THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Amberly Lago: How To Survive Unthinkable Pain

Episode Date: January 30, 2024

Even living with the "suicide disease," which causes unpredictable bouts of severe pain that make everyday living unbearable, couldn’t stop my incredible and awe-inspiring guest today… This week, we're diving into a story of unimaginable challenge and extraordinary resilience with Amberly Lago. Her life as a professional dancer and athlete was brutally interrupted by a catastrophic accident, an event that reshaped her destiny and tested her spirit in ways most can hardly imagine. In a moment, everything changed for Amberly when an SUV collided with her, leaving her grappling with a potential leg amputation and the relentless agony of Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, commonly nicknamed the "suicide disease," due to unpredictable bouts of severe pain that make everyday living unbearable. Through 34 surgeries and endless days of pain, what seemed like an insurmountable ordeal became the foundation of her remarkable journey of healing and rebirth. Amberly, now a bestselling author and influential podcast host, is here to share not just her story, but also the invaluable lessons she learned along the way – insights that have the power to transform your life too. In this heartfelt and powerful episode, Amberly reveals: The day-to-day reality of battling chronic pain and its impact on her life. How her experience became her greatest teacher, reshaping her understanding of life. Employing a positive mindset as a powerful tool for facing life's toughest challenges. Finding healing and strength in gratitude. Navigating the highs and lows of a long and complex healing journey. Turning to service and faith as sources of resilience and recovery. Confronting and overcoming personal battles with abuse and addiction. Developing effective coping strategies for life’s unexpected turns. Amberly also shares her PACER strategy – Perspective, Acceptance, Community, Endurance, and Rest – a holistic mindset that has been pivotal in her transformation. Amberly's story is more than a tale of survival; it's a guide to turning your greatest adversities into your most profound strengths. Her courage, grit and grace offer a beacon of hope, showing us that even in our darkest moments, we can find light, purpose, and a path to a better, stronger self. Join us in this moving episode as we explore how to transform personal tragedy into a journey of triumph and empowerment. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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We've been talking now for five hours off camera, literally. Wait a minute. I'm a few peanut butter whiskies in, but she's sober, which is a good thing. So she'll carry things today. But I have to tell you, I've been a fan of this lady's work for a long time and we've met in many a green room over the last few years and I've just really fallen in love with your work and your message. And as I learned her story, everyone, I just felt compelled to share her with you all because it's a story

of resilience. It's a story of grit and grace overcoming tremendous adversity. And so if you're somebody who comes to the show today wanting to change your life or you've had some events in your life that haven't gone your way and you need a little bit more resilience, a little bit more grit, maybe just some hope and some inspiration, this lady is going to help you today. She's a bestselling author. She's a podcast host of her shows actually called Two Grit and Grace. Turning Tragedy into Triumph is the book.

And I have to tell you, her personal story is remarkable. Today is going to be an hour that's going to change your life. Amber Lelago, welcome finally to the show. Thank you so much. And to be on my favorite show, like this is my favorite podcast, my go-to and to be a guest is a dream come true. So thank you so much for having me. Oh, I did not know that I had a dancer for MC Hammer in front of me either.

That's right. I got some moves. Too legit to quit. That's awesome. I want to go to the kind of the defining moment of your life first because I think probably my audience, some would know this story, but I bet most don't. And so I'm going to let you tell it, but here's my version really quick. You're in the prime of your life.

Things are going pretty well. And you're in the fitness space, you're super ripped and fit. You've had a dancing background, life is going good, great family, great everything. And then you decide to take your Harley out for a ride and that day changed your life. Yeah. So tell everybody what happened that day. Yeah, it was, you know, I was sponsored by Nike. I was doing fitness videos, infomercials.

If you walked in a CVS or Walgreens and looked at a vitamin label, my picture was on the vitamin label. My picture was on the vitamin label. I was doing fitness modeling, regularly contributing to shape and health magazine. And yeah, I was coming home from work. I'd actually ran 11 miles in my best time that day, trained some clients, got on my Harley and was cruising down Ventura Boulevard. And this SUV was coming out of a parking lot and I saw him and I made eye contact.

I thought, I thought he saw me. He shot out of a parking lot and I thought, oh my gosh, it's too late. All I had time to do was let go of my clutch, try to jump off my bike. I was T-boned and thrown 30 feet and then I'm just sliding across the boulevard and what was going through my head was oh my gosh please don't let me slide into another carc's I couldn't slide I couldn't see what I was sliding into and when I finally came to a stop I looked down at my leg and I only looked down once because it's crazy to look down and see my leg was completely just broken into pieces. My foot was dangling off and there was blood everywhere. Now, I didn't know at the time that my femoral artery was severed.

And I had this man, he saved my life because he came over and he took his belt off right away and he made a tourniquet around my leg. And I was screaming and I remember in that moment I thought, well, this can't be good. I might have to train clients on crutches for a while. That's what you were thinking. That was one of my first thoughts. Like, I might, that's, you know, being an entrepreneur, I'm like, how can I keep my business going?

And then I was screaming out some cuss words and thinking my Methodist mama would not be proud of me. I really thought those were the thoughts going through my head. And paramedics happened to be at the coffee bean right down the street. So they were running towards me before they even got the call. And they got to me. So luckily, ambulance came right away, got taken, you know, on the way to the hospital. And I remember squeezing the paramedics leg in the back of

the ambulance. I was in so much pain, excruciating pain, squeezing his leg and trying to make eye contact with him. I was like, look into him. Am I going to be okay? And I remember he wouldn't look at me and I thought, maybe I'm dying. He doesn't want to let me know that I'm a goner. Like I'm dead.

And I got to the hospital and it was crazy. Like, he doesn't want to let me know that I'm a goner. Like, I'm dead. Right. And I got to the hospital and it was crazy. There were like cops everywhere because my husband's a cop and news travels fast and the brotherhood and sisterhood of the police force. So the ER was filled with cops and I remember just hearing this like crying, loud crying, wailing. And I'm like, I realized it was my husband and he's a big he's you know being a first responder big he's big strong man like you and he was hysterical crying and I'm taped to the gurney and at that moment I screamed across the ER. I was like, honey, you need to get over here and be strong for me.

Because I thought if I'm dying, I need to know that he's going to be able to hold it together, take care of our two daughters. You were thinking those thoughts at that time. Yeah. We're a mama, we think those thoughts. I was like, I need to make sure our kids are going to be okay. That's what was going through my head. And then this beautiful nurse leaned over me and she said, we're going to give you something

to make you feel all better now. And that's the last thing I remember before they put me in induced coma. And because my vital organs were shutting down, I'd lost so much blood, they couldn't control my pain. And then I woke up over a week later and they said the first thing I learned was I'm so sorry we are gonna have to amputate your leg. This is like a war wound you've got a 1% chance of saving it. We're gonna have to amputate. And in that moment I just all I heard was 1 percent chance and I thought well so there's a chance and we need

to find a doctor who is willing to take that chance with me and we found a doctor thanks to my husband he he's he googled limb salvage and he found him salvage he was used to that terminology from all the work that he's done, the horrible accidents that he's seen. And to this day, he reminds me, he's like, you have two legs because of me. Well, I've seen the leg even in its current condition. It's shocking to think that you're able to save that leg. I mean, I think when you were at the scene of the accident, when you looked down at your

foot, like your foot was just hanging off with the skin basically, right? I mean... They put it on crooked. I mean, I'm glad they put it back on, but it's a little crooked. Is that true? I swear. It's funny now, but that's... It is. It's funny now, but it is. By the way, that's 34 surgeries later, correct? 34 surgeries. Yeah, it would be a day of surgery, a day of recovery, a day of surgery, a day of

recovery, and then a few years of surgeries. In fact, on Facebook yesterday, I just, you know, it pops up when you've got a memory and it was a memory seven years ago that I got the news that I didn't have to have another surgery and take bone for my hip and put it My leg because I had a non-union between the bone and it took Almost three years for that to grow back. So I was walking on titanium for a long time You've had a lot of doctors on the show. I was thinking I was preparing for this this woman has a PhD in pain I Mean the amount of pain you've experienced in your life.

It's the best week. Well, right. We're going to talk about this best week as well. We're going to go there for a second because I want everyone to just picture this just for a second. Life's going really great. Things are amazing. Split second.

It changes and you could potentially lose your leg. You're going to probably lose your leg. You've got excruciating pain and really the truth is everybody as we talk, that physical pain has not subsided since as we sit here even today and even in the last week, it's continued. And so you're a strong woman and there's lessons to be learned from someone like you, which is why your work impacts me so deeply. Because there's a lot of people out there that profess to know what resilience is. Then there's resilient people, which is a difference. People teach grit. Then there's gritty people. For you to even in those moments, just, I mean,

just hear that back. You're in this moment, your husband's crying, he doesn't cry, your leg's falling off, you're going to lose your leg and you're going to tell him, I need you to be strong for your children. Says a lot about you. I want to go back to little things for a second as I was preparing that I heard you say before. First off, the accident happens and yeah, the paramedics were close by and I know a nurse had come up to help as well. But the other element was essentially what happens during these times, this is a metaphor

for life. There were a lot of other people around you at the time at the scene of the accident, none of which did help you. No. Would even get near you because... One even fainted. Because it was so gruesome. Because it was so gruesome. People were not running up to me. They were looking at me like and they were scared to come up to me. I had one nurse that came up to me and she

held my hands and she said, I need you to breathe with me like you do during what like I've learned in LeMau's. And that really helped. But the nurse and the man and then uh, I mean, it was great. No, it people were scared. I mean, it looked that gruesome. You have this quote. It's uh, I think it's Cahill Gibran out of suffering. It says out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls, the most massive characters are seared with scars. Do you know that quote? Yeah. Yeah.

And I wrote that quote down, preparing for this because anyone's listening to this, if you want to hear that again, out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls, the most massive characters are seared with scars. Your entire leg is scarred. We'll put it up on the YouTube right now so that people get a good idea of what that looks like. But all of you that are going through some type of suffering right now, what can emerge from this is a much stronger spirit and soul in you. And Amber Lee is proof of this and it leaves clues as well. By the way,

the pain hasn't ended. She now suffers from something called chronic regional pain syndrome, CRPS, just so that people... I think a lot of people sit and they listen to things and our perspective of our life is our perspective, but, oh, what I'm going through right now is so bad. If someone was mean to me at work or I got overlooked for a promotion, so yeah, you're going through a difficult time, but compared to what? Compared to, I have people tell me all the time, man, I work really hard. I go, good, come spend a week with me. Let's see, compared to what?

So what is it like to live in really what is chronic pain? What is that like for you? Well, yeah, and it's interesting because a lot of people have no idea that I live in a lot of pain. no idea that I live in a lot of pain. I would never have known. And yeah, every day. And when I was healing, I remember I had a friend. So I had a friend come over and he's like,

why is your leg a different color? And I was like, I don't know. It's just the way it's healing. Well, I didn't realize it was because I was having this CRPS flare up. I didn't know. I hadn't been diagnosed yet. And so the pain was not getting any better, but me being an athlete and a professional dancer, I have danced with a broken leg.

I've danced with blisters on my toes. I had a track coach like yell at me to get off the track to throw up and then keep running. So I knew grit. I knew how to throw up and then keep running. So I knew grit, I knew how to push hard and I just was pushing hard. And I remember going to this doctor's appointment thinking he's going to be so proud because I was upright on crutches. When I was supposed to be like in a wheelchair for two years, he's like, oh, you're upright on crutches. He didn't say that. He looked at me and he diagnosed me with something called complex regional pain syndrome.

And he said, your life's never going to be the same. You have an incurable disease. You need to go back and get in your wheelchair. And I'm like, okay, for how long? And he's like forever. He goes, you'll never work again. You'll never walk again. He goes, and you might be able to wear orthopedic shoes.

And I just like turned tuned out when he was like, never walk again. And I just remember crying all the way home and I didn't get back with my wheelchair. I went straight to physical therapy. And the physical therapist was like, Amberly, what are you doing here? You don't even have an appointment today.

And I said, well, I know, but I've just learned something. And if I want to have the life I've always imagined, then I'm going to have to work harder than I've just learned something. And if I want to have the life I've always imagined, then I'm going to have to work harder than I've ever worked before. And I didn't know how hard that was going to be. And so I went to another doctor and he diagnosed me again. I was like, this cannot be my life. So I went to a third doctor and he's like,

yes, you have it and you need to take radical action. And so I started treatment, But pain can be very... It's been my biggest teacher. Pain really has been my biggest teacher. But it can also be draining. And I have had to really shift my mindset around it. And I think that it really starts with mindset. And I got in a lot of trouble for saying that. I was on the doctor's TV. And I got in a lot of trouble for saying that. I was on the doctor's TV. And they cut out a lot of the interview and they cut out the part where I'd done all these treatments like I've had ketamine infusions, I've had a spinal stimulator where they implant

metal leads into your spine. I've had Eastern Western medicine at one point. I was on 73 homeopathic pills a day and I was on 11 prescription medications and nothing was working. And it wasn't until I completely shifted my mindset and when I said that on the doctors, boy, did people come after me. They were like, you can't get through pain with your mindset. And I think it starts with your mindset. If you play the victim, you're going to be stuck.

You're going to feel sorry for something. But if you say, okay, I'm going to be stuck. You're going to feel sorry for something. But if you say, okay, I'm going to be the victor of my life. I'm going to own what I have, where I am, who I am, and then I'm able to make the best decisions to move forward, then you are in the driver's seat. You get to make the decisions and it is empowering when you realize you have a choice. So, hey guys, as you know, I've partnered up with my good friend Brennan Broushard who's created the greatest personal development system that has ever been designed called Growth Day.

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What about that? Let's talk about that for a minute. There's a lot of people that are listening or watching right now that are in their version and their life of pain, whatever it is. They've had a divorce. They've had a bankruptcy. They've just never loved themselves. They've never liked themselves. They live with this pain.

I just did a podcast before you came in on who's really driving in your life. Is it the story you're telling yourself? Is it a mentality that you have? Now, from someone who actually truly lives in pain daily, you said something a few minutes ago that's true. I would have never known that. I admit you multiple times. You have this beautiful, warm spirit. Never complain, never show hurt, at least publicly when I've been around you. So what would you say to somebody? What does that mindset like a daily practice or what would you say? Someone says, okay, I'm not in chronic physical pain, but I'm in chronic emotional pain.

I'm in chronic worry or anxiety or my business right now is really suffering. Every morning I wake up with, am I going to make it? Is everything going to be okay? Can I feed my family? Whatever that might be or I'm stuck in a job and I don't love it. Every morning I wake up with, am I going to make it? Is everything going to be okay? Can I feed my family? Whatever that might be. Or I'm stuck in a job and I don't love it and that's my form of pain. What is that mindset? What does it look like? What would you say to that person? Yeah. And you know, pain is pain. And I mean, there's some people that are like, I can't relate to being hit by an SUV and thank God you can't relate to that. I hope that never happens or they can't relate to a massive physical chronic pain.

But pain is pain whether it's emotional or physical. You know, what kind of pain that is. And I think that, I mean, I had to really, I started spiraling down in depression, you know, and anxiety, and then sometimes anger, and then frustration. And I think what really helped me, what I really noticed was the big difference that helped me is when I was in the hospital, every three hours they would change these bandages. My leg was completely exposed and it was held together by these metal rods and they would

come in and rip these bandages off. And so I would sit there and look at the clock and just count down when nurses were gonna come in and do that. And I saw this, you know, video of this beautiful lady on the beach and her family running after her and I started going, oh my gosh, this pain sucks. Like, am I gonna lose my leg tomorrow? Is my husband gonna leave me? Am I ever gonna be able to run? And in that moment, I thought, okay, I can keep

letting my mind spiral into that constant loop of what if and go down that road of despair or I can stop and go, you know what? I am so grateful. I'm alive, I've got breath. And what helped me was I, and part of this was because I was kind of drugged up from so many surgeries and I did not want to forget to write a thank you card to people.

And so I grabbed this notepad and I just started writing down everything I was great before and all the people that were coming to see me, my clients that were bringing me food and flowers and the doctors, every nurse's name, every doctor. So I wouldn't forget. And so I would remember to write a thank you card. And in that moment I realized how it made me feel. It got me out of feeling sorry for myself and constantly worrying. And it got me into a place of joy despite being in this pain. And I think that we can have joy and pain and it's up to us to build upon this joy. And an example of that was just this past week. I was in some a lot of pain

and I had to be in a wheelchair and I was like emotionally. I just felt defeated. It was like, yeah, the physical pain, I got a high tolerance for pain, but emotionally, it was painful. I felt defeated and in that moment, I thought, you know what? How grateful am I that I have this nice man that barely speaks English, that's pushing me in a wheelchair in a foreign country

and we're able to communicate. And it instantly brought me to tears of gratitude, chair in a foreign country and we're able to communicate. And it instantly brought me to tears of gratitude, not sorrow, but of gratitude. And I think that every morning when I wake up, I, the first thing I do is I thank God that I can get up and I can walk even though it might be hard. Some days are hard and oh my goodness You should see how I walk. I have to like takes me a little bit to get warmed up But the minute I go to gratitude. I know that sounds so simple

But it's my medicine. It is what really turns When I'm Feeling like oh, I'm not doing enough or I don't have enough or I'm not achieving enough feeling like, oh, I'm not doing enough or I don't have enough or I'm not achieving enough. It turns, it gets me in the present moment. It turns what I can't do into what I can do and what I don't have into what I do have. And I think it's really alchemy. And so it's something I practice every day. I think it's a muscle.

I think that's the thing that's not talked about. Have a gratitude exercise before you get up in the morning right now. You're grateful for, but it's actually a muscle and it can atrophy too. There's been times in my life where I've been really good at filling myself with gratitude. I've just gotten away from doing it for a while and then that muscle shrinks. I think some of you think I've tried it, it doesn't work. It's something that's got to become a daily practice and it is a muscle you build. But you can get to the point where you're in Amber Lee's case where you're in chronic pain, there are days you can't walk, she finds herself back in a wheelchair and even in those environments she can find some form of gratitude.

And you hit on something a minute ago that I always like the things just to flow when we talk. One of the hard parts in life is when you've had something really difficult happen. Everyone listen really close, okay, This is about to get real. You've had something happen in your life that's a setback. Your business didn't work. You did get a divorce. You had a breakup.

You lost weight, but you gained some back, whatever it is. And you make progress. And maybe you've even made enough progress that you start to talk about the progress you've made, just like what you have. Like you were this person who's overcome chronic pain. You still have it, but you've been able to be a functional person with it. And then you're back in the... And then you're back.

Yeah. That's the moment in life. It's not just the accident that happened, okay, or the event that happened to whoever's listening to this or watching it right now. That's really hard. But then maybe you do begin to make progress and you do begin to think you've made the progress and talk about it and it's real. And then you go back again. Then there's the setback. I think that's the point where most people lay down permanently.

When we find them at the end of their life, it's not that they had some event and they didn't overcome it. They did overcome it for a while and then life hits them back again and they find themselves back in the metaphorical wheelchair and they're like, turn this page. I thought this wouldn't happen to me again and now I'm in another breakup. I'm in another business. I made another financial mistake. I've gained the weight back again.

So it's at that moment, I think that's the part that's not talked about in personal development success. It's not the initial event always. wipes out a lot of people, but it's the comeback and then the setback after the comeback. Don't you think? Yeah. And in those moments, I really have to use all the tools that I can. And I'm talking about like, I get on my knees and I pray. I have a gratitude practice where I have a group of girls

we call ourselves the God Squad, because there's days it's hard to be grateful. You're like, ah, things suck right now. And having that accountability helps me. It's one thing to express what you're grateful for, but it's another thing when you read what somebody else is grateful for and you share it. It's great to have that.

And there's an app I use. I'm not affiliated with this app at all. It's called my spiritual toolkit. And it just, it's great. You can plug it in, share it. It's easy. But also in those moments, I think it's important to remember the hardest thing that you've overcome

and remember that you overcame it and that you will get through that. And I have to remind myself of that. It's like even this past week when I was back in the wheelchair and back on crutches and I was going up and down the stairs. You were on crutches yesterday. Yeah. I'm telling you yesterday.

I have my crutches with me here, just in case. Like, and going up and down the stairs, it was like PTSD, OBSC or PS when I was first diagnosed. Like it was just because I was going up and down the stairs, like one step at a time, turn into the side because I could not move my ankle. And I thought to myself, okay, well, what's good with this? I was like, that I already know how to do the stairs because I've done it before.

Like I've done it. I know I can get through this because I've been through it before and I know that I just need, it's gonna, the flare-up's gonna calm down and I'm gonna get through this. And so I sometimes have to think of like the hardest thing that I've overcome

and how I did it and know that gives me the hope that, well, I'm going to get through this. And also something that has always helped me really helps me to this day. And I was doing this in the hospital and I remember, you know, communities powerful, but being of service people are like, well, I'm a mess. I'm in too much pain. I can't do that. I can't be... How can I be of service? And I was like, if I can be of service when I'm completely bed bound and not even able to sit up and use the bathroom on my own, you can be of service. And so to me, that was calling my clients, setting up, you know, nutrition plans,

setting up my clients with other trainers. I even had the nurses, once they figured out I was in the fitness industry, they were coming in asking me for fitness advice. They were like, how do I get a better buddy? And I was like, okay, give it them in it. And I had a chair beside my bed and the nurses would come in my room and plop themselves down and just open up to me. You were serving even in your lowest moment. But it helped me. I wasn't thinking it, but I realized how much it helped me.

And so I always say when you're feeling bad, go out there and help somebody. So powerful. Yeah, I think for a while there I was telling people when you feel helpless, get helpful. Yeah. It's a great antidote. You're going down the road I wanted to go down to, which is a faith road, but something to do with your grandfather's teaching you and stuff too that I was reading about. There's this nuance. You and I are both people of faith. There's this nuance about praying and praying and praying, which is, for me, the most powerful force in my life is prayer. And it's where I get my comforts, where I get my serenity, it's where I get my peace,

it's where I get most of my answers, it's where I get my perspective. The same time, having said all of that, I think some people think that that's... There's also works in life that are required, right? Like I think people think if I just visualize it, just visualize, I'm gonna manifest everything in my life. So there's these two required, right? Like I think people think if I just visualize it, just visualize, I'm going to manifest everything in my life. So there's these two camps, right? There's like the manifest camp, then there's the grind culture camp. But in your case, because you've come through real tragedy, real suffering, real difficulties

in your life, where is that nuance and that balance? Didn't your grandfather have some stuff about that that he taught you when you were a little girl? I think he was probably sowing seeds into you when you were a little girl that would be harvested later, but I guess he talked a little bit about grit and grind and the work in addition to the praying, right? Yeah. Yeah.

So I came from, you know, the Bible belt of Texas, you know, and where we went to church every Sunday. My grandfather's best man that I ever knew. He's a hard worker, good, good, good man. And he used to always say, you've got a shovel in your hand. You can lean on it and pray for a hole or you can start digging. And so he was all about the praying, but he's like, you got to dig. You want something, you got to work for it. And that's how I grew up. If I wanted something, I had to work for it. I started, you I started babysitting at age eight by 13. I had a real job. By high

school, I had four jobs. That's how I saved up enough money to move to LA. Yeah. He was a great role model and always said some amazing things. I think you are... I can tell you, I was just sitting here. One of the reasons I wanted you... I only have 52 spots a year, I told you this, right? One of the reasons that I wanted to have you on is there's this thing I've been saying for a long time, I didn't make it up, but you know, you're most qualified to help the person you used to be.

And the fact that you've had such suffering and such pain qualifies you to help people who are suffering in pain. I just want you all to think about this. Her life was on one trajectory and God had another plan, but she followed the path with the work. So, she's in the fitness industry. She's in all these vitamin bottles, right? She's got that life. Bam.

The accident, the SUV, the foot hanging off dangling, amputation coming, and a coma for a week, wakes up. Who'd have thought when you were laying there in that bed, waking up going, I have a 99% chance of losing my leg. And then after that, in and out of wheelchairs, up until last week, that you would become a best-selling author, this unbelievable speaker, have a massive following on social media that millions of people hear. And by the way, very lucrative career speaking and the other things you do in your coaching group and your mastermind. It's incredible what the possibilities are when you get to the other side of pain. The other side, everyone, doesn't mean it's gone.

It means you have a different understanding and mindset from that pain. The pain may persist. I think some people think even in my case, like, well, I know you're very wealthy, dude, or whatever, there must be no difficulties. I just have a different set of problems. But you and I are talking off camera about some things that I've got going recently.

It's like, yeah, I have them, but my mindset is different. So I'm on the other side and I'm a different person with a different set of problems now. And in your case, this has always been there. One of the things I love about you is your vulnerability. Because even prior to the SUV hitting you, this has not been easy street for you ever in your life. And what I love about you, the reason you're connecting,

the reason you're successful is you're authentic and vulnerable. Most people hide their fears and anxieties and sins and mistakes. You don't do that. You say, here's who I am because that's how you connect with somebody. And you've been courageous enough to talk about in your lifetime some very difficult things that have happened. And when I was prepping for this, before you got here, I'm going to tell you this now, I was waiting to tell you. I said a prayer about our conversation today, but I actually found myself, I was weeping a little bit.

And the reason wasn't the SUV accident. I'm picturing this eight-year-old little girl. And I knew a little bit about it, but I didn't know all of it until today. So when you're already here, face is changed. Don't make me cry, okay? So... I was like, you're gonna make me cry today. So, sorry, I'm making it emotional.

Take us back to when you're an eight-year-old little girl. Now you're crying. Yeah. Well, you know what? I think I cry when I feel safe around someone. Safety is like a big deal, especially when you grow up in a home that's not safe. That's an honor that you feel safe with me. Yeah.

Yeah, so my mom and dad got divorced and she quickly remarried a man who at first, you know, I was, oh, this is amazing. All he does is buy us all these cool toys and everything. And then they got married and everything changed. And he sexually abused me. And I knew it was wrong. And I knew like your gut doesn't lie. And I would say it's wrong. And he said, no, this is how dads teach their daughters. And I just from that moment on, I never felt safe and it continued and he told me that if I said anything that he would kill my mom and I believed him. One day, I finally got up enough courage to go to my dad and tell him.

I wrote about this in the book in my my book, and this was the hardest thing for me to write about, because I didn't want to hurt anybody, you know. I didn't want to hurt my mom or dad. And it was so hard to write about, but I told my dad, and he didn't tell anybody. I said, Dad, you can't tell anybody. He didn't. And it was a cry for help. I just wanted to have help and to feel safe

and he didn't do anything. And in that moment, there were a couple of things I thought, number one, I thought, well, I'm not worthy of protection and love and just looking after. And then I thought, well, if I am gonna be safe, it's up to me to make sure that I'm safe and I protect myself and

Just something switched in me and the next time my stepbed came in my bedroom He was a big guy. I kicked him and I remember pulling his hair and I hit him and punched him as hard as I could From that day on he never laid a hand on me he would From that day on, he never laid a hand on me. He would say things and look at me and I remember, you know, like things like, we'd be at the kitchen table and my mom would have her back to us and he'd be looking at me. He'd be like, you wait till your mother leaves. Like, so when I say didn't feel safe, I started to never be home. Like I was at the dance studio.

I ended up, like I said, worked four jobs. And I think looking back, I would never wish that on anyone, but because it wasn't safe and there was so much pain and a lot of shame, I think that pain pushes you until your passion pulls you. And I was determined to save up enough money to move to LA and people are like, you're making a big mistake, you'll never make it. And I was like, I am so out of here. And I knew no matter what, I was not going back. I was not going back. I was not going back. And, you know, a month later, I was

dancing and had a job at two different dance studios and two different restaurants. And I was in LA for 31 years. What an extraordinary woman you are. Oh, thank you. It's been a lot of work healing and I remember I never, I thought I'd healed. I thought I'd, you know, I'm over that. I've healed. I've, you know, and I remember going to a therapist about a boyfriend and it was about

a boyfriend, not about sexual abuse. And she flat out said, have you been sexually abused? And I was like, yeah, but I'm over that. And she goes, you're not over it. And she gave me some books to read. And so, and I thought, okay, I read the books, gone to therapy, I'm over it. In the middle of writing my book, I was like,

I still am not over it. And I don't know with healing, I don't know if you ever like completely heal. I think there's so many layers. And now like I was triggered the other day something that it just like that made me feel my safe and those feelings that I felt when I was a little girl when I stepped out walking into my bedroom it all came back and I got scared and then angry and frustrated because dang it I, I thought I healed this.

But now I can identify it and I don't have to run from it. I know I have tools to get through it and I can talk about it. That's perfectly said. That's how I feel with the things that have happened to me, which are far less to the extent that it happened to you. They're nowhere near the same thing. But I actually have gotten a grip on it in my life that a healing something doesn't mean that it goes away.

Like this thing on my hand right here is healed but there's still a scar there. And that scar still reminds me of different things. And when that scar comes up or the scar on my leg or the scar on the back of my head, those scars are there for a reason. I just picture this little girl and like this is what made me so emotional is this man who's trusted with your care violates you like this repeatedly and then you go to the other man who's supposed to protect you and he really doesn't either. And so, of course that has an impact and then learning to protect yourself and draw closer to your faith or these amazing

lessons. I want to go to one more hard thing because I want people to understand the real. I think a lot of times on podcasts, it's almost like they're designed sometimes like sitcoms. And then at the end, everything's solved. Yeah. You watch a sitcom when we were kids growing up. At the end, there's a problem and then... Everything's better. At the end, you fix it all.

You go on to the next week, right? Rainbows and butterflies. Butterflies, right? And podcasts like, I used to be screwed up, and now I'm not. No, we're all... No, I'm still screwed up. Me too.

Me too. Still messed up. I'm in the process, and I thank God's using our screwed up in this to help a whole bunch of other people because success leaves clues, healing leaves clues. I actually give you a secret at this stage in my life. I kind of dig when he gives me problems now and insecurities now because it actually

gives me work to help other people and you don't have to have a camera on you to do that. Like these things are being sent my way so I can impart lessons on or contribute to other people. And so you do fix things then you regress then another hole opens up and you fix that hole, right? And in your case, man, it's probably pretty justified with all the stuff that's happened to you, between the stuff in your upbringing, then the accident, but then over time, you're in real pain, emotional pain,

but you're also in real physical pain. So you start to kind of use substances to heal your pain. Like there's almost no one sharing the stuff you share, right? So between the accident, the sexual abuse, and then there becomes this part of your life, the stage of your life where you're probably starting to use substances in an unhealthy way as well. Oh yeah.

So I think everyone needs to hear this because there's someone that need, they're coping in an unhealthy way. I think a lot of us are. I mean, I realized I had no idea that I was running from my pain, my whole life. I was running from the pain, running from the shame, because whenever I felt those feelings, I would go run. People would say, oh yeah, you're the running girl. I'll see you running all over town. And then I'm stuck in a hospital bed. I couldn't run from my problems and I'm staring down at them.

And I couldn't do anything except for feel these feelings that I didn't wanna feel. And I would stare down at my leg, all scarred up. And when my nickname was Legs at the gym and I was you know modeling fitness modeling and now look at me I'd lost 20 pounds of muscle I was out of work we were 2.9 million dollars worth of medical expenses we had a lean on our house when I was the main breadwinner and being out of work, it was like I pain emotionally, financially in every way.

And I was trying, like I said, all these medical treatments that weren't working. And I remember one day having a glass of wine and going, oh, this kind of helps me stuff down the pain and the shame. And I was like, this is, I really thought to myself, why didn't the doctor just tell me to knock back a glass of wine? Like this stuff works and it worked until it did. And at the same time, being in the fitness industry, I thought this isn't the healthiest thing to do.

But if this is what I have to do to get through the day, then I'll do it. And I remember trying to get through the day and eventually, you know, the nighttime kept creeping up into the day where I was drinking earlier and earlier and earlier. And then it was like, I would make this promise to not drink. And then the pain would be so excruciating. I was like, I just need to dull this pain. I just, and that's a thing. You know, I think so many of us,

we don't wanna feel the pain, whether whatever kind of pain it is. And we try to stuff it down. We gamble too much, eat too much, drink too much, whatever it is, work too much in order not to feel those feelings. And I think that that's what I was doing. And it got really bad to where I went from drinking wine

to vodka and I was sneaking my drinking. So imagine trying to sneak your drinking when you live with a cop. And that takes skill. That takes some reels. He would come up and he would look in my eyes like, have you been drinking? And I'd be like, no. What are you talking about?

Like what, you know, it was horrible because I was living this double life. And I was trying to hold it all together, trying to make it look okay from the outside and on the inside. I was dying inside. And I mean, I think that when your outsides and your insides don't match, that's when it starts to fill. That's when things start to get bad. And I knew I needed help. I knew deep down I needed help. And my husband was the first person I told and I was like, I think I have a problem. I said, I think I need to go to like a 12 step program. He's like, you don't,

he didn't know how much I was drinking. Nobody did. I was like, I'm closet drinking. I wasn't one of these people out in the bars. No, I was trying to like numb out the pain. And I said, I think I got a problem. He goes, you don't have a problem. He goes, anybody that was dealing with as much as you're dealing with would be drinking. And I was like, I knew. And I think that's the thing. We have to ask ourselves the question because we know deep down inside when something's not right or we have a problem with something. And so I called a friend. She was actually, it took a lot of courage because she was a former client of mine. And I knew she was in most over and I called her and I was like, I need help.

And she was like, I'm going to take you to a meeting and I waited around for a week and I never heard back and I thought, I need help now or I'm going to die. Like it's that bad. Like I'm going to die. And I Googled 12 Step and I found a meeting that when my husband was gonna be at work and my daughter was at school. So I went from sneaking my drinking to sneaking going to a meeting and scarier than any surgery anything I'd done was deciding to walk in that room.

And I watched these women walk in. It was because I was like, felt like it was such a contradiction of who I'd been my whole life, this picture of health, fitness, now I'm an alcoholic. And I went in that room, my hands were shaking.

I was now physically dependent on alcohol. So I had tremors. And I remember googling, why do your hands shake? Duh, it's because you're physically dependent on alcohol. I sat in the back of the room in between a nun and a cowgirl. I'm like this lady with cowboy hat and a nun in a nun suit. And I thought, well, if a nun can be an alcoholic, none in a nun suit. And I thought, well, if a nun can be an alcoholic, so can I. And I just listened. And in that room, I heard hope and people that were sharing my story, things that sounded like, yeah, that's how I feel. And I kept going back and I kept going

back and I stayed sober one day at a time. And um... It's awesome. Yeah, it's been a journey. It's been a journey, but it has given me my life back and more. There's gifts of sobriety and I always think as long as I stay sober, I can do anything. And I'll say it's been a journey because this last week I was in so much pain and I was in a hotel room by myself And you know I used to drink by myself. I didn't want anybody to know I was drinking and in the hotel room I In that excruciating paint I'm laying in bed with my leg propped up on pillows and I look straight ahead and it says mini bar and

I leg propped up on pillows and I looked straight ahead and it says, Minibar. And I got up and I was like, I wonder what's in that minibar? I've never, I never, never caught my eye, but that, that pain is what triggered me. And I actually opened up the minibar and looked and that scared the crap out. So I put some clothes on and I went downstairs and I was like, I'm going to get some dessert. I ended up getting a whole pizza. I leave pizza. I was like I'm getting whole dang pizza. I went outside sat by the pool. I prayed and I called my sponsor. I got a full stomach. I always say halt. Never get too

hungry, angry, lonely or tired. And that helps me. So. Wow. Wow. Listen to you. What a conversation we're having. How incredible. Just this week. Just this week. So I'm not saying it's like I got sober and everything's great.

That's my point. It's not a sitcom. Life is not a sitcom. You know, I was thinking as you were talking, I want everyone to hear a little kick in by me here. You may say, well, I'm not dependent on alcohol, which, you know, my was thinking as you were talking, whenever I wanted to hear a little kick in by me here, you may say, well, I'm not dependent on alcohol, which, you know, my coping mechanism is an alcohol. I figured out what mine is,

because all these years I'm like, I had all this pain in my life too. First time I've ever said this out loud is right now with you because you've been so courageous, I'll say what mine is. Never said this on the show ever. I'm not a drug addict, I'm not an alcohol. I'm not a gambling addict.

I'm probably a worrying addict, but I don't know if that one counts or not. So I've always been like, what's my coping mechanism? How do I do it? Because I'm so engaged with people like when I do this. But I know what it is. I've become addicted to disassociation from feelings. I just realized it recently. I'll make other people feel things, but I don't allow myself to feel a lot of love.

I don't allow myself to feel a lot of joy and bliss, not to the extent that I should. So my coping mechanism, I think when I was a little boy, was to disassociate from what was happening emotionally. And I think that may be the greatest addiction in the world right. For many of you listening, it's your disassociation from feeling, feelings deep. And it's insidious and it's subtle. But I have to tell you all, it's, it's, I think it's become what my addiction is. I only feel things a little bit. I only enjoy things a little bit. I detach. Disassociation detachment, I think, is my coping mechanism.

I become so good at that I don't need a substance to do it. I can just turn it off. I become good at that. So I would like all of you as I share that just to evaluate for you. We all probably have some type of coping mechanism. I have other healthy ones working out, running, lifting weights, right? They just asked me last week, they said, well, you can't work out for a week. I'm like, what do you mean I can't work out for a week?

I'm like, a week? I was like, no, I have to work out. And they're like, what are you a fitness addict? And I was like, I don't know, maybe I guess there's worse things. There's worse things. Right. There's nothing on being a faith addict, a fitness addict, a contribution addict, a love addict.

These are all good things, right? What is Pacer? Oh, well, you know what? My husband, we were sitting at the dinner table and I had my leg propped up on the table. It was all swollen and I guess I looked like a wreck, like a mess and he said, you know what? You need to pace yourself. I don't know, being an what, you need to pace yourself.

I don't know. Being an entrepreneur, it kind of offended me. I was a little offended, like, paced myself. What? I like going fast. I like going. I like doing. And then, um, I grabbed one of the dinner napkins and I started writing down. I wrote down pace and what do I do to pace myself?

Then I had to add the R because I learned the hard way how important R was, but pacer stands for perspective, acceptance, community, endurance, and the last part is rest. And it's everything, and I still remind myself of this, like, when I'm feeling tired, anxious, worrying too much. If I'm resentful, if I'm just in a lot of pain, I go to this and it snaps me out of it. So perspective, the easiest and quickest way to shift the way you feel about your situation is we talked about earlier, is with gratitude.

And sometimes we need someone to kind of shift our perspective about things. My husband's really good about doing that. And one day I was like, my daughter is a runner, my youngest daughter, she loves to run. And I was like, she wanted me to run. I said, what a shame. I can't run with her. I can't run anymore.

My husband's like, ride your bike beside her. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's a good way of looking at it. Like, you know, and I was like grateful that I can ride a bike. But acceptance, I think, is the beginning of any transformational journey. It's like really except... Because I was in denial for so long. I was... The thing is you're drinking.

You finally had to accept the fact that you were sort of powerless over this alcohol, right? Oh, completely powerless over it. I had to accept that I had this nerve disease and try and... And that, yeah, I might have to take medication for that when I was so stubborn and didn't want to take medication. Instead would drink like that's better, you know? But acceptance really puts you in the driver's seat.

I think when we know who we are and even, even the things that are hard to accept, when we accept those things, it's like we can do something about it. And I think when you own who you are, like nobody can use it against you. You know, like, yeah, you want to say that I used to drink too much? Yep, you got it.

I am full blown alcoholic. You want to say, oh man, like in, in, man, tick, tick talk can be brutal. My daughter told me I was too old to be on tick talk. And I was like, well, then I'm going to be on tick talk. And the first video I posted, it was the first time I put my tap shoes back on ever. I was like, squeezed my feet back into these tap shoes. I didn't even know if I could tap dance still. And so I put the camera up, I started doing this tap dance

and saying, you know, the first time I'm dancing and so many years and this and that after my motorcycle accident, some of them were, they were very funny. Some of them were brutal. Like, I don't post your leg again. I saw it and I'm gonna throw up and don't ever, you know. But because I have accepted my scars and I had help with that, you know, my doctor, Dr. Wiss is the one who really did that for me. I remember going into his office telling him,

and this is about a year after my accident, and he saved my leg. And it was giving me so much pain. I was like, Dr. Wiss, I appreciate all the surgeries you've done, but it's just given me too much pain. I need you to go ahead and amputate it. And he goes, we can't do that. He goes, you have a nerve disease and it could spread if we amputate it. That's not an option. And he he did something he took my leg and She put it in his lap and I remember thinking I can't believe he's putting my deformed ugly leg on his nice white coat and He looked at it like it was a masterpiece like Look at what he saved and in that moment something shifted and I thought if he can look at it that way

maybe I can too. And once I started to accept my scars and share what I was going through it led me to community and I think that's the most powerful part of Pacer. I think we're strong alone but together when we come together we're unstoppable and when we can share those vulnerable moments it creates a deeper connection. And whether you're an entrepreneur or you're a mom chasing kids around the house, you don't have to do it alone.

And then E is for endurance. And I think athleticism taught me a lot about endurance. And the R is, I learned the hard way is rest. And if you really wanna be resilient strategically, planning times to ours, I learned the hard way is rest and if you really want to be resilient strategically planning times to rest because I would go and go, oh my gosh, why'd I feel like crap? Oh, I didn't even make time to eat or I need to make time to even get up off zooms and go use bathroom. You know what I mean?

I relate to that big time. Drink some dang water on my 11th. Yes. Back to back. I totally really... Yes. Do you think... Well, I see the hardest questions I'll ask couple here. Just because I feel like this is an extraordinary masterclass conversation that I think will be shared beyond the reach of my show. This has been so good and our show reaches millions of people, but I actually

think this is going to go reach potentially 50, 100 million people just because of the nature of the conversation. So I'm going to ask you a couple hard things. What's the purpose of all this? I know this sounds very theoretical, but you ever sit back and wonder like, you were born and then God deals you this hand where this man's charged with your care and he starts sexually abusing you. You go to the next guy who's your actual birth father and say, kind of protect me. He really doesn't. Flash forward a few years, you finally turn around and build a great life. Bam, hit by an SUV. Right?

And then God goes, I'm going to give you pain the rest of your life. Chronic pain, you can't get rid of it. You think you're going to lose your leg, you get saved. Then it's so painful you want to lose your leg but can't lose it. You survive all of that, then you start knocking back too much alcohol, so then you're suppressing that pain. Yeah. And then even this week, you're in a wheelchair, right?

Okay. Yet, today will help 50 to 100 million people. Yet, you've got books and another book deal you've just signed and Instagram. What is the deal with this life thing? Like what do you think this is all about? What the purpose of it is? Why you were born, why you exist, why this happened to you? Do you give any time evaluating that and thinking about it?

Well, I think we heal and then we help others. That's what it's all about. Like, we just continue to heal and grow and then see how we can help others. And I remember, you know, my husband comes in, he goes, you don't have to do so much. You don't, like he sees me when I'm in a lot of pain and it's hard, because you know, I go speak at an event

and when I'm on stage, I have no pain. I have no pain right now, just being with you. And then I get home and I'll crash and he sees that unfortunately and he's like you don't have to do so much. And I said if I just sat here and stared at my leg and focused on my pain and talked about my pain all the time I would be I'd probably never get out of bed or do what a lot you know the the nerve disease I have is dubbed the suicide disease because people slowly kill themselves with drugs or alcohol or they commit suicide unfortunately, but what gives pain purpose to me is helping other people and going to be of service and Even even when I was going through that pain in the hospital or even last week, I was still

reaching out. People were like, I can't believe, you know, I know you're recovering right now and I'm like, no, it's okay. I can, you know, I'll look at your website and give you the edits on it or I'll do, you know, because it takes you out of your pain when you can help somebody else. And like I said before, like we, there's always joy within us. We have to find ways to ignite that joy. For me, one of the ways I ignite joy is when I can help someone else.

And I realized my purpose here is I love seeing that light go off in someone. I love when I can help someone and see them soar and see them launch their podcast or go on stage or write their book. And I remember being a little girl when I first noticed that and I don't know why my mom let me do this, but every Friday night, she would let me hang out with all the band from the football game, football's huge in Texas. And we'd go to the Dairy Queen and they'd put money in the jukebox and I was like five years old, five, six years old. They would put me on the table and I would dance all night to the music and the juke and I danced because I saw the people's faces.

They would smile and they would clap and then they would dance. And I loved it was in that moment I realized I love being able to spark joy and others and that's I feel like one of my favorite things to do. And so I've thought about what is the purpose of all of this and I think when God, when something happens, I ask, okay, what am I learning from this? I don't get stuck in why is this happening to me. I always go, what can I learn from it? What can I do differently? How can I get better? Well, what else can I do? I can't walk. Well, and it's even, you know, I can be upset about having to use crutches. And I'm like, but crutches are still moving me forward. You know, get upset about a wheelchair.

Well, I got a nice guy pushing me all the way through. I'm riding in style, you know what I mean? And then they had a wheelchair waiting for me when I got to Dallas. Start talking to the guy and we had the best conversation. And I even started filming it. We were, and he was a ham. You know, there's always a way to spark joy. So I don't know. I think we all have a purpose and we all know it deep down. Like it's something

we might take for granted or it comes easy to us. Like Ed, you are so good. One of your many superpowers is you just have this way of connecting with people and you see them. You make them feel seen. And there can be a whole room full of people and you make that one person feel seen and you make them feel special. You just have a magical way of doing that. Thank you. I'm seeing you today.

Second time, you're such an extraordinary woman. You said a few things there about you love watching people soar and I'm sitting here watching, oh, I'm watching her do this right now. It's kind of cool. I feel like I'm the, I'm like the Dairy Queen with the jukebox. My show is, and I've just given you this table today and you're just doing exactly, you're bringing this joy and inspiration to millions and millions of people.

This little five, six year old little girl was doing it for 30, 40 people, 50 people at Dairy Queen. Now she just did it today for millions and millions of people and how God's used all this pain in your life to take you full circle and I'm watching you soar and this is exactly what you're supposed to be like. I'm so grateful that I asked you to do this today. I'm so grateful that you, I about fell off the couch when I got your text message that you asked me to be on the show just so you know.

And it's been the most exciting thing ever. I mean, I'm so grateful because like I said, this is my favorite show. Thank you. Did you hear yourself today? Is there any part of you that if you heard yourself... I know you've done lots of podcasts, but is there any part of you that just heard yourself today and went, oh my gosh. No.

This is pretty damn awesome. Oh, this is pretty awesome to get to be with you. I mean you. Oh, oh. I mean you. Thank you. I mean it. I'm very grateful.

I'm really grateful. Every single minute and second of this today was precious and absolutely blessed. I mean, you're just such a blessing and you've helped so many people today. I want to make sure they find you before I let you go because they're like, this woman's amazing if I haven't heard it before. So where do you want to send them? Where do they go? Well, you go...

I'm not TikTok, Aaron. No, definitely not TikTok. Okay. Amberleelago.com and I've got free resources. Actually, they can get a free video from me every single week for a whole year. That's awesome. It was a lot to record. Sure was.

But it's free and it's just a way, it's called the Rise and Thrive video series and it's all for free. It's just a way that I can give back and give people tips and tools on how to grow and be resilient and how to speak on stages and do a podcast. But it's amberleylago.com forward slash thrive to get that. Forward slash thrive. And by the way, you're immensely qualified as I started out today. And by the way, you should be following her on social media.

I follow her on Instagram, but TikTok Instagram. She's got a YouTube channel. She's got a book. She's got another one coming out here in the next, I don't know, year or so. She's going to start writing and put that out, podcast, everything. Just go find all of Amberly's stuff. Thank you for today. Thank you so much.

Thank you. It was awesome. All right, everybody, share this thing. Do I need to ask you to share this one? I seriously doubt it. So, hey, listen, everybody, this is why we do the show, what you just saw here today. The only thing I ask is that you spread the word about the message of our show and the difference we make in people's lives. And I just want to tell you once

again, God bless you and max out your life.