THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Be Rare and Valuable with Matthew Hussey

Episode Date: November 26, 2019

Our relationships are EVERYTHING Matthew Hussey is a world-class speaker, New York Times Bestselling author, a columnist for Cosmopolitan Magazine, and a relationship/dating EXPERT. I was still BLOWN away by the insights I gained in this interview. Relationships are the FOUNDATION for a happy and fulfilling life. Not just intimate ones, but the relationships we have with our family members, friends, and colleagues. In this interview, whether you are single or in a relationship we answer ALL questions that pertain to navigating and bettering this part of your life. We answered the burning questions everyone is dying to know: - Is there really a ONE and ONLY for you. - How to know if you should keep pursuing someone. - How to date in a world where technology has given us so many options. - Sleeping with someone on the first few dates.  - Do’s and Don'ts of breakups. - How to get your partner to support you in following your dreams. - One of the most unattractive things you can do while dating. - The foundation needed for every relationship. - How to know if someone is toxic for you. - Why being vulnerable is a necessity on first dates.  - What you should really be looking for in a significant other. - How to keep a relationship full of passion. I’m going to be COMPLETELY honest with you, this was one of the MOST informational packed interviews I have EVER done. This conversation was riveting for me, and I know in just one hour you’ll be looking at your relationship with fresh eyes, or if you are single you’ll be walking away knowing exactly how to get started dating.  

This is the Edmmerwood Show. Welcome back to Max Out Everybody. By popular demand, this man to my left is here today. We did a survey. I didn't even told you this off camera. We did a survey and I asked for the top 20 people people want to have on the show and the topics. And your name kept coming up and coming up and coming up. And so you're welcome, everybody, even before we begin.

And if our conversation during the interview is anywhere near as good as it's been before the interview, this is going to change some life. So Matthew Hussey is here today. Thank you, brother, for being here. Thanks for having me here. Those of you that don't know, we're talking about somebody with 300 million plus views on YouTube, 4,000,000, 4.5 million plus people in your Facebook group, one of the largest

followings in what I'd call the life strategy space, and specifically an expert on relationships. And it's a topic so many people have wanted me to talk about on the show. And so I brought in, I think, the best person on spinning earth to discuss this so so here we go thank you I'm excited I have to brother and it's gonna go everywhere today guys we're gonna go all over the place but I have one personally I wanted to ask you everyone's always looking for the one in a relationship do you think there's such a thing no no I I you know, the one... To me, the problem with that argument is the same with the idea of your calling.

I do believe that in business, we find certain businesses or certain paths that meet our criteria. Like let's say everyone has a criteria for what I need to feel fulfilled in my career life. I might find something that meets my criteria on a very high level. Like for me, what I do is I travel the world speaking to audiences, I do a lot of radio, I write, ultimately I'm connecting and sharing ideas. And that's what I love doing.

I also get to run a business as part of that, which I really love. There's an entrepreneurial streak to me. There's all these aspects to it that make it an organization and a life path that I really love. But every now and again, someone in my event will tell me like, you found your calling.

Yes. And I always think that's a dangerous idea, because now what you have, and I'm sure you must experience this a ton in your work, is people coming to you saying, Ed, it's great that you know what you're doing, and you've been, you've had this path for a long time, but I haven't found my thing. Yes. I've found my calling.

And that, I think, is a really corrosive idea because instead of bringing passion to the thing that we're doing, we look for the thing we're doing to bring us passion. Oh my gosh, it's great. And so I think people do the same thing with relationships. I don't believe there's one calling for anyone. I'm like you, you're living many business lives.

Sure, so we're going to. I'm going to live many lives in business. I'm like you, you're living many business lives. Sure, sorry. I'm going to live many lives in business. I'm going to live many lives in coaching. I'll end up talking about all sorts of different things over the course of my life. I don't want to be attached to this idea that this is the only thing I can be. And in relationships, I don't believe that, you know,

on a planet of seven billion people, there's this one person that was somehow ordained to me. I just think there are lots of potential ones. The important thing for people to remember is firstly, the one for you, the person that you're going to end up being with, which I think people become the one based on what we build with them. So I do believe in the one in the sense that we choose one. We choose who this person is going to be, or we may choose it many times over and get it wrong, but ultimately when we're looking for a long term, we choose someone and we go for it.

But I say this to women who come to me all the time, is the one is both, the right person for you is both right and ready. Firstly, right and ready, because a lot of people say, he's so great for me, but he's just says he's not ready, then he's not the right person for you. We can't have, he's right for me, but he's not ready. The right person is both right and ready. And secondly, the one is someone who's gonna really,

you two, it's not just a feeling, it's not just a connection, the two of you are actually gonna build something together. You can connect with thousands, a thousand, a thousand, a thousand of people in this world. you are actually going to build something together. You can connect with thousands of thousands of people in this world. But the number of people who will actually build with you is far more limited. And we have to graduate from the thinking that, you know, I always say there's four stages of importance in a relationship. There's admiration, which is no relationship. That's just, I see you from afar and maybe you're beautiful, maybe you have, you've achieved

a lot, maybe you've got a charisma, smile, whatever, I just admire you. First stage, not that important. We can admire many people. Second stage is connection. That's mutual admiration. And also we have, we share certain ideas about life. We have a chemistry, a connection, whatever you wanna call it. But there's genuine mutual interest connection. Third stage is commitment. We have a connection, but it goes beyond that.

I'm saying yes, I wanna be with you and do this. And you're saying yes, I wanna be be with you and do this and you're saying yes, I want to be with you too Let's do this so commitment is we both actually say yes. We don't just say we're interested yes And then the fourth stage because we would I've all you know I used to want to believe love conquers all right that old idea love is enough I want to believe love conquers all, right? That old idea, love is enough, love is all you need. Well, actually it's not, because we know plenty of relationships

where two people are in love, but they're not compatible, which is where the fourth stage comes in, which is compatibility. So now we're not just saying yes to each other, we actually can function well together in a relationship, four stages. And when you have all four of those stages,

you have someone who has the potential to be your one. But it needs all four stages. And you don't get to sit in someone with stage two of connection, which is the world we live in right now. This is one of the things I see more than anything else is we both have a connect like we have but we have the best connection. All right, well, what's the problem? Well, he just doesn't want a relationship. And what are we talking about? You don't have commitment, right? Yes.

Then this isn't, this is not for you. Right. This isn't the thing, but you're making it the thing because you like the person, and that's a very dangerous thing. You see, the things I love about you, and now, obviously a large chunk of my is because they requested you know you. And so we're gonna go on all these direct statements.

But for the ones who don't, the most wonderful people in me in life take very complicated things and make them understandable and simple, which is exactly because relationships connecting with other human beings is a complicated dynamic. You have this unbelievable way of articulating and distilling it down into some simple things that as you say them, everyone driving or watching this right now is like, that's true. That's true. That's true It goes through the validation test almost when we put through it So thank you for that and I think I think it is especially true in the business sense Which you just said where there I haven't found my calling as if there's only one that's sort of a scarcity mindset to the extent

You're thinking boy, you can spend your whole life searching with this one human out of seven billion You'd be in big trouble, right? And so that's exactly right. It's very, very dangerous. Like it, because it stops you, that becomes an excuse for not just going into something now. Right. Like, we like to sit, so many of us, we've all done this.

Like Tony Soprano just said, more is lost in indecision than in wrong decision, right? We sit in this parked car on the halfway up the block and we sit in this car that can give us answers if we get it moving. But stationary, we don't get any answers and we're trying to peek around the corner at the end of the block. Should I go right or should I go left? Should I do this or should I do that? What answers are a reward for doing shit? Yeah, right? You don't get answers

sitting and people do this in business, they also do it in relationships. We sit in a parked car. I don't know whether to continue this relationship or not. I don't know whether and then we ask a passenger. Someone who knows no more than we do. Hey my best friend, should I be in this relationship? Should I leave it? And they go, you should leave or whatever, but then we don't take their advice. So we look at another passenger. What do you think, Mum? Should I stay? Should I leave it? And they go, you should leave or whatever, but then we don't take their advice. So we look at another passenger. What do you think, Mom? Should I stay, should I leave?

And then we sit in this parked car. You do, I've heard Tony Robbins talk about one answer to getting clarity in a relationship that you're not sure about, is give you all for three months or six months, see what happens when you truly give you all, and then if it can't work, then you get out. But that's another way of saying, get the car moving, See what happens when you truly give your all and then if it can't work, then you get out. But that's another way of saying, get the car moving, get answers by doing and then see

and it's the same in business. Stop asking which is the perfect path, experiment, experiment, experiment, experiment, experiment. See what works. I started out as a one to one coach. Like I was, you know, 19 years old, 20 years old, and I was working with people one-to-one. Yeah.

And I thought that's what I wanted to do until I did it, and I kind of hated it. Yeah. I didn't enjoy it. I liked giving ideas, but the whole, like, five, six clients a day coming through the door, me spending an hour with each doing that, I realized this is, there are far better people, there are people who absolutely should dedicate their lives to

doing that. It's just not something that I think I'm cut out for. But why I did learn by doing that was, I do love speaking to groups. So then what was born out of that is the first ever I was like 21, the first ever mastermind I did was born out of, I've got these 25, one on one clients, let me see them once or twice or three times a month as a group. Instead of this one to one thing which I'm not that great at because I don't have the patience for it. Whereas for, get me in a room to talk ideas and to give strategy and

that's a different story I come alive. So that was only born out, not born out of me going, what should I do? Yeah. Launches a reward for doing shit. I love that. Now by the way, I got to tell everybody in my audience this, because we're talking about relationships and I've been in the same one for a really long time. I want everyone to know that as I'm asking questions today, don't assume because I'm asking a question

that I either, it's an issue that I'm wondering about or it's an issue that I have a preconceived opinion about, one way or the other. But you said something earlier, and I have friends that save us to me. So I'm asking on, let's just say I'm asking on their behalf because I've been in a great relationship for a long time. But you said earlier that you may not have one calling in business.

They end up with multiple callings. And then that one person, I love it, I love what you said about there, there's more than just the one, however you will build it with that one. They'll become the one over time. Sure. I have friends who say to me, in this day and age, we are not designed to be with one person for 50 or 60 or 80 years, right? We've all got a friend that thinks that

or we've all thought that in the back of our mind. I'm curious just you who have coached the relationship space forever, you're the number one person in space, particularly as it relates to women. Do you have a belief about that? Do you believe that relationships can sustain, loving and passionate dynamic with their

ebbs and flows and that we are cut out to be with one person over our entire lifetime? I know you didn't know I was going to ask you that but I'm curious of what you think. There's a wonderful proofs to quote that goes, the journey of discovery lies not in seeking new landscapes, but in seeing with fresh eyes. And it's possible, I believe, some people find their new, by constantly hunting for the next relationship and the next relationship and the next relationship. In other words, they're always looking for new landscapes. Other people either have this innate ability

or learned ability to see their partner with new eyes. And none of us are going to stay in the same relationship. You know, I've heard Esther Perel talk about, you know, we're all going to have many relationships over our lives. Some of us are going to have them with different people. Others are going to have them with the same person. Wonderful. But that changing our relationships is a guarantee even if we're with one person, right? That's brilliant, Matthew.

I don't interrupt you. I just want to tell you, that's exactly the formula. The truth about sustaining a long-term relationship is that you're in new relationships with the same person. It's by the way you should educate me on because you're the pro there. How long have you been in your relationship? Well, known one another 45 years out of 48 or 50 and dating it together, by the way, with breakups in there as well, but to get 20, 30 years long time between marriage and dating.

And so how have you evolved over time to move into another phase, another chapter of the relationship or new beginning in the relationship? Both of you growing, obviously trying to grow together as well, but I will say to you, the times when the relationship hasn't been what we would both hope it would be is when that's not taking place. That's why I thought the answer was so brilliant. When it is the same relationship with the same conversations, the same thoughts, the same connection is when that relationship, you have to be very careful, that's when

people begin to say they've grown apart, but actually what typically happens is what you said, which is it's just the same relationship with the same conversations, the same energy all of the time. I think that happens too, not just in romantic relationships, I think that happens in parent child relationships, brothers, I've got two brothers. And over time, I think the times we become disconnected

from people we love is when we simply assume today, we know them as well as we knew them yesterday. Instead of saying this person, I'm changing, I'm changing. I'm growing. Like my beliefs are changing about life. I'm developing. Why am I assuming that this person is, that's just my brother.

As who here, I've known him since we were this high. I know my brother inside out, do you? Because maybe if you haven't spoken even in three months properly like we all speak like many people, families live under the same roof but they don't talk. It's a big difference. And have I truly connected with who my brother, who my mother, who my child, who my best friend is today? And that comes from asking brave questions. We often don't like asking those questions because it threatens our sense of security

to know that my girlfriend's changed. My boyfriend's different. There's a discomfort there because we want it like, you know, over time, if you imagine a relationship, we want to kind of get someone to a place where we feel completely safe with them. And we get you out of that beautiful red dress I met you in and into your pajamas and

in bed watching Netflix and let's sit and have this, you know, cozy and of course, it's wonderful. There's a time and a place for that in a relationship, but we're often afraid of anything that would threaten what we know about someone because what if that meant they were growing apart from us? What if that meant there was this distance that I'm uncomfortable with? Oh, I feel jealous. Oh, I feel like threatened. Oh, you know, you're now into dancing. You've never been dancing before.

You're now doing these salsa classes. I can't dance. So what does this mean? We, our partners, we have this need for them to stay, or this desire for them to stay comfortable. But again, Esther Peral would argue that's exactly what squashes desire within a relationship, is that I've made so many efforts to make you cozy and comfortable

that there's now no sense of enigma about you. And that's the sad part actually, is that we do it to each other. It's not that our partner doesn't remain enigmatic or have this natural inclination to grow. It's that we often, our insecurity, our fears have a need to keep them known instead of allowing them to grow, which even though it would make us

Uncomfortable at times would actually allow the desire in the relationship to Flourish oh my god, and perhaps the the answering relationships is just for us all to live a little just a hair more dangerously You're right my brother. Then we are brother. I've never heard that, but having been in a long one, and known one is going great, and when it was needed to do better, that idea that desire to create safety of the known in your relationship, ironically is the one thing that long-term can kill your relationship.

Oh my goodness. That's, by the way, there's applications of that in business, there's applications of that in everything. It's huge in business. It's huge in business. And ask those questions you've said that do scare us, that do make us uncomfortable. You ever bend, it's applications of that and everything. It's huge and business. It's huge and business and ask those questions you've said that do scare us, that do make us uncomfortable.

Ever been, it's interesting. If you've been with somebody for a long time and then you're in an environment where you're around a new group of people. And I've watched this with my wife a few times where the one I know that's with me, then we're in a new group of people and I see her with their girlfriends or different groups.

And there's this other person over there and I'm like, who in the heck is that person right there? And it does scare you a little bit, yet it's incredibly interesting and attractive to it. It's a huge effort, Dizzy. You make such a great point. You see him over there interacting, and that by the way, that is an important point

you just made is the perceiving our partner from a distance. Because when you're in a group of people and you're talking, I get to perceive partner from a distance. Because when you're in a group of people when you're talking, I get to perceive you from a distance. I get to look at how you interact over there and there's something about that distance where you're not required to interact with your partner. You can just sit back and be an audience member.

There's something about that. There's something. You're right. You're right. and I think we should almost give our partner that distance more, that audience more where we can just, let me just, I just want to sit back and that's what allows us to see with new eyes again. Let me just watch you being and your person, your own independent person away from me for a moment and enjoy that. and your own independent person away from me for a moment and enjoy that. Unreal advice.

This is one of my favorite things we've ever covered on this show before. Yes, because it's such an area. This dynamic, these things we're discussing affect every life is about connecting and relationships with humans. So whether that's in business or your interpersonal relationships or your your your dynamic with your children as you've said all of this stuff is brilliant to me. I don't even want to move off of it but we have to talk about dating. It's been a long time since I've dated and my pals that are now single again or the young people who follow me. What the heck is

technology done to dating? So for those that are out there that aren't in a relationship right now, the swipe left swipe right culture we're in now, Instagram, I think I know what the upside of it is for a second, but how does it change the dynamics of interacting with people beyond the obvious? So you would say, when you say,

upside-by, we have the capability to meet many more people. I look at it that the ability to reach people. But then I look back to when I was single or when friends of mine were single, and that idea of having to be vulnerable to take a risk to approach somebody. And that you might potentially be rejected. The whole process was a little bit slower, but it seemed to me to be potentially a deeper connection.

I wonder, for example, if this access to all of these people makes each interaction less important, less valuable, less deep, and that maybe we miss out on great people because people can pursue us constantly on the other side. If I have a date with you and it's a great date, before you'd get back and think about what a great date it was, look forward to the next one.

Now you're checking your DMs and you've got 85 other people who want to take you out again. So how has that affected the dating process, do you think? I think you nailed it. I mean, there's a lot of life, I think, does actually follow the same principles. Yeah. There's, you know, there's breadth and there's depth when we interact with someone on a dating level. What is it that makes us appreciate things? I said to you, you're gonna work for 10 years to buy your dream car.

And the first time you ever bought your dream car, I said to you, on that very same day, I get you buy this brand new Ferrari. And then I give you a Ferrari that is the exact same Ferrari but I've just given it to you. And I say which one do you want to, you can keep one of them, which one do you want to keep? The one I've worked for for 10 years for sure, completely different. It's the same car, but we value the things that we invest in, we value the things that we invest in. We value the things that we give time to.

And it is an interesting thing in life. When we're giving to something, even approaching someone, most of us guys have been thankful that we don't have to do it every time we want to speak to someone these days. We can actually just slide into someone's DMs. You can, you know, there is a kind of, oh God, what a relief is I don't have to get out tonight, go over to that person, do this thing.

But there was a special feeling that came from working up the courage to go over to someone. It went well, you've exchanged numbers and now you feel like there's already this romance plot line that's building. And your mind is doing half the work for you, and for the other person too, is that I did that, and I did something that allowed for that to happen, and now we're...and there's just this whole narrative building. Narrative is really important, and to a certain extent, we're losing narrative because there's so much noise.

So now it is like we're talking to five different people. It's constantly interrupting. We're building this circuitry that's based on this immediate reward, immediate validation. But that's based on this little dopamine hit. This is a ruck hit. It's not based on real connection.

It's not based on something more. And so it's just the the key now is I need to and this I think is what's really valuable for everyone out there to think about is and this is true in business too is it is so vital that in a world of noise you're able to more quickly build a connection these days. How many, you know, in the business world, everyone can relate to this. If you're a personal trainer, there's never been less barriers to entry for personal trainers in general to reach an audience.

That would appear to be a very positive thing. If you're giving business coaching, if you're a masseuse, if you're whatever it is, I have access now to this whole world of people that I didn't have access to before. But so does everyone else. And so everybody now can start an Instagram account and be that person. So, more opportunity, yes. More competition, more noise, yes. I now have to find a way. If I'm the first guy, if someone's looking for dating advice, or relationship advice, and I'm a guy that they come across

a thumb now of on YouTube, and like, who's this guy? Click. I've got to tell my story in a way that's compelling quickly and not even necessarily my story but I've got to tell a story that's compelling so that someone doesn't see the hundred other videos they could be watching right now and think yeah all right next that's dating today. You got to get on a date and you can't do the whole like No one cares that you're really great once you get to know you

When you get to know I'm no I'm there some that I'm that but once you get to know me wow that's I'm great No one cares because There's four other people that they could be going on a date with or whatever. They're texting other people. We've got to find a way to be more vulnerable quicker. And I don't need vulnerable in the sense of, you know, bearing your worst tragedies of your life for the work. No, but like vulnerable in sense of just being real. Okay. Being authentic, being someone who can laugh at themselves, being someone who, just being real, that drop the bravado,

telling stories that show who you are as a person and what your values are, being curious about someone in a genuine way and actually showing that you're uniquely impressed by them. It's not just impressing, it's being impressed by someone else. So one of the interesting things about traction is we don't just look for someone that is impressive. We look for someone who recognizes how impressive we are in our own unique way. So those things have, I actually think, here's what's ironic, the old skills

of truly interacting and connecting have become so much more important in today's world. Because the part, and I don't know if you ever came across the book Deep Work by Cal New Paul. His theories there are actually very relevant to dating too. In what sense? Because he talks about how the problem with technology right now, we all think we should be posting as much as possible,

as much content as possible, this, that and the other. And he says anything that a six-year-old with a smartphone can do is not gonna be rare and valuable. And the marketplace rewards what's rare and valuable. So just talking isn't gonna do it. You gotta do the deep work to create something of value. Yes. Now come out and to do it. You've got to go do the deep work. Yes. To create something of value. Yes. Now come out and talk about it. Okay. Stay on the women topic about rare and valuable. Okay. So. Okay. Go ahead. Rare and valuable

in dating. Yes. Is about there's a number of things to do there. One is how you tell your story, but you've also got to do the things in your life that make you. Rare and valuable. Rare and valuable. Do you have the kind of life that feeds your passions, that fulfills you, that where you have a community, so that you're not overreliant on this person,

you just went on a date with, and now after three dates, they become your community. Yes, yes. I've got my community over here. I don't need you for that. But I'm having fun hanging out with you. So we should do that again. Wow.

But it's not, oh my God, you've come along and you're the only person in my life now. And that's what scares people. It does. So stay on rare and valuable and ask you a question about that. So I need to be rare and valuable. But I also, things are moving faster now. And so I've got to be vulnerable earlier in the dynamic you're saying as well to stand out.

So if I'm a woman and your advice to me was I've, I've, I'm on this date. He's very interesting to me. I know that part of what I need to be is me, but I need to be rare and valuable. Same time I also need to be vulnerable and open sooner than you're supposed to be. When it comes to being physical, that first date, setting aside your religious values, your moral and ethical values for a second,

and no one should be setting that aside, but I'm not asking you to give me a moral ethical answer. I'm asking you to give me a dating answer. Your morals and ethics and religious values would dictate how you would behave most of the time. But what advice I'm curious, or do you not give to a woman about sleeping with somebody that first date when it comes up?

Because I think one of the other things that's happened, if I'm being real, about these dating apps, is that process has also been sped up. Because I think these men are like a lot of men who are out there like well if you don't someone else will I'm Swiping as well. Do you have any advice specifically on that topic? Well firstly, if I don't someone else will sleep with him argument is a race to the bottom. So that's definitely not a good reason to jump into bed with someone A good reason to jump in bed with someone is I like you a lot. I'm having a lot of fun with you I feel comfortable with you. I feel respected by you and

I think this would be an enjoyable thing to do I have I avoid any kind of a role that says when someone should do something, but there are some things that people should bear in mind. Firstly, know yourself. Self-awareness is key in intimacy. If you know that sleeping with someone right now, if it doesn't go anywhere, it's going to make you feel used and it's going to in some way make you feel negatively.

You're going to beat yourself up, then wait. Because there's nothing sexy about someone who jumps straight to frustration, anger, or shame after intimacy. You know, like I always say to people in general, don't the whole, oh my god, did we do that last night? I was so drunk. That's for college kids. Be a grown up. Like if you did it, own it. That was fun. Right.

And if by the way, that was a little fast for you and he says, hey, you want to get together again tonight? Yeah, but in all honesty, that was a little faster than me last night. I had the best time with you, but that was probably a little faster than I'd normally be going. And let's take some time to get to know each other. Why don't we go to lunch today? You know, so there's own it, own what you do. Yes. Because when you don't own it, it's like...

Can I add to that? For those of you that do have a moral or ethical stance, religious stance about that, not only should you not violate your own morals, ethics or religious beliefs in order to accommodate somebody else because you regret that, but one of the most unattractive things you could possibly do is not act in congruence with who you are. That's right. Then there's a lack of, it's ironic, but even if you did do that, there's a lack of track-diveness to you now that I know you easily violate who you believe you are. Now I don't really know who you are.

So if you have that stance where that's not something you would do, some of you even are going to wait till you're married. And I know that that's not the vast majority of the audience, but that's certainly a portion of my audience. And I would just say to you that if that's the case, then you need to be upfront and transparent about that from the very beginning so that person knows what you live by correct. And that's why owning it is so important because it says I didn't do this last night because it was a mistake or I was so easy I

was so easily deviated from my values or what I am I I did it because I wanted to but if tonight I don't want to, I'm going to own that too. So the argument for waiting, if anything, is the I'm going to, not from an ethical standpoint, but from a personal standpoint, from a practical standpoint, is there might be certain people where I want to see if there's a real connection and gauge intentions a little bit first. Which doesn't matter if again if you're not going to feel bad at the end of this it doesn't

make it the wrong thing to do but you might say with certain people I'm going to engage someone's intentions a little bit more to see if they're actually serious about taking something forward or if they're even seriously open to a relationship right now. I'm gonna give it a minute to figure that part out. Very good. And the argument is sometimes made when I say things like this, you know, oh well women should, you know,

like feel just as free to sleep with a guy quickly or whatever. Of course. But I would actually, as I've got older, it also, I know I'm different in the sense that I think, you know, sex means different things to us. Sometimes at different stages of our lives. And what we might do in a much more cavalier way at one stage of our lives. Sometimes we get to another stage where we go, you know what, I don't need this thing with someone I barely know, but it's more fun if I give it a minute. It's more fun if I, you know, allow this to play out

and create, you know, have more story that takes place before that moment. So that's something I would say to men and women. There's a kind of stereotype that it's just men want to jump in bed quickly and women don't or whatever. But I would say the same to men. Sometimes I'm like, with guys, I'm like, if you really like this person, give it a minute.

You don't have to rush into like trying to take someone home tonight or whatever. If you really like this person, get to know them a little bit. I love that project into the future which you've done. And along those lines, by the way, thank you for this. Like everyone's riveted, like I am right now, right? So along those lines in the dating dynamic,

and then we're going to talk about existing relationships in a minute every so a lot of you that are in a relationship that aren't dating, we're about to go there. We've been there, we're going to come back to it. But in the dating sense, because I think this has an application in business too. Where's that line where I'm being persistent enough and I'm not trickling into stalker status after that first date or to pursue that first date? I think men and women struggle with it, but as a man and having a lot of my male friends

that are dating again in their lives, I think they're not real sure where that is that they, you know, you want to be persistent and act interested. Yep. At the same time, you can turn into that three unreturned text thing going on or whatever. So we have any counsel on if or men or women. I just think meet them where they are, you know, the, that's a key phrase to me because I'm always looking for, you don't want to, if one person is standing here and one person is standing here, let's just imagine a first meeting. Two people are in a coffee shop, a bookshop, a bar, wherever. They want to meet, or let's say this guy wants to meet this woman.

He can walk over and stand here in front of her and talk for the next 20 minutes. He's not really going to have much of an idea of how much she really wants him to be there, if he does that. What he may learn is she's very polite. She's very forgiving of him intruding on her evening for 20 minutes when she actually wants to have a conversation with her friends. We don't know much. She might like him. We don't know. So, here's what the way attraction can work better. He comes over, or maybe even finds a way for the two of them to be close to each other. He goes and orders his coffee at the same time as her, whatever.

And he says, I love your shoes. Oh, you have a beautiful smile or whatever he wants to say he then turns away and carries on his business here this person now has this he's on her radar she can now turn to say something to him and that this is an oversimplification because there's nothing wrong with someone going over and having a couple of minutes of conversation. But in recreating space, he closed down space, in recreating it, he's giving her an opportunity now to close down the space again. And we forget that closing down space is good because it's what says to you, I like you. Yeah.

But I need to now recreate space for you to step into. So that we now have a dynamic where both of us are doing some of the walking. And if we find that we're constantly the one closing down the space. That is the part where we have to pull back. Very good. Very good. True in business as well. True in business as well. Very good, very good, true in business as well. True in business as well. 100% true in business.

True in business as well. I'm just putting it through all these, I love your truth. I love your truth. I put everything through these filters as you're saying. I'm like the 100% right. I love the concept everybody of closing down that space, then creating some and allowing them to,

I'd rather so good. Let's talk about, we're gonna go long-term or talk breakups. I have're gonna go long-term, we're talking about breakups. I have a philosophy about long-term relationships that isn't discussed very often. So, for those of my friends that are in one that's, I don't know how long, for some people long-term's a year, right, but for those of us that are in long-term relationships,

I get asked often on shows, hey, what are one of the, what are one of the keys that I would not normally hear about that create a relationship that is still doing what you said early, which is so wonderful where there really is this observation, there's separation, there's growth happening. And so there's all these things they say in a long term, be honest with one another, be trustworthy, make sure you're communicating. One of the things that I find with my friends and I who have had long-term really good relationships

is physical intimacy still. And real attraction to one another physically. If you're, you know everyone says, I want to marry my best friend, which you do, but you have a lot of friends and you don't need to be married to all of them. And one of the things I see in relationships is they start out where there's this physical chemistry and I know relationships, ebbs, and flow. I'm not just talking about sex. I'm referring to physical touching and intimacy.

When I was dating Cristiana, her dad was an older than her mother and it was his second marriage as first wife had died of cancer. And often times in second marriages, I see people kind of know the second time around, maybe the mistakes that made the first time in his case, his wife had actually passed away. But I would date her. I would often pick her up. And when you'd walk up to their home, their front door would I knock to come get her. You could see into their living room.

And my family didn't have this. My parents have their own dynamic. But I would go to the front door and more times than not, Matthew, more times than not, not every time. On a Saturday night, I had to come to pick every time. On a Saturday night I had to come, you'll pick up my girlfriend for a date. I could look into the living room and the TV would be off.

I get emotional because he's passed away, but they'd be slow dancing. Wow. And at an advanced age, they just slow dance in the living room together. Now I don't know if that led to more of and that in the bedroom afterwards, but they had real physical intimacy.

They weren't just friends. They were lovers in every sense, physical lovers. That doesn't always necessarily mean, but people ask me, what's the, one of the key's relationship? Physical intimacy. It's a box you better be checking. There's gotta be that touching

and that physical attraction to have a passionate relationship. Do you agree with that when it comes to a long term relationship or is that just some weird thing I've noticed? No. Because I've heard you go the other way. You have? Well, I saw a piece of content like... Huh. I'd be curious to know what that was.

I... You know, one of the great challenges, I think, of what I do, and of course, what you do, what anyone like us does, is that you're trying to create or not create you're trying to discover these universal patterns and truths that we can draw on and I'm always afraid of projecting too much the way I am on to everybody else and I say that because I have a tendency

to lean heavily in the direction you're talking. Yes. I was brought up by a, you know, ridiculously affectionate family. Like my mom gave me, my mom fucked me up. Okay. She gave me so much affection, so much love. Like it's, so now I am, you know,

the men in my family, hugging, kissing, they're close and it's like, we're just so used to that. The I know for me, physical affection is way up there. I talked, because as I was talking, I'm seeing this face go, yes, and I'm thinking, I thought I saw something where you, no, you're like, my, I'm such an affectionate person.

I don't know how to be any other way. Yes. Now, that tempts me to say that's so important in a relationship. And I think that there is a general pattern. Yes. That, yes. The people who don't stop touching, the people who continue to find ways to be close physically,

and the people who don't suddenly start to relegate sex in the list of priorities in their relationship after they get married, after they have kids, after they get older and so on, I think they are rewarded for that in terms of their connection. That being said, I also know there are people I come across in life for whom physical attention seems to be far lower on their list in general. And I can't relate to that because I'm so different. But I know that there are, if someone like that exists, and I guess what I would say is, those people who are not big on physical affection

have to be self-aware enough to say, am I not big on physical affection because I'm afraid, and because it's not something you used to, but deep down, I really wanna be that. And I say that because I have a retreat for six days, where there are people who on day one say I'm not a hugger, and then by day six they're like, MAMU!

Yeah. They're so I'm like, ah, are you not a hugger or are you someone who actually came quite closed off? That's a difference. But there are other people who I think are not, they're not as big on physical affection and if you are that, you better find someone who... Mutually isn't that way. It's similar to you.

By the way, I'm really glad you said it because potentially I'm projecting Myself that way. I didn't grow up with a lot of physical attention of my family either I just look at the folks I know that have gotten divorced because when you're at my age There's a long list of divorces right of your friends and one of the major threads Yeah, was there began to be a lack of physical intimacy in their relationship that started to gain momentum to the point where it would be months. She's very common. A correct. Very, very. And then I, or you'd sit in a restaurant, you know, nothing sadder for me than you go out to dinner with your, your person you love and you're communicating with them. And it's wonderful. You look over to the table and there's a couple not touching each other,

not even looking at each other the entire meal. And so a common thread I've observed is one of the two are both stopped being aware to use your term that that is part of a relationship at least the vast majority of the ones. I'll submit to you that there are people you're right who that's not a high priority and I think I also acknowledge that they probably should be with someone who that's also not a high priority for. And I think we have to be really careful if we're someone who is a high priority for, we have to be careful. I've been in relationship, I remember one relationship in my life in particular where it was so much more important to me than it was to the other person.

And I just constantly felt rejected. Yeah, and I go back to your point of compatibility. That's a lack of compatibility. Right. So that's a dangerous thing. Sometimes the mistake is in not seeing the incompatibilities early on that we then feel like we have to try and force them later, but they've always been there. And I used to, you know, I had this person, we were trying,

I would kiss this person on a train and she just wasn't into public displays of affection or whatever. She'd be like, no, and I'd be like, I feel rejected by the person that I was with and that's a horrible horrible feeling. Of course, that happens in the bedroom all the time with people and it's a tough thing. One more thing about families and then we'll talk about breakups. I'm loving this. I told you we were only going to go a short time, but it's too good.

One thing that I don't think people tell people is, you're marrying their family too. You get into a relationship, you're in a relationship with also, so I want everyone to hear this. You're in a relationship with everyone else they're in a relationship with, so that can be their friends,

that can be their parents, that can be their siblings, that's also true in business as well. You get into business with another company, you're in business with who they're in business with. So do you think that's at least something someone should be evaluating when they meet somebody or should you just be judging me on who I am? And it's unfair for you to, I mean,

a lot of people listening to this right now are watching this are kind of nodding like, you know, one of the real hardships of my relationship Is their family or is their other friendships? Should that be evaluated? In a way, look, it's not the fault of our partner that they have a crazy mother or a difficult brother or a... We all have colorful characters in our family somewhere, right, difficult people, whatever. I think the most important thing that has to happen there is we have to be able to trust that our partner is a good mediator of those two worlds.

The ultimately, I am having a relationship with their family. But the one that's affecting me the most is my relationship with my partner. So what affects me the most is my partners, the way my partner filters their family through them before they get to me or When their family does something very difficult. How does my partner deal with it? Are they is my partner constantly bullied by their family? Is their partner is my partner constantly emotionally manipulated?

By their family because if it's I'm with someone and they say, my mum's making me feel bad again because of this and that. And I've got to go, I've got to go. And we're like, this person's mother is a nightmare or this person's father or this, this is, I can't bear this person. Often what we're saying is, I can't bear what this person is, the control and influence, this person exerting over my partner, which then directly impacts me.

So I think that in a way, we don't have to trust our partner's family, we have to trust that our partner is actually the one in control and has our back makes the relationship a priority. Not trying to pull you from your family. I respect what's going on with your family, but you also have to be the protector of our time, our love, our dynamic. And if you're being constantly impacted in terribly negative ways that then come into our home and if you're being constantly impacted in terribly negative ways that then come into our home and that then does become part of our world. See I feel like there's two people listening to say there's the single person who's getting all these nuggets then there's the person in relationship listening to this.

This is almost one of the things you've listened to this or watched it. You should then go back and listen to and watch this with your partner because what a wonderful answer and along that have your back thing. I have to ask you this. I've been surprised of all the business coaching I've done. I've done. Lots of different questions come my way in business, but it always comes back to relationships. The number one obstacle, or at least imagined obstacle, that the people that I coach, whether it's social media, my Arate Syndicate group, one on ones that I do, is how do I get my partner to support me more in my business?

They're antagonistic to it, they're negative, I can't get their support, and I'm really not great at equipping them with an answer on something like that, because I think that's just support overall, but if someone were asking you, in the business sense, how do I get my spouse to become more supportive of me? I'm at a loss of giving somebody a quality answer for that. Do you have one?

There's a very, if you're with someone who is extremely negative in general, then that's an issue. And we have to address our partners negativity. Hey, this I love you. But the negativity that's constantly being brought. If you've got issues you want to deal with, and we deal with them together,

and we work on them, or you have stuff that you struggle with, that's great, we can be a team in that. But if you're constantly bringing negativity, because I say that on my retreat, even to the room, I say, we've got to be each other's partners here this week. If you're a toxic energy in this room

and you're just bringing people down, that's not good. If you come to this room and you're like, I'm feeling depressed or anxious today, I need help. That's different. We can work with that. So if your partner is just negative, that's a problem that needs to be addressed. I do think it's worth asking though, why is my partner scared of this? What's behind this? There's a motive here. What's behind this? There's a motive here. What's behind this?

And people should consider, they should consider that starting a business and going all in on that business, is in many cases a highly, highly selfish thing to do. And that you shouldn't always ask the people around you to thank you for the most selfish thing you've ever done. You're saying, why can't you support me in my dream? All right, well, if we're doing that, let's find out what her dream is.

Let's find out what his dream is. Because maybe there's some big thing that if they went full tilt on that and suddenly didn't have evenings or weekends and didn't have time and didn't have this, maybe you wouldn't be so cozy with it. But because it's your thing, it seems very, very, very important and how could they not be supportive. So there is a kind of a narcissism that often people have.

Yeah, you're right. That pursuing your dream can inherently be a very selfish thing. And it doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, but it does mean that you should recognize that because it's your dream, it doesn't make it someone else's dream. And if it's not your dream, then I have to show you that I'm committed

to our relationship despite this dream, that I'm committed to the time we have together, to our love, that there's also a part of this vision that I am, like I want this to be about what we can create together. But you also have to be careful not to bullshit people because they can smell that bullshit when it's like, yeah, you're saying that because you want me to feel included, but really, this is about you. And it also is worth asking the question, I want you to support me here because this is really important to me, but you also need to tell me

where I can support you. What's your dream or what's the thing, what would you love to be doing because I want this to work for both of us and I want this relationship to be one that constantly elevates both of us to do things that make us really happy. Doesn't have to be conquering the world, but what is it we want to do? Let me get a list of your things as well. And let's figure that out. I think I've never heard someone answer it that way, Matthew. And that's a really, I think the other, I want to also emphasize one thing you said is,

what's behind their fear? I think sometimes we get so excited about these businesses we've started that they begin to think that that's more important than them. That's right. And I think also there's a layer behind there I've always told entrepreneurs this,

that safety thing you said earlier was so huge and any change you begin to make, I think there's potentially a button that goes off in many people that you're leaving me. That they can't articulate it. They're not sure. It doesn't look like it. There's nothing you've done that indicates it.

You're leaving me. And then on your side of it, I think you have to ask yourself, I think it's one of the foundations of every relationship is, you can work through all those other issues you've described, I agree. But the foundation of a relationship is, you have to believe in me. Do you believe me? If I have this dream, do you believe in me? That's the one thing I think you have to get to the depth of.

But you use the word toxic. How do I know? Forget just the business sense. Or there's, how do I know if someone's toxic for me? I'm in a relationship with someone who's toxic for me. You use that word and I love that word. Are there ways to just evaluate, is this person toxic for me? I think, are we...

One of the easiest ways is, is there a culture of kindness in our relationship, or is there a culture of winning? Because in a culture of winning, it's constantly, even in an argument, winning could be, I make my point heard and I'm right, but winning can also be, I inflict the most damage. I say the most hurtful thing that makes you cry, and now I I know for me personally kindness is like, that's the my highest highest value in life is just kindness. Whether it between everyone, like I just, I, sound so tried, but I truly, I live by that

lens of, I just want to be around kind people. And there's this insecure 19 year old version of me that if he met someone he thought was particularly beautiful and attractive or whatever it was just oh my god I just want to go on a date with this person. Today is me I could go on a date with the hottest person on earth and if I found a mean streak in that person I don't want to see him again. I just want to be around kind people and I think that too often we value how spicy you are, how exciting you are, how attractive you are, how accomplished you are, and none of

us are going, how kind is my partner? Because an unkind person is fine as long as everything's going right. But when something's going wrong or when they feel jealous or when they feel insecure or where they feel threatened or they don't feel like the most important thing that day or whatever they will fuck you up.

Yeah. Yeah. And know, yes. You have to be so, you have to be so aware of that. And I think the toxic people, when we talk about real toxicity, it's someone who really consciously or unconsciously is always putting what they, you know, their desires, their needs needs their insecurities ahead of what is good for

the relationship itself. So good. There's this, you should see our folks listening to you here, their jaws are open, there's a, there's a, you're a remarkable man. You're a remarkable man. You're a remarkable man. It's your level of humility that allows you to have this depth of insight as you observe people. Then I'm really so taken aback with you.

I'm getting such great value from this. And so thank you, 90% of the way through. They're gonna learn how to connect with you in a minute, but I have a couple questions about this because I feel like I'm with this treasure. Like, I have to keep pulling more out of you. And they're going to get a whole bunch more from you when they come to some of your live events as well. But I break up with you because it was toxic. You may not be a toxic person, but us together is toxic, right? And so are there do's and don'ts in a breakup for somebody? Because there's a lot of people right now that are at that stage.

They've recently, you know, we're going to do relationships. They've broken up with their business. It failed. But in the relationship sense, what are some of the do's and don'ts when you've broken up with somebody. My brother who writes for our website is a very talented writer. He wants Steven Hussey. He wants said there's the hangover recovery method in a breakup and there's the athlete

recovery method. When someone has a big night out and they do the hangover recovery in the next day, very often they do, you know, God, I need just greasy foods to soak up the alcohol. I need, you know, bad TV. I need to sit around on the couch all day and wallow. I, you know, like there's all these unhealthy things we do to recover from this

thing, this damage we've just done to our body, which doesn't make that not fun sometimes. But you know, when you look at the way an athlete recovers, an athlete gets an injury and they, okay, maybe my shoulders out right now and it's a bad idea for me to do too much with this shoulder like to do more damage but what I am going to do is train every other part of my body right now because my shoulder can't do what I want it to do but every other part of my body is functioning and I'm going to do everything I can to train that. I'm also going to eat the right foods, I'm going to sleep enough and where possible I'm going to do the physio

on my shoulder to bring that back online. But what that means is when my shoulder comes back online the rest of me is ready to go. I'm firing on all cylinders everywhere else. My mind's right, I've been sleeping enough, I've been eating the right things. Yes. The rest of me is strong, my core is strong. Now it's just, this is back online. Okay, let's do it. I think of a breakup the same way. That your heart is the muscle that is damaged, trauma has occurred there in a breakup and we may not it may not be a good idea and probably isn't a good idea for that to try and be brought back online right now by going out there and having an immediate other relationship because we're not that muscles is not working properly right now.

So maybe we say, okay, this is recovering, but I can train every other part of me and my life right now. So I can reestablish relationships with friends that I lost connection with in my break in my relationship because this relationship was so all absorbing, it took so much from me, I was so busy trying to make it work that I actually did a disservice to some of the most important relationships in my life and I need to go and reestablish the connection

there and deepen it. Same goes for my family. Maybe there are hobbies that I have always loved doing that filled by the wayside during this relationship or maybe there are hobbies I've always wanted to do that would add new aspects to me that I need to go on feed right now and nourish a new part of me. Add a new dimension to me during this time. I've got space. Right, let me add new dimensions here.

Let me get lost in my purpose again, or if I don't know what my purpose is, let me go on a journey right now to experiment, like we said before, get the car moving, try some things. What people don't... Now that's the athlete recovery method in a breakup. The hangover recovery method is, eat ice cream, let me sit around and, you know, develop now a food addiction because I just want to eat my way into a num place and in a stupa.

Let me check their social media constantly. Let me check their social media constantly. Let me check their social media constantly. Let me stalk them. Let me continuously text them. Let me micro-dose on them by constantly reaching out. I'm still going to, well, there's still be friends. Let me be on the phone to you. OK, do you want me to come over?

I'll come over. And then we cry the next day, but then we want to see them again the next week. And then we're now allowing them to have a kind of pseudo relationship with us even in the aftermath. All of these things are, or by the way, just going and sleeping with random people because we're trying to patch up a wound that way. This is the hangover recovery method. And it doesn't get us to where we want to be because it doesn't make us like ourselves more. Everything that we do in the aftermath to a breakup has to be about liking ourselves more

because that breakup might have hurt our confidence. We may be questioning our worthiness right now and that's okay, that's natural. Someone breaks up with us, we go, and was on a good enough, what am I lacking, where am I? There's a kind of lack mindset sometimes that comes out of that. What we have to do is continuously do things that make us like ourselves more, that enrich us, that add new dimensions to our lives.

And I kind of see it like, I talk about this on my retreat. I see it as like, there's a matrix of different squares in our lives that give us confidence, that give us validation. It might be your house, your family, your friends, your hobbies, your dog, the fact that you speak

a second language, the fact that you play piano, the fact that you dance, there's all these different things that add to your confidence as a human being. Now, that's in a perfect world, in a real world scenario, what happens is we have a lot of little squares and one giant mutation, and the giant mutation might be my relationship, that I have learned to derive 90% of my identity and my worth from this one source, which by the way happens in business. Yes. And why is it that in a recession, you know, you have a banker who throws themselves

off a building. Why? You weren't going to starve. Yeah. You weren't going to die. Yeah. So why'd you kill yourself? That person didn't lose their job title.

They lost their identity. You got it. And in a relationship, it's not you didn't just lose a boyfriend, you didn't lose a husband, you didn't just lose a girlfriend, you didn't just lose a wife, you lost your identity. And the death of identity is the death of the soul. And so what we have to do is make sure that okay, maybe there was a mutation and maybe the loss of this relationship is a wake up call. That it's okay to grieve over the loss of someone.

But if that grief is going into, this is the end of my world. Yeah. It's because I have a mutation here right now, and I need to re-address my matrix Wow. To diver energy and attention to other squares right now now so that the black hole that is left by this Which was 90% of my overall matrix

starts all these other new and powerful squares start taking up the space Because if they don't that black hole is gonna be a vacuum for anything negative drugs alcohol is going to be a vacuum for anything negative. Drugs, alcohol, micro-dosing on your old partner, who you should have given up, sleeping with new people who are beneath your standard, or being with, getting in a new relationship, that is far beneath what you deserve, but you accept bad treatment,

because you're just any connection, any connection, any connection, that black hole will suck into it, anything that will plug it. Man. So the loss of a job, the loss of a business, the loss of a partner, can be the wake up call that forces us to redesign our entire matrix. So good.

That was one of the best things I've ever heard. I mean, on the whole show, ever. It's one of my favorite things I've ever heard. I mean, I have on the whole show ever. It's one of my favorite things I've ever heard on my whole show and your energy level changes when you talk about it too. That's a passion point for you. I know, which I'm not gonna get into wide, but that's a passion point for you personally.

I wish we could talk about why, but we won't. But I could hear holes, your whole being changed right there. So I got one more question for you because it's again, it's like I keep telling you some of my favorite things, but this analogy is unbelievable. And then when you're done with this, I'll tell them how to find you because I know they're all going,

I gotta follow this guy, I gotta get involved, I gotta be connected. And, but you've said to me in business of application of this too, but business and relationships, there's this lesson you took from Disneyland that I will never forget after having heard it and I would be cheating everybody in my audience for not hearing this incredible impact

that going to Disneyland made on you and its application and relationships and for that matter of business. So would you finish with sharing that with them? Yeah, I was the first time I ever came to America. I think I was about 11, 12 years old. Parents took me to Orlando. they took me to Disney World. And I was blown away by the whole thing, the scale of it

and just how much effort had been put into the whole thing and the attractions were dazzling. I remember going on space mountain, and it was this thrill ride. And it was incredible. But the thing that had the most profound impact on me, which I couldn't fully articulate at the time, but has informed everything in my life ever since, in my business too, was seeing the trashcans at Disney World and how in each different part of Disney World the trashcans

were themed based on the land they were in. So the one in Indiana Jones World was this kind of like teaky bamboo design that one in space mountain in tomorrow land was this futuristic trash can and it was almost an emotional experience for me to know that someone had cared so much about their vision for something. That they paid attention to the detail on the trash cans. And it's never been lost on me that people travel from all over the world to go to Disney World. They could just go to six flags in their state. They could just go to their local theme park in China or South Africa or Australia or wherever, but people travel from all over the world to come to this one patch of land

in Florida. And it's because of the trash cans. It's because the story is so consistent everywhere in Disney. That, and by the way, I mean, people should look this up, but this is fantastic for business. There's the engineers at Disney are called Imagineers. Good. And they have 10 principles that they follow, like Mickey's kind of 10 guiding principles. And a lot of what those principles are about are consistency of story,

consistency of message. And the trash cans is a wonderful example of that. There's a consistency there. That even the story of Disney and the magic of that world isn't broken at the trash can. And why that's so important is because you're going to ride space mount in once or twice in a day. But you use the trash cans every 10, 15 minutes.

So your experience is more the trash cans than it is of space mountain. And in a relationship, that's true too. Your experience of a relationship is not the vacation you go on to Italy one week of the year. Your experience of a relationship is the 3pm on a Tuesday when your partner stressed out because there's this thing happening at work and you've got the kids and you find a way still to be kind. You find a way still to show sweetness to each other.

They come home after a long day and before they put their bag down, they still come and give you a kiss. It's the trash cans of a relationship that make a relationship and it's the trash cans of a business. I have a retreat twice a year. Twice a year. Is my, the people that come to my business, is their experience of my business, the retreat, or is it the people on emails every day? Or the stuff I put out on a daily basis, like those things are important because those are the touch points that people

have everywhere. And I think it's worth asking, what are the trash cans of my business? What are the trash cans of my relationship? What do they look like? Because I, they show integrity. It shows that space-mounted, it wasn't just some dance that I did to impress you. Right, the Tredendale, the Fancy Darnert.

Correct, yes. That was just a dance. Yes. That's BS. Yes. That's a dance. That's a honeymoon. A honeymoon is a fucking dance. Yes. That's BS. Yes. That's a dance. That's a honeymoon a honeymoon is a fucking dance right right the relationship is the game What am I doing every single day to feed this relationship to show I care to show that

these moments where I do something dazzling on a deviation But simply a representation of who I am the rest of the time. Unbelieveable analogy, bro. Like unbelievable analogy. I pray people stayed to the end, particularly here these last couple things we've covered,

but that is stuck with me, and I've quoted you, but in business conferences, I've said, let me tell you about Matthew Hussie's story about Disneyland, and I tell that story about business, and then in relationship, I've said, let me tell you about Matthew Hussey's story about Disneyland and I tell that story about business. And then in relationship, I just think it's remarkable what you've said, it's the 3 PM on Tuesday, it's the trash cans of a relationship. So now, everyone that's heard this or is watching,

this is like, all right, first of all, these retreats are gonna be interesting to everybody. And then clearly your YouTube, your Facebook, your Instagram, how do they find you? Direct them to you and then we'll put it up on the screen on the YouTube. So the retreats, you know are where you can come and be with me for six days.

That's an amazing program, but some people might want an easier entry introduction to me. Instagram's great. The Matthew Hussey is my Instagram. YouTube is great. You can find me on YouTube and all my videos, but Instagram's a great place to find me. And you all my videos, but Instagrams are a great place to find me. And you know what, I did, because I know you recently did a talk at the summit

of greatness. Yes, it did. I did a talk there that a couple of years back that was really powerful because for anyone who's enjoying this because it's towed the line between business and relationships. And there's all these universal principles that are applicable to both. This talk that I did at the summit of greatness did the same thing and most people haven't actually seen it. Okay, so I would urge people to go and check that. Absolutely. The link for that is getcoreconfidence.com. So for anyone out there who wants to deepen their journey with me and go see me kind of elaborate on some of these concepts, getcore confidence.com is the place. Yeah, this man is, we share something where we're both pretty darn generous with our content.

We don't hold things back on Instagram or YouTube. We give our content and then the reciprocity in the universe and the great people out there reward us by coming to the events that we do. And then there's just another level at our live events. And so I enjoyed today tremendously. Oh my God, I can't tell you enough. Like this has been so, it's been so much fun. And you know, you know when you have an instant connection with someone, I felt it before we even turned the cameras on. I literally walked in and it greeted me. I'm like, okay, we're gonna know each other probably forever.

Brother, thank you so much. Thank you. You're very generous. Oh no, today you were generous. I just sat here and learned. So thank you. Everybody, please follow him. We put all those links up for you on the screen if you're on audio

The Matthew Hussey for sure you need to get to on Instagram and then obviously is YouTube channel in my case remember this every day on Instagram I run the max out two-minute drill that means this and here's what you can win if you participate right on my jet coaching call with me coaching call with my guess max out gear tickets to come me speak. We give away stuff every single week and here's what you do to win. You make a comment on my Instagram post within the first two minutes. If you miss the first two minutes, just make a comment on every post. I post every day at the same time, 7 30 Pacific, 10 30 Eastern. Once a day, just make a comment every day at the end of the week. We add up everybody who commented every day or make comments on people's comments and engage

with people. I want you collaborating and communicating. We select winners from all three of those categories to win. So please follow me on Instagram, get involved with the max out, two minute drill. God bless you everybody and max out. [♪ Music playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the background, playing in the Choir