of daylight there. Yeah.

So you can't give this stuff back to them? Why would you do that? The policeman needs his flashlight back. That was a cool flashlight. Flashlight you can have back. That's the vibrators and dildos you forfeited your right to. I'm not doing it twice. I'm not taking that out again later.

Well, now I'm just going to use something else. So Ryan's a ticket listener for many years. When I went to Texas, Alabama, the game, I came down here. And he got me on the sideline and was walking around the field and was kind of showing me what he does on game day which was a crazy operation it felt like he was like the house the medical shows like a million things happening and there's walkie talkies and it was super fascinating to watch and then you know he's telling me like you know in addition to working at

the ER he's kind of a in addition to working at the ER, he's kind of a guy for a lot of the venues down here. So if Pearl Jam comes to town and they're at the Irwin Center or whatever they call it, whatever they would. Moody Center now. The mood. Bless the mood. Bless the mood.

That they need a doctor. And so most of the time, somebody doesn't die. And you just kind of get to enjoy the scene. You get paid for going to a Longhorns game. You get paid for going to a whatever. The Longhorn game would seem pretty stressful, to be honest. But I could have met, I would just think Chicago last night. You're there for any player injuries at the Longhorns?

No. So the players have their own set of orthopedists. I'm there for the crowd. The stadium. Yeah. So we have 105,000 at a UT game. So for every 30,000, you need a doc. So we have three docs.

One on each side of the stadium, one on the second deck. And then I'm in charge of all them. We have about 50 paramedics and about 30 nurses. And on a bad, on the early game in September, when it's still 100 degrees, we see about 160 patients. And later in the fall, you see about 30 or 40 patients. All right. And then when you go to a concert or something, what's...

I, see, reverse there. I only deal with the artists and the crew. Oh. I don't mess with the crowd, which you don't want that. Okay. So generally, no problems on those. Correct. You know, sore throat, cough, my vocal cords are strained.

OK. Ballpark on each one of those, what do you get paid for? Which one's more? Oh, for the stadium, for sure. That's part of my ER gig. I'm the director for that. I get paid through the hospital. Oh, that's through the hospital.

Yeah. OK. Yeah. The other thing is on my own on the side of a backstage medical thing. Ballpark me on that. Very little. 500 bucks. on that. Very little. 500 bucks.

Per visit. Per show. Correct. So you get to go to this concert. Backstage passes, tickets, get to meet the artists. Lindsey Stirling is there. Oh, man. And you are the doctor assigned that day and you make about 500 bucks but you get free

tickets, you get everything. Yeah. Another, like an extra ticket too, you can bring somebody? Yeah. Plus one. Yeah. So usually they'll give me, as many as they ask for, up to maybe four or five. And you get the backstage but you have to create a relationship with the tour manager

or the venue manager. They're the ones that call me and so then you're also kind of on call all the time. So any day off I could just get called and have to go down to the venue, like you said for Chicago last night, or Jason Isbell tonight, and you give up your days off, but it's a ton of fun. Don't make a lot of money, but a ton of fun.

I think we talked about this whenever he made this offer, but he did it for Blink when they were here, and I couldn't go. Did everybody just know that every artist is just posted up on the IV bag for an hour before they play? Is that true? I didn't know that.

A lot of them, yeah. Especially if they're playing back to back dates, a lot of them like to get IV fluids in between, which is nice because then you get like an hour to sit with your, Eddie Vedder is my favorite artist and he took my scrub top and wore it on stage at the concert that night with Girl Jam and I was like, my mind was blown. What does that do?

Does it just feel good? Vitalize you or pump you up vitamins? You do B12. We do airborne-types times. It makes the Roy feel better right now. Yeah, I wish you were here about four or five hours ago. Yeah. I told Jake that the functional alcoholic is our bread

and butter. You're welcome. Yeah, they have like a mobile IV guy. Yeah, I did it. That's what we do. I take a nurse with me. She starts the IV. And they get 45 minutes while it runs in

to talk to the artist that you've always wanted to talk to. So I think his whole scene is very interesting in general. But then he starts to tell me about last night. And I'm like, you know what? We're going to have you on anyways. Why don't you just pause here? So something did happen at Chicago.

No, no, this is on my shift. OK. I'm like, jeez. I would guess Chicago might. Well, that's like a natural death. Yeah. Yeah. That's true.

Yeah. No, that was pretty tame. I did that before the shift. That was very cool. Do you think Will have made it when this guy travels with us? I would do that any time. I've used us before the show. I've offered.

I would do that. How great would that be? Like seriously, we could have used it for Soraya today. Absolutely. I needed you bad. And you weren't there. Yeah, I don't know. I failed you.

I know. Hanging out with Chicago. Missed about a decade of help I might have needed. Yeah, we could have's in the ER. So yeah, so I was saying that alcohol keeps us in business on every aspect. Your tourist who gets drunk and gets on a scooter, they come to me.

Your alcoholics. That's got to be all the time. Don't gesture to me. The scooter, dozens a week. He did too. Alcoholics. He just hit me with. Dozens of scooter accidents a week.

Yeah, tons of those. And not all alcohol. Not all, majority. Not 100%, but a lot. And then if you're having to. Jake doesn't like when you bash his ex-girlfriend. Yeah, no, that and I just hate scooters. So I'm looking for support.

Bad mouth alcohol. I hate them, but they also is job security. Yeah, for sure. Get on them. And then if people have a problem with alcohol, they end up in the ER. If they're withdrawing from alcohol, they end up in the ER.

When their livers fail, they end up in the ER. So it's all kind of related to alcohol. But last night for the first time, normally if you think there's psychiatric issues or mental health and drugs, that's one thing. But just alcohol and a pretty functional person by all other accounts and took one of the nursing call cords that looks like this. Wasn't even my patient, was a patient one of the physician's assistants and just walked up behind me, wrapped around my

neck and picked me up off the chair. Like I grabbed it with two hands around it and luckily the PA is working with this jacked dude and he just took him down. Security came, the cops came, and there was an episode of The Pit this year talking about how often ER people are assaulted. And you know, I've been punched and stuff by psych patients.

You know, that's really not completely their fault. But I will, often I may be critical of things that happen with our interactions with the police and the emergency department, but these cops were great. They said they were going to charge them with a felony, that this is assault on a public servant, and we're really responsive. So I was pretty grateful for that, but that was pretty scary. What precipitated this then? I do not know.

That's what I was asking, is hey, do we have some mental health issues? Is there some substance abuse or what is it? No, just really drunk. Just really drunk and he's really big obviously. No. Oh, somehow lifted you up though. Well, yeah, I was seated in my computer like this

and the cord just went around my neck and he pulled and then I was like, well, I better go with it. And you just couldn't figure out why. Why was he mad at you? I thought it was when the nurse was joking around. Did he yell anything, or did he say anything? No, didn't say a word. And then because the GA had seen him.

Soundgarden should have been a bigger deal. Give me my dildo back. Yeah, maybe that is. Where are you keeping all of them? Yeah, I want them all. Where's the drawer? I'm not trying to victim blame here at all, but I did just think. He does have a great neck.

It is kind of weird. It's chocable. It is weird that when you walk around the floor of a hospital, it is sort of unruly how doctors don't really have offices. They just kind of have a desk built into the wall, sort of. Yeah. And it's like, oh, OK, I guess I'll just work my way around you who's decided this is your office.

That is kind of a strange setup, though. I don't know. They're just out there in the open. Yeah. I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often, I guess. You can't put a button and lock the door under your desk moving that way. ER docs are real accessible.

They put bulletproof glass up for us a couple of years ago, and there is a metal detector now, but that you can walk around that bulletproof. That's what he did. He just came out of a room through the bulletproof glass, and I'd never met him, didn't know him, never saw him. I assume, I assume, I know I upset patients on a regular basis.

So I assumed it was somebody. Because you'll go there. You'll give them the facts So cramming what is it now straight forward Not a real subtle title I want to ask him what we asked each other yesterday. Is there any level? Cuz I'm fascinating the door opens who knows what the hell comes in in the emergency room Is there anything that would make you be like, yeah, that's gross Yeah, Mike and I were joking around yesterday

about some guy who's a hard ass, that grizzled doc, and he's seen it all, but someone comes in and they take off their shoes and he's like, oh, I'm not a feet person. Uh-uh. Like, there's just the one thing you can't do. You can have no hangups. All?

There can't be anything. Like, what would shock you? All of us have one hangup and we kind of know each other. Really? Like for me, I don't know why, cystic acne and things with the eye. I don't like to mess with glaucoma. Not a stye guy.

Don't like that. There's another doc who's one of the best docs I've ever worked with. She's incredible, works all nights. Cannot fuck with bugs in the ear. Really? When they come in with the bugs in the ear, she'll like, you're going to stay here until the day shift comes.

And because I take care of everything else and I work all your nights for you, you're going to come take all the bugs out of the ears for me. And we're like, you know what? Fair. More bugs in the ears or champagne bottles in the bottoms. That feels like it's probably about comparable, right? Like I said, that's pretty. Nice balance.

Probably maybe two, three a week. So you can't look in someone's eye, but the anus, you're. Yeah. Let's dive in. As long as it's a brown eye, we're good. There you go. Interesting. Let's give it up for doctors.

Yay, come on. Thank you, doctor. Thanks for having me, guys. I appreciate it. Thank you, doctor. I don't trust them doctors. He's a hero. Them scientists.

If you assault him, it counts for more. Is that true? That's what he was saying, yeah. Oh, yeah. Get a little public, yeah. It's like- Public servants. Kick a police dog.

That's new. That's new. There was an episode of The Pit this year about it. Doesn't seem like the public servants, the other public service charge us so much. Oh. For our own private equity. Actually, so my buddy Max, my PT, my trainer buddy, went to Thailand just a couple weeks ago.

And his wife got bit by a stray cat he said so she had to go to the hospital and they had to do some kind of a first of all it was like just on the hand so they had to give her some shot she said the worst pain she felt was some shot coagulant or something to stop the thing from spreading or whatever and then they had to treat her for rabies, because you don't know. Could have sent that cat. Cut its head off.

Sent it all the way from Thailand to Austin. Yeah, to Anna Kay. Anyway, so she got treated for that, had that, had the rabies shot. And then she asked to continue rabies, a series of rabies shots, once she gets back here to the United States so this was a couple weeks ago he said while she was there this whole treatment everything they were there for a couple hours and all that and then they signed out thirty eight

dollars thirty eight US dollars and they came back here and she got her second round of shots, $500 for one, the second, the rabies shot. You say that's cheap. Yeah. I thought it was going to be more when you told me that. Yeah. I did a Masters in International Public Health and I did Thailand, Cambodia, Kenya, Tanzania. What does that mean?

You have to go to those places? I did. I was sitting there three months each place doing, working in clinics and comparing cost and water purification techniques for two years during med school between my second third year and what you're saying is absolutely right. But to walk in here you're talking $1,800 for a facility fee that you get charged by a hospital. So 500 bucks, yeah that's really good. He said he was figuring it out possibly if she was to fly back to Thailand, spend a week or so there and get her shots there, it could be cheaper. So yeah, that's probably accurate. Yeah. Anyway,

well, thanks for joining us, Doc. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. You lost your heroes. Any snake bite on the dick ever? Snake bites a big player? I mean, yeah. Down here, for sure. Because he mentioned money, and then I remember you heard it. The anti-venom costs a million dollars. Well, it depends on which anti-venom, but yeah.

Though we get snake bites regularly here. How about bats? Oh, yeah. That's also when you said rabies, because the colony or whatever. And if you're in a room with a bat, you got to do the whole series, because you could have been bitten while you were asleep. So anybody who comes in contact with a bat

gets rabies series. If you're in a room with a bat. Yeah, they woke up, there was a bat in the corner, everybody in the room gets rabies series. It kinda sucks. All right. All right, yeah. All right.

We're gonna do the news, and the news is brought to you by Frankel and Frankel, personal injury attorneys We don't want you to wreck like what were you saying you? You don't like it, but it's good for you like the scooters Scooters scooters are good for your job security. Yeah, we don't want you to get in a wreck But we kind of do because then if you do then you'll go to Frankel and Frankel Personal injury attorneys and they're gonna help you get out of that jam

They're gonna deal with the insurance companies for you. They're going to get you what you deserve Which could be money it could be money, but what you're definitely gonna get is treated Well, they know what they're doing a lot of people there that used to work on the insurance side So yeah get into car accidents a huge huge pain in the butt Don't make it worse deal with Frankles at two and four eight one seven and then all three stand hey Claire did you just get rear-ended by that truck and it wasn't your fault I did Cornelius Falcon what should I do pick up your phone and start pressing threes you ungrateful monster monster.

uh... well yeah it is the top news story back home uh... seventeen-year-old kid in frisco was stabbed and killed by another seventeen-year- old kid in Frisbee. Oh my god. Oh my god. I'm sorry, I missed fire. His twin brother, the deceased, his twin brother was there with him. He died in his arms. I was trying to get this music down. I did not competitively run tracks, so you guys are gonna have to fill me in.

I don't remember how this worked. There were just track meets in the middle of the day at school, is that how it worked? So it's not, 10 a.m., there's a track meet going on on a Wednesday? Yeah, apparently. That does seem weird. I vaguely remember.

Maybe a Friday. Yeah, but I don't know. Everything I did was in the evening, like sports-wise. Or was this like the Argyle game where the coach just got to pick the time and he didn't wanna miss. Well, it's a long ordeal, right? Yeah, I think.

Dude, it is a long ordeal. What, a track meet? Yeah. Is that like the underrated worst thing for your kid to get into? Because right now, what's the gold standard? Dance? Just because they want you to watch the whole dance?

Yeah. Did they imply that at track meets? Or is that a? I don't know. My kids are real slow. Yeah. They're plotting. So this track meet was taking place at Frisco. A 17 year old kid stabs another 17 year old kid around 10 o'clock in the morning. The dad of the two boys,

the surviving twin son of the deceased, spoke with NBC5 last night. I watched his interview. Such a horrible spot to be in because you know of surviving twin son and the deceased spoke with NBC5 last night. I watched his interview. Such a horrible spot to be in because you know people are gonna, especially if you were like, supposedly involved. But if you're not, just that reaction you get, like what kind of person are you? Everybody's looking at you right now,

you just lost your child. It's just a lot of pressure. And I thought the guy spoke very well. He's like, I've forgiven. What am I going to do about it? I have my other son left. I have to live for him. I don't think I could even go out there and talk to Sean

Rab or whoever showed up. I think I'd just be. Doesn't that seem a little macabre, even going after him? Like, is that a point where maybe I gotta we shouldn't do that like is that does the public need this for this story? It's a good question. And then like you said he'll just kind of be judged what if he seems a little too cheery? What if he seems too performative and how over the top he's, oh look at that, crying. Yeah. He's a homo. Yeah, I mean, I just think I probably, yeah.

Why not just stay away from it? Well, I mean. That doesn't seem funny. Is the news trying to be funny or no? How's that? Excuse me. You think Jake's okay? No.

You're on thin ice now. I think it. Why, what did I do? I think it's cause he was out. How do we even know you're not drinking? That No, I think it why what did I do? I think it's cuz you know, you know drinking That's a he's out late last night with all of his smoking stuff smoking stuff gear Nice We go to the mat over this. I like you could never tell that story. Can you I want to be on thick ice?

Do you remember go to the Met? No, but if you are saying I probably can't tell the story, then you shouldn't remind me about it now. It wasn't anything. It was a youth sports dispute that Dan got into. And the other guy was real fired up about something that was likely pretty inconsequential. But it was enough to where Dan was bothered by it.

He came in and was telling Bob and I about it. And the only thing that was really funny about it was that the guy signed off with his part of the disagreement and was like, and I'll go to the fucking mat over this. And we thought that was like the funniest possible threat. It's like, well, shit. This guy means business. I think I kind of remember that.

It might have been about who was coaching the 12U All-Star team, and it was pretty big. And Dan's like, I don't want to bring this up. In retrospect, it doesn't look as big, but that day it was one of the biggest events that I could imagine in all of life. Go to the mat, over. It's so weird, man.

Don't have kids. It's just going to make you act like an idiot over stupid stuff. Yeah, well, they're cute and stuff. So you may have seen the image that was floating around the other day of Kid Rock in the Oval Office. I did. With President Trump, it's very easy to make the idiocracy comparison. He's got like a, I don't know, a sequined red, white, and blue get up.

I watched the whole five or six minutes. So the executive order that Trump was signing was with regard to ticket prices for concerts and the bots that will gobble things up and then you have to pay this insane markup fee. The artist isn't making more. The fan is paying more. It's a broken system. So I listened to old Bobby, Kid Rock, talk about this. He sounds super well-spoken.

I mean, to be honest with you, Kid Rock here sounds more intelligent and informed than half the people in Congress, the ones that are like 85. So I'm going to play a little bit of that for you here and then listen for the dork in the press or in the administration who tries to jump in. And I'd like to take my ticket prices lower, but if I set my ticket prices low,

these bots immediately eat them up and they resell for hundreds of dollars more and I'm just making these bad actors rich. Well, I think this is a big step to getting it stopped. Do you have something? Right? Yeah. Okay. So this is, there's some little dweeb over here. Brian, fucking Brian. And Trump's like, Hey, what do you have? Brian's like, yeah, I want to, I'm a cool guy too. I see Donald Trump and Kid Rock. I think I fit into that. Do you have something? Right? Yeah, I do actually. I actually feel that the

consumer is gonna take the money that they say and actually buy merch which you guys have shut up there or do concessions which you guys split with the venue on that as well so I think they're money don't share concessions a lot all right kid Rocks here bullshit he's well but actually guy yeah he's like oh no I I'm the guy don't know don't need you right now Yeah split with the venue on that as well So I think the money don't share concessions a lot. No, no, we try to but

They don't want to they don't want to share it in the beer prices and parking or any of that stuff But the bottom line is there's money for everyone to be made. There's there's plenty of money to go around Okay, so what I'm saying is Kid Rock has this thing handled, right? Yeah. He clearly understands it, he understands the dynamics, and he's speaking. But is this the same guy? There is some reporter that keeps jumping in, like when Zelinsky was in there, he's like, that's right.

This might be that guy. I was trying to place- Why aren't you wearing a jacket? Yes, yes. Yeah, this might be that guy. That's why I can't tell what his role is. The one, what do you call it? The buddy buddy. The sycophant. Bradjam. He's always, yeah, he just wants to make sure you know that I'm here to support you, Mr. Don.

So Bob, Kid Rock has got it here. This guy won't shut up. There's plenty of money to go around. No one's going to really lose here. Take a master, if we can get a cap, they're going to lose some money, but I've already talked to CEO Mike on these give me his word. He's on board for it I was talking to Jacobi with Papa Roach earlier What he put in the work So now you call Jacobi and on this called the only reason we're playing this He's like, oh kid rocks talking and I just remembered that I talked to Jacobi from Papa Roach.

I'm fucking pipe up now. I've already talked to CEO Mike. He's giving me his word. He's on board for it. I was talking to Jacobi with Papa Roach earlier. OK. You know what that is? That's Trey with Jerry Jones.

He's in the middle of his own show there. In the middle of a sentence, I've met the guy from Papa Roach I hope you think I'm cool. I hope you think I'm cool because I know the guy from Papa Roach How's Tony Ramos back? God it's been a long time since we've checked in with Trey Has he broken anything recently? No, he watched my house last year. I think he killed a couple plants, remember?

Oh yeah, that's right, there was dog piss everywhere. That's right, he let the dog go potty everywhere. No, it was human piss. You don't know. You don't know. Nobody knows. Let's see here, where did my news story on this one go? Man, I'm having a problem finding non- I was going to do like Austin News, like when we

go to camp I try to find some Austin News stories. Yeah, let's hear something that's going on here. Well, we heard about the thing in the guy's butt. Yeah, but the problem is like every single Austin News story is like, hey, another homeless person killed someone or got killed. Well, that's population control, in a way. Jesus! No, I thought we were all worried about...

We're worried about not having enough things. What do you mean we're worried about having not enough things? Yeah, food and shelter. Oh, I did see... Cuban tweeted out, that's a good... That's where we can go with that. Cuban tweeted out that it's time to go stock up on your essentials because of the tariffs.

What do we need? Are we talking, because I'm good on paper towels and toilet paper. I think yeah, you're uniquely positioned for this. Yeah, I don't know, I just saw a tweet from yesterday. My wife still has some water from y2k Boxed she totally bought a ton of water Because the white remember that oh, yeah, there's a couple people like Saran wrapping their house for some reason. What was that about?

9-eleven Why would you Saran wrap your house for 9-eleven? I think it was y2k. Okay There was something where they were asking us to put Like saran wrap on the door and i'm positive. It was terrorist related really Any of my other like 9-eleven i've never heard of saran anthrax maybe anthrax Yeah, because of Dirty Bombs? Yes, Dirty Bomb. For COVID, we used to have sex with, we would both be wrapped in Saran wrap.

I didn't need to, because I had the wall already made. Okay. So I already had the glory hole there. Yeah. Do you think there's people who like, do you know someone who has a glory hole with their like situation with their wife? That'd be cool.

Let's do the glory hole thing, honey. You know what? I'm going to throw that at her. Just see if she'd do it. Why'd you get this big piece of plywood? No, we're going to... You know how you were saying you wanted to spice things up a little bit. Now, first of all, she'd be like, I said that? No.

She didn't. No. But uh, I'd be like, oh that wasn't you? That was somebody else. I guess you just have to explain it like it's not that I don't want to see you, it's just that I want it to imagine being anybody else. Which just like she does when you're behind her, right? Come on.

She's thinking of some other dudes, isn't she? Fabio. No, not Dan's wife. It's Steve's on. Steve's on. She loves Steve's on. The riding mower. She's just thinking about the riding mower.

Willie Geist. No, it's very funny to imagine a full. How come I don't know your wives' loves? You just know mine. I know. I can tell you all mine, and they all call inside zone like 28 times a game and stand on NFL sidelines. A lot of motion in the offense.

OK. It's all those guys. She loves quarterback? Or the head coach? Yeah. No, but it is funny, though, like a Harold and Kumar type thing with the big bag of weed that he falls in love with. That is your wife in the lawnmower.

Yeah. He's broke. Yeah, I have a list of your wife's loves here. Mine? That's why I remember. What do we got? Theo James. The guy from The Other White Lotus, right?

Yeah, Dave Matthews. The big dude. Oh, yeah, OK. Dave Matthews. I like this list. She loves Dave Matthews? Yeah. I know she went to the Dave Matthews concert and was upset I didn't want to go.

But she should know me. That's it? That's it? Dave Matthews? Just four. Yeah. There you go. If you want to ask her for more, I'd write him down.

You don't see this often in the news. It's a bit of a new twist on an old classic. A North Texas rabbi behind bars for indecency with a child. Don't forget about us. We can be perverted. Yeah. They've been employed at the bar. We were having this conversation last night,

weren't we? Temple or synagogue, same thing? Same thing. Why did you ask the whitest guy in here? Because last night he told me that, I think. This is our friend who married the quarantine slam queen. Oh yeah, Asta. Yeah.

That's the first thing he said to me yesterday. He said, my wife's the quarantine slam queen. I'm like, yeah, I remember you. Of course I do. It's just you're pretty standard. There was a school at the temple and he was doing a little side piece. You know, you were actually assaulted.

What? The au pair? No, it's not the au pair. What are you talking about? The au pair. No, it's not the au pair. What are you talking about? The au pair. No, that was awesome. But you were under 15 and they were like, you were under legal age and they were over. I was, yeah, I think I was over 15. But you were under legal age. Yeah. And they were an adult. Like 20. So you had a babysitter? A friend of mine had an au pair because they're rich.

That's what you get. Swedish au pair. That's basically a babysitter? Oh yeah. Yeah. Nanny. A little... yeah. And you had sex with her? Jesus yes. I had... yep. Was that your first experience? Yes. Wow, that's pretty badass. Yeah. It was amazing. But yes, in a way, you also got raped, right, for your first experience. I've never thought of it like that one bit. This woke guy over here?

Yeah. No, I do think it's like a victim at all. No, but he could, though. If he woke up tomorrow and started, god, I'm not smart enough to wade my through. Oh, fuck it. OK, if he woke up tomorrow and decided and started, god this is, I'm not smart enough to wave my through. Okay, if he woke up tomorrow and decided that that was something he was really bummed about, right? Like sometimes people have trauma

that reveals itself to them later, you never know if it's real or not, he could be using it to his advantage. If he woke up tomorrow and was like, yeah that's something that really messed me up, I would have to support Saroy by being like, I support rape victims. And I don't like that.

I don't like that he could just grift on that. I won't. You just don't like supporting rape victims? What do you say? That's what I'm saying. It would make it very confusing, because he's lying. And I think some people, maybe late in life, are like, oh, you know what?

That was worse than I think. I don't know. I need something else to blame for getting fired last year. Yes. And I can trace it all blame for getting fired last year. Yes. And I can trace it all the way back to my shortcomings. Was it an ongoing relationship? No. It was a one-off.

Just once? Yeah. Did you love her? I mean, was she satisfied, or did you bust? Yeah, was it very quick? Yeah, it was very quick. I have no recollection of her satisfaction level. No, because it was overnight.

Because I feel like that says a lot about the interaction. If you still have shoes on, then it was probably a pretty quick situation. Are you not fascinated? Groundwork? Oh yeah. I spent I would regularly spend the night. Okay, so you knew her for quite some time? Yeah. Yeah.

Was there any alcohol or anything involved? Um, no, I don't. I really don't recall. I just she was I think we made out once. Okay. And then it so you're I think we made out once. Okay. And then I think she accelerated it. I think I was like, what the f— you know, what's happening here? I was just so scared and she was taking advantage of me. And then I didn't know what happened, Jake.

And now here I am today. Where was your buddy then? In his room. Okay. Does he know? Yeah. He knew right away. OK. Does he know? Yeah. He knew right away? Yep.

Two minutes later? When I ran in a high five, that buddy, I won't even say his name, but he is in the photograph of Michael Jordan dunking from the free throw line in Chicago, like maybe the most famous basketball photo. He's right under Michael Jordan's knee. And every time I see that picture, I look directly for him. You can find him. His brother's in a boss Hugo Boss sweater and he is my buddy Josh. Have you ever interacted with this lady again? Never. You ever look her up on Facebook? I don't even know her name. No.

Could she say like a Swedish name? I don't even remember what it was. Oh. Could she say like a Swedish name? I don't even remember what it was. Was it Ingrid? No, that's a great guess. We'll go with that. You would say that she was attractive, not just by a horny child.

Yeah, no, yes. She was a convention. I think so, yeah. Yeah. Just, I think, pretty, yeah. Blonde, I remember. Damn. Yeah, just I think pretty yeah blonde. I remember damn Then we had a gap after that one

Till we yeah that'll back in business that'll have got back in the game All right, there's news The dumb zone, like and subscribe. The Dumb Zone presents. Oh, I got a bunch of birthdays today. Today in history. Ben, by the way, confirmed it was a bike that took him home on a rickshaw, not a horse, Jake, as he was listening.

Oh, yeah. I want to promote a couple of things that we're going to be doing. Of course tomorrow, we've said this a million times today, Lone Star Beer is sending us down to the Rose of San Antonio. Says here, downtown's premier cocktail bar. It's the Jordan Dunk picture. It's my friend. So join us tomorrow in San Antonio.

Thank you Lone Star Beer. And if you want to get some, I think they'll have a little bit of merch there for some giveaways, but you could also go to lonestarbeer.com. Dumb Zone 21, right? Indeed. Okay. Is the promo code. You get 21% off any Lone Star

merch like this hat that I'm wearing or that shirt that Matt Wissen is wearing. Thank you, Lone Star Beer. But also, we're going to be out at the CJ Cup, Byron Nelson. Oh, yeah. But this is our first promotion of that and it's going to be Friday, May 2nd. And we, so we'll be at the Byron.

You know, our program, the Dumb Zone, from what I understand the mom game will be out there with Julie and Emily Jones and but all those things are not really why we're getting excited we're gonna get real excited because not only is cash Roy going to be the with us with Danny Bayless but but also Mike Saroy. Wow a golf Friday Mike Saroy hopefully he can recover. Thank you. We'll be cheering for some of the highest ranked golfers of any PGA tournament hundred ranked in America or worse. Keith Mitchell will be there. I think that sounds great. General admission is $75 to the Byron Nelson. I love Cashmere Keith Mitchell, who's

known as the best dressed man on the PGA Tour. All your favorites. All of your favorite golfers. I go every year. Yes. And I love it. And we'll be there this year. Byron Nelson, how about that?

The fifth major. No. That's what I love it. And it will be there this year. Byron Nelson. How about that? The fifth major. No. That's what they call it. What are we doing? Oh, yeah, birthdays. Come see us. That'll be a party. Some viewer male birthdays.

To start, we have Dear Uncle Muff Muncher, baster of the bearded clam. Yeah, I don't know. I don't get the bearded clam. Thursday is the birthday of the trucker. Wow. It is her Saquon Barkley plus AJ Brown plus Devante Smith plus Jake Elliott minus Nolan Smith Jr. minus Jalen Hirch

minus Bryce Huff birthday And if you know Matt it's probably is that he probably added those things together on a spreadsheet. Yeah She was woken up in that special way as usual which is odd because Matt's with us. Yeah, and She's at us. Yeah. And she's at home. Yeah. Look. She once sat next to a guy who was related to Genghis Khan. She has walked one foot in front of the other for 42 consecutive years. She is considering asking Kathy for a wife

wife swap. Oh wait, and then he writes just kidding Dan. Oh. Damn that would have been so great. Anyway happy birthday to the best wife ever. I couldn't do any of this without you. I don't believe that at all. She's badass, I do kind of believe that. I think Matt can do a lot of things. There's probably a joke in here that I'm missing, but isn't like a fourth of Asia related to Genghis Khan?

Is that the joke? Okay, I don't know. All right, that's from Matt Dallas, who's right over there, folks. There he is. Everybody, everybody knows. They're great, Matt, he's right over there folks. There he is. Everybody, everybody knows. They're great, Matt, he's MVP. Greetings from Hawaii, master of minge.

I want to wish a belated birthday to my daughter, Ella, who turned 19 last week, and to my wife, Karen, has a birthday on four three. That's today. Her furniture leaders are Black Toilets Everywhere, Jake's Lakeside Patio Table, and Bandit's Cuck Chair. Yeah. Yeah, it's in there.

Less Potbelly Talk, more Kane Rosso Talk, see it a future remote, Jay Jarrier. We know Jay. Yeah. We know Jay. Yeah. We know Jay. Greetings the vaginal plane dealer Dan and sober Jake. It is the 35th birthday of my brother day one DF number 313 Ben Carpenter. His leaders are Jim Knox Gainers and Run the Ball Blake. Best wishes from the Cuyahoga Valley from Lee Carpenter. Just a couple more. Dear Uncle Hotmail, day one DF Michael Strobe, or Stroby, or Straby.

How would you say that, Strobe? I don't know, I just like listen to. Happy Dirk birthday. His leaders are pulling guards, bad beats, and only filling his gas tank halfway to save money. You'd like to hear any Blake drop thanks and keep on keeping on. Fresh out. From Jaybird.

What I've done is awesome. He's so country on that one. See Tom Brenneman did a college football game. I saw that Blake. We need to, we should release a Blake ASMR. Like the call map has. If we can make money, right? You got another birthday or something? Oh.

Now he's a producer. Starting to pack up. Liberator of the Labia, want to send my yearly request or birthday wish to my favorite lawyer Zach Gruver If you think this guy's packing up and leaving in this traffic No way run the ball guy and get on the freeway at 5 o'clock 5 o 5 Settle in yeah

Let's see Zach Gruver ideal target listener He is peak run the ball dad middle middle-aged bald man, and he likes the occasional gummy product He is peak run the ball dad middle middle-aged bald man, and he likes the occasional gummy product More promotion for your subscription offering on free shows. Do you know we can subscribe you could subscribe Yeah today's a Subscription free show, but if you want to get the the good behind-the-scenes stuff you can go to patreon.com slash the dumb zone Thank you. More Julian Saroy, less crypto guy, and Jake recording people in the bathroom, you sicko.

A lot of people were mad at you for that. I heard. High fives and moosing. This is from your marketing friend who has cited Josh. This is Josh. Sorry, Blake, for making you feel dumb. Remember Josh, Loinet? Our marketing friend? We talked to him.

Oh, yeah. He said you felt like an idiot after we talked to him. That's with most people, yeah. And dear Uncle Basher of the Brown Eye. Yesterday was Craig Wolfman's birthday. He turned 43. His leaders are Housecats, the guy who wouldn't F a hooker to the DZ theme song. He had a code. Yep. And Dan's can of snakes shooting into another can of snakes. More Sarah and

the other broad who went to the city council things. Jasmine. Less TC. Also, I propose that we DZP ones I self identify as puppets in lieu of dumb F's. It gives good irony from Johnny B. Yeah, I don't know. It's pretty solid puppets. You think I don't know. Looks pretty solid, Puppets. You think?

I kind of like it. I was thinking like, I got a bunch of flags made. They're in the car. It just says Puppet Bag Nation. No. All right. Woodflag. Again, I already got them printed. So it's Thursday, April 3rd on this day in 1968. Martin Luther King, the junior, delivered his final speech.

He didn't know it would be. Yeah. Or did he? Maybe he did. Do you think he's really dead? I wish we knew. This day in 1973 was the first handheld portable telephone demonstration. Motorola executive Martin Cooper called Joel Engel of Bell Labs using a Motorola device that looked like a small domesticated version of military walkie talkies and weighed less than three pounds.

Impressive. The next day he switched to a Prime Co phone. On this day in 1996. There's at least one of you. Unabomber Ted Kaczynski arrested. Speaking of, hey, I'm not a fan, but you know. On this day in 2004, Freddy Adoo, a major American sport in over a century, it says, at age 14. It's not his fault at all, but that guy literally might have set back soccer in this country 25 years. It's like every fucking SI Kids article, every cover.

If he was actually good, it would have been great for soccer, right? Yeah. Like if right now he's dominating. Yeah, but they had built him up to be like, you know. I don't know, like LeBron? Yeah. Tiger?

Yes. So we have a history of doing that. That's true. Yeah. He's got to get the right one. We just see so many more in basketball, so we know pretty quickly, like, you're not it. Oh, I think he dated Mishraad that's what I'm saying. And on this day in 2012 Brittany Griner led the Baylor ladies

Bears is whatever they're called to an undefeated season they won the Natty on this day in 2012 the first team in NCAA history to win 40 games. So. She was later involved in a big trade deadline deal. She loves the gummies. You think she just smoke smokes or just eats gummies? No, it was a pin, wasn't it? It was a cartridge. Was it? Yeah. Other birthdays today, Tyler Smith, 24. Bob. He's good.

Deshaun Stevenson is 44. Legend. Man, I loved him. ATM in his house, right? Really? I think so. Is that his event? I believe it is. Does that work for you? Yeah. ATM in his house, right? Really? I think so. Is that his event? I believe it is.

Does that work for you? Yeah. ATM in the house. How many NBA players that make just that silly money? They have barbers come to their house, right? Yeah, I would do that. Who had the fountain drink thing in their house? Recently we were talking about somebody that had that.

But it's just that you, you know. Shaq maybe, I don't know. Like the one at Fuddruckers? Yeah, somebody had one of those recently that we were talking about. That had, anyway, Will Greer. Oh, it was fucking mini me. Mini me.

You're right. You suddenly come into a ton of money. Yeah. You're like, you know what? I just want to do this. I've always wanted this. Yeah. Like I've always wanted a work bench.

Yeah, sure, sure. Nice lawn. Yeah, these people. No, Mountain Dew in my living room. Will Greer, 30. When I wrote this this morning, I typed this this morning, and I just typed out current Cowboys backup quarterback. And now I've got to change that already.

I've not been notified of a depth chart change, sir. Koji Uehara is 49 Former Ranger he was in the Chris Davis trade. Oh the Chris Davis trade with the Orioles. Yeah They made was that uh How far they make it that year? Nobody knows He was fun Jamal Williams is 30.

What I have written here next to him, it says great opening press conference with the Saints. Yeah. Why? What was great? He just had like multiple personalities. He was talking very weird. Jamal Williams is a fun type player.

That 15 years from now when he goes to do a Wendy's with an Uzi, we're all going to be like, oh, I think the guy had CTE. The whole time that he was, I don't know. So did you see it's floating around? Maybe we'll play it tomorrow, but Jamus, his opening thing with the Giants, like opening interview? I haven't seen it, no.

Like it's real wild and I just feel like Jamis is the new bacon. I'm starting to come around on that idea. Just too much, alright, okay, he's being real wacky, saying really funny things and pronouncing this funny, it's okay. He's Jamis. It's almost like I feel... But I'd love it if he was a backup here. Oh sure Dakar feel threatened too much swag Like any Like Dak needs the most boring could Dak like if you thought If you want Dak to be exciting you have to have Cooper rush as his backup Like that makes Dak look like colorful and fun, right?

Joe bones threatening Camp Chancellor, 37. Wow. Jared Allen is 43. That guy loved 69. Born in Dallas. Olympic gold medal ski racer Peekaboo Street, 54. Not a Las Vegas escort.

Not every Olympian, Blake, is a Las Vegas escort. Su every Olympian. Blake is a Las Vegas escort. Suzie Faber Hamilton? Jane Goodall is 91. Gems or apes? Gorillaz in the mist? Monkey lady. Alec Baldwin, 67. That's a rough life.

Killed somebody, you know. Eddie Murphy, 64. Seems a bit unhappy. Jenny Garth, 53. From Beverly Hills, 90210. Adam Scott, 52. Were you into that stuff? Golf? Funny.

No, like golf or funny. 90210? Not really. Memorals that stuff? Golf? Funny. No, golf or funny. 90210? Not really. No, actually, no. I don't know. No, no. Adam Scott, the funny one. Stepbrothers. Severance, not as funny, but. You Severance guy? Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. You and me. You and KT.

We had Adam Scott on right after Step Brothers, I believe. Did you? Yeah. Was he good? I don't know. Amanda Bynes is 39. Says he's a former actor. What happened to her? Yeah, I don't know. I know she got 51-50 in L.A. one day where she was like naked in the middle of the street.

I think she was like a Nickelodeon kid that went crazy or something. Speaking to the LA streets, I've just been seeing a lot of, uh, a lot of heat clips out there with Val Kilmer. Yeah. Heck yeah. Does that have you pretty excited? Oh my God, man. I, I, I, I spent 20 or so minutes on YouTube just watching the Chrissy highlight reel. If we bring back high-T movie of the month or whatever, do you want to do Heat?

Like full breakdown? Hardcore? If you wanted to do Heat, like every day our job is just, we'll just watch Heat and talk about Heat the next day, I'll do it. Rachel Bloom, 38. says here actor, comedian. Who? Wayne Newton, 83.

Mick Mars from Motley Crue, 69. And our Jake birthday of the day. It's pretty exciting, isn't it? You should have known. Like you noticed, like, he was right up on Adam today. Yeah. Ready to roll. And you're like you're like you got in that late Ryan Nunes from the 98 Longhorn team. No this is why you're in such a good mood. Chris Rab. David Hyde Pierce 66. I don't know who that is. Oh come on. It's better not be Frasier. It is Frasier.

It's absolutely Frasier. It's Niles. Niles. Niles and Frasier. Yeah, man. Guy loves Frasier. There was like a whole group of people that, unironically for a period of time,

were saying like, I'm more of a Niles guy. Did we give that one to Noviello? Yeah. What, just the show? Did Noviello bring up Fraszier when you were on the show? I don't know. He brought up the leather jacket. Yeah.

It says here you were in the leather jacket phase in high school. Oh yeah, he definitely did. It wasn't true. Oh man. Oh no. Born in the state now dead, William Wallace. Give me a year. He lived.

Oh, man. Sir William Wallace. Who's that? Fought for Scotland. He's the, what's the movie? Braveheart. Braveheart. Not a Braveheart guy?

Mm-mm. I feel like there's a lot of cool movies that this idiot needs to see. I agree. Never seen it. Mel Gibson had his face painted. Yeah. Yeah.

So you did see it, though. All right. I didn't think I needed to see that. And Marlon Brando. What's the year? You want to guess one? Yeah, sure, I'll play. 1426.

1517. 1980. Everybody's wrong. He only lived 35 years. 1270 to 1305. Okay. See how fast I did that math in my head too. I got to be honest with you. It's pretty kick ass. They're in my head and I don't know anything about anything. 1200 and 1500, same year folks.

Nothing different. Yeah. Like you said that as if I'm like, oh, yeah He wouldn't alive during that it's the same year to me centuries. Yeah How about 800? same like although same although you're getting a little bit closer to what we in the the field of We're getting a little bit closer to what we in the field of academia, we call it Bible times. And I think that's like 700.

So if you say 700... So 700 and below is Bible? I'm like, oh, Bible. Yeah, but somewhere around 800, I started thinking about... Everything's the same until 16? Yeah. I don't have any idea how the world has developed, to be honest. That's what I spent half the time on, Chad GPT doing them.

Dead on a Stay Still Dead, you got Jesse James, not the adult film actress. I thought he was a motorcycle guy. Gunslinger. Isn't Jesse James an adult film person or no? Girl,. I thought that was the one James is a female porn star. Jesse James is Well, well West gunslinger and who's the motorcycle guys a good with Jesse James It's a guy with like Gwyneth Paltrow or something. Nella gorilla. Yeah, he's the one who made our Sandra Bullock bleached her pubes for That's right. It burned her and bleached her pubes for. That's right. And it burned her. And also died on this day still dead, Rob Pilatus. He was one half of Milly Vanilli. Do you remember that bit?

Of course. Well, good. That's really good. How are we all feeling? Well, thank you, Austin. Thank you, Rivian. Thank you, Rivian. Can we give a quick closing remark to Stu? Yeah, we're Stu. Come on over here, Stu. Yeah.

Stu, come on down. Stu. Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu. Not a good chanting name, but a good booing. Stu. Stu. Yeah, Stu, Stu. Not a good chanting name, but a good booing, Stu. Stu. Yeah, I like that. Ribbion.

I originally thought you said Sibbion showroom. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. When I agreed to come on this trip. But these cars are amazing. I've learned. That's going to be my next gig. Ha, ha, ha, ha. What's up, be my next gig. Ha ha ha. What's up, Steve?

How are you doing, guys? Thanks for having us, man. Thank you guys so much for being here. This is good stuff. Yeah, appreciate it. This is the new model. It's a little more compact. You can take it still.

It's all electric. 10 hours on a charge. I don't know if they do as many events in their spaces as we'll do here, but different style of events. Probably won't have you guys out. I just got a few things. One, Blake has the Beehive. And I was wondering if Clayton, we've got a few Beehive members

here, I was wondering if Clayton has anything yet. And I have an idea to pitch, if that's OK. All right. You are a marketing guy. That's right. Clayton, your last name is Kimbro. So I was wondering if I could be the first official. I watched you work today.

It's incredible watching you work. Kimbroney. OK. First Kimbroney. How do we feel about it? I'll be the second Kimbroney. OK. There we go.

I'll join you. There we go. President, vice president of the fan club. That's great. So I don't know. How's your Make Reveille a Mudigan campaign going? MREMA.com. MakeReveaMudigan.com is going good. Yeah, clicks are through the roof.

Yeah, we're really. MakeReveilleaMudigan.com, that once again is the campaign to make Reveillea the mascot of Texas A&M University a mutt, once again, like it was when we won our fake national championship. So that's a campaign. You're an Aggie, so you can say that national championship. The campaign's going. You're an Aggie, so you can say that. I am.

That's right. Yeah. You guys have a jar here or no? Yeah. I keep it in the office. It's an office jar. It's against company policy. But make the exception for us.

I just have a few two quick plugs and then we'll do GIFs. I think the first plug, if this is acceptable, is one, go to fairlease.com. Fairlease.com, is that right? Fairlease.org. Fairlease.org. That's right, that's exactly right. Fairlease.org.

See, he was testing us. It was a test, that was absolutely a test. Go to fairlease.org, check it out. Also, they have, Mike, they have, they have previously leased vehicles there that are for sale that you can buy. You should check it out. Incredible prices. I looked at it.

I think it's great. Really good prices. Not joking around. There's really good deals there. So you're excited at how fair Fair Lease was. Extremely fair prices. Go ahead and do a show at another car place. Exactly.

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And if you look all over Fair Lease and you talk to them and can't find a deal and you look at their previously used vehicles, leased vehicles, and you can't find a deal there, then I would take a look at Rivian.com if you want to. Only if you want to. Okay, so you're saying first go to Fair Lease.

That's what I would say. Yeah, look at that. Probably. You know, he's not going to sleep with you. That's right. But if you go to Rivian.com, you'll see that perhaps there's a $10,500 discount on leases for our max range, which is up to 420 miles, if you do a trade in. So just want to throw that out there.

Here you go, Mike. 420 miles, bro. Yeah, that's exactly right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, that's why we position you guys right here by this 420 sign. Seriously, if anybody out there is interested in Rivian and doesn't want to go through all the things, you can email me, Stu, S-C-U, Hill, H-I-L-L, at rivian.com and I'll put you in contact with one of our advisors here that you'll love.

It'll be super low pressure. They'll give you all the info, all that stuff. Fairleaf's just now getting mad at you. Go ahead. Yeah, but no. Once again, go there first. Fairleaf's definitely going to look around. The second thing is if you are in Dallas or Austin and have

a nonprofit that needs space for an event, we've got 10,000 square feet of space here, about 4,000 in Dallas. Use that same email, stewhillatriffian.com. Shoot me a note. Would love to host you guys, not just podcasts, but yeah, if you have a nonprofit that needs space, we'd love to host you guys at our spaces as well. And then I think I just. They got the view of the river here. It's fantastic. View of downtown, that roof, ideal.

I feel like there's at least a small chance that we need that to happen because he went to his bosses and was like, we'll do a bunch of stuff in there. It'll be like charity stuff. I don't know, maybe something like a podcast. That's the most accurate thing. And now it's just us over and over again. Is there anything redeeming about letting us?

No event. Stu. How come they don't let you ride a scooter across the bridge? Oh, I don't know. I don't touch those scooters, man. You're crazy if you're touching those scooters. Yeah, it's not for me. Will you finally respect me?

Because I know you like him. No, I don't. I don't respect Stu right now. Pass that to Clayton. This is for Dan. He's got the Jake mind virus. Wait, wait. What's for what?

That's Clayton right there. That goes over one more. That's for Dan. All right. That's Blake right there. We like things for Dan. And then Jake, that's you. So you guys can take a look in there.

There's, please, get in there, Mike, a t-shirt. I know you guys love your t-shirts. Got you guys a t-shirt. There's also a kid's book in there. This is another plug for me. My wife illustrated that book, Maybe and the Gravy. It's a kid's book. You can check it out on Amazon.

That's Maybe and the Gravy. Then they're all signed by the artist, my wife. And then I got you one. The signature is for Colton, which is Brandon Aubrey's kid. So I figured if you needed an excuse to text Brandon Aubrey. Damn. I'm never going to catch up. Just drop in.

Say you got something for him. You know where his house is. So you can just drop by and say hello and scare his wife. Well, the thing is that he'd be actually very happy to see me and happy that you thought of him as well. These guys are just jealous that they don't have a very famous friend. That's right.

But no, that's the end of my bits. Thanks again for being here. Thank you, man. Thanks for the food. Thank you. Food? Yeah. Lone Star.

All right, let's all hear it for Stu. Yeah, Stu! Yeah! Yeah! Love you Austin. Adios, mofo. We gotta go before this becomes a zoo. Thank you for watching my video.

Subscribe and type for my name if you wanna watch more of my video. Okay, not Val Kilmer, not Val Kilmore, not Cal Vilmer. Okay, I'll get to work. Not Val Kilmore, not Kal Vilmer Okay, I'll get to work. Not Val Kilmer. But I can't get to work because I'm not Val Kilmer Tonight, I'm just a real genius

Like Chris Knight And then Val took a flight As Ice Iceman It was fun Top Gun But he's not done method acting as Jim Morrison on a set in Van Nuys The doors, of course, we wouldn't forget where you're known Then you showed us Doc Holliday really really sets the tone For the movie Tombstone You were so selfish, a chef's kiss

Then in true romance, they let you prance As you played Elvis, they never showed your face It was insane But you got him back forever when you played Bruce Wayne That was neat Then you played a real dirtbag In the movie Heat If I must confess I wasn't impressed

By the ghost in the darkness And okay, I know Thou's dead, be sweet for sho' Can we please talk about The island of Dr. Moreau? What the hell was that about, bro? Did you learn method acting from Marlon Brando?

I'm kidding, I'm repenting I'm keeping faith, or is it fate? No it's Simon Templer from The Saint Then you went manic when you played that astronaut in Red Planet, you never panicked. I'm surprised you didn't die earlier due to all the slander from the critics critiquing the box office bust Alexander. Yikes. But 2005, you were very much alive when you took a role to play a gay private eye

in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. As you disguised Robert Downey's life aside That movie was such a fun ride You won't be shocked to hear Val turn down Charlie Sheen's role in Ferris Bueller But now who's embarrassed that they weren't included in the greatest movie ever? MacGruber

You were in Magrubr You were cunt, never once Did we not want you to be in the car KFBR 902, I hate you I'll be your huckleberry Will you be my huckleberry too? Be my huckleberry But you were too dead to be

In that grubber too