THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Blueprint to a Better You w/ Brian Dawkins

Episode Date: December 29, 2020

“The majority of the success I’ve had has been on the back of pain” He’s an NFL Hall of Famer playing 16 seasons and one of the GREATEST safeties of all time! Now he spends his time teaching people how to improve their lives physically, mentally, and spiritually. It is my pleasure to have Brian Dawkins as my guest on The Ed Mylett Show. As we get closer and closer to 2021, it is time to leave the old version of yourself behind and step into the enhanced 2021 vision of yourself with confidence! This interview will show you the blueprint to turning your pain, failures, and doubts into victory. Brian shares how his most difficult circumstances helped shape his mind and spirit to realize his greatest achievements. See, the things we go through in life are seasonal unless we TRAIN our minds to live in pain or unhappiness. The things we have gone through and may still be going through now are just a season. Brian’s story will give you the motivation and action plan you need to get through the harsh winters of your life AND be prepared to handle the next one. The possibilities for your life are endless. All you have to do is put in the work to make it come true. “If nothing was preventing you from becoming the best version of yourself and you knew you couldn’t fail at anything, how big would your dreams be?” Brian and I both believe that we are all blessed with natural gifts and when you are able to stop taking them for granted and USE them to help and serve others, you WILL reach your true potential regardless of the circumstance you find yourself in. If you want a better life in 2021, the blueprint is here…

This is the Edmmerlidge Show. Welcome back to Max out everybody. Today's awesome. It's going to be awesome. I got a nine-time pro-boulder in the NFL, NFL Hall of Famer. And my lifetime is a 49-year-old man. The greatest safety I've ever seen playing a football field. Wow. But what's going to be remarkable is that I'm going to be a in the NFL, NFL Hall of Famer. And my lifetime is a 49 year old man,

the greatest safety I've ever seen play on a football field. Wow. What was gonna be remarkable about today is there's so much more depth to this man that just football. We're gonna talk about faith, mental health, achievement, being in the present moment.

And he's also just gifted with an incredible ability to articulate his thoughts. Before I introduce him, if you wanna go watch one of the all-time great induction speeches into a Hall of Fame, go YouTube, Brian Dockens, entry into the Hall of Fame speech, absolutely mind-blowing. So I kinda gave it away.

Brian Dockens, welcome to Max Out. It is a blessing to be on here with you. I am a fan. I'm a fan of yours and how you've used your message and who you are to be able to strengthen so many people's best farm. And then you have so many more yet to come. So it's a pleasure for me to be on your show.

My honor. So I don't know where to begin. I think where I want to start is, when you have somebody on who's achieved the top, I was talking to another NFL Hall of Fame, I said, who is the greatest safety? I mean, you come up to long history of football., who is the greatest safety? I mean, you come up with a long history of football. Like, who is the greatest, right?

So all these people that played pop Warner and high school, college, D2, D1, NFL, then there's All-Pros, then there's the Hall of Fame, then there's the best. And this particular guy who we were talking about before we went live said, there's three for me, Ed Reid, Ronnie Lot, and Brian Dawkins. So you talk about somebody that walks in that sort of rarefied air, but then I looked at you, the measurables.

All right, six feet, 209, you ran a 4 6 40, those are all world class stats, but they're not that much different than any other NFL guy who gets into the league. What separates someone who's average with great measurables to maybe the best of all time. What are some of those elements? The element that you were probably here, people talk about me and something that we want to talk about today is the passion. The passion that I formed in the beginning around some negative stuff. And what I mean by that is,

I wasn't looked at as to be the dude out of my neighborhood to make it in NFL, to make it to college, to be honest with you. I wasn't the biggest of guys in the growing up in the neighborhood, so it wasn't supposed to be me. I always tell this story. It wasn't supposed to be me. It was supposed to be so many other people.

So I took that as a disrespect for me. And I use that. I use that as motivation. I use that as a as a as a chip on my shoulder. And what it did is it created a passion in me to have success at something that people thought that I wouldn't be the one to have success in it. So with that begin to do it, begin to put me laser focus energy lines on specific things, on how I need to be better every day than anybody who came up against me. Certain things that I went through going up that I had to do things that I didn't want to do in that time. But it actually taught me some things about what I need to do going forward to be better versions of myself. Now, I didn't know this language back then.

Yeah. The only thing about yourself or the being your better version of yourself, letting off any of that stuff. I just knew in that moment, I wanted to be better than that dude in front of me. I wanted to work that dude in front of me. And the specific things that I had to do in my mind sets, I to work that dude. So in my mind, I'm going to, I've already worked that dude because'm going to work harder than him. He's never going to work harder than you. Here's what I think like take entrepreneurs or people just want to get in a relationship

or athletes listen to this. The negatives are what actually knock them out. It's the rejections. It's ironically in your hall of fame speech. And very early he said, the majority of the success I've had, I'm quoting you, has come on the back of pain. Yes. Right. And yet most people, the pain, the negative is what actually eliminates them in their mind from becoming world class, it's something, but you did the reverse. And I find that's a, that's a thread.

Brady, to this day, you argue with these the go or not, to this day, the dude still BS is about being such a late round draft pick after six freaking super balls still looking for that chip on his shoulder. Can you give us an example of some of those things that you would leverage maybe not making a team or a pro bowl team that you made most of them so I don't know what they would be. So I leverage grow this is when I was now 13 years old real quick story 13 years old I played year before. This is my first time playing football organized football of the neighborhood. Around 12 years old. The first year I played, I was able to play running back and play quarterback for that team. The next year, the coach moved me to center.

Right? Think about that now. I went from one year from being running back to quarterback to center. It was also a coach that I decided not to play for the first year. So I had a choice to first year who to play for, a new coach or the older coach who had been there. I chose to play for the new coach, running back quarterback. Next year I had to play for the older coach, put me at center. And so I was in a place that I listened. I did not like playing. I hated it. I hated it. And so I told my dad, hey, could you tell this dude to,

you know, move it. I can't do this. But my dad taught me a lesson. This is one of the lessons I taught I learned in my life. Now, you start something, you want to finish it. Whatever you start, you finish. And not only do you finish it, when you're going through it, you go it it you go in it and through it with the right

Matatue with a good attitude with a coachable attitude So that is a life lesson that I live with to this day. It's one of the highest levels Brian that separates somebody Huh, so you walk in an NFL locker room Everybody's being paid to play. Yes, They can change the legacy of their family, right? And even at that level, these things separate at the highest levels, true? Yes. Yes, because is that principle is not something that just was for that moment, like you said, that principle has now governed me in the rest of my life or how I carry myself, how I conduct myself in a place that I'm not loving to be. My attitude is going to be on point. Matter of fact, I'm going to, I'm learning

to now say it like this, I'm going to grow wherever I find myself. Whatever I find myself, whatever situation I may be put in, I'm going to grow in that environment. I'm going to create an environment with my attitude of fresh fertile ground for me to grow in that thing because I'm going to be better. I'm going to be a better person after I come out of that painful situation, right? It's a mindset adjustment that if more people thought of things that way, it's more people understood that the things that we go through in life, life are seasonal, they're not there to stay unless mentally we create habits to stay there.

If we do not create a habit to stay in that condition, we can grow where we are knowing that this thing is going to pass. It's not going to stay and I'm going to be better for going through it because I can handle things differently in the future with the wisdom that I have now again. That's exactly what you just said is why I do this show. That right there, everybody go back about two minutes and listen to that again. The reason it's so profound for me is how you approach pain and how you approach negativity. It's something most people don't deal with on the front end. So we all know as we're listening to this or you're watching it, this is an inevitable part of the seasons that Brian's describing. Winter comes and everybody's life.

So you already know it's coming. So if you don't have a predisposed plan or mindset of how you're going to approach pain and negativity, how are you going to get through life in a happy, blissful, productive way? And so this is how you do it. It's inevitable. I think we start getting to these delusions.

All right, now I'm past the pain part of my life. You know, like I'm past the negative part. I think people even look at a guy like you, millions of dollars in a fell hall of favor. I'm sure the negatives in the pains are gone out of your life now, right? No. You still have them true.

No, and to be honest with you, that was one of the reasons that I was led to do it, to save my whole of fame and speech the way that I said it, to give so much of myself to be so transparent about some of the things that I've gone through because I had heard so many people up to that point, like, oh my goodness, you have it made. You've always had it made.

I hear it, you ain't a fail, you've made the whole of fame, so you have every, no, no, no, no. I've had so many things that I've had to overcome or change my mindset about in order for me to reach the plateau that I have, I was blessed to reach. So the thing that I understand more than ever now is how important a vision is for you creating a vision of yourself or what you want to be, what you're going to be created in a in a in a now moment, knowing that it's going to come to fruition later

on, but you already see it. It come to fruition in your mind. Matter of fact, I'm doing a better job of writing down my goals now. Writing them down in a present tense to make sure that those things come to fruition in my mental, in my vision first, because once I get a vision of something,

the Bible says it's like this, and I love this in Proverbs, that without a vision, the people perish. Without a vision, the people perish. Another version also says it like this, that without a vision, that all restraint is let go. Something to that effect.

I'm paraphrasing here. But if I have a vision on what I know can come true, because first of all, I have to believe, first of all, that I can do the thing that I'm envisioning. And once I have that vision, now I can begin to plan how I'm going to then accomplish it. I can then, the other thing will happen for me, especially growing up in the neighborhood that I grew up, I knew what I couldn't do in order for that vision to come to fruition. It's certain people I couldn't be around. We always talk about having the right people around you. I knew that he was certain cats that I couldn't be around. Matter of fact, I lost two of my friends, my good friends, to the streets. Both of them, you know, lost their life to selling drugs in the street.

And those are two of my best friends at one time. But because of the vision that I had in my head of the success, I was going to be, I couldn't no longer hang out with him. Wow. So, I can tell you one of the things that strikes me is, people usually only see what's in front of them. I'm going to tell you, I can tell you about one of the things that strikes me is people usually only see what's in front of them. It takes work to see something that is not yet present, right?

And I kind of have this theory too that I think you do need to believe it when you have a vision. But I've had things in my life, probably like you with the NFL or whatever it was. I don't know that I believe that when I first envisioned it. But the more I became familiar with that vision over and over again, the more I prayed about it, the more I did begin to believe I could do it because I lived with it so often. You know what I'm saying? I think the more I saw it, the more I believed it. But I want to ask you if we go back to Sramid because I didn't know that you length things so well to sort of personal development and faith until I really studied you. Because

you guys just so you know, if you're not a football fan, Sman was intimidating. He was a hitter, right? I mean, there are NFL grown man great players that I was afraid of this man, right? So you're talking about an intimidating presence. One of the things I found with a lot of successful people, particularly the athletes that I know,

it's a very interesting line. I don't know if you could describe this. I bet you weren't expecting me to ask you this, but I'd like to just have you unpack this. No, no, no. There's this unbelievable line with I find people that are successful. I think confidence is so critical

in being successful. Just deep confidence that you can do something. However, the most successful people I know have this ability to combine that confidence with humility. It's a bizarre combination, because typically you mean a really confident person oftentimes they lack humility and I think that's the, if you don't have confidence you're not going to do something. But if you don't also combine it with humility so that you are coachable, you do want to learn, you do want to grow. Is that just like how you are because of how you are raised and if you've seen that as a common

thread with other great players or great people. I would tell you this that because of the house that I was blessed to grow up in with my dad, especially being in the house. So I saw humility. I saw my grandma, my coher St. Dawkins. She showed me what a Christian really is. So it's my belief. It's my Christian values that teaches me that the way that I see it, whether I grasp it and I've owned it, the most powerful, the most powerful position that you can be in is a position of humility. The most power for us as believers, the most powerful individuals that have ever walked the face of this earth. And Jesus Christ was absolutely the most humble, watching his disciples' feet.

And he also told us that the greatest of you will be will serve. Yes, amen. The most. So that's where this comes from. So this is one of the habits that I had that I created. When I began to have success in an National Football League, I would come across articles and different write-ups about myself. And before I read it, I would always say, thank you,

Lord. Because it then puts it in perspective. This is not all about me as I read all of these good things about myself. No, I know that I didn't, I didn't, I didn't originate these athletic abilities. I brought them out because of hard working determination and listening to critiques from my coaching staff, being coachable, but I didn't create those abilities. So when I look at things from that lens, I recognize that I'm able to be,

and people talk about humility, it's not a weak position. It's not weak, humility is not weak. Being humbled is not weak. It's power under control, it's what it is. That's good. How are under control? And so when you know you have that, when I know that I have that, I don't have to go out of you

voice to us about who I am and what I can do it what I'm going to do to you unless I'm trying to get in your head that's me guys that are that's a tattoo that the gift of gab that wasn't me though yeah I'm gonna let my play talk louder than my words were ever tried to all right so that put that that being humble was something that it was very purposeful for me. Still is to this day. I always look at life through the eyes of my 13 year old self, my 18 a self. You really? Yes. So when I see my, when you see this whole of fame, my whole been here and see that, my whole of my 16 year old self is like, man, you did did that coming from Jackson to Florida?

Wow, look at, man, wow, how could you, wow. You see what I'm saying? So there's still an amazement when I come in here and see that though. I don't let those things become something that I just take as a, oh yeah, that's me. Oh, I'm always in, I'm staying in a place of wonderment. Because the things that I told myself,

I will never ever let the child in you die. I will never let my imagination die. So on this side of football, I'm using that same visions, riding down my goals and visioning things happening to be a success on this side. He walked out on the stage guys for his Hall of Fame speech. He's saying, Hallelujah. Many, many times over and over again.

And so one of the keys, you know, for me too, whatever limited success I've had is my faith. I know how I know how I'm a center and I know my weaknesses. I know how crazy I am in the head. So for me to accomplish whatever I have, there has to be one powerful God that's got my back. I did a lot of work just like you did. Yes. But I planted the seeds and he provided the harvest.

I just absolutely believe that. Now, let me ask you a couple things about this passion thing. Yes. So you had, by the way, this is a good, one thing you did that was interesting. I think passion causes you to out-prepare people. So, but one of the things you did,

y'all should go look this up, but he creates this character, like weapon X, right? He come out in this bear crawl. You walked out on this Hall of Fame speech in a bear crawl, right? But he created this character that he almost transformed. This is transformation that took place.

You say, well, that's great for an athlete. You know, I teach my fighters, go in there and this character. But I think everybody should have this character. When I go speak in public, I literally picture myself, I'll tell you guys, dude, I flood. I'm Superman. I flood myself as this character.

I picture Jesus. I picture the two or three greatest speakers. I kind of flood myself with this energy that transforms me. I used to do it when I go on a sales call, but I'm gonna give a speech. You know what's cool about picking a character too, in business, if you get rejected, it's kind of the character that got rejected.

This fall, yeah, this fall. But talk about weapon X, this whole Wolverine thing, and it was legitimately real. I don't wanna interrupt you, but this man had a locker next to his damn locker for weapon X. No one does that crap in the NFL. So talk about that from the power of that. I've always been even growing up. I was always an emotional kid. So we lose a game. I'm going to be the one crying not wanting to shake people in hand.

You know that was me. Okay. So I was already someone who was emotional. Some people call it, matter of fact, teammates would call it mean. Like, we lose a game, some of them, you know, you don't want to be around me because I mean. So not being able to deal with some of the fluctuations of testosterone and the like, with some of the things that I dealt with, but I also had a, again, that passion,

that go back to that, again, that passion, that go back to that word passion, right? So when I flipped the switch for practice and games, I was a different dude. Literally, I was a different dude, different cat. I don't want to don't, it's, I'm not smiling with you, I'm not playing with you. Especially we start doing competitive stuff, no, it's go time. So I'm going to do whatever it takes to win in that situation. I read this thing that you said preparation energy prayer. Like is that part of this transformation? Yes, yes. So in order for me to perform at the levels that I was blessed to perform at, I had to have everything in line and prayer was very important in that. So a specific thing that I do, if you go to Brian Dovers.com, you'll see it.

It's called a great challenge. It's specific things that I do every day to help me be the best version of myself. And throughout the week, if I'm prayed up, if I've been meditating, and I asked a little to take away any and all distractions and clear my heart. I'm in all burdens I made there. So I may perform my very best knowing you'll always be there. Please lift me up before this moment. So through your eyes I may see

and have a clear understanding as this game unfolds before me. With great courage, I will meet this challenge you would have me to, but keep me humble. Remind me that my strength comes from knowing you. That's called the athlete's prayer, right? And so when you have that mindset, at first of all, I'm not doing this by myself. I'm going to need help to get some of these distractions

out of my heart so that I can pour everything that I have on game day. I'm not just giving my teammates what I have left. I'm giving them everything that I have. And that's different. It's different. I had teammates that gave me what they had left because they were doing stuff on Thursday night. They was out. They weren't, you know, getting the massages. They weren't taking the supplements. And, you know, they were maybe even out drinking doing things. So they had, they were giving us what they had left. I was giving them everything that I had. Wow, wow. And so I can, I can then as a leader, once I've earned the right to be a leader of someone,

now I can then demand or ask that in return, because I know exactly what I'm giving, right? And so going back to Wolverine, that came out to fruition because people saw that I had all those figurine figures in my locker. I loved Wolverine. And so that's how it became Wolverine. Before that, it was Idiot Man. I called it Idiot Man. He was, I was Idiot Man. I turned into Idiot Man because it's, it's go time. It's idiot Man time. And then it became Wolverine because again, CBS, one of the new places that was doing the play-offs that year,

they saw that I had all those bigger rings up there. But the thing that I tell people to this day, Brian Dawkins could not perform and do the things that he did on the field. Brian Dawkins could not do it. There's no way Brian Dawkins survives on the football field. If I go out with that, my laid back, Brian Dawkins is an introvert for the football field. If I go out with that with my laid back, Brian Dawkins is an

introvert for the most part. Brian Dawkins does not need to be the light in the room. I mean, the voice that loud is voicing the room. Brian Dawkins would just sit back and just watch people act to food for the most as his laugh out of the beyond. But when it comes to go time, when I flip that dog on switch, when I put that brief stride on that last little piece, I would literally say to myself, Brian Dawkins has become idiot man. And it's go time. It's time to go.

And what I found is that I know now that energy is transferable. That same individual, so-called that I turn into on game, babe, to your point, I can use the same type of thought process to help me through whatever I may be going through. Whether it's a meeting to your point, it's a certain, when I go and speak and give motivation to the speeches, I get in front of them and like, listen, put your hand in. We go count to three because you are my teammates. And you have not entered into my hotel. And I'm going to talk to you like I would talk to my teammates and we're in a fourth quarter and we need this drive.

So the rest of this meeting, the rest of this conference or whatever it is, I'm going to talk to you in those terms. So sometimes my wife hear me talk and they're like, you're not on that, I'm yelling at them because it's the first time we need it for, we need to get out the field. I need them to see life differently, see their field. And I need them to see their lives differently. I need them to come up with plans in their own mind's eye. If nothing ever prevented you from being the best version of yourself, nobody told you you were limited. You had never failed at anything.

And you know you wouldn't fail going forward. What would you dream? How big would your dreams be? So good. I'm watching your face right now. I'm fired to f up, right? Like I'm watching you. And a couple of things that's one unpack on there you guys.

Number one, energy is transferable. This is a big, big deal. But just ask yourself, what it served you to create a damn character for you? In some way, I'm telling you, you start to embody, we all have these insecurities. Like people meet me when they're like, I can't believe how quiet an introvert it you are.

And I like to listen to people. I don't like me in the center of attention yet. I have to speak in front of lots of people or coach people. That's sort of, it's a part of my personality. It's just like Wolverine was yours, but it's not the main part. Like it's not that I'm not expressing myself, but the main means the introvert. The main means is I enjoy being this other dude, but here's what the main part, like it's not that I'm not expressing myself, but the main means the introvert.

The main means is I enjoy being this other dude, but here's what people don't get. Once you listen to what he talked about on energy, because you just watched him do it if you're watching YouTube, you felt it if you're driving in your car right now, right? Or you're on a treadmill somewhere. I think people underestimate the amount of energy required to dominate.

Yeah, I'm just kidding. Just energy it takes to vibrate it a high enough damn frequency when you're a dominator in business life relationships, money, your body. I'm tired after I do certain things, right? Because I've expended so much energy, true or false for you. True, matter of fact, after this interview,

I'm going to be drained. Because I know that I exerted, I poured out, like I gave of myself, when you give of yourself. First of all, go back to the confidence thing that you talked about earlier. You have to be confident that I can do this, that I can be that. When I see myself and I enter a room, I think about myself as being a thermostat. I want to be a thermostat, not a thermometer anytime that I enter into a room, especially where I am now as a life coach, an executive, a little bit of a consultant. I want to be able to end those moments. If the temperature is too low, I need to bring it up a little bit.

Yes. If it's flat, nobody really wants to say, what can I do? No matter. In fact, before I enter into that doorway, I've already decided what the energy I'm going to bring. One of the things that I do in the morning, before I get out of the car to go into the office when I was an executive, I would park and I would say a quick little prayer, okay, this is this is what I'm bringing. When I walk into the threshold, the threshold of that door, this is what they're going to get. And then I, and I go in there purposefully once again, I flip that switch. It's not full blown Wolverine. Yeah. It's, it's not,

all the way I'm not bear crawling into the office. Right. But I'm coming in with a specific energy because what I want to be and what I'm going to be because I'm choosing to be it is someone that when you see me coming, a smile comes to your face. I want to be that. I don't want to be when someone calls me on the phone and you see my number and you're like, oh, man. Yeah. No, no, that's not the energy that I'm going to exude. I'm going to exude the type of energy that actually pushes you, fills you up. I want to give to you.

And that's one of the reasons that I've decided to answer the call of me stepping out and talking to people more about how I was blessed to do what I did. And it's not something that I own. It's something yes, I own, yes, it is mine. But it's not something that's just mine. Because I don't believe wisdom is something I'm supposed to take to the grave with me. That's right.

One of the things that's unique about you is you actually really did it. What's rare in, you know, coaching today, social media today, someone actually has a track record of doing what they say you should be doing that they're teaching you and they go, hey, by the way, see this thing behind me right here? This is the Hall of Fame, like it kind of worked. See these nine pro-balls, see my family, see my faith, you know, it kind of works.

And then they point to it. I'd like to think that's why my following girl is like, oh, he was already, he's teaching me what he knows. One thing on the energy thing too, that I just want to share with you that was interesting for me. And everyone listening to it, how's the supply? One, sometimes people do take that to exchange like,

all right, I'm going to walk in a room, and then you disconnect. Yeah, kind of meet people where they are, but then lead or shift the energy. Yes, they become that thermostat. But one of the things that was, it's just interesting for me, I had done this because you does drain you.

I just wanna share this with you. I don't know if you had any of this happen when you played football. And for business men and women listening to this. For me, I was really good at that with my friends. I was good at that in the gym, in my sports. I was really good at it in business, but I wasn't conscious of doing that with my family.

So in my home, I wasn't, I was the leader of my home, but I don't know that I kind of expended a lot of my energy that I was just kind of me at home. And I became conscious maybe just a few years ago of like, hey, man, I gotta set the energy tone for our family. We're gonna do something great, right? And that was where, if I'm being vulnerable to my audience, that was the area I had to

step up and shift in the energy in my family. And you're nodding. I'm just curious with you. Yes. Yes. Yes. I was, especially as a player, I was so spanned from giving, whether it be training, I would do specific things like I would create in my schedule per day

an opportunity to talk to teammates if they need something, you know, even some coaches. When I was in Denver, we were losing, we were losing quite a bit. And so I find myself counseling a lot of guys, a lot of even some coaches, spiritually and professionally. So I was, when I would get home and I was older so I was it took me longer to recover. And so I was not always in the best of moves when I got home. So when I retire

my daughters the twins were like babies and for the longest they really responded to me like I was a stranger. They knew me, but they weren't as, I guess, close to me as the older to were, my older to we have four. So it took me coming out of that, coming to that realization that you're talking about. And I have to bring that same energy, that similar understanding on giving and being open. Wow, thank you for this. I got to the point where I understood that I needed to be more emotionally available to my family. That's all it came to me. You need to be more and mostly available. What does that mean for me?

That means that I need to come to them with a blank space, expression-wise, body-energy-wise, for them to be able to paint on. So they wanna hug me, they wanna kiss me, they wanna watch TV, they wanna do something. I need to be available for them. And my wife, as well, Connie, as well. I need to be emotionally available in that space.

So you're right, yes, I had to come to that. That was not something that hit me when I was a player. To be honest, beautiful. That's something that came after retirement. Beautiful. One thing I want to say that you said there that I just made me reflect on myself that I need to improve.

But I've been too grown, grow and be a very vulnerable, a lot of testosterone just dropped here in the room. But you know, about that blank slate, I'm telling you something I need to improve. I'm just talking now, it's like everyone's listening on a conversation. But that blank slate thinks powerful. Those of you that are really achievers

and you're learning all these tactics and things that Brian and I teach about peak performance and mindset and all these things, one of the things I have to be is more of a blank slated home because I find myself coaching people all the time. Sometimes your children don't want you to coach them. They just want you to be that blank slate and let them do their thing and love on them. I have this tendency like, hey, that's how you should say this. This is what you should, you need in this mindset. You know, you can actually push people away that are close to you if you do too much of that stuff without them wanting it. Like that's one thing I got to work on myself.

Yes. And again, coming to that realization and then understanding of that is so important. Not everybody will do that. Not everybody will admit that they will continue to do the same thing. The way that they've always done it, get the same results, whether that be your kids, not wanna be around you or they see you coming and you get the little arrow. I'll speak that little.

So I give them, I give them their space and allowing them once again to lead a discussion, to lead where we're going. I'm doing this time, doing the pandemic. I've been very intentional of spending time doing some of the stuff that they like, especially watching cartoons. I love cartoons anyway. So, you know, it's, but watching cartoons with them, sitting down to see, you know, what

they like, what their days have been like, being more emotionally once again available to have those conversations with them. Until your point, we as men, especially, you don't need to fix everything. They don't, our lives don't need us to fix everything. Sometimes it's just to listen, to practice the art of listening. That's so hard to do.

By the way, I really appreciate you sharing all this. And guys, when you're listening to this, you know, we just don't want you to get involved with Brian's work too. It's like, you forget, this is an after all a favor. These, you know, me, this is someone who's, you you know got such a diverse experience and ability to teach on different topics But I want to go to the department. Yeah, and intentionally I love that word intentional too I want to go back to the dream thing for a minute because you had to do this

There's a lot of people listening to this right now who the first dream has ended So it could have ended favorably like in your career, hall of fame and pro-Bulls, and it just ended. It could also be that my business is just shut down and it's gone, because COVID's over. Or I'm going through a divorce, or I'll chase in my master's degree, but I've gotta go get a job now,

because I got debt. So my first dream has ended. It's very easy to have one first dream. It takes a champion to recreate an entire new vision and dream for their life. And as you know, especially with athletes, once that first dream is over, many of these men struggle the rest of their lives to never recreate a new vision or dream. But for everybody listening to this, we'll be some of you because you had to do it. You're career-ending.

Part of your identity was football player for sure, right? So how did you, well, you conscious about it and is there anything you did specifically to create this new dream and vision? So this went back to my faith. This went back to my faith. I said it through my Hall of Fame speech as well. Football was what I did, it was not who I was.

So I didn't define myself literally completely, define myself by the game of football. If I couldn't define myself literally, completely, define myself by the game of football. If I couldn't do it anymore, it did not mean that I was not a person anymore. If I failed on a football field, it does not mean that I'm feeling as a person. No, I failed on a football field. So to be able to separate the two, separate yourself

from that, knowing that, yes, if I do have success in it, I will have happiness, right? But if I do not, that does not prevent me from having joy in my life, with other parts of me that are the primary parts of me. My job is not the primary part of me, because especially for those of us who have been employees for individuals,

like if that individual, just like NFL for a lot of guys, you can no longer play it because you know, we don't think you can run as fast, you can pay somebody. So right now, boom, they have closed you out of a dream that you have for yourself. But that's not who you are. And that's one of the things that a lot of guys get caught up in. They actually define themselves like this, the only thing that they can do is play football. And that is not the case.

The Lord has put some marvelous things in all of us. Yes. Every last one of us. And it is not my opinion. it is it is not just my opinion. We aren't supposed to just do like one thing and for the rest of our lives as far as a job is concerned. I believe that if you're working for somebody that's just for the time being until you own your own if you have the vision to do that. Yes. So we can grow again.

You also are growing again. It goes back to growing where you are. If I'm growing where I am, I know that football is not the only thing that I can do. I'm now looking into my heart praying about, okay, so what is it? What am I passionate about? What other things am I truly passionate about? That I'm gifted at. I'm gifted as an athlete, what else am I give what else do I do

with the least amount of effort that takes others a lot of effort to do if I wasn't playing football what else what I would actually do for free so my favorite advice is all time on the show guys what he just said yeah it's a very profound there but I've never said before. I kind of almost do it effortlessly. Because people have a hard time going, what are some of my gifts? And they discount them too. Like I can't run a 4 6 40 or I don't have a 140 IQ or I'm not particularly, God didn't

make me model beautiful or I don't have a great sense of humor. And they discount all these beautiful gifts to Lordgate. And it could be your humility, it could be your nurturing ability, your kindness, your understanding, it could be all kinds of different things. You're listening skills, but you said something that's never been said on the show before. These things probably come easy to you.

And so that's actually why you don't think they're such a big deal. We don't think it's a big deal. I tell my wife this all the time, a certain thing she does. I say, everybody don't see things that way you just said it. You think it's no big deal, but I didn't think of it that way. And I'm pretty sure if you ask other people, they won't see the things the way that you just said it. So don't discount that. Beautiful. You, by the way, you want to be a leader of people, or you want to be someone who people love and want to follow,

find their gifts, point them out, tell them, I see this in you. That's beautiful. You tell your wife that, right? Because maybe 99 out of 100 other people don't see those things. And that's the key to life, guys, is finding these gifts and then using them in the service of other people in some way and to Brian's point, I also agree with you. It probably won't be the same way all your life. I totally agree with you. One more thing because this is so good, we're gonna go a couple more minutes. I'm gonna take more time with you because like I knew this would be good but I didn't know it would be this good. So

one of the things you've talked about before about being the elite of the elite and performing is being totally present. You kind of touched on it earlier where you said, I give all of me other guys, some of them gave all they had at that time. But there's something about, I don't know if you call it the zone or the whatever, but it's that energy threshold

of being totally present as a father, as a mother, as an entrepreneur, on the sales call, at the gym, on the golf course, whatever it is you're doing, total presence with phones and life and distractions and problems and TV is so damn difficult today. But you think it was like one of the keys to your whole damn career, right? Absolutely. To be able to drown out anything else. How do you do that?

How does someone do that? The mentally drowning out first of all to acknowledge that it they exist. So I'm not acknowledging that some of these things did not exist. I'm going to give you one of my formulas now. All right. So one of my formulas in life, you've all, you've heard, you know, to, to deal with the control, control the control of you, you've all, you've heard, you know, to deal with the control, control the controllable.

You've heard that before. My controllables are this. My controllables are my actions, my responses, my effort and my attitude. That's what I have control over. There you go. Those. Anything outside of that, I lean heavily on my pearl line and I give it away. I give it away and I trust I trust the Lord to be able to handle those things that I can't because if I can't I can't handle how someone says something to me I can only handle my response. I know how I'm going to respond. I'm going to respond. Nobody has their hands on my buttons. Nobody controls me like a puppet. You can't say something to me and dictate

how I'm going to respond. No, I have control over that. So I'm controlling the controllable. So to be 100% present, I recognize that as this cat is saying what they're saying to me, I can go one of two ways. I can get into something with this individual. And I say it like this, I can actually take offense, take offense, or I can

leave offense right there. I can leave it right there. I don't have to take the offense. The offense has been offered, and it's up to me to take it. If I don't have to take the offense. The offense has been offered and it's up to me to take it. If I don't take it, you can have. You can keep that offense. And I'm going to keep going moving with the rest of my day because what you said will not hurt me unless I listen to it. I take it in into my heart and I agree with you in it. That's the only time it hurts me. Matter of fact, the opinions of people don't matter. The only opinion that really matters is yours, what you feel about you. And so when I come, and when I really came to understand that seriously, and I'm not saying this is always easy,

I'm not saying it. But I'm saying that you have in you the capability of doing exactly what I just said, capability of doing exactly what I just said. To leave a fence right there. It's not gonna help me grow and be in a happy place, a good place, the place that I said in the beginning of the day as I meditated in the morning and prayed in the morning that I'm gonna be this type of individual, I'm gonna have this type of energy. If it's not helping me in that,

man, I'm gonna let that ride. I'm gonna let that go somewhere else and being all in, right? They're being 100% present. It helps me to think, there you go. That's why it helps me to think. Instead of just responding out of my past paradigms, how I've seen my neighborhood respond,

how I've seen some of my family members maybe respond and I learned those bad habits. Now, I don't want to just be on autopilot. I want to be 100% there in that moment so I can think on those four things. And if there's in those four areas, I got that. It is not my favorite about it and I'm gonna move on. So good, don't take offense.

Dang it, that's good. Our last thing, it's so good. You know, mental health. we got a little goose bumps on that right there just so you know. Manel Health, man, is this a topic that people want us to cover more on the show, which means it affects so many people. You've been pretty transparent about it in your life.

Just discuss it a little bit. You can talk about it in your speech a little bit too. So, how's there, you've battled this a little bit, I guess, and then what were some of the conclusions you've come to through dealing with mental health stuff in general. And that's a broad topic, right? It doesn't change. It can give me everything from a little bit of worry

and anxiety all the way to like someone's bipolar. So this topic is just you. You've done this, and it's, yeah. Well, let's hear about it from you. And it's so stigmatized as well so much so much Nonsense attached to it We don't talk about it and I say this all the time that men especially Especially men that our silence is literally killing us our silence is literally killing us because we're not talking about our feelings

And one of the things that I've come to understand about it and the way that I envision things I try, I envision things in cartoon mode and least common to dominate the type of things to help me understand it a lot better, but when you talk about not speaking about what's going on in your life, when you don't talk about things, what happens is, is those things begin to be you and be you and be you. So I'm not talking about that so boom,

that's something else I'm trying to hold on to, another thing that I'm trying to hold on to. And then it takes one thing from a loved one, usually a spouse, to say something that is not really a big deal. But in that moment, you just explode all over them. All of those other things that you should not, or I had bound up inside that you weren't letting out,

it explodes on the man. You crushed them. And so that was not fair, first of all, for me to be doing that because I did, I had angry issues. Yeah. I had angry issues. I had things that I had been dealing with for long periods of time that I was not talking to anybody about because in my neighborhood, you just really dirt on it. Suck it up, you a man. But you better not cry. Suck suck it up So that's the mentality that you taking that is not a healthy mentality To understand against your emotions are transient They're gonna come and they're going to go if you allow them to just go on about their business But there's certain things you have to do with you have to have someone to talk about them too

I have at least four people in my life now. I called them my blessed pack, my blessed pack. People that I can go and talk to about any and all things that may be going on in my life if I need them. That's free. So I know I know I'm not by myself anymore. So in doing that time of depression, I had depression, I was taking medication. I had sewer, suicidal thoughts before that on a long-going basis. I said to them all the same speech that I was taking medication. I had sewer, the side of thoughts before that on a long-going basis. I said to them, all of Spain's speech that I was actually planning on how to do it, to let my wife get the insurance money. And as I think back on that, none of my daughters would be

born. Obviously, I would have had a Hall of Fame career. And I wouldn't be here to talk to give this message. So there was something big that I was supposed to do and I'll say this, the enemy knew it. So he did everything in his power to get me to end it, to make a permanent decision over a temporary situation. And so what I then was blessed to do as I got on the medicine, what it did is it brought my emotions down so that I could hear blessed to do as I got on the medicine, what it did is it brought my emotions down so that I could hear in the spirit. I would begin to pray a lot more. I've been actually go to Bible study a lot more, really connect my relationship with God,

get got stronger and stronger and stronger and what's stronger, excuse me. And then I came up with the blueprint challenge. It's on that Brian Dawkins.com. This is what I actually came up with after that during that dark period to help me stay winning, to help me stay because it's a regimented thing that I do on a daily basis. How I start the day, how I think about what I think about, I basically, if you go and look at it, I give gratitude at least once in a while. I said it on my phone in the beginning to vibrate a certain way and then when it vibrated,

I knew it's to give thanks in that moment. So whatever I'm thinking in that moment, if I've had an argument with a team leader something has happened on the field or something like that, when that thing vibrated, I got it, okay, thank you for this, thank you for life, thank you for health, thank you for strength, thank you for my children, thank you. Whatever it is comes to my mind, I think. So now I'm positioning myself once again in a different energy, the positive energy,

the gratitude energy, right? And then at night, before I go to bed, I then look back over the day. And I asked myself, did I give everything that I can in the thing that I said that I was going to do today? If I didn't, obviously I have to adjust those things. If I did, pat myself on the back. So, congratulations. Good job. Get better going forward. Obviously, I have to adjust those things. If I did, pat myself on the back. Congratulations. Good job.

Get better going forward. And so when I do that, and I do that now, another thing that I don't do, I don't pick up this phone. I don't look at emails. So I give myself, it's usually about anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours now that I spend during this, you know, in the mornings.

And then at night, same thing, at least 30 minutes before bedtime, no more of this, no more looking at anything other than either devotional scripture or a book or a positive something as I drift off to sleep. So by doing that, I mean, it's seriously, it has blessed me so much to be able to see things in a different light, to bring out something, a person in me that I didn't know exist. So if I told you, growing up that I stuttered,

really, I didn't see myself as a speaker. I did not. Just do what you could tell me, I would get in front of a room full of people and motivate anybody, because I thought I had a stutter. And I did to a certain extent, but I didn't really have a stutter.

I was conscious of the fact that I did stutter just a little bit and stumbled over my words, and I thought people would laugh at me. So the embarrassment or the anticipation of the embarrassment caused me not to wanna talk. And so I even came more quiet as an individual. People always were you so quiet. Yeah, I'm just listening. And in beginning, it was because I didn't want to talk. I didn't feel comfortable talking. Right. And so when you really take a look back over your life, especially

you know, those of us who are up there a little bit to be able to look back over our lives. You'll be, you'll begin to see things. If you really pay attention, things that have paradigm, things that the way that you see yourself, that is not true. Man, no, this is, this is great. This is great. What a remarkable conversation, brother. Like, when you were talking, I was reflecting on what you said in your Hall of Fame speech, which is like the most productive and great things you've done have come from pain. I'm not so sure that your work on mental health

isn't even more important than what you did in your career. Because what you just said the last several minutes, I just pray that people stayed to the end. You know, that they stayed to the end to hear that message because a one thing I want to unpack right that I just want to say something. No one's ever said this on my show ever. do you have a gratitude reminder go off in your phone every hour, wow, like I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that.

I do the end of the day, the reflection, I don't check my phone the first 30 to 40 minutes. I don't do before I go to bed. But that gratitude reminder throughout the day, it's about a pattern interrupt if you're stressed or at anxiety. So yes, Ryan, they Brian, I got to tell you, man, thank you for today. Well, thank you. Thank you for coming out. I'm serious. Thank you for having me coming on. This was a, I got to tell you man, thank you for today. Well, thank you. Thank you for coming out. I'm serious. Thank you for having me coming on.

This was a, I saw you for the first time last year. I was looking, I told you I was looking at some things from less and some, some other individuals that were talking about changing your mind, how you can change your brain, like actually reform your brain. I forget who exactly who it was. And I was like, man, man, it will be awesome to get on this show. Well, brother You blessed people today and I want them to go to Brian Dawkins calm

I want them to check you out. This was remarkable like guys you forget we just got a football player like and he's so much more and You helped me like I got a couple actionable things I'm going to do today So everybody best thing you could do is share this show today with people so that they get blessed by all of the wisdom that came out of Brian's mouth today and and then share all our shows too because they're it's the best show in the world. So God bless you all Brian. Thank you. Max out everybody. This is the end of my show.