The Dumb Zone FREE - The Dumb Zone 5-20-24

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

Hear every episode of The Dumb Zone by subscribing to our Patreon - Patreon.com/TheDumbZonePrepare for a wild ride through the outlandish and the hilarious as The Dumb Zone welcomes the inimitable Doug Townsend, a Louisiana car salesman whose unfiltered, raw approach to car sales videos has turned him into a viral sensation. From his candid stories of love, life, and the pursuit of car sales to his uproarious take on social media fame, Doug holds nothing back. His tales of triumph over dealership adversity, his unexpected encounters with fame, and his unabashedly honest views on everything from child support to comic books make for an unforgettable episode.Meanwhile, The Dumb Zone crew dissects the NFL's annual schedule release videos with a critical eye, awarding grades from A to F for creativity, humor, and brevity. Discover which teams nailed their presentations and which ones fumbled, and find out whether or not the crew would take on a bobcat in a street fight. It's an episode that's as wildly entertaining as it is unpredictable, proving once again that The Dumb Zone is the ultimate destination for the absurdly amusing. (00:00) - Open with Chappy (34:35) - Mavs take down Thunder (01:04:42) - Doug Townson (01:29:06) - Chappy's closing remarks (01:41:13) - NFL schedule release videos (02:15:50) - News (02:25:00) - Today in History/Viewer Mail birthdays ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Hello, I'm Dan McDowell, longtime professional broadcaster. Why subscribe to our Patreon podcast? Well, perhaps you support our struggle to get out from under the oppressive thumb of the man. Or, objectively, if you sign up at patreon.com slash the dumb zone, you'll get the two episodes per week that are available on all podcast platforms, like this one, plus an additional two episodes each week that are exclusive to Patreon. So subscribing on Patreon gets you four episodes per week. Oh my, what a bargain. Now, on to today's program.

The Dunza, Dunza, Dunza. You do not need to add horsepower to your car, so that way you can go faster down the road. You do not need to add horsepower to your car so that way you can go faster down. Shut up. Your mom's my girlfriend. Hey, this is horsepower. This is a 23 Scott pack. Come holler. Hey, happy Monday, Jake. I never listen. I'm going to listen. I want to listen to the drums.

Hey, happy Monday, Jake. And to you, sir. How was your weekend? I'm Dan. I'm Jake. I'm Blake. Open. For.

Business. There you go. Had a big weekend of outdoors activities. Put it on the God Squad again yesterday Tough matchup But we got it done So the overly religious Flag football team called the God Squad They're actually called Mercy Rule

Oh right, that is a great name Which is even cooler, but Given Kelvin and the Righteous Gemstones We refer to them as the God Squad. Is that a cocky name too? Mercy Rule? Yeah. Yeah, but it's...

That they're mercy ruling most of their opponents? Most. But it's awesome though. But yeah, there's always the pregame prayer. Did it yesterday. And then they get out there and they're MFing you and cheap shotting you more than any other team. That has definitely died down from the first time.

I'm not saying it's because I attacked them in the media, but you use your platform. That's right. It doesn't seem to happen as much anymore, but that also might be that they just learned to bend the knee because they realized, yeah, score. We won by nine. Because, Dan, if you'll remember, they've been recruiting players to beat Jake's team. And they were in full force yesterday.

Like who? I don't know. Like college athletes? No, pulling guys from the other teams. Yeah, and there was... It's always intimidating when you see the guy out there. It was hot yesterday. And he had the... Man. Summer already. Middle of summer. Yeah, I was dying.

What's up with that, boys? We're all okay with shorts now, though. You're free to wear shorts now, Blake. I wore shorts today. It gets cold in here. No studio jeans today. We're in a studio today. Our downtown Dallas studio. And you can see us on

YouTube if you want to. I don't know. But but yeah when you are playing a recreational sport probably flag football or football of any kind is the one where this stands out the most and there's a guy out there when it's really hot but he's got like the dry fit ski mask on

oh my like where it's just a hole for his mouth and for his eyes like and he had no shirt on where the rest of his team was wearing a jersey and i presume that's because he didn't have a jersey because he had a dry fit ski mask i've never heard of such a thing yeah it's kind of like what you know you'll see nfl players wearing them under their helmets and it's it's not really a ski mat it's like your eyes are cut like this like full hole here yeah and then there's a hole for you to breathe and some of them don't even have a hole

for you to breathe because it's a breathable material you know how nba players like to warm up in their hoodies yeah it's the equivalent of that for flag football or football you see them on pregame nfl in pregame they'll wear the ski mat and it's quite intimidating especially when you pair it with you do look. I'm not wearing a shirt. And package that with abs. For days. Yeah. Abs and ski mask go pretty hard.

It was intimidating. I'm not going to lie. I don't understand your world. Well, I think the world we're speaking of primarily is black people. So perhaps that's more the thing that you do. I guess just out there on the weekend being athletic. I don't get that. what we're speaking of primarily is black people. So perhaps that's more the thing that you do. I guess just out there on the weekend being athletic. I don't get that.

I wouldn't. Like picking up sticks in my yard. That's like, oh, I'm beat. You got a chainsaw. I do have a chainsaw. Any chainsawing? That's more of a fall activity though, right? You know, I mean, if you get a big branch that falls,

you got to pull out the chainsaw. By the way, how's your branch? What do you mean? Did you ever fully update us on that? I can't remember. You were in the den when the tree cutters were there. Oh, that's right. Remember it was real loud and stuff? Yeah.

Yeah, we're good. Okay. Although, of course, I mean, my wife will find something to complain about, and she complained that they didn't. Like they will. Yeah, you know. What was her complaint? they didn't. Like they will. Yeah. What was her complaint? They didn't, oh, look at that. There's still a dead branch up there or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. Like, okay, well, call them. I don't know. Do something. Pull out your Karen powers. Summon the whatever you need to summon. Hey, look, we have somebody in studio. A good old friend. You, the dirty listener, may have known him for a few years.

Jake has known him for longer than any of us. He is Jake's dad. Chappy Kemp is in our studio today. Look at that. Chappy. Look at that. Make sure you watch out. Are you free-balling today?

You got a little video going right down there. You might want to just make sure. You could use the Sinbad blanket next to you if you want, Dad. Yeah, I saw that just a minute ago. You're junk. He didn't answer you. Yeah, he did not answer. Yeah, but you if you want that. Yeah, I saw that just a minute ago. You're junk. He didn't answer you. Yeah, he did not answer. Yeah, but you can see my hands.

I mean, they are definitely not jammed in my pants. Are you a whitey-tighty guy? Whitey-tighty guys were from the 70s. Chappy seems like he's from the 70s. Yeah, but I did sew his underwear a long time ago. Are you from the 60s? What would you call yourself from the— A hybrid.

Okay. A hybrid. In 69, Woodstock. I was 11. So, Vietnam. So, I kind of knew a little bit about that, but... You just escaped now. Just escaped that. In fact, the selected draft stopped like two years before I was going to have to sign up. So, was that something you thought about like as a teenager? Like, oh man, I'm going to get drafted. Yeah.

Yeah, actually, I did. I mean, I would have been a badass, but I didn't want to go. They would have washed you. I wouldn't. This is his hippie era. I wouldn't have been a joke, Kemp, but I probably would have made a serviceable hand. There's no doubt about it. Let me get my hands right here so there's no questions about what I'm doing.

I don't think anybody thought that. I think he was trying to say that with a couple movements, we might see your balls. That is what I was saying. Okay, so how about... No, I mean, I don't care. I'll look at your balls. I'm fine with that. I see some boxers in there. I think they're good. Yeah.

This is disgusting. Do you do the boxer brief? You know, I like the... The hybrid. Yeah, I like the jockey kind of that stretch, really nice material. You know, I like the jockey, kind of that stretch, really nice material. You know, I am definitely not driving my 77 Pontiac here. You know, the old white. Did you ever go in the boxer era? I tried out boxers for a few years.

Yeah, but, you know, wearing a suit and always just. I just thought it meant you're an adult if you start wearing boxers. Yeah, that definitely was a deal like in junior high for me, but then they bunch up so bad. It's a horrible product. Yeah. That's a tough look.

How did it take until the 2000s or whatever to get this right? Because I think everybody now understands the boxer brief is where it's at. I wear compression shorts. That's because you're real athletic. No, I just think it's the best. There's no messing around.

There's no bunch up. It's good for if you're a sweaty guy like me. Hmm. I guess I've never considered that. I got Bob on that many years ago, and he never looked back. I do whatever Jake does, huh? How was your weekend, Blake? I had family pictures this weekend.

Oh, yes. Yes. Describe. I'm no longer the only one. The only homo. Dan used to give me so much crap for this. That's because you don't have scene control. I never said I did.

Because I would just say, no, I don't want to do that. And she knows it ahead of time. She wouldn't even ask me. I should have been more specific. Establish the ground game. Let me be more specific. I had in-law family pictures. I would never even do that.

So. Did you have to dress up all in the same thing? All white? No, we didn't do all white. Like the Wittens and Robos and Jones family? What's the thing now? It's all bland fall colors, like the browns and the faded tans.

That's the thing now? Yeah. Okay, Mr. Instagram. No, I think the white women of our era love white houses in dull colors. Like brown? Tan? Like fall, yeah.

Yeah. Like the color of a pumpkin spice latte or something to kind of be the accent of the house. And now you are taking these in late May, so are they to be released around the fall season? No, I just think that's how they dress all the time. So I had a dark blue shirt. I think Brooks was in denim.

Okay, you didn't have to wear the exact same outfit. No, no, no. But we're all, there's a theme. There's a theme, though. Yeah, there's a palette. There's a theme. That's being drawn from. We're at a park in Keller, so it's hot as hell outside.

I'm in a long-sleeved shirt. Every year, do we do the same thing in the same place so we can look at the picture? No, this was a big thing. In fact, I had to miss softball for it. Oh! You've got to be kidding me. I thought you had scene control. I've always thought you had the second highest scene control on this show.

But this was mother-in-law driven, and she typically gets what she wants. Well, I can tell you, I know Dan likes his mother-in-law, but there's probably been many things that she could have suggested, and it wouldn't have mattered. But that's what I kept thinking, is Dan never had to go through any of this.

Never. He never had to battle the in-laws like this. Right, because they were, they're out of town. And then guess what? We do pictures at 9.30, lunch at their house. Why don't y'all just stay and let the kids play? We didn't leave there until 8 o'clock.

My whole Sunday. P.M.? P.M. So when we talked last night, you were on the way home or whatever? Yeah, you asked me, hey, what did you do today? I'll tell you later. Yeah, you did seem beaten. And he did seem, when we talked, when Blake and I talked,

he had to step outside clearly. Yep. I could hear like a screen door opening and a bunch of bulsh going on in the background. Don't they know that you're... You couldn't tell I answered on the first ring like I was ready to get out of there? It was weird. Hey, Jake, what's up, man? Man.

I mean, I've never even been subjected to something like that. The full day in law experience. 10 and a half hour day, including photos, lunch at their house. That's the problem with lunch at somebody's house. You got to wrap it up after lunch. You have to have an extra strategy. Yes, yes, yes. Go to a restaurant and now you're already out.

You know, I think they want to flip this eight top. We should probably. Yeah. And doesn't your kid have to nap? Man, he'll power through. He just kept playing outside. I guess by two or three, that is the case. Yeah.

There's just too much going on. He just doesn't want to miss anything. So he never went down. I wouldn't have been mad if Blake asked off today. Damn. What'd you do this weekend, Chappy? Well, I had a lot of family going on there on my wife's side. Kind of a mini reunion.

Folks from Virginia coming down. And then, you know, my nephew, Jake's cousin, Chance, the card player. And just a whole group of people scattered about 48 hours of back and forth and back and forth to Fulworth, downtown Fulworth. So stayed pretty busy. Of course, you got that lawn, Dan. You know, I was out there in that lawn for a good 13 hours. The motor broke down, so I just used a push mower with no motor on it. On your acre?

Yeah. You used a real mower? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. That's a beating for my small lot. Yeah. A full acre. Well it broke down halfway through. 13 hours of lawn mowing. Somebody drove by and felt sorry for me. How old are you like 60 something? I'll be 66 in three weeks. You're gonna die on that lawn. He'd love it. Dies doing what he loves? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, my house goes up on the market Friday, so where I'm headed, you know, I can kind of do that yard in about 30 minutes.

You are notoriously cheap. I am cheap. So you won't hire someone to do your lawn. I did last year. Once you got real hot? No, I signed a six-month contract with them. I just, you know. Shocking.

I was. With an option. I had a fifth-year option. Team option. Don't you know if you stand on the porch just watching them? Oh, yeah. Hey. Oh, yeah.

Hey. Actually, Blake, that's 100%. And a walk out there afterwards. Yeah, I knew it. So when they get done, I will say this, a riding lawnmower creates a lot of cuts and divots and things because your yard, if it's not perfectly. Right. You got to ride over it again at an angle.

So it's got grass burn, you know, and where it's hacked away at it. You get off early today, go by my joint tonight. Perfect. I'm Mody. It's like Wrigley. It's like this weekend's Colonial. Of course, this weekend's Colonial. It is, big time.

The granddaddy of them all. Yeah. Who won the golf tournament this weekend? You know, I lost track of it. I know. Xander. Yeah. Xander Bogarts?

I just loved the fact that all these live golfers showed up there yesterday and they got bounced. Scotty actually played pretty well through Friday. I was really pulling for him on Saturday. And then the wheels rolled off. How did Tiger play yesterday? Yeah, so the thing, Dan, is... Didn't he have three?

He had at least two triples on Friday. Oh. You said he had a triple, and then I think he had another one like two holes later. During a major that set the record by 275 strokes. Cumulative under par.

The lowest PGA Championship score ever. The lowest. Was it PGA Championship or Major? I thought it was just PGA Championship. That's usually tougher, isn't it? Yeah. And Tiger. Tiger, the worst.

Was that his worst tournament ever? It's embarrassing at this point. I didn't bet on Tiger, although there's great value. It's not like you won't again. Well, I would like to say Mickelson didn't tear it up either. We don't really talk golf. Yeah, well. I don't watch as much of it.

Well, you didn't even know who won. Well, you know what? You're telling us who did well? It's because, you know, ever since Liv came in. now all right we don't that's a whole nother story we didn't even get any weekend check from you really did we me i don't do anything i just we kind of stopped doing it i watched all the nfl uh videos nfl schedule release videos and i will play some of my favorites for you later in today's program because we're doing a video show. Are you excited about the return

of having to pick up food from two or three different places here in the next... Yeah, I pick up one daughter next Saturday in the airport. I guess they can get their own food now. France girl. But she'll go pick up.

She'll go to two or three places for me, which is great it is no my wife did it last night picked up a little Empress and a little Fuzzy's you have to guess who had what you love Fuzzy's

no my wife does oh really yeah she eats Fuzzy's all the time because it's right next to Empress of China and that's where I usually eat my favorite Chinese restaurant is that where go say hi to Yen is that where Hoya uh no that's where I usually eat. My favorite Chinese restaurant. Is that where?

Go say hi to Yen. Is that where Hoya works? No, that's Pearl over there in Grapevine. Got it. That's the Hoya guy. Yeah, talk some sports with the guy at Pearl. I have a follow-up, though, an email or some kind of a missive from what we were talking about last week. You were telling me about Harrison Butker,

a guy who I'd never cared about before. I still actually don't care about Harrison Butker really much more than I did before he had a commencement speech. So somebody said, did Dan understand that you, Jake, were saying that Harrison Butker had sex with a male cheerleader? Uh, what? Dan did not understand that, if indeed that's what you were saying. Is that an allegation against him?

Yeah. I mentioned it. You were talking about a cheerleader. I thought you said a cheerleader, which I thought is cool. Did I not say male? You said male. Oh, okay. It's not like a story. Hey, that's cool too. I wouldn't say it's a story of note if a college football player, you know. Well, it is if you're Harrison Bucker and you're talking about that you met your girlfriend in seventh grade. That's true. And she means everything to you and you're just a one-woman man and all that kind of stuff.

Yeah, and who knows? You're holding yourself up as the greatest Catholic this side of the Pope. Yeah, that's a good point. That's why I did not catch the whole male part, but it certainly does escalate the whole. You are cheating on your wife. Would she rather you cheat

with a man? Yeah. With a female cheerleader or with a man? Because she's like, I can't compete with the man. I would say man. All right. Yeah, I don't uh we'll call us yeah hey let us know what do you think dad which one do you think would upset him more oh i think a man that would upset your wife more yeah she found out that she caught you in bed with a man or a woman what would she be more upset if i was with a man i mean that there's no walk back to that there's no hey let's work this out i mean that's just my opinion you feel though if she caught you with a lady i mean plenty of people

get out of it plenty of people do it i probably at this point couldn't but back in the day i probably could let's flip it you know i mean i walk in and it's a lady and a lady i'm like i'm out of here yes this is disgusting i don't think so seems to not work in reverse yeah yeah no that was a rumor um but who knows it could just be somebody on tiktok but the video has like 9 comments, and there are a lot of people in those comments saying like, yeah, people know about this. Hey, did you see Jake was in a commercial with Patrick Mahomes? Absolutely.

Do we have that? Can we actually show it on video? You've heard all about it, right? Oh, yeah. I'm tracking. Well, if we can't, we'll play it later. Yeah. That's a tease.

I'm teasing ahead., if we can't, we'll play it later. Yeah. That's a tease. I'm teasing ahead. Forward? Teasing forward. But yeah, I did see. I don't even know if this part's true, much like the male cheerleader, but I did see that his jersey sales skyrocketed. Harrison Bucker? Yeah.

Yeah. He beat... Mine hasn't got here yet. I'm going to hang it up. I thought he was... Because he sent you one, right? Right over the Lack House. He heard about your support for all of his issues?

Yeah. No, I'm on board. Whatever. I might like a chick to shut up too, Harrison. The funniest part about it is I believe that the NFL's website sold out of women's Harrison Bucker jerseys. Harrison Bucker, I can't think of the word for the thing that people wear when they're cooking. Apron? Jeez.

That's tough. Thank you, Blake. You got it. See, you're always here when I'm not. That was a little too quick for my liking Thank you, Blake. You got it. See, you're always here when I need to know. That was a little too quick for my liking, though, Blake. I should have let it hang. Sorry. All right, so here's the Jake commercial with Patrick Mahomes.

You've seen it already, you say? Yes. Well, let's pretend you didn't. All righty. All right. There's quarterbacks, then there's Patrick Mahomes. There's coffee, then there's coffee. He's drinking sports coffee.

Introducing Thrones Sport Coffee. Let's get going. Let's coffee. Then there's Coffee Plus. He's drinking sports coffee. Introducing Throne Sport Coffee. Let's get going. Let's go. Coffee plus natural caffeine, natural flavors and sweeteners, vitamins, electrolytes, and more. Looking to work out. He looks so badass. To help you get going and keep going. Look at that guy on the bike.

Come on, man. Just getting started. Okay, I'll keep going then. Whether it's your game, whether it's game time. Jake Kemp riding the bike. Or overtime. Overtime? Yeah, I know a thing or two about that

throne sport coffee helps you get going and keep going head-on shot so does every video that you have loaded in just start playing seems like there's an autoplay function or something okay yeah oh we're working out that kink yeah it. It's cool. Pretty good work, wasn't it? Absolutely. And you got actually paid. I did.

How many shots? How many takes? For that one? Yeah. I'll just tell you less than anything else they did that day. They could have used the first one. But they said, let's do a second just in case. That's the way you roll. I nailed i'm sorry it's true uh and chappy i just wanted to note i have a couple of

things that i'm looking at for value number one i got this a while back i got kairi as mvp of the the championship series. So I could be a big winner after this series with Minnesota. I don't think it's crazy. I know you've been on the Kyrie is going to go off a bandwagon for a while now. Shortly after Michael Gallup posts another 1200 yards season. And then somebody had emailed me or texted or something,

good value right now plus 6,600. That's great value, right? Oh, yeah. For NFL MVP, Baker Mayfield. No. Not good value. Let's just toss a little something on there just in case. Yeah.

A little sprinkle. If I put 10,000 on it, what does that mean I'll win? Well, almost three quarters of a million dollars. There you go. Pretty clear. I don't know. Then I can finally quit and give you guys the finger. That'd be my dream, man. Mine too.

Give me the finger. I'd head to Mexico. Nobody would ever hear from me again. Is that enough to live the rest of my life? 700,000 just me in Mexico. Uh, Mexico, maybe depends on where you want to live in Mexico. Hey, let me just say one thing about that. I have a, I have a friend known him for years retired. He's building a house in mexico about 30 minute drive from guadalajara he put down eight hundred thousand dollars and he's got a 500 or 5 000 square foot uh house being built with a pool now you may not be alive every time you go back and forth from the radio there to go to it but yeah so eight hundred thousand dollars he's got mansion. But what most people do is they get a condo.

Like when I was in Puerto Vallarta, that's what people do down there. You just get a nice condo unit on the beach, and that's $150,000 or something. Do people still do timeshares? I think that's kind of fallen out of favor. Did everybody figure that's just a bad bit? You know, because I've actually heard quite a few, I believe I've heard them on podcasts,

ads for companies that specifically operate to get you out of your timeshare. So once there's an entire cottage industry aimed at that, I think it probably all started with the Aspen episode of South Park. I mean, people are still getting tattoos, but you can get laser removal tattoos. That's a good point. What kind of ink you got? Well, you know, I got the Harley, got the skull, crossbones.

I tell you though. Seems so cliche. A reversal, you better be ready to pony up to some pain. Yeah. And it's not one time. You know, it's four, five, six settings to get whatever it is you're trying to get involved. And it supposedly hurts worse than getting it.

Okay, but you haven't done that. No, no. No. You don't have any regrets? No, not at all. Over anything you've done your whole life? Jeez, I don't know. know see when you said i had a friend i thought you were going to tell us about uh the guy who got crushed in a ups trash compactor

i was going to say i want ups stories with chappy oh that was rough i heard from uh someone who was were you there on this no no no this happened this is the one that happened like a week ago oh but i thought you're saying he knew someone who also had that, no? No, not to that level. What's the worst accident that ever happened while you were there? Guy got his hand taken off. The whole hand? Yeah.

Yeah, and I was looking right at him. Oh. Were you shaking hands with him at the time? I was trying to. Just with the hand? No, I was just trying to give him a hand, you know? I mean, I don't know. No, the guy come up, and another guy was shepherding him over to me,

and I couldn't see what was going on. And then when he pulled his shirt off, he said he got it, you know, hung up in the conveyor system. I said, well, go try to find the hand you said that to him you're on the clock i did you're his boss yeah yeah i mean in my 30s i was just hell bent to leather i said keep the belt moving that's why your name is chappy go find the hand that's exactly right by the way i thought it was great so there's limited parking here usually and there's certainly limited parking downstairs where we can get in easily so i had i brought a table today look at that beautiful table in front of you and just a bunch of stuff my my way too big lunch box you know i had a bunch of stuff today and uh was pretty fired up when i pulled in the parking because i'm like

i usually try to park upstairs so i don't you know, I want to fly under the radar here. But pretty fired up when I see this giant truck with the license plate chappy right by the door where I could have walked right in. And instead, I had to park up two levels and, yes, walk down. I parked up with you as well, Dan. But you give chappy the prime parking. Yeah. I don't know really how that happens. And this giant truck that takes three spots.

That is a pain when you get into something like this morning. Yeah, maybe you shouldn't have that. You know what? Like what are you doing, hauling things? Oh, my gosh. When you go on vacation, like I'm going up to Park City, Utah next week. What about an SUV? You know what?

Would you like an enclosed back? Well, I've got that tonneau cover, so I can. I'm telling you, that truck will eat up asphalt, and it's a great ride. But when you get into something like this. Yeah, but you get what? A good 15, 17 miles per gallon? 23.

No, I guess 23. 23? Yeah. So you're stopping every half hour. Yeah. What does yours get? I don't know. Probably 30. Not mine. stopping every half hour. Yeah. What does yours get? I don't know. Probably a 30.

Not mine. I'm guessing. Totally guessing. I'm at 24, 25. Not the way you drive, Dan. What do you mean? 22. 22?

Better. Oh, okay. Yeah, but whatever they have for sticker, you got to take four or five off, Mr. Leadfoot. That's true. Wait, who are you talking? I'm the same way. If it says I can get 33, I can get 28. So going faster makes me get less?

Oh, yeah. Because I thought like highway miles, you get more miles per gallon. No, doing 100, you're not getting 35 miles a gallon. Mm. Mm. Mm. Hey, we got some big sports. Sportsman.

I love sports. Sportsman. I got a couple pictures to take a look at there, video man. I love sports. Sportsman. I love sports. Do you feel like I look at the wrong, I look at the screen when I should be looking at you? You should never look at me.

Okay. At least not in the eye. It freaks me out if you look over at me. I love sports. You ever do a show with Norm? I look right down Main Street or? I don't know. Are we not supposed to look at each other?

It was just always weird when you work with Norm and he would just be staring right at you. Well, Norm would do it and never break contain. Yeah. That doesn't work. I'll give you a couple seconds and then I'll look away. Right. Sportsmare. I had a couple pictures in there for you, Rob, if you

want to try and grab them. So, first of all, the Stars moved on in the stanley club playoffs hell yeah way to go dallas stars and mayor eric johnson the sports mayor of dallas that'd be great if there was a sports mayor and then like just a real politics man like the sports viewer because i yeah i feel like he'd be a great sports mayor because he's on top of everything.

Yeah, I mean, he's on top of tweeting about it. That's what I mean. But he hasn't. But I wasn't sure who won. And then sports mayor told me because I got just sports mayor alerts. So he says, looks like Mike Johnston of Colorado owes us a belt buckle. Big shout out to the Stars for bringing home that win last night against the Avalanche.

Let's keep this momentum going into the Western Conference Finals. And you can even see some of the comments below. You know, bruh. There's always going to be a bruh. Yep. And then look what Ben says. Oh, man, sports mayor with a momentum reference. Dan's going to cream his pants.

And he didn't even tag you in it. And? Guilty as charged. Yep. With the creaming. How old is... Sounds like something... Well, frankly, it sounds like an Uncle Dan. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I like the hashtag Stanley Cup, so anyone

who wants to look at tweets surrounding the Stanley Cup, he's there. Yep. I want Dan to start doing that. Like, any tweet that he ever issues, just do, like, hashtag whatever the, like, whatever makes the logo for something come up. Like, whatever the Mavs is.

By the way, I don't know how quickly you could I don't know if this will work. If you could pull up my computer, video man. But so he had that on May 18th. Hey, you owe me a belt buckle, blah, blah, blah.

So at the very same time, the mayor of Denver is tweeting out, oh, no. Oh, no. Yeah. Yesterday we said the final goodbye to my mom. She changed my world, and she convinced me that with ferocity I will never surrender.

We could all change the world because I watch her do it every day. convinced me that with ferocity I will never surrender. We could all change the world because I watch her do it every day. So he, sports mayor, very excited about. Yeah, Mike Johnson was a little busy that morning. I love sports. I do. I admit it.

He's at his mom's funeral. Hey, hey, hey, belt buckle first. And, like, if you even wanted to give sports mayors some leeway, that tweet from mike johnson says yesterday so like it's it's possible he had no idea who won that game right it was during the game she died in his arms side yes yeah her last breath like as overtime started and then this guy's uh hey dumbass ringing him up where's my belt buckle man here's what i want my pants are falling? Here's what I want. My pants are falling down. Here's what I want.

I want Sports Mayor to wager never wearing his stupid fucking hat again. Whoa. I love sports. I do. I admit it. I love sports. He does love hats, doesn't he? He loves that hat.

He does. And I never want to see it again. He does. And I never want to see it again. And then, of course, he was on May 18th. So that was the morning. He wanted to say congrats to the stars from last night. And hey, man, where's my belt buckle?

Then, of course, later that day, he put out a picture how game day grilling is all done. He's ready for the Mavs game. And then after the Mavs game, cause I wasn't watching it. I got a lot of things to do and I really just have him on my phone to make sure I can find out. I never knew who won. And then he said, Mavs win onto the Western conference finals with a little hand clapping.

And so I missed this and maybe we talked about it. I forget a lot of stuff. Did he have a bet? Is that what Layla's boots means? I'm not sure. Because I don't recall us talking about... I didn't take the full picture if you wanted to now go to... It's just him and his family.

No, go to my screen. That might be his kid wearing boots. Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes more sense. And so you want to highlight that my daughter has boots? Yeah, I'm confused. It doesn't make any sense at all. But what does make sense is him wearing that apron. Oh my God, it sucks. Daddy is king of the grill. That's an apron, Dan. That is an apron. I just was thinking he probably did

make a bet that we missed, although that would never have happened because it's the only way you know about sports. I love sports. I do. I admit it. I love sports. He's certainly bet boots before. And we love sports, too. We should just slide right into a little Mavs talk.

That's the big story. What a night. What a night. What a night. Down 17, third quarter. Didn't even get like a disgusting go-off game from either Kyrie or Luka, even though he had a triple-double, what, 29? Yeah, 29-10-10. It's crazy to think in years past, if they were going to close out a one seed in six games, you'd have to think Luka averaged like 43 for the series.

And I think he said at 26 or 27, seven points below his season average. So that's just proof that the others had to get it done, and this version of the others do yeah it's amazing they might really be the team that finished what 16 and 2 yeah yeah i mean because they play defense and rebound i mean derrick lively was just i don't know that guy's gonna be a fan favorite for a long time yeah he'll probably cool hair He'll probably start next year. Obviously, the story that everybody kind of wonders,

when do we mention this on the broadcast? His mom recently passed away. She was a basketball player, and she was always around the team from what I've heard. That was pretty recent. And you're a rookie. Very recent. And you're 20.

Just now 20, I think. And he just destroyed Chad Holmgren in the back half of that game. Just destroyed him. I mean, I think it was 22-2 in second chance points in the second half. Like, that's how they won that game. That and the fact that P.J. Washington decided to score all nine of his points in the last five minutes of the game. Yeah, that was insane too.

He pulled a Kyrie. Yeah, at least a mini Kyrie. Like he had nothing. No. All game long, but it didn't mean he wasn't affecting the game. No. But it was kind of, I wonder if, you know, did the Thunder make a, like, hey, this guy's been killing us. We have to stop this guy. To make sure that he wasn't getting the

open looks he was getting? Yeah, maybe. Because he didn't shoot in the first half at all. Because that's what the Mavs usually do is just find the open man. It wasn't like, I got to just feed him. Derek Jones Jr. was great great that's a minimum signing boy i love really i'm pretty sure yeah yeah and see the problem with him is uh and it pains me to say this because the thunder you know what they need they need a guy like derrick jones jr doesn't every team and he just made himself a lot of money and might have priced himself out of the Mavs. But the rest of them are all still going to be around.

Do the Mavs have any room for him? They have the mid-level exception, whether it's taxpayer or non-taxpayer, but he may outkick that coverage. Just think about it. I guess I was worried about losing Maxie. I'd love to have him back now. But who's going to, yeah, against a bigger team?

Yeah, against a much bigger team. I thought there's a chance he could be back. I think they said that he started doing some light work, but that's a grade three tear or whatever it is. I think I heard McMahon say that usually that's like 40 days. Okay, so don't even think about McMahon. I wouldn't count on it. I wouldn't count on it.

Certainly, it's nice that they have a chance without having to count on it because there's been years past where they had no chance unless he was out there. Luka got a tech? Luka should have got more oh yeah tony brothers gave him a lot of leeway after that first one and it was crazy the way that that played out because he got there was already the story leading up to that like reggie miller i think it was reggie miller right yeah two nights ago we just wouldn't shut up about it whatever ago. Just wouldn't shut up about it. Whatever, two games ago. Wouldn't shut up about it. They made it a huge storyline, somewhat rightfully so.

Gran Hill. Somewhat rightfully so because he was barking a lot. And, you know, the story from one of the previous games was he didn't at all. So then they make it this whole story. They're like, he's got to be careful. He's got to be careful he's got to be careful he gets the one and then later in the game when he's very close to getting the second it was when he just like went ballistic and hit like multiple big shots brought them back into the game it's

like he's going to take this team out of it and the more pissed off he got the more conversations he had with tony brothers he had the better he started playing and then eventually he stopped at some point when uh the camera caught dirk on the sideline yelling like hey shut up yeah that was awesome incredible he does listen to dirk man yeah he reveres dirk i i wish the camera would have stuck with Dirk because I think he got up to talk to him. Yeah, it looked like he was going to get up and stay on him. Like a dad. That's exactly what it feels like. Okay, pipe down. And then eventually I guess he did.

But man, the Kyrie shot that went in felt like that ball was off the rim for an hour. The three that he had to take late clock from the left wing that just bounced up, and you're thinking this game is possibly over, and then the second that it drops, you're like, they're now in control of this. It was awesome. What did you think about the foul challenge on SGA? That's a foul.

You don't think so? Wait, which one? The corner three. Oh, okay. That's a foul. I thought you were bringing up the Dort. Dort punching him in the sack? No, no. Dort just barreling into... Oh, yeah. The viral one? Barreling into Luka. No. Dort just barreling into.

Oh, yeah. The viral one? Barreling into Luko. No, Jaden. Jaden Hardy. Okay. No, I'm talking about the end, the two and a half minutes left or so, right? Yeah. The corner three, yes.

He had ball, went off the ball, then hit arm, and then PJ shot it. Which I just want to know, if the roles were reversed, are you screaming about it today? Well, I can tell you I did not know the particulars of the sequence of that rule. Or if they had just ruled it a foul and kept it a foul. Yeah. Or excuse me, they did keep it a foul if they had overturned it. Yeah.

I don't know. Excuse me, they did keep it a foul if they had overturned it. Yeah, I don't know. I know that if you hit the hand after you hit ball and the ball's coming out, then you're fine, but I've never – I mean, the ball wasn't even coming out close to coming out. Yeah, but they kept using that word dislodged, right? I've never heard that term used like that before. If the ball's not dislodged and you get hand, then it's free throws.

Yeah, that got confusing to me. Yeah. I think the broadcast booth was confused. I'll take it. I had wondered before, do the Mavs have more juniors

than any other team? They've got four at least, right? Yes. With Hardaway and PJ and Derek Jones and Lively. I did have someone email me and tell me that, and I don't know this about Derek Lively, but you can be a second even if you're like a nephew. Well, that sounds the most confusing thing I've ever heard.

That that's the difference, because I was asking last week, what's the difference between being a junior and being a second? Huh. But for the purposes of your research project, we're going to say that it's his pops. Okay, so is Ford Juniors more than any other team in NBA history? Or like just current NBA, and does Oklahoma City have more Jalen Williamses than any other team? Which is a very odd thing. It is. I'm pretty confident in that one.

which is a very odd thing. It is. I'm pretty confident in that one. Now we're guaranteed, I saw this note, six different NBA champion in six years. Player empowerment. Which is absolutely, it's the first time since the mid-70s this has happened. Wow. Player empowerment has done it all.

So if you like parody, if you like your team having an actual chance to win the title when the season begins, and hell, even up to the trade deadline and after, like the Mavs have an actual obviously good chance, thank LeBron. Thank LeBron. Thank LeBron. It's because of LeBron. Argue with me.

I'm not going to. I mean, just tell me that it's wrong. I think it might be the case that there, well, I don't even know that this is true. I was going to say that there are more teams who have absolutely no chance, and maybe at the top it's spread out a little bit, but that doesn't even really make sense. It does seem like there were like 8 to 10 teams that could have won it this year. Usually there's three. Just looking back, because I did this study once of what's the hardest

because everybody would say the Stanley Cup is the hardest championship to win. I determined the NBA title was the hardest championship to win because once a team won it, they were generally going to win it a couple more times. You're boxed out. Yeah. It's very hard to get into that

area where you could actually win one. And now it's not because a superstar might just decide he wants to join you and you have to do it. Think the Raptors are winning any other way? Absolutely not, yeah. And then I saw this, an interesting note. Somebody who said,

back in the moment, I thought it was a mistake for KD to put so much trust in Kyrie. Now we might look back and wonder if it was a mistake for Kyrie to put that much trust in KD. Blake is vindicated. Blake is vindicated here. Yeah, it doesn't help KD's case that he's already bitching about Phoenix. After engineering a series of moves to get there. Also, a weird score note.

Did you see the series final score was 636 to 636? No. That is interesting. I don't know. I like stuff like that. I thought you hate number stuff. I love it. I like that sort of thing.

Okay. Because also the fact that the Mavericks came back down from 20-25 twice, lost both of them, but viewed through that lens, they kind of blew them out in this series. They played a few bad halves. Like you said before, like how many quarters did they win or whatever? Yeah. Or halves.

It felt like even if they had gotten that call and somehow won that game yesterday, Oklahoma City, then the Mavs were going to win this series. But it was close. The Thunder made me nervous. It seems like any time Dallas went on a run, they would match.

I was impressed by them and really impressed by SGA. I kind of want to hate him because he baits fouls and shoots a ton of free throws,

but he can make shots. I mean, they did win the most games, right? Yeah, and he is clearly

the linchpin for them. He needs some help. Chet was not aggressive. The Jalen Williams's was not what they could have been. I don't know where they're going to get help. Well, that's why people are laughing at them for helping the Mavs facilitate their trades.

They could have got Gafford. They also drafted Derek Lively, didn't they? Technically. Yeah. No, but that's my point. I don't know where they're going to get help. Oh, wait. It'll be the $35 million in cap space in the 11 first-round picks they have in the next handful of years. They'll be fine. I think they'll be okay.

No, I mean, they are lauded. And I saw another snarky tweet or something, which was something like, oh, Sam Presti, the consensus best GM in the NBA, proved it because it only took him eight years to get past the first round after losing KD. Yeah, that was not a good tweet. Got to go through the lows to get to the highs. You want to go to audio?

Yeah, sure. So what I wanted to do with audio, and we could play more if you want, but my whole focus was the post-game press conference. They had Luca and Kyrie together. I don't know if I'm a fan of that at all. Are you? Well, they wouldn't do it often, but I liked it for this one. You know, Cat and Ant have been doing it a lot.

And by the way, maybe we'll play some of this. Did Thunder do like every player together? I thought that was their bit. We may have to play some of this audio tomorrow as we get ready for the Timberwolves, but are they just like letting them curse as much as they want on NBA TV or TNT now? I mean, I know Anthony Edwards doesn't hold back. At all. But I don't know if he ever has, really.

Yeah, but at some point you feel like the PR, like is he getting fined for that? He's dropping an F-bomb every single press conference. I'm sure the fines are pretty minimal compared to... Yeah, I just wonder if somebody with the team actually says, could we just not tonight? But you're going to hate him. I think they're afraid to say anything to these guys, right? Because I love him so much.

I don't think you're going to hate him as much as SGA. Man, he just doesn't stop talking. Well, that's, yes. It's not the foul baiting. It's just he's really good and he'll let you know about it. And think about what he did to Bo. Oh. Oh, that Adam Sandler movie?

Yeah. Bo Cruz? Bo Cruz. Wow, yeah. I remember Bo Cruz. I don't remember Anthony Edwards in that. Oh, he was dogging him big time. Okay.

He was playing himself. Basically. Is he the next Jordan? Have you seen that? Yeah, probably not. I don't know that there is one, but he's definitely... I mean...

You have to put him above Bookerer and Ja in the West right now. He's an animal, and I love watching him play. And he loves two-person press conferences. And my focus is the bad questions. Okay, a lot of those recently. Now, am I saying I could do better? I am. Here's how it led off.

Kyrie, how much fun did you guys have out there tonight, and how were you able to pull that one out? You know, there's a lot of times where, and I don't know if you do this, Dad, it's your day to pick up Nora. I'll lead off with how much fun did you have today, and she's four.'s she's four it certainly is a leading question or like and then how do you quantify how you ask how much let me just break

this down the way you asked it 84 fun like what do you what do you say how much fun? To be honest with you, that's how my toddler answers. As much fun? She says like 100 million fun. Next question. This question is for both of you. You guys have been down before in the Clipper series and now tonight. What makes this group so resilient that you're able to come back and overcome a large deficit? What makes it? That's terrible. I don't know. come back and overcome a large deficit. What makes it gets terrible?

I don't know. We shoot ball in hole. We then try to keep ball out of hole. If we do that enough times, then we win the game.

I'm not marking every question because there are some good questions in here. And if we do that enough times, then we win the game. We win the game. I'm not marking every question because there are some good questions in here. Yeah. But not this one. Question for Kyrie. End of the game, you finish up your ESPN interview. You give your shoes to the fan. I think you got your dart and you're walking off.

All the fans are surrounding you, phones out, cheering you on. I'm just curious. How special are those moments to you in your career? How special? I mean... It actually sucks. 90,000 special. Not very.

What are you supposed to say? Like bringing up a kid? Really? My daughter being there, what a beating. I'm asking my wife, look, I'm at work. I had to change a diaper at halftime.

I was trying to drag something out of it. Yeah. I got asking my wife, look, I'm at work. I had to change a diaper at halftime. I was trying to drag something out of you. Yeah. I got you in my ear. For either or both of you guys, but you guys have been talking about Derek Lively all season, how impressed you are with him. Has he ever stopped impressing you, especially on

a night like tonight? It was that game in Charlotte. He really sucked. Yeah. there's been sometimes when he was late for the bus three times this year sorry tim like i'm not actually that impressed by him at all so this is a question for both y'all luca kairi y'all saw the doubters that were saying that y'all wouldn't work kairi a couple months ago you talked about the d gray that espn gave y'all could y'all talk about just yeah they gave him a d rating for the trade from the nets so could you could just like this guy is so online man hey man like let's see how it into all-star games how does it feel to prove the doubters wrong? Doubters. Yeah. How does it feel?

That's a very online-y. Because, yeah. You want to hear something from Kid real quick? On proving the doubters wrong? If anybody wants to talk. Because what does Luca say here? I don't think we care. Yeah.

It's like, whatever. People are okay. Now, Kyrie's answer kind of did indicate of like, oh, yeah, so now what? I'm a shit player, but I don't think he really cares. Oh, am I not cute up here? It's not playing. Nope. Let's see.

Give me. Yeah, I want to know what Kid has to say about the Dodgers, because I'll bet you Kid wants to answer that. Last year was a building year. Every year is not going to be a championship year. You know, it just doesn't happen in sports that way. But I thought Nico did an incredible job this summer, and also since he's been here, putting the pieces together that fit.

And then sometimes you just got to give people time, and sometimes we don't. We just rush to the point that we suck or we can't do something, right? Unfortunately, a lot of you are wrong, but that's cool, and we'll see as we go forward. But our goal is to win a championship. Okay, so he went way further with it than for sure Luka and even really Kyrie.

And we've talked before about how i mean i don't know if it's online but jason kidd knows what people are saying but what does he want the media to do if they say hey this is you know you've lost seven of nine you're getting destroyed on the glass uh your roster doesn't look like it's headed in the right direction are you supposed to not say that? and then if they work it when it works out the media will then say hey you did a good job turning this around

but he never acknowledges hey you guys are saying everyone is talking about the Mavs turnaround being like one of the stories of the season at the deadline and he's like you guys I, I mean, you were wrong. Well, you had a different team. Right. And last year you missed the play-in. So, I don't know.

He annoys me on that front. He's had an overall great season. I told you it just takes time. And you're not going to – like I saw another thing this weekend. People were resurfacing that old Giannis press conference. After they got, yeah. After he got eliminated. He's like, important things in life and kids and war.

You're not going to win it every year. Yeah. I don't laud the Giannis press conference. I know you don't. Because while true. I'm not here to think about that. Right. We're in the sports world here.

We're in the little bubble where you don't need to remind me that there is war and famine and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, there are things that are probably more important than Giannis winning another title. Not right now, though, while we just lost and you're sitting there at the podium. That's the most important thing right now. Yeah. Don't want to hear about it. Here's the last one.

I say it's a silly question, but I think, or at least my last one, if you have more. I think it's a silly question, but I do believe the answer's kind of cool. Along those same lines, Luca, as a brother and as a teammate, what does Kyrie mean to you? Kyrie, as a teammate and a brother, what does Luca mean to you? Oh, we're getting emotional now. Now, we are assuming, too, that as a brother, and it's just, I don't know, do you need to say that?

Or maybe you just say, what does Kyrie mean to you? This feels like an after-the-season question, too. All of these kind of feel a bit like a, the banner has been hung. Now, you know, that's why I hate any of this stuff. I hated it all last year with the Cowboys as the momentum of the wins were growing, and it's like, why is this team different? This team's clearly different. Obviously, going into this playoffs, everything's different.

And then it wasn't. No, it was worse. Yeah. But, like you said, they didn't make the playoffs last year. Want me to keep playing their answer? Let's do that one tomorrow. I want to talk about it a little bit more. And it's kind of long, as you said.

Okay. Uh, the last one I have, well, I got a weird question too for you here. And, uh, it's about social media.

Every, um, other day or so you're tweeting out tribes. This is for Kyrie. Stay together. No matter what. You know what? You're always tweeting about your tribe.

That's a really good point. Every, um, other day or so you you're tweeting out, tribes stay together no matter what. And that's a message that resonates even outside of basketball. What would you say to those young kids that are trying to find their tribe and how to do that importantly?

I mean, I guess. Can't you just talk about your defense and rebounding? Didn't you just play a basketball game? Well, you're also trying to get on Kyrie's good side. Yeah. Very much so. If you talk tribe and you understand that he wants to speak to the kids and all that, so yeah.

And he did have another tribe tweet today where he's speaking to someone. I don't – everyone, I guess. No, that's a different tribe. I thought he liked the Indians. He was in Cleveland? I mean, he is technically Native American. Yeah, he's tweeting out stuff about Joe Carter and Albert Bell.

No. No, he's not talking to that tribe. Do you guys know Luca's crutch word? This is my last one. Amazing. Here for both of you, can you give me one word

to describe what this comeback was? And can you also just talk about Jason Kidd's ability in coaching that helped you win this series? Amazing. That is full answer for all those questions? Yes. Kyrie picked it up from there.

Any time? Yeah. What's Derek Lively been like? He's been amazing. He's been amazing. How do you think Coach Kidd coached this series? He's amazing. He may take a detour for unbelievable.

He's been unbelievable. See, why do we do these press conferences? They're all for layup answers. I mean, and even seriously, though, if I was there and I had to just ask 10 questions, I just don't know what you can really do there. Like, talk about... You need to go on a podcast is what you need to do. That's what they should do. Real questions.

Now, I can promise you that tomorrow when I present to you Anthony Edwards and Carl Anthony Towns, you will say, I'm glad they did this press conference. That's a guarantee. That is a tease ahead. That's a guarantee. Also, we have a guest coming up here if we want to tease ahead, and I think you're going to love him, Chappie. Chappie, you don't care about the Mavs at all.

You didn't say a goddamn word during that whole thing he really doesn't hey you know i was just soaking it in you just don't like all the tattoos and cornrows actually i have bet on the nba every single day since the superbowl that doesn't mean he knows much about it this is very uncharacteristic of me so i have i couldn't tell you 10 people but i could tell you every single game since february how you doing i'm breaking even that's all it's about you know what for me to break even and really not even no basketball and you know now it's like okay so we got we got boston and the pacers and you know, now it's like, okay, so we got Boston and the Pacers. And, you know, Boston's already seven, eight, nine-point favorites.

And that series is just kind of waiting on whoever, you know, and whatever happens between the Timberwolves and the Mavs. But, no, just like last night, I mean, I was somewhere Saturday and saw the Mavs come back. And last night I had a wager. I had four and a half and I'll wrap up. I had four and a half and I had T-Wolves. And I'm like, well, Denver's 17 points up.

Very similar to the Mavs and the Thunders. And I thought, man, this game is over. Got over there and started working on a tune on my guitar. And I got back over there and it was tied up and I was like how did this happen so yeah I'm kind of into basketball I couldn't tell you any players but I can tell you the trends okay how insane would it be if it's Pacers Mavs my god you know who we have to call a man whose Spanish soccer team just won their division. We should call him anyway, yeah.

We should, but I want to wait and see what happens here. Because the amount of redredging up of that Tim Cato article and of Rick's comments to Tim McMahon and of everything Haral Ababas said, hell, some of the stuff he said to us might get run. It's pretty unlikely, but if that happens, that's wild, man. Especially if it required the Pacers beating the Knicks on the way there. That's already part of the

storyline with Brunson. I thought Brunson-Luca would have been a great storyline. That would have been great. Maybe more fun, but this one is more FU. Yeah. It would be so great. Yeah, could Rick stop Luca? I mean, it's I get excited just thinking about it. Well, Chappie says we don't have to worry about it. The NBA would hate that. Dallas and Indianapolis? Oh, no.

Oh, my gosh, yeah. That's horrible. I think Dallas-Boston is probably what they're rooting for right now. All right, they don't want Minnesota. The hell's Minnesota? It's closer than it's been before, but yeah. I mean, as far as population and all that kind of stuff. What the hell is Minnesota?

Yeah, what is it? Who cares? All right. The Dunzo. There are times in life you wish you had a do-over. A chance to warp back in time to change your fate. Back to before you made the wrong choice. If you're in a wreck, make the smart choice right away.

Frankel & Frankel. Chosen by the people, feared by the insurance companies. Call Frankel first. You're listening to The Dumb Zone. Are you guys prepared for the 2024 Olympic Games? Dan, where are they? Sochi. Yeah, Paris.

That's right. Dan was just there. That's the only reason he does that. I saw so many Olympic signs. I'm glad they're doing it in a major city. Yeah, because sometimes they do it in, like, white settlement. Well, or they'll do it in... Yeah, this time they've chosen a city we were...

Maybe... No puppet. Yeah, this time they've chosen a city. Maybe. No puppet. All right. That was good times. Remember when Danny was on the show? That was great. Wasn't that fun? Yeah.

He's not there today, or here today. Chappy is here today. Chappy's here. And don't want you to forget. And we have a guest that I think you're going to like talking to, Chappy. In fact, let's play Chappy some videos so he knows who our guest is. And I think he'll be amused by, I hope he'll be amused by what we have coming up. What do you want to start with, two? Yeah, so just for some background, I think we were talking, the only one of us that got any of the Ohio State commencement was Dan. Yeah. That didn't come across my feed, maybe because he's Ohio guy. Who knows about these

things? But I got this one car salesman that came across my Instagram, And he would react to TikTok videos and then use those to sell cars. And the way that he did it was so funny, it actually kind of reminds me of you, in a way, Chappie. This is Chappie with technology. Kind of. Yeah.

If you were to be peddling cars. So let's play one. And this is kind of what he would do. Okay. Pick me up so we can go on a movie date, and I spent like an hour and a half getting ready. Well, you look like shit, but anyway, we got this $23 charger. Next time, JCPenney, $5.99 shirts, get it. All right.

His name is Doug Townsend. He's in Louisiana, and and yeah he would just start firing off you know a five six second tiktok video then he would respond and then hey while on the subject hey we got this car for you okay let me play another one you like four yeah is next okay here you go y'all know what the best thing you can do for your man after a long day of working you your sister and a butt plug hey we got a 2013 camaro for 9 000 come working. You, your sister, and a butt plug. Hey, we got a 2013 Camaro for $9,000. Come holler and bring your sister too. Okay, you kind of understand the bit?

Oh, yeah. Okay. And I'll give you one more. And then we're going to, this guy's going to join us. Yeah. Right? Okay. I really don't know what's gotten into me recently.

Not nutrition. Hey, we got a 24 willies. Just came in. Come holla. Woo! So he's great. So I played these videos for them, and then our listeners kind of became infatuated with them, and we kind of kicked around.

Hey, we should book him. So we did. And he joins us doug towns out straight louisiana doug thank y'all hey y'all right from his office at the dealership look at him yes yes sir nice to meet you guys i'm very appreciative of y'all getting me on the show. So, specifically, I think I know it, but I'll let you give it. What is the name of your dealership and where are you located? Name of my dealership is Rainbow Chrysler Dodge Jeep of Ameet, and we are in Ameet, Louisiana.

Okay. Where were you born? and we are in Amy, Louisiana. Okay. Where were you born? I was born in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. And I'm from a town called Watson, Louisiana, which I've been my entire life. I haven't left. And Watson's about 25 minutes from this city.

How long have you been in the car game? Oh, my God. So I make year 21 coming up this, this next year. So the whole gig was, um, we had the Chrysler dive went on strike this year. Right.

And sales sucked. It was brutal. It's the first time in my entire life i thought about getting out the car business but because i make videos and put them on facebook nobody freaking watch them at all can i cuss yeah of course i would prefer that you do i want you to be you hey mom my mama said don't cuss. Them people ain't going to like you. And I was like, I'll try not to, ma. But I got on Facebook. There's two backstories.

So I got on Facebook. I was posting fucking videos. Nobody was fucking watching them at all. The next thing, did tiktok videos and uh i got banned from tiktok for making those kind of videos so that didn't work and then all of a sudden the strike happened and uh it it devastated the car business. Like, I sell cars and my car got repoed. We were making nothing.

And so I walked out there and I was like, well, fuck it. I'm going to make some gangster ass videos because if I'm going to hell, I might as well go to hell pumping the gas. And I told the owner, I was like, listen, I'm going to make a little bit edgy videos, but you know nothing you would find. And he's like, yeah. We've done that with bosses and radio before. It's going to be a little close to the line, but you'll be fine with it in the end. Yeah. A girl just sent me her tit pics.

It's fucking awesome being famous. Not really, but whatever. I swear to God, it's like jack off stuff every day. Okay, okay. That's awesome, dude. I love it. You're fine. I just want your story.

We want you to be you. Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm trying. I don't want to. I'm not. Like, this is really how the fuck I am. Anyway, so that night prior to going viral, I had a little girlfriend, and we'll call her Amanda. And she told me I wasn't making any money in car business, and she left me.

So I was like, well, fuck. So I was in my feelings that day. So I turned around and made some videos telling the consumer what I really fucking thought and posted them. Didn't think nothing. I walk inside. And I just got Instagram, by the way. Instagram, like, what, now it's like day 13. So this is two days after logging into Instagram.

About an hour and a half later, it was at like 300,000. I was like, what the fuck? And the owner's like, what did you post? And I was like, nothing, nothing. So I kept rolling with it. And lo and behold, I mean, we had been busy since day one. The dealership got brought back to life. People came back to work.

Our service department's been rocking with oil changes and shit i fucked up and uh it's just it's look i'm great at selling cars but i'm fucking horrible at paperwork so thank god i worked for the same owner for all these years he don't fucking fire me but um but that that's mainly what happened you know and there's there's no i didn't think about the videos i don't think about the videos at all i just turn around and say it and whatever happens happens sometimes i bomb completely but it's a true bomb you know it's not like i get paid for this shit i didn't think anybody was fucking paying attention, but I guess they are. So do you just like, you see a TikTok video coming across your timeline and you just immediately think this is one I want to use as a reaction to?

So really this is what happened. So one comes across and I'm like, I would like to have relations with her. Let me try to get her attention. So I would like to have relations with her. Let me try to get her attention. So I'm going to talk shit about her. There's one video. There's one video. There is one video. I stitched.

The girl called me next day. I fucked her that night. Boom. Yeah. So. Which one? I can't. I can't.

I can't. He's a gentleman. The one that needs nutrition? Yeah. Which one? I can't. I can't. He's a gentleman. The one that needs nutrition? Yeah. No. You know, three weeks ago, that would have been a gourmet meal. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

But she was like, go ahead. So would you rather score or sell a car? You've got two things that come from your videos. Oh. Sophie's choice. Well, nowadays, score, because I love the buffet. You know, it's just not. I love selling cars.

A lot of people hate car salesman, and I fucking get it because they're going to make a dollar on you no matter what you do. You think you win, but you ain't. But a lot of people over the years have always come back to me, and it's almost like a sales process. I relax them, and I make money on them, and I'll tell them when we're doing the paperwork, and they're like, they always say, well, I don't mind you making a dollar off of me.

I just ain't going to let you take me to the cleaners. And I'll say, well, listen, I'm going to take you to the cleaner. It's just which way you want to do laundry. So, and that's true. But I had, like, I sold a lady yesterday her 23rd vehicle so i i probably have the best best uh comebacks and retention and um yeah i don't know big words i'm from fucking watson uh like people just come back. And they come back,

repeat business, and then they send me referrals. And that's how I've been keeping it going. I pay child support. I go to strip clubs. I fuck bitches. And I sell cars. I mean, that is literally what I do.

And everybody, anybody and everybody that fucking knows me, that's what they're going he a whore and he loves comic books I got a lot of comic books no but nobody ever asked me about comic books I can tell you stupid comic book facts but whatever um but I'm I literally like to say I was raised in the strip club you You know how the strippers played me for my dollars? I picked it up, called it straight line sale. And that's what I do, you know? You learn from the best. I do.

I do. Man, you know, even though I got somewhat famous, there's this girl, and she still won't give me none. And I'm literally trying to text her, hey, I'm famous now. Do you want to give me some? She's like, fuck off. But it doesn't work all the time. Sometimes it's like that. Sometimes.

Yeah. Sometimes it's like that. Sometimes. Yeah. But as far as, like, selling cars, dude, I think I'm just a natural born salesman. I think that if I was selling boats, I would be successful. But cars is my thing. I love cars. And, you know, this is what I do.

Yeah, we're kind of new at this ourselves as far as this video game and broadcasting to this, you know, YouTube and everything. What if we hired you as like a social media consultant? Yeah, I would so do it. Do I get to leave Ameet, Louisiana? I would like do it. Do I get to leave Ameet, Louisiana? I would like a vacation. Yeah, I checked you guys out. You know, a lot of people freaking text me. I'll screenshot it to you.

I don't like screenshotting people's personal messages at all. But y'all have like a what they call a cult following. It's what we call it. And people were excited that I was going to be on y'all show. I wrote down all the lists. Like people were like, hey, give me a shout out. Like the fuck, I ain't going to remember that. I just met you yesterday.

But yeah, so I was hella excited about coming on the show. And, you know, this is my third podcast, the first podcast I walked off. I probably hurt that dude's feelings. The second one, we talked. It was more like they want to know in-depth shit about sales. I'm like, dude, I love strippers. Ask me about that. i i couldn't tell but it was like a real estate thing i don't know but at least y'all asked me questions so i like it so yeah i mean i think you're uh a natural born salesman and also a natural born

marketer because this is uh i just i've watched so many of these videos and I cannot stop laughing at them every time and they make me want to buy a car so I think you found the formula well guys like okay so I'm not sexist I do love women you know mature way but but not most of my clientele is guys what do guys like tits ass and vehicles so put them all in there put them all in there and uh when i was doing the tiktok videos um i made a certain community mad and I didn't ever say anything. I mean, it's out there. And I was like, because I said I was straight, you can't say that? And they were like, yeah.

I was like, okay. So now I'm just going to make stuff of boobs and ass, and I made some other ones for them too. So it's all good. Inclusive. Yeah, there you go. Inclusive. I got a Ford one out there for the Mustangs.

I don't know if y'all watched that one. That was just for them. So, you know, it works. It works. But that's basically what it is. Guys love that stuff. I love that stuff. I love Jeeps are my thing i love jeeps

i guess i still get excited about when a new jeep pulls up and that and girls i literally work 20 minutes down the street from a strip club that's been there since 1936 we call some people call it a whorehouse i call it a strip club either way they get naked so shout out to the mansion how old are you i'll be 44 this year i'm 43 43 so you could you could pull off 32 you look great yeah you look awesome. That's just because I'm on the screen. Most women, when they come, they always leave disappointed. You know what I'm saying? Because they feel like they've been catfished.

So, yeah. So what have these last few weeks been like? You sent me a video today of a band, sent you a video. So how are you taking fame? So about last week, I get a text message in my box. And it was from, I hope he's not mad that I'm saying this, because it's not like I showed everybody. It was from Breaking Benjamins, which is one of my favorite bands, like for real. And I text back, and i i text back

and he texts me back and i was like maybe it's the real dude it was the real dude and then he's like who else you like and and it um it i cried that was the first time i cried probably three years we just got over the strike and i didn't know what and how we were going to do things. Like, it's very overwhelming when you work somewhere that you don't know if you're going to make it the next day, and of no fault of your own other than you can't get cars. So I think what we've turned this business around is remarkable. You know, I think everybody, even the sales guys here, are so ecstatic over the videos.

Because, I mean, God, we're making money. Hand over fist. I mean, everybody's making money. over fist i mean everybody's making money so there's a guy right now that's buying a car i got a 450 a month he's so excited he's gonna sit out there until i'm done he'll wait there two and a half hours so but i i'm just i don't know i don't know where i'm going with this other than I'm excited. And other celebrities have hit me up too, which is fucking nuts. They're like, you're so funny. And I'm like, are you giving me a job?

I don't know how to take that. But I want to do stand-up so bad. That would be the overall goal. Not, not for like to get famous or not. And I just want to get up in front of a bunch of people so I can make them laugh. Hopefully I get a set of double D's on 135 pound frame.

And that's the bonus right there. That's what I want to do. Fuck and fuck and sell cars sorry mom yeah you don't seem that concerned about mom her advice was wrong sometimes moms are wrong you know so mom's at the grocery store and uh she's like oh my god have you seen have you seen your son's videos and my mom was like like yeah um and she goes well well what do you think about that and uh she goes well if it gets him laid i'm all good with it so that that's where I'm at right now. Family support.

Yeah. Good structure. Yeah. Yes. Yes. But my mom, my mom is the only person I was worried about because she's so religious, like so religious. But whatever I got to do to provide for the family she's good with

so that's that's what i'm doing you know i don't know where i'm going with this i couldn't tell you if if it's gonna last if it doesn't last hey it doesn't last but you know what i'm still selling a bunch of fucking cars. That'll last for a little while. Child support is paid up for the year, motherfuckers. So I'm excited about that. Take that and shove it up your fucking ass. Bitches.

Nah, I love my baby mamas. I got two really good baby mamas. I ain't talking shit about them. Alright, man. So I had an idea of how I wanted. All right, man. So I had an idea of how I wanted to end this, Doug, if you don't mind. Okay. Sure.

I would like you, in the same vein as your videos, I would like you to sell our podcast to people. Sell the dumb zone for us. Okay. So do I get a hot... Okay, sell the dumb zone for us. Okay. So do I get a hot? Okay, sell the dumb zone. If you need a minute to think about it, go ahead. But I just thought, you know, you're so good at selling cars,

and we're struggling. We might need to employ him to do, you know, we'll do something off the air, like, you know, pick out a TikTok that we hate. Well, first thing that's going to come to mind. Yes. You know what you, there's a couple of podcasts. You know, you know what I'm saying without saying it.

When they go, they flash up to their, hey, come watch blah, blah, blah. And cut in and be like, listen, you want to get paid late and in the shade? Come to our podcast. Right? That's right. Yeah. I like that. Check out the dumb zone. Yeah. Yeah. It's okay. All right. All right. Yeah. I like that. Check out the dumb zone.

Yeah. Yeah. Alright, give me a sec. That's what we'll have to do. We'll have to find some videos of people pitching their stuff. Yeah. Would you be down for that? Yeah, of course. Do you do all the mixing together on your own?

The video work? Yeah. Bro, I don't have a team. team the editing i just didn't know if you're doing all the editing and all that pretty good stuff yeah yeah okay you caught i don't want to know if that's called editing what what's it called editing no i just mix them together i just i just hit the button and however however it rolls, it rolls. Hey, you need to trade. And it works. You need to trademark come holla. Somebody went behind my back and did it.

Oh. Fucking asshole. Like, I don't know. Look, I don't know a lot about the business world, and I'm assuming people are going to take advantage of it. I know. It's not like I can call somebody that knows anything other than selling cars. Well, we went to go do Come Holler, and somebody did it,

and they even took the website Doug Townsend. So I don't know. Yeah. What a fucking asshole. I'll find that motherfucker. I'll fuck his mom. But yeah, he sent me a message. It's like I know who it is.

So I went and got a lawyer for the first time since child support. And she's on it right now so nice it's very crazy that i'm i'm gonna attempt to get come holler back if that what the fuck that meant so um anyway well but yeah i i'm very i'm very appreciative of you guys letting me on your podcast and letting me give the dealership a shout out. And I'm grateful for y'all's audience. I really was excited to talk to you from the bottom of my heart. Yeah, if he gives us one, can we mix it in later? Yeah. Like we'll watch our own thing and just slap you in.

So give us one of those like you're interrupting a stupid podcast and you're telling people to come listen to the dumb zone. Yeah, we'll work this out. Okay. Okay. We might need portrait. Yeah. Yeah, I was trying. You need to be in your line. We'll do this after the interview. we might need portrait. Yeah.

Yeah, I was trying. You need to be in your lot. We'll do this after the interview. Yeah, it needs to be on the lot. Yeah, we need to be on the lot. Okay, yeah. It's hard because I turn around and I like turn around and hit the car. I'll come up with something, but you want me to do like fucking, hey, hey, dumb zone.

It's not going to roll with it. Yeah. But I'll make a custom one for you. Okay, sweet. Anyway, man, you're awesome. This will not be the last time we speak. I can promise you that. I hope not.

We're going to have you on every day. Glad things are going well. Go take care of that customer. Thank you. Yes, sir. I appreciate y'all so much. Thanks, Doug. Good meeting you, man. Come holla. All right. customer. Thank you. Yes, sir. I appreciate y'all so much. Thanks, Doug. Good meeting you, man. Come holla. All right.

Jake's the one who owns that. Because he's great at business. That's got to be the wildest ride we've had, right? That was incredible. Good booking, Blake. How about Blake? Blake, Blake, Blake, Blake, Blake, right i mean that was incredible good booking blake how about blake blake blake blake blake

i was so excited for that because you know some people just act for the camera or social media or whatever and so when i started texting him i'm like i just didn't know what his deal was see he texts exactly like he acts see i, I love my family in Louisiana dearly, and they're not to that degree necessarily of country, but very few people down there are faking anything. That's just not how people down there are. So if he's doing that on video, I was not surprised. Actually, the videos are a lot tamer than –

Is he the Cajun Chappie? The Cajun extra foul-mouthed Chappie. I'll bet Chappie could – I mean, he paid his child support. Yeah. That's right. I mean, I was growing respect as the guy rolled along there. I'm surprised he's divorced.

I mean, if you listen to his ideology, I'm surprised that – I'm surprised he's divorced. I mean, if you listen to his ideology, I'm surprised he left her. But, yeah, you know. I don't think he left her. Yeah, I don't think so either. So Chappie's leaving in like a half hour. No. Right? No, like now.

Like now. Oh, I thought you had to leave by 2.30. 2. Oh, okay. You're leaving now? Yeah, just a sec. Yeah. Okay.

It's all right. I wanted to roll through some NFL schedule release videos. We should probably go to the other side. What do you mean? Like, let him go. I thought we said we're going to do a second. He can just walk out. He knows how to get out.

Yeah. Let's get out. You want to just do a break or say bye? Let's get some closing remarks from Chappie. Let's talk to Chappie for just a few minutes before you leave because it is actually 5 till 2. I did tell all these guys about the video that you accidentally, the movie, the 50s Western that you accidentally let Nora watch.

Yeah, let's finish with that. And then maybe I could come back and, you know, give you my thoughts on the upcoming season. And I thought it was a spectacular draft. All right, so back to the – Wait a minute. Don't – yeah, I get it. Business as usual.

Six quarterbacks taking in the first 12 picks. So who got it right? Who got it wrong? So, yeah, I'm going to leave and go get Nor here in a little bit. Like you have to leave an hour and a half early. He was going to go get lunch, but he didn't want to explain this whole thing. All right, all right. Plus, I am a little bit slower these days.

But anyway, it was a couple of weeks ago. In fact, when you guys drive, you follow Jake here, right? Yes, we met in Southlake before 1030. And with Chappie being notoriously cheap, I was thinking about this as I entered the, what do you call it? The pay lane? Yeah. The express lane? He doesn't have a tag.

I don't have a tag. I asked. Yeah. You don't have a toll tag. I probably do buried down in the console somewhere, but I don't make a lot of trips from here to Dallas or whatever. Now, I'm on the open road all the time but i don't typically come from here to downtown dallas you just get a toll tag you put the sticker on your car and it's done well i don't usually keep a car more than a year but you're right i have a toll

tag it's in the console somewhere i found it yeah i found it after i told him i didn't the reason i wanted to follow him here is because i just what i ran into down there, which is I couldn't even get in the garage. Yeah. Well, I just didn't know if you would, if Jake like knows your bit and won't even go in the, the, uh, the payload. I mean, I asked, I said. Like, do you drive side streets? I take the express lane.

Yeah. I said not today. Okay. I said that I don't have a tow tag on me. Okay. But each to their own. All right. Sorry right sorry um what were we talking about oh you let nora watch uh x-rated movies well what that's not exactly what went down

i love the paraphrase but um no it was about three gonna grow up sometime yeah i mean why not i had carter on my motorcycle so it was like i haven't sent him the picture yet because i know he'd freak out but uh it wasn't moving it was stationary well you're at a red light yeah it wasn't like the time why does he need a helmet i didn't grow up with a helmet yeah yeah it wasn't like the time joe was eight and was on the back of my motorcycle and burned his leg to the bone oh i forgot about that the exhaust yeah wasn't like the time Joe was eight and was on the back of my motorcycle and burned his leg to the bone. Oh, I forgot about that, the exhaust. Yeah. It wasn't bad when I dropped him off.

Were you already divorced? Yes. Okay. Yeah. That didn't precipitate. It was one of those weekends as I dropped him off. I bet she was real fired up about that. Yeah.

Well, yeah. Yeah. But you put an eight-year-old on your motorcycle? Oh, it was out in the country. I'm playing the part of Jake's mom. Well, it wasn't bad until he got off and he had on shorts and then his leg. And I'm sure then she was like, oh, okay. It was in the country.

I guess it's fine that the eight-year-old was on the. I'm not too sure that's the way it went. But he still got a mark on his leg. So Jake calls me as I'm leaving here about three weeks ago, maybe a month, the day after we had both Carter and Nora, which was five or six hours over to house. And I have a TV outside. Most people do out on the patio. Most people, yes.

Probably 98% of America. But most people don't watch what I watch. Okay. Which is shows that were made in the 50s and 60s. Rawhide, Gunsmoke, Wanted Dead or Alive, Bonanza. You get the drift. Black and white, 80 years old. So I'm watching the virginian which was made in

64 65 it's a western and uh she comes out and there's two women tied up around a chair like because these guys are robbing a bank and they've got on petticoats all the way down to the floor and she goes chappy wow those women are tied up i said yeah your granddaughter calls you chappy yeah oh yeah all right on his license plate yeah it is on his license plate it's a it's also nice because you get crowded with the names you can use you know with, with grandma, grandpa. She's got four or five grandpas, right? She does. Yeah. So she goes, why are those people tied up? I said, well, that's just part of the show here.

You know, they're sisters and somebody's robbing the bank. So they don't want those people over there to interrupt that. And she's asking me who the bad people are, who the good people are, what's going on. We're eating lunch out there. All right. Didn't think anything of it. Day goes by. Jake calls me up.

I can always tell when he's going to go somewhere that's a little uncomfortable. You know, he's talking about this. You're talking about that. And then all of a sudden he's, hey. Hey. Nora kind of says that there was some bondage going on over there yesterday with women tied up in sex. No, I said, hey, Nora told Kristen that she watched an adult movie with Chappie where two women were tied up.

And then when I asked him about it, it eventually dawned on him, and he's like, well, I explained to her that the guys with guns were the bad guys, and they were holding these women hostage over something that happened at a bar, and they're robbing this bank, and he's like, I explained it to her. And I'm like, let's just

think about what you should just... Adult movie to her means it's not a cartoon. Yeah, so she hasn't really watched anything with guns. No, I mean, there are some things in Disney movies that I find a little bit close, honestly. It's different from us growing up with Bugs Bunny where they were actually...

Yeah, yeah. They had a guy shoot... Yeah, yeah. You got to hunt and find even those kind of shows, though, like The Roadrunner and, you know, these ones that don't exist

typically on TV any longer because of... Woke. Yeah, Obama. Cartoon violence, right? Right. Yeah. So I didn't think anything about it,

but now I know that Westerns... It will be interesting to see Nora's generation grow up and they will not commit any violence because there was no cartoon yeah yeah there wasn't the violence that we grew up with and that's why we're shooting up school well you left carter out of that yeah no that may be different yeah because what i've seen from him he's wound up six ways to sunday and he's ready to go. Yeah. So, you know, I don't know about that youngster,

but he's going to be a good one. I don't know. We'll see. Just got to contain, got to focus his whatever to the other team, right? Yeah. Hit. Yeah. Yeah, but that was funny.

Well, thanks, Pop. Yeah, that was funny. Didn't this... It feels like I have heard stories like this, though, where your mom got mad because Joe would tell mom, hey, we got to watch... Oh, yeah.

Whatever. Yeah. Both of them. So my point is for Jake, there's an M.O. here. You know what you're into. You bought your ticket you're like i wasn't upset i wasn't upset about it i was gonna let chappy watch uh watch the daughter she might be watching kill bill too this week yeah yeah well it just totally just like went over my head when he started asking me i was like what and you gotta watch what you're

watching in different eras because i found this out with my daughter when i said oh i think she'd love you know what i grew up with the original bad news bears yeah what a fun it's about baseball she loves sports ragtag team yeah just kids and uh it'd it go? And within the first literal two minutes, there's every racial slur in the book. Including the big one. And then topped off with the big one, the end one. But yeah, any, because that's what the team was made up of, you know, Hispanics and Italians and Irish and a black kid. There you go. So the point, yes, but that's what they used in the, what, 70s, 80s, whatever.

That would just be in a movie. Especially the 70s. And it was known as a kid's movie. Yeah. It's like that's what you wanted to watch. They had a girl picture and we all dreamed of we could date that girl perhaps. I mean, think back to all in the family. Mary John McEnroe.

All in the family. Is that Tatum O'Maniel? You have no idea. Why am I looking at you? Why don't you look at Blake? I don't know. I don't know. Yes.

All right, Dad. Well, thanks for being here. The answer is yes. And I hope you get home. Okay. Well, you need to hope I get back to where I'm going. I feel like he could get turned around. You will have to stop and work out.

I have kettlebells. We know when you're on the road. Oh, yeah, you like to stop along the side of the highway. You don't even pull out into the... I got a big trip coming up next month, too. I'm going to be making a video of my workouts. That's great. Yeah. Now that you got a what's-his-name idea.

I mean, especially the part where he said, I'm looking for a set of double D's on a frame of 135. Oh, yeah. He talks like it's a car or something. That's right. I'm like, what did he just say? Well, thank you all for all having me. Ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you. Good to see you, Chappy. Good to see you all. Chappy. Chappy. Chappy. Is he just going to walk out or do we need to break? You can just go.

All right. Well, we'll see you. Way to cover up your junk. Bye. Love you, Dad. Don't get turned around in here and don't stop and talk to anybody else. See, that'll make him late. Yeah.

He will start up a conversation on you. You can just leave that lane here. Yeah, leave it there. If he knows he's going out the back. Yeah. Yeah. All right, so I wanted to get to schedule release videos. How long have we been going?

I want to just kind of... Very long. Yeah, we're pushing 150. Okay. Let me just give you some highlights then. We got more shows. We do have more shows. You want to just save all of this?

No. It's a video day. We are producing on the fly today. Dude, we have to do something. Just go. All right. I'll give you some highlights. Do it as much as you want.

And like you said, we have more shows. I'm in no hurry. We can do more video stuff. In fact, let's just do five hours today and we won't work tomorrow, right? We'll just cut it in half. Anyway,

NFL schedule release videos. So I told you guys I watched all of these. All 32 teams because this is the new bit. And we did play you the Cowboys one last week on one of the video shows, I believe, or the day that it was released. And theirs was, what, 90 seconds?

Some were four or five minutes, right? Let's take a look at the Cowboys. The Cowboys was 3.42. Oh. Some were four or five minutes. Some were very short. And believe me, as a guy who sat there and watched 32 of these that played a part in my grading system because i graded each one of these yeah and i thought you

guys would be interested to know that um so i gave you know a's through f's as you do in grades uh and then after i did it i thought i'm I'm going to go just, let's search, because there's some of them have a lot of really intricate stuff, Easter eggs. Some are based on video games, and I can tell it's a spoof, but I don't know what the video game is. So I printed an article from the New York Times, which ranked all 32 schedule release videos. So I just thought this was amusing because I do agree. Everybody said, and we said it before, the Los Angeles Chargers is kind of great. And I agree.

That was my best one. They were number two on the New York Times list. The number one on the New York Times list was the Eagles, and I gave them an F. That's awesome. Yes, I thought it was horrible. That checks out perfectly. But let me just kind of scroll through or roll through some of these for you, and I'll show you where I started was just with the 49ers.

The 49ers actually had two of them. That's unstable. And we're not sure whose was the official. So one of them was pretty low-rent, still graphics. I have it up here now. So where they're just... Sketches. It kind of lists the opponents, and it's, like I said, still graphics.

The Dallas one is like a guy walking into a saloon. This is pretty weak. I'm just fast-forwarding through some of these. Yeah, this sucks, right? Dolphins were playing Miami Vice music. It's only 137. Yeah, it's only 137. The next 49ers one, I don't know, you can help explain this to me.

The 2024 schedule is finally here. I know just the right person to get me fired up for this upcoming season. Who is this person? That's John Lynch, right? That person. Good to see you all again. It's good to be back. We got the schedule. That's John Lynch, right? That person. I'm just a person. So it's someone that appears, if you're listening,

it's someone that appears to be Pat from SNL-ish. Perhaps, yeah. Could be a guy. Younger. Could be a lady. Maybe 20, 15, Don't know. You know what I mean? We've got some new guys in the building. So yeah. So they end up

Is it supposed to be Nick Bosa? I believe so. Pat from Pat from SNL is I don't really sound like that, do I? Imitating Bosa. Boy, that's So yeah, that's...

So yeah, that kind of sucks. Not very good. And then it lists... So they just do a bit. It must be some sort of bit that in their building they think he talks like that. Okay, so in their building they think that might be funny. The problem is it's for the public. Here's the Eagles one.

They're just the 49ers podcast host. These are all Fs, by the way. Enlighten me. We want to assess the psychological readiness of Eagles fans ahead of the 2024 season. You think we're ready? We're ready! So they're giving Eagles fans... Okay, what are we going to start?

Psych tests. The inkblots. What is that? The Rorschach? Rorschach, yeah. What's the first word that you think of when I show you this? They're going to Brazil to get their first loss of the season. So they just had the inkblot test with every team and every team's inkblot.

Their logo, yeah. It sucks. Right there. Right? How did that get ranked number one by the New York Times? The failing New York Times, I should say. Yeah, that's not good. I also gave an F to New Orleans.

They were interviewing candidates for their social media director. I can just play you the very beginning of it. Let's see here. All right. So as you know, much like every other professional sports team, we rely on one single intern to do all of our social media accounts. Thankfully we have a great, great group of candidates on deck. That's what people do. It's cloudy, it's warm.

So then it rolls through various air quotes, celebrities. Drew Brees is one of them. There's one of them. Ian Rappaport. Ian Rappaport. Yeah. I've seen a gap in your resume since 2022. I mean, can you explain?

Well, I retired. So that's Drew Brees. It's not good. And it's 315. They post the schedule at the end. So they just do this bit for the whole time and then post the schedule. Yeah. It seems like there's,

that's one of a couple options you can go with here, right? Like you can just do some sort of bit that has nothing to do like the post Malone Cowboys one. I feel like they did Jerry and post Malone doing beer pong and he gives him a chain. And then somewhere at the end that you get the schedule, like that's one way, like what New Orleans did.

The other is you have to incorporate the schedule into the bit. But I think one of the best I've ever seen, I think it was either the Chargers or Vikings, or maybe Falcons, did a Game of Thrones intro where each week was a different. That was awesome. Yeah, but that's cool because the whole thing is the schedule, not a bit. There's a theme. Yeah. Four teams's cool because the whole thing is the schedule, not a bit. There's a theme. Four teams got F's

from me. Ten teams got D's. Tennessee is an example. I don't know who she is. Is she famous online? Theirs was really good last year. Red Stallions girl.

The only thing that kept this from an F is that the chick's kind of hot. That's Doug Townsend's ideal lady. Who? Apparently. Okay, so here's the story. What are we doing? So they did this same video last year. Yes.

Okay. And they do it especially like, obviously in Nashville, you're going to get a lot of probably like bachelorette parties and stuff also. So she answered last year when they asked her about the Falcons, she said the Red Stallions. So. And people thought that was funny. Oh, and she got famous from that. Yes.

Okay. But the bit was, is they will walk up to people and show them a logo and these people don't watch the NFL so they say tell us this team's nickname and they also have to do like Kimmel does or Jay Leno had to do with jaywalking

that's they're talking to 40 people who know exactly who the Falcons logo is now you can also do some selection bias by who you decide to walk up to, but they said, hey, guys, Red Stallions girl, like everybody would know who that was. Yeah. The Bengals also got a D. It's little kids playing against mascots.

So I'll fast forward a little bit. These bits are... Also, it seems like this song is too mature for the video. They're just talking about doing stuff with your bitches and all that with the song. They didn't edit it? No. Are you familiar with this song?

Oh, yeah, of course. This is locker room music. This is wheelhouse. Okay, so it does seem, though, with the little kids playing, the mascots, having this song doesn't fit. Yeah, no, that's not good. And that's going to get you a D. You know what I want somebody to do, just because it's fresh on my mind,

is have a really lame version where it's like an executive. Like, week one, we're playing the Los Angeles. Hey, the fuck you are. I want Doug just jumping in like 17 times with quick TikTok cuts. He's like, and we're going to beat your ass. That'd be funny. The Bills, I will just tell you this. All right.

I'll see you later. The New York Times says this. Josh Allen may have a future in acting. It's ambitious. So apparently what it is is so Josh Allen lives at a construction site. And it's supposed to be like Andy from Parks and Rec. Oh, when he lived in the hole? Which is, yeah, it's a sweet reference, current day reference for sure.

They've been letting me stay here for the last couple weeks. The only thing they say is keep your helmet on. And then the schedule has ended up that it's red to him. I think it sucks. It's a D. And the Bills really missed a nice Al-Qaeda opportunity here. Ooh, yeah. Here, play this part, Rob.

Everyone go deep. So yeah, it's pretty... Get down, get down, get down, get down. This is the hilarity. this is the great acting you uh you're living here all right let's get out of this all right that one sucks but you're right they could have really really done a nice 9-11 bit there right we had such an opportunity let's lean into it uh The Broncos had Lewis Hamilton, who is like a race car driver. Yes. And part of their ownership group, he was trying different food from each city on the schedule.

The menu is shown at the end. Bad bit, D. Indianapolis, I gave them a D for trying to pull up my heartstrings as they're, it's in a school. It's heartstring music. Yeah. Research has shown. All right, this is stupid. They're in.

One-on-one on island. Like, so this is their head coach. We're going to check. We're going to get a double move. Shane Steichen. Because we know Susie's going to be squatting. That's what she does all the time. She squats on routes.

So his bid is that he's coming to help an elementary school's recess football team, and then players come in from the Bills to draw logos with the kids. It doesn't make any sense. And, again, they tried to make me go, aw, with the kids, so they get a D. They might have got a C, but they lose on that one. No, because if, I mean, let's just, let's cut to the chase here. Do you want to do a heartstring things with kids? The Colts needed to have a sick one in there.

Yeah, you got to have a sick kid, maybe a wheelchair. It can't just be like able-bodied kids. Not an electric wheelchair. You got to have one that you got to push around yourself. A legacy. Yeah, yeah. Not an electric wheelchair. You've got to have one that you've got to push around yourself.

A legacy. Yeah, yeah. The Giants, the only thing that kept the Giants from being an F is it's only one minute long. So if you're going to make it brief, it's like a man on the street thing. NFL schedule release videos. Do people dislike them? Do they like them? Just asking people what do you think about schedule release videos.

Okay, I only want to do the minute. That's how bad it is. It's just a waste of my time, but they get a D. Green Bay, D. Huge effort, but I just thought illogical. Let me play some of it for you. I got a treat for y'all, man. Where did you find it? TV?

It's over at Miami. So it's kind of like an American Idol type thing. How y'all doing? Is that the Wayne Carter? I heard y'all was looking for somebody to perform. That's Lil Wayne. People are watching audition videos. Yeah, on an old TV VHS.

I can't wait to watch Green Bay Packers. So there is a lot of effort in this. They got a lot of people that you have heard of, kind of some. Like this is a wrestling guy. Let me try and fast forward a little bit. Hey guys, thanks for considering my audition tape. My name is John Kuhn. You might know me from The Bachelor. Let me try and fast forward a little bit. Some guy from The Bachelor. Cary Elwes. He's from...

What's that movie? Princess Bride. Oh, okay. Playing on the Gronk kicking. Oh, okay. Big boos. Playing on the gronk kicking. Look, here's one. Erin Andrews. You know, if nobody peeped on her, she'd certainly be in that video.

Joe Buck is in that one as well. Again, D. Carolina. Oh, okay. I'll play you Carolina because I'll tell you how they could have been a B, but they get a D. Mine. I ain't never been on a pint of oil.

Oh, our friend. Paint your teammate. With Xavier Leggett. So that's really good, right? Yeah. And we get to hear Xavier Leggett talk. And they show him the drawing of him. Okay, they're terrible.

See, now we're switching to other players. So, yeah, the bet would have been you stick with Xavier the whole way. Xavier Leggett the whole way. Maybe a different player comes in with him, and they all get to comment. Yeah. They realize they did have gold. They kind of suck you in with that first one. Or have him paint a player on the other team.

But he's doing all of them, though. Yeah. Right. Right. Not the kicker. So yeah, we'll get rid of that. They get a D because not enough Xavier Leggett and way too much Andy Dalton, which means he was in it for one second.

Let it go. Let it go. The Raiders suck. It's kind of an NFL film spoof. In the quiet whispers of opposition. In fact, that's all it is. That's kind of an NFL film spoof. In fact, that's all it is. It's their bit, though, right? The winds of August or whatever.

Yeah, but how many times are we going to do it? You know? Let's see. A lot of production value. Yeah. Doesn't appear to be much content. The autumn wind is a pirate. They're an autumn wind, August wind. Right. Just want to know who they play in week four. value. Yeah. Doesn't appear to be much content. The autumn wind is a pirate. They're an autumn wind, August wind.

Right. Just want to know who they play in week four. Yeah. Yeah. You'll get it at the very end. Seattle got a D plus because it's only a minute 28. It's their bird mascots, whatever, the Seahawk, smashing stuff. That's basically what it's doing.

Smashing stuff that relates to each city. So if you like smashing stuff, that'll get you a D+. Yeah, that sucks. Patriots, is that massage vibes? Oh, was it? Those are Patriot candles with the music. Oh, if we missed that, then you might need to... Pretty funny.

It did sound very Asian massage parlor. Maybe we go... Maybe C-? We go C- at least. I'll jump them up to a B. I don't care. Yeah, that's a great catch, Blake. That is a great catch. Hey, this is my grading system, though.

Sorry. Not yours. I wonder if there are any others you had. Oh, I might have missed a bunch of stuff here. An illegitimate daughter for their game against the Cowboys, a little figurine. The Redskins or the Commanders would be kind of. I'm Terry McLaurin, and this is our 2024 schedule release.

Oh, it's an is it cake thing. Right. So cake or not a cake. Wasn't that a couple years ago? It is. They have different items for each city. It might be a cake. Atlanta has a peach cake. Cincinnati chili is not cake. They found a cool YouTube bit and used it.

But they get a C. The Bears get a C as well for, let's see, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine Cs I gave out. Ferris Bueller spoof. Kids are wearing jerseys of each week. The only thing kind of good I thought was the end credits with the Bears it's basically a Ferris Bueller spoof

have you seen that Blake? bits and pieces let's see here here we go Caleb gets off the bus at the end they show the you end up seeing the schedule you're still here it's over go home see you this fall it's pretty long did they do that and so they did that in the actual credits of the See you this fall.

It's pretty long. Did they do that in the actual credits of that movie? Yes, at the very, very, very end. I've seen it multiple times. You're still here. Okay. The Browns spoofed a movie as well. Talk about a sick updated reference. Parks and Rec is...

Ferris Bueller is what? 35, 40? Yeah. 40 years? The Browns did a big Lebowski spoof. Okay. Which I've never seen. But I understand we need to have a movie about it, right?

Yeah, I'm already in. Are you? Yeah. Let me jump to the end. So, yeah. And I'm willing to pop this up to a beat. Although it doesn't. Every team they play, it's a different part of the bowling alley.

Here's a cowboy's cake. Did the New York Times say this was Big Lebowski? Oh, this may be the part that... Yeah. Yeah. So this is Pete Weber walking in. Are you familiar with Pete Weber? Who do you think you are? I am

Yeah Game time That's right, I did it Who do you think you are? I am Yeah, that's a classic video Okay, I'll bump the Browns up I did it. Who do you think you are? I am. Yeah, that's a classic video. Okay, I'll bump the Browns up if you'd like. This is the classic video, of course, where Pete Webber said that.

Strike to claim it. A strike to claim it. And he got it. That is why I did it! That's number five! Are you kidding me? That's right! Who do you think you are? I am!

Damn it, right! One of the great athletes. Yeah. In history. Let me just roll through some of the other ones. Arizona gets a C. It's only a minute, but they had graffiti artists. They painted a cool Cardinals logo on the wall with the schedule added on. I had to subtract points

only because they put the SeatGeek logo on there as well. So it's like these cool street artists that they don't sell out, but the street artists had to paint the SeatGeek logo. And I just thought that was failed. You know what they should have done? They should have somehow done Call of Duty and have Kyler playing and going through week by week

just blowing somebody up that had the logo on them. Tampa Bay got a C. Probably should have been a D because it was five and a half minutes. Unbelievable. It's old-time documentary feel. They mixed football with art, so they had some artists talking about how art is, and then football, like Rondé Barber,

or old football players talking about how football is important. No Baker? It sucked. No Baker. Baker, it elevates it a grade at least. Yeah, come on. There's no way it would be a C. Atlanta is, okay, so Atlanta I didn't get, so maybe it's really funny, Blake, but it's some kind of a computer thing.

Yo, bro, we got a tough schedule this year. I ain't gonna lie. We good, B-Jaw. Let's take it to the streets. Is this? Oh, yeah, this is 2K, it looks like. Yeah. We have, like, storylines and stuff.

Yeah. And you can hit the playground. Yeah. Okay, should I have rated it higher? That's ludicrous. Okay, now they're doing, like, NFL Street. Is there a new version of that? No.

I thought there might have been a dusting of racism coming up here. 30, 20, stride it out, Jesse. Touchdown, Atlanta. Can you believe that? As we get to their kicker, Young Ho Koo. we get to their kicker, Young Ho Koo. He's going to make a kick, but then it appears to do some kind of a slow motion crouching tiger, hidden dragon type thing. And I just thought, would they do that with Brandon Aubrey?

If he was there. Probably not. Yeah. There's Ticketmaster. Yeah. Well, no, there's a lot of things are sponsored. A lot of these people did, but I figured the street artist one can't be sponsored. Yeah, it's supposed to be like counterculture.

The Cowboys, I expect to be sponsored. Jacksonville, another kind of cartoon thing. I don't know if this is some kind of a spoof that I don't understand, Blake, but it's quite possible. Are you familiar? Or is it just like... Yeah, I don't know exactly what it is. It's supposed to look like 90s or 80s arcade. Maybe. Pittsburgh? Okay, Pittsburgh's bit was, if you could make James Harrison laugh

you get to see the 2023 or 2024 schedule early so apparently James Harrison well known for his stoic demeanor why did the poet ask for a glass of water? because it was a little horse. Why so serious? What do you call a jet that flies backwards? You might get this one.

A receding airline. Why would I get that? Explain the joke to me. Explain that joke to me. So it's somewhat funny. I would have given it a higher grade if there was a little less Russell Wilson because they use a lot of Russ in this one.

Minnesota gets a C+. It's kind of like an Apple release. Welcome to the home of Vikings innovation. Okay. It's all about the schedule itself is a piece of tech. So it's not the contents of the schedule, but it's just like the schedule that exists. I'm okay with this. Yeah, not too bad. Okay.

The B's, we have Kansas City because I think smashing stuff is kind of cool. They put stuff in a hydraulic press. Okay. Old bay seasoning, some brown beef. Gross. Skyline. So this is taking an internet bit of a few years ago. Okay, so

I support it. It's fine. It got a B. And although I was tired of it, I'm going to now have to give this a B too because this is Houston and they're smooshing stuff. Boy, you just... Right? It's your crush film thing. Yeah. So if you're going to have a hydraulic press, you just... Right? It's your crush film thing. Yeah. So if you're going to have a hydraulic press, you're probably going to get a bit.

Oh, gross. All right. Hot dogs. The Jets have... What do I have here? It's two guys doing a bit. Oh, okay. First person to bring us

a slice of New York pizza. Throw this football at the target and then dump this bucket of Gatorade on your head. Gets $500 and two round trip tickets via JetBlue. Left for your dozen. It's like an imp at the target and then dump this bucket of Gatorade on your head. Gets $500 and two round-trip tickets via JetBlue.

Left for your dozen. It's like an Impractical Jokers line. It's very Impractical Jokers. And maybe I need to drop it down a letter grade now that you tell me that. Anyway, so people did that bit. Cool. It was a minute and a half long. You're right.

Drop it down. It gets a D now because it has impractical jokers. It just seemed like a feel. Hey, they have to do this. The New England Patriots start with a preview screen like we did for our bit, but it's pretty basic. They could have done better with that. So what this is, it's Spoof's Goodwill Hunting.

On the campus of one of the NFL's most storied teams. With a janitor. Hey, this theorem on the board right here will help us. Who finds the schedule on the board and he fills it out. The janitor is Julian Edelman. The most gifted mind to ever enter the stadium. Okay, and he figures it out. He finishes the schedule. Gronk is in it as well. Now, Gronk is out. He finishes the schedule.

Gronk is in it as well. Now, Gronk is in the Tampa Bay one, too. So Gronk is the only guy who's in two of these videos, as far as I can tell. Robert Kraft is acting. Also kind of playing on the lunch pail. By the way, so my wife is really... The lunch pail. This kid's genius is unparalleled. By the way, so my wife is really... That's Belichick's dad's book.

Oh, really? My wife is really stoked right now on The X-Files. Mm-hmm. So she's been watching The X-Files every day. And the other day there was an episode on, so if she's watching it, I might have to watch it too. There's an episode. Oh, good scene control.

There's an episode of a janitor who sees on a whiteboard an equation that's not done, and he finishes it and blah, blah, blah. That episode came out like seven years before Good Will Hunting. Ooh. And everybody's... Did you look into it? I mean, I found like a Reddit thread about it, like somebody noting that, yeah, hey, they're just stealing that bit. Anyway, Robert Kraft is in it and there's no massage stuff.

So... This should probably get an A for you. Because I think this is all about – this one is for Jake, the Ravens. Nice work. Somehow you always come through. But now I've got a very important message that I need you to deliver. Oh, my God, Coach.

I have been waiting for this moment my whole life. You know who that is, Blake? That comedian guy? Stavi. Stavros Halkias. Yeah. Ronnie Raven. Let's see. Let me jump over. I can't believe that the guy from Comptown, the podcast,

is doing a bit with Harbaugh. With a 69 jersey. If I could explain to you guys what that show was like, especially in the early years. And he's so Baltimore. Yeah, that's good. I like that one, obviously. Yeah, my bad.

I ain't do all the games on a schedule, but whatever, yo. Google it if you're so curious, yo. You ain't got the internet? What you watching this on then, huh? Let's get rapist. Just playing super stereotypical trashy Baltimore guy. Yo. I thought you'd like that one. We did the Cowboys one in full last week, right? That's kind of ballsy, though, by the way.

What? I mean, he does that bit every Sunday. Like, he reacts to the game or Lamar getting... He's not coming back or Lamar's actually coming back. But he's pretty edgy. There's no chance the Cowboys would take their version of Stavi like Dallas. Shout out to Baltimore. And then the Cowboys,

so their bit is that they are doing, what, they're calling, they're prank calling people. You know, and it's, what is it, Jerry? Like, who's prank calling? It's Rowdy Post Malone and Tim the Tap Man. Oh, okay. Not Jerry. a couple of uh cheerleaders um yeah and so they just i gave it a b for star power because they did get a lot of they did get

a lot of cool people on this homer over here is that a homer you know if you get shane it's got rowdy does that rowdy all right I'll drop it down to a C It is some big names you're right They got whatever Paul brother that is PFT Shane and Don Staley This one should be my favorite That's so funny when you find the gaps

In the bits like that where they just Couldn't come up with anybody that would do it So this one's the dolphins Can you see right away why I like it like that where they just couldn't come up with anybody that would do it. So this one's the Dolphins. Can you see right away why I like it? It's 22 seconds. Yes. I think their caption was the fastest

schedule release video for the fastest team in the NFL. Finally, it's done. Let's do this. Let's watch it. The NFL's fastest team presents their schedule. It scrolls very quickly over the screen. And that is it.

I like that bit. Yeah. I'm going to give an A for the star power that the Lions have gotten as well. Let's take a look. Hi, I'm Tim. I'm Sam. The great Detroiters. Yeah, so we got Tim Robinson.

The two of them did a show together. The Detroiters. Oh, they did? Before I Think You Should Leave. Yeah. Okay. And he's obviously in I Think You Should Leave a lot. He's in the best baby. These are all check them off as wins.

Are they scrolling in? Are they coming in from the top down? Up from the bottom? Up? Do one that zigs. Yeah, do a silly one. Have a silly one that bounces all around. That'd be fun.

Why'd you try to get me to do a robot voice? Because I thought you'd be amazing at it. Let's do one that comes in like this. One team, come in from here. Then we'll look at it like this. Do one that starts this small, and then gets as big as this I'm holding my hand right here

I'm doing it already No, even if he's holding his hand, just do it on my hand Alright, fine, do one Okay, we're done with that That's a good bit I thought they did a good bit And then the two best ones, according to me Were the ones that are in Hollywood

The Rams, they get an A It's kind of a car driving video game-y type thing where they're driving through all the different... There's a lot of Easter eggs in this. Maybe this is one. That started out with NWA. Right.

Maybe this is one we'll play in full later. Rams house license plate. Yeah, there's a ton of Easter eggs in this one. Driving the... There's just too much. There's almost too much to get into, but I'm giving it an A. Let's do this on a future video episode. And same with the Chargers.

This is one where we... Is it anime? We could kind of break the whole thing down. They went away from anime. This is The Sims. The Sims. Yeah, okay. I like this.

The Chargers have so many Easter eggs. Got a pool of Sims all wearing NFL jerseys. They took the pool ladder out so they were stuck in there. You've got when you do the Pittsburgh one, you have

Russell Wilson getting mad when he sees Justin Fields. There they're making fun of clown Raider fans. They made fun of the way Cam Newton types. Right. There's so much. There's too much. Oh, and because he got in the fight.

Yeah. This is great. Right. Broncos Country is the moving company that is moving Russell Wilson, but he's mad when he sees Justin Fields again. Travis Kelsey podcast. Yeah. Little Taylor Swift.

Travis Kelsey. Yeah, there's, like I said. This is insane. Yeah. Let's save that for a future episode because I've already gone too long. But, I mean, when they do Tampa Bay, they show Baker not cooking like he's in a kitchen, and then Antonio Brown is in there with him.

Like they've got so many things. Fat Zion because they're playing New Orleans. The Cleveland Factor of Sadness. The Browns have a banner for a winless season hanging up there. It's really, really incredible. So that's my not very quick run through of the entire NFL schedule release and now

we'll do this that was fantastic I feel ready for football now I don't know I feel like it could have been better we haven't been doing this show or a different iteration of this show that long I feel like it could have been better. We haven't been doing this show or a different iteration of this show that long. I feel like four times a year, I learned that a city in Texas is trying to break the Guinness World Record for the largest same-name gathering.

Of course, we're talking about the gathering of the Kyles. Okay, how'd they do? 0 for 5, Blake. Failed again. What's the largest? Who set the record? It was, I think it was Romania. God damn, Romania.

No, Bosnia and Herzegovina, which doesn't really fully exist anymore. But they had 2,325 Ivans. Okay. Okay, so we did set the record for Kyles. Okay, it is still called that. No, but they're not trying to set the record for Kyles. Right. But I love this headline, though, from a news station in Austin.

Not quite a record, but some say it's more Kyles than they've ever seen in their lifetime. People that didn't go to A&M. Yeah. You should see what this crowd looks like, too. I think we have a good idea. Very diverse? No, I would not call it very diverse. Is there a Kyle who's not white?

Yeah, there's got to be. No, not in that picture. No, but I mean, just think. Kyle Lowry. Lowry. Okay. That's all I got. Well, no, that's good.

Some of these, I mean good some of these I mean some of these quotes are just amazing some of the Kyles who showed up Saturday had a stereotype in their head about what a Kyle is like absolute rage machines just going around destroying and vandalizing everything one Kyle said drywall punchers

but he followed there's a whole different world of kyle that i didn't know existed like this is the sort of article that they would have me write when i was an intern at like pegasus news yeah there you go dan you can see the kyle's up there now yep would you go if blake's in a facebook group i was was going to say, if you're a Facebook group of Blake Joneses, would you go meet them? Yeah, I think so.

But that's more specific. That's first name, last name. And I'll be damned if we turned our name into a noun. Blake Jonesing? Yeah. How many people are in your group? Let me check. You know, we add people all the time.

You're such a dork. Wish each other happy birthdays. Dallas County traffic deputies, this happened over the weekend, I believe. We're at 30. 30. Pretty good. made a we're 30 30 pretty good they were handling a car accident that i-345 and woodall near downtown and so this lady her car crashes and i guess something about that caused some impact to the front of the car which popped the hood up and so when the responders get there the

cops the lady's like hey this is a car accident but also there's a huge snake under the hood of my car so they've just been driving around with this i mean it's huge to me yeah it looks like it's five six feet long damn and i actually you know what I think as the way that this story is worded it might have like caused the the wreck like it's it's slithered out from under the hood and kind of starts to get I'm crashing if that happens yeah there's

a snake on my windshield man if I'm in this if I'm trapped in the car with a bug like there's no worse feeling to me. Ooh, I hate when it's a mosquito because you know it's going to bite you at some point. Yeah. If it lands on you, yeah. So I open all the windows. You have to.

And then it's a wind tunnel, and then stuff that I have in the backseat is flying out. I feel like the fly is very resilient on that as well. I feel like the fly is very resilient on that as well. Yeah, but the fly isn't going to bite you and take your blood and perhaps give you... That's why I don't like seeing spider in my car. I mean, I've been driving on the highway and it'll drop down right in front of me. That's happened to me once. And it freaks me out. What can you get? Malaria?

Malaria. What's the thing a few years ago they were kind of testing? Remember like Grapevine and Southlake? There was something mosquitoes were carrying. Was it West Nile? Was it West Nile? That'll come back around. That sounds like it.

Oh, yeah. It has a... My wife always knows, like right away, whenever people are talking. Life always knows, like right away, whenever people are talking. Another story that we see seemingly every year as urban sprawl or suburban sprawl continues here in North Texas. Residents in Frisco recently reported an uptick in wild animal sightings in their neighborhood. And NBC5 has a picture of one of the biggest bobcats I think I've ever seen. Daylight. They also have video of a coyote.

How much do you think it weighs? I don't know. I don't think bobcats get very big, though, in general. Probably, I mean, let's see here. Yeah, it's... I think I know one that was like 245 pounds once. And he actually did a show with you at Rangers. It's me.

I was once 245 pounds. Oh. I went to Ohio University. Okay. I thought you were making a bobcat goldthwait. Oh, H-I-O. No? Yeah, look at that thing.

You're a bobcat. Yeah, but I thought you were doing a bobcat Goldthwait thing because we've talked about that recently. That's the coyote. Okay. Oh, it's because we're building stuff in there. Ooh, look at that. A little cat runs across the street.

Yeah. That coyote will get that. But we're building our stuff in their home, right? Yeah. And it's not going to stop. You know, you don't see these problems in like, uh,

this is progress. Is it? I don't know. I mean, that's why we got rid of them Indians, right? In the name of progress. You want to make an omelet?

Yeah. It's a manifest destiny. Whoa. I think that's some kind of thing where God, like, says you should kill all the Indians. Is that a coyote or a bobcat just scaling that fence? Probably bobcat, but cats will... Wow. I mean, I can't believe how well my cat can jump.

Damn, that's crazy. Hey, thanks, Blake. I wasn't really scared of him until I could jump over my fence. Dude, you're just out on a walk and you see that thing? No, it's going in the... I think I've heard our friends at Wash Media have this conversation before, though. Let's say it's a medium-sized, like 25-pound bobcat. Do you have a shot?

I mean, you think you do. You might have to get it with the first one, right? Because then if it latches onto your arm or something are you going uh hand or foot me i'd kick that's what i'm saying yeah i think how big 25 pounds yeah you can take a 25 pound bobcat all right now you're a human who is going to recoil at the sight of blood and your fear. Okay, so it bites you? You're just going to back down?

Are you not going to get mad yourself? You're not going to be pissed off this thing is biting you and try to fight back a little? It's going to be rough. Yeah, but how much more do you weigh than that thing? Just kick it. No, that's the key. You got to kind of get it around.

You have to punt it right in the gut. How about the head? Yeah, but I'm worried that if I go for the head, then it might latch on, you know? I'm taking Dan in that fight. Thanks. Okay, there's your news. We've gone so long long We have gone pretty long

I blame myself No the scheduled release stuff was good I don't blame anybody How long have we gone Like I want to read viewer mail birthdays We're at like 2.30 Okay let's just call it this Because people want to read viewer mail birthdays. We're at like 2.30. Okay. Let's just call it this. Because people want to hear their birthday sometimes,

so you've got to put it in the notes. And they get to hear their birthday on a day where they shared the show with Doug Townsend. Yeah. That's right. But because of Doug, that pushed it back to here, where we are now. So viewer mail birthdays.

Blake sent me one late. Sorry. And they shouldn't get preference, but they're going to get at the top here. Candice Bishop wants a birthday shout out. C-Bish? That's all she asked for. She didn't say she didn't have any requests. Yeah.

No funny quips? No. Just wants a birthday shout-out. Isn't that the best kind? What's up, Candace? Call me. Mr. Dan, now we'll get a little longer. That's what she said.

Monday, May 20th is my Sean Lee slash Texas Rangers CJ Nikowski birthday. Kip and Bodie are my leaders. I love your new studio, but I miss the random barks of my leaders. Could they tag along with you sometime? Not a bad idea. If not, the random laughs of Video Man will suffice. From Beth, day two, number 1339. It's not drop, Beth.

Today is my Dikembo Mutombo birthday. Dikembe. What? I don't know what I said. Dikembe Mutombo birthday. My leaders are Dan's Giggle. That sounds gay. And Blake's show notes.

More Dingu and Julie. She wants less us is what she's saying. Day seven, Jill Schreifer. It's a zero-sum game. I'm just trying to wrap my head around the idea that CJ wore 50. Did he? I guess as a ranger he did. That's a very unstable pitcher number.

Hi, Dan and Jake. I'd like to wish my partner Kevin a happy 30th birthday. We live in Thailand. He listens to you guys every day. Nice. He said he's a day two, but only because he lives abroad and because of the time difference, he didn't hear about the revolution until later from Ellie.

I wonder where they live in Thailand. time difference he didn't hear about the revolution until later from Ellie. I wonder where they live in Thailand. Yes, I've been wondering that myself, Jake. Just like to hear from them. Email me. I've just kind of been wondering where Thailand is.

It's got to be pretty far away. It's over there somewhere. I'm saying somewhere near like Asia and stuff or maybe like in Asia. A part of perhaps. You think they have

any Thai food over there? I would surmise, yeah. You still got to try my place. Which one do you like? Well, there are two options, but the one that's a little like not a super nice restaurant Which one do you like? Well, there are two options, but the one that's a little, like not a super nice restaurant is Thai Riverside.

Where is that? By the Tom Thumb. Okay. We're pretty close to there. The Grapevine Tom Thumb? Mm-hmm. All right. I'll go there right now.

So it's Monday, May 20th. The first recorded speeding arrest in U.S. history occurred on this day in 1899. How fast was he going? 11. 12. Damn. An officer who was riding a bicycle pulled him over. What? What?

Do you think he got deferred a judification? Yeah, fast you're going. On this day in 1961, a white mob attacked a busload of Freedom Riders in Montgomery, Alabama. So the U.S. government sent marshals to restore order. What'd they do? What, the white mob? No, no, no. The marshals, they come in and they're like, alright, we're here to protect the Freedom Riders. You feel like not all of them

were really on board? I think they might have just then had mob times two. On this day in 1978, Mavis Hutchinson became the first woman to run across America. It took her 69 days, an average of 45 miles per day. She ran across America. That's incredible. On this day in 2006, Barbaro, in the Preakness, fractured his left hind leg early on in the race, which ended his career and eventually led to his death.

They couldn't fix a horse's bones. And isn't the saddest part about that, that the reason, I think this is the case the reason that they execute them is because they can no longer like mount because i would think there's got to be some sort of extraction method if you want the stuff from the champion pedigree racehorse. But instead. Oh, the wiener.

You need the breeding juice. That's why they live, you know. That's why they keep them alive after they get done racing. Really? Or else they just kill them? Yeah, because they can't do it anymore. It wasn't for that. They can't just be a normal horse?

No. Those things are way too just be a normal horse? No. Those things are way too hard to maintain. Really? Yeah. Yeah, just put them out across the street from me. Just let it get fat. Let them kick a soccer ball. Yeah.

It's a pretty cool trick. We got a soccer. Have you seen the big soccer ball down the street? Yeah, Brooks thinks all horses kick soccer balls because of that one. Was Brooks at my house? He's been to your house. Oh yeah, yeah, I've seen him. Creepy. I've seen him.

Birthdays today, former cowboy Lauren Robinson is 39. Oh my gosh. What a season. And then he signed a huge deal for the Jaguars i told you i don't know if he played again he didn't play i don't believe he played a down five years 32.5 million dollar contract 8 million signing bonus 13.6 guaranteed that's probably all he saw right because one year later he was released um the story i had for you guys on that was Jesse Holley.

Okay, he played. Played with Jesse Holley. Yeah. Well, he was out the game that Jesse Holley made that play. That's why it happened. I was looking at that team this morning. So he was like, hey, you know, I made a bunch of plays here. T.O. was out.

So Jesse Holley assumes the next week he's going to get a little more offensive burn and he didn't play an offensive snap. And Robinson did finished out the year decent. Like Jesse Holly could have finished out the year decent. Yeah. Maybe getting himself a big deal. He didn't seem bitter about it at all. On that team, Dez. Maybe it was Dez that was out. My bad.

Dez had 933 yards receiving that year. Jason Witten, 942. He led the team. No one had 1,000 yards on that team. Romo had 4,000 yards passing. Isn't that interesting? Super. Super. Marty B,000 yards on that team. Romo had 4,000 yards passing. Isn't that interesting? Super. Marty B, 144 yards receiving.

He was blocking. Willfully. Miles Austin's still on that team. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Damn. 8-8. Yeah, could have guessed.

Sada Haruo is 84. Tony Stewart is 53. Killed a guy. Dave Thomas. Bob and Doug McKenzie's Dave Thomas. Do you know who that is? Welcome to the Great White North. I'm Bob McKenzie.

This is my brother Doug. How's it going, eh? I'm familiar with this Great White North. Not Rick Moranis. He's 76. Lots of mail, eh? Like, about it, eh? Okay, so...

This is, uh... By the way, this topic was my idea. What's the name of this show? Yeah, Lion. Okay, this is the Great White North, okay, on the map. Oh, you're not using the whole, but it's... Yeah, I can't remember. And up there, same color as the last day, because that's like Hawaii. Second City TV, okay, I knew the list. Okay, so the whole thing is the Great White North.

Ron Reagan is 66, the liberal talk show host. And I'll just get this out of here. Timothy Oliphant is 56. Jack Gleason from Game of Thrones. Despite having a great in, Timothy Oliphant's apparently unbookable. You tried him? More than once. Okay.

I was told, yeah. I think I was the guy who always wanted him. Yeah. I just wanted to please you. Born on the Stay Now Dead, Jimmy Stewart. Dead on the Stay Still Dead, Christopher Columbus. My mom went and waited hours for Jimmy Stewart's autograph once. He was like 80.

Really? Yeah. He was a big fan, if I recall correctly. I'm a fan. He had an autograph. She got the autograph? Yeah, I remember an autographed picture or something, but she was really into it. Stoked on Jimmy Stewart. Died on this day in 1993.

Max Klein, he invented paint by numbers. That spare? What? That feels spare. Yeah, it does. I mean, I guess. You're you're just like look this is hard what if i just numbered all the images for you i guess works for kids uh macho man randy savage died on this day as did gary coleman

are you familiar with gary coleman-hmm. Oh, how come? What you talking about? Willis was big when I was a kid. And Robin Gibb. The great. Yeah. Was he the one who died the first one? And that was today in history.

The first BG to die? I mean, only two. Oh, no, Andy Gibb was... One of them died pretty young, though, right? Andy Gibb wasn't really in the Bee Gees, though. So you're probably not referring to him. Okay. Well, what a way to close the show. Yeah.

We don't have any closing remarks because Chappie's... I guess Chappie already gave them. Yeah. So we got to get Doug Towns in a TikTok video, right? Yeah. Or just any video of someone promoting their podcast and then let him just snap on them. Hey, shut the fuck up.

That was electric. Yeah, good booking, man. Yeah, we didn't have much of a game plan for him, but it turns out we didn't need one. No, not at all. Adios, mofo. Adios, mofo. I'm out. The void, no joy, took a found energy, breaking free from the sound Ready to shuffle, bound tight on the rest, another freeway to enlist Switching the dial to a brand new zone, creating chaos on their own Unleashing laughter, tearing down walls, the drum zone's here and it never falls

Welcome to the dungeon, where comedy reigns We break the chains, divide the norms and lays No more radio, no corporate lies We embrace the madness as our spirits rise Welcome to the dumb zone Where comedy raves We break the chains By the norms and bays No more radio

No corporate lies We face the madness As our spirits rise