THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Find The Burn Within You w/ Ben Newman

Episode Date: August 24, 2021

You will never meet a more PASSIONATE and ENTHUSIASTIC man than this week’s guest, BEN NEWMAN. Ben is one of the most sought-after PERFORMANCE coaches in America. He’s worked with a lot of people and companies you'll know, and a few that will be new to you. We’ve known each other for so long that in many ways, this feels a lot like a FIRESIDE CHAT between two old friends. Ben released his new book, UNCOMMON LEADERSHIP, earlier this month. It immediately jumped to the top of the WALLSTREET JOURNAL LIST, and several other bestseller lists as well. This is an UPLIFTING book you’re going to want to read. Ben doesn’t just talk about different theoretical paths to leadership, he talks firsthand about the people he’s worked with over the years including JERRY RICE, JON GORDON, and several Olympic and MMA athletes. As Ben explains, there is NO SINGLE WAY TO LEAD. He peels back these uncommon journeys to success and helps readers understand why and how they can be great leaders, too. For example, Ben has been blessed to be the mental performance coach for the ALABAMA FOOTBALL TEAM over the past several seasons. You’ll want to hear what he has to say about working closely with COACH NICK SABAN, and one of the coach’s beliefs about how to change your MINDSET when you practice that YOU CAN APPLY to any challenge in your life. If you want to know what makes Coach Saban uncommon, this strategy alone will convince you. We also spend a lot of time comparing NOTES, sharing STRATEGIES, and trading DETAILS on things every one of you can apply to your own lives. One of these is his signature strategy called THE BURN. THE BURN is the underlying motivation that resides in each one of us and Ben reveals how to DIG DEEP and TRANSFORM your Burn into real-life actionable items to help you do great things. You’ll also want to hear what Ben has to say about how FAITH often plays a central role in some of the great leaders he’s worked with. We exchange some FRANK and HUMBLE thoughts on the subject. Ben has a simple but insightful take on one of the differences between great and not-so-great leaders. Pay attention to what Ben has to say about MY vs. OUR. It’s GOLD. Finally, I want you all the know the kind of man Ben Newman is. In honor of his mother who was a teacher, Ben is donating ALL PROCEEDS from Uncommon Leadership to a CHARITY that helps teachers’ pay for classroom supplies and activities. To date, he’s DONATED $50,000 to this cause. And that, my friends, is what an UNCOMMON LEADER does.   👉 SUBSCRIBE TO ED'S YOUTUBE CHANNEL NOW 👈  → → → CONNECT WITH ED MYLETT ON SOCIAL MEDIA: ← ← ← ▶︎ INSTAGRAM ▶︎ FACEBOOK  ▶︎ LINKEDIN ▶︎ TWITTER ▶︎ WEBSITE  

This is the Ed Milach Show. Welcome back to the show everybody. Today is going to be special. We're going to talk specifically about really two things today and I have an expert. I mean like a real expert, I wanna talk about leadership and we're gonna talk about elite performance, performance in general.

And the gentleman that I have on the show today is written a brand new book that I love, it's called Uncommon Leadership 11 Ways, Great Leaders Lead. In fact, I love it so much, I wrote the four word. I love it. If you wonder whether I love this man, what he stands for and what he teaches, you need to look no further than love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love your listeners. Let's have a great time. I know it's gonna be easy for us to cut out the gears. I don't have to prepare for this one at all because we're good friends. And I gotta tell you guys, the thing about Ben is not only is he remarkable, but he's work with some of the top leaders

in business and sports in the world. And so he's got some insights that really, nobody I've had on the show before can give you. And so there's a lot to unpack with you brother. First off, his book is blowing up just so you all know. And if you get a chance to go get it, you'll be glad that you did. But I wanna ask you a question just to begin

with on the leadership side, because we'll do leadership and performance today. You work with some of the top leaders in every single industry. If you guys don't know, he's the performance coach for Alabama, their football program. I read this, is this right, Ben?

18 national championships, is that right? 18 national championships. And I've been there four years, which is a long tenure for somebody with coach Sabot. So I feel blessed every time in the building. What have you learned from him? I gave you a couple takeaways. What separates him?

He's, you know, I've had Dovele Sweeney on my show recently, Urban Myers, a dear friend. So I'm not gonna rank these guys, but, you know, he's in the conversation as the goat, if not the goat. What have you learned from him that maybe surprised you when you got up close and personal? Three words, be the example. And whether it's the game of football, whether somebody's leading in a boardroom, whether somebody's leading in a classroom,, whether somebody's leading in a classroom.

I believe you have to be the example. And Coach Sabin is not going on the door of 70 years old, and I actually go to training camp here in two days by a fourth training camp with the team. And you will see him sprint in between drills. Not like walk fast, Ed. I'm talking sprint in between. If your 70 year old head coach is sprinting in between drills,

what's the expectation of the player? So he believes you have to be the example to lead the people that really for him, he believes it's a blessing to have the opportunity to lead these young men. Yeah, now that's incredible. By the way, and I'm going to be sprinting in my business meetings, everybody do it.

But the other thing you were sharing with me about him, obviously standards, I think people think they have high standards. Like I thought I trained really hard until I started training with world-class bodybuilders and athletes, and I'm like, okay, compared to what? And oftentimes I'll have business people say, hey man, I work really hard. I usually say, hey, come spend a couple of days with me.

Let's see how hard you work, right? But in his case, you were telling me something about we were gonna do this drill. We're gonna practice this not until We get it right, but I even higher standard than that you entrepreneurs you business people you athletes listen to what he's gonna Tell you is saving standard that he's learned Yes, so the standard is if everybody were to come to practice with me next week you would or this week You would hear him say, we don't do things until we get it right,

we do things until we can't get it wrong. It's mind-blowing. And oftentimes his messages are so simple, yet they're so profound. And he's a master of saying something that applies to everyone. You know, a lot of times, even me, and I'll get a little long winded, saying something that applies to everyone. A lot of times, even me, and I'll get a little long-winded, right?

I like to talk. And he will say things that are simple, yet it applies to the walk on who may never see time on the field, all the way to Bryce Young will be our new, starting quarterback this year. I mean, it's incredible the discipline that he has to understand how to

communicate. How does he, and we won't talk about saving the whole time, but you've seen this leaders, one of the things that leaders get I call it like leadership fatigue. They're always trying to come up with new things all the time to say, rather than I think leaderships about finding new ways to say old things. And so how does he, that standards nuts, like the whole world has Alabama's target. Like the target is on Alabama's back from the entire world. What does he do that standard? We're going to do this until we can't get it wrong. What does that look like? Is it intensity? Is it yelling? Is it do it again? Is it do it again? Is it encouragement? Is it all of the above? Does he push

every emotional button? How do you do that? You know, it really starts with off-season training, right? There's an expectation, here's the way that we do our off-season training. So if somebody goes off-side, let's say we're in February and we're in our fourth quarter training, that's conditioning, right? Is everybody listening, conditioning in February for football games that are going to be played in the fall, and you just probably want a national championship in January. And if somebody goes off side, said,

he's the first one to blow the whistle, hands on his knees, saying, whoa, whoa, whoa, the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. If you go off sides in this drill in February, it's a 10-yard penalty in November, and it might cost us the game. And so he's conditioning his athletes to not just physically perform, but to understand that you have to think about your actions.

So he combines the mental and the physical to allow athletes to realize how much they really have deep down inside. So do you, by the way, and it shagways perfectly. So the mental and the physical, I get asked often, you know, what are some of the keys to staying positive optimistic, high energy for me. All the time it starts with my body and my routines. What I said about Ben and the forward of his book is Ben is the example. He's incredibly ritualistic and disciplined in his approach, particularly in what he does sort of in the mornings too, and the long shipping, like your streak of day bananas.

So give us some insights, because you've been around the top guys, so you've sort of formatted, formulated sort of a routine that you do in the mornings that I'm sure is some of this is adopted from people that you've known that are elite performers. Tell them a little bit about your routines and your disciplines and your consistency with them and why you're so

consistent. Well first off let me let me share a compliment to you and something I'm very grateful for to you and then I will get to the question. Sure. I think the first thing is I have two coaches. I read books every single day so and I have mentors that means I'm a really high-maintenance guy. every single day. So, and I have mentors, that means I'm a really high maintenance guy. So, I am, I am far from figuring this out. And so, I'm constantly trying to find what can my edge be? How can I get better? Whether I'm at Alabama, whether I'm working with a billion dollar construction company,

I don't want to settle. I'm never finished. I always feel like we can give more. And during COVID, I was blessed that you and our dear friend Andy Prasella invited me to speak in an RITA event. And we get done with the RITA event. And the three of us had this question and the answer that I will never forget. Awesome.

And you said some things to me that shifted the belief that I had in myself. And I shared this with you privately, but I want to go public because I think it's important. I appreciate the kind things that you say, but I'm a big believer that you have to set yourself up for your environment, so whether it's consistency and when you wake up, what you eat, how you think, what you feed your mind, and this is what I call it, never do it again list.

So this never do it again list if everybody looks down at number 11, okay? You can see Ed's name and number 11. And so after I completed the first part of 75 part, I actually wrote and never do it again list because I wanted to capture now that I understand this next level of my thinking, one of the things I can't go back to. And so I wanted to train my brain. If I found this next level, I better. One of the things I can't go back to. And so I wanted to train my brain. If I found this next level, I'd better be conscious of the fact. I can go back.

It's way easier to go back than it is to create a new discipline. And so I wrote these words after you instilled belief in me. And I believe one of the greatest acts of leadership is a transfer of belief. And you changed how I feel and how I show up. So every day I say never forget the belief. Ed my let share with me his words and statement shifted my belief. And I read that every day. And so you're you're in my morning routine. I knew that and I'm older. Thank you for telling everybody else. Man, I appreciate you.

I know I share that with you, but I wanted to go public with that because I think sometimes people see somebody that performs like you or people will say, wow, you know, I perform at a high level. But this is what it's about. It's about surrounding yourself with people who push you and challenge you to say, no, no, you're not done. And so it's been environments. You know, it's working out. If we know that working out causes us to release our endorphins, to feel great about ourselves, to feel confident, why would you choose to not work out? So for me, that's been a big part of my morning routine,

whether it be working out, putting my head in a book that means a great deal to you and I, every single morning, you know, preparing our team, who helps me get to the next level. I don't do this by myself. We have a great team. And so there's a very disciplined routine that I believe causes me to show up when you hear that ding, ding, ding for the day to start. And I'm ready to take it on mentally. If you bring me adversity, I'll run right at it. You bring bananas level energy to stuff you do. And I want people to get some insight.

Is that something you have to work at? I mean, are you conscious like, okay, I'm about to do a show, I'm about to give a talk, I'm about, I'm bringing monster energy. Or is that something you're naturally just, that's just the way you're wired. Why do I ask, before you answer, when I ask a teller, why I ask that?

I don't think most people are conscious that you are always making people feel something. One way or the other, and most people are completely oblivious to what they're making people feel. They're not only not self-aware, they're not even aware what they're making other people feel, the energy that they put up.

So is this just you, or is this something you've worked on to build that is now you? And this is me. In fact, I'll tell you a funny story. I've never told this story in an interview. And this may have to do with the fact that a buddy of mine has raised in money

for an illness that his daughter struggles from. So it's top of my, because it just happened. And he set me up with this interview in Chicago. I'm talking over 20 years ago. And I go to this interview and I get done and his boss interviews me and the feedback was this guy was way too prepared that was fake. There's no way anybody has this energy and my buddy said to his boss he's like that's him like that's the way the dude wasn't high school like he's just wired that way and the like that's the way the dude wasn't high school. Like, he's just wired that way.

And the guy goes, no possible way he put on a show for me. And, and so for me, it's one of those things. That's the way that I've always been. And I think a lot of it comes from my belief. And I have to go through a lot of pain and challenge in my life to understand this. We only get one day. I've got the day that's in front of me. So for me to waste it, and look, my days aren't perfect.

I have challenge, I scrub, I try to be the best husband, I can be, I try to be the best father, I can be, I try to be the best, doesn't mean I'm perfect and I don't mess things up, but I've only got one shot every day and I'm gonna bring my best. Everyone listening to this, I want you to start to ask yourself, what do I make people feel when they're around me? Because Ben makes you, a lot of things, one on one, I'll just tell you, in a group he brings great energy, brings belief. Ben has an ability to make people feel good about

themselves, to have belief. This is something that all great people have. I'm just telling you, and you can have that when you're quiet, you can do it with a look, you can do it with a glance, you can do it with a text, you can do it with an email, you can do with a look, you can do with a glance, you can do with a text, you can do with an email, you can do with a video spoken word, but you need to start the harness, a little bit more, the control and the awareness of what you're making other people feel when you're in business sports, family, every aspect of your life. So I want to ask you about this. There's this thing beneath there for you that no one's ever phrased this way, that you phrase the best, which is the burn. And this is, when I think of you, I think of a good man, I think of discipline, I think of somebody I love, and then I think of the burn. It's the kind of the next thing that I think of with you.

And I, for my audience who's not familiar with you, or even people who think they know what that means, what's the burn and why is it so important that people figure that out? So I believe there's a lot of speakers and coaches that do work that we do, and they spend a lot of time talking about why on purpose, which are incredibly significant and important. But I believe they forget the underlying burn or fire that lies inside of everybody.

And it's actually that burn that ignites your why and your purpose, that then causes you to take the necessary action to be your best one day at a time. And that's how I define winning. Whether I'm working with somebody one-on-one for coaching, whether it's a big corporation, whether it's Alabama football, Kansas State football, I just want people to look at them

here at the end of the day and say, today I gave it my very best. And in the morning, I was connected to that fire that caused me to pursue that. And that fire comes from challenge and adversity that you've been through. It could come from pain. It could come from loss. It could come from somebody who's made a sacrifice for you to have opportunity in your life all the way to, it might be something short term that you want to fight for in your current state, because many people may not be through the adversity and challenge that I've been through.

And a lot of it I would never wish upon anybody, but it might be this short term I'm going to attack this, which gives me this burn that ignites everything else. And some people, most people know what this is. And I remember the same arathe event. It was a blessing for me to warm up the stage for our friend Marshall Fall. And I had asked you at Andy, like, can I stay on to listen to Marshall?

And if you remember, you forced Marshall, you were like Marshall. Don't be humble. Talk about the room of the room of the room of the room that you're in in the hall of head. And if you remember, he said, Ed, there was always something just in my belly. He's like, I don't even know what you call it. It's just it. There's just it's it. And it's in my belly. And I had to do something with it every day. And you guys don't know this, but I was yelling at the screen. It's the burn, Marzo. And so I think a lot of people they know it's there, but I don't know if people understand

the importance of connecting to it. Yes. Yes, exactly. What do you mean by that? Yes, exactly. So once again, back to environment, okay? Many people may or may not know, you can actually name your alarm. So my alarm, I actually, I don't put it by my bed. Why would you condition yourself

to put something as important as what's going to help you get up in a place where it's easy for you to make an excuse, right? So my phone is across in another room for two reasons. Number one, I have to physically get out of bed. And number two, Amy's gonna kill me if that goes off for two logs. I am sprinting to turn that thing off. And the first thing I see on the screen is my mother's name, Jan Fishman Newman. My mother passed away 11 days before my eighth birthday.

So my fire, if the first thing I see is Jan Fishman Newman. You think I'm hitting that snooze button? I'm 42 years old. My mother passed away at 38. I've been given four extra years, one day at a time. You think I'm going to hit that snooze button? And so for me, I've conditioned myself to connect to what drives me to recognize you will not make an excuse. Man, see I knew about mom, but I didn't know the phone piece of it. I didn't know that. And then I'll share with you, it's actually right here, seeing journal once again, it's all the environment that we set up.

So one of the other things I do every morning, this is my burn journal, I write down Janet Fishman Newman legacy, Uncommon amongst the Uncommon. So one of the first things I do is I literally write, so to me it's not enough. This is not easy. I think people want to hit the easy button and everything that we do. We have to condition our minds. Mental toughness is not easy. People think, oh, I have mental toughness. You have to condition your mind. Your mind is the most powerful weapon that you have. It's a muscle So Ed you and I we can work out our muscles

But the reality is this is a muscle that far too often the people don't Condition that muscle so I've conditioned it to see my mother's name But then I've conditioned it to write down and to deeply connect to the bird once I do those two things it's go time Man I'm pack a few things there. Oh my gosh. I knew today was a good brother, but here we go. So one is the phone away from the bed. I do the same thing. Most people don't force me to get up. I'm not going to walk all the way back and get into the bed. Number two, mom's name on there in the burn, put your burn somewhere where you can see it all the time. The third thing is

conditioning it. I've not talked about that enough. And I'm grateful that you said it just you got to do it over and over and over again guys is not a one time thing. But you said something earlier in it too about most people just don't connect to their burn. If it's a pain from a childhood or something they really want, I think they're afraid to get too emotional about it. And that's the very thing that causes you not to take the crazy actions. You're going to have to take to get it. You're going to have to connect to that burn because that's bigger than whatever the pain or adversity is that you're going to have to take to get it. You're going to have to connect to that burn because that's bigger than whatever the pain or adversity is that you're going to go through. So, that's so awesome, bro. So, so, so good right there. Practical, applicable

strategies. Why'd you write the book? You could have written about anything. An uncommon leadership is what it's titled, but why'd you do this? What compelled you to do it? What did you learn and study in these people? So, you know, the interesting thing and I say this very, very humbly, it wasn't just the study of these people, it was the study of these 11 uncommon individuals in my work with these 11 uncommon individuals. So it's different, right?

I didn't research people. I was able to say, here was an opportunity for me to learn from some amazing people. And I always like to pay attention and lock in. So these are, this is one of the reasons why for me, let me go back to morning, routine briefly before we attack this. Morning routine is so important. I can knock out 90% of what I need to get done in a day before six o'clock in the morning. I wake up very, very early. By six o'clock in the morning, 90% is done. So when Ed gives me an invitation to come and spend time with him and his followers, I am locked in. I'm not worried about something else

I need to be doing. So I always make sure I get my stuff done and I'm not worried about something else I need to be doing. So I always make sure I get my stuff done and I'm organized so I can be where my feed are with the individual that I'm with. So whether it's a team, whether it's one on one coaching. So what that's caused me to do is I pay attention to these lessons. So I wanted to give back to these 11 individuals that have had a huge impact on my life that I've watched help me become better every single day. So it's not an auto biography about me. It's me highlighting 11 lessons from 11 uncommon individuals that I believe are that example of what it means to be great in your pursuit every day.

Do they have anything in common? All of them? I would say the B, the example, right? They're all an example. They show up and they do what they say. They're going to do. They also believe at a very high level in others. They're not fighting to do things by themselves. They believe in others. And they recognize that great teams win with a great group of individuals. It's not just one person. And then I think the last thing is they're all uncommon. As you'll see, there's there's different lessons that they teach. They're a little bit different. Some of them maybe haven't quite heard it the way that they teach it. Right? So they're unique in how they show up. So good. Let's talk a little bit about leadership for a minute

because I promised everybody we'd kind of go both ways. We started there and then we went to sort of personal habits. So there's one is obviously being the example, the believing in people. But if I want to develop leaders, so I'm a parent, I'm listening to this, I want my children to be leaders, I'm a coach, I'm an entrepreneur and I want to develop my squad, my team, my my leadership group. What would be a couple of things you would say to develop my squad, my team, my leadership group. What would be a couple of things you would say to be conscious of? I mean, there's a million things, right? Everybody's got these topics, but that you've studied, that you've, you know, that you've

sort of distilled down and say, hey, listen, if you've not developed great leaders before, check these things right here. Here's some stuff. What would you say? You know, there's two things. Number one, I had the opportunity to do work for a $7 billion solutions team from Microsoft. And one of the things that the leader of this unit

when he hired me years ago, he said, we fail fast and we fail forward. He said, here's why. Microsoft is one of the greatest, if not the greatest technology company in the world. We could work on something for six months. And the moment we release it, it's old news, got to go on to something else. So they condition themselves when you face challenge and adversity, you move right through it. So he had actually trained his team, he was about 350 people, US and Canada, each leader, 12 leaders,

led about 30 to 40 individuals. And so for those individuals, he helped them understand, but you've got to fight through that adversity and you must fail forward. The second thing that I would share, and this is research that I did on Max Weber, spelled Webber, W-E-B-E-R. He's one of the fathers of sociology. And I'm kind of an old school guy. and I think you're the same Ed like you could yell at guys like us get in my face and say you need to give more and I can take it I can I've been through so much in my life and when I saw with these two eyes before I turned eight I can take that many people can't and what vapor walks you through is the research of the difference of power versus authority.

Power is when you force or coerce somebody to do your will. Authority is when you inspire or empower somebody to choose what you know they should choose to be successful. So from that research I developed and this is very applicable for anybody leading anybody, whether it's somebody in your home, so whether you're coaching your kids' teams, somebody in a boardroom, it's questions over statements. My naturalness because I can handle it is I'm going to make a statement, Ed go do this. And I realized quickly on my journey, my leadership journey, which is still continuing every day, that didn't work as well as if I asked. Hey Ed, I recognized three months ago you were on fire.

Now let's assume that you're challenged in your growth. Ed, three months ago you were on fire. How have you been showing up today compared to when you had that amazing quarter, first quarter of 2021? That's a great question. I was doing ex I was doing why I was doing Z. Okay, awesome. Like I remember that and I remember your energy. I remember your passion. I could feel it. How are you currently showing up compared to your behaviors and disciplines in the first quarter? Oh my gosh, I feel I'm a little bit off. Okay. Well Ed, what do you think would happen if you stop tripping on what's behind you? And you decided when you finished today, you're going to finish with what those behaviors were performed to try as well. And tomorrow you come back and we keep stacking day. And what would happen then?

And then now Ed says, oh thank you for the amazing conversation. I'm going to go do that. I walked you right into what you want to do the answers were. What's the easy button is and I can't believe this. I've seen you perform. This is ridiculous. You're not going to make it here if you keep showing up like this. I've seen you perform, this is ridiculous. You're not gonna make it here. If you keep showing up like this, so you need to go hammer the phone, or maybe this isn't for you. Oh.

And so you learn, it's more empowering to let's, and if somebody chooses the behavior, they're more likely to do it, even if what you're telling them to do is actually what they should do. That's a takeaway for me on authority. Very good. The other thing is I think when you are in a position

of command, it's easy just to make these statements because you can kind of get away with them. And as you've said, it's just easier. It's easier. That's so good, Ben. That is so flipping good. I'm asking you a question. It's something that I'm gonna confess to my audience

that's gonna surprise everybody, but I want your opinion about this and how stern you are about it. I spent the last I Would say 25 years of my life by a rule, which is that I don't gossip I just don't it's I feel like I need a shower or a bath after I do it I feel like it immediately reduces me in my identity and I was very disciplined about it. This last year, I was in a couple of different environments where I stood that ground. I would say I would say I was about 10 out of 10 at that, the majority of my life. And I would say this last year, I was in a couple of different

environments where I was around people who didn't adhere to that standard. And at some point, I think I dropped to a seven myself where I would listen to it and maybe I trickle in my own two cents just a dash. And in looking back on it now, I've sort of made it, you know, you make a new standard commitment. I just go, I'm not doing that. I didn't do it for 25 years. Well, you said earlier, you're so brilliant that you can slip back.

You can go back when you have a standard. One of the keys to my success has honestly been over 25 years as I don't gossip or talk about other people. Even when I have those feelings, I just don't share them. How are you on that? In other words, you've been in teams. You're going to do a locker room. All these egos, one dude starts talking about another dude

that can destroy a culture in a locker room, but I also could destroy an individual when they do it. How do you feel about that? What advice would you give of people sitting there going, you know, I do gossip about other people, or I do listen to gossip about other people. How detrimental do you think that is to someone's performing at their best standard? Well, a couple of things here to unpack. First thing is, that's actually what I'm responsible for

with these teams. When I'm on the sideline for a team, I'm looking for somebody who dropped the interception, his head is hanging low. I'm on the sideline to say, hey, is the guy who's second or third string who wants the first string's job? Are they bickering, right, saying, hey, I should have his job second or third string who loves the first strings job? Are they bickering, right?

Saying, hey, I should have his job. I should be one on the field right now. Look at him. So that's actually what my responsibility is to these teams. Because culture wins. When you have a strong culture and everybody believes in each other and you support the man in front of you knowing if you stay ready and God forbid something happens, whether it's one play or God forbid a season ending injury,

I come in ready with enthusiasm. If you're moaning and complaining, you're mentally not ready. If somebody goes down and you need to come in for three downs, you're not ready. And so that's what I'm there for. So culture wins. And so I look for those things, and I've been trained, you go and have direct conversations.

Now, I'm not going to embarrass somebody. I'm going to pull somebody aside and say, hey, we need to go and have direct conversations. Now, I'm not gonna embarrass somebody. I'm gonna pull somebody aside and say, hey, we need to support and love each other. If we plan on hitting the objectives that we have, start with attacking the 60 minutes in this football game today. Go. Yeah.

And you have to be direct. Second thing I would say, and this is really for you, I could feel a difference in your energy. And I'm sure everybody else did too. When you just explained how you felt, as it literally, you move forward and you said, I'm gonna say 10 out of 10 when your face came forward,

you know you're better when you're out of 10 out of 10, not gossiping. When you said a seven out of 10, it was almost hard for you to say it. Disgusting. Your communication, your disappointed in yourself. So once again, questions over statements, Ed, which do you want? Do you want to be the ten or do you want to be the seven?

What's going to make you show up better? Yeah, I want to be the ten, and I am the ten. And that's why I share this with, I, well, I'm doing interviews, and I'm with someone that I trust, and that I admire, like I do you out, I'm typically slightly more vulnerable. And I look at my game of my life, you know, what are the things I've been good at that are kind of secret things that we don't actually ever talk about. And one for me was I just kept pure of thought, pure of word about others for

unbelievable length of time. And let me say this to everybody too. Through some times where people did far worse things than the stuff I listened to recently, I was, it was worse things that happened. I would never transfer that. If you're someone who's listening to gossip or participating in gossip, you are not gonna win. Your team is not gonna win, your family is not gonna win. You need to avoid it, run from it,

and be better than it and rise above it. So that's why I share that today. It's part of, it's part of this culture stuff that we're referring to today. All right, we'll talk about routines. How about an evening tip? So my routine is mainly morning focus. I'll be candid.

I think sort of like you. I'm an early riser. I have one up. If I can get the win that first part of my day, I feel like there's a high probability I'm gonna win the middle, right? And probably the end. Are there things you do as your day winds

down that you think are worthy of sharing with everybody here? So I'm going to rock the boat a little bit here on this one, but I think you might be on my side of the fence here. You know, if anybody really follows in, you see awesome memories with Bella, you see him inviting Bella and her friends, they're out on the boat, they're going to dinners, they're enjoying their favorite things. friends. They're out on the boat. They're going to dinners. They're enjoying their favorite things. It's you and Max on the golf court. It's you and Cristiana traveling together. So you believe that balance does exist. That would be that would be my

belief as I watch your behavior and as I love how you show up every day. Thank you. That's a great example for me. That's something I've always believed. I actually have a book into my days. I don't have meetings at seven o'clock at night, eight o'clock at night, nine o'clock at night, ten o'clock at night because if I do that and I never turn it off, my family doesn't get my time, there is no balance in my life and I believe that you will not perform at your highest level. I think the world has been conditioned. I'm going to grind 36 hours a day and I'm just going to grind. I understand where that comes from. But I would offer this as an example or something an opportunity I should say. Try actually giving your family your unconditioned love and mindset. Now, given my mind, my wander,

there's something, we got a big game coming up where I'm working on, there's a big talk or something. So I may sometimes my mind will wander and I'll take it and know I'm not perfect here. But I do my best to have a bookend. And so when I'm home because I travel as much as I do, my day's over at 5.30 no layer. And I've done that for years. Now in the event, there's something that does come up every now and again, but it's become a standard for me. I love to cook for the family. And it actually for me, it slows me down. So at 530, if I start cooking, I'm relaxing, what does everybody want to eat? We enjoy a meal around the table together, that makes us better.

Yeah. And so I get up early so that I don't have to work until seven or eight of night. So greatness takes sacrifice. You have to sacrifice something if you want balance. The easy way is to follow the lead. And I'm going to be a little bit direct here because I care that much about the people listening. People easily follow the lead of the person who has no discipline and has no balance because that's easier. Hey, I don't, I'll work out when I work out. I'll do it because they're not disciplined in their own lives.

Wow. Yet if you want to be disciplined and have others lead and be the example, you have got to make sacrifice somewhere. So for me, all the way back to when I was a financial advisor years ago, I had clients, Ed, I'm talking clients making a million dollars a year, and I used to meet people at the cigar club at the risk. And they would literally joke with me. I'm talking about people, they were huge clients, and they'd say, Ben, it's 515, I know

you're leaving, you're about to make a bill. And so what they would make fun of me, Ed, it's 515. I know you're leaving. You're about to be in the bill. That's hot. And so they wouldn't make fun of me, Ed. But they actually respected it. They respected it. They knew that this guy literally is going home at 530. I could talk to him about something else for business,

but he promised his family he was going to be home. And so I believe if you want balance, you have to build balance and believe that you can have it. I know it's a long-winded answer, Ben. No, it's a powerful because, one, Ben is up so early and trains so regimented that I think it's wonderful that you share your recuperation time that you're not a robot.

It took me years to start to repeat. I think you're Superman or a robot, you're not even human. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. Like, I like Cheetos too, you know, and I like TV. And I take time off. So I love that you share that number one. But number two, again, people will, this is go,

oh, hey, Ben Newman said I'm done at 5.30. So I'm done at 5.30. That's not what he said. What he actually said was he gets up extra early, makes that sacrifice where his day begins so much earlier than most people get so much done by 6 a.m. that he can have that for his family. He's eating it for his family at four o'clock in the morning.

He's getting up. Whatever time he gets up that day so that he can have this. And so it's a trade off. I love how granular and detailed we're getting because it's it's one of the things that most people would know about you or me is that I do recuperate. I do rest, I'm much, I show up present because of it. I, we're all human. And if we're just depleting ourselves all the time, we're not effective and eventually we'll burn out. Me and Ben

Ben at this a long time, right? And one of the reason, one of the things longevity demands is some form of recuperation and separation from the grind, so to speak. That's how you do stuff 30 years. You can't do stuff 30, 20 years if you don't do that. I actually wake up at 224. And so the next level of everybody's success is a math problem. So this is the only reason why I'm stopping on this point. Look at the difference between four and 224. And I'm not condoning for anybody to do that. The reason why I get up that early is because that's how long my morning routine takes for me to wake up that early and to be done at 6 a.m. because

that's when the kids wake up for me to be present to get them ready for school, take them to school, watch TV, make them breakfast because I want to have that family time. So that's why I wake up that early. But the difference of what is called two thirty to four is ninety minutes. Every thirty minutes because everybody makes the excuse, I don't have time. And what I've learned is time and sacrifice. When I take them back, I win more. And so every thirty minutes times five days in a week is two and a half hours. Four weeks in a month is 10 hours. 10 hours is a work day. Times 12 months in a year is an extra 12 days. So by waking up 30 minutes earlier,

you get an extra 12 days a year. Me waking up the difference between four and two 30 is an extra 36 days. Most people work 18 to 20 days. So I'm working 14 months when most people are working 12 months. By the way, eight key to, hey, I'd like to get up earlier, is I recommend that you start in 15 minute increments week. You nailed it. Right. So if you're a 630 waker, get up at 615 for a week, then get up at 6, then get up, and you'll find that it's much easier than going, we've all done that. I'm a 630. I'm gonna getting up at four now and you know, you're just gassed by two

o'clock every day and then you can't do it. So it's breaking it down over time. So let me ask you about this in person listening right now because you guys, now you're getting why I wanted to be on and why I want you to have his book because we can go in so many different directions. But I'm listening today, I'm driving to my car, I'm on the treadmill, I'm watching it on YouTube and I'm at a stage in my life where, you know what, you guys both have me really inspired right now. And I'm willing to make some sacrifices, but I'm going to slump and or I'm a little bit of just as it'll loss, like I

Relationship just ended or a business I had's not so good or you know the last 18 months is sort of just hit me really, really hard. And I'd like to start again today. I know. And by the way, everybody, you can just start again today. I don't care if you've started 1100 different other times. You can start again, right? You have my permission and Ben's permission. Start again. I don't care if you started again, January 1st, you started again last summer. Start again. But if I'm starting again, where do I do, Ben? But if you're starting again, you have to start. Let's take 75 part as an example, right?

A lot of people think, oh, well, I tried it and I failed. You really can only failed if you don't try again, right? If you just say, oh, I tried it, I'm never going to, and I'm not saying everybody has to do 75 part, but my point is, that's what happens. People try something once and they never try again. The failure of not trying again is actually worse than maybe the beer that you decided to drink with your friends and then you couldn't check the boxing and you missed 75 Warn. And so to me, I think

you bring up a great point. You have to have a willingness to start again. And so we actually in the book, and I've been sharing this for 15 years, I call it a prize fighter day, and it breaks down what are the things that you need to do personally, professionally, and in your service to others every day. And when you do those things, you win. And we all know what those things are, but we choose to not do them. So if you're in a season of life

where it's been challenging, to Ed's point, just like he believed in me and shared that, and now I put it in front of me every day, he just spoke that into you. Stop where you are and let's build right now for you. Stop. What do you need to do personally, professionally enough service? I need to eat right and I need to break a sweat. Get a workout in.

You don't have to train like Ed, but break a sweat. Number two, you may say in sales, when I perform at my highest level, I got to make I call points of contact rather than phone calls, text message, email phone call. I got to make 20 points of contact. That's when I know I'm giving my best. Okay, that's your business. The service which John wouldn't used to say can't have a great day until you've done something for somebody else with no expectation or anything in return, do something for somebody else. So you mean to tell me you can't wake up tomorrow, get a workout in, eat right, make the phone calls,

text messages that you're supposed to make that's going to make you successful and do something good for somebody. And so I think people have been conditioned in the world that when you fail at least I tried. I think by not starting again that's way worse than the falling short that you already experienced. Believe in yourself and go back to the attack because everything you need is already and God's given it to you but you got to choose to take it and sometimes he puts you through pain and failure and challenge because he recognizes you need to find your greatest strength. Oh my gosh, Ben. That's one of those replay it right there. Everybody rewind and listen to what he just said again.

You said something about God there, which is amazing because as you were talking, I had this calling on my heart because you said about this book that you and I both love earlier. And I'm just curious for you how important faith has been in your life. And then also, is that a common trade in most of the leaders you know, that there have some faith, whatever that faith is, and that, you know,

perhaps there will even proclaim it. I'm just curious if that was any of the, some of the things uncommon leaders have. But so here's what's actually pretty interesting. The book releases and all of a sudden it shoots right to the top, it's the number one Christian leadership book. And it's actually maintained number one Christian leadership book. That's awesome.

So the book came about a week ago. It stays there. And the publisher didn't even select that as a category for the book, yet there are three chapters in the book that strongly reference the beliefs from a Christian-based platform that some of the leaders have One of which is our dear friend John Gordon. John is actually mentor to me since 2008. He led me to Christ. We're both born Jewish Individuals that accepted Christ later on in life. So we're juice for Jesus. That's why you like me.

It's a duly protected, you know, you'll be all right. And so there's this strong faith-based message, but yes, many leaders have it. It's not a prerequisite for leadership, but you do find that it's very common and those strong leaders, even a dabbo-sweeney, right? Who, it's fun for John and I, because he's worked a dabbo for 10 years.

I work with Coach Sagan for four years. Now we we go head to head but dabbo doesn't hide his faith You know a lot of leaders there they're comfortable that you don't have to agree with me But I'm gonna help you understand where I stand in life and in the book It definitely it's there and there's a prayer that John shared with me is the end of his chapter It you gotta let people know where you stand and we have to agree with you But as a leader don't You got to let people know where you stand. I don't have to agree with you, but as a leader, don't be fearful of letting people know where you stand. Oh my gosh. I believe that's so strongly and I'm so glad you said it the way you said. And of course, you know, that John's become a dear friend of mine. And I obviously, guys, what I feel

like is if you do have faith that it will help explain to people your moral and some of your standards that you that you live by. And at the same time, it's a way of defining who you are and what you believe in and what you stand for. There is a way to say, hey, this is what I believe in, and not say it in a judgemental or preachy way. I'd like to think that I sort of nuance that relatively well, that people know where I stand yet.

I love everybody, believe in everybody, but I think you kind of know where I stand on stuff And so I just want to encourage her, but that's why I asked them the question How often when you speak and look when you and I go to speak oftentimes, right? As much as we'd like to say this is where I stand sometimes it's in our contracts No politics, no religion. Yeah, how many times do people still come up to you and say are you a man of faith that? All the time almost I would say almost every single time. And that's to your point that you just expressed is that you believe it in such a way that you show up with this conviction. You don't have to say, I'm blessed. You don't have to read a Bible verse. People know it's in your

heart. You know, it's in my heart. And the other thing I want to share with everyone listening to this, if I'm an example of one thing, it's that God uses flawed people. And I think Ben would raise his hand and say this as well, that I think you all need to know that I make mistakes every day. So does Ben. I'm a sinner saved by the grace of God, by the way, everybody. And I just want you to not think that because you're not perfect, that you can't win, because if you make mistakes, you can't win.

I think oftentimes people think this mistake, this decision, this judgment, this thought I have just qualifies me for being successful. I'm going to be punished with failure because I'm human. Nothing could be further from the truth. You're not going to be punished with failure because you're a human being who makes mistakes. But having a faith that allows

you to reflect and maybe even repent to some extent or grow in it is a wonderful experience to have when you do make those mistakes is what I would say to everybody listening to this. All right, final question for you. I wanted to draw a distinction on leadership for a minute. So you've been around great coaches who you've named leaders, business and otherwise. You've also been so, I've been around business leaders that weren't so great,

a coaches that weren't so great. And so without naming them, what's some of the biggest differences between the great ones and the ones that you go, wow, this culture here, uh-oh, big problem? What do you see? There's probably some subtle things would be invisible to most people. What are those differences? I was with a leader. I've never told this story. And you know, sometimes somebody asked a question and hit you. This was probably 10 years ago, and I was being maybe even longer than

that, interviewed for an opportunity to speak. And it was a top five accounting firm, and I was being maybe even longer than that interviewed for an opportunity to speak. And it was a top five accounting firm and I was with the leader of the firm and we're in his office and we were talking and he kept referring to our hour, hour, hour. And then I saw on his light switch, it said, my versus our and I said, what does that mean? And he said, in our culture, he goes, you never hear people say, my, my client, my assistant, my this, my that. He said, everything is our, they're our clients. It's our company. It's our team. A member of our team will be reaching out to you. And I learned a really powerful lesson because it stopped me in my tracks. At that period of time in my career,

I would have said, my assistant is gonna reach out to you. And nobody does this with any ill intention. But I don't own my assistant, right? I don't own this number of my team. And so what I learned from him that day was the power of our, and he took it further, he said, when you speak, your team listens. So if I say my this and my that, well, that's my client, I did it by myself. If I say our team has

an incredible client that we love working with and our team always works as hard as we can to deliver for that client, it's completely different what the team hears. And so it was this my versus our, I've never shared that in the interview, but those are the little things that you learn on this journey where you're paying attention that make a significant difference. What a remarkable conversation we've had.

Literally, there's literally not one wasted second. And probably my favorite thing is the last thing that you just said for me, because I have a tendency to say my this, my that, and I'm gonna be more of an hour focused and verbal guy. I think I think that way, but I don't think I always talk that way. I hope you're still here, everybody, because if you just missed that, I feel so bad.

And if you know people who missed it, tell them to come back and listen to the end of the interview. You say Coach Wooden talked about service everyday. He'd be proud of you. He served a lot of people, served several million people today with this conversation with me. It's a remarkable man.

It's so good. I'm so proud of you, and I love you, and I'm so grateful you're in my life, and I want everybody to go get uncommon leadership by Ben Newman, and this crazy dude who wrote the forward. I think you'll enjoy it. So so bad brother, I just want you know, I love you. The influence on my life. It's an it's an everyday influence and I appreciate it. And it means so much to

me. And I appreciate the opportunity to spend this time with you and all your listening. We're all grateful for it, brother. Hey, everybody, you know the deal, share it fastest growing show on planet earth. We, by the way, got some big announcements about that coming in the next few weeks. But listen, share the show. If you're watching YouTube, go subscribe to an audio platform, stitch your Spotify, iTunes, Pandora, whatever, Serious. And if you listen to audio, go subscribe to YouTube.

I've got additional content there. All right, everybody. God bless you and max out. This is the end mile show.