THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Be True to YOU - with Jill Ellis

Episode Date: August 20, 2019

Hold FAST and stay TRUE! “This is ME and this is ALL of me” is a liberating phrase to embody. Do you give yourself that grace? Do you let yourself show all of who you are? This inspirational powerhouse led the Women's U.S. National Soccer Team to WIN Back-to-back Women's World Cups. This world-class USA soccer coach, wife, and mother, explain all things from what it takes to be on her WINNING team, the struggles she endured having to hide who she was, a gay woman, equal pay, what it really means to LEAD, and her beautiful relationship with her wife and daughter. We dive deep into EQUAL PAY, sharing her thoughts on the #wagegap and how the views of President #Trump have changed us as a community… and what this means for ALL genders. I get emotional in this video because we get very HONEST and REAL about the realities of being a part of the #LGBT community and how this plays a role on and off the field. Find out what the MOST important piece to winning is and how to find self-love and self-confidence simply by showing up as yourself and owning who you are! This episode will teach you how to be TRANSPARENT and stand in your TRUTH so that you can fulfill your purpose and calling on your life and truly #MAXOUT. The beauty of the experience is in the JOURNEY. All the good and all the tough. These are the moments that define your character and fortitude.  

This is the Edmmerwood Show. Welcome back to Max out everybody. It's Ed Mylett. I'm super excited about today's program because not only is it timely, but I'm so fascinated with leadership. And I have one of the great leaders in the world of sports with me here today and she's proven it recently as well so the woman to my left even though you're all listening to this on audio today is Jill Ellis and for those of you that have been living under a rock Jill has coached the United States women's national soccer team for the last five years

only to 120 women and seven loss record and they've won two world cups so that's all she's done for the last five years, only to 120 win and seven loss record and they've won two world cups. So, that's all she's done for the last five years. But I'm curious about your whole life, not just the last five years. So, thank you for being here. Oh, it's my pleasure. This is so good. So cool.

So cool researching you. One of the first things I couldn't get over and learning about you was you didn't play and by the way when I say soccer our worldwide view is really talking about football about the rest of the world but for our US folk soccer you didn't even grow up playing. Did you as a little girl when you were in England? Is that right? No, it was very much a man's domain over there. So in truth I played in the backyard my, and the school yard with the boys,

but nothing formalized for young girls over there. So it wasn't until we moved to the States, I actually played in a formal setting, made a team, got a jersey, all that kind of stuff. So it's very different. Isn't that crazy to think the popularity of the women's team, particularly here now, and that just basically a generation ago of players, a couple of generations ago, you weren't even playing over there. I know, it's pretty remarkable because in many ways England, they've had female prime

ministers, they have had leaders and you'd think it would be further along at that moment. But in truth, America, they got on board early with supporting women's football, women's soccer. But England was a bit behind. But now they're, they're, they're up to speed. They're pro league. They've got, you know, a fantastic national team. So, they're doing it right. When you were a little girl though, were you over there? Were you wanting to come play? Like, when you ended up getting over here, was that not even... You know, I came in like, I think it was like 78. My brother's soccer team traveled over here and I went, maybe it was 76, and then I remember when my dad decided to move here, I was entering

the last year of school in England, could be finished school at 16. And he literally said to me, do you want to go, do you want to stay here and we'll try and put you through boarding school. I was like, oh hell no, I want to go. And in a large part, because you could just see the opportunities there were for women, for girls. There was no way I would have been coaching had I lived in England at this point. Crazy.

Because it just wasn't a pathway. And you went on, I mean, most of my viewers would know this, but I mean, you went on to UCLA there. I mean, you're an unbelievable collegiate coach, too. How many final forces did you go to at UCLA? Well, I don't see how that went, on my most, maybe seven or eight other things. I was crazy. I took that job.

I think my first head job was Illinois, and I took that job a couple years after that. It just recruited really hard, and got some great athletes. I loved it. The school itself was a big draw, but I really did enjoy college coaching. When I was researching you, Jill, I'm not a must confess I'm a huge sports fan, but like a lot of people in the US, I watch soccer, but it's not my go-to on ESPN every single night, right? And I started to research you and you have, and nothing I learned about you, is all this humility that you have, but it's remarkable record, your coaching record.

I mean, you're one of the great coaches of the last several decades, regardless of the sport, you truly are. Between college and then two world cops, I mean, it's remarkable. I know, it's kind of crazy, because you actually, you know, you don't track wins, losses and all that stuff. In fact, the ones you freaking remember are the losses,

you know, those, oh, for sure, those stick with you. I mean, you know, even go into that many final four as it was just like, oh, you know, you're just, you're so close. But yeah, I mean, mean, you know, even go into that many final fours, it was just like, oh, you know, you're so close. But yeah, I mean, I, you know, again, I mean, it's not, I'm not saying this because I truly do believe it is, I have good people around me and recruit great players, but yeah, I mean, I think it's all come together

and that's part of the job as well is getting good things around you. You mentioned your dad and your mom, John and Margaret, right? Yeah. Yeah, I'm curious. Because you have a compelling story when you get into it in a minute. What role, I always want to know,

the name of the show is maxed out. So typically, somebody that's been on my show who's just maxed out some area of their life, professionally sports, business, relationship, money, health, whatever it is. And I'm always curious what makes this person. That's you know, what, what, what, how do they end up being this way? And most of them have a ton of humility and I actually oftentimes don't even acknowledge

some of the things they're great at. But usually I like to ask them about their parents. So tell me about your mom and dad and what role they played in shaping you. You know, I think and I think that's one of those things when you look back on it, you kind of realize, but when you're going through it, you don't. You know, I think my dad is, I mean, he's pretty remarkable in terms of just, you know, he moved 40 something years old, moves to this country. So my dad has always taken risks.

And I remember as a little girl, he used to say to me, if you're a good person, and you've got ability, you can always take a risk. And so I, you know, there's junctures in my life where I've probably gone to the to the point where it's not the safe route. So I think that's part of it. I think my mom is just again I think work ethic you know they put in 18 hour days we were immigrants.

My dad made 15 grand a year my school was five you know it's times I didn't you know they just they did a lot and again at those moments you don't. I think them as people their core values who they are Generally influence me. I think my dad is he is one of the most optimistic guys of over map I mean I get a speed and ticket. He's like, oh, it's just someone telling us low down I lose my wallet. He goes just imagine how happy you're gonna be when you find it So the guy is always an optimist, but they've always been very, very supportive. Your face really changes when you talk about your dad.

I'm sure both of them, but your whole face, your disposition change when I asked you about them. So there's just been really a positive force in your life. They have. And they've dealt with hardship. My mom had stayed for breast cancer. Things that you just see your family go through, which a lot of people do. I'm just, yeah, I'm truly blessed, you know, and I really didn't appreciate it as much as

I should when I was younger, and I recognized the benefit. True for me, too, by the way. True for most people listening to this, I think. So speaking of risks, though, you just made a decision that to some people might think is risky just in terms of your legacy, and that you've, I I said retired, but you kind of corrected me a little bit. Tokyo is coming. So there could have been another huge notch on your resume potentially coming, but you just made the decision to step down as the head coach.

So what led to that and was that a difficult decision? You know, I think like when you approach a national team job, you kind of know it has a shelf life. You know, I think a lot of people, and we're very used to this in America where coaches stay in jobs for, you know, 15, 20 years and against those jobs. National team jobs are slightly different.

You know, as a genuine fan of the sport and someone who wants to see it, I think always having new perspective and eyes, I think is important for the growth. I've not just, you know, the players, but actually the sport. But I think, you know, I actually decided in December that I said, you know, we're gonna lose at this point. I'm ready to do a different challenge. Like my dad, you know, when I was at UCLA and I loved it there and, you know, I sit there and I be sort of

saying, you know, this, this, and this, he goes, you're ready for something different. You know, and it's not because it's negative, it's just because you've done it for a while, you've done it for so long, and now you want to sharpen another tool. It's all about putting clubs in your bag. And I've done a lot of different things and always centered around coaching, but I'm just ready for a different challenge. Did you feel like you were in any way losing the team in terms of becoming coach deaf a little bit,

or parent deaf or anything like that? I mean, generally that happens. I mean, that's, you know, it's, you know, when you get a freshman in high in college, when they're a freshman, they're sitting, you know, in front of the room, and then by the time they're seeing you, I think that's natural.

I think, you know, when coaches, when players get, you know, certainly comfortable with the person, I think that can happen. But I think, you know, we tried to keep it as fresh as we could. And I honestly think that this group of players always wanted to be challenged. And so I think, you know, even in our trainings, we would make sure there was elements that would continually challenge them. But, yeah, I mean, I think just, you know, on a personal level,

it's a lot of days on the road, which I'm used to, but, you know, when you've got a 14-year-old now and you want to... There's other elements. Everything comes into play in your life. It's a real man. It's that she wasn't surprised. Yeah, yeah, yeah, probably not. I mean, I think it's,

it's actually the longest tenured coach of the national team that's actually been there. So, you know, it just kind of gives you an idea. Most coaches don't go through two World Cup cycles. And I really felt like at this moment, I'd finished a cycle. And it was now time I've been a part of Three Olympics to as an assistant one as a head coach.

So I've experienced that. So it was just, yeah, it was just ready to do something different. By the way, congratulations. Thank you. I don't think I said that. Congratulations. I think I see about a couple things on that. You talk about coaching.

So let's just hit some things that I've been reading about and I'm interested in. One of the things that came up with the attention the team got was equal pay. And I mean, so I'm actually some awkward things about this too, because I just really loved to understand this. One of the things I first uncovered was the lack of a quality in your pay personally compared

to the men's coach. Is there a justification for that that can be made because their viewership is, but I don't even know this, is their viewership bigger? What are your thoughts about that? I mean, the difference in your pay and his from what I read wasn't just a little bit. No, no. And you've actually won twice. What are your thoughts and feelings about that? I think it's, you know, it's, the players have a natural platform because they're public figures and I think as a coach, yeah, certainly you work for an organization. But, you know, I think I've said many times, you know, I think I was just talking at this She Belief Summit and somebody asked me about that and, you know, I kind of pivot to,

I've got a daughter and if she's doing the same job with the same experience, the same qualifications as a male, she should get to pay the same. And so I firmly believe that. I think it's, in truth, I think the pressure in this job, there's no margin for error. I mean, you lose a game and people want your head, because it's been so successful,

and the expectation is, you win a silver and people want your head because it's been so successful and the expectation is you win a silver medal. Most countries celebrate that here. It's like, I think good enough. So I think it's, you know, in terms of the pressures of the job, the responsibility job, yeah, they are identical. You know, I don't, you know, I work college soccer and I know the football coach makes, you know, ten times, hundred times what you make. And you know, there's justification, I think, four times, you know, just the amount of

revenue that they generate, et cetera, et cetera. I think this, you know, this group and this team, and when I look at the number of fans we draw, I think, you know, it is something that needs to be balanced. How do you do about it? I mean, honestly, so we all kind of acknowledge that because you are right, even if there was a revenue difference, at least as a novice fan, every time there's a cycle like this, it feels like to me the women's team is more popular and gets more attention than even the men's team.

But there ought to be something equitable done about it, particularly with the leadership. What would the next steps be? I mean, I think there was two things that I personally, one, it was closed conversations, you know, you get your agent in there and you get them and you sit down and you say, hey, listen, let's talk about this. And actually, it's not just the head coach. If you look at the salaries within the male female team. So you're advocating for everybody. So I think it's closed door conversations.

And then I think the other way, and the ultimate way is you've advocating for everybody. So I think it's closed door conversations. And then I think the other way and the ultimate way is you've got to win. Because then ultimately that puts pressure on anybody to make sure that they can. I'm sure if I had continued, there would have been a fair bump in salary to kind of just in where I'm at. But you don't necessarily do it for the money,

but you want it to be right. Sure, you want it to be equitable. No question about it. So I'm going to move all the old, kind of, coaching topics. There's 23 women on the roster, correct? Yep. How do you pull together a roster?

Is it solely based on skills? Is there, do personality issues jelling together? Is that part of your selection process on the roster? Is it just simply, look, we need people with a certain set of skills that blend together. Jelling together, is that part of your selection process on the roster? Is it just simply, look, we need people with a certain set of skills that blend together. When you're, I would assume putting the roster together is one of the most critical things you do in that job.

And you know, that's a great question, because I think one of the things, and again, I go back to my father, it's always like, make the decisions that are best for the team's socco wise. So people would ask me, you know, like the world cup is is it's not a roster to invest some for someone down the line So I really based it on talent first and foremost that was kind of my my starting point and depth meaning This player goes down this player, you know I literally had if all three players on the front line go down what's your next?

So it's this part of a mathematical equation to selecting because you've got to have make sure you have coverage. But I think ultimately for me it was ability. I think this is a group of women that you know you've got young players in there but if you're good enough those older players will accept you. And so I think there's that kind of you know unspoken you know just in sport that if you know if it's if you're 19 or you're 35, if you're good enough to help the team win. So that's kind of really what I based it on. So looking numerically at depth and then also just the capacity of players.

It was a process, right? It wasn't something that I think it was coming out of the Olympics. It was a decision to really explore a lot more depth and explore a lot more players and it was almost they had to go through gauntlet and the ones at the end of it stood stood tall. Tough question. If you had somebody who had a particular, remember they're a borderline player, it's somebody who's a borderline player but potentially maybe their political religious stance, something like that, you know, wouldn't be a fit in the locker room.

I'd read a couple stories where there were some borderline players that thought maybe that's why they didn't make the team. Is that a factor in terms of, could it be a divisive thing? I think, you know, I think certainly locker room, you have to, yeah, you have to look at the locker room and you have to look at, you know, just in terms of making sure that there's not a disruption in there. Because if there is, it's going to affect everybody. So I think no coach would tell you it's not about looking at the group and the personalities as a whole. I think again, you come back to because I've had some challenging personalities in the past, but they're also, if you're legit and you can help the team win and again, a team accepts somebody that

can help them win. If it's a player that's your, you know, 20th player on the roster, you know, you make a decision that you think is right for the whole. What's your style like? Are you a motivator? Are you a, you know, let's scream and yell or let's get a go in? What is your, you don't strike me that way. No, I think when I was young, I think I was a younger coach.

I was demanding. I think I was independent. You know, I wasn't as collaborative. I think, you know, and again, we all grow and we learn. And I've looked and I've met some really good managers, you know, I met Sir Alex Ferguson. And you know, you get to look at management style. But I think, you know, what I Sir Alex Ferguson and you get to look at management style, but I think what I've evolved to is a collaborator.

You want your players to feel empowered and you want them to feel invested. So you do try and put situations together where, so for example, the system that we built was built solely the line up in terms of shape, was built solely on their strengths. And you share that with them, because then they connect to their, you know, the buy-in of it, this was built for you, and so you create that. So I think my, you know, my star, no, I'm not a yellow, not a screamer. You know, I worked for a coach a long time ago,

April Hiwnecks, and she actually, I remember sitting in a locker room, sorry, in her office, and a player came in, this player had really screwed up, and she just sat there and didn't change her tone, just talked and the player, you know, the player left and knew exactly but she didn't have to raise her voice. And that struck me as powerful. I think, you know, it's not about always keeping your emotions in check.

I think it's, how can you have the best effect? Every player is different. Some need an individual meeting, some need in front of the group, some need, you know, film by themselves, some need in front of the group, some need, you know, filmed by themselves, some need in the group. I think that's a coach, you know, you learn the fabric of your players and you really try and attack to what the need is. But yeah, I also feel, you know, the team I'm dealing with, different than a college team, it's a professional team.

And I also think, you know, with with a professional There's a certain amount of responsibility on the professional to to make sure that they also, you know bring You know you shouldn't you shouldn't have to be motivated to play for the US women's national team You know that's that's something that should be Speaking of that did anything that the president had said gel the team was at a non-factor was it? Is there a rallying point around that did it create anything divisive within the team? Was it a non-factor? Was it, was there a rallying point around that? Did it create anything divisive within the organization? Not, you know, not, again, I'm not always in the locker room and obviously the players have a lot of, you know, personal conversations. I think for some of them, certainly, you know, because, you know, that's a figure in that, in that office that it's,

everyone has an opinion about. So I think it would be unnatural to people not to discuss and talk about it. Was it something that was brought up in meeting? No. Because you would think so when you're on the outside if you were about... Yeah, totally. No, you're in that bubble, I guess, when you're playing where you're really focused on game playing and getting ready. But if you're a third party watching, you think, man, they're talking about this a lot.

Yeah, and that's the crazy thing. Because when you go into a world cup, I think listen, if this was in January or February, there's less myopic focus on what the task is at hand. But when you go into that, it's all hands on deck. Keep your head down, it's the task, it's the mission, the above bar. So I think that the players, I think that's the beauty. I mean, I was just talking to someone else today. I think athletes, people have to,

you have to respect that they're more than just athletes. That they are people outside of that realm. And sometimes I think the rest of society just sees them as athletes and they should function just as athletes. But it's no different than people sitting around their dinner table and turning on the news and looking at something and discussing it.

That's who you are in real life. And I think that's going to happen within a team environment because you've become like a family. What about that? So I'm just so enjoying this because I'm fascinated by it, right? I just think, I think sports like a microcosm for the rest of life in many different ways. By the way, one thing I observe about you that I've noticed with all the great coaches that I've had a chance to interact with in my life. I just did a thing with Urban Meyer a few weeks ago and Urban's becoming a friend and, you know, who Urban is in the state.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you all have a sense of calm and stability about you. I think to lead big egos and big personalities, that's something that's requisite, don't you think? Just as there's a stability, a poise, a presence, perhaps, that's required to lead people that are competitive like that. You agree, so?

You know, I think you see, I think what I've seen over time, and I was fortunate to have conversations with John Wooden. So there was a guy I think when, when probably everybody is in that mode of old school coat, scream or yell or grab them face mask, that kind of stuff. There's a guy that always kept his way about him. And so that always struck me again. But I would agree, I think I'll share this quick story. We were getting ready for 2015

World Cup. And I invited General Manny, he was a Navy SEAL, and invited him in to come and talk to the team. And he used this analogy, and he said, you know, when, can I swear on the show? When the shit's around you, and everything is failing, in the Navy, they have a term, hold fast, stay true. And it goes back to the military long time ago, when you're on a ship, and the storm was raging, and this is like back in the day, right? You had to hold on to something that was attached to the ship so you wouldn't fall off because of the waves and such.

And then when you couldn't see the sky because of the storm, you had to rely on your compass to stay true to whatever, you know, on the compass. So hold fast, stay true, and I loved it. And it was part of what we used in 2015, but it's something that's really resonated with me, that you just have to make sure whether it's the people around you that you hold on to, whether it's your that's really resonated with me, that you just have to make sure, whether it's the people around you that you hold on to, whether it's your principals, your core values, you hold on to that, and then you never lose sight of really what the direction is.

So, I'm really good. It's just something now, I just love it, and he's still a good friend of mine. Is that right? Yeah, I think it was really... So I think going back to Silverberg Meyer, I think coaches, I think one, players are different. It's not, you know, and so I think they get their information and they're raised differently, some of them. And so I think now you have to figure out what works.

I think your team and you are such a study for like, what the, and I don't mean to be over the top of this, but I'm, I just, I don't like when people say, well sports and politics should be completely separate as if what you said are like these athletes aren't also human beings with opinions and lives and families and the dynamics that go with that. And you watch that, that's almost like a video game, I think, when people watch it on television, they don't realize that perhaps one player had an argument with their spouse that day. Right. Right. There's all these things that the stability of the coach I think

provides but one thing I wanted to go into a little bit because I think sports have been a catalyst for progress in the world. We can go all the way back to Jackie Robinson and Muhammad Ali and Jim Brown and Billie Jean King. And you go through time. This is an interesting time where I'm fascinated because on your team, you have a collection. I'm sure there are people that have different political views. There's women on the team that are in the same sex relationships and they're in heterosexual relationships, right? And one thing I think I'm surprised by is that the light that was shined on the team this last time,

that there wasn't more conversation about the fact that, well, for like, that people can coexist that don't all live exactly the same way in their personal lives, if that makes any sense to me. And why things like LBGTQ rights weren't highlighted a little bit more during this last run, because it's such an opportunity where, even in your relationship, where there's these prominent women that are winning and breaking through, but yet that topic wasn't discussed very much.

Why do you think that is? That's again, another great question. I think the, we live in it. The gay women want to, you live in it. And so you don't really feel like at times you have to put it out there because it's you and it's who you are. But yet, the people outside don't necessarily want

to shine a light on it. You've almost got these two positions where like I feel like at times we probably have to have be more active in getting it out there. But when you live something it's like you know you don't you don't go around espousing how great you know working out it's right you just do it. So it's part of you. And so I think I think when you're actually living it, you don't necessarily think it's not the norm. And then suddenly you get out of that bubble or you get out into a different way.

And you're like, oh crap, yeah, it's different. And so then you either have to get it out there and be an advocate for it or talk openly about it. But I also think the flip of that is not a lot of people want to report it. You know, they're more tuned to what you think of the president than they are of just advocating for people's rights and people's lives and what you live daily. I mean, I was, it took a long time.

I was way back in the day. It wasn't something. I was afraid I would lose recruits if I, you know, openly live my life how I wanted to. So, you know, I think that's, you know, I think it's actually your question is a good reminder that probably we as members of those communities, whatever they are, we need to probably advocate more for ourselves. I think that's important. My number one reason I'm getting emotional, I don't know why that is. My number one reason for wanting to meet you was that I just feel like I don't want this time to be a missed opportunity for that.

And I feel like maybe it is, like maybe, see Ali, when he was making progress and knew that he should, he was apparently African-American. In other words, it wasn't just a behavior, it was what he looked like, right? And so, and the sort of discrimination he faced was not covert or not, it was prevalent. And so, in these cases, I just feel like there's these very prominent women yourself included,

whether it's, I don't know, everybody's relationships, whether it's Megan or anybody else, right? That it's an opportunity here to say, hey, you know, I think when people root for you and they see you winning somehow, something becomes more mainstream or acceptable to people. Isn't that ironic in our culture? Like I really like her because she can kick a soccer ball,

or they want a world cup, So everything else is okay now too. And I just hope that everybody realizes, because I was reading about you and it seems that you have had a remarkable relationship with Betsy. And we've talked about the Royal Parents have played. Tell me a little bit about Betsy and your relationship and how, you know, that dynamic has worked as you've been doing all this winning in your life.

How important has she been? Gosh, now I'm going to get emotional. You know, in truth, I think I lived in the shadows until I met Betsy. I think I was, you know, just not comfortable, uncertain, that the career that I was building would be derailed, if I was open about my relationship. So I think, you know, meeting her, it was a confident leader, you know, someone who held themselves, you know, well, and, you know, it was just someone I actually admired. I was like, wow, and it kind of made me go, okay, you know, that's, I felt, I, my self-esteem rose, you know, because again, it was a different time back then, and you very much were pushed into the closet. And then our decision to adopt Lily, that was the game changer. At that moment, I realized there's no way I'm going to not live my life openly, so that

this kid doesn't have to talk around something, not be open, not run up to me. And you're never going to control a two-year-old saying, I have two mommies, right? So, you know, just that moment where you realize, gosh, this is me, and this is all of me. Wonderful that is. It was so liberating. It was amazing. So she literally changed your life?

Both of them. Yeah, changed my life for sure. I'm reading about this essay that Lily wrote. Can you talk about that? Can you tell people, do you know the one I'm talking about? Well, I was reading. I believe that she wrote an essay at some point in school where she was, she was in an orphanage for three months when you found her. Is that right? Yeah, she's an orphan. Yeah. Just tell everybody about that. For the essay aside, she had evidently written about it in school from when I was reading. Yeah, she was remarkable. So she was born in Preblein, Mexico.

And she was sort of left in the hospital. And she was in orphanage raised by nuns. And we went through various processes to adopt her. And even now, she'll say to me, you know, she'll look at me and I very much want this person to do whatever she wants in life. You know, she got great self-esteem, but you know, she'll say to me, she'll thank you mama, you know, and she just, she generally, you know, loves, I think, the life she has and the opportunity she's had. And, you know, I've said to her, I was like, we'll go back to Puebla,

and if you want to seek out, that's great. We're behind you and beside you. To find out who her brother is. Yeah, if that's what she wants. But yeah, I think right now, especially in the climate we're in right now, here's a Mexican maybe orphan immigrant coming here. She's even, I think she wrote about the fact that I was an immigrant. So she's, you know, adopted by an immigrant.

That's exactly what she wrote. Yeah, and it's just, you know, it just, and when you kind of look at the story and the fact that people can contribute to this society, regardless of where they will born here or not, that's, you know, that I think is pretty special. I do too. I just think you're special. It's like, I'm reading about these extraordinary people. I love to open up their lives because I think, first off, there's a whole bunch of women

right now or men listening to this and some of the things you've shared will give them confidence. In some sense, you're kind of a little bit of a Betsy on their life, right? And that's what sports is about. That's what leadership's about. And that's the stuff that when you watch this stuff on TV and you see these people achieving these things, they are humans. They do have real lives. They do struggle with

confidence or their life or their relationships and the dynamics that go along with living and they're just like you. That's the point that I want to make to people. And go ahead, you're going to say something. No, no, I think, you know, I've to people and go ahead you're going to say something. No, no, I think, you know, I've read some different information and books and such and, you know, I've made a commitment that the more transparent I can be, the more people that you can. I mean, like, you know, I'm a female coach and people now, you know, I'll be of a role model. But beyond that, it's like, yes, I think there are so many teenagers and young girls and

young women and boys out there that are still afraid of who they are and still limited. And, you know, I'll tell a quick, funny story. So Lily comes home and she's talking and she says, you know, ma, I think I'm going to get married at 25. I think I'm going to have a kid at 30 because you guys are old and she points the Betsy and I. And then she goes, you know, my husband, I said, or a wife, and she goes, yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm straight. It was perfect. So I think that's the moments where, you know, I remember when we moved to Florida, she came home one

day and she said, oh, my friend, so and so, her mama made me take her phone number off because I have two mommies. So the kid told the that, hey, listen, you can't have Lily's or Frances, two mommies. And I said, well, what did you do about that, Lil? And she goes, you know, I'm just going to help her understand that two mommies is good and it's fine. I'm just going to help that person. I'm not going to be mean to her. And I'm like, you know, that's the gift you want to give.

And that's what you want to promote. And that's what you want to promote. And that's what, you know, you know, anything I'm corny. But I just feel like the more you talk about these things, the more people get to put human faces on issues like this, the more that's what begins to happen. Because the world's so divided right now. And I think it's actually nowhere near as divided once we're together and we understand each

other's we think we are. I think we all love each other. A great deal. I think we all accept each other and the more we're in each other's presence and company and discuss things and there's understanding people are actually good at their core. I do. I agree. I mean, I think sport is a unifier.

I mean, it really is. I think back to, you know, we actually, during the World Cup, we got a message, you know, independent celebrities with Santa's message, and we got a message from Billie G King. And it really touched me. You know, for many players in that room, they probably not aware of just what this lady did for sport, you know, the change that she brought.

And so I agree. I hope that this moment, you know, these, that it's not just about this team, but I hope women right now, it's a springboard. So what we, you know, what we potentially can do. Thank you for contributing to that. Yeah, you're very welcome. So I'll mess up if I don't ask you a couple more things here,

because people are like, all right, I got all that Mr. Social Justice Warrior. That's also, make sure that we've covered some stuff on the progress of the sport and stuff too. So I just want also make sure that we've covered some stuff on the progress of the sport and stuff too. So I just wanna make sure that we've done that. I'm curious though, when you were at UCLA, we're going back just a minute,

but I wanna make sure we've covered it. That was really with, you know, Brandy Chastain and all the stuff that took place there with the attention that that got. Nine, nine, yep. Yeah, did you know, oh wow, this is changing. Like the sport is becoming something much bigger now during that time.

Do you aware you were a part of some, almost transitional history in sports during that time? I feel like that's when the sport, at least for most people here, was like, oh, we're really paying attention to this now. Did you know that was happening? Well, it was, I think even the place, I think you were surprised just how captivating this team was. And, you know, I think this is the other thing about,

you know, I love soccer, but part of our, part of the attraction of this team is the personalities. Yeah. So I think it's hand in hand. If it was, you know, if they were all vanilla personalities and the bland and, you, and I don't know that it garners as much attention and it garners as much fan support. So I think it's a combination of the people. So I think what happened in 1999 was, yeah, I mean, it was sort of the tipping point for our sport in terms of suddenly you're filling out stadiums. And because I look at all these federations around the world and they are begging, they

need investment. Because ultimately that's you know sponsorship. So I think what what 99 you know, in so many layers it was important. What makes these really great players? Is it just talent? I mean, is there something that separates the best players, like the two or three special ones, whether it's Alex or whoever it might be? And do you see something different? I mean, are they just faster, stronger, quicker, or is there some separator with the best

of the best? You know, after I was an assistant for Pia with the national team and I took over a youth, director of youth national teams and I wanted to share something with those young players because I've seen fast players, I've seen technical players, smart players, you know, all the kind of components of sport. And so I actually emailed at Abby Womback, Carly Lloyd, some of the bigger players, Lindsay Tarpley, and I said at the time, and I said, give me the three things that got you to where you were, that weren't related to your sport.

So, like Abby Womback is the best freaking header in the world, right? All five of the women I reached out to had one common thing in there, and it was self-belief, sash confidence. And so it seemed like the cliche, but you can have all the talent in the world, but if you can't put that out there and you can't believe in it, you don't have that fire in your belly kind of thing, it's not going to happen. I've seen many, many technical players that don't make it to the national team or they're kind of come in and they don't succeed because I think there has to be at some point an acknowledgement that ultimately we're all alone. Ultimately we are, you're on the

pitch in your moment. You've got your teammates around you but you have to have the faith in yourself that you can do it. So I think self belief is probably something that in those truly true great players, the players that elevate above the rest, I think that they have that in them. You know, the, I say, you know what, penalty kick is, it's a shootout at the end of a game. And when you think about who your penalty kick takers are and everyone could allines to the player with the most confidence, in my head, I think about who can live with the mess. Wow, it's good. So because you have to be able to live with that and to live with it you've got to have that because ultimately it's the, you know, it's those negative moments that really define your character or your inner fortitude or

whatever it is and it's who can live with the mess. That's so good. So yeah, that was so good. Oh, I love that. What's it feel like to win a World Cup? Like, take a sin at first second. Like, you just won the World Cup. What goes on in your body? Is it relief?

Like, is it, or is it just joy? Or like, what is it really like? Cause I ask other athletes this and even in my own life, things I've won, I think it surprises people sometimes what your actual real reaction is when it happens. What was yours with a different the first and second time and what's it like?

Yeah, I actually do think it was, it was, I think the first time it was probably just a massive release of whole shit we did it. Because it was, I think this time we had a lot more time to plan and prepare. So you had a lot more things in your back pocket. I think that one, it was like, you kind of pulled it off and it was that kind of surprise and exhilaration of that moment. And to be fair, because it's our'm wired, literally the next morning after winning the World Cup in 2015, I'm sitting there with a pen and paper looking at my roster spots for the Olympic.

The next morning. Yeah. So, you know, like, and so part of me going into this one, I said, I've got to try and pause and enjoy this more, or pick my head up a little bit in terms of not just being so immersed. I don't think I watched one other team play in 2015 here. I watched different games and I tried to, because yeah, because I think it's one you kind of know more what to expect. I think the victory this time, it was a sense of accomplishment. It was a sense of, wow, you know, because I think it was just the so many processes, so many decisions went into this, you know, happening.

And I don't think, I don't think the players know how many things behind the scenes. I don't think that, you know, no one obviously outside of our bubble did. But you know, between me and my staff, there were so many things. So I think that was just a real sense of, I was actually talking to one of my assistants the other day. And, you know, he just said, if people could only know, you know, the minutia, the decisions that go on behind that, to have this outcome, you know, it's crazy. A couple more things, because we're on a tight crunch. Is it worth it? All the sacrifice, all the work.

Is it worth it? Yes. Yes. Absolutely. I mean, I know how I'm wired and I think achievement is a goal or, you know, and I'm not even talking like, because I said this to the players, you know, the other day when I was back in with them, I said, you know, this journey has been more than medals and matches. You can't, it's not just about a match or a medal you get, it's the moments, right?

Like that's what I'm going to remember is those moments and even the crappy moments, because someone I was talking with and I don't know, this is kind of a cool analogy. It's probably been heard before, but they sort of said, you know, the beauty of the ocean is the waves, is that you've got to enjoy the crest and the trough. And together they work in harmony, right? And so when I sort of look back on this journey, it's the tough moments as well, are also as much a part of this journey as the highs. You know, and somewhat even more so.

Because, you know, when you're a coach, it's like, you know, you're always in somebody's crosshairs. It's the public, it's the media, it's the players. You know, you're always in someone's crosshairs because it's not a position to step into, to be popular. Yeah. So I think I've just, now I've kind of matured to embrace all of it. So wonderful. So last thing, I've kind of matured to embrace all of it.

So wonderful. So last thing, I've enjoyed this so much. Yeah, we do. I really have. It's so good. What's next for you? Like, you know, you make this transition. I do talk show. You do this. You'd be really good at it.

And something tells me people would immediately listen. But in sincerity, do you know what you're going to do next? I don't have any immediate plans. I literally, my boss was great. He just kind of said, I'm going to stay with you a soccer and kind of an ambassador role. But I think you just kind of have to something that intensive, it's just kind of taking a pause. Yeah.

So yeah, I don't I don't know the immediacy it's just kind of just enjoying it and then I know I can't sit still I'm I took my kid to the beach for three days and after an hour sitting there I'm sweating I'm like this is this sucks I want to do something you know so I can't really dial it down so I know it'll be something but I have no idea at this point. I'm so grateful for today and I if I can ever really dial it down, so I know it'll be something, but I have no idea at this point. I'm so grateful for today, and if I can ever do anything to help you. I really appreciate it.

I'm certainly here for you, and I'm really grateful for who you are, what you stand for, and again, congratulations on all of your success. I just have an interesting feeling that the best chapters in front of you. I think you're going to find an even bigger calling here going forward because I think it's there for you and you have the experience and the humility and the track record to really help a lot of people. So I hope today's show did that for all of you listening

to it by the way because it certainly did for me. I don't often get emotional on my show, so it was good thing this woman was an unvideo. Thank you so much. My pleasure, I really enjoyed it. Thank you so much. My pleasure. I really enjoyed it. Thank you. Appreciate it.

All right, everybody. Just reminder, on social media, every single day, I run the max out two-minute drill. If you want to engage with me, you want to fly on my jet, you want to get coached by me, you want my book, my gear. You never know. Maybe you get a call from Jill Ellis or somebody like that. One of the guests on my show.

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All right, everyone, max out your life. Take care. This is the end of my journey.