THE ED MYLETT SHOW - How to Flip the Lens of Life

Episode Date: July 25, 2024

Get ready to transform the way you see every relationship in your life! In today's episode, I'm diving into a concept that has completely changed the way I view my relationships and interactions, I call it, "Switching the Lens." This isn't just a technique; it's a revelation that struck me unexpectedly and has deepened my understanding of myself and my connections with others. I stumbled upon this insight during a simple moment at my mom's house, which led to a cascade of realizations about how we perceive and are perceived by the people in our lives. It's about truly seeing ourselves from the outside and understanding the impact we have on those around us. This episode is all about flipping the lens and understanding how others truly perceive you to help you connect more deeply, care more genuinely, and become more intentional with every interaction. Here's what you'll gain from this episode: Discover the Power of Perspective: Learn how seeing yourself through others' lenses can completely change your relationships. Enhance Your Connections: Understand the true feelings and experiences of those around you, leading to stronger and more meaningful bonds. Improve Your Communication: Become more aware of how you come across in your personal and professional life. Boost Your Empathy and Understanding: Develop a greater sense of empathy by truly understanding the experiences and feelings of others. Increase Your Influence: Learn how to be a better persuader and marketer by seeing your efforts through the eyes of your audience. Whether you're a parent, friend, leader, or entrepreneur, embracing this mindset can profoundly change how you relate to others and how they view you. Dive into this episode to start seeing through a new lens—one that could redefine your approach to relationships and communication for the better. This episode is a game-changer. By flipping the lens, you'll not only enhance your relationships but also elevate your own self-awareness and emotional intelligence. Tune in and start seeing the world through a new lens. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Welcome back to the show, everybody. So the topic of today's podcast we're gonna call Flip The Lens and I've been waiting a while to put this on the podcast because I've been writing about it. It'll be in my next book but now I feel like I'm able to articulate the concept and so I wanted to put it out to all of you in an effort to maybe help you with your personal and your business relationships. I think it's sort of, at least for me, it's been groundbreaking understanding and work and so first let me tell you how I stumbled upon this level of understanding and this work, the concept. First, I think it'll make sense for you and then we'll break it out and sort of extrapolate it into our personal

business relationships. So maybe about a year ago, I was at my mom's house, I was visiting and just for a quick second, I was visiting and just for a quick second I was gonna make an Instagram post so I went to take a selfie picture and I held the camera out and I went to take the picture except when I held it up, I don't know if you had this happen, the lens was the other lens, the lens had flipped and the picture wasn't facing me, it was my mom and I caught this glimpse just of my mom in the other end of my phone, just for a second. I was expecting to see me, but I didn't. I saw her and I saw my mom. And

it just struck me looking at my mom through this lens when I was expecting to see it through the lens that would see me. I just had this flash of seeing my mom differently. And ironically, seeing my mom see me, if that makes sense, because she was watching me take this picture, and it flipped the lens, it switched the lens for me instantly to where, let me explain, I saw my mom seeing me, not me seeing my mom. And in a minute I was just flooded with all these thoughts.

What does my mom see of me? Now obviously I'm her only son, she loves me. I'm not referring to those kind of things. What's the lens through which my mom has experienced me? And I thought, does she see, you know, obviously she sees me at holidays or whatever, you know, and we talk on the phone. But her lens of life looking at me and it dawned on me in life. We see every relationship we're in through our lens through how we see them and how we see them seeing us. I don't want to get too deep here, but that's completely different than seeing them as they see us.

And I thought, what's my mom's experience with her only son? Does she get the time with them that she wants? Is the depth of our conversations to the extent that she would like them to be? Am I in a hurry too often when I see her? Do I take it for granted too often? And then that day, as I was driving away, I started to picture all the relationships in my life that meant something to me through their lens of looking at me. The last time my daughter saw me walk in a room, the last hundred times. How did I respond? What did she see? What was my mood? What were our interactions? What were the topics? How much was laughter? How much was intense? How much was just looking at our phones. And I started to see my daughter and the lens through which she sees me. Her conversations, her experiences.

Does she see me stressed, worried? Does she worry about me? What are her thoughts about me? Am I too brief? Do I stay on the phone too long? Am I helping her? Do I listen to her like I need to? And it flashed to several of my friends.

And a lot of those friendships, I thought, well, they're just in maintenance mode. I see them and when I see them I see how much I love them and believe in them and think they're awesome and funny but when they look through their lens at me do they see a man who loves them, who believes in them, who thinks they're funny, who listens deeply, who cares about them deeply? Do they see that through their lens? It's a trip. When you begin to see other people in your life and just you consciously when you're with them or you

think about them, switch that lens around and look through their eyes at you. You'll learn a lot real quickly. It's actually very humbling and it's interesting that you could go your entire life, if you didn't hear this or think about it, only seeing life through the lens of your own eyes outward and never flipping it to their eyes outward. And I just thought about so many different relationships in my life, so many of them that I think are going very well or I'm gonna get around to it or I feel a sense of emotion with this person or depth of friendship and then I flashed to one buddy of mine and like, wow, the last three times he's replied to me, he

called me, I replied with a text. He hasn't even seen me in many months and when he does see me, what did he see in those conversations? What did he hear about? What did he feel? What did he experience? And you know, as I've said many times, you're always making people feel something. So you should be intentional about what it is they're feeling, but they're also seeing and hearing things all the time as well. It's a very interesting way that we go through this life, almost in this projection, almost in this dimension that we live inside ourselves and we see everything from our perspective. But we almost never stop and see it from theirs. And this isn't the old adage of put yourself in their shoes.

I'm saying put yourself in their lens. What do they see, feel, hear and experience from you? It'll shock you how much you overestimate some relationships, the depth of them, and the extent to which they feel the things you assume they feel from you or about you and then I switched it from that to my business relationships some of the people I'm in business with that I have in maintenance mode you know exactly what I mean but the last 20 times my assistant saw me walk into the office what did she see that I stop and talk what was her lens did I ask about her children was there a depth of exchange there was I in. What did she see? Did I stop and talk? What was her lens? Did I ask about her children? Was there a depth of exchange there? Was I in

a hurry? Did she see me stressed? Did she see me worried? Was I caring and kind or was I rude and flippant or short? And then I thought now take that last one and the one before that and the one before that. What about the last 30? What's the lens that she sees me through? People that I'm in negotiations with now, I stop and think what's their lens? What are they seeing? What are they feeling? What are they experiencing before this conversation and after? And it's absolutely changed the way that I interact with people. It's made me connect more deeply. It's made me care more deeply. It's made me more conscious and intentional about my interactions with people.

And frankly, in many senses, somewhat ashamed of how maintenance mode so many relationships have been in, how passive I've been, the lack of depth, the surface level conversations, how I'm brief with certain people, how certain people, how certain people have seen me in stress

the last four times they've seen me. And it changes you deeply. It certainly has changed the way that I look at my relationship with my mom probably most. I'm her son, so she loves me, but do we have conversations as friends do I know her as an individual outside the family or so I just know her as mom how would I caught my mom saying to me the last three or four times we talked thank you

for calling me and I thought my mom shouldn't have to thank me for calling her I didn't feel right about that and so this lens thing is fascinating. If you listen to this show for a while you've heard me and my guests talk a lot about how critical it is to have your wellness goals in order, especially lately with me. So you know how powerful visualization is. When you visualize yourself one, ten, thirty years from now, you've achieved all your goals. Ask yourself this, am I healthy at that point? In your visions, of course you are, but like anything else without a plan to get and remain healthy. You can't hit the goal That's why I'm so thrilled to be partnering with life force It's co-founded by my good friend Tony Robbins and Peter Diamandis life force is a leader in proactive care The life force membership includes everything you need to understand your wellness and help you make good decisions today to keep you on track

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How about your friends? What's the lens that they see you through? How do they see you? Right? How do they see you? Not how you see them, not how you would like them to see you or feel about you or you assume they do. Stop and look at the camera through which they've been observing you for however how long. Then go to business just for a second. The people that you work with or you're negotiating with, clients of yours, this is huge for those of you that are in sales, which almost every business in the world is sales of some type. What's the

lens? I'll give you an example. There's, I'm sitting in this barn that I'm restoring here on my property and right outside the door here every day, there's a group of men that are doing masonry work, they're great guys and they've been here for quite a while. They had to do a wall back here. They're doing different walls. It's hand laid stone there. If you're looking at this video, if you have video, they did this fireplace right here, which is just, it's huge. That doesn't even show most of it. But anyway, they're craftsmen. And every time I come down here, hey guys, how you doing? What's going on? We'll talk about the Red Sox or whatever. And then I thought about their lens just for a second the other day because I'm working on this and as I was driving down here, I'm like, you know, I assume they know I think they do great

work but then I thought about their lens. I've walked by their work like ten times in a row and not complimented them once, not thanked them one time. You know, I've said hello, we've engaged, we've talked about sports, they've asked me about my show and how I became, you know, whatever, a speaker and well-known, how to get, you know, whatever I've got, but I've walked by their work at least 10 times, so they've watched this man who they're doing work for, walk right by their work 10 times in a row or more and never acknowledge it, never thank them for it, never tell them it was good work, never give them feedback on how to fix it. I just walk by, this is their craft, this is what they do with their lives, this is obviously one of the most

important things they have. I've been seeing it through my lens, I like the work, I like them, hello, blah blah blah, but when I switched it and saw it through their lens, I was embarrassed. But they've watched someone walk right by their work, whom obviously they take pride in and would probably like to impress and probably would love to be told some feedback about it. And so it changes everything when you use this concept. And I want you to begin to use it. And then flip it all the way over to how strangers see you or when you meet

someone new. Hi I'm Ed Mylad or hi I'm Sarah. Whatever the interactions when you meet people, what are they seeing? Not what do you see, what are they seeing? Here's the other cool thing about it, it calms you down. There's not a lot of pressure on you to say or do all the right things. You're actually an observer of your life now. You're observing not just from your perspective though. The other thing I found is my depth of connection with people that I otherwise may not connect with, that may disagree with me about economics or politics or whatever, I see them differently because I'm seeing me through them, not just how I look at them individually. So

I hope you can take this concept and really extrapolate it. You'll be much more conscious of how you're making people feel. You'll also be much more conscious of other people's feelings. You're gonna be a far better persuader. You're gonna be far better at marketing. Take marketing for a minute. What if you just flip the switch right now, all of you in marketing, whether it's internet marketing or in-person marketing or print marketing, and right now you switch the lens and ask yourself,

what are they seeing from me? What's their lens of my email, of my funnel, or whatever it might be? Ask yourself that. If you make content online and you're doing any type of branding, switch the lens, not from like looking at your video, like what do you see?

Do you like your video? But what do they see? What do they feel? What are they experiencing? What are their opinions about you? Your trustworthiness level, your credibility level, your knowledge level, right? Your entertainment level, your connection to them. And not enough people, most people just push content out through their own lens, through their own camera, through what they see, not ever really thinking about what the person is experiencing from their perspective when they interact with you. So I know this is really kind of a new thing for most people and you gotta be careful because it's so fascinating that if you're not careful, everybody you see you're actually doing this with, but I'm telling you, you're gonna begin begin to sense that you're much more connected to people instantly. You're going to evaluate some

relationships immediately and you go, my gosh, that's not the lens I want them to see. I noticed just with my kids, I'm like, I think they just see me stressed out too much. You know, I assume they know I'm strong and that I'm fighting and that I'm focused, right? I'm a focused, intense dude, but their lens, it may be dad's stressed, dad's worried. Should I be worried about dad focused right? I'm a focused intense dude but their lens it may be dad stressed, dad's worried. Should I be worried about dad right? I don't see it through their lens, I see it through mine. They're seeing an intense focused driven dad but maybe they've seen too much of that through their lens the last five, ten, twenty, thirty times they're with me and maybe they worry about their dad. Maybe they'd like their dad to relax a little bit. They obviously know I've had some health challenges.

I'm not even posted on social media. My travel schedule is down to 20% of what it used to be. So I can't do what I was doing pace wise right now until I get a little healthier. So what's their lens? What do I want them to see and feel and experience? It will change everything. The biggest thing you're going to notice is you have a dramatic misperception, overestimation of what they're seeing and feeling because you only see it through your lens. And by the way, your lens is affected every day by what you're going through. Your stress level, your worries, your concerns, your thoughts, your energy, your diet, your nutrition, your sleep, right? Your hydration, all of it affects the lens you see things through. There could be the same exact situation that you see very differently two different days. One day

you're in a peak state, focus things, you're going good, you've got momentum and you're in flow, you're in the zone, you see something through that lens. Six weeks later, the exact same event could happen and you're tired, frustrated, angry, worried, dealing with a mountain of problems and that impacts your lens. And the biggest thing overall that you're gonna figure out when you begin to do this is that perception is reality and whatever lens it is they're seeing things through is true to them. And the one you see it through for you probably isn't true for them. It's just true for you based on the filter of your life that day. And so all of this stuff with these lenses is filtered through current experience.

It's also filtered through repetition. If the last time I saw you, you walked right by me and were dismissive of me. I'm less apt to connect with you the next time you try. If the last time you were there to persuade and sell me, I felt pushed and pressured, the next time you walk in for the come the follow-up visit, I'm much more on guard and skeptical and you have a much bigger hurdle to get through to earn my trust back than you did after the first time or before the first time. So this is a really healthy tool for you. It's gonna change almost everything in your life. I've been really excited. I've been writing about it and it's altered every relationship I've got and it's even altered like how I interact with a

flight attendant on an airplane or a server in a restaurant. I've always really thought I was good at this. I'm serious and maybe I have been better than most at it. I'm not really good at that many things but I do think I make a pretty good connection when I meet people. I don't have lots of talents or skills but one of them's been that. But even at that I think I overestimated it until I started this and then I thought, wow this isn't exactly the way I thought it was. If I were them I would see X, Y or Z. And so really spend some time in contemplation about this. You don't have to be with that person to do it.

Just evaluate these relationships, your children, your parents, your siblings. What type of a brother or sister are you? So I get asked all the time, how did I get so much attention on social media, in my businesses, email lists, etc. I can tell you straight up, it's been constant contact. If you don't know who Constant Contact is, you need to know about these guys. Constant Contact's award-winning marketing platform has helped millions of small businesses, mine being one of them, stand out, stay on top of mine and seek big results fast. They've got an easy way to promote your business with powerful tools like email, SMS marketing, social media posting, and they even do events management, what they've done for me in

the past as well. You're going to reach new audiences, you're going to grow your customer list big time and communicate more effectively to sell more, raise more, and grow fast on social media. So get going and start growing your business today with a free trial at constantcontact.com. Just go to constantcontact.com right now. Constant Contact, go to constantcontact.com right now. Constant contact helping the small stand tall. Constantcontact.com. You know one of the main things with family is we really take them for granted. We really just assume well they're my family. I see them at Christmas. I see them at

holidays. You know we're good. We'll get around to really being good. The truth is that's not fair. Just because there's the same blood running through your veins doesn't mean that they don't deserve the same level of effort, communication, repetition, caring that you give other people. Oftentimes these are the people that get cheated the most because we feel like we've got extra deposits in the bank simply because we're family, right? And we don't even give them the same level of attention, concern, caring, grace

that we might extend to a stranger or someone we're trying to do business with. And so it'll affect you. You know, one thing I want to add about this too is that you need to use this with the right intention. You know, the wrong person grabs a hold of work like this and they begin to use it to manipulate or to do harm because now they're wearing a mask. This is this needs to come from a place of true sincerity like any work. It can be used for good or for ill and you know a lot of people that frankly take advantage of people are excellent at this already. They know exactly how to see it but what they're doing is they're wearing a mask. They're wearing a mask that is persuasive and manipulative towards people. Now I happen to believe that you can't transfer to somebody sincerely that which you're not really experiencing and so usually intuition will tell you when someone's doing this, but I want to be really clear,

you have to have great intent. If there's one thing I've talked the most about over the last two or three years that I learned from Wayne Dyer, it's the power of intention. And I think more than anything, you have to have an intention to serve, an intention to give, an intention to heal, an intention to be kind towards others. And if you don't, I think at some point, even you using this methodology and this technology that I'm talking about here, if you're using it to do harm, if you're doing it to persuade somebody to buy something they don't need or can't afford, or you're doing it to manipulate, I just want you to know that eventually that lens will come back to hurt you and so please use this with the right intention. What I'm really doing right now, I feel like is

sharing with so many good people the things that they should have known most of their lives, that sometimes the most manipulative people understand. I'm talking about coming from a very sincere place of really, I believe it's true love, true kindness, true humility, is to see less of yourself and more of them. You know, there's two types of people in life that would use what I'm talking about. There's a type of person that walks in a room and says, here I am, and then there's a type of person who walks in and says, there you are, there you are. I want to be a there you are person and so if you're a here I am, now you're beginning to use that lens to get people to notice you and see you

and acknowledge you and do things for you that you want them to do, but the right person takes this and says there you are and that that person from their lens feels seen, feels heard, feels loved, cared about, valued. That's the most powerful thing about this. That's the most important thing. So many people through their lens feel invisible, feel like nobody sees them, feels like they're just a pawn in the game, that they're not valued, that they're not worth something, that they don't count. And the most important thing you can do when someone's looking at you through their lens is they feel sincerely, I'm cared about, I matter, I'm important, I'm valuable. That matters to people. I have value. I have value. I'm not invisible.

I'm not worthless. I'm not small. And when you begin to do this the right way, man are you spreading something powerful in the world for good? You become a tremendous force for good. I have to tell you in all of the work I do, the one thing I sense more than ever in this culture of wherever we are now, celebrity idolization at its highest, is that so many people don't feel seen, valued, important, nevermind loved, just acknowledged. I see you. There you are. Not here I am. Probably the most important thing I could tell you about using this work here. In almost all of our relationships in our lives, we see everything through our own lens and not

the lens of the other person and when you begin to switch that perspective and just think just for a second about what it is they are seeing in their lives, it will awaken you and in some cases it's a rude awakening because let me tell you something, most people feel invisible. They don't feel worthy. They don't feel important. They don't feel valued, never mind loved in many cases and when you're interacting with clients, the most important thing you can do is see that interaction, that coaching call, that sales call, through their lens. It will be the most incredible awakening. It also is the best way for you to be able to spread kindness, love, value, worth to other people and I have to tell you that if you begin this week to see every

conversation through the lens of the other person, your whole world would change. It'll also help you spread more of the things in life that you would like to spread. I promise you, it will change things for you. So this week, you got a call today? Before you get on that call, see that call through their lens. If you've had one with them already, what did they actually see and feel last time? Do they feel seen, valued, believed in? If you're supposed to be giving them growth items, are they growing? Do they feel growth? Do they feel cared for? Do they feel like they're getting overwhelmed with value compared to what you charge them? Do they feel like they're winning this with you? If you don't have that going this week, if you've got a sales call, when you're communicating with them throughout that call, switch the lens and see what they're feeling, hearing and seeing from you, it'll cause you to make the right adjustments on the fly. If you've got calls on the phone, zoom calls, begin to feel and see things through their lens. You are hyper addicted, I promise you, to your

own lens. Hyper addicted to your own lens. Completely addicted to seeing things through your lens, your view, your filter, your emotions, your worries, and your thoughts. And that guides everything you do, which is why your influence is limited. But if you begin to see things, the way I'm referring to them, your influence will expand dramatically.

The way you communicate with people, what they feel. And by the way, if you're in sales, do they trust you? Right? Do they think you're competent and do they trust you? They're asking themselves all the time, can I trust this person? Do they care about me and can they help me? That's what they're asking themselves all the time. And if you're just talking from your lens, typically what you're doing is just

trying to show them that you can help them. And there's not enough coming from you that sees them, that feels them, that listens to them through their lens where they say, I can trust this person. They can help me. They care about me. These are the three questions they're asking themselves all the time. I promise you that if you see it through their lens, and by the way, you can do this with your children this week. What lens have they seen you through this morning, the last week, the last 10 times

they've seen you, your siblings? I had to evaluate a lot of this and in my own case, my own siblings, I'm in too much maintenance mode with them. They're not getting a depth of this and in my own case, my own siblings, I'm in too much maintenance mode with them. They're not getting a depth of relationship with me that they deserve because they're my siblings. I just take it for granted. They take it for granted. Well, they're my sisters.

I'm their brother. Like we're good for life, right? We don't have to work on this stuff. Yes, you do. And so I've taken that for granted because they're my family. Somehow family in our lives, like, well, they're family. Again, I don't have to really work hard at that relationship. You don't have to. Yes, you do.

And if you don't wake up, you know, you'll end up much older and just have a maintenance mode with your siblings, which sucks. It's not what you want. You want a depth of relationship. I want them to feel loved, believed in, valued, cared for, important, smart, somebody that I need in my life. And so I would challenge you to do that with your clients, with your family. You'll have a much better week, a much more productive week, and you'll be ten times, a hundred times more influential as a result. I can tell you that your sales, persuasion, marketing, connection with the marketplace, branding, social media, any

of that stuff will be infinitely better if you begin to see the world through their lens, not yours. It's gonna be really powerful for you. So I hope that helped you today. It certainly has helped me and I just challenge you. I'm doing it right now with you. I'm doing it right now with you. I'm doing it right now with you with the content I'm creating. I begin to think even more deeply through what you see, feel and experience because I know how I feel about you. I know how I feel about the work I want to do. I know how much I want to give. I know my heart to serve. I also know that you need to feel that and experience that if I'm gonna have the impact on you that I want to

and oftentimes I think I take for granted that people just know that. What if you're brand new to my video? What if this is the first one you've seen? And so it's altered a little bit the way I communicate my message and I think it will with you with others as well. So I hope this helped you out today everybody. Again share my work if it helps. I'd really be grateful for that. The show's the fastest growing show in business, entrepreneurship and personal development in the world for a reason. It's because all of you share the show so often and I'm very grateful for that. Alright, God bless you. Max Outt!

This is The Ed Mylan Show.