THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Find Your Purpose w/ Sam Acho

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

From the moment you meet him, it is clear that this week’s guest, SAM ACHO, is a force for POSITIVITY and JUSTICE in the world.He is a former NFL player, ESPN analyst, and author, but that doesn’t even begin to describe who Sam is. As you’ll hear, Sam is using his considerable GIFTS and TALENTS to BUILD PEOPLE who can also contribute to making the world a better place.This Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year nominee who was also named by Sporting News as one of the 20 SMARTEST athletes in all of sports, now oversees ATHLETES FOR JUSTICE, an organization he founded that unites athletes to fight injustices around the world while also bringing his Christian messages to audiences at churches, concerts, colleges, and companies all around the world.Sam brings fresh perspectives on people he calls the ARCHITECTS of building others. These architects help others put their lives back together by confronting their insecurities, ultimately leading to the BEST CHOICES that result in the BEST OUTCOMES.This interview will teach you:👉🏽 Why you are the answer to someone’s PRAYERS👉🏽 A hack to IMPROVE your life👉🏽 Why your loneliness may be a good sign👉🏽 The value of constructive criticism👉🏽 How to deal with DISCOURAGEMENT👉🏽 And why there must be more to life than only pursuing the AMERICAN DREAMIt’s been said the greatest thing you can do is to lift up another human being when they are down.Sam Acho is the personification of that sentiment, leading a BLESSED LIFE by helping LIFT UP OTHERS in the most incredible ways.

This is The End My Let's Show. Welcome back to the show, everybody. So I watch this guy on TV a lot, and I find myself when I'm watching him, and if you're watching the video version, as you're already doing it, I told him that I met him. You just start smiling. He has this extremely infectious smile about him, which is interesting because it comes in this package of this gigantic man But he's just a remarkable spirit and I'm so excited because today is really about changing your life

And if I could just define today, it's about changing your life effective. I could define my whole program It's about changing your life and today we get to get right into the heart of it with a man who's done that in his own life, comes from a remarkable family NFL football player, incredible motivational speaker, TV personality, amazing son, brother, husband, just a remarkable man. And he's written a book that I went through in one night, one night I read change starts with you, following your fire to heal a broken world, and the author of that book is sitting right across from me right now, Sam Acho. Welcome to the show, brother. I'm so glad to be here.

Thank you. So good to have you. What made you write the book number one? I'm curious, why this book, why right now? It was hard to be honest. Like, this is my second book. My first book is called Let the World See You, How to Be Real in a World Full of Fakes,

and that book was really just an overflow of my heart like there was There was just life was happening and that book really was therapy This book was more of this response to really in 2020 George Floyd COVID everything and this thing of like man I started doing stuff in the community and people started saying Sam. How did you do that? Or how did you get past some of these things? Or what made you wanna do that? There would be schools, universities, organizations that would be asking me, hey, how did you do

what you were able to do? And so this idea of, what if I could write some of it down? Not that it's this perfect example, but this idea of, okay, we all wanna see change in the world or in ourselves, but we either one, don't know how, or two, I think a lot of us are afraid to address some of the things that keep us stopped and keep us stuck. Well, the thing about the book, too,

that was interesting was, you do two things I love. Number one, you're like, hey, no, you. Actually, you can change the world. You can change your life, because I think, oftentimes, people think it's for a due to play in the NFL like you only, or like, hey, man, this guy had my lets had a bunch of financial successes. So yeah, he could do it But me not me

So that's the one part I loved but the other part that I think is requisite is you actually take them through steps of how to do it It's not like just like rah rah dreams and bubblegum and rainbows There's actual steps in this book of how to do it and I want to go through some of them I wanted to read the book so I And I want to go through some of them. I want to read the book, so I don't want to go through all of them. But there's terminology in this book in ways that you frame and phrase things I've not ever heard in this space before. And I'll surprise how you started out the book. You actually started out the book by saying big dreams requires architects.

I've never heard that term before when it comes to a dream. So go ahead and riff on that a little bit. Yeah, I mean, so like we all have, a lot of us have dreams and a lot of us have goals and things that we desire, things we want to see changed. And we oftentimes don't know how to get to where we want to get to. Right. And you think about it, I'm not, you know,

I talk about in the book, I said like, I love building. But I'm not this car guy that's like in this shop and building cars or I'm not like the, I got one of my cold coaches He loves like Lego sets is his thing like he's like man I could work on Lego set for days for weeks at the big I like building people I care about people and you talk about even the idea of change starts with you It's like oh, that's a nice idea. It's like no dude you like you like even you add

Like with your platform and your history and your background like you're making change the people listening I can change starts with you not just this general idea, but you need help yeah, I need help We all need help, so this idea of these architects these people around us who can help us build the dreams are trying to build And I'm just like okay, give me all your resources and we'll do it It's like hey, man, I'm like I'm scared. Oh, yeah, I think this is a great idea But can you help me through this? As I was on my way here, there's a friend of mine who I called about,

there's some stuff like, I do stuff on TV and I'm hanging out at this conference with a bunch of athletes. One of these athletes I played with came up to me today and he's like, hey Sam, you do great. I love you, but there was one thing that you said about me on TV and I didn't like it. And I'm like, why didn't, I didn't say that, he's like, yeah, you did.

And I'm sitting there like, I really don't, so I was going back, but I was one of my friends saying, what do I do in this situation? How do I, you know, cause I could get somebody stuck. Okay, maybe I did get out of the industry. Do I need to, and so this idea of, okay, I need people around me who can speak the truth to me. Tell me when I'm wrong.

Sometimes tell me when I'm right, and just to ignore them and keep on going. But also people who can remind me of who God made me to be and how God made me. I go to my friends, so we've talked about TV and the smile and joy. He says, dude, get on that TV. Whatever you can do, like get on that screen. I'm like, no, I got family and kids. He's like, yes, like take care of your family.

Love your wife. Love your kids. But, dude, God's doing something kids. It's like, yes, like take care of your family. Love your wife, love your kids, but do God's doing something there. Yes. So find a way. And so people like that, man, women, they're the architects. And I say, help me build the dream

that I feel like God put inside of me. Here's one of the interesting things that you say in the book about the architects, though. But I never really thought about but the best mentors I've had, if you call those architects, have done, that actually help you also understand what it's gonna cost.

And you talk about that in book Yeah, I read the book right. This isn't one of these interviews where I go. Hey, I read the notes I've read the book right and you talk about the cost part of it as well So talk about that a little bit because what I find is a Lot of people with their dreams they stay in negotiation mode the entire life They're like is it worth it? Is it worth it? Is it what's it cost to me? Oh my gosh. I missed this I did this and they're negotiating the price tag of their dream their entire life. They're like, is it worth it? Is it worth it? Is it what's a cost to me? Oh my gosh, I missed this, I did this. And they're negotiating the price tag of their dream, their entire life.

Rather than just from the darn beginning go, this is going to cost certain things, right? And once you've negotiated that price, I think it gives you freedom, but you talk about these architects helping you with the cost as well. Yeah, they help you count the cost. Any dream, any decision, there are consequences,

positive and negative consequences. Anything you wanna go after and build, it's gonna cost you something. My wife, I'm super extroverted. I'll hang out with anyone all the time and talk forever. My wife is relatively introverted. She's like, hey man, people can be draining, right? My good friends are, so early in our marriage,

I would wanna take her to all the things and do all the stuff and like and and she would go But there came a time where it was like hey like I want to be home Or I say okay, you could say home, but I'll go do these things But it was like hey by the way every time you say I'm gonna go go go you're choosing them Over me which which is totally okay and go do you but it was this thing of like there is actually a Cost-associated with decisions and so the same way with our dreams, I love being on TV. I want to be honest, I'm on a yes fan right now. I want to do all things and be like face of yes, but I'll think, but there's a cost with that. And one of the costs has been

man, I've traveled a good bit these last few years during the fall during football season. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, I'm in studio, Sunday in studio, sometimes Monday in studio. Talked with my family about that time. I'm like, but it's like, hey, that's a cost, but then you start saying, okay, is it worth it? Yes. Because once you count that cost and once you understand the value of it,

you realize, okay, we can do this. My wife and I have a conversation, okay, you're gonna be traveling. I'll hold down the fort, you travel, but make it worth it. So good. As opposed to the alternative of, well, I don't know, maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't do it, make a decision.

Re-evaluate after. Okay, here's how brilliant that is. I have a talk that I gave for many, many years that I believe so deeply in that when I was broke, I had no money, and you talk about broken people, we're gonna go there in a minute too. But when I was broke, here's how I chose things in my life based on what it cost.

So I would walk into a store, I wouldn't get what I wanted, I would get what I could have forward. So I'd flip price tags all the time. And I think sometimes a poverty mindset in terms of bliss and happiness and achievement is that way as well. We're always negotiating whether it cost us rather than the distinction of, is it worth it? Is it worth it?

I think successful and happy people negotiate the worth. It always surprises me when someone's pursuing a dream. And then there's shocked 20% of the way in that there's a price to be paid, that there's a cost. Like, why not, this is what's brilliant about your work. There's going to be a cost on negotiated upfront. I was having dinner last night with someone that you and I both look up to that's in the sports space

I was telling you. And I would consider him one of my architects. And I'd like to think maybe I'm one of his. And we spent a decent percentage of the dinner discussing what our current life choices cost us. And then him reassuring me back that it was worth it. And we would talk out loud about it. And I left that dinner more determined about my current vision, more determined about my

current dream, because I was more aware actually of what the cost was. So you're a billion percent right, guys, the application of this at the highest levels, I was just doing this last night. So Sam's 100% right about it. Now, a couple of other questions I wanna say before we move off the first darn chapter

is you talk about, you said in the book, you said this book at its core, I'm quoting from it, is about taking things that are broken, systems, situations, people, culture, like what we've saw in 2020, systematic things in our world, and you say, and working towards making them whole, sometimes brokenness is on the outside, cities, countries, and communities,

in which we live, work and play, other times that brokenness is within. And until we address the things that break our hearts, the things that bring us pain, we won't be able to do what we were put on this earth to do. And you ask, what breaks your heart, and then you go into some other questions. That's not normal in a dream book.

Why do you have that in there? Because this is not a dream book. This is an overcoming book, overcoming the obstacles on the outside, but also overcoming ourselves. Before you make any kind of change, you'll need to use that word, you can say prog, whatever word you wanna use,

you need to address the insecurities within you and the brokenness within you. When sometimes I've broken this came from people close to you. Maybe it's family members, maybe it's like a dad who was present or wasn't present. Maybe it was a mom who was there, maybe wasn't there. Maybe it was siblings, maybe it was something that happened as a child and all of a sudden,

like you're worth that God gave you that inherent worth. Like, you know, I remember like when Jesus gets baptized, like heaven's open up, this is my son, who my well please. There's another verse in Matthew 18 or so, where they're giving an example about pan taxes and all the things and they're asking Jesus, like, should we pay, should we not? And he's like, essentially, he's like,

man, the sons are free, like y'all are good. But we're still gonna pay, but it's like, I'm God's child, I have inherent worth and value. And somewhere down the line, I set that aside and I started to believe a lie. The lie that either I wasn't enough or wasn't good enough or wasn't smart enough or I was too much.

And God said, nope, you are who I made you, but I need you to set aside the lie and pick up the truth. And so this is not a dream. Oh, you know, dream, all these dreams come true. No, this is a hate. That's why this book was hard for me to write. It was hard. It was hard.

My first book, I'm not saying it was easy, but the words float out of my heart. This one was very challenging because I have to address some of the stuff inside of me. The subtitle, following your fire to heal a broken world. Like I talk about man man that God given fire Sometimes we it gets put out How do we reignite that match? And so life is hard and

Dreams are real and if we want to go in and live out those dreams or even find them again We have to go back to those places and address those broken pieces inside of us. There's a story. I don't remember the verse right now. I'm telling you, man, there's a story in the Bible about the potter. And it's like this dude, he's making this pottery and he messes like the potter, like messes it up. And you think, oh, no, I'm done. I'm screwed.

This is horrible. And then it goes on to say, well, the potter, as he's, he's got to slip some messes up the clay, he makes it into something different. That was pleasing to him. So it's like, dude, I messed up, it's like, no, dude, God still wants to not even can or will he wants to use you. And oh, by the way, it brings him great joy and delight. I think he likes to use some of your things that you think disqualify you. So, and you talk about this in the book, and I'll be honest with you, I'm reading the book going, man, because I'll give you a quick example, and then I'll let you talk about it.

My dad was an alcoholic and got sober when I was 15 years old, stayed sober the rest of my life. So one of the reasons I believe so deeply a humans can change their life, I watched my hero do it, right? And not too long ago I woke up in the middle of the night I had written my book about my dad and the power of one more. And I woke up crying. And my wife's known me since we were little kids. She goes, what's wrong? I said, someone helped daddy. And she went, what? I said, someone helped my dad.

I never thought about this before. Some precious human being helped my dad in the lowest moment of his life. He was either gonna take his life or lose his family. I don't even know where it happened to bar and alley somewhere. Someone helped my dad get sober. And she has that's incredible. And I said, that person has no idea

that they did something great with their life. The ripple effect is, I'm his son. I've reached millions of people. They probably have no idea. The more amazing thing is what qualified this person to help my dad. They were an alcoholic at one time. They were a drug addict, they were a liar,

they lived in the shadows. God repurposed their mess and actually used the things they were the most ashamed of to change other people's lives and change their life. So oftentimes what we do, you're right, this worth gets stripped away and then we start using our mistakes or our failures or our averageness even as like these disqualifiers from our future when the reverse is actually true, right? Isn't that the case?

That is 100% the case. There's a point in my book and I'm saying this, I just found this out. I talk about this lady, this older woman named Cindy, like 80, 70 year old, since you're a woman, and how in the book, and this is like, it's great, but I didn't know this until now. So I talk about man, she had a friend and a friend, and white woman grew up in Houston, and kind of like race with things and different water fountains. And she had a friend who essentially like,

Cindy's like working on like learning more about race and George Floyd, and she has his friend and his friend's like, I don't like black people. And I was like, you know, she's like, oh, it's cool thinking. And Cindy stood up to her and said something, and I wrote in the book book and that's sometimes the cost of change.

And I was like, maybe Cindy lost a friend that day. I don't know if she did it. Well, I sent her a copy of my book and she read it obviously. And I told her about that section. And she said, hey Sam, thank you so much for writing this but this story actually does have a happy ending because my friend after that conversation

we stayed in touch. And all of a sudden, she's learning more about people who look different different than her, who think differently. And all of a sudden, because of me, like saying something and saying, hey, let's actually learn. Now, her story is changing.

You know, it was about her kids and her grandkids and her great grandkids. And so this idea of our mess, even I go back to my friend, doing stuff on TV, I was hurt by hearing this guy who was my teammates say, man, why would you say that? And, but he confronted me.

And I got a chance to go and I said, I was going watching, did I say it or not, but even go and say, hey, let's talk about this. Cause I don't ever want to be that kind of person. I don't want that to be. And if it is, I'm sorry and I apologize. But it's almost as deal with places where we're afraid or we feel broken.

God wants to use for his glory. You literally say, I'll let you finish this sentence, everyone I want you to hear this. This is like, this is going to go viral this sentence right here. No one phrases things this way. You are the answer to someone's prayers. Come on. You are.

You are your Your action Your movement Your discernment Your touch Your platform Is what someone has been waiting for and And you have no idea. Yes. You have no idea.

That dream that you have, that you've been a little bit, like, timid about and trepidation. There are people on the other side of those dreams. Yeah. Like your dad. That's exactly the example I'm thinking of. I'm telling you, man, like, your dad wanted, he didn't want to be an alcoholic,

but there was someone who said, you know what, I'm gonna go talk to this guy. A person was an answer literally to my prayers as his son. Literally. That's, I'm reading your book and I was getting emotional. One, there's actionable things. At my age now, in my experience, I put things through my, do I believe that meter? Do you know what I mean? 51 if that, and everything I'm reading, I'm like, that's right, that's right. That's a way better way to say it.

I've never heard that before. That person, and by the way, I know who they are now. Ironically, I can't say his last name because it's an anonymous program, but I'll just say something interesting. My name's Ed, my dad's name's Ed, my grandfather's name's Ed, and the person who helped my dad get sober, his name is Ed.

That's not a very common name anymore, right? And so I actually know who this person was. But you say something, you just go in there for a minute about what a coach said to you about, I'll let you finish this about, you know, we know with your, not just your words, but other things in life, whether you're really pursuing your dream, because lip service is really common right now. Really common on Instagram is live in the dream. I'm going forward, I got a vision, big thoughts, big life, you know all that stuff, but there's a separator.

Yeah, you follow with your feet. Mm-hmm, so good. You follow with your feet. It's so easy to talk. Our words, it's just like it's just like this. Wimzicle, like, oh yeah, I'll be there. Or I'll, yeah, I got you. Or I'll pray for you.

Pray for you. It's a lot harder but more fulfilling to move. And maybe that movement is just getting on your knees to actually pray for that person or just folding it or even closing your eyes and even praying, or maybe it's that movement of, you know, I wanna get in shape. Oh yeah, I'm gonna start working.

Okay, actually like getting up, walking around going to the gym. My coach said it, you follow with your feet. You don't, you don't follow with your words and your action, with your words and your thoughts. Movement is what says, oh, you are forming your against me. Yeah, period. I also think the footwork, um, our friend, Anky Johnson says this, it shouldn't be conditional in sports. Everybody's willing to follow with their feet when it's 23, 7 and you're leading. Right? Yeah. Are you willing to follow with your feet when it's 28, 3, you're losing and now you're on the bench and some dudes playing in front of you. Do you follow with your feet then? What I'm saying is that I want everyone to hear this

because you're like, yeah, I heard that. I should probably work harder. Yeah, but is your work ethic conditional? Is it too conditional that everything's gotta be dialed and right, everyone's gotta be supporting you? The wind's gotta be blowing it your back. You better have had some momentum. Or do you have the ability to follow with your feet when it feels like you're losing,

when it feels like people are against you? When you get criticism from a friend, then what are your feet doing? That's usually the separator, right? And when you're alone, when you're alone, because it's that journey you talk about, there's a lot of, there can be a lot of loneliness on this journey of, I do, I do want to see something change in my life. Cause that's ultimately saying the way out, the way it was and who I was with and what I was doing wasn't working.

So I'm going to go a different way. And even if no one's with me, will I still go? If I'm getting criticized, will I still, like, I have a joy, I love being on TV, like the joy the Lord is my strength, I have a joy when I'm on that TV. And will I let this criticism, maybe I think the guy was an accurate and I'll go back and double check, I spent an hour or so. This is really bugging. This is bugging me. But it's like, now do like, okay, are you gonna hide? Now maybe I think the guy was an accurate and I'll go back and double check. I spent an hour or so just for real. This is really bugging. This is bugging me. But it's like, but it's like not to do like,

okay, are you gonna hide? Are you gonna still be a light? Are you going to hide? Are you going to still be a light? Are you going to address that thing? Are you going to just blow it off? And sometimes you need to blow things off. So that's kind of where I'm like,

how I'm coming into this space is this idea of it will be lonely. Yeah. At times, maybe for a long time. You're right. It's funny to say that I'm writing right now about a new book. It's amazing how our brain is connected today in our hearts. And I was thinking the other night about what I wanted to write in the chapter and I'm actually writing a chapter about how pursuit of your ultimate destiny, your bliss, your whatever it is right now is pretty lonely most of the time. And to just sort of know that going in, I think oftentimes people, like I'd ask you this too, you said earlier that friend who says, Hey man, here's the course correction, right? Do you know how or would you give any advice?

Someone asked me this a lot. I don't know, great answer for it. How do you distinguish between like a hater? Just take this teammate of yours for a minute. I'm sure he's a good friend, but let's just be real. You've had a really good post NFL career. You've had a really flourishing post NFL career. You have a great family. You've got this second book out now.

It's gonna be doing amazing, you're on television. Probably there's that line, is this dude a little hatred or egellicy? Or is he giving me constructive feedback, right? And even I think most people want to know, how do you distinguish? Do you think there's a weighted distinguish between those things?

I do. And I think it's the people who know you best will not always. But most often times they will be the ones the voices you need to listen to. I was with a couple last nights at NFL couple. And this guy, you know, great player, he's going to have a long career. But you could tell his wife, like, pours into him. And that's a voice he listens to and should listen to. There may be a lot of other voices, but there's got to be that one that you trust. And, and, and, and thankfully have a few F two or three. Like when it gets bad, when it hits the fan, it's two or three who are reach out to you. And they've, I've

been knowing them for about some of one of them, one of the guys I'm known for about 10 years as a lady I had a girl, a woman I know known for about 15 years, like I've known them and they know me. They know my character. So it's like, no, Sam, that's not you. And this is so do this. So there is a way to distinguish the haters versus the people who are trying to constructively build you up. I'm not going to say criticize. I think there are people who know you. They'll build you up. They'll speak the truth, but they'll say it in love. I love that. I have friends who listen to the show, and we'll go, hey, you know, you asked that question,

but from a woman's perspective, I wish you would've also asked this one. I'm like, thank you for telling me that. Or other guys, friends of mine, I'm gonna be like, hey, man, yes, that one question. I would've loved if you followed up. And I'm like, no, give me that. But you see the difference, Ed? You're offering a solution.

You're right. You're right. They're offering a solution. Not just the critique. Not just the critique. Very good. no, give me that. But you see the difference, Ed? You're offering a solution. You're right. You're right. They're offering a solution. Not just the critique. Not just the critique. Very good. You're right about that. If you just think, I mean, I think it's like most of my,

and sometimes I say, man, I have one, but it's, okay, here's, what if you did this? Or what if you thought about it this way? Or what if you just took a, like took a beat? As opposed to that criticism can be loud, but notice the criticism rarely ever is a solution. Or the solution they give you is just stop all together. You're right.

And that's not love. You're right. That's not love. Everyone go rewind that about 45 seconds back. You know, I've probably asked or talked about haters versus constructive criticism, maybe like 60 times in my career and that's the best answer ever. The people that are supporting you actually have some sort of solution based proposition for you instead of just in my career and that's the best answer ever. The people that are supporting you actually have some sort

of solution based proposition for you instead of just the critique or just stop. Man, that is really, really good, really good. Now in your life, I got to think a couple of these people are your parents. I've read about you. What a remarkable family. First off, you've also, I don't only know of you

and your brother or their other siblings. We have two older sisters. So obviously your brother is also immensely successful, a manual, great NFL career. Also, didn't quite do, was it a shot putter, whatever you thought? Yeah, this is number two, your number one, by like a foot or inches or something like that. But also as a flourishing TV career, also as a booming author, he's a thought leader in the space, cultural leader. You're both just remarkable, Mem.

Nigerian family, what struck me about your family was, I believe your parents would have you guys go do a mission trip. I think every single year is children. And I think just speak a little bit about what you're upbringing gave you, your parents, and also that experience itself of service and taking you back probably to a place that gave you which you write about in the book perspective. We need it. We all need perspective and there are different ways to get it but

no matter how you get it go find it. Since I was little, my parents were born and raised in Nigeria. I was born in Dallas, Texas but since we were little every Christmas and New Year's we would spend in Nigeria and we would go visit visit family and celebrate. And Christmas is different there. We do instead of just a one day open presents, it's like an entire week from New Year's, from Christmas Eve to New Year's Eve.

Almost like a Hanukkah version of Christmas. Yes, Christmas story. Yes, you go and celebrate different people's houses. Like it's just like huge celebration. It's amazing. And so we would do that every single year since I was a kid. But in the summer, I was in the Christmas time. Summer, my parents were going to do these medical

and my dad started this ministry. Like they were born and raised in Nigeria from nothing, came to America, and a lot of ways lived the American dream, but they remembered home and people still hurting home. And so they started like bringing doctors and nurses and surgeons, and they said, well, if we could do more,

I started building this hospital. Now there's Nigeria and doctors and nurses who work there. And when I was 15, they brought me on that trip for the first time, they said, okay, we think you're old enough to go and my younger brother was 13, so they brought us on this trip. And I remember the school I went to, I switched schools like this predominantly,

like it's a private school, like a lot of like affluent kids. And I remember going there and meeting a young boy, I was 15 at the time, middle of the young boy, about he was probably eight or nine years old, real skinny, kind of like that, dingy like tank top and stuff. And we're talking a little kid from the village and I'm like, what's your name?

As a plant, so I'll grow whatever. He's like, I'm somewhere. Oh wait, I'm a Samuel too. Good to meet you man, like, how do I you? I'm somewhere. Oh, it's Samuel. I'm Samuel too. Good to meet you man. Like, how do I you? I'm 15. And I'm like, like I didn't choose to be born where I was born.

I didn't choose like this dude, probably twice this. I did do like same shirt, same sandal, same thing for months. We drinks water from the street. Like, and so was this thing of perspective. So ever since I was a kid, that moment has never left me and it never will. It can't. I didn't choose to go on that. My parents said, no, we need you to come and see.

So what are the things that you need to go and see or your people need to go and see or your kids need to go and see where are the places? Because there's joy in that. That's shaped me. Yeah, I part of it. It's clearly part of the reason we talked about, it was a medical mystery and then turned to this hospital, like by God's grace, I got a chance to win a couple of

wars in the NFL and all these things. And like raise money, do fundraisers to help build that hospital. Like that's shaped me. And it started with my parents saying, and I don't know if they did this intentionally or not. Sure, maybe they did, maybe they did. But it's saying we need to, we need you to see more than what meets the eye.

Yeah. Well, if they didn't do it intentionally, they were pretty damn blessed and pretty damn brilliant. But if you are listening to this and you have children or going to have children, what a life lesson to do some things that give your children some perspective and to give your self-respective, that perspective instantly will, will by the way give you the emotion of gratitude. You'll instantly be grateful for the things in your life that you take for granted every single day to think that you've met a boy that's got the same age, same background as you

and he looks nine years old physically because of his frankly lack of nutrition and his life and just the blessing of being able to eat decent food in your life. Never mind. Because in the book, you do say you actually said the word American dream with your mom and dad, but then in the book, this is shows how like we should have lives that can exceed even our parents if we live correctly. You actually say the American dream may not be enough that there's more than just like a roof over your head, at least in this country, that just the notion of a roof over your head

and watch Netflix and chill and have a barbecue on the weekend that there's more to life than that. It doesn't satisfy. That's the more than anything like that dream doesn't satisfy. We were made for more. And Ed, you get that.

And I think a lot of people listening to Anderson, we were made for more. We were taught to believe that, okay, if I just get enough money, make enough money, I get this house. And if I get married, then if I have kids, then if I, you know, I'm the perfect husband or perfect wife, then I will, it's like, now dude,

there's something beneath the surface. And if we keep on chasing that thing, it will never, I've played NNFO for nine years, average is three. I've made a lot of money, but around people that made a lot more than me. And there's, it doesn't satisfy. It doesn't.

But there is something that does. I think about that idea of people talk about like seeking justice, loving mercy, walking humbly. And you can talk about like self-help, find out who you are, but you answering those people's prayers, without even knowing it, it gives you a kind of purpose. I love how thoughtful you are, by the way, I'm just watching you.

Like every word you say matters to you. You're so deeply trying to serve when you communicate. I just wanna acknowledge that about you. I think that's a beautiful thing. I'm watching you really wanna give your best in everything you do, and that's rare beautiful thing. I'm watching you really want to give your best and everything you do and that's rare. So I just want you to know visually I'm watching this man dig as deep as he can, the Holy Spirit's all over him and just choose the right word. So anyway, I just want to make sure I acknowledge that. I think you understand that. That's true. Now words

matter, man. Like words can build up people, words can destroy people. You choose yours beautifully. I just want you to know that. But you were going, you were talking a little bit about, I wanna make sure that we don't, I didn't take that thought from you for a second too, but also this notion of, you know, when you're in service and also the notion, I think we were also gonna talk

about a little bit there, I was gonna let you go down the road a little bit of, you know, that there is something more. Yeah. Yeah. Just like my highlights, and as you're saying it now, like new thoughts are coming up. My happiest, I mean, I say happy it's, but the moments that probably the most joy

throughout my life and career, I think about times in Nigeria serving. Really? Yes. I'm talking about like, no, there's no light, no running water. You know, it's time we go and visit like the hospital, those times. I think about times being injured in the NFL. Really?

Yes. When I, what did I do? I mean, cuz it's like, oh, I gotta go make the team and be the star. And I made the team. I was a star. I signed the contract. But my highlight of my NFL career was 2018, where week four, I tore my pick. I was out for the season. I was supposed to signed the contract, but my highlight of my NFL career was 2018, where week four I tore my peck,

I was out for the season, I was supposed to be the starter, we traded for Khalil Max, we ended up getting the spot, which was awesome, like he's a beast and still a friend. But I get benched, I tear my peck, I'm out for the season and I made a decision. And you talked about gratitude,

but I decided to be who God really made me to be, which was to serve. When I say I just sat with my teammates, I became a for it's hard, to be who God really made me to be, which was to serve. Like when I say I just sat with my teammates, I became a friend, it's hard, you talk about being lonely, people got millions of dollars and zero friends. Lot of cars, and no people to be with you in them. And I just became a friend to my teammates.

God bless you. And something unexpected happened in that that year, I think we had eight different guys go to the pro bowl. Went to the, our team went to the playoffs, best record in a decade. And you would say, well, Sam, you weren't a part of, I was every bit a part of that behind the scenes, loving people well. Like, so I would, I, you're not supposed to travel with an injury. I asked my coach to do my teammates was like, hey man, can you, I like

pray with them before games, whatever. And I knew he wanted me there. And so it was in a way game. I reached out to the coach. The coach is cool. Like if I travel, he's like, yeah, sure. Come on. He thought it was going to be steady tape.

No, I wanted to go be there with my teammate. Then I before the game, I'd go to, we do defense dinners and like, hang out with the guys. I would, we do this Bible study before, you know, before Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, 15 minutes before practice. I was like, get up early, I do the study early, I go to my rehab, because that's what the guys needed. That was a highlight. And I've been to the playoffs a couple times.

I was like second on the rookie sacrifice Arizona Cardinals, my rookie year. But that wasn't happiness. That wasn't the highlight. That wasn't, it was that year when I was, sure I was physically injured, but spiritually I was alive. See, that's what I meant earlier,

by the way, that is one of my favorite things I've ever had an athlete tell me in my darn life. And that's what that goes back to is, your commitment to your teammates wasn't conditional. Wasn't conditional that I'm starting. Wasn't conditional that I make the pro bowl. Wasn't even conditional that I'm suited up. It's non-conditional love and support unconditional and that's that's the real

leaders. I want to go to some hard questions for you about pursuing change overall because like you said the the Genesis of the book started really in 2020 with George Floyd. I'm sure this was ringing in your head prior to that I'm sure but then that was a catalyst. And then just the catalyst of overcoming adversity and all of our lives. You tied them both together, by the way, beautifully in the book. But I wonder what your advice would be regarding discouragement.

So you and I are both Christians. And there's not talked a lot about in the book, but I wanted to ask you about this. Because I really believe that adversary is great weapon. If I want to get you, if I'm the adversary, and I want to get you to quit on your dreams, I'm going to use one weapon against you, which is discouragement. I'm going to get you to believe you can't do it.

I'm going to get you to believe things can't change. I'm going to get you to believe it's too big. It's too insurmountable. You don't know enough. You're not well enough connected. You don't have the resources. You're not smart enough. It's anything I can do to discourage, right?

And I wonder even from a societal standpoint, you know, we see these things still repeatedly happen. It's discouraging, right? We see things in our own lives where if we're in pursuit of changing something for our family, we want to be the change agent, generational change in our family, and we have failure or setback or discouragement is the killer of change. It's the killer of dreams, right? How have you, in your own life, dealt with discouragement, both from a societal standpoint, and just a personal standpoint in your own life,

at one point your career had to end, too, right? So what about discouragement? What are the weapons you use, if there's weapons you use to fight against it? Good friends. Okay. I get discouraged a lot by sometimes my own thoughts or other people's thoughts actions

or maybe a misinterpretation of someone's thoughts, actions, et cetera. And there's a few things. Number one, sometimes it's good friends, not always, because sometimes I was like, where are you guys? Yeah. But memories sometimes help. Like, at the, so here's what I mean.

The times where I'm the most at my deepest discouragement, I think about it a distinct time. I remember I was at my parents' house a couple of years ago. I don't know what was going on. Maybe months ago, a couple of the, I don't know what was going on, but I was just sitting on like the steps of their house. I was just sad. And something told me to go to my phone and just start going back through some of the old pictures.

I don't know what it is about going back to those memories or those markers. And I've done it a few times now. And it hadn't been this planned thing. Okay, I'm so discouraged when I go to my phone. But it's like, it's just some of those pictures. Like, man, life is not as bad as I thought. And there have been some highlights.

And God has done it. And I'm like, I'm going to go to my phone. I'm'm gonna go to my phone. But it's like, it's just some of those pictures, like man, life is not as bad as I thought. And there have been some highlights. And God is still good. And there are things to be happy about. And even though I might be sad now, like man, like there were happy times. And oh by the way, those times will come again. This too shall pass.

But we don't have memory markers to remember that. And you go, you sound like I'm being a Christian. Like God would remind us people like the Israelites Like hey, hey guys like I want you to remember this moment Put this marker down. I want you to go and like remember write it down. There's a verse That they would like sing it in songs and saw them like 115 and 116 like when they were came out of captivity They would talk about these things right not to us O Lord not to us But to your name, give glory.

Because of your loving kindness, because of your truth. Why should the nations say where now is their God? But our God is in the heavens. He does whatever he pleases. So good. Their idols are silver and gold. The works of man's hands. They have mouths, but they cannot speak. They have eyes, but they cannot see.

They have ears, they cannot hear. They have noses, but they cannot smell. They have hands, but they cannot feel. They have feet, but they cannot walk. They cannot make a sound from their mouths. So that was like a song that they sang, a song that they said to themselves to remember, like, no, we're giving God the glory.

And so the times when I get discouraged Ed, it's a simple thing. It's like a kind of just like, Oh, minutia. I'll go back to my phone. And I'll go all the way through my pictures all the way to the top. And one of the first pictures is picture replaying football at like seventh grade. And I was wearing tight end and another, another one is when my wife and I first met before we, not first met, but first started getting like close and just us hanging out and laughing. Another one is when my wife and I first met, before we, not first met, but first started getting like close and just us hanging out and laughing. Another one is when I've proposed to her,

like there are these things. And I'll scroll down a couple and I'll see a picture of my daughter when she was like 18 months old, and she's in my car and like as a two years old, I'm like fake makeup. You know, it's like thing. So in those moments of discouragement,

there's always a way out. And the Bible talks about like, hey, when you're tempted, God's always gonna give you a way out, and that's true. But I also believe that God gives us a way out during discouragement as well. I think it gives us a spirit to remind us of these things. It's sometimes it gives us a phone

to remind us of those things, because discouragement is real, brother. It's unbelievable how much we kind of think alike. You ever, and don't do it, the way if you're listening to this, but every once in a while, I'll get something on my feed where it shows like fighting, like a student fight at a school. And if you flip the screen, it'll give you the next fight.

I think everyone probably knows what I'm talking about. The next fight, you watch some human being beating up and it's terrible to acknowledge, but I'll watch it, oh my God, and then I'll watch the next one, and I'll watch the next one. And I'll watch the next one. I'm like, the cruelty of man against another man, and it discourages me.

It's, those are the things that harm my spirit the most. It does not, in my life, it's never been like failure. It's like, I'll figure a way to win. God's on the throne, I'm gonna win. It's, it's man's inhumanity to man, is breaks my spirit hurts my spirit And I allowed myself I'm being vulnerable here I allow myself to watch like 11 of these videos in a row

I know all of you know what I'm talking about they're all over social media. I'm like oh my gosh And this guy beat up his teacher and this guy three of these guys kicking this boy in the head and he's passing And I just cannot imagine a human being doing this to another human being. And then I start going, yeah, people suck. You know, people are mean. Maybe I've misjudged humans. And I did exactly what you did. I actually flipped all the way back to my phone and I watched all these little pictures of my daughter when she was just a baby and my daughter on my lap and my daughter hugging me. And then it made me thinking, man, daddy's love their daughters. And then I literally use social for a good thing. I watched videos of fathers with daughters,

like inspiring videos, which flipped to other things with like just kind people helping, kind people. And I'm like, okay, there's a balance here. There is good in the world, right? And my job by one meter of one millimeter one percent is to move the needle the good way. That's what my calling is in my life. But this notion, what we do everybody to ourselves is when our dreams failing or life is bad, we begin to believe there isn't a way out. There is no way. Everything is against us. It's

never going to change. Those are all lies of discouragement. There is a way out. God does provide a way out. It won't last forever. All pain is temporary, right? There is salvation. So just remember, you start stacking these lies like I was stacking these videos. And it becomes a pattern. And you do one in your mind after another in your mind after another in your mind. And it's not reality. And I just want you all to hear that. He's smiling as big as he's ever smiled. So I know I'm onto something there, but I just want to acknowledge that. And these thoughts, and I want you to jump in,

these thoughts are contagious, these negative thoughts. You say in the book, so are dreams. There's a chapter about that. So add what you wanted to add and then talk about the contagiousness of dreams. Well, I love what you, I love everything you just said. Thank you. For a few reasons. You're talking about going back and watching the tape. wanted to add and then talk about the contagiousness of dreams. Well, I love what you, I love everything you just said. For a few reasons.

You're talking about going back and watching the tape. There is a point in my career, probably year four. So I, I, you're through, I'm starting the guide, all the things you're one and you're two like I'm starting Boone. Well, you're through. I break my leg out for the season, have a new coaching staff. Well, half the team gets cut. I make the team, but then the injury and then your form still trying to recover. And I wasn't playing bad, I wasn't playing great either.

But it was still, you know, it was like, and I started getting better and better and better, but it was still trying to still be more. But all of a sudden, like I heard coaches and teammates, like even media a little bit like, man, this guy's bad, you're not there, you're kin. And I started to believe it. And you know, there's a little bit,

you said the net criticism versus haters I said, okay, let me see where I can get better. So we're working on getting better But I'm still either not hearing anything or hearing just negative. I'm like What is going on? But then I went back and watched the tape Good. I went back and I watched the tape Objectively went back and just watched and I said, oh, I'm actually pretty good. Good, yeah.

Take out the opinions whatever it's like, no, this is actually just judging by the technique. Go back and watch the tape. You go out the picture with your daughter. Oh, wow, like I have been present. I know I travel a bit, but I have been present. Oh, wow, like I have been a good husband. Why, what a, it's like, oh, wow, like there is good

in the world. So we believe the lies, but I would actually go back and watch the tape. Gosh, that's good. I'm telling you, because it'll change everything for me. Yeah, that's good. I legit was sitting there like, man, I'm just horrible player and that went back and watch, so you know what?

They actually may have been wrong. Mm. And what if I'm right? Mm. And I think the spirit of God helps remind us of that true. You are a bazillion percent right on about that. And I just really believe that what we think about expands and they become things and they become patterns.

And the more something's repeated over and over again, you use the word of the book. You actually use the word contagious. Yeah. I want to combine two thoughts in the book because I just believe you're brilliant. I just believe you're brilliant. I just believe you're brilliant. I also believe there's wisdom, scripturally, and in my own life to validate what you speak about. But you talk about two things in the book, and I'm not going to cover every chapter.

Dreams are contagious. And also simultaneously, your dream is not just for you. This is huge, everybody, right here. And I'll add my little two cents to it after Sam discusses it. But what about it? What's contagious mean? And why is your dream not just for you? Dreams are like oxygen or maybe like they're like trees. You know, like the trees that produce it. It's like when you start breathing it in, you don't realize you need it, but other people need it. Like those trees, oh yeah, you know,

reforestation. No, do we need those? If you cut those out, you're dead. You're dead. So those, that oxygen, like you breathe it out, and then all of a sudden you start living out your dreams, start planting more trees, all of a sudden people are breathing more, they're dreaming again, and you start doing something, and someone joins us alongside with you.

I remember, even we talked about some of the stuff in 2020 and trying to figure out with like, what do we do with athletes or people or what? And all of a sudden I started to follow through with this idea or this dream. Then all of a sudden someone else who wanted to do something similar, they joined. And someone else said, maybe I can try that.

And all of a sudden we built this thing that started with one tree that was planted and it was providing oxygen. And we think it's just a tree, but it's really a life giving gift. You, you doing this podcast, you, you, not you showing up. It's a life giving gift. And we think, oh, I don't have a platformer. No, you do. You do.

And so there's a contagiousness. There is. And you living out your dreams, you following your dreams, you find, you, you following your fire, getting the architects, there's that. For the second piece is your dreams are just for you because other people are on the other side of your dreams. And we think it's this great idea, but there are physical people, real people waiting for you. Maybe the result of whatever you do was gonna help them, but more likely, there's people to the left and to the right that are like, man, I always wanted to do that. And 15 years from now, you're gonna look up and be like, it was that one conversation that has you go on this trajectory that changed my life.

100% And then you'll remember, you won't see it because like you plant all these trees, so I build them and it becomes this huge forest, but you will remember. I had a combo with that guy and that person will tell you, you changed everything. And yeah, and it's necessary. I want to step out of the book and into you for a minute. I watch you most every day you were on during the George Floyd stuff and surrounding that. And there's something different about the way that you communicate.

I just want to say something about you on that. It seemed to me, see, I believe that one of the keys of making your dream come true, whatever that dream is or whatever change you want to create, is your ability to enroll people in that dream. So when you say there's other people involved in your dream, you know, the way you really make your dreams come true, everybody, is that you connect it to the love of either other people or children they want to win for, or their parents, or their culture, or their society, or their country, or whatever it might be. But if you can connect to the dream to something bigger than the adversity emotionally, now you got a real shot. One of the ways to do that is you enroll people. You change hearts, you change minds, you get people to support you. And during the, look, when the stuff happened with George Floyd,

George Floyd is just one person. This has happened, things like this have happened lots of times. There's a camera on George Floyd. And so we call it the George Floyd time of 2020. But the truth is, you know, this is something that's happened forever. And when it happened, there was a point, I don't care who you were. I don't care black or white. You're like, this is on here every single day.

There was just a lot of it, right? You're like, in anything, there's actually some benefit to a little bit of a look away and then come back that gives you perspective in every message every day all the time. And I remember thinking, I kind of know what I'm going to hear when I turn the TV on, even when I turn on ESPN, I kind of know what I'm gonna hear when I turn the TV on, even when I turn on ESPN. I kind of know what this is what I'm gonna hear. Except when you talked, and there was a few others too.

When you talked, I felt like just like what you're doing today, you were judicious in your wording. And it seemed to me like that you didn't only just want to express a frustration. This is important. You didn only just want to express a frustration. This is important. You didn't just want to express a frustration or a concern or a pain. But you actually wanted to communicate something that would get people to see your perspective. People who already may not have seen your perspective.

I wonder if you were cognizant of that when you were on the air that I want the dude watching this who doesn't get this to hear my perspective as opposed to just hear my frustration. And let me tell you why I think this is relevant. When you have a dream, it's easy to go, I'm frustrated with this thing and I wanna change it. I'm frustrated with obesity and so I'm starting a fitness training company.

Well, that's great, but at the same time, you have to change the hearts and minds of somebody to make them your client, to make them your customer. It's great, you're to change the hearts and minds of somebody to make them your client to make them your customer It's great. You're pissed right? That's great. I'm glad to know the reason you're doing this But to really create a movement as an entrepreneur or to create a movement and cultural change You have to enroll people in your vision and that means you have to meet them somewhere and connect with them So I wonder when you were on there because I found myself watching you almost leaning in a little bit. Like, he has a perspective I don't have because I didn't grow up like him.

But I didn't feel like, do you know what I mean when I say that? I think I'm saying it the right way. So I think that same application at that time applies to any dream or any change you want to create. Your frustration level should affect me emotionally because it moves me. But then what are you doing to enroll me to get me to see your perspective and come with you? Does that make sense? Or even, or even to, it makes sense, but even to like, have a runway for me to do something. Because I might be mad, but are you mad? And if you're not mad, then you're not mad. I mean, if you want, you don't do anything, all right, great, I'll do it myself. Or it's

like, hey, if you could understand where I'm coming from, that's part A. It's like, okay, I get it. But then part B is, hey, what if we could do something about it? And what if we could do something together? What's the vision, local? What's the vision? And out of friend who said, man, like, because there's the fear.

And he talked about, overwhelm that fear with vision. And so there can be fear in situations and change and what, but it's like, what if there's something we could do together? So like oftentimes what I'll try to do is say whatever my fear frustration, I mean, I have an answer, but if I do, it's like, hey, and here's something we're doing.

We're gonna do this. And for me, for a bunch of athletes, it was like, hey, we're gonna, you know, we do we protest and when we see protest, protesting work, do we, you know, post some stuff on social media to do? And when the nonprofit leader is like, hey, can you just come and listen to some of our kids?

Come sit with them. Come spend time with them. Cause they're hurting. And so we did. And then there was an action point too. That was action. But also I always wanted to go from listening to like actioning, listening to moving.

And so we went and checked out the neighborhood. Saw what was going on. We saw, yes, you know, you turn on the TV. You see looting, riding Chicago, we were just finished my time with the bear Chicago bears looting, riding. But we said, is this stuff real? You know what? We took a tour and we saw buildings boarded up. We saw a glass on the ground. We also saw a community that in a lot of ways it seemed like society had turned its back on. But it came from getting close. And then with that, it said, okay, what if there's something else we can do? So we've got some athletes together. Let's sit and

let's meet again with these young, with these kids and see. So it's just this idea of we all want solutions, but many people they stop at the frustration. Yes. And they don't provide that solution. Yes. If I could just provide you with solution, then it's your decision. Do you want to take those easy steps, and sometimes it's easier for some, more easier than some others, but do I take those easy steps?

Or do I just say no? Because it's easy if I'm just frustrated, okay, cool, that's you. But hey, let's do something. Now you can say yes or no. Yeah, very good. You talk about pain in the book, and you actually call pain a primer.

I think I just use it from a business perspective. I think it's often times healthy to tap into someone's pain and then show them how you can alleviate it. And sometimes you need to even point out to somebody that they're in pain. There's a lot of people in our culture today that suffer in comfort. I'm gonna talk about this on one of my shows. They suffer in comfort.

So they live their life suffering and they just try to add things to make that suffering more comfortable. So yeah, if I'm going to get a nice car, so now I suffer in a little bit more comfort. Or I've got a decent house or we took a, but you're still suffering as a human being because I believe human suffer if they're not in pursuit of their potential They're not in pursuit of their purpose. They're not in pursuit of the reason they were born to do something great There's a suffering that comes with that That's the ultimate suffering now. There's all kinds of other suffering in life

That's the obvious sufferings in life But what most people try to do in their life is they don't try to alleviate their suffering They try to just suffer in more comfort and so and they what means is sort of Avoid the pain almost but you say now pain's kind of a primer in life. It's okay to leverage that to some extent So I'll let you talk about that. Yeah, it's a primer pain Pain proceeds progress Payne proceeds progress. We know that from, we know that from like working out and lifting weights.

We know that from, I mean go to talk about different founders, you listen to them and oftentimes we fail, fail, fail, fail them boom. Or this, the reason I created this great company is it was a huge pain, pain, pain proceeds progress. And we want to avoid it. We want to just add all this comfort to our pain and really we're dying on the inside. And so if we want to accomplish anything worthwhile in life that we have to address those things, we cannot just continue just to run or hide

or just get more comfortable. Yeah. Because that comfort still won't speak to the heart of what's not only irking you on the inside, but eating you away and burning you up on the inside. Mm-hmm. So sooner or later, we have to like get comfortable with pain. Wow, that's good. If we don't, you'll, I forget how you said it,

but it was really amazing. But we'll die a slow death. We do, it's like an asphyxiation. Yeah, it's slowly, we don't even realize it's happening to us and little by little. It's almost like that frog, it's almost like, in the boiling bucket, it's just one degree at a time and before you know it, you're boiling.

And that's what happens in people's lives. And then you get to the end of your life and you played scared and you don't get another one. I was with my dad when he died. And I can tell you, my dad did not regret the things that he tried and failed in his life. He didn't, the things that he tried that didn't work out, he didn't regret them.

My dad regretted the things that he didn't try. My dad regretted the risks he didn't take. I have a really good friend named Dave Hollis who recently passed away 47 years old. And you don't know when your time's coming, but so many people in their life they just live afraid. They don't take risks. And they're going to get to their end of their life. And they're going to be loaded with regret that they didn't. And in the book, you talk about taking risks. It's actually a center, it's one of the things that you actually write about.

And that most people do stay in that really comfy place in their life. They don't vary outside of what their parents expected of them or what their friends think they're capable of or what they might not be great at yet, they don't wanna roll the dice because they're rather just suffering and comfort. Can I do something?

Yes. How does you forgive your dad? That's a great question. You mean for the drinking and the things in his life? Well, two things, in my dad's case, no one's ever asked me that, ever in my life, Well, two things, in my dad's case, no one's ever asked me that ever in my life, not even my family. One, my dad did have a redemptive part of his story that he did turn his life around. And so I watched him physically with his feet change. So it wasn't

just his words, it was his feet. I watched him do his prayer every day I watch him go to the meetings. I watched him put in the time and the effort So there was that the other part of it is that in my own life I've come to this conclusion that I need to give people more grace that I don't know what was done to my dad when he was young I don't know my dad's experiences I don't know the pain in the hurt and the perspective that my father suffered through either. And so what I was doing in my life like most people as I'm judging the pain that my dad caused me based on only my perspective. But I don't know what my dad saw when he was a child. I don't know what suffering or abuse my dad went through as a little boy.

But I have to believe for someone to get that addicted to drugs and alcohol. He was trying to suppress some sort of pain in his own life as well. And so for me, it was the forgiveness came from grace, not from him being perfect. addicted to drugs and alcohol. He was trying to suppress some sort of pain in his own life as well. And so for me, it was the forgiveness came from grace, not from him being perfect, but that in my dad's life, he's a man who was suffering, who loved his family and did everything he could to change. But even had my dad not gotten sober,

because a lot of people ask me that, they're like, hey, you know, what if your dad always stayed that way? The truth of the matter is, is that real love isn't conditional. It's not conditional on my dad's sobriety. It doesn't mean that I would need to have my dad around me all the time if he was drink. I would never run my children. I had my dad been drinking and using drugs. But my love for my dad was not conditional.

Real love isn't conditional on his behavior. Proximity is conditional, but not the love. And so that forgiveness came rather easily for me because I'm a sinner saved by the grace of God as well. And if every mistake I've ever made, people judge me by. Well, that'd be wrong because they don't know what I've gone through to get there. And so that's how I forgave my dad.

I hope that's a complete answer, but it's the real answer. No one's ever asked me that. Why'd you ask me that? I'm curious. I've seen not only in my life, but even like, lives of people, like I want to be a better dad. You know, and like, you know, my dad, you know, from Nigeria, fought in wars and like, you know, tough dude. Tough dude. Tough dude, you know.

And I thought I'm different and I'm very like, hey, let's have fun and join you know. And I do know there are things where I'm like, man, like, how can I love, like, I want to love people well. Me too. And so, like, I'm sitting and listening, I just want to learn like, okay, what did you do? You know one thing I did pretty well,

I'll give you something, I'm 51, by the way, man, can I give you a bigger list of things I wish I didn't do, isn't that? Isn't that, man, I don't want that list. Yeah, well, you know what I mean? Like, wish I was more present. I remember a time where, these little things as a parent, you remember where,

I yelled at my daughter. My dad was a yeller. And I vowed I would never yell. And I yelled at her. And I watched her face, you know, my little face shook. I scared my daughter. It broke my heart. And I'm like, I can't get that back.

I just, my job is to protect her. My job is that she feels the most safe with me. And I scared her because I was an emotional idiot in three seconds. Now, I gave myself some grace and I said, I'm never going to do that again. And I don't think I ever have since then. But I've made those mistakes. One thing I have done pretty well, brother, and I know you do a good job of this. I spoke real words of affirmation into my children. In other words, I didn't just love them.

I believed in them. I believe there's a big difference between love and belief. And I think love is the most powerful thing in the world. But true, deep belief in somebody. You are very rare. If I said to you right now in your own life, who's the one or two people in your entire life

that truly believed in you the most? Anybody listening to this or even Sam Ocho sitting across from me? Who are they? Picture their beautiful face right now. That one that really is, man, if you think too long about it, you get emotional. And there is only one or two, maybe three people

at best in most of our lives that had the deep belief in us. They're the most important people in our lives. And I want to be those people in my children's life. I want to be the person they go, my daddy believes in me. A lot of dads love their kids. And I want them to feel immense love, but I believe in you. And I tell them over and over why I believe in them. And it's not just I believe in you, you're great. I then link it to things about them that they intuitively know is probably true. So, Bella, you're amazing. You know why you're so amazing?

Because you love people so much. You care so much about people. You're so funny. You're so good at math. You're so fast. I'll link it to things she's great at. I am. I do care about people and it's linked to something she knows is true, right? Maximus your kind heart your givings my son was born loving God one of those just you know those people like

Didn't have to teach it to him at all, right max the way you love God like yeah, I do And so I want to build him from there because like I said with my dad I think hurt people hurt people and I think loved people love people People who were believed in believe in people and What Jesus did was two things if we really are true. He loved us. He died unconditionally first since he went through pain For our goodwill because he loved us more than the pain he would suffer to the point earlier. But he also believed in us. He believed in us in spite of the mistakes and sins he already knew we were going to make. And that with my children is the profound thing that the

mistakes they're going to make doesn't change my belief. It's not conditional because the Lord's belief who loves me more than I even love my own children which is hard to imagine for both you and I. And he knows all the mistakes I make. He knew them before I made them. He knows the ones I'm about to make. I haven't made yet. And so that means you deeply believe in me also.

So I think that's probably it. Hmm, well, that's deep as a dad, you know, because there's one thing to love your kids and to say you love your kids, nothing to believe in them. It's different, especially when you see your faults and your failures in them. In them.

Isn't that true? It's still to believe in them. Like you said, you know, you talked about how God believed in us, how Jesus believed in us, how Jesus believed in us, and believes still. That's a powerful thing. Sure is. And those are mistakes, those are sins, those are the ones we haven't made yet.

Most times, I think most people, their belief is pretty damn conditional. You behave, I believe in you. You behave, I love you. You misbehave. I don't believe in you. I don't love you. This whole notion of I'm really disappointed in you. That's the kind thing. I don't think that's a good thing to say to a child because the truth of the matter is I've made mistakes in my life as well. My belief in you. That doesn't mean I don't correct my children. Jesus rebukes the apostles. We're having a real faith discussion now. That that's okay. Jesus rebuked the Apostle, so rebuk is right within our repertoire,

but that rebuk came with love and belief. Most times as parents, as leaders in business, when we're in the process of correcting, criticizing, or rebuking, re-remove love and belief in that moment and we'll get back to giving it to them. But what if in the presence of love and belief, you can correct? To me, that's most productive as a parent, rather than the absence of it in the moment of correction. Do you know what I'm

saying? Yes. Most of my corrections with my children or even in business have been in moments of anger. If I'm being honest, I'm angry, I'm mad, and I correct, and I believe the anger and love can't coexist. So I try to not do those things in the moments of anger and do them in moments of love. That's easier said than done because I'm a center too and make mistakes. But overall, that's my belief as a father, as a friend, and as a businessman is that I want that correction to come in love and in belief not in the moments of absence of it. If that makes sense. You're really kind. Thank you, brother. Seriously, you are really kind.

And like, I probably sound more kind than I am, but thank you. I appreciate that. I just, I mean, even just like not even listening, but like looking at you, you know, and like, there's a kindness inside of you. And there's like a, like there is this, like emotional intelligence.

Thank you. But more than that, it's a strength. And there's just like emotional intelligence. Thank you. But more than that, it's a strength. And there's this like deep, deep, deep kindness. Like I see like that, like I see that in you. Yeah. Yeah. That's probably why I have such affection for you. I see that as well.

By the way, thank you. You could not say something nicer to me. And I accept that, even though I'm not completely comfortable with it, but I accept that. And I aspire to be. I aspire to completely comfortable with it, but I accept that. And I aspire to be. I aspire to be more kind, a more gentle, generous, I think the strongest people, men and women are so strong they can be kind and gentle. You and I were talking about that about our mutual friend Jason Wilson. That's one of the things I admire most about him.

In your case, I love multi-dimensional humans with depth. And the reason I was so desirous to have you on was from a distance. I see all these dimensions to you as a man. I see an athlete. I see a man of faith. I see a black man. I see a man proud of his culture. I see a man who wants to create change. I see a man not devoid but with very minimal judgment of other people, someone with an incredible calling, uh, oratory skills off the charts, you're always in life. You're always making people feel something. And what I love about you is I think you make people feel good and aspire to be better.

There's three types. There's four types of people. There's people that make really almost no impact. Then there's motivational people. Motivational people are great. You're, you term it a motivational speaker or I'm called you're a great motivational speaker, which is great. That that plays to people's motives. If you do this, you can have a better life. If you do this, you can have a faster car. If you do this, you'll have a better marriage. You do this. You have a better body. Play's to our motives, which is great. Then there's a very, very small group of people. They're inspirational.

Inspirational people, they motivate us, but the root of inspiration is to be in spirit. Something affects us from a spiritual perspective emotionally when they're in our presence. You have that, my friend. And then there's real rarefied air, which is someone who is aspirational. And this is a human being

that when we're in their presence, we go, I'd kind of like to be a little bit more like them. And to me, you check all three boxes, your motivational, your inspirational, and you're an aspirational man. I aspire to be more like you. And if I ever have even one millimeter of 1% of that, it'd be really grateful.

So I wanna acknowledge you about that. Thank you for saying that. It's true. You're remarkable. I want to also say one more thing. I want to ask you one last question. I've enjoyed today. Trumendous.

I have to. I don't know that I've had very many people on my show who are more thoughtful about the words they choose. They don't just throw, you don't throw words out. Sam, you don't. They're important to you. I'd like to meet your brother too. Yeah.

I think we have a great conversation and we just have you both on together. Yeah. I think I'd be fascinating. Well, before I ask this last question, I want to remind everybody, whenever you're listening to this, the book's out March 7th.

So if it's after that, go get it. And if it's before that, go pre-order. It'll probably be after that. Change starts with you following your fire to heal a broken world. And you get the feeling, don't you everybody? By the way, his Instagram is the Samacho. So go there as well, follow him on Instagram while you're getting it. Go grab the power of one more by Ed Myletta. I hear that book's pretty good too. But let me ask you

this lastly, because you're young. You're in the midst of making many, many dreams come true. Someone's sitting there and they go, okay, I'm gonna get your book and I wanna do all these things, but I wanna go back to the price thing for a minute. Be real here too. I've only asked three or four people this on the show, I think. Is it worth it to pursue whatever your change is

in your dream? I had Martin Luther King, Jr's son on, so I guess he's M.O.K. the third, and I wrote my dissertation on M.O.K. so I really wanted to interview him. And sometimes I think these people that have stood up in life to make change in their life, his life was literally taken from him, right? And I think of other people I know that, you know, they pray to pretty big price in order to make their dream come true. And so I wonder, like, was all the price you had to pay

as a young man worth it to get to the NFL? Right now is the price you're paying, because there's a price, as you said earlier, you're away from your family more, you got to travel, you're probably gonna go to Connecticut to do a ESPN, you gotta go back there, you got more notoriety now, now you got a book out, now you're busy, then you're the podcast, you got this. You got that. You got a

family. You got friends. You is all of it worth it. And I mean, if it's, oh, if the answer is no, or I don't know, that's acceptable to, but what's the honest truth about that? You never know what doors are going to open until you walk through them. And I'm not talking about the door that you walk through. I'm talking about the door that baguettes another door. In high school, I was not this, I'm gonna go in the NFL.

I was, that wasn't my thing. It wasn't, not even close. I was like, maybe I wanna go to Ivy League, or I don't know. And I got a chance to go and get a scholarship and go to play a Texas. And when I wanted to actually be good, because some people were just happy to be a Texas, oh, I made it. But when to actually be good, because let me be more just happy to be a Texas,

I made it. But when it actually be good, there was a price to pay. I ate different. I drank different. I thought different. I worked out different. All these things were, I did them differently than others to get to that next goal of making it to the NFL.

Then I made it to the NFL. And it opened up a lot of doors. But then it's like the average is three years. I want to, I want to do, I want to actually do this. And there's a sacrifice. But all of a sudden that, that nine year career provided a platform where people now want to listen to what I have to say.

And by God's grace, God put something inside of me to get out. And right, that first book that let the world see you, that came out right as soon as I tore my peg and after the season and finished my career boom book number one. And then all of a sudden we fast forward and I'm on ESPN bigger platform all the things right because I played in a F up because I made those sacrifices all that long time ago that didn't even think I did not think okay if I go to this college and then I stay healthy enough and then I go to the national championship game and then I go to the NFL and get

drafted and I play nine years and then I'll go because I'm not thinking about that. It's just a thing in front of you. So what is worth it is making that decision to take that risk, to have to make that call, to speak to that person, to address that issue, to ask that question, to answer that question. That's worth it because you never know what's on the other side to go address that thing that you've been afraid of, that's worth it. And I can't tell you, I can't tell you what's going to come of it, but I can't tell you that saying no, you will regret. And that not showing up, you will regret.

I've, I've, I've closed some doors that I wasn't out of, out of anger. That I, I don't want to use the word regret, but I'll use the word regret. I'm like, man, I wish I would have been, I wish I wouldn't have let my emotions get the best in me in that situation. And God still does redeem, but what I will say is, and I don't want to just flippantly say that, God redeems broken things and broken people

and broken situations. All those 11 videos that he flipped through God can and will redeem that. Whether in this life for the life to come, he will. So when we've seen that with you, usually that with your family, I've seen that with mine. So is it worth it? Hands down. Absolutely. Yes. But you may not know for 15, 15 years. So true.

And I'm seeing that right now. The decisions I made by by God's grace my parents made to put us in the schools We went to to go to this football camp at USC that we didn't even know back in 07 or 06 We showed up at this camp. It's an invite only camp. We weren't invited But we still got a chance to get in this camp all of a sudden boom scholarship top 300 camp top 300 kids from the entire state of California And me and my brother and for every reason boom we blew up in scholarship because we showed up. And then that scholarship had all the other schools offer. Now every school's offering, right? Oh boom, I pick a school, I go to that school,

I decided to be disciplined. Notice I decided to be disciplined. It's a decision. And we went to state, but I decided, my office said, for the opportunity, I didn't know if I was gonna get drafted or not, but I did, I went to a team, and I decided then that this wasn't gonna be the end I made it to the end of the film. And I want to be a starter. I want to set records. I want to go to the Pro Bowl.

Why? I'm not really sure yet. I just want to honor, but it's like, but I was sudden that that effort led to something. No, I never made a Pro Bowl. I was nominated twice, I never made a Pro Bowl. I never, you know, set the sack record. I was second as a rookie. You're right, pretty good. And it opened doors. And then I studied film. I wanted to be good. So I was setting out, now ESPN,

I'm using what I did in my NFL career. In school, I would work, I loved writing. Like I got recite Shakespeare. I can, like those are things that I love when I was little. And I'm using that to memorize things. Right now I'm trying to memorize like scripture and the word of God, not to impress people when I was little. And I'm using that to memorize things right now. I'm trying to memorize like scripture and the word of God, not to impress people because I need it. So it's like, is it worth it? Absolutely. Yes. And you may not know why I don't either, but God does. God shows up on

the other side of fear. Brother, what a remarkable conversation today was. Look at the heads back in the studio in the sound room. They're not even two. And that ain't normal just so you know. What a great conversation. I'm truly grateful and honored. I got to share the hour with you.

It was awesome. And if you don't come back here and do this again, there's something wrong with both of us. Yes. I would love to do this again. I would too. Yeah, God bless your brother. Make sure you go grab his book guys. Change starts with you following your fire to heal a broken

world. And please share this episode. There's so much juice and stuff in here for the people you love and care about and believe in. Share with them. If you believe in them and you love them, you'd share this with them. Take care, everybody. God bless you. This is The End My Milach Show.