The Dumb Zone FREE - The Dumb Zone 7-17-24

Episode Date: July 17, 2024

Hear every episode of The Dumb Zone by subscribing to our Patreon - Patreon.com/TheDumbZoneIn this episode of The Dumb Zone, things get wild as Dan, Jake, and Blake dive into a heated discussion about a pregame mascot brawl at the Sugar Bowl and the chaos of Business Wednesday. The trio welcomes two special guests, Chad and John, who join the fun with Chad sporting a Jurassic Park shirt and John in a full tuxedo. The episode is packed with laughs, unexpected turns, and the unfiltered charm that makes The Dumb Zone a must-listen. Plus, Matt Grimm stops by to discuss the upcoming RV trip to California, and the guys navigate through some hilarious viewer mail and business ideas. (00:00) - Open (24:42) - Sports: Texas to the SEC, Skenes, Cuban follow up (56:08) - Viewer Mail (01:08:35) - Charles Haley postgame (01:12:46) - Business Time (01:20:34) - RV plans with Matt (01:42:13) - News (01:59:47) - Today in History ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Hello, I'm Dan McDowell, longtime professional broadcaster. Why subscribe to our Patreon podcast? Well, perhaps you support our struggle to get out from under the oppressive thumb of the man. Or, objectively, if you sign up at patreon.com slash the dumb zone, you'll get the two episodes per week that are available on all podcast platforms, like this one, plus an additional two episodes each week that are exclusive to Patreon. So subscribing on Patreon gets you four episodes per week. Oh my, what a bargain. Now, on to today's program.

Things got a little heated during a meeting of the mascots ahead of Tuesday's Sugar Bowl game in New Orleans at a pregame photo op. the Texas Longhorns mascot, Beefy, suddenly broke through some barriers. He charged right at the Georgia Bulldog. Everybody scattered. The handlers had to pull the steer back. Nobody was hurt, but it was kind of a sign of things to come. Texas did really pound Georgia, well, 28 to 21. Wow.

All right. All right, all right, 28 to 21. Wow. All right. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. I never listened. Still funny, like, the fourth time we heard it, right? It is. Just why they decided to cover that story, why Hoda's in the background going, or Kathy Lee's going, ooh!

Ooh! Now, why are we here today? It's Business Wednesday. I suppose because we're going to take business Friday. We are. We originally had a Jake vacation planned here for Friday. Is that officially off? The first part of it is definitely off.

So you'll actually be here Friday, but we had We have a couple of guys sitting in today. We've already jerked them around, right? Yeah. Did you say around or off? What did you say before the show? Off and then around. Yeah, and you didn't want to jerk them around again?

No, because I didn't want to jerk them off again. Yeah. Hold on. Pop him on. Go ahead. You ready for round two now? Well, I'll do the first 90. I'll do the last 10. Go ahead. You ready for round two now? Wow. I'll do the first 90.

I'll do the last 10. Typically, if you jerk somebody off, they're tired, and then it's easier to jerk them around. Yeah. Less resistance. Yeah. Yeah, that's what Blake was saying. Right. He didn't want to...

If he did one, he'd have to do the other. Laying there. So, we have Chad. And is it John? I'm John. You're John. John's the one in the suit. Okay.

That's not just a suit. That's a tuxedo. It is a tuxedo. These are two sit-ins. Three-pillar tuxedo. We understand auction winners. Yeah, my wife won it, and I don't shut up about the show, so she surprised me on my birthday.

You don't shut up about the show. Just from emailing your wife, she seems very squared away. Yeah, she owns her own business and employs me. Her email signature has all these titles, and it looks legit. I was like, why are you talking to me? It's like abbreviations. You're like, what does that even mean? Right.

There's HIPAA compliance information. We're in the therapy business. I think we can prove that owning your own business does not mean you're squared away. Yes. Or doing well. Don't tell her that. Anyway, so yeah, John is wearing a tuxedo. Yes, I am, Dan. chad is not not at all and so what happened i had this great idea i was had a few beers on instagram open for business post comes

up and jake's in a suit and i immediately text john we need to wear tuxedos. And then I immediately changed my mind, but I didn't tell him. So you didn't intentionally make this a bit, but it turned into a bit? I intentionally made it a bit retroactively. Okay. But the immediate thought was, oh, we should wear suits. And then I was like, I have beer in my hand. I'm probably not going to do the things I think are a good idea now later. Oh, yeah, yeah.

He didn't even wait to like let the bit marinate he got out of his car with the phone on the video recording me getting out of my car like a fucking jackass so we have one guy in a tuxedo one guy like in shorts he's uh yeah really comfortable jurassic park but not yeah that's a great shirt i'd love to be wearing a dinosaur shirt right now. Do you own that, Tux? Yeah, this is all me. The pants are a little tight. I had to bring the bow tie because he texted me and said he didn't have one.

I said, I got you. Okay. Oh, well, that's cool. I wouldn't want to embarrass him. I've got to complete the bit. You're wearing it. I'm still wearing it. I took the jacket off after we jacketed it off.

Right. Are you brothers? No. No. the jacket off after we jacketed it off. Are you brothers? No, just 20-year-old compadres. Yeah, I met Denton up at UNT. Don't they look... I could have guessed that. They look like they got kicked out of Mumford & Sons before they got popular. I thought they were brothers.

I thought you might be twins. Look like Denton. What does that mean? If you know, you know, right? Everyone here knows exactly what I'm talking about. Just walking around in a tuxedo in the middle of the day? Well, if you've been to Cool Beans, you know. Cool Beans.

Well, thank your wife. You probably did thank your wife, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. She's incredible. Are you guys boozing? No. I'm coffeeing. I also have a coffee zen in, so I'm double dipping. Damn. She's incredible. Are you guys boozing? Nope. I'm coffeeing. I also have a coffee zen in, so I'm double dipping.

Damn. That's strong. Didn't even know that existed. What does that mean? No idea. Let me pull it out here. It's a zen. That's the only flavor of zen I've done.

Because I don't like the mint. Oh, coffee flavored. I thought he meant like he would put wine in his coffee. No. Zen for now? Yeah, like what the fuck? Put zens in his coffee like tea bags. I don't like coffee flavored any, like, I don't like coffee ice cream. That coffee like tea bags. I don't like coffee flavored anything.

I don't like coffee ice cream. That's the worst thing. You don't even like cold coffee. I hate cold coffee. I like coffee coffee. You know, back when I was a boy. You drink it man style. Just black.

Use your bonds to get coffee. Mow your lawn in black socks. It was three cents a cup. Yeah. You could beat your wife. Oh, it was so great. It was so great. She knew not to get out of line, especially when I was drinking.

I mean, it's not really my fault at that point. Old people will drink coffee at any time. Oh, yeah. But I've heard you talk about that before, like having a post-meal coffee. That's a very specific thing. It's like if you go find dining and they offer an espresso at the end of it. It's like, you know what? That's a very specific thing. It's like if you go fine dining and they offer an espresso at the end of it, it's like, you know what?

That's not a bad idea just to kind of get the steak moving a little bit. Isn't that just going to keep you up to an uncomfortable degree? It never affected me that way. I can sleep on coffee. But like my old man, he's like 91. Oh, yeah.

We go to the diner. It's 5 p.m. they'll have sit there and drink three cups of coffee yeah can they be in bed by eight i've told dan this before but uh my dad frequent contributor on the show he would tell me that like at work they would have non-stop dip and pots of coffee so he would have like 12 to 15 cups of coffee a day. He looks like that guy. Yeah.

Like he was just constantly in the conference table. And he was already high T enough. Like he's called Chappy. Yeah. So he must have really been charged up. And then your generation was like,

hey, what about just cocaine? What if we just do that? I don't know what that's... It just seems like a waste. Necessarily my generation. That's true. I think we're more of extreme. Ah, yeah, that's right.

Yeah, Surge and Mountain Dew. The little... Yeah, Surge. Jolt. One of those little guys that you got. Five hour. On the house, yeah. Cincos.

Surge until you found out that it might make your penis small. Yeah. I can confirm. Yellow 5. Yes. It was Yellow 5. Looks like a shallot stuck in an afro. Oh, honey, I drank all this Surge.

That's the problem here. That's not how it's always been. It's not our fault. It was the commercials on Nickelodeon just pumping us full of caffeine. Yeah. Which is weird. On today's program, we have some sports. I didn't know whether to choose the beefy open or the baseball open.

We went with beefy because we got some Texas talk. We have – we're going to talk about our trip to California. And you see the other guy sitting back there. That's the great Matt Grimm. Wow. He's been here before. And he'll be here again. And if you think you kind of know him, you're going to know him very, very well.

Because he's going to drive us in an RV to California. He's going to drive us in an RV to California where we've come full circle now from me making fun of Richard Hunter for doing such an idiotic thing to now we're doing it by choice. Yeah, but you're not driving to a whorehouse. There's a difference. Oh, we're not? I know. And I feel like I should be. Wouldn't that be better if we were stopping at one of the – well, maybe we will.

We'll talk about that later. That part we can probably do. Jose Canseco is not going to be here. Or Grizzly Adam Haggerty. Yeah, Dan Haggerty. Webster. So anyway, we'll talk about that later. That's part of our program today. I did want to tell you guys that yesterday,

remember I told you I did a little TV before the show? Of course. And I was able to get there real early and pitch my really funny hat idea to Steve Noviello. Which he loved. Because I was on the road early because I had to drop off my wife and kid at the airport. Oh, yes.

And they are in Ohio right now. They are at Grandma's house. Wow. For how long? And I couldn't do Grandma's house because I got a small business to run and shows to do. And who's going to play the sound and all that kind of stuff. You're welcome.

So, yeah. So I just said, can't do it. We're not pulling in the dough just yet. Let's get it rolling. I'll go next time. I said, I'll be in Cleveland in September. Yeah. get it rolling. I'll go next time. I said I'll be in Cleveland in September. Yeah. Which I will.

What's interesting about that is that you've told me that in September you're going to spend most of the time not doing the show but hanging out with your family and her family. That's right. That's what they all believe right now. And then once I get there it's like, man, I'm really busy.

Anyway, yeah. Daughter's gone for three now. And then once I get there, it's like, man, I'm really busy. Anyway, yeah, daughter's gone for three days. And then wife feels obligated to stay longer because she hasn't seen her mom since last summer. I don't feel that same thing towards her mom or my mom. Can I meet Rose? Because we'll talk. You can meet Rose for sure. That'd be great. We're going to have Rose on. We're going to talk

about JFK Jr., bro. I would like that. Or just Sly Stallone. I would like both. I mean, she loves both of those things. Do you know about Rose, Danny? Is that your mother-in-law? It's my mom's best friend. Okay. She's like 81.

She's real stoked on q anon stuff oh and like she's in the rfk jr uh jfk jr actually um jfk jr yeah she thought he was coming back to to doubt oh i thought you were like so she's a libertarian and loves rocky she loves uh pieces together actually loves trump okay yeah she does love trump but once a month or so like or whenever there's like a a huge summer blockbuster rose and dan's mom go see it together oh they go see anything yeah no they go to it i thought it was it doesn't have to be a huge movie okay in fact my mom will call you know i talk to my mom once a week and she will bitch about the movie that Rose chose that week.

I don't listen. How many takings can they make? A call with my mom is eating innings. I'm a guy who will just get on there. Get out there. I'll just listen to her. We talk. I check the phone in a while.

Like, oh, 45 minutes? You know what? Then I come up with something. Yeah. That's fair. So what do you have planned? Man, last night was great. So what I did,

Rick Arnett taught me this many, many years ago. Rick Arnett, the host of the teabag. What, using your left hand? Stranger. He did not teach me that. Sitabag. What, using your left hand? Stranger. He did not teach me that. Sit on it. What I did was... Sit on it.

He says when you're wiping... Sit on your hand. Sit on your hand. Yeah, it makes it feel dead. Interesting. Good God. Dead. You got to use the right hand to click and the left to...

There you go. You got to have a click hand. Maybe someday they'll just have that in our brain waves where we can... You need a high-speed scrubbing hand. I can two-hand it. That's what Neuralink's all about. Yeah. Scrubbing.

Anyway, Rick Arnett's theory was, and I didn't get this until I had a wife and kids, and they lived with me for a while, and I really enjoyed the leaving, like now. So he said, what you do is you clean the house right away, and then you live in that clean house, and it will just be clean while they're gone. Now, you can see I haven't really done it up here, but I did clean the kitchen last night, done it up here. But I did clean the kitchen last night and now there's just going to be three plates to clean every night instead of me having to just do...

Because I'm a kitchen guy. And everybody just knows, oh, I can just cook a five-course meal and throw it all here and I won't clean it because somehow it's magically cleaned when I get up in the morning. I have my doubts about how often your wife is cooking a five-course meal.

Well, whatever she does. But yes, I understand what you're saying. So the point is that you don't have to rush at the end of it, like whenever your parents are coming home and you're like, did I leave weed in the – No, I mean they don't need it cleaned up, but it's not – I want to live in a clean – I never live in a clean environment. Yeah, that makes sense.

Because there's always something there. There's always a kid's thing or the wife's thing or whatever. I want to live in a clean... I never live in a clean environment. Yeah, that makes sense. Because there's always something there. There's always a kid's thing or the wife's thing or whatever. But now it's just my little system down there. But the problem is you clean it. What do you mean? Why don't you just let them live in their own filth? Because then I have to live in it too.

Because then he has to live in it. But then... Okay, but it's the... Like, I've tried these games. They'll be like a... Games. Like, it'll be like a... Games. Like, it'll be like a...

It's not as obnoxious. Like, a piece of poo will be sitting in the living room on the floor. And I'll just be like, I don't want to pick that up. It won't be a piece of... It'll be a ripped up paper

or something. Or something the dog chewed up. And like, I don't want to pick that up. I'm just going to protest. I'm not going to be the one to pick that up. And I'll just keep watching it

for three or four days and I'm like, God damn it, and then I pick it up. Because I'm like, I don't want to pick that up. I'm just going to protest. I'm not going to be the one to pick that up. And I'll just keep watching it for three or four days. And I'm like, God damn it. And then I pick it up. Because I'm like, I just, it's my problem. And I realize I have to change the way I feel about it. No. And not change their behavior. I'm not going to change their behavior.

But you don't think that at some point they'll have a breakthrough of like, man, look at. He's been waiting for the breakthrough. No. Okay. So they're ready to live in filth. They don't mind it at all. But I'm going through what you went through like 10 or 15 years ago

because I will let the house accumulate because she has to see how bad this looks. She just has to. It doesn't work. The other day, every cabinet... Somehow they don't. Every cabinet door was open. The sink was filled to the brim.

I have to have the drawer fully pushed in. If she leaves one of her drawers two inches open, I'm like, get that out of here. But I came home in a good mood and immediately got pissed off walking into the kitchen. And you have to realize that's for you to change. How do you leave a bowl of cereal with the old milk in it just there the dishwasher is empty why don't you just rinse and put it in there so we don't have to do all this later but what gets me is we have uh play vivaldi we have two sinks in our bathroom and all of her stuff will just spill over into my side and i'm like okay not my

hair straightener not my makeup bag. And so I will do the line of demarcation and just scooch over. It's the most passive aggressive thing you can do where you just like look for the 50% line of the counter in the bathroom. And I clean my side off and I move all of her stuff back over to her side. But it's all in a perfect line. Literally like there might as well be a ruler there. Right. Showing, that's your stuff.

Get some painter's tape and actually put down a divider. And write on it. Okay, so you're telling me I have to take this matter into my own hands. I'm just going to have to clean it all the time. Yes. That's terrifying news for me. Were you not aware of this? Oh, you know, Danny. this that oh you know person before danny they tell you you know communication and come together and things

will get better and you can talk it out and she'll grow people grow into who you want them to be no they don't people are who they are and they're never going to change yeah who's ever said they're going to grow into what you want them to be like that's the biggest lie and it's the biggest lie for ladies thinking that they're going to change you. That's the problem. Yeah. You know, if you met him because you were his secretary or assistant, and then he started sleeping with you, you know, and he was tired of his wife,

well, you'll be that wife at some point. It's funny, too. It sounds like to a man, all four of us, I'm the same way. That the roles are typically the other way around. Yeah. That the guys are slobs. I'm the same way. The problem is they started letting him vote.

What's that? Then they let him vote, yeah. They started letting him vote. Pretty soon they're going to be driving. I'm the person that if I'm cooking, I clean as I go. I'll clean before I eat. And when you're done eating, there's nothing worse than having a huge, massive pile of shit to deal with after your meal. And I'll clean as I go, whereas when Malcolm's mom and I were living together, totally the opposite.

Yeah. We're just too good. We're too good. There's a problem with trying to live. Totally the opposite. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not like... We're just too good. We're too good. There's a problem with trying to live up to the standard that we... The highest standard.

I'm not a huge fan also of having like kids stuff out all the time. Same. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. Like I understand

some of it's going to be out. There's a basketball goal. There's not much I can do with that. Same. The house is much smaller now. See, that I just kind of accepted for, I don't know, eight or ten years. But what I do is I put it in a line.

You know what I mean? Like, okay, here's the little thing that he pushes himself around on. Here's the basketball goal. He's very into mowing. Oh, yeah, same. So I like to line them up so that at least when you look at it, it looks like there's some level of organization here. Yeah.

Boy, they always do love domesticated type things as a kid. Dude, speaking of that. I want to sweep, sweep, sweep. I got to tell you about something that happened this morning. So I'm pretty sure every dad or mom has experienced this, which is that your kid is obsessed with the trash truck. I live it every day. When you go out there, when you hear it coming, you take the kid out there. It was the same way with my daughter. You take the kid out there. My son is so obsessed with it that this morning,

so obsessed with it that this morning my wife first found it and then I watched it afterward. There is a one hour and 15 minute compilation on YouTube of just trash trucks picking up trash. Bro.

We watched it for 45 minutes and every... Your son wants to watch it. Yeah, there's like a 15 or 20 second shot of a trash truck picking up trash and every single time one pulls up he just goes trash truck trash truck carter's how old uh almost two almost two i've known about it's not just a video jake is a christmas said there were like a hundred of them. Oh, it's a network and it's called...

The main one is called Thrash and Trash Productions. Thrash and Trash Productions is what I watched this morning. It has this badass death metal opening to it. Let me see if I can... I wasn't planning on playing any audio. No, you got to see. This is... They will...

There's probably a thousand of these videos. And Malcolm has gotten to the point where he knows the different, like, models and makes of these particular trash trucks. Okay. Whether they're side loaders, front loaders, the different types of grabber arms that they have, where the hopper is located. He's all into that.

And he's, you know, a little over three, so he's had a lot of time to process this shit. What do you see? What do you see? It's a trash truck. It's a trash truck. Yeah.

Here, let me see if I can pull up the start of the... Yeah, we need the intro. Yeah. Yeah. It's literally an entire network

we used to watch Baby Einstein you guys are watching hold on you guys are watching Trash Truck no I'm not paying for premium

here's the here's the beginning Dan yes it's the it's I used you don't get any ads?

No, they're gone. Huh. It's great. All right, here's the beginning, Dan. It's literally just garbage trucks. Yeah. This needs to be open. There's. Yeah. There's no narrator. There's no guy.

No, no. It's people all over the country. Just doing trash. I've seen their videos in. Yeah, and this guy compiles in them. It's just people on their iPhones that hear the trash truck coming. How many views? This one has 21 million.

Jesus. We could have done that I've seen a number of these and like Jake said they're usually anywhere between 10 and 20 seconds long depending on how long the pickup is

for the trash you will see the guy that's filming there will be two other motherfuckers with cameras in the back doing their own videos

because there's a market not even the one that gets uploaded how many subbies do they have on their YouTube page let's see here because it says Yes, not even the one that gets uploaded. How many subbies do they have on their YouTube page? Let's see here. Well, I'm one of them. It says 199,000.

So y'all need Trash Truck Wednesdays instead of Business Wednesdays. I watched an hour-long video of one job that this big-ass trash truck pulled up to, and it was somebody that got evicted from their home, and everything they owned, I guess, had been sitting out there for a month. The city decided to do something about it and i watched them for an hour fill up this trash truck with desks chairs mattresses clothes sometimes there's like a christmas tree yes and they'll crush them it's great i mean i like watching them too hold on let me see if you like the trash truck is a black hole trash Trash truck. Another one.

Another one. Here we go again. 40 minutes. Your journey has begun. I like how we question why the children love trash trucks, but we're all grown men talking about trash trucks. I love it. It's very true.

Most of those kids want to be trash men when they grow up, but how many percentage-wise actually fulfill their life goal? I don't know. I mean, I don't think it's a bad job. A great job. I think they have probably a pretty strong union. Yep. Good benefits package. Pretty good benefits.

Yeah. Work out. You get to work out. Yeah. You're done by, like, noon. Yeah. But, yeah, those guys are heroes, man. Malcolm sees – he knows them all

it's the same guys so they're all waving and honking the horn yeah they're fucking rock stars to him yeah so yeah I needed to kill 45 minutes with him this morning and I'm like let's just watch people do waste yeah incredible

from the wonderful world of sports radio sports Yep. Incredible. From the wonderful world of sports, Radio Sports, scoreboard. Oh, yeah, I like that. It's our new Sports Open featuring Tim Kalasha. Sports, we have a sponsor today for sports. Why not Frankel & Frankel? Why not? If you do get in an accident, that should be your first call.

Let's say you get hit by a trash truck. Well, maybe 911. First call, right? That's probably your first call, yeah. And then Frankl & Frankl. They almost have as easy a number to memorize as 911. It's like all threes. So whatever your area code in the DFW area, 214-817, then just all threes. Frankl your area code in the DFW area 214-817 then just all threes.

Franklin & Frankel is awesome. They've been sponsoring us from the beginning. They're personal injury attorneys. They will work to maximize your outcome. In fact they used to defend insurance companies. The insurance companies are who often you are battling.

They will use their extensive experience to advocate on your behalf. I think it's very similar to your opinion that offensive coordinators or defensive coordinators might know the other side of the ball better because they've been inside that room. They are the Belichick. That's right. Of law firms, just meaning the greatest of all time. There's some other Belichick stuff maybe you just want to stay away from.

But that's, you know, who knows? They have not, to our knowledge, committed any scandals. Yeah. No, they're great. Frankl & Frankl, personal injury attorneys, 214-817-ALL-THREES. When you call them, you'll get a partner on the line, not some spare like blake or something uh you get somebody real mark or scott frankel or gene burkett tell those guys don't you

hell yeah gene burkett's like six seven yeah yeah he crushes in court i would feed him in the post yeah i think that's part of uh what helps him in court right yeah just the intimidation factor he's like the randy johnson of people slam dunk your case. Yeah, there you go. Thanks to you, Franco and Franco. Here's their theme song. Where? Where? Franco and Franco.

If you need a personal attorney for injury, call Gene Burkett. Personal attorney. Courtney Terry. Okay. Colt Jean Burkett. So, let's start with Beefy. Because SEC Media Days or the SEC whatever. What do we call it? Media Days? They're meeting here this week.

Yeah. Yeah, it was... A lot going on on sports wise right here in DFW. Yeah. I mean, probably if you had to clock the overall composition of like, where does the most sports take place? It would have to be here. Well, I'm saying this week for sure. Yeah. Yeah. But I just mean in general, right? Like the big 12 was always here. Now the sec is here. The college football playoff is always here, like at the Gaylord. I think they go put on the ice jackets and go through the ice sculptures. It just seems to all kind of happen here.

Most athletes, I would say, out of any other metropolitan area. We're always in line for March Madness or college football play, it seems like. Yeah, for sure. So the thing I was thinking about that's so weird about this is it is a complete wrecking of the childhood that I grew up with as far as football goes.

Texas and OU going to the SEC. But at the same time, now Texas and A&M are playing again. So it's sort of both at the same time. Like it's bringing something back. I mean, I remember my entire childhood was we watched the Cowboys on Thanksgiving. Wasn't me. All right. We watched the Cowboys on Thanksgiving,

and either Texas and Texas A&M played Thursday night, Friday night, or Saturday. This year they're going to play on Saturday that weekend. So we're getting that back, but at the same time, Texas now has a conference game with, like, Florida. Florida and Ole Miss. It's so weird. It's awesome. Do you think it is?

Don't you? No. No? Uh-uh. Why? Because, like you said, it was... Why? Why? It was geographical.

I mean, Texas playing Baylor, if you were a Texas fan, you knew Baylor fans. You knew Texas Tech fans. You knew Aggies. You knew Sooners. I don't know an Ole Miss fan. It was based on geography, and it used to be fun because you had people that cheered for teams because they were nearby.

It really tripped me out the other day. I was looking. I guess I'd forgotten Cal joined the ACC. That's weird. A cross-country flight for a conference game? Well, I mean. That's weird. A cross-country flight for a conference game? Well, I mean. That's insane. USC and the Big Ten.

Same thing. That doesn't compute with me. No, it's messed up, but the schedule, there's going to be some tougher games on there. Oh, not just tougher, way bigger. Yeah. You know, I mean, Texas is going to play at LSU at night. Or LSU is going to play at Texas at night. And it's not going to be like a week one or zero, one, two, three week.

It's going to be like something that matters for the conference championship. And especially now that the conference football playoff is being expanded, you can probably still get into the playoff with three losses. So it's not just like, oh, okay, this team, it's almost, it's the NFL now. It is. Yeah. That's just what it's becoming. And that's, I don't know, as a kid who grew up going to Big 12 championships and going

to four or five Texas games a year, that's just gone. I guess when I say it's awesome. It's gone and it's never coming back. When I say it's awesome, you were just describing that Aggie is going to play Texas again. That is pretty awesome. That's certainly awesome. That is pretty awesome. I always thought they should have tried to preserve that when Aggie left.

We're still going to schedule this every year. Well, I mean, the only reason it's happening now is basically because of an arranged marriage. They don't want to be doing this. So they're not doing Bedlam anymore, right? No. Yeah, that does suck. It does suck.

And I loved going up to Lubbock and watching whatever, I don't know, Texas Tech or Baylor and Texas Tech. Yeah, Blake's right. You know a Red Raider. Yeah. You know someone who went to Baylor. The only people that you really know if you live here probably are LSU fans. Like you have LSU guy, right? Oh, my God.

Annoying guy in the neighborhood, yes. If you're an LSU guy, you're probably the annoying guy in the neighborhood. Go Tigers. Like three blow-up probably the annoying guy in the neighborhood. Go Tigers. Like three blow-up things every Saturday morning in the yard. He flags. He's all out. Probably got the things on the car. Yes, if you're an LSU, you know he's an LSU fan.

There's no doubt. But outside of that, I didn't grow up knowing any Alabama fans. I didn't grow up knowing any Florida fans or Ole Miss fans or whatever the hell Vanderbilt is. Yeah, and then, like you said, being able to travel, too, you know. Yeah, for sure. You can't go to a game. That's, like, the biggest part of college football to me. Are you looking forward to Alabama fans?

They seem awful. I will tell you this. I've told this story before, but I don't think he started, but one of the first games that my brother ever played in was in Tuscaloosa. My parents said that they were

awesome. That they were super, super... This is, again, comparing it to LSU. That they were super sweet. They were super super this is again comparing it to lsu that they were super sweet they were super kind they treat it like a like a you know a formal party like everybody dresses up people have suits on they're not mean to you but they're also expecting to win yeah i think that obviously now, they have a new coach, so that could be a little bit different. But my parents were just like,

we've traveled to 20 different cities to watch him play. These people were super, super kind to us. Boy, I forgot there's no Saban. Yeah. That's really weird. It's weird seeing him on TV. He's great. He is great.

You think so? He's really, really good. He's great. He is great. You think so? He's really, really good. He's a lot more honest than I thought he would be. You know who John McDade is? Refresh my memory. Apparently, he is the SEC coordinator of officials. And he had a press conference yesterday. of officials.

And he had a press conference yesterday. And they were talking about just some things, like penalties for the defense clapping to try to emulate the offense's signal, whatever. They were just doing a lot of mundane stuff that is somewhat interesting, though,

if you like football. But then this question came out. I thought you guys would like to hear this. Hey, John, this may not be of wide interest to a lot of people around the SEC country right now, but Texas coming into the league, a lot of Sooners wondering about Horns Down. Is there a stance on what your officials will call moving forward on that? Do you feel that that's an accurate question?

Like a lot of Sooners are wondering. It's only the Sooners. Well, yes, I think it's accurate. Yes, a lot of Sooners are wondering. It's only the Sooners. Well. Yes, I think it's accurate. Yes, I think Blake is right. Okay. Yeah, if it's going to be an issue, the signal,

it's going to be under the playing rules from sportsmanlike conduct. Wait, was it? Yeah. It was penalized in the Big 12 then? Yeah. What, if a player did it? Yeah.

Yeah, okay. And we've talked a lot about that in our officiating group since I've taken over in the 2020 season. And to be on Sportsmanlike Conduct, I'm asking my officials to use a framework of judgment where the act to be a foul needs to be in one of three buckets. It needs to be taunting an opponent. It needs to be a travesty of the game.

What? That's a travesty. Travesty. Pretty subjective. What could that possibly mean? Warns down. Travesty? What, do you put a football in your butt? Pull your wiener out?

What is a travesty of the game? That would be impressive. It needs to be a travesty of the game or it needs to otherwise compromise our ability to manage the game. What's a travesty of the game? Right. Just it's just a phrase. I asked my officials, the act itself needs to be offending to the census. If you took that act out of a football stadium and did it in a shopping mall or a grocery store, would it offend the census to a majority of the reasonable people in the area? Right? That signal would not. Right? You might have some people that share that signal with you if you did that at a grocery store or in a shopping mall, depending

where you are. So it's very much we're going to evaluate it in context. I could see a scenario. I want to be very cautious about using hypotheticals, right? What you've been doing for five minutes. But I could see a scenario where an opponent of Texas makes a big play in celebrating with his teammates, possibly going back to the sideline. They're giving the signal. It's not taunting. It's not making a travesty of the game. It's not affecting our ability to manage the game.

So the answer is no. We're not going to penalize it. Unless you do it in somebody's face. Exactly. While they're laying on the ground. That's taunting. But if you give them the finger. Then yes, that would be considered the...

If you're in the grocery store. Think back. Someone did this to me in the grocery store. The old dice roll. The dice roll, yeah. What about... Oh man, if we were in the media, we could have been...

If we were there. Next question. What about... Licking the V? The peace sign with the tongue in between. That's a missed follow-up. The tongue is moving.

Yeah, and it's right in between. I would like someone to ask about the football in the butt. Yeah. Then we just keep throwing out different scenarios. The most insane thing about that is that, I don't know what that guy makes, but it's a lot. And he said, you know,

this has been a topic of conversation with me and my officials. For four years. These people, these adults, these adults sat for years and sat there and talked about this, deliberating it like it was whether or not we should invade Syria. And it's a hand signal.

That's great. That's insane. It did not make the video game. Sorry, Sooners. Oh. Horns Down did make NCAA 25. Okay, so you're rolling with it. How's the team?

When did it get released? Tuesday, right? Or Monday? I could have played it Monday at 3 o'clock. Okay, so you've been... You've been sitting on it, or you played it? You've been heavy into it? I haven't touched it.

Whoa. Too busy? Are you worried your kids aren't going to be fed? Because of the dishes and the cupboard doors open? Some of it, yeah, just a little busy. The other part is I've just been hurt by football video games so much in the past decade. Oh, no. Oh, Blake.

And right now, it can't hurt me. Right now, it's perfect. How have you been hurt? It's awesome. You've been disappointed? Like a travesty? Yeah, just a travesty. To the game?

No, just every year. Madden has sucked for like a decade. I get excited for Madden. It's like, this year will be different. This year, it'll play better. It'll feel better. It's just horrible. With Madden, did they ever actually have Belichick as the coach?

No. That never happened? It was always some fill-in guy that looked like a three-year-old? Yeah, and it was Griffin. Did he not sign the whatever? He never signed it. That's correct. And it was the same as when the NBA had video games in the early 90s and mid-90s.

The Chicago Bulls had Scottie Pippen and SG number 23. And Barry Bonds wouldn't be in the baseball game. You could never play as Jordan. Barry Bonds is always John Dowd. Yeah. That's why Hakeem Olajuwon and Houston Rockets were the best team. Yeah. I'll get to it eventually, but I am...

So right now it's pure. I'm nervous. Yeah. Right now it's pure. You walk by the dining room table and just look at it. Right now it's as. I'm nervous. Yeah. Right now it's pure. Do you walk by the dining room table and just look at it? Right now it's as great as you think it is. Come play with me, Blake. Yeah.

Have you looked up any of the snubs for the backup quarterbacks? They have a third-string quarterback from Virginia who has a 12 rating. He's a 12, yeah. I have seen that. It's amazing. Is that Sh... I'm going to get the name wrong, but it's some cat, like Schrodinger's cat. Breaking Bad.

Yeah. Is it alive? A little bit. In the box? If you don't see it. If you don't open it, then it's alive? It's quantum physics. You paid extra to get it early, right?

I did. Yeah, now you're not even – Now you're playing. That's a travesty. That's a travesty. In baseball news, we finally got to see Kirby Yates pitch a scoreless inning in the All-Star game. Come on, Skip.

And we've all been waiting. Yeah. Two strikeouts, a perfect inning, a hold. That's what I'm talking about. Yep. That's Texas strong right there. Never, ever quit. Did you see Otani bomb?

Dude. I did. And then I saw our favorite, Paul. And then they immediately cut to Livvy. Who was mic'd up? She was mic'd up. She didn't have much. No.

But when they panned. Was she rizzed up? She was mic'd up. She didn't have much. No. But when they panned her in the crowd, she says, let's go, Paul, and it was into a mic. So she didn't have much. He only pitched one inning, but that was still weird. Did you see Reiner call the Otani home run right before it happened? I did not. He posted on his Instagram with Grego. People only remember the wins.

Yeah, he said it every time he was up. Here it is. Here it is. I thought it was great. We got to see Skeens throw 100. Then Mason Miller for the A's came in through 103. Otani hit a bomb. I feel like if you're a baseball fan, you saw what you came there for. Especially on the heels of the Home Run Derby.

That was pretty entertaining. I feel like I'm in the minority, but I really like the uniforms. No, dude. Sorry, man. I think you are in the minority. I read a ton of hate about those online. This guy clearly has style, though. I'm a graphic designer.

I know what I'm talking about. He is wearing a suit, so it's tough to refute his opinions right now. But to me, they looked like, I think I've told you guys my opinion about this before, but in the 90s, every single expansion team went with one palette of colors. And it was like turquoise. Purple-ish. Purple-ish. Yeah. and it was like turquoise, purple-ish. Yeah, so if you think about the Marlin, the Diamondbacks, the Panthers,

the Raptors, the Grizzlies at the time. Grizzlies is dope. But they all used this same cool, or at the time, thought to be cool palette. And I think when you think about that as like, hey, this is going to age well, it never does. Like for example, that's why I think like AT&T Stadium looks like shit. But I think the old ballpark in Arlington looks awesome. Agreed. Because it was built to look old.

So stuff that you build to be like, hey is now i think it doesn't look great well i think when the expansion teams came out they number one they were probably trying to use colors that weren't in the the normal palette red white blue right yeah and then they made the mistake of using popular contemporary colors rather than maybe going something that's a little more classic. Yeah. Because, yeah, those things never age well. No, and that's how I feel about the All-Star Game uniforms.

Yeah, you get a marketing company. When did they stop just wearing their fucking team uniform? It's been probably 10 years, right? And what was wrong with that? Nothing. You just had a hat. Yeah, well, you couldn't make money on it. Back in the day, you would wear your uniform, right?

Now you can sell those uniforms. Wouldn't you just wear your old uniform? It was either your home whites or the other team wore solids or solid colors. But they used to wear their actual uniforms. But now I bought a third Kirby Yates jersey. To complete the collection. Yeah, yeah. No, I already have the home and the road.

Skeens. So do you know the controversy around him heading into this game? We talked about him last week, but something then happened after that. Not because he's only made 11 starts? No, but that's awesome, right? He's only made 11 Major League starts, and he's starting the All-Star game. That's how good he is.

Like, he's excellent. No, they yanked him from a no-hitter in his last start. Yeah. He was... To get ready for the All-Star game? No, they just said... In fact, it's the second time they have yanked him from a no-hitter. The first time, it was because he got to 100 pitches.

Okay. And they pulled him from that game. And then this past week, they yanked him, and he wasn't at 100 pitches even. But they just thought, okay, well, we – oh, was he? Maybe he was at 99 pitches. Sorry. But it was – they said it wasn't because he reached a pitch limit or something. It was just because he felt like he was laboring to get the job done,

and so they yanked him. And they ended up winning that game, and the manager, Derek Shelton. Of course. The manager of the Pirates. Of course. DS. yanked him. And they ended up winning that game and the manager Derek Shelton. Of course. Do you know I know all the managers in Major League Baseball? I'm aware. And Jake knows all the coaches in the WNBA. He already did that. I will defeat Jake in that.

There was one day that I knew. But the thing about that to me, dude, is if he's on board with it, then it's not a big deal. And he does seem to be on board with it. And this might bother me. Maybe it's old man syndrome or something. You know, I mean, apparently he became –

He was only the second pitcher ever – wait, let me see. The second pitcher ever with multiple starts of six or more hitless innings with 11 or more strikeouts in the same season. That was both of those games, and he gets yanked. The other pitcher is Nolan Ryan, who completed those two games and pitched two no-hitters that year. Wow. So, in theory, Skeens could have two no-hitters already. Yeah, but I don't know.

Just imagine the legend of Paul Skeens had he have, if he also had two no-hitters under his belt. Got Livvy Dunn. He does have Livvy Dunn. no hitters under his belt. Got Livy done. He doesn't have Livy done. But I think using Nolan as an example is a bad idea.

Obviously, there was something physically different about that person. Well, how do you know there's not about Paul Skeens? I guess the only way to find out is do I blow out his arm or not? Yeah. Yeah, so I don't know. They make so much money. It just makes sense to me to be a little bit conservative and cautious about it. And he got Libby done. I didn't even know the All-Star game was here until like two days ago.

I forgot yesterday. I knew it for like three days and then forgot. Yeah. It was also on like three days and then forgot. Yeah. It was also on a Tuesday, right? Monday. Monday was home run derby. Yeah. What are they doing?

Why not a weekend? It's baseball. Be normal. Have you ever seen the baseball? Star game is always during the week. It's never been on a weekend. It's never made sense to me. Because they give them the weekend after that.

What do you mean? Like the teams get off. They get a break, rather. Oh, they do? I didn't know that. I don't think they play again until... I thought they're back playing on the weekend. I think they do.

But isn't it like Sunday? So they at least get a couple days is what I'm saying. I'm pretty sure about that. I could be wrong. I thought they started Thursday. I think they're back tomorrow. I don't know that for sure. I don't think Jake knows anything about that. I could be wrong. I thought they started Thursday. I think they're back tomorrow. I don't know that for sure.

I don't think Jake knows anything about I don't think anyone could possibly know. There's no way to find out. I have an Olympic update for you guys.

Is this about the river? It is about the river Sen. The river Skins. I've been thinking nonstop about, they really went through the effort to make an app

that tracks feces and how it moves through water. Yep. Distance. They do play Friday. Half the league plays Friday, the other half plays Saturday. Yeah. They can make apps for anything, Blake. That's what I've heard.

Get into the internet. There's a lot there. Okay. Anyway... So many trash trucks. She did it. What? Oh, she got in? Anne Hidalgo.

She did it this morning. The mayor of Paris swam in the River Seine just to show that it is safe to do so, even though last week they still said the... Poop content. What do you call it? Yeah, the fecal levels or whatever. I just got an alert on my phone.

She has passed away. What? Boy, you called it, too. She's just wearing a... Of course she's wearing a frog man's outfit. Something's going on. Yes, she was accompanied by a former Olympic canoeing champion who was the head of the organizing committee.

So he got in there as well but the president macron had promised to join them in a show of unity he was not there he did not show up you know how these politicians are they'll make their promises and then not show up flip-flopping uh the whole bit here is during heavy rain sew sewage could overflow into the river, and it does often. Like on June 18th, after several days of rain, E. coli levels in the Seine jumped more than 10 times the safety limit. He said that funny, didn't he? Did I? What, E. coli?

E. coli. E. coli. Sorry. It's like e-commerce, E. coli? E. coli. E. coli. Sorry. It's like e-commerce. E. coli. Yeah. It is business Wednesday. It's very true.

The last week of June saw four days. Like, they're testing it every day, but four of those days, they say it was clean enough to swim in. According to European standards, no days when it was clean enough to swim in the US with our standards. Honestly, pretty surprising to me. I thought those would be reversed. For sure.

So, now at first you remember me saying this a couple weeks ago even. They said there was no plan b when they first announced this we're doing the sen but since they have um changed up and they do have a plan b they will swim in the marne instead if they need to um these will be used it's not even going to be used till july 30th and 31st for the swimming leg of the triathlon. Then on August 5th, as well as open water swimming on August 8th and 9th.

They just need to be good for five days. The Marne doesn't give me any confidence. It does not sound cleaner. No. No? I don't know. It was at 10 times, and then it was safe? Then it was safe. It's like Bitcoin. It's all over the place. Right. You't know. So it was at 10 times, and then it was safe? Then it was safe.

It's like Bitcoin. It's like all over the place. Right. You never know. It's all based on the rain. The Wired article that I read about this this morning has the headline, Paris Mayor Defies Poop Threats to Swim and Seen, and Proves a Point.

That's got to be one of the toughest bullets to take as a politician outside of an actual bullet. That was a zinger. No, no, no, but I'm serious. It's like, they're like, all right, look, the economy will crash if we can't do this in here. You got to go swim in the poop. Yeah.

You have to. Hey, let's do some viewer mail oh one thing one other sports thing oh go ahead sorry I don't know that this is for sure true um I was not aware that D Magazine had comments

always a good idea but it does appear to me that someone who uses the exact same image as Mark Cuban on his Twitter profile and the name Mark Cuban has commented on my article. Oh, yeah? Which I don't know how this happened. It took off a little bit. It might have been that our good friend Robert Sturm decided to retweet me.

Obviously, him and Cubes have some level of relationship. Yeah, what's the comments? Because the article is about Mark Cuban. Where is he? What does he do? And he follows me. I have to dust him, as we've said, even though he follows me. He just said, when you hire someone, you help develop them.

And if they get good at their job, as Nico and Finn are, you let them do their job. When they need help, you help them. If they weren't good at their jobs, you would hear from me much more, but fortunately, they aren't just good. They have been great at their jobs. Are we throwing shade at Donnie Nelson? I don't know.

Because he was very visible during Donnie Nelson's entire tenure. Exactly, entire tenure. Like, exactly, entire tenure. And I don't know that this is for sure cubes, but I wouldn't put it past him to... Of course not. He sees everything. Yeah. So, I don't know. I just wanted to tell you that I think cubes...

No, that's really cool. That still doesn't explain why he's not at the trophy ceremony and all that. Yeah. Yeah, it does. There's really not any explanation here at all. And it's not like he's, like, pissed off. He wasn't like, hey, F you. No, no, that sounds like a fair explanation if that's the truth.

Type call. Yeah. But. And like I said, I didn't even know that we had comments. But Kirk Henderson, who's a Mavs guy like hit me up and was like hey I think Cuban might have commented on your DMag article I mean how hard is it to create a

profile and grab an image incredibly difficult as your profile picture and make a comment that's really hard it's easier to swim in a river of shit seems to me if you're going to go to the trouble of doing that, stealing the avatar, creating a name and a unique profile, posing as Mark Cuban, you would do it to stir up shit. Yeah, you wouldn't do a well-thought-out response

saying I think Nico and Kid are good at their jobs. This is too mindful of a reply to not be legit. This isn't a Kevin Durant situation. Exactly. Kevin Durant. That's funny. I think the real Mark Cuban would like that comment on there. Yeah.

I liked it. Oh, Blake, do you want to do baseball audio before? No, we can hold. I missed that on the run sheet here. No, we can hold. We don't have to hold. It's not pressing. Okay. Can I comment on the run sheet here. No, we can hold. We don't have to hold. It's not pressing. Okay.

Can I comment on the trash guy one thing? Hold on. Pull me back up. Do we need to cut this bet off? Now you can. If a trash man dies, do they put the flags at half-mast? If he's a real hero. You know, that sounds weird with Biden behind.

Yeah, it's Biden behind. Yeah, it is. You know, there was a trash man, I believe, in Grapevine in the last year who got crunched pretty hard. And I don't think they put the flax in half sounds like he wasn't doing his job very well he got in the truck and got smushed something like that

the center where they compressed the trash he got compacted can you recycle him? oh gosh how much plastic was in his pockets? Probably a lot, especially in his balls. Hey, everybody.

It's time to answer some of today's... A lot of plastic in our balls, guys. Maybe the new administration will roll back all of our E. coli water regulations and we can be more aligned with Europe. They're good at that. The new administration will probably roll back relations but they don't want to be more like Europe. So that's a weird...

It's a dichotomy. It's like Texas going to the SEC. Do you know that Viewer Mail was brought to you by Prosper Ford? My guy up there, Chaz Gilmore, owns the new state-of-the-art Prosper Ford dealership in Prosper, Texas, right up the tollway. It's awesome. Oh, you know what? Actually, a buddy texted me last night about my Bronco Sport and said, you know, do you really love it? I do. I've been a Explorer driver for many, many years. And the Bronco Sport is a little bit smaller.

It makes me feel like Al Cowlings. That's definitely not on the copy. He feels like him. It handles so well. Remember how nice Al was going left and right? He turned around and pulled right into the driveway there. It's great. It's great.

I've already told you the state-of-the-art technology where it can charge your phone without plugging anything in. Incredible. It's like they had this little magician built into the little genie. Something like that. Okay. Built into the car somewhere. It's awesome. FM?

Got FM radio? AM? What? What? It's got all the types of radio. And it's unbelievable. Anyway, Prosper Ford, great deals up there. Chaz has owned Grapevine Ford for over a decade.

And he brought that same awesome awesome energy up to prosper so go to prosperford.com and get a big savings on your next vehicle take it from me al cowlings prosper ford okay he's awesome i was gonna add something but now i feel like that's not necessary. Dear Dan, my name is Rhett. I'm a day one-er in my heart, but day 157 with my billfold. That doesn't really count, though. Since then, not a month goes by that I don't have to explain to my wife that no, our account has not been compromised. Patreon is an app I use to listen to a Dallas-based sports and recreation podcast. We are from San Antonio.

app I use to listen to a Dallas-based sports and recreation podcast. We are from San Antonio. Then I have to further explain it's also about comedy and education. Please give her a birthday shout-out. Let's see. Her name is Ariana. She is turning six birdies, ten pars, and two eagles using the Stableford scoring system on a par 72 more blade. I can't do it.

Uh-uh. So happy birthday to Ariana. Let's see. Uncle Hotmail. Day two, number 905 here. It is my birthday. My Sean Lee minus Pudge birthday. My leaders are Dan's Moosing and

Jake's leather jacket he wore in high school. Me too. Also, RIP all of Jake's automatically deleted tweets. From Tyler. I stopped doing that. You just let him remain?

Yeah, I mean, what I mostly started doing was just not tweeting. But back in the day, whenever I was fighting with people, I would pay for a service that would delete them. Now I just don't tweet. I learned from Dan.

And then Dan started becoming obsessed with the internet. That's my people. Uncle Fishmitten. What? Fishmitten. Back in May, I sat above your garage and asked for help in naming my son.

This is from AJ Shorn. Do you remember him? I do. I remember his name. Okay, Blake, you know who he is. Yeah. Your fat doctor's son. Ah, yes. Yeah. I remember his name. Okay, Blake, you know who he is. Yeah. Your fat doctor son. Ah, yes.

Okay. You guys didn't give me much to work with, so I hope this passes the Jake baby name test. Today, this was sent yesterday, is the Damien Lillard plus Calvin Ridley plus Bismarck Biambo on the Bobcats birthday for William Austin Shorn. That's pretty awesome. He would love a shout out.

Here's a freshly born pic I took from the hospital room in my No Puppet shirt. The doctor asked me what the shirt was and when I explained, she gave a very meh response and went back to yanking Miraculous New Life out of my wife's

gash. Oh my gosh. Out of fear for my life, I did not ask any stitch-based questions. That's from A.J. Shorn. Bill Shorn. I gotta say, of all the times that I've heard the word gash

used, I've never heard it used in relation to birds. It sounds more medical that way, though. In a sense, I suppose you're right. Why did he call you fishmitten? Because he was staring at one? You want me to get in the mind of A.J. Shorn? I'm just reading him. I don't know anything.

Is that what you use to get your meal out of your microwave? William Austin is a great name, though. It sounds like that guy could have been at the Alamo. Today is my Brian Bohannon birthday. Not going to look it up. If Jake just shouted who with bewilderment, I'll dumb it down for him.

It's also my Derek Holland birthday. I have a hard-on for former Texas Rangers Southpaw greats. Speaking of erect penises, my leaders are Dan's cadence and the ability to load a dishwasher, Jake's mind and his ability to throw a weighted baseball, and how both of you see the limitless value in sitting down when you go pee then he goes on to tell us how he met us when we're at a four-top business wednesday power lunch at a north dallas tavern you remember this i do with that i believe that's where we met Gene Burkett. And he said he ended up... I guess he had not been a subscriber before that,

but was since that day. He gave us a chance to earn his business. That's what you're saying. Yeah, so his name is JCD. I'm with you guys, by the way, as far as sitting down to pee at home. Yeah. But I learned something.

You'll join us, Blake. Is that when you sit down as a man to pee, you think you're done? You're not. You're not. Nope. Because if you stand up right afterwards, there's more pee. Yep. Especially as you get a little bit older.

See, I like doing it especially if Jake's over because I'll sit down and then he can stand and we can both go at the same time. He can go in the little triangle. Uh-huh. You guys ever pee in the sink? Come on.

I've done a lot of stuff in the sink. Not at home. If you spider Jake... I don't need more, but I certainly have. stuff in the sink. Not at home. If you spider Jake while he's... You do it at home? I have. I don't anymore, but I certainly have. If you spider Jake while he's sitting

down to pee, there's that opening that you could actually... We could both sit down. Yeah, you could turn your toilet into the sin right there. Stare in the mirror.

Everybody goes in the shower, right? Yeah. I mean, I try not to, but I mean, it certainly happened. Jake, you look like a waffle kind of guy. Do you go in the shower, right? Yeah. I try not to, but it certainly happened. Jake, you look like a waffle kind of guy. Do you go in the pool? What does that mean? Yeah. Like from

standing on the side? No. No. Ever laid down to pee? Try to aim for the middle of the life preserver? What is a waffle kind of guy? I don't know what that means. You can never know. Like pooping in the shower? Uncle Hot, I want to wish my bro-in-law Jeff a happy birthday. He's probably listening to you cheffing it up for some old Fs that have lost their mind.

Okay, so that's from Kevin. Okay, thanks, Kevin. And I have two more. That's from Kevin. Okay, thanks, Kevin. And I have two more. One regarding my wacky hat bit yesterday. I told you I did a TV show.

They recorded eight segments, and on each one I wore a different hat, but we never acknowledged it. When does that come out? I think this weekend, but I'm not sure. Okay. Stay tuned. Sure. I'll let you know tomorrow. Watch this space.

He says, I love the switching hats segment for each segment. I did the same bit when I was in the den for Cowboys Eagles on December 10th. Consider this a bit for one. I was probably the only person who saw it,

but I went through eight different hats during the game. I was trying to watch the monitor over Blake's shoulder so I didn't get caught changing hats on camera. Wow. One of mine is also a Grady Spencer hat. That's from Scott Carter. Cool. Do you know who that is?

That's Wire Will's brother. Oh, nice. I met him just the other day. Yeah, that checks out. That he would be doing a bit for one. So, yeah. Okay. If you want to go back to 1210 and watch the YouTube,

go to live streams on our YouTube page. And then one regarding Hooters delivery here. Hordash. So that was the idea yesterday? Yeah. Somebody had the idea of calling Hordash. Jason says it should be called Boober. Also really good.

Or DoorGash. DoorGash. That's interesting. Jeez. What a think tank. Boober eats. Poor idea, guys. Alright. The Dunzo

Dunzo Dunzo Rangers and Astros All right. The Dumbs. The Dumbs. The Dumbs. Rangers and Astros. First meeting in the battle for the Silver Boots. And, of course, the defending World Series champions will open their season at the ballpark. You went to surprise, right? I did. I did indeed.

How was that? Rangers going to be any good? Well, they need some older pitchers to have some some good re-entrenching years I would say and if that happens action on box for this is a big year Major League Baseball period a Lot of good teams you look at the Yankees You're listening to The Dumb Zone. Any other teams?

Yeah. Thank you. There's so many in this league as a player. You got your Marlins. No way he knows the Marlins. Led by Skip Shoemaker. Hell yeah. Give me a team, guys.

See, coming out of the break, I think the Rangers play Baltimore. Brandon Hyde. No, Puppets! Obviously chasing the Astros in the division. Joe Espada. Don't give them a layup. But the guy at the top is, or the team at the top is the Mariners. Oh, you know why they're at the top?

Because they embodied the style of Scott Service. They played just like him. Like he was a scrappy guy, and that's their... That's who they are. Yeah. White Sox? The worst team in baseball? Yeah.

Pedro Graffo, right? I mean, is he going to survive the year? Thin ice. Hard to see a path forward for old Pedro. I had big hopes for him. Hey, can we quickly promote something for tomorrow? Yeah. A guy who can kick.

Yeah. A cowboy that hopefully will not get mad at you about mental illness. a guy who can kick yeah a cowboy that hopefully will not get mad at you about mental illness I'll address that if you want if you want I don't think he was mad at me I think he was Charles Haley

Dan's been in those crosshairs before I feel like by the end of it, it was totally cool. We had a big hug at the end. I, you know, I don't think that was like a bad interaction. I think the only mistake you made was bringing up how a bipolar person is

bipolar and how it could have been negative. That's where I felt like maybe he felt attacked, but I understood your question. What I was saying though, was that it could be positive. Yeah. Like that if you're the type of person who has, you know, some slightly wrong things in your brain, sometimes it can actually, I've always said this, like I said about Dez, that that actually fueled him into being the person that he was, successful in the field that he was. So the point I was trying to make is,

if your job is to be pretty irrationally violent, is there a chance that maybe that helped you in that path? No, I thought your question was great, but your approach of bringing up his bipolar and then just calling it sideways. Well, here's my analysis of the whole thing. A euphemism for it, I suppose, rather than being like, hey, you nut. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This has to do with yesterday's interview with Charles Haley, if you haven't heard it. It's a pretty good one. Brandon Aubrey tomorrow. Yes. Brandon Aubrey, the best kicker in the NFL. I have less concern about him getting mad at me about questions about mental health. But I was analyzing this after the fact.

Maybe I was talking to somebody about it. And I don't think he's quick on his feet. And he even went on to explain to us he's not really good even reading. Right. But he can memorize certain things. Then you were like, here's a book. Yeah, okay.

It was Good Night Moon. It wasn't that... So... I haven't thought about Goodnight moon in a long time. It's been a while. So I don't think he's quick on his feet. I think he has his thing, and I know what I'm going to say here. And then when you kind of throw something else at him, and it turns him to a different way,

and then he's trying to analyze it real quick, and think his default is i'm on the defensive yeah and so he tried to analyze what you said and maybe he thought perhaps you were making light of it just because he heard mental health and like you said sideways and just whatever so like but you're right also i don't think it ended it's just a wild ride look we had other parts of that interview were a wild ride yeah somebody else texted me like it that sounds exhausting to be a part of it and you're gonna sleep great tonight so um so maybe the deep stare into your eyes was him processing trying to figure out what it is you actually said yeah like I said, he was staring through me. My intention was certainly not to make light of anything

that he's gone through at all. You were saying mine was. Yeah. What are you, sad? What are you, crazy? What are you, bi? What does that mean? Because some people that are afflicted by that.

How do you have three personalities? I thought you were bipolar. That's a great point. My wife did roller derby and her name was quad polar disorder. They take the negative aspect of it. Is that roller derby? Yeah.

There's almost no doubt that you've been involved in that before. What's that? Dating a female who did a little bit of roller derby. Hey, we've got to do something. Never do it. It's business. It's business time.

That's what you're trying to say. It is business Wednesday. So even though we have business Friday. It's business. It's business time. And Blake wanted to bring some stuff up Business wise Yeah a couple Business things for you boys

The first is Is my audio fuzzy That's my fault That's the way I like to hear We'll get it figured out I was approached by Somebody at a remote Last Friday Jen who was a little unhappy that she was affected by the 5 p.m. cutoff of Patreon.

What's that mean? Apparently, if you signed up at night of day one, it counts you as day two. at night of day one, it counts you as day two. So we assume maybe they stop at business hours, 5 p.m. is the cutoff. COB. Something like that.

So you're saying... Because we've heard from a lot of people that, I swear I was day one, but it says I'm day two. So she gave me and us a great idea. What if you wanted to buy your way into day one? It sounds like this results in us having some money. But would you be able to buy your way into day one, even if you were day 100? Not much money.

Probably not much money, Danny, but some money. So I went through this spreadsheet. What if we did a barter system instead of money with Jen? Do you have any ideas? I'll let y'all discuss. Captain Fish Mitten over there.

There were 593 people that signed up on day one. Since that day, 70 have canceled. Okay. That's not a horrible retention rate. There are 70 spots available, and for the low, low price of 69 bucks, if you would like one of those spots.

This is not going to work. That seems like it is a very horrible retention level. 600? 70 out of 600? That's like 10%. More than 10%. More than that. No, but I mean,

if you're retaining 85 to 90%, I feel like that's good. Is it? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Okay. Everybody's nodding. All right.

Only 15% of the people thought you guys sucked so bad. I want 100. That they didn't want to give you... I guess my standards are higher. They're $7. You know, you guys are cool with 90%. I'm giving... I guess my standards are higher. They're $7. You guys are cool with 90%? I give

110% every day. We've had our first customer. Jen has bought up into day one. She'll obviously get the premium seat. If you're interested in this, email me. TheDumbZone at gmail.com

I don't hate it. He's a business guy. I don't think it's goingmail.com. I don't hate it. He's a business guy. I don't think it's going to work, but I don't hate it. Okay, but if it works, it's money for the show, and you didn't have to do anything. So if it doesn't work, it's a shot. Sure, okay. Okay, second line of business.

Had another good idea from a subbie. We should have sit-ins for the Cowboys' streams. Yeah. That's a good idea. Not just people that had Ebola. So if you wanted to do the 690 sit-in, you would do it for that? Yeah. Would that need a fan?

Sure. She was there. Really? Yeah. She sat right there. Is her dog still alive? Should that be a 420 sit-in, or is that a bad business thing? Despite my best efforts, yes, her dog is.

You tried to lower that. Bentley is still alive. I would say, you know, the alcohol's flowing. There's some food around. I think 690 is a good price for that, because those are always a really, really good time. Yeah. We do plan to get them all catered this year. Well, there we go.

I think we keep it at 690. I think we learned that pretty early. Didn't the first one we did, was it Saroy? And we didn't have any food, and he was really bummed out. Yeah. And we had Adam Romo here. Yeah. So he runs Eatsies.

He offered food, and I'm like, I don't know. I don't know if people want food. And part of the problem, too, was you had apparently lost the ability to order pizza. I had a little rough. It just took a little time. It took three quarters. I mean, if one of you guys wants to do something, that'd be cool. But okay, I'll just do it all.

It's the burden I have. Ordering pizza did not fall within the 110%. No, not that day. Not that day. Not that day. So, yeah, I'm thinking maybe two slots for two 690 sit-ins and you get to bring a guest maybe. I don't know.

We'll talk about how many we offer per game, but we've already worked on the schedule for the games that we're going to do. I can't believe I'm going to have to quit flag football. Well, I would think you'd be able to bring more than one guest, but I guess I don't want to ruin your business here. That's just my thought. We can talk it out. You know, Blake, you could tie it.

You have to be a day one in order to be eligible. Oh, man. Look at this guy. And then you want to, yeah. You must be a day one of marketing. Then you got to, yeah, buy up with the 69 bucks. How about you have to wear a tuxedo? Buy up with the 69 bucks.

How about you have to wear a tuxedo? So, yeah, if you're a fan of the streams and the fun and you'd like to join in, hit us up about a 690 sit-in for the Cowboy stream. If you have any other great ideas for Blake, yeah. Yeah, no, obviously these are all crowdsourced, as you can tell. Last thing for you guys. We have sold our first golden shower ticket for the dumb zone. Do you remember Kara, the former lesbian, and Kyle, her new now husband? I don't remember him as much. Well, they've just bought a package at $6,900.

And in that, they will receive one remote per quarter. Do I have to piss on somebody? No. Okay. They just said that they're really big fans of the show. Why'd you sound like that'd be upsetting to you? He didn't ask if he had to get pissed on. I mean, I'll do it.

Oh, okay. Then he would be like, do I get to get pissed on? No. Okay. So in this package that we've discussed, three sit-ins for the year, one remote for a year, and a cowboy stream. They've locked themselves into that? So all in all, it's 10 sit-, or 10 sit-ins for the most part, for $6,900.

Wait, so one cowboy stream? Per year. So it looks like They've already bought this, you're saying? Yeah. Whoa. And if others would like to as well, we're calling this the golden shower ticket. The Dumb Zone Golden Shower Ticket. So yeah, three sit-ins a year, one remote a year, one Cowboy Stream a year locked in for a two-year deal. So yeah. There you go.

Ten remotes, $6,900. Locked in for a two-year deal. So there's business. Wow. Way to go, Blake. Way to go, Blake. Way to go, Blake, indeed. Look at all he's doing. I guess I'd stop being a lesbian, too,

if I could marry a dude that could afford the golden shower. Yeah, that's true. He's also very handsome. Yeah, he's cute. Well, we have the business. It's cute demeaning. It is a little. For a dude.

Yeah. Yeah, probably. It's a little borderline. If you're like, hey, he's a cute guy. So Matt is here. Let's talk to Matt Grimm for a little while. The great Matt Grimm, who is... Just a little one.

That's Jake's face. Jake's computer. Gotcha. Matt, of course, he's been up here before with his wife. Just a little one That's Jake's face Jake's computer Gotcha Matt Of course He's been up here before With his wife You may recall her

As the lady who watches porn The trucker Or at least The lady who I guess we were in a porn conversation She's like Hey I'm on board She doesn't just watch it

She loves it Okay She lives it She's more of a Mike Ribeiro-ish With porn Okay So Hey dude How's it going? Okay, she lives it. She's more of a Mike Ribeiro-ish with porn. Okay. So, hey, dude.

How's it going? Thanks for being here again. Thanks for having me back. Matt is the guy. We put out the call a while back and said, hey, we're looking to go to California. We're not sure what we're going to do. I mean, we said, you know, we could take like an RV there or something. Or we could take a private jet. And then Matt reached out and he said, you know, we could take like an RV there or something. Or we could take a private jet.

And then Matt reached out and he said, hey, guys, I got an RV. We're like, oh, cool. Yeah, that would be great. Yay. And then we kept promoting that we could get a private. And then, yes, nobody has reached out with a private jet. That we could get a private, and then, yes, nobody has reached out with a private jet. So, Matt, you're the hottest chick here because you are the one that is offering not only to provide an RV, but to drive the whole way.

Absolutely. Am I the only one who offered, by the way? Just curious. No, I mean, there were scores of people, and we chose you. I had a couple guys reach out just to say they'd be interested, but they didn't have their own RV and all that and all that kind of stuff. So, yeah. And we had already talked.

Yeah. So, you know. And I demanded it was you. Once we make a commitment, we don't break that, at least publicly. But if you have a least publicly. So... So you are... I can't even believe you're doing this. Why? Why would you say I will drive you guys

to California and back and hang out and do all this stuff? So a couple things. I like to live my life in a series of bits and this is just another one in the series. Also I made I don't know about a promise or a commitment to myself, but I was going to ride on the bus to the Super Bowl with Corby, and then I just didn't do it for whatever reason.

And I thought, holy shit, that would have been awesome. Okay, yeah, you're a sick man. I was crying, and I couldn't get to sleep at night thinking that I was going to be on that bus. Because that was supposed to be me. Stories to tell. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, that'd be great. I like to listen to stories. I don't want to tell them. I like telling them. Okay. So you're totally into that? You're totally into bits? Absolutely.

And you're into piloting our whole ship? We don't even know this guy either. our whole ship. We don't even know this guy either. What if his grand plan is to murder us and eat us? Hey, you guys' grand plan could be to murder me too, but then you wouldn't have a driver.

That's true. That's a good point. I am not capable of driving an RV. I wouldn't trust myself for sure. There's a chance Video Man could pull it off. I would give Blake a decent shot at it. But not us. I already counted you two out. Yeah, Blake looks like an RV driver.

Yeah, Blake maybe. Video Man for sure. He said he's in. Hey, you guys want to like, should we pick up a hitchhiker? When's the last time you saw a hitchhiker? Right, you got to find one first. You never see a hitchhiker? When's the last time you saw a hitchhiker? Right, you gotta find one first. You never see a hitchhiker anymore. I feel like I've seen one in probably

the last ten years, but it's certainly not something that's a common occurrence. There's probably plenty of truck stops along the way. We are going to be in the middle of nowhere also, so the propensity of hitchhiker is probably a little bit higher than if you're driving on like 114 in Las Colinas. You'd say there's more hitchhikers on a desolate highway?

I would think so. Yeah. Okay. Oh, okay. I would just think that there's a lot of people out there that are like, I'm stranded. So we could pick up a hitchhiker and murder them. Yeah, I think we have sleeping spaces for maybe ten.

Why is so much of this operation oriented towards murder? Well, maybe not murder. Mame. Or just fun. Plenty of desert out there. Disposal. He's thought about it.

So, Matt's, like, really you've been awesome. You've already emailed us a couple times like he sent a PowerPoint presentation. It's a great way to communicate. I loved how on the transitions the glass broke.

That played well with the people my age. And you just mapped out, you gave us a couple of options. Yeah. And my thought is, so different options on the route we take. Yeah.

Like if we go the south way, we can end up getting through Roswell, right? We could go Roswell and still go the northern route, but there is like a northern route through Albuquerque and Flagstaff, and then a southern route on the way home, possibly through Phoenix, Tucson, El Paso. So you want us to have to drive an extra hour or two? No. You guys mentioned Roswell, and then Jake further clarified, kind of like Chevy Chase and Clark Griswold at the Grand Canyon. It may not be worth that extra hour.

You kind of get there there and you're like, okay. Now you can tell people you were there? Pretty much. It was an option. Get a keychain with a little alien on it? Yeah. That's about it. Eat at the alien cafe or something.

But it's not like you get to go to Area 51 or something. No, I've flown into that airport a couple of times. Really? Yeah, to go to Rio Dosa. And it is the airport that has one terminal and you walk down the stairs from your plane across the tarmac. Yeah, it's one of those.

Okay, so we're out on that. We're out. I think. Of course, Jake won't be on the ride home. No. Dick. Cock home. No. Dick. Fuck sucker. Yeah.

Just put it all on me. So, I don't know. What do you guys got for Matt? Anything? What is our plan then to drive? How long we'll drive the first day? We're going to drive a three-day trip? Yeah, we can drive a three-day trip or a two-day trip.

We have the benefit of time changes in our favor going out there and then kind of going against us coming back. So Albuquerque, it's about 10 hours there. What's the mileage range on a tank? I don't know that. Estimate, 300? 300 to 500. It's a bigger tank. I don't know that estimate. Exactly. 300? 300 to 500. It's a bigger tank. Oh, really? Okay. Alright.

Yeah, I'm all for getting there and getting back as soon as we can. Make it into a two-day thing. The ride back is going to be brutal. Yeah. Because getting there, you do it's just like any vacation. Are you going to have anticipation?

You're having fun hey yet last night i was in my own bed it was great and now i'm on a trip and right back though i haven't been at home in two weeks i haven't showered in two weeks i'm not showering absolutely nobody mandated that what's the longest that you're willing to drive in a stretch? Oh, I'll be well-prepared, well-rested, ready to go. And if Blake or Video Man gives me an hour here and there to take a break, I like to do a tank of gas. Are you going to remove the portable meth lab that's in it currently? I'm going to install one.

I just feel like, look at the guy. We're in good hands. No, I feel good about it. Okay, that's a compliment. He just seems rock solid to me. When you say you're going to be prepared, do you have trucker speed ready to go? I can handle that.

I'm going to go as fast as the vehicle will allow. I don't think it means miles per hour. To stay awake. Little white pills. Oh, no, no, no, no meth. Miles per hour. To stay awake. Yeah, little white pills.

Oh, no, no, no, no. No meth. I'm capable of driving long hours on little sleep, but I'll have plenty of sleep the day before and the night of. Yeah. Okay. And your porn-loving wife, she's cool with you leaving? Is she going? No, she's happy to get rid of me for a couple weeks.

Oh, she's got all the porn. She's going to like so much porn. She's got all her porn. She's good. Catch up on all the new releases. She could get out of the state and be able to use Pornhub again. She's got a private collection. Her phone is going to be

unlocked, bro. Do you have a private collection of porn? Avid can't stop me. In her phone, yeah. You can have a private collection of porn? Avid can't stop me. In her phone, yeah. Oh, okay. You can stop having to go to Noodle Magazine. Noodle.

Noodle. Do you have your own external hard drive with just porn on it? Just like, do people do that? He definitely didn't answer that question. Just because back in the day, and you would always hear about people that died And then oh I found Grandpa's porn collection Yeah the stash And at one point I had a porn collection

Like I had a huge box Of videotapes Wow While you were married or before? While I was married because it was over on Plano Road I believe I know this story. They had a, you know, when video stores were closing down.

Yeah, yeah. So they had an adult room. Always. With the mirror. This was about Plano Road and 635. I can't remember where exactly. Between Northwest Highway and 635 on Plano Road. I lived over there in the L Streets.

Yeah, yeah. Lipton Shires, where I lived many years ago. Was it the video store next to Rocchiano's Pizza? I don't recall. Where you have that real sweaty, uncomfortable strategy of inconspicuously going into the little back room. They had a going-out-of-business sale.

Uh-huh. And every videotape, so it was VHS tapes, were 10 cents. Clean up. So you could buy Top Gun or the local, whatever, Goodfellas, 10 cent. Or.

But also the back room was all 10 cents. And I went right to the back room and filled up like a whole, like a Budweiser box. Yeah, Bud Light box that I used to be a bar back and I would take those boxes and that's what I had moved to Dallas with a bunch of those boxes packed. And I filled one up and I had this stash of porn for a long time. I wish I had held on to it because I could have then digitized it.

That would have been fun. For dance digitization, that's right. I ended up digitizing all my videos. Were you just throwing it in there or were you looking at the cover and the title? That's a really good question. What was the evaluation process? I think I was picking and choosing because I had all the time in the world.

I had this empty box and why am I just going to throw in whatever? Now, if there was only 50 of them left, I would just throw in 50. Dan, I have a question. So when you were checking out, did she have to individually go through each video and then type it into the system?

And it was like a lady, an older lady. She's probably in her 60s or so. Agent. I wasn't going to ask, but I kind of knew. It was a mom and pop organization. Of course. And, yeah,

dad, husband and wife owned this place. I thought, at first, I don't know if I was like, uncomfortable or not,

but I mean, they had seen me there before. It's not like, they weren't surprised that this guy is, you walked in and they were like, we've been waiting for you.

Daniel. That's right. That's the guy from the william pace show that's right yeah wait where were we so for me it was like uh it was uh oh porn stash a box that a neighbor good friend of mine whose brother had and he got it from the same type of place you know non-chain video store and he went to college and same type of place, you know, non-chain video store, and he went to college, and there was like a big moment where he was like, guys, I'm giving this to you.

Now that I'm thinking about it, there's probably a lot of DVDs in there. Mine was almost no DVDs, and this was like 2002. It was around that era. 2001, and he brought the box over And was like Guys

This is This is a big moment This is something That I really want You guys to have And we were like It honestly was like The skull and bones

Type ceremony Where we were like Was it great? Oh my god Yeah At that time All we had was the The

Park book The park book. The park book? Yeah, the community playboy that you kept at the playground. Yeah, there was a dead house in the woods. Yeah, it was mud-stained. Yeah. It was a big day. I'll never forget it.

Did you, was it multiple guys and you guys took turns? Yes. Yeah. They all watched together. Dudes are terrible, man. Of course. So when you would have a sleepover or something? Would you trade with your friends?

Or what you would do is you would go to a sleepover and we would all get a moment in whatever room the VCR was in. And then you would come out and you'd be like, all right, you're up, dude. No way. I swear to God. See, these guys know. That's awesome.

Wow, I never did that. We did have the community hustler. I lived in a dorm that had one room, and then it was connected to another room with the bathroom in the middle. So I lived with one guy. Two guys lived over there. One hustler for the whole semester was in there that we all just –

Passed around. We just knew that's the community hustler. After like a few uses, you're kind of like you need a new one, right? You would think. No, you don't. Really? Kids back in the day. Back in the day, yeah.

Yes. You know, I'll just look at a different part of this hustler today. I've never had, like, a good collection, you know? I would go through them. That's so sad. But you end up going through them, and you don't need that one anymore. Do we have a DVD player on the RV? We can make that happen. Because I know there's like a tv in there yeah so uh it's kind of funny i was uh

looking at the pictures on the on the website of the uh rv and there was tv and i was like okay this this will make blake happy then i was looking at the picture that video man took and sent us and there was no tv in that picture oh really so i emailed the lady and she said yeah it was just like kind of folded back against the wall so there's a tv there and there's a tv in the back also okay i'm not that concerned i'm not a big well i was just looking out for blake i was looking out for i need to place it oh he's gonna break the seal by then yeah okay are you guys, like at the end of your driving shift, when you're done driving for the day, are you going to just sleep in the RV?

Are you strategizing into where you get to a motel? We're going to do like a really cheap motel on the way, and I have offered to sleep in the rig if I need to. It's fine with me. I love it. Yeah, I'm not going to sleep in it. Especially now that he knows it has a DVD player in it. That's right.

Now I'm in. Flame that up. So what did you do with your big box of dirty videos? I ended up throwing it away. Just trashed them? Yeah, I was concerned that the trash guy would see what was in there. Yeah, I ended up just throwing it in the garbage can. Take them to a women's shelter.

I had a good friend whose elderly uncle passed away, and when they went to his house, his computer had a DVD on the porn menu and two fleshlights on the... Oh! Which is why... Two? Yeah, first of all...

Double fisting? Why do you need both? Nice. And second... In case a buddy comes over. I feel like that's a way different level. Like, porno's one thing. Putting your dick into a device. I'm not here to judge anyone, though.

I'm not judging it at all. I just know that it's going to be judged. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, that's probably a weird... But you're dead, so what do you care? Right, that's a weird game to play. Do you...

You know you're dying. Now, if you just die out of the blue, you can't do anything about it. But if you're, like, fading, do you... You know, what's the day that you really... Like, that would really prove that I know I've given up on life. Well, I mean, Jake, but if you ever

decide to dabble, you'll be like, well, at least I don't have two. Yeah. Right, now you can always tell yourself. Beyond the pale. Right. Two? There's no such thing as fleshlight monogamy. So what's ten hours away? You need variety. Ten hours away is Albuquerque.

And 15 hours away is Flagstaff, so we 10 hours away is Albuquerque. Albuquerque, okay. And 15 hours away is Flagstaff, so we could look at that a couple of different ways. Let's say we leave at 8 a.m. 8 a.m.? Okay, well, it's going to be a lot earlier than that, dude. It's going to take longer than that. So leaving early.

We need to leave at like 5.30. Yeah. Wait a second. Why is it going to take longer than I think? You just said 10 hours. Yeah. 10 hours equals 15. But it'd be nice to get there before dark so we can do a little sightseeing. What's 8 a.m. plus 10?

Like 6 p.m. What's wrong with that? Stop for gas, stop for lunch, stop to pee. I thought we were including stopping. Yeah. Once or twice. I can't leave at 5. Yeah, once or twice. Okay. I can't leave at 5.30 in the morning.

You got a bed to sleep on in there. Yeah, I do. You're getting the bed. It sleeps 10? Is that right? It sleeps up to 10. Yeah, that's a pretty tight squeeze in some of them. It'll sleep the back bedroom for once. Pretty comfortable.

Yeah. The photos look nice. Boy, I'm thinking 8 a.m. We get one is pretty comfortable. Yeah. The photos look nice. Boy, I'm thinking 8 a.m. We get there at 6 p.m. Wake up the next day. Like, you guys are trying to brutalize me day one. You were up at 4.30 today. I didn't want to be.

It was terrible. For some reason, I couldn't sleep. So, day two, okay, if we go to Albuquerque, because I do want to do Albuquerque and just go see the Breaking Bad house. Yeah. Otherwise, I do see, like, in your email, you're really stoked on, yeah, we'll do this, this, and this. Like, I don't know if we're going to feel like doing a lot of bits,

like, during when we first get there. What do you guys think? I think I would just rather get there, but that's me. Like get to California as quick as possible. I feel like I would do as many bits as possible, but I also feel like you guys are both going to yell at me if I say that and make it seem like I'm trying to be putting you guys in a negative light. We don't need to do a bunch of crazy stuff at the Walter White House, of course.

You guys mentioned Sedona. If you want to go to Sedona, it's like... I want to go to California. If we have to go out of the way too much, I think that's our big goal. We have a three-day window for the Airbnb

that we booked. We've got a nice place. Did I send you the link to that? No. Oh, okay. That'd be great if you did. Yeah, I gotta send you that. No. I'd like to check that out. It doesn't look bad at all. Yeah, so then, you know, it's only another 300 miles or so to Flagstaff. You can either

stay there and have an 8-hour drive in the next day, or power through. If you guys want to get there early. If the goal is to get to uh california asap so if we get there early then we would just have to get a hotel for that for that first night there yeah hotel slash possibly jake claiming that he'll sleep in the rv it's not a claim i've done it multiple times so the uh So if it takes three days after Albuquerque,

another eight to ten hours is kind of no man's land like Kingman, Arizona, and we don't really want to stay in Kingman, Arizona, or somewhere in the Mojave Desert. Yuma. Okay, so you're saying day one, Albuquerque, that's 10 hours. Day two might be only a few hours. Yeah, we might go like six hours to Flagstaff. It's up in the mountains, nice place, cool sightseeing.

And then an eight-hour day. And then an eight-hour day the next day. Oh, cool. Okay. All right. So we can't check into the house until Tuesday, is that correct? Which would be the 6th? Yeah, we're leaving Sunday. We're going to try and broadcast from the road on Monday. Mm-hmm.

And then get there on Tuesday. And hopefully broadcast. Yeah, I don't know what we're going to do. And then we start at camp full-time on Wednesday. And we're there for, what, a solid week to camp? Yeah. I believe, and then we have to drive back. Well, not all of us.

That's right. All right. Well, no, I think it'll be cool, kind of. It'll be great later talking about remember that trip we did. Yeah. That's why we should do a couple of things on the way just to have a little memory there, because when are you

going to do this again? Probably next year. Probably next year. Here's Jake with the Dumb Zone News. So, WFAA has obtained exclusive, as they call it, footage showing the moment

that an explosion happened at the Sandman Hotel in Fort Worth. This story just kind of came and went. We just can't do bed. Should I just turn it off? It's just going to sound shitty. I'll turn it off. Okay.

The dumb zone knew. Are we over? Oh, no. We are not we over? Oh, no. We are not. No. Okay. You can do the news without a bed. That was such a wild story that, I mean, it could have been so much worse, man.

It could have been so much worse. And I still don't know the legal ramifications of what's going to happen to Tom Ghilardi, the star's owner who owns that chain of hotels. My cousin works there or did work there and was there the night before. I was there about a week before. And then just a gas leak occurs and this old building. That's the thing is like everybody wants to restore these old buildings and be like, hey, isn't this like a vintage look?

Isn't this cool? You're like, yeah, but there this like a vintage look? Isn't this cool? And you're like, yeah, but there's a reason why we build new buildings. The infrastructure is messed up? Yeah. And I think they had had multiple reports about people smelling gas the day before and that day.

And then it exploded and collapsed. And the video footage is insane. So this is new? WFA just got the footage this morning. From what perspective? Aerial. Okay.

Yeah. Like, it looks like hundreds of people should have died. Were there fatalities? I don't believe so. I think there were just some injuries. This is like... Okay, so when I say aerial, I mean it's above the lobby. Oh my gosh.

Yeah, so you can see here. Like security footage. Yeah. But like the above security footage. Yeah. So you can see like the entire... What the hell? Yeah.

Entire floor caves out. Wild. Because it's a very interesting building because it was built into an old bank. So the restaurant there was actually downstairs, underground. And they had a vault, which you could go... You could reserve the vault and go eat there. So when the lobby caved in, it caved in on the restaurant. So in the event that this would have happened at night, it would have crushed all those people down there.

Except the people in the vault. Which you can see in this video now. I think the vault was probably safe. I think the lack of death is probably going to help Gilardi Skate because he'll be able to blame inspectors and renovation crews and foremen on something being missed. That's probably true. I wonder about it with employees though

because I know a bunch of them immediately filed suit. Yeah. We'll settle. How long ago was that? Six, eight months? Yeah, about that. How are they just not getting this? Six, eight months? Yeah, about that. Like that? How are they just now getting this? I don't know. Do they just keep asking?

Yeah, maybe it's a public records request. I'm not entirely sure. Maybe with all the Hooters exploding. There's a rash of people obtaining videos of high-end restaurant explosions. There was an execution last night in Texas that was halted by the Texas Supreme Court 20 minutes before the lethal injection was administered. That's almost meaner than just carrying it out. Yeah, you probably kind of...

Had made peace with it. Yeah, you're like, okay, it's happening. It's 20 minutes away. I already had my... Steak dinner. My Brahms, my steak, my enchiladas. I already threw out my porn collection.

I already threw out my porn collection. Exactly. Oh my gosh, yeah. 20 minutes. You probably cleaned your cell out. I mean, if you're being executed, they're going to look at the porn collection and be like, yeah, no big deal.

Yeah. Yeah, they're always really cool to people on Death Row. Like, yeah, cool. That's nothing. So it's a guy who was convicted of a 1998 home robbery where an 85-year-old woman was killed. He has maintained

the entire time that DNA evidence would prove that he was not involved. And I guess, in a very weird turn of events, the Texas Supreme Court actually was like, yeah, we should stop this. Isn't that your fourth quarter? Is that your biggest fear? Being blamed for something you didn't do? Oh, no, it's it's people thinking you're crazy when you're not.

Oh, no, it's people thinking you're crazy when you're not. Yeah, like, I've told this story before, but there was a This American Life episode about a guy who got locked up in England. I think it was a place called Broadmoor, and his family committed him, and he couldn't convince the people there that he was not crazy. But they thought he was. But he clearly wasn't.

Because what would a crazy person say? I'm not crazy. Yeah, the first step is getting... So he was there for like 40 years. Good God. Yeah, something like that. And they're like, oh, yeah, I'm sure, dude. And that's 40 years of probably being unnecessarily medicated and just gaslighted

into probably believing you're crazy of course and probably not great living conditions you know no semblance of family or intimacy or anything like that you're just like get three hots in a cot though don't you become crazy because they give you that's an uncle dan moment right there say that again you become crazy because That's an Uncle Dan moment right there. Say that again? You become crazy because they're giving you all this medication and stuff. I think that's what Danny's saying, is that eventually you become what people are telling you that you are.

That's a dad thing. Three hots and a cot. For sure. It's the brighter side of prison. You ever heard it? Yeah, of course. I ain't scared of prison. I eat three hots and a cot. Then you get to lift weights and stuff.

Get in real good shape. Yeah, and... Pre-sex. Yeah, I was gonna say, and apparently, at least in the UK, you get to have sex with the guards. We never talked about that video.

That turned out to be fake. Fake? Yeah. Turns out that was a fake. What? Write it down, Blake. Jake just got ball sacked again. Yeah, that was released. I even know that. Those two

put out videos. The dude that was smoking a blunt next to them having sex, right? That video? In the prison? Yeah, that was fake. Yeah, the prison guard and that guy, they put out videos. That's their bit. Sorry, Jake. I really hate when this happens to you.

See, he's already worn that video out. I was going to say, I have so many memories. This is a beaten man who hasn't had Pornhub in three months, and he's trying to find any material he can. You know, back in the day i probably was ball sacked by milf hunter i was like oh he must be really hunting them i thought it was he just met her at like a home depot so good at track now they're at home hey look they're at a trinket store in orlando yeah it was amazing like he actually just met these two girls and then all

of a sudden he's back at home with them. So lucky their kids aren't with them. And then it took me, like, a couple years later, I saw one of those ladies in, like, another video. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. You saw where she started.

You thought this video was real? Come on, dude. This one? Bro. Bro. Come on. The initial video was done really, really well. And, like, you've seen these videos of guys who are in prison who have amenities that you didn't know that they could have, right?

Whether it's a phone. Or a hot lady. Or a hot car. Two flashlights. Damn. This is a tough one for me. I'm not going to lie to you. Moment of silence for Jake.

Yeah, I don't know what to say right now. How are you going to recover? There were a couple moments... I think your dog just farted. There were a couple moments... I think your dog just farted. There were a couple moments where I was like, man, they've been doing this a long time. So you did question it.

A little bit. Not enough. But deep down, you were like, no. It's like Santa Claus. I wanted to believe it. That's it. He's trying to believe. It's Schrodinger's cat. If I don't look any further. Schrodinger's dong.

We can cut that one, right? Nope. Nope. Don't cut anything. All my shit stays in. So does yours, buddy. It felt good coming out, though. It sure did.

It always does. The guys are going to die on this one. Were you guys aware that DISD had a barber academy? No. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Well, it was. Oh.

Did it blow up, too? It did not blow up, and nobody had sex with a barber there in a fake video. But it did close down. It had been operating on Main Street in Deep Ellum. And it closed down yesterday. Why come? Money. Oh, really?

Yeah. But it is kind of a cool thing. You think about STEM and preparing people for other types of jobs like gotta learn how to be a barber was this part of the uh what do they call those like outreach uplift what are those schools called that are all over i think they're closing that one if they haven't already in deep ellum on Elm Street? I'm not sure. I mean, this is sort of what the guy who used to be my agent did with his outreach program.

What they would do is basically kids would go live there during the week, and they would provide them job training, and if their parents couldn't necessarily be involved in their life from a day-to-day basis because parents had to work. And then they would, I think, go home on the weekend. But they would teach them skills like this. Regular stuff. There's times where I look back on my life and I think, I should have just learned to weld.

Oh, yeah. Or be a mechanic or something. I'm not sure that I'm cut out for it necessarily. You let your kid go to that guy's house, though? That's kind of strange. The outreach person that's housing children? So it's not like a guy's house. It's like an actual facility,

and they have trained educators there and trained caretakers, and Donovan was super involved in it. I think he still is. You ever hear about people getting their hair cut at the barber school or the beauty school? I did it many times. Real cheap haircut, right? Yeah, yeah.

For me, it was free. It would be free? Yeah. Because they just wanted the kids to practice? My girlfriend in high school, who was then my ex-girlfriend, she went to, what do they call it? Cosmetology? Cosmetology.

Cosmetology school. Yeah, and she would cut my hair for free. Did it for probably a year and a half. Like at home or in the salon? No, no, no. I would go to whatever it was called. So it wasn't because you were the boyfriend? Like they cut anybody's hair for free?

I mean, you probably had to, like, know the person. Okay, because I thought they offered him for, like, a heavily discounted. I mean, I would tip. Because you know you might get... Killed? Yeah, you might just get a bad haircut, but, you know, you can't afford a big salon or whatever. But also, I just thought I wanted her cutting my hair. I thought she knew what I was looking for.

What kind of tip did you give her? Just. Hell yeah. Thanks, brother. Sex. No, I mean, it was decent, you know? But there's not that many other professions where they let you get away with it. It's not like you can be like Hey I'm training to be a surgeon

Do you want me to take a fly on this one? Come over I'll give you a vasectomy at my house 25% Of the normal vasectomy cost I told you about Did I ever publicly say That I got a trainee Putting the thing in my wiener

What do they call that? We call them trans that? The catheter. We call them transvestites. No, no, no. The catheter. Yeah, and they were horrible at it. No, you did not publicly tell this, and I've never mentioned it because I didn't know that you wanted to publicly talk about it. Oh, was that not on the air?

Why'd you get cathed, bro? So some time ago I had a... This is going to be awesome. Some kind of a problem, whatever, a little medical problem, and I had to spend the night in the hotel or in the hospital. And I wasn't allowed to eat or drink because they were going to do some tests on me in the morning. And when I...

It was the morning, and they wanted me to go to the bathroom. And because before they, whatever, they had to have urine sample. And I couldn't. I don't know. I guess because they wouldn't allow,

I mean, I was thirsty all night and they wouldn't allow me to have a drink because that might mess up the whatever. I don't know. They're doctors.

I'm just like, whatever, you know, I can't argue with them. So now it's the morning, the nurse, and it's like 5 a.m. or something. Hey, doctors. I'm just like, whatever. I can't argue with them. So now it's the morning, the nurse, and it's like 5 a.m. or something. Hey, will you do this? Gotta do this.

Tried to do it. Couldn't do it. She comes back and she goes, okay, we might have to put a catheter in you. And I'm like, what is that? She explained, and I was like, okay, well, can I try it again? Well, my shift is over at like 7 or whatever, and we need to do this before 7,

because then the other doctor's going to get in, and they have to whatever. Yeah, because she's got bar trivia. I don't know what she's doing. They had to have it done, because the doctor was then, the real guy was coming in. Okay, all right.

And so now she's out of there, and I mean, like, I was having such trouble, I just, now she's out of there, and I mean, like, I was having such trouble. I just, now it's in my head, and a stage fright times a million, and I got the little whatever thing. You're trying to go to the bathroom, man, while you're sitting on the side of the bed, and I just couldn't do it. Bed pan or something?

Is that it? Yeah, maybe. So I couldn't do it. And, like, in fact, like, my blood pressure thing started going way up because i'm trying so hard like i mean my heart's pumping because i'm and then she's like look you're gonna have to just let us do this we need the urine sample i'm like all right so now um she comes in 10 minutes later with some guy and now he's he's uh he puts the mop down well no

he's going at it and stuff and she's like next to him they weren't really conversing too much and I'm just you know

looking up and it was like ah like it hurt Jesus and I thought it just normally hurt and she's like, oops.

Oh, no. The literal last thing you want to hear from any medical professional. And then she starts talking to him. She's like, no, no, no. Here's what you want to do. And then she kind of starts talking through it. And it was evident that this was the first time he had ever done this. What the fuck?

So, yes, there has to be training, and then there was just a little drop of blood for the next. Train on a rubber dick, not you. Well, maybe they did. I don't believe it. But there always has to be a first person. Everybody's got to go to the regular season at one point. He has a first person. Everybody's got to go to the regular season at one point. If there's a brain surgeon, there's a first, he has a first brain surgery.

Yeah. I just imagine like jamming the straw trying to get the paper sleeve off in the fast foods restaurant. That's kind of like, yeah, that's what you're doing.

Oh no. So, did she get it in? Oh then, then it was fine. Yeah, it doesn't hurt, right?

Once they, it's weird. If there's already a cut there, then it does kind of hurt. Well yeah, of course. Because I remember, I had to get a catheter... It was a small cut,

but all you need is a small cut. But you bled, didn't you? Back surgery. Yeah, there'd be a little blood in there. But they did that when I was already under. But the thing was in when I was awake, and I remember being so terrified knowing that they were going to have to remove this thing.

It felt good. Like, I enjoyed it. There was a sense of pleasure in having the catheter removed. Because it's a tube that goes all the way up in your bladder and you just feel it slide out and it's like Dan, it's kind of fun. I don't recall that. Well, yours was all butchered

by me. There was a scab on my mouth. Scab? God. That's a bottom five word. There's your news. The Dumb Zone News. Do you have the music? Bring it down. Or the analytical stories.

Want to see if my music works here? Hold on. You want me to just do it? You have Today in History open? if it'll load I appreciate your courage by the way we've never talked about that I feel like I have but I've wanted to talk about it many times

I must have told the story to enough people that I thought we did talk about I tell that at parties now I got a scab on my times. I must have told the story to enough people that I thought we did talk about. I tell that at parties now. I got a scab on my... Hey, Dan's got a funny story. Today is Tuesday, July 17th. Wait. It's Wednesday, isn't it?

Mm-hmm. But you had the date right. Okay, I must not have changed it. For some people, it's Thursday. Why are you here? You're supposed to be here on a Friday. For others, it's Tuesday. This is Wednesday.

Tomorrow's my Friday. What a treat. Anyway. What a treat. Anyway. What a surprise. Let's see. On this day in 1914, Giants outfielder Red Murray was knocked unconscious by lightning after catching a fly ball that ended a 21-inning victory over Pittsburgh. Incredible.

They won 3-1. He is uninjured. Babe Adams was the pitcher for Pittsburgh back then. Pitched all 21 innings. Dude. That's no Paul Skeens right there.

Without a walk. There's no way that's true. That is the longest non-walk game in Major League history. I feel like he got through five or six and the umpire was like, fuck it. It's like I'm not calling another ball in this game. And it still didn't work. It's like the umpire naked gun.

On this day in 1978, Doc Medic of the Rangers helped save the life of a 61-year-old fan who suffered a heart attack just before a game at Baltimore. Oh, I can relate. Medick. Heart attack, man. I can relate. Who was a medical student. Interesting.

And his last name is Medick. Doc Medick. Yeah. Administered heart massage until help arrived. So he's kind of doing a little bit of... Hey, nobody mass Doc Medic. Yeah. Administered heart massage until help arrived. So he's kind of doing a little... Hey, nobody massaged me. Yeah. On this day in 1981...

Do you feel like that's an advanced form of care for cardiac arrest? Heart massage? Yeah. Just heart massage. I'll just rub on it. You gotta get the happy ending with that. See'll just rub on it. You got to get the happy ending. See, I'm a doctor.

Hey, I'm in med school. This day in 1981, 114 people were killed when a pair of suspended walkways above the lobby of the Kansas City Hyatt Regency Hotel collapsed during a tea dance. What is that? I don't know. That's what I took away from this, too, this morning. I was like, where was the pole? What's a tea dance. What is that? I don't know. That's what I took away from this, too, this morning. I was like, where was the pole? What's a tea dance? I was going to say, I have a guess, but none of them involved 114 people being lethally... We all remember where we were.

This is one of those moments, like, perhaps if you're really old, the Kennedy assassination. For me as a kid, I would say the Space Shuttle Challenger. Others might say 9-11. This is probably going to be like when Ryan Dunn died or something. Ryan Dunn, 100%. Tea dances are events organized on Sunday afternoons in the U.S. gay community. They were a place for singles to meet. The name alludes to traditional tea dances of the English countryside.

That does sound really gay. So does the story say, but they were just gay people? It doesn't, but you can tack that on. Okay, we all remember where we were when? Dallas Wing Center Liz Cambridge broke the WNBA single game record for points scored. Hell yeah.

In a 104-87 win against the New York Liberty in Arlington. How many points did Liz Cambridge How many points did Liz Cambridge... Cambridge? How many points did she score in that game?

I'm going to try to give a realistic answer. I know I've been like the funny guy or whatever. Right, right, right. I'm going to say 34. 57. 57. Because if they got to 102, she didn't have nine. So you think 34 was the highest scoring output in like 30-year history?

I don't know. Has the WNBA been there? No. Anyway, it was 53. I'm going to say 33. Wow. That's impressive. 53 points.

Especially since, if I understand it, they don't have a three-point line. I don't know if that's actually true. I don't know either. They probably do. Of course they do. Oh, they do? I just don't know the rules really at all. I know they made women's basketball in college play half court until like 50 years ago.

Do you think Kaitlyn Clark is shooting logo shots just for the fun of it? You know, we can get the ball closer. I've heard recently they've discussed the possibility of adding the four-point. That's right, especially given the influx of hotter women in the league. Are you sure about that? On this day in... Come on, man. You've got to keep up. A couple of weddings on this date.

1954. Comedian Groucho Marx. He's 63. Not a chance. How old was Eden Hartford? Less points than I guessed on Liz Cambridge. He's 63. She's 24. Whoa.

Why are you surprised by that? I was just thinking 30. It was the 50s, dude. So is this just an American bit? Because on this day in 1990, Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat at 56 gets married to

Suha Tawil. She is... 15. No, no. 53. Four. She's 27. Oh, okay. I thought you misled me a little bit with the is this just an American bit.

I'm saying, is it? The answer is no. Apparently not. This is a universal bit. We can all join together. Yeah, I mean. Loving to bang young chicks. I will not join in that.

The world altogether. If we had some... Let's all go to the hospital to the incubator. ...illusions or something about the fact that for most of history, people have been trying to have sex with people 50 years younger than them as males. Yeah.

I couldn't get past the fact that I have a generational gap and we can't make the same inside jokes about Rocco's modern life or something like that. What, have you tried? No, I couldn't do it. No. Because of that fact.

You know? That's why. The only reason why. Because you love talking about Nick at night or whatever. It's true, though. After you're done. That's a single anecdote. It's really more like the liminal in-between spaces

where you have to fill time by referencing something. I don't want to hang out with their dumb young friends. Yeah, you do. Do things. Have you guys never seen the You Don't Want to Be Out Here thread? I think it was when Del Curry and Steph Curry's mom got divorced. And this guy had a long thread of like, you don't want to be out here.

It's different now. Oh, Del didn't want to. He's all afraid of the world he stepped into. It's like, look, they're going to make you go to yoga. Well, you don't. You're probably going to have to eat sand or something at some point. You don't want to be out here.

How many food pictures can you take? Well, you're right on the friends aspect. Because every once in a while, the younger girl that's way mature and evolved beyond her years, that's the anomaly. Because she's got ten friends

that are idiots. And you have to go meet them. Yeah, I don't want to be out there. What about meeting her dad? What if you're meeting a dude your age? Or younger than you. Younger than you. That's the holy grail, right Dan?

Yeah. The dad who's younger than you? Uh-huh. Isn't that what we're all shooting for? Come on. Dude, you want to go smoke a ball? I'm about to bone your daughter. And it's like your daughter's friend.

Yeah. Josh Hamilton? Josh Hamilton's mom, yeah. Birthday's today. Yeah. Josh Hamilton's mom. Birthday's today. Former star Louis Erickson is 39. I was a fan. Yeah.

My wife was a big fan. Is he Sagan trade? No, I don't think. Maybe you're right. I thought that sounds right. Okay. I thought they played together. Matt Perk is 34.

The Rangers' first-round draft pick in 2009 that ended up... My dad worked with his dad. Going back to the draft, right? He was a Boris guy and he never panned out, but he... You were correct. Did he ever get his money? Nah, I don't think so. I think he went back the next year and by that point, his value

had sort of tanked. He ended up with the Fort Worth Cats or something? Yeah, and I think he got hurt or something like that. But yeah, his dad was super, super involved in it. And yeah, he worked with my dad. Mason Rudolph is 29. Dan. He was taught a lesson by

Miles Garrett. Oklahoma State. Derrick Henry is 30. What could have been? Thought he was coming, huh? Bought a house in Dallas. Where is he now? Baltimore. Huh.

Scott Norwood is 64. We got Zeke. Wide left. Vern Lundquist is 84. Scott Norwood is 64 We got Zeke I've left Vern Lundquist is 84 Name in Vern Did he just retire? I like him Recently?

Yeah I always heard he was like a really great dude Yeah Me too He looks jolly Impossible to be called jolly if you're skinny Good point. It looks like you would want to call him ruddy-faced. Yeah.

I don't even know what that means, but it looks like he fits that. I want to ride on his back. But happy birthday to him, for sure. Luke Bryan is 48. Jake. Again, it's Zach Bryan. My bad.

I'm not a fan of Luke Bryan. I never have been. I don't intend to be. David Hasselhoff is 72. Good. Good. One of the funniest videos I've ever seen in my life. That's the way you eat a hamburger.

I'm pretty sure it was from Wendy's the way you eat a hamburger. Hell yeah. I'm pretty sure it was like from Wendy's. In-N-Out? He had the young wife. Oh yeah, he was in-N-Out all the time. He was in studio with us. Oh yeah, that's right. That's the only thing I remember about that interview. He said it's great, it's like hanging out with your daughter except you have sex with her.

That's exactly right. Okay. Then we high-fived. The funniest part about that video, I think one of the most beaten looks you can ever possibly have is jeans, no belt, no shoes or socks, and no shirt.

Eating a floor burger. Just your belly hanging over. Somehow it's even worse because it's on carpet. Like if it were on linoleum or hardwood. And the way he's paw worse because it's on carpet. Like if it were on linoleum or hardwood. And the way he's pawing at it. He can barely support his own weight. The meat with just the square of cheese slightly adhered to it.

Oh, he drops it. You know when pickle falls out. I know that carpet's a mess. We've all effing been there, too. I just didn't have my kid filming you and posting you. Usually you're over a sink like a rat. Yeah.

Camilla Parker Bowles is 77. Man. She's the queen of England. Yeah, but... He had his eyes set on her for a long time. That dude must have been blind. Robert Romanis is 68.

Blake? You know who he is. I got nothing. That's Damone from Fast Times. Oh! Andre Royo is 56. He wrote for the Chicago Sun-Times, I think. A famous columnist.

So you're going with Mike Royko for Andre Royo? No, that's Bubz from The Wire. Bubz. That's right. Poor Bubz. Marina Oswald is 83. Still with us. Can you believe it? it actually i didn't look it up this morning so but i think she's a chance i don't think she lives here anymore didn't bubs actually

have aids yeah yeah no wait wait no he got the test back and he was okay waylon had aids ah and he'll take a character acting yeah but he was he was actually actually one of the only characters on that show that found redemption. Cory Cotton is 37. His brother, Kobe, is 37 as well. Oh, jeez. Grounding out to end

All-Star Games. Or Celebrity Softball All-Star Games. How's your boys' obsession with Dude Perfect these days? Those two are from Dude Perfect. The twins. Obvi. Have slowly phased out Dude Perfect.

I just want to be super clear about something since we've been talking about kids today. His son watches Dude Perfect and goes to gymnastics. Mine watches trash trucks. Feel different. I'd like to see those two together, though. Because they're both little maniacs. I would love that.

Brooks is not on Carter's level, I don't think. What do you mean? Kid fights? No, I think Carter's energy is... He is the maniac. In my experience of being around Brooks, he does have a very sweet side to him. Carter breaks stuff.

He's Little Blake, man. Yeah. He looks... He loses episodes and... He seems stoic. He puts some boppers on those kids. Does he get too high, too low? 100%.

And mine is Little Me. Let's get all the boys together in a room and just see what happens. I would love that. Throw a gun in there? Yeah. Oh, my God. Go ahead. Just see what happens.

Born on this day, now dead, Rosa Lumpkin. She died in 1991. She was born in 1876. Damn. She died in 1991. She was born in 1876. Damn, wow. They say that she was 115 years old. Are we buying 1876 birth records? Man, anything within like a 15-year period of the Civil War. And given the name, it was probably some lump had a kid, so we named it Lumpkin.

Is that where Blumpkin came from? It might be. And Gordon Gould, he invented the laser. Okay. It's generic. Which is an acronym? Yeah, but I can't remember it right now. Self-contained underwater breathing.

Laser. Did you guys have, for Dan and for Danny, did you guys have a laser pointer era? Or was that after you? I remember the era. I mean, it was a big thing for me. Because it got banned. Oh, yeah.

People were trying to... Shine them in airplanes. We would shine them in movies and stuff. And shine them in people's them in movies and stuff and shine them in people's eyes whenever they were driving yeah kind of like in the auditorium

at school or something yeah put one on somebody up on stage yeah and you would hear big trouble for that yeah you would hear a story about a kid

of like dude he brought down a delta flight it was all bullshit right of course it was of course it was. Of course it was. Why did they ban it?

I heard Sully had to fight through that. But you know, I think there was even a point where the NFL actually had to deal with this a little bit, right? Were people training them on players from the stands? Yeah. Kickers. Which that makes a little more sense than I just brought down a 747 or whatever.

Died on this day. We have Dorothy Dix. Died on this day in 1887. She created the first mental asylums. I'm sure those were very caring and kind. Give them a lobotomy. Talk therapy. Yeah.

So all these loonies were running around. It's like, what do we do with them? A lot of role-playing, probably. I hate that we lost the word loony. Tycob. Modoc the elephant died on this day in 1975. He was a doctor. The oldest known non-human mammal died at the age of 78.

The oldest known non-human doctor. Now, are we believing that? There's no way. Was it an elephant? Yeah, a mammal. I feel like, don't whales live at least that long sometimes? Yeah, but they're not documented. They're undocumented.

Yeah, how would you know? They're just flooding the borders. They're all rapists and murderers, too. Sitting as I wish. They're like turtles that live to be over 100. Tremendous blowholes. I know. Stealing their black wheel jobs.

Yeah. And Walter Cronkite died on this day as well. Was he a good person? I think so. I think he'd be on my Griffey list. And that was Today in History. I don't recall

ever hearing any Me Too stuff. I was just thinking about it the other day. You trying to Kemp spin Walter Cronkite? No, I'm not. It was just,

we were talking about Johnny Carson the other day and it made me just think about like, there's nobody who watched Johnny Carson and was like, this guy's a wife beater.

Right. Like I watched him growing up and was like, this guy's a wife-beater. Right. Like, I watched him growing up and was like, this is my America's Dad comic. Yes. And then you find out that he was just like, Yeah, but most of America's dads were smacking their ladies around, too. That's true, yeah. That's a very good point.

Bill and Johnny. They got a little lippy. Yeah, yeah. Lippy. So here we are at the point of the program where we have closing remarks and of course we have Chad who is

you know wearing shorts Jurassic Park button up very comfortable good looking guy and then we have John wearing a full tuxedo bow tie. It stayed tied the entire program. Yeah, commit to the bit.

You guys really look similar. Do you realize that? You know, I've never actually heard that. We have another friend that I get brotherly. Do you guys not think that? Is it just the hair? No, I think it's very similar to how you get compared to every guy who shaves his head and has a beard. Even if you don't look that similar.

Do I look like Matt at all? Not really, but you do kind of look like Jay Buhner. You look like Matt couldn't drive an RV. The two of them are just like they both have brown hair. I look like gay Matt. I'm the gay version. Okay, that works. Matt looks like a man's man.

Yeah. Matt looks like his wife watches porn. Yeah. Okay. I look like I have a partner. You call her that respectfully. My partner. We're going to grill some chicken breasts tonight.

Steve, my partner. And she doesn't take some chicken breasts tonight. Steve, my partner. And she doesn't take your name. Right. Yeah, yeah. Matt's wife takes his name. Yeah. Absolutely. She's proud to be Matt's wife.

Lovingly. My wife, meh. Yeah. Anyway, Chad, sorry to take the spotlight off of you. Oh, it's fine. Or John. John, do you want to make any closing remarks? You go ahead.

Okay. So I have two things I wanted to say before I do some gifts. First, is it cool if I do a plug for the business? Sure, absolutely. So me and my wife run a mental health clinic. Well, it's not really a clinic. It's a private practice. We have 40 therapists in Garland and Oak Lawn,

and we help people with all kinds of things that Jake likes to make fun of in front of pro athletes. Who are suffering from mental health problems. Which we help people with bipolar. Yeah, individuals, families, couples, you name it. Virtual, in person. We're here to help people. Room for Change.

You can go to roomforchange.info. Check us out. That's awesome. Room for Change. Room for Change. I was able to quit my pre-COVID career because of the success of the mental health industry, or the booming, really, people being home.

I was going to say, I think you were able to quit because of COVID. Yes, absolutely. If you capitalize, you're happy. COVID wasn't that bad of a bit. It was the best thing ever happened. Does she know who Dorothy Dix is? She created the first mental asylum. Yeah, she's anti-Dorothy Dix.

Okay. Mental health clinics are pretty terrible, but the inpatient ones are pretty bad not because of the nature of them just because of the funding is so bad and they don't have well you do have a dorothy dick's basement yes we do yeah dedicated for extreme cases jake uh but more importantly in the business i want to talk about parking so with backup parking i don't know if you guys have covered, how do you feel about the pulling through to the empty spot in front? So it appears as you backed up, you actually just pulled through for the easy exit.

I do it sometimes. Yeah, of course. Okay, so that's acceptable to you, but not backing in. It doesn't take any more time. With backing in is now I have to wait for your sorry ass to do a three-point back-in turn. Okay, and that's where I want to get. I drive a truck, and I can park faster backing in

because the turn radius is better. Okay. Because it's long, it's, and now my hitch isn't sticking out to get somebody's shin as they're walking by. I, before truck, anti-back-end guy all day. But then I got the truck, I was like, this is a lot easier. It's faster.

It's so big, it's hard to fit it in. You got to make sure. Yeah, but if you do that turning radius, you just whoop one right in. I do think it's sad that the Ford Lightning that you drive is now an electric car, and it used to be like a Boss Hogg Megatruck. You have a Ford Lightning? Mm-hmm. It's up front.

Holy shit. Mental health, man. Nice. You like it? I freaking love it, man. You have to have a gas car. Single cab, man. You have to have a gas car. Single cab? No.

You have to have a what? You have to have a gas car if you have an electric vehicle. Texas isn't ready, much less the rest of the world. To go on long trips and stuff? Yeah, long trips. I can pull my boat, but my gas mileage, well, not gas mileage. My electric charge goes down by two-thirds almost when you're pulling a boat or something. The Lightning was such a staple of my youth. Electric charge goes down by two-thirds almost when you're pulling a boat or something. But we got another big car.

The Lightning was such a staple of my youth. We're talking about the new. Oh, yeah. I know they remade it. Yeah. But it's electric. So are there not a lot of charging stations around? There's a lot of them, but there's more people that need them.

Can you use a Tesla charging station? With Ford, you can. Okay. But you have to have the adapter. But Ford is the only one that takes Tesla because they merged. Chaz Gilmore. That's all this guy does. He's come up with these things.

But I got some gifts unless John you wanted to make any statements? Oh no. It's just you guys are awesome and it's wild and sublime to be here. Just listening to you guys for 20 years and yeah. it i love your tuxedo thanks he doesn't subscribe by the way it's okay oh way to call him out it's okay way

to call him out shame him so i've i've got thanks for each of you but then i got something for the whole show i've got a uh donald trump hand puppet yeah okay that's for everybody y'all can share that yeah put it in the studio that's for the hotel it's a community donald trump i'm gonna save the best for first we use that like as a flashlight yeah i'll let you know okay so here i've been listening i'm day six so i've been listening for a while uh and i hear a lot of people get stuff there's a lot of gimmicky stuff like when i just gave you but i wanted to get you something useful. A book because I know Blake loves books. And a one of one so each of you are going to get some of that.

Blake, I got you some ground lifts. And some quarter inch to eighth inch adapters because those are the best. Yeah, thank you. Always need barrels. Yes, yes. And then I got you

Filthy Rich Fae. I don't know if you've read this one a little the flowers on the front indicate it's my kind of book yeah that's that's what i was thinking and then you're one of one is this little shirt i had made that says the eclipse was gay i don't care whether i knew about the eclipse or not i just wanted to go because that's when we had the timeshare. So fuck off, Glenn. I got you that shirt. Nice. Is that a quote?

Favorite thing. Yeah, yeah. I have it actually saved in my phone because I love it so much. Made me mad. Blake left town during the eclipse.

I do remember that, but there was a guy named Glenn who was calling you. It was Gene. It was Gene. Yeah, I did say fuck off, Gene.

I mispronounced. So I got you some Zin, sir. Oh, yeah? Got you the coffee one. The coffee, for sure. I'll tell you what. I have so much Zin now. This is the most common gift to Jake.

I'm sure it is. And I don't think he's upset about it, so don't. No, no. Don't cut off the flow. This next one is, oh, yeah, your book. I don't know if you've read this, but it's amazing. Sports Gene. Do you want to keep it?

Because I have read it, and I do have it. Okay, well, then I'll keep it. We did reports on it once upon a time. It's basically like if Jimmy the Greek were a scientist. Oh, boy. Yeah, it's great. It's a guy who's very well-versed in athletic traits and temperatures and climate, and he's like, you know, I mean.

Jimmy the Greek wasn't really wrong. He just said it in a very tasteless way. That is a phenomenal book, though. Yeah. Yeah. And this one was delivered. He was like drunk. And it's actually messed up, so they might have to send me a replacement.

But you can have this one until then. I got you a Texas Rangers Dallas Mavericks jersey. Oh, yeah. It was supposed to have Romo on it, and they forgot that. Romo. I don't need it. I don't need the Romo. I just want the jersey.

The Kegel jersey. Yeah. That's awesome. 69 on the back. Yeah, with the 69. That's cool. I want to wear that to pick up next week, Blake. Dan, I got you a couple things.

First and foremost, an apple. All right. Oh, a post-show apple? Organic. I also got you a gift card with 23 cents on it for a banana. I will buy one banana. I think it can be embarrassing to use your

credit card for that. My personal favorite of the head this made for you, your 101. Little dumb zone hat. It's dope. Upside down. It's like the Danucci. The upside down dumb zone. I figured Danucci would come after y'all if y'all tried to sell that on your site, so I just gave you. You're probably right.

And I'm sure that you already have this, but if you don't. I will wear this tomorrow on our video. I don't know if you know if you've ever read anything by Agassi, but this is his best. I mean, much like Jake. I'm sure you do. Stop. You know I have it, and I've read it because I've done a book report on that.

Oh, I knew you had read it, but I didn't know if you had it. Is that his autobiography? This is his autobiography. I've read it. It's fantastic. I could take Jake's book, and Jake could take mine. Look at this. We love to swap. I've heard it takes about 20 years to read that, though.

Five training camps. What, sports gene? Agassi's a really good book. You'll come in wanting to do a report. I believe you and Byron Jones. Yeah. Sir Roy loved it, and I think he's only read two books in his life. So he's an expert.

And so you also know it's an easy read yeah well I have a I have a gift too but it's at my house it's the old flashlight I use

the second one yeah I would love it it's the first one no but yeah hey I want to mirror John thanks for bringing joy and laughs into my ears

you know weekly and we love you guys you guys are great 100% and super hospitable everything I expected from what I've heard from other DF We love you guys. You guys are great. Super hospitable. Everything I expected from what I've heard from other DFs. Appreciate you guys.

Very cool. You got to meet Danny Bayless. How about that? You got to meet Matt. We got to meet Matt. You got to meet Hetero Dan. Well. What do you think?

She's watching all that porn. Oh. Adios, mofo. This is the Dom's Zone. Dom's Zone. This is the Dom's, down zone This is the down zone, down zone This is the down zone, the down zone You're in the down zone, down zone You in the down zone, the down zone This is the down zone, down zone this is the down zone down zone this turn the down zone down zone it used to be

one to three on the cuny it used to be They used to be Jesus Down zone Down zone Down zone Down zone Down zone

Down zone This is the DAWZONE, DAWZONE, DAWZONE, DAWZONE This is the DAWZONE, DAWZONE, DAWZONE, DAWZONE This is the DAWZONE, DAWZONE, DAWZONE, DAWZONE This is the DAWZONE This is the DAWZONE Listenin' to the DAWZONE DAWZONE DAWZONE Danny J

Be my patron I'll be your patient You are my guts, you are the man Talking to both of y'all Down zone, the down zone This is the down zone, down zone, this is the down zone, down zone Down zone, the down zone Down zone, the down zone, down zone

This the down zone, down zone, down zone, down zone This is the down zone, dumb zone This is the dumb zone, dumb zone This is the dumb zone, dumb zone Listen to the dumb zone It's time to frickin' listen to the dumb zone Doesn't really matter what the time zone It's time for the time zone Time for the time zone Doesn't really matter what the time zone Time to fucking listen to the time zone

Doesn't really matter what the time zone As long as you just listen to the time zone