THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Flow state - with Tony Gonzalez

Episode Date: October 30, 2019

Get out of your head and get in your HEART! Tony is a Hall of Famer, played 17 seasons in the NFL, holds the record for total receiving yards by a tight end and is second of all-time in receptions. The truth is I’m not only impressed with Tony as a football player but truly admire who he is as a man. This is NOT your normal everyday “athlete “ interview. In fact, we spend very little time on football. Tony is a voracious reader and personal development addict! His insights will ASTOUND you. In this interview, we talk about the REAL separator between the good and the GREATS. You probably wouldn’t guess that Tony was bullied in middle school. He shares about his struggles with this and how it changed the trajectory of his life in a POSITIVE way when he decided he was done being scared. It’s often the fear we feel that is a DIRECT correlation to the very thing we need to LEAN into. Tony learned early on in his NFL career that it wasn’t just about talent and hard work when you get to the highest level. The game changes when you can get in your HEART and stay PRESENT. There is a sweet spot in being goal-oriented and separating from the outcome. When you let go of the outcome you can show up at your BEST from a place of FEARLESSNESS. HARD WORK is the building block of success, but LOVING what you do should be the foundation if you want to be EXCELLENT at it. We also discuss a lot about how meditation and visualization connected him MIND, BODY, and SPIRIT and changed his life on and off the field.   He even shares some daily struggles he deals with today, the biggest regret he made as a teammate in the NFL and real advice on what YOU should do if you’re going after a DREAM. I guarantee you will be blown away by Tony and INSPIRED to go out, find the TRUTH of who you are and BECOME it.  

This is the Edmmerwood Show. Welcome back to Max Out everybody. I have a Hall of Famer next to me. It's not every day you get to sit next to a Hall of Famer. Seventeen year NFL career, like a bazillion different records, transformed the position of Titan and the NFL. I didn't know this, second all time in the NFL in receptions, regardless of position. Yeah.

Although there's a dude getting really close to yours. You're gonna break it probably in the next couple days. Next couple days actually. But I'm actually, I've got to learn more about you because of all of our mutual friends. And I wanna talk a little football, but I'm more impressed with the man and who you've become and where you came from. So thank you for being here. It's Tony to learn more about you because of all of our mutual friends. And I want to talk a little football, but I'm more impressed with the man, and who you've become and where you came from.

So thank you for being here. It's Tony Gonzalez, everybody. Thanks for coming to me. Yeah, great to have you. So we'll go football in a little bit. So you want to talk football? We want to talk football. One thing I want to do is congratulate you,

because you just became a member of the Hall of Fame. Yeah. So I want to go all the way back to when you were a little guy, because I was fascinated. I kind of fell in love with this little boy that I've been learning about, right? But before I do that, what is it like? I've had Marshall Falk on, I've had T.O. on.

What is it like to join that group and be a Hall of Famer? Yeah, it's great. It's not something that you play for. From the beginning, nobody, at least for me. I never set out and said, you know what? I never even set out saying I'm going to play in the NFL. I just wanted to be on the, be a good player on my team back in Pop Warner, which I wasn't.

But that's a whole different story. But when you get to the NFL, you start putting together seasons. And so you start getting better, you start leveling up. And then obviously you go to one pro bowl, then you go to two pro bowls. And even then, I'm not thinking, okay, Hall of Famer, but, you know, considered one of the best ever. That's something that the media starts to put on you. And people, when you get to like seven probals now, eight probals people are like, hey, you know what, man,

you can, you can make probably make the Hall of Fam and then it starts to dawn on you. And I think at that point, you're like, well, I hope so. Right, because I've been doing pretty well for a long time, so I hope I'm in consideration at least. But once you get there, that's when it really, really hits you. Did he, when you got the call, I noticed,

I saw the video when the guy tells you, what was that like? Yeah, the big old guy. Yeah, he's a big dude. Big his head ever, David, David. He is one of the best guys ever. But yeah, when you, when it finally, when they tell you, because you also, I knew I had a good chance, of course. And, and I had my family out there

to come celebrate if, if it comes, but you never really, really know. And so when I saw, him come around the corner, I was like, man, this is, this is really, really happening. Yeah. And it kind of hit me a little bit. And I look around and my, my, my wife has some tears in her eyes. She's face-time in my kids back home so they could see it. And that's when it comes together. Yeah, it's great for me, but it's really about the people that have been with me

from the beginning, my brothers, my mom, my uncles, the guys that I've played with, had some guys that I've played with throughout my career there with me as well. And so that's really what it's all about. That's what going to that three day event is about. Seeing all these old guys that you looked up to that you idolized when you were a kid,

and now you're considered one of them. There's only 326 of us now. I'm the only one. 100 year history of the NFL. That's when you start to realize, okay, this is freaking huge. And it feels good, but I'm so glad that I got to bring my family along with it.

And so my kids get a chance to see that, especially the younger ones who never got to see me play. They got to see me up on that stage and see me recognized for something that I poured my heart into that I tell them to do every day. Like pour your heart into something and they got to see the kind of the culmination of it. So maybe that's a little carrot for them to grasp for.

Congratulations. Thank you, that's incredible, man. Like, no. It's more incredible just because of when I went back, I don't know, I see a guy like you, what are you, six-fives? Yeah, six-fives. Six-fives. Built like in a donnice, good-looking dude, obviously a very confident person at this stage

of your life, at least externally. I think he's probably always been this way. And he kind of won the pool of life. And then I start to read about you. I'm like, I should know better. That's never really the case. And so I go back and I look at this little guy who tell us a little bit about it because what I love about you because we're both in this in common. We're both sort of like personal development, self-awareness, addicts. We want to know more about ourselves. We want to learn and grow and it's fascinating about that with you.

You're a little boy, you really, really struggle with yourself confidence and you're even bullied, right? Would you tell that story? Because I think it's just unbelievable. You're graduation, you're at a graduation, you got this bully after. You have to picture. But I think it'll help a lot of the young people that listen to this or parents who have young people.

Yeah, and that's why I tell this story for the most part, because there's kids out there that are getting bullied. And I was the big bad, you look at me, like, okay, football player, like he's never had any problems. Right. And I was at my eighth grade graduation. First of all, this bully was bullying me the whole year long. He came from high school.

I never really saw him because I was afraid. And were like yeah he's a tough guy he's driving down from the eyes because I'm in eight grade in junior high I always don't I still don't know why he wanted to fight me or whatever it's actually a really funny story I agree to fight him and because he called me on the phone and I had been ducking him every day and he and I say well, give me a chance to train for the fight. And he goes, all right, we'll set the date for the fight two or three weeks later.

And I'm in the series, I'm in the garage, training, I'm gonna fight this guy. And I was, I had the ability. I probably could have beat his ass, but I was just so scared. And also before that, I was scared to play football. It was funny, I was just a scared little kid for whatever, no confidence.

Anyway, long story short, the day of the fight comes, I'm going to the fight, I'm by myself, nobody would like me at school now. It's just back in the 80s too. So you were a wimp. I couldn't go to a teacher and talk about this. Or the teacher's the back, I don't care. What are you gonna do?

Because I'm sure the whole school knew about it. Because I go to the teacher and talk about this or the teachers will be like, I don't care, what are you gonna do? Because I'm sure the whole school knew about it. Because I go to the fight and I think every other school knew about it in our district too. And the high school, because there was a thousand kids there. There's a thousand kids. I'm not kidding. At the park, down the street from my house too.

There must have been, if I'm looking from there, I'm talking, I don't know if you had school fights. By the way, school fights don't happen anymore. At least for my kids, when we were kids, they happened all the if you had school fights. By the way, school fights don't happen anymore, at least for my kids. When we were kids, they happened all the time. Right, right. My 18 year old, he's never seen a fight, never seen a fight in 18 years.

Go on through the school from Mark, which is a good thing, I guess, really good, but the school fights I had didn't have a thousand people at the belt. There's like eight guys at the bike rack, right? No, this was a scheduled school fight. The scheduled school fight. Always had a lot of people there. I'd go there and watch, okay?

I can't wait to see this one. Right. That's gonna be a good one. So anyways, I turn around. I go back home and then they're all at my house, like banging on the door, trying to get me to come out. And so next day I go back to school. I mean, it's even worse than it was before.

And I ride that out until graduation. Graduation comes. Everybody throws their hat up. I go and hide behind a wall because he shows up. And my whole family's there, my aunts and uncles, and they're looking for me. And I'm hiding behind this wall. And it's like they come up walking slowly and they're looking for me and they see me hiding.

And everybody knows what's going on with me. And the disappointment I saw in my mom's face and the disappointment I saw in my older brother, Chris's face, that did it for me. I was like, I'm so tired of being afraid and I will never ever see that look on their face again. I don't ever wanna feel like this again, ever in life and I have never felt like that ever since.

It just no big game. No dude, you had to block, ever nothing. No, you're good, nothing. No, you're not thinking. Like, don't get me wrong, the fear will come there. But I was like, I can't run anymore. I have to face it, I have to. And I'm going to scratch and claw to do whatever it takes. And that's the first and probably one of the biggest life

lessons I've ever had in my life. Because after that, football took off for me. I go to high school the next year. I actually went looking for him. I was gonna go fight him at that point, but I couldn't find him at that point. And I never did, and people are like, hey, Jen, I'm gonna fight him.

What happened, right here? Well, I always tell people, yeah, I kicked a shit out a couple of years later, but I didn't. It didn't happen. I did see him though at a high school, when I was a junior now, and I'm gonna say hi to him now.

I was one of those big old kids, and I'm looking down on him now. And I'm I could just pummel him if I wanted to but anyways That that changed everything for me What changed everything what do you think changed? It's get confidence just a belief in yourself Mm-hmm just a and really going through the fear like when that fear comes up like it does for all of us in life all of us You got to like take a couple deep breaths and just go do it. Yeah. Go do it. Especially if it's something you want to do. Yeah. I always say people are like like I'm not gonna

I'm not interested in bungee jumping. That scares the shit out of me. No, but I don't want to do it So I don't care. I'm not gonna do it But last year I jumped out of a plane. You did. I'm afraid of that too. But do you want to do it? No? Okay, you don't want to do it. No, yeah. So I had an interest. I've always wanted to do that. I wanted to fly, I wanted to feel like the wind hit my face. I want to even zip line.

But you don't want to do it. I know exactly what you're saying. Okay, but my whole audience is like, they just unsubscribed. But you want to be zip line, that's fun. I'm telling you, anything in the air where I may not be in complete control, not only am I afraid of it, but like what you said, I don't wanna do it, right? Now I know what you're talking about.

There are things that you're afraid of that you wanna do, whether it's like public speaking. Yes. Or those things, if you push through them, I completely agree. You pushed them. So you jumped out of the damn airplane. Jumped out of the airplane, felt good.

I felt when I hit the bottom, it was like, and I've been dealing with this for years, and I've always had this relationship with fear of the truth. I'm really trying to go with fears, but I finally said, okay, I'm gonna do it. Yep. And it really kind of changed things for me after that.

Yeah, no, I know what you're saying. I would just second it. I did, you're gonna think this is nuts. He jumps out of a plan, I'm afraid to zip line. Right, but there's a huge zip line in Idaho where we live. I'm talking way up in the trees, hundreds and hundreds of feet in the air, and I did it

kind of similar to your bullying thing because my kids wanted to go and like they can't see their dad afraid to do this. But there's something about even something small like that when you push through that fear and you complete it. You're like, there's just something about your identity that changes to some extent, right? Like I felt better about myself. So I didn't jump out of an airplane, but I definitely relate to it. Yeah, so one thing about the bullying thing

I wanted to mention to you, because I know you get mentioned to this a lot too, is bullying's different than when we were kids, because at least when we were kids, and I was bullied too, and I was afraid, very similar situation, we could at least escape at our house. Now, the bullying follows you home,

from texting, from Facebook, from Instagram, there's cyber bullying too. And so, if you are a kid out there being bullied, you gotta face that fear, but also now, it's a different world you can get help. There's people that wanna help you talk to a teacher, talk to your parents, wanna make sure we mention that for all the kids, right?

For sure, good to mention that. So, I gotta ask you a couple of things that I see that you talk about. When you were playing in your career, you started maybe just before your career. What you're known for, I think, people that know you, I think, remark constantly on how curious you are.

Just a curious person, you wanna grow and change. You started doing a lot of reading about non-football things when you played. Yeah. Who influenced you when you were reading and why'd you start doing it? My brothers, this is a story I tell all the time. So I'll make it quick. I was having a horrible second year.

Led the NFL in drop passes. Got bitched twice. Got booed by the home crowd. Got written up in the papers that I was going on the verge of being a bust. And I was first around draft choice. I had never been booed. You know? Right, you were great players. And so that put me in a little bit being a bust. And I was first around draptoise. I had never been booed. You know? You were great swear.

And so that put me in a little bit of a depression. And it just seems, you know, and people out there know, like when you're in a depression, it's just, it's kind of like self sabotage. Because the way you talk to yourself is, for instance, with as a football player, when the ball's getting thrown to me, it was, don't drop it, don't drop it. Because I dropped it last time.

And you have to switch that inner dialogue to, I got this and I'm going to catch this. But I didn't have that. And it kept getting worse and worse and worse. I started drinking, I started going to, like I said, it was, it was bad. And my, one of my, my adopted brothers, Donnie sent me a little letter that said, Tony, that is not you. Get back to the real you and he sent me a book of quotes by Vincent Barney. And I loved him.

They were unbelievable quotes. Like, I always tell the one, the greatest moment in a man's life is when he lies totally exhausted on the battlefield glorious. And I loved it. And it spoke to me because that's the shit I needed to hear. Because I didn't know I had gotten by on talent in hard work, which can take you far.

But eventually when you get to the professional ranks, what's going to separate you as your brain and your heart and how you can connect those two. I've noticed that with Hall of Fame players, Hall of Fame businessmen, whatever it is, people that are great, whatever they do, they know how to get into their heart. I didn't know how to do that. I was scared. And so, what do you mean by that? That's awesome.

What do you mean by get into their heart? I think that is where flow is. That is where the zone is. And you hear it all the time. Anybody who has ever played sports, your coach at one point or another, is going to say, play with heart today. You go out there, you got to play with your heart.

And a lot of us, athletes, we don't know what the hell that means. And so, I've decided, I've had to figure out what that meant. And for me, when you're in your heart, there is no fear of judgment. There is presence. There's not word about the last player or the forward player. There is complete confidence in yourself. It's safe. That's where you want to be.

You're not worried. And so that's where it poises. That's what Tom Brady is in the pocket. That's what I had to, I didn't know how to get to that point. That's a mental thing. That's nothing to do with your physical. You can work, lift weights to the cows, come home, and you will never get there. If you, you'll never be as good as you can be unless you learn how to play with your heart. And that's what these books, that's what, that's what this show is about. That's what, that's what I'm about now is how can I get people to get in their heart? How can I stay in my heart?

And so once I learned, I was doing that without even knowing that, that you gotta be fearless. You gotta put the work into, but you have to love what you do. You have to love it because if you don't love it, you won't do it. You won't put in the extra, you won't stay after practice if you don't love it.

And so I had to fall in love with football, like Walter Payton did because I offered that book, Vincent Bartlett, I started, I read biographies on about Walter Payton, Jerry Rice, started about Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, great business leaders, great musicians, and there's a common theme there. If you really look at everybody's story, first of all, they love what they do. I'm talking to them true movers and shakers. You can get by on hard work and in your mind, in your head. But there's a point, you're gonna,

there's a cap there, you're so hard. But as soon as you get in your heart, man, you can, you enjoy it so much better. You'll really see how good you really, really are. But you have to open your heart in order to get into it. Oh my God. So for like 10 years, my primary message was, if you're going to win at the highest levels,

you'll win with your heart and not your head. Yeah. And so like you, people will look at someone like you say, okay, 65 to 50 runs of 4.5, whatever it was, right? But that separator is, you get out of your head. And in business, if it's the way you make your phone calls or your scripts or your systems and your company, that'll get you to a professional level. But that separator is in that flow state, right?

Because what should happen is you should become so skilled at proficient at what you do that the actual physical activity is reflexive. And you're in that flow heart state. So I'm blown away that you actually describe it in that way, because I've never heard an athlete actually say it to me that way before. So anybody authors that you read, I read Wayne Diarrie. Yeah, Wayne Diarrie. Actually, when I saw him speak, I was out in Kansas City.

You did. A Depoctopra. There's the Celestein prophecies. There's, I love the spirituality books that all have to do with being the best version. Mind, body and spirit. You have to connect those three things in order to be the best you can be. You can, I'm sure you've seen this too. It doesn't matter how much money you make or how many girls you got or whatever that mean that all that stuff, true fulfillment, enjoy is what you're after, is what you should be after. And you want to get there as easy as possible. So I have

to develop ways and mindsets and I continued to do that after my second year. I always always interested, okay, okay, what about nutrition, okay, what about meditation, what about visualization, you know, and really studying the grades. I always say success leaves clues, okay, so you're going to go out there and you're going to, you can study people. It's already been done, copy genius, and then you add your own shit on top of that to whatever, you know, you kind of customize it to yourself. Yeah. Guys, this is why Tony has a new podcast, and this is why I think a lot of people are saying,

oh, I get to listen to this football players podcast, you're already seen, there's layers way deeper than that. So, what's the podcast called, by the way, because I'm already a fan of the podcast just because I'm talking to you. I want to hear more of what you have to say on all of these topics. So of the podcast just because I'm talking to you. I want to hear more of what you have to say on all of these topics. So the podcast is called...

It's called Wide Open. Wide Open, okay? And they can get it on any platform. You guys go check that out. And also I want... We do this at the end. We might as well do it right now when they're like, wow.

Right now people are driving or working out or watching. It's like, that's a, whoa. There's a lot of depth there. Not that I think people make some assumptions sometimes that we're only going gonna talk football here today. So how do they find you on social media? So in all major podcast platforms, Tony Gonzalez 88, Twitter handle.

Okay, on Twitter, on Instagram too. Yeah, same on Instagram too. So one thing that I loved that I read about you too, because you just mentioned as a meditation. And so you do, how'd you start? And then you do like a six step or process type meditation, don't you? Yeah, I think visualization and meditation

kind of the same thing. And so realize that a lot of like Michael Jordan did visualization, Tiger Woods did this. And people are doing it, they probably don't even know it. Yes. That if you're constantly looking ahead, seeing your best version of yourself, but there's ways to do it even better.

And so I got into visualization a lot. I would, before every football game, really every night before I went to bed, I would see myself playing the place from the day and see myself doing it perfectly. But really before the game, I would take 20 minutes, I'd go down to end of my bed, get on the floor, and I would close my eyes,

and I would start breathing deeply, and I would relax my body, and then I would visualize the game, but not just visualizing the game in the sense of, okay, seeing my, I would see the details, I'd see, I'd feel the sweat on my face, I would smell the grass, I'd see the dirt, I'd see the crowd cheering me on, I'd see my coach cheering me on, telling me good job,

I'd see myself catching balls, I'd see myself ad-libbing, I'd see myself in the moment, playing with that open heart that I talk about. And nine times that 95% of the time, it would turn out exactly how I was visualizing it. And so since I've gotten done playing, the meditation, I do, I have my, this is my routine. I'll just tell you that every morning when I wake up, the first thing I do, I don't even open my eyes, I just keep my eyes closed and I relax my body again. And if you're, first of all, if you feel like you want to go back to sleep, you didn't get enough sleep.

So that's a whole different subject. Sleep is so important. But so now you're there, you start to relax your body, I picture my heart opening up. And I picture a light coming out. And this is very, there's this kind of vision locky-onny. He taught me the sixth stage meditation that he does and I've kind of taken that.

Like I said, copy genius and then put your own version on it and come up with your own thing that works best for you. And this is what I've done off a hit. So he's the one who started this visualization. So my heart is opening up. I feel that light coming in and then I get into the heart we talked about it.

And I picture joy, I picture fulfillment, I picture compassion, kindness, I picture fearlessness, I picture power, unlimited ability, I feel that light, that's what that light represents to me, and I feel it chuked out of my body into the room, and around the neighborhood, and around the globe, and me touching everything,

and seeing everything as God, seeing everything as connected. And then now my heart is open and then I put the visualization in there. Now I see myself in three years where I'm gonna be, which is vision, or three to five years, see the best version of myself.

Then I see myself doing this. What is my day gonna be like? If I'm gonna go there now, I see myself being part of world positive businesses, see myself doing a great podcast, see myself being on the main desk at Fox, or whatever it is, you see the greatest version of yourself. You build this greatest story yourself,

you see yourself in a great shape, you see yourself eating great food, and then you see your day going that way, you just map out your whole day. And science, this is all backed by science now. This isn't woohoo shit out there for listening to this. This is real. Now look it up. This is this is this is cognitive dissonance. This is neuroplasticity of your brain. This is this is you creating your your your story. It it absolutely is real stuff. Quantum physics shows the

the electrodes that you put up to your brain, they've done it to athletes for the athletes out there listening. When I was doing that visualization, your muscles are fire and you're creating that muscle memory, those habits. Your brain is going to associate what it's most comfortable with. So be sure to put positive images in your brain because that's what's going to consider normal now and it becomes normal. So it's kind of like that fake it till you make it, the old saying, but it's real now, now it's backed by science, and this stuff will help you be the best version

that you can be. Oh wow, oh wow. Hey guys, I wanna step aside for a second, I'll tell you about the first ever sponsor of the Max Out podcast. So as you know, I've never had a sponsor before because I didn't want to have somebody that was endorsing the show that didn't have a product that I really believe could help you or that I used

myself. And so for a while now, I've been using this app called the XPT Breathing App and I love it. And the reason is that it helps you in your physical and mental game, right, in both areas, which you know, I'm a huge believer in pushing ourselves physically and mentally. And most fitness apps, so to speak, that are out there are great, but you know, they work on workout techniques or getting your abs to be six packs or, you know, diet, that type of thing. And when my friend, Laird Hamilton, who's a legendary big wave surfer, told me about this

app that he partnered on with Gabrielle Reese, who's another legendary athlete. I thought, you know, what I'll use it because of their reputation, but after I started using it I saw a huge difference in my ability to recover in my mental and physical game And I want that for you guys as well. And so I'm really proud They're one of the first sponsors of the show the apps built on the fundamentals of breathe move and recover Which I believe in and it powers you to kind of push your own boundaries both physically and kind of mentally And you're gonna see in many ways it really makes a difference in your self confidence and your ability to perform, recover, just the way you feel about yourself.

Other athletes like Aaron Rogers, one of the greatest quarterbacks in the NFL, Kevin Durant uses the app, US military, tons of different Olympic athletes. And now they've made this thing available. And the real secret of the app is the breathing programming. That's the part I love the most. And it kind of takes all the techniques from around the world and recovery. They really have them in thought to everyday people

before, for both the mind and the body. And I think you're gonna love it. And so XPST's move program consists of a bunch of kind of customizable training program and daily workouts and recovery things as well But what's really cool is my audience gets it for free and that's what I'm most fired up about So if you go to XPTlife.com forward slash my let you can download the app and it's free so again go to XPTlife.com

forward slash my let and Download the app for free. You're gonna thank me for it. It's gonna make a big difference in your life, guys. They told me this was gonna be good, but I didn't. So I just wanna step back for a second there. That was awesome. Everybody, I just wanna make sure one thing about the visualization aspect, one of the things I've noticed with,

I've worked with pro athletes and then I've worked with some Hall of Fame athletes. The specificity with which they visualize is our two different levels. What you were just saying about how specific the sweat all for those of you that are business people or your mothers or you're running a foundation. It's the specific that you may think you visualize, but the elite elite level performers visualize much more specifically with much more clarity. They build the muscle of being great visualizers.

I want to make sure that you're all just processing that for a second. And then this idea that you're literally rewiring the myelin in your brain and the neuroplacicity aspects of it. You are literally conditioning your mind and your body to work together when you're doing what Tony's describing to you right here. Please spend more time learning about this because it's the the commonality blows my mind between the learning about this because it's the commonality blows my mind between the megas, the best pastors I know, the best mothers I know, the best business people I know, the top athletes, there's these lines that start running together and it's some of the things that you just shared. I'm so impressed that

you do that and that you're refining it. What's one snap mentality? Well, I think it's kind of the presence, at least for me. It's that one snap and clear it is a big thing you hear in the NFL. And that just means staying in the moment. That means each play that you go is all that matters. And then once it's over, it's done. You're not worried about the past of the future. And that is a great place to be.

Because people know how it can start to steamroll you if you start worrying about the last drop pass in my instance. Or if I'm on television, like, oh shoot, I messed that last segment up. Yes. I was stumbling on my words. If you're thinking about that, now you're not present, you're not in the moment. Takes away your focus. And that's where meditation does.

It helps memory and it helps your focus. That's why I do it. I do it twice a day by the way. Do you do anything else to your presence? Help me with this. I talk a lot about being present, and it's interesting when you're someone who preaches it, and then I still regularly catch myself,

not me. I mean, in every area, it could be in a business meeting, it could be, I come home with my kids, and there's just days I'm not. Do you have any triggers or mechanisms, or is it just like yourself aware, like I'm doing it again? Do you do anything like that? Yeah, I think everybody like if I'm driving down the street, like I said before when I see that visualization in the morning that helps me set the tone for my day.

But like I catch myself with people you know with my kids, I have four kids. And so when I come down in the morning the kids down there I try to really look them in the eye and stay present with them and tell myself stay present, open your heart. That's a lot, that's kind of like my reminder. Anytime that I feel like I'm slipping a little bit, I'll say, okay, get your heart Tony, get your heart, and I just learned this. This literally is, it's been a part of my routine for the last two months of getting your heart. And there's certain things to, like if I see certain numbers on the clock, I always see the number 44.

I'll see 111. And I think those are little reminders from, this might be a little weird for some people. It's not weird at all to me. The universe or God, or whatever you think, the higher power is sinning me, okay, remind myself, that's what that means to me. When I see those numbers, okay, get focused, get centered. You can can't see just keep reminding yourself dude. I got to tell you so good because that's actually in the things that I teach

That's called a trigger and the best people find triggers to bring them back because humans are constantly going to gravitate off course So seeing these numbers. It's just a trigger a truck by the way if you've watched me in the interview I've snapped my fingers maybe like 11 times already. One of my triggers to get into a great state or a hyper-present state is this. It's just a trigger for me. It may sound corny to most people listening. It could be, your trigger can be, you can learn to build triggers, by the way. Triggers can be, you're seeing your hand on your car door every single morning.

That hand on your car puts you into that superwoman state or that focused state. And it's just a reminder when you see for you, it's numbers for me, it might be a movement for some people. So it's not corny to me. It's like, it's the stuff that I started the show for. It's like not just the generic HB motivated, be grateful, how do I do that?

Right, and that's why I've done the show. I'm wondering, it was reading about you. And there's obviously, there's something I think special, I don't like when I sell someone on my show, but they're special because then I think I give other people an out, like well, of course, he's one, he's special. But I think you've developed special characteristics

about yourself. And for me in my life, I've modeled people, like you said, copy great people. There's elements of me that I've modeled in every year. There's things I do that are my life, I've modeled people, like you said, copy great people. There's elements of me that I've modeled in every year. There's things I do that are my mom, things I watch my mother do. I was reading about, I think it's your stepdad. What role, he was a pretty prominent man in your life, was he not? Yeah, talk about him a little bit.

Well, yeah, but just out of respect, I have a biological father too, but they got divorced when I was really, really young. And then my stepdad, Michael, Saltzman, a little Jewish guy, came into my life when we were on well for before that, struggle a little bit, government cheese, type stuff, single parent, just my mother and my biological brother, Chris at this time, we met Michael and everything changed. We went from that low income housing to middle class housing. We weren't rich low-income housing to middle class housing. We weren't rich by any means, but middle class, good stuff.

And his thirst for knowledge, this is something that I had never seen before in my life. Nothing against my family, but they weren't academics, for say, they were your blue collar type people, which is fine too. But I never really worried about, you know, studying like Alva said, I see a male role model reading books now. And having higher conversations using big words, which I had never been around. And so, and he took an active interest in me and my brother where he became my father. He is my father. I have two fathers.

How cool is that? It takes a village, by the way. And so that's really helped me. I have an older son who's 18, who I was with his mother after age one and a stepfather came into his life. And at first I was a little like, who the hell are you? Don't come in and take 12 of my family, whatever.

That's my son. But then the maturity says he's got two dads. So I digress a little like, who the hell are you? Don't come in and try and take control of my family, whatever, yeah, that's my son. But then the maturity says, he's got two dads. So I digress a little bit there. So for people out there, if you have, I think it takes a village. You should really embrace when a stepdad, or you'd just step mom comes into your life. Maybe it's not with you, maybe it's with your ex,

but the influence that that he had on me was so profound in all aspects of my life. Just how to treat people, how to look people in the eye, how to be curious. That's probably where I got the curiosity in my life because he was always asking questions. Like I couldn't come to him back, hey help me with my homework. In fact, that was the worst thing to go ask him for help with homework. Even though he was a 1,400 SAT guy, graduated from University of Miami, just a brilliant, brilliant man. It was always like, well, you got to do this for your own.

Well, he would ask you a question if you asked him a question back. Really? It wasn't like he's just going to give it to you. And so, yeah, I learned a lot from him. It was a big influence in my life. I think it's a word that I would use to define you getting to know you better, it's curious. You seem to be curious about life. I think it keeps you young, it keeps you happy, it keeps you humble. When you're curious, it means you know you don't know everything.

Yes. And that there's things outside of you. I ask you something I didn't even have in here. I'm just listening to you. I'm so impressed. What do you struggle with right now? Like really, day to day, you're on television, you've got the show, you've got a beautiful family. I'm told you have a great relationship with your wife. I know

none of these things are ever perfect in any time. Yeah. But what do you struggle with most days? I think my struggle is probably being organized. I struggle with being on time. I was late. You were not that late. I think the organization part of my life could be better. One thing that I've been working on that I did struggle with and I'm working through it right now. I guess I'm in the middle of working through my struggle is kind of presence, like really recognizing and surrendering my judgments, I guess, which my wife is a very funny person. And so, but there's a fine line funny is, and I'm in funny, I know, people go my wife's up,

I like you meet my wife, like she's a pretty, she's damn funny, witty, but a lot of Whitty comes from judgment, assessing people, right? You're gonna point out their problems, and stuff, and I'm not as funny as her. So when I'm looking at people, if I'm judging them, it's probably coming from a place of more of like true judgment. Yeah, like how could you? Well, she's making a joke of it,

and everybody's laughing at it. Maybe it's more mean- It's more mean- I've really, really made a real effort to just kind of surrender. Some people hate that word. I had Tom Billion on my podcast and he was like, no, not surrender, not surrender.

It seemed like he didn't like that word. I don't. The way it came off, but really just to accept, I guess, maybe that's a better, except what's happening and trying to live in the moment. That's hard to do because I was in my fucking head a lot. Yes. And I got to, I'm trying to be in my heart.

Everything that I'm telling you right now, that this is all, like I said, that's all new for me. I'm kind of been able to articulate it. I can't put it this way. I could do it on the football field. I wanna take what I was able to do so well on a football field, where I didn't give a shit about what people thought.

Yeah. I was doing my own routine. People could make fun of me. I didn't care. My verbal talk, my internal dialogue, was on point. It really, really was. I could get in the zone just like that. Every year, you knew what you were gonna get me.

I didn't struggle with that. And I wanna take that into my daily life. I wanna be able to have a conversation. I wanna see somebody coming down the street. And that's where I guess is probably the biggest thing. Where I'm opening my heart to everybody, to every situation, and that's scary. It's scary to do that, but what's wrong

with saying hello to somebody in the elevator? What's wrong with saying hello to somebody as you walk past them on the street? What are we really afraid of? And I'm kind of getting out of that, and you catch people off guard. Yeah. And that's where I'm at at this point,

really opening my heart to every aspect of my life the great answer The reason I asked you it was someone asked me recently An a private coaching session like well, what are you struggle with? And my answer was very similar to yours and what I and it's very similar to what you said I said sometimes the good version of me doesn't transcend the environment. I'm in Meaning the best version of me works in places where I'm comfortable, but I struggle with transcending any environment of being the best me. And that's really what you're saying. Say, football, the best version of me being in my heart existed all the time, I wasn't worried about judgment, but it didn't transcend to an environment in the real world off the football field. And so that was mine too. It was kind of like, you know, am I able to do that in my public life when there's, you know,

maybe a lot of people wanting to meet me at a certain place or naturally I'm introverted, very introverted. Even though I'm in public and I speak on stages. So, is the best version of me always present, you know, in certain settings where I'm uncomfortable, you know, socially. And so that's the stuff that I struggle with too. And you should be asking yourself that everybody, is there, are you the same person at work that you are at home, that you are at church, that you are with your kids?

Or are there these multiple versions of you? You're this really loving, kind, generous person with your own children. Yet at the workplace, there's a distance and an aloofness about you. The happiest, most fulfilled people transcend their environment with who they are. That's when you're really authentically being yourself and when your heart's opened up.

I gotta ask you about the surrender thing though. I gotta ask about that yesterday too, from a friend. We actually got into a disagreement, kinda like what Tom did with you. They posted something about, you've just got to completely separate from outcome. And I've heard you say something similar, but I know what you mean,

and I want you to elaborate on it. I think one of the most difficult things in life to navigate is this idea of being goal oriented, outcome oriented, and separating from that outcome to some extent, right? It's a very nuanced position. Some would call it surrender. It's a very nuanced thing. So you've described this better than I've heard before. So what's your stance on that? People say, I've got all these goals and dreams, yet sometimes the pressure or the obsession with it creates a pressure that causes you not to perform very well too.

Describe your belief about that. Well, it's kind of, I can take that back to the football. And that's what I'm saying. I didn't, I was able to transit on the football field. I didn't care. Honestly, the score could be, you know, it's fourth and three, and we need to catch, and they can come to me because I'm not worried

about dropping it, I'm not worried about what happened before, because are you saying that fourth and three game on the line, the pressure level inside you is the same as first and 10 first quarter? First and 10 first, honestly. Okay, honestly. Okay, that's what I like to think. I like to think that every play that I played,

I played in the moment with, there was no warming up getting in, it was like from beginning to, it was one speed, I guess. I had two speeds, I wasn't going or I was going. And when I say I was going, it was from a place of poise, like I talked about, no fear, calmness,

fearlessness, like that's where you wanna be. And I think that's kind of what acceptance is or surrender means you're not worried about the outcome. And this is where it's hard, I could do that on the football field and this is where I've struggled. And especially after I made that transition, when you're starting something new, it's hard to get out of your head. And you're going to be in your head

for a little while. That's all there is to it. Because you're learning something new. But you can accelerate that. You can really, really accelerate that if you can have that surrender. And that surrender means acceptance. And that acceptance means you're not worried about the outcome. It means you're not worried about what happened before. If you can open your heart up, that's where learning comes quicker. You can learn the hard way. You can bang your head against wall. You can say, I hear a lot of motivational speakers out there that talk about, you know, it's hard work. It's hard work. All you got to do is do hard work. And, you know, I've done that before, but there's, but you'll, and you will get it.

You will learn something if you work your ass off. If I, if you double the amount of hours that I'm putting in on something, you will get there, but I believe that you can accelerate that learning process if you come from a place of really working on your emotions because a motion, success is an emotional thing. It really, really is. Especially when you start looking at town,

when you got to NFL, you look around. There's guys, oh, I always say, when guys come to the NFL when I talk to them and I give little talks to players coming in, I'm like, welcome to the world, you're no longer special. Yeah. Because you run a four or five, so to see everybody.

Oh, you're strong, you're the four and a pound, so to see, right there. I mean, there's nothing that separates you from these guys right now. The only thing that's gonna separate you now is here and here, and that is what I study, and so I'm sorry, I'm gonna go off topic a little bit. But I think the more you can learn

and the more you can get into that heart of yours, which you figure out what heart is, to find what heart is is and then get there every day. I love this brother. Will you a couple football things? What's your regret of your career? Biggest regret. I was never a leader as much as I could have been. Much as I could have been. I was scared. That's the only reason I was not a leader. What really? I think towards the end of my career I became a pretty good leader but still not the leader that I should have been,

or I could have been. I'm blown away to hear that. Well, I was afraid. I was afraid. I was afraid to stand up before a game and I could do this one-on-one with players, but really, I didn't even do this one-on-one. I would never be starting,

more towards the end of my career, I started to do it more. But, you know, in the prime of my career I started to do it more. But, you know, in the prime of my career, you know, year four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Like, I was never, I should have been up in front of the locker room. I should have been controlling the locker room from a place of kindness too. But really helping my teammates be better. And I could have done it. But I, because I had all this knowledge of me, I was, I was crushing books while I was playing.

It's true. Something I've been doing all the time and you're being humble you were the best player on your team. Quarterbacker you the typically the best player on your football team. Yeah. And still did not have the what you call the was it confidence was it the confidence was there I was quiet meaning I would I would never say anything in front of the team and if I saw something I was afraid to say it. Where now what I want never say anything in front of the team. And if I saw something, I was afraid to say it.

Where now, I'll say it. Yeah, it was, I feel bad about that. I could have gave better to my teammates. And they probably, you know, you probably asked some teammates in my back then. They wouldn't say I was a bad guy. Yeah, but they would be like, yeah, yeah, he's kind of in his own world over there,

reading his books and his locker. It blows my mind because you're so present right now. And such an evolved impressive person. That is so amazing. But I do think that's a good thing because it's like shit. You don't just show up in the pros. I mean, you gotta start. You gotta go pop water.

You gotta get your ass kicked. You gotta make those mistakes. Yeah. And that's, you know, I mean, you gotta start, you gotta go pop water, you gotta get your ass kicked, you gotta make those mistakes. And that's, you know, I wrote a letter to my kids for the Hall of Fame. And that was a big part of that message I wanted to let them know that when you find what you love to do, that's the first and foremost thing you have to do. If you wanna have a successful life,

a fulfilled life, a joyful life, is figure out what you love. And that's a whole process. You gotta go out there and try different things. You gotta experiment. And then once you find, guess what? Now, really get ready. Because the critics are coming.

The pain is coming now. Now that you found what you love, and you're gonna get your ass kicked, and you're gonna fall down. And that's part of it though. Just know that. In fact, welcome that shit. Because that's the shit that cracks you wide open.

The pain is very common amongst successful people, really, really successful people. They've usually gone through some really hard times. They've come from humble beginnings, or Michael Jordan got cut. He got devastated when he got cut from the high school team. And he still carries that competitive attitude all the way through his Hall of Fame speech. Just one example. I have been broken the fuck open because of certain things that have happened to me.

And I wouldn't trade them for the world because that's part of it. That's part of the growth. So if anybody who's going out there through some bad times or you think you're struggling right now You probably are I would say that but understand the growth opportunity where it's at right now In fact, that's why I keep running towards the fear because I know that's where the growth is That's where the goal is always say go towards that fear go to what you're afraid of no matter what it is speaking publicly Acting for me scared about I've wanted to do it. You talk about humbling. Yeah, I'm sure. But you can't do it. I can work my ass off.

This is part of going back to a question a while ago. I can work my ass off to be really, really good at acting or broadcasting whatever. But I can get there so much faster if I just come from my heart, act from your heart. Play with heart. Going back to the beginning. Every coach says it. play with your heart. You're going to make a huge difference in culture the next decade because of who you are in your platform and what you know and what you're willing to talk about.

I'm like really excited about your show. I'm really, really excited. Because of what you've achieved, you're going to be able to gather the ears of people that not everybody can. I just want to encourage you to continue on this path. I think it's very special, very, very remarkable. What you're talking about, what you know, how authentic it is, too. Like you're living this stuff.

The thing you talked about there that I want to second also is in every area of life, I call them the awkward mechanical and the natural stage, whatever it is, in a relationship, it can start out awkward, then you kind of get mechanical the way you're, then it becomes this point where your relationship just becomes natural. That happens in a sport, it happens in a business as well. And there's two ways that you get to the natural stage, which by the way is when you're at your highest performing level, you're vibrating at the highest frequency, you're the most functional, you're the happiest, is through hard work, through repetitions, and through getting in a heart state out of your head. Those are the two ways that we do it in life.

So, I don't want this to end, dammit. I promise a certain time frame for the audience though. I want to ask you one more question because I just think there's this reservoir of information there. We've touched on so many different things. But there's a lot of people that are watching this that have some kind of dream, right? But two listens to you and I. They got a dream.

Their dream is they want to find their dream relationships, start their dream business, become a millionaire. Maybe they're an artist and they want to be, you know, get their art in the hands of more people musically, whatever it might be. And my audience is so diverse from eight year olds to eight year olds, right? There's no, everyone asks me what's your demo? My demo's gonna be humans, right? What advice, someone who's come this far, let's be real, from a dude who's hiding

behind the wall, getting bullied when he's in the eighth grade. And you just forget, because you're such a good man, but has become the greatest in the history of the sport in his position. He's one of 326 people in the history of that sport to do it. You're talking about someone who's not achieved just an elite level, the highest possible level in their chosen career. One of one, one of one at the position he played in the NFL, he knows a lot about how to do this stuff. Your journey's been remarkable, and you're such a young man too. What advice would you give them? Hey, I'm starting, I'm not sure I have it, you know, any random piece, they ran

to do at Starbucks, they got three minutes, they said, hey, I got this dream I have. What advice would you give me? Very similar to, first of all, you have to find what you love. What if you're not, let me ask you, let me challenge you on that. So the love thing, I love basketball, which by the way, he could have probably played in the NBA too, he had the choice to do the two, I love basketball, which by the way he could have probably played in the NBA too. He had the choice to do the two. I love basketball, but do you also agree

that you need to choose something that you love that's also in line with some sort of giftedness or potential talent? You have meaning, I'm not ever gonna do a 360 win, Mill Dunk. You agree that there's some measurement there of. Absolutely, that makes total sense. That's the reason I play football.

I mean, I love basketball more than I love football. I would have loved to have been in the NBA and I knew I probably could have made it but people are like, okay, your long-term success is in football son. Just know that you're a six five power forward. They don't there's Charles Barkley and there's no one else. Right. There's no else is six nine six 10 and you can't dribble that well. Charles can. And so I was like, okay, I'm gonna go play football. Okay, so we got a love, we got a, so advice one is love it, but it's gotta be in some line with some giftedness or a proclivity that you have. Lou Holtz, one of his books, he talks about that,

picks something that you're naturally good at, and then phone love it. Find a way to phone love it. Open your heart to it. And so that's kind of what I did. And you can phone love with just being successful. Some people, I've asked people, business, people that have made a lot of money.

And I'm like, what do you love? Don't you just love what you do for living there? No, I don't love that. I don't love the specific, like if I'm making widgets. I don't love widgets. I love the process of building a company. Yes. I love success.

I'm in the business of making money or whatever they say and that stuff. And so you're right. So some people figure that out. So basically whatever it is, if you try to fall in love with whatever it is that you end up doing. And then from there, I believe,

because once you fall in love with it, the need for discipline disappears. Gosh, that's so. Discipline is really important in life, okay? If I, like right now, if you had some cookies right here, I probably, like, shit, I want one of these cookies. I'm gonna have some discipline, no, I'm not gonna touch it.

That's discipline, which is needed in life. But when it comes to what you do for a living, you wanna be, you want it to be like almost, I didn't really take that much discipline for me to stay after practice. I never did that before, because I wasn't in love with football, I wasn't in love with the process

until my third, going into that third year, which is now all of a sudden, I'm gonna stay after practice. Even though I'm tired, I can go home. It's because I love it. Where else would I rather be? I actually really fantasize about catching footballs. And really, pick, I didn't love, show it waking up early.

I don't love blocking big 300 pound defense events, which is part of my game, but I love catching footballs. Yes. So pick something within what you love, that you really, really love. I love that. And focus on that. Yes.

And so, and then from there, I think really everything takes care of itself really just keep learning from the greats. Because we can sit here and talk about this over and I, of course, I have a whole bunch more I can say on it, but really do it yourself. Take that journey. Yeah. Go, go pick up a book. Go read some Tony Robbins books. Listen to these podcasts. Go, go look at anybody. Everybody has anybody who's of chief, of chief that success, they have that, they have that formula. I totally agree with you.

By the way, brilliant, I said this like on about eight weeks ago on something, but I didn't say it as well as you. You can find an element of what you're doing that you love. It could actually not even be the physical work, it could be the result that produces like wealth, like abundance, like happiness for other people. Because what happens when you do that is you go from, I have to stay after practice too, I get to stay after practice. I get to go do this.

And when something becomes what you get to go do your life's different, it's just a completely different existence on earth. Brother, I'm telling you right now, I'm so excited about your show and I enjoyed this today. I love when I do a show that feeds me as well well as the audience, and I was very well fed today by the things that you talked about. I really, really enjoyed it. And if there's anything I can ever do beyond today to help you, I'm here.

Thank you, you've got a friend and an ally here. So thank you so much. Again, follow Tony's podcast, and make sure that you're following him. Is it Tony Gonzalez 88? Yeah, social media. Social media. Make sure you're following him.

And obviously, you know with me, you're gonna be following me on Instagram and doing the max out two minute drill every single day when I make a post between 7.30 and 8 am Pacific that is like roughly, usually about 10, 30 to 11 Eastern. When I make that post, first two minutes, if you make a comment, or if you start commenting on people's comments,

if you miss the first two minutes, by the way, just make a comment on every post I make every day, we pick winners every single day. They get coaching calls with me, my minutes, by the way, just make a comment on every post I make every day. We pick winners every single day. They get coaching calls with me, my book, Max Out Gear, flights on my jet. Take us to see me speak, sometimes interactions with some of my guests. And so I'd love to select you.

So be involved with me on social media, be involved with me on Instagram. Follow this man as well. Thank you for today, Tony. Appreciate it so much. God bless you everybody and Max Out. Well, thank you for today. Thank you so much. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Appreciate it.

Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Appreciate it.

Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Appreciate it.