The Dumb Zone FREE - The Dumb Zone 5-16-24

Episode Date: May 16, 2024

Hear every episode of The Dumb Zone by subscribing to our Patreon - Patreon.com/TheDumbZoneStep through the looking glass and enter a world where reality bends and time dissolves. In this episode of The Dumb Zone, the crew explores the curious case of the New York City-Dublin portal – an art installation that promised a window into another world but instead became a showcase for the world's oldest profession: exhibitionism. From flashing antics to obscene displays, discover how this portal of possibility quickly turned into a peephole of perversity, ultimately leading to its untimely shutdown.But that's not all – the team dives into the fiery fate of a Frisco home struck by lightning, pondering the capricious nature of electric storms and the resilience of modern architecture. They also reflect on the upcoming 2024 Olympic Games, where the beds are designed to deter more than just sleep, and athletes' libidos are put to the ultimate test.Amidst the madness, the episode takes a nostalgic turn with a birthday tribute to a beloved microphone inventor, a peanut butter cup pioneer, and a somber remembrance of the iconic Jim Henson. It's an episode that's as bizarre as it is brilliant, proving once again that The Dumb Zone is where the extraordinary becomes the everyday. (00:00) - Open (32:25) - Viewer Mail (48:40) - Cowboys schedule release (01:06:13) - Danny watches Dan on the William Pace Show (01:11:49) - Mavs win game 5 (01:53:10) - News (02:04:45) - Today in History ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Hello, I'm Dan McDowell, longtime professional broadcaster. Why subscribe to our Patreon podcast? Well, perhaps you support our struggle to get out from under the oppressive thumb of the man. Or, objectively, if you sign up at patreon.com slash the dumb zone, you'll get the two episodes per week that are available on all podcast platforms, like this one, plus an additional two episodes each week that are exclusive to Patreon. So subscribing on Patreon gets you four episodes per week. Oh my, what a bargain. Now, on to today's program.

A strange bird is the pelican. His bill holds more than his belly can. He can take in his beak enough food for a week. I'm damned if I know how the hell it can. Happy birthday to Blake. Did you text him? I texted him at midnight two nights ago. Get yourself a little birthday haircut? In preparation for my birthday, yeah. I got my ears lowered.

Is that a dad thing? Oh, my God. I feel like it's a country thing. Well, Business Wednesday also was Blake's birthday, which is perfect because he refuses to work on his birthday. True. I'm the only one. I only take off my wife's birthday. And the anniversary of your first time you held hands.

That's right. That's exactly right. So, what'd you do? By the way, I'm Dan. I'm Jake. I'm Jake. I'm Blake. Open. For?

Business. We have a full den today. We're doing a video show. We have some 690 sit-ins. We would like to say hello to Elena. Elena. Can we say your last name? I mean, we're on YouTube.

I guess we can. Cox. Make her say your last name. Oh, make her say it. And then we have one of these two guys. Or maybe we got a thruple thing going. Maybe. Hell yeah.

They are kind of like on each side. Yeah. Yeah, let's put her in the middle. That's the way you do it. That's one way to do it. Okay. There are other ways. Which we will go over throughout today's show.

Joe and Ty, is Joe the husband? Okay. How you doing, Joe? Awesome. And Ty. Ty is guy. The cuck. The cuck.

Ty will be over in the corner, right? Or Joe might be in the corner. Maybe that's Joe's thing. Take turns. Yeah. Why not? We just know Elena's not in the corner. No.

That's the one thing when you have the BBG setup. BBG? Isn't that boy, boy, girl? No? I think people use FFM. Oh. I'm sorry. Or FMN.

Oh, you think they do. You're not sure, though. Who knows? And what a treat for you guys. I don't know if this is a treat. Do you consider this a treat, the man who's sitting in front of you? Yes. Our 690 sit-ins are in the back row where we do our cowboy streams.

You'll see a row of people there. They're back there because they don't get the couch. Because the couch today is inhabited by Danny Bayless. Wow. You may know him from being Danny Bayless. From a defunct radio station. Right. Well, and one that's going very strong as well.

You were at both ends of the spectrum in radio. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Great success and not so great success. Often people will go the other way. They will start out. Right. Fledgling.

And then you said, hey, what if I start on top and I go all the way to the bottom? And then now this is the very, very scraping the bottom. Welcome to a podcast. On top of your garage. You're high atop my garage on a podcast. You weren't even sure, like, are we live today? When you walked in, you were very confused about what this whole scene was. I had a lot of questions for Dan before you got here.

You can't get ass from doing a podcast. No. That's becoming more and more plain. One of the questions that Danny asked Dan is if he ever goes to swim in the lake down the street. It is incredible how close

you are to a huge body of water. 100 yards, maybe? Yeah. I like looking at it. Huh? You like looking at it? Sure, yeah.

You kind of look. It's beautiful. What is that? Lake Grapevine? Yeah. Is it? Grapevine Lake. Grapevine Lake.

It's really pretty. What else would it be? Hey, thanks, man. I don't know. Lake Southlake? Is there Southlake Lake or just Southlake? No. Is it a constant level lake?

This is a lake though, right? Yeah. I like it. I just like the idea of Dan walking out to the lake and jumping in. Swimming in a swimming hole. Fishing. Yeah, that's where I bathe.

Actually, last night, man, I didn't take a shower, even though I should have, but I didn't. Okay. So I just put on deodorant, but there was only one deodorant in there. It was brand new. And it was a lady deodorant. Was it? And then it really, like, I don't know. I couldn't get to sleep.

It was so strong. But I think it's great. I think I'm still smelling good. What do you know about these ladies doing the aluminum-free deodorant now? You guys aware of that? I do. What does it mean? We got a lady here.

How about grab the mic? No? Elena Cox is going to grab the mic. A nod. He's got a new sister that's all about that. Or just doesn't wear it in Alaska. Yeah. That's a good thing.

Breast cancer or something or other. I don't know. Whatever. Yeah. My deodorant has no aluminum. Are you sure? Yeah. Purposefully purchased deodorant that is without aluminum.

That's so woke. It is. I hate society now. It's like... They're taking the aluminum out of my... Deodorant. That's right. Yeah.

Don't you think the threat of breast cancer is kind of like, it's fun, you know? It's like working without a net. What if I could beat this? Well, as you get older as a man, you start actually developing beautiful breasts. Yeah. So I would assume that might be a concern is they can get cancer too.

Can we get back to Dan not showering? Like why? Why? I just decided it was kind of late. I just wasn't on my right schedule and I just had to get up here

and watch some Mavs. And you just wanted to cover it with deodorant? Yeah, and I figured, don't you think people do that? Yes. Man, I don't know. I just DVR it. You DVR your shower. You can't do that.

You've got to cover up that smell somehow. And I did that with deodorant. Yeah. And I'm un-odorated. I shower twice a day. Twice? Well, that's weird. Why? I used to, and it made me go bald. So, that's a warning for the kids out there. Well, when you get up, I feel like, especially if you work out, but even if you don't, there's so much dead skin on you. That was a humble brag about how he works out every day.

That's just disgusting and gross. Yeah, you know, bro. Yeah. Out there. Getting my lifting. That's my favorite. My burn. Sorry I couldn't pick up. I was on the rowing machine, but I'll get back with you.

That's what I always say. And then at night, it's like you have the film and the funk of the day on you. Yeah. Yeah. But I do like to see how many days in a row I can go without showering. Why? You are not 15?

I don't think you admit that. I will often shower on a Thursday night, so now you're fresh for Friday, but then don't shower again until like, I don't know. Sunday. Certainly Sunday, but I've stretched it to Monday before. That is absolutely disgusting. I'll do that, but I won't tell anyone.

Look, McConaughey says just be natural. I feel like you're helped out here by having this separate comforter thing. What, like if I had the same comforter, she'd complain? I would think. Well, she's complaining about everything anyway, and that dog is going to be put down. Does anybody have that medicine? Why?

The windows are... How do you put a dog down? Don't you got to give them some kind of shot? I think a gun. 38? Oh, okay. Stub nose, poor man's Smith & Wesson Chief Special. Yeah, I got an email.

Somebody's saying they liked it when they can hear the dog barking in the background. But that's a minority. A non-vocal minority. The dog's a minority too, yeah. The only thing that I have to tell you from yesterday is I went and threw a baseball for 45 minutes. Okay. Is this in your effort to learn how to throw a baseball before your son is old enough to know that you're a sissy? Correct.

And you're learning from, like, Tanner Shepard or somebody? In this case, it was James Russell. He really is. Son of a— Is it Tanner Shepard? He works there. He was not there yesterday. Okay.

He's going to learn from a real live Texas Ranger. Yeah, James Russell. He got in a bar fight in Cleveland. Tanner did. James did not. James Russell, son of Jeff Russell. Huh. Former Ranger great.

Of course, yeah. James Russell played at Colleyville Heritage and UT and was in the bigs for like seven or eight years. He was? Yeah. Jeff Russell He was? Yeah. Jeff Russell's son? Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. I wonder if he's got a pension. I don't know. I didn't ask. Okay. Well, you'll see him again. I will every week. So you're taking pitching classes from Jeff Russell's kid?

Yeah. Why? Because I want to learn how to throw a baseball. Like effectively, or? I just never really learned. You never played baseball? I did play for three years, but. Have you seen him?

Remember the great game? It's not pretty. He throws like I'm throwing left-handed. Everybody pitched in the great game, and they were terrible. Except for Dan. No, this guy will wipe you out. And they're starting from ground zero, right? Yeah, now my buddy Parker, who runs the place that we were pitching at, he was like, that's a lot better than I thought it was going to be.

Okay. So that's good. Yeah, I thought it was going to be. Okay. So that's good. Yeah, put a little wind in your sails. From what I remember you throwing, it's a lot of elbow. It's a lot of elbow. It's a lot of leading with the elbow. And what is that about? You know? What?

Why don't you try to throw left-handed since you're a lefty? It's too late. You're breaking it. They're starting you from scratch. Just try. I feel like yesterday we made a lot of progress. Like what if you just discover, man, I could hit 94. Just touch the velo.

Yeah, all of a sudden you're this 38-year-old rookie in the bigs. There's a movie here. Maybe. Dennis Quaid could play you. 73-year-old Dennis Quaid. No, you know who's playing him. Who? You know.

Ashton Kutcher. See? Ashton Kutcher's probably similar age. He's due a comeback, right? Yeah. But I will tell you that I went and got back in the car. Boy, that'd be great. And I wanted to vomit.

What do you mean? I was so worn out. From throwing that'd be great. And I wanted to vomit. What do you mean? I was so worn out. From throwing a ball? Dude. Like a hundred throws in 40 minutes, and like I got home and my arm felt like it was going to fall off. Do you have like a newfound

respect for the baseball players? I absolutely do. Was this your first lesson? Yeah. Okay, so I'm trying to understand, like seriously why are you doing this? This makes no sense. I mean, part of it, like, they filmed the whole thing. Like, part of it is, like, we would do, like, a show thing. Yeah, we need it.

We need it. Yeah, but we're going to cut it together. No, we need all the raw because you'll be like, no, I don't want that in there, dude. You know I'm not going to do that. I don't know. I don't know. in there, dude. You know I'm not going to do that. I don't know. I don't know. Like, it's weird. Like, I don't really know how to throw a baseball.

It's probably because... Like, I do it. You're left-handed, though. Right? You write left-handed. Eat. You probably play pool, eat. Jerk.

Thank you. That's the problem. I know. Because every, I mean, man, we're about 38 years old. Correct. And you played sports your whole life. Yeah. You should be able to throw, you could throw a football, right?

Ish? I say try it next week. Are you going every week? Dude. That's the plan. I bet if he started throwing with his dominant hand, it would take three lessons and be like, oh, my God. Yeah.

He'd probably have a natural curve. You'd crack the code. Yeah. I'm going. I'm telling you, man. Nine to six. Those lefties. I was always jealous of the lefty growing up.

Right now, he's throwing across his body like Roger Pavlik. Right. He does not. It's not sustainable for the rotator cuff. But they were happy with my progress yesterday. Okay. I do want to say that. They were like, all right, this is better than we thought.

Aren't you paying them? No, he's not paying them. This is it. Right here. Yeah. TPA. They're only ready to tell who they are if indeed this works. Yeah.

Because if it doesn't work, they're like my trainer. But they don't want to say, yeah, he trains at my gym. Like a fat doctor. Yeah. But I will be honest with you. When I woke up this morning, it literally felt like my arm was going to fall off. Did you go to sleep? Did you ice it down?

Did you wear like a coat? Did you go to sleep next to your wife with that big face? Yeah. And I had the jacket with one coat? Yeah, I wonder did you go to sleep next to your wife with that big face? Yeah, yeah. And I had the jacket with one arm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to wear that around the house. Yeah, you got to keep it warm.

Keep the wing warm. Oh, my God. So what are you doing in between starts? J-bands. J-bands. Working out the Jaeger bands. Yeah. Nice. J-Bands. J-Bands. Working out the Jaeger bands. Nice.

We got a lot of sports today, but also, did you guys see this? I have a every day. You have a Batman story? No. It's for Eric Johnson. There's no way. He's the sports mayor. I love sports.

Sports mayor. I love sports. We always wonder,. I love sports. Sports mayor. We always wonder, what does Eric Johnson do? You live in Dallas, right? I do. I love sports. Besides doing sports stuff, what does he do? Sports mayor.

Do you have roads that need fixed? A lot. So many in the east of Dallas. I love sports. Sports mayor is on Twitter talking about sports. Take a look at his, what do you call that, the header? The photo up there.

He is wearing a Dallas Stars jersey with dress pants and a dress shirt under the Dallas Stars jersey. So certainly this is where they gave him one. As one will. This is why he's mayor. To get sports stuff. To get free jerseys, to... Look at him.

The only surprising thing is the Dallas Stars jersey is not tucked into his dress pants. Right. But every day he tweets about sports because he loves making bets with other mayors of cities that his teams are playing. Mayors. Mayors.

Do I say it wrong? And. I think we both do. Yesterday he says, Feeling the excitement as our Dallas Stars come into tonight's game five against the Avalanche with a 3-1 series lead. Let's close out tonight and bring home my belt buckle because he is bet.

A belt buckle with the mayor of Denver. And what did they put up against the buckle? A Denver belt buckle. Yeah, dual belt buckle. He proposed a belt buckle, and then the Denver mayor said, he's so creative he said yeah well i mean we're known for belt buckles too in denver so yeah i'll uh should have been like uh like a pack of 10 gram thc uh gummies or whatever yeah pre-rolls yeah i mean i

think uh the idea that dan has had has always been the best one, which is just you just ship 100 of your homeless people to the other city. Yeah. Yeah, if you lose, you get more homeless people. Yeah. Boy, that'd be a great bet. Can you imagine that? You get to put like the 100 most troublesome homeless people. Our state does that anyway as long as they're brown.

That is kind of true. Why not do it for bits? We do kind of do that with Boston. And they're on the bus and outside the bus, the bus is at the drive-in theater and the game is on the screen there. And so they're either going to be driven to the Dallas homeless shelter or Denver based on this game. Boy, that'd be fun. Yeah.

Over time, we'd take on a different meaning for sure. We typically just drop ours off at like a senator's house, right? Yeah. You make a good point there some of our politicians may have taken the the piss out of that a little bit if you will um other news of the day are you gonna do movie news and news news just because sometimes we like to do victory dances around here. I'm right, usually. But again, Happy Gilmore 2 has been announced as an actual thing. And Jake got right up in my grill.

I mean, he pushed me up against the wall and told me what an idiot I was for falling for an internet hoax that was Happy Gilmore 2, but it's apparently in the works. Are you ready to admit defeat? I think it's on Netflix now, right? I thought Netflix just announced it's going to be coming out. No, but can we stream it now? He's saying it's not up yet, and until it comes out, he's going to hold strong.

Okay. No, I guess Netflix putting out a press release is... That's flimsy. You never know if Netflix... I mean, is the Tyson fight going to happen? Who knows? N-E-T-F-L-I-X... Oh, it's not coming up. Alright. So you're treating this much like the

movie posters that come out showing that Heisenberg is still alive and there's going to be more Breaking Bad. Is that fake? Yeah, those are all fake. Damn. You knew that. I was holding out hope. The thing is, I know what's fake and what's real online.

Yeah, you've never been. And when I bring it to the show, then it's real. You suss it out on a podcast. I'm positive Tom Brady could throw a ball back into the jugs. Because he can do just about anything. The funniest part about that was when we were talking to Ryan Griffin about it and he was like, no, that was real.

Did he say that? Yeah. Ryan, who was like QB3 for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, my buddy, and you were like, I thought that was real. And he was like, it was real. I'm not going to doubt that. I think it was.

I think it's a very bad idea to remake that movie, but, you know, who am I to say? Was it a bad idea to make the first one? No. Are you not? You know what? I actually thought about this this morning, like when I knew that we were going to have Danny on. Do you think Adam Sandler's funny? No. Really? No. Like you not? You know what? I actually thought about this this morning, like when I knew that we were going to have Danny on. Do you think Adam Sandler's funny?

No. Really? No. Like at no point? I think he's got like three voices, and they're all similar. And I can tell you what isn't one of them. Why is Dan? That.

That's one of them. No, it's not. He's got his moments, but I think by and large, he's pretty limited in scope. People, but a lot of people like him. Man, that last stand-up that he did, I thought it was so good. I haven't seen it. He does the Chris Farley song. I don't know.

I feel like he was like, do you think Andy Samberg's funny? In doses, yeah. Because I feel like Andy Samberg is like a C-minus version of like a B-minus Adam Sandler. Andy Samberg's style of humor is so much more random and... But don't you think that esoteric...

That's like temporal. Like that humor just changed. No, you're right. Over like a 30 year period. Yeah, for sure. I can see where Andy took something that Adam did. Or you know what's a better example? Took it in a weirder direction.

Yeah. Yeah. What, like Sandberg's kind of a knockoff of Fallon? Yeah. Like that's the progression. Like Adam Sandler, Jimmy Fallon, Andy Sandberg's kind of a knockoff of Fallon? Yeah. That's the progression. Adam Sandler, Jimmy Fallon, Andy Sandberg. So you're saying Sandberg is worse than Fallon? Because Fallon sucks. Dude, you have to remember, there was a time where he didn't suck.

Yeah. Was there? No, he's right. Like on SNL? Yeah. Is there stuff I don't know about? Could there be a Jimmy Fallon half-hour best of DVD? Maybe 20 minutes.

Okay. Because, you know, those are the best things, the Chris Farley. Yeah. BHS. Yeah. Yeah. He's just a terrible talk show host. But I do think there was a time he's just vanilla

he tries he has to be non-offensive he's got to be all things to everybody right and then the wind started blowing

against Trump with all the late night guys and he kind of joined in on that and it's like well what do you actually believe yeah

like I believe some of those guys that are fired up about Trump like that's probably their bit yeah but then he just noticed oh is somebody else gaining in the ratings on me?

Well, guess what? I don't like Trump either. Now we have a Fallon impersonation. Good one. Really good one. Hey, I got to mention Eatsies Market and Bakery. Let's see. Eatsies.

Eatsies. Eatsies. Eatsies. Eatsies. They brought Blake a cake. Eatsies, eatsies, eatsies, eatsies, eatsies. They brought Blake a cake. They brought Elena and her two boyfriends a sandwich platter. Got to fuel up for that sesh.

Adam. No doubt. Do we have any pictures of it you want to show? Adam gave, anyway, his- Big ass cookies down there, too. Huge cookies. So his lady who delivered the stuff said she forgot the cookies, and she went back to Eatsy's and drove them back up here.

I'm like, you don't have to. She's like, Adam will know if I didn't do it. And I said, okay. He rules with an iron fist. Well, I don't think he does. He rules with a rubber fist. I feel like he just wants things done correctly. Yeah, okay. He rules with an iron fist. Well, I don't think he does. He rules with a rubber fist. I feel like he just wants things done correctly. Yeah, sure.

You know, he doesn't want you to forget the rice. Don't forget the rice. And she forgot the cookie, so she brought the cookies back, and it looks beautiful. I ate half a cookie. It's just too big for me. A moment on the lips. Lifetime on the hips.

Thank you. You're welcome. Just wondering if you knew that phrase, if you were old enough. Men don't gain weight on their hips. No? No. It happens in their breasts, their face, and their gut. Yeah, one time, I think I was probably like 21 or 22, and I had just met Danny three or four years before that.

He was like, look, when you get fat, it's just going to be your gut and your face. He's like, look at me. Face, neck, chin. Yeah. And I'm like, you don't look fat. And then I kind of looked at him, and I'm like, man, you kind of do look fat. Just in those little areas.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Especially for skinny, tall, tall bean poles like us. Exactly. Putting on weight is the worst thing a guy like you or me can do. He's like, you're going to get fat, and here's where it's going to be. Like, Blake could gain 50 pounds, and I wouldn't even notice it.

Right, because he does it all over. He's got – He has a thin layer all over. It looks like he could go out and drive 320. Yes. Yeah. Blake could gain – Like, he gains it out and drive 320. Yes. Blake could gain. He gains it on his wrist, his elbow.

Everywhere he's gaining just a little minuscule amount. But I could drop tomorrow. Who knows? You could. But if you're me or you're Danny, you look like Boom Howard. 100%. It's just straight and then raw And then skinny legs Skinny wrists

And then kind of a little fatty right here Yeah no that's why you were like Do I need to shave under here A little bit more Adam loves bits and Did you see what he did for the cake I saw He superimposed

My face on one of the Dude Perfect members So it's like I'm hanging out with Dude Perfect Because he told me That he was going to do that And I said that's perfect Because now you have to show that to your kid And he's going to be so excited That you are a member of Dude Perfect

Is that a problem for you? He hates Dude Perfect And his kid loves Dude Perfect Because I Because Dan bought him a Dude Perfect book for his birthday A book? A good night He's like two

It's a good night moon We read to him And he saw the cover And was like I want to read that And we read it once or twice And my wife hammered into him Dude Perfect And so now he annoys the hell out of me with it Does he want to watch the videos and stuff?

Oh yeah yeah yeah of course When he jumps on the trampoline? I thought they were friends of the show. I love them. I'm a big fan. Well, I'm not. No. I think the videos are funny.

I think they're brilliant guys. I think they're cool. Have you heard about the stereotypes? Don't be a jerk. You've never watched them. You know what I did this morning for the first time was it's the first time that i've ever like gone into the we're gonna play clean rap music because mostly are you a dr john fan

yeah why because your kid was in the car or something yeah okay but like we we listen to dr john yeah she loves dr john yeah Your wife is a Louisianan. Yeah, and it kind of sounds like whoever the guy that wrote the Toy Story music. Uh-huh. Yeah. Randy Newman? Randy Newman. It sounds a lot like that.

Yeah. But it's rap? No, no, no. No, no, no. Okay, I'm sorry. Dr. John is just like an old, he's long since passed, but he's just like a musician from, I don't know if it's New Orleans. Yeah, it is.

Louisiana, yeah. But this morning we were like, or I was like, hey, there's this whole beef going on. And we found the clean versions of Euphoria, Meet the Grams, and Vanity. Now wait, you taught your kid about the beef, the rat beef? Yeah. Between Kendrick and Drake? Yeah. Can you explain that to me in 60 seconds?

She was like, is this Dr. John's friend? And I'm like, it is. It definitely is. This is Dr. John's friend. I thought you were going to say, because he loved Dr. John so much, you would introduce him to Lil John. No, this was Nora, not the boy. And she was like, this is awesome.

Interesting. I was very happy about that. Interesting. Yeah. Elsewhere in sports, why are you moaning? The stars, bro. See, your wife. It's cool that your wife and you found the clean versions of rap songs to play for your kid. Because you just roll with...

My son's mother just doesn't... Unless they have an E next to them on Spotify, they don't get listened to. That's why I come home to my son telling me to come on, bitch. Yeah. When he wants his... Olive Garden. My son? Yeah. Three. That's why I come home to my son telling me to come on, bitch. Yeah. When he wants his son. How old is this kid? Olive Garden. My son?

Yeah. Three. Now, you say my son's mother is not your wife? I'm not married, Dan. Is it your girlfriend? No. Oh, really? Yeah.

I didn't know that. No, no, no. I thought you were like... Betrothed? Yeah, I thought you were just living in sin. Betrothed to another. Which I'm very against she's actually married and they just had their first child together my ex and her husband yeah okay so you it's your ex-girlfriend though you weren't married to her no no we were never

married okay so you knock her up you have a have a kid and your boyfriend girlfriend at the time uh yes and then uh what went awry what what typically goes awry i don't know they suck yeah yeah just kind of i sucked she sucked it all sucked yeah or she didn't suck hey see yeah 1997 dan that's right 97. That's right. 97 Dan. He's right there. He's never left, has he? You know, some relationships work and others don't, but we made a decision, gosh, right around the time Malcolm was one, that we were just going to be co-parents and dissolve our union. Because the kid will never really know you being together.

Yeah, for the most part, the bulk of his memories now are us living independently, and we have shared custody. Because until my kid was four, I knew I could just leave. We'd never come back. We hadn't dated that long when we discovered that we were going to have a baby. Did you ever think about pulling out? Gosh. Yeah, Jake, a lot. Did you did you regret that what that you didn't no no i maybe

i did and but maybe some got left what are we doing i don't know i thought you had basketball stories uh danny danny's uh danny's world i thought you'd live with a lady oh no i thought you had a girlfriend no no that's why uh know, when all this shit goes to pot, Jake's moving into my spare bedroom. That's right. Yeah. Now, mine are too old, at least one of them.

Yeah, to bolt right now. She'll remember. Yeah. Yeah. She already asked me questions about, like, why do you have two moms? Mm-hmm. Why do you have two dads?

Just tell her in case one dies. Now I got another one. That's right. A backup. Yeah. Yeah, and then the other night, like, because I assume this is like an offshoot of that question, and I think I told you guys this. She said to me, because, like, we get in bed, and she's like, let's play 20 questions.

I'm like, all right, you go first. And she's like, why can't you have two wives? You're like, damn, that's a good one. Well, actually, I'm like, that sounds absolutely terrible. What I want is one, but a different one. She doesn't watch this, does she? Oh, yeah. My wife?

Yeah. My wife. Yeah, I don't care. Oh, you know what? Before doing a little more sports, let me do this. Let's get this done. How great is this? It's a good song.

It's Prophets and Outlaws. Oh, wow. You know them guys? Uh-huh. I mean, I have an awareness. I don't know them. Are you way better than them? No.

Why were you telling me that earlier? Make more than you. I don't know. You just walked in and you're like, hey, man. I'm so much better than those guys. Make more than you. Make more money than you do, dude. A couple of non-birthday emails.

Oh, you know what? A couple of pieces of mail mail. People send things here to the den high atop my garage all the time. Am I okay? This came a while ago from Pflugerville.

Pflugerville. There's a Hooters in Pflugerville, Dan. Why would you know that? Because every time I would play Austin, the bandmate that I had, when we would leave Austin

to come by to go back to Dallas, it was mandatory that we stopped at that Hooters in Pflugerville. He wanted to do that every single time. Carry on. These guys mocked me to no end when we used to work downtown. And we would do a lunch run every day, and it was my turn that week, and I said I wanted to get Hooters because I wanted the fish sandwich.

Who's getting Hooters to go? See? I got Hooters to go. See, thank you. And they were all like, wait, what? We would each buy lunch every week, one of us, on Friday. Yeah, it was Friday lunch for the whole crew. Yeah, and he's like, I want to get West End Hooters delivered.

Yeah. I'm like, that sucks. That's got to be the least door-dashed company. It has to be. Hooters. And, like, anything you order is just drenched in sauce. It's least door-dashed. It's second.

Number one is Chuck E. Cheese, where he will go without a kid just to eat that terrible pizza. I did that a couple times, yeah. Did you just go by yourself to Chuck E. Cheese? I used to live really close. Yeah, that doesn't seem weird. And you would eat there or take it with you? No, I would not eat there, no. No, I would actually, I would order a pizza and go to the ball pit.

Show up in a mouse suit? Yeah, bring your camera. Yeah, I would get up there and drum with the... So I got three pieces of mail. This came a couple weeks ago. This is to Kristen Kemp and his unemployed half. Okay. This says to Hannah Jones and Wealthy Blake.

And this says to... It's addressed to my wife. And what I think this is, is... Are we being invited to a wedding? Yeah, it seems like it. It looks like it, yeah. Who is it? We have to go to this. He signs it with love.

Quarantine Slam Queen and Dummy Grant in Austin. Yeah. You want to go? I think we have to. It's in Georgetown. Yeah. This guy hit us up during the pandemic. And we were talking about, like, were people hooking up?

Like, how were people hooking up like how were people hooking up because there was so much covet concerns and like you weren't going out you weren't going to the bar whatever and this guy hit us up and was like i found a his words uh quarantine slam queen and they ended up getting married or engaged they went to Iceland together right they're just engaged well yeah I like the Netflix they didn't just have sex is my point right like Danny does with women that's right yeah he doesn't honor them and marry them like I would see what I do is if the marriage isn't going well uh-huh what I do is, if the marriage isn't going well, what you do is you just bite down and you just... Hate your life?

Head straight, yeah. You just kind of keep moving forward and then... That's an 1897 dance. Just kind of passive-aggressively ignore each other. You get different versions. Right. 18 and 1997 dance. That's what he learned in marriage counseling.

Congrats, Grant. Yeah. We'll be there. 1797 Dan's the guy's what he learned in marriage counseling. Congrats, Grant. Yeah. We'll be there. 1797 Dan's the guy that chose to move to Southlake. There he goes. After all the news stories, I was like, I got to get there. My school board is way too woke. Matt Armstrong emails Blake.

He says, what's the name of the car salesman you play clips of? I love those, but I can't find them anywhere. Is it Clay Cooley? No. Oh. Because he's grown a beard. Have you noticed that? Well, they have knockoff Cooleys now.

His sons. Yeah. Well, I think this is the same one, but he's grown a gigantic falconer beard. No, but what I'm saying is Clay Cooley has progeny now. Am I crazy here? You don't watch commercials, so. No. I'm just talking about the, hey, I'm Clay Cooley.

I know, but what I'm saying is that- Yeah, but it's one guy. But in the commercials now, he has his sons involved. Okay, yeah, fine. And they have, like, beard, facial hair. Blake, answer the question. These guys are arguing about something. His name is Doug Townsend.

Dan, I love this. His bio on his Instagram, in case there's a bunch of them you find, it says, I sell cars and I love strippers. Strippers is capitalized. Yep. So Doug Townsend? Doug Townsend. Do you want to announce anything about him?

And we're having him on next Monday. Hell yeah. Really? Do we have any video of him we can show? We could do the one from just the other. Five, nine. From Tuesday, right? Don't we have one?

All right, search. Tell me when you have it ready because I'll read the next email, which was. You're going to love this. Danny will love it. So he does commercials? He does TikTok videos. Okay. All right.

He does responses to TikTok. So he'll watch like five seconds of a TikTok and then he'll cut in and react and try to sell you a car. Okay. It's great. And he loves strippers too. Capitalized. Capitalized strippers.

We have another Danny who emails. He says, I was at the dentist today for a cleaning. When my hot hygienist mentioned that she recently got braces, I thought this would be the perfect time to lay the braces hypothetical on her. So I asked her. Okay. Do you know about this? No.

Well, I think he asked the hypothetical. This is a hypothetical I have. Okay. I'm not surprised. Oh, you know what? We can ask Elena. Grab that microphone, Elena. Have you heard the braces hypothetical? Yes. So your husband

is Joe. Correct. Right? And you find out Joe is searching on YouPorn. I've thought about this. And he is searching you find out he's searching the term braces. And what would you be more weirded out

by? Because you're going to be weirded out either way probably. But if they were mouth braces or leg braces. The leg braces. That would be weirder. People try to use braces as accessories. I think there are actually fake braces you can buy. Teeth. To look like you have braces on, yeah.

Really? Yeah. I had never heard of that. That's a thing. You know why they're doing that, though? To look infantilized? Yes. Yeah.

That's the crux of the problem here. I think you would have a bigger problem if... I mean, if I, I don't know. I think I'd have a bigger problem if it was for mouth braces. What would you, so in your head, like what if you were really stoked on one of them? Wouldn't you be weirded out by yourself if I'm really stoked on women wearing leg braces? No, I think that's just kind of whatever. That's just Dan being Dan. Okay.

Actually. Sounds like that could be difficult. You might be able to sell that to yourself as being like pro-disability. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Whereas like with the mouth thing. There's no talking your way out of the other. There's really no talking your way out of that one. The other one, you've got a really weird kink. The other one, you probably should be behind bars.

You've got a really weird kink. The other one, you probably should be behind bars. So this guy is at his hot, the dentist, hot hygienist, as is often the case. I decided to lay the hypothetical on here, so I asked her if she checked her husband's search history, found girls with braces, would it be more disgusting if there were teeth or leg braces? I was expecting laughter and a playful answer, but instead... Why? Why were you expecting that? Instead, the only words out of her mouth were,

that's weird. Awkward. She then went on to clean my teeth in deafening silence for the next 15 minutes. Which, frankly, is what you want. So now I need to find a new dentist. No kidding. Why do they ask you questions

when you're getting your teeth cleaned? Dude, and the worst part is, like, given our current situation, you're probably going to deal with this too. Like, my people kind of know what I do, but they're like, so, what's a podcast? Like, do you have to pay for it?

What's Patreon? My Like, you have to pay for it? What's Patreon? My hot hygienist, last time I was there, she goes, Oh, how's your daughter? Did she just graduate high? Something like, like, she had a pretty detailed thing. I was like, I hadn't seen her in six months, you know? And I'm like, whoa. Right.

Weird that you remember. You know, she went to Ithaca College. They do recall, like, way more than you would that you remember. You know she went to Ithaca College. They do recall way more than you would ever think. She goes, we keep notes. Ah, notes. So they're back there writing down stuff. They have a file.

And when they see your appointment, they get briefed. They go check, yeah. They brief themselves. Two daughters, this and that. That's interesting. To add a personal touch, Danny. Here's a video of Doug Townsend, the Louisiana car salesman guy. Where do we see it? Y'all know what the best thing you can do for your man after a long day of working?

You, your sister, and a buck plow. Do that, play that again, please. We have a few more of them. I really don't know what's gotten into me recently. Not nutrition. Hey, we got a 24. Just came in. Come on.

Not nutrition. Y'all know what the best thing you can do for your man after a long day of working? You, your sister, and a butt plug. Hey, we got a 2013 Camaro for $9,000. What? Come holler and bring your sister too. Oh, my God. Do one more.

If you can. If not. Oh, man. He looks like a guy that would have gotten killed on Ozark. Right? Doesn't he? A hundred percent. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. The guy on the far left. But that's what I told you, dude. Like, they got new ones. Why is weird Alec Baldwin standing next to him? That's the other son. These are the two sons.

Okay. Which one's the guy, the older dude? This is Clay Cooley. Okay. So the guy on Clay Cooley's right, your left, is the one that's been doing the majority of their commercials lately. Yes. And I'm saying he didn't used to have a beard, and he looked like a real pussy.

Now he's got this badass big beard. And it's bigger than this if you see the commercials. And it's like, dude, I might buy a car from that guy. I might. Yeah, I like your beard. Hey, I got a 2013 Camaro. You and your sister and a butt plug. While we're at it.

Y'all know what the best thing you can do for your man after a long day of working? You, your sister, and a butt plug. And we got a 2013 Camaro for $9,000. Come holler and bring your sister too. Blake says he's all over Instagram. Come holler and bring your sister too. Blake says he's all over Instagram. Come holler. When I pulled the videos a week or so ago, I think he had 135,000

followers. Now he's up to 208,000. Because of our show. Yes, because of us. And he's local? He's in Louisiana. Senor Hotmail, today is my Orlando Scandrick birthday. 32.

I'm going to Hangout Fest for a batch this weekend. Nobody from our group has ever been. Does Jake have any advice or recommendations? We've heard there's hella narcs throughout the festival. And shenanigans are scrutinized. P.S. Les Blake from Jake and Arlington. You get that a lot, don't you?

You're probably too old for that. Get it. To be honest. Who? Now, Jake and Arlington. He's too old for what? Hangout Fest. Because he's 32?

Yeah. Oh, wow. Now, Corby and his friends were going at 50. Mid-50s. Yeah. But, yeah, that's friends were going at 50. Mid-50s. Yeah. But, yeah, that's a tough scene, man. What is the age to hang up the Birkenstocks? Late 20s?

Yeah. But they're booking. These bands are all in their 40s. Some of them. I mean, I bet if you look at that lineup now, it's, you know, they'll mix in like a Foo Fighters, but it's primarily like,

I don't know, Maren Morris and electronic music. Comrade Hottie. Electronic music. Yeah. Shout out to my brother Kevin. Stuff that you have to have drugs for. For his Nolan Ryan birthday.

He lives in Bangkok. Oh, wow. I've been there. And he listens to y'all despite Dan's geofencing efforts. More old Dan videos and tell Blake to grow up from Matt. Yeah, Blake. Totally. Grow up.

You get that a lot, don't you? I did yesterday. How old are you now, Blake? 33. 33. What a baby. I know. What. Grow up. You get that a lot, don't you? I did yesterday. How old are you now, Blake? 33. 33. What a baby. I know. What a tiny child.

That's the perfect age. That's why he's so hot. I'd like to go back to Bangkok. Any follow-up? No, I just... What were you doing over there to begin with? We went to two of the islands over there. You and your wife?

Yeah. Koh Samui and Koh Tao. Pretty kids, right? Of course. Yeah. Went to Hong Kong. Yeah. Cool.

It's a different place, Danny. It is. Yeah. It has a different name, even. It's very true. Yeah. May 14th is my birthday. This is from Rich.

Hey, Rich. He said, I did not and I have never been woken up in that special way because my wife is a bitch. Oh, geez. She won't even let me

try my Tony Chachere... Chachere. Chachere on her home plate. Okay. Yeah, that's... What? That's like a Cajun seasoning, right?

Wildly disgusting. What the fuck? That would burn. You would think, yeah. Yeah, it'd smell better. My leaders are there. Hell yeah. More Blake, not less Blake.

Anyway, he says, I gotta go before this becomes a zoo. Becomes a zoo. All right. I wish we could play that whole thing for Danny right now. What's that? Let's viewer mail. Dan on the William Pace Show, which was a cable access show in Akron, Ohio in the late 90s. What if we just did it

once a week? We did another William Pace show with a different guy. I found out that you were on a different time. Yeah, it was more recent. It's not worth looking at, probably. When you guys get that car salesman on. Okay. Hey. You can come back every day.

You don't have shit to do. Yeah. No, I don't. All right. Well, that's enough of that. You want to do Mavs? Sure. Or Cowboys?

Is Cowboys just schedule? Yeah. So we'd at least look at the schedule real quick. The Wings is not on the run sheet, Joe. Although I've been thinking about this. Let's look at the Cowboys. The way that Latricia Trammell coaches the Boxing One. Isn't Cameron Brink too skinny for you?

She's really skinny. And did they call it the Box boxing one in the WNBA? I love it. But she's also really tall. That's 1997, Dan, right? Yep, he's back. So the fact like she's super, super thin, but she's so tall that she could still hurt

me. Does that make sense, Dan? Like, that's what I'm looking for. To be hurt? Injure me. Yeah. Or is it just the potential of injury? You don't have to be... Yeah, no, it's like... The danger. It's like a woman who dates

a bad boy. Deodorant with aluminum in it. Exactly. The danger of you could possibly get this disease. I guess. But it's like a woman who dates the bad boy. They don't necessarily want to be hit. But they do want to know

that there's a chance they could be hit. Okay. Interesting. Interesting theory. I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. Thanks.

For more. Danny's backing off that one. Oh, Dad Danny Remember when Danny was I do Like he was Anything goes, Danny Bayless Whatever, man

I'm the dark cloud Remember the brick oven? Yeah Yeah What was that? Was that a segment that I had to do every week? It was It was pizza stories

I think it was because you worked at a pizza place Yeah, yeah The brick oven Was it just exclusive was pizza stories. I think it was because you worked at a pizza place. The brick oven. Was it just exclusive to pizza stories? No, it wasn't. It made no sense. Week one, September 8th at Cleveland Browns. Wow.

The Dumb Zone will be there. Really? Broadcasting. Possibly live streaming at some point. You want to go? Yes. Okay. I'm serious. I'm free.

I'm free. streaming at some point. You want to go? Yes. Okay. I'm serious. I'm free. I was looking at Airbnbs last night. Yeah.

There's some real lovely ones around Cleveland. People are flocking to Cleveland. Don't you still have friends and family there? I think he's going to stay with his mom, and we're going to stay at his mom's friend's house. Yeah. Or Jake will stay with my mom, and I'll stay somewhere.

Boy, I could stay with a high school girlfriend or something. Wouldn't that be fun? Maybe you could find a baker girl. Find a girlfriend still in the house.

Find the baker girl. Casey Dingus. Yeah. Let's get her on, dude. She's probably a little cheaper than she was. Yeah, we gotta book her.

We gotta book the baker girl. Let's do a show from the Cheese was. Yeah, we got to book her. We got to book the baker girl. Let's do a show from the Cheesecake Factory parking lot. Last I saw her. The exact spot where Baker finished. Yeah. Yeah. She looks rough now.

You can lose your vape. That happened in a Cheesecake Factory parking lot? Oh, yeah. That's it, yeah. I've had my picture taken there. After he ate? I think they just went there to meet. Yeah parking lot? Oh, yeah. I've had my picture taken there. After he ate? I think they just went there to meet. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, okay. It was just like a central location. Yeah. I think. Maybe he was telling his wife, I've got to go pick up. You know how you'll go to Fuzzy's so you can get a beer? Yeah. He goes to Cheesecake Factory.

He's going to pick up food. But, you know, quick little thingy there. He goes to Cheesecake Factory. He's going to pick up food. But, you know, quick little thingy there. Can you imagine getting a fucking blowjob after rummaging through that menu? Yeah, dude. Good God.

Dan, yeah. Sure. Dan's like, that's every time I go there, I think about that. Week two. The portions are like this. Yeah, no. Who's the Saints quarterback? He's stuffed it's a week's worth of food. Who's the Saints quarterback? Stuffed and oily.

What's up? Saints quarterback. Is it not still Carr? Oh, yeah. All right, that's a win. They're 2-0. Right? I don't know.

I mean. Week three at home versus the Ravens. I don't know, man. That's going to be tough to track down Lamar. I'll go two and one. Is he just running down the schedule? Week four, they're at the Giants. Only 13 more of these, Jake.

Not to mention the playoffs. Three and one. Week five at the Steelers. Which at this rate, he's clearly got them in. They're kind of a mess, right? They got Kenny. Russell Wilson. And then who's the. Justin Fields. That's right. They're going to run mess, right? They got Russell Wilson. And then who's the...

Justin Fields. That's right. They're going to run the two-quarterback system. Now that's a trade worthy of a fourth-rounder. Of like Trey Lance, you're saying? Yeah, not effing Trey Lance. Justin Fields has actually done something in the NFL. Like that would be a great backup for his back.

What if they alternate plays and bring in the play from the sidelines with each substitution? Just like Jake. Like I did in eighth grade. Like Roger did. Yeah. Yeah, I did that too. Roger and Craig Morton for a game.

Back hundreds of years ago before they discovered hand signals. Yeah, like, oh, we can just put something on our wrist? Week six is against the Lions at home. I think Dan Campbell would love to win that game. They're going to lose, so they're 4-2 heading into the bye week. Is McCarthy on the hot seat? Because Dan Campbell would love to win that game? Yeah.

He's Dan Campbell. Who's on hard knocks? Isn't it the Giants? The Giants are like an off-season. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, that seems like it. All or nothing type thing?

Yeah, but off-season. Oh, God. So I can't even imagine how bad that'll be. Now they come out of the bye week, so you have an extra week to prepare. You're rested. At San Francisco. Oh, no. Body blue.

Knock him out. Oh, no. Body blow. I don't know, man. Sunday night football. But you had an extra week to prepare. Although, you know, Zeke will probably take Dak to Cabo. Right, yeah. Comes back hungover. I forgot we had the Cowboys sign Zeke. Well, you forgot for now.

Wait until week one. It's going to be the entire story. So what are they now, four and three? When he gets three carries. Ooh, he's coming home. Ohio, Ohio State. Sure. Then they go to the Falcons.

Who's their quarterback? Cousins. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah. Maybe not by then. Pinnock still take the job? They drafted him in the first round. They're paying Kirk too much money.

All right, they're going to win that one. So what are we now? Five and three. Five and three. At home versus the Eagles. Never feel good about that. They're five and four. Texans.

They're even better this year. Cowboys now 5-5. At Commanders, November 24th. If you don't give me that dub, I'm coming over there. DQ revenge game. It's hard to win in D.C., Jake. No, it's not. DQ.

New attitude around there. They'll win that game, 6-5. Okay, thanks. Thanksgiving. Okay, thanks. Thanksgiving? Giants? So this portion of the bed starts to sound like you're at a renaissance fair. Yeah. Either that or you're floating on a door outside of a sinking Titanic.

So what are they, 6-5? Then they got the Giants at home. They're 7-5. They still got Daniel Jones? Yeah. They owe him like $120 million. They didn't draft a quarterback? I mean, if they did, it was a late round.

All right, so Cowboys are 7-5. Now you face the Bengals at home. That's kind of when the Bengals start heating up, isn't it? Around December? Yeah. I don't feel good about that. I think they're 7-6. Are you enjoying NFL, Dan?

He knows about the time the Bengals start heating up. No, that's just their M.O., man. Joe Burrow. He's a December player. December 15th at Carolina. I don't even know who's on that team. They'll win that. Right?

So they're 8-6. Not a sophomore breakout for Bryce Young? I don't feel it. Do you? No, I don't. I think they're doomed. However, the next week might be their toughest of all. Now you're 8-6.

You get to go home, so that's a yay but a boo because this is going to be very difficult. They face the Buccaneers. Baker. Baker's coming home, baby. Baker's coming back to Texas. But he's not even from Dallas. To lay the wood on the Cowboys.

They're now 8-7 as they go to Philadelphia to get spanked on December 29th. They're 8-8. There's talk about when will McCarthy be fired. Certainly, they haven't fired him yet because they were all hanging around. Belichick rumors start to heat up. Belichick is start to heat up. Belichick is looming large.

We still have this roster. Dak contract. Yep. Now you've got a game that you have to win to get into the playoffs against Washington, Pat. You're playing Washington. And it's here. So they'll probably win that game. They will get into the playoffs playoffs They will lose a heartbreaker

In round one And McCarthy will be extended There's your Cowboys schedule Alright I haven't watched any of the releases yet Have you? I watched a couple The Chargers one is like

must-see TV every year. Do you want to play that one today? Or do we have none of them ready to play? Like, maybe we'll do a full breakdown like Monday or something, our next video show. I think that works. I like that it's like a

thing now. Do you know what the first scene of the Cowboys one is? I don't know anything about anything. What are you talking about? The schedule? Yeah, now every team. Yeah, every team does a full package now. Like a video, it's a big bit.

Five minutes or whatever. The first scene of the Cowboy one, like they're prank calling people from different cities. It's Jake Paul. The cowboys? Jake Paul's from my hometown. He should be doing this for Cleveland. I'm upset.

But, like, you know, that's the bit. It's like they're calling somebody, like some celebrity from every city. Oh, he may have it. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, they call Jake Paul. I'll put him in there. Yeah.

Because he's from Cleveland. Yeah. Okay, he's not on behalf of the cowboys. No, no don't know. Oh, they called Jake Paul. I'll put him in there. Yeah. Because he's from Cleveland. Yeah. Okay, he's not on behalf of the Cowboys. No, no, no. Like, they do one for everybody, but... Did you put him in the Google Doc, Blake? I did. Shut up, Danny.

The only thing I saw was the Luka post-game press conference when I was doing my show prep for today. You were making fun of their Google Doc? The lack of essentials inside it, yeah. Yeah. You know what? I forgot to put everything in there for you, Rob. Damn it.

I was busy making those sandwiches. Which one? Cowboys? Yeah, we can watch the Cowboys. Fire it up. OK. Notice its landscape. Yo. So the Cowboys are calling. I got, I got, I'm a part of one of these things.

Celebrities prank calling. Who's this? Don't know. And that, see, that's the problem. They're calling somebody in New Orleans. Week 3 Ravens. These are two people that we've never seen. Now they're calling Eli Manning.

Hello. I think I got the wrong number. Calling some lady for the Steelers. Don't know. Emily Harrigan? Some hot. Eh. Calling some guy for the Steelers. Don't know. Emily Harrigan? Some hot. Hi, everyone. Eh. Calling some guy for the Lions.

Who is that? That's Calvin Johnson. That's Calvin Johnson. Look at the Hall of Famers here. So it's like a picture of Rowdy calling Ninja. Hey, Blake. Hey, yeah, I know him. John Wall.

Why are we? Because he doesn't play? He doesn't play. Wow, okay. Wow. Okay. Funny. Sweetie? I think she had sex with LeBron.

So the 49ers, who's that? Don't know. We're calling three different people for the 49ers. Kyle used Chick's wife? Falcons, Michael Pick. It makes sense his audio's bad. Hey, Shane. Shane Gillis. Or the Eagles.

Joe Rogan. Oh, it was Rogan? Brilliant. In the cold tub. What's up, brother? Texans. Who is that? Texans fan Jax? I don't know. Hey, what's up? PFT. Who? PFT. Who?

PFT from Barstool. There's a bunch of cowboys there. So he's associated with Washington somehow? Yeah, I think he's from BC. The Great Samarot. Hello. Hello. This is for the Giants.

I don't like this at all. We've already called EI. Very funny comic. Love Chad Johnson. Oh, that's Ocho Cinco? Yeah. Hello. Hey, little stanko booty, what is y'all doing?

That's the Bengals. I don't know who he is. Oh, greatness. Who's that? Stop it. Kay Adams. What the? Panthers.

Don't know who that is Steve Smith Steve Smith is that fat? Bert Bert Kreischer for Tampa How does he have a shirt on? Right More Buccaneers

Don't know And back to the Eagles For some old lady. Yuck. No, wait. That's South Carolina's head coach. Yeah, I was going to say. Don Staley.

Yeah. RG3? Why do you have a band-aid on his face? Okay. All right. Not good. No, not good at all. And they shot it in portrait mode.

Not creative? They shot it in portrait mode. I can't... I felt like I was about to watch a tit-drop compilation. What is that? Yeah, what is that? I'll show you later. All right, boys, let's have some eatsies. All right, what's the number?

It's 17181168011. Look, I have way too many numbers, okay? I gave you the area code. We're in the area code. I don't need to dial it. Okay, ready? I'm ready. 1168.

Okay, you know what? How about a little phone number rhythm, huh? You know, a little bum-bum-bah, bum-bah, bum-bah. Got it? I got it. Okay. One. Yeah.

Six. Yup. Teen. I already dialed the six. I can't go back in time and slip a one in. Well, whose fault is that? You're listening to The Dumb Zone. Anything from collarbones up, fat.

Jeez. If her first picture is a group photo, she's the ugly one. Oh, if it's a far away picture, like she's doing something like, look at me, I'm shooting a gun or something, she's ugly. Because hot girls will show up. So yeah, big sunglasses. That's a no. You know what's under there.

No puppet! No puppet! Blake's online dating tips. Yeah. Just trying to save you some time. You ever online date? It's been years and years and years.

Went on a few, but nothing ever panned out. Didn't it end up with a kid? No. It did not. Did not. Not this time. No. What about you, Dan?

Can you meet chicks at your bar? Did they have online back when you were dating? I mean, do you call when you can make a girl in some room do whatever you want, dating? What the fuck? I missed out on that entirely also. That's why we have this conversation all the time. I'm only six years older than Blake, probably 15 years younger than Dan, but Dan and I feel much more culturally connected.

Yeah. That was not a thing when I was in the game. Well, when you think about how technology's advanced, it happens at an exponential rate, so that makes sense. That's right. There's a bigger chasm between you and Blake technologically than there is between you and Dan. And this comes up a lot.

Like, we'll bring stuff up to him, and he's just like, I've not heard of what you're talking about. So you used to get in chat rooms and boss women around? What? For coins? We have to move on to sports right now. Really? Okay.

I found a weak spot. At some point, I do want to show Danny you on the William Pace show. Maybe at the end? You want to do it now? I don't care. Are you going to do it at the end? Let's do it now. All right.

Are you going to do it at the end? Let's do it now Alright Here's a voice you hear every day on the radio From 3 to 6 p.m. On News Talk 1290 What? W-H-I-O radio This was aired at midnight and date

This show You might hear another familiar voice singing It was a cable access show You're making a first time call on the radio Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Dan McDowell Show Please welcome my special guest, Dan McDowell Good to have you on the show tonight Alright, thanks very much, welcome, welcome to the Dan McDowell Show Please welcome my special guest, Dan McDowell Good to have you on the show tonight Alright, thanks very much, William, thanks

And you're going to help me with some of my duties tonight I understand this is a first The first time you've ever had a guest read your letter segment Yes, and maybe this might become a regular thing on the show We'll see how well you do Oh, really? Okay Oh, yeah, I love it Our letter segment, here we go Okay, this is, of course, William's favorite part of the show we'll see how well you do oh really okay oh yeah i love it our letter segment

here we go okay this is uh of course william's favorite part of the show it is my favorite part of the show and one of everyone's favorite part of the show it's a great way to kick things off this week's letter william comes from uh lavina wilson who writes dear bill getting a little familiar with you huh dear bill i listen with interest to your show. It is informative and shows that you've put much time and thinking each show through, making a viewer stay with you until the end. Keep up the good work, Bill, and continue to let us know what is going on in Dayton. Sincerely, Lavina Wilson.

Yeah. So are we going to be able to, Lavina Wilson. Yeah. So are we going to be able to send Lavina a box of Esther Price fine chocolates, right? Light and dark chocolates. Fantastic. You know what Jimmy Walker said to that? He said, I guess that means white and black people can have this. And yes, that's what the William Pace Show is all about. Multicultural. Very much so. Okay. Yes. So he was on at midnight in Dayton.

This is his opening close. What's wrong with this? Not a goddamn thing. God, that's good. My special guest is Dan McDowell. Oh, you're back? Dan McDowell Show. How are you? I am fine, William.

Good to have you here. I'm fine. Just trying to stay on my diet. It's a challenge. I'm sort of at a plateau. Oh, is that right? And, you know, where you go to a plateau when you lose so many pounds and then your body won't lose anymore and so you have to do more strenuous.

I'm at a gaining plateau right now. I'm at a gaining plateau. Well, how many pounds have you gained I think I've gained at least we're done like 15 or 20 well not since Christmas but like in the last year so in fact later on in the show I didn't want to get into it just yet but I wanted to talk about weight loss in my new program okay interested in getting some tips and suggestions you know absolutely that's it for us today. We've got to go. Before this becomes a zoo.

Before this becomes a zoo. That is amazing. Yeah, he was on at midnight, and we were usually baked watching it and just couldn't believe this person is on, and then we started talking about him and then invited him on our radio show, and then he invited me on his TV show.

How long had you been in the game at that point, like years in the business? The radio game? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, less than 10. Okay. Is that, what, early 90s? It's later 90s, like 98-ish.

So not long after that, you were here. That's right. A year and a half? That was my first. I believe many people say that propelled him. That's right. Did you send this to management? Yeah, he sent that to Bruce.

Yeah, I sent that to Bruce Gilbert. Seriously, you sent that to Bruce? No, no. I sent him some other bits. Some other stuff? He sent him Air Force One. That's right. That is so good.

Hey, thanks, man. You can really see the talent there. Oh, no doubt. I'm not kidding. No, dude. The first time I watched that, which has been like two weeks ago now, I was cry laughing the first time I saw it. It's not dissimilar to what you get now.

No. There's just a little more hair and a lot more LBs. But what a handsome guy, too. First thing my wife said, she was like, Dan used to be a snack. Yeah. Some would say still is. A light snack now. His weight loss plan later on in the show that he reveals.

Please. Is just get a 400-pound guy to stand next to you so you look thinner. Yeah, so he brought on his 438-pound producer. And he also would usually eat most of my food. Yeah. So he would never eat. Uh-huh. But if I had a sandwich,

he would just tear half of it out of my hand and start eating it. Is it insensitive to ask the question, the guy that was hosting that public access show, what's going on there? That's the big question. I don't. I mean, there's a lot.

Is that a wig? A lot going on there. I think we've all said it's either an Atlanta character or is it Parks and Rec? I don't know. Perd. Perd, Halbert.

What's his name, first and last? That guy is William Pace. William Pace. Yeah, he's great. Okay. name, first and last? That guy is William Pace. William Pace. Yeah, he's great. Okay. Great dude. All right. Sweet guy.

Is Pace an Americanized version of Patel? And by the way, we have to book him. Because I can't. Do you know what I'm... I just... I don't know. We have to book him. He's ready to go.

Yeah. Yeah, we got to do it on the video. Much like Danny. We got to get a video. Much like Danny. He's available. Yeah. Yeah, we got to do it on the video. Much like Danny, he's available. On to the Mavs.

We did it. Game five. The winner of game five will win the series 82% of the time. I've heard about that, and Blake actually did the research to prove that that still holds. I bet that percentage is higher as if game six is on your own floor. It probably is. Interesting. Yeah.

Game five on the road. Yeah. But my thought was that... Look that up, Blake. Yeah, I should have done that. Write that down. My thought was that perhaps with the three-pointer becoming more of a bigger deal, no lead is safe, that maybe series shift more, and that it's not that big of a deal, as big of a deal, to win game five.

And Blake looked at the last ten years, and it's exactly the same as the previous ten. So what I'm saying is, this is over. Yeah, that percentage hasn't changed. Yeah, I would have thought with easier comebacks, with a 10-point lead, with two minutes, that doesn't really mean anything now.

It means less. Yeah. That's for sure. But I would have thought, yeah, that would play out that the percentages would have changed. But no. Still 83% right now? Or in the last 10 years even?

Yeah, it's the same exact stat. Yeah, over a longer period of time it was 82%. So actually it's even better. Yeah. Any theories on, number one, what inspired it? Number two, just the overall thoughts on the complete 180 in Luka's countenance throughout that game. I don't understand it.

What do you mean countenance? The way he comported himself the entire game. He was smiling. Totally different. He was lighthearted about the whole game. Never once argued with an official. The only time he got demonstrative is when he talked them into looking at a replay, which was the dumbest replay look at a request in forever.

But other than that, he never complained once, and he was smiling. So they did. Jawing with the other team. They talked about that in the pregame thing. Yeah. Let's play that. So they did. John with the other team. They talked about that in the pregame thing.

Yeah. Let's play that. Auburn, all series long, we have seen what appears to be Luka Doncic laboring up and down the court. Today, I was told if this were the regular season, he would have been shut down for a minimum of at least two weeks. So as he says that, I'm like, oh, my God. How bad can this be? They're about to lose. Yeah.

They're about to lose, and they're going to lose this series. But the last time that I said something to you about that, I think you and I actually talked that same day, Danny, when we were both told by mutual Mavs friends, like, this is going to be a bad night. And he just went berserk. Yeah. Yeah.

Luca has been getting two to three hours of daily intense physical therapy to treat a litany of ailments, including a sore knee, an ankle sprain, a back injury, and a thoracillis that I learned has been bothering Luka for approximately the last four months. Now, with all of that said, there is hope within the Mavs organization that tonight Luka will be more focused on the Thunder than he has been in this series on the referees fellas okay so that's interesting that he even dropped that in there

yeah and then to me it was so prevalent and you know how we always talk about we'll hear audio and come halftime you'll be like man I should have been marking all of those yeah well I kind of thought Grant Hill, he was leaning on this heavily. Yeah. Luka not complaining. And I thought that around halftime, like, man, I should have been marking it. So I got up early, and I went back and listened to them all. This guy.

What a grinder. He was. He even deep up. And in. He got some contact from Williams. No call. And what's impressive, he makes the shot, but also he didn't complain about the contact.

There was contact there, but being locked in and focused and not worried about the officiating, so important to Luka. And Luka right here, not settling, not complaining about the contact. And Luka right here likes to use that little step back, created a little contact. There was a little bump there on the defensive end, but puts his head down, runs back. So important that he just stay engaged and locked in

and not get caught up in winning the battle with the officials. Doncic, he draws two defenders for a moment. And then they put it over Dort. No good. Doncic ends up on his backside. Did not bark at the referee. But Luka Doncic right now, he's not worried about the officiating. He's just aggressive.

He's attacking. And when you are aggressive in attack mode, you get the calls. The calls go your way. So, the key for him is to stay locked in like he is now for the entire game. aggressive in attack mode you get the calls the calls go your way so he for him is to stay locked in like he is now for the entire game Luca now is smiling not complaining his whole demeanor being and comportment has been completely different from what we saw on Monday night and a foul on Donchik he'll raise his arm

And a foul on Doncic. He'll raise his arm. I like that. He's going to keep it there. Accepting the foul right there. I like this progress. Like that was their main point at Luka all night. I understand now why you didn't have time to take a shower. Yeah.

You were grinding tape, man. Yeah. Yeah, my question is, that's what fans, analysts, people around the team have been bitching about for six years now, is the whining. How does that change overnight? Don't you think you evolved to that type of player how was he able to flip flip a switch and go from the luca that we've all known that that stuff is just baked into his personality yeah and he's able just to turn it off and you see the result a guy that's as beat to shit as he is to do what he did last night was incredible the way i think of it is i think it's wife driven it might be or baby yeah

i really do i think his wife probably said, you know what? You look like a bitch out there. Stop it. I wonder if it's on court. It's on court, wife. Kyrie? I wonder if Kyrie...

I wonder if we'll find this out later. Like, as they are after the parade or whatever. I absolutely hate how much I love Kyrie. Why? You know, I mean... Because we hated him when he came here. We talked a lot of shit, dude. Like, you know,

whether it was blowing up Boston, whether it was stuff we'd heard from people that Dan knew in Cleveland. It's been said a million times. Since he's gotten here, he's been perfect. I know. Yeah, but it was kind of, for a while,

you're kind of waiting, though. It wasn't perfect last year because they sucked. And they were both hurt. But it had nothing to do with things that he was saying or the way he was acting on the court. I know.

Or any testimony from teammates or anything like that. But, I mean, he was with New Jersey. Brooklyn. Brooklyn. Yeah. And they were kind of the hottest team in the NBA. They looked like a possible title team. And he demanded out because they wouldn't redo his contract right then.

To the max. And that's when he gets traded to the Mavs. So what are we supposed to think at that point? Like, gosh, even if things are going really well for this guy, it's going to be bad. And he got everything he wanted in Brooklyn. Whatever coach they wanted, whatever, you know, they ran their own schedule.

He needed to take off a day for his sister's birthday. He did. And so if that scene wasn't going to work for him, why would this one work for him? Yeah. Yet? Because the owners and the coaches let him be who he is? Weren't the Nets pretty restrictive with him? No.

Well, he really didn't get along with ownership. I don't know that the Nets were restrictive with him? No. Well, he really didn't get along with ownership. I mean, after a while it was. That's what was restrictive with him because the state of New York and New Jersey were restrictive with him. As far as the vaccines? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's what really, like, ran him into Joe Sott. And then the Jewish or whatever, the anti-Semitic movie that he liked or something.

I don't know. I believe he retweeted it. That's all he did? Well, I mean, I guess that's more than liking it. Yeah. But in any case, like he comes here and it's just, I hate how much I love it. Like he seems, like I've said a couple times,

like the adult in the room. Yeah. And to Danny's point, I don't think you can become a good free throw shooting team from game to game, but I do think you could become, like, today I'm going to put on my best face and I'm going to be a more mature person from game to game.

I feel like people are capable of being like, today is the day that I'm going to not let this affect me. Yeah, but sometimes you say, well, that's part of what feeds him. That's part of what makes him him. Like the old Dez argument. Yeah. Yeah. It could have been as simple as, I think Dan might be onto something,

the wife on the court. It could be as simple as Kyrie pulling Luka aside and saying, look, man, we're all emotional, but the way you act upon your emotions is a choice. You can choose to do this, which has served you in certain ways through your career, or you can try something different and act upon your emotions in this way.

And that seems like what he did last night. They were also saying... I just don't see how that came from 100% within Luka. Right. I just don't know if that's – They were also talking about how Kidd was talking about how he thinks his demeanor rubs off on – it's a trickle-down effect. And certainly Luka must be that.

Yeah. I'll tell you what. The older – I think we can all maybe agree to this, that the older you get, the more you – there's many seasons of NBA playoffs as we we've watched maybe this goes to all sports there is a certain uh benefit to having a steady hand as a fan because if i was the same version of myself watching last night's game as i was 15 years ago i would have pulled out all my hair, kicking and screaming, throwing shit, scaring my dog, all of that stuff.

But last night, it's just more measured. Even when they go on their late run and bring that to seven, I believe, at one point, I would have been freaking out. Oh, they're going to take it. They're going to lose it. But you just kind of got to be cool because that's what they're trying to do. That's what they

often do. And I love people can say what they want to about Kidd, and I know that halfway through the season this year they were ready to run him out of here. But there's something to be said about a calming hand and a steady hand, calming demeanor that definitely permeates throughout your teammates if you've got the right fit. He's out coaching the coach of the year in this series.

Yeah. No, and they tried, what, the Isaiah Joe switch last night? By the way, somebody said that our chant should have been, Giddy loves kiddies. Oh, okay. Very good, yeah. Dan and I went to the game the other day, and I had not had enough beers. It was like three beers. And I turned to Dan, and I was like, if I had had two more beers, I would be getting

us kicked out of here right now for show content with a Josh Giddy chant. Giddy loves kitties. You just hadn't thought of that. I hadn't thought of it, yeah. You might have done it then. Well, what I was thinking of was worse. Yeah. Like.

Go ahead. Well, I think he had like 11 minutes at the point, and I just wanted to somehow work in like, 11, that's too much for you, giddy. Something like that. But that doesn't really. A real highbrow deep. Hard to get a chant going. I don't really want a chant. I more want it to be kicked out.

But yeah, no, I think your point is correct also about Kidd. I mean, what else can you say about the guy at this point? Like, stylistically, X and O's wise, I'm not sure. Defensively, though.

Yeah, but I mean, they got way better defensively whenever they made two trades. Yeah, for sure. But you can see that Kidd's game plan is to run them off the three and make them take tough contested twos, and that is working. They get nothing in the paint. No. And they don't have an open three hardly ever i i pitched this uh article idea a couple of uh months ago to my d magazine guy

has there ever been two mavs bigs that combined were better than what they have right now no like you might say like because yeah like the closest you might say Gaffer and Lively Yeah Like the closest you might say Is like Tyson Chandler And Eric Dampier But Eric Dampier sucked Was he there

At the same time Did they overlap Yeah I think so How long was Tyson here Two Two three four No not even It feels like one

Was he just here for that one year It was either one or two Yeah They lost him after 11. I don't think Dan Pierre was on that team. Yeah, he was 06 era. Yeah, whoever was Tyson would come in for Tyson. Heywood, right?

That's what I'm thinking of. Yeah, Brendan Heywood and Tyson Chandler, yeah. This might be the best front court they've ever had in 30 years. Yeah, have you seen like Lively's plus minus? Stupid. And obviously he's off the bench, so he's going against others' backups as well. I would even go to say that...

If you can win that area, you're going to win those games. Either Danny Gafford or Lively individually are not far worse than Tyser Chandler at his best. They're incredible. And the fact that you never at any point in a game have to spend one minute on the floor without one of them on the court. It's a massive difference. And the fact that they bring in P.J, they bring in Gafford, there is something to be said about the defensive mindset of Kidd. Now that he has the pieces, I think it's easy for all the players to buy in.

You've never seen Luka play defense like he has in the playoffs. Man, that block last night. It was sick. Yeah. He didn't even jump. And he's got such a nose for where the – I think that's why he's a great rebounder. Yeah.

Because I think he's kind of got that Rodman angle, being able to detect angles much like Rodman did. But I think he can do that with – what do they call it when you let the guy get by and disrupt the play either by blocking a shot or creating a steal after he kind of passes you by when you do matador defense he's really good at that the recovery recovery yeah yeah um there's just something about uh his his nose for where the ball is going to end up and where it's going to be to to get to it whenever he needs to but yeah

just i mean man man to man to man to man. They all look just incredibly great on defense. It was really weird that... It's almost perfect. So after three and you get into the fourth, you're up by 14, you're up by 18, and they had a ton of turnovers. They had no free throws.

Five in like the first five minutes of the third quarter. P.J. Washington was no longer a Superman. Yet, here they are, like winning by double digits. And it didn't feel like that was false either. Yeah. It felt like that's clearly the better team out there. Yeah. They're the better team in game four, too.

That's what I was saying to these guys the other day, is that they've been the better team in basically every quarter they've played in the playoffs outside of maybe three. Yeah. Maybe four. If you take both game ones away, then I think it's just two quarters. Or two halves. Yeah.

That they've been bad. And part of the reason for that is they're better than a 50-win team. Like their injury concerns this year were such that they missed so many minutes in games out of guys that are important. If they would have been like average healthy, they would have won 54 games. And had this roster from game one? Yeah. That's an even better point. So the team that they are now

is not the team they got seeded to. Didn't they finish 16-2 or something? They did. And two of the losses were meaningless, right? Yeah, one of them was at the end of the season. And Luka's 70% right now? Pre-throw shooter? No. Physical. End of the season. And Luka's 70% right now?

Free throw shooter? No. Physical. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And free throws. Seeing highlights from earlier this year, it's night and day. Yeah. He's just really slow right now.

Last night, they looked like regular season Mavs. And I feel like it's the first game, maybe aside from Kyrie not being in crazy fourth quarter Kyrie, but they look the closest to what we kind of came to expect them to look like during the last, I don't know, 20% of the season. They looked like that last night. Yeah. With an even more intense defense. And Blake is going to make fun of me,

but I still feel like at some point in the next week and a half, we are going to have like a 45-point Kyrie game. I wrote a column saying that Kyrie was very important to this series scoring. I feel like that's the best thing about what's happening. That it hasn't happened and that they're up 3-2 and that they won in the first round. Because that first round was all those two guys both had to score 30. You know what's going to happen on Saturday?

You're going to have to withstand the desperation barrage. Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if OKC at one point in this game had an 18-20 point lead. They're going to have to sustain that. And I think that might be when you see the Kyrie 40-point game when he takes over a second half, specifically a fourth quarter, to drag them back into it. And then the steady hands, the veterans of the playoffs, the more mature team will come out ahead.

I think they win in game six. But I think it'll feel a lot like it does when you would play Golden State and everything's fine, and then you look up and it's been 90 seconds and you're down by 16. You're like, what the fuck just happened? That might happen to them early on because OKC is going to come out swinging, and they can. But that's when we as fans, I have to remind myself,

be patient, steady hand, be like kid. I forgot one thing in my list of things that if you just said these are happening, you'd be like, they're not winning by double digits. They're not getting to the line. Tim Hardaway Jr. looks so bad right now. I don't even – I can't. He's hitting the top of the backboard.

He's throwing air balls. He's hitting the top of the backboard. He's throwing air balls. He's throwing passes to no one. The worst thing that can happen to THJ is for him to make his first shot. One of his two first shots. It's Tim time.

Hunking everything. I feel like though he watched his dad on whatever video this week and said, yeah, I am the best shooter on this team. It's every day. Man, that air ball where Luka's headed back up the floor. No hand in his face. He didn't even have a hand in his face, and he airs that corner three. Yeah.

And Luka's just looking at his shoes like, I just fed you that. Were you surprised to see Jaden Hardy? I was. For as much as he was in there, I was. Definitely. Loved it. You needed some offense. He made one shot. You never saw him when Hardaway was hurt. If you didn't go to him then,

now you're going to go to him? No, I like it because I wanted to see him develop throughout the year and be that guy off the bench. Well, he's taking Exum's minutes, and Exum has had a bad series. He's had a bad playoffs. Hardy didn't really score, but he created. I mean, the first time he drove, he had an alley-oop.

Yeah, yeah. So he brought a little juice that I think they needed offensively. To his credit, he didn't just force it. Yeah. A little juice for you, honey. Cool. One more note besides my audio. They did lose that challenge.

I think they lost the challenge on the SGA flop. Yes. Because it was slow motion. Yeah. Like in slow motion, if you see Luca's arm move four inches or something, it's like, oh, okay, yes, he pushed. He didn't push him. It was just like moving.

And it was so obvious that he just barely touched Luca and then went, oh, and then fell down. And that's when Luca ran over calling for the... I'm about done with him. Who? SGA? Yeah. Blake warned me.

I hate him so much. Why? Try to tell you. Dude, he's the new Harden. Really? Yeah. Blake warned me. I hate him so much. Why? I'm trying to tell you. Dude, he's the new Harden. Really? Yeah. He's gotten a little better throughout the series, but game one, I had to walk away. It's too much.

What do you mean, like hero ball? No. I'm trying to draw fouls. His entire game is like, all right, well, I will bait you into sending me to the line. And it drives me effing bonkers. I feel like it's ridiculous. And I also feel like I should acknowledge that people who are not fans of the Mavericks

probably think that about Luka. They absolutely do. Yeah. They hate him. So I get it. But there's no way you can think he's a better player than Luka. I don't. I'm saying just in general,

how did he get above Luka in the MVP? Because they're the one seed. That doesn't hurt. Now, and he looks like an MVP as far as he's black, his athleticism, his body type. But Luka just does so much more. I agree.

Look, they're not watching Luka night in, night out. It's not like he's D'ing everyone up that hard. However, when you watch Jokic last night, you're like, Luke a night in, night out. It's not like he's D-ing everyone up that hard. However, when you watch Jokic last night, you're like... No, Jokic. Okay. Yeah. I'm not complaining that Jokic got MVP.

No, that's like a different level. I'm complaining because I'm watching a series where one guy is clearly a better player. I would agree. He is very good, though, SGA. Oh, yeah. No, he's great. The game four, fourth quarter was insane. He's clearly the best though, SGA. Oh, yeah. No, he's great. The game four of fourth quarter was insane.

He's clearly the best player on their team. I feel like Chet is good, but Chet needs to assert his dominance more. He'll get there. It just feels like he's kind of hanging back, but anytime he kind of wants to, it seems like he can do whatever he wants. Dan says he looks inbred. Yeah. You know what I think he looks like. He has a banjo.

Go ahead. looks inbred. Yeah. You know what I think he looks like? He has a banjo. Go ahead. To me, he looks like he should

show up at the game on a stolen Russian tank. Like, he looks like a Chechen rebel. Okay. Like, if you put him

in mismatched fatigues and hand him a Kalashnikov or a grenade launcher, he's in all of those ISIS videos. ISIS is not Eastern European. launcher. He's in all of those ISIS videos. ISIS is not Eastern European. Right.

That's my whole point. So, no, Ian Eagle. No. I think Ian Eagle got way too overrated because of the tournament and now we're getting what Ian Eagle,

like he's now feeling himself like, I'm Ian Eagle now. Everybody loves my bits. Great Brian Curtis profile. You remember game four when P.J. Washington had been going nuts. P.J. Washington's first shot. Ten to shoot. Washington.

Captain Corner. He's now Captain Corner. And the big move coming from the starting lineups Yesterday was Giddy being out Josh Giddy's out His replacement Gafford give it up for Dort

Giltis Alexander to the corner A guy named Joe Hits a three A guy named Joe. Yeah. Because he thought of that the night before or something. I don't know. Not just your average Joe.

What is that? I've never known someone with that name. Give me another cup of Joe. What is that a reference to? I don't know. All I know is it's sick. Yeah. The first thing I thought of was the Hendrix song.

That's called Hey Joe. First song I ever learned on the guitar. Can you play it now? I think so. Dan? Can I play it now? No, can you grab your axe

so we can... We don't have time. I have more audio. But that reference made no sense is what I'm saying. Like I... Right.

Nothing of note connected for me at all. You're not reading enough literary fiction, Jake. Perhaps. So I think the Mavs, again, they're up like double digits. They kind of were throughout the game. Yeah. And this is kind of near the end of the first half. Contact.

Fade. Book it. Beautiful play right there. Great poise. Takes his time. A little separation now. A little momentum coming the Thunder way here. The Dallas lead is 11. Docic goes to the

window for two. I knew it. The second I heard it. The end of the first half, yes, of course. They were up 14. Momentum now. I mean, they're only down by 11. But then Lucas scores like two seconds later.

It reared its head again at the end of the game. Give credit to P.J. Washington as well. Got into early foul trouble. 10 points, 10 rebounds, and a huge three when OKC was making its run where you could feel the shift inside Paycom Center. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so you could feel the shift.

Inside Paycom Center. Which is the momentum. Yeah. And somehow P.J. Washington, despite that shift, despite the momentum, was able to hit a shot. Give him credit. And how about the defense here? First of all, Holmgren, great contestant, blocking there.

And then Luka sliding his feet. Anticipates. Didn't get too high on that block, but got him early there. Big time stop as OKC was trying to get some momentum here with 50 seconds left. 50 seconds in the game. Are you going to take that momentum into game six? You're down. Shouldn't you always be trying to get momentum?

Isn't that kind of the whole point of the game? Well, Dan doesn't think it exists, right? So it does exist, it doesn't mean it. Here's what it is. It's just the ball. And then if you take the ball and you put it

in the basket that's momentum. But then what if I come down the floor and I do that? Well unfortunately now you have momentum. So yeah it exists

all over the place. And the only way to stop the back and forth of momentum is to get a steal or a turnover. Yeah, now you've got it, but you've got to put it, you've got to score with it, and that keeps the momentum going. My point on momentum is

that so often times after a team loses, the fan base or even the team might say, well, they had momentum. As if there was nothing you could do because, hey, have you ever played? You never played at this high level. All athletes know momentum exists. And so now it's kind of an excuse. I mean, they had momentum. They had the crowd behind them. They had, and what game do I keep referencing? It was a Clippers game, I think, where Kyrie, they had come back from 31 down.

Kyrie made that amazing shot. Remember the crazy? So he actually ties it or went ahead even after a 31-point comeback. And momentum. Then James Harden is like, well, what if I just do a couple of floaters and now we just win? Oh. So afterwards, had the Clippers lost, they would have said, I mean, the Mavs had the

moment. You can't stop that steamrolling, that train, right? Anyway. Here. Here's back to Grant Hill. Oh. Not being good. Let's talk about...

Here's Luca. How about Derek Jones, huh? Love him. How about him? Who has a dad. Name Derek. And he's also... How do you feel about the distinction between second and junior?

Have we talked about this before? Second seems classier. Yeah, junior means you're poor. Does it? Okay. The second seems classier. It definitely feels more royal. Yeah.

But it's the same bit. What if you're Gary Payton and you do both? Do you know about that? Is he junior the second? Gary Payton has two sons named Gary Payton. One's junior and one's the second. Is that right? That is absolutely correct.

Yeah. Doesn't George Foreman have, like, more than one – They're all named George, aren't they? Yeah, and I believe the females are, like, Georgette, Georgina. Yeah, Georgia. Yeah. I'll tell you what. He started the game hot on the offensive end in that first quarter.

And how about the block on Holmgren's three-pointer? Holmgren 7-1. Derek Jones, the little things that help you win. So I'm thinking that's a pretty damn big thing. You block a three-pointer by Chet Holmgren. It's not a screen. Yeah, it's not like diving for a loose ball. He blocked the three and then dunked on the other end.

It's the little things, guys. It's a pretty big swing. You know, the things you don't see in the box score. Well, actually, both of those things. Multiple times in the box score. Okay. Now let's take you to Luka postgame. Okay, I pulled the video.

We don't have to watch the whole thing, but I did pull a little on the front end because I wanted to make sure you guys saw something. This was in the Google Drive, Dan. Yeah. I didn't go to the Google Drive today. If you want to pause it and switch because of YouTube, we can, but at least play the first couple seconds.

Free throws tonight. Keep going. Okay, so here's Kyrie and Jaden Hardy. Hugging. Okay. And then I want you to notice what's in Kyrie and Jaden Hardy. Hugging. Okay. And then I want you to notice what's in Kyrie's left hand. Is it the drum? Yes.

The drum. Oh, the video's frozen? Three throws tonight, 10 of 13, and they actually rebound the Thunder by... It looks like a... Yeah, it looks like a tambourine. So I thought... 13 boards.

Send it over to Jerry. What is that? I thought it was like a tambourine. So I thought... What is that? I thought it was like a butt pad, but it's clearly a drum, and he's got his little drumstick. So is that like his sage and his drum and his... Yeah. Did you see it in the locker room? No.

The audio was really, really bad. It looks like a bamboo steamer. When he's coming into the locker room, Kid's like, okay, here he is, drums. And Kyrie's just beating on that drum. That's their bit? That's his bit. Well, guess what?

I support it 1,000%. I think it's like I'm going to be xenophobic and say that it's probably like a Native American thing. No, that's his identity. Yeah. Stoked on that right now. Hey, look. I love it.

So, yeah. Go drum. I'll get a drum. I bought one of those fighting necklaces. Can you play Hey Joe on a drum? I cannot. I'm just saying. I will get on board.

I will get on board with Ranger playoff bits. I got the claw and the antler. I'll do the drum. Like, whatever we're doing. Got a Wang jersey. We're doing that terrible country song for the Stars a couple years ago. Let's do that. I love this bar.

Yeah. Shania Twain, too. Yeah. If that's going to help the team go all the way. Sure. Let's go for it. I'll get a dog and let it attack my neighbor's kid just like Dak. Yep, and Zeke.

Oh, his dog did that too? You got the penis squirt guns. That's right. Here is the post game. I think it's not a good post game. Interview. Let's listen. Oh, I and I got Luka Doncic. Luka,

we were talking about it most of the broadcast. It felt like your whole approach was different tonight. I don't like when they just talk about something that we were talking about on the broadcast because Luka wasn't watching the broadcast. Yeah, he's like, I don't care what you were talking about. But we're going to get to even more of that in a moment. I've been at work.

You didn't talk to the referees. You were focusing on your opponent. What changed for you tonight with your demeanor? Yeah, I was just trying to play basketball. I was just trying to focus on basketball. It's also tough because when you're interviewing Luka. Sometimes I forgot this is the thing I love, this is the thing I do. And, you know, my mental focus is just go out there and play basketball,

you know, with a smile on my face and just go. It seems like this series is following the same pattern. All right, now this is a pretty bad question. How would you end up answering this? It seems like this series is following the same pattern as last series against the Clippers where you lose the first game, you win the next two, you lose, and then now what happens moving forward? What are you supposed to say?

Well, we probably lose game six. I guess we win or lose or... That's what we do, you know, knock on wood. What just happened there, by the way? Okay, so what did he do there? He, like, spit. He did, like, a... You have a zen in?

I think... No, no, no, no. He... You win the next two. You lose. It's like a superstition thing that he did. Like throwing salt over your shoulder. He misspoke and then kind of like spit the word out. And then came back.

That's what we do. You know, knock on wood. What just happened there, by the way? This is my thing. It's like when a cat crossed the road. No, but you know, we just got one more. We got one more to win out of two games. I wonder if he knows

the word superstition. No, it's like when cat crossed the road. But he clearly knows what that is. You know what this is. I mean, when you drive by a cemetery, you hold your breath. Or if you drive under train tracks when a train's going by, you duck your head. Just these little superstitions. I know the hold your breath. Or if you drive under a train tracks when a train's going by, you duck your head. Just these little superstitions.

I know the hold your breath bit. Yeah. I never heard that. But when you drive under a train, you're supposed to duck. I've never known about that. Don't do that at the one over on Samuel Boulevard because you'll end up in cardiac arrest. It's like five miles long. Okay.

The cemetery? Yeah. Okay. It's huge. I drive by one every day. Weird location for a cemetery. Don't you think? Yeah, we have one right in our neighborhood? Yeah. Okay. It's huge. I drive by one every day. Weird location for a cemetery. Don't you think? Yeah, we have one right in our neighborhood.

Yeah. Is that where you're going to go when you die? I kind of go there some evenings. You know where I'm going. Yeah, Dan just goes there and pulls his pants down. Oh, dude. I just go there to hang out. I'm going to be chummed.

Oh, shark? Yeah. You're going to be chummed. Oh, shark? Yeah. You're going to go into the sea? Yeah. I'm going to be frozen. I don't know if the word is cryogenically. Yeah. No, that works.

Is that the right word? Yep. Yeah, because I want to be reanimated. You're going to be reanimated in 50 years. When they're able to figure that out. Bat 400. I don't know about that, but. Do a podcast.

Games, you know, that's it. We're up 3-2, but that's still nothing. We've got to finish it and go with the same mentality home. All right, I'd like to hear that. That's still nothing. Yeah. How about all the injuries you've had? Your knee, your ankle, your Achilles, your back, your teeth.

How are you feeling going into game six? Great. I great man I'm sure you are yeah I mean at the end of it is basketball uh when we win it's great you know when we lose uh I feel like I let my team down a couple games uh but I just trying to trying to play hard uh you know it's it's hard but I'm trying to go last thing all, this is the worst. Yeah, it can't get better. What he's about to do is the worst. Because how is Lucas supposed to respond to all this? We have a message for your buddy Charles Barkley back in the studio.

Before the game tonight, he said the Thunder were going to blow out the Mavericks. What do you have to say to Charles back in the studio? Ah, sick. First of all, he does swear on TV. Out the Mavericks. What do you have to say to Charles back in the studio? Sick. First of all, he does swear on TV. I feel like... He's European. I feel like the next... What do you call this? Not a road...

It's a roadblock, but... Like a progression? Yeah, I think the word shit is going to be on TV. Regular TV, network TV. It's been a long time, man. I know, but you used to not... There's a lot of things you used to not be able to do and say. Right, right.

And I feel like shit is kind of... It's almost time. But doesn't it feel like we've been kind of stuck? Yeah. For like 30 years? Yeah. I think as long as you use it as an expletive and not a description. Not an excrement.

An excrement. Yeah, yeah. Expletive. Oh, shit. I think you'll be able to do that, but you're not going to be able to say, hey, Ron just took a giant shit in your bedroom. You're not going to be able to do that. But like on The Freak, we were-

Ron's just sitting here. Yeah. When we were on The Freak, we were allowed to call somebody a dick. I used to hear- And you could call somebody a dick. I used to hear people on the fan say that. But you can't say, look at my beautiful dick. And look at how I ate this pussy. God. Jake, what are you doing right now?

Well, I mean. Eight. There's a lady right behind me. What was a better way for me to illustrate that, Dan? Did you have something? Did you sprinkle a little Chachere sauce on me? That's a lot worse. That's a callback.

I hope you were listening to the first half of the podcast to get that joke. But to your point, Dan. Luca doesn't understand this at all. He doesn't understand how uptight the American censor audience is. Oh, about the word shit. And guess what else he doesn't understand? Why you're asking me a question about what some pregame host said. What's your message?

It's kind of like the ESPN bit where Stephen A says something or screams something. And then it's like a headline in ESPN.com. Stephen A says he doesn't think the Cowboys will win six games. And then that's a news story. And now we go to Dak. Dak, blah, blah, blah, said you wouldn't win six games. And now it's like Dak says that blah, blah, blah. Now it's like, wait, that's not a news story that Charles Barkley,

and especially Charles Barkley or Stephen A, because Barkley, people used to get mad at him for bagging on Dirk. It was a bit. He's doing bits. He knows he's great at TV. He's trying to incite people. Stephen A, great at TV. He's trying to get people rolling.

It doesn't mean anything. Yeah. But let me run to Luca after the game. What's your message? What do you have to say to Charles back in the studio? I don't know. But I love that show. I love those four guys.

I always watch it, all the games. But maybe next time he can say it again in the next game. So maybe we'll win again. See, that's a great answer. That's a great answer because, yes, he's superstitious. You know, Cat Road. And so, yeah. Now, hey, wait.

If he said that, he should say it every game. But maybe next time he can say it again in the next game. So maybe we'll win again. But that's it. I don't know what to say. All right, Luke. Say hello to all four. And Draymond. Draymond's in the studio. Draymond, too studio say hello to Draymond too all right guys thank you hello to Draymond

okay so did we have to also be that like if he just says say hello to four okay thanks I will thanks Luca instead actually Draymond's filling in you know what that felt like it felt like whenever like uh you go to like Thanksgiving and your mom's like, have you hugged your other aunt? No. And I guess I'll go over here and hug her too. I just already did all the hugs. The questions were terrible, but I thought Luca was great.

Yeah, for sure. He gave good answers for every bad question, I thought. Yeah. And I want that drop. Say hello to Draymond too. Oh, shit. Shit. Shit.

Well, we're feeling good, boys. Yep. I think at certain times I have felt that they will be going home very soon, but not now. Absolutely. They're on their way. Two days off. That can't hurt.

Right? No, it's nice. No, I'm just saying, they've got two days off, which will... I was just trying to think of a way it could hurt, perhaps. I don't know, but no, I think it's... I feel like the Achilles thing is concerning to me. Who? He said he's had it for months, though.

I know, but that feels like something that's going to have to get cut on this offseason. Sorry, Rob. Not now, though. I know, but that feels like something that's going to have to get cut on this offseason. Sorry, Rob. Not now, though. Just kicked your camera. All right. Want to do some news and stuff? Sure. I don't even know how long we've been going.

Quite a bit. I never knew. That was aggressive. Here's the guy who's eating box. Tell me I'm aggressive. He's the guy who's eating box. Tell me I'm aggressive. He's an aggressive box eater. Yeah. So are you guys prepared?

Like a shark on chum. Are you guys prepared for the 2024 Olympic Games? Dan, where are they? Sochi. Paris. That's right. Dan was just there. That's the only reason he knows that.

I saw so many Olympic signs. And people were like growing the Olympic rings into their grass on rooftops. It was cool. Sweet. That does sound really cool. You guys are assholes. I'm glad they're doing it in a major city. If you were there you'd have been like, oh man, that's great. Yeah, because

sometimes they do it in like white settlement. Well, or they'll do it. Yeah, this time they've chosenettlement. Well, or they'll do it in... Yeah, this time they've chosen a city. Maybe, let me rephrase that. Watch France and China

play in Bridgeport. I'm glad they're doing it in a city that already has existing infrastructure so they don't build a bunch of Olympic shit

that is abandoned and suffers from entropy. They already have the loop. They can play there. That's right. Same thing with the World Cup. They can't say anything these days. Like in Qatar,

they had to build a bunch of stuff that is abandoned. Completely legal workers. So she was the same way though, if you remember. White settlement. The Knock City Olympics. Winter. So there's a news story out this week about the Olympic Village.

We all know what happens there. Well, that is actually the nature of the story. Well, that is actually the nature of the story. They are attempting to create anti-sex beds for the athletes in the Olympic Village. There's always such an issue with them. Hey, you could just ship mine, huh? Because we don't have sex. Because you don't have sex. You know.

1997, Dan. Yeah. Why do you keep differentiating me in eras? I feel like I am a modern man. No, I in eras? I feel like I am. A modern man? No, I'm just me. I know. I agree.

Just saying, you're the same for the last 25 years, and I respect you for that. Except for that one slur. Yeah. We all get one. So they're making the beds intentionally smaller. know They're making the beds Like intentionally smaller Are these like those Park benches That they make

That's basically what they look like So homeless people Don't sleep on them Yeah Where they put like the poles up Yeah Like why Because people in the

Olympic village Fuck Why But who cares Let them go You're in the Olympics Like one time Is it STD related

Or something Let it roll I mean It can't be pregnancy related Because I would think That's like You're in the Olympics, like, one time. Is it STD related or something? Let it roll. I mean, it can't be pregnancy related, because I would think that's, like, where you'd want it to be happening. They're all, they're, like, consenting adults and stuff, right? And genetic freaks. Yeah, let them go. You want them.

Isn't this, like, a controlled eugenics experience? Let them have at it. Like, just let them go. This is ridiculous. Apparently, orgies have been quite the problem in the Olympic Village over the last handful of years, though. Should have been. I, you know, I say quite the problem.

It's been happening. I don't really know why it's a problem. Yeah. Should have been Olympians. Sounds like fun. I'm over here swimming in this pool at 4 a.m. every day for eight years. Right. I can't throw little Tony Shasheries. Yeah, like are you supposed to make college dorm beds sex-free too?

Like, same bit. Yeah. They're 20-year-old, you know, high-T, whatever. Let them go at it. Look. Make that an Olympic thing. Sex? Yeah.

They probably do it way better than you. Than me? Probably more attractive. That's for sure. You ever looked at yourself on film? No, I'm never done that. It's not good. Oh, you have, huh?

It's not good. Whatever you think it is. It's not. It's 90% worse than that. Anybody in the back row? Nobody wants to speak up. Well, of course, that throuple films.

Oh, yeah. So that shit's in your cloud somewhere still? Absolutely not. This is pre-cloud. It's on a hard drive and it's on a camera somewhere, though. It's on a big handheld. Or a handy cam. It's on a hard drive and a safe It's on a camera somewhere though It's on a big handheld Or a handy cam It's not labeled Me having sex

So I wonder what he has labeled it It's Cowboys Redskins 2002 Or something It's like I used to have the fantasy hockey folder 2002 Do you remember I used to have a fantasy hockey folder With my porn links in there Your links Because I know my wife wouldn't Do you remember I used to have a fantasy hockey folder with my porn links in there?

Your links? Because I know my wife wouldn't, if she ever looked in my computer at all, she absolutely wouldn't look in the fantasy hockey folder. You got to be smart about it, guys. I'm still thrown off by links. Me too. What's wrong with a link? You copy a link, put it on a WordPad. I put it in my favorites.

On your WordPad. No, it's in the folder. You guys don't have like, you save favorites or save a... I mean, there's bookmarks. Bookmark, yeah. Why don't you just download it? Download what? That's back when his hard drive had like...

The whole internet? 0.5 gigs. No, just the video you like. Download the video I like. A house in Frisco... Then you'll be able to prove that I have it. A house in Frisco caught on fire this morning due to a lightning strike.

And I bring this up again because as I was driving my daughter to therapy this morning, I was thinking, how do more houses not catch on fire due to lightning? Like, you just watch intense lightning happening, and you're thinking, how? How is this not burning down

roughly half of the residential neighborhoods that you drive through? I'm more concerned with how fucked up your home life is that your daughter's already in therapy. Yeah. Danny, she's autistic. Ooh, a little bear trap maybe.

She's on the spectrum. We can delete that, right, Rob? Just cut that out. I meant like talk therapy. It was a joke. Did you guys laugh? Well, yeah, because I know the backstory. I would never joke about you or laugh well yeah because i would never joke story i would never joke about you or your family thank you okay that's how important you are to me

she's trying to assimilate to regular society and part of that is occupational therapy which is i may never put on this headset again you've walked into it So anyways yeah This house burns down in Frisco And like this is an insane fire Like the video that Fox 4 has is I mean This is not like a small fire

But it makes me think when I'm looking at the Lightning bursts that you see Just driving around like How does this not happen every single time there's a storm? That's why we build our home out of brick. And mortar. So it won't light up fire. The three little pigs story.

Look it up. I don't have a joke for that. You might want to sit the next couple plays out anyways. I think I am. Dan's house got struck by lightning once. This one? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Killed the two air conditioning units outside, every TV in the house. And it was like, wasn't it two days after I guaranteed I could not be hit by lightning? I dared God. Yeah. To hit me by lightning.

Like it was on a Friday on the show. And then, yeah, Monday I come in, I'm like, hey. Nothing in my house works. Did you have anything surge protected, and did those things make it? Yeah, I guess some things did make it, apparently, like the fridge and everything. But, yeah, the TVs blew out. I think they were... I think they were surge...

I don't know. It just... That surge protector... You can't deal with lightning, bro. No. Really? Yeah. She's a fickle beast.

Yeah. What do you guys know about this New York City Dublin portal? I'm very interested. I know I've seen that girl flash about a hundred times. I've only seen the back. Have you seen the front view?

I haven't. I thought about paying for her OnlyFans. Does she have one? Oh! Isn't she... Didn't she do some other bit? What is it?

She licked the airline... During COVID. Toilet seat during COVID. Okay. Was she the one sitting behind the Stars bench? No. In the playoffs?

No. That is oddly reoccurring, though. What, different hots behind? It's not just hots. It was the same one. Is it? The one behind bonus was, yeah. But I don't even feel like it's just with the Stars.

I feel like in hockey in general, there's titties behind the bench. Like a lot. Anyways. Thank God for the bench. Yeah, otherwise. Yeah. So there's this, it was like an art installation where you could go to Manhattan and you could look through and you would actually

see Dublin on the other side and vice versa. Yeah, it's just a webcam. It's pretty much just a webcam. But, yes, call it a portal, make it look real cool, and you're like, oh my god, this is like time travel. Yeah, and it wasn't just... Like you could step through the land of the lost or whatever. Great reference. It wasn't just that... It could step through the land of the lost or whatever. Great reference.

It wasn't just that... It was a recent movie, kind of. I mean, I got it. It's just... Hey, I'm no Iron Eagle. He was referring to the actual original TV series. Call of Joe. Not the Will Ferrell movie.

It's not just the woman who's flashing. There were also people just holding up porno. Oh, really? Yeah. On their phones? Yeah. At the same time? They would just walk in front of it and be like, Dublin, here's porno.

Did they really close it down? They did. Because of this? Yeah. Did you see that... It didn't take... It took like a week before we ruined it. Some people from Dublin were holding up pictures of the Twin Towers on their side of it.

Oh my God. Yeah. So she was quoted, I thought the people of Dublin deserved to see my New York homegrown potatoes. Yeah, cultural... How do we not have any Dublin view, though? They don't have phones

I thought the internet is worldwide She went on to say Well Dublin showed New York City the Twin Towers So it was only fair I showed them my Twin Towers To save our city from harassment When are you booking her? God damn it Blake You're not doing anything

But you got the car salesman Bump the car guy Wait let's see Look You're not. Oh, wow. Yeah, you know. Oh, it's on the video.

Anyways, there's your news. The Dumb Zone News. I got to go in a minute. What time you got to get out? We are late. Yeah, we are late. It's really weird, despite you getting here so early. Oh, no.

It's a shot. Okay, we started at exactly the time we would. You know what? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I'll wear it. What time do you got to get out? I'll be done in two minutes if you want.

I'll just throw away all the gold. Ten after. Oh, we'll be way done. Today's Thursday, May 16th. On this day in 1902, two deaf mutes faced each other for the first time in baseball. And it was 1902. Do you think they just used their regular, their God-given names?

No, I bet they had names like, you know what, I'm not going to guess. Grease can. No, no, no. Oh. That would be, yeah, that. Oh. That would be. Yeah. That would be. Dummy Hoy. Led off for the Reds against Dummy Taylor for the Giants.

They weren't real creative. Redundant. But anyway, two deaf mutes faced each other for the first time. Do you think it was like if a team goes out wearing a white uniform Anyway, two deaf mutes faced each other for the first time. Do you think it was like if a team goes out wearing a white uniform and the other team comes out and they're like, what the fuck? We also were wearing white today. You took dummy? Hang on.

Is the other team like, well, we were going to go with the R word. Well, think about it like this, Jake. It seemed like, well, we were going to go with the R word. Well, think about it like this, Jake. Dumb must have been a socially acceptable term to describe someone who was mute. Right. Yeah, no. Of course.

Deaf, dumb, and blind. Yeah. But still, like if you've got two of them, you might think that the other one would have come up with something different. Deafy. Oh, deafy. Right. On this day in 1980 is the legendary NBA Finals game when Kareem was out. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar of the Lakers. Magic at the five.

And yes, they started Magic Johnson. He was the 6'9 rookie point guard, so he's a rookie. Did he win MVP that year? He may have. Did he play for the Packers? Damn sure did, Bob. Anyway, he had a big game. 42 points, 15 rebounds, 7 assists.

That's incredible. Yeah. 14 rebounds, 7 assists. That's incredible. Yeah. This day in 1994, Jennifer Capriati, who is a teen tennis ace, she was great, was arrested in Florida after police found a bag of marijuana in her hotel room. Scandal.

And on this day in 2022, the U.S. death toll from COVID-19 hit one million. We did it. They said we couldn't. The death toll. Yes. But the death toll from vaccines hit 28. That same day. Yeah. Today's birthdays include Eric Nadel is 73.

So Rhett Miller is in town. He's doing the Eric Nadel thing tonight. The charity event. Was at the ballpark singing the national anthem last night. Did you know that? I did. Have you ever done that, Danny? No, I have not.

I've never been asked. I don't think I would do it. Would you do it like Creed? Did Julie throw out the first pitch? She did. Yesterday? Yeah. Two nights ago, I want to say.

Wow. Before the Rangers played the Guardians. Wasn't it with Steven Voigt? Voigt? Is it Voigt? Voigt? Is it Voigt? Voigt, I think. It's V-O-G-T. Damn it.

Ask me, manager of any Major League Baseball team, I can tell you. I believe you. Oh. I really do. I wanted to impress you. I am impressed just knowing that you know that. These guys... We don't have to do like we did with the Cowboys schedule.

These guys said I couldn't do it. That you did? You challenged him on this? No. Like These guys said I couldn't do it. You did? You challenged him on this? No. Like we said, Jake couldn't. He forced it on you, didn't he? No, Jake. We said Jake couldn't name every WNBA head coach, and now he can.

Well. Dallas Wings, Latricia Trammell. Detroit. Do they have a team? I don't think they have a team. There you go. See? Even knowing that. I didn't know that. Detroit. Do they have a team? I don't think they have a team. There you go. See? Even knowing that.

I didn't know that. Indiana. You better get to know this. It's the one team anybody cares about. Or cared about. Is it Bronadillo? I don't know. Okay.

I just memorized them in alphabetical order. Today is Craig Rosengarten's birthday. Wow. Awesome. Big fan. Donut wine Rosengarten's birthday. Wow. Awesome. Big fan. Donut line. Every week for me. Go on.

I listen to the T-Box on Saturday mornings when I go get donuts for the fam. It's odd that you eat donuts. I don't. Kids love them. Yeah. Both kids. And wife. Okay, because the wife.

I don't like them. I'm not a... Yeah, I can't. It's like... How? I just don't. Isn't it like giving your kid a piece of cake? Yeah.

Exactly like that. It's maybe worse. It's deep fried cake. Why? I have no idea. It's odd that your wife, because she's into salads and all that stupid stuff. Doused in liquid sugar. She's into salads and all that stupid stuff.

Yeah, stuff I like. Sure. Gardner Minshew is 28. It says here, Kemp's been. Yeah, one time when he was in college to try to earn himself a medical red shirt, he drank like either a half or a full bottle of Jack Daniels and smashed his hand with a hammer. It didn't work.

I mean, I imagine breaking his hand did work. The medical redshirt did not work. My Kim spin for him, and it's not his fault, but I think Bud Light said they would send you a year's supply of Bud Light if you drafted Gardner Minshew with the first overall pick in your fantasy draft. Yeah, we had quite a time with like, okay, so you pay $200 for your entry into this league. You're not going to win.

You throw the league immediately by taking Gardner Minshew. For a case. And you got a 12-pack of domestic lights. Bud Light for life was it? No, no, no. It was like a case. Was it a case? It was not a year.

Yeah, it wasn't a year. Maybe I was overestimating. No, it was like a case of Bud Light. Okay. Janet Jackson is 58. Remind me? First nip slip. Janet Jackson.

Oh, I thought you said Jenna Jackson. Jenna Jackson is First nip slip? Janet Jackson. Oh, I thought you said Jenna Jackson. Jenna Jackson has the first nip slip. It's up there. Changed the way we did things back in the day. They got some audio deleted that I thought I'd never find again, but I did find it. Oh, good. You know what I recall? I recall a huge fight between Danny Bayless and one Kevin Scott.

Over? That. Over deleting something? No, over the Janet Jackson, like, what if your kids are watching? Danny was upset about the Janet Jackson thing? No, Danny was like, who cares? Yeah. And Kevin Scott's like, but there's kids watching.

This is like 2000 whatever hard line when I was, you know. God, that was, what year was that? 2001? 2000? Ask Dan. Early 2000s, I'm not sure. I think it was the first Patriots Super Bowl,

but I can't recall. I think it would have been less shocking had she not had that weird apparatus like attached to it. Yeah, that was weird. Like some ornament or jewelry or something. Like it was all very forced. Yeah, and like, you know,

a lot of people say that like... Why would you wear that if you weren't planning on showing it? JT like really skated on that whole deal. Like he was just as party to, you know, the offensiveness as she was. Justin Timberlake. Yeah, of course. It was all choreographed.

It was all premeditated. She's the one who had to eat it. Let's see if I had that audio of Ava back then. Well, can you say clock? Clock. That's clock, of course. Yeah.

So, well. Can you say clock? Clock. So, yeah, it was because her and I went to, like, Subway. Yeah. Can you say clock? Clock. We went to Subway, and she was just learning how to say things.

And in anything she saw that she recognized, she would say it over and over and over. Yeah. So if she saw a cow, she'd be like, cow, cow. And because she knew, like, then you would get instant conversation about it. And just like a, what do you call it? Knowledge, man. A gratification. You're right. Yes, you did it. it? Knowledge, man. Her gratification. You're right.

Yes, you did it. Yes. You tracked her. Yeah, yeah. And so, yes, she'd see a clock anywhere we went. And we once went to Subway and we're waiting in line and she's like, cock, cock, cock. And to tie this all together, this audio was supposed to be deleted because Janet Jackson's titty fell out.

This is something I recorded at home on my phone. And it affected radio somehow. Cock? Yeah. Boy, they were so scared of anything related to an FCC complaint. They won't let me be. Anything remotely offensive that we had in our archive was deleted by our boss. Airbones.

Instead of just saying, don't play it. It's like, I'm going to delete the audio. We couldn't be trusted not to play it. Can you say clock? Clock. Now you can play it 54 times. Let's see. Tucker Carlson is 55.

There it is. Yeah. Oh, Tucker. What a weird still. Danny Trejo is 79. Heat. And many other things, obviously. Breaking Bad.

Tortuga. Yeah, Tortuga. Yeah. That's right. Yeah, Tortuga. Yeah. That's right. Ah, here's one for Jake. 50 years old today. Jason Acuna. Jackass.

Is that Wee Man? Is it? I think so. It's Wee Man. Dead or alive? He's alive. He's 50, bro. We're in the alive portion.

Yeah. Ron Kirkham is 65, says here, Kemp Spin. I'll give you a hint. It says next to Kemp Spin, Tiger King. Which one was he? Oh, man. This one would take a long time to explain. Yeah, he was a journalist who reported on the story.

He got super addicted to meth. There's a documentary about him. He wasn't, like, famous, so I don't really know why the documentary was made, but he was just, like, a news anchor that got really addicted to meth and then later in life reported on Tiger King. Ron Kirkham. Look him up. He has no teeth.

Cock? Cock. Krist Novoselic is 58? He went right on us, didn't he? It says Kemp Spin next to him. It says Nirvana.

I don't know how much of a Kemp Spin there is, but he definitely had some super anti-vax opinions. Really? Yeah. I didn't know that. He's the third member of Nirvana, Dan. He's the tall, barefoot bass player. Kurt Cobain.

Who's the other one? Dave Grohl Oh I don't know anything about music Come on though That one Okay You know who Dave Grohl is right?

Yeah I've heard of him Doesn't he got another band? Yeah the Foo Fighters Okay Do you hate me? No I don't hate you It's just like That's like the biggest band of

My life probably right? Nirvana? No the F don't hate you. It's just like, that's like the biggest band of my life probably, right? Nirvana? No, the Foo Fighters. The Foo Fighters. Wouldn't you say? Yeah, they've been around a long time and... Bigger than ABBA. Yeah, slightly.

And they didn't name themselves after like an acrostic or whatever, like ABBA. And a what? What do you call that? Maybe that would be an acronym, right? Because it says a word. Yes. What's the non-acronym called then? Acrostic?

So like NFL is not an acronym. Correct. It's an acrostic. SCUBA is an acronym. Yeah, NASA. Laser. Sonar. What's laser?

Light something. Bill Rancic is 53. You may know him as the first Apprentice winner, but I know him as married to Juliana Rancic, who would do Bitch Stole My Look on... On E or something? On E, yeah, the Fashion Police. Bitch Stole My Look.

That's a great bit. Bring it back. Man, Fashion Police was so good. Yeah, I'm gay Born on this day Now dead David Hughes Invented the microphone

In 1878 So they had a tape recorder They're like What do we do with this thing They're like I can't get anything on it And here comes David Hughes They're just yelling at it

It done work I swear it'll work We just need this some other... Died on this day, we have in 1924, Bill Cummings, he invented the curveball.

Wow. Which he could probably throw naturally if he just started throwing left-handed. Yeah, Blake's gonna find out. Are you gonna pitch to Blake when you perfect your...

If by pitch, you mean destroy. His goal is to strike Blake out. Are you going to pitch to Blake when you perfect your... If by pitch you mean destroy. His goal is to strike Blake out. And I said there's absolutely no way he'll ever do that. How long are you giving yourself? Three months. No. Strike out. I was absolutely humming yesterday.

Does that have a gun on you? Stay tuned. 58? 58. Died in the same 1956, H.B. Reese invented the peanut butter cup. Nice. What year?

56? Yeah, 1990 died. Jim Henson, he invented. No Muppet. The Muppets, and died on this day in 2013. Dick Trickle. He died at the age of 71 in 2013 of suicide.

The race car driver. So he went through his whole 71 years with that name. You're like, now you're you would have thought he'd killed himself 50 years prior to that. And you have a high risk job. Yeah, about to say 50 years of that. He got through that. He got through Dick Trickle.

Yeah. Like, now, leave your golden years. I'm on the other side of this thing. Probably made a lot of money. Hey, can I go back to the Reese's guy? Yeah. That's a really weird thing to invent. What do you mean?

Just mixing peanut butter and chocolate? Yeah, and putting it in a cup. Are people like, are you high? I mean, it's probably... Do you know what I'm saying, though? It's probably a variation of something that had already been invented before. Well, perhaps, but I mean, if he's listed as the inventor...

Do you remember the old commercial they showed a clip of a documentary? With the guy walking down the street eating a... Jar of peanut butter, as we often do when we're at New York. There's another guy with a big giant candy bar. Manhattan. Fucking delicious. They bumped into each other and...

It's just a weird thing to me to pitch to a sales meeting. Like, what if? Guys. And if you ever try to make your own at home... I've not. They never taste the same. Who the hell has done that? Why are you doing that?

You know what? My mom's done that for sure. Yeah, I've definitely have tried it. Really? Yeah, yeah. Have you tried making your own Snickers?

No, no, no. That's too... I got caramel. I got a couple peanuts here. Where did I leave the nougat? Where did you get nougat? Have you seen the prices of Reese's these days?

You've got to make these at home. I just wanted to try it. You know, do you use maybe more organic ingredients like a peanut butter without a bunch of added sugar? Oh, here's the ad right here. What? Holy shit. Oh, man. Is this the old Reese's peanut butter cup?

I'm erotic. You got your peanut butter on my chocolate. Because this guy was just walking around with a jar of open peanut butter. Right, seriously. He's the real dick in this whole thing. The guy eating a jar of peanut butter in the city with a spoon. No, he's using his finger. What? Yes.

95% humidity. And then you've got the construction worker completely normal having a Hershey's bar like a goddamn American. And here comes peanut butter, man. You've got to mark that hole, though. Union protects him against everything other than peanut butter eater. Well, this has been the best time ever.

Part of it. Let us thank – we don't have to thank Danny. No. But we have to thank the 690 sit-ins, Elena and Joe and Ty. Any closing remarks? Let's grab the mic. Okay, Elena's trying

to make someone else grab the mic and Joe is going to pick it up and hand it to Elena because she's more of a trad wife that likes to do what her man says to do. Dan just learned the term trad wife.

You get it? No, this has been a total honor. Thank you very much. We don't have any bits to say, but it's great to watch this process. Is it all you dreamed? What was your favorite part? Yeah, I'll be able to sleep better tonight.

Yes. Was Jake too offensive? No, not offensive. That's really the only feedback we usually get is, man, that guy is off the wall. He'll say anything. That's right. That's all we got. All right.

Sounds like. No, thank you. It's been awesome. Thanks for the yummy food. Yeah. Yeah, thanks to Eatsies. And Ty, you don't have have they seem to really want you to talk

but you are I want to thank Jake because now I know when I'm going to eat for dinner tonight

little Tony Cha-Cha's on the way home oh that's right that's right that's right right down there right

it was fucking blast guys okay alright and you got to witness the birth of the autism comic

that's right is that going to be your name what's funnier than that? It's a tough one, pal. Adios, mofo. And then you got pretty good at looking at their profiles

and finding out, oh, she's the fat one in the group. Anything from collarbones up, fat. Jeez. If her first picture is a group photo, she's the ugly one. And, oh, if it's a far away picture, like she's doing something like, oh, look at me, I'm shooting a gun or something. She's ugly. Because hot girls will show up.

So, yeah, big sunglasses. That's a dome. You know what's under there. See ya. That's a dome. You know what's under there. So yeah, just save yourself some time. Fat. Cause hot girls will show up. And she's ugly. And fat. So yeah, big sunglasses. Fat. And she's ugly.

Cause hot girls will show up. And she's ugly. And fat. So yeah, big sunglasses. Fat. And she's ugly. Cause hot girls will show up. And she's ugly.

And fat. And fat. And fat. And fat. And fat. And fat. And fat. And fat. And fat. And fat. And fat. So yeah, big sunglasses, fat, and she's ugly. Cause hot girls will show off.

Just save yourself some time. Cause hot girls will show off. Her first picture is a group photo, she's the ugly one. Fat, and she's the ugly one fat and she's ugly just save yourself some time because hot girls will show up you