THE ED MYLETT SHOW - How To 10X Your Life w/ Dr. Benjamin Hardy

Episode Date: September 19, 2023

10X your TIME. 10X your MONEY. 10X your RELATIONSHIPS. 10X your PURPOSE!!!If you're seeing this, odds are you are dedicated to GROWTH in all areas of your life… and on this week's episode, we're going to kick up the intensity and deliver mind-bending strategies on how to 10X your life and grow EXPONENTIALLY with my brilliant friend, DR. BENJAMIN HARDY.Dr. Benjamin Hardy is an ORGANIZATIONAL PSYCHOLOGIST and BEST-SELLING AUTHOR and is sharing his REVOLUTIONARY methods on how to 10X your TIME, 10X your MONEY, 10X your RELATIONSHIPS and 10X your PURPOSE including:How Mastering your PAST can shape your legacy.The art of FRAMING: Viewing events and people through a transformative lens.How to harness your superpower of adaptability.Turning every stumble into a stepping stone.Crafting a compelling future with REVERSE ENGINEERING.The magic behind setting seemingly IMPOSSIBLE GOALS.Digging deep into the SELF-DETERMINATION THEORY.Deciphering your genuine WHY.How to master timeOperating to a 10X level is fundamentally about QUALITY VS. QUANTITY because the quality of your freedoms determines the results you achieve.Listen closely this week as Dr. Hardy gives you the EXPONENTIAL EQUATIONS you need to 10X every area of your life.

This is the Ed Milage show. Welcome back everybody. Today's going to be awesome. We're going to talk about 10Xing your life and your business, but we're not just going to rarot. We're going to get in some real details. My guest today, he's an organizational psychologist, which is a mouthful for somebody with my limited intelligence,

not only to even understand what it is, but even to say it evidently. He's a best-selling author coming up on a million books sold. And the reason he sells so many books is because his work is legit. It's real stuff, it's not fluff, it's detailed, it's profound.

And you were gonna write a lot of notes today is my bet as we get started today. Dr. Benjamin Hardy, good to have you here, brother. Happy with you, Ed. Yeah. So excited to have you. The book is 10X is easier than 2X. How world-class entrepreneurs achieve more by doing less. Is that really true?

Is doing something 10X actually easier than doing something 2X? Yes. Why? So, 2x is, like as an example, you mentioned a million copies of the book. So if I'm going for 2x, one of the reasons it's difficult is it was already hard to get here. And so, going for 2x means that I'm going for more of what I've already done. It's me operating from the present towards the future.

And it's also heavily complex because because the goal is from here to here, it's very linear. I actually can't fully distinguish the things that are truly working using the 8020 principle. I can't fully parse them apart because it's not a big enough goal. So one of the reasons why 10X is a lot easier, there's a lot of reasons, but one of the reasons is that the goal is so big, even hopefully seemingly impossible, given the timeline, that it forces you to ask really hard questions.

It forces you to ask, what are the few things that actually have upside? What are the few things, those 20% of things using the 80-20? What are the very few things that have big upside? And then it forces you to be a lot more honest. Okay, so that being said, I wanna ask you about some of the specific things in the book

that struck me, which is that 80, 20 concept. Totally. Right. And guys, here we go with the note taking all right out of the gate. So you've got what you know, right? Which is 100% of what you already know. And you make this distinction. There's actually a graph in the book. And actually the graph was so good, I printed it out and I handed it to my son and my daughter. So the person what you already know this is bananas right here sort of illustrates the point you might as well go big in your life. You might as well go big so talk about the 80 20 aspect of two x versus 10 x and take your time on this because to me right here you guys this is groundbreaking work. I've never heard this before anywhere else.

That's why I love your work. So take all the time you want on this. Yeah, I'm happy to go back and forth with you on any dimensions of it. But so 80, 20 rules, very common. One of the cool things about Dan Sullivan's thinking is is, and this idea was not flesh. He's been teaching it for 20 years,

but like for me to write a book, I have to drill, like drill, drill, drill, drill. And so through our conversations it's the idea of Napoleon Hill that there's a third mind, you know, so this came to him, which I think is really cool, but basically it really makes it simple that if you're gonna go for two X growth, using the 80-20 model, you can keep the 80%.

You can keep, you already know. Yes, well it's also you can keep 80% of everything you're doing. You can keep 80% of your life. So using 80 and 20 as kind of a lens of your life, you can keep 80% of your life to get to 2x. You can keep 80% of your strategies, 80% of your habits, 80% of your beliefs, 80% of your identity.

You can keep 80% of everything, and you just need to get 20% better or 20% different to get to 2x. It's just a little bit of a tweak. That's why it's saying it's taking the present and moving the present into the future, just a little different, whereas 10x is not present to future, it's future to present. And so the goal is so big, so seemingly impossible that only, that it's a much higher filter. 80% of your life is zero relevant up at that 10x feature. And so you're letting the future dictate what you say yes and no two in the present.

And because it's so high, very few things will get you there. Like a lot of things truly, like for anyone wherever they're at, a lot of things will get you to 2x. Like that's part of why it's frustrating is because you can't, you can't distinguish the signal from the noise. Right. But when it's an impossible goal, then it's like very few things will work, which is actually what makes it very useful.

So very few things, that's the 20%. Very few things will get you there and it's those few things that you've got to get 10 times better at. How do you know what they are? So yeah, go ahead. Yeah, well, so the theory is this everybody, that if you're just going to 2x, 80% of what you're doing and think, keep it. Keep it. 20% is variable, you you change it if you want a 10x

It's the inverse of that 80% of what you're doing or thinking needs to change you keep 20% of it How do you know yeah what things to keep doing in the 20 let's say and Which ones to throw out totally and and the whole notion of this that 80% of your life right now is your past self But it's not your 10x future self. So the goal is obviously going to shape the process, but one thing that's just super important is that 2x is a focus on quantity. That's why you can keep 80% whereas 10x is a focus on quality. You can only keep 20% or less.

And so it's obviously going to be the goal. The goal is what's going to determine the 20%. So even if you're going for 10x more money, that's going to shape a different 20% than if you can go for 10x more book sales or 10x more freedom. Like the goal, which is very intrinsic to you, you've got to choose whatever the 10x is that you want,

whatever that next level is. And it should feel impossible, but it should be very intrinsically motivating. Like that 20% represents in my mind, choice and freedom, whereas the 80% represents security. So 80% of your life right now, even just clients, income. It could be all sorts of things that we're doing. It could be our habits, chilling on Facebook, all of that stuff is done out of security. And all of that stuff gets filtered out if you're really serious about 10x as a filter.

And so, yeah, in order to pick it, you want to, well, first off, be honest. So in psychology, there's a concept called Pathway's thinking. Have you? Yes, but elaborate, please. Yeah, so basically the goal shapes the path, but much higher goals have much unique paths, indirect paths. And so, yeah, I mean, you want to ask, like, in other words, like a lot of my current paths that I think might be in my 20% might actually not be.

And so that's part of pathway thinking is like, I'm always asking, is this the most effective thing? Actually, I do want to share with you because this is something I just learned from a guy named Alan Bernard and Heza. But this is where people waste their time. Is is, first off, their goal isn't high enough. If you don't have an impossible goal,

then you actually are working off of the assumptions of your past. Because you know how to do it. If you don't know how to do it, then you have to come open to new ideas. And so this is what he taught me and I think that this will illuminate this 80, 20 idea. Is that there are three ways that people waste their time.

The first one is that they're not, is that they're spending their time doing the wrong things. The wrong things are the 80% that either don't move you towards the goal or move you very slowly towards the goal. A lot of them are actually moving you away from it. Okay. So that's the first way that people waste their time is that they're literally doing the wrong thing. And one of the reasons is because their goal is not high enough and it's not, and they're not asking themselves, what are the few things that would get me there? The other way that people waste their time is is that they are doing The right thing that 20% those few things that actually have huge upside. They're doing those things

But not in a good way. Yeah, and so like there may not be in a flow state There may be multitasking or distracted. I actually skipped it the second one is that they're not doing the right things First one they're doing it. The second one is that they're not doing the right things. First one, they're doing the wrong things. Second one, they're not doing the right things. The third one is that they're doing the right things but not effectively. And that's really how you get really good at something

is you're doing the few things a matter and then you're getting insanely good at them. You're practicing those stuff. It's insanely good. And so by the way, we're talking about them. When we say 10x everybody, we're basically interchange that with impossible goal. It is. Twox possible. You could probably do it. You're gonna hit it probably anyway. By the way, we're talking about them. When we say 10X, everybody, we're basically interchange that with impossible goal.

Two X possible. You could probably do it. You're gonna hit it probably anyway. Momentum's gonna get you there. You just keep grinding away. You can two X your life. Nobody dreams of a two X life. People dream of a 10X impossible life,

especially the people that listen to this show. Here's what's interesting about the work. Now we're gonna get into it. I was preparing for this. I was actually getting fired up when I was reading your work and watching some of your videos because there's this notion in self-help entrepreneurship personal development

that you can be focused on the present and the future. Yep. You stipulate, eh, not so fast. What about mastery over your past? Okay, this is profound. I actually never heard this before. And then when I heard it, I went, I agree. They're right.

So what about mastery over your past? Why does that matter and what do we need to believe about our past? Yeah, so from a psychology standpoint, our present experience is fully shaped by our views of our past and our future. This is huge. Yeah. And people are unaware of this. Yeah, like we say, live in the present, ignore the past, the future.

But everything I do, even how I'm interpreting what you're saying, is going to be shaped by my filters. And so how I've heard it said is that positive psychology, a positive experience in the present means I have a useful and even positive past, and I have a very purposeful and compelling future. If I got both of those things, my present experience is going to be very good. It's going to be very powerful. And so I'm not going to be hitched by my past. I'm also going to be purposeful and present in

my you know, it's interesting you want a future that allows you to be present and intentional. So in terms of mastery of the past, one of my favorite quotes and I'm sure you've heard me share it, but it's more accurate to say that the present causes the meaning of the past than to say that the past causes the meaning of the present Okay, and so a lot of people think that the arrow of time is moving forward So the past into the into the into the present but from a psychological standpoint It's actually the present that always is bringing up the past They always they call the past a reconstruction

And so it's the present that shapes the meaning of the past I right now can be shaping even It's the present that shapes the meaning of the past. I right now can be shaping even, you know, you, you know, the teleprompter, whatever happen. Like I get to decide what that means in the present. So do you. And when you start to take ownership of the past, basically you're being an agent. So like I get to decide what my past means.

Right. I get to determine if it's useful or if it's not useful. I get to determine if I'm frustrated about it or liberated by it. And so it takes a lot of emotional development, it takes a lot of, honestly, like just skill. Like it just takes skill to, well they call it psychological flexibility. Yes. You got to be one of my questions. What is psychological flexibility?

Yeah, so let me break this down continuing to talk about the past. So if I am not psychologically flexible, then what I believe is that what happened in the past is driving me. And that I've got no say over it, I've got no control over it. Whereas if I'm psychologically flexible, I can see it from different perspectives, but I'm also not hitched to the emotional experiences I had when those were happening. So like as an example, have a bad day, something doesn't work out. I, if I'm flexible, I can see it from different perspectives. I also get to define what I get to do with it. I get to say, well, here's why I can use this to have a better present and future. And so that takes a lot of flexibility. It even takes a lot of flexibility to

start imagining your future and operating from your future. A lot of its mental flexibility, seeing things from different perspectives, but also emotional flexibility, not being, not being dogmatic in acting from how you currently feel. Listen everybody, this is important what he's saying. Your past doesn't form your present in your future. It does, you. Because it's your only reference point. Totally.

And so when I heard it, I went, he's right. So your past frames everything you're seeing and doing now. But you're the one now who frames your past. Correct. You're the one who frames your past. So if you can change your relationship or your frame with your past, you have a whole lot better shot if I'm compelling present and future.

I like to say, you know, here's what you say. And I like the way you say it better than me. I've always said, and you said it this way too, but I've always said that life is not happening to me. It's happening for me. Yours is one word difference, and I liked it. You said life is not happening to me.

It's happening because of me. And so I want you all to think about what if your frame of reference for your past is it happened because of you. Now that gives you a frame of reference that puts you as it happened because of you? Now, that gives you a frame of reference that puts you in the driver's seat in the present, in the future that you're the one driving the bus, that you're not some innocent bystander or a victim to everything that comes your way, defenseless in your life,

to what will or won't be. And so this is a huge distinction between the way you frame your past, is that it happened because of you not to you, true? Totally. Yeah, but also you get to realize in the present that it's your choice how you frame the past. And it's either useful or it's non-useful. And if it's useful, then it's an asset. Me, my dad, becoming a drug addict in high high school is that useful or non-useful. That's actually my choice.

And so I get to decide in the present, basically what that means. I get to squeeze juice out of it or not. If it's an asset, what that means is that I'm better because of it, not bitter, right? But it's also, it's actually making my present and future bigger. And you always want the past.

This is also being antifragile that no matter what happened, it's making you better and the future better. Whereas if the past. This is also being antifragile that no matter what happened, it's making you better and the future better. Whereas if the past is viewed as a liability, then it's draining the present and it's draining the future and you're blaming it still. You're pointing backwards rather, and you're basically saying, this is who I am because of this rather than saying, what am I going to do because of it?

Like I actually get to decide, I get to reframe it, I get to re-choose it. And so it's just very important to realize the future is what determines the present and the present is what determines the past. Bro, huge. I actually think the whole concept of framing in life is everything. It is, it is, it is.

It is the word. I want everyone to just grasp this because we're two guys coming out from different places but we arrived at similar approaches. It is everything, man. It's how you frame everything matters, not only your own belief system, but as a marketer, as a salesperson,

how you frame what it is you do, what it will mean to them if they get involved with your product or service. What's amazing to me is how unaware the average entrepreneur, the average mom, the average dad, is about framing things in life. For, I'll give you an example. I ended up playing high level baseball, college baseball, a little bit afterwards.

That was a good player, but I don't know that I was that good. And one of the things, my dad, of all the things he wasn't great at doing, man, could he frame experiences that would otherwise be framed as negatives. I'll give you an example, everybody, and I'll let you speak to it. No, it's great. I'd go over four in a baseball game. I'm 12 years old. You know, just crappy game.

I said her liability. Right, right. And you get in the car with a normal dad and you'd go, Hey, what the cap on that ground out to short? You roll your hands over, just swing it a bad pitch. And then you're reinforcing the ground out to short. My dad was incredible. I'd get in the car afterwards, he'd go,

hey, let me just tell you something, man. I don't know if you heard the other dads, could you hear him? I'd be like, no dad, he goes, you hit that ground ball to short. No one could stop talking about how hard you got down the line, how fast you were. They thought you were gonna beat it out.

They're like, how's this kid run like that? And I'm like, really? And he goes, yeah, then the one in the gap where you caught it, same thing with dads like, look at that kid run. Within about 10 minutes of being in the car, he completely reframed the entire ground out to short in my experience. And I'm leaving there. The experience served me. And I pulled something that I could reference later when I look back at my past. So now this is why the previous part of your work matters. Now I'm in a game. I'm in college. We're playing Fresno State. I'm over two

I ground out to short and I'm like I flew down the line So now that reference to my past was a favorable one the frame I get the next time I had a home run over the right field fence Normally go another frickin ground out to try bet I rolled my hands over so this framing means another freaking ground out to try. I bet I rolled my hands over. So this framing means everything in your life. In fact, it's your matrix. You are currently living in a frame of your own design or worse, the designs of other people

that you've just left up to their interpretations about you, your life, your product, and where you're going. Right? You nailed it. And I mean, your dad is awesome. One thing that I like about that story is that how you view your past, exactly what you said, is going to shape how you expect your future. And so your dad took you in that experience and he allowed you to create a past in that

experience that would serve your future, not limit your future, because that frame would be, you know, if you talked about. Because that frame would be, you know, if you talked about all the mistakes you made or you know, how terrible you were for grounding out, that would impact what you would expect in the future. Correct. And so instead it's gonna make your future bigger, not worse. This is profound.

Everybody that has an athlete or a business person in their family, you should really reflect on this, okay? Because I'm telling you right now that this framing thing, I think may be the thing I'm best at in my life. And it's a super skill. It's one of those like meta skills that changes everything.

It's a, I love that term meta skill, by the way. And do you also think like this framing concept like for me sometimes I'll actually ask myself this question everybody. So something happens and I create a belief system about it and I'll evaluate I'll ask myself two questions. Does this belief serve me? Whether it's true or not, does this belief serve me? And if I conclude it really doesn't serve me to believe this,

then my second question is, what would I need to believe about that experience so that it would serve me? It's a hypothetical, and then I actually acquire what that belief is, and then I'm repetitive about that belief until it becomes my frame. I call that psychological flexibility

because most people don't think they have control over their beliefs or even their frame. You can get really good at it though. And I will say that from an entrepreneurial standpoint, it is a super skill like even me back when I was a blogger and I blogged very heavily from about 2015 to 18. And I would write even just a headline,

which is a frame, right? And the article would get like 20 or 30,000 views. I would repose the same article, no changes with a different headline, different frame, and it would get like 20 or 30,000 views. I would repost the same article, no changes with a different headline, different frame, and it would get 10x the views. And so that stuff is very true. One thing that I think is important is that you can practice this skill.

So like as an example on a daily basis, even on a situational basis, if I'm in a bad state, and I'm obviously that I'm framing it in a negative way, right, the frame is shaping my emotions. And so I can, if I'm in a bad place, or even just dealing with a situation, I'm like, well, my frame is ineffective, clearly. It's not, and so I'm gonna say with this, how am I viewing this, similar to your belief

that's making this non-effective? Like what viewpoint, or how can I re-look at this so that it is helpful? And so you can just practice this. I mean, at the end of my day, one of my favorite practices of making the past useful and making today useful is just journaling for two to three minutes about how am I different from who I was that day before? Because this allows me proactively to say and to distinguish my current self from my past self. How am I different than I was 24 hours ago? What do I now know that I didn't know? How am I better than I was 24 hours ago? What do I now know that I didn't know?

How am I better than I was before? What are a few of the experiences that I can really use for tomorrow? And now I'm proactively designing my memory, but also my documentation of that day. And so like you can't get really good at designing the last 24 hours and really stretching their value out. And then if you just write it down, you've now framed your memory of the last 24 hours and really stretching their value out. And then if you just write it down, you've now framed your memory of the last 24 hours.

And now it opens up massive doors for the future. Everybody listen, stay on this frame concept. If you've missed some closes lately in the field in your sales business, take a look at the frame. If you're not scaling and growing like you want to in your business, what frame are you creating or the lack thereof? As a mom or a dad with your children's behavior, their report cards, their grades. What frame are you creating for them when it happens? Right? Are they a good boy, a bad boy? All these crazy frames that we create for our kids that I'm telling you that the better you get at creating frames for other people in yourself will absolutely be correlative to the quality of your life

and your performance. Athletes, you missed a big putt. What did it mean? What's the frame that you create around it? And you better be really careful of what that means because under the same situation, you're gonna reference the past on that putt or that at bat or that pass or that shot.

And what you believed about the past informs what you believe about the future, which is exactly what Dr. Hardy was just saying. This stuff right here is cutting edge and huge. One thing you also frame well is mistakes. Essentially, there aren't any. And so you you take mistakes and you create them to be framed as what? Gains. I mean, it's it's I mean, it is what it is. You're not going to change it. You're also not your past self. And so either again, it happened for you or to you. Using the same to the lips language is either you're either becoming more fragile as a result or you're becoming anti-fragile. So anti-fragile means no matter what happened, you are better. So

no matter what happens, you are either it either is propelling you forward or it's not. And so you get to, and one thing that I think is helpful for me and I think it's, it's useful even if, you know, if you have people who maybe you hold grudges on on the past, is to recognize they're not the same person as they were in the past either. So like, let's just say my mistake was five minutes ago. I'm not the same person I was five minutes ago. So good. I now know what he didn't know, but I'm not going to be mad at him because now my,

if I'm mad at my past self, that's just not, there's no usefulness to that in the future. Okay, so I want to stay with you on that. So what you just said is how I frame mistakes. So what you just said is five minutes from now, you're not the same person because you now know what you did and know from me, mistakes have been framed as lessons. So I've learned something from this. So that put I missed, I learned something about the green speed or how my hands react under pressure or the mistake I just made in treating somebody the wrong way. I'm not the same person five minutes later because I've learned a lesson from it.

This sounds really hokey. Tom, but as huge actually. Tom Billion, I have actually talked a lot about this. We both acquired the same belief system about who we are as humans, independent of one another. And we're both learners. And so, for me, and why this matters, like mistakes aren't lessons, because a lot of people when they make mistakes, I've actually not done this much in my life. It just was never my propensity.

Most people they make a mistake, then beat themselves up and punish them about the mistake. It's kind of what good people do. It's just for some reason I've never done it. I actually did a very little of it in my life. I've always gone, okay, I've learned from this. I've learned from this. So I have a double advantage over you

if you beat yourself up for it. One, I actually did frame it as a lesson and I actually did seek the knowledge from the mistake so they don't repeat it. But too, my confidence in my identity hasn't suffered because I made the mistake. It's actually increased a notch or two and yours has gone backwards. So this frame of lesson versus mistake or game versus mistake, this is the little micro stuff that ends up creating a completely different path in your life.

Agreed? Yeah, but I mean completely different path in your life. Agreed? Yeah, but I mean, just think about your example. Like your example is if someone's beating themselves up, they're still thinking that the past is determining what they're feeling in the present. Whereas even you, in a intuitive way, are in the present, reshaping what the past means. Like you were doing it very intuitively. You make a mistake. You're fast.

You're quickly saying, what did I learn from this? How am I better because of this? That's very anti-fragile, no matter what it was, you're better. And so you are actively shaping the meaning of the past and the present. And so that's just a skill, obviously, you've acquired. But now you don't have to hold on to any baggage from it. You're now better. You're actually more confident and more enabled because of it. And so that just creates a lot of positive expectancy in the future. Because when you make mistakes, stay with me on this. Yeah.

Or fail, whatever. Failure is a lesson for me. But what happens, like, go back to the putting analogy. One of the things I teach my golfers is, they miss a putt. And when they go, I suck, I miss the putt. I always miss those. One of the frames I say, it sounds crazy,

but I'll say, if you miss the putt, I want you to say this to yourself. Wow, that's not like me. That's not like me. In other words, this mistake was contrary to your identity. And so in life, a lot of times when I've misspoke into somebody or done something like, that's not like me. So I separate myself from the error and I only give myself the benefit of the lesson. And so that allows the identity to grow and the frame to be what I want it to be. So I just want to give everybody this lesson. By the way, I'm enjoying this a lot more than even I knew I would as you and I are going back

and forth as we kind of rift on this stuff. One thing I want to say to you quickly is your identity is the ultimate frame. Your identity is the story you have for yourself. It's how you frame your past, your present and your future. Like, I know you're very big on identity work and identity is purely story you have for yourself. It's how you frame your past, your present, and your future. I know you're very big on identity work, and identity is purely a frame. It's just a perspective. How do you change that story you tell about yourself? So one of them is just what we were talking about with the past, that you are recognizing that you're different already from your past self. So like what a lot of psychologists, not a lot, but one of my favorite, his name is Daniel Gilbert.

He says that who you are in the present moment is as fleeting as the present moment. And so like I already know that who I am now, by the end of this conversation, I'm gonna be a lot more informed. And so like as much as I look like who I am right now, I also don't overly define myself by who I am right now. I'm also not overly definitive about my past,

even though I have empathy for my past, but I'm recognizing I'm not the same. So I mean, I can distinguish how I'm different from who I was at the beginning of this conversation. If we actually sat, I could tell you how I'm different from who I was 20 minutes ago. But also, this connects with future self, which is deciding who your future self is

and letting that be the frame for the decisions you make right now. So that's what Arbond has said. Imagination is more important than knowledge. And so you have to actually define your future self, define your identity, define who you are, and then let that be the frame for how you operate. So do you, do you believe in reverse engineering? That's what it is.

It's in the book. That's why I ask you. But I want to ask you about that. Once you've made that definition, what many people may not even know what that term means. So what does one do when they reverse engineer something? They take a specific result or event, and then they basically go backwards and say, how did I get here?

Or how do I get there? Yeah, yeah, but I actually think it's more powerful rather than saying how do I get there? It's how did it's taking the future and pulling it to the present as if it's happened. Yeah, but you also say if it's, if that is the case, if that event is true, what must have happened to get there? Got it. You know, what are the few, you know, if the goal is really high, then what are the few things

that would actually make it possible? So you have to actually get it. It's interesting to me. Let's stay on this for a second. I find that most people, A, don't set what they think are impossible goals, but I think a lot of people don't even set any specific ones at all. I ask people, what do you want, they don't want to be rich.

What exactly is rich? Rich to me now. Means nothing. Rich to me when I was 21 years old was, man, if I could have a million dollars, and then I'm trying to be rude, but I spend that a month, actually more than that a month on my life. So rich to me now is a completely different concept, but I actually know what that impossible

goal is for me. And then like, maybe I take this for granted, but everything I do is reverse engineering something. Because once I have that big thing and I reverse engineer engineered, I'm like, well, this is happening. I actually know the steps. Now I just have to do them. Yeah. And that gives me a level of confidence

when I reverse engineer go do this, this, this, this, so like Napoleon Hill says, begin with the end in mind. Yes. And then work your way to the steps backwards. So this seems like a natural process to me. But it actually isn't for most people because I think some of these concepts

have been taught in so long. You know, they're almost like foregone wisdom that's lost in the social media sphere of like, just post some stuff and build a brand, right? Nah, there's a lot more than that to it. So you reverse engineer about everything like I do. Yeah, I mean, that's, you want, but there are useful ways to do it.

Obviously, if the goal is not very high, like we've been saying, it's a lot harder to reverse engineer because there's too many options. So you really do want to have really big goals, really big, seemingly impossible goals are actually a lot easier to reverse engineer because very few things will get you there. And so like, oh, yeah, you've taken away all the variables. Yeah, like most of the things you're doing right now, back to that 80%, 80% of what you're doing right now won't help you get to your impossible goal. And so big, big goals force you into the few things

with the big upside. That's back to how we waste our time as we're doing the wrong things. And if you want to learn, you stop doing the wrong things, only do the few right things with big upside towards what you want and get really, really good at those. And so you do want to have impossible goals, and I even, I've gotten to the point where I'm,

like I've got Impossible Goals, but also like, what's my Impossible Goal before the end of this year? Like, do you care if I share it with you a quick story? Yeah, please. So this is one that just happened, and so hopefully this is useful to your listeners, but so I have a friend named Greg.

I've just met him for the first time two weeks ago in Columbus, Ohio, He's 56 years old. He's read all my books. I know his wife very well. His wife's like a famous interior designer, but I've never met Greg, but Greg's someone who's liked my work. So 56 years old, five years ago,

he created a company. And him and his family have worked a lot with elderly people with dementia. His wife interior design spaces for those types of people. And he's worked with his wife for a long time. So five years ago in 2018, Greg started his own company and he was interested in essentially building communities, like, you know, like a big building, 100 beds, and then building a team to support these people with dementia. So five years ago, he started

this company. In 2019, his first project was complete, like 100 beds, right? Then the pandemic hits. And so he's really into developing properties. Now the costs have doubled. Sure. And so he's frustrated. So fast forward a few years, fast forward to now. So it's 2023.

He's still got the one property. And he's just sitting there and he's just like, he's coming up with his 10 year plan. And his 10 year plan is, well, I'm 55, 56. So let's just go tell him 65. I got a basically 10 years. And he said his 10 year goal is to have three properties. And these are bigger properties.

These are like $20 million properties that he wants to bundle and sell. Okay. So his goal in 10 years is to have three properties. He's already got one. He reads 10X and he realizes what the freak am I doing? I'm 56 years old, you know? And so he said rather than having three properties

by the time I'm 65, by the time I'm 60. So in three and a half years, I'm gonna have 10. There you go. And so all of a sudden it changed everything. One thing he realized is, and this was just three months ago, insane things have happened. And so I want people to understand this concept because basically, first off, he realized in order to get to 10 in three years, he can't do it the way he was going.

He was fixated that he had to develop the properties. No, we can acquire them. He has to acquire them. That's the only way. But then there are certain types of buildings that he has to be open to. And so anyway, him and his wife were talking, he again, back to framing. He was, he had a lot of beliefs that he couldn't acquire any properties because none of them were built the way he wants them to.

And his wife totally dispelled that. She's like, that's totally wrong. There's a lot of great properties, even here that probably have them. And he's like, and instantly he's like, you're right. This is ridiculous.

And so he calls his friend right there when they're talking about it. When he says, okay, I'm going to get to 10 by acquisition. He made that decision. He calls his friend, his friends into real estate, and his friend literally said, there are two properties available in Columbus right now. He lives in Columbus.

He's like, I would have bought them, but I don't have the funding. I just bought two of the properties. And so Greg calls the dude, they start going for it. Two other properties become available instead that are even better. Main simple point, 45 days later, you had two properties. That's nuts.

And he got the deal of his life. He got a better deal than he could have ever dreamed of. So he achieves that. And then I just want to kind of finish with this point. So I meet him two months ago. This all happened, sorry, I met him two weeks ago. That all happened three months ago. He went from 100 to 300 employees.

They're doing amazing. They have three properties. They've achieved his 10-year goal in two months just by simply changing the frame and the pathway and then immediately taking action. But I then asked him this question, which is where I want people to think about it with this impossible goal thing

because it's really true. Is I met him two weeks ago. He told me the story, I think Ben, you won't believe it. I got these two properties. I was gonna do it at age 65. He's like, now I'm gonna go for 10. I said, well Greg, what's your impossible goal before the end of 2023? Yeah.

And he actually sat with it. That's why this dude is cool. Is he sat with it? And this was two weeks ago, he wrote down his impossible goals and he decided, I'm going to get three more properties before the end of this year. I love it. And he told his wife and that same day his partner called and said there are three buildings available. But a little bit, you know, like he had to be open to a little bit different pathways. Some of them were just a little bit, like out of Columbus, but, anyways, he said it was an amazing deal,

and he's literally in process of getting those three, and another one came, so he's actually gonna end up having seven properties. Seven properties. He's gonna have, and these are big ones, and he's gonna end up having seven before the end of this year, and his goal a couple months ago

is to have three in 10 years. So here's why this happens, everybody. Number one, that's why I've booked a power of one more that's why I've my book, The Power of One More. I'm not promoting my book. I'm just telling you. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude.

You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude.

You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. You should promote that book, dude. We all foofy with you. But when you go for impossible goals over smaller goals, it requires a vibrational frequency that's much higher and much faster. And therefore, you begin to attract these phone calls, these deals that weren't coming your way before because you would create a frame around you that blocked them with your limited thinking and your limited vibrational frequency. You would never have been aware of them going by.

Your awareness just goes away, your reticular activating system. It can't even conceive of these things. So once you have these impossible goals, once you start vibrating that frequency, your reticular activating system automatically goes to work on hearing, seeing, and feeling, and acquiring the people, places, resources, the things that can make that stuff possible when you reverse engineer. That's why this work matters, you guys. It's huge that you understand this. It's why I want you to be listening to the interview today. I got a couple things. What is self-determination theory? What does that mean? Self-determination theory is a motivation theory. In psychology, it basically defines people's motivation by three factors.

One is a sense of competency or capability. So you won't be motivated if you feel like you have no capability in something. And so, part of it's framing, like if you get better in framing things, you'll actually see you have capability. So one is capability. The other one is autonomy. That you have to believe you have capability. So one is capability, the other one is autonomy. That you have to believe you have choice. And so if I tell my son, he has no choice, and this is the only thing he can do, he's probably not going to be that motivated.

You know, and that's one thing that leaders do is that they overly define people's roles, actions. This is one of the things that I loved about writing, who not how, was rather than telling the person how to do it, you find the right who and then you freely let them go and own it. You know, like, don't tell them how to do their job. Let them own it. Get someone you trust. So autonomy and then the third one is just relationships. And so the main thing with self-determination theory that really hits me is that autonomy

piece, just that you have to believe you have agency and autonomy that you can, like, I, it's my choice, what I do with my future. It's also my choice how I go and do it and figured I certainly will reverse engineer it all darn from people. But if I don't believe I have that autonomy or that choice, my motivational plummet. What about you believing that you have a calling? Yeah. How does that impact you? Like this work that we're doing right now never has felt like work to me. And other things I've done have felt like work. Sure. But this doesn't feel like work to me. And I believe that part of my love of it, my desire

to do more of it, my grind, whatever we call the grind, doesn't really feel that grindy to me. It's not because it's a calling in my heart and you write about this, but I think everyone should just hear this like and by the way You can create a frame That causes you to believe it's a calling and the more that you create momentum towards that the more you actually Re-enforced that belief and it becomes real. So how important is it to have to believe you have a calling? It's huge. I mean, and there's a lot of research that backs up if you believe your work to have a calling. It's huge. I mean, there's a lot of research that backs it up. If you believe your work to be a calling, you're going to approach it with so much more genuineness, excitedness, you'll be willing to learn. You'll expect incredible things to happen.

It won't feel like working. So, a big aspect of it, though, is self honesty. Like if you won't believe you have a calling, if you're following the following the pack You know if you're doing what society tells you to do and so you have to have really strip away a lot of the noise a lot of The expectations of other people a lot of the worry about what other people think because your calling is inherently intrinsic And so and I actually believe that it's it genuinely fits with what is most exciting to you like what you want You don't feel like you have to do it It's what you absolutely want to be doing if you were really, really honest with yourself

and didn't overly worry about what other people thought or how it would be received or if it worked. And so this actually, it fits a lot with impossible as well as because if you're willing to be honest about what you really want and even if it doesn't seem possible, that can start to inform a calling. I mean, it can be very meaningful and purposeful,

and it fits a lot with Fronkel. Victor Fronkel's work about having that wide a live for. Like, you've got to have something so big that it changes you, that it requires you to do stuff that is impossible. And that's really what leadership is as well, is when you start operating towards that, you get other people to believe the impossible is possible as well,

but yeah, you really want it to be a calling. You want the why to be powerful? You know the why part, can we stay on that for a while? Yeah, whatever you want. Well, I think like, there's this other type of work in the space, like be vulnerable, be your authentic self. Sure.

And a lot of the hardcore business people go, okay, authentic this. But you're real why can sometimes be embarrassing. And if you're not honest about the why, like I have a really good friend, I won't say who she is. But I love her because she is so honest and she's a public person and she works very, very hard

at what she does. And I think it's become a calling. And I ask her, I said, why do you do all this? And here's what she said to me. I loved this. She goes, I wanna be why do you do all this? And here's what she said to me. I loved this. She goes, I want to be famous. I want to be freaking famous. I want everybody to know me.

I like walking into places and people go, there she is. And 99 out of 100 people would never admit or acknowledge that because it doesn't seem as sanitizer as perfect as it should be. She didn't say I want to feed the homeless. Totally. Or this or that. And what most people have is a bullshit why.

It's not honest. It's not honest. It's not their real why. It's the why that sounds good. You won't have the same calling power with a fake why. You got it. Right? You got it.

And so there's, I have another friend of mine who she really, really, really wants to be famous, like at the detriment of almost everything else. But she's always like, I just want to serve. I just want to make a difference. And I'm like, yeah, you want to do a little of that. But what you really want is what my other friend admits to wanting. And I'll bet on the horse that's admitting the truth about their calling and their why, because it's so real and they're so in touch with it

and they're not concerned about being judged, like some people, like they're entrepreneurs like why'd you build your company? Sometimes it's okay, it's okay to just say, I wanna get F and rich. If that's the why, and it's true for you, that's okay, I think eventually that will flame out, wear it self out and you'll find a bigger or different why.

You will. But there's nothing wrong initially by starting a business to say I want to change my financial station in life. It won't be long term until it becomes something that you believe serves people or makes a difference. But if that's your initial impetus to start a business, great. That's okay. The why can evolve and mature. But if you're not clear impetus to start a business, great, that's okay. The why can evolve and mature, but if you're not clear about what the real reason is,

you don't get that thing that you need to have. Yeah, you don't get the fire. And it can be a calling, and a calling doesn't have to be for your whole life. It can be to get rich. It could be for a time, and then your future self is going to have a different calling. And so I already know that I'm different, and my motivations are different from three years ago, four years ago, but I also know my future self will have different motivations,

but yeah, there's a quote that I love. It's an alcoholics anonymous quote. All progress starts by telling the truth. And so if you're not telling the truth about what you really want, then you're just, you're actually catering to other people and you're still not being honest with yourself, which means it's not a calling. So if that means you're letting the outside,

you know, hits you, one of the other components of this. So you've got to be honest about what you want, intrinsic motivation, admit what you want, actually own it, own the why. Your future self will have a different why. That's okay. You know, we'll get there. But also, this fits with mastery as well. So like, I, I, I suit calling with mastery and mastery is different from expertise. There's a lot of experts out there. And you can be an expert, but not a master. If you're a master, what it means is that you're uniquely good at what you do. Like it means that you're not replicable. I can learn from you, but you are doing it your way and you're being very true to

yourself in the why and the how. And so you can't become a master if you're not honest with yourself. Not only in the goal that you pursue, but also in the process of how you pursue it. You know, a lot of people that will just pursue goals, so you got to choose the goal that you most want and then you'll pursue it in the way that makes most sense to you. And it's going to be very different from how other people would pursue it. Okay. I know this doesn't sound like me when I say this everybody. First, I want to acknowledge that you're right. And if you continue to come up with wise that you think

everybody else will think is really profound or gone delights. No fire. By the way, if your actual goal is to feed the homeless right now and that's why you're doing it, find a cure for cancer, wonderful, beautiful, awesome. But if your goal is, I want to make a lot of money so I can meet a beautiful girl or find my dream man or I really want to have an awesome car so people point at me. I know you may think that sounds shallow, but if that's actually where you're vibrating right now,

if that's actually your reason, if you actually tune into that, you will be more powerful than if it's a fake one that is for the masses. Because over time, as Benjamin just said, is like, you will evolve into different goals. The other thing, too, is if you wonder whether you're going to evolve into a future self, you have to do nothing, but just look at yourself 10 years ago. There's already evidence that this is going to happen anyway.

So you are going to evolve. You are going to change. You aren't think about you 10 years ago, Right, wherever you were. You think about what you cared about. What your goals were back then. What you were worried about. What was the biggest problem in your life then? And all of this looking bag would give you such perspective. It was like that thing you were worried about.

It ain't anything right now. And what you wanted then probably isn't what you want now. But what if you could have gone back then and actually gone 10X, actually gone for the impossible. Actually, we're honest and true about why you wanted it. Actually reverse engineered it, actually created frames that served you, actually took lessons away. Imagine if that became your habit and you, he's sitting there, Shane is going, yeah. Yeah, man like so this is why we already know this stuff works and if you do this stuff your life will change and you've already grown and changed

So don't assess or judge yourself for where you are because you're not going to be that person in seven minutes anyways Especially after this conversation I guarantee you you're not the same. What about this is something in the book I got but I want you to help me understand Byers versus sellers. This is legit, okay? So talk about that. Yeah, this one's big. It fits a lot with being honest with yourself, being true to yourself.

So this is a frame that Dan created, which I love. And so basically said, you're either in any situation being the buyer or the seller. So if you're buyer, you know what you want, and you're willing to walk away if you don't get it. This is the key and this fits with negotiation. Think about it. Who's the person with power and a negotiation? The one who can walk away. If you can't walk away, then you're the seller

and you're always gonna be selling yourself and lowering the price, selling yourself, selling yourself short. And so you always wanna just be in that buyer role where you're clear on your standard and by the way standard is one of the most clear ways of clarifying your identity. Is as your standard is your minimum standard is your floor and that is your that is your core identity. But if you raise your standard, say you're a speaker who charges X amount of money, right? And you buy X the standard. You might start getting a lot of knows, but you're the buyer

if you walk away from an opportunity that's not a lot of nose, but you're the buyer if you walk away from an opportunity that's not at your new standard. Like you're the buyer and I'm telling you, like I've, I've, I mean, I've applied this in many ways. I mean, even, you know, just being fully honest, like I'm no longer writing books with Dan because I needed to be the buyer and I could have sold myself short and continued

in a situation that was no longer 10X. It was no longer for my future, but being the buyer, you know, I walked away and he walked away too, because it didn't fit him either. But even just two days ago, I was basically offered an opportunity for a speaking gig and I said,

this is the price. And he said, he came back and he said, no, 20 grand less. And I, and, you know, he basically just said, like, he just expected me to say yes. And I said, no, dude, less. And I, and, you know, he basically just said, like, he just expects me to say yes. And I said, no, dude, it's this or nothing. I'm out. I'm like, I don't care.

I don't even care if I got to figure it out in some other way. I'm not doing it. And things like, oh, we'll figure it out. But even if he didn't, I'm happy to walk away. And so I just think the main, the main point here is that we're always buying something. Someone who's listening to this podcast

is buying this podcast. They're saying yes to this, right? Every time you're in a situation, you eat something for, you eat something, you're the buyer. And so the question is, what are you buying? Are you buying good stuff or bad stuff? Is it by your choice? And also, if you're the seller in any situation,

you're desperate to be there. You don't really know what you really want, and you'll essentially do anything to have it. And you've got no minimum standard. I think most people in sales come across as sellers too often. If you're a seller, then you're not in the power position. You're not. And this is so important for everybody to hear.

In business, if you come across as the seller, which means you're gonna stay at the table until anything happens to you, you have no impact, no influence, you will get worked. And by the way, you will not like yourself long term. You will burn out on what you do. You've got to learn to become the buyer in this, in this, this dynamic and this distinction, because I watch it happen all the time. They walk in a room as the

seller. And oftentimes in people's lives, this is important. There's very few occasions where they feel like the buyer. And so when you put yourself, they're going to do what they want. They're going to do what they want. And all of a sudden, you ever watch this like the way someone who doesn't have a lot of power in their life will treat who they think is powerless, like hello, treat a server in a restaurant or a flight attendant on an airplane, because their perception is this person's the seller. They can't leave. They work here.

I can do whatever I want to this person. They still got to bring me my damn food. They still got to bring me my darn drink. And so if you ever wonder in your life, whether most people will take advantage of the fact that you position or frame yourself as the seller in business, they will do it every given time because they're rarely the buyer in their life and they're looking for situations to be the buyer. So you have to show up to your sales calls, to your meetings, to your own company and your own life as the buyer metaphorically in this, these one of these two positions that Dr.

Hardy's referencing. It's huge what he is describing to you. And I learned that pretty young. I'd watch other people get worked over, manipulated, used, and not even get the deal anyway. Not even get the deal anyway, and then feel worse about themselves, feed that frame and identity of themselves.

And I just went, you know what? In this life, I'm not getting out of it alive, I'm going to play a character. And in that character, in your metaphor, I'm the freaking buyer. Period. By the way, you can have two buyers at a table. Oh, those are the best relationships. Those are the best. Because both people are no wider there. It meets both standards and it helps both achieve both goals. I'm glad you said relationships. Because if you're in the bound. Yeah, because if you're in an actual intimate relationship

with someone that you know as a seller, like they're just never gonna leave, you can do whatever you want to them or you position yourself as this person, they will intuitively treat you as the seller. You gotta be the buyer and they gotta be the buyer. And we both know there's a level and a standard of behavior and treatment in this relationship, our intimate relationship

that will cause me to stay at the table. And there are some things as much as I love you where I will walk from the table. And too many of us in our live show up in our intimate relationships were the seller every single damn time. They know immediately. I can do whatever I want. And so this is- They'll also walk all over you.

That's right. That's what they'll do. If someone's a seller, one thing that this hits really hard, and this is a high level principal, the more you understand it. So as an example, if you're selling a product, if you're the buyer, that means that you're screening them, they're not screening you. Right? Like, it's like, you're actually interviewing them to see if they're a fit for what you offer, rather than you desperately trying to get them to buy what you offer it

fundamentally changes the psychology. It's the frame. Yeah, it's the frame. If you're the buyer, they're lucky if you choose them. If you're the seller, you're lucky if they choose you. But also, once you really own this and you have a high standard and you're willing to walk away, then you don't put yourself in as bad of situations, like as an example, like since I'm not only writing books with Dan, I've entertained various options of people to write books

with because I enjoy collaboration and some of the people they just, they're used to being the buyer because I talk to people who are buyers and they're used to getting exactly what they want, which is fine, but I'm also gonna be a buyer, and I'm happy to walk away from situations where I don't get what I want. Obviously you're right. The best relationships are both parties are there because they wanna be, and it's 10x for both people.

Correct. It's 10x for both people, but you have to be comfortable slowing things down. Like that's, have you ever read, never split the difference by Chris Voss? No, it was a good idea. Oh, it's worth it, dude. Okay, I agree.

If it's perfect, always be the buyer. But never split the difference. One of the things he just talks about is, it's all psychology. It's all emotional intelligence, and you want to slow things down. If you're the seller, you're going to, you're going to quick hit dopamine.

You're like, you're desperate. You'll do anything you can to keep positioning yourself lower and lower and lower, because you feel like you need it. Yep. That's a big key, by the way, is that you think you need it versus you want it. If you think you need something, you will be the seller.

You will be the seller if you think you need it and you're toast if they think you need it. And anything you do, once people think that you need them, you're in big trouble relationships. I'm in again, I know you're going, that sounds actually harsh. I want to love you. I want to be with you. And you want them to be here because they want to be, not because they think they have to be.

Right, because they have to be or they need to be. And this is a, I think most people go through their lives unaware of framing, unaware of that, and unaware of the profound nature of what you're describing right now. When you walk in a room, when you're in a a really listen, one of the cool things about being a parent is that you're automatically the buyer, right? Your kid, your, your, the kid knows you're the buyer, but it's one of the few relationships in your life where you post yourself that way. And too many people go through

their entire lives unaware of the fact they're expressing either consciously, subconsciously or unconsciously that they're a seller, but they're going to stay no matter what, that they'll do anything to get the deal, that they'll reduce their value and their worth to any extent, just to stay at the table. And it's something in life that I mean, I got to be really candid with you. It's one of the things I assess within about 30 seconds of meeting every single person I ever meet. I just do. And you can call that self confidence. You can call that presence. You can call that faith. You can call whatever the heck you want. But it is something that I sense immediately when I meet somebody.

I used to have this thing where I go, Hey, he's a player, man. She's a player. Means they're legit. And that case, what it really means is they're a buyer. This person is for real. And in your life, people need to think you're for real. By the way, this is really good today. And just so you know everybody, that's a frame that I just created. Thank you, man. I appreciate it.

And I noticed you were very active about framing even when we first started the conversation. You said this is gonna be awesome. Guys, take notes, get ready. Like you're prepping and framing and helping people to expect something good. It's something I do unconsciously now, but I'm really doing it for me. It seems like I do it for other people, which I'm sure I do to some extent, but I love

framing things for me. If you go to a baseball game with me, we do anything. I'm the guy in the way over. Can you believe we get to do this? Isn't this going to be awesome? And it sets the frame of context. It drives my kids nuts because they know I'm doing, can you believe we're going to dinner here?

They're like, yeah, there's 40 other people at this place. Yeah, but we're here. You know, like I'm always framing things. Okay, a couple more things. This flew by, that means it was awesome. What about this idea, you're talking the book about like scheduling, deep flow, kind of those two put together, right? Like

that whole thing. And again, it's like right in the zone of truth of people that do big stuff. Yeah. So 10x again, this is like, gotta say it over and over 10x is about quality, not quantity. And so when it comes to deep work, your schedule should reflect quality, not quantity. So what that means is that if you, if you're doing a thousand things that, who knows how deep that work is, right? If you, you know, if you look at your book, that was one thing you did and think about the impact, even probably this podcast, right? And so your schedule really reflects if you're in the 80% or if you're in the 20% and if you're in the 80% then your schedule, in the 20% and if you're in the 80% then your schedule

Unless in less like having meetings is deep in your 20% But to do really deep really like innovative work. You do need space and so Usually a 10x goal is going to invite you To have bigger blocks of time for focus because you're solving much bigger problems like, you'll want at least two or three of your days a week where there's nothing on the schedule so you can actually solve really deep work. And then you'll want deeper recovery, deep flow.

So flow is not about just cranking into a flow state, although that's nice, this is group flow, but it's about is your life designed for deep or shallow? Is it designed for creating 10x changes and innovations? I mean, as an example, writing this book. And by the way, projects can be a way to 10x. So like as an example, if you think about like Lynn Manuel Miranda, he wrote Hamilton, think about how much deep work went into making that

right? He gave himself big chunks of time, maybe even weeks or months of time when there was nothing except for working on that. But think about how that one project because of how good it was. Think of where it took him. Just being honest with you, like this book, so I wrote it, I thought about it for two years but I wrote it in six months and cleaned the slate. I mean, I had some meetings but I had to freaking write that book, but I was so deep. And one of my favorite books, by the way,

which I referenced is called Catching the Big Fish. And it's all about consciousness and creativity and about how most people's consciousness is up at the surface. So as all they can see is little fish, that's the 80%. But if you go really deep, some of those insights, some of those relationships are worth 1,000X to little fish.

It's much bigger fish, much bigger opportunities, but in writing that book over six months and I was deep. I changed my thinking, I changed my identity, I changed what I thought was possible, I learned things that are now opening up the opportunity to have conversations with you. And now because of that deep work and then the project that comes out of it, now all of a sudden you are fundamentally positioned differently. Like, just as an example, like before this book, I mean, I got my PhD in organizational psychology. That is leadership training and development, but now this book actually opens up doors for me to go train companies

that are doing a hundred million, 200 million, but I wasn't positioned to do that. And I honestly didn't have the capability to do it without all that deep work. Yeah. And so a scheduling is really big. Like you, I guess one more thing just to make it super practical for people. And this is, this is something that is psychologically based, but it's also something that Dan really worked hard to develop, which was if you really think about high performers, think about LeBron James, think about football players. There are days when they have to perform at the absolute highest level. Call those performance days or focus days. The only reason they get paid $5 million a game is because they did such deep work on their practice days. Very good. Like I'm into football. I don't know if you're Jalen Hertz. So Jalen and I wrote

about him in the book, but like he quantum leaped from last year to the year because he wasn't overly booked. He did the deep work. He studied his craft and he came back six months later, a different person. Totally different person. And so you can do that if you create deep flow, not just overly scheduled. You're all over the place. Yeah, by the way, Hertz, you guys went from a guy that they weren't even sure should

be starting quarterback in the league too. Had he didn't get in, Jury probably wins the MVP last year. And probably should have recoded one a Super Bowl. No offense to just this. And his skills was fundamentally different. Huge different. The way he delivered the football is ability to read defenses as presents in the pocket, the whole thing.

In the book, they talk about free days, focus days, and buffer days. Yes. And it was profound for me because I'll be honest with you. I used to be better at that. And I've gotten so busy just doing work all the time that I, if I'm not careful and I don't get back to some free days and some buffer days, if I don't get back to it, I'm going to take the next decade and not do something impossible.

And I will just do, I will 2x from here. Yeah, being busy is 2x. here. Being busy is two X. Yep, being busy is two X, and I am two Xing with my busyness level. I've enjoyed the day. A lot of them ask you one more thing. I want to go back to something. By the way, I told you guys in the beginning,

how good this would be, and I was right. This is stuff that you don't hear anywhere else. And I love that when I'm doing a show and I'm like, now this is stuff people have never heard before. And I like how we've gone back and forth on it too. I appreciate you giving me the space to contribute as well. Psychographic alignment.

Okay. Now, I wanted to do this last because not everybody sticks around to the end, but I like, the concept of it, I'd never heard of before. So what is it? Because I think it's an interesting place to finish because we've covered all the other stuff I wanted to cover. But if we don't, if I don't ask you this on camera, I'll forget to ask you off camera.

Yeah, so it's tapping into kind of the deeper sides of psychology meaning and also identity. Like, how do I identify? And so rather than selling someone a product, you sell them an identity. You speak, that's what psychographic alignment is. It's like, I want to be with people like that. So when you sell a product, even if it's a pair of socks,

it's not a sock, you're selling. It's an identity. You're the kind of person who wears these socks because other people wear these types of socks like this too. And so it's about selling a transformation and selling an identity. And it doesn't have to be selling, but I also want to align myself with people who have the same psychology as that my desired future self.

Right? And so if I'm going to listen to your podcast, I'm going to be probably aligned psychologically with you. I'm going to think like you. Yeah. So yeah. Why is this matter you guys? Why did I ask it last? I do this with my family a lot. So I've told my kids this all the time and they're going, oh, my lets are going to do something awesome. The my lets are going to do something awesome. Yeah, but dad, other dad, well, we're not other people. I'm glad the other dad lets you go out till midnight, but here's the truth,

my lets don't do that. And I do it with the show often, I'll say the kinds of people to listen to this show are x, y, and z. And so, you just framed it, by the way. I framed it, that you got it. And so, these things all kind of tie together, you guys. And we went very deep today, because when you get somebody like Dr.

Hardy on your show, I want to go as deep as I can in this brain because this is the surface conversations if for other podcasts for me, right? You can listen to another podcast if you want the surface stuff. I want this show to be that you could even hear someone that's been interviewed by three people and you hear them on my show and you're like, that's a totally different conversation that I've ever heard anywhere else. But it is unique and special to hear them on my show and you're like, that's a totally different conversation than I've ever heard anywhere else.

But it is unique and special to have somebody on the show that's capable of going this deep. Off camera, I told him what I love about you is I can go anywhere with you and we can go to deep water. And you prove that to me today. He's gonna get going on his Instagram, but for now you can follow him on Twitter at Benjamin P. Hardy, YouTube, Dr. Benjamin Hardy, And obviously you can go get the book to 10x is easier than 2x,

how world class entrepreneurs achieve more. Dr. Hardy, you are awesome and today was extraordinary. So thank you so much. This is cool for me, man. Seriously, this is cool for me to be with you, man. Thank you, brother. I think it's the first of a few. Yeah, man. I'd love to have you back. All right, everybody. Share today's show. You're welcome, by the way. It's free. The price of admission is that you keep coming back and that you share the show. That's all I ask of you.

Fastest growing show on planet Earth because you all share when episodes like this resonate with you. Thanks, everybody. God bless you. This is the Aton Milach Show. Thanks everybody God bless you. This is The Edmila Show.