THE ED MYLETT SHOW - How To Brand Your Life w/ Jen Gottlieb

Episode Date: October 31, 2023

THIS IS A MASTERCLASS on how to MAKE the RIGHT choices and TAKE IMPACTFUL ACTIONS to build your MOST INCREDIBLE life!Are you living up to your FULL potential? Are you DESIGNING your life or is life designing you? That's where your PERSONAL BRAND comes in…Branding isn't just for big businesses or influencers. Whether you're a stay-at-home dad, a career professional, an entrepreneur, a coach, student, teacher - you've got a brand.Branding is all about carving out your unique story, no matter your path. It's time to define yours!That’s why I asked this week’s guest, JEN GOTTLIEB, to join me for a power-packed episode on how you can find your unique voice and build your personal brand to live your best, FULLY REALIZED LIFE.Jen has been rocking it for years as a successful BROADWAY ACTRESS, VH1 host of That Metal Show and the I Dare You podcast, a co-founder of SUPER CONNECTOR MEDIA, and an internationally acclaimed speaker and entrepreneur.This Master class is full of everything you need to know to become the designer of your life whether you're new to branding or a seasoned pro at it including: How to get a tribe that's got your back.Spotting when fear's holding the reins and how to take back control.The age-old debate: Is it fear talking, or is it your gut?Why stepping out of your comfort zone ain’t so bad.The RULE OF 51 PERCENT, a game-changer for scoring wins in life.The lost art of really connecting with folks.Going after dreams that feel right in your bones.The power moves your subconscious is pulling behind the scenes.Jen's playbook move, the LAW OF ACTION, that landed her a massive Broadway gig.The underestimated power of giving a little to gain a lot.And, gearing up to be a C.I.A. Agent - mastering Credibility, Influence, and Authority.Jen's living proof of what’s possible when you get your life’s blueprint right. Grab a notepad because she’s about to drop some major wisdom. Dive in and get ready to fire up your life on all cylinders.

This is the Ed Milage Show. Alright, welcome back everybody. I just got to tell you something. I wish we had been recording our pre-show conversation here because it's been so good. And I kind of knew in having this woman on the show that today would be special. And I already have a sense that it's going to be based on our conversation before we started recording. I told her before we started if she was a stock and I could buy her I would be going all in because I just think she's remarkable. She's already done so much in such a young life, but she's on the rise. She's got

something really great going in her life and she's really changes people's lives. Her content is outstanding. I watch it, I listen to it, and I got a chance to read her book, cover to cover. And last night I finished reading it. Her new book is called Be Seen. Find Your Voice, Build Your Brand, Live Your Dream. We're going to have a remarkable conversation with Jen Gottlieb. Jen, welcome to the show. Ed, I am so excited about this. Jen, welcome to the show. Ed, I am so excited about this. I don't think you have any idea. No.

I am as well. I gotta tell you something. You know that, and by the way, you know, behind the scene stuff, Jen and her dude, Chris, help a lot of other people be seen. And she's been very good to me and so many other people in the industry. I just think she's awesome.

So let's get into it. Let's do it. Your content's so good. I'm gonna ask you some random stuff first. Let's go. We're going to talk about building a brand, I guess, where we should begin because you're so good at that and you've done it. A lot of people, though, when you cover that topic, they go, I don't need a brand. I got, you know, I'm in this type of a business or right now, I must stay at home mom or I'm an employee somewhere. What's the point of me having a brand to which you would say what?

You just said something really important. You said right now. I'm a stay at home mom right now. So it's really, really important to see where you want to be, who you want to be, where you want to go and understand that vision that you have for yourself, or maybe even not knowing completely what that vision is, but knowing how you want to feel.

And building a brand I've seen today right now is the greatest investment that anybody can make, whether you're a state home mom or you're somebody building companies or you have a nine to five job or you want to be an entrepreneur and you want to be like the next Ed Mylett, you need to build your brand because nowadays what's the first thing that somebody does, whether it's an employer looking to hire you or it's somebody that you just met at the PTA or it's somebody that you are met at the PTA, or it's somebody that you are looking to have as client. What's the first thing they're going to do when

they meet you? They're going to go online and they're going to look you up and they're going to see, are they credible? Do they have influence? Do they have authority? Do they have some kind of presence online? The best thing that I like to think about when I think about branding is even in dating. Imagine if you meet somebody, if you meet somebody on a dating app, and then you go look them up on Instagram and they've got no presence online at all. I always freaked out. I don't know. I wouldn't go and do it that person. I think you're 100% right? So no, no, no, you're right. And the other thing is a brand is really like, tell me if you agree. It's like your reputation. It's almost like a digital

imprint as user. It's almost like a hologram of you as a human being. So what blows my mind though is all the people in businesses that absolutely should be investing in it that don't like realters that approach me to do deals. I'm like, you haven't posted anything in eight weeks on your deal, like what are you doing? Like get in the real world and even go to the, what you use this stay at home mom example. You know someday you may want your kid

to switch to a particular private school. And when they go to that school, that school's going to vet you and your family and there's nothing to vet on you. Or at one point, you're going to want them to go to college. And there's advantage to you having a brand for your child. There's all these reasons. And it blows my mind that people are still living in like 1993 and don't realize like this is a reflection of you as a person. And to your point, when I meet people that don't have a public persona and don't realize like this is a reflection of you as a person and to your point when I meet people that don't have a public Persona and don't have any type of credibility online. I don't do business with them anymore Like they're just out. You're totally right about that Even a doctor if I'm looking to I was just looking for a doctor the other day like a dermatologist

I'm like, okay, well, I got recommended to this one this one and this one I'm gonna look up all three and I'm gonna see, honestly, this is just like a reaction. I'm not even consciously doing this. Who's social media following, do I like better? Who has better content online? Who's vibe, do I like better? It's almost like your online resume. And I know a lot of people are like,

oh, but I don't wanna play that game. A lot of people said when Facebook first came out or when the internet first came out, I don't wanna play that game, but now everybody's on it. And it's kind of just the thing you have to do. What about that though? Like, I feel this way a little bit with Instagram. Like people are like, man, I put all my work into one platform,

and now that platform's dying. So let's be a little granular with branding too. Would you say someone should focus in on a platform, all platforms, should they have a, they go, I'm a blogger, I'm not a video person. What would your recommendation be for someone to create a brand that does reflect them? Well, we wanna make sure that you know

what the goal is first. So there's a lot of nuance here because there's a lot of different types of people listening to this podcast. So if your goal is to build a brand like Edmila, right? Like you and you wanna have a podcast and you wanna be an influencer and you wanna impact a ton of people,

then I would highly recommend that you need to start creating content for all of the different platforms and more importantly, getting those people that follow you on the platforms on your email list so then you can then own those connections because we don't know what's going to happen to Instagram to TikTok, Facebook. We're renting that real estate. Right, we're renting it. We own our email list, we own our text list, we also own like your podcast, basically, like That's yours. Right? That's the way that you connect with people. We don't know one day, Instagram could go away. So you want to make sure that you are connecting with your community in other ways, but at the same

time, of course, you want to be on all platforms so everybody can see you. Okay. Everybody, what she just said is gold. And first two things I want to say, number one, I sit across from a lot of people. I know when their energy is like big time influential energy, you have it. Like the way you talk, the way you come across, the thing you feel when you're speaking, you have it. It is like 5% of the people that sit across from me. So you have that.

That's number one is what you to know that. I write away, right away you have it. Two, she's completely right with what she just said about your email list in your text links. Dumb dumb right here who you listen to every single week, me. I spent all my time like gaining traction, getting followers, getting subscribers, doing all these other things. And guess who owns that relationship, not me.

And my peers were out building email lists, real data that they owned, real connections, real text list, dumb dumb Eddie my let's started doing that about two years ago. And I've been public person now for about a decade. So she's a zillion trillion billion percent right about what she just said about the platform, but you getting ways that you own the data and that person is a actual digital property that you can participate with long term. Major truth right there, major, major truth. Yeah, but you started it. Here's the thing.

I think a lot of people are also listening to this right now and they're like, oh, well, I'm too late then. I didn't start my email list. I didn't start my platform. Everybody's got a podcast now. Everybody's got all this now. It's too late for me. And I want everyone that's thinking that.

I'm talking to you right now and listening. Please listen. It is not too late. You started your email list two years ago. I'm talking to you right now and listening. Please listen, it is not too late. You started your email list two years ago. When did you start this podcast? Probably eight years ago. Eight years ago. So here's another thing.

I think a lot of people are sitting around comparing their chapter one to somebody else's chapter 20. Comparing their first step, their beginner step, their very first episode of their podcast, or their very first post on Instagram. Their very first Instagram live, or their very first YouTube video, podcast or they're very first post on Instagram. They're very first Instagram live or they're very first YouTube video to somebody who they admire like you,

who's been doing it forever, but people don't see all the years that you put in, all the mess ups, all the bad episodes, right? All of the ones where you're like, man, I shouldn't have done that. Like for me, there was so much leading up to that and I've spent a lot of time thinking like, oh, I shouldn't start because this person has already done it.

Right? And my therapist actually said to me the other day, because I've got this new book coming out. First book ever, never written a book. And I'm having Imposter Syndrome. All the things I talk about in the book, this is so ironic, Ed. I'm literally reading my own book. And I'm like learning my own steps in the book

because I'm having all the symptoms of fear. Because I'm being seen on a whole new level than I've ever been seen before. Right? And I'm doing this. And I'm like, man, I'm talking to my therapist. I'm like, I'm putting this book out. I'm so scared. Like, is anyone going to like it? Is anyone going to bite?

She's like, Jen, have you ever written a book before? And I'm like, no, but but but. She's like, what is your relationship with being a beginner? And I was like, whoa, this is my first book. So if this is your first time putting something out on the internet or building your brand or doing your side hustle or starting your podcast, stay in your lane, let it be your first time, let it be messy, let it suck a little bit, and use that as the stepping stones to get to the next and the next and the next.

And people love to follow a beginner. You're so right. They love that. They want to root for you. Yes. Yeah. It's you're not a beginner, but when I met you, you were in an earlier stage and I immediately knew you were special and I immediately liked Chris. I immediately liked you. And I found myself the last couple years like really following you more. I wanted to check in how she doing. Is she growing what she got going on? She's a

world class speaker already. She, her goals to be the number one in the world. She's well on her way to doing that, but even told her when we, weren't we on them like, well, you've got more presence now when you speak, that you didn't have when you started. She's obviously a very gifted communicator, but there's this presence thing you've got. When I started the show, when I started, I thought I was late. Gary V. had three million followers already.

Andy Fercilla, my brother, Grant Cardone, Tom Billu, Louis Housel, Mel Robbins, there were all these people that already had millions of people. I'm like, who's going to listen to me? You know, my first video I posted got four views, one like, and my mom was one of the views and didn't like it, right? My own mom didn't like it, you know, like, so I relate to that very much. I thought I was late, turns out that I wasn't.

There was already like six million podcasts. Now there's like 60 million. And you're not late. If you're good, always tell my kids this. If you're good, the cream rises to the top. Somebody's gonna find you. If you're a young athlete listening to this and you're at a small school and you're not getting scouted,

if you're that good, someone's going to find you eventually. And that's what's gone on with you. The fear thing, let's talk about it because this is content of the book. I want to give them some of the stuff in the book, because I want to put in on how good this is. There's a disease we all suffer from called fear, but you illustrate what some of the symptoms of that disease are. So you actually know whether you're suffering from it. So what are a few of those symptoms that you have in here? So most of the time people think about

fear of like anxiety and like, you know, there their stomach does a backflip and they're scared, their heart speeding, they've got a panic attack. I've experienced it so many times, but there are other symptoms of fear that show up and you don't necessarily realize that they're fear. Things like perfectionism, comparisonitis, fomo, but I like to call fomo not fomo like fear of missing out, but fear of missed opportunity.

So you know when you're scrolling, we just talked about this. You're scrolling social and you're like, oh man, like that person's getting all the likes and the follows and they're growing their business or they are featured in the media and you're like, oh, that should be me. And then this other voice comes in, I can't do that, they've already done it.

So then you spiral down, compare synitis and then perfectionism and then analysis paralysis, which is another symptom of fear, where you're like, oh, there's just so many options, so many people doing this, they're already doing it. I'm not as good and then analysis paralysis, which is another symptom of fear, where you're like, oh, there's just so many options, so many people doing this, they're already doing it. I'm not as good, and then you've got imposter syndrome, and then it's like, you know what? I'm gonna wait.

I'm gonna wait till next month. Maybe I'll have a better idea next month. Maybe in the next month comes around, you know what? I'm gonna wait until maybe Friday. Maybe, and fear's whole job is to keep us exactly the same. So it's going to sneak in and it's going to tell us all of these lies. And we can either listen and negotiate with fear. You're right.

You know what? I'm going to wait till Friday because Friday seems like a much better day for me to do that first Instagram live or for me to start the podcast. It'll be much better than I'll feel better. Maybe, you know, I'll get this great brilliant idea. What I have learned over a lot of experience of being seen when I was absolutely petrified to do so. In every way, shape, informant,

every single symptom of fear screaming at me in the back of my mind, don't do it now, don't do it now. Is that if you can learn how to talk to fear and embrace it and put your arm around it and understand and know that you're not gonna be fearless, you're not gonna be able to kick it out of the car. But if you can drive with it there in the passenger seat of your car and do the thing with it there anyway,

you take away the power that it has over you. Really good. So I'll tell you a story. So this is really when I learned how to talk to fear for the first time. And it's with one of our friends, Lewis. So that was the first podcast, first mastermind that I ever did, was with Lewis Hous. And I was in this mansion in Malibu.

It was like my very first experience learning from somebody and he meant to us, I was like, this is amazing. Like I love this. I am vibing. I am here. I am outside of my comfort zone, but I love it. Lewis comes down and he's like, all right, everybody. We're gonna go to the second floor

because I've got a surprise for you. And I'm like, oh yes. I love surprises. Let's go. I'm like down. We walk up and I see all of these buckets of ice in front of us, like these big tubs of ice. Now, this is way before anybody was doing cold plunges.

Okay. So now, everyone that's listening, you scroll your Instagram now, you will see 85,000 people doing cold plunges. It's very trendy. At this point in time, no one was doing this for fun. And I see this lady pouring these buckets of ice into these tubs and I'm like, oh, that's a lot of beverages for this party. I literally did not understand what was happening. And he's like, we're gonna do ice baths. And Ed, I had a panic attack. Like I, like full on full body. I'm sure you've had

I have anxiety sometimes. Full on crying tears. I just, I don't know what it was about that, but I did not want to do this. And so I sat on a bench and I watched all of my friends, get in the ice bath very scared, and get out of the ice bath, like they're like a phoenix rising from the ashes, like a different person, and I'm sitting there watching all these transformations happen,

and I'm still crying, and I'm still not okay with this, and fear is saying, you can just tell them that you're allergic to cold, or whatever, you know, I was negotiating with myself why I didn't have to do it. And then I had this thought, and I was like, how do you want to feel tonight when you get in your bed? Because no matter what, you're going to get in your bed tonight. Like, no matter how uncomfortable you are today, whether you do it or not,

whether you sit in the ice bath for two minutes and it sucks and it's so painful, or you don't, you're gonna end up in your bed and it's gonna be two seconds later and are you gonna be proud of yourself for what you did today and how you showed up? Or are you gonna feel like, man, I should have just done that. I should have just been able to withstand

the uncomfortableness for 2.5 seconds. So I was like, you know what, all right, I'm gonna talk to fear. And at that time, I was reading this book called Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. And in the book, she says go on a road trip with fear and talk to it and put in the passenger seat. So I'm sitting there in this robe in my bathing suit because I was going to take the photo, but I wasn't going to get in the ice bath. Okay. So I'm like, all right, fear is shut up. I'm like, shut up. I'm going to do this. And I'm like, you're gonna sit there. And I'm gonna drive.

And you're gonna come. And you can yell at me. And you can tell me that this is not okay. But I'm gonna tell you that you're not in charge here. I am. And I drove. Me and fear we drove together into the ice bath. And it sucked.

And it was painful. And I hated it. But I sat in there for two minutes. And I got out of the ice bath and ed. You wanna know what I did right after I got out? I got back in again. You did it again. Wow. Because this is where I learned it, when you do the thing you're afraid to do, you take away the power that fear has over you. It doesn't mean it goes away. You just take away its power.

I got to tell you, I wish I knew you when I was younger. This idea, there's the brilliance of that. I want to say something, I was younger. This idea, there's the brilliance of that. I wanna say something, I wanna acknowledge when something's unbelievably, like I got goosebumps right there. Look at my hairless arms, I got goosebumps. When you actually put fear with you in the passenger seat, you actually separate you from it, and it actually, you actually begin to understand

that that is not you, that it's an outside influence and you begin to separate yourself from it. I'm gonna say something I've never set out loud before right now since you were that vulnerable. When I was really young, Tony Robbins saw me speak and he thought, he actually said to me that day, he goes, I think you may be the greatest speaker I've ever seen.

And this is when I was young and raw and then he goes, let me correct that. He goes, you're the most talented speaker I've ever seen, but there's things you would need to do to improve. Come to my event and I come to this event and there's a fire walk. So it's my version of the ice bath for you. And we're in the line and I'm terrified.

I'm terrified. Now I'm watching hundreds of people walk down this fire walk, you know, the burning coal sink. Yes. I'm watching all of them do it. I can't believe I'm telling everybody this but I think it'll give you hope And I'm getting more scared and more scared and more scared But you got your pure group there like you can do it. You can do it. Yeah, I felt like you know I'm in an Adam Sandler movie and

I finally get up there and I lost state fear took over so I started to do it and my feet start to burn halfway through And I jump off and I get off about a quarter of the way down the hot coals, I get off and I was like, oh, you can go back again. And I go, okay. And I pretend to go to the back of the line and I left the event. I left the event.

I was gone. It was the first night of a three day event and I left it and I let fear kick my ass and that kicked my ass for about three years Because I didn't I got into bed that night because you are gonna get into bed and I got into bed that night Here's what's crazy the event was still going on in the hotel when I got into my bed defeated and let fear kick my butt That's right. I tell everybody that story for two reasons, to illustrate how brilliant and right you are. It's two to give you hope. If maybe then one of the top people in the world

in personal development at one point couldn't walk down Tony Robbins' fire walk and left the event, and now I'm doing what I do with you now today, you ought to have hope if you've had some of these events in your life where fear beat you, that it doesn't define you longterm, that I ended up being arguably the Tony Robbins of this generation or one of them,

and I couldn't even do his 50 foot fire walk, and I left his event, that ought to give all of you hope, and then she's given you the strategy, Jen just gave you the strategy. You had a piece of content, I think it was this week, that's brilliant, I wanna ask you, because I think people, this is a fair question. How do you distinguish between when something is fear and your intuition talking to you,

saying, you should not do this? So how do you know it's not intuition instead of fear? This is a tough one because fear is really sneaky and it's a really, really good liar. And it'll come in and it'll convince you, like, oh no, no, no, this is your intuition. You really shouldn't do this. What has helped me and this has helped me every single time, I heard this from somebody, and I don't even remember who it was, I wish I could quote them, I don't remember who told me this, but I was really battling through, is this in my intuition, is this like my gut telling me

that I should do this thing, or I shouldn't do this thing, or is this fear? And the question is that I ask myself now, is who's voice is that? Whose voice is telling you that you should or shouldn't do it? Is it your voice or is it your parents voice, is it your husband's voice or your wife's voice or your friends voice, or the random people

on the internet's voice, you don't even know who they are. A lot of the times it's that for people. What they will think, and we don't even know who they are, right? It's like, well, what will they think? Or it's Susie from college, right? Or my cousin from ages ago that they were gonna think of me on the internet.

And we care so much about that. And it's a normal human experience to care what other people think. We want to be liked. We want to be approved of. We want people to say good job. We do, and that's okay. And if you're sitting here listening like,

oh, that's a bad thing, I don't wanna care what people think we're going to. I do. We all do. But here's the thing. We don't want to wake up. I love how you talk about you think about death often. I don't want to wake up on my deathbed one day in my 100th birthday and say, oh, I let all the random people on the internet or people that I didn't care about dictate my actions. And I let the fear of what they would think of me override my gut intuition of what I knew I was meant

to do on this planet. And so I ask myself, is it my voice or is it the voice of somebody else? And when I hear my own voice in there, I, you know, you know your voice. But when I hear like, oh, that's my husband, Chris's voice. You know, and even though I love Chris, and I care so much what he thinks,

and this is for everybody with a partner out there, like I've done it before, where I have made lots of decisions based on somebody that I was in a relationship with and what they would think of me. But now I know better, and I'm like, that's Chris's voice. Chris, that was your voice telling me that I shouldn't,

but my voice, who I will be proud of myself at the end of this night when I get in my bed and I look up at the ceiling, I'm like, did I squeeze all that you said of the lemon today? Did I do it all? Did I lay it out all in the field? Or did I, did I, did I, um, did I phone it in today? As long as I listen to my voice and I stay true to who I am, I'm always okay with myself at the end of the night. So good, Jan, I love this idea of we're gonna get into the bed at the end of the day. Well, so I have time on my wrist.

So I tattooed this on my wrist not because I wanted to tattoo. It's my only tattoo and it's actually fading off, which is crazy. I don't even know how that happens. But I tattooed this on my wrist to remind me that no matter what time never stops. Discomfort is only temporary. All the time, no matter what. We're both going to end up, tonight in our bed, this interview is going to be done. No matter what, no matter if it was amazing or if it was bad or if it was scary or if we were uncomfortable, no

matter what happens today. This too shall pass. You will end up in your bed. But the person that you become through the uncomfortable moments, through the winds, through the losses, through the hard times, through the ice baths, through the fire walks, through all the stuff, the hard conversations you have to have, or maybe, oh my God, the face plant that you made in front of all those people, no matter what, you being able to withstand all of that stuff,

and get into your bed at night and understand, wow, I can do this, no matter what, I'm gonna end up here. That's what powers me through, that's what makes you who you are, and that going to end up here. That's what powers me through. That's what makes you who you are and that growth that comes with that, that's permanent. Okay. If you're driving your car right now, just check the miles per hour because you're going too fast.

Okay. You get that fired up, listen to somebody. So just slow down a little bit so that you don't run off the road. That's so good. You're such a wisdom for such a young woman. It's like, I wish I had it when I was your age because it's profound what you're saying. There's all kinds of things in your work

I've never heard before. And one of them is this notion about confidence. Most people that struggle have a higher threshold of how much they think they need to know before they get started or how confident they think they need to feel. And I read your stuff and I'm like, I think I'm going to adjust a little bit about what I say. That's how good it was. Because you make this case for the 51% rule in there. It's what I'm calling it. It's called the rule, but I remember 51%. You're about to hear something you've not

probably ever heard before that if you remember it, it could change your life. I think this is this important what you say in this part of the book. So let's give them that about confidence. Yeah, so a lot of people on the internet will tell you that you have to believe in yourself 100%. Yep. You have to believe 100%. You have to go for it 100%.

You can't have any doubt. A lot of people don't take action because they're like, I'm not at 100%. I just don't feel it today. Maybe tomorrow I will. And they never really get to that point. I don't know action because they're like, I'm not at 100%. I just don't feel it today. Maybe tomorrow I will. And they never really get to that point. I don't know about U.A., but I don't think I'm really ever at 100%.

I'm not. I'm not even now. I always have a little bit of doubt. A little bit of fear, a little bit of uncertainty, a little bit of imposter syndrome. It's always there, as long as you're stretching, as long as you're growing, you're gonna have a little bit.

It's a human experience. So if you give yourself permission to not have to believe 100% to take action, but you only have to believe a little bit more than you don't, like 51%. If you can get yourself to 51% of belief, that'll get you to the first action step. Just a little, okay, I don't believe fully,

but I believe a little, I'm gonna go take one little action step in the direction. That little action step will give you a little tiny win. And that little win will give you the momentum and the confidence maybe to get to 52%. Maybe one day you'll get to 60, and maybe you'll float it like 85%, 90% at some point in time,

and then you milk it, then you go, then you drive, then you go right through. But then you might come back down to 51. And that's what life is. But as long as you're above that 50% level, the majority of the time. And you take action there, then you will gain more confidence over time and you will consistently grow. It's so good that it's made me rethink how I phrase things. Because I'm just not being honest that I tell people that they need to be a hundred

percent confident because I'm not I've not walked on any stage ever in one of my speeches a hundred percent confident. I never went to the plate batting in baseball a hundred percent confident. But I've walked up there a lot of times 59 64 73 51.2. Yeah. And then the experience took me to 58.6. And what I learned from it took me to 62.5. And then you're also right. And then every once in a while, you got it going, and then you screw one up and you're like, I'm back to 51 again. That's part of the, that's the real.

If I'm being honest and to acknowledge your work, that's the real. What she just described is how it really is. And you're right. We're doing people that disservice by saying you have to be 100% confident to make anything great happen. It's just totally not true. Now, I have all kinds of friends that have asked somebody out that said yes, they were not 100% confident the person was going to say yes.

So you're a zillion percent true. Here's how good her work is. I'm gonna get into some stuff right now that I do very well that you articulate, that I've never articulated before. So one of the things you talk about in how to be seen is this notion, I don't wanna finish it, but I think everybody thinks when they walk in a room, or they're doing anything in life,

that they have to be the most interesting person in the room. Or extremely interesting. I actually don't think I am, to be honest with you. Like if you were with me and my social life, my friends are way more funny and interesting than me. I kind of am, because I'm so introverted, I let them like entertain and get all the shine and I'm just kind of there.

But I do the thing you say is most important really well Which is not to be the most interesting, but to be what the most interested? Oh, you're masterful at this. Thank you You're masterful and I learn from you every day. You know, I listen to you every day And I learn the way that you interview people you make people feel seen like I've never seen anybody make people feel seen in my life Thank you And you did the first time I ever met you and we sat down at dinner next to each other

at your book launch party and you made me feel so seen. And I was like, that he is an expert at making people feel seen and when you can make other people feel seen, that is when you become seen and you don't need to be an extrovert, you don't need to be the loudest, brightest person in the room. In fact, I find that the most confident people

usually display the quiet confidence. They don't need to be the stars of the show because they can sit back at confidence. You know this. Self-trust. That's what it is. Trusting and knowing that you have what you need. You've got everything. If somebody wants to come over and talk to me, I'm good. If they don't want to, that's cool too because I know what I've got. I know what I've got. You know, and the cool thing about being an introvert, I'm introverted to? Yes, incredibly introverted. Because I, yes, I would much rather just be at home

in front of my TV with my dogs and my husband and just chillin' then be out at a party with people. However, I love the connection that comes from networking. I love being on stage, I love serving, I love that. That's like, I live for that, right? I think we're very similar in that way. However, when I'm having conversations with people, I would much rather ask them

as zillion questions about themselves because it takes all the attention off of me. You know? And I think that people don't like networking because they're like, a lot of people are more introverted and it's exhausting to think of, how am I going to pitch myself? How am I going to make people like me? What am I going to say about myself? Forget it. The best way to make someone feel like, oh my God, I loved that person is to ask them questions about themselves.

They're a favorite thing in the world. So if you can just walk into a room and forget it, don't worry about you. Just be really curious and walk around that room thinking, how can I figure out how I can help people in this room? Let me get here. Let me figure out how I can help people. That's how I've built what I've built. It's amazing because first of you're introverted, blows me away because your people's skills are off the charts. I know I say this on the show,

I'll give somebody a compliment. Two things just don't. I mean, one, I'm listening to it. I'm like, because I am older in this space, and there's a point where I'd like to play a little bit more golf. So like I do think about how much content I'm going to produce going forward. And like listening to you, there's a few others too, but listening to you, and I'm like, oh, this industry is in such a great place. Like the world's going to be great. Like there are people so good now in this space and you're so good. Before I was a public person, just to validate your work,

before I was a public person, the best compliment I would ever get is when someone would play golf with me, and then we would be done, and the next day they'd run into a mutual friend of mine and go, man, I'd golf with that Edmila guy. I love that guy. What does he do?

They do nothing about me. They do nothing about me. They do nothing about me because I spent the four or five hours talking about that. Also just for me, I already know what I know and I already know about me and I don't think I'm that incredible. So I would really rather learn from you

or experience you than talk about myself. Now part of that is just like it's kind of my nature but it's really served me. She's giving you gold. You don't have to walk in her room and be the most interesting. Be the most interested. Do it in an Uber.

Do it when you're in a restaurant with a server. You can practice these things with the checker at the grocery store. I practice these things. I'm also just habitually that way. But there's places to do this stuff. I remember saying before I would get good at a party, I'd be like, I will try this at the grocery store.

And I would practice in these different places. So awesome work. Here's just crazy about you. I knew a little bit of this, so I was unsure. How do you know that you're in a dream right now? Like you're building your dream that no longer is or really never was. So what most people don't know about you is,

which I knew a little of it, but I didn't know the extent that it wasn't your jam. She'd been on TV forever. Like, I don't know, was it 14, 15, 14 year? What was it? No, it was five years. It was about like 14. You're too young if I do the math. Five years, it's the metal show. Yeah. And I remember this. And then like, I'm reading your stuff. You're like, I don't even like, I'm just gonna close my mind. So tell them about, like, I guess, the beauty of finally living authentically your dream and what you wanna do compared to a time,

because there are people right now that are having productive lives, I won't call it success, but they're producing and growing, climbing up a ladder, they don't even really wanna get to the top of. And that was you. Yeah, completely. How? I grew up wanting to be an actress.

Since I could think thoughts, I was like, I wanna be a star. I remember being five years old on a stage, performing in front of people. And I remembered this like it was yesterday, singing and dancing on that stage and looking out at the audience and thinking, I wanna do this for the rest of my life. This is the greatest feeling in the world.

And so I pursued that and I thought that my purpose in life was to be an actress, was to audition, get to read other people's lines, sing other people's songs, dance other people's moves, and wait for someone to choose me to tell me I was good enough to be whatever character they wanted me to play. And I was set on that and I want everyone to be listening to this that thinks that they have this like, this set goal that maybe they had since they were a kid, because it's really, really interesting how it morphed and how it changed as I consistently took action.

And it's okay for it to happen like this. And I followed this path and I ended up doing the Broadway National Tour of the Wedding Singer. And I played my dream role all around the country. And I learned really quickly from doing that that I loved performing, but I did not love the lifestyle of being an role all around the country and I learned really quickly from doing that that I loved performing, but I did not love the lifestyle

of being an actor performing around the country and I almost felt bad. Because I was like, wait, this is everything I thought I wanted. Wait a second, what does this even mean? So then I came home and I got booked on this show. I got this job about heavy metal music. And I will never forget the day I got this job like because I researched and Googled all this metal stuff and

Pretended I knew about it when I knew nothing I wore this costume to this audition and and I was like yeah, I love Metallica I know anything about it In fact, they asked me to do my Britney Spears impersonation at this audition, which is really funny that I ironically got the job because I did a Britney Spears impersonation. And that just tells me that you always, when you're your most authentic self, that's when people lean in, that's when they pick you and they picked me because of that. But either way, I forgot it a lot.

And you really were a Britney Spears fan at that time, but you'd worn a metal fan, but thank God they asked you about Britney. Exactly. I got it, exactly. And they called me, they're like, oh my God, your Britney was amazing. We want to hang out with you, you got the job. So and they called me, they're like, oh my God, your Brittany was amazing. We wanna hang out with you, you got the job.

So before I know it, I'm on this show for five years and I am like that medal girl. Yes. Huge blonde hair, ripped up metal shirts, like, and this entire time, I did not like heavy metal music. I just blows my mind. Oh, and people on the, like, and here,

talk about building a brand and being seen as somebody that's not authentic to who you are. I had this huge audience of all these people that thought I was somebody that I wasn't. And it was exhausting keeping this up and I was so out of alignment in my job and in my heart, in my soul, I would wake up every day and I'd be like, Jenny, this is not you.

What are you even gonna do in this end? I didn't even know who I was anymore because all of my worth was wrapped up in this version of myself that I had created to please everybody else, to have this job, to have these likes, to have this quote unquote life. And I really spiraled that.

Like, it was very bad. That was probably the, it's crazy that I'm here in LA. I'm actually staying at the same hotel that I stayed at when I would film the show here. We would film at Universal Studios. And I would stay at the London West Hollywood. And just for fun, I decided to book myself at the London. I haven't stayed here since that medal show time

as the person that I am today. Oh, I love that. Just to have a moment of, wow, if you would have told me that I'd be doing this. But anyways, so I'm building this brand, this version of myself that couldn't have been further from who I really was. And everything exploded. I really believe that when you're out of alignment and you can't get yourself back in,

God will step in and smack you back into alignment and sometimes it hurts a little bit. And I lost the show, I lost the relationship that I was in and I had to start over. Did you lose the show and the relationship like the same day? No, like the same week. Same week. Yeah, and I found myself, like in this tiny little room with this apartment with six other actors with a window that faced a wall. And I, because I had no money, I'd spent it all. I was in a really dark place. And I was like, who are you? And I wish that

I could tell you that in that moment, I was like, I know exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to start over. I'm in gonna personal develop myself right out of this. It was bad. And it was literally 51%. So my mom actually came into the city during this very dark time in my life. I lived in New York and she came in and she, my mom's very into personal development. I wasn't at the time.

She gave me this book and it was called, You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. It's a book full of affirmations. And my mom knew I wasn't going to read the book because she's smart. And she knew that I was not open enough to read something like that. So she photocopied one of the affirmations and she put it in the book, and I opened the book when I got home, and it's set on the back of the affirmation that she photocopied. Jenny, I hope you find yourself again.

So I looked at this affirmation by this woman, Louise Hay, and I said, all right, I'm not gonna read this book, but I will read this stupid affirmation every single day. That's all I'm gonna do. I stuck in a my refrigerator, and every single day, I made one commitment to myself to read this affirmation out loud. And sometimes I felt like, oh, this is stupid, it's not doing anything, and sometimes it made me feel a little bit better.

Like, again, 51%, sometimes 53%. And I don't know if it was the affirmation or if it was the act of sticking with my commitment every day, but I slowly but surely started to get myself out of my hole. And I started to find myself reading more personal development and listening to more podcasts and going to events and building my life and building a very successful business. One step at a time, like 51%, 52%, one step at a time, and then before you know it,

here we are. And this is where it gets crazy. There's like three crazy things here and that I'm really, I want the listener to hear when it comes to finding your purpose and maybe building a life that you don't think is an alignment with who you truly are. I got this book deal last year. Okay. And I was pitching a lot of, I wanted it to be traditionally published, pitching a lot

of publishers, getting a lot of nose, getting a lot of people saying, I don't know, I don't really get it. The last publisher on the list of the meetings was Hay House. Louise Hay started one of the most successful publishing houses in personal development, and it's one of the biggest. And I get on this call with these publishers and I tell them the story of the affirmation All of a sudden I'm thinking about it and I'm like oh my gosh Louise Hay changed my life and that's why this book is here and they're like

Of course So my book is published by a And now so I have to talk about my dad for a minute I know you're a dad. And when I was in actress and I was auditioning and performing, my dad was my biggest fan. My dad was always like you. I know how you are with your kids.

Front row of every show, always so supportive. He would come to my shows in high school and we would have to do our shows in the hallway and he'd be like, Jenny, you're going from hallway to Broadway, I just know it. I'm so excited for you. And my dad has multiple sclerosis now, so he can't travel. And he can't come see me speak.

And the ironic thing is now I'm on stage again doing exactly what I always wanted to do, but in such a different way, in such a more aligned way, in a way that feels even better than I could have ever imagined. And my dad's never really gotten to experience it. And I think we both spoke at this event, possibly. It was a real estate event in South Florida. I got invited to go speak in Florida and my dad lives there, so my dad could come

and see me speak for the first time. So my dad comes to this real estate event and sees me speaking to all these big real estate investors and he's sitting in the front row crying and I get off stage and we get in the car. And my dad looks at me and he says, it all makes sense. This is what it was all for. That metal show, the wedding singer, all the auditions, everything, it was all for this.

If you would have told yourself back then that this is what it was all going to be for, would you even have believed it? Oh my gosh, it's so good. And I was like no daddy and he's like I'm I'm so proud of you and you can't connect the dots looking forward you can only connect them looking backwards. So good. And it always makes sense when you connect them looking backwards. The okay, yeah, I'm trying not to get too cryy here. That's beautiful.

It made me think, yeah, that was really good, sorry. One of the coolest moments in life is when it finally lines up and so many human beings don't stay pursuing their dream long enough to where it all will eventually make sense. And I love the fact that you stuck it out long enough to wear all the rejection, all the hardship, all the looking out at the window that looks at a wall, your dream not being your dream, all the rejection, all that stuff. It lines up so many of you. If you'll just keep pursuing it and you'll keep trying, eventually it'll all make sense. It'll all line up.

But if you quit trying and you keep going for it, you may end up at the end of your life in it, never made any sense. That pursuit eventually God lines up the dots for you and goes, this is what I was doing the entire time. Stay faithful, stay after it, keep growing yourself, keep improving, get to 51%. Keep taking those actions. That is a beautiful story. I don't know what a ronic you're staying at that hotel right now. It's crazy. And the show right now. And yeah, so crazy. And by the way, I don't know if you know this,

but you were one of the very first inspirational motivational speakers I ever saw. Oh, well. And I remember seeing you at Summit of Greatness and sitting in the front row and thinking, I want to do that one day. That's awesome, and now you're crushing it. And now I'm sitting across from you.

And I say this for the person listening right now. Because if you feel like you're so far away from your dream or like we said in the beginning, like you're too late, you haven't started yet, everyone's already done it, it's already been done. If it is for you and you don't stop, and you keep going no matter what doesn't have to be a massive step doesn't have to be a leap, but it can

be a baby step every single day and you don't give up and you keep going. You will get to where you want to be and you will have those moments where you look backwards and you're like, oh my gosh, I'm so glad I started. The most important thing is to start. Gosh, this is so freaking good today. Like I'm like, man, this is so good. We're gonna go longer, sorry. We're just gonna go a little bit longer. I mean, this is, you're making me really reflect and think about some things.

And I'm just gonna tell you guys, as a dude a little further down the road, I can just confirm she's right. I can just confirm for you, she's right. And you do a lot of work though, on you talk a lot about the subconscious, more than I realized, and I do too. Like what you just said a minute ago,

I don't know if it was reading the affirmation or was that I kept this promise to myself, probably a combination of both. But I do believe there's a lot to keeping these promises we make to ourselves, it's start to move us from 51 to 53 to 58, etc. So you talk about in chapter five that you talk about seeing the future you, right? And you actually have some steps to manifesting. That manifest word sort of become this cliche thing. Almost some people like, okay, we're going to manifest something. Pooey, pooey. But that's not really become this cliche thing. Almost some people are like, okay, we're going to manifest something.

Pooey, pooey. But that's not really how you approach it. It's actually rather scientific the way that you do it. So let's talk a little about manifesting and seeing the future you. Yeah, I don't even really use the word manifest in the book. I use the word create. You do some in your content, but in the book you do use the word create and I think it's develop or something like that in the book.

It's the creation process. Yes. Because when I look back at all the things that I've created in my life, it really has create and I think it's develop or something like that in the book. It's the creation process. Because when I look back at all the things that I've created in my life, it really has been not just because I sat around and visualized it. The visualization, it's an amazing tool. I believe in it fully because I believe in the power of the subconscious mind. And I've done a lot of research on this because I like to back things up with science. I'm like, you know, mixing the, Jenna Kutcher, our friend says, mixing the woo with the work.

I like to mix them together. And I believe that when you can reprogram the subconscious mind to make believe that this memory happened, the subconscious doesn't know the difference between a real memory and a fake one. So if you can actually feel the feelings that you want to feel in this moment, because we all can't.

We can all close our eyes and envision ourselves somewhere and feel the actual physical feelings that we would have if we experienced that thing. If we practice enough, the subconscious will start to actually think that that thing happened to you. And then subconsciously, you're actually seeing the opportunities away more, and they're like noticeable. And then the fear towards getting that thing is a lot less.

And it's like, duh, I'm just going to take action to do that thing. And that's how we create. And that's why there's a whole section in the book about the law of action. Because without action, nothing happens. You can, people are like, oh, I've been manifesting forever. And visualizing forever, but I haven't gotten the thing. I'm like, what have you done to get the thing? And in the book, I talk about the story

of how I created the role in the wedding singer. Yeah. And then we tell them all the time. Yeah, of course, my favorite story in the world. It's actually, in my entrepreneurial journey, it's the biggest lesson I've ever learned was in this. I moved to New York City when I was 20. I dropped out of college and I was like,

I need to go and pursue my dream. And I went to this conservatory program called Amda. Jason DeRulo went there and I know you just interviewed him. We both went there. And when I was there, one of the shows that I went to go see with my friends, we would see a bunch of shows, was The Wedding Singer. And I remember sitting in the back of the theater with my good friend Pat and all the sudden, like 15 minutes into the show, this character takes the stage.

And she was like, she was the b was the it was Linda, the ex fiance and she's in this like Madonna like a virgin costume and there's a smoke machine and she's strutting onto the stage and everyone's laughing it's this comedic character and I all of a sudden God came down and was like this is your role. I start crying, I'm looking at, but he's like what's wrong with you? I'm like oh my God I'm gonna play this part one day. I just knew.

I never really resonated with like the good girl parts. I always wanted to be like the spicy girl. I was like, this is it, this is the role. So, at that time, my mom, good old mom, had given me another personal development book, and that was the book, The Secret, which was very popular back in the day about the law of attraction. I wasn't into it, of course, I that was the book, The Secret, which was very popular back in the day about the law of attraction.

I wasn't into it, of course. I was like, whatever mom, like, okay, you can visualize things and they magically happen. Okay. And I put it aside, and I remember watching TV, and I saw Oprah on TV talking about how she, quote unquote, manifested her role in the color purple by using the law of attraction. And I was like, oh, maybe if Oprah can do it, maybe I can do it with Linda. So I like secretly did this experiment.

And I was like, I'm gonna do this with Linda. And at that time, I was in school. I was living in like this little eight foot by eight foot room with like a twin bunk bed, like no way for me to be on Broadway. And I started visualizing every night before I went to bed. And I would sing myself to sleep. And I would sing the Linda music. And I started visualizing every night before I went to bed. And I would sing myself to sleep. And I would sing the linda music. And I would see the audience. And I would feel the costume on my body. And I would see the lights. And I would

actually experience me playing the part every single night. And that brought me to in school, I would sing all her songs for all my final demos. And I all the sudden, in my mind, like fully believed that this was my role. And that made the opportunity way more prevalent when all of a sudden I saw the audition for the Broadway National Tour of the Wedding Singer pop up. And I had never been to an audition in my entire life. But I had my Linda costume ready for me.

I had already picked it out. I was ready to go. I walked into this audition. I signed on my name on the list. I was like 532 or something. There's like 531 other girls that look just like me. And I, and I made it to the final two at that audition. It was me and this other girl talk about all the symptoms of fear, phomo, comparison, like it was like we were battling it out. Like it was it, but the belief

that I had created from all the visualizing was driving me. I didn't get the part. I didn't get the part, but I wasn't upset because my immediate reaction, and this is a really important lesson for me in rejection, because I had believed so fully in my heart that this was for me, and I had done all of the work. I was like, oh, I just have to get really creative on how to make this happen in a different way.

So, I started to take action in a different way. And when you get rejected, it simply means you just have to get a little bit more creative and find that redirection to what you really want. It fueled me. And so I snuck into a different audition with the same director and I sang the Linda Music in audition for a different show.

And I was like, I don't even care. What do I have to lose? And this is a big no-no in the entertainment industry. So he comes out of after I do this terrible thing that I was not supposed to do. And he's like, we're not casting wedding singer, but here's my card. Follow up with me when we do. So this is where I learned the power of the follow up. And you know how good of a follow up where I am because I followed up with you as a zillion

times. I followed up with this am because I follow it up with you. It's a zillion times. I've followed up with this man for I think six months. I had nothing to say to him. I would just email him every week. Like, oh, here's a picture of my dog. Oh, I'm practicing my Linda music. Here's a picture of me. You know, how are you?

Just follow up, follow up, follow up, keeping myself top of mind. Finally, I get invited back to do it again. The same audition process, same audition process. Again, I think it was months later. I get an email in my inbox telling me, congratulations. Shh. We're welcoming you to the Broadway National

Two Over the Wedding Singer. Shh. Linda Understudy. So close, I still didn't get it, Ed. I still didn't get it. But in my mind, I'm like, okay, talk about FOMO. I had to go to the rehearsals and I had to watch this other girl play my part.

And I actually wore a fat suit in the show. That was my role. I was in the ensemble and that was my character. And I had to wait in the wings and I had to watch this girl. But I don't know who said this quote, maybe you do, but luck is what happens when preparation meets the moment of opportunity. So I decided that instead of feeling jealousy and comparison with this girl, I was going

to be unbelievably grateful that she was showing me exactly why I didn't get the part and she did, and study her and learn from her and watch her every move and ask her why she did it that way, and really perfected by studying her and using her as my mentor because clearly I didn't get it for a reason. And then finally when I got my moment, the director called me and he said we want to make you Linda on the big tour. But Ed when I played the parts on the stage for the first time with the same exact visual of that audience and the lights the costume was the same costume that the woman on Broadway wore.

It was on my body. And what I was looking at was the same visual that I had done in my little twin bed, years prior. And I walked backstage and I said, I was like, oh my God, anything that you want, you can create. Yeah.

But it's not because I just visualized it. The visualization was the tool. Yep. To keep me going every time I got rejected. And her no, and her no, and her no, and her no, and her no. But it was that that drove me. Yeah. It was the law of action, not the law of attraction.

It's the unbelievable explanation of how it really works. It's both, right? You've kind of merged the law of attraction with the law of action together. And obviously you choose the law of action over it. I do too. That your mind moves towards what it's most familiar with and so does your life.

So if something's repeated over and over and over and over and over again, your subconscious mind, you actually begin to gravitate and move towards it. That's just how life works. Most people just don't invest the time and the reps to do the dreaming over and over and over again. Or they do all of that to your point and they don't do any of the law of action. In the book, by the way, she gives you nuggets of actions. Like there's

this thing you have in there. I think it's where you list like 20 people. Yeah. This is freaking gold right here. By the way, very easy to do. I have no idea why I've never heard this before, but it's freaking awesome. So let's give them that little additional nugget because this is actually part of the law of action in my mind, totally. Totally. And this goes for anyone that has a goal of anything, anything that you want to do and whether it's get into, get featured in the media or get a role or date someone, get married, whatever it is, this works for you.

It's called the top 20 list. And this is in the part about connection and networking and people, because I believe that every opportunity, it comes from a human, it comes from a person, a connection. So we have way more connections than we even realize. We just don't actually take the time to think about them and leverage them and use them. So you're gonna make four columns on a sheet of paper.

I want everybody to do this, take out a piece of it, if you're driving, don't do it now, do it later. And in the first column, all the way on the left, list out 20 people in your life that have any kind of connection to the goal that you have, any connection. And this could be someone that you haven't spoken to in years, or this could be somebody that you're very, very close to, doesn't matter, don't overthink it, just write down 20 names, 20 people that could help you. Then in the next column over, you're going to rank each person on a scale of 1 to 10 on how likely people that could help you. Then in the next column over, you're gonna rank each person on a scale of one to 10

on how likely they are to help you. So let's say this is someone, a client of yours, that you've helped so much, and they have a connection to the thing that you want, and you've provided so much value to them, there are 10 on how likely they are to help you. So that's great, but let's say you don't really know the person you haven't helped them that much in their life,

then maybe there are three or four. Okay, fine, there are three or't really know the person, you haven't helped them that much in their life. They may be there a three or a four. Okay, fine, there a three or a four. Next column over, you rank that same person on a scale of one to 10 on how influential they are in getting you to your goal. So let's say that client that you love, that you've given so much value to, they're a 10, they also happen to be the editor in chief at Forbes and your goal is to get into Forbes.

Whoa, they're a 10, but let's say they know someone that used to write at Forbes and your goal is to get into Forbes? Whoa, they're a 10. But let's say they know someone that used to write for Forbes and, you know, they're not that influential. Maybe there are two or three. You add up each person's scores and you give each person a grand total score in the final column. And then you sort the scores in descending order. So that means that people with the highest scores are at the top, people with the lowest

scores are at the bottom. But here's the most important piece, Ed, because the people at the top, people with the lowest scores are at the bottom. But here's the most important piece, Ed, because the people at the top, they're easy, they care about you, they're influential, they love you, they wanna help you. So you're actually giving them an amazing gift by reaching out to them and saying, hey, could you help me?

Because it makes people feel good when they're able to help people they care about. It's true. Right, so when you can ask for help and give them an opportunity to help you, they're gonna feel awesome, they're gonna be excited about it. But the people on the bottom of the list,

those people, you can't just really reach out and ask for help yet, because you haven't really garnered the relationship, you haven't provided enough value to them. You need to put in the gifts, you need to create the law for reciprocity. So instead of asking them for help, when you get to their name on the list,

you're just gonna consistently start to provide value to that person. Outstanding, Keep going. Yeah, just consistently. And it's not just once. I think people make the mistakes. Oh, I did something for him. And then he never did anything for me back. The thing that separates great relationships from the ones that are kind of just like in exchange, like the long-term ones where it's giving, giving, giving forever and just a really beautiful experience in life where you work together forever to help each other, is those relationships are built over consistent gifts. And it doesn't have to be a huge financial give. It could be as small as commenting on their post every day or sharing their podcast or writing a great review for their book

or doing something tiny or sending them a little small gift when something cool happened in their life that was really thoughtful. Give value consistently and watch those relationships end up with higher scores. And if you consistently do that and work your own network, you will be able to accomplish absolutely anything that you want in your life. That is unbelievably good. And by the way, exactly what she does. It's exactly what she does. That is, I mean, there's a content rich episode, isn't it?

I mean, that's exactly how you live and what you do. A couple more things. Because this is just so good, you guys. When I get somebody with this much stuff, I want to make sure that I get the most out of you. And by the way, here's how you can pay her back, by the way, for all the value you're getting today. You got to go get the book.

You got to go get B-scene. Depending on when you're listening to this, by the way, for all the value you're getting today. You gotta go get the book. You gotta go get B-scene. Depending on when you're listening to this, you could pre-order it, but for most of you, depending I don't know when this is necessarily gonna come out, just go to Amazon and get the book, go to Target and get the book, or go to Walmart or Barnes & Noble, get a few of them. It's one of these books, particularly because

if you are listening to this in near the holidays, what a gift to give a dreamer in your life or somebody who just wants to improve their life. Okay, there's two acronyms in the book. I like them both. I'll give you the time to cover them both. Hope and CIA. So they'll remember these. I like stuff you can remember like that. So hope and CIA everybody. You'll remember this. It's gold. Okay. Let's talk about hope first because the name of your island. Yeah, that's right. I forgot that. I forgot that. You just remind me it's actually weird. I forgot that. You're right. Yeah, I was thinking to you,

you're like my I get on Island, it's called Hopa. I was like, great. That's the best word in the world. Perfect. So the reason that people aren't being seen, so if you are sitting here and listening to this right now and you're like,

Jen, I know I'm totally that person that's like, I want to create content. I want to put myself out there, but I'm scared. It's not because you don't know how to do it. You know how to do it. It's because you're don't know how to do it, you know how to do it. It's because you're afraid of what other people will think of you and that's normal and that's natural.

And I know we both, we already have agreed that this comes up for us. So this is how I move through that. I focus on the acronym HOPE, which for me stands for Help One Person Every Day. Because the reason that we get so nervous and scared to put ourselves out there is because we're focusing on us, what we look like, what we sound like,

if we're good enough, if what we're saying resonates enough, if we look okay, if they're gonna like it, if they're gonna follow it, it's all about us. But in the reality, if you're creating content that helps people, it's not about you. It's for the person on the other side of the phone. It's for the person that's listening to this podcast right now. And if you were just sitting with a friend or a client

and they were asking you for advice, you wouldn't get nervous, you wouldn't be obsessed with yourself, you wouldn't be scared, you wouldn't be like, oh my god, I'm so worried, I'm just not gonna press go because I'm scared of what people think. You would just pour into that person because you want to help them. So for me, I just think every day when I wake up,

I'm like, okay, even when I wrote my book, I sat there and I thought of my girl that I was helping. I thought of her. And I would just talk to her and you can probably read the way that I wrote that book is very much my voice. Yes. Talking to somebody. It's true. Because I used the strategy of helping one person and I just tried to pour into her and help her because it took away minors. So if you're struggling to create content or to be seen, understand that it's not about you, it's actually your responsibility to be visible. Because every day that goes by, that you're not making yourself visible to that person that needs your help is another day that that person is going to go buy from someone else or listen to someone else who's not as good as you and doesn't care as much as you.

Because you're too in your head or insecure about what you look like and what you sound like, which doesn't even matter at the end of the day or at the end of your life. When you're looking back, does it really matter what other people thought? No, it matters what you served, how many people you helped, how many people you impacted.

So it's about the other person. Talk to them, help them, that's hope. That is bananas true. Talk to them, help them, that's hope. That is bananas true. Just want to say, validate your work again. When I'm really nervous before I speak, I do two things. I pray and then I literally shift and go, this is about one person in this audience today

that God's going to use for me to help. This is not about me today. It's about that precious human being who God will use me to say something or do something today to help them. And it immediately gives me peace, comfort, serenity, and focus. So that's how brilliant that one is. Can we get really met at first that can't? Because you probably did that the day that you spoke that first time that I ever heard you. And I think about it this way. If you were too scared to get on that stage and speak, and you were too in your head or too insecure

and didn't want yourself to be seen and didn't say that to yourself, if this is about one person, maybe you wouldn't have been on that stage. And if you weren't on that stage, maybe I wouldn't have gotten in my head that I wanted to be a great speaker like you, and maybe we wouldn't be sitting here having this conversation

and maybe somebody wouldn't be listening and be able to get the value that they needed. And that's how it works. Thank God you're visible to me. So what an honor to even think that I was a speck of sand on the beach of you becoming what you are right now. That's so great to hear. Well, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Well, thank you. And thank you for being you. As corny as that sounds, I'm just sitting here going, this is the world's in such good hands. It's just, this is, it weren't such good hands. So thank you for telling me that and reporting that out. I'm becoming a CIA agent. You guys will never forget this. It's just too good. So becoming a CIA agent. Yeah. So this is where the book gets more tactical

talking about the importance of building credibility, influence, and authority when building your brand. When you have those three letters, CII, when you can be a CIA agent, people will follow you forever. True. We don't just want people that are gonna like our stuff. We want people that are gonna be in our community, in our world, like whatever we decide to do. And that's another amazing thing about building a brand.

Let's say you sell your company and you wanna start over, you have all these people that are following you and love you for exactly who you are and they're gonna do whatever you want them to do later. That's right. By whatever follow you, to start over, you have all these people that are following you and love you for exactly who you are and they're going to do whatever you want them to do later. That's right. By whatever follow you, like raise money very much easier that way when you already have your brand. So credibility, what is that?

It's trust. There's a lot of people on the internet nowadays and any Joe Shmo can get on the internet and say that they're an expert in something. So people are getting very weary of that, which is great. So they need a little bit more credibility and trust in order to follow. We were talking about this at the beginning of the episode.

The first thing that somebody's going to do when they hear about you or they're referred to you is they're going to check you out to see if you have credibility. Where you featured on any top podcast, where you featured in the media, do you know anybody that I know that I trust? Right? Credibility's borrowed trust, so you want to start to build that up in your business however you can. And if you're just starting out, that's okay. You don't need to get a massive, huge media spot or a huge podcast. You can start building credibility in other ways by showcasing all the people that you

help. You're testimonials, you're case studies. A lot of different types of things can build credibility, so credibility is so important. That moves into the eye, which is influence. Influence is a really powerful tool, because if you're doing something that's good that can help people, and you can influence them to take action because of leading by example, and because you have been featured on other people's stages, stages, whether that is a podcast or a physical stage or their platform or whatever it is, then you can influence people to do

good too. It's so, so, so important. And influence is very difficult to build on your own, as you know, but like just to hack the algorithm and try to post the greatest content for people to pay attention to. So I always tell people, if you're wanting to build influence, do it by leveraging OPA, another acronym, other people's audiences. Don't do it alone. Like right now, we're doing it together. That's right. We're collaborating. We're collaborating. Collaborate with more people, and that's the fastest way to build your brand. Not just trying to do doing it together. That's right. We're collaborating. We're collaborating. Collaborate with more people and that's the fastest way to build your brand.

Not just trying to do it by yourself. That's why I'm such a proponent of going to events and meeting people using the top 20 list. That's how you're going to build. Last but not least, authority. Important. And the analogy that I like to use for this is, you know, if you meet like an undercover agent in real life, let's say you don't know that they're an undercover agent and they come up to you and they say, Ed, you need to sit down right now. You'd be like, I'm gonna sit down like who are you? It's telling me to sit down.

But if they flash their badge, they suddenly have the authority to tell you to sit down. Right? And the only thing that changed was flashing their badge. They're a little credibility marker. And then you're like, oh wow, okay, yeah, I'm gonna sit down, you're a legit. So when you, to in order to create authority, yeah, I'm gonna sit down. You're a legit So when you

To in order to create authority you need to be flashing your badge all the time And I know a lot of people that say to me, Jen, I don't want to be braggie. I don't want to show off my wins It's your responsibility to showcase your credibility and your influence and to Really amplify all the cool stuff that you're doing so that you can create more authority so that people will pay attention. You need to be flashing your badge all over the place and it's not because of you. It's because the more that you can amplify your authority, the more impact that you'll make and the more people you'll be able to help and the bigger your brand will grow. This is freaking outstanding. It's so true. She does a unique hack on her social by the way. So this idea of

collaborating, like we're actually live collaborating right now, unique hack on her social, by the way. So this idea of collaborating, like we're actually live collaborating right now, so this is actually authentic, but the other thing she does, I'm gonna give away something you do, but it's brilliant. She actually uses the credibility of someone she's not even with that she may not even know in her content. So she'll show a clip from Kim Kardashian

that validates a point she's making, and so it'll go, Jen, Kim, Jen. She's got one out right now with Tom Hanks in it. And I'm like, this is so brilliant because to some extent you're morphing to some extent their badge is being flashed in your content. And now you're starting to build a little bit of that as well.

So it's not the same as collaborating, but it's not completely separated. It's a credibility piece. It's a visual. It's over time you begin to see these people is similar and the same. So she just does, I'd follow her content to you guys. I'd go to Instagram and follow Jen because she's also relentless about doing it too. She's repetitious.

She does the things she's teaching in the book. So I want to ask you one last question. Yes. First off, I want to say again, everybody go get bee seen. Period. Just go get bee seen. Period. Just go get it. This has been so good. You have this thing that you did and it blew my mind.

It's just something that you talked about recently. About you wrote a letter to Chris before you met him. There's a lesson in this about being prepared and being ready. And it's beautiful actually. Rob Deerdic did my show and he's become one of my dearest friends and we're business partners. And what he said on the show that took me back, a lot of things Rob says is brilliant. He's been on a couple of times actually. But when I first interviewed him, he was talking about when he was singling a knucklehead

and dating a bunch of girls and then he kept meeting the wrong girl. And he's like, and he goes, the reason I kept meeting the wrong girl on paraphrasing was I was just the wrong guy. And he goes, and then I stopped trying to find her and I wanted to become the husband she was worthy of. And then I was pretty sure she'd show up. And she did. And you have your kind of version of that as well. And I think this is a lesson

of how to we won't I'll use the word manifest myself, but how to make something that's a dream, even a vague dream to some extent, a specific tangible, real reality that you then live that reality, which is what you're doing now. You're doing it in your business life and your personal life, relationships like you and I have. And obviously the most important relationship you have on earth here, the one you have with Chris. So would you just finish with that story because I think it's profound?

Yeah, it's probably the most profound story that in my entire life. When I was building my business finally, right, after that metal show and after Wedding Singer and I started to actually become an entrepreneur and I started to build this life for myself. I had my own apartment in New York City and like everything was really good.

And the thing that was missing was love. And I was single for a really long time. And I remember going to an event and might have been the event that you spoke at. Now one of the speakers told us to close our eyes and do a perfect day exercise where we visualize our perfect life. And I had no idea what was going to come up and I closed my eyes. This is exactly what I saw. I swear to God. I closed my eyes and I started visualizing and I opened them up and they told us to tell the person

next to us what we saw. And I was like, well, I have a husband and we run a company together and we travel all over the world together and we speak on stages and we're madly in love and we're kind of like Jay-Z and Beyonce. And then I said, and then I'm kind of like a combination of Tony Robbins and Britney Spears because I get to wear really amazing outfits and dance on stage and then also impact people. And that was exactly what I saw. And this was when I was a personal trainer, my company was in fitness, and I was just like dreaming and trying to build the life that I wanted.

So after that event, I went home and I was like, I'm gonna meet this Jay-Z guy. I'm gonna do what I did with Wedding Singer, and I'm gonna create him. So I took this picture of that I found in a magazine of a back of a guy's head. He was like holding a baby looking out of the rainforest and I was like, this is gonna represent my guy.

And I put it on like a board, like a vision board, right over my desk. And every single morning, I would look up at this guy and I would talk to him. And I would be like, hi my love. And I'd be like, I can't wait to meet you. I can't wait till we travel the world together. I love you so much.

And I would practice loving him. And I would practice being the person that I needed to be in order to love this man. And this man in my mind was into personal development. I didn't know anyone in personal development at that time, except for the people that went to the events with me. He was an entrepreneur. I knew that he had a kid.

I didn't know why. I just knew that I wanted someone that already was married and had a child. I knew his funny. I knew all these things about him. And we would have these conversations every day. And Ed, I believe what this did for me is it made every bad date less bad.

Because I had this relationship with this fake guy that I was talking to every day. And I was like, oh, it's not you. I know who my guy is. I talked to him all the time. So I would write him letters. I'd go for walks with him, where I would walk around New York City listening to music.

I would, on a Saturday night, I wouldn't go out with my friends. I would be like, I'm going on a wonder walk. I call them with my future husband. And I would envision around New York City listening to music. On a Saturday night, I wouldn't go out with my friends. I'd be like, I'm going on a wonder walk, I call them, with my future husband. And I would envision talking to him and what I would feel like when we were together. And I was practicing the way that I would feel in this relationship so that I believe

this was subconscious reprogramming. Because when Chris finally came into my life and it was through a lot of crazy, weird events that brought a lot of dare of the day and action taking. It's all in the book of how I got myself to meet this man. When I met this six-foot tall entrepreneur that has a beautiful daughter and lived on the Upper West side and was into personal development, our first date, he liked we walked around Central Park and he went and bought me all these personal development books and we like talked about the law of attraction.

I was like, what is going on right now? And I was like, duh. I didn't push him away. Like I did a lot of other men in my life. I was ready for him. I had practiced. I had these letters that I was ready to give him. And the crazy thing is, is that we went to this, we met in like two weeks later,

we went to this wedding together in Des Moines, Iowa. Like it was for New Year's Eve. I was supposed to go by myself and every year on New Year's, I have this tradition that I do with myself. I've been doing it for several years now where I write myself a letter from my previous self. So like December 31st, I'll write myself a letter to myself next year. I'll seal it up and I'll put it away and I won't read it. And the letters usually congratulating myself for all the things that I did that year. Like, oh, you know, and I didn't, I had this letter that I had written a year before and I'm with Chris. We just met two weeks ago, fell in love.

We're sitting there. I'm like, I gotta read this letter that I wrote to myself a year ago. I don't know what it says, but I gotta read it. And he's like, okay, so I open this letter and I'm sitting next to him and it says, dear Jenny, I'm so excited that you're sitting next to the love of your life right now. Give them a kiss for me. And we can get even crazier. There was a second part to this vision when we were going on our quote-unquote walks together

which now we go on together in real life all the time and I'm like, oh now you're really here. You weren't here before but now you are. I would envision that we lived in this very specific apartment. And when I was a personal trainer, I would train people in this apartment building. And it's so beautiful on the Upper West Side. And I would envision, I would tell the dormant every time I would walk in, I'd be like,

I'm gonna live here one day. You better believe I'm gonna live here one day. And they'd be like, okay, whatever. And so part of my vision, as I would talk to this guy, we're gonna live in this building together, and we were gonna be entrepreneurs and build a business and be so successful together. And Chris and I ended up actually building the company and becoming very successful together

in our own businesses and then coming together and building a company together as you know that we built and we moved into that apartment building. And we were able to get it together and we moved into the exact apartment that I had envisioned me and vision board guy were going to live in together. And there was this moment when we first moved in when Chris was standing at the window and he was like, there's no furniture in the apartment. Yeah, we just moved in. He's holding my dog, Dexter, and looking out at New York City.

And I looked at this image and I'm like, why does this look so familiar? It's whatever I like took a picture. I'll show you after we're done. I looked back at image and I'm like, why does this look so familiar? It's whatever I like, took a picture. I'll show you after we're done. I looked back at the vision board guy and the vision board guy was holding a baby and looking out at the rainforest and it was the back of his head.

And again, to go back to, it's usually what you want or maybe something so much better, but you have to just allow it to unfold the way that it's supposed to unfold for you specifically. And for me, my dog's way better than a baby right now and New York City is way better than the rainforest. But it was the exact same image that I stared at and talked to. And I don't believe that that was magic.

I believe that I practiced receiving it for so long that I subconsciously took action to get that and make that all happen really with the combination of my conscious, my subconscious and a little bit of magic and I believe a little bit of God, right? I always believe in that. To then, you know, now where I mean, the, if you look at my vision, which was like the whole Britney Spears Tony Robbins, they, it's crazy. Like I, I now I walk, a lot of my walk on songs for speaking is like, baby, one more time. And I just like a lot of throwbacks to that. It's really cool. Yeah.

People cry on my show. I usually don't cry on my show. So you got me twice today, but that one of congratulations you're sitting next to him. Oh my gosh. That was awesome. I pray people stayed to the end of the show because every minute was gold, but that right there, that's other level stuff right there. That's like the best of the best of the best right there. I've cried like I think three times ever on the show and you just got me to do it twice in one episode so Sasha's back there because she knows you're incredible

You're outstanding You're a world-changer and Now I really want to buy that stock if I please good Thank you so much for today on behalf of like several million people. Thank you Today was awesome Awesome awesome awesome.. Thank you. Today was awesome. Awesome, awesome, awesome. I love you. I'm proud of you.

I love you. Yes. And this is seriously, this was a creation. Like we're living in it. So if you're listening, this is about you right now, whatever you want you can create. Just keep going. Oh my gosh, this is good today. All right, you

guys. Go get B-Seen, share this episode, go get the power of one more when you're grabbing that. And you know what, take action on the stuff that we covered today. It can actually alter the direction of your existence here on this planet. If you take these steps, God bless you everybody, max out. This is the Edm Mylich Show. you