THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Be Your Best Self- With Mike Bayer

Episode Date: September 17, 2019

Who do you SHOW UP as each and every day? You may have seen him on @DrPhil or the NewYork Times bestseller list for writing Best Self: Be You, Only Better. He's the CEO and founder of CAST Centers and a regular on the Dr. Phil show, my friend, Coach Mike Bayer! In this interview, we dive deep into the shame we all feel and how debilitating it can be to move forward when we are carrying that kind of weight around with us. Being the best version of you means showing up as your most AUTHENTIC self, the TRUTH of who you are to your core. When we can capitalize and identify that person we are able to practice this in our day to day life and pinpoint when we aren’t. Since my dad is an alcoholic and has been sober 30+ years now, this interview really hit home for me and I share a message to anyone who is still using. If you have faced addiction yourself, or witnessed it amongst a loved one, or struggled with any kind of mental health - this interview is for YOU. Often we struggle with our past and harbor it, keeping us stuck. Your past is actually the greatest tool in your toolbox if you choose to let it produce your greatest growth. You’re going to want to have a pen ready to take notes because Mike gives concrete ACTIONABLE ways to help you IDENTIFY who you are being at your BEST self and who you are when you’re not. You definitely won’t want to miss out on my share of who I am when I am being my anti-self either!  

This is the admiral show. Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I'm Ed Mylett and this gentleman to my left, I read his book and immediately after reading I'm like I have to get this man on my show. Little did I know as I was chasing you to be on the show that you were a contributing person to the Doctor Phil's show at the same time. But this man's written a book that I love

and I want you to get, it's called Best Self. This is Coach Mike Baer. So Mike, thank you for being here. Thank you, Ed. I'm ready to max out. You're ready to max out. Good, well, I want to be a better version of myself, and I know everybody listening to this does too.

So, this book's so good. Thank you. Because there's actionable stuff on almost every single page. That's how I tried to write my book as well. So I just want to acknowledge what a great job I think you did in this book. Why'd you write it, by the way? Well, I... Thank you for having me here.

And I wrote it because I wanted to create something that was affordable for someone who wanted to work with a life coach and wanted to have practical ways that they can improve their life. And everything I kind of create can meet a person where they're at. And I like to pull out their authenticity and start as that being the place we started. Because everybody you need to know something. This man's work we're not going to go through all the names but for a long time you've been working with some of the biggest names in the world in Hollywood and the entertainment business and coached them. And so for you to put this stuff in a book I really feel like people are very fortunate

to get the stuff you've sort of reserved for this sort of, I don't know, elite group theoretically of people. And the reality is I like working with people who aren't part of the elite group a lot more. And that's what I, because I feel like people in day-to-day life don't have teams. Not big teams, per se.

And when you're brought in to work, and when you're brought in to work with talent, you're brought in to work with the 20 people around them. And so it's really nice to be able to just work with someone where they don't have everyone being on payroll and everything being such a challenging. But it's rewarding, don't get me wrong, I mean, I love some.

I know exactly what you mean, the irony of you and I as I would not met because we know so many of the same people and we've done similar things, just mind more with mainly athletes and years more with entertainers. When I started a research, I want to give people hope and I want to get into some stuff because everybody today, if you're driving or maybe you're watching this on YouTube, this is going to be right some notes down stuff,

because the one thing I really like about Mike is all the strategies and techniques that people can apply to become their better self or their best self. But when I was researching, I was a little bit surprised, because I maybe I shouldn't have been, because I think through everybody's pain or adversity, everything happens for us and not to us.

But if we went back, you know, when you were in college and then right after college, your life was, you were not your best self. I wasn't the same. I grew up actually about five miles from here from where we are right now. Yeah, so I grew up in Nellie, Yoh Ranch. You know, into a modern day high school

and I went to play basketball and, and, and, and, and, and six five. You six five, this is a big dude. You want to say six six. Okay, so big dude, big dude. I've got a big dude. Orange County. Went with the homecoming queen.

And just felt empty. Like the things outside of myself wasn't making me feel fulfilled. Yeah. And I eventually, while I start parting and then I eventually gone to Crystal Math, have you done it? I've never done Crystal Math. Yeah, I know. You're not missing out.

So you're not trustworthy. I mean, it's a very, at first it's really great and you love cleaning your kitchen and you love, except it doesn't actually get cleaned. No, no, it doesn't. And so, you know, you'd stay up for five days or a week or what have you. And then I just looked at myself in the mirror, I guess probably the 40th time.

And it was just kind of like, like I don't effin' like you, looking back. And I don't know who you are. And I was 22 years old. And I'd been through some outpatients and I called my parents and just said, hey, I want to go away. You know, these sayings are easy to say.

Everything happens for me, not to me. My dad's drinking when I was a kid. You and I have talked about that. My dad's been a recovery for 30 plus years, but one of the great gifts of my dad's drinking ironically was because I'd have to kind of discern which dad was walking through the front door every day. I had to assess him at four and five years old. Is this dad that's sober and kind of happy to be here? Or is it dad's been drinking for a while? And he might be a little angry or tired or whatever. Right. And it's ironic that one of the skills I use most of my life now is assessing

people. Yeah, I bet you really go with social cues and picking it up really quickly because you had to figure out how to regulate yourself. And I would think when you grow up with something you're carrying where you feel different or other or whatever it is, whether it's your race, your sexual preference, you're maybe a lack of something. You don't have athleticism or you're not good at taking tests. That these things actually create parts of your personality that serve you if you'll use them eventually in your life.

Don't you think you'll think that you not grown up and not had this drug and alcohol addiction that you had of a method addiction at least that you probably wouldn't be so great at what you're doing now? No, I wouldn't be. You wouldn't be. No, no, there's no way. But that's what that's for the people I've noticed that turn the corner in their life and for anyone who's listening, it's how do you turn your darkness into inspiration? So even now, when I wrote best self

and I was going through different struggles because I'm human, anytime I had a struggle, I was like, I got excited. Because I was like, ooh, I get to write about it. I get to figure out what's an exercise that can help someone shift out of that and that's kind of how I view whether it's universe work, God's work, whatever it is, it's kind of like whenever I experience

something that's really difficult, I know that I can apply it to help someone else. It's a huge life hack like secret. Like once you kind of start to accept, like I'm supposed to get something or others are supposed to get something from this pain. Yeah. This pain's a proce to produce something favorable for me or others or growth. Like you can start to know that when it's happening. But I'm curious, and by the way, I just admire you so much for being able to share

the vulnerabilities of your life. That's why I like you. That's why I don't like watching people like, hey, I got it all together, I'm perfect. Let me tell you how to be perfect. I like what you just said, I'm human. For anyone, I mean, shame is, it's, shame can ruin you. And it's whether you feel shame for,

you know, who you're sexually attracted to, whether it's shame for something that happened with a family member or something that happened with just, if you were abused, sexually abused, neglect, depression, whatever, whatever whatever shame whether you're not smart enough Being able to talk about it and communicate to people that are safe You know sometimes it's assumed that we only should talk for a mom and dad about it But sometimes our parents aren't safe And so it's figuring out who is safe. Is there a way to discern that? And so it's figuring out who is safe. Is there a way to discern that?

Well, I think, you know, so there's something called the social atom, which is where you create a circle and then you look at all the relationships in your life and you can just create a circle. And a straight line would be anyone that you feel safe with, that you can be vulnerable with, that you feel like you could open up to. And then you think you kind of make with a squiggly line

as someone where you get anxiety, or it's a little bit complicated. And so I think being able to figure out who those safe relationships are, to share it is the first step, because shame is brutal. I mean, that's one of those things that just it destroys people.

I think almost everybody listening to this is carrying some sort of shame. I really do. Whether that's something they feel like a relationship they're in, whether they didn't treat somebody appropriately or they let someone else down. And I completely agree with you. It's one of the things not discussed.

We talk about pain. You know, we talk about, want to do improve our lives or anxiety. Shame is something rarely discussed that I know I carry some. You know, I carry shame, that's a button from, that's a bucket I enjoy filling sometimes with myself. But that makes any sense. Like most of us have these buckets that were unconscious

and one of the ones I like to do on me that hurts me, it's kind of repetitive is I'll fill my shame bucket. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? Whether it's a conversation I had with my daughter that didn't go the right way, I'll shame myself about it, rather than. You know what I mean? Whether it's a conversation I had with my daughter that didn't go the right way, I'll shame myself about it.

Rather than just acknowledge what it is and grow from it. And I'm really, really, really, really impressed that you, that you're willing to share these things. I think your advice is so cogent. And I know that's why Phil probably has you on the show. I want to ask you a question because I did a, I did one of your exercises. Okay. But I want to walk the audience through it.

Yeah, let's do it. Because this book, guys, you're going to get it and you're going to love it. And you're going to love it because it's actionable. I love actionable stuff. So there's a best self sort of, what do you call it exactly? What we're going to walk through right here. So best self is your authentic self. So best self is your truth, your honest truth.

Like my best self is a wizard who is a thousand years old. He's actually tattooed on me, right? So like on YouTube, if you're not watching this guy, you're gonna have to go to YouTube. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's not done. This guy, Nico Hurtado, did the tattoo. He takes forever to get into.

Beautiful. I've been freaking waiting forever. I mean, the guy's so hard to get into. It's beautiful. Thank you. It's not done yet. So you've named him. You've named him.

Yeah, it's Merlin. My best self is Merlin. It's a wizard. That's a thousand years old when I walk into a meeting or when I present myself. That is me being my best self. It's like wisdom, honesty, truth, alignment, living in the moment, kindness, love. And I think, you know, like our parents give us names. Yes. Right. And but we can name ourselves whatever we want at our core. And we can create, I find that being able to create that character in that story. It creates a safe place for our minds to go sit into. Yes. And so, and it's something that a kid can do or a teenager or an adult. I want

to say that. I want to go through your... I love it. So, I want you to walk through it as if I hadn't prepped it. Okay, so first, look, I'm gonna say everything to everybody. This is so huge, everyone. I've been talking for 20 years about at any time in your life you can turn the page and become a new character in your life. Right. That we repeat these old stories about ourselves, and our book of our life starts to look like one chapter that just kind of runs together. What a boring book to read if it was just one chapter about the same character. There should be evolutions, right? And I'm always talking about change the character, change the character. And then I read your book and I'm like, this is an actual technique to name and change the character

that is you. Right. And identify it. So guys, this is so awesome the way that you do this. So the first step is to do what? The first step is to write out a description. Okay. So, and how do we do that? You write out, you can look at times in your life when you felt like, wow, this is life. Yeah. Or you know that's the best part of yourself. Okay. It's not outcome driven?

Yes. Sometimes we've got not outcome driven? Yes. Sometimes we've got stuck on outcomes. Yes. And as you talk about, sometimes the outcomes happen 60 or 90 days down the road. They're delayed. Or two years down the road. Sure. So it can't just be, oh, that outcome.

It's when you feel good about yourself. Is it like, so it's sort of like adjectives to describe the best you? You got it. Okay. Adjectives to describe the best you. What did you write down? Well, I wrote a few down. I'm, but, and I did this alone. Yeah.

Um, I think it'll been cool to do with my family, but I did it alone. Um, and I'll be honest with you, it was empowering when I'm my best. I'm these things. And it's like, I never, even me and I, I coach people all the time. I never just take the time. What is the best adjectives to describe me? What I'm the best me. Right. So I put peaceful, kind, patient, confident, prayerful, strong, decisive, relentless, non-judgmental, encouraging. I wrote leader, I wrote listener, or listening, focused, present, in the moment, and funny. Those were the best things I like about me when I'm the good me. Got it, and so then you took that description, and you felt pretty good about this.

This feels like you're an alignment, right? I love when I'm that guy. Yeah, that's you. Yeah, at your core, that's you, right? That's me. And so then you drew it. I drew it, and it's just what it is. You said you could do whatever it is.

So he told me it could be whatever it is. It's kind of a Superman. Cool. And I'm, you know, I even have my family have told me that I'm like a Superman when I'm the best version of me. And you also wanted me to name him. Name him and it's Superman. That looks amazing.

That's my guy. By the way, and that's as good as I can draw. So that's the real means of Superman. Yeah. And he's all these things. And I would encourage every single person listening to this or watching this to do exactly this exercise. We're not done yet, either everybody,

but take an inventory. What are the adjectives that describe the best you? And then you want them to draw a picture of it. You name it because it's it, you name it. Because it's a great way to go, am I walking into the room as Superman? Yeah. Am I talking to my kid as Superman? Am I handling my relationship as Superman?

Or Merlin. Or Merlin, right? Right. And so that's really understanding authentically who you are and that's how we kind of start off Best self the book is figuring out who are you like and let's name it and so and that's our starting point of compass So the next part of the exercise is to figure out what is currently pressing into ourselves our own psyche that we know is not Authentically who we are so it's that part of us that goes I, I shouldn't have said that. I don't know why I feel this way. Why might be in myself? What am I saying to myself? It's like the committee in the head that we can't

shut off. Well, what is it saying? And again, we want to write down the adjectives of what we call your antiself. And so you did that ad.. My aunties self is, you know it was kind of cool. I noticed something and maybe, do you find most people are having easier time writing down the good or the bad? Bad, bad. I would assume that too. One thing I kind of liked is you loved it.

I had a better time. I actually had an easier time writing down the good things. That's great. That's shown the work I've done on myself. Yeah. Because I would assume it's 80, 20, 90, 10 people, like I can name you 80. People normally don't have this long of a list, although I think this is incredibly healthy. Right.

Have a long list as being your best. Yeah, and I think everybody writing this to the vast majority of you are probably going to have a really easy list of the negative things. And I think the more that you repeat, you utilize this exercise and the techniques that I teach and that might teach is I bet you over the long term you're going to have an easier time writing the good ones. And I think that's when you know you're being that best self more often. You got it. Because I live, I think I live, I'm definitely this guy a lot, but I think I live with that guy. Well, we love Superman. I mean, Superman and this guy here is.

Let's hear about the descriptions of your hands, I sell. Well, we love Superman. I mean, Superman F is. This guy here is. Let's hear about the descriptions of your aunties self. Judgemental. Okay. Impatient, scared, angry, indecisive, anxious, gossiper, distant, serious, complainer, self-centered. And now that I'm naming them, I could name some more.

Actually, but those are all the anti-me. Yeah. And you drew the same exercise you drew. I drew him. And he's a guy with, you know, I mean, he's a bad language, everybody, but he's a guy with a big old head and a hat with two phallic symbols coming out of the side of them. Yeah, is that a penis coming out? It is. There's two of them on it's part of his hat.

And his name is actually Richard Cabesa, which is Dick and in Spanish Cabesa is head. So you've got to get the name. But we call him Richard Cabesa. Got it. Got it. No, this is great. So we have Richard Cabesa. We have Superman and Richard Cabasza. Got it. Got it. No, this is great. So we have Richard Cabasza. We have superman. We have superman and Richard Cabasza. Richard Cabasza. Okay, great. No, this and this is fantastic. And so what we start off in in best self as we go, okay, who's your best self? And who do we know is going to get in the way of you even finishing the book? Who's going to get in and be like, oh, this is this is a bunch of BS. I don't have time for that, and I'm good. And, you know, just, yes.

So we help identify those parts so that we can navigate the book. And so what I find helpful once people do this is to figure out, okay, how do I get more of him? And what situation currently is bringing out the most of him. So for you Ed, what would you say currently Richard Cabesa, when what situation do you feel like currently where you go, oh this comes out? Anything, anything that feels stressful to me, Richard Cabesa likes to rear his head, no pun intended.

Anything stressful, and I would say something specific with that would be, if I'm prepping for or driving to something, I think I'm not prepared for. That guy comes out. That guy is super judgmental. He likes the goss up. He can get pretty anxious and scared and fearful. He doesn't pray. He isn't present.

I'm always projecting. That guy likes to project into the future all the time what he should be worrying about. Right. So he can't be in the moment. Not in the moment. Okay. If I could identify one thing that causes most

of those other adjectives to happen, it's pressure or stress, and I'm not present. Got it. Yeah. And so, because when Superman comes flying through in those situations, you feel... I feel incredible. I feel strong. I feel peaceful.

I feel like a leader. Yeah. I feel like I'm doing what I'm called to do. Right. You know, what I was born to do. And I feel loving in that space. Yeah, that's a word that should have been in there. Loving.

And so, and best self what we do is then what we take you through what's called the Seven Spheres, which is an acronym I created, which someone rates their social life, it's social life, personal, health, education, relationships, employment, and spiritual. And they line, you just rate it from a one to 10 and it's full of exercises and you go,

okay, well, in all these areas of my life, how often do I feel like I'm being my best self? Because usually what happens for us is once we put down on paper and walk through it, we can have a roadmap. Yes. And it doesn't become just theory. Yes.

And so, can I give you an example of that? Yeah. How powerful this is. Everybody's listening. It's like, that seems pretty basic. Everyone, y'all trust me, do it. Yeah. Just go through the exercise, even Richard Cabasin,

I almost laugh at that guy now. It's why I gave him the name I gave him. He's hilarious to me. And I don't want him in my life. He's like a joke, right? And so in my case, I want to, if I'm going to have shame, I'm going to shame that dude outside of me. I'm not going to carry it myself.

And so I'm going to tell you though, last night, I did this last night. And I had fallen asleep. Perfect little example. And you stack these things over life. So you gave my family a gift last night, unknow, right? Okay. And so what I did was I had fallen asleep and actually posted it. My lily was sleeping next to me. I was extremely tired and I every night going and kiss my daughter good night and say

a quick prayer. And last night I was laying in bed and I was tired and I knew the lights were off in her room and I woke up tired and I went, I'll just do it tomorrow night. Right? And immediately I thought about what would Superman do? Superman would get up and go in even if she's asleep and I'd kiss her and I'd pray with her even if she was asleep.

I didn't want to get up, I was tired. And Richard Cabesa was taking over. Yeah. And I literally thought about Superman and Richard Cabasa and I chose to be Superman and I got up and I walked in and she was actually awake. And I said, hey Boo, I love you. I gave her a kiss and she gave me a hug and we said a quick prayer. And actually she had something she wanted to ask me and had I not gone in there, she wouldn't

have been able to ask me that question. And so that, if this did nothing other than that, one thing the rest of my life, it was worth it. But I can already tell, even today, prepping for our interview and getting no better, I'm like, I think I'm ready. And I'm like, well, what would Superman do? Superman would go another little extra inch here. Superman would be more relentless, more prepared, right?

More present. And so it's an effect of even how we're doing this today. Yeah, and you're welcome. No, I'm grateful and you're welcome. No, I'm grateful that you did this. It means a lot because you took it on your own initiative. I didn't ask you to. And you clearly dig in when you have people come on your show.

And the thing about Richard Cabasa is when you, the interesting thing with the ego that I found is when you build out the character, if you say to someone, okay, just don't be so angry. Ed, you know, like let's hear why I said, Ed, don't be so angry. She calls you Richard Cabasa. You may have a split second of like, and then you'll start to laugh.

And it's not that serious, because you don't even wanna feel that way. And you get to get called out on your stuff in a way that's playful and not, what a great exercise to do even at work. Yeah, where your coworkers are like, hey, Richard Cabasca cut it out. Yeah, that's awesome, I love that.

I love that. So you can do that in your family, in your family, in your work class. Yeah, and you can do it with your kids and it becomes revealing of how they view themselves. Yeah, so good, brother. Oh, thanks, so good. Thank you for that. Yeah, and you can do it with your kids and it becomes revealing of how they view themselves. Yeah, so good. Oh, thanks. So good.

Thank you for that. Yeah, of course. I do. I gotta be honest with you, like I love simple actionable things that the audience can take with them and do. And guys, you'll be different after you do this. And you're family will be different if you do it together. Yeah.

What a great gift, man. Thank you so much. Thank you. I got so many things I want to ask you about. So I want to, I want them to get the book. So I don't want to do anything more that's in the book. many things I want to ask you about. So I want them to get the book, so I don't want to do anything more that's in the book, but I do want to ask you about one thing, just because it was important to me.

Yeah. And so again, the last thing in the book, because everybody want you to get the book, and I want you to get the audio version of the book too. However, you talk about, I just want them to hear this, because everyone listening is wants to change something about their life, and you have the five tenants of change in the book, And I'll name them and then you give me a little bit

of forward if you could. Okay, curiosity is a tenant of change. Honesty, openness, willingness and focus. It's a very list. Just give us a little flavor behind that. Yeah, so I love acronyms, so I call it chow-aff. It sounds like a Chinese restaurant. Chow-aff, okay.

Okay, it's just a lot of the tenants of change. Yeah, but I feel like those are the five components. You gotta get curious, you know, I'm not sure I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up.

I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up.

I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up. I'm not just going, oh, you're right. Right? Doesn't feel like research. I think the reason that people kind of dig my show is I'm so hyper curious about the

people that are on the show. I mean, I love them and I'm curious about them. So completely agree with me. Yeah. And then honesty is just a pillar of, you can't be honest with yourself, your compasses all over the place. And then openness to other ideas, other suggestions, other solutions, willingness, what length are you willing to go to to make the change? What are you willing to do? And then the focus, really just focusing on the change.

Very good. Those are kind of what I call the five tenths of change. I love it. And when I was reading the book, I put everything through sort of like my life experience meter. Like do I believe this? Right. How important is curiosity? Right.

You know, that was kind of unique. I thought that what a powerful mind opening word honesty was pretty obvious to me. Yeah. Openness, willingness, and I know about focus. I know you do. I think one of the, I maybe you agree with me on this. And I think one of the lost arts in the world are people's ability with all the distractions with smartphones, with TV, with how quick things happen in life is to stay focused on

something until the task is completed, until you've achieved. Do you see that too? The people that you coach, the Omega achievers, I think, one of their separators. Is there ability to focus? Yeah, I think it's what people focus on, whether they prioritize, where they put their energy. I even think like focusing on, I've started, at least, with social media, it's like, what information do I want to put into my system? Yeah. You know, anything that's going to give me anxiety, that's not keeping me safe. I don't know why I would follow it.

Very good. Right? Yeah. It doesn't feel good. Yeah. Why am I putting that in my system? It's like bad food. So I mean, I think in terms of focus, it's just what do I want more of in my life and

what do I want a little less of? What a great distinction. I'm doing that on TV, politics. Oh yeah. No matter what side you're on, and just for me, it's like I just realized watching this, no matter what, I don't get into my political beliefs on the show, and I don't even know that I'm that strong

at any one place on that stuff. However, just watching the coverage and watching the people, it's like a live reality show all the time. And as I was watching, it's exactly just that to myself. Is this giving me joy? Right. Is this growing me? Is this giving me peace? Yeah. Is it giving me the things that Superman would want? Right. It's contributing to Richard Cabasa. Yes. Richard Cabasa is getting anxiety and stress. Richard Cabasa is living in the news. Yes. Isn't it true? Oh, yeah. You for many of you, your risk of a case is exactly what you said. It's a stuff that's given you anxiety and stress and worry on your social media.

Yeah. It's so good, brother. So good. You strike me as a guy because of overcoming, you make light of it, but you have a came a method addiction. I mean, here's a guy who, you know, everybody, he has so much humility, but this is a guy who now, there's one person in really 17 years whose doctor Phil's trusted with that seat

to help be on the show on a relatively regular basis. Yeah. The guy who that is, was at one point at 22 years old, calling his parents saying, I'm method addicted, get me into rehab. Right. That's incredible what you've turned yourself into. You've also founded these, is it cast?

Cast centers. Cast centers. So tell them a little bit about the cast centers and what you do with that. Yeah. Just give everybody kind of the full rounded version of what you do. Yeah, I kind of cover a totem pole in my career. So when I say totem pole at the bottom, it's like psychiatric disorders, chemical dependency, need a lot of support and structure. So I started a treatment center.

The first group I had in my apartment in Venice, because I know how the heck I was gonna afford to have an office or anything. And it's expanded quite a bit. And now it's a outpatient clinic with we treat straight depression or string anxiety, dole diagnosis, which means you know chemical dependency and alcoholism with another diagnosis. Yeah, so we have evening program, day programs, and that's

in West Hollywood. Okay. And now with insurance, it's great they cover. Thank God. Most insurance is covered treatment, which is awesome. Big topic that's come up a lot is mental health. Yeah. More and more on my show and in social media, people are asking me to discuss it more, have a cover it more. You know, I'm a believer that mental health is this huge spectrum. It is. It's such a broad topic. It can be

everything from suffering from some, you know, anxiety. That's the idea, we're, we're health. Yeah, one of the things about mental health that you and I were talking about off camera too is that you all should be working towards being healthier mentally, emotionally. Like, even if you think you're a really well-adjusted person, I feel like I'm a pretty well-adjusted person. I'm still reading and seeking mentors and relationships, associations, experiences

that improve that part of my life. I'm my physical body, I'm trying to improve. I want to improve my emotional and mental well-being as well. And no matter what level you're, I think some people think, well, the mental health stuff's like for people who are like, you know, manic, depressive or, you know, skits of frenzy, you know, they're suicidal. That's one part of the spectrum.

There's all kinds of other stuff. Yeah, me or you could have a more poor mental health day than somebody who's three days sober. What do you do for a theory? I haven't had one in a while, but I have. I agree with you. I think you're completely right. I have one of the great things about people that are in recovery is the, what I would call almost forced self-awareness that begins to take place.

The revelations in learning about oneself is one of the great gifts of recovery that sometimes people who don't need to go into recovery never get that gift of. Just self-reflection, right? Can you share with us maybe some habits that you do daily or routines that contribute to your wellness mentally?

I mean, I love rituals. I love a structure. So like, I think it's rituals. Yeah, I love ritual. I love a structure. Yeah, like You know, I think for me even before here I go to your bathroom So I could look in my in the mirror. I go just be yourself. Yeah, I Listen to music, but when I rolled down here that made me feel like I could get Outside of myself so I could actually Be a vehicle for stuff. So like there's the simple things like that. And then there's, can you go back to that thing in the mirror

because I heard you talk about this before, I think it's powerful. Can you tell about what you actually do when you do that? Yeah, it's changed a lot. Okay. But I feel like so often in the mirror, we just look at our aesthetic. It's like, and not to be dramatic,

but it's kind of it. It's like when you really look into who you are as a man or a woman, what do you say to yourself or what does it say back to you? And so I like to go to a mirror and I often will drop to my knees in a bathroom. Yeah. Real quick in front of the mirror.

I try to make sure no one's watching me. And then I pop up and I'll look at myself in the mirror and I'll just be like, you got this or be yourself or just be my own coach. Because we're all human. We navigate life. And I say I dropped to my knees for humility, just to be like, I don't have all the answers.

OK, hop up. Look at myself, say something and that's something I do before I go into do anything publicly or anything where I feel like there's pressure or anytime I feel like I may not be myself. You know? Yes, I do know. Because I want to be that, I want to be Superman, I want to be Merle and like I don't want it, I know for my own life good comes when I am myself and I hear you talk about that in your podcast and on your show. And so, you know, look, there's the basics of gratitude lists, you know, which they work. Yes, they do. And I always will call people to ask if I'm ever feeling completely obsessed with myself, which we all do, because you get what you put out, right? And so when

we're self-obsessed, it's hard to get out of it because we're just obsessed with ourselves. And so what I'll do is I'll consciously call people and purely ask them how they're doing and not tell them how I'm doing. And I'll do that just to get out of myself, drill. You know, and I feel like that's why I chose this profession too, is I get selfishly, I don't even know if I can cut stuff. You can. Fucking love, helping people, because I, in return, feel this spiritual connection to life.

You too, right? And so it feels good to do that. So I mean, I want to acknowledge a couple things because it's just ironic. The reason I wanted you to tell that story was I'm not anybody else ever share that. So I don't do it in a mirror. But before, and then first it sounds like a George Michael moment and it's not. No, I actually, it made it someone who's never done it before, but it is. No, no, I know exactly what you mean No, no, I and you can get away with saying that probably a little bit earlier than I can't having said that though I don't feel that way I

I before every show every speech every any significant encounter I have I hit my knees as well and say a prayer and it's it's I ask you know for God to you know support me in that meeting and be my best self Yeah, actually I don't know that I use that exact word, but that's the thought and every night when I pray people ask me You know how do you physically pray I pray on my knees and it's just a reason that it's it's humbles me It gives me a version of humility so I grounding grounding I literal grounding right and I just want to second that, because there's so many things we're covering people. That's a big deal for me. Yeah.

The other thing that you do about calling people, we do it a little bit differently, but calling people and checking and how they're doing. I do that. But what I love to do, everyone, I'll give you, you may think this is weird, but when I'm in a public place, I will find people regularly about every time I'm out in public. I'm at a gym, I'm at a restaurant, I'm at a public place. I will find people regularly, about every time I'm out in public. I'm at a gym, I'm at a restaurant, I'm at a grocery store. I just randomly pray for somebody.

Just peace be with you or God bless them. And I just pray. I get out of myself and pray for the person. For some reason that gives me comfort, gives me strength, gives me humility. And I don't know why there's this as part of me that I just feel better when I'm helping someone something. Oh yeah. So that's my version. Oh man. If sometimes I'll go with friends, I'll be like let's just give

compliments. I mean it's so funny. You know I've turned 40 next month. I love stuff like this. You go to a grocery store and you literally are just dishin' out compliments. Yeah. And when we get a little competition, we're relapping. But people love it. Yes. People love anonymous compliments. I don't feel so good to give. It's fun.

I have an audio on that, where I talk about, if you want to change your state, start complimenting other people. First, it forces you to become a habitual observer of people's blessings and giftedness, and then it feels so good to give them that gift, and it's something that you may be the only person that year who will give them a sincere compliment about something. You could complain, you could, you could, what a great look and tie, you know. The guy ends up going home and I feel a better about himself, and he's nicer to his children

that night. Right. Like, it's just the ripple effects of these things. These are life hacks that matter. So thank you for everything. And I think that's why it's for guys like us. It's not that fun to watch the news or watch politics because you don't see people lighting up other people's candles or their lights.

You just see them blow it out. And so I think you have to create that environment. Like you're talking about where you're constantly in that flow. Yeah, I totally agree with you. It's so good. Okay, we're flying through this, fortunately, because I'm loving this. But I want to ask you, so everyone wants to change something in their life. It's a baseline question.

Someone listen and say, gosh, I got these two guys there today, Ed, you better ask them this. What advice would you give somebody who just wants to create a change? It could be anything from, I've got an addiction and I want to fix that in me, or I've got a job and I'd love to start my own business. I weigh 50 more pounds than I want to. I want to transform something about myself. Can you give us some thoughts or actual steps? I think, well, I think two things, which you know better than I do about setting a goal.

And if you don't have a goal, they can't really achieve anything. So setting a goal, an intention, and a goal of what you want. What is it? And by when, and having it be measurable, and practical. And so one is a goal, and then the other that I think, well, a few other things, I think having accountability, figuring out who can help keep you accountable, if there's anyone in your life, is it possible, even if it's mom or dad just checking out, hey mom, I want you to call me twice a week and ask me, are you making that 6am class or whatever it is?

And then the other that I've found more recently and I've gained so much benefit from Dr. Phil is how coachable are you with your change? A lot of people don't know what the answer is. I've found. But their own ego gets in the way of being coachable. And a lot of people actually aren't coachable who think they're coachable. Agree with you. Right?

Yes. And so like to me in terms of change, you're going to do it alone if you're're coachable. Agree with you. Right? And so like to me in terms of change, so you're gonna do it alone if you're not coachable. Like, it's the truth. It's really true. Because no one wants to, if someone has figured it out and they're trying to mentor, lean in,

and I've also, so many people I find want to give solutions, because it feels good to help. Yeah, I agree with you. And so it's just keeping that in mind when you ask, most people no matter how successful they are, they'll give you advice. I agree with that.

Speaking of successful people, a couple more things. Do you, because you work with the most, some of the most successful people in the world, I bet you most people would be curious. Are they happier than a person who's not quite as successful? Well, hmm, happy, what depends who it is. Okay. I mean, but by and large, did this success,

this achievement give them, if we're being really honest, did it give them more joy, happiness? Well, I mean, you could ask yourself, like you've had a lot of success at different times, so you feel like that. I love how you do that, but I did more. I love that's why you're a good coach. No, I mean, it's real though, because I mean you're a product of...

Yeah, I think... I'm always asking people that question that are sort of in this space, too. I think that, well, I don't think material things long-term give you lasting happiness, no. Right. I don't. However, it's a lie to say the material things don't think material things long-term give you lasting happiness. No, right. I don't However, it's a lie to say the material things don't bring you some happiness You got a nice pair of shoes or a new car. You feel happy temporarily. Yeah, I love your shoes, right? Thank you but you you you're what you're really looking for long-term is fulfillment Yeah, and those are two different things and I think fulfillment is typically

Comes through a couple different sources. One is always in the service of other people. And I think it's identifying what your passions and giftedness and blessings are and using them in your life and the service of other people. Like if you can start to figure out, you know I'm kind of good at this, or I enjoy that, or I'm passionate about this.

You identify those gifts and blessings, and then you utilize those things in the contribution to other people. That's how you become fulfilled in my mind. So I have friends that are school teachers that don't have a jet and don't live ocean front. They're incredibly fulfilled people because they don't, their model of life isn't that they need to be looking at the ocean. I have other friends like, you know, that sense of achievement and growing and pushing past barriers and achieving all these goals. That's what gives me fulfillment. So I think everyone's blueprints a little bit different on it.

But I'm curious of the people that you've coached. I think it would be what depends if they have worked with a lot of people, pretty chronic depression, and those people struggle differently than someone that doesn't have it. But by and large, I feel like it matters. What matters is how connected to a community and safe relationships and friendships and love that the person has is an indicator.

I think sometimes people struggle quite a bit when they're super famous because the story they tell themselves is they can't trust people or which there are some realities to it, but I think it's about how safe somebody feels in their connection of love. Yes. The reason I believe that, the reason I asked you was, my observation is the more and more someone's achieves a celebrity status, the more and more it's important have somebody in your life constantly having them come back

to learning about themselves, that they lose themselves in the pursuit of celebrity, and they almost become this person they think everybody wants them to be. And I don't know that that's just for people that become famous, but it's my observation of the people that I've worked with closely that have become very well-known,

is there's a propensity to possibly lose sense of self. Yeah, and what you can't, there's something about it hanging out with friends playing a game and just connecting with other humans and feeling love when that starts to get stripped away and becomes isolating. I think for anyone, it becomes, or when you're connected with people, no one's better worse than anyone, but if you're in an environment where you hold power or perception that you're better, I think that can also be really isolating. So do I. But I don't know if there's a difference. I don't think there is, but I think the sense of self needs to be protected.

The reason I say this to everybody is forget celebrity. As you're achieving things, as you're moving up the ladder towards your goals, make sure that you're constantly giving yourself gratitude, giving yourself rituals and habits that connect you back to yourself, whether that is hitting your knees on a regular basis, or a gratitude exercise, but praying for somebody, you're calling other people and always make sure that you're connecting with yourself, that you don't lose yourself in the pursuit of stuff. Correct. The reason I asked the question is, yeah, I think we sometimes get lost about what's actually

going to make us happy. I agree with that. All right, so I got asked the question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we sometimes got lost about what's actually going to make us happy. I agree with that. All right, so I got a random question and then we'll finish up. Because it's got to do with sobriety. I want to know how you, because you started doing a lot of these. And I'd like your honest answer about it,

because a lot of people listen to this, they have someone in their family with addiction. Right, they do. And it's probably alcohol or drugs. It's prevalent. And you used to be involved in interventions, a great deal. I wanna know, I know, you've done a lot of them,

and so you're an expert at this. I have a philosophy about them that I think I've developed over time because I've been involved in some myself. How do you feel about interventions in general as a strategy to help somebody pursue sobriety or a change in their life. Is it effective or ineffective? Well, I mean there's a lot of people I've intervened on who I never thought would be sober who are sober

today. Like I just received a text a few days ago this guy's a big professor now at a university is over 10 years ago. Wonderful. So they do work, I think, I mean, life's a, it's a loose garment. There's a fit for everyone, and I think it's about what's the fit.

Sometimes surprise interventions work, sometimes they don't. Sometimes a kid needs to be taken in the middle of the night, sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes someone kid needs to be taken in the middle of the night, sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes someone needs to stand up to dad, and sometimes mom just needs to leave. So like interventions, I think they're very successful with getting people to treatment.

But like anyone who goes to treatment, the biggest step is what happens when they leave treatment. So specifically about it, my concern in the ones I've been involved with have been the ones that I've seen be effect more effective, nothing is 100% in sobriety as we both know, not even close. Having said that, was the sobriety level of the person during the intervention, meaning if they were high or loaded during the intervention, they may have gotten to the treatment center, but this was not really a decision they had probably made of soundmide. I know this may seem like I'm going down. No, no, I understand. When I have seen interventions work more effectively, is finding that drunk or alcohol or drug

or alcohol-addicted person. But somehow finding that intervention during a time of sobriety, whether sober to receive the message to receive it, or do you not believe there's any distinction between those two things? Answer honestly. Well, I think it's sometimes really hard to get someone who's... I agree. A silver. Yes. Especially if you're doing it, you know, a lot of them have done. We do first thing in the morning before they start drinking for the day or are you using...

Well, I think that's a valid point. Yeah. We're likely to get somebody sober earlier in the day, theoretically, right? Right. Yeah. But it's interesting. It's just so weird how life works. I've intervened on so many people that I literally, like I had one guy who I intervened on.

He was homeless and doing some pretty colorful things on the street. And I intervened and I said to him when I took him to treatment, if you get a year's sober, I'll give you a job. I was like, this guy's never going to stay sober. Sure, alone be all the year later, I get the phone call. Wonderful. So it's like I've had so many of those. The thing about interventions that's a bummer is they're just so chaotic. There's just so dramatic.

And they're like the last, you know, step, the last house on the block. And it's really sad to see what happens to the family members. I mean, I always look at like, was the family need to do? Yeah. Because at least the addict or alcoholic

gets to numb out. Families not, they're doing with their pain and their emotions and they're covering up. And so I usually lean into the families. and then secondarily is like, okay, well, they're going to change, do you want to change? I think that I want everybody to hear today because we talked about shame. I think that there's a lot of people listening to this that have that, some sort of an addiction right now, they're shamed by.

And I just want you to know as the child of somebody who got sober, my dad finally got sober. I get emotional when I say this, but I'm so proud of him. My dad's addiction actually gave him an opportunity to become my hero in the real world. And so my dad, if you are listening to this and you have some type of an addiction gambling alcohol drugs, whatever it might be, I'm going to tell you something. When you do turn this around, and if you do turn this around, your family is going to be immensely grateful and incredibly proud of you. I can tell you 30 years later, my dad's children, his grandchildren, our existence as a family

has been completely altered by my dad's decision to, and follow up in his program to stay sober over the years. It's altered all these lives. It's altered my life. I'd like to think I'm altering other people's lives and affecting you now. And you can draw that back to my dad's courage that he went and made the decision finally to get sober. And so those of you that are struggling with something, the effects of you getting this

right and getting clean or getting sober are so profound long term. It's going to be an incredible. It's probably be your greatest legacy to your family. And sober, like we find, you're absolutely right. I just what you got taken in my brain was there's so many people we now see addicted to pot. Okay. So many, so many.

Mike and I were just talking about this before you get here. And it's a conversation that like, I don't care, I have friends who smoke weed. I have friends who don't smoke weed. I'm sober, I don't smoke weed. But like, I've been sober over 17 years. So wonderful. Congratulations.

We see a lot more, primarily men, 20s and 30s who pot is ruining their life. And there's, they're in this cycle where somehow they're believing it couldn't be. Yeah. And it's been real, we've seen a lot of people having such a hard time getting off weed. This has been such a blessed conversation. Right before you got here, Mike who shot everyone on my programs, has doesn't smoke weed anymore but used to. conversation. Right before you got here, Mike, who shot everyone on my programs, has

doesn't smoke weed anymore, but used to. And we were talking about the, I said to him, I said there's more and more people becoming addicted to pot. Oh yeah. And he said to me, goes, you know, I was just driving over here, there's a billboard on the freeway, that there's all these pot billboards everywhere. It's the normalization of it, but however he's like, and this one was to solicit to have it delivered to your front door to you, even need to leave. Yeah. And he said, imagine if it was alcohol, there wouldn't be a billboard that said, I'll deliver alcohol to your front door, even though you could do it. It's a direct solicitation.

I worry about this generation that's going to grow up in the normalization almost of pot. There are people, obviously you and I both know it's smoke weed once in a while and it's not affect their life, but it's important that people hear this. This is something to be mindful of and be judicious. Yeah, and it's important to know that pocket ruin your life. Because a lot of people don't realize

they'll be like, oh, they'll start off just smoking at night and they'll smoke in the morning, then they'll start smoking all day and then they'll start eating the edibles. And it just keeps going and it's okay to need to stop for a while. It doesn't, everyone's different. but I think a lot of people, we're finding a lot of people over the last year are getting rexed by pot.

And because it's not killing people, meaning like how fat-null is or opiates or alcohol, it doesn't get that same attention. And because it's so heavily promoted right now, and I'm not someone who's saying pot's so bad, I just see so many people now who it's affecting their relationships. They're feeling foggy, angry, lonely, dysregulated, and just if someone's listening it's okay if you want to ask for help and get out of that because it's there's a solution you know. I'm so glad you just brought that up. I didn't know we were going to bring it up at the end of the interview and it might be

the most important thing that we brought up here because I'm seeing it too. I had a very good friend we were driving to this last week or so in the car and he was telling me that it's to the point now where for him to eat breakfast, for actually to eat when he gets up, he has to smoke pot now just a function to be able to eat in the morning. And so it's wrecking his life and so it's just something to be mindful of everybody that you're family and in yourself if that's in your life. So thank you for that. Yeah. Today's been so good. Yeah, I found those. Thank you.

So let's make sure they know where to find you because I know they're intrigued now. If they didn't know you. First off, you'll see them on Dr. Phil pretty regularly. But let's work and we find you on social media. Yes, so it's Coach Mike Bear. Everything's Coach Mike Bear. Coach Mike Bear.

We'll put it up on the YouTube screen right now that everybody can see it too. And then also your book is there's an audible version, an audio version of the book too. You can listen to it while you're driving, and you'll have me talking to you and coaching you and do some work. Yeah, and you got one of those voices too. It's pleasant to listen to. So I really enjoyed today.

Like I enjoyed it. I learned I got things out of today, and I know my audience did too, and I'd like them to come follow you. So thanks so much, my you. Thank you. Thanks so much, brother. All right, buddy. Everybody, I know you enjoyed today's program. Just a quick reminder on social media every day. I run the max out two-minute drill. What that means is I want to connect with you. I want to interact with you. By the way, would you do a 10-minute call with one guest on my show? 10-minute coach call. Would you do that? Yeah. Okay, thank you. Have you ever...

Okay, so the university size unit. So what I do guys on my social media every day when I post on Instagram, I post between 7.30 and 8 a.m. Pacific time every day. And so what I post every single day, there's three ways to win. One, just make a comment in the first two minutes. Just make a comment.

So have your notifications turned on. Two, if you miss that, make a comment at any time, but make a comment every single day at the end of the week we add up people just comment it on every post every day. So we add up that group too and then if you make comments to people's comments so you're engaging with people we pick winners there as well get right on my jet coaching calls, gear coaching calls with some of my guests Mike's going to do one and my book all kinds of cool stuff that we reward every single week, we pick winners every single day.

So make a comment, comment on people's comments, comment every day. Alright everybody, God bless you and max out your life. you