The Dumb Zone FREE - The Dumb Zone Anniversary Show 7-25-24

Episode Date: July 25, 2024

Happy 1 year anniversary! To celebrate, we've compiled the best moments from year 1 of podcasting for The Dumb Zone. Enjoy! (00:00) - Intro (02:35) - Words with Dan (06:44) - Jake has a buddy (09:13) - 11/10 Best Chappy of the year (23:13) - 11/15 Best not listening of the year (24:47) - 12/1 I Love You Man open fight (30:49) - 12/27 Jake's lake house story (45:16) - 1/4 Roast Twins vs. Jake and Blake (01:01:07) - 1/8 Biggest ballsack of the year (01:05:28) - 1/25 Blake's dating tips (01:13:52) - 1/26 Can of snakes (01:20:02) - 1/30 Dan learns how restaurants work (01:28:07) - Best of the stream team (01:32:48) - 2/13 Not a comedy podcast (01:37:53) - 2/23 Dan ruins a birthday (01:41:12) - 2/29 Jake DNA tests (01:46:00) - 3/7 Dan's mushroom sandwich (01:53:37) - Best of lawyer roundtables (01:57:42) - 4/30 Rocky 5 plot (02:03:31) - 5/2 Dan on the William Pace Show (02:17:35) - 5/20 Doug Townson (02:33:33) - 6/3 Roast Twins vs. Grady Spencer (02:48:12) - 6/25 500th Kempspin (02:51:41) - 6/27 Hop To It girl (02:55:21) - 6/27 No Puppet backstory (02:58:44) - 7/11 Fish don't have hair (03:04:11) - Beth drops (03:24:03) - Dumb Zone Podcast Blues ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to the Dom's on. Happy birthday to you. And that is the end of the open, according to Jake. It's pretty close, right? I don't know. It's been a long time since I've heard the open.

It has been a minute. Well, this is what we'll call, and it's weird because we've already done some recordings, but we'll call this episode one. Happy birthday, DFs. It's been one year since Dan and Jay created What You See in front of you. And what better way to celebrate than to relive some of the best moments of the first year in podcasting for the Dumb Zone

Got a few things for you as the caretaker of the show notes We'll get to some of the best ofs We got all the words with Dan from 2024 As well as a check in on the Jake has a buddy list We'll end with every drop Beth has pulled But first some notes from the show. Early on, during the month of September in 2023, Dan said he wanted to catch Christina Randall,

a NFSFW woman just ahead of us in the Patreon standings. An update in current day, she is 325th while the Dumb Zone boys are 188th. A year ago, Dan would be proud. Our first video episode was on October25th, while the Dumb Zone boys are 188th. A year ago, Dan would be proud. Our first video episode was on October 6th. The Sinbad sensation began on October 19th. Our first 690 sit-in

was on November 30th. Dan's wife mad at Jake for not double flushing. Dan has day and night socks. On January 17th, we released our Gaza Strip ice cream flavors. Reese Fire Fire from the river to the sea salt caramel peach in the middle east yemen lime iraqi road February 29th interviewed the DF who survived the Hawaii helicopter crash March 26th Jake says happy Gilmore 2 isn't happening

Nora gives us a thumbs crossways and Dan thought Tim McMahon was selling MacBooks on Twitter. And even in this most recent month, we learned what moosing is a big year for the dumb zone and a big year for words with Dan had to, they, when you go into Cleveland, you actually go fly over Lake Erie and come back in from the lake. I don't know if you remember doing that, but I think that's how you fly there all the time. Yeah. And things were very, very rocky. The type of, you know, up and down and... Turbulence.

Yeah. Okay, thank you. The word is turbulence. Okay. Are we in a... Our first sponsor. I was going to say, though, if we can actually monetize this whole thing and do things on our own, and book Tim McMahon if we want, can we get a dumb zone or whatever we end up calling ourselves in the future?

A dumb zone, what do you call it? Labeled, you know, like my floss. What do you call that? Marketed? Branded? Branded, yeah. Dumb zone branded. That was the most dumb zone thing.

Bottle of rid. Yeah. What time is your next week's game? Don't know yet. Okay, because I'm flying in. I'm going to Clemson next weekend. Yeah. And I'm flying back Sunday

And that would be great to show up at your game Well we gotta get through the first round first With my Red white and Or my clown hair thing Wig Alright Yeah so

But basically it's a thermometer, though, that you could put under the dog's arm. Arm? Leg. I guess the front is the leg. They're all legs, right? They don't have any arms. But if they had an arm, it would be the arm.

The leg pit. What do you call it? We actually have four. We call them armpits. Why not? There you go. We don't have a leg pit for it. Okay.

But I did want to thank all the people for joining us yesterday. If you want to check it out on YouTube, we do have www.youtube.com slash at the dumb zone. I've learned that. Yeah. The little figure. What do you call that? What do you call that? Symbol?

Yeah. That's what we call an exclamation point is a symbol? Um, I mean... Whatever the... Punctuation, but yeah, it's... The little things that are above... Just hit shift two. That are above the numbers.

Yeah. On your keyboard. Yeah. Not even a problem. Oh! Damn! Wow! It would have been good from 70. Come see me.. Oh, damn. Wow. It would have been good from 70.

Come see me. Hell yeah, Mike Mack. The Irish don't know how to miss. Wow. He's putting his undefeated kicking record. What is this? What would you call it? Perfect.

Perfect kicking record. I think most people would call it a streak. Could call it a little bit of a streak. Dan? All right, well, to each his own. So anyway, I would go to this silver box and be like, damn. And so then I'd take a paper towel and wrap it around my hand, and I'd take the things out, and I'd put it in the garbage bag and it was just

like a gross... How is that not lined? It was a gross experience. Maybe they are now. Yeah, probably. It'd have to be. So I did this night after night. And then a few months went by and then the manager was going to walk around and check the

closing with me. And he's got his... What do you ever call it? Not a notepad. I don't even know what he's looking for. Hold on, hold on. It's like a little board that it has a clipboard. There we go. Every time their front door opened, there was like a little ding.

And you said you wanted that for your house. Dude, that's a beating. Yeah, I think we tried to tell them that as much at the time. Yeah, some people with your alarm system, whatever, you know, theft, deterrent, whatever you call it. Yeah, alarm. Alarm. But they have it set up, and they go, dee-dee-dee.

And now here is every Jake has a buddy from this past year. Jake had a buddy who knew a guy who used to wait outside of 7-Eleven to buy beer for minors, who got a Wall Street Journal subscription to impress girls, whose bicep got bitten off by a dog, who trains dogs, who is white and went to a Halloween party dressed as a slave, who subscribed to Alex Bannister's OnlyFans, who had bet on the first five innings of a baseball game removing the variance of the bullpen,

who had miniature horses who were killed and cut open, who got married in Columbus and they snuck on the Ohio State field, who had replied to next door messages about him, who asked him about the border crisis while high, who works at a state university who checks to see what his coworkers make, who was named Roe when he tried setting up a boxing match

between him and his buddy Wade, who does a podcast interviewing hot women, who the Columbia blew up over his parents' farm, whose parents bought a house in Angel Fire, whose doctor got himself addicted to prescription pills, who he got in a fight with over his keys and broke his hand, who paid $50 to motorboat Stormy Daniels, who was blind and would ask if the Stars made the playoffs after every game, whose divorce went to court and her lawyers had his search history, who had Spock's head in a lawn chair tattooed on his arm, who Jake found nude pictures of his parents, who worked off 635 in the tollway and hated his job,

who made him watch him have sex with his girlfriend because she was a squirter, who was wearing Jordans to buy drugs and had to leave him with the dealer, who was a talented skier but separated his shoulder, who got caught in a grade altering scandal, who had a Kevin Federline poster, who has the Kevin Federline poster up in his studio, who has the Kevin Federline album

and has the album picture as a poster, who lives in Houston and went to the Mavs and Rockets game that Luca's mom went to and he tried to get a picture with her, who drove a car with a car wrap, who is a plumber, who cried during the last Bluey episode, who delivers produce, who runs an athletic facility in Southlake, whose family is from Arkansas and has a cousin who had a baby from a state trooper from a quid pro quo situation, whose mom is named Karen and was a Karen before there were Karens. Who runs the facility Jake is learning to pitch at. Who ran to third in baseball tryouts. Who is a plumber. Who is a plumber.

And who Jake has hung out with twice in the last two weeks and is listening right now. Who snuck out of Jake's house at a sleepover and Jake didn't go because he was scared. Jake called him after they snuck out to tell him that their parents knew about it and they had to come back and they did because Jake was bored.

Who was a female who worked at Chuck E. Cheese and permitted him to buy pizza to take home. Who doesn't ski but stays in the house with him. Who sent him a video of Dave Portnoy leaving game four with eight minutes left. Who was Travis Heim who will respond to negative reviews on Yelp. Who has a Sprinter van. Who was a local Grapevine dad and he saw him sampling alcohol at noon at the grocery store. Who nailed the girl in the small room. All right time now for what you came for. The best segments and moments from the Dumb Zone going in chronological order. Let's hop in the time machine and take a ride through the inaugural year of the Dumb Zone. Take it away, Danny.

November 10th, best Chappie segment of the year. We're calling Jake's dad Chappie. Does he know that you're calling from this certain number? He probably answers all numbers. We're about to get voicemail, my friend. That's a treat. This is Greg Chappy King. This is actually the real Shabby.

Oh, hey, what's up, Pops? Hey, what's up, Sonny? I still don't believe it. Hello, Blake. Are you in a can? Tell them about what happened with your swim headphones a couple months ago. Oh, man. You know, I've had quite a few things happen this year.

He's breaking down uh you know i could break down about 10 or 15 jake knows them all but uh lord do i those those earplugs man you know just to kind of screw in a little almost looks like a corkscrew oh yeah they weren't headphones yeah earplugs yeah yeah earplugs and uh you, I was trying to maximize my value out of it. I'm pretty sure one pair that got a little fragile in its wear and tear. So this was like a couple of months ago. I got out of the pool, and I started to pull one of them out, and it snapped off halfway with my fingers. So the other half was flush with my ear, so I couldn't get a bite on it.

And so then I kind of freaked out, and I started digging at it and digging at it. Pushing it in farther? Yes. Yeah. Yes. it and digging at it oh pushing it in farther yes yeah yes and then i'm to the point now where i can't feel it i literally can't feel it and and i it's it's half of it's still in there wait it's in there now no oh okay you're at that time. But I – You've got to have someone just hit you really hard on the other side. Like a loony tune. Yeah.

Or you hold your breath and, like, blow – you know, don't open your mouth. Just blow from inside. You ever blow? Pew! Yeah. It shoots out. Rips your eardrums. Yeah.

I'm glad I didn't see any of the three of you, if that is your freaking remedy. So I go to two CareNow clinics, and they dig around, and they said, man, I can't get this. Two? Two. So you went to one, and they're like, we give up. And then you said, I'll go to a different one. That's exactly right, because I'm starting to freak out, man. Yeah. Because I can't get to freak out, man. Yeah.

Because I can't get this thing out, and it's Friday afternoon. It's going to be a long weekend. That's right. But now it's starting to get mental. It's like eating at me. Like, hey, I'm effed. I've got to get this out. So I go to the last place, and there there's three people two of them holding my ear

and this guy has this instrument that the other two didn't i'm not too sure why they didn't and he did but he said hey the only way this is coming out is if i can get up underneath it i can't pull it out i got to get to the bottom of it and pop it out or at least get some leverage under it. And he goes, and that can cause a problem with your ear canal. I'm just telling you. And anyway, long story short, he got it out. I was sweating bullets when that thing came out. Could have gone deaf on that ear. He told me that if this doesn't work, you're going to have to go check yourself into the hospital. You can't go home and go to bed like this. But if he did go deaf, his right eye would have had better sight.

That's right. Left nostril. If you lose one sense, Chappy, your other senses get heightened. I did not know this. Yeah. Like blind people can hear everything. That's why you got to watch them. They're shifting.

I'm not sure that there's too many people lining up at your house to see you or Blake or Jake with medical needs. Oh, come on. So I have a couple of chappy related emails. One I'll start with. One I'll get to when you read your lock of the week, okay? All right. This one says, hey, Uncle Douche Mail.

That's Dan. I think he's talking about me. A few years ago, you and Jake were on the phone getting pics from Chappie on the old radio station, and he made reference to a time in his life when he was in a fight with his girlfriend, and I believe he said he had to go to the hospital to get stitches because she cut him on the face with either a chicken or a turkey bone during Thanksgiving dinner.

And then you didn't ask him a follow-up question. It was the maddest I've ever been in my entire life. I don't remember that at all. I don't either. If you asked me for the entire run sheet for that day, it should have been scrapped at that point. You should have talked to him for the rest of the show about that story with the Thanksgiving holiday approaching and the new Patreon

format, where it could be as long as you want. Please ask Chappy to tell that story. If you don't, not only will I cancel my subscription, I'll probably kill myself. Oh, no. Since you're on Patreon now and I'm a subscriber, I pay your salary. Give me what I want.

From Robert. That's funny. Well, I don't care if either one of you guys remember this story. I only care if... because I don't remember it. And this guy's saying I made a mistake. That could not have happened. Chappy, does this Robert have anything?

Absolutely. Oh, God. And we talked about this. Now, it might have been a drive-by one day, but I can tell you exactly where I was at the year and the day. And it was a big, huge leg of the turkey and she cut my eye and i had three i got three stitches underneath my right eye and she pulled that thing off and she started beating me well she kicked me in the shin first he had high heels on and then i kind of started flailing backwards this is i'm talking about 81 here boys 1981

the old chap was just a mere 23 so i'm backpedaling backpedaling and she hits me right where the cheekbone underneath the eye and i guess some of the meat had scattered off the bone and the bone itself struck my flesh. That's, by golly, a true story. So good for this gentleman for wanting some follow-up to it. So you were at Thanksgiving dinner, just the two of you, or were you at a parent's house? No, there was a group of people there. It was prior to the traditional grandparent meal, so to speak.

This was kind of a drunk fest that carried over from the prior night, some heavy, heavy drinking. Carried over from the prior night. Some heavy, heavy drinking. Yeah. So this was earlier in the day before the traditional set down. And what did you say to make this occur? Because I know it wasn't her fault. Whoa, whoa.

Hold on. What? Excuse me. What did you say? I called her a bitch. That'll do it. That'll do it. That will do it. I can't even believe we're talking. This is great, man.

I remember. You know, we're coming up on the eve of this. Yeah, I would think so. It's 42 years, I guess, in a couple of weeks. I should remember this. You should reach out to her. Yeah, why don't we pop her on the show next week? I got no idea where she's at.

I've got no idea. But she was a little spitfire. Yes, she was. I told Joe, you know, Joe and I yesterday had a burger before he rolled out, and we were talking about how, you know, pretty nice-looking men we were. You know, I wasn't just grabbing some alley cat. This was prime roll in my will. All right, so when did you – so you were 23.

When did you get married? I was 22. No, you get married? I was 22. No, I got married when I was... You get that? That's pretty funny. I did, yes. That's really good, yep. Yeah, no, I got married when I was 26.

Okay, so that's well before. Yeah, yeah. You had met Jake's mom. Yeah, this was during the time when I was thrown out of school for grades. College, obviously? Yeah. Yeah, hopefully you weren't in high school. Yeah, not just getting put on probation.

You know, I did that route. What college? Then you have to make the grade to get off of probation. And, yeah, that didn't happen either. Matter of fact, the day of my final, I was smoking weed with another chick down at the car prior to taking my test. I didn't even go in and take it. Got thrown out. Sometimes that actually helps, to be

honest. Yeah. Focus. Focus. Yeah. It can. Well, I don't remember that, but yeah. Well, hopefully Robert got all he could handle there. Yeah. Up your subscription. You got it. Yeah, yeah. You don't have to pay only $6.90 there, Robert.

Yeah. Give us $10. You can pay more. Robert had that. That is excellent recollection because we actually, I think I was still living in Vegas. It was like one of the first years we started rolling with this, that subject came up. It was a drive-by. We didn't stay longer and linger. But, yes, absolutely, that's not some chappie-ism. That's a true story.

Well, for those who are new, who don't remember that story, yes, the reason we talk to Chappie every week is because he used to live in Vegas. He moved to Vegas because he loved gambling, and this is before the explosion of gambling and before all the legalizations because you wanted to bet football games, and you don't want to subscribe to someone's service. Chappie would make his own charts, do his own research, kind of an Aaron Rodgers type before Aaron Rodgers ever existed.

He'll do his own research. And then he'd pick games, and he did very, very well. And then at our old radio station, we had him on every week to pick games, and we'd all pick games. And every year, Chappie would have a better winning percentage than any of us. Every year. He was great at it. And you notice I use the word was.

And used to. Because now we are on this platform, and we have invited Chappie every week to pick games. Chappie, it has not gone well. It has not been your year. No. It's the ice age. It has been – it's kind of a – it's like an earplug stuck in your ear

type of a season. Has the game passed him by? That's what a lot of people are asking. And this brings me to email number two regarding Chappie. Yeah, I'm sure that's going to be positive. From Rob. Hey, Dan. That's a lot nicer than

the last guy. Than the last Rob? Hey, Dan. Since you're a big believer in jinxes, maybe the reason Chappie's picks suck ass this year is because he doesn't have a sounder when he makes his pick of the week. If I remember correctly, he was making one of his first picks this season. He jokingly asked if you had the sound effect or something for him.

Actually, that guy's right. So here you go. But when Chappie turns it around and goes on a heater for the rest of the season I expect full credit And you must acknowledge That jinxes are real But if he continues to suck I'll just be quiet and continue to send you

Dopey little intros and stuff From your DF pal Rob And he has sent us This Do we wait until he makes the pick? Do we do it before to get Chappie his juices flowing, or do we just let Chappie know? It's up to you.

You pick, Rob. Chappie, do you want to hear it now, or do you want to wait? If you've got it now, lay it on me. It'll get me going. I actually remember the day I said that. Okay. Well, you seem to remember a lot today. So here is, yes, from DF Rob.

We will now. Chappies, lock of the week. Wow. Wow. I mean. It's short and sweet. Yeah. That is what we will have to harken back to today's date.

I love that. Can you play that the rest of the way through? Chappies, lock of the week. That's freaking awesome, dude. I don't know why we haven't rolled this out. Y'all let me philander over here like a piece of bacon in a hot skillet, and all I needed was this. November 15th, top not listening of the year.

But they're like, this is a bad bit. We better go somewhere. We're going to leave. Yeah. This is a bad bit. How about South Africa? It's warm. There are also a lot of Ethiopian Jews.

I thought you'd enjoy that. Why would you think he would enjoy that? There are elements there that I think would fascinate Dan. Ethiopians are real hungry people. What did you just say? You know what I meant.

I think everybody knows what I meant. Your thoughts on Bruce Bochy finishing second and not first for the American League Manager of the Year. It's horse crap. Yeah? All the Rangers should win all the awards. I don't care about what's fair and what's right. No, that's right.

Brandon High deserved it. It's a regular season award. They won 101 games. He has helped turn around an organization. Plus, the Rangers just bought their championship. It doesn't matter. It's not like Bochy did anything. Are those awards regular season awards?

Because we hear about that a lot in the NBA. He kind of just said that. Did he? Okay. Sorry. Probably 15 seconds ago. Not even that. Yeah.

I'm sorry, Jared. Sorry, Blake. I was doing some stuff over here. Yeah. Okay. Carry on. Yeah, they are. Thanks for checking in, Blake.

Free trailer. For those who are watching the video and not listening just to the audio, you'll note that Jake's camera is great, and Jake is the one who didn't want to do a video today because of the light Yeah December 1st

The I Love You Man Fight The Big Dough There it is Let me ask you guys Beatles, Stones, on the count of three 1, 2, 3, Beatles I don't care That's you pal I will call in Too much for that, you're in Anybody else,als. Fuck you. I don't care. Nice. All in. All right. There it is. That's you, pal.

I will call in. Too much for that. You're in. Anybody else? Just me and you? That's it? Hot right? That's it.

Trip quits. Nice. Oh! Ladies. Ladies. Three ladies. Nice hand. Finally.

Nice. Fucking finally. Let's see what he's got. Let's see what he's got. Yeah, let's see what he's got. I have nothing. I have five spades. You got the flush?

Yes. One, two, three, four, five, flush. Flesh. He have five spades. You got the flesh? Yes! Fish! He's a fucking asshole. I'm not gonna rely on you. I said you're an asshole, Peter. I'm taking these beers.

What are you standing with seven dudes suited? With a fucking rainbow rag flop? All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. I never listen. I'm going to listen. I want to listen to the drums. Well, what do we have, 77 straight shows with a funny open? The streak had to end at some point. I thought the streak was at four, to be honest.

So the one day, I'm like, oh, man, I don't have an open. Blake, what can you come up with? Like a funny movie clip or something. And that's what he came up with. I mean, under pressure in the moment, yeah. Well, what's funny? Where was the funny? Like, do you have to watch the whole movie and then say, oh, yeah, yeah, that was funny?

To begin with, I Love You, Man is a very, very good movie. Not that it means anything. Probably my top three or five. And then just a little bit of a taste of audio later. Taking the I Love You Man thing? We may play some Dude Perfect audio later where it's just like random question. Like, mountains or beach? And I thought of Paul Rudd and I Love You Man.

I had that 22nd Dude Perfect thing where they were asking random questions. We could have played that. That was funny. Then play it for your break. Your break. Now it's my break. It is now that you just poo-poo on my suggestion, so I'm not going to help anymore. It's all you.

All right, let's re-rack. That was not funny. It was not you. All right, let's re-rack. That was not funny. It was not funny. That's okay, though. And it was like a wait. It was like 45 seconds and it's just littered with profanity. I don't need that.

Monday's viewer mail, I think we'll spend about 20 minutes reading emails from people who say I Love You Man is their favorite movie. Oh my God. 20 minutes, he says. Yeah. I mean, at least.

I bet we don't get two people that say that. I bet we don't get one. You'll get more people say it's their favorite movie than people that say it suck. What about people who just haven't seen it? That's just the two of you in this room. The point of when we play a movie clip,

we try to take something funny from the movie so even if you haven't seen it, you're like, oh, okay, that was funny to listen to. That was just like this random 45 seconds of guys just saying nothing. You've got to play some random dazed and confused clip that is partly funny that a lot of people haven't seen either.

Partly funny is a higher bar. That was very funny if you've seen the movie, which a lot of people have. You just have to throw on if you've seen the movie. That caveat ruins it. More people have seen I Love Victory Friday. You just have to throw on if you've seen the movie. That caveat ruins it. More people have seen I Love You Man than Dazed and Confused. I guarantee it.

Oh, my God. That was the dumbest thing you've ever said. And I don't even like Dazed and Confused. Hit us up at whatever hotmail address he has. I don't even like that movie. More people have seen I Love You Man than Dazed and Confused. That's the dumbest thing you've ever said. Because the problem that you're going to run into here is that back then they only had

like five movies. Don't care. Paul Rudd and Jason Segel. Everyone had to see Days of Confusion. It's like the Celtics titles. Yeah. No. They were playing in a 12-team league.

Doesn't matter. There was two movies out that summer. See, you had no choice but to see it several times. My head is hot. I wanted to wear this cool Portland hat. He's all flustered because we're fighting over I Love You Man. Let's not fight. It's a victory Friday.

It really is. We could have played Belichick. We're talking about Seattle. Okay, let's move on. We can play that as a break. Then just play it. We don't have to play for the Open. Just play it now.

Then y'all can just slap each other's knees over how funny it is and how much better it is of an Open than what I picked. Jeez. over how funny it is and how much better it is of an open than what I picked. Jeez. He's really testy because he's had such an audio problem this morning.

Like, you're in charge of the technical stuff, and that's been nothing but a disaster. Well, I'm sitting here trying to fix it. Jake just leans back and exhales into his microphone to let us know that he's pissed off. I'm not pissed off! I just feel a bit helpless. Like, I can't really help you guys.

You should maybe close that window because it's getting a big thing off the camera. Perhaps the word could be glare. I don't know. Better? Yeah, it's just not so bright. Anyway, we're doing a video today. This is the worst start to any episode we've ever done

It's okay We can still save this thing We can save it easily It's been such a great day We can get a fourth quarter win It's Eatsies Friday Congrats Thanks for lunch

Did you eat? No Why not? He won't eat in front of us Too busy Too busy doing what? Picking the open Fixing your audio, getting the levels right. There's just too much to do.

I would have absolutely given you five more minutes to eat, and I would just go find a funny clip for the open. Weekend preview? What's everybody got? Let's try to get some momentum here. No, I'm too mad. I'm going to a... I don't even know what the charity event is called, but I want everybody else to go to it.

The Jared Do It For Durrett... What's it called? Sandlot Charity. Yeah, it's... A lot of the... It actually has nothing to do with Do It For Durrett. Oh, I thought he donated money to the Durrett thing. I'm sure he does, but...

Oh, it has nothing to do with Do It For Durrett. Nothing at all. There's no tie-in at all. Your sales ability is just absolutely piss poor. December 27th. Jake's Lakehouse Story.

Hey, Uncle Hotmail. Day one DTF here. Oh, DTFDF here. Get it? Yeah. Wondering if you could all get... If y'all could get Jake to do a retell of the lake house story. I used to listen to you on the ticket, but I came too late to hear that story. It's referenced all the time. I've always wondered what happened to the furniture there.

Thanks. Topher, parentheses, short for Christopher. Yeah, Jake, make fun of my name. That's not horrible. I've never really even thought of. I've heard of Topher Grace. Yeah. Who's that?

That 70s show. I never thought of that as short for Christopher. That makes a lot of sense. I wonder if it is. More than Jack is short for. Yeah, it's Christopher. Wait, what's Jack short for? What?

Jonathan? John? Yeah. William Bill's the one that always... Yeah. Yeah, so... Jake's Lakehouse story. Yeah, we have... Mark this down and then if anybody ever needs it, we can direct them to here. Kind of like, we need

to figure out where we did the no puppet story in our past, because people ask for a retelling of that. We, meaning mostly my wife, bought a rental property out at Lake Granbury. When we bought it, it was trash. We bought it very, very cheap. We remodeled it ourselves over the

course of about a year and a half. It was a big deal for my wife. You bought it for five figs, right? Yeah. Dang. Yeah. Yeah, we just kept putting money into it. It was a lot.

It was a lot of work, but it was fun. She enjoyed it. Then we started renting it out on Airbnb. For the most part, pretty uneventful. You very rarely have to talk to the people who are there. You schedule the cleaning person, and you put their names in an app so that they can get through the guard shack that's it

we don't talk to them much but there was one instance a few years ago where I remember this like it was yesterday it was a Sunday evening and my wife was like hey these people are calling me. Something's going on at the lake. I can't deal with it right now. I need you to call them. So

where we are situated at this on this lake, it's not on the main body. It's on a canal. Blake's been there. It's like it's a canal where most of what happens there is happening in the backyard facing the canal. The front yard is just the front yard, but you hang out in the backyard, there's a canal which faces other people's backyards on the other side of the canal, right? Hopefully I'm painting this picture properly. Yeah.

And there's a house across and one to the left and they were calling me saying, hey, I saw something happening in your backyard last night and I need to talk to you about it. I was like, oh, okay.

And this is like a 75-year-old woman. And she's like, you know, who's staying at your house right now? Like, are you there? I'm like, no, it's rented out right now. She's like, well, do you know the people? I'm like, I do not. I didn't even really know, like, the makeup of the group that was staying there.

I had not gotten that information from my wife yet. She's like, well, you know, I don't really know how to say this. She's like, but my daughter was outside last night around 2 a.m. smoking a cigarette. And she saw a woman eating another woman out while a man masturbated next to them. God, dude. That's exactly what she said. A grandma said this to you? Yeah.

A 75-year-old lady? She might have first said performing oral sex. Okay. And then I think she said she was eating her out, and there was a man masturbating, and I was like, whoa. There's no way that's true. She's like, well, why don't you call him and check with them? So I hang up with her.

And could you see, like, you could see across the canal at 2 a.m.? Like, it's not too dark? We have floodlights. Okay. And the people across the way have a boat, so they have, like, their whole scene lit up. Boy, what a phone call to make. Yeah.

What an allegation. Yeah. And she was like, this is a problem. She's like, my grandkids were here this weekend. Whatever. You need to talk to your renters. And I was like, let me confirm that this happened first. So I asked my wife.

I'm like, who's staying at the lake right now? I need to go out there? What's going on out there? Is it Blue Face? So she's like, well, it's a lady who's probably early 30s, her kids. And then she's like, I think she said that her mom, her mom's boyfriend, and two of their friends were going to be there with them. And I'm like, well, we have a problem.

So I tell her what the lady said. I call the lady who rented the house. She was probably like 30. And I'm like, listen, you know, I don't know what you got going on out there. I was like, this is super uncomfortable. I was like, but I just got a call from my neighbor about something they saw last night. She's like, absolutely not. She was like, I'm here with my boyfriend and my three-year-old. She's like, and we went to bed at 10 o'clock. I was like, well, who else is there? She's like,

it's my mom, her boyfriend, and then a couple that they're friends with. I'm like, well, you may want to ask them what they were doing in the middle of the night last night. I was like- So the 30-year-old's mom. Yeah. She rented it for her parents. Who's low end, 50. Yeah. And I was like.

Probably about 60. I'm just going to lay the cards on the goddamn table here for you, okay? And you told her exactly what the old lady said? Yeah. And she was like, absolutely not. She was like, there's no way. I'm like, well, well okay this is coming from somewhere yeah what if somebody called you and said yeah same thing so i called i called the neighbor back

after i get off the phone with her and i'm like listen the lady was in the house she said she was in bed she was in bed with her kid this didn't happen and the lady's like oh why don't you uh pull up your text messages i'm like okay and she sent me like three photos of a woman who had her hands up on like a wrought iron picnic table, circular. And there was a woman eating her out from the back. And there was a guy just cranking it like right next to him. Was it a 60-year-old lady? It was an older.

They were older. I can tell you that. It was not the lady who was staying there. It was her mom. It was her mom. Okay. And I never really confirmed if the guy was her mom's boyfriend or a friend's boyfriend. Right.

So one guy was left out. He was left out. Interesting. Or at least he was out of frame. Yeah, okay. I don't know for sure, but he was not in the picture. So she took pictures with her cell phone? The neighbor's daughter did.

The person who was smoking a cigarette. Yeah. You still have these pictures? Somewhere, yeah. But I mean, I think it's like illegal for me to transmit them. Can't you put them up on the YouTube thing here? I cannot. There's no way that's copyrighted.

And so, you know, I called her back, the daughter. And I'm like, listen, I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm not saying it was you, but I have proof that there were people you know effing around in the backyard last

night and my neighbor's pissed about it. The neighbor was threatening to call the HOA. Like, she was like, this is, you know, there's no place for this. Because it's basically like your front yard. Right, yeah. Like, it really is kind of your front yard back there. And she was like, you know, this, you know, she was threatening me. And I was doing, like, full damage control.

And I didn't even have to get to, I'm going to kick you out. Because she hung up. And I didn't even have to get to, I'm going to kick you out. Because she hung up, and then she called me back. And she was like borderline in tears. Did you send her the picture? Yes. Yeah. And she's like,

that's my mom. Yeah. And they were set to stay at least through that night, I think even Monday night. And she was like, we're leaving. I was like, they were set to stay at least through that night. I think even Monday night. And she was like, we're leaving. I was like, okay,

cool. It was the wild. It was one of the wildest things that's ever happened to me. Pound for pound. And I called the lady back. I was like, they're gone. You know,

if you ever have, and she chilled out, the older lady chilled out. Um, once they left, a lot going on out there, bubs, man. And she chilled out. The older lady chilled out once they left. A lot going on out there, bubs. Man.

Yeah. These are like extremely normal looking people, too. Like, this is not blue face. These are not strippers. This is like, you know, Tarrant County suburban moms that just were out at the lake. Yeah, I need to know. Had some drinks. I want to know a lot more. The daughters asleep.

Again, there's a toddler in the house. Because when you watch porn, you think, all right, this is porn. It's not real. These things don't happen. But they do. They definitely do. They definitely do. I mean...

You might not want to go outside under a floodlight. Yeah, that was a... But I mean, again... It's the rush. It is the rush. And the way our house is set up out there, like, it's... There are a lot of beds,

but there's not a lot of space. And how does this... How does it start? Like, is it the guy kind of directing things? It probably wasn't the first time. Being a sexist, right? Thinking that women can't just want to do this on their own. But the guy directing things? It probably wasn't the first time. That's me being a sexist, thinking that women can't just want to do this on their own, but the guy's like,

hey, let's do that thing we stumbled upon a while back. We do it at different places. We've been texting about for the last three months when we booked this place. I mean, it was... I don't know. The weirdest part, and people bring this up all the time,

because I told this story first to TC. And then, like, I don't remember. It was like three or four months later we were out there with my family and TC's family. And he's like, this is the table. And everybody knew the story at that point. It's like all my friends were like, did you clean? I'm like, yeah, I cleaned it. Of course I did.

Fine. Yeah, I would mark it like where Pete Rose got his famous hit. There's a yellow square there. Kennedy X. But everybody comments on it every single time we go to that table. Like, yeah, this is where it happened. We should do a show from that table.

That's easily done, Blake. Yeah. Jake just has to easily done, Blake. Yeah. Jake just has to give us $6.90. And the weird thing, too, was like, I've looked at these photos a lot. I'm not going to lie to you. Not because they're hot, just because I was super intrigued. Yeah.

How hot are they? Not that. Well, it's like your Googler thing. Jake's been at that table, and now look what's going on there. But it's 60-year-old lady with... Yeah, but it was probably early 50s. 55-year-old lady, 55-year-old guy next to her, and as hot as you think that would be. Like, even the hottest 55-year-old...

I should take that back. The hottest would be pretty good, but... Yeah, for sure. She had, like, a skirt on, but, like, clearly pretty good. Yeah, for sure. She had a skirt on, but clearly no underwear. Yeah. So she just had the skirt lifted up on her back, and the other chick is almost on her knees. Yeah.

Interesting. It all comes back to cunnilingus. Yeah. But he... I'm sorry, I interrupted. He was fully nude. Like, in my backyard, you know? Like, he was not...

CFNM is what we're talking about here. Yes, it was a CFNM situation, yes. That is Blake. Huh? CFNM? Clothed female something? Clothed male nude female. You can switch them around, too.

That's CMNF, yeah. Is he, like, aiming at him? I mean, it was a photo. You know, it was a still shot. But, I mean, he was pointed in that direction, you know? I mean, he wasn't looking at the canal, you know? Yeah. I mean, that all 100% happened.

You know what the funny thing about it, too, is? I probably shouldn't say this, but because my mom listens to the podcast sometimes now. Have you already told her this story? Yeah, she definitely knows. But in different terms. Because here's the way. I told her, and she was like, why don't you tell people to mind their own business? She was like, they rented the property. I told her and she was like, why don't you tell people to mind their own business? She was like,

they rented the property. I was like, Jesus. Nice. They're on vacation. Yeah. Yeah. That was most people's reaction was what's the big deal?

Yeah, like, show me, we've got some good lawyers. Let's take a look at that homeowners association, you know. Yeah, the bylaws. Bylaws.

You can't kick us out of here. No, and like I said, fortunately, unlike with Crack Pipe family, I did not have to kick her out. Oh, that's right. We were in the middle of the Crack Pipe story. She was so shell-shocked that she just left. I mean, that's going to be tough to recover from. You've got visual evidence. You've got a narrative arc. That might be the person be tough to recover from. Yeah. You got visual evidence. You got a narrative arc.

That might be the person I'd like to interview. Yeah. The daughter. Yeah. I want to talk to every one of them. Who received this call. You still have their contact info. Oh, yeah.

For sure. I mean, it's been a few years, but we could definitely find it. What if she'd do it? No. Let's book her. Who'd you want to book the other day? Oh, the guy that Wemby stepped on. Yeah.

Are we getting him? We're working on it. Okay. Yeah, I want this lady instead. Okay. You want this lady or the Mets parachute guy? Ooh. We got that?

You got it on the hook? That was the last one. That was the last big fish you threw my way. Okay. We got that? You got it on the hook? That was the last one. That was the last big fish you threw my way. Okay. And then what do you do? Just remember him and don't do anything about it? All right, there's your deuce. How do I find one name, a guy from New York?

I can't just search his name and then Parachute Guy. Oh, here's his name. I'll bet he's famous. I'll bet there's a where are they now. He's probably on Cameo. Okay, then how do you get in contact with him? Well, that's your job. That's, yeah. I'm the guy just doing all the gold. That's what I'm saying. a where are they now. Probably on Cameo. Okay, then how do you get in contact with them? Well, that's your job. Yeah, I'm the guy just doing all the gold.

That's what I'm saying. That's the roadblock. You're the guy doing the gold. I'm just the guy with the eating out stories. January 4th. The Roast Twins versus Blake and Jake. So tell me

about your exchange with my daughters yesterday. No, I was hoping we'd avoid this. I really wish I was rolling when both of them started telling me about this yesterday. I don't mean to loop you into this, but Jake and I are very terrified of your daughters. Oh, yeah. I don't want any interaction with them because I don't want to get roasted. I don't want to get made fun of. I'm hyper aware that they're around, and I overanalyze everything I do around them, and it stresses me out.

I mean, from my perspective, it's fantastic that they've been available to babysit, but I worry that my whole house is getting memed somehow. Like while I'm gone, they're making fun of the dishes or the paint or something. So when I'm gone and they're there, I'm nervous. And it's not about the kid. And I think when they're solo, maybe... I'm not sure they won't make fun of my kid. Yeah. Solo, I think maybe I could be okay.

But them together, that scares me. That's a multiplier that I don't need to see. And so I had food yesterday that I wanted to heat up in Dan's microwave before I left. And so as I walked through the kitchen, I noticed that, as Dan calls her, I think France girl was to my left. But I didn't see her upon walking in. So I saw her and it kind of strolled me. I said, oh, hello.

And she didn't say anything. She won't. Yeah, she had headphones on. Maybe she didn't hear me. I was like, oh, that's great. Maybe I can just get in and out of here. And then i hear both of them talking in the other room and i hear one of them say go say hello and then i start to piece

together i think france girl went and told what do you call the other one clemson sure clemson some people call her ava but she's clemson girl uh ava call her Ava, but she's a Clemson girl. Ava keeps telling Eden, go say hello. Go say hello. And then I piece together that Eden said that, I don't know, she didn't say hello to me and now she feels bad. But they're talking about me when I'm right there, which really confuses me.

Because now do I insert myself into the conversation to get past the awkwardness? Do I pretend I don't hear them, which is impossible? And so I'm just staring at this effing microwave that won't cook it fast enough, and I can't get out of there soon enough. Just have to eat lukewarm food at that point. And I just, I got to go. I got to go. I got to get out of here. And so I got my food, and I thought, I just said bye.

I said bye, and it was just I just said bye. I said bye and it was just, it was terrible. I thought about it all afternoon. How was that Matt? With laughter. It was just a real tricky situation. I don't know how much of a reset you have to do in the podcast world,

but on yesterday's show, Blake told of an uncomfortable situation where he ran into my daughters who are basically old teenagers. So teenage girls are very scary. One of them is 20, but you get the point. They're in college. You don't want to deal with them no uh blake told you like individually he feels okay but if they're both together no and let's talk to malone parents think that too if i'm out with just one of them it's perfect when they get together

all of a sudden it's they know it's them against me. And you'd much rather... I remember Jake ran into this last year when we saw the big red tree. Yeah. Phew. They attacked you for telling them... To take a picture. Yeah, just quit deeing around. Just get in front of the tree.

Okay, so now... Didn't go well for me. Let's just go back. I brought them up here last night. I played the audio from our show, and they will just listen to that and comment on that. And then just tell me if you want me to pause. Okay. And in a very weird meta way,

then we're going to have to try and differentiate. Hey, now we're live on December, excuse me, January 4th, Thursday, January 4th. So this is January 3rd. Let's just listen to my girls listening to our show. So tell me about your exchange with my daughters yesterday. No. No, it's just Eden.

It was just Eden, bro. I really wish I was rolling when both of them started telling me about this yesterday. It was just Eden. I don't mean to, like, loop you into this, but Jake and I are very terrified of your daughters. I don't want any interaction with them because I don't want to get roasted. I don't want to get made fun of. I'm hyper aware that they're around, and I overanalyze everything I do around them. And it stresses me out.

I mean, from my perspective, it's fantastic that they've been available to babysit. But I worry that like my whole house is getting memed somehow. Like while I'm gone, they're like making fun of the dishes or something. Like I when I'm gone and they're there, I'm nervous. And it's not about the kid. And I think, you know, when they're when they're solo, maybe I'm not sure they won't make fun of my kid. Yeah. Solo, I think maybe I could be OK. But them together, that scares me.

That's a multiplier. Maybe I could be okay, but them together, that scares me. That's a multiplier that I don't need to see. And so I had food yesterday that I wanted to heat up in Dan's microwave before I left. And so as I walked through the kitchen, I noticed that. I was like, girl, what was in there? But I didn't see her upon walking in, so I saw her and it kind of stalled me. Oh, hello. And she didn't say anything.

I'm crying. Yeah, she had headphones on. Maybe she didn't hear me. I did! Maybe I can just get in and out of here. And then I hear both of them talking

in the other room and I hear one of them say, go say hello. And then I... I'm crying. Bro, because I heard him say that. I was like, go say hi, you weirdo.

She's laying on the floor, just tweaking. I'm crying. Want me to keep playing it? Yeah. You paused it. We paused it. We started to piece together. I think France girl went and told.

We paused, paused, paused. Paused, paused, paused, paused. Surely you just, sir. Surely. French girl. Bro's been working on the stage for 15 years and doesn't know the names girl

he said I think I know his name it's Blake there's Blake and Jake they make it easy it's Blake the one that dad doesn't like

they make it easy literally Blake the one that dad doesn't like Blake and Jake he made us easy too Eden Ava like

oh my god the funniest okay play some people call her Ava but but it's Clemson girl. Clemson girl! Ava keeps telling Eden, go say hello. Go say hello. And then I piece together that Eden said that, I don't know, she didn't say hello to me and now she feels bad.

No, no. No! So did he not say hello to me? He did. He did. He said hi, Eden. No, but in the story he never mentioned saying hi. Yes, he did. You? He did. He did. He said hi, Eden. No, but in the story, he never mentioned saying hi. Yes, he did.

You weren't listening. He did. Then why is he... That doesn't make sense that he would say... Maybe Eden came over and said not say hello. Like, if he saw that I had headphones on. Oh, my God. Are we listening to the same thing?

Well, me and Dad are here in one place. People call her Ava, but... Ava... Yeah, she's a Clemson girl. Ava keeps telling Eden, go say hello. Go say hello. And then I piece together that Eden said that, I don't know, she didn't say hello to me and now she feels bad. I didn't say any of that.

Words in my mouth. But they're talking about me when I'm right there, which really confuses me. Because now do I insert myself in a conversation? This is my house. No, we're talkinguses me. Because now do I insert myself in a conversation to get past awkwardness? No, we thought that was it. And I don't hear them, which is... And so I'm just staring at this effing microwave that won't cook it fast enough.

I can't get out of there soon enough. Bro, I was yelling because I knew he was right there. I was like, Eden, he's right there. Go say hi. No, it's so much I knew he was right there. I was like, Eden, he's right there. Go say hi. No, it's so much funnier if he hears everything. That's why I was doing it. I was talking so loud. Yeah, it's literally for the bit.

Dude, we weren't whispering on purpose. No, I love doing that. We weren't whispering on purpose. Ava, I told you. I was like, Eden, you hate him. You hate him. Go say hi. No, Ava, I told you about the other day, me and Liz, we got boba, and we saw a guy parked

across three spaces, and he was hugging his girlfriend outside his car, and I literally pointed and laughed. Dude, do you know what I did one time? Ian, my head's going to explode. It's funny. We have fun here. Wow. That's a lot.

Okay, we're back to live. Sure. Sort of. Live to tape. Electric. On Thursday, January 4th. Yeah, no, that was worth it. I have a part two.

Geez. You want more? I just want to throw in there that France girl's not my term. Okay, in case we ever... In case they ever hear this of them listening to them and them listening to us, I did not come up with that term France girl. Okay. All right, yeah, I have a part two for you.

Here we go. We keep listening. Okay. All right. Yeah. I have a part two for you. Here we go. We, we keep listening. Okay. Lukewarm food at that. And I just, I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta get out of here. And so I, I got my food and I saw, I thought, I just said, bye. Bye. It was terrible. No, he said, okay, bye. He said, okay, bye guys. I said, bye. I love you. Bye guys. I said, love you. I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta get out of here. No, I don't know. And so I got my food and I saw, I thought, I just said bye. Bye. And it was just, it was terrible. I thought about it all. How was that man? Uh, with laughter. I said, bye. I love you. How was that met? With laughter. I said, bye, I love you. It was just a real tricky situation. What did they say to you? What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong?

You're, I think, analyzing it right. It was more the older daughter chastising the younger one for being antisocial. Yeah. Okay, that's fine. You can be antisocial. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. She was defending herself saying,

I didn't, you know, hear him with the... You just walked out the room and started laughing on the ground. I had the big Sony headphones. I deleted their phone numbers. Jake! I can't run into that problem. Jake, if I'm honest,

I never plugged his phone number in No I literally never His contact is not in my thing It's literally random 817 I don't have his contact You know who's I do have

Kristen Mother Mother Kristen is in the phone I'll say mother Kristen Kemp You know when I google their house I google Kristen in maps

Do you think I look up Do you think I saved Jake's number on my phone Well Jake is unemployed So Jesus Christ! You're getting demolished over here. I deleted their phone numbers.

Why did he save them? That's bad. Yeah, I don't blame you. I can't run into that problem again. I didn't like that situation I was in at all. Whoa, didn't they roast you on text? Yeah, I just... What was that? How embarrassing for you. Yeah, I just was trying to text you, so I typed, you know, MCD. And I wasn't... First name, last name. I can't remember what I was doing, but I was like, hey, I'm headed over.

And I just sent that. And immediately I was like, my bad. That was for your dad. And she was like, how embarrassing for you. And you ate! And you ate! Because you sent me that right away that was the craziest thing i've ever read in

my life literally the second probably the like nanosecond like it was the funniest thing i've ever read oh that's embarrassing that is embarrassing no it's so embarrassing. He had me saved as Eden Dragan McDowell. No, literally. Social security number. I hate that. Dude, why does he have our numbers saved? I don't, like, we don't have his.

Jake, can I ask you a question real quick? Why do you have teenage girls saved in your phone? Yeah, I just want to know that. Let's talk about the real issue here. I don't have old men saved in my God. Yeah, I just want to know that. Let's talk about the real issue here. I don't have old men's safety. And he literally went out of his way to search up our numbers in context and press the delete button. Like, obsessed. Can we be done for the day?

Oh man, that is great. Can we be done for the day? That is awesome. Again, to be clear. Why do you have teenage girls' phone numbers in your phone? They've both babysat both of our kids. That's so creep. And there's times where you're out at dinner or whatever and you want to, I don't know.

You know what? I don't even care. I lose. Fuck it. If I was going to look up your house, I'd search Kristen anyway. You're unemployed. I'm unemployed, yeah. Jeez.

I don't have anything left for today. That's the biggest L I've ever taken. Yes. That's what every day is for me. You probably get used to it to an extent, though. I'm reeling. No, yeah, you kind of do. You lie back and enjoy it, as Bob Knight told me to do.

Okay. I have 40 more seconds, but it's not dealing with, it's not a personal attack unless you consider, well, I asked them their opinion of our show name. Yeah, well, it feels like that could turn into a personal attack, but... Okay, we can just end with this. Your opinion on our show name? Do you want, like, money or do you not want money?

It's, like, self-explanatory, no? Like, do you not understand, like, that it's not funny? I don't actually get it. What's the lore? Oh, well, I know Hang Zone. What's the lore? Is it dumb zone because of copyright issues

yeah or I mean that is stupid I actually don't know what's worth the hang zone or the dumb zone perhaps what's worse

it would be in order what's worse Eden like you stole the the name from something else the hang zone already a horrible name yeah but the hang zone already a terrible name

so I don't really know that's not your thing That's like naming your show The Simpsons And then calling it The Sampson It's not really giving creativity That's their big thing these days Is it giving What is it giving

That's the lore How is this canonical It's not giving creativity My confidence is shot That's the lore. How is this canonical? It's not giving creativity. My confidence is shot. Yeah, I may just jump out that window. Yeah, I was going to say, I am not leaving through that door. There's no chance.

I used to get water from your fridge. I won't for a couple weeks. No. Won't heat food. We need a fire escape. Well, they'll be gone soon. That's the thing. Thank God. That's the thing. Thank God.

That's the thing. January 8th. Biggest ball sack of the year. Today's his birthday. And where is he at now in the public consciousness? Stephen Hawking. I mean I would imagine for most people. Who are not like terminally online.

It hasn't moved that much. But are. You've seen the most outlandish thing of all. Correct. Which is what. The allegation. But you've seen the most outlandish thing of all, correct? Which is what? The allegation that not only did he go to Epstein's Island, but that he wanted... He would have midgets, little people, ladies. Oh.

Little people. Ladies. I think they were naked and he would want them to solve equations that were on a chalkboard but the chalkboard was a little too high. Have you seen that one? That is not real. You haven't seen it? Definitely not real.

Look that up. He demanded that the chalkboard be raised up a little high so they had to kind of reach up. Who came up with that? There's no way. There's no way. However, I do believe the submarine story is real. What's that? That's been on the Kinspin list for a long time.

Yeah. He wanted the experience of being underwater. that that like he wanted the experience of being underwater and Epstein had like an ADA compliant like retrofitted little sub little sub that he could like

go down in and like Epstein made that dream come true for him yeah I think so I remember I read this like in not a ball sack type like just search chalkboard I already did nothing came up

oh really you really thought that was true I'm just saying it's out there I'm just reporting like my red flag went up around the little people part but you followed all the way

through until the chalkboard that's a little too high solving equations right yeah solving equations that's when I knew it definitely was like how complicated the equation ABC News has a weekly column called Right, yeah, solving equations, that's when I knew it definitely was. Like how complicated the equation is. ABC News has a weekly column called Not Real News,

a look at what didn't happen this week. Oh. Very smart. And that's the one place I found that. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Not real news. Why don't we do that?

Let's steal it. Let's see. And that was today in history. No puppets! People reaching for things they can't get to. There's an image,

fabricated document image, where a questioner says to Hawking, did Jeffrey ever talk to you about Stephen Hawking's proclivities? The respondent answers, yes. He liked watching untressed midgets solve

complex equations on a too high up chalkboard. Like he couldn't even make the math problem easy. That's way better than being a pedo, right? You don't get cancelled for that. I guess that's a good point. Oh, it's insane.

Epstein's like, okay, I gotta find a hot midget that's really smart. He's gonna want these complex equations solved. I'm probably gonna have to put the equations on the board. Yeah. They can't see them ahead of time.

Steve will love it. He flips it over. January 25th. Blake's Dating Tips. So he said to the woman, she testified that when she elbowed him and said stop, he said, I'm sorry, I'm fucked up. He also sent her a tweet the next day. Sent her a text the next day that said, I know we were all tipsy yesterday, but I don't have any memory of anything that happened.

Let me get the exact. Now, does that get you out? No. He says, I know we were all tipsy yesterday, but I have no idea what happened. all tipsy yesterday but i have no idea what happened and i guess even sending the text almost says hey i know something did happen yeah i better send this to tell her i don't think i don't know i believe in 2012 maybe okay it was accused in 2015 by a nanny who sued him and his wife, alleging that he had assaulted her in 2012. She was the family's babysitter for the six years

whenever he played for the Stars. That's why your wife wants you to get an ugly nanny. Probably at least not 18 years old. And she stayed at the house, which I guess is what a nanny does, right? I don't know. I've never actually known anybody with one. Yeah, I don't know.

I know there are people who have, like, they'll go on vacation with their nanny. Yeah. You know what? I actually, it's very funny. If you live in somewhat affluent suburb. Yes. Go on. When I would go to Norris soccer games this year, you could definitely tell who was a nanny.

Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, sometimes it was obvious because there were three people there. And one of the women would be, like, chasing their other kid around. But sometimes you could tell, like, that's not that kid's mom. And it ain't the stepmom. They would just have the nanny take the kid to soccer. And I'm like, I'm out here freezing my nuts off.

Yeah, that's popular. I mean, that's an au pair, right? I don't really know the difference. Well, I dated one. Okay. And she was here from France. Okay. And she lived with the family.

And, yeah, it was a dad, no mom. Wasn't sure what happened with the mom. But she would take him to school, pick him up from school, take him to soccer, just help out. Is this why you don't want to broadcast from France? Your wife won't let you? No. You're not going back there. My wife doesn't know a lot about

France girl. Did you ever go over to the house? Yeah. It's weird. Met the dad. Very weird. Did you ever go over to the house?

Sure, but it didn't end in that. Wow. I have so many questions like what do you make you know i mean really it's a way to just be here yeah you know you're not making a ton of money but you're here on a visa and you're technically working you're paid for for like yeah lodging and yeah that you get a place to stay and you're taken care of and you should use that opportunity to go to school here and get a degree and kind of made the most of it. What could have been. Yeah.

Could we hook up with her if we do go to France? Like all three of us at once? No, I don't mean hook up. I just mean, like, get around. We'll talk about what's it like to date Blake. I don't know if she's back over there or not. You don't keep in touch? You're definitely still friends on Facebook.

No. You had to scrub it. Yeah. I'm that type. Was she on the gram? She's on the gram. You posted pictures of you and her, but had to get rid of it? No, didn't really get that far.

How'd you meet this woman? Tinder. Hell yeah. Let's talk more about, you know, I have some other stories that can wait for tomorrow. You know, when you're in your mid-20s and you're single, sure. Put yourself out there. I think our first date was, she had never seen Christmas lights before.

That's very sweet of you. Drove through her neighborhood, looked at Christmas lights, tuned up the radio, and hey, look at this. The house is going to this song. It was a wild time in my life. This is another thing where Dan and I

are closer in generation, because I'd never once used a dating app. I mean, I could... There were times where you might try to engage in some sort of hookup via MySpace or Facebook. That was different. It was a person you knew. I've never just gone

on the random site. So how long were you on it? I mean, off and on here and there. For, for a while, yeah. Did you bumble? Yeah. Nice. Yeah, bumble was better, actually, in my opinion. Grinder?

Didn't hit grinder. No, but bumble, the draw there was the girl had to message you. So I at least took that off the table of, well, she's got to make the first move. See, you're already at least legging out a ground ball to first. Yeah. Yeah.

It's very funny if you have single female friends and you're, like, if your wife is friends with them, to watch them all gather around a phone and just go to work. You could tell the messages that came from a group of girls rather than just one. Yeah. Like, no, no. If they're real aggressive, if they have a pickup line. That's a baby. Yeah.

And then you got pretty good at looking at their profiles and finding out, oh, she's the fat one in the group. Jeez. You had to know. Were you wary of the close-up face picture? Like, oh my gosh, if she's not showing any of her body? I had a set of rules. Go on.

Oh, man, I got to harken back. Yeah, anything from collarbones up, fat. Jeez. If her first picture is a group photo, she's the ugly one. And, um, Oh, if it's a far away picture,

like she's doing something like, Oh, look at me. I'm shooting a gun or something. She's ugly. Cause hot girls will show off. So yeah, big sunglasses.

That's a dough. You know, what's under there. So yeah, big sunglasses. That's a dough. You know what's under there. So yeah, just save yourself some time. Oh my God. And I don't feel bad because the group, their group of girls are way worse. Yeah, they are. Look at this guy. Tiny dick. Guaranteed. I think I've heard that. I mean, I've obviously heard that, but I mean, like, I've heard them scrolling and being like, this guy looks like he's bad in bed or something. That's a good bit.

Great bit. Blake's dating tips. Yeah. Blake's tips tips Yeah They're Blake's Tips for It didn't get me far Online dating Yeah I did learn a couple things On how to Spot a lie

On dating apps And Was it because you showed up At a date And it's like oh no Um Yeah And

You've had some bad experiences Friends have some stories Yeah Where Yeah you want to do some double date And the girl shows up And he's immediately like I gotta go I gotta leave And then You gotta try to save the night i don't know what a wild

what's your worst experience dating um did you have anything that stands out not really you know most of that is just just talk a lot of it doesn't really lead anywhere. Yeah. But like I said, yeah, my friend had a really bad experience. But no, I think mine turned out well. I mean, I think she was one of the few I actually met up with, and it turned out okay. But ultimately, what got him to find love was that he can mash. Yeah.

She was impressed with your ops. Chick stick to long mash. Yeah. She was impressed with your... Chick stick to love bowl. Yeah. All right, there's your news. January 28th. Can of snakes. Well, we're recording this live today from Wire Will's rental house on Friday, January 26th. And to explain the break.

I'll go with one of these. He doesn't want that low rent stuff. Oh, dude, PBR is the best cheap beer you can buy. Thank you. By far. No, thank you. I'm going to go with more pizza and shrimp. On this day in 1998, to explain our break,

President Bill Clinton forcefully denied having an affair with former White House intern Monica Lewinsky, saying I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky. And now, you know, you have to just define, what is a sexual relation?

Is what she did, and it's her. You got to blame her, right? She did it. You really don't. Anyway. Did you know his dad died, like, very young? Bill Clinton's?

Yeah. Like, 28. I did not know that. I don't know how I was on some weird, like, Wikipedia wormhole the other day. Maybe TC sent me down this. But, yeah, his dad died, dad died before the age of 30. Didn't he have a real wheels-off? And was born in Texas.

Didn't he have a wheels-off brother? Yeah, definitely. Yeah, that was always a thing, right? That they were trying to keep him out of the... Roger Clinton Jr. I feel like it was like two Democratic presidents in a row now there was like a 12-year gap because it was uh jimmy carter had billy carter i don't know much about that one and if you look up billy carter i know i had a can of billy beer like he really, he was a drunk and he put his name on a beer or something.

It was weird. And then, yeah, I just remember Clinton's brother being kind of wheels off. Yeah, the Clinton brothers. It's a crazy, crazy journey on the Wikipedia page. At least now it's just our president's son.

Can I, I'm going to give the NSFW alert, just for those who some people are like, I listen with my eight-year-old kid and blah, blah, blah. But I have some things we were talking about before the show with the Monica Lewinsky situation. Okay. This was never intended to be aired, ever.

Well, this is very not safe. Very not safe. So if you're not ready for this. Put it in the show notes. Then just say this is the end of the show for you. The female's not in here. I was just seeing if you were. Because you know the, of course, Monica.

Do you know Monica? You know everything about it? Yeah. We always check with you on this movie we're referencing or something we think everybody knows about. But Blake is, what, 30 years old? 31? 32.

Yeah, I've gotten all the details, I think. You know the blue dress? No, so I don't know the intricate details, but I get what happened. That's a pretty big one. Okay. So to speak. There was a stained dress.

Oh, okay. She saved it. Yeah. And to speak. There was a stained address. Oh, okay. She saved it. Yeah. And that's how they could kind of prove. Yeah. Like, she had told a friend of hers she worked with, hey. Linda Tripp. Why would you save that?

Because it's got the president's cum on it. I told you NSFW. I thought it was coming from you, not him. Well, I mean, he provided the cover. Once you open the door, yeah, then Jake's like, I'm in. Yeah. Like, he'll act like, oh, I don't know if we should do that. And then it's like, yeah.

No, yeah. I mean, you're saving that. Yeah. Well, no, that's. So her friend said, well, save that just in case you need it. Blackmail type thing. And she, the friend was a deep Republican, hardcore. So she wanted this to become a big scandal, which it did.

Okay. She didn't want it on, like, the mantle. I mean, this is one of the discussions about this whole thing is that her, Monica was used by all ends. Like, she was manipulated by an older man and then manipulated by the older woman. And surreptitiously recorded, I believe, right? Oh, did... I'm pretty sure Linda Tripp recorded her illegally.

Oh, okay, yes. She recorded her. Yeah, yeah. Not Bill. Yeah, yeah, no. That would have been awesome. But the question is, so she did save the dress, but I'm wondering... Oh, God.

If you're with the president... It's going to get worse. Aren't you swallowing? You're with the president. Like, hey, yes, sir. I mean, he's the leader of the free world, all that kind of stuff. Commander in chief. You're going to be like, ew.

Commander in chief. But Jake did bring up a good point. No, I didn't. I didn't bring up any points. Go ew. Commander in chief. But Jake did bring up a good point. No, I didn't. I didn't bring up any points. Go on. Quote Jake. I think Jake's words were, sometimes you want to sling it on her face. No, that's not what I said.

That is not what I said. He did intimate that sometimes it's cool just to kind of. You want to see it. Did I introduce my father-in-law? Yeah, but I didn't use the term sling or face. Like you ever get a soda bottle, and then you kind of shake it a little bit, and then you hold your thumb on it like that. It kind of sprays it.

Yeah, no, I think we all know. Silly string. Picture silly string. Yep. Isn't that fun? Do you have any more analogies? Like what if you just did silly string into your mouth Yep Isn't that fun? Do you have any more Apple cheese? Like what if you just did

Silly string into your mouth That's not fun Right Or like Spray cheese Yeah yeah Can of snakes Can of snakes

You don't do can of snakes Into a Yeah Another can On this day in 2020. Can of snakes into another can. This day in 2020, NBA legend Kobe Bryant. January 30th, Dan learns how restaurants

work. So back when we were looking to move out here, or when we were just looking to move from Dallas, get a little more price per square foot, better price per square foot, D Magazine had their 10 best places to live in DFW,

and Murphy was number one. So we went and hit all of the 10 best places to live just to see, should we live here? We went to Murphy. And we obviously didn't stay there, didn't end up living there. Not enough trees. It seemed way out there.

It is. Yeah. And probably back then there was no George Bush, so I'm sure it was hard to get to Dallas. There was no 9-11. We went to Waxahachie, too. That was on the list. Nothing for that place?

I mean, he... Okay. Jesus Christ. I can't buy a... I don't think there's a connection between 9-11 and the George Bush turnpike. But George Bush did 9-11! Oh, okay. You're conspir...

Oh, gotcha, gotcha. I can't buy one today, dude. Like, nothing is coming off the bat for me. Like, at all. Yeah, your bat pip's low. But you look good on camera. Your bat pip's low. But you look good on camera. Your bat pip's low. Jesus Christ.

Anyways. I liked your Dwayne Carraway. Yeah, that was good. Yeah. Murphy just got a pizza in. They're opening new pizza ins? Yeah. They just opened one.

Dude, I was thinking about this the other day. Actually, I'm going to think about it tomorrow when we are sort of but not doing a show. Yeah. It's business Wednesday tomorrow. Dude, there's a Pizza Hut by me that has 11 to 1 buffet. And that feels like the best day of my life. No problem. So it's only from 11 to 1?

Yeah. That makes sense. Make sure the pizza's hot and available between those two hours. Yeah, for sure. Is Double Dave's still around? I haven't seen one in a minute. Man, I was big on Double Dave's. Peppy Rolls?

You just go up there, tell them I need this made and they'd make one. Yeah. That's how most restaurants make pizza. Does CC's do that? In fact, all restaurants. Alright, well never mind. Just kind of tell them what you want. But the Double Dave's... Alright. I'm going to sit down.

You know, I'm tired of these restaurants where you can't tell them what you want to eat. You can't walk up to any buffet and they'll just make anything. It's kind of like what's at the buffet. All right, I'll stop. Jesus. February 1st, the Lincoln-Frederick Douglas debates. Born on this day, not alive anymore. Frederick Douglas.

Debates. I don't know what that means. Lincoln Douglas? Am I the only one who's heard of the most famous series of debates that have ever occurred? I don't know. Do you know? No. Well, I'm not just going to look at the only black guy here.

I read the Frederick Douglass book. It's great. You've never heard of the Lincoln-Douglass debates? No. Fill us in there, Dominic. It happened. I feel like back in those days, pretty easy to pick a winner. No, I mean, that was like a famous thing, dude.

Like, Abraham Lincoln or Frederick Doug Douglas debated like half a dozen times or something and it was like a healing moment for the nation hmm it's thought of as like one of the high points of discourse and you know what whatever I'm interested I need to really brought the nation together at a

time like that like Like Ted Lasso. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, surely they wouldn't fight in a war around that time or anything. That's when they did agree that, hey, the 40 acres per man thing, yeah, let's do that. Very fair. How about a mule? As long as you stay alive, we're going to do this. Got it.

Wait, I'm 100% wrong. Golly. Were you not going to say anything? What is it? So what was it? It's Douglas, but it's not Franklin. Yeah, so Lincoln's debating a black man in the age of slavery. Okay.

God dang it. Don't just yell Slade. Who was it? Now who is the Douglas? Stephen Douglas. Oh, from My Three Sons? No. You must be just pretending.

But Abraham Lincoln and Frederick Douglass were very close. This is our lowest moment. I do know that. No, it's not. It is. This is the worst moment we've ever had. Yeah, but you thought- I thought they debated.

That there are public debates between a white man and a black man in 1850. Frederick Douglass was like a public intellectual. Yes, I know. they debated. That there are public debates between a white man and a black man in 1850. Frederick Douglass was like a public intellectual. Yes, I know. Okay, so I'm just saying it was not impossible that he could have been

involved in a debate. He was friends with Abraham Lincoln. We had Liz Bruning on and for like a little bit we did a respectable show. A little bit of legitimacy. We were okay

for a little bit. So he debated someone named Douglas. But it wasn't about... Steven. Yeah, from... Whatever. Am I wrong that Frederick Douglass and Abraham Lincoln were friends? Just keep going.

You have to read the next birthday. Robert Tractor Trailer. Okay. Damn. No longer alive. But yes. He won that trade. So this isn't the anniversary of that. Yes, Stephen Douglas, definitely white. Thank you, Gary.

I appreciate that. The debate was, you know, how long to extend slavery. We should have more slavery. And Lincoln just wanted a little more, and Stephen Douglas. After their second meeting, Frederick Douglas became a respected advisor to Lincoln. I mean, was Tractor Trailer like a good player? He was in college.

Yeah. And, of course, Donnie Nelson came in studio with us. Donnie Nelson, who traded Tr-trailer for Dirk. Yeah. I believe it was like the body wasn't even cold. It was that morning, yeah. He had died. And I asked him if he won the trade.

And Dirk was in, what, year 14? 10 to 12, yeah. Just coming off an MVP season. Yeah. And he did. And the best part about that is Donnie Nelson laughed at that. Yeah. Donnie Nelson's, to me, a great dude.

Never did anything untoward towards me. On the 11th anniversary of Lincoln's death in 1876, Douglas delivered a speech at the dedication of the Freedmen's Monument in Washington. Also born on this day now, Dad. Alright, I'm outta here. Wait!

This is the worst episode I've ever been a part of. Are you really out? Because we're almost done. I need to distance myself. The best of the stream team. Are we live? Are we on video? Are we on the internet?

Are we on the internet? Jake, TC, Blake, someone tell me. Hello. Are we on the internet? Are we on the internet? Jake, TC, Blake, someone tell me. Hello. Are we on? I don't know. I need confirmation. Oh, TC says yes.

That's what I needed before I could hit this awesome drop. What about the viddy? Viddy. Oh. Right on cue. Oh, get another sack. Oh, good. Another sack.

Yeah, we're just getting a little like that. I think we're good now. Are we on? After a seedy first down. I think you can do your bit now. Well, why am I the only one talking? What a block. Because we're watching football, bro.

Do you want me to order for you? Good God. He hasn't said a word in six minutes. A lot going on over here. Remember the first time he asked what we all wanted? Like, that was... An hour ago. Yeah.

That was a really long time ago. I really like that hat, by the way. Akash is going to show us a room full of Eagles fans. That's so loud. He's got less than 1,400 feet to walk. You guys want to say anything to the Cowboys fans? Fuck you. Ooh, cowgirl.

Is that an insult to call them girls? I think that's empowering. One time Scott was locked out and he successfully guessed Gronk's gate code. Wow. That makes a lot of sense. 69 wasn't incorporated.

It's like 1, 2, 3, 4. That's exactly right. So we all could break into Gronk's house. So literally I walk in and he's like, oh, I just saw your text. How'd you get in here? And I was like, I guessed the code.

He was like, oh, you're smart. You're smart. It was the first guess. Why does it take you so long to order pizza? It's the tiny fun. You know, why don't you do this? I've been watching him struggle. I'm just like, man. You know, I'm just like, man.

I'm doing the music. You hit a button and then you're done. You're not orchestrating it over there. You're sitting there and you're like crying if I have to look at the chat. It takes you 30 minutes to order three pepperoni pizzas. You read us one thing and you're like, oh, man. Just get him an iPad. Don't stir the guns at me for doing absolutely dick. You and Nathan just chit-chat about football over there.

Oh, my God. He got a fight for the fucking ball. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, boy. I think he's down.

Number one, he's down. You better pull your head out of your fucking ass. God, dude, they are just pulling teeth. Yeah. You see me in a bear in a fight, pour honey on me, so. Third and seven. This is a big play. Big third down.

Side arm throw in the end zone. Oh, my God. Dude, this is wild. That was an awesome throw. Get the fuck out of here, Blandito. Why is he in here? Why are you here? Why do they have him in the middle?

You ruined this shit for us eight years ago. Well, Jake, the portion of the bug we're showing does not include down and distance. So go fuck yourself. Yes. Yes. He's short. He's short. He's short He's short He's short Fuck you bitch

He is not He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short

He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short

He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short

He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short

He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short

He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short

He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short

He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short

He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short

He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short He's short that's fucking DPI. BJ's fucking up there. What the fuck? That's right, Benavid.

Rachel forgot who Ross was. Throw the goddamn flag. Is this how you watch Cowboys games, dude? Yeah, it's much worse. Oh, worse. Way worse. Are you going downstairs? Bring one chip with a bunch of K-Col on it.

This is stupid. Here we go. She's won it, baby. Get fucking down. She's cussing. She's cussing. Holy shit. Holy shit.

Holy shit. Does Purdy have three seconds left? Hang on. Hold tight. February 13th. Not a comedy podcast. So there is the paid one for Patreon subscribers, and then there's the free one that gets every other episode.

So I thought that's redundant. So if you are a Patreon subscriber, you could just load your RSS feed into Spotify. Which is what I do. So I thought that's redundant. So if you are a Patreon subscriber, you could just load your RSS feed into Spotify or Apple. Which is what I do, but I know for a lot of people that's probably cumbersome, but that's what I've always done. All my Patreon podcasts I listen to on Apple through RSS. I just took us off Spotify because I thought, I don't want to be on there twice and be behind a paywall.

This is a lot of information, Dan. This is what he asked, and this is why you don't ask me things. Feels like a Trump vlog. Come to find out, people actually do use that feature. I have gone back and re-synced it. People are cool now

and there's just going to be two? Yes. There will be two and we'll just have to play this game of, no, you actually need to find the free one on Spotify. Here's the link. It'll all work out. I've never lived the Simpsons meme more than I did yesterday of walking in and immediately walking back out because as soon as I unsynced it, all hell broke loose.

Okay, so a lot more people than we thought. Yes, a lot. Around Spotify because the numbers thing. I follow Rogan wherever he goes. The numbers thing will just tell us where... Tell us. Less than 2% of all people who are downloading our podcast are doing it off Spotify, but maybe that doesn't...

But that's for the free one, I think. And so a lot of our Patreon subbies, I guess, go through Spotify. So we're all good now. We'll take care of it. We're all good. We're all good now. And I'm sorry. It's okay, Blake.

Let's go on to something. So I'm just looking at, yeah, the dumb zone is on there. And I do see it lists us as sports and recreation. Recreation. And I feel like, Blake. Dude. Well, here's the deal. You don't have an endless number of options for that thing.

I just have always thought that perhaps... This lends to what Blake thinks. You guys are going to see a real life... But this is what Blake thinks of us. This is a meeting. Because I have gone in and he has labeled us on certain other platforms and it'll be the same thing.

Like we're a sports podcast. I mean you can put the word comedy in there. We're trying. Okay, I thought about that. We're attempting to... The sports humorist is upset that he wasn't labeled as a comedy podcast. Sometimes I think we're 50-50, but this guy is like, you haven't said a funny thing.

No, that's not it. The man who wanted to be a stand-up comic is upset. Okay, I sat there staring at it, and I had such an inner battle of... Recreation? What are we talking? Fucking windsurfing? Yeah, how about sports comedy? Comedy slash sports.

Can we do that? No? I mean, just if you're searching. I guess I do play rec league flag football. Hey, I'm looking for the funny podcast. Well, not this one, obviously. They're just hardcore sports. I feel like that's a trick because the person that clicks, oh yeah, I'm funny.

Yeah, let me just click that and promote to the world that I think I'm funny. Yeah, and then that is a high bar. That's why we have you doing these things, to promote. Because we don't feel comfortable doing it. It's recreation. But I'm just thinking at least this guy might think we're funny. He doesn't. I want to be listed on the comedy podcast.

You're admitting that you would have done the same thing I did because you don't want to admit you're funny. I said I have put it because when it's on the show account, it's like it's not me saying it. I have gone in. You know I have the password and everything for the show account, and I'll go in and push some stuff out that I wouldn't really do off my account. You write it in a different voice. Put sports hilarious.

I want that. Sports hilarious. We're that. I just thought. Sports hilarious. We're just sports, and if you laugh at us, it's cool. I mean, the Shane Gillis podcast is listed under comedy. Do you think he's like, I don't want people to look for us under comedy? But they are stand-up comedians. Can we do the news?

Aren't we sitting around trying to be funny all day? But we're not comedians. I mean, I'm laughing right now. So I'm enjoying this. I'll change it, but it's just really weird But we're not comedians. I mean, I'm laughing right now, so I'm enjoying this. I'll change it, but it's just really weird that we're admitting that, yeah, we're just really funny. Dude, Dan's funny. Get over it.

Get over it, man. Here's Jay with the dumb stuff. Why don't you just put sports and news since that's what we do? I did on one of them. Sports and local news. put sports and news, since that's what we do? Nothing to you is funny. I did on one of them. Sports and local news. Speaking of the news, Attorneys for Cowboys owner Jerry Jones.

See, now he's going to put you in a box of local news. So, yeah, you know what? If you don't live in Dallas, then don't even listen. Yeah, what about the guy in Singapore? I'll go change it to funny, but I think... I think the instructions were hilarious. Okay, but when you guys are not funny, I'm going to let you know

that you need to kick it up a notch. I don't know if I'm like that. Only let him know. This is not my beef with you. Right. He's got enough beefs with you. So Jerry has filed a request. But me saying that,

I was just trying to be funny, Blake. I didn't really mean it. It's comedy. But now I have to point that out. Jerry's lawyers have filed a request. But me saying that, I was just trying to be funny, Blake. I didn't really mean it. It's comedy. But now I have to point that out. Jerry's lawyers have filed a request asking the judge to push back the trial date in his sexual assault lawsuit. February 23rd.

Dan screws up a birthday. This was sent on Wednesday. For a Friday birthday. Not that. This current one, though. It's from Andrea. She says, you don't know me, but boy, I know all about you.

My husband has got to be your biggest fan. He talks about you all the time. He pays for your podcast. What? Follows you on Twitter. Comments on your posts. Geeks out when you retweet it. And most importantly, he wears an earbud in his ear 96% of the day with you guys on the mic.

So Chris turns 40 today, May 23rd. She asks... Well, today's not May 23rd. May? May? She asks... Well, today's not May 23rd, so... May? Well, I think she means...

Ooh. What if this is for May? Unbelievable. All right, well, then I just... I don't want to read the rest of it. You had a great lead-in, and you were, like, really fired up about it. You really did, because there's something in here...

Yeah, that we... Alright, well here's the deal. I'm going to go ahead and tell you. I thought she sent it Wednesday. Today is the 23rd. Of a different month. Two months later. It might make sense that it's May, but she wanted

to know if we'd come broadcast from their house for his birthday. I don't know if it's supposed to be a surprise or not. Dude, you bungled this so bad. Like, just an all-time fumble. If we were broadcasting for his birthday, it couldn't be a surprise. We'd have to be there early and set up. But the whole thing could be a surprise.

Yeah. In fact, I thought it was. You know? You've gotten this email? Well, be a surprise. Yeah. In fact, I thought it was. You know? You've gotten this email? I book it, yeah. Yeah, it's his job. We're coming, Chris, for your birthday. Dude, what a disaster.

I thought she was asking me to go there two days out. I thought she was emailing me two days out and thought we could show up in two days. And I thought... So at first, I intended this... Yeah, but it's actually more like a hundred days. So I intended this to be kind of making fun of her.

And it turns out that it's me that should be made fun of. Jeez, dude. That's a bad look. Turns out that it's me that should be made fun of. Yeah. Jeez, dude. That's a bad look. So we are doing it, Blake? Yeah, she's paid and we've got it on the calendar.

Oh, I think that's my phone. Is everybody... So my computer keeps ringing now because yesterday I was using... FaceTime? FaceTime audio all day. Yeah. because of the AT&T thing. Yeah, same here. And so now I don't – everything's ringing. Like, jeez. Are you trying to divert from the fact that you just read a birthday a quarter of the year away from –

And I thought I was here to ridicule poor Andrea. Yeah. And yes, it turns – That's tough. What's your next one? My mother, Rebecca, is 66. Hot. February 29th. Jake

and DNA tests. But you can see the negotiations, right? Micah, we can't really pay you this. And then if that anything like that happens, hey, well, I mean, look, we got Durant's Armstrong coming in. We re-signed Leighton Vander Esch. Like, you get 11 guys on the field.

Don't you want the best 11? As far as talent and not value? Alex Davis can't be worse. Although they have won 36 games. So how does this work? Does he actually have to go? In my mind, I thought that you actually had to go and ejack into a cup. I'm learning it's actually just like a cotton swab.

Yeah. Which that's disappointing to me. You thought a DNA test was like an IVF appointment? Kind of. Can he do that? And so with 23 in need, do you think all the guys are doing that in a cup and sending it off? That's a really good question. Yeah, are you an idiot?

I guess I thought it would at least be blood, but not like a swab of your cheek. I mean, they could take a hair, can't they? To prove paternity? That sounds bad for me. DNA? I don't know. I know you can get a hair drug test, like a follicle test for drug tests. No, but I'm just thinking of CSI or something.

How do they find the Golden State Killer or whatever? Yeah, hair was left at the crime scene. Yeah, and we were able to match his DNA. This all sounds pretty sensible. 23 and me, you're just kind of hammering away. He's constantly, order me another one. I want to do 20. They actually send you, yeah, playboy yeah and a vial yeah

clinic needed some beats some wireless be your clinic needed it in 15 minutes but you're gonna ship it across the country for 23 and me that's a really good point blake that's a really good point dental records something like is it is it just like i just saw that they said they were only going to do a cot uh cotton like chiefs uh cheek swab and to me that doesn't seem like if i'm jerry i'm like i that feels like a not provable no um no i don't know. Like a lie detector test. Like you can't take that to court and that be 100%, right? Okay, but we've come a long way with DNA technology, dude. And it's just cotton swab on your cheek. That's it.

And you could prove like who you're related to. Like you could take the, if you throw that water bottle away, we could get the crime lab to get your spit off of there. Haven't you seen that? Yeah, we talked about it with that one bank robber guy. It was like a Gatorade bottle or whatever,

but I didn't know that was the same. I thought they had to match that with something else they had from you, not match that with your child. Well, yeah, if they already have

your DNA on file. Right. Or, yes, if it's the... Now we have semen at the crime scene, and I got that bottle that you drank from. That, hey, that does match this. How did you think they got DNA from women? Hmm.

They swabbing something else? No. Why do they call you guys? Wouldn't you want to be the Frisco? Yeah, that's a bad point. Think about the Frisco RN that has to go in and swab Jerry's cheek. Or in your world. Yeah, that'd be a lot better than the RN that has to go in and swab Jerry's cheek. Or in your world. Yeah, that'd be a lot better than the RN that has to...

Just handy. Yeah, get a burst of dust. Like, will they go to him? Yes. When's the last time he's been to a doctor's office? Right. Does he just have... I mean, they've got a medical facility at the Star,

so I would imagine, like, a lot of the things that he gets done, preventative care and stuff like that happens in Frisco. But, like, when's the last time he just sat in a waiting room and filled out, like, those laborious forms where you're like, you have all this info already? When's the last time he flew coach? Man. Similar? Well, time period well time period probably before 26 years ago yeah around the time oh yeah because he was he was booking a flight with the

yeah in fayetteville or little rock maybe all right that's probably a good ender to steven that's great march 7th. Dan's Mushroom Sandwich. All right. I got to rip Potbelly real quick. Or the guy... Oh, man. The guy who made the Potbelly. The gallery has been waiting for this. Okay, because...

Number one, I blame myself, but the Potbelly guy should have picked up on this. Right. So the awesome folks here at Qualis Roofing, you want to join us? You want to join us for a little Today in History? Get yourself ready. This is Brian. Everybody remember Brian?

Hi, Brian. What if his last name was College Station? Would that be weird? It'd be odd. Because everybody says Brian College Station. No? You guys following that? You know, it'd probably be a lot funnier if his name was like Dan College Station.

Just saying. Everybody's a critic, Brian. Yeah. Anyway. So you guys are cool. You're like, we're going to hook up Potbelly. So Blake texts me

that he wants our Potbelly order. So I go to Potbelly. It's in the rotation. Definitely once every two weeks. Often once a week. Just with dinner with the... At least once a week. With the wife with the... At least once a week.

With the wife. I just want Eatsies to know it's considerably less than we go to Eatsies. How about that? One is a thousand. The other is a million. Yeah.

So I just went into my Potbelly order and I... In fact, I tried to highlight and cut and paste. It wouldn't let me me so I took a picture and the iPhone now will let you take a picture and then you can highlight copy to text and that's what I did because I figured okay instead of looking through the order and typing it all out I'm trying to save time time is money in this day and age so in this is my order every time

veggie melt can and it goes in order this is how you fill it out if you're sitting there filling it out original so the size white i like the white bread not the the multi-grain that it comes on uh then it says mushrooms and then it says avocado so then i'll click the box there for no avocado. Because it comes with those other things. And I have to click the box that says no avocado. And this is the way it's printed on the thing. Veggie melt, original, white, mushrooms, no avocado, comma, cheddar, comma, provolone, comma, Swiss, comma, mustard, comma, lettuce, comma, tomato. So as I typed or pasted this in,

I thought, looks kind of weird because it says no avocado, but then all those other things after avocado, you might, could you think that it meant no any of that stuff? Because it's on its own line. And so I thought, though,

no, I mean, if you're filling it out but I did I actually had this thought when sending this text so I thought I should clarify that and then I didn't so that's my fault because it did look to me like I could be saying no to any of that stuff

but none of that stuff is standard I don't know I guess the cheese is standard it's a veggie melt What if you had said... It's a veggie melt. What if you had, at the bottom of the list, just put also... You just wrote bread.

What would they have given you? Okay, so here's the thing. Would they simply have charged you? So the way it's written, it says original white mushrooms, no avocado, but then it... The way they delivered the sandwich,

all it had was white bread and mushrooms. And I'm thinking, if I'm the sandwich artist there, I'm probably like, there's no way they want none of... Does he want bread and mushrooms? Okay, so that's my number one thing. And I am blaming myself. I should have clarified with you guys. You guys are half to blame. Because that seems like a weird order for some of you.

I'll accept half blame. But I saw this play developing and I didn't say anything. So I will accept full blame. Do you see the text, Jake? I sent it to you. Pull it up.

Okay, yeah, because I sent mine to Blake on its own. And this is why I said your mushroom sandwich is coming. Oh. Okay, well, you didn't text me this. No, yeah, yeah. Well, so now they gave me a, it's white bread and mushrooms. Now let's go on to fully blaming the sandwich artist. There were maybe

five, you guys saw my sandwich, maybe six mushrooms on this bread. Yeah, sparse. So if somebody did say, oh my gosh, this person, they're on a weird diet. They want bread and mushrooms.

If you work at Potbelly, wouldn't you say, well, let me just load it up. I'm going to fill that as if he was getting meat and lettuce and tomatoes, but that much mushrooms. I mean, if he really likes mushrooms, but there was literally three mushrooms per half of sandwich. It was the same amount of mushrooms. And they weren't thick. They were thin.

They were just... It was the same volume of mushrooms that you would have received if you also had seven or eight other vegetables on it. The weird thing is I've ordered this, and usually there's more mushrooms than that, too. You've ordered a mushroom sandwich? No, no. Even a normal vegetable.

On my regular one. But who ordered... I mean, It's the veggie melt. The word melt. That means cheese. This guy thought I don't want any cheese and I want to say that I don't want tomato even though tomato doesn't come on it.

Why would I say I don't want it? I got to be honest. That's the funniest looking sandwich I've ever seen in my life. Oddly enough, so I did pour the three mushrooms onto one half, and it was very good. I can see myself in the future just eating a mushroom sandwich. Yeah. And I probably would have never had that.

You have to order extra, though. But I really want to go stop by this Potbelly in Arlington, wherever it is. Hey, who made the sandwiches about two hours ago? Let's talk through it. Let me just go. You saw this order, and you thought some guy. And then you thought, I shouldn't put a lot of mushrooms on.

You probably don't want too much mushrooms. It was like light mushroom. Okay. But I think this location is by UTA. So you think they give a damn about your sandwich? Well, it's probably a UTA student. Yes. So no, he's not thinking.

He just hates his job and wants to get out of there. Yeah. But now that I'm looking back at the exact way that the text was written, I feel like you're shouldering too much blame. Me? Yeah. But I did think in my head, should I put avocado at the end? It's almost like you're dealing with an Oxford.

Well, but avocado is the first thing they ask you about. Right. Yeah, I think it's just because it's on a new line. Like when you're filling it out on the app. Anyway. I'm sorry about your sandwich. That's what happened today in history, apparently. Oh, no, no, no.

I got other stuff. Do you want other stuff? You want our stuff, Brian? Is he out of here? He's out of here. Oh, see you, man. Qualis, you can just leave at 3.15. Thanks for having us.

Yeah. Sweet. March 11th, the Lawyer's Roundtable. But the way the two of you reacted to the training was very interesting. Jake followed the rules to the letter at all times, did not go off script. Dan figured out what the rules meant, and he didn't really need them anymore. And, you know, I should probably say this. He didn't really need them anymore.

And, you know, I should probably say this. Like, I'm sorry for some of the stuff I put you guys through just from an emotional, you know, beating standpoint. Because I was definitely not, like, an easy person to deal with throughout this process. You know, I mean, it's just, it was a lot, man. It was a lot from a public, again, like, I didn't think we knew totally when we went into it how public it was going to be. I had the little kid thing. My wife was changing jobs. All these are excuses just to say that there were stress points that I did not handle super, super well. Maybe if I would have, we would have handled things a little bit differently. Maybe we would have. Maybe we'd still be in court right now, to be honest. We would have gone to trial, and then they would have appealed, and we'd be back in another

daily Zoom call situation. But I just couldn't handle anymore, man. Yeah, and I brought that up not to come down on you. No, no, I don't take it that way. It was, for me, that was a seminal moment in the case. Because for me, I'm a lawyer, that was a seminal moment in the case because for me that that you know i'm a lawyer i deal with these cases all the time but that was a that was a moment in time where i really saw the the toll that it was taking on you and that's kind of where the enormity of it all hit me was seeing that outburst that you had which which I think was totally normal. We were so close to having a deal.

Philip, the ever pessimist, was like, said something in an email to the effect of, I don't know that we're going to get this done. And the mediator bet him a stake that it was going to get done. The mediator thought we had it done. I never got that stake. You never got the stake. But that's what really hammered it home to me, the enormity of what we were going through.

And I think that caused me to redouble my efforts to really try to get this thing resolved in your face. You may not know this, Jake, but Frank had that all mapped. Like, Frank knew what he was doing, getting you to, he knew you were going to get choked up. And he warned me about it, but not you, so that you would get choked up. Yeah, and that was one thing that, even today, I sort of second guess myself sometimes because i didn't go over with you or i didn't prepare you for the fact that i was going to ask you a question about your son um that's gonna get me um i that and the reason i did it was because if you'll remember at the

end of your direct examination they were insinuating that number one you could just move somewhere you could just pick up your family and move right and oh and you could and you're not you're not hurting because you write for d Magazine. Yeah, your wife has a job. Yeah, your wife has a job. You'll be fine no matter what happens. Yeah, and you write for D Magazine and make $200 a week on writing an article about a Cowboys game. And that angered me. And that's why I brought up your son.

up your son. That's to send the message that you had a you're a person with a family with issues and that's why I brought it up.

To this day, I still question whether I should have. April 30th. The Rocky 5 plot. Born in the Stay Now Dead. Al Lewis. He also used to be married, I believe, married to Kylie

Jenner, right? I think so. I think you're right. There's some association with the Kardashians. Al Lewis is Grandpa Munster. Do you know who that is? Yeah. The Munster. Do you know who that is? Yeah. The Munsters? I think I met a couple of them at a remote.

That would not shock me. You've met a couple of Munsters? Yeah, at the pinball festival. Comic-Con. Yeah. Because there was a Munster family pinball display or something. And they were out there. Catch a check.

Yeah, what does it cost to get Eddie Munster out at your thing now? For a pinball festival? something. And they were out there. Catch a check. Yeah, what does it cost to get Eddie Munster out of your thing now? For a pinball festival? A thousand bucks? You're probably in the ballpark. Yeah. Who's cheaper these days?

Us or 80-year-old Eddie Munster? Burt Young. He's dead. He's Pauly in the Rocky movies oh he had a robot he did have a robot didn't you enjoy that movie in the theater

is that four that was the best theater experience we've ever had it was fantastic I think it was four we should do three that's the one with Mr. T

hey woman is that the one with Mr. T. Hey, woman. Is that the one? Is that? I mean, obviously. Which one has Tommy Gunn in it? That's five. Five? Yeah.

Tommy Morrison? Yeah. He had AIDS, Blake. Totally died from AIDS. Okay. That's why Rocky wouldn't fight him. Really? Yeah.

I mean, he was like... Wait, that's what the movie's about? Yeah, he's the skinniest dude. He looks like Tanner, very just a skinny, six-foot-tall guy, but he beat Rocky because he had AIDS. You should watch it. That's the movie?

Yeah. Rocky loses to a guy that has AIDS? Yeah, because Rocky won't come anywhere near him. Right. And so all Tommy Gunn had to do was land a few shots. Yeah, that's how he rises to the top of the boxing world. It's incredible. It's funny.

I mean, do you want to fight somebody? This is a different time, too. We thought you could get him for anything. Yeah, this was like the 90s. I just don't understand why that needed to be 90 minutes. We've got to set up the characters. You have to show him getting AIDS. Yes, they showed him how he got AIDS.

He had a pet monkey, but he couldn't find a girlfriend. It's actually a positive message about how you can still succeed despite being HIV positive. Yeah, it was kind of like Rudy. It was just believe. And then he died at the very end. Rudy is named after the main character. be positive. Yeah, it was kind of like Rudy. It was just, just believe. Yeah, but... And then he died at the very end.

Rudy is named after the main character. This is a Rocky movie. It was just for continuity. People would have been confused if they called it Tommy Morrison 1. Rocky 6.

They wanted to have more episodes, but then he died because of AIDS. Okay, I guess I'm just confused. You gotta see it. It's hard to describe. What you guys are saying is not

making me want to watch it. Dude, the how you get AIDS scene though, it's worth it just for that. There were a lot of people that had AIDS that say, like, weren't a couple of them threw up and a couple of them walked out of the theater?

They were like, this is so realistic. This is exactly how I get AIDS. Herman Munster tried out for the Dodgers. Wait, what? I'm still stuck on the Munsters. Where we got Stacy? Herman Munster, he tried out for the Dodgers.

Did he? Absolutely, look it up. On the TV show. Not Fred Gwynn. Herman. Also died on the, excuse me, Born on This Day. Get off on that AIDS track. Didn't they also have Mr. Ed play for the Dodgers? Yes.

Like, what was the obsession with just like, hey, we'll take the goofiest, unlikeliest character. I think you just have a TV show in. In L.A. In L.A. And you're like, we can. Yeah. Hey, look, Fli flippers in the outfield.

Sandy Koufax made an appearance on The Brady Bunch. Yes, he did. Yeah, I remember that. Before he... He got AIDS. Oh, Bobby V. Singer-songwriter. So... Should we hold off on this Bobby V?

Yeah. Okay. I think I'm going to save it for Thursday. Will you remind me to bring it up again? I will definitely remind you. I think Blake's... This boxer didn't have AIDS in the movie. He had AIDS in real life. Okay.

And then he died. Sure. Like, we made literally every single part of that. I was just skimming and it says... And we're just waiting for you. I just skimmed to the bottom and it says, Rocky initially knocks Tommy to the ground. I was like, oh, that's kind of mean.

How does he end up losing... He's all, like, oh, that's kind of mean. He's all like skinny. How does he end up losing this fight? Dallas Buyers Club. Yeah. Anyway, Bobby V is... It went on for so long, I didn't know. I used to listen to the... You were doing the yes and part so well, I couldn't tell.

What's the station called i listen to the 50s on five on satellite radio a lot may 2nd dan on the william pace show this next one's going to take us some time we will stop and start it but this is the meat of it because dan came with a bit of course right you know it's not this is uh far far above our bit of like coming to fox 4 with you dressed uh in a headdress and me dressed as a gay biker from the village people this is better than that um but it's always been in us always been in you so you going to see a large man on camera. That's the guy you were talking about earlier, right? Big Jim. Big Jim.

So this is where you guys get into the bit. We're going to go back to weight loss talk with Nine. William, I wanted to talk a little weight loss. I mentioned that at the beginning of the show. And I'd like to introduce, you know Joe is my partner on the air but one of the big guys. Yeah I'm saying not 400 Dan. You're saying over? Yeah.

Dude he's like 6'3 is he not? He's pretty big yeah. He's probably 500 pounds. He's a huge man. Very very very big. Yeah super tall too but yeah he's sitting next to Dan. William's confused already. Instrumental to our show off the air is big jim wilson he's our production guy and uh yeah and also he's wearing zubaz very strange um i was talking weight loss um as you can see it's january it's-Christmas. I'm wearing my big clothes.

These are my big pants. This is my big fat shirt. You know, it hangs over so you don't have to see the gut hanging out and everything. We have to camouflage things. And every year, every January, I'm trying a different weight loss thing. You know, I'm going through eating two ounces of chicken. Do you really have to watch your weight? Oh, yeah, for sure, baby.

Do you have to watch your weight oh yeah for sure baby yeah you have to watch i mean like baby this is the baby era dude you have no idea i was like passively listening like okay this is gonna be like because i knew the whole bit and i'm like a baby oh yeah this might have been the era of swingers and yes, I might have incorporated baby in my language a little often. We all have. Don't get mad at us about it. You might say, oh, this is the same guy. Yeah.

But there's subtle differences. Yeah. About 45 pounds and no baby. I've shed the baby. There's nothing wrong with that, baby. That's right baby Oh yeah baby You're beautiful baby Two ounces of chicken

Do you really have to watch your weight? Oh yeah for sure baby You could probably eat like a pizza God I suck I'm the worst I'm a loser I've always thought that if I ever had an eating disorder, I could be a bulimic But I could never be anorexic because I have to eat. You know what I mean?

You eat so much I've analyzed why I Really why what's what's the driving force of you eating? I think because my parents were divorced when I was like eight years old and I just started eating. And that was a hard time for you. Yeah, I believe that was psychological because I believe that weight loss has something to do with the psychological. Oh, for sure. You're eating to fill yourself for other things that are not in your life. Yeah.

You know, so. Yeah. That's my bit. I have employed Big Jim here. He's my he's my spiritual advisor and personal trainer, pretty much, weight loss consultant. Again, he's pointing at a 500-pound man in sweatpants. You don't see a guy that looks like Big Jim to be a weight loss consultant. Are you a weight loss consultant?

I am, William. I developed a two-phase plan to help Dan, and I believe help others. Oh, my God. Phase one of the plan, of course, is just hanging out with me. As Dan sits here now with me next to him. It's a visual, yeah. He appears thinner than he would if I weren't here. Think about it.

When you first were watching the show, you thought I was a little chunky, didn't you? But now what do I look like? Yeah, I'm a world-class athlete. So that's the first part of the plan. You must seek and find someone larger than you. Jim, so he hangs with me all the time, which is a little weird during showers and when my girlfriend comes over, but I don't mind.

Showers? Now, the second phase of the plan, William. And now William is nodding. That would be weird. Dan eats at certain times. In fact, it's worth it. Is it time to eat so dan eats at certain times yes now dan will pull a briefcase out from underneath this chair here's the plan here's how dan stays thin by standing this by the way is this briefcase before you open this up guys is this food here? What is it? Oh, he's nervous.

It is Dan's regimented meals. Yeah. I have a little something. I brought my lunch with me. Brought a sandwich. Can you hold that for a second? What kind of sandwich is this? It's a turkey. Really, though, here's the thing about my new diet.

Does it have mustard on it? How do you like that thing? This is more like for my diet. Questionable. Yeah, here's the deal with my new diet, William. Dan just handed William a banana. You'll love that. I can eat anything. Oh, a butt light. Dan has

pulled out a butt light. A lot of diets you gotta eat like an ounce of chicken or you gotta eat this much rice. This diet, I eat anything. Pizza, hamburgers, whatever. Are you gonna pop the lid on the butt light? What's the rule

on the beer? The rule is you start the beer, I finish the beer. Well, only light beer. Only light beer. Any food Dan wants to ingest, I have to eat most of it first. We have families watching the show. Oh no, we're not going to drink this beer on the air.

Right, that's just a prop. That's for you after the show. No, I don't drink any beer either. So Jim is just going to town on the food that he has. Yeah, he took the box of pretzels and won't stop eating them. We're talking with Pretzel Mouth, as Dan is now back to the sandwich, I believe, as we're getting into explaining Phase 2 of the weight loss plan in full here. So, yeah, phase one, just hang out with me.

The thing kind of is that Jim just hangs. Hand me that box. I want to see the nutrition. See, the thing is I can eat anything I want. But Jim hangs out with me all day, so I order a pizza, and I want to eat this pizza. And before I can even eat two pieces, he's finished the rest of it. You know what I'm saying?

I mean, look. He's taking a sandwich out of Dan's hand. It kind of makes me mad, but I'm losing weight like a maniac. I mean, every meal that I eat, he eats like three-fourths of the meal. I never can get through it. The calories here, what is it? William, now checking the nutrition facts on the pretzels. He's not listening at all.

Or watching Jim is just ripping food out of him. And you only supposed to have one. I have 34, Dan eats six. The thing is, he never orders anything. That's the problem. I mean, I go out to eat and I order a meal. He just sits there. He doesn't order anything.

Let me do some analyzing here. Now, why is it that you, I feel you have to eat so much. Did you have an unhappy childhood? No, no. I've had lunches as you and Dan have. And it comes right down to hunger for me. I'm just usually hungry. Hungry? No to hunger for me. I'm just usually hungry. Hungry.

No bad things about me. Do you have any way to curb that appetite? I just keep the thought in my mind that eventually I will get taller. You've got to find somebody that's bigger than you. That's funny. Right. I've got a couple of six-inch cutters. You've got to find somebody bigger than you.

This is turkey, baby. This is very good. You can't get taller. Yeah, this is turkey, baby. This is very good. Can you cook? A lot of gold right there. Dan just thought of the idea.

What is it? You can find somebody bigger than you. Andre the Giant. Now how many press... Oh my god. Oh my gosh. I can't handle it. Is that the end of that one? Okay, good.

We got a little bit of time, so let's play the last two. This next one is how we get into the exercise phase there's no banana one what oh i thought we were eating the banana too uh it might have gotten cut off okay that went on for like seven and a half minutes is there okay oh you didn't cut that part okay i guess not uh eating a banana centrally in front of william pace is that obviously stuck with you after all this time.

No, I'm just saying, I remember my wife, who was my girlfriend at the time, was like, that was mean. The whole thing is mean. Oh, well, she thought the banana part was mean. This is the exercise portion of it. This is number 10. I got something else, too, we've been doing. The gym has made me do this year for the first time ever. I've joined a bowling league.

Yeah, anything you do. And there's a little exercise. Yeah, anyway. Right. Wait, will you pause it? I hadn't even noticed until now. Do you like the – this is my sideburns era. Yeah, it's a little bit grainy on the video, but yeah.

Once you get up close, you can see. You definitely do have sideburns. I would grow them pretty, pretty big. Yeah. You're a whole vibe. Oh, I forgot to tell you, though, that I don't want this to be weird, but when I first started going through this a couple mornings ago, my wife was like, what is that?

And she looked and she was like, Dan used like what is that and she's like looking she's like dan used to be kind of cute oh no i don't know how you want to take that yeah i mean she doesn't think i am anymore so you know that's just wives yeah because you were like this is like late 20s mid-20s probably uh late 20s, yeah. So yeah, back to the strenuous exercise portion. And the funniest thing is you're clearly joking, and then William's like, yes, anything you can do to get active. Yeah, because that's what you think when you walk into a bowling alley and see all the regulars.

These guys are very active. They're really getting their heart rate up. William wants to commend you because he's a sweetheart of a guy he is because it is you know i think i'm sure i think it has to do with caloric intake big jim rubbing dan's arm grams how many fat grams you're consuming and i think it has to do with cardiovascular i think you know do you do the treadmill no i've just been bowling it's been so cold that it's hard for me to get outside and work out you must understand that i i do understand anything under 60 65 degrees i just can't make it

out to work i do understand that because i there are days i start to moan when i get up at six o'clock get out to hit the gym at at valets and uh food. Can't hide your smile, either. I have to keep working on trying to perfect this body. Well, here's the thing. I can't believe we've made it this far. I showed you a picture of the way I used to look. Remember that? Oh, yeah.

You had to have, like, two pictures to fit you in. No, I was... Oh, no, the skinny one. Yeah, yeah. You had to have a patch picture. That's what I'm trying to get... I don't know if it's possible, but I'm gonna... See, you look fine now.

I think everybody's predisposed to be in a certain body type. Well, I think there's some truth to that. You might be able to lose like five, but you're looking good. What do you think as a trainer? Maybe like a 30 to 50 pounds. Wow, man. You'll be wasted away. Yeah, you'll look like Callista Blockhart.

Extra skin. Right back to it. You like that one? I think the key is, though, and I'm no personal trainer like Jim, but I think the key is that everybody has to have their own set. You know, you treadmill might work for you. I think a lot of it has to do with hanging out with a real fat guy. It might work for me.

I think a lot of it has to do with what you come from. You know, when you look at my father, he's every bit of six feet and he's about two to forty to fifty. My mother was about five nine, but she was a big, heavy set woman. So for me to think that I'm going to be. How is he still acting like this is all normal? Like trying to carry on a normal weight loss conversation. Right. But, you know, you just have I think a lot of it has to do with what you come from.

And then I think you have to really, you know, constantly, you know, watch your weight. I really I really do. But we will be back in a moment with more conversation with. and then I think you have to really constantly watch your weight. I really do. We'll be back in a moment with more conversation with Dan. The whole time he's issuing that last part, in the wide shot, it's just Dan and Jim eating.

Just the whole time. So great. And now we'll go to the ender the show's pretty much over we'll back sell uh the charity bit it's uh it's the william pace show with damn mcdowell damn mcdowell big jim cut 11 well tell me we were almost out of time now now he's eating the banana on uh the damn show i'm coming up on the damn mcdowell show don't forget to tune in february 24th that's a wednesday william pace will need your support for muscular dystrophy because they're going to put me in jail over at the marriott hotel and i've got to raise money i've got to raise a lot of money for muscular dystrophy and uh uh dan's going to come and help bail me out he's going to you're going to give me

what how much money you're going to give me oh my gosh too much to mention now william that's for sure but you are going to and i'm going to call you on the How much money are you going to give me? Oh, my gosh. Too much to mention now, William. That's for sure. But you are going to. And I'm going to call you on the radio. Call on the radio. So you watching out there, make sure you call into our show that day. It's WHIO Radio, of course. Okay.

And William Pace will need your help. Okay. Well, that's it for us today. We've got to go before this becomes a zoo. I'll see you next time. Thank you. Bye-bye. Oh, my God. We've got to go before this becomes a zoo i'll see you next time today we gotta go before this becomes a zoo i'll see you next time

may 20th doug townsend how long have you been in the car game How long have you been in the car game? Oh, my God. So I make year 21 coming up this next year. So the whole gig was we had the Chrysler Dodge went on strike this year, right? And sales sucked. It was brutal. It's the first time in my entire life I thought about getting out the car business. Because I make videos and put them on Facebook.

Nobody freaking watch them at all. Can I cuss? Yeah, of course. I would prefer that you do. I want you to be you. My mama said, don't cuss. Them people ain't going to like you. And I was like, I'll try not to, ma.

But I got on Facebook. There's two backstories. So I got on Facebook. I was posting fucking videos. Nobody was fucking watching them at all. The next thing, I did TikTok videos. And I got banned from TikTok for making those kind of videos. So that didn't work.

And then all of a sudden, the fucking strike happened. And it devastated the car business. Like, I sell cars and my car got repoed. We were making nothing. And so I walked out there, and I was like, well, fuck it. I'm going to make some gangster-ass videos because if I'm going to hell, I might as well go to hell pumping the gas. And I told the owner, I was like, listen, I'm going to make a little bit edgy videos but you know nothing you would find and he's like yeah you know we've done that with bosses and radio before like it's gonna be a little close to the line but you'll be you'll be fine with it in

the end yeah yeah uh a girl just a girl just sent me her tit pics it's fucking awesome being famous not really but whatever um i swear to god it's like jack off stuff every day okay that's awesome dude i love it you're fine i just want you to i want your story so we want you to be you okay yeah yeah yeah i'm trying i don't want to i'm not like this is really how the fuck i am anyway so that night prior to going viral, I had a little girlfriend. And we'll call her Amanda. And she told me I wasn't making any money in car business. And she left me.

So I was like, well, fuck. So I was in my feelings that day. So I turned around and made some videos telling the consumer what I really fucking thought. And posted them. Didn't think nothing. I walk inside. And I just got Instagram, by the way. Instagram, like, what, now it's like day 13.

So this is two days after logging into Instagram. By an hour and a half later, it was at like 300,000. I was like, what the fuck? And the owner's like, what did you post and i was like nothing nothing so i kept rolling with it and lo and behold i mean we we have been busy since day one the dealership got brought back to life um people came back to work um our service department's been rocking with oil changes and i up and uh it's just it's look i'm great at selling cars but i'm horrible at paperwork so thank god i work for the same owner for all these years you don't fire me but um but that that's mainly what happened you know and there's there's no i didn't think about the videos i don't

think about the videos at all i just turn around and say it and whatever happens happens sometimes i bomb completely but it's a true bomb you know it's not like i get paid for this shit i didn't think anybody was fucking paying attention but i guess they are so so you just like you see a tiktok video coming across your timeline and you just immediately think this is one i want to use as a reaction to so really this is what happened so one comes across and i'm like i would like to have relations with her. Let me try to get her attention. So I'm going to talk shit about her. There's one video.

There's one video. There is one video I stitched. The girl called me next day. I fucked her that night. Boom. Yeah. Which one? I can't.

I can't. I can't. He's a gentleman. The one that needs nutrition? Yeah. No. You know, three weeks ago, that would have been a gourmet meal. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

But she was— So would you rather score or sell a car? Like, you've got two things that come from your videos oh um well i oh god well nowadays gore because i love the buffet you know it's just not i i love selling cars i don't a lot of people hate car salesman and I fucking get it because they're going to make a dollar on you no matter what you do, you think you win, but you ain't. Um, so, but a lot of people over the years have always come back to me and I try to, it's almost like a sales process. I relax them and I make money on them and I'll tell them when we're doing the

paperwork and they're like they always say well I don't mind you making a dollar off of me I just ain't gonna let you take me to the cleaners and I'll say well listen I'm gonna take you to the cleaner it's just which way you want to do laundry so and uh that's true but but I like, I sold a lady yesterday, her 23rd vehicle. So I, I probably have the best, best, uh, comebacks and, um, yeah, I don't know big words. I'm from fucking Watson. Uh, like people just come back and they come back and repeat business all.

And then they send me referrals. And that's how I've been keeping it going. I pay child support. I go to strip clubs. I fuck bitches. I sell cars. I mean, that is that is literally what I do. And and everybody, anybody and everybody that fucking knows me.

That's what they're going to say. He a whore and he loves comic books i i got a lot of comic books no but nobody ever asked me about comic books i can tell you stupid comic book facts but whatever um but i i'm i i literally like to say i was raised in the strip club you know uh that how the strippers played me for my dollars? I picked it up, called a straight line sale. And that's what I do, you know? You learn from the best.

I do. I do. Man, you know, even though I got somewhat famous, there's this girl, and she still won't give me none and i'm literally trying to text her hey i'm famous now you want to give me some she's like fuck off so but it doesn't work all the time sometimes it's like it's like that sometimes yeah but but as far as like selling cars do um i think i'm just a natural born salesman i i think that's if i was selling boats i would be successful but uh cars is my thing i love cars

and uh you know this is what i do so yeah we're kind of new at this ourselves as far as this video game and broadcasting to this you know on youtube and everything um what if we hired you as like a social media consultant yeah i would i would so do it um do i get to leave am meet louisiana i would like a vacation yeah i checked you guys out you know a lot of people freaking text me and i'll screenshot it to you i don't want i don't like screenshotting people's personal messages at all but y'all have like a what they call a cult following it's what we call it and uh people were excited that i was going to be on y'all show that i wrote down all the lists like people were like hey give me a shout out like the fuck i ain't gonna remember that i just met you yesterday um but uh but yeah i was so I was hella excited about coming on the show. And, you know, this is my third podcast, my first podcast.

I walked off. I probably hurt that dude's feelings. The second one, we talked. It was more like they want to know in-depth shit about sales. I'm like, dude, I love strippers. Ask me about that. But I couldn't tell. But it was like a real estate thing. I love strippers. Ask me about that. But I couldn't tell. But it was like a real estate thing.

I don't know. But at least y'all asked me questions, so I like it. Yeah, I mean, I think you're a natural-born salesman and also a natural-born marketer because this is a – I've watched so many of these videos, and I cannot stop laughing at them every time, and they make me want to buy a car. So I think you found the formula.

Well, guys like, okay, so I'm not sexist. I do love women in a mature way. But most of my clientele is guys. do guys like tits ass and vehicles so put them all in there put them all in there and uh when i was doing the tiktok videos um i made a certain community mad and i didn't ever say anything i mean mean, it's out there. And I was like, because I said I was straight, you can't say that? And they were like, yeah. I was like, okay. So now I'm just going to make stuff of boobs and ass,

and I made some other ones for them too. So it's all good. Inclusive. Yeah, there you go. Inclusive. I got a Ford one out there for them, too. So it's all good. Inclusive. Yeah, there you go. Inclusive. I got a Ford one out there for the Mustangs. I don't know if y'all watched that one. That was just for them.

So, you know, it works. It works. But that's basically what it is. Guys love that stuff. I love that stuff. I love Jeeps are my thing. I love Jeeps. I love Jeeps are my thing. I love Jeeps. I still get excited about when a new Jeep pulls up.

And that and girls. I literally work 20 minutes down the street from a strip club that's been there since 1936. Some people call it a whorehouse. I call it a strip club. Either way, they get naked. So shout out to the mansion. Doug, how old are you? I'll be 44 this year.

I'm 43. 43. So you could pull off 32. You look great. Yeah, you look awesome. That's just because I'm on the screen. Like most women, when they come, they always leave disappointed. You know what I'm saying?

Because they feel like they've been catfished. So, yeah. So what have these last few weeks been like? You sent me a video today of a band, sent you a video. So how are you taking fame? So about last week, i get a text message um in my box and it was from i hope he's not mad that i'm saying this because it's not like i showed everybody it was from um breaking benjamin's which is one of my favorite bands

like for real and i i text back and he texts me back and I was like, maybe it's the real dude. It was the real dude. And then he's like, who else do you like? And, and it, um, it, it, I cried. That was the first time I cried probably three years. We just got over the strike and I didn't know what and how we were going to do things. Like, it's just, it's very overwhelming when you work somewhere that you don't know if you're going to make it the next day. And of no fault of your own, other than you can't get cars. and of no fault of your own other than you can't get cars. So I think what we've turned this business around is remarkable.

You know, I think everybody, even the sales guys here, are so ecstatic over the videos because, I mean, God, we're making money. Hand over fist. I mean, everybody's making money. So there's a guy right now that's buying a car. got a 450 a month he's so excited he's gonna sit out there until I'm done he'll wait there two and a half hours so but I I'm just I don't know I don't know where I'm going with this other than I'm excited and other celebrities have hit me up too, which is fucking nuts. They're like, you're so funny.

And I'm like, are you giving me a job? I don't know how to take that. But I want to do stand-up so bad. That would be the overall goal. Not for like to get famous or not and i just want to get up in front of a bunch of people so i can make them laugh hopefully i get a set of double d's on 135 pound frame and that's the bonus right there that's what i want to do fuck and fuck and sell cars sorry mom yeah you don't seem that concerned about mom

her advice was wrong sometimes moms are wrong you know mom so mom's at the grocery store and uh she's like my God, have you seen your son's videos? And my mom was like, yeah. And she goes, well, what do you think about that? And she goes, well, if it gets him laid, I'm all good with it. So that's where I'm at right now. Family support. Yeah. Good support. Yeah.

Good structure. Yeah. Yes. Yes. But my mom, my mom is the only person I was worried about because she's so religious, like so religious. But whatever I got to do to provide for the family, she's good with. So that's, that's what I'm doing. You know, I don't know where I'm going with this. I couldn't tell you if, if it's going to last, if it doesn't last, Hey, it doesn't last,

but you know what? I'm still selling a bunch of fucking cars. So that'll last for a little while. Child support's paid up for the year motherfuckers so i'm excited about that yeah take that shove it up your fucking ass june 3rd the roast twins versus granny spencer and so you heard a little of the conversation that i had with my daughters the other day. But yeah, we got together this weekend as they were both in town. Yeah. And we listened to your song. Why would anyone subject themselves to this?

I don't know. It's just such a bad idea. Well, I think it's like, yeah, I mean, like I said in the email, like you, you know, as a small business owner, you're always trying to promote yourself. Like this is something that I'm a fan of already. As a small business owner, you're always trying to promote yourself. This is something that I'm a fan of already. So yeah, why not get a little run through the mud? Jimmy's a professional comedian, I promise you. They don't think you're funny.

Who? You. My daughters probably wouldn't. Oh, yeah. No. You don't want it. Yeah. You don't want it. I. You don't want it.

I do want to say that the guy that emailed you all on behalf of me, Colvatolo sitting right here, is a big fan of you guys and is a big fan of this young man right here. Oh, wow. And was actually super excited. When we were walking in the door together, he was like, is that Grady Spencer? That's what I said, too. Yeah.

Yeah. So that's the beauty of it is, like, you know, I don't think this is going to break my career but it might it could this could be the end but you know it's already uh you know i might have already peaked anyways so do you have a do you have a small clip of uh them roasting jake or me and jake just to set the scene for jimmy um that would have been cool to ask me to cue that up ahead of time. Just ask him now, on the fly.

And if not, we don't have to. No, I don't really. I mean, I have the rejoin that I would sometimes play. Okay. We could do that. You're listening to The Dumb Zone. Or, guess what? I actually don't know what's worth, the hang zone or the dumb zone. What's worse?

What's worse, Eden? Like you stole the name from something else. The Hang Zone. Already a horrible name. Yeah, but the Hang Zone. Already a terrible name. That's not your thing. That's like naming your show The Simpsons and calling it The Samsons.

It's not really giving creativity. Giving. Yeah. I think I see what's going on here. Yeah. Dude, what's more terrifying is I have a 10-year-old daughter, and she's already kind of starting to veer into this lane, and I'm just like, oh.

Yeah. I've already lost years ago. There's no winning. Okay, so I sat him down this weekend. We put headphones on and we listened to your song. And so I laid out to them the exact same thing I just laid out to you. The whole

history of the 690 thing, how this came about and why they are sitting up here. They're pretty fired up to hear that whole backstory. Well, there was a lot of back and forth and I cut that out here. Real quick, one of them actually is a music, like she plays music, right? She's a music band or something? One of them was in the marching band in Clemson,

but the other one's very artistic. I'm sure she's going to really pull up music theory and like really attack it. Maybe, I don't know. She's not going to be nice to you, Grady. I know. Dang, dude, I'm like trying to get brownie points. You never know.

That's true. I never know. Good idea. All right, just if you want to pause it, tell me pause or whatever. I'm here for the ride. Anybody that wants to stop the audio, we'll stop the audio, okay? The name of the group is Grady Spencer and the Work. Stop it.

Dude, my chest is hurting We're five seconds in guys That wasn't even a word That was just air leaving a human body Oh man dude I don't know if I'm ready This is your last chance to back out Yeah no go ahead The name of the group

Is Grady Spencer and The Work Yeah, I'm good Thank you though Wow, I feel like Why is everything throwing back to 1950s With the da-da and the da-da Do you know what I mean? And The Work to 1950s with the da-da and the da-da. Do you know what I mean? And the work.

The work. I mean, that is... Like, good luck. I would not... No, if I saw that name on Spotify, I would not listen. Like, 100%, I'm not listening. Definitely not.

Like, that's... It sounds old like they've already aged themselves they've already blocked out an entire demographic so they're a cover band

they're a cover band is what you're saying oh my god well I believe they play original stuff and he said he had an original song what's the genre

how old is he 70 or what well let's just let's just listen and tell me what the genre is okay you ready you ready I'm gonna need this audio for after by the way yeah just listen and you tell me what the genre is, okay? You ready?

You ready? I'm going to need this audio for after, by the way. Let's just listen and you tell me what the genre is, okay? You ready? You ready? Yeah. You can tell me to pause it or whatever you want. Stop! Stop!

Okay. Hey, learn that one from Mike Reiner. You can tell me to pause it or whatever, whenever you want. Out. Stop. Okay. Peek. All right, this is the start.

Oh, my, my, my baby got a new dress on. Yeah. start. Oh, my, my, my baby got a new dress on. A little bit and a little while. A couple songs and a couple days. Not laughing now, are you? Yeah. Let's see. Like when everyone's quiet at dinner. Oh, here we go.

Oh, no. Okay. This guy started doing a touchdown dance a little early. Oh. Pause. They're going to pick if they're country or not. Dang, she's so right. She is right there.

Pause. They're going to pick if they're country or not. I was going to say, you need to make a choice. She's so right. She is right there. They gotta pick if they're country or not. I was gonna say, you need to make a choice. Make a genre. Make a choice. I literally don't get it at all. Because at first I was like, okay, it's like a little weird indie, the Honeycombs type beat. Yeah, funky. But then he starts putting on the accent.

Is he just from Texas or is he trying to do something there? But I'm like Arkansas so he doesn't really know. But also I was trying to stay silent because I was like I'm going to give him his money's worth. Let me reimburse him.

You know? I'm going to do the work that I was paid for which is nothing. I'm getting zero dollars from this. We're still poor even with with your $6.90. So am I. So am I. You know what it's called?

My Baby Got a New Dress On. This is one of those songs No, no, no. This is one of those songs that is so uber specific. All those country songs that are called drinking on a boat and all the lyrics are, I drove to the lot, I went to the dock, I got on the boat, I drank some beer. That's what it sounds like.

Wait, the breakdown? Here we are, here we go. That's what it sounds like Wait the breakdown? It's called New Dress Yeah baby got a new dress on What's the album called? I went to the store and bought her a dress And then she put it on and she got a new dress What's the album? I don't know anything about the album

See you guys didn't even promote this right. Dang. No album name? You could have sent that along, couldn't you? Just single. I feel like I've heard the chorus seven times so far. No, yeah, because it's one of those songs that starts out with the chorus and then it has like the two second

verse. I haven't even heard the verse. It works for Pink Panther, it doesn't work for this. You know? If you want to like Mid-max how good your song is It's going to be really Optimize it Mid-max

Then you have to make sure That the good parts Are actually good Which I fear we forgot So mean I like this guitar Fair Yeah So mean. I like this guitar. Fair.

Okay. Tell my buddy. Yeah. I hate them. My baby. You in the background. It's so... Just run through. I stepped away from the mic for a moment.

Is it like background vocals? What is going on? Is that really what that is? That's what it's meant to emulate. That is horrend. I hate when I feel like... Horrend! I thought you said you were just going to play us a snippet.

You've been here for like seven minutes. No, he said snippet, but he lied. Nope. Yep, nope. I mean, it really, as my mother would say, it's a bit of a dirge. It kind of just drones on, doesn't it? It does give Take Me to Church. I mean, I've really gotten the main point of the song, though.

I mean, they wanted to convey that his baby has a new dress on. Right, so he bought his little baby, which is a little creepy, a new dress. Don't know what that means. So he has money. It does make sense that these are the guys who are listening to Dad. Yeah, how did we catch a stray here?

It does make sense that these are the guys who are listening to Dad. Yeah, Hundo. Hundo. They kind of take one thing and they just ram it into the ground

until it dies. No puppet. Not even until it dies. It's dead and they're literally smearing the remains all in the in the gravel the dumb zones dead the hang zones dead The hang zone was never alive. I hated all right, and they just can't like that go so I I mean I understand Did you use the term horrend? That's a nice one in the vocab it's been there for a minute and it's not leaving It slipped out. Perhaps I may have. It happens. It happens. I may have.

Well, that's a nice one in the vocab. It's been there for a minute and it's not leaving. What are you writing? So you're not. Horrend in quotes. So you're not into. You don't need to look at my notes. We're not here to evaluate my notes. Hey, you wanted us to be mean.

I did not want you to be mean. I just want you to be you. Just don't give us ammo then. So we're mean. Be better. Do better. All right. One final thing, because I didn't even know you knew about.

So No Puppet, you're familiar with it? I slipped up. I know the lore. What did you say? The lore. What did you slip up with? I hate. I know his company name.

No Puppet. I hate that. I don't? The lore. What did you slip up with? I hate. I know his company name. No Puppet. I hate that. I don't know that lore. What do you mean? What are you asking me? What does that even mean? It's called No Puppet Productions, our new company. Yeah.

Yeah. NPP. What does that stand for? No PP? Yeah, it's not it. It's like NPR, but for babies. I'm just looking for some stupid innuendo that I would have heard about in third grade NPR but for girls

NPP NPP for the less fortunate so Ava is this song going on your playlist or what or what I had a little tickle it won't be going on mine and I don't think that I'll be checking out um well work oh you remember that's all I remember I guess it's stuck it didn't stick

for me I won't be checking them out I didn't like it yeah it's uh it's gonna be no for me. I won't be checking them out. I didn't like it. Yeah, it's gonna be no for me, boss. Well, there you go. Grady, Spencer, and the work. Alright. Thanks. It's so good. Golly.

That's, of course, where they... You know, when I signed off, they were. A little bit of ASMR for the crowd. I love the reddit I want to be mentioned on the reddit I want people to tell me to kill myself on the reddit Yeah I don't even Well there you go guys That's the

The roast twins My daughter's evaluating Your album I like it Thank you gentlemen The Rose Twins My daughter's evaluating your album I liked it I liked the song as well Thank you gentlemen Thank you You're welcome

Yeah I mean they're not wrong I mean that's probably why I'm not more far along in my career Because people are always like Are you country? Are you a hipster or what? But I mean I grew up Kind of where Danny Bayless grew up

Like I think we were in the same district Playing football So like It's just how I talk. Not that they would care, but that's just how I talk. Yeah, you can't explain yourself to them. I don't think that's good. I'd like to go point by point with their criticism.

Yeah, I've experienced that. Take that down. Honestly, there's no winning a debate. No, no. Like I said before we rolled, I kind of figured they weren't a debate with it. No, no. Like I said before we rolled, I kind of figured they weren't going to like it. It's a catchy song. I feel like there were times where they almost allowed themselves

to say that they didn't like it, but then they realized, oh, that's lame of me. Yeah. I don't like something. Well, I'm choogy. I don't know if that word is even still popular. That's horrendous. Yeah, it's Horan.

It's giving Horan. And, uh, you know, I'm just happy that, you know, that they took time out of their day to do that. June 25th, Kemp Spin, number 500. Like how good of a player was he at his peak? I just thought he was just some guy. Could shoot. Um, but he's a guy. He wasn't a starter until Doc made him one.

He was on some pretty good teams. He was a starter on pretty good teams and he was an elite shooter. Really probably what helped him as far as public profile was he played at Duke. Everybody hates one white player on Duke every year. He was that guy for a while in that Clippers team I mean that was a pretty yeah yeah they were electric it was Lob City you know um I don't really think of him that much on that team no but if he played in Detroit and he was also on some really really good magic teams like that team should have won a championship with Dwight Howard.

Really, he doesn't stand out in my head though that he was a part of that. Maybe he does to you. Yeah, I don't know. He's certainly never been a headline player. Also, I don't know if this is risky because I don't know if we have the production ready.

It's probably already on the list. But also Deadspin had a story back when he was in college that he had an abortion contract with his girlfriend. A contract? Explain that. Reddick has agreed that once Lopez has terminated said pregnancy and has provided medical proof of said termination, satisfactory to Reddick included but not limited to direct access to her medical files and records of the clinic. That, like, basically, he wanted her to get an abortion. But he made her sign a contract that said, you got to get an abortion. Like, you can't just tell me, hey, I'll do it.

Like, there was a contract presented. Like, pre-sex no wait post what do we have here in the annals of time celebrities have done some pretty fucked up shit jake has taken it upon himself to catalog those dalliances and short-sighted events deep inside the recesses of his tiny ferret brain to never be forgotten and be accessible at the snap of a finger. You have now witnessed Camp Spin number 500. Wow.

What a moment, Kevin. KT, you got to be here for this. Hold on, here comes the cake. All right, all right, all right. Wow. Yeah. Let us never forget the abortion contract. Yeah.

I really hope that one wasn't already on the list. Nope. Two is in there huh Hock 2 Yeah so I think the case was basically that she got pregnant Wow 500th Kemp Spin JJ Reddick What a moment

She got pregnant and then he wanted her to have an abortion And they had to pretend like they were still together Per this contract you have now okay we already did camp spin number five that's fantastic what a day that is fantastic june 27th. Hop to it, girl. By the way, these are the sort of things, the heat advisory being extended through today into tomorrow, these are the sort of things I want to hear from Scott Padgett about. Well, maybe Victoria is actually busy telling us about the cold front.

The heat index? Did you say the heat advisory ends tomorrow, like it's going to be better? I think it's better as far as them saying you could die if you're outside. It's not going to be quite that bad. Isn't this the kind of heat that your dad will mow his acre? Yeah. With a push mower. He's a grinder.

Yeah. Guy's an animal. Side note, I got gotta own up to something I forgot to call my dad on his birthday on Tuesday like all day yeah we should have called him on the show

I didn't have him in my we talked about him that day and I didn't even think about it I didn't have I didn't have that one in my calendar I guess or that calendar populated I didn't even think about it. I didn't have that one in my calendar I guess. Or that calendar populated.

I called him yesterday and yeah. He shrugged it off. Did he point it out? Do you think it hurt him? Yeah, I do. I feel like it hurt him but he would never tell me that. And I felt so bad about it. Because I'm like the good one about that. My brother, I'm you know, he ain't calling.

But me, I've been pretty good about it forever, even though I don't care at all about people's birthdays. Yeah, and I think I wonder how I'd... I think I would be fine with it. Like, I don't want my birthday acknowledged, yeah.

But yeah, I'm sure it bothered him. So anyways, tough break, old chapster. How can we make it up to him? Let's get him a hooker. Okay. And you know he's already down because he's got nothing to bet on. Listen, bud, he's found something.

What's he doing? What was the thing you were talking about earlier? Lacrosse? Hak'tu-a girl? Yeah, Hak'tu-a girl. You know Hak'tu-a girl? No, Haktua girl. You know Haktua girl? No, I don't even know what those words are. God damn, what are you doing?

Are you living under a rock? She's not online at all. Reading books and probably doing- Yeah, what are you doing? Reading books and writing articles? Yeah, lame. Driving Rolls Royces? The level of this hostility does not match my not knowing Haktua girl.

Oh, Haktua. Yeah, I saw this on your Instagram. I didn my not knowing hop to it girl. Oh, hawk to it. Yeah, I saw this on your Instagram. I didn't know what the hell it meant. That's the kids bop version. Hop to it girl. What does this mean? It's a, yeah yeah he's right bring one of those

every day she it's a guy doing man on the street interviews and he's asking women I think it's in downtown Nashville

like in a bar district what makes you wife material one of the girls is like let's play it I'm loyal I don't

I was stalling but oh but I don't know yeah we don't and they ask her yeah we can just give

her the audio yeah we can just play the audio although maybe i should just let you recreate it i was gonna i thought why am i an idiot uh i'm sorry she says ah you know i'm loyal i'm a good friend and then her friend pops in and she's like, what makes you wife material? And then she starts talking and he falls up with one move in bed that'll make a man go crazy. And she goes, ha-ta! Spit on that thing. Oh my God. I might have had the order backwards. It might have been spit on that thing.

Ha-ta! No, you nailed it. Yep. June 27th. The No Puppet Backstory. I do have one question. Nailed it. Yep. June 27th, the no puppet backstory. I do have one question. What's no puppets mean? Oh, yeah, we forgot to do that.

So it's kind of a long story, but back in 2016, in the aforementioned Hillary Trump debates, they started yelling at each other about who was on the take with vladimir putin and she said something like yeah well of course putin loves you because uh he would love nothing more than a puppet in the white house and as he's saying that trump starts going no puppet no puppet you're the puppet no puppet and it And it's electric. And then I just started saying it all the time. Everything I see has no respect for this person. Well, that's because he'd rather have a puppet as president of the United States. No puppet.

And it's pretty clear. You're the puppet. And then I just started, like, TC and I used to call like Cowboys games live, kind of like what we do with our watch parties. And we eventually stopped doing this. But the first year we did it, we would get fucked up. Like he would ingest whatever. I would drink whatever.

And it was a night game. And so it's probably like 11 o'clock at night. And the Cowboys had like a really big, like, comeback, walk-off division win. And I was borderline, Sarah, blackout. But I had a headset on. I have trademarked that term, so I appreciate you. I was not on top of anyone. Well, no.

But I did have a headset on, and we've been drinking whiskey all night. And the Cowboys won, and I just started drunkenly yelling, no puppet. They're putting the chains down. No use for them. Rest of this game. Holy f***. Fade Des Bryant.

Scrambling around, finding men. Yes! Cowboys win! Cowboys win! Cowboys win! Yes! scrambling around finding men yes you're the puppet you're the puppet you puppet you puppet you puppet you puppets! You puppets!

Yes! No puppet! No puppet! Spaulding! Spaulding! Holy s***! Merry Christmas, Philadelphia. Merry Christmas, Eagles!

So that's the drop that we play. It's me just, you know, the puppet! The puppet! So that's actually you saying that? Yeah. But he slows it down. Super drunk. And he slows it down to make it even worse,

which is completely unnecessary because I'm already... I've never done that. No! So it's not quite that bad But it's bad Oh my No puppet No puppet

No puppet Gosh This has so much more Depth and meaning now Yeah No puppet No puppet No puppet

And it's the name of our It's the name of our company We're no puppet Because we are not puppets Yeah To the man Yeah That's the story

That's a great story Yeah July 11th. Fish don't have no hair. A woman who was recorded up her skirt by an Irving voyeur has spoken out with Fox 4 News. Oh, yeah? Yeah. What'd she have to say?

What she had to say was... Say that again? It was thrilling. What'd she have to say? What she had to say was... Say that again? It was thrilling. What a ride. I'm just... I'm humbled... She was in a Dallas Walmart. ...that he would want to look up my skirt.

What did Charlotte say? So, obviously, that's like the first thing we all think of. She said, the halftime show on Thanksgiving will be... Kane Brown. Hope you're enjoying the Netflix documentary. It was... Boy, I forgot. I got to get back on Cheerleaders.

Yeah, I watched like two more after we had Sarah on, and then kind of... Yeah. A little bit, but it's really good. Here's what's really funny, though, is I wanted you guys to see this photo of this guy. He's just like, yep, I did it. Yeah, that is a very...

You got me. Yeah, he doesn't look remorseful. He does not. He does not. You know the photo we want, though. What's that, Dan? The lady. I knew.

Let's just see if... Should she say she's humbled and honored? So he was sentenced to one year for secretly recording her on two separate occasions. That's probably a lot less than Ethan Couch got for running over. I think that's true. She was four to five months pregnant at the time. Hey, now. This is according to an interview

that she did this morning with Fox 4 News. At first I was thinking, why do you go back? Was it dilating? Right. What changed? Yeah, I don't know. To be honest, I don't even really know what't know. You know, to be honest, I don't even really know what that means. I always thought it meant

like the hole's just getting bigger. Does it? Right? Because they keep giving you centimeters and stuff and now it's bigger. You're like, oh, okay. Six. I guess the baby will fit now, right?

Yeah. Yeah. It's like a sinkhole. A sinkhole? Yeah. It's like a sinkhole. A sinkhole? Yeah. Then they stitch it back up. Did you know anybody in high school or whatever that was like, I'm going to try to take an upskirt photo?

You're like, that's patently disgusting. No. I knew the kid that would glance. It was always like somebody would have a shoe mirror. I mean, you've always heard about it. I've never thought that that's... That's disgusting. I've never been attracted by that area of the body, to tell you the truth.

I like the uptops. I don't want to look. I mean, it's... I don't want to look down there. It's just... Go ahead. I might have grown up in more of a jungle era than you as well.

It might be more pleasant to look at these days. That's not. It's really not. How do you guys, how does your era not get, especially Blake's era, not get labeled as pedophiles? If you're saying that I could be labeled as a pedophile because I'd say I'd rather have mouth braces than leg braces, when we're going full waxing down there, it's like, hey, let's try to make it look as much not like an older person as we can. I don't really think full wax is like a, that's not really what's happening anymore.

Just full, it's not all linoleum down there. There's a small. Linoleum. Just a little carpet. Yeah, I think Jake would have more info on this. Why? You seem to know more about what women have going on and the trends down

there. I mean, the porn community would indicate. I just think pubes are still like a thing. Now, is it like it was 35 years ago? No. No, and you can thank us for that because we started that.

Like, we were the first generation that said, hey, got this beard trimmer. It doesn't have to be just on your face. What if we did a little sculpting down there? Yeah. So you're welcome, dudes. Thanks, Dan. Yeah.

Wasn't it more of like an odor thing? Oh, my God. Well, I don't think shaving takes that away, does it? I think it helps. I mean, fish don't have hair. All right, there's your news. I'll save the rest of it. Put that on a hat.

Thumb zone news. Like and subscribe. You like that one. The Dumb Zone presents... Will Raymond have that on a t-shirt? Fish don't have air. It's been a fun start to this journey. A big thank you to all of our subscribers.

It's because of you that this thing stays afloat and has gotten off to the start it has. Thank you for listening to this. We appreciate your support very much. To close this thing out, here is every drop Beth has pulled for the show. You can't get ass when you're doing a podcast.

Best ball. Best ball. Couldn't coach in today's league. That's a real coach. Day two was best ball where you and your partner played through. Wait, I thought we just did best ball. Nope, that's a scramble. It's kind of baller. Jacksonville?

Yeah. Well, that's a Doug Peterson thing, right? I know, yeah. Did they have Sinny Sweeney's tits in them? Mm. Did you do the whole Beatles thing, where you all sit in a circle? Nope, didn't do the circle jerk. You're going to go outside.

You're going to look up. Oh, my gosh, it's dark. Can you believe this? It's cool. How long do we have? Another two and a half minutes? Wow. Well, light again.

I'm fired up for my new partnership with Nicholas Air. It is a perfect match for my travel needs. Yeah. Jake had a buddy who paid $50 to motorboat Stormy Daniels. Dan had a lot of fun with the cat. Jake has a buddy. Jake has a buddy. Did you play for the Packers? Damn sure did, Bob.

I drank a Diet Coke, which is very unlike me. All right. So Blake said he would, Bob. I drink a Diet Coke, which is very unlike me. So Blake said he would like them. I like viewer mail. Dear Dan, Blake is kind of a bitch. God dang it. Never mind. What else we got?

Joel Klatt. Joel Klatt. Joel Klatt. Kim Spins. Oh. Whoa. Yeah, you got a lot going on. Really?

Yeah, especially Old Testament. No, not Danny Carey. Jim Carey. No. Drew Carey. No. No, not Danny Carey. Jim Carey. No. Drew Carey. No. No, not this year. We're all in.

We're all in. On this day in 1889, the Oklahoma land rush began at noon. Sooners. Pass rush. Pearl Harbor. It was a bomb, as I recall. Is that a joke? No.

Oh. People know you. Thank you. You have personality. Thank you. Sam. Sam. Sam. Is that a joke? No. Oh. People know you. Thank you. You have personality. Thank you. Sam. Sam. Sam. Save that. Write that down. The drop? Blake saw a cool text that's fine. Blake's been

squirrels. Hate him. That was abrupt. That was abrupt. That's nowhere near the path of totality. Good. Blake thing. We have Persephone. What? We're all in. We're all in. Dan would see in his pee. Good. Blake thing. We have Persephone. What? We're all in. We're all in. Dan would see in his pee. Jake.

Blakey boy. A bro job. A clipboard. A giant box. A giraffe jaw. A sooner? A witch in the hen house. A woman who is currently advertising herself online as an escort. Abraham Lincoln and Frederick Douglas debated like half a dozen times,

and it was like a healing moment for the nation. Hmm. About 215. Ace Ventura. Adrian Peterson. Almost killed the guy. Almost like North Korea. And Harp's like, yeah.

And the napkin he took was like bigger than the dog. Anyway, dude. Aperus. Apparently it's news time. Are those awards regular season awards are y'all familiar with the video game Grand Theft Auto

are you aware of like the change in the red shirt rules are you guys aware of the HBO sports tier are you okay Argyle as a 12 year old

here's how horny I was Australia let's do bed hey baby back to grapevine baghead bank rolling over here bro Here's how horny I was. Australia? Let's do bed. Back to grapevine. Baghead. Bank rolling over here, bro. Baseball.

Beaver nuggets. Before or after he calls me gay. Bell or jalapeno. Big Bertha. Big group stage game. Billy Crudup. Bitch. Board up. Board up.oston can suck a butt bring them young buffalo bulls out of the barn or whatever but to describe my sprinkler system in one word now efficient

but we're also funny butler's cabin by hat caitlin cl Clark looks like she keep it hairy. Camila. Camila. Can I house it? Can I say just one real quick thing? Can I say just one real quick thing? Can't fix a jaw? Can't they kick you? Charlie Pride.

Cheese. Chicago. Chile. Chuck Berry died. Coffee and donuts. Colorado. Cool, you do meth every day? Corey.

Cosmic brownies Cowboys lose Vomit Cat sleeps in the garage Vomit Cows can run Cut that back a little bit Cause he has six fingers on each hand And six toes on each foot

Damn it Dave Portnoy Dave Portnoy Deal with it, bitch Did he kill people? Did I tell you about the lizard the other day? Did it make him blind? Did some tweeting?

Did y'all see Tyreek Hill's house is on fire? Did you guys know he went to Highland Park? Did you see there's gonna be a Tom Brady roast? Dinosaurs? Do you guys understand the jet stream? Do you wanna know a really weird Bob's Burgers note? Don't ask Blake. Don't leave out the Sinbad VHSs. Don't mess with the mic. Donnie Nelson. Doubters.

Haters. Duck lips. Always. Dude, let's talk Eclipse. Dude perfect and impractical jokers. Dump that. No, we can't. Oh, no. Eatin' box. Just wantin' to stare at the Eclipse. Oh, look at this. Eggplant emoji.

Eight. El Popo. Ernest T. Bass. Au Poupon. Ernest T. Bass. Europe is France. I mean, France is in Europe. Europe is France. Even if they had had extra world series. I feel like every meteorologist

is overpaid. Everyone loves coffee. Everyone's looking at us and stuff. Feathers. Fertile Myrtle. Finland. Fireworks tonight in Argyle.

Five to 99. For all of the america france no friend of the show front of the show from maroon 5 from paul um from van halen oh yeah for sure baby fuck it fumble guys weird gay george clooney get your ac unit checked get your air ducts cleaned get your garage Guy's weird. Gay. George Clooney. Get your AC unit checked. Get your air ducts cleaned. Get your garage door lubed and tuned. Get your sprinkler system checked.

I love it. So, yeah. Go drum. I'll get a drum. God needed a cherry pie. Godfather. I love it. I mean, I haven't really watched it, but.

Golf. Gonna mold the youth. Got tased outside of a Wendy's. Grover Cleveland. I had a pet rock. Has Corby partied with him? Hashtag spirit day. Have you ever seen that one, Blake?

I think he called him a bitch. He can't shoot. He committed suicide. He learned how to fall. He raps really fast. He shot really long free throws, didn't he? He was betting more than you do. He was friends with Abraham Lincoln. He was paying boys for sex.

He's a fresh white. He's been in the den. He's funny. He's zooming in on your dick. Anyway, here's Dan for Total Wine. Hey, guys. Hey, how come we haven't talked about C.D. Lamb and his babies? Hey, look, it's Delonte West.

Hey, thanks, guys. Hey, we're looking for a 12-year-old girl. Hey, you got a rubber? Hey! Highly attracted to him. His book is really good. Hit that and quit that, bro. Mm-mm.

How about we trade? How do I follow poop cookies? How long is this? How's little Debbie doing? Uh-uh. I ate my apples in the car. I cannot wait. You know, I did think about it.

I don't even know what that is. I don't feel like did think about it. I don't even know what that is. I don't feel like I have a choice. I don't know. I don't know anything about fracking. I don't know anything about young gravy. I don't know what that means. Neither do you. I don't know. I don't think there's ever been an attractive British woman. I drank a Diet Coke.

I feel like Blake and I both got a haircut. I feel like you don't bounce back from rape. Yeah, I filmed them eating a rabbit out of my front yard one time. I found out about that at a Chili's at LAX. I got toad. I got Tyler's number on my phone. I hate Blake right now. I have a rain gauge.

I have a really boring note on that. I have buddies too, Blake. I have seen a gator at Disney World before. I haven't seen the armadillo. I haven't seen the possum. I hope he does not have a happy birthday. I know that for next time. I like cranberries.

I eat them five times a week. I like my house. I like Texas. I like to have something now in the past. I mean, France is in Europe. I mean, I'm just always playing chess. I mean, I've told this story a hundred times here, but I haven't.

I need some audio. I play a lot of chess. I play a lot of chess. I play a lot of chess. I push the envelope. I saw Andy Reid at the Big 12 tournament. I saw Ted Emmer at the North Texas game. I saw them in Vegas. I snuck on the field in Columbus once. I think a cow could

charge at you. I think he's made like a billion dollars. I think I always confuse her with Roseanne. I think you gotta hear a little tone low up in your life. I want to say that was in Washington. Now, I want you to know I'm not, like, gay or anything. Well, I was just thinking about Smoochboxes this morning. I was number

five in line for the Xbox 360 at the Garland Target. I was thinking of Sex with Sue. I was yelling at my wife this weekend. I went to a funeral. I would like to go to Montana. I'll be skiing in Colorado. I'll be skiing. I bet Matt Bruning would like that defense. I'll escalate it. I'll tell a funeral. I would like to go to Montana. I'll be skiing in Colorado. I'll be skiing. I bet Matt Bruning would like that defense.

I'll escalate it. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. I'm a big fan of butts. I'm a big man. I'm a notary. I'm aware of Paul's schemes. I'm gonna wear my Sinbad shirt.

I'm just all nasty sometimes. I'm like LeBron. I'm looking it up. I'm not good at business and stuff. I'm thinking that's a pretty damn big thing. I've had coffee and donuts before, thanks. I've never heard that word. I've never seen a cow run in my life.

Ian Johnson? If the Stars made the playoffs after every game. In fact, if you do that stuff, cut some audio, bring it. Kleberg. In a half an hour. In it were many expensive things. In my mind, I feel like I play chess. Is it the Mendoza line?

Is that Apollo Creed? Is that CeeLo Green? Is that France? Is France in the United Kingdom? Or is it not? Is the United Kingdom just England? Is that France? Is the kingdom... I just...

Europe is France. I mean, France is in Europe. If you said Europe Is there anything Australian about this? Isn't he the guy that bangs everyone? Isn't it called Avenue K? Isn't this all just wind darling? It didn't feel good coming out of your mouth

It was either them or Carrot Top It wasn't his girlfriend It's a cat It's Arches time It's game day It's in Roanoke It's just legendary It's notches time. It's game day. It's in Roanoke. It's just legendary. It's not like they drafted me.

It's not really even news, but it was on the news. It's Pride Day. Jeremiah said he liked me because I pushed the envelope. Jeremy. Giacomo Casanova. Giacomo. Jim. Joe Garzani.

Judy Bloom. Juicy J. Just wanting to stare at the eclipse. Kellen. Kemp Spin. Kenny Rogers. Kind of the first Kent State. Kyle, Brian, Drew, Ben, and Cody.

Leave. We're like the Pittsburgh Steelers right now, you know what I mean? Legend. Leighton Venderrush. Let him play with the mic if he wants for a sec. Let him play with the mic. Let me see a sec. Let him play with the mic. Let me see that dick. Lifeguard training?

Like Formula 404. Like, hey, hey! Like 10 minutes. Look at that. Going on a trip on a little rocket ship. A little late. Look at all the different kind of peppers you could eat. Look at these people.

They are so poor and so black. Look at these people. They are so poor and so black. Look at these people. They are so poor. Look it up on your phone. Look that up, Blake. Oh, Blake's not here. These are a lot of emojis. Love it.

Loves weed. Lyman Basta. Make bushes great again. Malcolm X. Activists. Kind of me. Man, I do feel really focused. Man, I do feel really focused. Man, I love kissing titties.

Many expensive things. Mark that, Ben. Marriott. Maybe we should do a kids podcast. Me, Killer, and Pat Green. Meghan Markle. You know, I've been thinking about that too, like... Meth lab, guy with bomb, or gas.

Mets. Micah Parsons. Michael Hutchins. Mm-mm. Mom just goes. More Craig. gas. Mets. Micah Parsons. Michael Hutchins. Mm-mm. Bomb just goes. More Craig. Mr. Wheelie. Mustache.

MVP tough? My favorite. Nailed it. Naked gay body. News? No. No. No more SeaWorld, right?

No one cares that you're crying. No one wants to go that long. No. No. Now am I saying I could do better? Nutty Buddies? Oatmeal cream pies? Yeah.

Oh, and the Star Crunch, too. Don't you get yelled at? Oh, from My Three Sons? Oh, is Love Island on Peacock? Oh, look at this. Oh, we have it. Oh, yeah. Okay, don't make me watch your video.

Okay, I know a lot about Dexter. Okay, I'm going to put it on the time capsule. Okay, and that's great, but again, as we're promoting... Okay, I know a lot about Dexter. Okay, I'm going to put it on the time capsule. Okay, and that's great, but again, as we're promoting... Okay, unplug the audio cable. Okay, well, that's the cradle of civilization. So... Okay, yeah. He's a snack.

One time, I went to a city council meeting. Optic. Or is it just on one hand? Owner of a bar where Gallagher almost died. Pat Green. Pedophilia is funny, isn't it? A strange bird is the pelican.

His bill holds more than his belly can. He can take in his beak enough food for a week. I'm damned if I know how the hell it can. And people will say they say that every year. They don't say that every year. Peppermint Frosty's good. Jake Pimp. Plant trees.

I... Pre. Ready to fuck someone up. Real heroin success story. Release Brett Maher. Maher. Rim job. Rory.

Rory. Rubbers. Running back. Yeah. Son of a bitch. Extra digit on each hand and foot. Save that. Write that down.

Scramble. Did you see how LeBron tried to make that about him? Separated his shoulder skiing. Is she on the Brady Bunch? She's a 50-year-old lady chasing tape. She's from Dallas. Singapore. 1600?

So I can pay her for sex, then kill her and take the money so i read a book so the nine whoa whoa so you'll do anything to get out of this ticket sometimes i think about that i'm like what if i could really change who i am sooners south korea spain still young for poly shore storage wars summer 2024 sup Sup, sexy? Switzerland? Thank you! Thanks a lot, Biden. That I could have made money on. That sounds gay.

That'd be super cool, dude. That's a deal. That's a good point. That's crazy. I talk, Phil, about pickles. That's like the most respectable sports story I've ever heard in my life. That's not a saying. That's not a thing.

It's not funny. The brunette. The chicks love us. The dog just took your napkin. The drop. The earth might be just flat. Got the flying worm today. The flying worm.

The halo sector. The hell's Minnesota? The hell's that? The inventor of the Ferris wheel? The Justin Bieber roast? The one in Dallas is in Arlington. What? The Russian font if you want. The Shamu. The Staple if you want. The Shamu.

The Stapleford scoring system. The United Kingdom. Is that France? The United Kingdom. The weather guy? There is a Greg Harris rule. Look that up, Blake. Oh, Blake's not here.

There was a time where I could have told you a lot about that. There was absolutely consent, Your Honor. There we are. There's probably some crossover of the people that like them and people who go on cruises. They don't give it to Rathman. They're pretty big. I think I golfed with him. 13, 13, 13. This is the guy

who lived in a bus, right? Like, this is the news. And this is news. Three-six Mafia? Excuse me? Trayvon Boykin? Try some Hardaway Turned himself in 205

Sex and the City Ted Excuse me 30 Minutes Yeah, these little things Gas I can't breastfeed Under a tree on Wall Street

Uranus. Purple. Velo's not the problem. Venmo at the Dem Zone. Very good, Dan. Video poker people. Wait, do I have to tongue kiss my son? Wait, who is that?

Wait! Walking in the middle of the street. They have blood all over their shirt. Wanna bingo? Wanted robot virgins. Was he in Uncut Gems? Was Roma at Spalding's wedding? Was she the fat pig?

We are more important than a Jackie Robinson statue. We could have just given her a cable. We got a better chance of winning the lottery. We got buzzards too. We have a lot of buzzards in our neighborhood. We have been informed that we will be going to Cowboys training camp this year. We're bono. We're going to slay everyone in flag football.

We're willing them to win. Do you want to know a really weird Bob's Burgers note? Yeah? Welcome to a podcast. What? What? What? What are you doing over here?

What are you talking about, Willis? What if I just, like, injured my child severely? What is Chicago doing? What is larceny? What is Chicago doing? What is larceny? What is Tony doing in this picture? When did a bush become a bad thing? When life gives you floods, make an ark. Which is why I don't believe destiny exists, Blake.

Or, uh, Jake. Or both. Who? Who? Who cares? Who? Whoa! Who cares? Who? Whoa! Why did you read that?

What is he going to decide that you work on Wednesday of Thanksgiving? Why don't you fuck off, Gene? Why is Pedro Martinez holding this midget? Ha! Will you watch it live? Windmill dunking on UTA at the end of a ball game. Write that down. Y'all didn't see this?

Yeah. Yeah, that bothered me. Yeah, his dad shot him. Yeah, I gotta book a lot of people. Yeah, that bothered me. Yeah, his dad shot him. Yeah, I gotta book a lot of people. Yeah, I like weather. Yeah, I play chess. Well, not in real life. Well, I mean, people say I should play chess, but it feels like I play chess.

Yeah, I was up until three playing Halo. Well, yeah, I'm trying not to die here, dude. Yeah, if you give me three inches, I'll take 20 of them. Yeah, like almost like put it in your mouth. Yeah, she likes showing her butthole. Yeah, still alive. Yeah. in your mouth. Yeah, she likes showing her butthole. Yeah, still alive. Yeah. Yeah.

Yep. Yep. Yes. You can haul so much ass under there. You can look at it on your phone. You did a whole interstitial just for that? You do. You got to get to your ball.

You guys aren't on Fortnite? You guys see this Dwight Howard news? You had to wash your hands first. Do you know we left a ticket? You like contact naps? You had to wash your hands first. Do you know we left a ticket? You like contact naps? You like freaky ass? You must be age verified. We need to check the box once a day.

You said a cordless vacuum? Do you think it all comes down to poo? You want to talk about Norby? You want a threesome? You want this Harbaugh audio? You'd recognize him. You're on a computer. In your Nomo era?

Zebra cakes? Zero? Mark Zuckerberg mark zuckerberg i have one in the nightstand is it fuzzy definitely look more like an rv guy i never saw barbie oh yeah tell us you're acting gay say you're gay she's been moosed it's a super solid finishing move that works really well on an eight-year-old And a little bit of chicken You don't know my game Guy tries to have sex with an octopus well You ever had a fake hot dog friends give it to Raffman. He wants to talk about Hot Pockets. I thought he said urban. Urban? Urban? Oh. Oh, okay. Urban?

Oh. Oh, okay. Let's go to the phones. Let's take a break. Maybe go get a massage. Tell me whatever you want. Bagel? I wore my country club shorts.

You need a pill for that? May I offer a rebuttal? Rams. Really? I think so, right? Is that wrong? I don't know. Still a snack.

This guy tries to have sex with an octopus. Well, that might be your conclusion. Wasn't me. We have it. Yay! Yay! Yay! Yeah? Yep.

Womp. You were asleep. You're putting now. They left a company that was named after clouds. Cumulus. But working elsewhere would not be allowed. Non-compete. So they went to trial with documents in hand.

Pro bono. And made that little bitch squirm on the witness stand. Meow. We thought they were dead, but they're born again. Broadcasting live from the dragon's den. Jake, Blake, Dan, and Video Man. Clear as a bell in Kazakhstan. Terrestrial radio's a thing of the past.

But you can't get ass when you're doing a podcast. No puppet. No puppet. Undervalued and underpaid Not to mention furloughs But at least on FM you're still getting laid What's up sales girls? No more backstage BJs at ticket stock You wanna meet Gordo?

Just lonely knights casually murdering socks We're on YouTube We thought they were dead but they're born again Broadcasting live from the dragon's den Jake, Blake, Dan and Video Man Clear as a bell in Kazakhstan High five Terrestrial radio's a thing of the past

But you can't get ass when you're doing a podcast No puppet No puppet Kip and bode lawyer bills high five