THE ED MYLETT SHOW - A Mental Health Homerun - with Aubrey Huff

Episode Date: July 23, 2019

MENTAL HEALTH is REAL and affects the lives of so many including this 2-time World Series Champion. This topic is so near and dear to my heart and want YOU to know right now that you are not alone. There are so many people out there who are silently suffering which is why I am so honored to share this interview with you. In this never-before-seen EXCLUSIVE, we are diving deep into how Audrey Huff has learned to THRIVE despite his struggle with suicide, anxiety, and depression. From dealing with the murder of his father at only 6 to being 35 years old and having EVERYTHING, this baseball legend found himself UNFULFILLED, UNHAPPY and struggling with and ANXIETY. Aubrey always had the drive to excel. At 9 years old, he was already envisioning himself becoming a baseball player hitting a home run at the world series. He accomplished that dream and then lost his purpose in life… The world around him began to crumble. What do you do AFTER you’ve accomplished your goals? How do you get motivated when your purpose disappears or you aren’t sure where to begin? In this episode, we’re diving deep into how mental health is JUST as real as a physical injury and can have even longer-lasting effects. For the first time, Aubrey shares his struggle with contemplating suicide, drugs, and alcohol in his attempt to numb the pain of his trauma AND the practical steps he took to HEAL his mind body and spirit. You’ll learn how Aubrey was able to take control of his identity and his emotions to find Self-LOVE and PEACE within and what you can do to achieve the same. The truth is, most people struggle with happiness! When you have difficulties, you can “Go dark” or take the time for self-care and work on you. You don't have to go through it alone. 


This is the Edmire Show. Welcome back to Max Out everybody. Today's program is going to be one that you're going to remember for a long time. I have a feeling about today, based on our conversations off camera, and the topics that we're going to cover today, I think are going to resonate with so many of you. So I'm really excited about today based on our conversations off camera and the topics that we're going to cover today I think are going to resonate with so many of you so I'm really excited about today. The gentleman on my left played 13 years in the big leagues, 242 career home runs and the major leagues in baseball means you could flat mash. Hit over 30 home runs a couple times in seasons. It's a guy that I

watched when he played and I wished I could hit like he did. I wish I could run like you did. Well, you're hitting got you to be a millionaire. My running got me a podcast. So, hey, as I'm sitting here, you're doing pretty well. We're doing all right. And today's going to be remarkable. So everybody, this gentleman to my left is Aubrey Huff. So Aubrey, thanks for being here, brother.

Thanks for having me on my bike. And just show him this real quick. Flip that there. That's the world series ring. Yes, sir. How about that? Is that beautiful? 2012, I didn't wanna wear my 2010 one. It looks a little overkill to have two.

Yeah, I know how that goes. Sure. Anyway, let's talk about how you build a world series champion like yourself. And, but also I wanna talk about how you build a life and how a man develops over time. The thing I love about Aubrey, and by the way, he's got a new podcast out, you should check out,

you should check his social media out. We'll talk about that in a little while too. This is a real vulnerable athlete. One of the things I admire about you's your ability to be real. Most athletes sort of put a face on, everything's perfect, I'm a big leader, I'm a Superman, and you're real about life,

your struggles, maybe even demons, et cetera. But I want to go back because I think everybody would love to know a little bit about your childhood because I think it defines you. You were six years old and you lost your dad. Why don't you share with everybody the incident that took place with your father when you were a little boy? Yeah, so I was six years old and we had a hard-hitting ride out of the gate. But so I was six years old and I was watching the Transformers on my grandmother's couch. At the time, my grandmother, and we lived in Texas at the time around Arlington Stadium

and grew up a Texas Rangers fan. And my grandmother loved the Texas Rangers, watched them every night. And my mom was working at Windixie at the time. And my father was a electrician at a local apartment complex. And one day, my mom comes running into the house, tears streaming down her face.

I'm just sitting there watching my transformers, as I said. And everybody's crying. My grandma's crying. My grandpa's crying. My sister's four at the time. I'm six. And she comes up to me and everybody's circling around me. Your dad's been shot, Aubrey.

He's not going to come home. Everybody's crying. He just got murdered in Abel, in Texas. Oh my gosh. And at the time, at six years old just got murdered in Abilene, Texas. Oh my gosh. And at the time, at six years old, you don't know how to take that. Oh my gosh. It doesn't hit you, right? So you're kind of just in this shocked thing, you know, I had no idea what to say.

And all I did was continue watching the Transformers. You did. Just completely shocked. It was one of those weird things, but what was it like to watch your mom go through that? You know, it's weird because I see her hurting the way she did, and I just, for whatever reason, in that moment, even at six years old I put on this mask, this front. I didn't even cry, and it was weird, you know?

So I felt that was very interesting, as I got older, and I looked back at some of the issues I've had, maybe it was something I didn't deal with as I got older, but I have since become to deal with it. I can't even talk about this back in the day. Is that right? If I was to talk about this, I would lose my mind, freak out, and I don't even want to talk about it. But I've come to terms with that now.

So it's interesting, after my father passed, I started getting into baseball a little bit more and more, and as a kid, I was starting to take the painting. I loved to paint in acrylics, and as I said I love the Texas Rangers growing up and I was starting to paint this Texas Rangers logo and it's on this canvas and my mom comes home one day after work and she goes hey I guess I'm going to surprise you guys I got two tickets or three tickets to the Texas Rangers baseball game and I'm like yeah man alright so I thought to myself alright I'm going to take this. And I'm like, yeah, man. All right, so I thought to myself, all right, I'm gonna take this canvas,

and I'm gonna take it all the way to the dugout here in batting practice, see if I can get some guys to sign up. Okay. And at the time, my grandmother's favorite player was Jeff Houston of the Texas Rangers. Little short stop. I didn't do much in the league,

but she loved it. And we're at batting practice, and I'm holding this sign up as a kid, and Jeff Houston spots it. Comes right over and goes, hey son, you paint that? And I said, yeah, yeah, I painted that. And he goes, wow, it's amazing. Here you go, buddy.

You're my grandma's favorite player. He's all that sweet man. Hey fellas, come here, come here. Wow. He got about 13 other Rangers. Wow. To come over and sign my painting. Rafael Palmero, Rubin Sierra, Wagonz, all these stuff.

Great players. Great players. Great players, right? And these are guys that idolized growing up and it's these men are walking by and they're uniformed as a kid with no father. I'm going, oh, these are my idols. These are my father figures, right? And it was in that moment, at that game, sitting with my mom, I fell in love with baseball. Wow.

And we get in the car that night. I don't remember who won the game, could care less. And we're driving home and I said, Mom, I know what I want to be when I grew up. And it was in that moment that I knew, like I knew, like I knew I was going to be a major baseball player. Just knew it. And if you buy me a batting cage and a pitching machine,

I'm going to make the major leagues. And one day I'm going to buy you a house in the car. And my mom with Windexy Salary, she's like, yeah, that's sweet, honey, as you would expect any mother would say. And for about three years, I begged and begged and begged. And if she saw me over those years, from six years old to nine, just take over 11 baseball, I lived it.

I breathed, I was watching sports center every night, idolizing my favorite players, King Ruby Jr. watching his swing. I was up till two in the morning, she didn't even know I was watching these guys, right? I just lived baseball. And then it was Christmas of 2009, or I'm sorry, not 2000, I was nine years old.

And my sister, my mom, my grandma, my grandpa, and myself were opening Christmas presents. And every present was open, there was nothing left of the tree. I had nothing, and I was sitting there crying, you're on! I've been a bad boy, right? And my grandpa is a Texas man and he's like,

you know what, get up boy. Get up boy. Put the blindfold on me. My mom, my grandpa lead me outside of the backyard. Opened up the blindfold and there was that batting cage. Oh, with a picture machine. And as you can imagine, I huged my grandma, I hugged my grandpa and they constructed that on their own.

Built the, got the peat, the pipes up, dug the poles, the whole deal. I mean, on a windy, seaheer, my grandpa chipped in a little bit, but it was in that moment, I made a dedication to myself. I promised myself, I'm going to hit 200 balls every single day until I graduate high school, and I'm going to make that promise to my mom come true to buy that house in the car. So every day, I hit that baseball 200 times a day, and as I'm doing that, I'm going to make that promise to my mom come true to buy the house and the car. So every day, I hit that baseball 200 times a day and as I'm doing that, I'm visualizing myself hitting a game-winning World Series home run right down the right field line. It only can stay to him as a kid.

Come on. And so I'm going to say that as I fast forward to 2010. Okay. I'm playing for the San Francisco Giants. We're playing Guess who they're playing. Texas Rangers. Texas Rangers. In the ballpark in Arlington, we're up two games to one. It's game four. The score is nothing nothing in the top of the third inning runner's second. I step up. First pitch couldn't fastball off Tommy Hunter. Hit the ball right down the right field line.

Just like I envision all those times in my as a kid. Okay, that's got to be one of the greatest stories ever. I mean, to me it was in that moment where it was like the power of visualization, the power of making your dreams come reality. Now I think a lot of people, they think that, okay, I had this dream, but it didn't happen tomorrow. It's not gonna happen tomorrow. I want it to happen next year. It took me 20 years to get to that moment.

That's incredible. You know what I mean? So what's incredible to me too is, oh, I want to stop there just for a second because everyone's just heard that story. It's that sounded like a movie. You just heard this. So your dad is actually shot too, which we'll talk about in a minute here with a 357. Correct. Your dad shot your six years old and he's a bystander trying to help

somebody in a domestic issue. This man loses his father at six. Nine goes to the game, gets the batting cage, promises his mom is going to buy her a house on a car if she'll get them the cage. I picture the guy hitting the 200 hacks a day. That's what I think of because I played and there's people listening to that are in sales that are making those calls. They're driving to their car right now on their fourth sales call or eighth sales call,

and it seems to add up to nothing. It seems to be making no progress. And because I played ball, I'm just picturing this kid in the backyard, hitting those 200 swings every day, day after day after day, to then have that vision to make it happen in the World Series is just bananas. I think that's remarkable.

Well, the key is for me too, is I think in a lot of things in life, I mean, obviously I know you love what you do. That's, I think that's remarkable. Well, the key is for me too, is I think a lot of things in life. I mean, obviously I know you love what you do. That's why you're successful at what you do, because you're helping people. And along the way, I, playing baseball, I loved it, man. Yeah. I don't think you can be successful in anything unless you love it. I mean, I got good buddies all over the place.

They're doing jobs. They hate, and you know, making minimum wage and complaining all the time. But I'm telling my, hey, man, you know, at some point you gotta make a change. If you love something, you gotta go for it. You may not be successful right out of the gate. You gotta keep going. And the other thing is, even if you're making a lot of money out of it,

you hate it. You're gonna go, let's just be real. Your work life is at least a third of your life, it probably dominates more of a half your thinking. So even if you're making money, but you hate what you're doing, it's pretty difficult to have a great life, spending a half or 30 of your life doing something you hate. It's why it's so difficult to have a great life spent in a half or 30 year life doing something you hate.

It's why it's so important to find or eventually be able to transition into something that you love. And I'm just, it's fascinating to me about you, brother, is because you were a great player. You're humble about it. You were a great player, particularly a great hitter. Like this dude could just flat. Some dudes can hit. Something...

Good thing I could hit, because I didn't play defense. You said that I did it. You didn't say they didn't put a fielding net in your back. If you can get the DH job in the best job in the world. Best job in the world. But I've just picture this guy and I love hearing the story because I'd watch you hit him like, all right, he's six fours, built like a Greek God. That's why you can hit. But not at a batting cage, 200 of them. Keep in the promise to mom. That's just that's remarkable for Marla, that's think what's cool about that too, is like I think when you're out there grining every single day, if it's just for you,

you're gonna give up on yourself, because that's the way I look at it. Maybe not for a lot of people, but for me, it had to be selfless, right? And for me, that driving force is my mom, who was there for my sister, and I work in that wind dixie, that double shift every day,

that's beautiful. It'll get us through, growing up in a double wide trailer in the trailer park in Texas, right? So, you know, no one that she went through so much pain, that was my motivation every single day. Mom, mom, mom, right? And so, I think if you have a powerful enough force behind you, besides yourself, whether

it's your faith, your family or whoever it is, that's going to drive you when things get really hard. Bro, that's beautiful. I'm so glad you shared this to start. Like, we got into something so magnificent because it's not also the defense, you know, the events of our life don't define us. It's the meaning we take from these events.

And so, all of you probably had something in your childhood that shaped you that you're unconscious of. And that's the other thing I want to visit with you a little bit about. So, man, I'm stuck on this. just picture of you round on the bases hitting this home run of the world series that you dreamed all this time. This is so beautiful, man. Oh, it's interesting, because that's funny you brought that up.

So as I'm rounding the bases during that home run, I literally hit second base and I happened to look up over the third base dugout at the second deck where my mom and sister and I sat when I was, when I was six years old when she took me to that game. And when I hit second base, I could see myself eating a hot dog, looking down at me doing that moment. And I almost, the next thing I knew, I was in the dugout, high-fiving my teammates.

I had no idea. I kind of blacked out from second to home to all the way to the dugout. It was one of those surreal moments where life just went full circle. To realize the power of the grind of that batting cage and what I was able to accomplish for my mom and what's was interesting, you'll love this

for what I was able to do for my mom for those of you that are listening. Hey, did you get her that house in car? Yeah, right, that's what I was expecting. So when I first got my first big league deal with a Tampa Bay devil raise in 2003, I signed for a three years fifteen million dollar deal. And the first thing I did when I got that first check was, hey mom, let's have a son

in mom day. You know I'm going to pick you up the more and have a great day. I had this all planned out already she had no idea what was going on. So I pick her up for breakfast and so I'm, she's like, what are you going to do? I'm like, let's go drive around. I pulled up into it. So she's a redneck woman from Texas. We pulled into a Dodge dealership.

And I said, choose. I said choose. She chose a Dodge ramp pickup truck. And as we're signing the papers, you could see tears streaming down at the moment. I was still kind of happy. I wanted to cry, but I didn't quite. This next one will.

It made me cry. So I was like, all right, mom, she's getting her truck. It's not the final surprise. Why don't you follow me? So we hopped in my truck and I'd had this plan for months ahead of time and She's pulling in behind me in the driveway of her new house. Oh the lady the sales agents there by the The the sinus is sold with the keys I'm looking at the rear-view mirror my mom almost rear ends me because she's like Got this little little two-story I'm looking at the rear-view mirror. My mom almost rear ends me, because she's like,

got this little two-story beach bungalow on the beach in St. Petersburg and as the lady's handing over the keys, it was like Niagara Falls head. Oh, that's so weird. She cried. And even the agent was crying. That's so cool.

You know what I'm glad you're saying this? Because on my show, we don't get to the actual stories like this often enough, like this is the payoff, this is the moment. Like I know people are driving or they're watching this or they're working out and like they're picturing that moment for their mom, their kids, their parents, you know, their siblings, whatever it is.

And that's why it's worth hitting those 200 swings every day. That's why it's worth, by the way, you parents investing in your kids' dreams, like your mom did and your grandparents did there too. Like, that's just beautiful. I wanna ask you something though, because my favorite part about you

isn't that you are a great baseball player, because I don't think that's the most remarkable thing about you, even though if you took the percentages of people who have achieved what you've achieved, there's very few people walking on there. If like right now, I don't know the number, you probably do. How many people currently alive on Earth

that fit 240 or more home runs in the big leagues? I mean, well, I think there was something, they kind of blew me away. I'm sorry. I didn't really realize this. Like you said, I hit 242 home runs in my career. And I think it's something like, I'm top 350 something of all time to hit home runs.

Is that amazing? I thought to myself, out of all the people have ever been born. Is that amazing? The amount of jobs that are in the big leagues, from, I mean, if you really look at it, there's only 750 jobs a year for the big leagues. Right, just the, the, the small percentage

of, to make it the big leagues. And I remember, I think it was, I heard this from Les Brown or some motivational speaker. I can't remember who it was from. He was like, if the dream is big enough, the odds don't matter. That's right. I love, that's one of my favorite quotes, because that was literally looking back in my life.

That was kind of way I went at it. And who thinks, by the way, that one of these 350 people that have ever walked the earth is this kid whose dad shot and killed when he's six years old? 1000, 1000, 1000? This has been an amazing come from anywhere and accomplish something in your life. However, I want to go somewhere, because this is the part where I think you're going to help the most people. Right. than in your life. However, I want to go somewhere because this is the part where I think you're going to help the most people.

This is the thing that made me want you really badly on the show, is that I think things happen in our childhood, whether we understand them or not, they shape us in some way, shape or form. And I think most people think if I could just get this dream achieved, I can make that money. I can do this for my mom, which is a beautiful moment. I can do this for myself. I can achieve the top of my industry, which in your industry is one of the most difficult in the world to become the top of, that everything else in my life is going to be great.

That I don't have to work on any other parts of things that bother me, that depress me, or that hold me back. I don't have to work on my mental health, which we're going to talk a little bit about kind of mental health here a little bit everybody to some extent. I have my issues with it. There's a seeker, people ask to me, what's the number one thing that surprised you that all your guests have in common that are on your show? Oh, it's the mental health. It is.

And I'll say one is, obviously I knew they were obsessed and worked hard. The thing that surprised me is the percentage of them to some extent that still struggle with finding happiness, with finding peace, with mental health issues. That's the part that surprised me the most. I thought, well, and I shouldn't know them better, but these mega achievers, they found happiness automatically

because they've achieved things. And that's not always the case. So would you share a little bit about when you were playing and just overall struggles you've had with just happiness, mental health and general? Well, it was interesting because in 2010, you know, after we won this world series, I'm literally waking up the next day, next to my wife at the time. And I look her dead the eye as we're rolling over waking up and she's like, wow, you got to be so proud, you got to be amazing. And I looked her dead

the eye and I go, Now what? I was 35 years old. I had accomplished everything I'd ever wanted in my life. I wanted a world series made millions, dollars, beautiful wife, kids, all the toys, the gadgets, but deep down inside, I was still on this unfulfilled. I chased a dream from my whole life, and now it's achieved. And now what?

So there was this identity of what I'm chasing anymore was gone. And so after that moment, I went on a bender of Adderall, who's just trying to numb that pain, to the point where I ended up in rehab in 2010. We're sitting here, you win a real series. That offseason, where there's kids and they're 15 years old with needles in their arms. And I mean, people with really a lot of problems,

I didn't think I had a problem, but I knew I needed some help. And so I was masking a lot of internal pain. I had everything, right? Everything. So it was a debt, right from then. After I won that World Series, I retired in 2012.

Interestingly enough, we won the World Series in 2012, but that whole season I was at Ghost. I was having anxiety attacks every single day in the clubhouse. I couldn't play, I was put on the 60 day DL. I was basically staying home on road trips because I couldn't travel. I couldn't get on the airplane. Didn't you have one event if you don't mind me interrupting?

I was the first big one. You absolutely took all. It was 2011. I'm in New York. It was about three in the morning and I had to go the bathroom. I went to go take a piss, you know? Come back out and the room started shrinking in on me. My heart started racing. It felt like I was sweating, but yet I was freezing. It was weird and I thought to myself, oh my gosh.

I just went on a probably at 12 years at night and 15 shots too. So I probably didn't help my situation. Sure. So the room's closing in. I'm like, oh gosh, I think I'm having a heart attack. That's the first thing in my mind. No way I'm going to die in this hotel room. It's three in the morning. We're in New York and I'm having a heart attack. That's the first thing in my mind. No way I'm gonna die in this hotel room. It's three in the morning, we're in New York

and I pack my bag right then and there. I'm zip it up and I just go full from the clothes I had on the night before smelling like booze and this gross. Get in the cap, go to the airport and I'm literally getting a ticket to Tampa to go see my family. Now, as I'm going through this, I'm still freaking out. Hearts racing, I'm dripping sweat the lady at the kind of like, you okay sir? I'm like,

yeah I think so, I think so, I'm just trying to get through it. I'm at the gate waiting to get on, excuse me, get on the plane and I'm sitting there with my feet up on the wall, on the ground, trying to maintain some kind of, you know, calmness, couldn't do it. And as I boarded the plane, the doors slammed and it went into overdrive. And now I'm like, white and nothing else. It's not even moving yet. I'm like, how to get off this plane? How to get off this plane? And as we start to land, I mean, Tampa finally, with a jacket over my,

all the air jumping on me, I mean, I had to calm down some way. I see the sun come up in Tampa as I'm about to land. I started calming down and I was like, what the hell was that? I had no clue. I land there. My wife was like, what are you doing here? And I had to call the team and say, hey, I don't know what happened, family, emergency, blah, blah, blah.

So I kind of lied about it. Yeah. The next day, I'm packing to go back to Cincinnati where they're going for the next trip. And as I'm packing my bag, it was happening again. And I'm like, okay, I'm staying. So I call my trainers, they put me into a, with a therapist.

I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, the more deal, and from that moment on, it was like, I was a ghost the rest of my career. The rest of your career. This is, by the way, it takes a strong man to share this. And I know you shared it before, but not making me do. It's never easy. Yeah, and to an audience this large too,

and I really respect that. And I think that, you know, everybody, when there's these issues that you have in your life that are there, I asked you off camera. Did you have this anxiety just that first time? He said, no, it was always sort of there, but it just sort of eventually reared its head big time. And so, you know, everybody, if your identity is tied up

and I've done podcasts on this, but if your identity is tied up in, I've done podcasts on this, but if your identity is tied up in your money, your relationship, your achievements, your body, these other things, if you link your identity to these things, you have to eventually just love you, you have to care for you, you have to become, it's some kind of peace with you, these external things eventually wear out in your identity. I'm curious though, yet the Adderall thing going pretty good there for a while. And it led to an event, I just want everyone to hear this because I think most people listening this, I think most people struggle with happiness. And so that could be cause all the way to what we want to call full blown depression,

to anxiety, to just, they're down, they're lethargic, they're melancholy, they're frustrated, they're scared, there's all these negative mental emotions we all have, they're worried, I suffer from all of them at some time or another. But for you, this thing kinda got worse and worse and worse till you found yourself at one point, you'd retire, you might own it.

Yeah, I was retired. We just won the World Series in 2012. We swept the tigers in Detroit. I didn't play one at bat. I mean, I was basically done. And so I walked off that field that day. I'm done. Raised my kids who at the time were four and two, I believe.

I'm like, okay, I'm gonna write off in the sunset. Anxiety depressions gone. No way. Enjoy the fruits of my labor. And it wasn't that easy, man. I got out and for the next two years, I was sporadically having panic attacks and just kept going and kept going.

And then, with the long with the panic attacks, depression started sitting in. I would have waiting for that daily panic attack during the day. There was a moment where there was a time in my life where I couldn't get on my bike to go write it around on the beach because I was afraid to get a panic attack on my bike. Oh gosh.

I've called the ambulance three times to come pick me up to check me out to see because I thought I was dying. And then as the night days would go and I'd have my daily panic attack, I'd find myself in the closet every day, just to press like staring at the mirror, which is interesting because in 2014 I'd had enough. I mean, two years out of the game and my wife was cooking dinner in the kitchen in San Diego. I was cutting vegetables, my kids are playing legos and all of a sudden. There goes that heart race again. Here comes that panic attack. I'm like, I'd had enough. So I retreated in my room. I went to my closet

and in my closet I have a safe, I hit the code, I pulled out my gun, and at the time I was wearing a wife-beater, I had the shaved head, the go-t, the tattoos, and I looked like a tough son of a bitch, but I was scared to death inside, right? And I had this full-length mirror in my closet, and I'd hit my knees with that gun in my hand, and I was desperate, man, I was tired of feeling that way.

I pulled the hammer back, and I put it here, and I'm looking right in that mirror, and I was desperate man I was tired of feeling that way. I pulled the hammer back and I put it here and I'm looking right in that mirror and I'm crying. It's crying. All I have to do is pull it and it'll be all over with. And it was in that moment where I was thinking to myself as I'm looking at that gun in the mirror that I freaked out, put it down. That same 350, 57 mag in my head in my hand my dad was murdered by that same caliber weapon. And so man talk about full circle in life. it was like a godly universal wake up cause like hold on to, you know, this is not going to be easy, you're going to have to battle but you're going to get through this.

So I put that gun down, I sit a prayer to God and from that moment on it took some time and I think that's what people need to know when they're going through anxiety and depression. It doesn't happen overnight, right? There's certain steps I had to take. It probably took about two good years for me to really get to the point of my life where I'm comfortable sharing these things with people.

Because there was times when I would try and talk about it, I just couldn't. But I think for me to heal was diet, it was exercise, it was taking care of how I Myself from drinking aspect kind of cut down on that obviously the pills were gone But I think more importantly anything is that the ability to be vulnerable enough to go out there and tell people about it Talk about it because when you talk about these things You know longer holds power over you and so once I was able to say, you know what, this does not scare me.

It does not shake me anymore. For the people out there driving, listening to this, dude, if you're struggling with this and you don't let anybody know, it's gonna eat you alive. You gotta let it out, you gotta talk about it, and you gotta be vulnerable with it to the people you love the most.

Your wife and kids, and I, you know, unfortunately I got divorced last year. And a lot of it was not because of my wife. It was because of my issues that I've had. It was so bad. It was hard for her to get over. Let's stay on there for a second. I'm so grateful for you, bro.

Thanks, man. Because you're helping them. Help them millions of people. And I want everyone to picture this again. You've got millions of dollars in the bank, beautiful family, and you're set for the rest of your life great home. You can do whatever you want all day long.

And this is what I want everybody to hear. You think your job stressing you or you think it's the person in your life that's stressing you, but what happens is we get go to emotions in our life that we've been addicted to. If one of your emotions is anxiety or stress or fear, the thing you're using right now to give you that emotion, maybe your career like you were in baseball. It may be another person like you were in baseball.

It may be another person, but you think, well, if I switch careers or I switch the person, I'll lose that addiction to the emotion you don't. You find another place to generate the same emotion. So it may move from your career to a person, to your money. So the thing to be aware of is that you're addicted to that emotion, you're addicted to how that makes you feel. There's a pattern you're running.

So the anxiety wasn't just your career because you took the career away, the anxiety was still there. The depression was still there. This is a powerful thing for everybody to understand. The second thing I'd ask you though, so I want you to be aware of that. I agree with you that the awareness and the talking about it helps it lose a lot of its power over you and ask for help. Talk to people.

Mental health, everybody, is become something that is not this taboo thing anymore. It's just like mental health is the same as you've got an injured knee and injured back and injured, it's an injury to you. It's something that if you talk about and get help, you can heal. By the way, some of you that think that that well, I'm using medications or alcohol. Okay, oftentimes those are masking agents and I just want everybody to understand when you remove that drug or that alcohol,

sometimes this monster that's hurting you is bigger now because the masking is gone and you're gonna need to deal with it eventually. So could you take them through a couple other things? If you were given, someone's listening saying, I'm somewhere from totally depressed with the 357 at my head, to, I'm just bummed out a lot, and I'm not happy.

What were some of the steps you did take talking about it, sharing with other people? Was there something you did? Therapy, faith, you said diet, anything you'd share specifically? Well, I think the one thing that I did right out of the gate first and foremost was I would wake up in the morning, early before everybody got up, where the kids got up, and the craziest of my day started.

And I'd give myself an hour to whether it's reading the Bible or reading a self-help book of some sort, just to get my mind in a positive frame, right out of the gate in the morning. Then I would get my kids off to school. My wife at the time would go do what she does, and then I would go to the gym. And at the time, I was watching so many YouTube videos

on motivation. I wish I saw you back in the day. I would have put you on there. I was watching so many YouTube videos on motivation. I wish I saw you back in the day. I would have put you on there. So I had all these YouTube videos that were like downloaded on like a MP3 in my, you know, so I can listen to it while I worked out. I wouldn't even listen to music. I was listening to positive encouraging motivating talks with a little inspirational background music with guys like, you know, Les Brown, Tony Robbins, your boy. And guys like that, and I would just work out as I'm rewiring my brain with the endorphins naturally from working out. And that positive, that positive talk is going on my head

all the time. And along with diet. So I went on this incredible, just like, journey of them the next two years. But I will say this, the depression was there at times. The anxiety was still there at times. The panic attacks were getting less and less and less. I mean, it wasn't daily. They started gradually going down. Even today, I still have anxiety.

Sure. I'm sure as you do too. But it does not overtake my life anymore. And I think that's the biggest thing is so many people think that, you know what, I shouldn't ever have anxiety. I shouldn't ever have depression, but we all have seasons of it. Absolutely.

And it's okay to accept it and say it's not, it's just a season of my life. So what's it? And it's not going to control my life. The one thing I think is, and by the way, you may, if you have an extreme situation, there may be a chemical issue that you need to address. 1000%.

For the vast majority of people, it's not that, but for there are some, and I just want to make sure that we're clear about this. For some of you, it may be a chemical issue, but the vast majority of people, it's not that, but for there are some, and I just want to make sure that we're clear about this. For some of you, it may be a chemical issue. For the vast majority of us, it's a program we're running a pattern. And what you just said is so important for the people that I've coached that I've worked with in my life too. It will only be a constant program that keeps it at bay. In other words, when you're running a program for many years of your life, since you're a six-year-old boy, of course there was anxiety, even though you weren't processing it. You were running that

anxiety program from the time that conversation happened about your daddy to this day. And so when you run a program that repetitively over and over again, don't ever think, I got it, it's God, I'll never have it again. The thing that keeps it in bay is running a program in reverse, whether that's someone who drinks in a 12 step program, they run over and over, whether it's meditation or working out or the fitness. You better keep a program or it's going to rear its head again. It's part of your programming now. I just don't want people to think I got it licked.

Well, I think that's important you said too, because a lot of people think that they've asked me all the time, do you believe in taking pills? Listen, when I first went through my anxiety depression, if I didn't have pills, I probably would have killed myself. So I needed to take something to take that edge on while I was working at myself. But eventually, I started weaning myself off on these things, where it wasn't a daily take.

Skip a day, okay, I made it through that day. Maybe I skipped two days the next time. And then before you know it, I'm free of them. So, I'm not anti-medication, because I think there's certain situations where people are so down and out. You know, there's no other way. If they're thinking the way I was thinking,

you're better off taking that for a while, just to keep your self-died. I agree. This is a really difficult topic, and I'm just glad we're addressing it. I don't think your best psychologist, or a self-help guy like me, I don't think anybody knows for sure where

that line is. I just don't. What I do know is that if that program is running and you can't get that program to run without addressing the chemistry issues that perhaps for some of you short-term, I think I'm hoping and I believe that very few people need to be on these medications long-term in their lives, but there are people who do. I have someone very dear to me who is, and they have been very functional and very happy with it. So, that's a difficult issue, but the point everybody for today, because you're not too doctor sitting here today, is that this is someone who's walked it, who's lived it, who's

telling you his story, how he broke the pattern, or continues to fight the pattern. If you don't mind me asking, because you're just so open, I think when you have difficulty like this in our lives and then like a real difficulty hits, often it can really put people what they call a relapse or a setback. Without being able to get into it too deeply, but then you've gone through the last year at divorce.

Yeah, it was tough. And so how did you, did it cause you to go backwards in some of these feelings? Well, here's what you do. When I first got divorced, obviously it was you to go backwards in some of these feelings? What did you do? When I first got divorced, obviously it was devastating. I love my wife very much. We tried to make it work. And it just was one of those things

where nobody messed around. It was just one of those things. We just kind of grew apart. And you know, I was sitting there in my apartment because I was out of the house. And I'm sitting there one night, I'm thinking to myself, okay, I can go really dark right now.

I can go negative town, because I know how to go there. And I go the bar every night, get drunk and go out and just do whatever I want to do. Or I can take this as a time of my life to work on myself, my mental, my how, how I handle the situation because I believe even negative situations can be used for positive things. I believe that, you know, just because it's a negative thing, I think you're going to look back at one day and realize, hey, that's turned out to be a positive for your life. In that moment, I said, all right, I'm going to go on this at the time, I was about 30 pounds

overweight kind of fat. Oh, yeah, I wasn't feeling all that bad. If you're watching YouTube, he certainly is not now. I went on this diet, the keto diet. I quit drinking completely, right? Just with three months of keto and completely just did this whole transformation. Lost 30 pounds in three months and pretty much just stayed in my house and just kind of worked on me red and play with my kids, be with

my kids, coach my kids and just become, you know, instead of going to a dark place. Which a lot of guys can't. It was so close to doing that. Good for you. And I think it could, a lot of people will also come to that. And it's unfortunate because, you know, with my relationship with my ex-wife now, it couldn't be better. You know, I think for your kids too. If I would have went on that dark side, it could have ruined our relationship as co-parents. It could have ruined my relationship with my kids. And I'm sitting here today proud to be the man I am. And through that experience, now I wouldn't wish a divorce with my worst enemy.

Sure. But it was something I did go through and I learned a lot, not only relationship wise, but who I am as a man and who I need to be for my next partner. I'm real proud of you. Thanks, my friend. It's wonderful, man.

That's wonderful that you made that choice. I'm thinking about what you've said about all the mental health issues. It's just making me think. And one of the wonderful things about talking about this is, I think people who have anxiety or are down or worry or have fear all the way over to the depression spectrum. I think most people think they're abnormal. I think they think this is something not normal about me.

I'm going through it all alone too. Alone, yeah. And I'm really glad you said that. And the truth of the matter is, it is normal. And you're choosing to go through it alone if you are, and you don't have to. There's so many people that want to help you. We're here to help you.

My show's here to help you. Aubrey's new show's here to help you. You don't have to go through this alone. There are people you could reach out to by phone, by text, to love you, more than you realize. And it's not that I'm giving you permission to live that way. I'm saying it's part of the human experience and things happen for us not to us. Ironically enough, as crazy as it sounds, part of your dad being gone at six years old as

tragic as it was happened for you and not to you. 1000% from the stories I've heard from my mom, I loved my dad. He actually during that, during his murder, he actually pushed a woman out of the way from getting shot, so he saved a life. Wow. Wow. Yeah, from what I've been told from my mom,

I mean, he was going through a really, really tough time himself. Some of these same things. Yeah, they were actually going through a divorce at the time, which I didn't know. Wow. He had his demons as well. So, you know, it may be one of those things where, you know,

what if he stayed alive? And I wonder, I wonder if there's an element of when you lose a dad that young that you want to prove yourself on that help put the 200 swings a day. Do you get the batting cage if your dad's there? You know, like, there's all these things that it was part of your journey. And the truth is, everything in our life happens for us,

not to us if we choose to believe that and then we take meanings from it that serve us. And so, everyone just be evaluating. If you've got these issues, the meanings you're taking from events, right? Like an extreme situation. You and I, if we walked up the street right here, and there was a car accident, we watched somebody get killed, they died, and our meaning would be, this was tragic. That's an extreme example.

Mother Teresa said, the most blissfulful great moments, honoring moments of her life where that she could be with someone as they were passing, that she could be there as their soul transition. So same event, two different meetings, and that's an extreme event, right? So evaluate the meanings you take, because you did that in your apartment. This divorce could mean this, where I go dark, or it could mean this, where I work on myself. And that meaning you took caused you to take the better action. So I know we're going deep here today, but this is, did you think you'd be with an MLB player

who matched on TV for 13 years and be talking about these issues? Well, that's the same, man, because I think it's so important that's part of my healing as a professional athlete, right? And you know, you played ball, so you get it. You're taught as a kid as you're going to put this mask on him, nothing can get in your head,

nobody's gonna hurt you, nobody can hurt you. And no matter what, like that picture's not gonna see me being afraid, right? And so when you take, it's very hard for an athlete to take that mentality of being a warrior, not being afraid, and then take it into your home life. You just get's hard to switch that off, right? To be vulnerable with your wife,

to be vulnerable with your kids. And that because it's by no fault of her own, we just don't even realize that we are just naturally trained to be that kind of person to be so shut down from emotion. Yes. Because I mean, the media is at you 24-7. You know, the fans are at you 24-7. So you build this wall around you and it's so hard to get rid of that wall, especially for the people you love the most.

And that's the people that are coming on my podcast, some of the ex-athletes and some of the current athletes that I want to stress to them, lean on those people that have loved you the most out in the game, or while you're playing, because those are going to be the people that will be with you when you're done with the game. Because I mean, that's, when you're done with the game, it's done with you like that.

There's no gradual send-off. It's stopped like that. You stop here and from teammates. You stop here and from your organization. You stop hearing from teammates, you stop hearing from your organization, you stop hearing from fans forget about you, that identity that we talked about earlier is stripped. Yes. So it's a tough transition. So we touch a lot on that with my new podcast and I love talking about this.

How do they get the podcast? Let's get them to find you. Yeah, where do they go to find you on Instagram and on your podcast? So Instagram, wherever you want. Yeah, on Instagram at HuffDaddy76. I'm at Twitter at Aubrey, underscore Huff. Okay. But my podcast is called Off the Cuff with Aubrey Huff.

And it's on just launched last week. Okay. So my first two episodes are up. They're on iTunes right now. That's gonna be on Stitcher, Google, Music, here soon. Okay. But I think Apple's, it's like 9% of the Lestres anyway. It's up.

But we'll put all those links up on the screen on YouTube as well. Speaking of the idea, we got a couple more minutes. I've enjoyed this, it's like flying by. It is, it is. Because there's not been a wasted second. Right. And that was both of our goals before we started. Let's just get into the great stuff.

But I do want to ask you about this idea, because you said like your MLB career, you know that I work about athletes, it is dramatic. From being the center of the universe and attention to not a lot. And that fall off can also happen when you're in a relationship and you get a divorce or you probably happen with you too. All of a sudden an entire set of friends may not any longer be in your life again. Or you leave a career or you have a business failure

that sets back. How have you been able to kind of like remake your identity? A lot of people out there, if you're right now, I don't like my current identity. I'd like to re-make me. How have you started that? I'm watching you do it. This is not the same guy who was playing in 2008.

There's a different person here, a better version of him. How long have they had him? I'm still working on it. Of course, yeah. So when you get out, I threw my hat in so many different arenas. I did the 95.7, the game up in San Francisco where I wake up at 4 in the morning, talk from 6 to 10 drive about sports, sports, sports, warriors, giants, and whole deal.

I found that very negative. It was a very negative world because people want to hear the trash, right? I didn't last very long there. Then I went into network marketing. I know you've had your spin with network marketing. I definitely see the value of network marketing. I just didn't want to be on the phone all of a day, all of a day, right? So it wasn't your thing.

And one my thing, and so I did that. I even took a spin at acting. And hell, I even tried to make a comeback at baseball because my identity was so tight of them being a baseball player. And that's all I knew. I was so desperate to come back at 40. And I made it, started making a comeback and people thought I was low as my marbles. I think I was so desperate to come back at 40. I made it, started making it come back, and people thought I was loosing my marbles. I think I was.

But, you know, you just try so hard as an athlete to try and to replace that identity that you were for so long. And then it has to become a time where I think in the last couple of years I've done that, where I'm like, you know what? I was blessed to have the life I've had. Let's move on, let's raise my kids,

and let's give back to other people what you've learned in your life. It's so much about me for so long when I get what am I going to do, what am I going to do in my life, am I going to do this, how am I going to be relevant again, and then all of a sudden the last year is like, you know what, let's get this story out. There's a reason I went through all this stuff, the tragedy in my life, the divorce, all this stuff that's coming, I think it's an unbelievable story for people to hear. So, if I can let that out and let people out there

and know that they're not alone in their struggles, man, that's a big purpose. That's my new identity. So that's right, you just crushed that. So let me say my version of that to you because I think it's perfect what you just said. The way that you begin to change your identity, it's exactly what Aubrey just said.

And what it is is that you use, you find now at this stage of your life what you're calling and your purpose is. The irony is your baseball career wasn't your calling. The irony is the mosaic, the story of your life from that six-year-old incident all the way up to now has put you in now to your purpose. You're in the prime of your life. You're using your story and your purpose and also your natural giftedness, your articulate, right? You have a great voice, the way you, when you tell a story, I can picture you

running around the bases and so that's why this is your time. And for those of you listening to this, the pathway to that new identity is finding your new purpose, your new calling that will, and it'll always be towards the contribution of other people using either your story or your giftedness, your natural giftedness to that end. You've heard me say this on my podcast whether it's your math skills, your speaking skills, your art skills, your nurturing skills, listening skills, compassion, passion, intensity,

your concern, your love, your faith, whatever those giftednesses are in the service of other people, that's how you build that new identity. Cross that with that. You crushed that right there. All right, last question for you. By the way, I've enjoyed today tremendously. I absolutely.

And I can't wait to share this with the world. Like this is gonna, it's an overused term, change people's lives, but it's, but this is gonna change some lives. This may even save a couple lives. Yeah, I like it so full, man. Yeah, and you, you definitely, you definitely did that. So the last thing I ask a lot of my guests this,

and so you've made the other thing about you that's remarkable, and I don't wanna lose it in the conversation about all this other stuff is, you've achieved at the highest levels in your life. Like way, way up there, one of 350 people ever to walk there is probably one of a hundred or 150 people currently living to do what you've done.

That's a remarkable achievement around the world. Baseball's a global game. The Dominican market is so big in baseball now. Around the world, you're one of 150 people probably actively living to do what you've done. So there's people watching this and listening to say, I wanna make my dream come true. I wanna enter that season of my life

or I get to do that stuff for my mom. I get to do that stuff for my kids. I get to do something even for myself. What would get to do that stuff for my kids. I get to do something even for myself. What would your advice be towards chasing that dream and creating a transformation? They're not on the path they need to be right now. And Aubrey Huff had a cup of coffee with you for a couple of minutes.

He said, hey man, or hey lady, consider these couple things. This will help you chase your dream. Well, I think it's just you have to sacrifice. You know, you've got to sacrifice a lot of your time to do what you really love. And what I hate, I coach my kids, right? They're 10 and eight years old. You know what I'm doing today.

And I'm really active in their lives. And I want them to be the best men they can be. And I don't necessarily care if they play professional baseball, whatever it is they want to do. I want to be passionate about what they love. But I always tell them, and I think this goes for everybody. And I can't stay when I hear somebody say, you know, I've had coaches tell me this growing up, better have a backup plan and plan B or plan C.

To me, that's an easy way out, that's a cop route, right? I knew, like I told you, like I knew, like I knew, like I knew I was going to be a major league baseball player. And that was my plan A, I didn't have a backup plan. If I didn't make a major league baseball, I don't know. It didn't matter. I knew it, I had this delusional quality, because that was in high school. I hit 300 with one home run my senior year. Man! Not necessarily the style of a future professional baseball player. I had to walk onto a junior college,

gain 20 pounds of muscle, hit a grocery, hit 17 pounds, went to university, Miami, made all American, it took off. Many people would have quit in high school and gave up. I still had a delusional dream in high school and gave up. I still had a delusional dream in myself and I knew that I was going, if I had a backup plan I would not have went to junior college to walk on. So to me take that dream, that A plus dream in your heart and if you love it, chase it, you may not work out immediately, but it will

eventually if you give everything you got to. Brother, that was gold. I just released, this won't come out simultaneously, but I released today, my interview I was telling you, I've only chased one guy, which is a bastion man, a scalpel to do my show. His point of the whole interview was, I had no plan B. I was gonna be a famous standup comedian, there was no plan B, there was no five year plan,

I was gonna go work at Motorola. I was going to do this. You burn the bridge, you get on the other side of your dream, you burn the bridge, and you just pay the price until the dream happens. I love that. That's so good, brother. Thank you so much for doing this.

Hey, hey, hey, man. It's been a pleasure, brother. That's fun. It was so, it flew by. I can't even get over it. Thank you. Yeah, man. Make sure you follow an Aubrey's podcast,

follow them on social media, and hey, if you're listening to this, you probably follow me, but if you're not, follow me on Instagram and turn your notifications on, because I built this to this, you probably follow me, but if you're not, follow me on Instagram and turn your notifications on because I built this show and I built my programs, all of them to help contribute to your life. I'm in that season of my life where I want to serve as well. So I created the max out two-minute drill on Instagram, which means this. I want to engage with you. So there's three ways to win. Number one, when I make a post on my main feed, if you make a comment within the first two minutes, and make it a good comment, you can win.

If you miss the first two minutes, make a comment on someone else's comment, so I see you collaborating and communicating together. Or third, just make a comment on, this is the main feed, on every post I make every day, and we add up at the end of the week, anyone who posts it any time, eight hours later, nine hours later, 10 hours later, if you just post every single day a comment,

we pick a winner from there as well, and the winners win all kinds of cool stuff, right on my private jet, tickets to see me speak, coaching calls with my guests, max out gear, my book, you name it. So engage with me there. I want to connect with you in the max out two minute drill and learn more about you and help you make your dreams come true. So please do that every day. I post between 7.30 and 8 a.m. Pacific time, which is 10.30 and 11.

Eastern. So you'll know when I'm coming. All right, everybody, God bless you and max out your life. Let's go. Let's go. This is the end of my show. Let's go. you