THE ED MYLETT SHOW - How to Break Free from the Prison of Self-Doubt

Episode Date: November 29, 2024

How’s that self-criticism working out for you? If being hard on yourself was the key to success, wouldn’t it have worked by now? The truth is, many of us are our own worst enemies, holding ourselves to impossible standards and punishing ourselves when we fall short. This week, I’m breaking down the critical shift you need to make: separating who you are from your mistakes and learning to treat yourself with the grace and belief you truly deserve. We often think self-love means settling, but it’s the opposite. Real self-love comes from expecting better because you believe deeply in your potential. If you constantly criticize yourself, you reinforce the wrong narrative about who you are. Thoughts are powerful—like magnets, they draw experiences that match your self-beliefs. Change the story you tell yourself, and you’ll change what you attract in life. I’ll share why you must become your own biggest fan. It’s not just about positivity; it’s about raising your vibrational frequency to align with truth, not lies. The world’s most successful people don’t define themselves by their failures; they see setbacks as moments, not reflections of their worth. You can’t show up fully for your dreams or others if you’re tearing yourself down internally. So here’s my challenge to you: Stop letting your inner critic run the show. Separate your behavior from your identity. Start rooting for yourself as fiercely as you would for your closest friend or your child. You deserve a life built on belief, not self-doubt. Key Takeaways: Self-love isn’t settling—it’s expecting better because you believe in your potential. Thoughts are magnets; the story you tell yourself shapes your reality. Separate who you are from your mistakes; you are greater than any failure. Start speaking to yourself with the same grace you’d give someone you love. Your best life starts with the way you see yourself. Demand better because you know you’re worth it. Max out today, and let’s make your future something to be proud of. God bless. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So hey guys, listen, we're all trying to get more productive and the question is, how do you find a way to get an edge? I'm a big believer that if you're getting mentoring or you're in an environment that causes growth, a growth based environment, that you're much more likely to grow and you're going to grow faster. And that's why I love Growth Day. Growth Day is an app that my friend Brendan Burchard has created that I'm a big fan of. Write this down, growthday.com forward slash ed. So if you want to be more productive, by the way the way he's asked me I post videos in there every single Monday that gets your day off to the right start he's got about five thousand ten thousand dollars worth of courses that are in there that come with the app also some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content and they're

on a regular basis like having the Avengers of personal development and business in one app and I'm honored that he asked me to be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis, and I do. So go over there and get signed up. You're gonna get a free, tuition-free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also.

So go to growthday.com forward slash ed. That's growthday.com forward slash ed. Stringing December 3rd, only on Disney Plus. From the directors of Spider-Man, No Way Home Dead. Don't miss the new Star Wars adventure. Do you want to join me? Skeleton Crew, two episode premiere December 3rd, only on Disney Plus. This is The Admired Show. Before we get into the show, I just want to say one thing to you. You know that all of my content is free. I put out hundreds and hundreds, it's now thousands of hours of content for free.

But every once in a while, I do something where you can participate with me one-on-one or in a group. And so I've only done this one other time in my entire career, and it sold out in about 10 minutes. But this year, if you're watching this before 2025, I'm recording this in 2024, on December 12th, I'm doing an event, a group event in my home, very intimate event, less than 30 people to spend a day with me. You can go to maxout2025.com to get the information, it's not cheap, but it's a day with me.

I'm gonna take you through my entire 12 step system I've used for the last decade to plan my life and my year. So if you want to make 2025 the best year of your life, you can come to me and you can be in my home with me, with a very small group of people for an entire day, but take you through that entire system. I'm also going to go through all the mental programming techniques that I usually only teach my one-on-one clients. So very limited seating. It may even be sold out by the time you see this video or hear this audio, but it's December 12th, 2024 in my home. MaxOut2025.com. Welcome back to the show everybody. So will you please stop being so hard on yourself? So many of you are your own worst enemy and it's what I want to talk about this week. Let me ask you a question. How's that working out for you? I mean, so far, how's it worked out being your own worst enemy?

Being so difficult, so hard on yourself, beating yourself up so often, the negative self-talk, the negative self-thoughts. If being hard on yourself worked, it would have already worked by now, right? And one of the things I think we have to ask ourselves is what I'm doing working. You know, how's this working out for me? And so far not so good when you're really difficult on yourself. You would never talk to other people the way that you speak to yourself. And I have a podcast I just recently did. I don't know it'll be out or not by the time you see this. But what I talk about in that podcast is that you teach people how to treat you

you teach other people how to treat you with what you're willing to accept with what you're willing to tolerate and you teach yourself how to treat you and For many of us since some age we were at and I you know We could draw a line for almost all of us. Some of us happen much later in life Some of us started happening childhood. We started treating ourselves poorly and if we treat ourselves poorly, how are we ever gonna ask other people to treat us well? And by the way, whatever your belief systems are, you all know that I'm a Christian but I also believe in inspiration, I believe in vibrational frequency. If you're not

treating yourself well, how do you expect the universe to treat you well? How do you expect to have good things come your way when you don't even treat yourself well? You know It's probably the number one mistake that I see people make that's their invisible enemy is themselves So they go into things like I do it when I speak on stage and ironically sometimes We're the most difficult on ourselves that the things were actually the most anointed and best at. If you were to ask me, what's the area of my life that I am probably the most hard on myself, the most abusive to myself, I will tell you that it's my public speaking. That when I get off the

stage, I think maybe three times in my life has someone asked me, how did you do? And I said very well or great. But probably 15,000 or 30,000 times, depending how many times I've spoken on stage, I've said not so good, I should have done this, I could have done that, okay or terrible. And then I spend a bunch of time lamenting the things I said that I shouldn't have or things I forgot to say or things that didn't go well. You know, the other area that I'm very difficult on myself, if I step back and look at it, is in parenting. Yet kind of if I stepped way away from it, I'm a pretty good parent. So it's ironic that

sometimes we beat ourselves up in the number one place that we're the best at. And here's what I figured out. You know, as a person of faith, I believe in the adversary or you can call it the devil, whatever you want to be. If you don't believe in any of that, it could just be negative and positive. And I can tell you that I believe the adversary or the devil attacks us and our thoughts. And we'll begin to listen to our thoughts. We're really doing the work of the bad guy, the dude downstairs. Or if you don't believe in any of that, negative vibrational frequency. It attacks us in our thoughts, but when God's working on us, He speaks to our hearts.

He speaks to our spirits and I've learned to stop listening to my thoughts because that's where I'm attacked. That's where you get attacked is in your thoughts, but if you can get quiet and listen to your heart, that's God I'm attacked. That's where you get attacked is in your thoughts. But if you can get quiet and listen to your heart, that's God speaking to you. Remember this, God talks to our hearts, the devil talks to our minds. If you don't believe any of that, highest vibrational frequency is in the heart, heart center. Lowest vibrational frequency is actually in the mind. And the thing that vibrates at the lowest possible frequency is a lie. And so when you tell yourself a lie about yourself, you are now reducing your vibrational frequency. Not only is it not true, not only does it beat you up, not only does it program your reticular activating system to find more bad things about you or have you make more

mistakes, but you're reducing your vibrational frequency because it's not true and it's a lie. And when we lie to ourselves, we reduce our frequency. Truth on the other hand vibrates at the highest possible frequency and that's why it comes from God. And so what I want to challenge you to do this week, now this is good for a Monday, huh? What I want to challenge you to do this week is to begin to listen to your heart, that whisper, that quiet voice that you have to be still or quiet to hear and drown out the noise, the vast majority of which that noise is being created by you in your mind or the adversary in your mind and it's a lie. Here's the bottom line, it's not working out so good for you and you need to

begin to separate your behavior sometimes and your choices and or your performance from who you really are. Here's the truth, not every singer nails every note every time they sing a song. It doesn't mean they can't sing. It doesn't mean they're not great. I promise you, take your favorite musical artist of all time. I don't care who you're listening to right now, it doesn't matter, right? I could promise you they have off nights. I could promise you some nights are better than others, but I doubt that they beat themselves up to the point where they don't at least open up the opportunity

for another great night in the future. You're probably gonna have a bad call, a bad speech, a bad meeting, a bad exchange with somebody that you love, and if you beat yourself up about it, you've opened up the possibility of you doing it again. Not less. We think, well, if I beat myself up about this bad sales call I just had, I'm punishing me, then I won't want to do it again because when I was a little boy or little girl, I would get punished when I behaved poorly. And the truth of the matter is, that's not how life works. It's not about punishment.

That doesn't mean we don't want a course correct. So for example, learn to say this, that's not like me. One of the things I teach my professional golfers when they miss a putt, what do most golfers say do you think when they miss a putt? I suck! Right? I'm terrible. F'ing dummy! That's what you say when you miss a putt. And what you're doing is reinforcing the fact that you're more likely to miss another one. But when you separate yourself from your behavior and realize that's not who you are, it was a behavior, it was a motor movement, it was a word you said, it was a moment of weakness, it's not who you are. So what I teach my golfers is that when they miss it

is, that's not like me. Gosh, that's not like me. The greatest athletes in the world, when they make a mistake, they correct it. But that's not like me. Because if you believe that's like you, you will act in accordance with who you believe you are. And we don't wanna act in accordance if we believe we can't putt or I suck. So separate from the outcome who you are.

That's not like me. If I have a bad speech. That's not like me Yeah, let's get back to me What is more me and then I step into the positive me the higher vibrational frequency me the true me And so in any event, I want to remind you to stop beating yourself up And to begin to become your own biggest fan your own biggest cheerleader your own biggest support heck If you could just get to neutral for most of us, that's an upgrade. It's not like you to have a bad sales call. It's not like you to miss a speech. It's not like you to respond in anger. It's not like you to make a mistake with your kids. It's not like you to forget to call a friend back. That's not like you.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, this month is all about gratitude and along with everyone we're thankful for, there's another person we usually don't thank enough and that's ourselves. We just get lost in the shuffle, don't we? So many times. Sometimes it's hard to remind ourselves that we're trying our best to make sense of everything and in this crazy world that is not always easy and better help can help you with that. Therapy can remind us to slow down and just take some stock of how things are going in our life, how far we've come. Maybe it's some trauma we need to work from from our past. Maybe it's just getting clarity and focus on where we want to go. But therapy is

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That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash ed show. What does the future hold for business? Well, let me tell you right now, you can ask nine experts. You're probably going to get 10 different answers. Bull market, bear market rates are gonna get cut they're gonna cut it five times six times inflation is gonna go up or down who the heck knows you don't really have a crystal ball and that's why I love net suite because you can get some measure of control in the most important areas

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Netsuite.com slash my let. I believe something very deeply, that once you have rapport with somebody, so there's some sort of trust or rapport, the more certain person always influences the less certain person when there is some sort of rapport. And so, and by the way, my wife has proven this now for 30 years, just about every single fight we've ever had. She ends up winning, even when she's wrong because she's more certain she's right than I am,

that I'm right. And the most certain person always influences the less certain person. Why is that so important? Because we, when we're in a sales environment or we're coaching somebody or anything we're doing, speaking from stage, interacting with anybody about trying to make a point,

talking about our faith, our politics, whatever it is, the more certain person always has influence over the less one. So the less certain person is. What we spend most of our time doing is refining the PowerPoint, refining the presentation, the words we're gonna say, exactly how we're gonna frame things, what it's gonna look like, and we don't spend all of the time we need to on increasing our own true certainty level. Now by the way, you can't transfer to somebody that which you truly aren't experiencing, it's not authentic, so you have to actually be certain. And I don't think enough people work on certainty of themselves

and their product or service, both. There's two things that need to come across in an exchange with somebody. One is certainty about self, that's the hard one, that's the one that takes some digging. And that's why I always say link your certainty or your confidence to your intentions, not just your abilities. Because you know about your intentions. You know that's to be true. When you connect with your intent,

you can come across much more certain. I'm certain I want to help. I'm certain I want to serve. And that increases your certainty level. But the other thing not enough people do is increase their certainty about their product or service. They don't do enough third party reading. I am constantly reading, I mean all the time,

articles that validate the different companies that I own and their products and services or our ideas or our concept or validating that the market's getting bigger or there's a need for us or that we're unique and different. And I like to validate it with third-party stuff, whether that's a book, an article, something online, a story I see. And I'm always feeding my certainty. One of the things I've realized about myself over the last, you know,

I don't know, 10 or 15 years is this is sort of one of my superpowers. When people ask you why you're successful, sometimes it's very difficult for successful people to answer that question, if they're successful in an area, and by the way I'm unsuccessful in many areas and successful in some, but the ones that I am oftentimes even on my show when I ask people, they don't know why because they begin to do things habitually and reflexively. It's become part of their patterns so they they're almost oblivious to the fact that they do it

like any other pattern. And one of my patterns and habits for a very long time is to just be ferocious with working on my certainty level about myself, about my product and service, and I do it over and over. And I'll share it with people that I work with. See, look at, see if so-and-so said, look at this thing here, look how much the competitors are doing it wrong. Look, and I'm constantly increasing certainty because as you increase certainty, you increase the propensity to perform. And that's why it's so important as I discussed to not beat yourself up people who beat themselves up here's what they lack certainty they lack certainty they've not worked preemptively proactively on their certainty level about themselves or their product or service

and so this isn't something you can do during a presentation or during an exchange with a friend. It's done before. It's preemptive. It's preparation. Preparation is not just the words or the thoughts or the concept. Preparation is the belief. You transfer belief to people.

The more certain person influences the less certain person. And so if that's really true, then we have to work on that more than any other element of our being in terms of persuasion with people is certainty. And you have to actually believe it. So this week I want to challenge you, what are you doing externally outside your business, outside your normal routine to increase your certainty about yourself or your product service or company and it's got to be a habit it's got to be daily in my opinion if at a

minimum weekly you're reading things you're sharing things you're feeding it feeding it it's like this it's like this I was gonna say monster or beast but it's really not it's like this beautiful spirit you're feeding that you can transfer. So, you know, sometimes it's a monster or beast where you're like, man, we got it, you know, you got that. But other times it's this beautiful spirit of just confidence. I was watching, politically, I don't care where you lie politically, but two of the people that I really studied a lot of are Kennedy and Reagan Ironically one from the left and one from the right, but I've studied these two as leaders and one of the things that both of them uniquely had in common was This really sly smirk under pressure

Literally, they were both known like when the pressure increased they didn't scowl more they smirked and smiled more and it was like this Reflexive habitual thing That both of them did. Isn't that interesting? Yet very different people But at different ages when they're president by a mile different parties different philosophies in some cases Yet under pressure their staff and team and family both commented individually about both of them It they would smirk. You go back and look at Reagan in debates, you can go back and look at Kennedy in debates,

videos under pressure, big speeches they made. They had this thing. And the reason that the people around them said that as the pressure increased, their certainty level about their decision making increased under pressure, that they felt more and more certain about the decisions that they were making. It's really, really fascinating study of leadership and of human beings that actually most people cower under pressure and shrink.

These two leaders knew to increase their certainty level under pressure and they had done that work preemptively so that when the pressure hit, when the moment hit, they were the best them decisively in those moments, processing information in those moments, persuading their team and staff, persuading other world leaders. I mean, imagine the amount of persuasion that has to happen. So it requires a gigantic level of certainty. And so no matter what you believe politically, most people think that both of those guys were pretty darn good presidents, depending upon if they believe in the left or the right,

depending on their party. The point is, under pressure, they got lighter, not heavier. And that's because they had worked on their certainty level. Hey, everybody. You know what I did right before I came in here to shoot today's podcast? I took my AG-1 drink for the morning. It's part of my morning routine every single day. I can tell you I know the mornings when I forget or I miss it because I just don't feel

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your first subscription in addition to the welcome kit with vitamin D3 plus K2. So make sure to check out drinkag1.com slash Ed Milet to see what gift you can get this week that's drinkag1.com slash Ed Milet to start your holiday season off on a healthier note while supplies last. So I want you to change this you know ships don't sink because the water

around them ships sink because of the water that gets in them. It's not what's going on around you. It's what's going on within you. There's an enemy within you and it's you. You have to remember this. You are not your thoughts. Your thoughts don't come from you. There's nothing wrong with having high standards.

In fact, I recommend it. Having high standards for yourself is completely different than being hard on yourself. And because I talk about having high standards all the time, I think people conflate these two things and think, well, if I don't live up to my standards, then I have to beat myself up as if if I beat myself up somehow, that's how I'm going to change. And where's this really stem from in our lives? This enemy within.

This enemy within comes from this notion that when we were little kids, when we did something bad, we got punished. And somehow over time we've decided I'm going to punish myself and somehow that's going to get me to reach my standards. Nothing could be further from the truth. And so you have to stop doing this. The ship is sinking because you're letting the water within you drown you literally in your thoughts.

Remember this self-talk leads to self-thoughts. And by the way, vice versa. Negative self-thoughts lead to negative self-talk and human beings, you and I, are designed to live consistently with the story we tell ourselves about us. And so if you're telling yourself this story, you're going to live congruent with it. You're going to find more situations that are negative, more situations to let yourself down, more situations to beat yourself up, you're going to get more and more of what you keep saying and thinking about yourself because that's how the

mind works, that's how life works. Thoughts are like magnets. We literally draw to ourselves exactly what we're thinking about. So if you're thinking something negative about yourself, and I know many of you think, no, I know a lot of successful people that are very hard on themselves. It's different. They're hard on the behavior, not on themselves. So when you watch a great athlete and they miss a bunch of shots, they're thinking that's

not like me. That is not like me. That is not like me. They're not thinking I suck at shooting. And so there's this fine line between living up to our standards and talking to ourselves as if we're our own worst enemy. And what's really sad about that is that you're going to get to the end of your life and you're going to live with no peace because you've had to live with you. Your own enemy.

You imagine the person closest to you, the one person in your life who's going to spend every second of your life is one of your great antagonists? Or you may say, well, Ed, I'm not really antagonistic on myself or to myself. Let me ask you this. Are you your own biggest fan? Are you praising yourself regularly, lifting yourself up regularly, rooting for yourself regularly, believing in yourself regularly? So maybe it's not for some of you.

And for a lot of us, it literally is. We're our own worst enemy, biggest enemy. Right. And some of you listeners go, well, that doesn't really apply to me. Well, let me ask you this. Do you talk to yourself like Jesus would or like your version of God would? Do you talk to yourself like you would hope someone would speak to your children if you have children? Do you talk to yourself like your best friend is you?

Do you? Are you your own biggest fan, your own biggest supporter, your own biggest cheerleader? The person who believes in you on earth the most is you. I'm talking about on earth is you. If you're a person of faith, do you truly believe that you were made in the image and likeness of God? Do you really believe that he's holding you in the palm of his hand? And so you can't love yourself conditionally.

Well, I'll love myself when the conditions are right. I'll believe in myself once I'm winning. See, we have to have unconditional love for ourselves, which means the conditions don't dictate how much I love me or how much I believe in me. Now, I'm not saying self-love is never to be honest with yourself where you're not living up to a standard that you have. That's different than thinking you are your behaviors. There's a fine line.

I could tell you that I know, you know, people that perform at a pretty high level and although they are hard on the behavior, they're not hard on themselves, meaning they don't begin to believe that they are the way they're performing. They actually believe the inverse of that. They believe they're better than they're performing. And so this internal belief causes them to be frustrated with the result, Yes, or want to work harder and change it or be honest with themselves about what needs to change. But there's a difference between not thinking you're good enough and then proving it and thinking you're better than what you're doing and wanting to

live up to it. And so what most of us do is we love ourselves conditionally, which means we get very little of it because we have to be doing great in order to feel loved. We have to be doing great in order to believe in ourselves. So this becomes this tale that we end up chasing all of our lives. And so we begin to think, it's the water around my boat, it's the haters, it's the circumstances, it's the market, it's my lack of opportunity, it's whatever it is. And it's not, it's the water within the boat.

It's not the words being said and the thoughts about you outside of you. It's the words that are being said and the thoughts about you and or inside of you that is holding you back in your life. Not only holding you back from the results you want to get, but holding you back from the emotions you want to experience because your closest ally, you, who's with you every second of every day, doesn't even believe in you and love you the way that you're worthy of right now And so I want to challenge you to change that because you will do everything in your life to confirm The what you believe about yourself

To make it true to live in congruency with the real thoughts the real beliefs you have to be true about yourself I say often that one of the most powerful forces in the world, if not beyond God, is to live in congruency with our identity, is to live in a way that's congruent with the identity that we hold for ourselves. And as you climb higher in your life, and I know you intend to, just realize this, new levels, new devils. The higher you climb, the more you have to have your own back. People think, well, if I could just have my back down here, no, all the way up because new levels, new devils. And a lot of times that devil is within you.

It begins to be your own thoughts. I'm higher than I've ever been. I don't know that I belong up here. I'm not sure I can get, I never thought I'd get this far. So I can't get any further. I never thought I'd get this happy or this wealthy or this fit. Why I start to doubt myself and the new levels could be new devils around you, but it could be new devils in your thoughts, in your mind as well. And so what I'm saying to you here today, my dear friend, is that you have to love

yourself unconditionally, meaning regardless of the conditions, self-love or self-talk does not mean you accept everything about yourself. In fact, what it really means is that you expect better from yourself because you believe so deeply in you. And that fine line is misunderstood by about 99% of the population. They see successful people demanding high standards for themselves, wanting to grow, wanting to get better, wanting to improve, and not realizing it comes from a place of deep self belief. And what they do is they flip it and they begin to think, no, it comes from a place of self-loathing,

or not believing in oneself, or being hypercritical of oneself. Hypercritical of oneself doesn't work. I can tell you that, you know, one of the things that I'm, you know, one of the best at in the world according to other people and even in my own mind is speaking on stage and it's the place I'm the most hard on myself, the most self-loathing, the most beating myself up, the most picking it apart. And so as a consequence, although I am really good at it, for many, many years I didn't enjoy doing it. And once I stopped doing that and I began to give myself the grace of believing I was great at it, I began to enjoy it more.

And because I began to enjoy it more, I shifted into a state of much higher inspiration, much higher vibrational frequency, and I got better at that very thing that I thought I was great at. So that one area where you think you're great, where you're really hard on yourself, if you begin to give yourself some grace, you'll even get better at it more you're in flow and you can only be in flow when you're enjoying it, when you're at peace doing it. And so I messaged to you today and I hope this really hits home for you. Everything we've covered today is you must begin to be your own biggest fan, your own biggest supporter. That's with what you think, that's with what you feel, and that's what you say out loud and inside about yourself. And I would just say, my friend, you're worthy of it. Give yourself more grace, a little bit more grace.

Will you please give yourself a break? You're not going to get out of this alive. You're not going to get out of this alive. And what if the person closest to you was your own biggest enemy? Or at a minimum, wasn't even your biggest supporter you're with you every single second of every single day a little grace a little patience a little gratitude a little love a little bit of support in fact a lot of all that

would change your life today. And I just want to tell you as a friend who I may or may not have met you, you were born to do something great with your life. You were born one of a kind. You're the only human being on earth today with your talents, gifts, and experience all combined into one soul. And I believe God wants to use you in other people's lives in an even bigger way than he already is. And the only way that that's going to happen

is that you accept you in your own life in a bigger and more loving and warmer way. Demand high standards of yourself because you know you're better, because you know you're worth it, because you know you're great, because you know you were born to do something great with your life. When you were a little boy or a little girl was there

Anybody who made you feel special? I pray for so many people that they at least had that one person Maybe you did it was your grandmother or grandfather a mom or a dad or a coach or a pastor or a teacher Was there somebody in your life an auntie and uncle that they would just look at you and you'd feel special You just knew it. There's that one person that made you feel a certain way. If they exist or existed, just picture their precious face just for a second. Close your eyes just for a second. For me, it was my grandfather, Papa. I can just picture his face just how he would look at me and what he would say to me. I felt, I am special, Papa. If you had that person in your life, then you picture their face, I bet that makes you emotional.

And the reason that it makes you emotional is they saw the real you. They were right about you. They were right about you. If they're alive, make them proud of you while they're still here if they've passed away honor them with the man or woman you become and if that person doesn't exist I apply for that position from a distance and I really recommend you step into that role starting right now as That person who looks at you that way. All right. God bless you everybody max out This is the end Alright, God bless you everybody. Max out.